#i was happier when max was dominating i think

[presdestigatto]

breaking my silence i fully believe charles is winning in vegas

[cutielando]

legacy | m.v.

synopsis: in which your son follows in Max's footsteps

my masterlist

"I'm so nervous. Why am I so nervous?" Max asked you as he stressed around, going in circles.

"Now you know how I've been feeling for the best 15 years, honey" you chuckled as you patted him on the back.

Yours and Max' eldest son had his first karting race today and Max has been the most worried parent in the world. 

From checking his car over and over again, to making sure his gear would keep him perfectly safe, to talking him through every single thing he would ever need to know multiple times leading up to the race.

Your son was more than ready.

But Max still couldn't help but worry.

He was so happy when Y/S/N started showing interest in karting at a young age, glad that he could share his life's work with his son. 

He had taken your little family to multiple races ever since he decided to retire from racing after he won his 10th WDC title. He loved explaining to your boy all about the cars, how they worked and how they managed to go so fast, basking in the curious gaze of your little boy.

Now that it was really down to his first karting race, Max was slowly starting to regret indulging his son's passion for racing sports.

"This is karma biting me in the ass, isn't it?" he asked slowly, still agitated.

"Yup" you smiled, crouching down when you saw your son running towards you.

"Mommy! Daddy! Are you ready to watch me?" Y/S/N asked once he reached you and gave you a hug, going to hug Max's tall body next.

"Of course we are, sweetie. We'll be cheering you on the entire time" you kissed his head before getting up, checking your phone quickly.

You had left your baby girl at home with your sister, skeptical about bringing her to the rink when she was still so young.

Y/S/N understood, even though he had wanted her there with him. He knew she was too young to even understand what he was doing.

"Now, remember what we talked about..." Max started telling your son and you zoned out, watching the two of them interacting.

You had come such a long way from when you first started dating. You never believed you would actually get to this point, happily married with 2 amazing and beautiful children. And yet, here you were, happier than ever, Max stressed as ever as well.

"Mommy, can you tell dad to stop worrying?" your boy asked as he took your hand and pulled you out of your thoughts.

You laughed and ruffled his hair. "Believe me, it's all I've been trying to do ever since we left home this morning" 

Max rolled his eyes but smiled, worry still etched on his face.

♡♡♡♡♡

The race was well underway and your son was absolutely dominating every other small driver in the race. 

He was leading and had managed to create a very impressive gap between him and the others, doing wonders on the track.

You kept stealing glances at Max who didn't let up his focus and concentration for even a second, his eyes glued to the screens and sometimes darting to the track when your son would pass you.

"And the winner is... Y/S/N Verstappen!" the commentator yelled out when the race had finally finished and your boy had come in first.

Max cheered loudly, quickly disregarding his headphones and scooping you up in his arms, both of you laughing and cheering.

"Mommy! Daddy!" Y/S/N yelled as he parked his car, got out and immediately spotted you in the big crowd of proud parents.

"You did it! You were so good, my love" you gushed as you helped him take off his helmet so you could hug him properly.

"Daddy! Did you see how good I was? I did it for you!" Y/S/N yelled out as you let go of him and he jumped into Max's awaiting arms.

"You did so good, my boy!" Max kissed the boy on the cheek and squeezed him tightly, making eye contact with you over the boy's shoulder.

You teared up a little, watching the two most important boys in your life embracing after such a big moment in your little boy's life.

It made you think of Max in his racing days, how you got the exact same feeling when he would be the one winning races.

He had some competition now.

♡♡♡♡♡

After taking Y/S/N for some well-deserved ice cream and some cheat food, the three of you made your way home, knowing your sister would probably be overwhelmed with your little girl.

"We're home!" you announced as soon as you entered the house, your sister and your daughter immediately appearing out of the kitchen.

"Hi, baby!" you cooed as you took your girl, her eyes wide and her smile wide as she recognized her mama cradling her.

"How was she today?" Max asked as he gave your sister a quick hug before opening the spare room and depositing Y/S/N's karting gear.

"Can I talk to her, mom?" your boy asked eagerly, and you knew he wanted to tell her all about his race.

You nodded and after saying goodbye to your sister, the four of you went to the living room, taking a seat on the couch.

You carefully put your daughter in your son's arms, and the moment she had settled down, Y/S/N started telling her every single detail about the race, her blabbing away happily as she watched her brother with wide eyes.

You knew she couldn't understand a word he was saying, but watching him with her made your heart explode with happiness.

♡♡♡♡♡

"What are you thinking about?" you asked Max once you went back downstairs after putting your children to bed.

Max was sitting on the couch, holding a trophy and a photo frame in his hands.

As you took a seat next to him, you recognized the trophy as being the last World Champion title he received before retiring, and the photo was of you two, holding newborn Y/S/N in your arms on the podium with him.

You smiled at the fond memories, remembering both days like it was yesterday.

"He reminds me of myself" he quietly said, a ghost of a smile present on his lips.

"He will give you a run for your money one day" you joked, bumping your shoulder with his.

He chuckled and nodded, but you noticed his smile didn't reach his eyes like it usually did when you would talk about your son.

"What's wrong?" you started rubbing circles on his back, feeling the tense muscles under your touch.

"I don't want him going through the same things I did" he explained, setting down both the trophy and the photo frame.

You took his face in your hands and made him face you.

"He's not going to go through that because he has us. We will make sure of that"

"I know, but we both know there will be talk because he's my son. Just like there was talk about me when I first started racing" he continued, looking down at his lap.

"Listen to me. Y/S/N has talent like I've never seen before in someone his age" Max mimics a look of offense, but you continue nonetheless. "People are going to see how talented he is and they won't even think about saying bad things about him or belittling him or his talent. He still has a very long way to go, my love"

Max pondered for a moment but nodded, wrapping his arms around you.

"I love you so much, you're the best mother I could have ever asked for for them" he whispered in your ear, kissing the spot just behind it.

"And you're the best father this world has ever seen. I love you, baby"

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[ladykailitha]

Royal Pain Part 19

Hey, guys. Sorry it took so long to get this out. The chapter was fighting me and I have had the absolutely worst week. However in slightly happier news, my partner got a new job and that means I should be able to quit mine and go back to writing full time. I'll let you know more when I do, but it's looking more and more likely.

I realized it had been a while since we had an Eddie centric chapter and decided this would be the one. And I left it on a cliffhanger again. But don't worry next chapter will see more than one villain vanquished.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18

***

Eddie was seething. He hadn’t been this mad since he learned Max was moving to New York. Actually. No. He was madder then that. He was pissed.

Gareth grimaced. “They won’t do anything?”

“No,” Eddie growled. “Because he technically hasn’t violated the protection order, according to them.”

“If he can’t get with in five hundred feet,” Brian said, “then how did he find out about Steve.”

Eddie threw up his arms into the air. “That’s what I asked.”

“I’m betting,” Mandy said, “that they didn’t have a good answer?”

“Apparently since Seth showed up at Hopper’s,” Eddie snarled, “and not Steve’s shop, that he was just going around to all the tattoo parlors and threatening everyone.”

Jeff rolled his eyes. “I bet they didn’t even check with other tattoo shops and just made that shit up.”

“I even talked to Officer Callahan who was in charge of the original case file because he’s not supposed to be out of jail yet,” Eddie said, beginning to pace. “He never went.”

“What?!” came the shocked cry of outrage from everyone.

“Yeah,” Eddie continued. “Apparently he made a deal with the DA and they didn’t tell me. He got two years probation.”

“That’s bullshit!” Mandy hissed. “He was going to kill you.”

“Criminal mischief,” Eddie said. “Domestic abuse down to criminal mischief. $300 fine, two year probation, and forced to take a class about how not to be a violent offender.”

“It’s because you’re a man, isn’t it?” Gareth asked, licking his lips slowly. “These fuckers don’t think a man can be abused.”

Eddie pursed his lips into a line and nodded.

“Hop’s calling in a couple of favors to keep Steve safe,” he said. “But that does jack shit about me. And this isn’t me calling out that shit. That’s Hop’s prerogative but he’s my dumb ass ex, who’s protecting me?”

“We are,” Jeff said. “You don’t go anywhere without one of us. Garth, since you’re the only one without a roommate at the moment, Eddie’s going to stay with you. Brian, talk to Cecil, he’s studying law. See what he can recommend.”

Gareth and Brian both nodded.

Eddie buried his head into his hands. “This is such bullshit.”

Mandy came up and gave him a hug. “We’ll get through this. We did before and we will again. And this time we have more people that would be willing to help. Steve, Robin, Chrissy, hell the whole of the Royal Pain would throw hands for you.”

Eddie chuckled. He knew that too. “Well, maybe not Erica.”

Brian snorted. “That girl would sell her own mother for a cookie.”

“Not even a Girl Scout cookie,” Jeff agreed. “That girl is bound for world domination.”

“No doubt.”

*

“You tell me right now,” Wayne said when Eddie had called that night, “do you need me up there? Because work be damned, boy, I’ll be up there in two shakes of lamb’s tail.”

Eddie chewed on his nail. He felt like that little boy all over again. Being given the choice between being with his uncle or being put in a foster home. He didn’t want to be a bother to anyone, but he knew. He knew that Wayne was someone that wouldn’t care. That he could be as big a bother as he wanted, he would still be loved.

He let out a shuddering breath and like that little boy all those years ago said, “Yes. Please.”

“I’ve got some vacation time coming,” Wayne said as if he didn’t have weeks and weeks of it stored up because he was never sick a day in his life. “I cane be up there for as long as you need me, you hear?”

“I’m staying with Gareth for the time being,” Eddie said solemnly, “because Jeff is worried that Seth will follow me home.”

“Smart man, your Jeff,” Wayne agreed. “I have a friend in Indy I can crash on the sofa of for a couple of days until I can find something a little more permanent.”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “Let me know when you get into town and we’ll meet up for lunch.”

“You can finally take me to that pizza place you’ve been going on about for months.”

Eddie laughed, a knot loosening in his chest. “You’ve got it, old man.”

*

A few days later Steve was waiting for the pizza he had ordered for the shop, playing silly games on his phone when the bell announced new arrivals. He looked up instinctively and grinned.

He waved. “Eddie!”

Eddie lit up with a big smile. “Stevie?” He hopped over, an older man following a little slower behind.

“Hey!” Steve greeted. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Eddie’s smile turned into a grin. “DiMaggio’s is the best pizza place in Indy, not coming here is a crime.”

“If it’s not it certainly should be,” Steve agreed with his own answering grin.

“Steve,” Eddie said, “this is my uncle, Wayne. He’s staying in town for a few days.”

