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ghostflowerhotpotch · 1 year ago

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Miles' Drawings Compilation

Sure you don't, champ?

Okay, this will be less of an analysis, and more of a collection of frames showing the drawings of Miles; I will also take notes of how many times someone appears, appearance and other details.

Let's dive in!

For this, I would looking for frames on 3 times on the movie; his sketchbook at the beginning, the wall on the subway, and his sketchbook again in Gwen's hands this time around.

We start with Miles drawing on this sketchbook.

Okay, while looking for frames I realized that some pages weren't completely show or were just being flipped, I captured as much as I could, but again, I am not doing this in any professional fashion, just pressing pause a bunch of times at half speed.

Complete Pages

First Page we see, Gwen is front and centre in a page solely dedicated to her.

For the appearance of this shot, I am pretty sure this is based on Gwen going down the portal, the last time he saw her.

Gwen appearances: 1

Gwen is the taking most of the page, but Aaron is here too, alive and looking just like another dude, as he remembers him.

There is some lettering around in the other pages, tho is hard to see.

We have one mysterious person that is mostly being obscured by Miles's head, so it will go as undefined character.

Some ketches of a street.

Gwen appearances: 2

Undefined character: 1

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 1

Lettering: 2

Okay! At first appearance, Gwen is only taking a quarter of the page; we also have Noir's first appearance, and Miles doing some Lettering, and finally some light doodles close to the spine.

Gwen appearances: 3

Undefined character: 1

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 1

Noir: 1

Lettering: 3

Doodles: 1

Okay! This entire a mostly Gwen only page, there is some words there but I think that would be more calligraphy than lettering, but would count it as lettering to not have too many numbers to keep track of.

And to give some chance to other things to score points.

Gwen appearances: 4

Undefined character: 1

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 1

Noir: 1

Lettering: 5

Doodles: 2

Once more Gwen is the biggest thing on the screen, but we have more people this time around! Thought Rio and Jeff some to be just sketches with lineart while he is putting full color to Gwen. Another point for lettering and doodle, which also, isn't that such an adorable little alien?

Gwen appearances: 5

Undefined character: 1

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 1

Noir: 1

Lettering: 3

Doodles: 3

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Once again Gwen is the bigger piece, but is also Peter's first appearance! I wonder how he would feel knowing it took this long for him to show up here.

Gwen appearances: 6

Undefined character: 1

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 2

Noir: 1

Lettering: 3

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 1

Double whammy this time around, Gwen appears big on the top corner, but also on the other page, apparently dancing. We also have a small hooded figure that I think may be Miles himself but I am not sure, and 2 people who I can't be sure who they are, so I will have those last three as Undefined characters, and finally, some more landscapes.

Gwen appearances: 8

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 3

Noir: 1

Lettering: 4

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 1

Gwen being at the top of the page is not surprising at this rate, but I had also realized now that until this point, every drawing Miles has been actively working on has been Gwen's, except for the second page. I may add the total number at the end of this post because I am already counting a lot of things already.

Some lettering and Landscapes are here as well.

Gwen appearances: 9

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 1

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 1

Lettering: 5

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 1

Not only Aaron comes back, with Miles writing "Rest in Power," on it, I found this detail interesting because this phrase is also used a lot for people who struggled with systematic oppression; which there is a big chance was Aaron's case.

In the comics, Aaron and Jeff were criminals initially, with Jeff reforming once he became a father. We aren't sure what exactly is Jeff and Aaron's backstory in this universe; but I wouldn't discard the possibility that it was the same; with Aaron feeling he may had no other option not just because he already started this path, but because he couldn't get out due to circumstances.

Aside of this, we have another two drawings of Gwen.

We also have a drawing of Miles fighting against Dr. Oct, I wonder if this is suppose to represent the battle at the collider, or a new fight he may had with her.

Gwen appearances: 10

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 2

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 1

Lettering: 6

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 1

Miles: 1

Gwen is taking most of the page in this one, but we also have Peni's first appearance alongside her first robot. Also, on top of Gwen it says a small note of "Buy more Red!"

Gwen appearances: 11

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 2

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 1

Lettering: 6

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 1

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 1

And Noir is back! You know, considering he was the second one to appear, and the first to reappear, I wonder if Miles liked Noir that much, or maybe he is going it as art study of some sorts, since he is quite literally void of color.

Gren Goblin Appears! I didn't even register this before, I guess it does leave you with an impression.

Gwen appearances: 12

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 2

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 2

Lettering: 6

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 1

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 1

Green Goblin: 1

(FINALLY! This page goes on so quickly it took me multiple times to get it, jeez if anybody has a better idea of how to capture frames, please tell me in an ask or something please.)

Okay! So multiple people this time around, we can see Gwen a couple of times (because of course,) Noir is back (and I think my theory of this being black and white study is becoming stronger,) and on the other page we can see that Peter B is back again. Some equations as well, perhaps he needed to do it on the fly? Seems off to use his sketch book for this but oh well.

Gwen appearances: 14

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 2

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 3

Lettering: 7

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 2

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 1

Green Goblin: 1

The following pages were the ones I couldn't get complete because they were obscured when full on display, or there was never a chance on that shot to seeing the entire page.

Half Pages

On this one, we see this is the top part of page three, which is another Gwen drawing, surprise surprise. This means now she went for being in a quarter of the page to taking half the page.

Gwen appearances: 15

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 2

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 3

Lettering: 7

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 2

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 1

Green Goblin: 1

This one was hard to get, but we can see that before his hand got on top of the drawing, there was a doodle not just of Aaron, but Aaron as the Prowler!

Gwen appearances: 15

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 3

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 3

Lettering: 7

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 2

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 1

Green Goblin: 1

And finally, of course our final doodle of this sequence would be a big, beautiful close up of Gwen. Honestly his memory is impressive.

Gwen appearances: 16

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 3

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 3

Lettering: 7

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 2

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 1

Green Goblin: 1

With that, we go to the next part, the wall!

Mural

Since this one Miles just adding more drawings and such, there is really one frame to analyze. I could in theory talk about who he draws first and in which order, but I decided not to in hopes I can include all drawings in one post without hitting the limit of pics.

Is a big difficult to see everything, specially if seem in one go, so I did a breakdown of each character here.

The wall is interesting because unlike the Notebook, everyone except Aaron appears an equal amount of times, while Aaron only appears 2 times instead of 3, I found interesting how Miles drawn him both as the uncle he remembered, and the Prowler. I think even if he was technically a bad guy, Miles preferred to remember his uncle for the enterity of who he was, the good at the bad.

Also, front at centre we have Gwen, Aaron and Peter for the most part, which were also important key players last movie.

And I just notice, but this is the first time Ham appears in Miles's drawings! He is also the last one; huh, maybe not too much into cartoony art style?

Gwen appearances: 19

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 5

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 6

Lettering: 7

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 5

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 4

Green Goblin: 1

Ham: 3

Miles Notebook in Gwen's Hands.

. . .

I wasn't sure if they were going to show different drawings when Gwen had the books in her hands, I thought it was worth taking a look in case something was different, but it would make sense to just use the ones they already showcased.

What I did not expect, was to catch a continuity error.

Notice it yet? The page on the left actually had those exact same drawings on a right page earlier, in fact that page was suppose to come after the page on the right,

This is not really the first continuity error I had caught, I thought of doing a post about it, but with the news of the overworked animators I felt almost like an insult point out the mistakes when they were already working overtime to finish this movie. Perhaps at one point in the future when things had calmed down.

And if the last paragraph didn't made it clear enough: I don't want to hear anything against the animators for any possible mistakes I may point out or not in the future, I had dealt with far bigger bullshit than this and all things consider the people working on this movie deserve an award for multiple reasons.

With that out of the way, I came to see that actually, Ham DOES appear in the notebook! Miles shoulders made him difficult to see him as well as the explosion, but here he is!

Gwen appearances: 19

Undefined character: 4

Aaron appearances: 5

Landscapes: 5

Noir: 6

Lettering: 7

Doodles: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Peter: 5

Miles: 1

Peni and SP//dr: 4

Green Goblin: 1

Ham: 4

And here we have the only drawings that didn't appear before, which is of course, another big one with Gwen on it.

Also, we had seen Miles do some lettering, but, is it just me or this is the first time he has done it with her name?

On the other page we have a bus ticket, that upon closer inspection, is the Hudson Valley ticket from the last movie! This one in particular seems to be going TO Brooklyn, which means this is the ticket he had for when he, Gwen and Peter were coming back. No wonder he keep that one!

There is also a last mysterious person I have no idea who may be, I think maybe Genki? I don't remember his hair being that long but maybe it was like that at point? Will be put as a mysterious person in the final tally.

Final countdown.

Okay! The numbers may be a bit off, and I guess one could argue how many things could count as doodles/lettering, but the results seems to be this!

Gwen: 20

Lettering: 9

Noir: 6

Aaron: 5

Peter: 5

Undefined character: 5

Landscapes: 5

Doodles: 4

Peni and SP//dr: 4

Ham: 4

Rio: 1

Jeff: 1

Miles: 1

Green Goblin: 1

Miles's parents tied up with Green Goblin in appearances, which is kind of funny, but I guess he doesn't spend that much time with his parents, and he has them always in his corner so is not like he misses them like the rest. Green Goblin was probably because it could be interesting to draw.

Then we have Ham and Peni on the lower end of characters that appear, this makes sense since they didn't interact that much with Miles inthe last movie.

Landscape, Doodles and Undefined Characters come after it on the numbers, but I don't think there is much to talk about those.

Peter and Aaron being tied isn't that surprising all things consider, what it is surprised is that Noir of all people appeared more than them; I insist it can be explained by Miles trying to do black and white drawings.

Lettering is the second thing that appears the most, this number can varied depending if you lump together Grafitti style with Caligraphy or not, or even on the fact that there were some words that I didn't count for this. I think is safe to say the number would still be high one way or another.

But nothing is topping Gwen, who appears AT LEAST, 20 times in Miles's drawings.

Wow.

And Gwen is still the one who won the poll in who has crushing harder, and the worst part is that even with this number she winning makes sense.

They are both so stupid for each other, I love it.

Well, this post was more work than I expected, but it was a lot of fun either way, and this pics will be useful for references later.

I encourage people to reblog this post specially since I believe regardless if you ship Ghostflower or not, this information can come handy for anyone interested in the contents of the notebook or for fic reasons.

Thanks for reading and stay awesome!

#ghostflower #gwiles #miles morales #across the spiderverse #atsv #atvs spoilers #across the spiderverse spoilers #gwen stacy #ghostflower files #atsv files

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agarthanguide · 1 year ago

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Very much love your take on the new looks for Orym and Ashton! I saw a bit of your post about how Liam and Tal give feedback... would you be willing to share any information about how the back-and-forth process works between you and the actors as you work on their stuff? (I just love hearing HOW the awesome happens, not just the end results.)

Yeah okay. Lemme think, here. Alright let's so this as a numbered list-

1- Actor sends description of character. This is pretty broadly interpreted, in my experience. It's something between a brief paragraph, an annotated pdf, and multiple pinterest boards.

2- I send back a Pitch. This has taken multiple forms in the past, but it's generally settled into a few pages, that kinda go- a- Poses and Vibe Sketches- This includes little portraits, attitude poses, a couple sketches showing extreme dynamism or movement. I try to suggest outfits and weapons or accessories, here, but I don't spend a lot of time fleshing it out. b- Outfit Poses- usually on a turnaround or one fairly lowkey pose. I try to include 3 or 4 serious attempts at outfits and maybe a couple of backs, if it's important. c- Color- I usually just pick an outfit at random and try to give it a few different palettes. If the actor is absolutely sure what the palette is, or if it's a character I've worked with before, I might just make one palette and briefly color each of the outfit sketches from b in that palette d- Accessories, Weapons, Other Important Stuff- if the character is carrying around like a book or a bird or a really specific weapon, I try to address that in its own space, though sketches for all of those things may exist on other pages. This has been known to be very pretty or a bit boring.

3- There is some form of back and forth between me and the actors (and a producer, who are all lovely and don't step in on creative things but are always working against a schedule and need to know how things are going. I just want to be clear that every producer at CR is a secret angel who eats deadlines and shits magic and every one of them totally Gets It. They are all One Of Us). The back and forth is always individual and based on the actor but it can be- a- Actor picks from menu, usually via complex "circling" system (also all sketches are numbered, so they can just ref numbers). b- Actor sort of picks from menu, while moderating and adding further references. c- Actor just sends a bunch more shit and I narrow stuff down based upon what they seem to be getting at.

