#tw overthinking

[illustrious-ia]

# “ 𝐍𝐚𝐦𝐮𝐧 𝐒𝐚𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐠, 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐚 𝐓𝐚𝐤 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐠𝐮𝐩 𝐇𝐢𝐝𝐮𝐩 𝐓𝐚𝐧𝐩𝐚 𝐃𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐦𝐮. But Unfortunately, One Cannot Live Without You. ”

⤷ 𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: you were leaving Penacony in favor for a short-lived journey. how would Sunday react?

⤷ 𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴: yan! Sunday x gender neutral reader, yan-themed but leaned on angst side, paranoia, overthinking, mention of vomiting, unhealthy attachment, mention of guilt trip, written by non-fluent english speaker, intentional lowercase. let me know of i missed something~

⤷ 𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨: 896

𝐘𝐀𝐍! 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 who was heartbroken when you told him about your wish to travel across the sea of the universe…

𝐘𝐀𝐍! 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 who can only maintain his stiff smile and continue to listen to your thoughts and fantasies about your future journey. all of that while trying to steady his now fragile facade, underneath that phony mask his mind goes haywire— was Penacony's dream wasn't as sweet as you wanted? was the environment getting too boring for you? 𝘸𝘩𝘺 would 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦?

𝐘𝐀𝐍! 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 who was perplexed. he had observed numerous people who refuse to wake up to face reality once again outside of Penacony's sweet dream… why would you want to leave… he doesn't understand…

𝐘𝐀𝐍! 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 who tried to guilt you by vaguely muttering how utterly lonely he will be when the day comes for you to roam the vast galaxies. oh also, as much as he hates to use such a pathetic face, he will definitely weaponize that 'kicked sad puppy' face whenever you bring up your traveling plan to him. only in private though, not a chance you will get a glimpse of him doing such thing in the bare eyes of the public.

𝐘𝐀𝐍! 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 who at this point is deathly attached to you. his heart aches every time you politely decline his invitation to just stroll around Penacony and spend time together as lovers should do. but instead, you opted to leave him behind to cry all alone in his office while you're off to somewhere. if this simple reckless and ignorant act of yours can hurt him this deeply, one wonders - how much damage can your absence do to this fragile dove?

but alas, even in a dream, time stops for no one.

the day of your departure has finally arrived. yet after so much persuasion and pleading from Sunday, your will is still as strong as the Architect's flawed stone.

you and him, on the reality side of the hotel lobby, chatting up a storm. sorrow and despair were visible in Sunday's eyes… too bad, you're too busy yapping nonsenses to notice.

‘𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘳𝘶𝘦𝘭.’ his heart weeps.

anxiety crept into Sunday's neck as your ship made its entrance to pick you up. His posture was somewhat rigid, as if frozen in place… similar to how one would react to terrible, terrible news.

you bid your goodbyes to Sunday, promising to bring back souvenirs when you finally returned to his side. you spoke more words than necessary, but those sentences fell silent in your beloved's ears. hm? what's that? oh, it seems his stress has reached its peak.

nausea is building up, the little dove felt like throwing up.

the desperation, the unwillingness to let go, and the anxiety are building up in the back of his throat, threatening to slip out if there is ever a blunder from Sunday's side, but for the sake of his, the family's, and your image, he kept those unprofessional emotions bottled up somewhere inside his aching heart.

the little dove's throat weeps silently with every step you took, distancing the two of you; he attempted to call out your name several times, but not even a whisper left his quivering lips. only when you're about to set foot in your vehicle does his throat finally allow him to voice his desperation.