Steve’s mood was dampened a bit, knowing why he was in town. “Nice to meet you. I was planning a trip back down Hawkins at the end of the summer so that Eddie could introduce us, sorry we had meet under lesser than ideal circumstances.”

Wayne blinked at him for a moment before turning to Eddie. “This one is a keeper.”

Eddie blushed, shoving his hair in front of his face, ducking his head to hide his embarrassment.

Steve just smiled fondly at him. “I think that’s up to him.”

Wayne’s eyebrows shot up. “I like him.”

That surprised a laugh out of Eddie causing him to drop the hair. “Me too.”

“Let me just go order our pizzas,” Eddie murmured and darted for the front counter.

“He’s cute,” Steve said, waving his hand to the chair in front of him for Wayne to sit.

Wayne took the seat and smiled. “He certainly is. I’m glad the world didn’t beat the silliness out of him.”

“Me too,” Steve agreed. “I love how earnest and outgoing he is.”

Wayne hummed. “He tell what was going on?”

Steve nodded. “I’m afraid it’s my fault. Seth came after me at a friend’s shop, tried to threaten me into leaving Eddie alone.”

“I don’t think being threatened is the fault of the victim,” he said, his voice a deep comforting rumble.

Steve blushed. “That’s what Jeff and Robin said.”

“Jeff I know,” Wayne said, “Robin I don’t, but it sounds to me like they both have their heads on straight and you should be listening to them and not that voice in the back of your head.” He tapped Steve forehead for emphasis.

The bell above the door rang again and Mike and Will walked in. Steve raised a eyebrow when he spotted them.

“DiMaggio’s is certainly hopping for a random Thursday,” he commented dryly to Will when he lead a slightly reluctant Mike over to their table. Eddie arrived at the table just moments later and there are hugs and greetings all around.

“You caused quite a stir at the latest family dinner,” Will said with a huge grin to Steve.

Steve huffed out a laugh. “Yeah, how did that happen?”

“Jonathan is back on Mom’s couch,” he said with a smirk.

Steve reared his head back. “And how did that involve me?”

“Argyle kicked him out of the apartment because him and Nancy lied to him about who’s fault your and her relationship ended.”

“Nancy is furious at them both,” Mike said with a half shrug. “I’m not sure their relationship is going to survive that little revelation.”

Steve winced. “Yeah...that’s on them though. How was I to know that Jonathan hadn’t been honest to Argyle about that.”

Eddie bumped his shoulder. “You weren’t.”

“Oh we are totally on your side,” Will said.

Mike nodded. “Yeah, man. It was straight up bullshit all the lying they did.”

“Mom’s pissed because she really liked you,” Will continued, “and believed Jonathan about how things went down. Like of course she did. He’s her son, but she should have tried to get your side of it.”

“Those eight years are totally on her,” Steve said, holding his hands up in surrender. “You’ve been trying to tell her for years to at least talk to me about it.”

Will and Mike nodded.

Mike chewed on his lip as he played with the loose string on the hem of his t-shirt. “Is it bad I hope Nancy and Jonathan break up?”

The table got silence for a moment.

Wayne lifted his chin. “Why’s that, son?”

“Because I don’t think she wants a relationship. I think she was only with Jonathan and Steve,” he said waving at him with his left hand, “is because that’s what you’re ‘supposed’ to do.”

“Steve!” the counter called.

Steve got up to get his pizza order, he stopped back at the table. “I don’t think it’s a bad you want your sister to learn how to be herself without a partner. I think it shows that you’re more mature then she is. You’re a good man, Mike.”

He clapped Mike’s shoulder and then waved goodbye to everyone. He pulled out his keys and walked out to his car, flipping the key ring around as he thought.

He never intended this to happen when he saw his ex at the grocery store, but honestly? Maybe it was a good thing to get all those wounds brought to light so that they could heal properly.

For all their sakes.

*

Steve was ready for the weekend. His week had been a literal hell. But Eddie had promised that he would have fun. The band had been practicing a couple of new songs and were debuting them Saturday night.

He sat at the curve of the table, sandwiched between Robin, who wouldn’t care, only to tease him mercilessly later, and Mandy who got it, how fucking sexy Eddie and the band was when they were on stage.

Steve wished he could say he was better prepared every time Eddie got on stage, but every week Eddie went out of his way to drive Steve absolutely wild.

“He does this on purpose doesn’t he?” Steve asked after a particularly hot number where Eddie fell to his knees grinding on his guitar.

Mandy laughed. “I would like to put you out of your misery and say yes, but no. When Eddie gets on stage he loses all connection to the audience and just rocks out. His fans love it.”

Steve looked around the dingy bar and had to agree. They were just as turned on as he was. He shifted uncomfortably in his jeans, clearing his throat. “If we...” he cleared his throat again. “I mean if Eddie were to–if we were–”

Mandy took pity on him. “If you two were going out would the fans tear you to pieces for touching what they can’t?”

Steve bit his lip and nodded, looking at his hands that were twisted in lap.

She gave his knee a squeeze. “I honestly don’t know what the fans would do. But Eddie wouldn’t give a damn what they think. He’s been booed before for a song that they didn’t think was metal enough and he didn’t let that stop him. Not once.”

Steve let out a breath. It was always something that worried him. He knew he went against the grain in everything he did, but he didn’t want that with Eddie. He didn’t want to be with Eddie just because it went against the norm of what was expected of either of them.

They arrived at the club and already Robin was on the dance floor. She loved dancing and soon Mandy, Chrissy, Jeff, and Brian were out there with her. Gareth, Eddie, and Steve watched in amusement as their friends let loose on the dance floor, living it up under the rainbow lights and the thumping beat of the music.

Steve turned around and Eddie wasn’t there.

“You seen Eddie?” he shouted at Gareth.

Gareth shot up and looked around. “Shit.”

Somehow during their watching of their friends cutting it up, Eddie had slipped away.

“You check out back to see if he’s gone for a smoke,” Steve said.

Gareth nodded.

“I’m going to check the bar.”

Gareth nodded again.

Across the crowded room, a man in a tailored white suit grinned as he moved to the back of the club where the restrooms were, eyes glittering with want and rage as he scented his prey.

***

Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Epilogue

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[hpowellsmith]

Hihi! I just finished (2!) Hartmann playthroughs, first as a Swan where Hartmann ended up teaching at Gallatin, the other as a Starling where Hartmann got into Gessner (with my PC, and sharing a dorm?? Squee!)

I noticed that in the former, Hartmann was way more dominant in romantic/love scenes, but submissive in the latter. Loved the true difference in their (for me, his) character, it truly felt like two different people, can I ask about your thoughts as an author when deciding the dynamics?

Whee, I'm so glad you enjoyed romancing Hartmann for different endings!

Mild spoilers below:

Hartmann has a hidden traits which shows how rebellious they are. Doing things like romancing a Starling, or the PC generally encouraging them to be rebellious, increases that and makes them think about applying to Gessner when their parents don't want them to/don't think they can do it.

When Hartmann's rebelliousness is low, they are more dominant in some of the kiss/intimacy scenes because being in control, and other people knowing they're in control, is more important to them.

When their rebelliousness is high, they are more intrigued about being more submissive, and are more willing to experiment with that, and let go of control so the PC is taking the lead.

Neither is necessarily right or wrong, or Hartmann being happier or sadder (or having different emotions about the PC personally), just them expressing how they feel in different ways.

All the Gallatin characters with more screentime (ie, not Blaise) have these hidden traits. Hartmann, Karson, and Gonzalez track how rebellious they are. Freddie's tracks how in touch with their roots they are. Delacroix's tracks how angry/vengeful they are. And Max's tracks how steady/sensible they are. I think with Gonzalez, Karson, and Freddie, it's less frequent/visible, but the hidden traits all have effects on the game here and there.

Thank you for the ask!

[leomoon65]

Your first time with Dina (part 2)

a/n: part one ^

"may i kiss you?" she ask innocently. you melt at her asking consent. "mhm" is all you can get out. she grabs your jaw slowly and places her lips on yours, a few minutes of kissing she ask to suck on your tongue which you agree feeling her suck on it turns you on to the max. when coming back for air she says "fuck about time you've told me, i like you too y/n i have for a few years but felt the same, but i've dropped so many hints, i think you're a bit of a bimbo to notice" she giggles again, that damn giggle. "fuck you" you say. "i will gladly fuck you but hold on stay right there" she runs off to rip her shorts off and puts her dildo in herself and adjusts it accordingly putting her shorts on running back to you. you giggle, "damn dina... i didn't--- "you look down and see the bulge from dina's already half pulled down shorts. you instantly get wet thinking about how she feels.

"lay down, i know you mentioned strap in the stuff you watch, are you okay to try it?" fuck the way she asks for consent again you could melt into lava. "yes dina, you don't need to ask from now on, i'll let you know if anything is too much for me okay?" you say kissing her with confidence as she moans into your mouth. y'all pull back. "fuck baby, you're a good kisser" she says while laying you down on her big couch. you spread your legs just waiting to be hers, you're nervous for your first time but it's with the person you trust the most, you couldn't be happier. she reattaches herself to you but this time to your neck while pushing her bulge into your jeans. "mmm" you softly moan as the new pain arises from the hickey made on your neck and the pressure from her strap pressing against your cunt.

dina and you take a moment to undress but making sure to make the moment special, from her unclasping your bra, to you pulling her shorts down to have her strap spring out. the strap is about 7 1/2 inches and is clear with pink flowers patterns in the mold. dina's body is beautiful, from her scar from her skateboard to her curves and breast. "you're absolutely beautiful" she says to you looking at your body, while you've been always insecure about the little things, dina has just now taken all that away for the night. you lay back down and spread your legs. "fuck me like you want me" you say with confidence. dina's eyes widen as she eagerly kisses you again rubbing the strap between your slit, teasing you until you're soaked. "fuck just how i like you" her dominance kicks in, spread yourself more me baby. "wait?" you say being new and confused, like spread my pussy for you or my legs". dina laughs, "either or princess" as she winks. fuck, you just want her in you, enough with the teasing, you place your hands by your pussy and spread your legs and self for her. "fuck" she moans as she feels her own cunt throb against her strap, she grabs it lining it up with you. "you ready?" she says as you nod . she slowly puts the tip in you. "now just breathe normally, it's going to hurt a bit but it's temporary" she again pushes a bit of the strap in you" you two both moan due to the pressure of the strap on dina's cunt and being in yours. "mmm fuck dina .. i mean baby, mmm that ..." you moan with pleasure as dina finally breaks your seal. "goddman you feel good" dina looks at you "am i hurting you, does it feel ki---" "dina please shut up and fuck me" you say with neediness. dina puts herself half way in you and thrusts in and out like she's done this before, lyeah take it slut, i know you want me" she grabs yours hips and fucks your with ease but still slow with you feeling every inch. "godda-- fuck dina fill me up more, i love every moment of--- OH FUCK" dina puts all of the strap in your tight pussy. "mmm that's my girl, you take me so well, let me stretch your tight cunt" you notice a bulge in your stomach each time she fucks you.