4- There's this bit of finding what the pose is gonna be, marking in all the necessary accessories, getting that last email about adding a scar, can we add a necklace? etc. What you are left with is something that the Producers call "pre-final." If it hasn't already been with the modelers and painters this whole time, this is when the modelers and painters get the design and start their magic.

5- I go away into a cave for a time period of quiet reflection with my Gods. I refer to this period as "rendering." I cannot be reached by the reason of man and spend a lot of time bitching to my friends while I try to figure out why shading a cape is suddenly the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with in my life.

6- Done!

#i hope this is what you were asking for #and i didn't just write out a really boring list of chores lol #what's important is that the whole process feels private #even though I know it has the eyes of a LOT of people on it #including sensitivity consultants and friends and family of the actor #i consider that a Good Thing #it takes a village to raise a dnd character

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focsle · 1 year ago

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have you written anything about tattoos? is that relevant? don't know how your niche lines up with generic "sailor" tradition, but wikipedia simply says on knuckle tats that deckhands may get "HOLD / FAST" as a charm to support their grip on rigging, and i thought that was kind of cute.

I haven't written anything myself, mostly cos if you throw a stick out in the internet you'll find any number of articles about the symbolism of sailor tattoos, like hold fast and pigs and roosters and swallows and all that!

In my narrow window (the middle decades of the 19th century), I don't see tattoos mentioned all too often, compared to late 19th and throughout the 20th century where they became more common. For instance, this register of seaman's protection certificates (which are admittedly limited in the scope of things, since they're only from a few specific ports) from 1796-1871 rarely list tattoos as distinguishing marks, beyond the odd mention of being marked with an inked anchor, eagle, or letters here or there. Here's a neat jstor article (if you have any more of your 100 free monthly articles to read with a google account) that goes into late 18th-early 19th c tattoos that has some tables and visuals. The research was also done using seaman's protection certificates, with the following stat:

"The SPC-A records start in 1796 and include tattooed men born as early as 1746. There were 979 tattooed men out of a total of 9,772 men whose records survive from 1796 through 1818.26 These men were marked with a total of about 2,354 separate designs."

So, not a large number, but also 10% isn't insignificant. The protection certificates while a reliable source, also only describe the man in one specific moment. I'm sure a few of those men who just have their moles and scars and crooked fingers listed eventually picked up a tattoo or two in their time. Most journal keepers perhaps didn't think it important to mention who had tattoos or what of, though the typical motifs of anchors, nautical stars, girls, religious & patriotic imagery, etc. were certainly a part of the visual language at this point. Whaler William Abbe who sailed in the 1850s, devoted considerable attention to describing the physical appearance of some of his shipmates. In one instance, he wrote about the tattoos of one 'Johnny Come Lately' or 'Jack Marlinspike' (Real name, John Hewes of Buffalo NY)

'from beneath this cap his face looms out - while beneath supporting his comical head is a bare neck and breast — hairy + brown —the upper timbers to a stout hull of a boat that boast a pair of arms all covered with India ink tattooings — the figure of American Liberty — Christ on the cross — an American Tar holding a star spangled banner in one hand + a coil of rope in the other — a fancy girl — + anchors, rings, crosses, knots, stars all over his wrists + hands — the memorials of different ports he has visited — for Jack has been in all kinds of vessels from a man of war to a blubber hunter — + has consequently been to many ports.'

From the logbook of another whaler who sailed in the early 1840s, James Moore Ritchie, he had a page of his drawings with prices included. This potentially may have been a tattoo flash sheet for his shipmates:

American whalers also noted the tattoos of indigenous people who had signed on to whaling vessels, particularly in the South Pacific. William B. Whitecar, whaling in the 1850s wrote: "Several New Zealanders in the respective crews of these vessels attracted my attention from the tattooing on their bodies" making mention of "figures on their face and breast".

I'm too sleepy to have a conclusion lol. Tattoos! They existed! Though perhaps not as ubiquitously as the pop culture sailor designs would imply, at least prior to the late 19th c.

#asks #anonymous #awhalin

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mouwrites · 1 year ago

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Heyy I love yourrr writing soo muchhh and I wanted to ask if you could write a Kyle x y/n like the first moment when Kyle is going to have a crush on her 😍I would love that !!

I’m very glad you like my writing!! Here you go!

Word count: 682

South Park - Kyle Falls for You

You were totally lost. The numbers on the whiteboard might as well have been in another language; you couldn’t make anything of them, despite your valiant efforts to follow along throughout the entire class period.

You sighed, slumping forward in defeat. You rested your head on your palm, tilting it slightly to the side as you eased into the pose.

Your eyes landed on the paper next to your own. You idly watched the pencil scribble numbers down rapidly, circling one number in particular.

The teacher loudly announced the answer. It was the same number that your neighbor had circled on the page.

In a burst of shock (and perhaps a little frustration) you exclaimed:

“How did you do that?!”

You felt your cheeks turn pink. Luckily it wasn’t loud enough for the whole class to hear, but unfortunately it was loud enough to reach this brainiac’s ears.

To your surprise, he started talking back. “Oh, I just used the formula. You find the a and the b by looking at the dimensions of the shape…”

Quickly blinking away your initial shock, you followed along with his explanation. It actually made more sense than anything the teacher had been saying for the past hour, and, trying it yourself, you were able to get the same answer!

“Ha!” You beamed at your page. Then you turned your smile to your benefactor. “Thanks!”

He barely even looked at you. He just bobbed his head in acknowledgement, returning to his own work. You were too happy to interpret this as rudeness, so you went to your own work gratefully.

Kyle twisted the lock on his locker, carefully inputting the combination to unlock it. But the second he removed the lock, the door flew open on its own, papers and textbooks spilling everywhere. It had entirely emptied out onto the linoleum floor of the hallway; the only thing remaining inside was a rather large coat. Kyle knew that coat.

“Cartman..!” He fumed, slamming the locker door shut with force.

He was already almost late to class; the hallways were practically empty. He threw the coat as far as his arms would let him before stooping down to attempt to gather his things.

He was surprised to see the majority of them already gathered in a pair of hands that seemed vaguely familiar. He followed the arms to a face that, again, gave him a strange sense of recognition.

The hands jutted out, offering the stack of pages and books to him. He reluctantly accepted them.

“Thanks,” he said slowly, dividing his attention between this person and his locker as he stowed the supplies.

Their face wasn’t unpleasant to look at. No, not at all. With e/c eyes and h/c hair, Kyle might’ve actually said that this person was… attractive.

Ultimately, it was their smile that did it. “That’s for helping me in math today,” they jested with a twinkle in their eye.

Kyle stared dumbly. So that’s where he’d seen them before! He wondered why he hadn’t noticed them then; they were certainly more eye-catching than anyone else at school, now that he was looking at them.

A little laugh filled his ears. Oh no. His heart officially melted.

“Uh, we should probably get to class now.”

“C… class. Right.”

They cocked an eyebrow. “Yeah… class.” With an amused smile, they shut his locker for him and turned around, hurrying away to their own class.

With a sinking feeling, Kyle realized he was about to miss an important chance. “Wait! What’s your name?”

They turned their head just enough to call over their shoulder.

“Y/n!”

“Y/n,” he repeated quietly to himself. “I’m Kyle!”

He watched them disappear around a corner. His eyes flicked to Cartman’s coat on the ground. Maybe he wouldn’t have to throttle him after all…

His heart was hammering, and he was certain that his cheeks were darker than their usual tone. He didn’t mind, though. Just to have met this wonderful person… it was worth all of it.

The bell rang.

On second thought, Cartman was dead meat.

Thank you for your request! And thank you for reading, take care you sweethearts <33

(divider by saradika)

#south park #south park x reader #kyle broflovski #kyle broflovski x reader #kyle x reader

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thecapricunt1616 · 9 months ago

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The Bear & His Honey Chapter 4

Inspo: Quote- “ Innocence died screaming, honey, ask me- I should know. I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door.” Dedication: @daysofyellowroses - bestie thank you for inspiring and encouraging me to write. I haven’t felt more alive and inspired then I have in the past few days writing again. Thank you!! This is for you loveyyyy. Summary: Winnie & Carmy get closer. Have a marg over a mini therapy session, Winnie fixes up Carm’s panic injury. They find out there may just have been a single thread of gold tying them together the entire time. W/C: 5,484 A/N: Oh my lanta y’all!! 2 chapters in one day?! I promise- PROMISEEE tonight I am figuring a master list out, because I (myself) have been struggling to keep things canon to the story by having to scroll and scroll through my page to find each part to see what I said for Winnie, LOL! So get hype for that, I love this chapter even more then the last bc it has more Carmy, but Richie is so fun to write and I can’t wait for he&Winnies friendship to bloom!!! For my canon Carmy continues going to therapy once or so a week / a support group type talk therapy so that is why he shares more than he would in the show. It’s on his one day off so that’s why he is able to continue making it, and he thrives on routine so going once a week keeps him regulated. Warnings for BTC: A little bit of smut, angst, mentions of suicide, mentions of vehicular accidents ending in death, mentions of self-harm, mentions of severe injury, negative self-talk, feminine yearning (ofc), fluffy fluff (enough for your teeth to rot out of ur face), panic disorder, mentions of a panic attack, heavy petting, alcohol, mentions of smoking cigarettes, mental health issues, exhausted Carmy LOL

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

Read Chapter 3

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

The door flings open and before I could even get a good look at him his arms were wrapped tightly around my waist, his large hands resting on my rib cage, and thumbs gently rubbing soothing strokes. I gasped a bit in surprise at the contact, his muscular chest pressed to mine. Pulling me tighter and he nuzzles his face in my neck, his hot breath causing goosebumps to appear all over my skin. I inhaled his scent, a bit of his musky spicy cologne still left over after the long day, cigarette smoke, and a day of working, but he didn’t smell bad at all. I would buy a fucking candle of it if I could, and never burn it so it lasts forever.

He needed this hug.

“Thank you f’ comin’, Winnie. I really need a drink, like now” he said quietly and I bit my lip, my hands rubbing soothing circles in the middle of his back. “Course, you think I’d turn down a free drinky-drink from the sexiest little Chef boy in Chicago?” He chuckled into my neck, feeling a small smile press into my skin. “I’m sorry” he pulls away and I finally am able to look at him.

His hair is a mess, cheeks are stained red, his eyes are bloodshot and glazed over like he’d been crying, he rubs the back of his neck and I see a bit of smeared blood over his forearm. “It’s- it’s okay, hard day?” I asked, twiddling my fingers anxiously, worried he was going to ask me to leave and tell me that it wasn’t a good time anymore. “Ye’” he replied in a sigh and I swallowed hard.

“D-did you- sorry,” my voice coming out small and meek. I clear my throat “Was it- not a good time for you? It’s fine, totally, totally fine…should have given my number I guess - but I can-“ I motion my thumb to the door down the hall.

“No! No, please, stay. It’s - it’ll be nice. To like- to see you. I meant sorry about,” he squeezes his eyes shut, shaking his head “sorry for like- flinging myself on you?” He says and I giggle, causing him to look at me.

“I love hugs! You give great hugs, is that why your sister calls you Bear? Oh my god!! Wait. This is your- that’s so cool, Carmen! You’re so cool!” I motioned to the restaurant, alluding to the name. “That’s so fuckin cool dude!” He smiled, shoving his hands in his pockets shyly and looking at his feet.

“Thank you, but- uh. No. I’m not…usually a hugger which is why I’m also surprised I did that, guess I needed it. They call me bear cause - well. Don’t poke the bear kinda thing” he said and I took a few steps forward, our toes almost touching and his eyes met mine again. I raise my hand, and gently poke the flower tattoo adorning his left arm with my forefinger and smile. “Gonna bite me?” I quip, lifting my hands and poking short pokes all over his chest and he laughs a bit.

