#trans mascs and trans men I love you and you belong in this community and I’m sorry for all the shot you get

[non-stick-pansexual]

If your trans activism ignores, excludes, infantilizes, or actively targets trans men and transmasculine folks, you need to re-evaluate your activism and your stance as a trans ally.

You do NOT get to ignore and exclude trans men just “because they are men”, that’s antithetical to trans activism and actively harms the community as a whole. As a trans community, and as a greater queer community, we need to do better.

[sssusuki]

reblog to not only kill a terf but also kill people who don't believe that trans men, cis men and AMAB people are allowed to be in the LGBTQ+ community. everybody belongs in the community, get laser beamed idiot.

[gor3sigil]

Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.

I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.

Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.

I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.

5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.

I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.

I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.

I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.

I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.

I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.

But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.

I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.

It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.

If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.

Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.

It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.

You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.

Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.

Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.

[genderqueerdykes]

okay so to preface i know this might sound like a troll or something. i’m not joking i am genuinely asking this question.

do you think it’s okay for someone to identify as butch, like as a gender term, without really being attracted to women?

i’m approximately a trans man and attracted entirely, as far as i know, to men and masc-aligned nonbinary people (i simplify things to gay trans guy when talking to cishets). and the term butch really feels like it describes me in terms of gender, but there’s the elephant in the room that like. i don’t like women. and idk i’ve gotten mixed answers on whether it would be like disrespectful/appropriative to use that word to describe my gender when i am, essentially, a gay man. so i wanted to ask your two cents idk. so so sorry this ask is so long 😭

yep that's okay!

butch literally just means "queer masculinity"- the term originally was coined by gay men in a conlang used between each other for safety called "Polari," and was used to in reference to masculine gays. the term was quickly adopted by the lesbian community and even other communities. butch doesn't have any requirements except being a queer masculine person. your attraction and even your gender identity don't have anything to do with that or have any way of possibly changing it

i get this question literally all the time so i don't mind answering it. if someone tells you that you HAVE to be a lesbian or a woman to be a butch, they're a rad fem. that information is not correct, not only in theory, but in practice. there are countless people across queer history who have identified as butch who are not lesbians or even attracted to women. you can be butch and bi, you can be butch and asexual and aromantic, you can be butch and be gay, you can be butch and anything else as long as you're a queer masculine person

white rad fems love to assert that "butch" belongs to women and the lesbian community but that's literally historically inaccurate. whenever someone tells you this, they are proudly and loudly regurgitating rad fem believes without second thought. rad fems are obsessed with claiming that certain terms belong to lesbians "only" and trying to cull anyone who isn't a woman out of """their""" community.

many trans men and mascs identify as butches. many gay men identify as butches. many bisexual, asexual, aromantic, non binary, genderqueer, genderfluid and GNC people identify as butches. butch has nothing to do with one's attraction or sexual orientation, it is about one's gender and/or presentation. hope that helps! take care, feel free to ask any more questions you may have

[transramblings]

So a while ago I had a conversation with a friend I still think about a lot. This friend is aro ace and was complaining about how the ace/aro tags are full of posts going "you can still have sex if you're ace" and "you can still have relationships if you're aro", a lot of shipping and nsfw media of characters that are, canonically or not, ace and/or aro. My friend told me how alienating that was and how uncomfortable. How it makes you feel like this community isn't for you even though you have this identity. And god, how I feel that.

It's not that it's not true that ace people can have sex, and aro people can have relationships. Your identity means what it means to you, but... I do recognize this.

Trans(masc/men) tags are full of how you can be trans and love your body as is, that you don't have to transition. That trans men can be feminine. It's full of mentions of genitals and sex in a way I'm deeply uncomfortable with.

Now, you might say, this is a smith's college problem. Everyone else outside of the queer community thinks aro/ace people don't have sex or relationships and trans men are masculine because that's sort of how you'd "traditionally" define those things. But that's just simply not true. My friend is hounded by questions about relationships and sexuality. I'm mostly stealth in certain environments because I know they'd just start seeing me as a freak or a confused woman.

I get why you'd want to have positivity for people who don't exactly are the most traditional way you'd view x identity, but it ends up with some people feeling completely alienated. We both relate to feeling not queer enough for the queer community and not cishet enough for mainstream society. I feel like the queer community gets caught up in validating identities that seem less traditional and in that alienate the people that do fall within a very traditional view of that identity.

My friend doesn't want to be confronted by ship art of aromantic characters when looking for support. I don't want my dysphoria triggered every time I find myself in a trans community. I just want to belong too.