moments later your stomach is getting tighter, dina has now found a new pace of fucking you faster and harder while rubbing against her own clit with each thrust and you love every minute of it. "di-- dina, i'm gonna cum" you plea with her as she hits your g-spot over and over" "no no, don't cum yet, be a good girl for me and see how much you can take" you bite your lip trying not to cum all over her... "mmm please dina i've been so good for you, let me cum" dina dominance comes out again, "the more you ask the more you wait". you shut your mouth instantly just moan and whimper" dina edges you for another five minutes which feels like five hours. while she is close herself *you scream moan at her since you can't take it anymore but you want to be good" "fuck baby, dina say, you make such pretty noises why don't you cum for me" she rubs your clit slowly and you squirm like ever. "OH FUCKING FUCK GOD" you scream and arch your back reaching your orgasm almost squirting all over the dark brown haired girl and her strap. dina moans as well, letting the strap hit her clit one more time sending her into her own orgasm leading her to lays on top of you and bites your shoulder. "mmm fuck you're a good girl for me, "fuck" she moans and finishes.

after you two come down from your highs, she stays in your per your request for a few minutes as y'all come back to reality. she pulls out and take the strap out of her and pick you and take you to her bed, laying you down softly. "stay here i'll be right back" she throws the strap in her bathroom sink to deal with tomorrow, puts your pj's on the counter and grabs some towels and puts your favorite tea in the microwave. she comes back. "if this hurts tell me" she says while wiping your cum off your inner thigh and pussy. "you don't want to have this be all over you and dry up while you sleep" she giggles and cleans you up. "did you like it?" you smile, "i absolutely loved it, thank you for everything and i'm glad i told you how i felt" dina kisses you while remembering your tea. "hey best you don't want to get uti, why don't you use the restroom?".

you get up and do your thing feeling all the pleasure and slight pain from a few moments ago but you wouldn't trade it for the world. you use the restroom, change and process everything with a smile. while in the bathroom, dina grabs you your tea puts it down and gets the covers ready for you. you come back to see. "you remembered?" dina says "ofc i do now get in bed i'll be back in a second". she relives herself, gets dressed and gets into bed with you while you finished your small cup of tea. finishing getting ready for bed, you two are now finally in bed cuddling. "wow what a great truth or dare game" dina giggles for the final time tonight" "shut up, you planned this" you say getting sleepy. "maybe, but i'm so glad i did" she holds you tight as you and her both drift off to sleep.

a/n: it's finally done, lol i'm sorry for it being long again and making it into two parts. i ramble a lot but i believe the story really mattered and was worth reading and i hope you did two, ill try next time to not be as wordy and over explain myself, i just enjoy details in everything i do. if you have any ideas please let me know and i hope you enjoyed my first fic ever. - c



[safetycar-restart]

Heyy. So I've had a brain rot recently and it's about charles specifically about redbull charles like it is in the d/s au and he was in Ferrari and was feeling like he failed at being a f1 driver ( but ofc its bc of the team and strategist not bc of our golden boy) and reader manages to convince him to leave Ferrari and that they can secure a seat for him in redbull (maybe the reader works for redbull or smth) and charles after being failed yet again by his team he accepts the readers offer and joins redbull and then he is so much happier (bc he doesn't have to stress that the team might sacrifice him or that the car is going to be shit) and at the end it's like happy soft vibes

It can be also a lestappen fic if u want and by the way your writing is literally amazing ❤

And if u don't to write it u can just ignore the ask ,thank u and have a good day/afternoon/night 😊💛

Okay so I love this and I kinda ended up starting a new AU with this somehow? We already have a poly!lestappen d/s au but um, I guess now we have two of them because I love this. I'm gonna use the tag of 'teammates lestappen d/s au' for this.

So my thoughts immediately went to you being the Red Bull team dominant? So obviously max is already your submissive.

I think max really feels for Charles, because he knows exactly what it's like to have so much pressure put on him and to feel not good enough and like he's failing. For pretty much his entire racing career, his dad ensured he had dominants who were extremely strict and for whom nothing is ever good enough.

And so when he sees Charles so clearly struggling and he sees how the entire of Ferrari just leaves Charles out to dry and how Charles's dom never takes him out of media days or tries to protect him, he really feels sorry for him because he knows exactly what that feels like.

He tells you about this, because now that max has you he honestly has no idea how he managed to function the way he was being treated before, and he knows Charles is being treated like that now.

He and Charles have always gotten along well, and so Max introduces you to Charles, because he knows you are exactly the type of dominant that Charles needs.

Charles gets along so extremely well with you from the moment he met you, especially because you just provide Charles with so much gentle guidance? He's desperate for any kind of genuine love and care from a dominant, so for him to go out for lunch with you and max and have you order for him and then instruct him to take a drink of his water and call him a good boy? It's everything. It's by far the highlight of his week and his poor heart aches when you leave with max and he knows he has to go back alone and later that day his dominant will come over and punish him for something he didnt even know of.

I think it would actually be max who first tells Charles to leave Ferrari and come to red bull. You had been thinking that of course, but you were trying to come up with a delicate way of suggesting it.

Max, meanwhile, just blurts it out one day. You were having dinner with them at your apartment, Charles and max kneeling and Charles is talking about how Ferrari weren't listening to the feedback he gave them from his hours in the simulator and max just goes 'Just fucking leave already, christian would love to give you a seat. come join us."

Charles is shocked. He kinds just stutters for a moment and then makes up some excuse and practically runs out the door.

You arent too happy with max of course, but he was absolutely correct in what he said.

You have to have a conversation with Charles about it, and in order to make Charles speak to you, you have to get his number from max and actually order him to meet you. You'd normally never do that, but you need him to listen to you.

You tell him that he deserves better than Ferrari, and that you would be so honoured if he joined you and max. Which naturally makes him start crying and he ends up coming home with you that night and scening for the first time with you and max.

(I am obsessed with this, we need to talk more about it)

[un---man]

Vulnerability

Last I checked you can buy a physical copy of the anarchist FAQ from AK Press but it’s separated into two volumes do to length. I appreciate the project, though it unintentionally demonstrated the seemingly sisyphean task we carry.

I think most friends and family probably know that I’m an anarchist even if I don’t exactly bring it up in regular conversation. Hints are dropped and word spreads fast. I both dread and look forward to the conversations where someone somewhat timidly brings up the topic of my absurd political position. I’ve won countless arguments in my head while pacing back and forth in my apartment but that never seems to stop me from being a nervous wreck when the topic actually comes up.

Where the state occupies an infinite space in it’s god like legitimacy anarchy is an empty space. Overwhelming in it’s negation, and uncomfortable in it’s nakedness.

“The state calls its own violence law, but that of the individual, crime.”

Perhaps the most basic statement of Stirner’s political philosophy. But what concern is hypocrisy to the nihilist? What recourse does Stirner have to condemn anyone? The Unique and Its Property is largely dedicated to defanging ethical concepts so what recourse does Stirner have when they don’t live up to his standards?

Stirner seems oblivious or indifferent to his own ethical subtext. His critics are quick to point out that Max seems to hold a strange position that we ought to be nihilists. The seeming glaring contradiction riddles his whole work.

For Stirner, philosophy has tended to fill a kind of backwards role. Reality, and in particular the self, are ultimately non-conceptual. Yet we seem to be obsessed with purity of concepts. We want them to fit like neat bathroom tiles. Stack them up like bricks and mortar. Stirner seems more inline with the Taoists, every concept, to the extent that we insist on its purity, its truth, is a kind of destruction. We sacrifice a non-conceptual reality for the sake of legibility.

Stirner isn’t satisfied with merely pointing out concepts will never live up to their own expectations, he seems to believe we shouldn’t hold them to that standard to begin with. That’s the whole trouble with Stirner’s work, he seems concerned about the ethical implications of ethics.

John Carrol in the amazingly under-read Escape From the Crystal Palace compares Dostoevsky’s Christianity, of all things, to Stirner’s hyper-nominalism and hints at its ethical implications through the story of The Grand Inquisitor. To quote at length:

”Stirner and Nietzsche imply that there is a type of freedom available to man in which ideology is not dominant, in which morality is adaptable to the needs of the individual; a state beyond good and evil. One counter-argument, which is stronger than they cater for, runs to the effect that this assumption is psychologically unfounded, that it is utopian in the repressive sense of serving to awaken unrealizable hopes. The case is put by the Grand Inquisitor in Dostoevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov. He argues against Christ, who represents a position identical to that of Stirner, that men do not want this freedom, that they do not seek to determine their own values. He impeaches Christ for having too little compassion for man, for failing to respect his choice, which will be for happiness, given that happiness and freedom are incompatible. The Inquisitor himself chooses to take on the responsibility of making decisions and determine values; he provides the happier majority with bread to eat and miracles to save them from boredom. He would grant the truth of Stirner’s ‘You love man therefore you torture the individual man’. His defense is that the will of the majority urges that Christ be killed. The Christ's response, to kiss the Grand Inquisitor, is bafflingly and assertively anarchic, in the characteristic sense that little more can be said about it than that it expresses the individual. It is irrational in that it rejects the terms of the debate…”

-John Carrol Escape from the Crystal Palace

Effortlessly Carrol see’s Christianity and nihilism occupying the same space if only for a brief moment. In the moment of vulnerability. This world is full of values so deafening, abstract, and beyond our reach that, in practice, they resemble the supposed nihilism it desperately denies. Saviors are in cheap supply. So hyper-competitive they sit at a stand still. Meaning is over produced. The world is saturated in it. You’re beating a dead horse before you say anything at all.

Ironically, it is nihilism that posits us in what I would consider the most basic, though ultimately theoretical, ethical position, individuals without recourse. Persons left naked, forced to deal with one another without claim to higher ideals. Forced to be an individual, and without means to see anyone as anything else.To be beyond good and evil is to be stripped of the infrastructure of guilt, where influence doesn’t extend beyond our fingertips.

A nakedness that I think is worth our devotion. A vulnerability that’s difficult to create. Ethics builds itself up like a fortress, but it’s only in its cracks when it can honestly exist. From Christ, Nietzsche, Diogenes, Stirner, Laozi, we are confronted with the truth in contradiction again and again.