“Y’re cute” he said and I put a final poke on his nose, blush rising to my cheeks at the statement. “And very thirsty. Pour me a drink will you, bartender?” I turned around on the ball of my foot swiftly, walking with pep back into the kitchen and I look back at him, to find his eyes practically undressing me from where I’d left him moments ago. I grin, putting my hands on my hips “You staring at my ass isn’t making me any less thirsty over here, bartender!” I said and he blushes “sorry…sorry”

He comes out and places a hand at the small of my back leading me to the main part of the restaurant and towards the bar “you just - uh…you look really good. I’m sorry, I didn’t have time to get home, I wanted to but - shit just got outta control, Syd forgot about this huge cannoli order and we forgot to get the powdered sugar with the last resupply so I had to make powdered sugar - it was just-” I rub my hand up his arm gently, stopping him and grabbing his attention.

“It’s fine Carmen. You look fine. I’ll admit, a little bit tired. But you worked all day, I’ve been there” I shrug and he nods a bit, “thanks” he said softly walking behind the bar. I get up on one of the bar stools, crossing my legs and resting my chin in my palm looking over the restaurant and tapping my nails on the table. “This place is super nice, Carm, you should be so proud of yourself. It feels fancy but inviting too.” I hum admiring the lights and artwork on the walls.

“Why thank you, we all worked really hard. I’m surprised it came together every day, but super grateful.” He said, taking Patron off of the middle shelf and scooping ice into the mixer, counting to himself as he pours it. “Doesn’t show, you run a tight ship it sounds, Chef” I smiled. He snorts “how would you know? Or is it just the pans from earlier” he said and threw a few slices of jalapeño, lime, and mint in to the cup before closing it tightly and shaking.

“Yes and no, Richie told me, said that you were a good boy today though, and your sister was the one causing trouble” blush creeps into his cheeks. “Ye’ and see what happens when I’m ‘good’ as you told me to do? Shit got fucked” he pours in some club soda and mixes it with a bar spoon before pouring us both a glass. “Mmmm. Was that because you weren’t barking orders, or because something happened out of your control, and you’re blaming yourself?” I asked honestly and he set my glass down in front of me, biting his lip for a moment.

“Everything is out of my fucking control” he muttered and shook his head, as if it was a quiet, painful reminder to himself. “Most things, in most people’s lives, are out of our control” I gently rest my hand over his and he meets my eyes. “The only things you can control is if, and when you fall apart, and how well you glue yourself back together.” I said earnestly and he swallows thickly, nodding.

“I like that..thank you” he said and I nod. “Don’t worry, I won’t charge you- this time. But d’ya think I can get a fancy umbrella or somethin’ for this drink?” I smiled and nudged it toward him, he chuckled, shaking his head “you are somethin’ else, Winnie” he crouches down behind the bar with a grunt.

“Fuck. I’m 26 but my back feels 90” he said and I laughed a bit. “It’s all the cookin’! And being on your feet too damn much, My mom is a massage therapist, you should let me give you a massage sometime.” I said and he got back up, groaning dramatically which made me giggle. “For you, dear.” He drops a little pink umbrella into my cup.

“Oh my goodness you poor thing. Come sit down” I pat the spot next to me and plucked my bag off the seat, hanging it off the back of my chair. He comes around the bar, plopping down in the chair next to me with a sigh of relief. “I will absolutely take you up on your massage offer sometime.” He said, rubbing over his face tiredly and running his hands through his muss of curls before taking a sip of his own drink.

“Please do, I’ll pull out all the stops for ya’, but just so you know- a happy ending comes with a pretty cost” I said flirtatiously and nudged his leg with my boot playfully. He chuckled and looked over at me “yea? Thanks for the heads up I’ll be sure to budget accordingly for my trip to Winnie’s Massage Parlor” he teased and I laughed a bit.

“Yess!! Please do! There’s also Winnie’s salon, Winnie's hospital, and Winnie’s library!! Come by for all your daily needs I’ma’ Jane of all trades” I shrug and take another sip of my drink. “Speaking of” I take his left arm, looking at the inner part near the crook, where 4 large scratches were, done so violently that the skin beneath was turning into a speckled bruise meaning by morning it would be a dark purple.

“What happened?” I ask softly, my finger tip gently brushing over the untouched skin over the smeared, dried out blood below the wound. “Ahh-“ he shakes his head “it’s stupid. It’s not even bad don’t worry about it” he said and I looked at him, concerned. “Did- did Sug-“ he cuts me off quickly “Sugar, would never hurt me.” He said, his tone was deadly serious.

I nodded quickly, swallowing hard. “Okay, Carm, I believe you” I said softly and squeezed his wrist gently. “Will you…let me take care of you- please?” I ask quietly, looking into his eyes, my gaze pleading for a yes.

“So Winnie’s hospital is mobile?” He said with a small teasing smile. I roll my eyes playfully. “Yes, let’s go find the first aid kit, and honestly it’s pretty but like - empty in here and… I dunno” I bit my lip, hoping he got the hint and he nods “sure we - we can uh. Yeah. Let’s go sit in Sugars office. She has a couch” I nodded and hopped off the seat, gasping when the corner of it hooks onto the hem of my skirt as I get down and pulls it up, exposing my backside clad in a lacy red thong through the sheer bum part of my fleeced nylons.

“Oh my god!” I blurt as I quickly pulled it back down, my cheeks on fire, and my heart pounding in embarrassment. I hear Carmen burst out in laughter behind me making my embarrassment grow and I turned around, crossing my arms over my chest, my eyebrows becoming furrowed. “Hey!” I snip “what’s so funny!! Why were you looking peeping tom!” I whine and he covers his mouth to stifle the laughter.

“To make sure your munchkin self didn’t trip off of the stool in those clunky ass boots!! Being a gentleman really paid off for me there” he said and I went over slapping his arm gently with a smile growing on my face. “I guess it’s a good thing I wore panties or I would’ve mooned you” I grab my drink and turn around, a surprised chuckle coming from him.

“Holy shit, you go commando?” He asks, holding the kitchen door open for me “sometimes, she needs to breathe!!” I said with a shrug and pushed my bag up on my shoulder as I followed him back to Sugars office. “But what if you get horny?” He asked and I laughed, nudging him with my elbow. “Dude!! Richie said you were not forward with girls, that’s pretty forward” I set my bag down on sugars desk and he plops down on the big comfy sofa pulling out a recliner on his side and he sighs, closing his eyes.

“Gimme a sec’ this is the first time my feet are up since 1” he said and I sat down next to him, “you haven’t sat down since I left?!” I asked and he shook his head, opening his eyes and head falling to the side on the cushion to look at me. “Mm-mm” he hummed in response. “Where’s the first aid kit? I’ll find it” I said and he rubs his face, thinking.

“Uhhh. Oh there’s one in here actually, go over to the other side of Sug’s desk, it should be tucked there next to the wall” he said and took a sip of his drink. I got up, going where he said and I leaned over, completely forgetting the rules of skirts by mistake. “You’re a fucking tease” he said lowly and my heart pounds, my stomach fluttering wildly, and my core beginning to twitch and throb in excitement.

“What’s not nice about helping a new friend clean up their boo-boo’s?” I asked innocently, a small smile on my lips as I turned and sat down on the couch on the cushion next to him. He smirks “you…are gonna make me crazy” he said softly and closed his eyes, resting his head on the back of the sofa. I opened the kit, taking out hand sanitizer, saline wipes, gauze, and triple antibiotic.

“Wait-“ he said his eyes flickering open “you- you met Richie?” He asks as if I hadn’t been mentioning him since I walked in the door, my eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “It’s like- the first thing I said when I got here.” I said and he sighs softly. “I’m…sorry.” He finally said, like he was contemplating whether to say more. “That’s ok, you had a hard day” I took his arm gently, laying it across my lap. “What did he say? How bad did he embarrass me?” He questions and I giggle a bit, sanitizing my hands before opening a saline wipe.

“Not at all! He said you’re shy with girls, that he’s surprised you asked me out cause he thinks I’m pretty, and apparently, doesn’t think you are very funny- but I on the other hand, seemed to make him laugh a lot so- got you beat” I teased with a smile as I ever gently wipe over the wounds.

He snorts “well, you are pretty, he’s an asshole but right.” He said and I looked up at him “not many people make me laugh anymore, you seem to, though.” I said honestly, and he tugs his lip between his teeth to catch a grin from taking over his features. “Yea?” He asks quietly with a blush going across the bridge of his nose and cheeks. “Mmhmm” I hum in reply, putting the ointment on and carefully rubbing it in.

It was quiet for a moment before he says “I’m sorry.” Causing me to look up at him, but his gaze was stuck on the ceiling. “This wasn’t - I wanted to do something nice for you and… I’m sorry.” I stop working on his arm “sorry for what, Carm? This is so nice. The drink is really good, thank you for making it, I’m glad to be here.” I said honestly and placed my hand on top his.

His icy blue eyes meet mine, looking over my face slowly and locking on my lips. His eyes flick back to mine when he responds “you just look so pretty, like you should be on a real date. Not here fuckin-“ he sighs, looking down at his arm then back at me. “Dealing with my stupid mistake.” I shook my head and wrapped up his arm with a bandage to keep it clean and dry while he slept and it could scab over.

“This is a real date. You own a restaurant. Carmen. Look at me.” I order and he looks into my eyes. “You, just you, asking me to come see you, to be together, to get to know each other? You are enough. This is a date. An awesome date. I’m having fun, are you having fun?” I asked and he smiled a bit.

“No, but….” He trails off, looking at his lap and I felt my heart physically ache, my face drooping “peace” he finally said “I feel…at peace, with you around. I noticed it when we were outside earlier, I came out for a smoke cause I was about to absolutely loose it on Syd, and I don’t- I- I can’t do that to her. So I went out and I totally forgot my light and then..you were there and I forgot about everything.” He said.

Goosebumps arise on my skin at the admission, the warmth in my chest returning at full force. “And - I thought about you…all day- all-all day. Not like- god I sound like a creep” he takes his arm, rubbing his face in embarrassment. “I thought about you too.” I reply softly. “I thought about you…a lot. Actually.” I bit my lip and his eyes met mine, searching for truth and it was all he found in my locked gaze.

“Not like- I just couldn’t understand how I felt. But the more I think… I do this thing.” He rubs his chin as he thinks. “Learned it in therapy, they said when you can’t figure out how a person or a situation made you feel, you can like think of people and situations that you do know how you feel about, and keep comparing them until you find a match. S-so when I thought of you.” He swallows thickly and I sit up, completely entrenched in listening to him.

“I found that things that gave me the same feelings w-were like…my one day off a week that I don’t have to be here. I think of…the fucking morning I went to Central Park and watched the sunrise and it was so..so quiet. I think- I think” he presses his lips together. “O-of-of Mikey. Of my brother. He’s dead. But. H-he. He protected me a lot, growin’ up. Helped me out. A lot. I felt like when Mikey was around, it was alright. And that’s how I felt earlier. I’m sorry-“ he shakes his head, putting the recliner down and finishing off his drink.

“Why?” I ask and squeeze his hand “that’s…so, so sweet. You make me feel at peace too, unless you’re angry- but I was worried for you and what happened. I’m so happy I make you feel like that, Carmen. Thank you for sharing, may I hug you?” I ask gently and he looks at me a bit surprised. “Y-yea ‘fcourse c’mere” he opened his arms and I wrapped him in a warm embrace. “The way you make me laugh makes me feel the way my brother did when he made me laugh, we were twins. He died.” I said just above a whisper.

He rests his cheek on the top of my head, rubbing soothing circles in my back as I did for him earlier. “I’m so sorry, what was his name?” He asked, equally as quiet. “Chris, Christopher” I felt my lip quiver, that never dulling ache in my chest throbbing at the memory of him.

“Oh, wow” he whispered “Winnie and Christopher” I felt him smiling on my hair “your parents knew what they were doin’ with names, that’s adorable.” He said and I smiled a bit. “Thank you, can you guess what our nursery was?” I look up at him and he raises his eyebrows.

“Hmm.. let me think. Oh! I know, Dumbo?” He says sarcastically and I laugh, closing my eyes and nuzzling my face in his neck “Silly. Winnie the Pooh, I always said it was my room, because they had a big wall sticker of Winnie and all his animal friends, but not one of Christopher since they couldn’t find one. He hated that” I said and his fingers gently rubbed over the spot of bare skin between my skirt and my top. I feel him chuckle a bit “that’s cute” he said.