[transmascpetewentz]

I really want to know, why does it bother you so much that there are cis gay men in the world who do not want to have sex with afab people? it triggers your dysphoria and makes you feel bad, I gather that much, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to their sexual boundaries.

especially when there are countless posts made by gay people that are talking about same sex attraction that get dog piled by trans people feeling excluded, when they just are inherently excluded from some peoples sexual attraction.

gender and sex are different yes? and sexuality is based on sex. this seems to be something we disagree on. trans men are men, they have the right to live as themselves and transition, but they are still trans. not everyone is going to be sexually attracted to them, or have them included in their sexuality, especially people who are single sex attracted. I want to know what’s transphobic about this.

your crusade to get cis people to accept any genitals in a partner is actively driving a wedge in the lgbt community, I would like to understand your perspective beyond “this makes my dysphoric, I feel excluded, therefore I will create the term TEHM and make these people into villains on tumblr.com”

I ask this out of curiosity, I am interested to hear what your takes are in one place since it’s hard to find your whole POV across multiple posts. We don’t agree and probably won’t ever agree, but I hope you can see where I’m coming from and I hope I can do the same for you.

I was going to delete this ask, but this is the most politely that one of you has come into my inbox. I don't have the energy to write up anything that long about the subject but I'll try my best.

As I have stated many, many times, I don't care if an individual cis gay man doesn't date or fuck trans men. I really don't. The problem arises when cis gay men claim that they cannot be attracted to trans men, or that their supposed lack of attraction to us makes us any less male or any less gay.

A cis gay man making a blanket statement about never wanting to date/fuck a trans man in specific is like an allistic person loudly proclaiming that they would never date/fuck an autistic person, or a white person saying they would never be with a POC. While their individual choices don't matter, their "preferences" reveal that they are bigots.

"Trans men are men" is incompatible with the idea that gay men cannot be attracted to us. Hell, I'm a gay man, and I love my fellow trans men. If a gay man truly sees trans men as men, he will have the capacity to be attracted to us. The idea that sexuality is based on sex can be easily debunked by many examples of cis gay men dating and fucking trans men, as well as the fact that we have documented evidence of so-called "I'm only attracted to biological males!!!" type of men unknowingly fucking stealth trans men.

Now onto my more important point, the issue with TEHMs is not that they embarrass themselves by making a huge display about how they're so obsessed with hating boypussy, but that they try to claim that their own lack of attraction to trans men means that we should not be included in gay male spaces.

Not every cis gay man is going to be included in the attraction of every other cis gay man, but we don't see fem4fem cis gays claiming that masc cis gays don't belong in our spaces, do we? But because trans men are treated like shit even by other queer people, no one comes to defend us.

And as for posts that talk about "same sex attraction" being dogpiled by trans people, yeah, they deserved that. Gay trans men and transfem lesbians experience homophobia, and the vast majority of experiences that TEHMs call "SSA experiences" apply to us. Gay trans men are a very diverse group of people with very different experiences and daily lives from each other.

I also did not coin "TEHM." It was coined in 2017 by another Tumblr user who I don't remember the username of.

And before you go "but what about cis gay men who are trans allies who just aren't attracted to them 🥺" and to that I say, please show me someone. I have yet to meet a cis gay man who claims to have a genital preference or who says he would never fuck boypussy, who is also a trans ally. They all end up going mask off immediately. And so many of them try and make their subconscious biases that make them believe trans men are unattractive my problem.

It's true that we probably won't ever agree on this, especially if you're cis. If you're trans, I wish you the best of luck overcoming your internalized transphobia, and my blog will be waiting for you when that time comes. You seem to misunderstand the problem that I and other gay trans men have with TEHMs, and it comes from the bias that we're just entitled women who want to fuck gay men.

Obviously, when a gay trans man calls out bigotry, he can't ever have a point 🙄 it must just be someone refusing to play along with his fetish! (sarcasm)

[cedarspiced]

gazans - i get a lot of messages and i'm trying my best to get through them all, but there are a lot. if i don't reply, i promise i'm not ignoring. i'm reblogging and donating where i can.

hiya! i'm cedar or nychus*! i'm a 23 y/o grey-ace fagdyke creature living in the PNW.

*nychus pronounced NYE-kūs

buy me a kofi?

my free/cheap anthro bases

gazafunds.com

sudanfunds.com

some things about me:

ΘΔ grackle-cat griffin, sable, cat, deinonychus, coydog, painted dog

i use it/they pronouns

i'm ADHD and autistic

i'm a physically disabled cane & wheelchair user with long covid, POTS, and several other fun conditions

i'm polyam and partnered with @bovinebimbobussy <3

i'm a huge paleoenthusiast and while i do have a soft spot for Mesozoic dinosaurs, i'm also a big fan of all the other prehistoric critters and plants. opabinia my beloved

i'm a furry and reblog furry art & fursuit pics sometimes, so if u don't wanna see that, please block those tags!

i also do reblog unreality stuff from time to time and I often forget to tag it, so if that's something that could bother you, please be forewarned.

i also reblog some nsfw text posts, so please be aware of that!

rent lowering gunshots:

kink belongs at pride and always has

masks & vaccines are awesome and slow the spread of disease

black lives matter and always have

free palestine. death to israel & to the USA.

if you say you're trans, you're trans. end of. there's no other requirements.

sex is a spectrum, not a binary. also, intersex people belong in the queer community.