[wejustvibing]

helloooo, i am a very new f1 fan but im british so have always supported lewis (bipoc at the top of his sport, we have to support naturally!). now that i have gotten into the sport & understand etc, it’s hard to watch someone who dominated, struggle soo much with his car and races (through no fault of his own). i know lewis seemed much happier & more confident in the car esp with the upgrades this weekend. i just wondered do you think he has a chance to win races this season, not just 2nd or 3rd but come first? he’s just such an incredible person / sportsman and im gutted that he’s struggling this much

also, i wasn’t around during lewis winning his championships and i know perhaps people were bored eventually of the same person winning however this is my first season watching all the races and im so bored of watching max win! im sorry it probably sounds soo bad but it’s not fun to watch, it’s very very boring like by the time anyone 3rd place and beyond even has a chance to push forward max has like basically won cos he’s like so far ahead 😭 sorry probably not the right terminology but i hope you get the gist

prayers for lewis and that he gets the car he deserves and back to rightfully no.1

winning and losing are a part of any sport so it's not like i'm delusional. i wouldn't mind him not winning had he not been robbed in front of the whole world and then wasn't allowed a chance or the car to fight back. i don't need him to constantly stay winning. but i need closure, revenge, vindication, justice. and all that is possible only with him winning. it's hella selfish i know but that's my reason. who knows if this car is capable enough. we can only hope for at least a win or two on their way up.

yeah, people who didn't support him or merc were probably bored when he was winning. even lewis always wanted there to be more competition. i thoroughly enjoyed it. those were the best times. he never really had total dominance or cakewalk as often as people love to portray though. there were battles with teammates and rivals. their cars were not the most competitive on all tracks so other teams did get some chances. and most importantly, they were not cheating. they were bringing innovation and breakthroughs that others simply couldn't keep up with. despite no budget restriction.

the thing with rbr dominating right now is again rooted in AD21 robbery and cost cap scandal. plus the whole team constantly instigating hate and racial abuse on lewis. so it's a hard pill to swallow. had it been fair and square, life would have been much easier now for both lewis and his fans

[sea-lilli]

Am I happy?

I looked back on old photographs when I was very much struggling with the tiny house, with my divorce and my mental health, and I just glow. A lot. I remember being very happy a lot. Also very lonely and very isolated, and very overwhelmed. And it’s like I feel jealous of her. I feel jealous because that girl was living her dream, and also she had no responsibilities and a lot of potential.

I’m like, am I happy in my relationship? I think so, honestly. I feel really secure and stable, and very supported when it comes to hard times in my life. I feel seen, all of me, for once, and it’s nice to not hide. I get in fights with him, and I’m **mean** and I don’t hold back. I’m not afraid of breaking up in a fight anymore. I just know to communicate whatever it is that’s bugging me so that I can see some changed behavior and be happier. And I do see changed behavior and I do get results on my conflicts.

But am I happy? This life is not how I envisioned it at all. I never thought I would have an 6, 7, 8 year old present and so dominant in my life. I never thought I would have KIDS in my life and now I’m working with them all the time. And it’s so stressful at work sometimes but omgsh I absolutely love it and I feel like I glow at work a lot. But at home? I don’t feel like I glow. I feel like I haven’t really done a ton of self care like how I used to.

I used to spend hours in the gym bathroom just primping, showering, masks, hair masks, and now I just “don’t have time.” I do tho. I guess I just have different priorities. Sometimes I don’t really feel like me. I’m coming back tho! I see glimpses. But I don’t feel crazy true to who I was before. I still am true to myself tho. It’s just that I AM DIFFERENT now.

I know that this is common in parenting. Esp when a baby enters your life. Mine is different bc she’s older, but I definitely had that shift into a more parental role and it was sudden. I just want the phase to be over. I want the realization that I can still be both at the same time to hit me so I can get on with life. But it’s not coming yet. Bc honestly… I’m still adjusting. It’s only been a year. Idk how long until people feel comfy with their new identities as parents but it’s probably not only after a year. I’m ready for the next step, you know?

It hurts more bc I’m probably going to sell my tiny house. I went to take photos today and idk I’m having feelings about sending the photos out to the buyer. I really want to take the step and do it, so that I can improve (I have a current habit of letting things rot in my life before I let go instead of releasing them much earlier) but it’s also just really hard. I looked at my curtains today. I hand sewed them when I didn’t have a sewing machine. I was that determined. And now, I’m selling the house, custom curtains and all. It hurts my soul. Also, someone broke in so I really need to do it quickly. Also, it’s my land as well which makes it harder. I loved having a safety net and the idea of going out there for space or for processing purposes.

It’s also a lot of hard memories tho. Like hand sewing. I was DESPERATE. Trying to survive. There’s concrete bricks on the ground from when I had to shower outside. But I was so happy doing it. I was living the dream. And now I’m not living the dream. I’m living a dream, and have a lot, but not mine. I am happy, but it’s not what I envisioned. It isn’t what I wanted.

I don’t super want to continue with Jane at this point tbh. I’m not a fan, tho I have earned liking her generally now. But if I had to break up with JUST her and not see her anymore, I don’t think I would be very sad about it. Maybe a little, but I don’t like yearn for her when she isn’t around. Maybe sometimes. But not very often. I’m honestly content having a distant relationship with her. If things were perfect, honestly… I would love it if we had the arrangement we had before, where she only came once per week maybe two days max. See her every once in a while on a camera. But no, her mom is just a little toxic, and the arrangement was never truly like that. He never stuck to the parenting plan and always had her randomly. It was unpredictable which was shit for my mental health. Also hers, tbh. Also, that whole dynamic lends to “Disney dad” type shit and that was so triggering for me, to have a 6-7 year old dictate my whole day, bc of their lack of seeing each other enough.

Also, jax would be sad and always want to see her more and I love him and want him to be happy. He can’t be happy without her as maxed out as possible.

Jax, I would miss like hell. He is my other half. The person who knows me best, I think. I tried not to make it like that, but it happened. He knows me and my traumas and who I am now and who I was back then. I think sometimes he knows me better than Dan did.

I feel like I just need to give it more time. It says in step family books it takes up to 4 years to adjust. It’s only been 1.5 with her. Plus I never had kids in my life before. Blah tho. It’s scary bc I hate wasted time. And I hate the idea of waiting and being patient and then discovering I really wasn’t happy. I’d rather cut it now before wasting years and years. But also, I’m not unhappy tho? I would say I’m content. Im not glowing-level of happy yet, but I feel like when I’m more adjusted I could be. I’m not sure.

I don’t know how to glow with my relationship like how I glow with work. I don’t think I ever have tbh. Even with Dan feeling all mushy praying and shit talking about what a blessing he was, I think it was overcompensation.

I don’t really know what I would want in a spouse to glow. Maybe… total understanding. Or a willingness to try to understand. A good sex life with lots of pleasure when I want it. A good connection. Company when I’m bored. Someone to have my back no matter what.

Do I need to be challenged to grow in my relationship? I’m not sure. But honestly those things fit what Jax and I have, even the growing stuff. I feel like I belong. I do like to feel like a top priority tho and I know I’ll never really be that with Jane. And that is ok and natural. But bleh.

Not really sure what I want in a relationship tbh. I never really sat down to think about it. I do want longevity and the ability to grow together and adapt to who we are new. Someone who takes part in the same activities with me with some common hobbies. That’s prolly missing atm. Also it’s hard bc jax is still adjusting to mental health job and I’m adjusting to kids so we’re like both adjusting together. It’s also kinda cool bc we have been different people together this whole time.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

I think it would be possible (though sad) for El to believe she has friends in Cali, even if the girls are horrible to her. Her closest female friend in Hawkins was Max, who loved her but could be kind of argumentative and abrasive with the rest of her friends. Underneath it all was love of course, but maybe El looks at Max's attitude to the boys and thinks these Cali girls are treating her the same way. That they like her really, the way Max likes the boys, and it's all fun.

Maybe. I still think it's weird that she could be so easily duped, but when we look at El's history...

She had an abusive relationship with Brenner. She was just a tool to him, and he used horribly coercive methods to keep her in line.

Mike and Dustin were nice enough to her, though Lucas gave her the cold shoulder at first. They still used her, and Mike angrily lashed out when he thought she was lying about helping them find Will.

Hopper was very harsh and controlling of her, even if it was in an effort to protect her.

She spent a year fantasizing about a relationship with Mike while watching soap operas and spying on him through the Void.

She met her "sister," who tried to use her as a weapon.

They jumped into a rather shallow relationship dominated by secrecy, codependence, and aloofness towards their friends. El barely spoke with Lucas or Dustin during season 3.

She finally became friends with Max, but only after she felt Mike wasn't playing his part in their relationship. She let Max use her powers, albeit benignly, for fun and games and to spy on their friends.

Let's be honest: El has no actual idea of what real interpersonal relationships should look like. She's willing to let people use and mistreat her in order to gain their approval. Her relationship with Mike was terrible for both of them, and she seemed happier without it, but she went right back to it when her life started to fall apart.

El is desperate to have friends. Remember that everything fell apart for her at the end of season 3. Hopper "died," she had to move away from her friends, and her powers are gone. That's basically everything that had anything to do with what sense of identity she had built to that point. One can understand why she'd want to try to recapture some of that in her new home, and a bunch of Heathers who would torture the new girl by pretending to be her friend would find easy prey in El. They just don't realize they're starring in Carrie, not some John Hughes movie.

I can't say I'm thrilled that El seems to be getting a Carrie moment. Besides it meaning she's going to go through some horrible trauma that will make it hard to redeem her, it suggests that she will not actually much development as a "normal" kid like I'd hoped. Once her powers come back, all of that gets derailed.

I'm wondering if she hasn't been writing Max, or if Max is going through too much grief to write to her. I can't see Max not asking about El's "friends" and then getting angry on her behalf for how they treat her. If there's anyone El would listen to, it'd be her. I can only imagine Will has tried to talk to her about it, since he's witnessed it.

Maybe she knows they treat her like crap, and they don't start being "nice" until the skating scene. I can see poor El getting a surprise invitation and getting all excited, only for them to tear her down.

On the other hand, it could be all in El's head. There was some merch thing that showed roller skaters depicted as demogorgons. I do wonder if that means El might hallucinate, possibly as a result of the lighting effects in the roller rink. It could be a sort of PTSD situation. It would still bother me that her powers would just conveniently return in time for season 4, though.

[blackstonesandtrapnest]

Helloaasaa, Aaaa request are open (excited dance) or please, our goddess, could you do? Yami's Fluff Alphabet (๑ ♡ ⌓ ♡ ๑)

Sure I can do that :) Sorry I took so long on this request! It took quite a while to make! I hope you enjoy this Sweet Anon!

Activities (What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?):

The sky's the limit with Atem and he'll do damn near anything with his S/O in his free time! But his favorite activity hands down with his S/O is dueling as one would expect. Nothing makes Atem happier than dueling with or beside his S/O!

