#tw falling mention

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Sun: *aims a laser pointer near Eclipse*

Eclipse: *goes after it like a bat out of hell*

Sun: *wiggles it on the curtain to the balcony*

Eclipse: *dives for the curtain and falls right down into the ballpit*

Sun: Oh my god, I’m so sorry!

Eclipse, from the ball pit: HATE YOU!

[jokerislandgirl32]

His Face… I Just… I Can’t Handle His Face … Look At His Face In These Pics 😭

The man’s hanging in midair about to plummet to his doom, and he manages to look like this….I can’t stand it. The sneaky, smug, vampire looking heartthrob…he should be ashamed of himself for looking so good.

[writeouswriter]

People sorting ao3 solely by stats and only clicking on fics with a certain amount of kudos or comments, you will not survive the winter, nor the summer, nor at all, *brings out knife,* run

[literallyjusttoa]

What’s better Christmas present than a bit of angst huh?

When Apollo was young, not yet a year old, he was banished from Olympus due to his crime of murder. Gaea called for his head, but Zeus shielded him.

“I will not rule as my father did,” he said “The boy can learn, he can be better.”

Apollo was sentenced to exile. Nine years, though he was not told this. No, Apollo was certain that he had lost his chance to join his family in the heavens. His father had spared his life, and as penance he now had to stay on the mortal realm for all eternity, alone.

The young god made due with what he had. He wandered through the fields of Greece, tending to the animals he found along the way. He would sing, as light and clear as the birds, and mortals would flock to the sound. Apollo was never allowed to linger long, but he fell in love with that feeling of warm comfort mortals seemed to carry with them, that joy that he could never quite reach. When he could, he worked, often for little reward. He wanted another taste, another glimpse of a less lonely existence. So he became a shepherd, a soothsayer, a musician, always a few steps away, watching but never being.

One day, in the middle of the coldest months, Apollo was hired by a farmer in the Vale of Tempe. He had a large herd of cattle and was in desperate need of a someone to care for them. Apollo traveled through the backroads and forests, making his way to the valley. When he arrived, however, he found no farmer, and no cattle. Instead, a lone man sat at the base of the river that flowed through the vale. The water was near frozen over, but the man did not shake. Instead, he turned, and smiled wide.

“Apollon,” Zeus said, “Olympus has missed you.”

Apollo was shocked. Had his father truly come for him? He dropped into a low bow, too nervous for words.

Zeus chuckled, low and warm, “Rise, son. There is no more need for humility. It has been decided you have done enough.”

“Truly?” Apollo asked, “May I truly join you on Olympus?”

“You may join me at home, Apollo.” Zeus responded, “Your home. Come, we shall perform a rite of purification in these waters, and then you will ascend to your throne.”

And so the rite was performed, and Apollo was cleansed. As far as the rest of the world knows, the two immediately ascended to Olympus, to the glorious applause of the other members of the divine court. Apollo took his throne, next to his dear sister, and began his immortal duties.

But there was a moment, one moment, which was kept away in that sheltered vale. Once Apollo had been cleansed, he stood at the bank, waiting for the next step. Any demand his father asked of him, he would have agreed too. But Zeus held nothing over his head. Instead, he summoned a cloak of sheep’s wool, and placed it over Apollo’s shoulders.

“A gift,” he murmured, “The golden treasures you were born with will bring you glory, but this my son… I hope this will keep you warm.”

And Apollo believed, with all his heart, that he would never be lonely again.

Time is a cruel master. As years bled into centuries that bled into millennia upon millennia, Apollo realized that loneliness would be his most constant companion. He realized that the source of this loneliness, this suffering, would often be the very man that promised to keep him warm. The fire of his father’s hearth burned everything it touched, leaving Apollo with blistered hands and a scorched heart.

