#trauma dumping. literally
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Weegieš„ŗš„¹
Angry Birbs? Yeah.
Also Buster Moon cause I watched Sing 2 again
#okay but like can we talk about at the trauma Buster got in the second film#every time I watch a movie itās immediately to a literal drawing board#the first angry birds movie was TOP TIER OKAY#WE DONT TALK ABT THE SECONDš#fanart#sketch#doodle#doodle dump#a little something for everyone#I am a grown child#Luigi#bowser#bowuigi#red#Chuck#angry birds#sing#sing 2#Buster moon
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Have you noticed how when women who date men will go on about all these bad feelings about men and how they are trash and horrible etc and then as soon as a lesbian goes āoh yeah men XYZā suddenly they switch up and start defending them even though 9 times out of 10 what they said was way worse ??
Because I noticed it happens all the time
#hell a stranger come up to my gf and I once and literally just started trauma dumping about men#and my gf just agreed and was like yeah and the woman started going on about not all men
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HELP you are so funny for this š¤£š
I just laughed for 5 minutes straight. I feel like people who donāt pay attention to your random rare lore that you drop in your tags are missing out cause girl you funny as fuck
honestly i forget that some people actually look at my tags LOL. i usually just say random things that come to my mind š
#iām glad you find my tragic taste in men amusing#he trauma dumped and then talked about our future together#it was literally our first date#but what am i supposed to do they either want to marry me or theyāre a frat boy#college life is so embarrassing#anyway#bonus lore for those still here: iām an ordained minister via the internet LOL#simply because i thought it would be funny#also fuck organic chemistry#itās ruining my life
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TL;DR: Zuko is not winning any Liar of the Year awards here, but he's by not a ābad liarā either. He's also (apparently surprisingly) not sharing his every deep-seated thought and feeling to anyone and everyone and can in fact, keep a secret.
a canon vs fanon Zuko thing thing I see fairly often that I personally disagree with is that Zuko is constantly over-sharing and telling people too much about himself and his problems.
People love to use the Book 1 finale incident when he talks to Aang's unconscious body in the cave, but that feels like a bizarre example because... he's more talking to himself. He's not really talking to Aang. Aang can't hear him. Aang is literally none the wiser. It's not an inappropriate time or person or unreciprocated, and honestly the whole thing is more for the audience to get a sense of what in gods green earth is going through Zuko's mind considering how reckless this action was. And even if Aang was awake I still don't know if you could call it oversharing considering Aang has genuinely tried to reach out to Zuko before and tried to understand him (e.g., the Blue Spirit). Of all people, Aang would likely be the most receptive. Like... net zero information gained...
I've seen people use some examples with Iroh which I personally think is pretty ridiculous to count because it's not like he's saying anything Iroh doesn't already know??? Iroh is like the only one in Zuko's orbit who actually knew all the details about his banishment and trauma. I don't know how any scene Zuko could have with Iroh that you could call over-sharing. Zuko also never said shit to his crew about any of his past for like. two whole years. The most they thought of him was angry and spoiled. They didn't actually know anything about him. like... at all. Jee thought his scar was from a training accident.
People like to also use the scene on the ship with Mai in Book 3 when Zuko is returning to the Fire Nation, but even that feels like a bit of a stretch. Yeah, Mai dismisses him and tries to play it off, but nothing Zuko says feels 'too personal' especially when Mai is supposed to be his girlfriend and Zuko has literally not been home in three years. Telling your girlfriend/someone you trust how you feel in a obviously emotionally turbulent situation is not sharing too much, no matter their reaction or whether they asked first.
MAI: Aren't you cold? ZUKO: I've got a lot on my mind. It's been so long, over three years since I was home. I wonder what's changed. I wonder howĀ I'veĀ changed. MAI: [Yawns.] I just asked if you were cold, I didn't ask for your whole life story. [Zuko frowns at her sarcastic response. Mai giggles and holds his face in her hands.] MAI: Stop worrying.
Another example I see is when Zuko rants to the badgerfrog. Again, not really an example since the badgerfrog is not a person and the story needed Zuko to Say Things Out Loud so we have some clue about what he's thinking. It's the same thing with the unconscious Aang. It's not oversharing. It's venting. And once again - net zero information achieved!!