Beauty (What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?):

Physically Atem's favorite feature about his S/O is their eyes. They never lie to him and he can see right down to his S/O's soul. Personality wise Atem loves his S/O's tenacity and toughness and admires it to the point of flat-out simping! He thinks it's gorgeous when his fabulous man or woman goes off on someone and doesn't take shit from anyone, not even him!

Comfort (How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?):

Atem's first extinct is to ask his S/O what's wrong but he's smart enough to know that it only makes things worse. Instead he'll immediately rush to his S/O's side and start holding them, not even speaking unless he deems it necessary. Actions speak louder than words after all. If Atem's S/O is having a panic attack, he immediately knows what to do since he has many friends who suffer from anxiety.

Dreams (How do they picture their future with their s/o?):

This is something that Atem won't think about unless you ask. He prefers to live in the present and is just trying to get through what's happening right at the moment. Not to say that Atem doesn't picture a future with you at all but he just doesn't see the utter importance of it.

Equal (Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?):

Atem likes to think that he's the dominant one in the relationship when in actuality, it's a pretty even split. But there are times when Atem will have to give or take more and vice versa which he has no issue with.

Fight (Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?):

Fights with Atem are definitely gonna happen whether you want them to or not. Atem has pride for days and he can be a total prick at times so he needs someone who doesn't hesitate to put him in his place. Atem's way of fighting is playing the long game. He will NOT back down and he WILL push your buttons to the max! Atem isn't as merciless as he once was so he is definitely willing to forgive his S/O unless the fight was about something severe. In that case, Atem is gonna need some time before he can even think about making up with his S/O.

Gratitude (How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?):

Atem may seem like a brat but he's eternally grateful for everything that his S/O does for him and is fully aware of said things. Atem hates being taken for granted and he wouldn't dare dream of doing the same to his S/O!

Honesty (Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?):

Atem is pretty reserved so yes he does have secrets. He especially has a lot of skeleton booty in the closet but that's probably the only thing that he'll share with his S/O.....if they ask. Atem's reserved nature comes with one that values privacy. He keeps his cards close to his chest and finds it quite fun to be mysterious and hard to figure out.

Inspiration (Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?):

Atem has definitely changed since getting with his S/O! One of the main ways is that he's learned to pick his battles and to sometimes accept the loss and move on. Atem's commitment and trust issues have also been overcome and he's become more grounded and less fickle as a result.

Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?):

As hypocritical as it may seem, yes Atem does get jealous and he can be childish when dealing with it. Being the former player that he was before getting with his S/O, he's no fool when it comes to how other people can be when it comes to relationships. Game recognize game! If you can't avoid the person that Atem is jealous of, then he'll make your relationship known using PDA that he normally wouldn't do. Under normal circumstances, Atem will make his jealousy known and if you call him out on his hypocrisy, prepare yourself for an argument! A jealous pharaoh is not a good pharaoh!

Kiss (Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?):

Of course Atem is a good kisser! He's had lots of practice over the past 5000+ years after all! His first kiss with his S/O was romantic and passionate and it happened in the rain which made for an excellent atmosphere!

Love Confession (How would they confess to their s/o?):

Atem would talk to you in private and he would just be honest and upfront about how he feels before asking you out on a date. Short, sweet, and to the point!

Marriage (Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?):

Atem acts like he doesn't wanna get married but he does. Deep down inside, he truly does. He just denies it because of past heartbreak. Once Atem knows for certain that he wants to marry you (which will definitely take a few years), he'll propose to you in front of thousands of people after he wins a big dueling tournament and of course the crowd (and the paparazzi) will go wild! Your marriage with Atem will be one hell of an adventure and it'll have many ups and downs but it'll all be worth it in the end because Atem will treat you like the King/Queen you are!

Nicknames (What do they call their s/o?):

Atem's most common nickname for his S/O is "My King/Queen". Atem will also shorten your name if he can to make things more personal between you two. Other nicknames Atem likes to use will be Honey, Darling, and Sweetheart.

On Cloud Nine (What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?):

Atem's behavior when he's in love starts to change pretty quickly so it's obvious to people who know him. He changes his phone and computer wallpaper to a picture of you, he has your number in his phone as " My King/Queen", and he's 100% loyal to you! No flirting with other people and he rejects any and all offers for dates/flings. Atem's love language is Acts Of Service so he expresses his feelings by doing things for his S/O and sacrificing his time to do said things. To him, actions speak louder than words and he wants to make his feelings for you as clear as possible.

PDA (Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?):

Atem is very upfront about the relationship but only in a subtle way. He doesn't like drawing unneccesary attention to himself and he doesn't wanna embarrass his S/O either. Atem will only share info about his S/O if they want him to. He prefers to be more verbal when it comes to PDA. His physical affection in public isn't much but it speaks volumes. The most he'll do is wrap his arms around you and give you lingering kisses on your cheek and neck. Hugs and kisses are only reserved for hellos and goodbyes.

Quirk (Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.):

Being 5,000+ years old gives Atem a lot of intelligence so if you wanna know things about various times in history, he's got your back! He also knows lots of random trivia and is very good at game shows like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire!

Romance (How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?):

Atem is definitely a romantic guy and he'll pull out all the stops to make his S/O happy! He's pretty cliche when it comes to romance. Candlelit dinners, roses, walks on the beach, the works! Atem tries to be creative but in the end, the tried and true methods work for him much better!

Support (Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?):

Move over Tea! Atem's the #1 cheerleader in this bitch! Whatever your goals are, he'll support you and make sure you achieve them no matter how long it takes! He believes in you to the fullest and he wants you to be the best version of yourself!

Thrill (Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?):

Atem lives for the thrill! Without it, your relationship with him is doomed. Atem gets bored easily so he's always looking for ways to spice things up between you two and he would appreciate it if you do the same as well. Variety is the spice of life and Atem wants to live it to the fullest with his S/O!

Understanding (How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?):

Atem tries to know his partner the best he can but there are times when he'll fall short and misunderstandings will be had. This is where communication comes in. As long as you explain yourself to Atem, he'll be quite empathetic and understanding, especially if he's been through the same thing himself.

Value (How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?):

Atem's relationship with his S/O definitely means a lot to him but that doesn't mean he's willing to give up everything he's ever known to be with you. Yes Atem will give up his player days and be 100% faithful to you but that's the biggest change you'll get. Atem's not giving up anything else that makes him happy. Your relationship is worth a lot to him but he's not an idiot and tries to balance things as much as possible so his priorities are kept straight.

Wild Card (A random Fluff Headcanon.):

Atem likes it when he and his S/O wear similar or even matching clothing. Especially if it's spiky and/or leather-based! He wants his S/O to always look good!

XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?):

Atem loves affection especially in private! You'll definitely be getting many kisses and cuddles from him! Atem prefers physical over verbal affection but he'll deliver the latter just as well. He knows how to lay on the charm and make his S/O feel like the most important person in the world with the sweet words flowing out of his mouth!

Yearning (How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?):

If Atem has to be away from you for a long period of time, he'll definitely miss you but he's not gonna die without you. He'll keep in steady contact with you but he won't smother you either. Atem respects his S/O's space and doesn't want them to feel that way.

Zeal (Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?):

It may not seem like it but Atem is a true ride or die kind of guy! He'll do anything for the sake of your relationship and for your sake in general! To give an example of what kind of lengths Atem would go to for you, if you're ever down on your luck in any kind of way, he'll literally give you his entire savings account if it would save you from financial ruin! That's just how loyal Atem is to you! Just don't take it for granted or you'll regret it!

[theyreonlynoodlesmike]

Hi, I just eondered, what could be the reasons for fighting with boys and how they generally feel about this? Are they waiting for the first step, or are they making amends on their own? How do they choose to make up? Do they provoke serious fights?

So, I’ve done like one fic where I mention a fight with them, but this is definitely something I have some headcanons about. I’m gonna do this separate, because I think each boy is different when it comes to fights

The Lost Boys x Fighting with their S/O

David

Fights with David don’t happen often. David picked you because he needs someone to be the submissive to his dominant personality, and that includes letting him get his way 99% of the time. David likes control, and he doesn’t like being questioned. Because he’s the main decision maker, most of your fights happen when you disagree with him.

David doesn’t mean to be an ass (okay, sometimes he does), but he genuinely doesn’t think that whenever you argue with him you’re being serious. He’s the one in charge. He’s the one that gets to make decisions. He’s the one that when he says jump you ask how high. So, if you disagree with him enough to actually start an argument about it, David won’t take you seriously. He’ll think that maybe he just needs to convince you, because letting you have your way isn’t really even a thought in his head. He might even coo at you at how cute you are for thinking that you have any say in how this goes. If the fight continues and you give him sass, you’re in trouble

With a flip of a switch, he’s as cold as ice. The mood will change at the drop of a hat, and all the teasing from before will seem like a lifetime away. He’ll stare down at you, and say in an unnervingly calm voice, “Now, listen here, kitten. I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but it ain’t me.”

David won’t necessarily yell during major fights, but he definitely won’t hold back from saying whatever he wants to say. His tongue can cut like a razor, and he refuses to apologize for anything that he said later on. If you two do end up having a major fight, he’ll send one of the boys to talk to you for him. This can either go the route of you coming to him and choosing to let water flow under the bridge (the two of you will pretend it never happened) or you refusing to talk to him. If you choose the latter, he’ll come talk to you after about a week has past. He still considers you his and he doesn’t want to lose you, but you’re aware any apologies said by him first probably aren’t genuine. If you talk to him about it, he’ll explain why he felt the way he did and he’ll allow you to explain the same. The two of you will come to a compromise (one that usually sways just a little bit more in his favor) and then you two can go back as if nothing happened

If you want to get through to him (which is like trying to get through a brick wall once his mind is made up) without a major fight occuring, you either have to have some major (most likely sexual) leverage or be 100% respectful. You have to carefully explain why you feel the way that you do, and why you don’t want to do the thing that he wants. He’ll stare at you the entire time, and he will actually listen! He just might not change his mind anyways. This is where leverage comes in. David isn’t completely unreasonable. He’s not Max. He can be swayed. He just needs there to be something in it for him that is considered more desirable than the pleasure he gets from getting his way. Sexual favors are a really easy substitute

If Davids the one that’s mad at you, all you have to do is agree to what he wants and let him be as dominating as he wants in the bedroom afterwards. Your legs may be sore, but your vampire boyfriend is definitely happier

Dwayne

Dwayne doesn’t like fighting. It doesn’t matter if they happen often or not, fighting with Dwayne is completely one-sided. He believes in talking things out rather than letting things fester, and you have his full trust. He’s a ‘fix-it’ type of guy. The minute he feels something is wrong, he’ll talk to you about it. He’ll get your point of view and he’ll try to adjust accordingly. So ‘fights’ are on you

That doesn’t mean Dwayne doesn’t ever get angry. He’s a pretty physical guy when it comes to his anger, but he’ll never direct it at you. When he’s upset, he may break a few things just to get the stress out of his system. He never does that in front of you, however. He would never want you to be scared of him, and he keeps those feelings bottled up until you’re gone. Rip to the boys if they decide to tease him when you two are fighting

You can cry, scream, and even throw things at him. It doesn’t matter how much you try to egg him on. He’ll stand there like a statue until you get everything out of your system, and then he’ll just pull you to his chest and ask you if you’re ready to talk. He’d rather you be explosive with your anger than shut him out. He’s not the best with his words, so confronting someone that doesn’t want to talk can be extremely hard for him.