TMA and TME are just terms used to describe a group most affected by a certain type of discrimination (in this case, transmisogyny). no, TME does not automatically mean transmasc. it also includes all cis perisex people and non-transfem intersex folks. (what do TME/TMA mean?)

thought crimes aren't real and having paraphilias doesn't automatically make you an Evil Bad Person

callout posts are only ever harmful. yes even if they really did do that thing they're being accused of.

the tr*nsandroph*bia movement is just Mens' Rights Movement: Transgender Edition. yes, transmascs are oppressed. that is purely because we are transgender. not because we are transgender & masc.

asexual and aromantic people belong in the queer community. yes, even the cishet ones.

vote-scolding people who have already made up their mind about an election is only going to make everyone more upset at each other, and calling people bots or russian psy-ops for having a different political opinion is uh. Not Cool. to put it politely (a.k.a. that behavior is rooted in primarily USamerican racism and xenophobia.) sometimes people just have different takes based on different lived experiences!

tagging explanations, sideblogs, other socials, and fursona refs under the cut :3

my tags:

#cedar speaks - my personal posting tag

#my face - self explanatory

#my art - also self explanatory

#no id - posts with no image description

#partial id - posts with some images described, but not all. alternatively, posts that have an ID that only describes part of the image (e.g. a post with a picture of an orange cat wearing a blue t-shirt that's captioned 'i love his little shirt' but the image is just described as 'a small animal'.)

#described - posts that have all images fully described

my sideblogs:

@sableteeth - therian/alterhuman sideblog @cedarspiced-artchive - all of my art gets reblogged to here

@morrowinds - all things elder scrolls

@slime-squishes - mined craft :]

@zooplanet - planet zoo, though i've been thinking about making it a sims sideblog as well

@the-fog-chamber - echo vn stuff

@fagmoans - horny blog. dni unless you're 18+

other socials (not really active on em, but jic this site goes tits-up):

instagram

cohost

bluesky

furaffinity

my fursonas:

Cedar (my namesake <3)

art by marlomogensen, with minor edits & background by me

[more detailed IDs for these coming soon, please be patient!]

Nyx (my truesona)

art by yours truly!

[molsno]

Hi, I’ve read your recent answer to the ask and the within linked post about transphobia and misogyny and I absolutely agree with the points made.

I moreso have a question about further nuances in that conversation since for me personally , perhaps by misunderstanding it very often feels like the trans mascs imagined in those statements are of one specific type: masc and passing.

Please excuse me if that’s a genuine misread, while I have been reading up on it all I’ve only been doing it for a month or so. Basically I wonder about the position of extremely feminine trans men and bigender/genderqueer/genderfluid in this. I myself am a very feminine looking trans masc and also bigenderqueer. And while it pains me so much that people without me constantly having to explain myself will never see me as a man and treat me as masc when I am I don’t want to change how I look because I love myself this way.

Not that long hair, boobs and dresses are inherently female but I do possess them and to the average cis hetero person that just immediately reads like woman. Because I don’t want to change this aspect of myself I also always sadly aware that even In my masc moments I will never be free of misogyny, and especially not when I feel like a woman. Not to even the mention of trouble this brings with most parts of the lgbtq community and their judgement. This still doesn’t mean that like I experience the interception of both but it just feels a lot closer to me. Especially in the regard that I don’t really know what spaces I should belong in. Trans mascs going into woman spaces (because they barely have their own and don’t feel safe with cis men [and even among cis women ngl]) and them not being accessible to trans woman is definitely an issue and we have to advocate for you all definitely. But I know male spaces won’t take me or be safe for me and I feel wrong and intrusive even in my female moments in woman spaces. I know that I still hold tme and kinda cis woman privilege (although my question there would be: if trans women never had male privilege how come trans masc ever have cis woman privilege). But I just feel like most conversations shutting off these nuances in fear of rightfully hated transandrophobia truthers just does no one and good.