But he still wore the sheepskin. When the loneliness crept into his bones. When the lightning crackled across his limbs with a burning pain, as warm as his father promised with an agony he’d never mentioned. When all seemed lost to the ground and the dust. Apollo found that wool cloak and cast it over his shoulders. Even broken promises can bring some sort of comfort. Even old sheep’s wool can bring an illusion of warmth.

I was his child once. He used to love me.

If only the bite of a king’s cruelty could be chased away as easily as the chill of a winter’s day. The wool does nothing, and the loneliness remains. Apollo shivers, and goes to rest.

[one-time-i-dreamt]

A guy consulted me about his relative who was dying. He told me he recently had three dreams, about a cherry tree, a cliff, and falling off a pine tree, and asked me what they meant. I realized it actually meant something terrible would happen, but instead told him it meant there was still hope.

[lonelysa1lor]

So yeah the symbolism of Cannibalism in media is really interesting to me, I love the idea of eating someone as way of showing devoted love that transcends death. A love that is as brutal and violent as it is tender and sweet.

So the relationship between Bill and Ford pines and how they consume eachother emotionally - *I am shot dead and dragged off the stage, replaced by a guy wearing a fish costume tap dancing*

[gothkrislemcheslut]

why did so many 2012 bandom girls make these and why do i think they’re so funny

[total-drama-brainrot]

Total Drama AU/Headcanon: Where everything is the same, except Noah is just as crazy/insane as Izzy and Eva, but he's much better at hiding it (with a sarcastic calm personality) ... Only Izzy, Eva and Owen know his true unhinged colors (and that's why they get along with him so well) .../// Duncan briefly saw it during the Total Drama Island Special Finale, when Duncan grabbed Noah's leg, but Noah escaped, and we didn't see HOW Noah escaped... In this AU, Noah bit Duncan's hand then gave Duncan a silent psychotic grin, which shocked Duncan and gave Noah time to escape (Noah basically pretending the bite and grin never happened) ... In TDWT, imagine if Alejandro ever found out that the sanest one on his Team is only PRETENDING to be sane! 😅

I've seen that one Scary!Noah AU floating about in the main tag lately, and I love the concept. There's so much that could be done with having someone like Noah (scarily smart, mostly motivated by either spite or The Bit, nerfed by his own laziness/apathy/hubris) have the added bonus of Going Apeshit sometimes. Either as a treat to himself, or as the natural consequence of his hidden nature.

It's like that "Izzy Isn't Crazy" theory, but in reverse. "Noah Is Crazy, He's Just Good At Masking".

In this AU, he and Izzy would get on like a house on fire.

Like recognises like, after all; Izzy would clock him as just as unhinged as herself at their first meeting, and probably confront him about his 'game plan' at the first chance she could (maybe that's why she was so quick to swap with Katie? A bid to get herself on the same team as Noah?). Noah would try to deny it at first, because he's supposed to be the 'lazy genius'- slipping from his allotted persona this soon into the competition would jeopardise his strategy!- but Izzy would reassure him that she can practically smell the crazy on him.

He'd live up to his title as 'The Schemer', by means of plotting pranks and other such events with Izzy. She'd use her status as the overt crazy girl to pull them off, and Noah would either help behind the scenes to abate his hunger for chaos, or live vicariously through Izzy's blatant mania whilst revelling in the fact that their plan(s) play out perfectly every time. Imagine how much better Izzy's bear suit prank would've been with a man on the inside- and now imagine how much better it would've been if Noah pretended to get eaten/mauled by bear!Izzy (using smuggled ketchup packets and A Lot Of Screaming to convince the Gophers of his demise)! (He'd play off the incident by blaming the whole thing on Izzy- saying she was the one who used the ketchup, and his screaming was just him being Rightfully Terrified of being eaten. Gotta keep up the charade!)