Dwayne will definitely make amends on his own. Even if he doesn’t understand why you’re upset, he’ll still be the one that comes to you first. He doesn’t want you to be angry at him for long, and confronting you is the easiest way to get it over with.

If you block him out, Dwayne won’t know what to do. He’ll try to give you space and wait for you to come to him, but Dwayne wouldn’t be able to stand not talking to you for a few days. Especially since you’re the one that’s mad at him. He’d come to your window and knock on it, and he wouldn’t care if you greeted him with a smile or a glare. He’s just happy to see you. He may even bring you a gift to try to get you to lighten up, and it can anything from a bracelet he made himself or something he stole for you from the boardwalk

Once you let him inside, expect a long conversation about what’s wrong, why, and what he can do to fix it. Even if it’s something he can’t necessarily change (like girls coming up to him at the boardwalk or something), he’ll still promise to do his best to stop it. He’ll come up with a detailed plan as to how you two can go about the problem, and you two may even develop a system where you can tell him when you’re feeling upset about that specific issue

If it’s a reoccurring issue, you two will have to address that perhaps it’s a little out of his control. If so, unfortunately, you’ll just have to get over it. He’ll still try his best to stop it from happening, but there’s so much that he can do

Dwayne will make up through cuddling. He’s just happy to have you back in his arms again, and he may need some reassurance that you still love him just as much as you did before. He takes fights to heart, and that’s why he doesn’t like them or want them to spiral out of control

Marko

Marko is a complete wildcard. Every fight with him is for different, and it’s a coin toss on how he’s going to react. Somethings that you think will piss him off, won’t. Somethings that you never imagined would annoy him, will. It’s a guessing game with him, and your fights are pretty fifty-fifty in terms of who starts them. 

Usually, he’ll retreat into his own head and he’ll try to be calm at first. He’s scarily good at suddenly putting up an unreadable front, but he’s boiling on the inside. You have one chance to put out the fire before it completely takes over, and this has to be done rather quickly. 

You can succeed by immediately apologizing or by explaining what made you so upset. He’s usually quick to accept your apology and give you a kiss, letting everything settle back to normal. If he realizes that he really did do something wrong, then he’ll genuinely apologize and do whatever he needs to for you to forgive him.

If he still thinks that you did something wrong and that he can’t forgive you just yet or refuses to accept responsibility for his actions, it’s uh-oh spaghetti-o’s. But one things for sure. When you two get into a fight-fight, it gets ugly

Sometimes, he’ll annoy you on accident with his lack of care towards something that’s important to you. Sometimes, you’ll say or do something small and he’ll turn it into a much bigger deal.

There can be harsh words, refusals to apologize or consider how you feel, or even him kicking over barrels (lit or unlit). You two can yell and scream all you like, but you’re only really in trouble if he falls silent. That’s when he’s really mad

His eyes will flash yellow and his vampiric features will start to slip out, and if you keep the fight going then he’ll have to walk away to stop himself from doing something he’ll regret later. He would never try to kill you in the fit of a rage, but his vampire instincts are hardest for him to control

If you’re a vampire like he is, all bets are off. He’ll snarl and snap his teeth at you, falling back on his most basic vampire instincts. He’ll get in your face until you submit and agree to end the fight, and then he’ll start to calm down. It may take some physical affection on your part (a hug, kiss, or some petting), but eventually he’ll sigh and the two of you can start moving on to making amends

It’s rare that after a fight-fight he’ll be the one that tries to make amends first. You have to wait until he calms down, usually after a quick meal or some affection, and then you two can talk it out. Once you’re done figuring out the issue, Marko only has one thing on his mind. Make up sex. Much like jealous sex, he lets his vampiric side come out during these times. Expect to be bitten. It’s his way of marking you, of making you his again. To him, it gets rid of any distance that may have appeared between the two of you during your fight and brings you back to being as thick as thieves

Paul

Pauls usually a pretty happy guy. Fights with him are extremely rare, as he’s usually too stoned to really be bothered by anything 90% of the time. But, unlike the rest of the boys, a lot of the fights are his fault in one way or another. It’s usually because he does something wrong or something stupid, and he doesn’t realize how he may have hurt you until he already has

This boy is a bit of an idiot, so when you tell him that he did something he’ll genuinely look at you with confusion. A big reason most of your fights escalate is because Paul has a big fucking mouth. It may have started off as something small, but Paul just had to have the stupidest response and now you’re even more ticked off

Your fights involve tempers flaring and his big mouth making things a million times worse. He doesn’t even mean for half the things he says to come out the way that they do! He just says the first thing that comes to mind, and his brain is currently on autopilot

Expect tears from both parties. The two of you will completely be in eachothers faces, screaming at the top of your lungs, and waterworks are definitely going to start when either one of you gets too into it. Expect his vampire face to be out, but he won’t fall back on his vampire instincts. He’s too busy thinking of arguments to say to really focus on how his instincts are driving him to act

Paul is the only one of the boys who would pause mid-fight to have hate sex with you. He’s so heated and you’re so cute when you’re mad that he’ll grab you and crash his lips onto yours. Fangs and all. If this occurs, the fight is over by the time the two of you have finished.

Otherwise, you two either have to be broken up by the others, or one of you will have to walk away. It’s a toss up on who it is, but either way don’t expect Paul to shut up. He’ll either angrily mutter things the entire time he walks away or he’ll call after you as you take a break from the situation. 

Paul will try to be stubborn at first. He won’t want to talk to you and fix things. He’s perfectly content with acting like the big pouty baby that he is and sitting in a corner in the cave. But if almost an hour has passed and you’re still not coming over to apologize? He’ll march right up to you and start the fight all over again. Just because he wants to talk to you

If you refuse and give him the silent treatment, he’ll scoff and walk away. Only to be back five minutes later. He’ll sit down next to you and just grumble, “I miss you.” with a pout on his face. And then he’ll do his best to get you to talk to him again. He doesn’t care what he has to do. He can’t stand you giving him the silent treatment, and it’s enough to make him ready to tear the hair right out of his head. Paul hates being ignored, and he’ll whine and beg for your attention

He’ll make up by promising whatever you want him to promise. He’ll even hold himself to his word. Then, as soon as you two are back on good terms, he’s back to being the handsy ball of sunshine that he is. He’ll probably want make up sex right afterwards, mainly because he feels all pent up and frustrated with nowhere to put it. He’s as cool as a cucumber after everything, and won’t hold a single grudge. To be honest, he’s already forgotten what you two were even arguing about

[wtflife01]

/why do you think she's scary?/

For starters she’s definitely the dominant one in the relationship and it seems that even since max started dating her his life seems to center around her and family. Also his family seems to stick around him and post him on socials all the time the same way lando’s hanger on friends do. So clearly she has a lot of influence on Max. On her part, i feel like she’s using him and he’s her source of social/financial power. I usually cant stand men commenting on insta how she’s forcing her kid on Max but i do wonder just how much the little girl spends time with her actual dad in comparison to max? Is it fair to do that and confuse her? There were rumors that Daniil cheated on her and look at the outcome, she got together with a more successful/younger driver from the same team and started a “happy family” with him and he’s basically p’s dad. All the points i mentioned make me think that she seems vindictive, self-obsessed and a gold-digger. If Max shuts her out and cuts off all the financial support and the relationship that made her more relevant i feel like she will character assassinate him and seduce christian Horner 😂😂😂 but seriously he’s definitely not getting out of it unscathed for sure.

Ok here’s the thing, we don’t know what kind of agreement Kelly and daniil have when it comes to spending time with P, so that topic I would put a bit to the side, both of them live in Monaco im sure he sees her more than we see them, she’s definitely using him when it comes to fame, but I do think they started out genuine from both sides, but her attempts at baddie influencer seem to come first for her at times, and I don’t think she really knows what she wants, she always looks happier outside instagram or when she seems like she’s genuinely enjoying her time, I think she lost herself with social media, she looked like an amazing happy person before

[taste-in-music]

My Favorite Hit Songs of 2019

This year’s crop of popular music was... absolutely bonkers? I mean, this year we had Billie Eilish crash into the mainstream, Lizzo managed to get multiple hits out of songs she released nearly three years ago, the Jonas Brothers made a comeback, and the longest-running #1 hit in Billboard history became a rap/country crossover that got its start on Tik Tok made by a complete nobody and the dad from Hannah Montana. I’m going to admit, this list was pretty hard to put together, as I found it hard to find 10 songs that I genuinely loved that were hits this year. Despite that, the sheer absurdity of this year’s popular music gave me a spark of hope going into the new decade. For this list, I’ll be selecting my favorite songs off of Billboard’s year end Hot 100 songs list. I’m ready to recount this year in music, so...

10) Sucker by Jonas Brothers I never watched the Jonas Brothers show or listened to their music back when they were big on Disney, so I’ve got no nostalgic investment in them. However, this was a fun comeback to watch play out. This song was pretty dang good for a while, with the funky guitars and the instantly catchy lyrics. It reminded me of “Feel It Still” by Portugal. The Man. Then it got the point where three separate radio stations were playing it at the same time, and now I can barely stand it. I think that after the radio releases this song from its clutches it will warm up on me again though, because I do like it overall.

9) Better by Khalid The strongest attribute of this song is its ATMOSPHERE. The beat, melody, and vocal delivery all compliment one another perfectly, combining to create a smooth, almost sexy sound that washes over you with ever listen. I also like the Daft-Punk-y vocoded lines that pop in at the end, they’re so unexpected and yet they fit in perfectly. I've always loved Khalid’s vocal timbre, it’s so chill and yet warm at the same time. The only thing I can’t praise about this is the lyrics, because I have no clue what they are. Khalid, bless his sweet soul, cannot enunciate. It’s the same problem I have with Ariana Grande. I love your voice, I want to know what you’re saying! 