“ 𝘸𝘢𝘪𝘵! 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘗𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘺? 𝘥𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘳𝘰𝘵𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘳𝘦𝘵𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘦? ”

“ 𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘴𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘳. 𝘐'𝘭𝘭 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘵 𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘮𝘴. 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨.”

his composure is faltering, as are the tears are threatening to crawl out of his eyes. he wanted to say more, but alas, he cannot go any further without making a commotion. oh, such a sight to witness the usually calm and collected man to be this... 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘺.

although you were sick with Sunday's bribery attempts, you had already acknowledged that any slightest aggressive approach on your part you would wounds him greatly. so, with the usual calm tone, adorning face with a gentlest smile you could offer, you turned your head to where Sunday was standing. Then, with a thoughtful expression, you offered your final answer:

“𝘺𝘦𝘴, Dear. 𝘮𝘺 𝘢𝘯𝘴𝘸𝘦𝘳 stands 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦. 𝘪'𝘮 𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘦.

𝘴𝘶𝘳𝘦𝘭𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘮𝘦, 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵? ”

head hung low, thus words fell silent on the poor dove's mug. taking his silence as a form of understanding, you weave your second au revoir and move forward toward your long-awaited journey.

...your ship left his sight, leaving only bitter tacit behind.

times crawled noticeably slower— excruciatingly slower. it seems as if many great Amber eras have passed for your beloved. in reality, it has only been weeks since your departure.

texts, calls, and occasional letters were sent to you to ease the little dove's stress, but all of that are no compares to your warm presence. without you, the room grows uncomfortably colder. without you, the silence is ravaging his sanity. without you, he is hollow. 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘪𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦?

what should a moon do after losing its sun? where should it search for the lost eternal light which was the sole reason why it had the strength to shine all alone in the never-ending night?

Taglist: @viinlz <3

⋯ Copyright © 2024 by Illustrious-ia. Do not plagiarize, use for AI / Bot training, and re-upload outside of Tumblr.

All rights reserved.

[mad0katsuki]

I hope a car crashes me, anyways it’s normal in my city to d!e from a car crash.

[1h4v3th3m00n]

If you could get money for overthinking id be rich

[itsguysnightitsironic]

Fur coats and pumpkin labyrinths.

What would be Crete if Theseus, dagger in hand, enter the maze and the Minotaur exited, using the front door, wearing the hero's head and wearing it better? What would be Theseus then? A scapegoat? A body for something divine to use and scream, as an oracle trapped between the hands of her gods?No mind or self, just, skin and fur.

I would like to say that this started as just a pumpkin labyrinth idea and I lost my mind, and I blame all the hot johns and I'm glad they are dea--

More ramblings under the cut:

----- ready for some nerd things? (in broken English, sorry)

1- The yarn it's a reference to the three Moirai, who control faith and human lives. (spinning the yarn, forming the thread and cutting the thread. Birth, life and death.)

Frost carries his life around his back, keeping control. (He carries his own faith. / Also, also, also references the threat that Ariadna gifts Theseus to not get lost in the labyrinth, he's able to control his life and mind.)

2- The cup and the laurel leaves are references to the religious practice of the Oracles of Delfos.

Where the oracle drank water from the fountain of Castalian and chewed laurel to purify herself to be able to be the voice of the gods, in Frost's case to think clearly. (Clear thought.)

3- The red yarn getting cut represents Frost getting lost in his own mind, overthinking, and losing control over his life. (Also his tail, which might link to the "having the tiger by the tail" saying.)

The labyrinth, who seems logical at first it's intended to have no exit (it's mirrored), it's Frost's emotions that keep him trapped behind his own logic.

4- Torbek being covered in blood and bones represents the goat sacrifices made to the oracles for enlightenment. Scapegoat, get it?

(You would also make a case linking him with Hercules "losing his mind by a divine power" wearing a lion skin with the whole "being punished by his crimes and gaining his identity back by getting a new identity by becoming a god", but it wasn't intentional.)

All the smoke that moves and represented the party that dances around Torbek, are references to the belief of some historians that oracles sat in a tripod on top of a rock that emanated gases causing them to get high and get hallucinations. Though it's not proven.

Also, it is a very poor reference to "Vuelo de Brujas" 1797 by Goya, which lives in my head rent-free. (You would say Frost is blinded by them since he's "witched", look at me making connections.)

5- The sad cat in the pumpkin it's a reference to EP. 4 Lose your illusion from the whole scarecrow situation where Frost falls in deep sadness while carving a sad kitty face.