TLDR: how should non passing feminine, closeted even, trans men address the misogyny and the nuance of „being percieved like a woman“ and the dangers that come with it without being seen as trans masc special oppression truthers (Because obviously misogyny comes from being seen as a woman or treated as such it’s not like because I’m masc but please do tell if you want to if something like this is also happening to trans fems)

on the contrary a lot of transandrophobia truthers have this mindset of "I'll never pass, so I don't experience male privilege" which demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of what oppression is. it isn't just something that comes from strangers (nor is it strictly interpersonal but I won't get into that rn). even people who know beyond a shadow of a doubt what your gender is can be some of the most viciously transphobic people in your life, and I think you're aware of that, so I'll spare you the details.

that being said, I get where you're coming from. I'm pretty well off as a trans woman considering I pass well enough to not really get clocked when I'm out in public, but I totally understand feeling like you don't really belong anywhere. I felt that a lot in the past, and I still do in a lot of circumstances. no matter who you are, it's hard being trans! the world really was not built for us, and that needs to change.

I will say that in the same way that I don't believe trans women held male privilege before coming out, I don't believe for a second that trans men held "cis woman privilege" before coming out, especially because that's not a thing that even exists. cis privilege is undeniably real, but trans people don't possess it. when we talk about the phenomenon of transmascs playing up their victim status on the basis of having been afab, I believe what is actually happening is that they're weaponizing white privilege - because let's be honest, transmascs of color are not seen as helpless victims the way that white transmascs are.

as for your main question, I believe that trans men SHOULD be discussing misogyny and how to combat it. it's imperative for them, even - ending misogyny would make it far easier for them to transition, for example, just by virtue of the fact that bodily autonomy would be guaranteed to everyone regardless of gender if misogyny didn't exist. the problem comes when they act like they're experts who understand misogyny better than women, especially trans women. I do think that a lot of trans men have a better, more nuanced understanding of misogyny than cis men do, and that can serve as a helpful foundation for discussing it, but talking over (trans) women to shut down our own discussions of misogyny is textbook mansplaining. and worse, trans men weaponizing their understanding of misogyny against trans women really plays into the "female socialization" terf rhetoric, which I've already critiqued at length here.

[reductosshrinkgun]

I'm bored aka so here's a list of dating apps I use and my mini reviews:

Feeld - originally the most promising because it's more for polyam people; also the most fun at first. Has since devolved into lots of couples/swingers looking for thirds. Overall as someone who is interested in finding a primary, it hasn't been helpful. 7/10

OKCupid - has excellent identity options but has been paywalling too many features. And not to be mean but everyone I see say they like it best is typically white and a level of nerd that I'm not at. 5/10

Her - so I originally avoided this one because of the name, but this is where a lot of Black trans mascs are in my area which was exciting. The site and interface is cute and I love the banners you can use. But no one reads profiles; and there are too many "no poly" and "no mascs/femmes" comments for me to feel like I belong there. 5/10

Jack'd/Scruff - these are essentially the same cruising app. Like seriously they are exactly the same but color coded lmao. In DC Jack'd (red) has mainly Black queer men and Scruff (blue) has mainly white. I love the tagging system but can't find people in my area using said tags. I bumped it up a point because they're both less overwhelming than Grindr. 4/10

Grindr - has the most trans/non-binary people but finding each other also means opening yourself up to chasers. There's a wild mix on here but I get both the most messages and the most unwanted dick pics. Feels the most chaotic (though apparently Sniffies is worse lmao) but also has a great tagging system. The app also paywalls *a lot* and there are *constant* long ads. I would rate it so much higher without the ads. 3/10

Anywho they all ultimately suck and I hate them but still lurk on them 🤸🏾‍♂️. I'm a sex neutral ace/demi who's kinky af and I have limited time/energy. I look for people who are interested in intentional communication and kink education. I have not found a good app for my needs, at all, and figure I never will lol.

Like, if I was into NSA or FWBs I would be *eating* right now. But since I'm not (and I'm COVID cautious) it's hard as fuck to find good matches. It's all pretty stressful and demoralizing, so I don't take these apps seriously anymore. And they're all fucking paywalled and make us commodity ourselves in ways I'm not comfortable with.

(There are also multiple guides for trans masculine ppl and cruising apps like Jack'd/Scruff/Grindr. They have a lot of possibilities, they just don't work for me right now.)

[st-dionysus]

How can you use d*ke if you’re not a lesbian?

Because I am a part of the dyke community. I spend most of my time around other dykes. Butch Dykes, Femme Dykes, Bi Dykes, Transfem Dykes, Trans Masc Dykes, FTM Dykes, Dykes, Dykes, Dykes that's what I am and who I love.

And it is a term that I reclaim. For some reason, Tumblr seems to be under the impression that only queer people belonging to certain groups can reclaim certain slurs, when that's not how reclamation works at all. As a trans man, the slur people use most against me is "dyke", it's the word that has been shouted at me on the streets and when I was in school what people referred to me as, I was quite literally stripped of my clothes in middle school in the girl's bathroom and the word "dyke" and "tranny" were sharpied across my body. When people want to misgender me as a trans man, guess what they call me? Dyke. When people assume I'm a lesbian, guess what they call me? Dyke. When people know I'm a trans man, guess what they call me? Dyke. Reclaiming that word means taking that power back and being able to say "Yes I am a dyke, that doesn't mean I'm not a man, I contain multitudes beyond your monosexual binary perception of gender and sexuality.

