Chuuya was a fiery person.
He learned that the only way to be truly respected was to be irritable and commanding — it worked. He was right. Being weak and folding to other people's will was not part of him anymore, he was Chuuya with a capital C and he was the untouchable executive of the Port Mafia — he didn't need anyone else, he had himself, respect, relative safety, and a stupid mackerel to kill.
Oh, and he had you.
OR
chuuya nakahara's loving written by a chuuya kinnie projecting herself into her work.
Warnings: nothing much, just chuuya's thoughts on love and himself. A dash of angst if you really think about how lonely he is...
Chuuya was a fiery person.
He learned that the only way to be truly respected was to be irritable and commanding — it worked. He was right. Being weak and folding to other people's will was not part of him anymore, he was Chuuya with a capital C and he was the untouchable executive of the Port Mafia — he didn't need anyone else, he had himself, respect, relative safety, and a stupid mackerel to kill.
Oh, and he had you.
And the untouchable executive had to rest, too.
Chuuya had his arms wrapped around you while your head laid against his chest, and his on the pillows. He was so tired, you could feel it when you were this close to him — but you could also feel he was content with just being here with you, holding you in silence.
He couldn't begin to imagine how he even got himself here. He loved you so much, he was so sure of that — you were everything to him. You understood him so deeply, sympathized with him, cared for him, been there to listen to his shitty childhood, been there when he was drunk and tired and mean. Been there through both his best and his worst.
There was a silence he couldn't fill with words. He didn't know what to do with these feelings half the time. You were just so, so precious to him. He didn't want to lose you. He couldn't lose you, it'd ruin him forever. Losing you now would be like dying.
He'd sacrifice his life for you, he'd dedicate his soul to you, and if the world was against you — then he was sending a goddamn planet out of orbit. But Chuuya knew you didn't even want that. You wanted him to love and to be loved — to be human. He never had someone like you before, you proved to him so many times you didn't want his power, or his position, or his potential. You wanted him, you liked how human he was despite of what he was. You commented on his care and loyalty and his compassion — you separated him from the other vile humans, you said he was so much more than them. You loved him without obligating him to love you in return.
You were his proof of humanity. What a joke. Did you even know what you were getting yourself into? What it meant to love someone like him — someone who was just lines of code, stuffed into skin and bones? Someone who had accepted that they couldn't be truly loved long before you? Someone who's very existence flawed them? Someone who wasn't even human? Didn't you know — or did you not care?
Chuuya sighed against you now. He could feel you were asleep in his arms. He needed to protect you, he needed to keep you close to him — you made him feel human. You were proof he could love, he could feel, he could live. That he didn't have to feel guilty for existing. He didn't have to have a purpose — he could live and laugh and love without being useful. It sounded like a fever dream to a boy who was made to be a weapon.
Chuuya started lowly humming a tune into the cold air of the room. The song was familiar — his mother had sung it to him. He could barely remember it. He definitely had a life before this. He probably had a mother, a father, old childhood friends, even siblings —
— but this was okay, too.
He couldn't believe you were here with him. He couldn't believe he had someone that could accept him. Someone who didn't just tolerate him, or use him — someone who loved him. You loved him so genuinely and deeply that you would sacrifice your happiness just like he would his own. You gave him more than respect, you gave him stability. You gave him the feeling of home he had never truly felt.
Chuuya Nakahara was a fiery person.
But he had always yearned for a gentle love.
║Ⓒ reapkusho on tumblr. 2024. all rights reserved. refrain from translating, copying, or stealing in any way, etc.
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i can empathize with House so heavily because having trouble walking sucks. it can make you grumpy, unpleasant, and so closed off to everyone around you because you assume no one around you could possibly relate to what you're dealing with. being dependent on other people for minute tasks is allowing yourself to be vulnerable yet feeling isolated. the feeling of isolation digs the hole you hide in even deeper into the ground. it's placing yourself in such a vulnerable spot to ask for help with said things because you go back and forth with "i currently can't walk around my 800sq ft apt, but 'what if they view me as weak. what if they decide they don't want to take care of me anymore for i am not their responsibility, but i cannot currently help myself so i need to depend on someone else to do what most people can do without thinking twice about." and then its your mind telling you "its all in your head, you're faking it." which results into you pushing through the pain and becoming more injured, feeling more isolated.'
house had his moments, but i think his behavior was so rooted in pain and the world moving so quickly around him that he didn't know how to communicate it. I'm not saying all of his behaviors were justified, but they can be understood.