Scarecrow's usually symbology shadows, a version of oneself that it's usually more linked with "darkness".

By being a scarecrow, Frost considers himself a shadow of what he used to be and now Torbek is. (Well, Torbek only has the skin.)

7- The pumpkin falling it's a very "losing your head" situation.

8/9- Frost by throwing away the laurel and the cup, which would give him the ability to see the future (to be able to see the situation logically and analyze it) he's refusing to believe there are other options than his friends abandoning him. He's jumping to conclusions.

And by it, it makes him distressed. (his fur falls and grows leaves, doubt.)

This makes the phrase "leaves no room for doubt" pretty ironic.

-----

thank you for reading all that, have a cupcake. 🧁

[thelunarsystemwrites]

My second attempt.

(...this isn't a story, or a poem or made up. This actually... is real. TW for suicide attempt, depression, use of overdosing as a metaphor, and... yeah, I'm sorry.)

This happened on June 3rd, 2024.

Monday, June 3rd, 2024, sometime around 5 pm.

Was when I attempted to take my life for the second time.

I've been feeling so... uneasy, the past few days. I thought, "It must be one of my moots!" So to every moot in my list, I checked on them. I'm glad I did, I got good and bad news from each one, I got to hear different stories, I got to offer my comfort and congratulations.

...but the feeling was still there.

So I kept asking, my moots, friends, people I've never talked to too much—How are you?

It was still there, eating me from the inside out

...And, on June 3rd... something clicked.

I was kinda thinking of it for the past couple days, of doing this. I think my posts, my demeanour reflected it even before i knew.

I was talking to someone on discord. They might've thought it was a nice conversation... I was planning on taking my life while we joked around.

I think that feeling, might've been me. Might've been my gut saying "Hey, don't do this!" Might've been myself reminding me of a promise I made to my twin. My sister, my best friends, my platonic spouse, my mum, the people I care about. The family I've made here.

...but

I tried... anyways.

Because I just couldn't see any further thsn right now, the heaviness that pushed my body down, the bad thoughts I overdosed on.

And... I didn't tell anyone. That would've been my biggest regret, because I love them all so, so fucking much. They are my family.

And my other friends, moots... I would've missed immensely too.

So... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for trying something so.... stupid. I'm sorry I didn't talk to anyone, I'm sorry I've been distancing myself, I'm sorry if I worried anyone, I'm sorry.

...But the one thing, the one thing I'm not sorry about...

I'm not sorry it didn't work.

I'm glad it didn't. I'm glad I got to tell my family on here, that I love them. That they're a family to me.

I'm glad I got to tell them good morning. I'm glad I told them. I'm glad... I'm here, I think, yeah. I'm glad, grateful for the people I have in my life. Thank you.

[kittyfullofmaggots]

MY THOUGHTS ARE KILLING ME!!!

[phoenix-void]

Tw: Vent, gender dysphoria, being overwhelmed?

Sometimes I hate being trans/nonbinary so much. I am one of the lucky few that doesn’t experience dysphoria very often, mine mostly comes in waves but during that time it can be very overwhelming. My body doesn’t feel the way it should and when I look in the mirror my face doesn’t look like myself. (I don’t know how to describe it, it just doesn’t look like how I know my face is and it scares me sometimes)

It sucks because I don’t really have anything to help it? I’m not able to get any sort of binder as I’m asthmatic and find it would be a risk to my breathing, but my mother also won’t let me get trans tape because apparently it’s a risk of cancer? (I don’t understand her reasoning for that one) so I’m basically just left to wait it out until it temporarily goes away, while also trying to keep my anxiety in check as well.

It’s just shitty at the end of day, my thoughts tend to spiral more then usual during times like this and along with my anxiety and everything else, it just gets to the point that I want to scratch my skin off because I can feel my clothes on my skin and I’m too overwhelmed to deal with anything.