No one would suspect him either! Who would ever assume that slothful, apathetic Noah who complains about the trials and tribulations of 'hard work', 'effort' and 'physical activity' could be a friend and an accomplice to the unstoppable force of nature that is Izzy? He's always too busy shoving his nose into his book to ever consider befriending the crazy girl, there's no way Noah would even tolerate her! (/s)

I think he'd eventually reveal his true colours to Team E-scope plus Owen once their friendship is cemented off-screen. Noah isn't the trusting type (I'd clarify, but I'd end up writing a whole unrelated essay- maybe another time) and he's habitually secretive- his non-answers in the WT Character Interview and his Sierra-given title of "The Man of Mystery" attest to this- so he'd need to know that his friends are really his friends before letting himself be vulnerable/transparent with them, since any 'friendships' made on Total Drama always run the risk of being a ploy/fake. It is a social game, after all.

As for the Duncan Incident. Having Noah bite people is going to turn into a running gag for me at this point, because it's so fucking hilarious to imagine him in a scenario where he's forced/pressured into violence and immediately starts chomping down on someone. This weasel boy wasn't built for punches and kicks but On God can he use those pearly whites to cause some damage. (The human jaw has a surprisingly strong bite force. Noah absolutely knows this.)

I'd also like to suggest that Noah rips himself out of his cargo shorts after biting Duncan, leaving the punk with a bleeding handful of nerd shorts and an open wound for his troubles. He'd already let go of Noah by that point too; it's hard to maintain your grip on anything when you've got a manic bookworm tearing away at the tendons in your hands. So he's just sat there, terrified and concerned, nursing the throbbing, sluggishly bleeding bitemark on his hand and wondering how Noah managed to contort his usually stoic facial features into a grin so wild and feral.

And Noah races back to Izzy and Eva, face and teeth splattered in Duncan's blood, sans cargo shorts. Neither of them question it; Izzy has an idea of what he's done, since Noah's smugness levels have risen at least three tiers and he's smiling almost contentedly to himself, and Eva has learned how to Mind Her Own Business when it comes to Izzy and Noah's eccentricities (though she often shoots inquisitive looks towards Noah's red-painted face).

Then in World Tour? Alejandro is suffering. Noah's the only person on his team who isn't lacking braincells and/or completely unhinged (or so he thinks), and as such he's the latino's only lifeline to sanity on the forsaken jet. So when Duncan returns in London and seems scared of the harmless bookworm? That's concerning.

Assuming that Noah's a wee bit more savvy in this AU thanks to his subterfuge experience in Island, he probably wouldn't be as outwardly apparent in his distrust of Alejandro during the challenge- either that, or he'd be enjoying torturing Tyler too much to think about how much of an eel Alejandro is. So Alejandro wouldn't have any reason to want to eliminate him, if anything he'd be motivated to keep him around, if only to act as a buffer between himself and the idiocy of Team Chris.

Duncan's re-introduction and allocation to the team would be Alejandro's first inkling into the fact that Noah is more than he seems. When the delinquent is ushered to stand next to Alejandro and Noah, his pupils contract into pinpricks or terror, and his attention flickers between the aloof cynic to his side and an oval-shaped scar on his hand. The cynic shoots Duncan a friendly smile (Alejandro ignores how the smile doesn't quite reach Noah's eyes) and the punk turns sheet white.

Alejandro doesn't know what to make of it.

[hqbits]

this man is taking over my brain hepl anyway body + scar hcs

also, im taking commissions! info under cut

[starlightshadowsworld]

When Snow Falls

Chuuya notices somethings off with Tachihara and learns the government's human experiments didn't end with him.

Spoilers for Stormbringer.

TW for child abuse, human experimentation and there's a mention of suicide (Tachihara brings up his brother.)

@tachiharastanacc An attempt was made 😅

........................

Chuuya knew this was none of his business, but when had that ever stopped him. The mission with the Black Lizards earlier had gone as smooth as ever. But there was something amiss.

The Black Lizards had been fighting their way out. But it didn't escape Chuuya they had been protecting Tachihara. Rashomon seemed to hover near the other boy when the bullets started firing.