8) Trampoline by SHAED Give me the hipster points, because guess who knew about this song before it was cool! I’ve loved SHAED’s music for some time now, so it’s been thrilling to watch this song climb the charts and for them to get the recognition and success that they deserve. While this song isn’t my favorite by them, (that slot would probably be reserved for “Perfume” or “Melt,”) it does showcase the group’s strengths, which are emotive vocals and glossy electronic production. I love the effervescent backing vocals and bubbling keys that pepper this song, it gives the song a floaty feel while still keeping it tense. 

7) Old Town Road by Lil Nas X ft. Billy Ray Cyrus I can’t think of a piece of music in recent memory that has captured the public’s attention so swiftly and so completely, and you know what? Sometimes something gets big because it’s good. This song, despite all the memes and jokes and radio play and oversaturation, never ever got old to me. Every time it comes on, it puts a giant, goofy smile on my face, and I sing along to the whole thing. I want Lil Nas X to stick around, but even if he doesn’t, I want what this song represents, genre blending, trend-bucking, and a sense of fuck-it fun, to stay.

6) bury a friend by Billie Eilish Out of all the strange hits we had this year, this was the weirdest one to hear on the radio. It doesn’t have a classic structure! It’s about the monster under your bed! It’s got nothing but a shuffle beat, bass, and the sound of dental drill! It just doesn’t belong on the airwaves next to songs like “ME!” or “I Don’t Care.” Despite that, I’m beyond happy that Billie Eilish is bringing a bit of emo weirdness to the mainstream, because if the success of her music, specifically this song, says anything, it’s that pop is heading in a far scarier and more experimental direction. And I’m on board with that. 

5) break up with your girfriend, i’m bored by Ariana Grande The groove on this song is fantastic. The combination of eerie synths, bass, reverbed backing vocals, and rolling snares makes it feel tight and controlled, but also loose and flowing at the same time. There was a lot of pushback against this song due the sentiment of the lyrics, but it’s not like Ariana is unaware that she’s the bad guy in this position. There’s enough indifference and sarcasm in her delivery to show that she’s self aware. This was probably my favorite out of the hit singles from the thank u, next era, (”thank u, next” is great but got a bit old to me, and I don’t care for “7 Rings.”) 

4) Circles by Post Malone  This is embarrassing to admit, because I rarely, if ever, enjoyed any music Post Malone has put out in the past. But this song just hits different. The instrumental feels more acoustic-driven and has a nice pulse to it, projecting a warmth and comfort that none of his other songs have. This was a perfect hit for Autumn, being chill and relaxing enough for Summer, but the underlying bass groove makes you want to move into the productive patterns of the school year. If Post Malone made more music like this I’d reckon I’d enjoy his music quite a bit. 

3) Dancing With A Stranger by Sam Smith ft. Normani Sometimes radio filler turns out to be spectacular. The ambiance this track builds is relaxing but in an otherworldly kind of way, forming a soundscape of echoing drums and whispering synths. I’ve always stood by the opinion that Sam Smith sounds really good with an electronic beat under them, it helps their great voice move in a more free-flowing way. Normani also sounds amazing on this song, her vocals dipping into smokier territory, and when the two sing together they play off one another’s performances with ease. 

2) Sweet But Psycho by Ava Max Who predicted this in their last year’s hit song’s list? This bitch! I was so happy to see this hit the U.S. charts, you have no idea. It was such a breath of fresh air in that it was so splashy, sugar-sweet, and unabashedly pop. The lyrics are some of the silliest of the whole year, (”she’s poison but tasty” makes me chuckle every time,) but it doesn’t matter. The addictive melodies and the earnestness in Ava Max’s performance make them sound like Shakespearean poetry, or at least like she believes that they’re Shakespearean poetry. 

Should Have Been Hits

Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift This should’ve been a single. I get why Taylor chose the singles she did, but this was primed to be a Summer smash, with the glossy synths and vocoded backing vocals and soaring chorus. We were robbed. Robbed, I tell you!

Graveyard by Halsey While “Without Me” got all the glory, this is my favorite of all the Halsey singles we’ve gotten so far by a wide margin. It’s the only one that I’ve made the conscious choice to listen to on my own time for one. I love the way the production rushes as the chorus hits, and the synths that sparkle throughout the verses, and Halsey’s reserved performance.

3 Nights by Dominic Fike This was a hit in the U.K., and I even heard it on a few alternative stations, so why no cross over? If there was any song that should have been the chill Summer hip hop hit, it should have been this. This song is weirdly addictive, the chorus is so inexplicably catchy that once you hear it one time through you will know all the words to it. 

Blame It On Your Love by Charli XCX ft. Lizzo When the mainstream decide that it didn’t need Charli XCX? Because it’s wrong, it needs her very, very badly. The success of “1999″ in the U.K., the name recognition, and the Lizzo feature should’ve been more than enough to boost this onto the charts, but I guess we didn’t want an instantly catchy and fun EDM pop song on the radio. Oh well. 

Motivation by Normani Normani and Lauren are my favorite Fifth Harmony members, so I’ve been rooting for their solo careers like nobody’s business. This single in particular had so much potential: a bouncy beat, a stamp of approval from Ariana Grande, and a kick-ass music video filled with impressive choreography. I hope this gets a bigger push into next year, because Normani is a wildly talented performer that deserves success outside of her collaborations. 

Guilty Pleasures

bad guy by Billie Eilish This was a good song, just not my favorite off the album, or of the hits, (I prefer ”bury a friend,” obviously, and “when the party’s over,” which made last year’s list.) Still, watching this idiosyncratic little tune become one of the biggest pop smashes of the year was enthralling. Like “bury a friend,” it was so strange to hear this on the radio. 

Close To Me by Ellie Goulding ft. Diplo & Swae Lee When a melody gets its claws in me, there’s nothing I can do about it. This is not Ellie Goulding at her best, (I’ll admit that I miss the days of “Lights,”) but the way she delivers the hook on this song is absolutely infectious. I’m not the biggest Swae Lee fan, but he’s fine here too. I never minded when this song came on the radio. 

This year was a bit of a roller coaster for me. Needless to say, there were several instances where I felt quite a bit of stress and insecurity, and oftentimes, I would turn to music to make myself feel better. There was one song in particular that a friend of mine, @hasanminajs​, introduced me to, that instantly became a beacon of self-appreciation and enjoyment to me throughout the year. And when I tell you that I have never been happier to hear a song on the radio than I have with this one, I'm telling the truth. 

1) Truth Hurts by Lizzo I have never rooted for a song’s success like I have for this one, and watching a hip hop track this bouncy, confident, and enigmatic climb the charts was an absolute joy. There are so many great punchlines in this song, from “why men great till they gotta be great?” to “I don’t play tag bitch, I’ve been it,” to the ever-iconic “I just took a DNA test, turns out, I’m 100% that bitch.” This song raised the standards for lyricism in the mainstream. I want Lizzo to be huge, I want her to be influential, I want her to be one of the biggest pop stars of the next decade if not longer. Everything about this song, from its production to its message to its performance makes me smile. And you know what? Sometimes that’s all that pop music needs to do. 

Do you agree with this list? What were your favorite hit songs of 2019? Leave a comment and let me know!

[safetycar-restart]

YES YES YES to au night!! We always need more D/S au content ( with charles especially) maybe some comfort or interactions with the teams and family members, drivers and doms?

-🫧

Ooo really good question!! I think I’m gonna write a few thoughts for a couple drivers about how you’d interact with their team and families during race weekends? And then we can go from there cause I love this idea so I won’t want to just talk to one driver

LANCE:

Obviously lance’s dad is at almost every race weekend, and at first he’s very cold with you. Lance’s previous Dom fed into his self esteem issues and had a lot of resentment towards lance for essentially getting his own team bought by his dad.

Maybe you weren’t hired by them, but instead Sebastian brought you from Ferrari? He swore up and down to Lawrence that you were a good Dom and that you’d help lance.

So at first he’s very cold towards you, but as he slowly starts to see his son becoming happier and happier, he starts to talk to you more and get to know you. And before you know it, he’s kinda adopted you?

CHARLES:

Ferrari is absolutely fucking terrified of you. If it weren’t for the fact that Charles would leave Ferrari without you there, they would have fired you a long time ago. But you and Charles are a packaged deal. From the moment he first met you, he knew he would never race for a team that wouldn’t let you be his dominant. Charles will let Ferrari fuck him over for the rest of his racing career, but the moment Ferrari even think about getting rid of you, he’s leaving.

As for Charles’s family, they love you. Especially Arthur? You help Arthur a lot before races and let him come cuddle with you and Charles and make sure he finds a Dom who is worthy of him. So honestly, they all love you.

And it’s a good thing they do, because Charles hates going anywhere with you. Of course he’s more than welcome to spend one on one time with his family, but he’s a high needs sub and he hates even the thought of relaxing without you there.

MAX:

If Jos could kill you, he would. Seriously, he blames every single one of his problems on you, because you’re the reason his son has changed, the reason his son no longer hides the fact that he’s submissive.

Meanwhile, Red Bull really likes you. Christian absolutely loves you, and is always inviting you to have lunch with him on race weekends and asking you about max. Christian understands that you’re part of the reason he has a two times world champion on his team.

Honestly, Max’s mother loved you the moment she found out that Jos couldn’t stand you. That was enough for an approval in her books.

CARLOS:

You have a very interesting relationship with Carlos’s father, because his father has never really approved of the submissive side of him. He always thought that his son would be just a dominant, and he and Carlos eventually built up this relationship where they both acted like he wasn’t a switch.

So seeing you is difficult for him, because it forces him to acknowledge that his son isnt just a dominant.

But nevertheless, he’s kind to you, because on some level even he can admit that Carlos races better when he submits regularly.

[billyhargrovesbabe]

ocean eyes | billy hargrove

Soooooooo this is super angsty. But I needed a different kind of angst from the one the season finale left me with, and lo-and-behold this was born. I really enjoyed writing it, despite the obvious angst and feels. Feel free to let me know what you think!

Word Count: 2,738

Warnings: Character death, violence, season 3 spoilers, gore, blood, mentions of abuse, swearing

Most people didn’t believe it when they found out the Billy Hargrove—King of Hawkins, King of the Keg-Stand, and King of the Bad Boys— was dating a total brainiac. They’d scoff, or laugh, or (at least the girls) would shriek in dismay. But no one really believed it. Everybody knew Billy was too wild to be tamed, to settle down, to pick just one girl— everyone but you.

In all honesty, you weren’t completely sure why he picked you either. Maybe it was the quiet help you’d offer him when you two were assigned to be desk neighbors in English, then partners in a History project, then lab partners in Science. It was like the world or maybe just the teachers were determined for you two to work together. Maybe it was the calm, collected way you’d dissected that frog when he was clearly too squeamish to do it himself (not that macho-man Hargrove would ever admit it, and you didn’t even make fun of him for it). Maybe it was the silent help you’d offer when he’d wince from raising his arm too high (something you soon diagnosed as a dislocated shoulder), or when you subtly re-bandaged his bloody knuckles at the back of the classroom, or that time you quietly pressed your favorite concealer in his hand to try and help with a black eye. Maybe it was because you just happened to have an amazing rack (something you knew definitely didn’t hurt). Whatever the reason, few people believed it. But that was just fine by you; no one else needed to understand it. All you knew was that it worked.