“How did Mikey…” I trail off, his fingers stilling. “Shot ‘emself” he said plainly and my hug around his torso tightens “I’m so sorry” I whisper in to his skin. “What about Chris?” He asked and I swallowed thickly. “We got in a motorcycle accident. I still can’t talk about it.” I said as evenly and emotionlessly as I could, if I opened that flood gate there was no shutting it.

“Oh- my god. Wow. I’m so sorry, I’m so glad you’re….” He trails off, realizing the other victim was very much not ok in any sense of the word. I sit up, taking my half full drink off the table and drinking it down in 3 big gulps. “Want another?” He asks and I shake my head, “work tomorrow” I said and he nods, “yeah me too” he muttered rubbing over his face.

“Can I…get your number?” I asked and he nodded sitting up “course you can” he said and took his phone out of his pocket, logged in and opened up a new contact screen, offering it to me. “Only if I can have yours” he said with a small smile. “Of course!!” I took it from him.

Winnie 🍯

I put as the contact name, and type in my number, hitting save before handing it back. I do the same for him on my phone and hand it to him, when it’s returned, I see

Carm🐻

I smile, deleting the emoji and switching it for a 🧸 instead. I show him with a tilt of my wrist “cause your awesome hugs.” I said and smiled, saving it again. He blushes, smiling and shaking his head “I think you’re the one who gives good hugs, you smell like honey and you’re all soft.” He said and I giggle. “I’m glad you like my perfume” I said and pushed my hair behind my shoulders.

“I do, it’s very nice. You live around here?” He asks and I nod “2 blocks that-a-way” I point behind us and he raises his eyebrows. “Really, what street?” He asked “Kensington Ave. The brownstones” I said and he chuckled “No shit. I live in the high rise across the way” he said and my mouth drops. “Wow. Work neighbors, and building neighbors, we’ve never met?” I giggle “you've been avoiding me?” I ask and he chuckles “never, uhh. I’m like never home. I go there to sleep for a few hours, and my days off I…sleep…the whole day usually, I usually get home around 1am and leave at like 4ish, sometimes 5 if I sleep in” I raise my eyebrows in disbelief.

“3 hours of sleep and you wonder why you feel 90? You need to sleep Carmen. You’re gonna have a heart attack.” I said and he chuckled. “If I would only be that lucky'' he joked, taking our empty glasses to the kitchen and I followed him “no- i'm serious, like you’re gonna drive yourself nuts.” I said, leaning on the counter watching him wash the glasses.

“I am already there sweetheart don’t worry, been there- ahh let’s see, 20? Maybe 19. So 7 years of insanity give or take.” He said and I giggled, shaking my head. “You are not nuts. A crazy person couldn’t run a restaurant.” I said and he snorted “that speaking is the mind of someone who doesn’t work in a restaurant. No, you have to be a psycho to do this shit. Especially at the level I do it.” He shuts off the sink, putting the cups on the drying rack and leaning on his elbows on the table mirroring me from across.

“I think you’re very, very passionate.” I brush his curls from his eyes “and that you sometimes get in your own way by not allowing people to help you.. which can make things harder” I said and he smiled, amusedly. “How do you already know so much about me, have you been stalking and avoiding me so I don’t find out?” He teases and I laugh. “Shut up, no. I have not. I dunno… like our souls know each other. That’s how I feel.” I shrug, crossing my hands under my chin and looking at him.

“Hmm” he says. “Do you believe in past lives?” He asks and I nod “for sure. And future ones. I don’t think we can learn everything in one go that our souls need” I shrug and he nods a bit. “We need to talk more about this when I don’t have a pounding headache from being so overtired” he said softly and I pout, “c'mon let’s walk home.” I said and headed back to the office to grab my things.

“I just have to go to the back and get my stuff gimme a few” he said from the kitchen. I waited by the island, shawl back on and bag on my shoulder. When he comes back out, my breath gets caught in my throat. Hes wearing delicious light grey sweatpants, blue Nike sneakers, and a plain white champion hoodie. As he lifted his arms to put his backpack on, the hoodie rode up, revealing his tight, toned stomach, and deep, deep V line. I lick my lips, imagining myself on my knees worshiping his god-like figure and he clears his throat.

I looked up again, realizing he completely caught me red handed checking him out like the hottest new library book and I felt my cheeks heat, giving a shy smile. “Ready?” He asked and I nod “ready” I said meekly, mentally face palming for my lack of discretion. “Y’know it’s not a bad thing to check me out, right? I guess for earlier you can call us even” He asked as we walked down the hallway and I nearly tripped over my own feet at the boldness. “Fuck you” I roll my eyes playfully and he opens the door for me.

“I’m a little tired right now, but for you? Anything. Your place or mine?” He asked and I laughed, slapping his chest playfully “you are a naughty, naughty little boy” I teased, wrapping my arms around his bicep as we walked. “Just letting you know allll the ways this glorious date could end” he said, a smug smirk on his face and I shook my head, looking at the sidewalk.

This was so nice. I usually am needing to check behind me every couple steps, am tensing at every noise or stranger I pass, but with Carmen I feel protected. Secure.

“I’ve never actually been able to enjoy this at night, I’m always looking over my shoulder wondering if I need to get my switchblade out” I chuckle shaking my head. “Switchblade? Damn. Can I see it?” He asks and I nod, digging in my purse and pulling out the pink knife attached with a MyMelody keychain to a can of mace.

I pulled away from him, hopping a few steps ahead. “Everybody watch out! I’m a woman that’s armed and dangerous!!” I giggle, clicking the little button and the hello kitty blade swings out with a click. He laughs, and I faced him, waving it around the air in front of me lightly “what’s so funny huh? I’m menacing Carmen, imagine I mugged you right now with a hello kitty knife” I said, causing him to laugh harder, clutching his stomach.

“Oh my god - please” he snorts in laughter causing me to laugh. “Awww little piggy!!” I teased and he gasps pretending to be offended. “okay! Rude! You better not snort ever or you’ll be the piggy miss” he said making me start laughing again “you are at my mercy right now, sir, have you so easily forgotten?” I gently wave the pewny knife in front of his face.

“Oh you sweet thing. I know you wouldn’t hurt a fly.” He plucks it from my fingers easily, closing it. “Only because I have the strongest little chef in all of Chicago to protect me. My knight in sexy gray sweatpants and a white sweatshirt” I mused, a playful smile dancing on my lips. “Mmm ok we’re getting there. I don’t like the little part, but- we’ll get there” he joked, dropping the knife back in my purse.

“Oh, yeah?” I said, grabbing his arm again as we continued, our buildings come in to view. One of my hands trains down his arm, slinking my fingers to wrap between his. “Mmhmm” he hummed.

I stopped again, standing in front of him and wrapping my arms around his neck loosely, standing on my tip-toes even in my heels to reach his ear. “I think that you know, that I know, you’re the sexiest, most hard working, passionate, gentleman - that I’ve ever had the pleasure of having a chance with. And I also think that you know, I have bratty tendencies, and love pulling your chain because I know it gets you going. You wanna know what I’m 100% sure of, though?” My sultry hot breath caused goosebumps to come up on his neck, his hands wrapping around my waist and squeezing gently. “Was’ that baby” he said softly, his voice laced with desire. I lace my fingers in his hair, gently tugging at his frizzy curls from the day.

“I’m sure that you need a brat. Because what you need, Carmy.” I nibbled at his ear gently. His breath hitches in his throat, biting his lip to silence a soft moan. I wasn’t quite sure where all of this raw confidence and honesty was coming from, likely from the strong drink Carmy had made and my being a lightweight.

“Is to be able to force someone in their place, and have full unrelinquished control over the entire situation. For someone to give themselves to you, be fully yours. To use. To love. To worship. Whatever you desire. Cause you’re a control freak. But that’s sexy, that’s soo sexy. I love a man who knows what he needs” I place a soft, lingering kiss on his racing pulse point.

His hands trail down, cupping my ass before squeezing roughly and I moan softly at the contact. His hands were so strong, so large, but somehow the touch was still lacking confidence. “C-can I” he says softly, “can I kiss you, please?” He whispers. I lift my face to meet his, our noses brushing as I rest my forehead on his, looking into his eyes. His pupils were blown wide from both the dark and lust, the only peak of blue being a tiny sliver.

“That depends,” I said with a smirk adorning my lips, I nuzzle my nose against his gently. “Will you kiss me how you want, Carm? Or how you think I want?” I ask and he licks his lips. “I want to make you happy” he whispers, I twirl a curl at the base of his neck around my finger. “It will make me happy, if you take what you want from me” I whispered.

Before I could blink, his lips were on mine, kissing me hungrily- a war of tongue and lips, my fingers tightening around his hair and tugging smiling proudly when he moaned into my mouth. His hands trail my skirt, lifting it slightly to massage my backside in his hands wantingly. I let him take me, dominate me, own me in that moment, matching his hot feverish kisses as well as the sweet, gentle ones. We only broke apart to breathe, our chests rising and falling at an equal rapid pace. His lips were slick from our kiss, swollen from the rough encounter. He was beautiful.

The only sound was the infrequent car passing, or the sound of the crickets that had made their homes in the small patches of grass on the side of the sidewalk that housed the trees.

“I want you to come to family”

Read Chapter 5 Here!

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i-literally-cant-with-this · 7 months ago

Text

I put up a little survey but no one answered it. How dare you all go on living your lives when I'm posting important things like whether or not I should post this all at once or break it up. So, this is YOUR fault it's been released as a whole ;).

A/N ::: NOT EVEN GONNA FUCKING LIE this was about 15 pages on Google Docs. BUT IN MY DEFENSE I have been working on this for 3 days. And if I'd been left alone like I wanted to be, I'd have not carried on and on like this. So, blame everyone around me that insists on interrupting me while I'm tryin' to write this story that wasn't supposed to be this damn long. ANY-DAMN-WAY. I hope someone out there reads this, despite it being the size of a damn Steinbeck piece of lit.

Disclaimer ::: This is NOT literature.

Seriously, please ... someone enjoy this.

C/W ::: Chifuyu x F.reader x Baji, cheating, sneaking around and sex.

WC ::: 4,765 (I'M SO SORRY. FR THIS TIME)

MDNI under the cut please and thank you.

When Chifuyu introduced you to the man he looked up to - his mentor - his hero, you didn't really think much of it at first. It didn't register how he stopped breathing when he shook your hand and said hello. How his eyes blew out, fully black. Lacking the subtlety of a man who wasn't your lover.

You weren't anything special. At least, you didn't think you were. Chifuyu introduced you as "the most pretty girl he's ever laid eyes on" and Baji couldn't deny that was the loudest truth he's ever heard. He'd never been so jealous of anyone as he is right now. But what could he do about it? Take you away from the man who was like a little brother to him?

He didn't want to. But he couldn't help how he felt when he was around you. He couldn't help how his mouth went dry when you said "Hi, Baj'! How are you today? Lovin' the hair as usual!" And you would wink at him thinking you looked like a total dork and then you'd skitter off to find Chifuyu.

It was easy to fall for you. Especially when you were so sweet, always asking how his day was, making him laugh, smiling that pretty smile at him. His heart was yours. But he knew yours belonged to Chifuyu. And it was getting to a point where he had trouble being around you two at the same time. He wasn't angry or anything. But his heart hurt.

It'd beat out of his chest whenever you'd sit down next to him on the couch or in the back seat of the car. He started to not come around as much.

And one day, you went over there to find Chifuyu because Mikey said that he was at Baji's place and it'd be fine if you popped over to get him.

So, you did just that. Except Chifuyu wasn't there. It was just Keisuke. And he was sitting on his bed with a book in his hand and a sad look in his eyes.

He seemed surprised to see you when you approached his room.

"Hey, Baj'," you said softly, "I'm sorry for coming over without calling first but I don't have your number." You leaned against his doorway with your hand on your hip. Smiling that goddamn smile of yours at him like you have absolutely no idea how he feels.

He shook his head. "It's okay. Chifuyu isn't here so if you were looking for him … you’re outta luck."

"Oh. Do you know where he is?"

"Nope. I don't think he's coming back here anytime soon either."

"Ah," you said, "so we're both out of luck."

Baji swallowed hard. "Yeah, ok. Well, bye, I guess. It was nice seeing you."

You smiled again. "Oh! O-ok, Baj'. Maybe I'll ... see you … I’ll see you ‘round."