Gin was at Tachihara's otherside and Hirotsu would look back at him often, with concern.

Chuuya had looked through Tachihara's files, there was no mention of prior injuries or incident reports. And the kid wasn't weak, far from it considering he made it to the Black Lizards.

And yet, Chuuya recalled Tachihara's performance on the mission. He'd executed his attacks well, but he moved slower than usual. 

Chuuya hadn't gotten a good look at him, but Tachihara had been pale. And when he thought no one was looking he'd wince.

And yeah maybe he was just sick and pushing through it to complete his mission.

But Chuuya's instincts screamed at him that was something wrong. Something beyond some simple sickness. 

His instincts had yet to fail him. With that in mind, and dread in his stomach Chuuya took off into the night. 

Finding Tachihara wasn't hard. It didn't take long for Chuuya to spot him sitting at the docks. Tachihara didn't notice Chuuya approach until he was right behind him.

Not a good sign for someone who's team mate was Gin. Someone who Tachihara frequently caught sneaking up on him.

Tachihara blinked, looking up at his superior. His legs were dangling off the edge and his arms wrapped around himself like he was cold.

Chuuya froze at the sight of him. He hadn't gotten a good look at him during the mission. But up close he could see just how bad the kid looked.

In the dim light of the docks, Tachihara looked like a corpse.

"Shit..." Said Chuuya, before he could stop himself. Tachihara's hands were at his sides, gripping the edge of the docks. They were shaking and it was clear he'd lost weight.

He smiled at Chuuya, and it made Chuuya sick to know that if he wasn't aware something was clearly wrong, he might've bought it. Just how long had Tachihara been putting on this carefree facade? 

"Nakahara? Hey, fancy seeing you out here." Said Tachihara, he was suprised to see the executive. The man would usually be having tea with Kouyou at this hour.

What was he doing out here?

"Tachihara" said Chuuya, making it very clear he wasn't going go entertain this sharade at all.

Tachihara's smile wavered, before it fell entirely. He was almost glad, because it meant he didn't have to pretend anymore.

He didn't need to keep lying to the people he loved. 

Tachihara smiled, it was genuine unlike the last one. It was wistful and sad as he looked to the moonlit sky. "I'm dying" It was said so quietly that Chuuya thought he'd misheard him. 

"What?! What do you mean?! Are you hurt?!" Asked Chuuya, he swore he'd not seen an incident report earlier. Had he been wrong? Why was Tachihara out here and not in the infirmary?! 

Tachihara shook his head, relaxed like he hadn't just dropped a bombshell. "Nah. There ain't a scratch in me. My body's just, shutting down." He debates whether to explain or not. "Might wanna sit, it's a long one."

Chuuya raises an eyebrow, but moves to sit beside him and gestures for him to go on. 

"When I was a kid I looked up to my big brother. He was the perfect model son and everyone wanted me to grow up to be just like him. I hated it, more than anything."

Tachihara snorted. The irony that he had tried everything to avoid being like Shunzen. Only to follow in his footsteps like an imperfect copy. 

"He was a soilder who got sent out the Great War. He didn't die in battle, not the physical kind that is... He killed himself."

Tachihara could still remember that morning. His dad had been hysterics and his mum was yelling at the medic on the phone for lying to her.

He'd just been sat in the middle of it all, forgotten and confused. 

Chuuya wordlessly took off his hat bowing his head in respect. Tachihara was suprised by the sentiment. And touched by it all the same. Chuuya didn't apologise to him, nor offer him empty words.

Not like everyone else had done.

Tachihara had to look away lest he started tearing up. "With him home, the pressure only grew. But instead now it was that it should've been me."

And maybe this was Tachihara's karma for being the brother who survived.

"I said to hell with that. I rebelled, I broke the rules, got into fights and my grades went down the drain. I got caught up in a bank robbery, there was an explosion... I don't really remember it, only that I should've died."