Dyke is also an identity that many many trans men use, both currently and historically. It's a way of clarifying that just because we are trans men that doesn't mean our sexuality is the equivalent of that of a heterosexual cis male, and that our love of women is just as queer as it was when we were lesbians and/or part of the lesbian community and used that label to describe ourselves. We might no longer be lesbians but many of us reamin dykes.

I'd also like to point you to this post from an ask "if youre a trans man "lesbian" does that mean youre a straight trans man or? sorry, genuine question"

As well as this post, on the history of Butch and Dyke as terms used by trans men. (Please note that this is a very long post, but also a very important one that will likely answer many of your questions, also it has one of my favorite zine covers, which I've attached below)

The fact is, trans men are allowed to have complex relationships with our gender and sexuality and the terminology we personally use to label or define ourselves by. Queerness does not conform to "You must be x to be x" and "you have to choose this if you are this", it's an exhausting binary form of thinking that actively hurts many people in the queer community, especially those of whom are trans.

You'll aslo want to note that MANY trans women and transfem folk ID as "Tranfags" or "fags" in general (many of my friends do in fact) Most people will agree that telling trans women they can't refer to themselves as fags or reclaim that slur is a form of transmisogyny, since it polices trans women's language and ignores that "fag" is one of the most frequent slurs used to attack them. So why is it that people don't regonize the fact that it's transandrophobic to police the langague that trans men use and ignore the fact that "dyke" is one of the most frequent slurs thrown at us?

(also, another fun fact is that many butch AFAB lesbians ID as "Faggot Dykes" since this is a term used to refer to some butch4butch couples ((as well as gay trans men who are t4t)), there is a very nice poem that talks about this, that I sadly can't find right now.)

I hope this helps <3

[genderqueerdykes]

not even anon-ing for this one i love this blog so so so much because i am ostracized so often from my own community because im a lesbian with a complicated relationship with gender. sometimes i feel androgynous, sometimes i feel like 2 genders at once, sometimes i feel like my gender is a song, etc.

im told by so many people that i cant be lesbian because lesbian is "only women loving women" and it feels so shitty. but its very therapeutic to scroll through this blog because it makes me feel so validated. so...thank you. truly. :)

you're very welcome! i'm really glad to hear that!

it's ridiculous when people think that lesbians can't be bi/multigender, genderfluid, genderqueer, agender, xenogender, maverique, neutrois like... of course lesbians can be those things. trans and gender variant people shouldn't be forced to use special labels- if that person feels they're a lesbian, they belong. lesbianism has never been entirely about womanhood. women are an important part of the lesbian community- but not the entire thing. there have always been male identifying butches, trans men and mascs, genderqueer, genderfluid, multigender, intersex and more lesbians

glad you feel a bit m ore included in the conversation! you belong! you're a very valuable part of the lesbian community! thanks for being here!

[aroaceconfessions]

This is going to be long and I phrase this in an ask because I wish to be anonymous, but hopefully this is not convoluted…

I’d say I’m arospec… despite being bi and polyamorous (poly? Is there a better word for me loving multiple people? Because I don’t exactly want a triangle, I want an arrow… haha aro), but I know for a fact that I’m acespec, specifically aegosexual and am a bigender trans male, but say transmasc as a cop-out (we’ll talk about that too).

Love for me isn’t very difficult to explain, I forgot what it’s called, but my inner feelings on romantic and platonic love, if turned into a venn diagram, is a circle. Basically it’s like exclusive friends for lack of a better description, it’s that, but if you were ‘with me’ and you dated someone else traditionally I would be broken. I love my best friend, I want to kiss her on the mouth and hope she knows that I’m here for her for whatever she needs. This isn’t exactly about her, but she is a good jumping off point for venting about many of my issues.

She understands what I feel for her (I think?), that I love her, that I’m IN love with her, but she’s straight. You might think ‘but you’re a man’ and to that I’d say that you’re right and thank you for the validation (I’ll use it to survive for the next month), but I’ll also say I have problems with accepting myself and involving myself at all in single-sex sexuality communities. The real reason she wouldn’t be with me exclusively, although not really important to tell you, is because we’ve been friends since middle school and it’s one of those things where it’d be weird.