Like, none of these instances feel like he's revealed too much information. None of it feels inappropriate in the context of the story.
I think people get 'over-sharer' and 'openly wearing your emotions' lines confused sometimes, but even that gets misconstrued in fandom.
I don't think that Zuko being more open with his emotions than other characters is an incorrect conclusion to make, however, I think there's something to be said about Zuko in book 1 and 2 using anger and rage as a coping mechanism rather than being vulnerable with his emotions.
Zuko will talk about his feelings a lot more in Book 3, which is actually super important to his arc, since he doesn't actually talk about his feelings in a real way in Book 1 and 2 (he's angry most of the time, and the only times I can remember when he does really talk about how he actually feels is usually when things have gotten Real Bad like when Zhao takes his ship or it's the anniversary of his banishment). In Book 3, he's really thinking and reflecting on how he feels and how he felt in different situations.
Even the 'Zuko is a bad liar' gets WAY over-played in fanon!
Yeah Zuko is not great at thinking on his feet when confronted, but it seems very context dependent, actually.
When in dangerous situations, while he's definitely not winning any Best Liar Ever Awards, he's not a bumbling fool either -
Zuko lies to Zhao about the Blue Spirit swords:
ZHAO: I didn't know you were skilled with broadswords, Prince Zuko. ZUKO: I'm not. They're antiques. Just decorative.
While not ultimately convincing, his delivery of it is far from terrible. The circumstances are against him here, though, after all, there are few people who hate Zhao enough to commit treason to stop him from capturing the Avatar than Zuko.
Zuko lies to Zhao about having found the Avatar:
ZHAO: [Pulls up alongside Zuko and smirks.] Two years at sea have done little to temper your tongue. So, how is your search for the Avatar going? ZUKO: [Aggressively.] We haven't found him yet. ZHAO: Did you really expect to? The AvatarĀ diedĀ a hundred years ago. [Close-up of Zuko, as he slants his eyes.] Along with the rest of the airbenders. [Close-up of Zhao, whose face contorts in an evil expression.] Unless you have found some evidence that the Avatar is alive? ZUKO: [Faces Zhao and responds very clearly.] No. [Stares back in front of him.] Nothing. ZHAO: [With an expression of disbelief on his face, as he rises from his chair.] Prince Zuko, the Avatar is the only one who can stop the Fire Nation from winning this war. [Leans in and faces Zuko.] If you have anĀ ounceĀ of loyalty left, you'll tell me what you found. ZUKO: I haven't found [Looks up at Zhao and his tone becomes slightly more aggressive.] anything. [Close-up, as he continues on a softer tone, slightly mockingly.] It's like you said. The Avatar probably died a long time ago. [Gets up.] Come on, Uncle, we're going.
I'm not trying to say Zuko is secretly this great liar, but his effort here is commendable. It's his directness that gives him away, but he's not afraid, or nervous, or stumbling over his words like he's often portrayed to be.
Zuko confidently lies to Jet about not being a firebender:
[while on the ferry; you can see Zuko thinks for a second Jet knows who he really is. Jet doesn't pick up on this, and Zuko plays off his fear].
JET: You know, as soon as I saw your scar, I knew exactly who you were. You're an outcast, like me. And us outcasts have to stick together. We have to watch each other's backs. Because no one else will. ZUKO: I've realized lately that being on your own isn't always the best path.
[during Zuko and Jet's fight]
JET: Bet you wish he'd help you out with a little fire blast right now. [As Jet swings at Zuko's feet, Zuko stabs one of his broadswords through the hilt, pinning it to the ground. Jet looks at it with annoyance before focusing back on Zuko.] ZUKO: You'reĀ the one who needs help.
Zuko, throughout these interactions, plays off Jet's comments. He's learnt to be vague sometimes (like on the ferry to Ba Sing Se) and be confident when refuting someone. Yeah Zuko did go straight for Bodily Harm but that's very on brand to me.