Tachihara took a deep breath that rattled his lungs. "My brother, he had an ability. He could turn metal into shapes from stories and poetry. I was jealous he had one, and that night I learned I had one too." 

Tachihara raised his hand and the metal chain on Chuuya's hat swung back and forth at his command.

He winces, putting his hand down, cancelling his ability. "He could make shapes but I can bend metal to my will. In the same way you bend gravity to yours."

Chuuya can only look at him in shock. To think Tachihara had an ability this whole time and no one had known.

The small show seemed to have sucked the energy out of him. But Chuuya could sense just how strong Tachihara truly was. "Why hide it?"  

Tachihara looks down at his now shaking hand, ashamed. "I'll get to it, I promise." Chuuya frowns, but let's him continue. 

"So I managed to save myself, but barely. I was crushed under rubble but I was saved by the police. When I woke up I thought I was in a hospital. But it only looked like one, it was a secret government lab."

Chuuya's blood ran cold. He swore his heart stopped.

Tachihara, didn't notice and kept talking. "The scientists saved me, but their was a price." Tachihara took another deep breath, it was painful to recount.

"They put me back together, but there was something different. My body wasn't as it was before."

Chuuya knows he should say something, anything. But he can't, his mind is blank. All he can do is sit and stare at Tachihara, at this kid with horror.

Finally, after only a moment but felt forever Chuuya managed to bring himself to ask. "Kid... What did they do to you?"  

Tachihara smiled sadly, closing his eyes. "You know, to this day I still don't know." He admitted, and if that didn't break Chuuya's heart, what would?

He knew, he knew what it was like to feel like your body wasn't yours. To feel like a microchip implanted into a robot, it was a pain he wouldn't wish on anyone. 

"What was their goal. Cause I'm guessing they didn't save you out of the goodness of their heart."

There was always a goal, always a project and a purpose that these sick bastards had in mind. 

For Chuuya it was Arahabaki, for Verlaine it was Guivre. He didn't think it was the same for Tachihara, to create an ability singularity.

The kid's ability was strong but not that strong. 

"Whatever they did it was experimental. It didn't save me completely, I'd need monthly "examinations" a touch up if you will, to keep me alive. They'd only do it though if I accepted the position to become the fifth Hunting Dog."

The Hunting Dogs were a group of elite gifted, hell elite didn't even begin to describe to them.

They were the top squad of the military police. It was said one of their members were equal to the strength of an army of gifted.

Chuuya didn't put much stock in rumours like that, but they don't come from nothing. "You accepted because without them you'd die."

Tachihara finally looks at Chuuya, his eyes shining with greif and shame.  

"Yeah, I did. I was trained, if you could call it that. I was cut up and put back together, over and over. I became what they wanted, and agreed to join the Port Mafia as a spy."

He doesn't let himself move, doesn't let himself look away. The shame weighs on his heart but looking away now would be the cowards way out.

But maybe he was already the coward, given Tachihara had intended on letting this all die with him.

"Tachihara, why are you dying?" Asked Chuuya, his voice soft and kind. The exact opposite of what Tachihara expected, he just admitted he was a traitor... Why was Chuuya being so nice?

"I... What?"

"You said they'd keep you alive so long as you did what they asked, right?" Summarises Chuuya, getting a nod from Tachihara. It takes all of his own training for Chuuya to stay calm. 

"So why aren't they doing that now?"

Realisation blooms in Tachihara's heart, because Chuuya figured it out. He laughs, he's not entirely sure why but he laughs. It rattles his entire body and it brings him to tears.

"I wasn't supposed to like you guys. It's the first rule of being a spy, don't get attached. But... Fuck I got attached, too attached. I gave a report, I missed some information that would've hurt the Port Mafia. It would've cost lives and I couldn't do it."

Tachihara wrapped his arms around himself. It took a lot of effort just to move them. It hurt so much, like his soul was on fire.

"They found out. Pushed my my maintenance day till end of the month. That's why I'm dying, Nakahara. Cause they know, and I know I can't wait that long."