He only had the strength to say "yeah, maybe" as you walked out of his room and out of his place. Because if he opened his mouth the only words that were going to come out were "I love you, y/n. Please give me a chance. I feel like I'm going to explode every time I'm in the same room with you and I don't get to touch your soft skin."

But he didn't say that. He couldn't. And he spent the rest of his night alone, wishing he had someone to hold him. Someone to tell him everything was going to be okay. Someone who loved him as much as he loved you. Someone who loved him as much as you loved Chifuyu.

You eventually tracked Chifuyu down and you told him about how sad Baji seemed tonight.

"Do you think I should go talk to him?" He asked.

"No," you replied. "I don't think he's in the mood to talk. He seemed really sad, though. He looked like he wanted to cry."

"Should we just leave him alone?"

"Yeah, I think so. But let's check on him tomorrow. Maybe he'll be more up to talking then."

"Ok. I hope so."

You didn't mean to, but you caught a glimpse of Chifuyu's face before he turned away. It was like he knew something. Like he knew that Baji had a crush on you. And maybe he did. Baji wasn't subtle at all. He was obvious and open and loud about his feelings. He wore them on his sleeve. And Chifuyu is the type to notice things. Especially about someone he already paid such close attention to. But none of this could be helped. Not really.

So, you left it alone.

A few weeks later, all the boys came over to hang out. And you sat down next to Baji on the couch like you usually did and you leaned your head on his shoulder. He tensed up and then relaxed. And you heard him sniffle a bit.

"Baj'? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, voice breaking.

"You're crying."

He turned his face away from you and wiped his eyes. "Sorry, y/n. It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"Hey, I'm your friend. I worry about you. What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just ... just … stupid shit. Ok? I don't wanna talk about it."

You nodded and patted his knee. "Ok, well, I'm here if you need me." And you got up and walked down the hallway to your room to grab a sweatshirt.

What you didn't know is that Baji got up and followed you. And when you turned around, he was standing there. He reached out and grabbed your hand. And he brought it up to his mouth and kissed it.

"B-Baji?"

"I'm sorry, y/n. I can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"I can't ... I can't sit here and watch you and Chifuyu be all lovey dovey. It's fucking with my head, ok? I don't want to feel this way but I do and it's killing me inside. I've tried to stop it. I've tried everything and nothing works."

You pulled your hand back. "What are you … Baji? I don't understand."

"I'm saying that I like you, ok? And I don't know how to stop."

"I understand that but why the fuck are you telling me this now? Jesus, Baj'." You sat down on your bed, folding the sweatshirt up on your lap and holding it close to your chest.

Baji sat down next to you and put his hand on your arm. "I know it's stupid and I know you and Chifuyu are happy together. But I need you to know. I need you to know how much you mean to me. How much I wish it was me instead of him."

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You didn't know Baji felt this way. You didn't think he ever looked at you like that. And you didn't know what to say. You were speechless.

"I'm sorry, y/n," he said again, "I'm sorry I fucked everything up. I'll go."

But before he could get up, you grabbed his wrist. "Wait," you said. "Don't go."

He turned back to you, face red and impossibly handsome. How had you never seen this before? How completely fucking beautiful he is. And how could you have missed the way he looked at you?

"I'm … sorry, Baj'. I'm sorry I never knew."

"It's not your fault, y/n. I don't blame you for anything. You can't help how you feel."

You nodded.

"What does that mean? Why are you nodding?"

You took his hand and held it in yours. "I don't know." The look in your eyes made him feel something he hadn't felt in so long. And he couldn't help but process that as some fresh new hell. Some new hurt. But still, he was stupidly hopeful.

Even though he didn't want to. He didn't want to think that maybe you could be his. But the way you looked at him right then gave him the tiniest bit of hope that maybe it was possible.

"Y/n? Babe? Where're ya at?" You pulled your hand from Baji's and put them on your lap.

"Sh-shit!" Baji said. "We're in here, Chifuyu. The bedroom." He said as casually as he could muster.

"Tryin' steal my girl, asshole?" Chifuyu laughed half-heartedly.

Baji did not. "Nah, man. Just talking. Catching up."

"Yeah. Ok. Well, Mikey says time to go."

"Shit, already? It's only been an hour."

"Yeah, he wants us all at his place. So, we should go. Don't wanna keep the boss waiting."

"Right. Ok, let's go." Baji got up and walked past Chifuyu without looking him in the eyes. "See ya around, y/n."

"Bye, Baj’-i. Baji." you said. You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do.

Baji left and Chifuyu looked at you with a frown. "What's wrong, babe?"

"Nothing."

"Doesn't look like nothing."

"It's nothing, really. Baji was just telling me about some ... something. No biggie. So you're leaving?" You got up and hugged him, trying not to think about the few minutes you and Baji had alone in your room. Holding hands on your bed.

Chifuyu hugged you back. "Yeah, sorry. Mikey says it's important. So, I gotta go. But I'll be back in the morning. Promise."

"Ok, well, I'll talk to you later, yeah? Be safe, Chi." You kissed him and he kissed you back like it was as easy to do as breathing and that broke you down a little bit more than you had anticipated.

What the hell is happening, you wondered. No, you knew what was happening. What is happening. And it was bad. It was so fucking bad. Because you couldn't stop thinking about Baji and his sweet face and his sad eyes. And how it would be nice to hold him and kiss him and make him feel better.

But that was insane. Wasn't it? You loved Chifuyu. You didn't want to be with anyone else. But then why did you feel this way? Why did you want to call Baji and tell him you felt the same?

You didn't know what to do. You were lost. And it was getting harder to pretend you were okay. Especially when you were around Baji. Especially especially when you were around Baji and Chifuyu at the same time.

So, you got into your bed and you texted Chifuyu a good night and a "miss you already" and you waited for him to text you his usual good night text.

It wasn't long and your phone vibrated. You smiled and picked it up next to you on the bed. Picking it up, you were anticipating what cute little thing Chifuyu was going to say to you.

Your smile only grew more wide when you saw it wasn't Chifuyu who'd texted you.

It was Baji.

"What you doin', y/n?" He asked.

"Hi Baj'. I'm in bed. What you doin'?"

"Same. Just wanted to say g'night."

"Oh, ok. Well, thanks. G'night, Baji. Sweet dreams, yeah?"

"Gonna try and dream about you. And you can't stop me so don't come over here and try to or anything dumb like that, y/n. Got it?"

You surprised yourself: not only with how hard you laughed but that you were up and out of your bed before you knew what happened. Throwing on some leggings and a hoodie and heading out the front door.

Apparently, heading to Baji's place.

"Jesus Christ," he laughed when he opened the door. "Did you sprint here? You're a fucking mess."

"Yeah? Thanks! Anyway, I did run here. And I'm here, aren't I? You're not the only one who can't sleep." Your breathing started to level out after a minute or two of standing there with him.

He couldn't deny that he was missing how your chest heaved when your breathing was heavy. Even behind the baggy sweatshirt. He was missing the way your eyes sparkled in the dark. The way your hair looked messy and adorable. He was missing everything about you.

Until you got there, that is.

"Come in," he said, "make yourself at home."

"Thank you. So, what's up? Why can't you sleep?"

He shrugged. "Don't know. Just thinking too much."

"About?"

He rolled his eyes. "You know about what."

You nodded. "I do. And I think we need to talk about it, yeah? It's getting weird."

Baji swallowed and nodded. "Yeah. You're making things really awkward, y/n. I don't know how much more I can take - going on like this. You're a real pain in my ass."

You gasped, exaggerating hurt feelings and pushed him over on the living room couch. You climbed on top of him before you even knew what was happening.

And though you were only intending to tickle him and make him suffer in the most innocent way, it quickly evolved into something neither one of you had any business exploring with one another.

You felt his hands on your hips and his lips on yours before you had time to process it. And you had no idea what was going on.

You didn't know what to do.

But you knew you didn't want to stop. You didn't want to stop him.

"B-Baji," you said, pulling back just a bit. "Ffffuck! Baj'! Wh-what the hell!"

"I don't know," he said, "I just ... I couldn't help it."

"Yeah, well … neither can I. But we have to stop. We can't do this. We can't do this to Chifuyu! Fuck, man!"

You pulled back and jumped off him. And you started pacing around the living room.

"We can't do this, Baj'. We can't do this to him. We can't."

Baji got up and grabbed your waist, spinning you around to face him. He pulled you flush against the front of his body and kissed you again.

Harder this time.

With more purpose.

And you didn't have the strength to push him away.

You gave in.

Because you wanted to feel him. You wanted to be touched by him and you wanted to touch him. And you couldn't help yourself.

But you knew it was wrong. You knew it was bad.

"Baj'," you said, "we can't. We can't do this." You said between breaths and smashing your lips against his. You had your hands twisted and tangled up in his long, dark hair. Pulling on it as though it would get you even closer to him than you already were.

But it wouldn't.

It couldn't.

And you knew that. You both knew that.

But you couldn't stop. And it didn't matter that you had no idea what was going to happen after tonight.

All you could focus on is what was happening right now.

And right now, you were kissing Baji like it was the last thing you were ever going to do. Like he was the last person you were ever going to touch. Like he was the one who mattered the most.

Like you were never going to be the same again.

Because you weren't.

And you knew you weren't.

So, you did the only thing you could do in this situation:

You said fuck it and kept kissing him.

You said fuck it to what you and Chifuyu had.

You said fuck it to your morals. Fuck it to your conscience. Fuck it all.

Nothing had ever felt so right.

Not in a long time.

Not since you started dating Chifuyu.

And that's when you knew. You knew it was never going to be over, this thing that was blooming between you and Baji.

And you weren't sure what you were going to do about that.

So, you let Baji kiss you and hold you and make love to you that night. You let him because you needed it. You needed him.

And you knew that no matter what happened, it was never going to be the same.

Because you couldn't live without Baji.

Not anymore.

Not now that you'd seen him and touched him and loved him.

No, it wasn't going to be the same. Not ever.

And you were okay with that.

You were okay with it because you knew that it was always supposed to be like this.

Baji was always supposed to be yours.

And you were always supposed to be his.

You were always supposed to be together.

And it felt like the universe was finally putting everything back where it was always supposed to be.

You were complete.

And you had no idea what that meant or what it was going to lead to.

A couple of weeks after this started, Chifuyu asked you to go out with him and Baji. He said it wasn't going to be anything special. Not a date, though, just the three of you going out for dinner, maybe drinks.

You said yes.

Because you couldn't say no.

And Baji couldn't either.

You couldn't look at Chifuyu because you felt so bad.

But you had to.

You had to look at him.

You wanted to tell him.

You wanted to tell him everything.

You wanted to tell him how you felt.

You wanted to tell him how you were feeling about Baji. About him. About you and Chifuyu's relationship as it stood now. About you and Baji's relationship. That shouldn't even exist.

But it did.It does.

And you weren't sure how to explain that.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you'd fallen in love with his best friend.

You weren't sure how to tell him that you were fucking said best friend and that it wasn't just sex.

It was love.

It was so much more than anything you’d ever experienced.

So, you sat there.

You sat there next to Chifuyu, holding his hand.

And you sat there across from Baji, your feet touching under the table at the booth. Your eyes staring back at the other's for longer than should have been acceptable.

"I'm gonna go grab some water," Chifuyu said, "you guys want anything else?"

"Nah, I'm good," Baji said.

"Me too," you said.

He nodded and walked over to the counter.

And Baji leaned forward. "We can't do this, y/n. We can't keep this up. I can't keep going like this. I can't keep sitting across from you and pretending like I don't want to rip your fucking clothes off and eat your pussy for the next 4 hours. That I don't want to fuck you stupid. I'm fucking getting hard right now just talking about it, y/n! Fuck."

"I know. I know, Baj'. This is killing me. I feel like I'm going to explode."

"What are we going to do? I can't lose you. And I won't lose Chifuyu. He's my best friend. But you're my, goddamn it y/n ... you're my soulmate."

"I … what?"

He nodded. "Yeah. And I know that sounds crazy and stupid but it's the truth. We were made for each other. I feel it. Do you feel it?"

"I , Baj'. I do. But we can't keep this up. We can't do this to Chifuyu."

Neither of you noticed him walk up to the table. "Do what to me? What are you guys goin' on about?"