Zuko lies to Chit Sang about the escape plan without hesitation:
SUKI: But how are you going to get the cooler out? CHIT SANG: [From the staircase.] Yeah, how are you going to get the cooler out? [Jumps down.] SOKKA: [Covering up.] What? We didn't ... w-we didn't say that. ZUKO: Yeah, you heard wrong. CHIT SANG: I heard you hatching an escape plan, and I want in. ZUKO: [stern] There's nothing to get in on. SOKKA: Yeah, the only thing we're hatching is ... an egg? [Zuko lowers his head and Suki covers her eyes while they both sigh in annoyance.]
Zuko comes up with a lie to tell the guards at the Boiling Rock about keeping his helmet on:
MALE GUARD: Hey, new guy! I know it's the rule to have your helmet on at all times, but this is the lounge. Relax. ZUKO: [plays it up] But what if there's an incident? If I'm not prepared, someone could strike me on the head. [The guards laugh.] FEMALE GUARD: Give it a week, he'll loosen up.
However, Zuko most often has the most difficulty lying to people who are kind to him (and who are Azula tbh) -
In Crossroads of Destiny, Zuko and Iroh are now refugees and Zuko bungles this conversation with Song:
ZUKO: [Nervously] Yes, we're travellers. SONG: you have names? ZUKO: Names? Of course we have names. I'm, uh ... Lee and this is my Uncle, uh ... Mushi?
In Tales of Ba Sing Se, Zuko struggles to find even ground with Jin and doesn't know how to answer her questions:
ZUKO: You have ... quite an appetite for a girl. [He fiddles his thumbs awkwardly.] JIN: [Uncomfortably.] Umm ... thanks? So, Lee, where were you and your uncle living before you came here? ZUKO: Umm ... well, we've been traveling around for a long time. JIN: Oh. Why were you traveling so much? ZUKO: We were ... uh, part of this traveling circus. JIN: Really? What did you do? Wait, lemme guess. [She thinks for a moment and quickly points at him.] You juggled! ZUKO: [Zuko folds his arms and looks annoyed.] Yes, I juggled.
In Zuko Alone, he's at a loss for words when asked his name:
SELA: Does this guy have a name? ZUKO: [Nervously.] I'm... uh... GANSU: [Off-camera.] He doesn't have to say who he is if he doesn't want to, Sela. [Cuts to shot of him standing with his family.] Anyone who can hold his own against those bully soldiers is welcome here. Those men should be ashamed to wear Earth Kingdom uniforms.
Listen, he's not weaving any incredible tales here, but he's not this bumbling little uwu boy who's completely helpless without Iroh or the Gaang that for some reason is incredibly persistent in fan depictions of him.
#like people love to say he trauma dumps but WHEN? to WHOM?#the gaang literally never even find out how he got his scar thats why there are 9890245049 fics on it#not even zuko's crew knew#anyway my whole point here is that you can portray zuko as being a bad liar and someone who wears their emotions loudly#without reducing him to a just a widdle guy... just a little baby boy who needs care 24/7#og zuko is fighting fire navy commanders and breaking into impenetrable locations for funsies#he's NOT holding back babes that is the problem!!#i guess u could argue he shares more in book 3 like when he talks about his experience at the war meeting when he returns home but tbh i#think it would be way weirder if he just.... mentioned the genocide plan and didn't comment at all how he felt about it#anyway zuko is NOT dark and mysterious. he will beat ur ass in the street and confide in u in strange vague ways and rob rich people with u#while also claiming that he Does Not Want To Be Your Friend#(you can contact him again for Crimes though that's fine)#can u tell the jet and zuko friendship is endlessly funny and compelling to me#ch: zuko#atla#avatar#hattie talks#ch: iroh#ch: zhao#media: original#from: txt#book: one#book: two
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i do actually really resent how the ast*rion fandom turned into trauma olympics. like it was such a negative and sad space where everyone felt pressured to blast descriptions of their abuse experiences to legitimize the decisions they made for a fictional blonde man. at least that was my experience
#i love his character but i have never been more anxious and depressed in a fandom space than when i was balls deep in his tag every day#so many times i saw people just completely trauma dump on strangers as a weird checkmate about why their tav is the best therapy gf#it was really not fun at all in hindsight idk why i stuck around in that space for so long#it just reminded me of how it felt on kik in like 2010 begging some 20 year old millennial to not kill themselves at the tender age of 11#idk no shade on astarion fans i'm literally one of you. i just wish the fandom was fun and not trauma sex truama sex sex trauma trauma sex
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Fen romance is giving EVERYTHING that was falsely advertised with Lucanis.