Billy protected you, and you took care of him. That was the deal. You let each other pretend to be whole. You accepted his anger and his violence, and he accepted your perfectionism and anxiety. You two never pushed the other for more than they were willing to give or say, and you respected each other’s boundaries. Hell, you didn’t even find out he had a step sister until week three of dating him. But because of this mutual respect of boundaries, you two quickly became inseparable. Soon, you were sharing even the most intimate, awkward details without a second thought. Neither of you really knew what was in store when you two would leave in the fall for California (you to attend college and him to move home), but you both knew it’d be fine so long as you had each other.

So that summer when Billy abruptly withdrew, you knew something was wrong. Your boyfriend wasn’t without his flaws— after all, he had certainly earned his reputation as an asshole— but you knew there was good in him. You had seen the sweet, funny, mischievous, caring side he buried so deep down. You knew him like you knew your multiplication tables or your SAT vocabulary— you just did. You didn’t question it. You simply trusted yourself, trusted in your knowledge, and trusted him.

That seemingly nondescript summer evening when he didn’t call you to let you know he had survived another day under his dad’s roof, you got nervous. You tried to call him a few times, and you’d either get the machine or Max or Susan, and both would tell you he wasn’t home (one time you got Neil, but you hung up before speaking to the monster). After the umpteenth unanswered call, your nervous energy began to morph into worry. That worry persisted over the next few days until you ran into his kid step-sister and her odd little friend who spoke in somewhat broken sentences at the pool. When you cornered them about Billy and they shared their strange findings with you (after a lot of convincing), that worry blew up into panic. The last straw was when someone told you they saw him drive up to Heather Holloway’s house, dressed up for a fucking date. Even when he had made it his mission his first year in town to sleep with anything in a skirt at Hawkins, he hadn’t so much as considered Heather for a second. You knew something was very, very wrong with your boyfriend. And you were determined to get to the bottom of it. You agreed to help the kids lure him into the sauna. Whether it was the promise of another victim or the supposed “normalcy” of your relationship the Mind-Flayer was after, you hadn’t ben sure. You barely managed to get out of the way before he was shoved into the sauna, where you saw the heartbreaking truth. You saw the possession, then the shift to the poor whimpering mess he was. You could see the terror in his eyes. You saw it persist in his eyes even when the Mind-Flayer took back over and broke him out of the sauna. You knew you had to save him.

You really shouldn’t have even been there that night at Starcourt, but you refused to leave. You had never been a fighter—that had always been Billy’s job— and the Party didn’t want to bring in any more people than they already had, but you refused to take no for an answer. It was your job to take care of him, and you were going to do it dammit. When the teams split up, you immediately volunteered to go with whatever team had Eleven. The girl was the only one who didn’t look at you with fear, or concern, or trepidation. She understood. She had seen Billy’s mind, after all. She confided in you later that she had seen you there, in his happier memories. They had just been a few brief glimpses, and there was nothing as lasting or influential as his memory of his mom. But you didn’t expect there to be. You had only been dating a few months. And besides, what she had seen spoke volumes. She told you about the quick glances she had of you cleaning him up ever so gently when he came to your house after Neil really laid into him, and of you sitting on the roof of his car with him between your legs while the two of you shared a smoke on one spring evening. She even told you about a memory she caught of you two just lying on the floor of your room, staring up at the ceiling and listening to music as he quietly promised to take you to California so you could see the beautiful ocean he loved so much. She knew no one could bring him peace like you did.

So Eleven understood later that night when Billy seemed so jarred after pushing you aside to get to her. She saw the swift flicker across his face, his resolve cracked and the Mind-Flayer’s hold briefly damaged as he pushed you aside. The sickening crack as your head collided with the hard floor of the mall seemed to echo in the massive space. It was easy after that. She could see he was still in there, that there was still a fraction of his soul and his mind worth saving. El saw the pain, and the heartache, and the grief as her words sunk in and she reminded him what he had left to fight for and of his mother. And Eleven understood what happened next, although that didn’t make it any less tragic.

Your eyes opened to a dark world, lit only by the fluorescent lights of the stores around you. There was a suspiciously wet feeling where your head had collided with the floor, but you paid no mind to it. You frantically searched the scene around you, eyes darting around for your boyfriend and the girl you had promised to protect. You found them off to your right, his domineering figure crouched over hers, his hands around her throat, until... suddenly, his hands were by his side again. You blinked, mind and vision a little fuzzy (you knew you probably had a concussion). Your vision cleared, and you couldn’t believe the sight before your eyes.

There was Billy— your Billy, you were certain of it— fighting off this massive... monster. It was the only word for it. As he grappled with the freakish and terrifying tongue-like appendage, you saw what he didn’t. You saw the tentacles creeping through the cloud of light and debris, snaking their way towards him. You saw him struggle to keep the creature at bay, and you knew in that moment he had no idea what was coming for him. But you did. You saw the scene flash before your eyes as the tentacles slowly seemed to open at the ends, revealing horrific fangs. In your heart, you knew there was only one way this would end if you didn’t intervene. And you refused to watch it happen.

You knew a little something about physics. You had been fascinated with it ever since you broke Jamie Foster’s arm in elementary school. After apologizing to the poor boy profusely, you tried your best to understand what had happened. He had been braced against the wall, his arms in front of him to avoid running into it while playing a game of basketball with his friends. It just so happened at that exact moment, you tripped and feel forward into the direct line of his left arm. The arm that had previously been braced against the bleachers quickly gave way, snapping like a twig and creating a sickening s-shape. You were baffled by how something so strong, so firm as a child’s bone, could break just like that. You quickly came to learn that his weight and energy had all been braced forward, meaning there was little resistance to any energy or forces that would’ve caused a change in direction. It was a lesson you’d never forgotten, and one that had inspired you on the cold floor of the mall. thirst for knowledge and love of learning. AAs you rushed towards your boyfriend, you remembered the ease of crashing and breaking something that should’ve been immovable.

You slammed your body into Billy with your full body weight and the momentum of the short sprint behind it. The usually stable mass of muscle that was your boyfriend slammed into the floor, as all of his strength had been thrown forward into resisting the Mind-Flayer’s attack. He was helpless to your unexpected shove, just as he was helpless when the bites meant for him sunk into your abdomen and back.

You were breathless, suspended in time for just a moment, as you watched him hit the floor. You couldn’t quite believe it had actually worked. His beautiful, piercing blue eyes were focused on you in a way they hadn’t been for— was it days? Weeks? You’d lost track. All you knew was that you never wanted him to stop looking at you like that: like he’d never really looked at you before. You tried to send him a small, reassuring smile even as his eyes screamed at you. You could practically hear him berating you, calling your sacrifice stupid and wrong. You didn’t mind though. You had made your choice the second you opened your eyes.

You felt the pain as the first bite sunk into your stomach, still facing the boy you had knocked out of the way. It sunk deep into your stomach, following the fangs as they tore into your flesh. The stabbing sensation tore tears from your eyes and the breath from your chest. You felt it again as the second one latched onto your back, colliding with the middle of your spinal column. After that, the pain numbed. You weren’t sure if it was shock or paralysis, but you appreciated the reprieve. You felt a strange sort of calm wash over your body. You barely registered the rest of the bites and the attacks on your battered body, barely heard the screams of Billy and Max as they cried your name. You didn’t even realize the monster had been defeated until you were laying on the ground, gasping for air, finally feeling the burning pain of the bites and the blood soaking the floor around you as it seeped out of your body. You finally realized it when you saw him crouching over you, with what looked like tears in his eyes. But that couldn’t be right. Billy Hargrove didn’t cry.

He did feel betrayal though, and you saw it. You felt his heartbreak as he looked at your beaten body, covered in blood and bites that were too deep to even pretend could be fixed. You saw the betrayal as he realized you had broken your unspoken deal: you hadn’t let him protect you. Instead, you had taken it upon yourself to protect him and now there would be nobody left to take care of him when you were gone. There’d be nobody left to patch him up, nobody there to help him pass his classes, no one there to cuddle him on the hood of his Camaro in the evenings. Maybe someday, but it would never be you again. You could see him fighting the anger that would’ve been so much easier to deal with, simmering under the surface. You could tell he had to bite his tongue, wanting to yell and rage and scream but refusing to let that taint your final moments.

You felt the aching and the warmth slowly start to leave your body as your breaths started to become quick, shallow gasps. It was almost painful to feel your chest compressing with the futile effort. Having taken more than your fair share of health classes, you knew you didn’t have much time left. You felt the sleepy haze of blood loss start to settle over you, but there was still so much you had to say. You still had to tell him just how much you loved him, how much you believed in him, how you just knew there was still so much out there for him, how he had to go and live that life in California for the both of you. You had to tell him to learn to let his anger go, to try and repair his relationship with Max, to let himself be vulnerable and love someone else—someone who wasn’t you. You had to tell him to live his dreams, to find the man you already knew he was, and to shave his mustache that had always itched when he kissed you. You opened your mouth, desperate to say something—anything—but he quickly shushed you.

“Shhh, Y/N. Don’t say anything. The cops are coming, and after they patch you up I’m going to kick your ass for scaring me like this. Just stay with me, princess.” You don’t think you had ever heard his voice so tender. You appreciated his empty promises, knowing neither of you wanted to really confront what you both knew was inevitable. He sounded so broken, trying to be brave and strong for you. You tried to grin at him, but your world was starting to fade. You knew your last moments were here.

“Forgive yourself.” You rasped up at him as your body started to give up. You could feel your heart begin to skip, to stop working, as the cardiac arrest started setting in. “I love you.” And you tried to convey just how true that was, even with your dying breath. You tried desperately to send him all the love and hope and strength you could as your vision slowly started to fade, reassuring him that you knew exactly what choice you had made. You had seen the way things would have ended, how you would’ve had to watch him die instead and then continue to live on in a world where he was gone. Go to California by yourself, a stranger in your dead boyfriend’s world with no one there to guide you. Selfishly, you chose to force him to continue on instead. He’d be fine. The infamous Billy Hargrove always made it through. As he sat there holding you, those fabled tears finally spilling from his beautiful blue eyes as he cried ever-so-silently, you quietly marveled at how he had still managed to keep his promise and show you the beaches and water he so loved in your last moments—even if it was just in the tempestuous waters of the oceans in his blue eyes.