Baji and you looked at each other. "Nothing," you said.

"You were talkin' about me, weren't you? Did you guys have a fight or something? Is that why you're over here whispering and shit?"

"N-no!" Baji said. "No, we didn't have a fight or anything like that. We were just talking, man. Just talking."

Chifuyu didn't seem to believe him. He squinted his eyes at the two of you and then shrugged. "Ok. Whatever. Anyway, here's your water. What do you guys want to eat?"

You didn't know. You didn't know what you wanted to eat. You didn't know if you wanted to eat. Ever again. All you could think about is how much this was going to hurt Chifuyu. And how much it was going to hurt Baji. And you.

But you had no choice.

You had to tell him.

You had to tell Chifuyu.

And you couldn't put it off any longer.

"Chi, Baj' has something he wants to tell you!" you yelled out so loudly the whole restaurant stopped whatever they were doing to stare at the disruptive girl.

"The FUCK, y/n!" Baji yelled back at you. "What the fuck are you doing?!" He hissed at you.

You shrugged. "I can't do this anymore, Baj'. I can't keep hiding it. I can't keep lying. It's not fair to him."

"You're gonna fucking do it now?"

You nodded.

And Chifuyu looked between the two of you. "What the hell is going on? What are you guys hiding?"

"I ... um ... we ... we've been sleeping together," Baji said, hanging his head.

"You fucking what?" Chifuyu looked at you. "You've been fucking my best friend? Behind my back? Are you fucking kidding me, y/n? You're fucking kidding me. This isn't funny. This isn't funny at all."

"I'm sorry, Chi. I didn't mean for this to happen. It just did. It's not like we planned it or anything. It just happened."

"Yeah, it just happened! That's real fucking convenient. You just accidentally fell onto his dick. Real fucking nice, y/n. I can't believe you. I can't believe either of you. You know what? Fuck this shit. You guys deserve each other. I hope you're happy together." Chifuyu threw his napkin down on the table and stormed out of the restaurant.

Leaving you and Baji at the table and everyone in there staring at you again.

You got up and started to chase after Chifuyu. Baji just sat there, taking a sip of his drink. "Fuckin' shit," he said, "this was a bad idea."

You found Chifuyu outside, sitting on a bench next to the entrance of the restaurant. "H-hey," you said, sitting down next to him.

"Leave me alone, y/n. I don't want to talk to you."

"I know. I'm sorry, ok? I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you, Chi. You know that, right? You know I would never want to hurt you on purpose."

"Yeah, well, you did. You did hurt me. And you have been hurting me for weeks."

"Chi, you have to under- wait, what did you just say? You've known about this? Chi!"

"Yeah, I fucking knew about it. I'm not an idiot. I could tell you guys had something going on. And I let it go because I thought it was nothing. I thought it was a crush or something. I thought I could trust you BOTH to do the right thing here. Instead, you've been fucking each other - behind my back, for weeks and NOT telling me how you felt. You know, the worst part is, I'm not even that surprised. Baji is great. You're great. It was inevitable that you two would find your way into each other's arms. I mean, come on, now. You'd have to be fucking blind to not want to be with either of you."

"I'm so sorry, Chi." You had tears running down your face. But you weren't sure why you were crying. It was all just a lot to process. Chifuyu's reaction, Baji's lack of reaction. All of it.

"It's fine. I'm not mad at you, y/n. I'm mad at Baji. And I'm mad at myself for not seeing this coming. For not stopping it before it went too far. For being in love with you when you're clearly in love with him."

You didn't know what to say. You didn't know what to do. So, you just sat there.

And you let Chifuyu talk.

"I think I knew it was happening before it did. I tried to ignore it. I tried to pretend like it wasn't a big deal. But it was. And it still is."

"I'm so sorry, Chi. I … honest to God never ... ever never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did. And I can't forgive you for that. I don't know if I ever will. And we can't be together anymore. Not now."

"I understand." You had to choke out those words. They were getting caught in your throat as you tried not to sob.

"Fuck. Don't cry, y/n. We can still be friends. I mean, I don't hate you or anything. I'll just never trust you with anything important. Ever again. Like, ever."

"I know. I know, Chi. I get it."

He nodded. "Ok. Well, I'm gonna go. You should go back in there and talk to Baji. Tell him what happened. He deserves to know how badly he fucked up."

"Y- … I will."

"Good. Take care, y/n. And tell him I said good luck with you. That he's dating a whore, liar and cheater. Tell him I said to have fun with that."

You forced yourself to laugh. You knew Chifuyu well enough to know he didn't mean everything he just said to you. Maybe ⅔’s of it. Though you wouldn't bet money on which ⅔’s he was referring to.

Walking back to the restaurant you saw Baji sitting at the table. His shoulders slumped down and his head hung over the table.

"Hey," you said, sitting down across from him.

"What happened? Did you find Chifuyu?"

"Yeah. He was outside. He left"

"Oh. Ok."

"He knows, Baj'. He knew all along."

"Fuck, y/n! Why didn't you tell me that? You should have told me that. Jesus Christ, man! That changes everything."

"I didn't know he knew! Stop yelling at me! You're just as responsible for this shit as I am! Maybe more!"

"Yeah, ok. Whatever. It's done. Let's just go home."

"What? Home? Where is home?"

"You know where it is. My place. You know, the place you've been fucking me every night for the past 2 weeks. The place where you've been sleeping with me and lying to my best friend. Yeah, that home. You remember that one, right?"

"Yeah, I'm familiar." You scowled at him.

"Ok, good." He stood from the table and walked toward the exit, not waiting for you.

You followed him out, running to catch up. You walked next to him in silence, the tension thick in the air around you.

Neither of you had any idea what was going to happen next.

You didn't know if you were going to be together. after this. If you should be together after this.

And you didn't know what to do about it.

So, you did the only thing you could: You kept walking until you got to Baji's house.

And when you got there, you went inside.

Because you didn't want to think about anything else.

The emptiness you felt in the fresh absence of Chifuyu was so painful that you wanted to escape this reality. And the only way to do that was to let yourself be whisked away by Baji in the little fantasy world the two of you had created a couple of weeks ago in his room.

He pulled you down onto the bed and rest his hand on the curve of your waist and he put his forehead against yours.

"I'm sorry." He said.

"Sorry?" You whispered back to him. All the while, thinking about his lips and the rest of him and how it was all yours for the taking now. You could have him in his entirety.

You didn't know what you were going to do with that.

"Yeah. I'm sorry for all this. I shouldn't have fallen in love with you. I knew better."

"Baj'. You're not the only one who fell here. I love you too. So hard and so fast. I don't know what the fuck happened."

He kissed your mouth, his lips just grazing yours. It sent a jolt down your spine. You know that kiss. You know what it means. The look in his eyes. On his face. You'd become well acquainted with Baji's everything over the last few weeks.

Except now, it didn't hurt to acknowledge it. That you liked it. That you sat around, fantasizing about it when you weren't together. And that you thought about him more than you wanted to admit to yourself.

You wrapped your hand around the back of his head and held him tightly by the hair, pulling him on top of you. He pushed into you, grinding his hips against yours as he kissed you with a ferocity that you couldn't deny.

You were never going to be the same after tonight.

Not ever.

Not after Baji.

@kazutora-kurokawa @katkusuo @viburnt @arlerts-angel @darkstarlight82

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ineffable-opinions · 10 months ago

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BL doujin & Men Who Make Some of Them

If BL is stories of androphilic men by androphilic women, then what’s the opposite of that? It would probably be stories of androphilic women by androphilic men.

The latter is what Minamoto Kazuki mainly dabbles in.

Apart from straight & BL manga, he also authored Shoujo Manga Artist Minamoto-San Comes Out. Yeah, that’s the title. It is autobiographical if that wasn’t obvious. Arguably, his most famous manga, at least in BL fandom, is Wall Circle's Doujin Artist Nekoyashiki-Kun's Desire for Recognition Grows which got live-action adaptation: KabeKoji in 2022.

Androphilic male characters who create straight content is not rare in BL. In 2023, from what I can recall, we got two such characters: Sung Woo Jae from Individual Circumstances (2023) and Yoh from Taikan Yoho (2023). Jinta from Cherry Magic (2023) also writes (presumably straight) romance. Even before that, we got an entire BL live-action franchise (starting with The Novelist (2018)).

Doujin production and consumption

Doujinshi (doujin for short) is self-published works. It includes both derivative works (fan works) as well as original works. It is estimated that nearly half of the doujin produced and circulated are BL. These are traditionally sold at conventions like Comiket. These days doujin are sold online, for example through dedicated websites like DL site.

Doujinshi culture and Comiket especially has been instrumental in the development of BL as a genre. Unfortunately, unlike other BL pioneers such as Mari Mori (her 1961 novel A Lovers' Forest is considered the first BL) and the Year 24 Group, Meikyu doujin circle (Yoshihiro Yonezawa in particular) seldom find mention in history of BL.

BL doujin grew side by side with commercially published works. The original use of the portmanteau yaoi (no peak, no fall, no meaning) was an indication of plot what plot nature of those doujins that subverted the East Asian narrative structure to focuse exclusively on erotic relations. Doujin BL varied widely in themes and approaches, even more than commercial BL as doujin are not created to appeal to the masses, instead cater to super-specific fandoms. Also, it is easier to debut into doujin arena than to commercial BL. However, since these are literally ‘thin books’ in most cases, there is associated limitation. There is cost of printing to be taken into account as well.

As more explicit doujin (yaoi) and less explicit BL (shonen ai, etc.) coevolved in a porous environment, BL transformed into a successful genre in itself with numerous dedicated magazines and multimedia adaptations. Moreover, doujin was good ground for experimentation and yields in that arena made its way into mainstream BL and enriched it.

Commercial BL welcomed many doujinshika into its fold. e.g. Ayano Yamane (author of the Finder series) is associated with a bunch of doujin circles at different points in time: GUN MANIA, Shouhoku Taiiku Yougushitsu and Ouka Seisaku.

BL mangaka continued producing both doujin and commercial BL. e.g. Kizu Natsuki (author of Given) is a prolific doujinshika under the name Gusari in Sashikizu circle.

BL mangaka produced doujin of their own work. e.g. Ichikawa Kei (author of Blue Sky Complex) published erotic extras as doujin.

These days, there is pixiv among others and long serialization possibilities. Authors are less constrained by space – unlike physical publication, web publication is not constrained by real estate (number of pages, chapters, etc.). Thanks to the internet, the distance between doujin and commercial BL have shortened.

A lot of gei comi (bara) is also self-published.

Doujin BL culture exists everywhere BL is famous with wide variation.

Doujin played an important role in emergence and growth of Korean BL. e.g. Totally Captivated by Yoo Ha Jin had doujin extras.

Chinese doujin culture is slightly different from that in other countries. Note-worthy is the self-publication of danmei (Chinese BL) novels. Three most recent cases against danmei authors [and their accomplices including those who helped the authors print, bind, package and sell those copies] were for self-publication.

天一(Tian Yi) for her student X teacher SM erotica 攻占 (Seize Control) - charged for self-publication and violation of law prohibiting publication of obscenity [explicit SM involving a 17-year-old student and his teacher in the novel]

深海先生 (Mr. Deep Sea) for her historical romance 锁帝翎 (aka 笼中帝 ; The Caged Emperor) - charged for self-publication.

There is a third. But the details are not available in the public domain.

It used to be a common practice for authors to self-publish uncensored versions of their web-published works, sometimes with explicit extras. These were intended for fans who wanted to collect these copies and to express their appreciation to the authors. Both self-publishing and “obscene content” are illegal in China.

Doujin, BL and their creators

Kabe Koji is the journey of a doujinshika, Mamoru Nekoyashiki, who yearns to be recognized as such and also as a beloved. While in high school, he fell in love with his childhood friend Kazama Issei whom he is sure doesn’t like him like that, thanks to rampant compulsory heterosexuality. Being gay was something he felt he had to keep under wraps not only because of fear of rejection but also because of heterosexism. Talented in drawing, he visits Comic King, a popular otaku convention where he discovers a different world – where male androphilia is celebrated in art.

This inspires him to cultivate his talent in drawing and to pursue a career in manga. Since the art he was most drawn in by was ero-manga with macho uke with bitch characteristics, that’s the style he pursues.

When we meet him, this is the subgenre that we see him focusing on. His influences are pretty obvious.