#reciprocated flirting? check#pondering on his feelings? check#trauma dumping? check#getting railed against a wall? check#pining? check#getting a lot of background information about his past? check#with lucanis you literally play second fiddle to him and neve and the only one who actually cares about rook is spite
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i will not give in to the urge to write an oc x character fic that's in my head... i will not...
#i cant write#BUT THE PARASITES IN ME want to write a deeply introspective MM fanfiction that i would dump my all my trauma and PTSD into#personal#i'm sorry i needed to put it somewhere#it gotten so bad that i already made a spotify playlist for it#this person has a psychology diploma and all of the above are literally art therapy methods
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Who would have known that Jesus Christ is a marauders fan? Woah?
Who do you kin-
Regulus. Oh my god, I'm a Reggie kinnie, which is very upsetting when my friend goes on rants about him being a fascist.
The idea that he was created to be a spare (I was created in violence in a last ditch attempt to save a marriage), and was kept away from the only people who could save him from his fate (I literally have no friends that aren't through a screen and before 18 I had none whatsoever), and he fucking died to do the right thing (self sacrificial people pleaser gang wya). It will never stop hurting my soul that he was not loved the way every child should be: unconditionally and without inhibition. I see myself in him, and it kills me.
Also, I don't know how to swim.
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*John & Gale talking about random stuff*
John: ....And then I hit him with the rubber duck!
Gale: Wow that's crazy
John: I know right?!
Gale: Yeah, it kinda reminds of this one time when my father tried to hit me with a sledgehammer but he missed and-....
*starts trauma dumpimg*
John: ....*shocked*
John, concerned: I...do you- can I... Are you ok....?
Gale, confused: ....yes? Anyways what do want for lunch? I think they're serving....
John, Scared: .....Oh my God
#im 100% convinced that Gale spontaneously starts trauma dumping in the middle of random conversations#he thinks its normal#john is worried#like bbg are you ok?#gale: im fine#this is normal#john: no its NOT#john: you literally dissociated half of your childhood!#gale: hehe yeah#john: this isnt a hehe moment Buck#gale: ....YOLO#John: NO#incorrect quotes#mota#clegan#masters of the air#john egan#gale cleven#buck x bucky#john x gale
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breaking my silence i fully believe charles is winning in vegas
#i was happier when max was dominating i think#cant even enjoy ferrari as second force now. the potential mcl/4 championship is stressing me out#like last year nothing really mattered by vegas. max literally already won the wdc#the lows like sg quali fumble are lower this year to me because it actually means somethingš#2022 must have felt horrible thoughts and prayers to everyone who was around then#now if charles finishes low he doesnt only affect his own points he increases the chances of a mcl championship#like how am i going to survive the winter break w this knowledge#also back to the post this year we conquer the pig!#interlagos would also be nice#i still recall staying up til 4am only for the dnf to happen. like bffr#i just stayed up to watch alonso go zoom#whoops dns* ok this turned into some 2023 trauma dump#vegas: i was fuming mad at turn1 and fuming mad at the sc
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thinking abt the veilguard companions and sighing heavily
#they have no personality outside of the things they need help with. they are not their own people#they are tools for a force narrative about...fear and regret i guess? but like. ok...who are these people though#you dont actually get to KNOW them unless you bother to walk around the lighthouse and peep into their notes and journals#insane. i cant ask you questions about your life before joining my cause? about your family or upbringing?#i have to eavesdrop on ambient conversation to be able to learn about you? give me a freaking break#i constantly flip flop between a show-dont-tell and TELL ME MORE because this game cant make up its own freaking mind#it overexplains itself CONSTANTLY during the main quest and then when it comes to the NPCs it hardly explains anything#unless you actively seek it out. or you dont blight minrathous.#''but you had to seek out companions in the past games!!!'' yeah. because you could actually TALK TO THEM.#you cant TALK to anyone in this game.#someone in the anti veilguard community put it best: theyre just dolls you pick up and play with on occasion. they have no real agency#literally. they have NO control over their own narratives. YOU are the deciding factor on everything they do.#''but this is true for every NPC in every dragon age!!'' can you not use your brain critically for even a moment.#the NPCs in previous games actually felt like people. when they asked for your help it was because you EARNED the right to participate#through talking to them and asking questions and building rapport and giving them gifts.#these characters trauma dump on you the moment you meet them. there is no building of anything. its all just vomited onto you immediately#bellara talking about cyrian in her first companion quest for example...like girl .#stupid worthless dialogue wheels that dont ever change the outcome of a conversation. the illusion of choice. all of it. im so angry.