My out-of-the-norm way of love mixed with my gender identity is what causes me grief in this panicked typing frenzy. As I said I’m a trans man… but I have not and don’t really have intentions on transitioning both because of my bigender nature combined with the current scientific possibilities of what I could do with my body isn’t enough for me, I know I’d continue to not feel man enough, but for different reasons. That’s really the thing: not being man enough. I identify with masculine pronouns and, being aegosexual, I imagine myself in scenarios where I am a cis-styled man… but I look like a woman, and sometimes I’m chill with and even can bring myself to smile at my appearance. Oftentimes I wish my chest or butt were bigger. That’s the bigender in me, though I cringe every time my unknowing mother calls me her daughter. That’s why I personally can’t get involved in single-sex sexuality communities. I don’t feel like I belong in there. I feel like a strange perv if I like a gay man and can’t even indulge in mlm ‘x reader’ fanfiction because I feel like some strange chic that has a fetish, as if someone is watching me and calling me various names. I couldn’t bring myself to say hi to a straight woman and explain myself or my advances without feeling like a bigot’s horror movie protagonist. I walk outside feeling good in my outfit… and then I think about how I like my current shirt because it hugs my chest… I think about how that’s not really how a boy should look. I use trans masc as a cop-out because trans masc is unspecific in just the right ways and trans male implies expectations… like should strive to ‘pass’.

Then there is straight men… I feel (of my own volition) that I can’t say anything about my gender identity… like wouldn’t it be weird? Sure your hot boyfriend has a nice rack… but you have a *boyfriend*. And the men that are attracted to me are, sure, attracted to all of me, but would want to have intercourse with me (a reference to my aegosexuality) 99% of the time (waiting for that 1%). I mean… I look like someone who would like to have sex outside of their own mind. To say it in the nicest way possible to myself: I wouldn’t and don’t attract celibates. I barely was able to tell an old ex that I changed my name, they don’t know jack about my gender identity and I’d be terrified to not keep it that way.

So then there is my fellow bisexuals and other people with multi-gender attraction… people who would accept me in my aspects. But just like every other (mostly) sex-repulsed asexuals I find it very difficult to imagine someone who would be… okay with me? Besides. Even in the asexual community I feel like an outsider and not even just because of my aego-ness. I read posts all the time of people being disgusted at the mere sight of a couple kissing or sex in a movie, treating it like something dirty and unnecessary, something to be cut out. I flinch every time… I feel like I am the one that’s disgusting, like I’m doing something wrong… I kind of like the sex in a movie… I want to be kissed and touched and held and I basically like foreplay. Oh to roll around in the sheets and then to slow down to a cuddling pace. A make-out session expressed as a sign of passion, an aggressive way to say you look nice today.

I’m proud of the flags I fly, so damn proud of the communities I’m in… but with all my colors I feel like a clown. Both in being complicated, but also in feeling like someone playing dress up. I’m at a party I wasn’t invited to and the children hate me.

[dragonsatmidnight]

So random thing that has been bothering me.

I found this series, amazing series, love it. Compelling, well written, stunning, amazing. Basically, Tales of the Arabian Nights setting, with a trans young woman as a main character. I don’t want to spoil the plot, if you want to know more of the plot, read Stealing Thunder by Alina Boyden.

There’s a straight up hijra (south Asian community term for trans woman) dynasty. No trans men. No trans masc people. No one nonbinary. But lots of trans women. And that’s fine, I want trans women to have rep. It's just that most of the books I’ve read with trans masculine characters are about teenage trans angst, and I lived through that, I don’t need to read about it.

Not entirely the point. I tried to use duckduckgo to find my way around the internet to find a trans masc equivalent for hijra. There isn’t one. Okay, let me try other cultural identities. There are a lot of cultures who have words for AMAB trans people, but nothing for trans masc people.

The closest I found, which was admittedly a really cool history fact, was Inanna. She was the most venerated Babylonian goddess, with the ability to change people’s gender. Her entire clergy was nonbinary folks, and people who presented as neither male nor female. Her temples are some of the earliest examples we have of cuneiform, or written language. Goes back to about 4000 BCE. Trans people have literally always been here. 

But trans men don’t often have words. After thoroughly digging into transgender people in ancient history, I can tell you about hijras in India, kathoeys in Thailand, khanith in Arabia, nádleehi of the Navajo tribe, lhamana of the Zuni tribe, and galli priestesses in Rome, Greece, and Phrygia. All of these groups of people are immediately mentioned on the transgender history wikipedia page, where as trans masculine folks have “been referenced,” in texts.

After more digging, I can tell you that an island that is part of Indonesia, Sulawesi, has five different gender identities, including calalai, which is a term for a trans masculine person.

To be very, very clear on where I’m coming from. I’m glad trans women have words. I’m glad they have communities, and histories, and places they belong. I’m super glad this book exists, and I want to give Stealing Thunder to every single teenage trans girl I can find. Phenomenal book, phenomenal story, and a very rich cultural history. Those are all wonderful things.