Those bastards... Chuuya was going to kill them. Government or not, he was going to make them feel the pain of being crushed by gravity. Who forces a child to make such a choice?! 

Tachihara coughs, blood staining the floor before him. He smiles "they think I'll crawl back and beg for forgiveness but I won't."

There's a fire in his eyes, a stubborn determination even in his weakened state. "I cleaned their system of everything I ever told em. It's all gone."

This, this was strength. Chuuya could only marvel at the sacrifice Tachihara had made. And he wasn't the only one. 

There's a moment of silence before Chuuya holds up his phone. "Did you catch all of that, Boss?" He asks, Tachihara looks at him in shock.

He hadn't seen Chuuya subtly call Mori as they started talking.  

"Oh yes Chuuya, but Tachihara I have my own question. Why would you go so far for us? You know what the Port Mafia does to traitors." Asks Mori, his voice coming loud and clear from the speaker phone.

Intrigue colouring every word. 

And while he couldn't see him, Tachihara still bowed his head in respect.

"It probably sounds stupid but... Ever since that day, I was treated less than a person. I survived, but I wasn't human anymore. I was a government lab rat."

If Chuuya didn't want to kill them all, that certainty made his blood boil.

He's all too familiar with the craving, the dull ache in your heart as you wonder it that's enough to make you human.

To question whether you were the original. To think you were simply lines of code imbeded in flesh. It had damn near broken Chuuya, and he had people who loved him.

He had crumbled in the hands of those who believed, unwavering that he was human. Chuuya couldn't image thinking that for years, and suffering alone.

The fact this all was going on under his nose, pissed him off. Chuuya had swore to protect those he cared about, and he'd failed.  

Tachihara, unaware of Chuuya's turmoil, was turning over Mori's question in his mind. He chuckles but it's not funny. 

"I'm not even the first person to be the fifth Hunting Dog. I'm just the next one they picked up. That's, why I had to hide my ability, from everyone so no one would know I wasn't the first.

And I probably won't be the last. Being in the Port Mafia, it's the first time I've felt human. I couldn't let that be destroyed, no matter what."

"I've heard enough" Says Mori and Tachihara falls silent. "Chuuya, I trust you to deliver him to Infirmary 4B. It's the closest one to your location."

"I'm on it." Says Chuuya. Tachihara raises his head, confused. As if reading his mind, Mori chuckles.

"Oh Tachihara, the government might have decided you weren't worth saving but last I checked I was the Boss. And all you've done is prove you're truly one of ours. You're going to live, and that's an order."

Tachihara let those words run through him, he was shocked to say the least. "I... Okay" is what he ended up saying, because words were failing him. Mori just chuckled again, signing off. 

"Why did you...?" Trials off Tachihara, looking at Chuuya in shock. Chuuya smiles, it's sad as it is kind. "Cause I know what it's like, to be ripped apart and turned into a government lab rat."

He rests a hand on Tachihara's shoulder. "But kid, nothing they do takes away that you're human." 

Tachihara looks at him, akin to a starving man being handed food. He's spent so long questioning his own humanity.

And for someone to look him in the eye, and say 'you're human' with no hesitation....Tears well up in his eyes and he's powerless to stop them as they fall.

Chuuya hugs him close as Tachihara sobs. He let him down, he let him down and allowed this to go on. Not anymore, Chuuya was going to protect him. Just like he should have all along.

He helps him to his feet, practically carrying him to his bike. And from his bike to the infirmary.

"Could you..." Tachihara trials off, embarrassed and Chuuya chuckles ruffling his hair. It takes Tachihara aback at first, no ones done that since his brother died. 

It was nice. 

"I'll be right here when you wake up." Promised Chuuya, nodding his head to a nearby chair. Tachihara smiled "thanks, Nakahara, for everything."