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16 year old girls and that one "friend" <<<
#Vent post!!!! How is it my fault you've never apologized?#YOU CALLED MY SISTER AN ACHOHLIC#and you don't get why I don't talk to you anymore?#You think you can just offer me notecards and I'll forgive you again?#You broke my trust and you broke any faith I had that I could rely on you#No matter what everything's always about you#You trauma dump on everyone of our friends every day#You don't understand boundaries#You made fun of my personalit and talked about how the guy I liked could never like me (Because you liked him to)#You make fun of the fact and get angry at me for not being able to read social cues#When you talked about how I wasn't talking to you anymore you said āSadie's not talking to me anymore and she won't tell me whyā#Even though we set up a time to talk about stuff and you never called you lied & said I never texted you back#And oh by the way? When I texted you back to set up a time to talk YOU WERE THE ONE WHO DIDN'T CALL#And when one of our mutual friends said maybe you should try again you said āOh well it's not like it's a big dealā#Even though we've been friends since 8th grade#So either you think I'm just going to forgive you with no effort on your end or you don't care#And to top it all off#You blame me for you not going back to Christianity sooner#Yet you still pressured me consistently about going to church with you#Even though I said no#Literally screw yourself#Your a bad friend and kinda a horrible person#You use religion as an excuse to be close minded and cruel while elevating yourself as holier than thou#Well guess what?#That's not being a good christian!#Your a fraud#And I think deep down you know that
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I'm reminded of a fic I wrote a while ago, exploring the idea of Sirius and Remus getting a dog, ostensibly for Harry. The dogs in that fic were inspired by my own, with Stegosaurus taking much of her story and personality from Freyja. And what prompted me to write it (aside from a prompt from Imp) was the realization that Freyja was getting old, and sort of quietly contemplating her mortality, and the inevitability of needing to say goodbye.
With that said, I did not anticipate needing to say goodbye so soon, nor so suddenly.
I need to put this somewhere so I can stop replaying it. It's explicit and it's fucking sad and no one is under any obligation to read it. I just need it to be in a place that can be seen that my partner won't see. Because I lied to him, slightly, about the particulars. And I don't want to remember right now, but I don't want to forget either.
I wish that it had been quicker and easier than falling asleep for her, like it was in the fic. She deserved that. It was quick, true, but it was not easy. It was ugly. And she fought it.
She'd been sick, but was improving. Kidney disease and an enlarged heart, they said. All at once. Vet had us treating the kidneys first, hoping it would take pressure off her heart. And it seemed to be going okay. She'd gotten her energy back and was eating, even if not as well as she had in the past. She was playing with her toys again. She tried to steal my cookies not five minutes before it happened.
We were sitting on the couch. Feeding Bean, winding down for the night, getting ready to go to bed. She was curled up in her corner like normal. And then suddenly she stood up and she came over towards me, and started whining. Like, really whining, like I'd never heard her whine before. I still clocked the tone, it's just she's never been in pain before. She's never had to be. She started getting louder. And her legs started buckling under her, and she leaned her head over the side of the couch, and she just moved and sounded wrong, and then she made a noise. And in the fic I described this as "a funny little noise" because I'd never actually heard it myself before but wow did I undersell it. It's awful. It was like all the air got pushed out of her lungs. Worse than a wheeze. Like Christopher Lee had coached her how to sound like she'd been stabbed in the back.