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Not to get pedantic (oh who am i kidding that’s most of this blog) but I am genuinely fascinated by the potential applications of the established canon in HoO and TOA that the gods canonically have both historic and regional forms, and can appear as specific versions of those forms and have kids of those specific forms, which influence what powers the kid has/what pantheon they fall under/etc etc (and also the implication that demigods can be born under multiple forms of a singular deity). This is somewhat backed up even earlier in the first series when we’re told that Percy has earthquake powers because of his father being Poseidon “The Earthshaker” (which is Mycenaean Poseidon) - which could also tie into why Percy generally takes leadership roles, is hopping in and out of the Underworld a lot, and is apparently particularly powerful for even just a Big 3 kid, since all that would line up with Mycenaean Poseidon being generally put at the head of the pantheon and also being a chthonic deity.
Now this gets really interesting when we start looking at deities being combined and conflated, because a.) the Romans weren’t the only ones doing that and b.) the Romans had their own gods originally, they didn’t just take the Greek ones and slap a new name on them. They merged a lot with their own preexisting deities alongside adopting worship of deities from other cultures as the Romans spread (and the Greeks also did this), and c.) the ancient Greeks and Romans did exist at the same time.
Like, we know in terms of the Greeks and Romans that if their godly parents are “equivalent” then their demigod children are siblings, just like if Greek demigods have the “same” godly parent then they are also siblings. However, very few Greco-Roman gods are one-to-one, and a lot are like three gods in a trench coat, and then if you want to get into historical forms then you can start running into weird things like “Well, if you go back far enough, these two Greek gods may have originated from the same thing-” and also if we’re talking historical forms, again, the Greeks and Romans existed at the same time! Which means there would be historic forms of godly parents that are both Greek and Roman! So like, where do we go from there? Would Hazel be equally siblings to a child of Plutus as she is to Nico because both Hades and Plutus were conflated into Pluto? Orcus was also conflated with Pluto - does that mean when Nico killed Bryce Lawrence, he was killing his half-brother? (cause then that parallels just a couple chapters later when Will faces off against Octavian-) Are there demigods who, depending on their godly parents’ form(s), are technically both a Greek and Roman demigod? If Hermes and Pan possibly originated from the same god, does that mean all the satyrs are siblings with the Hermes kids? If we want to get into all the nonsense of Dionysus’ origins and Zagreus and Hades, does that mean Nico is technically siblings with Dionysus kids? Does Dionysus joke about this during their therapy sessions? Are some demigods in certain cabins siblings with kids in other cabins but each others’ siblings aren’t siblings depending on what form their godly parents were in?
I have a headache now.
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i think so hard about how emmet is autistic and sorry to everyone who doesnt wanna hear it but i as an autistic am about to talk about why i really like that a lot. something i find about him wanting to preform social interactions correctly and struggling to make friends who are deemed "normal" and think his mask is weird even though hes trying to be normal and following the rules everyone else does already cues off to me as being autistic. but the way he sticks to routine and what's familiar and how he finds not following what he knows freaks him out even in the second movie. the way he constantly was initially telling lucy how everything she was doing was against the rules. even doing things like still continuing to get his morning coffee in apocalypseburg, how hell listen to the same song on repeat and watch the same tv show no matter how many times it stays the same, even his ideas seemingly based only around a few select interests while the others seem to be able to adapt any build into their style. on top of that. the house he designs being based off something hes familiar with already, the yellow house with blue roof that he ran into with lucy. i feel in his mind, he sees that as a dream house for him and lucy because he remembers that from when they first met, he remembers thats when she called him the special.
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Today the NY Times published a bombshell piece analyzing the video evidence Israel had produced concerning the Gaza hospital strike. They concluded that the evidence the IDF had produced shows the missile came from the direction of Israel, not Gaza. They also confirmed that this is the same evidence that has been used by US intelligence agencies to give credibility to the Israeli claim, and that these agencies just have "different interpretations of these videos," which seems highly suspect considering the NY Times has pretty conclusively shown that these claims don't match up with the produced evidence.
This piece shows pretty clearly that the Israeli government cannot be trusted about anything, whether it be claims about what they are doing or the supposed evidence they produce to back up what they say. But I also think it shows something else pretty clearly: Investigative journalists are not your enemy. It takes time to dismantle propaganda claims, and it is not responsible reporting to accuse any group, even one like the IDF, of something like bombing a hospital without concrete evidence. Please don't assume that just because the media isn't marching in lockstep with what is being said here on tumblr.edu that journalists and reporters aren't trying to do their jobs with integrity, or that they are just regurgitating statements made by the Israeli government without analysis. That isn't true, and it does everyone a great disservice to assume that social media is the only reliable way to get your news.
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