Chuuya rolls his eyes with a fond smile. "Call me Chuuya, and kid you don't need to thank me for anything. The Port Mafia is my family, that includes you."

Tachihara chuckles "alright, but Akutugawa might be my cooler older brother." He narrowly avoids Chuuya's playful swat and laughs. Tachihara is eventually lead away as the Port Mafia's medical team do their jobs.

Unfortunately, Tachihara would still need the maintenance no matter what they'd do.

Tachihara's body had been fundamentally altered in a way that could not be reversed. But at least now, everyone knew and would make sure he could get through it all painlessly and humanely.

Less human experimentation and more regular surgery.

He wasn't a lab rat.

He wouldn't be ever again.

Not if Chuuya and the rest of the Port Mafia had any say in it.

Akutugawa had been livid, he'd berated Tachihara for being an idiot the moment he was cleared to go home. Tachihara just listened, suprised and was informed Akutugawa had stormed in and hadn't left his side at all.

Hirotsu had patted his shoulder with a kind smile. Higuchi had bought a basket of snacks and had chastised him for keeping it all a secret. Gin had been right there guarding the door.

Chuuya kept his word, having been fantasing what to do with the Government scientists involved. The rest of the Black Lizard chiming in their preferred torture method. 

And Tachihara? He had never felt more loved. 

[oneangstymotherfucker]

Tw for vague csa/abuse mention

Sometimes, yeah, I "get off to" the fics I write. And I definately like hearing that other people enjoy them, because I think everyone deserves things they enjoy and it truly makes me happy to provide a little of that for others.

But the reason I write what I write is so my brain has a place to spin out scenarios to try to make it okay. And by that I don't mean the things that happened to me. By that I mean the fact that I exist as someone who those things happened to. The fact that I live every day with the rammifications of one man's evil decision, wrapping themselves up and weaving themselves into every aspect of my life. And when I write I come at it from all angles- including sexual because I was a prematurely-sexually-awakened kid and that can make a person's relationship with sex a little confusing to say the least- to try to figure out how to live with it.

Fic writers don't write to normalize abuse. We write to normalize suvival. And survival isn't always pure and pretty and fluffy. I was not healed by a wholesome loving relationship, I was not healed by friendship or forgiveness or by trying to banish all darkness from my life and mind. I am healing myself by looking it in the eye. By getting elbows-deep in the darkness, letting it coat my skin again now that I am grown and safe. By forgiving myself for the tracks it left in my mind and body, accepting that it is part of my story and trusting myself to keep me safe.

That's what I'm trying to normalize. That it's good you survived, and it's okay to be "messed up by it". You are normal, and your existence isn't bad or tainted or dirty or wrong. You are good and innocent. You deserve to be here and you deserve a full, satisfying life with all the things you enjoy in it.

[the-kr8tor]

Crimson Clover

<<< PART III

You choose to live.

With your broken fingers, you gingerly pick up the loaf. Bringing it to your bloodied lips, you take a bite.

It tastes like light, light amidst the dark. It comforts you, sealing your wounds, bones magically unbreaking, moving back to its sockets. You swallow it with a sigh.

For a few minutes your pain finally subsides, leaving only a dull ache in your ribs. Standing with the help of the table, you sit on the head of the table. His chair.

You sit, eyes closed, back against the cold marble.

“You chose to stay” Hobie says in a broken voice, cloak torn to shreds, black blood seeping out from his side.

“Hobie!” You run towards him, limping slightly. Taking his shoulders, he looks for any indication of your previous injuries, finding none except for the blood drying on your skin and clothes. “I couldn't–I couldn't leave you, I can't”

Hobie nods with understanding, he knew this was a possible outcome, seeing it chosen by you a hundred times before.

“Are you okay?” Bringing him to his chair, he sits with a groan. “I knew you'd be alright” you cup his cheek, wiping the marks left by the entity on his perfect skin.

There's a gnawing in his heart, is this better for you?

He exhales a shaky breath, bloodied hand holding your own. “You're staying?”