And then she fell. Tipped forward off the couch in a way that no dog naturally moves and fell on the floor like she had no bones in her body. Head, limbs all at an unnatural angle. Literally spilled. She slid. Eyes wide and wild and she was still breathing. Still there, but not. Tongue lolling out of her mouth so hard I thought she was choking on it. Drool everywhere. I called my partner inside the moment she fell. She was still breathing. Weak, erratic, but it was there. I carried her out to the car and he got Bean in her carrier and we hauled ass to the ER. But I knew we were too late before I even got her out the door - she'd pissed everywhere. And I'd seen her eyes as I put her inside. Glassy. Tongue back in her mouth. There was no resistance when I carried her, and she hated being carried. Hated it.
Anyway she was pronounced DOA. The vets were very kind. Helped us figure out what to do with her. I left her there wrapped in her favorite blanket and I'm waiting for her to come back in the little box I picked for her. We think her heart gave out, and the vet agreed. She just turned thirteen.
My partner and I have been beside ourselves. We've had her for the entire time we've been living on our own, and she's seen us through every major milestone we've had so far. And she won't see another.
Odin is in a weird place. He's never been the only dog before. He was hoarded and then fostered and then came to us, and her. They didn't get along very well. She bossed him around something fierce. He still rushed to her side when she fell. He's okay most of the time but every now and then he just seems lost. Like he's waiting for her to show up and take charge again, even if he hated when she did. I left for an hour and he waited at the door for me too. For me to bring her back, like I had been with all her appointments.
I was able to open my front door for the first time in eight years yesterday without needing to manage a tiny, angry little whirlwind offended by its existence. I was relieved. I was devastated. My partner came inside and only one dog was screaming at him. Destroyed him all over again. I told him that she wasn't in any pain, and that it had been that sudden. That she'd just dropped out of nowhere. I didn't tell him that she knew. That she felt it. That she was scared and in pain for about ten seconds. Three audible whines. That was it. But that's more than he needs to know.
This sucks. I'm sad Bean won't get to properly meet her, because she was such a personality. I am really shaken by how sudden and violent it was, and the fact that she was within arms reach - I just was holding Bean and couldn't grab her. And mostly I just miss her. Like a lung. A really noisy lung that shed like crazy, and loved everyone she met. I'm fucking gutted. Between this and my mom being diagnosed with cancer and having a whole ass child this has been the most difficult summer of my life. I'm hoping, sincerely, that this is the last hard thing for a while.
Anyway I know this was a lot. If you did read it, sorry - but also thank you for listening.
#lp dogs#cw: pet death#cw: death#i process things by talking about them#but i recognize it's a lot so. a behind a break it goes.#trauma dump#literally it is#dead dove do not eat
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#i have a very strange relationship w this show#like not to trauma dump in the tags but im gonna trauma dump in the tags rn#like i loved this show SO MUCH and its definitely still my top anime#but while it was coming out my grandpa died#like he literally died the day the day the ep where langa accidentally 'comes out' to his mom#and then the show was also something me and my ex bonded over when we first became friends#and then theres ad*m who i Hate with a burning passion#so theres a lot of things stacked against sk8#that being SAID i just went and watched a few clips of it and i was rlly happy and nostalgic??#and i do really miss the sk8 community yall are so sweet#so maybe i will try to reawaken my sk8 hyperfixation#i guess we will see#i also officially start my new job Next Week so thats gonna be a lot but sk8... it calls to me........#long story short: i have some bad associations with the show but i still do love the characters so perhaps i will get back into it#em.talk
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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i loooove my parents for moving me to BC i love it here i love breathing in smoke all summer i love feeling like i could lose literally everything in 5 minutes š
#BROTHER GET ME OUTTA HERE#i hate saying this cause its what my grandparents say but it feels so claustrophobic here#im used to being able to see for miles but now walking down my driveway scares me cause i cant see anything#the fire last year was literally a 15 minute walk from where i live and you couldn't see it from my house#I HATE HAVING ISSUES FROM LAST YEAR FUCK THIS PLACE#sorry for trauma dumping guys it will happen again i hate this place i hate it i hate it i hate it
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