Moreover, the main character (hence the target of affection in his work) looks a bit like his crush. Issei notices this and tries to draw himself like that (with disproportionately thin neck) in little notes and letters to his Mamocchi.

[I honestly think Nakao Masaki was bit of a miscast for this role appearance-wise because in the manga Issei is more on the gacchiri (muscular) side of ikemen. Whoever thought Torii-san’s uke from Fudanshi Bartender no Tashinami (2022) would be right fit for Issei’s character. The actor clearly didn’t disappoint in any other aspect. This is like the case with casting decision in One Room Angel (2023) wherein a manga character with gachimuchi aesthetics was changed into a lean ikemen. An opportunity for a different body-type was wasted. No complains against those actors since they aren’t the ones responsible for casting.] This is an erroneous assessment. Thank you @tompetertrash for correcting me.

Nekoyashiki, while pursuing training and education in manga making, has already established himself as a fairly successful doujinshika known as Honeniku-sensei of Muscle Department Store. He belongs to the Wall Circle.

"Kabe circle" (wall circle) — a slang term for doujin groups or "circles" that are popular enough for their booths to be placed beside the wall of the convention, for ease of line management. (Source: ANN)

He is friends with Yamada, a fujoshi who is his support in creating, defending and selling doujin.

Such friendships are not too rare. For example, friendship between Yoh and Manju in Taikan Yoho (2023). And the IRL friendship between female danmei author Lan Lin and male manhuajia Liang Azha.

Nekoyashiki meets two other characters at Comic King: Framboise and Takkun.

Framboise is the president of a doujin circle called Bearded Beauties. He is very popular. He is not only among the wall circles each time we see him, but also is showered with gifts by his fans. He acknowledges that he has been doujinshika for years. His art resembles him – body-type, facial hair, moe. He keeps inviting Nekoyashiki warmly to a gathering of muscle BL artists despite getting turned down. His interactions with Nekoyashiki are precious.

Takkun is Nekoyashiki’s fan. He is inspired by Nekoyashiki and worked hard to establish himself as a wall circle doujinshika.

His rise from a consumer to producer of doujin and finally a wall circle doujinshika mirror's Nekoyashiki’s journey. Moreover, his rise is contrasted with Nekoyashiki’s fall.

Also, one of two characters on his doujin cover looks a lot like him.

Unlike Framboise and Takkun who draw what they like, Nekoyashiki draws to be recognized.

Nekoyashiki draws a second season to his previous work Please Suck on my Enormous, Manly Tits. Despite Yamada’s best hopes, it is not popular at all and loses Nekoyashiki his position as a wall circle doujinshika. He bids goodbye to Suck My Manly Tits series and to ero-manga sub-genre in general.

In a desperate attempt to climb back into popularity, he tries classic BL pairing. We get to see him reading commercial BL as a part of his research. This is an obvious mistake. Yamada wants to intervene but hesitates and ultimately gives up.

When his next doujin, My Perfect Boss Became My Perfect Spouse, also flops, he loses his resolve to be a mangaka.

Yamada asks Nekoyashiki to be more honest and expressive in his creation.

In the end, Nekoyashiki creates a doujin inspired by his own relationship and aspirations – a work that, Framboise and Yamada notices, is to Nekoyashiki’s satisfaction.

It is common for at least some characters by male BL and gei comi mangakas (who have revealed themselves) to look at least a little bit like themselves. To see examples, check out the beginning of Massive: Gay Erotic Manga and the Men Who Make It where representative art and artists are placed side by side. Some even acknowledge this. e.g. Chinese BL manhuajia Liang Azha once commented on how his shou (uke) tend to look like him as he is today and his gong (seme) resemble his looks from his college days. Moreover, art tend to inspire clothing, haircuts, and other features which in turn inspire art. The influence Tom of Finland had on androphilic men of his days and they on him is discussed in his 2017 biopic. Similarly, mangakas are influenced by their senpais in the field and sometimes it is noticeable in their art too. e.g. Gengoroh Tagame’s historical works looks quite a bit like those of Go Mishima.

Other BL doujinshika in Live-action BL

Yoh from Taikan Yoho (2023) creates his first BL doujin, inspired by his ikemen boyfriend and their relationship, in collaboration with his mangaka friend Manju after his career as commercial mangaka of straight ero-manga takes a nose-dive.

BL Metamorphosis (2022) depicted the process of BL doujin creation in detail as the main character, Sayama Urara, embarks on that journey. Her friends offer her support, especially Ichinoi Yuki who funds the printing and binding. Sayama Urara doesn’t debut as doujinshika as she doesn’t set up her booth at the convention. However, one of the copies lands in the hand of one of her favorite authors Komeda Yu whose commercial BL work Kimi no Koto dake Miteitai was what brought Sayama Urara and Ichinoi Yuki together.

Komeda Yu on the other hand is a doujinshika turned commercial BL mangaka. She visits the convention in hopes of overcoming writer’s block and to rediscover her passion for drawing. She is motivated by the doujin that Sayama Urara created and emerges out of slump to continue with her series.

Fudanshi Bartender no Tashinami (2022) revolves around Soichiro Hibiki, a fudanshi bartender moonlighting as a BL doujinshika, who draws inspiration from his customers and fellow bar staff to fuel his passion.

Minamoto Kazuki

While narrative drives home the point that the various pieces of art we see are works of respective doujinshika characters through haircuts and body types, the fact remains that most of those are actual doujin by Minamoto Kazuki aka MELU. He belongs to the circle: GOOD BYE LIFE.

In case anyone want to read them, here are the links:

Kumabayashi at Work Has Not Underwear Line

One Million Miles: The Complete Collection

Competition Swimming Brief in Suit Man

A Midsummer Night's Beach Story: SM Assault Works 2

Suck My Manly Tits manga: 俺の雄っぱいがでっかくなっちまうくらいちゅーちゅー吸ってくれ

俺の雄っぱいがでっかくなっちまうくらいちゅーちゅー吸ってくれ2

"Suck My Manly Tits" doujin is in its 3rd season: 俺の雄っぱいがでっかくなっちまうくらいちゅーちゅー吸ってくれ3

Autobiographical pieces that didn't figure prominently:

30年以上マンガをほとんど読んだことなかった彼氏がBL沼にハマった話 (A story about how my boyfriend, who has barely read manga for over 30 years, got addicted to BL swamp.)

J庭でちいさな夢を叶えたゲイカップルの話 : Story of a gay mangaka and his boyfriend who participated in J.GARDEN, and their little dream that came true.

The cover of this doujin got live-action adaptation in one scene that one would miss if not looking closely:

Other interesting works by Minamoto Kazuki

Autobiographical: Shōjo Mangaka no Minamoto-san ga Kaminguauto Shimasu.

2. Those with English translation:

The Midnight Association for The Broken Hearted

The salaryman who has a fetish for suit gets horny.

The Gay Who Turned Kaiju

3. Essay-manga about doujin-making

夜寝てる間にBL原稿のお手伝いをしてくれる妖精さんがいた話

BL同人原稿(アナログ18禁!!)を東京から大阪の印刷所まで届けてくれた彼氏の話

4. About Kabe Koji (2022) live-action:

自分が原作の実写ドラマの大ファンになってしまったので原作者自らヲタ活をしています。

自分が原作の実写BLドラマをリアタイしたくて大阪へ行ってきました。

___

This is dedicated to @bengiyo and @liyazaki for gifs featuring Framboise. Thank you very much. While I was trying my hand at a review for One Room Angel (2023) and wanted to express my disappointment at the lean ikemen casting for Kouki’s role, I got an opportunity to use those gifs. I really wish someone would create some gifs for SHIMBASHI TUGBOAT content too.

(Especially this scene.)

For someone who is as much a fan of “tribes” as BenZi, I would not mind playing the 9Monster live-action BL bingo version.

#bl history #kabe koji #bl doujin #doujinshi #japanese bl #Minamoto Kazuki

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solar-acheron-zine · 3 months ago

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Hello! This is Solar Acheron's FAQ page. - Submissions are open!

Submission guidelines - Designer/illustrator applications are closed.

What is this zine exactly?

Solar Acheron is a small-scale, chill zine meant to be an anthology of various works by writers of any experience level. It’s free to be printed by anyone. The theme is based in Greek mythology, so works must be inspired by or based off of existing Greek myths or stories. Artwork submissions are also accepted (see guidelines and more below).

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What are the guidelines for writer's submissions?

Writing must be centered on a Greek myth-inspired narrative, and have to be non-fandom (no Percy Jackson, sorry :c). However, you can be as creative as you want with this, so you can totally write stories that, for example, take place in a modern setting, or explore relationships or happenings that aren't featured in actual myths. As long as the story is centered on a character, storyline or a setting derived from, clearly inspired by or accurate to a Greek myth (however obscure), it is definitely up for consideration!

Works can totally be previously published ones (whether on social media, AO3, blogs etc. or in publications, as long as you have the rights to them!).

As for word limit, there is a limit of 1600 words per work, and 4000 words for all works submitted.

What are the guidelines for artist's submissions?

Art must also be inspired by Greek myths. All forms of art (which can be printed) are welcome, however since this zine will be printable you must keep in mind that your work may be printed in greyscale, and so should be greyscale-friendly. You can submit photos of physical works, but please make sure they are high quality and/or scanned. The standard format for the zine is A5, so I heavily recommend making works that fit easily in it.

Works that feature both writing and art (comics, digital/physical collages, illustrated writing etc) are super encouraged!!!! I love these. There is a limit of 6 pages for full page works.

What is the policy on NSFW works?

Works cannot heavily feature NSFW, sorry. Nudity, foul language, violence and ludity are allowed, since they are featured in the myths to begin with, given they are not excessive. This is to ensure that authors of all ages can participate in this project safely.

-- AI IS STRICTLY NOT ALLOWED! --

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What is the application process?

The application process applies only to those seeking to have their writing illustrated or to illustrate someone else's writing, and to editorial designers.

Submissions are spontaneous and should be sent to [email protected]. Before sending works in, please read the guidelines!

Is there anything I need to do before sending my work in?

Nope! Unless you have any specific questions or doubts, you can send your work in directly.

How many submissions will be accepted?

I'm happy to accept the maximum amount of works, but this depends immensely on the number of submissions. There can be up to 4 accepted works per author. As for art submissions, I don't want them to exceed the number of written works, so this will depend on how many stories and poems are submitted. You can of course send in works for both artist and writer.

Submissions will be judged more on creativity and overall story, rather than style, so artists and writers of any levels are encouraged to participate!

How can I apply to be an editorial designer?

Editorial designers must reply to the applications form, and will be contacted separately. You will have to provide at least a few examples of your graphic design (you do not have to be a professional).

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Is the zine free, what are the rights and how will it be published?

The zine will be published as a PDF free and accessible to everyone.

As with a regular zine, anyone is free to print and distribute the zine as they wish. All contributors will keep 100% of the rights to their work.

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Applications will open on the 17th of September, close on October 16th, and submissions will close entirely November 18th. Everyone who has sent in contributions will be notified as to whether their work will be included in this edition by November 24th. There is no exact projected date for publication yet, but hopefully the zine will be published before February.

Any other questions? Send an ask!

#zine #zine applications #greek mythology #writing #writeblr #ancient greece #greek myths #poetry #mythology

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homestuckreplay · 2 months ago

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kill them with bladekindness

(page 575-586)

9/3/2009 Wheel Spin: Parent Bad :( Verdict: It’s The Background Texture

9/4/2009 Wheel Spin: Long Pesterlog Verdict: Dave Should Pester John About This

Not much actually happens in these pages, just picking things up and putting them down, so I re-read all Dave’s POV sections so far to experience his uninterrupted slow descent into puppet madness. And it was actually very enlightening and is probably a good way of re-reading for character development/analysis now that character switches are happening so regularly.

But today I was just trying to figure out how the fuck hash map works.

Dave brags to John a couple times about being a super hardcore genius sylladex user, and he’s exaggerating, but not totally lying. As well as already having his strife specibus allocated, on p.576 he does a smooth box catch after seeing the fireworks ejected out the corner of his eye, and on p.579 he shows off by intentionally ejecting and then dodging about ten shurikens. Even though there’s way easier ways he could have accomplished that – such as GENTLY GATHERING (5) the shurikens to free up card 5, then taking the box.