You nod, a sad smile on your face, tears trapped in your eyes. Is this better for him?

“I am” bringing your face closer to his forehead, you breathe him in, the same scent you're familiar with since you've first met him, from the past to the present. You're sure it'll be the same in the future. “You won, right? That thing won't come after us?”

“For now. Nothing ever dies, love.” He leans away, knuckles caressing your temple. “‘m sorry that I've trapped you here with me.”

Did you choose right?

You tell him your name, your true name in a hush whisper. Hobie hides his face on your shoulder, lips over your thumping pulse.

Your hearts beat as one. He'd love and protect you, fighting fate herself until he can't. Until your mortal death, then the cycle begins anew.

A/N: Anndd we're at the end! Thank you so much for joining me on this ride! Much love to all of you ❤️❤️❤️

[daffi-990]

✨ Inspiration Saturday ✨

Tagged by @wikiangela @disasterbuckdiaz & @wildlife4life. Thank you for the tag!

Was on a run yesterday when this song came on and it just screamed Buddie .. specifically Buck @ Eddie during Eddie’s breakdown arc and thus inspiration for a fic struck.

It’s gonna be Buck’s POV set from the beginning of Eddie’s breakdown to him and Chris coming back from El Paso. Buck will be going through the feels and taking care of his boys and of course a happy ending (first thing I wrote down for this idea was Buck picking them up at the airport and it may or may not involve a first kiss 👀).

The moodboard looks all angsty, but I’m not aiming for it to be 😅.

Here’s a lil teaser (tw: suicide mention):

Buck’s gotten a few panicked phone calls over his lifetime, he’s a firefighter, it kind of comes with the job. But nothing has made his blood go cold and his heart stutter like the phone call he gets from Christopher.

Something is wrong with Eddie.

Buck races to the Diaz house, Chris still on the line. He can hear thumping and smashing in the background along with the sounds of Eddie shouting. Chris sounds less panicked now that he knows Buck is on the way but he’s breathing heavily and his voice sounds wet from tears.

And then the background noises stop and Buck pushes his foot down harder on the accelerator. If the police try to pull him over they’ll have to wait, nothing is getting between him and his boys.

He pulls into the driveway behind Eddie’s truck and runs to the door. He doesn’t remember if he locked the Jeep or not but right now he doesn’t care, his only thoughts are Chris Eddie Chris Eddie Chris Eddie.

He finds Chris outside Eddie’s door, leaning against the wall with his phone held tightly in his hand. Buck reassures Chris that he’s here and that he’s going to help his dad before sending Chris to his room incase whatever is behind Eddie’s door is something a child should never have to witness.

Buck’s tried to avoid thinking it, but ever since the noises suddenly stopped, dread has been seeping into his bones, intertwining with his marrow and leaving him feeling heavy. He knows Eddie doesn’t own a gun and he heard no gunshots, but there are other ways to kill yourself and Buck doesn’t want Chris to see his father like that if Eddie has taken his own life. Buck doesn’t want to see Eddie like that either, but he has to get into the room. Right now it’s like Schrödinger’s cat, Eddie being the cat.

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @thewolvesof1998 @watchyourbuck @jamespearce9-1-1 @theotherbuckley @fortheloveofbuddie @callmenewbie @jeeyuns @athenagranted @exhuastedpigeon @rainbow-nerdss @fiona-fififi @rewritetheending @eddiebabygirldiaz @spotsandsocks @hoodie-buck @princessfbi @sibylsleaves @devirnis @lover-of-mine @jesuisici33 @ladydorian05 @honestlydarkprincess @loserdiaz @giddyupbuck @monsterrae1 @malewifediaz @spagheddiediaz @captain-hen @steadfastsaturnsrings @try-set-me-on-fire @nmcggg @mellaithwen and anyone else who wants to share something ☺️

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

[superalloyman]

Miguel when Miles loopholes the canon