My only point in comparing all of these experiences to trans men is because trans masculine history exists. We can find references for it, follow trails of bread crumbs, and sort out the “woman who dressed as a man to get ahead” and “AFAB person who dressed as a man because that’s their identity.” But I want words. I want to go back in time and figure out what words people used to identify, what words people used to find themselves.

And more than that, I’m tired of being a foot note. I’m tired of being “ah yes, you exist sometimes too!” I’m tired of feeling pushed out of my own community. I’m tired of finding these cool, amazing, wonderful books I love to reread and not seeing myself in them. Transgender men have existed throughout time. We’ve contributed to the community, been activists and caretakers and people who stood guard and advocated for safety. We’ve donated to ground breaking research, showed up to protests during the AIDS epidemic, thrown bricks at cops during Stonewall, and have otherwise contributed to and supported queer rights.

If you’re not seeing trans masculine voices, if you don’t see us in the community showing up and helping out, well. Either you’re not looking hard enough, or you’re erasing our contributions.

I refuse to continue to feel shame about the trans masculine people who predated me. I’m done believing the incomplete history I was told, that my people went full stealth, abandoned their community, and acted solely for their own self preservation. I show up when it matters. I know so many trans masculine people who show up when it matters, often thanklessly, often while being silenced on the oppression that they face in their day to day lives.

It is hard, and lonely, and I am feeling the centuries, and millennia, of gaps in my history and existence. I am tired of being erased. If you want to heal masculinity, start with the people who love it despite being punished for expressing it. Listen to trans masculine voices, and include us in the narrative of progress.

a lot y’all think it’s Peak Ally to be like “i treat trans men the same way i treat cis men uwu” but that isn’t helpful when u treat cis men like garbage bc u believe all men are biologically evil and don’t deserve basic human decency bc then guess what happens. u treat trans men like we’re evil and don’t deserve basic human decency. which, considering there’s currently a genocide being carried out against trans people (including trans men, bc ik some of y’all need to be reminded of that) in at least one country, maybe that’s like. not great!

[metalheadsforblacklivesmatter]

So we have this new pride flag, right? And don't get me wrong. I love acknowledging how homophobia and transphobia effects intersex people. I also love validating intersex people that consider themselves part of the LGBTQ+ community.

But I think we need to just throw this away and start over.

I think the problem is most modern pride flags focus on the people in the community, but the rainbow flag was very Live, Laugh, Love about it. Yes?

Like the trans flag.

Blue for trans-masc. Pink for transfemme. White for enby.

Bi flag.

Pink for love women. Blue for love men. Purple for love enby.

Asexual flag

Black for asexual. Grey for grey-a and demi. White for non-ace partners and allies. Purple for community.

So when people say grey-a people don't belong in the asexual community you can point at the grey strip and yell "THAT'S WHAT THE GREY IS FOR".

So maybe we rework the rainbow flag to focus on who is part of the community?

Black. Brown for BIPOC people and to remember who started the LGBT revolution. Blue, white, pink for the trans people. Dark pink for bi and pan. Red for Love (as in love is love). Orange to lesbian. Yellow for intersex. Green for aro. Blue for Men loving men. Purple for asexual?

So instead of the rainbow flag as we know it, we use the color(s) that represent them in their respective flags?

And rainbow theme is like "everyone under the rainbow". So it'll be known as the "queer" flag.

Yes? That way we don't keep adding stuff to validate people? If intersex people don't feel validated you just point at the yellow are shout THAT'S WHAT THE YELLOW IS!

-fae

[slowpokegamer]

Howdy, here's a handy dandy pinned post

Goofy little intro post about me and everything I usually post about here 🪱

You can call me Slowpoke 👋

I'm 22, Trans masc, and demisexual, and this is a blog for all my mind vomit, mostly art and sometimes writing!

I tend to post and create for whatever I'm currently hyperfixated on at the moment, so if you're wanting to follow me for something specific there may be long instances where I don't post that specific thing. You either love me at my year and half long Ninjago hyperfixation or not at all /lh

Some other bits of info about me is I have autism and will tend to use tone indicators, and occasionally my blog will contain mature themes. Nothing sexually explicit of course! Just maybe some suggestive humor and light gore. I don't mind minors interacting with my content, but please keep in mind that I am an adult and this is an adult space. I try to tag well known triggers in my posts but may miss some of them, so if ever need to tag something shoot me an ask and I'll fix it!