[weird-arcanefangirl]

sometimes i think I’m the person my friends look at to make themselves feel prettier. I don’t blame them.

[dusk-the-cat]

Does anyone else feel bad when they see their f/o shipped with another character?

I kind of do, and I really hate it because it makes me feel like a chronically online degenerate.

Does anyone else have this problem? Is their any way to fix it?

[house-of-cyn]

// Vent under the cut- Tw for sick mention and overthinking

// Body doesn't wanna move. Throat's raw and hurts. Hard to focus on anything. Overthinking keeping me still. Eating feels like a hassle. Drinking does too. Hate hate hate this feeling. Feels like everyone's leaving now that I'm not as active. Know it's a lie but sticks in the back of my head like a brain leech. Gives me a headache so I try to lay down. Brain gets restless again. Repeat all day till now. Hhhh-

[mad0katsuki]

Tw vent

I commonly put this kind of stuff on my vent blog but this one is making me more uncomfortable than usual.

I was reading a kind of diary and sketchbook I used on my last semester of high school that I leave without use from all the summer until now. I decide to use it again because I finished my normal sketchbook and to see some of the notes I have there.

I wouldn’t care so much if it was not this page.

Eng:

Sometimes I feel like I overreacted.

I really don’t know when something is extremely wrong or good, and make me exaggerate a lot of things that doesn’t worth.

I still thinking about [Gyllenhaal], and that ickes me.

I’m not sure if that three friends doesn’t want me anymore in their life’s, maybe I should make them letters, I don’t want to repeat that again.

[Ginny]… I think I annoy her, I feel that I burden her more than help her, that make me a bad friend, or not? Idk

Sometimes I want to go away from everything and everyone, sleep, sleep, sleep, I want to sleep.

One day of this one’s I will sleep good.

I don’t know if I was totally aware of how I was going to end, because I remember I wrote that meanwhile I was having a breakdown in the school.

I just think I fucked up, anyways, the reason why am I alone it’s because all my fucking person goes around and how fucked up I am…

All my art, all my hobbies, all my decisions… everything. That just creeps people and makes me end on that cycle forever. Even my family is tired of me, she told me that.

On the other hand, I feel good for them. That doesn’t mean I don’t feel a total hate and rage against them, but at least I think they’re really smart leaving me.

And Ginny was right, I’m just a bitch who only talks about their problems. (She never told me that, but from another person I knew she stop talking to me because of that)

[foxyxss]

I wish my brain would just shut up for once.

[1h4v3th3m00n]

Why the fuck am I so sensitive can't I just not overthink like it's so fucking painful to overthink it literally tears me apart

[imaginesforallkindoflove]

help : )

[genderfluid-red-paladin]

Goddamnit, why can't I shut my brain up and turn off my acid reflux? I need to get my mind off those issues

[su1c1d3wh0r3z]

yk, how I managed to pull them (my gf), will still baffle me..

I'm a difficult person. I feel emotions deeply to the point it affects my whole day and sometimes I can't even identify what it is i'm feeling anymore. I'm gonna burden my gf sfm and I'm scared that he's gonna abandon me the same way like my first love did, where we become inseparable for SOOOOOO long but then we drift off and never really talk to each other again... Ik it's only been 2.5 weeks since me and them have been dating but this is also my best friend, and he's been my best friend for almost 2 years (We met January of 2023 and became best friends basically IMMEDIATELY). I'm just scared that now that me and her are dating and she's gonna get to know the more underneath parts of me instead of just what I show on the surface, that they'll leave me, but I also know that they won't because we just click to a T to the point me and her can't NOT be soulmates..

Ash (yes, my s/o has the same name as me💀), if you go on Tumblr anytime soon and see this. I'm sorry, days have just been difficult, as you have probably noticed, and this is just my main worry in our relationship. But I love you and you make my life so much happier and I feel all my burdens wash away when I have you.. <3

p.s. My gf is genderfluid and uses any pronouns and has been wanting me to call them "he" more frequently so I tried with this post

ur welcome, love <3 lol