#it’s a handful of bi non-binary ppl who want to alter the definition to suit themselves

[yuribalisms]

Hey so I hear you about the complexities of identity language! I'm a queer trans man and have struggled a lot with how others have used certain terms (like bi vs pan).

And I'm not here to tell you how to feel or claim that I'm an expert on queer history because I am *definitely* not.

But I did want to say that people using the term 'lesbian' while being attracted to men is more than just a strange Tumblr/teen phenomenon. Reading up on Leslie Steinberg and queer lit like Stone Butch Blues taught me a lot about labels have been used, oppressed, erased, and (eventually) reformed among the younger queer community.

This included some interesting history about lesbian, dyke, and butch identities acting as sort-of fluid gender identities. A lesbian could be someone who took a masculine role in their relationships - that of a butch girlfriend (wlw) or that of the "more masc" person in a wlm relationship.

When I was figuring my shit out, "like a lesbian but also a gay man" was a phrase I used. I didn't have other words at the time. For me, the phrase expressed "relating to the woman experience as someone who was afab + loving women fiercely bc of it + but being feminine in a way that is NOT typical for people afab + also loving men but only gay men (which feels weird since I'm allegedly a girl???"

Eventually I was like "aha! I'm transmasc and bi, and I enjoy feminine people regardless of gender labels!" but it took me a decade to figure that out, you know??

I'm not saying it's easy, and it's definitely challenging for me still. But learning that people have combined and redefined queer labels to try and find themselves for the entirety of queer history... well, it's made me less frazzled and helped me to be more accepting of others.

🌈

So like.... I get what you’re saying, and I get where you’re coming from. A lot of labels have changed definitions and the way they’re used throughout lgbtq history, but um..... I just do not think that lesbian should or needs to change to include an attraction to men, no matter how people are trying to conceptualize their attraction. (Especially when terms like sapphic, butch, wlw already exist and are free for anyone to use, whether they happen to be a lesbian, bi, pan, queer, what have you).

There are so many terms and labels and sexualities that encompass attraction to both men and women, so I just cannot fathom why these people are insisting upon trying to use literally the one label used to define the experience of attraction that doesn’t include men.... to describe their attraction that ultimately includes men

I am a non-binary lesbian, I am afab and trans but a lesbian. I understand how difficult it can be to try and understand and conceptualize your own identities, but I’m getting so defensive over this because lesbians really can’t have shit.

It’s such an alienating experience, only being attracted to women when you are not a man. Lesbian is the only word we have to claim. Why do these people (who can just say they’re bi/pan/omni) just have to insert themselves into that narrative and community when they ultimately don’t belong and aren’t going to understand?

Again, I’m not denying that they feel like a wlw or sapphic, but if they are still attracted to men, regardless of their gender identity, they are still bi (or whatever sexuality falls under the bi umbrella). They are not a lesbian.

So many lesbians have struggled so long (of all gender identities and experiences) in a world that expects and operates as if women are attracted to men. Almost all lesbians still struggle with men insisting they just need to try one, or that they’re secretly attracted to men, struggle with comphet, etc. There is just context, sometimes, when it comes to these labels and communities.

Lesbians have struggled for so long with a male dominated society, we have our one word, our one label, to describe how we feel, to voice that we are not attracted to men and will not center them in our relationships.

So why do these bi people insist upon trying to take it for themselves when they already have so many other words to describe their attraction, if it’s not because they can’t fathom that there is literally one space that was not meant for them, or they just don’t care about the context or the way this makes actual lesbians feel?

(Because our feelings are invalidated over and over and over again, both by cishets but also within the lgbtq community)

Like I said. I do not believe lesbian is a label that should ever be “redefined” or “reclaimed” in anyway that implies attraction to men. Certainly not at this point in society. And the people who try and use it when they are attracted to men either just do not think about anything for longer than two seconds, or are just selfish enough not to care about how lesbians would feel about this or how it would affect us

These people are bi. There is nothing wrong with that. The lesbian label just is not for them, lesbian only spaces and discussions are not for them. And they need to learn to fucking respect that