Of course, my blog does follow the usual DNI criteria, so if you're a pr*shipper, homophobic, transphobic, don't believe Ace people belong in the LGBTQ community, you get the point,,, kindly block me and don't talk to me you're nasty 💣

I also am a very active self shipper and half of my OCs are self inserts, so if thats not your thing either this blog won't be for you

I've got a whole range of interests and hyperfixations, but here are the main ones (some may be added and removed as time goes on)

Fallout New Vegas

The Elder Scrolls (I still have a side blog for TES content, so follow me at @scamp-on-a-lamp for that good shit)

Red Dead Redemption

Razia's Shadow

Pokemon

Dungeons and Dragons

The Witcher

Warrior Cats

So yeah, hope you enjoy your stay and like what I post :) I'm always open for asks and chatting so if you've got any questions just send me a message

Here a few other places to find me, see y'all soon 💞💞👇

F/O List if you're curious what silly little fictional men I am in love with👍

TES Blog: @scamp-on-a-lamp

Instagram: _cryptidc0re_

Tiktok: .cryptid_.c0re

Main Twitter: Sl0wp0ke_G4mer (mutuals can have access to the spicy art account if they ask 🤲)

Toyhouse: SlowpokeGamer

Ao3: SlowpokeGamer

[yuribalisms]

Hey so I hear you about the complexities of identity language! I'm a queer trans man and have struggled a lot with how others have used certain terms (like bi vs pan).

And I'm not here to tell you how to feel or claim that I'm an expert on queer history because I am *definitely* not.

But I did want to say that people using the term 'lesbian' while being attracted to men is more than just a strange Tumblr/teen phenomenon. Reading up on Leslie Steinberg and queer lit like Stone Butch Blues taught me a lot about labels have been used, oppressed, erased, and (eventually) reformed among the younger queer community.

This included some interesting history about lesbian, dyke, and butch identities acting as sort-of fluid gender identities. A lesbian could be someone who took a masculine role in their relationships - that of a butch girlfriend (wlw) or that of the "more masc" person in a wlm relationship.

When I was figuring my shit out, "like a lesbian but also a gay man" was a phrase I used. I didn't have other words at the time. For me, the phrase expressed "relating to the woman experience as someone who was afab + loving women fiercely bc of it + but being feminine in a way that is NOT typical for people afab + also loving men but only gay men (which feels weird since I'm allegedly a girl???"

Eventually I was like "aha! I'm transmasc and bi, and I enjoy feminine people regardless of gender labels!" but it took me a decade to figure that out, you know??

I'm not saying it's easy, and it's definitely challenging for me still. But learning that people have combined and redefined queer labels to try and find themselves for the entirety of queer history... well, it's made me less frazzled and helped me to be more accepting of others.

🌈

So like.... I get what you’re saying, and I get where you’re coming from. A lot of labels have changed definitions and the way they’re used throughout lgbtq history, but um..... I just do not think that lesbian should or needs to change to include an attraction to men, no matter how people are trying to conceptualize their attraction. (Especially when terms like sapphic, butch, wlw already exist and are free for anyone to use, whether they happen to be a lesbian, bi, pan, queer, what have you).

There are so many terms and labels and sexualities that encompass attraction to both men and women, so I just cannot fathom why these people are insisting upon trying to use literally the one label used to define the experience of attraction that doesn’t include men.... to describe their attraction that ultimately includes men

I am a non-binary lesbian, I am afab and trans but a lesbian. I understand how difficult it can be to try and understand and conceptualize your own identities, but I’m getting so defensive over this because lesbians really can’t have shit.

It’s such an alienating experience, only being attracted to women when you are not a man. Lesbian is the only word we have to claim. Why do these people (who can just say they’re bi/pan/omni) just have to insert themselves into that narrative and community when they ultimately don’t belong and aren’t going to understand?

Again, I’m not denying that they feel like a wlw or sapphic, but if they are still attracted to men, regardless of their gender identity, they are still bi (or whatever sexuality falls under the bi umbrella). They are not a lesbian.

So many lesbians have struggled so long (of all gender identities and experiences) in a world that expects and operates as if women are attracted to men. Almost all lesbians still struggle with men insisting they just need to try one, or that they’re secretly attracted to men, struggle with comphet, etc. There is just context, sometimes, when it comes to these labels and communities.

Lesbians have struggled for so long with a male dominated society, we have our one word, our one label, to describe how we feel, to voice that we are not attracted to men and will not center them in our relationships.

So why do these bi people insist upon trying to take it for themselves when they already have so many other words to describe their attraction, if it’s not because they can’t fathom that there is literally one space that was not meant for them, or they just don’t care about the context or the way this makes actual lesbians feel?

(Because our feelings are invalidated over and over and over again, both by cishets but also within the lgbtq community)

Like I said. I do not believe lesbian is a label that should ever be “redefined” or “reclaimed” in anyway that implies attraction to men. Certainly not at this point in society. And the people who try and use it when they are attracted to men either just do not think about anything for longer than two seconds, or are just selfish enough not to care about how lesbians would feel about this or how it would affect us

These people are bi. There is nothing wrong with that. The lesbian label just is not for them, lesbian only spaces and discussions are not for them. And they need to learn to fucking respect that