Except, it makes sense if we assume Dave is practicing. In the past we’ve seen Dave mess with his sylladex in his room and in the bathroom, but this is the first time he’s used it in the public areas of the house – and with the Dude Dodge and demonstrations of using different words for the same item and dealing with collisions, it’s almost like he’s putting on a performance. On p.386, he tells John: ‘you should look into weaponizing your sylladex. my bro is always getting on my case about it but man its not as easy as it sounds.’

We’ve now learned that Dave’s bro stocks the kitchen with weapons, which could be there specifically for sylladex practice. Dave’s bro, who it’s been implied also uses hash map, could have been practicing the shuriken-dodge maneuver for years, to use if he ever gets into a real fight. (Or is there a league? Is sylladex usage a sport and Dave’s bro is like a former high school football player who’s trying to train up a younger family member to relive their glory days)?

These kitchen violence pages pair well with Dave reading the Midnight Crew on p.329-331. ‘A familiar feeling stirs. That feeling is overwhelming, soul-blackening rage. It's the sort of rage that'll make a man feel totally justified in sporting an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades’ is a line referring to Spades Slick, but Dave lives with a man who sports an unnecessarily elaborate assortment of fancy blades, so I wonder what soul-blackening rage Bro is feeling and why. It makes me think about how a hyperviolent character in a piece of media can be very fun and likeable, but that same trait in a real person, especially one you live with, is terrifying, and certainly gets different reactions from Dave.

Page 585 shows some different options for hash map point scoring, and I wonder which is most user friendly. Scrabble points is fun, but only helpful if you’ve memorized the Scrabble score system. 2-point consonants and 1-point vowels, which Dave has been using, is pretty easy to calculate numbers for, but certain cards seem like they come up a lot more than others. A short, 3-5 letter word will probably occupy cards 5 through 9, and it gets harder to fill up those low numbered cards when calculating in a hurry. The system where A=1, B=2, C=3, etc, probably solves that issue, but involves working with much bigger numbers, which (if playing TTRPGs has taught me anything) lots of people struggle with. A good hash map needs to be easy to calculate and leave items naturally well distributed among cards.

The most effective hash map, I think, wouldn't depend on function but would have a standard set of 20-30 items that you regularly captchalogue and know the values for, along with ways of retrieving them. So when leaving the house, I could have my KEYS in card 6 and use them to OPEN the front door, plus my WALLET in card 0 to EXCHANGE MONEY for goods and services, but when I go home I can switch them out for a BAKING TRAY (6) that I could use to COOK dinner, and a LAPTOP (0) to easily BROWSE the internet. (If I wanted to leave the house with my laptop, I could captchalogue it as a PORTABLE DEVICE (2) for SURFING THE WEB). Getting to know these items really well, and the ways they might be used as weapons, would probably be way easier than just figuring it out as you go.

Of course, when losing a sylladex battle, you can just hit that eject button for a near guaranteed win. It’s possible this counts as a forfeit or is just bad conduct, but with a sylladex full of shurikens it might just be worth it. ‘detect collisions,’ in this context, feels like using training wheels on a bike or those railings over the bowling lane gutters. You should do it to learn, but some assholes will look down on it, and it’s totally not allowed in competitions.

I also noted on this reread how it’s very common for Dave to have the tiny flashing exclamation point above his head when he gets a sudden shock. This might have happened once or twice with John or Rose, I’d need to reread more to check, but it’s definitely a lot more common with Dave. He could be easily startled, it could be an artistic way of showing his emotion when he wouldn’t show it on his face like other characters do, or this could be where Dave stores his unused exclamation points that he’s too cool to put in chat messages.

Finally. I love the bit on p.581 when the picture of Sweet Bro or Hella Jeff gets knocked off the fridge and slowly floats to the floor.

#homestuck #reaction #i DO wish i had a sylladex is the thing #i make fun of these guys but i would be CONSTANTLY captchaloguing things if i could #i would become a demon at work and captchalogue peoples pens right outta their hands #chrono

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yaralulu · 4 months ago

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controversial take maybe - i swear i’m not trying to step on anyone’s toes though - there’s no point in elriels or eluciens combing through the books to find “evidence” because that would require a degree of forethought to be put into the plot, whereas i’m not even sure sjm rereads/remembers what she’s written. shes going to pick whatever (a) floats her fancy as she’s writing it - might even decide to switch it up after the first three hundred pages (b) would make the most money - catch the mmc playing ice hockey in the next instalment (c) allows her to escape/indulge her own life/romance/marriage/fantasies. which sounds harsh but i don’t think i’m being entirely unfair

might as well start reading tea leaves and picking out foxes/bats/pucks

I lowkey love you for this because I think this all the time.I don’t think it’s totally pointless for people to try and find evidence for their ship because sjm is obviously leaving breadcrumbs that should hopefully be leading somewhere.But she is known to be crazy inconsistent,doesn’t really plan her storylines and she lovesss a good retcon so like genuinely who knows what she’s planning.Didnt she rewrite all of hofas in like 3 weeks or sm? We’re doomed.

Your (c) point is so realll omg.Feyres pregnancy is number one proof of this !!

It is funny when I see people “finding” evidence for their ship from like a line in cc or sm like trust me sjm does not care that much 😭🙏.

#we all know i’m an elucien obviously #but like genuinely i do not give a fuck about the ship wars 🙏🙏#i commend the people who post paragraphs and paragraphs of elucien evidence to this day but damn i can’t say i care that much #mainly bc i fully believe sjm could change her mind at any moment like she’s insane #acotar #anti sjm #sjm critical #ship wars #anti e/riel

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leahnardo-da-veggie · 5 months ago

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A Perfectly Normal Schoolgirl: The Full Story

(8.6k words in total)

I hefted the broom and smacked it into my palm. Letting my feet slide into their position, I grinned at my opponent. The crowd, all secondary school students in their ironed white blouses, began clapping with bloodthirsty delight. I had not a shred of fear in my veins, nor anxiety. Sure, he was a good head taller than me and hellishly well-built, but one of us had done martial arts her whole life, and it was not him.

He gave me a single nod, then charged. With a quick sidestep, I tapped him on the shoulder. The butt of my broom jabbed itself firmly into his left thigh, and before he could grab me, I sweeped him right onto the floor, stopping only to catch him before he broke his nose on the classroom floor.

“In the name of the damn angels,” Dane said, as I let him down slowly. “What the hell? You didn't even give me a shot!”

I shrugged. “It's the nature of the beast. You might've struck first, and that's generally a good thing, but you have to have an idea of what you're going to do whence you strike. You're a man, not an elephant stampeding me. Also, work on your breakfalls. If I hadn't caught you there, you'd end up with a broken nose,” I snapped, in my best imitation of a drill sergeant.

Dane brushed himself off and nodded to himself. “Makes sense. I mean, you're-” I pressed my finger to his lips, and gave a meaningful glance at the camera. Nobody was any the wiser, of course. They all thought this was us being a ‘couple’. It was generally a useful fiction, save for that time Dane thought to ask me out on a date.

As the bell rang, warning us of the end of recess, we stored our brooms aside. The class returned to their seats, all sign of our brief fight club vanished.

Mrs Cheng stalked into the room not long after Dane had cleared the last of the dust off of his clothes. Her glasses were smudged, I noted with grim satisfaction. So she'd encountered my little surprise. It was an effort to not expose myself by laughing at her. She pressed her hands to her hips and surveyed us. “Open your workbooks and flip to page 43. Do exercises 5 to 16, but skip question 8 part 2,” she snapped, without so much as a greeting. I'd gotten under her skin, then.

Whilst I idly scribbled down equations on my notes, she strode down the rows between our little tables, narrowing her eyes at us. To the unpractised observer, she was checking our work, like a perfectly normal teacher. She and I knew the truth, however. I scratched out a line of work as her shadow loomed over me.

“Katherine,” she hissed, resting a callused palm on my table. “Pray tell: Why did you move the x² to the left?”

I looked up and fluttered my eyelashes at her. Oh, she knew, alright. She and I both knew the truth. “Perhaps it is because the square needs to be separated from its fellows before we can… remove it from the equation. Don't you agree?”

Her eyes widened infinitesimally, then narrowed. “I suppose so. But you could say the same of the cube, could you not?” She leaned in and grinned, showing teeth that were just a bit too long in the canines. "Be a bit more careful, won't you? Sometimes a little number in the wrong corner can tip the scales entirely."

I laughed politely. "Oh, Mrs C., don't mix your metaphors. It's not very teacherly, is it?"

The retort made her hiss. "Watch your tongue, little Katherine. Don't you know what happened to the overly-curious cat?"

"Oh, yes," I agreed. "I know all about the cat. Especially what happens when it's out of the bag. Now, don'tcha need to go check on the other students? You can't be thought of as having favourites, after all."

The glint in her eyes warned me that I would pay for the point I'd scored, but I didn't mind. I stuck out my tongue at her as she walked off, and giggled to myself. Yes, I knew all about the cat, I thought.

Curiosity might've killed it, but satisfaction would bring it back. And by the time our little spat ended, I would have all the satisfaction I needed for a million resurrections.

I listened to the rest of the class with a single ear, so busy with plotting our next move was I. Mrs Cheng was going to want to take revenge for my little ploy, and that meant I had to keep on my toes. Things were going to get significantly more dangerous.

Dane, fool boy that he was, had taken it upon himself to become the teacher's pet, a deadly thing to do when the teacher in question was Mrs C. I suppose he was seeking her motherly affections, like a mewling kitten. All through the day, I cursed him as I watched him present neatly written equations to Mrs Cheng with glee. It was a small mercy that she had no knowledge of our relationship, for my sanity and for his safety, and suspected nothing of him.

As the bell rang and we were released, I shot her a mocking bow and strolled out the door. Soon as I was out of sight, I grabbed Dane's elbow and sunk my nails into his soft flesh. “You idiot,” I hissed in his ear.

His wide prey-eyes met my narrowed ones. “What did I do? Training today wasn't that bad, was it?” When my glare did not let up, he batted at my hand. “Kat, let go, please. I don't know why you're so pissed with me, but you're going to draw blood! So unless you want my pa- I mean, everyone to have some very awkward questions, you have to stop.”

I glanced down at my hand, with its too-long fingers and too-sharp nails. “Tch,” I said. “You nearly got yourself killed with your antics just now. And all the not-terrible training in the world isn't going to be enough when you end up going toe to toe with C.”

“C? You mean Mrs Cheng? Wait…” Realisation dawned on his broad features. “Oh shit. You gotta be kidding me, right? It's her?”

I barked a laugh at that. “Yes, Dane. It's her. Her and about a quarter of the school faculty. So think twice before you draw any more attention to yourself, understand? You're not nearly ready enough to fight one of them.”

The glimmer of anger in his eyes dulled to regret. Biting his lip, Dane nodded. “I'm sorry, Kat. I should've thought things through more. Can I get you an ice cream to make it up to you?”

His inanity brought a smile to my face. “Don't apologise to me, silly. I'm not the one who's in danger. But yes, I would love to have an ice cream. Shall we try the gelato place that just opened up?”

“You're going to drive me broke, Kat. These cafes are overpriced, you know. The convenience stores work just fine,” he whined, pulling out his wallet and making a show of its emptiness.

I tapped him on the nose, and replied, “When you've lived a life like mine, you learn to appreciate the finer things in life, little Dane.” Besides, I thought grimly, I had upset the things running the convenience stores a tad too much to be comfortable eating something from there.

We walked, hand in hand, down the noon-burning street, and I could not help but revel in the heat. Truly, global warming was doing me a favour. Dane did not share my views, sadly. He leaked rivulets of sweat, fanning himself with a piece of paper and he strolled next to me.

It appeared we were not the only ones to crave icy relief, for the cafe was brimming with people munching on artisanal gelatos and sipping iced tea. There was only one person at the counter, a gorgeous woman with hair that fell in auburn waves and overalls that proclaimed her to be an employee. I slipped through the doors and pulled Dane behind me. Without them ever quite noticing, the customers parted around me, and I snuck my way into the front of the queue.

Without turning around, the woman manning the counter chirped, “Hello and welcome to Jelly's Gelatos! How can I help you today?”

I put on my best smile. “Oh, I'd like two scoops of chocolate gelato, please! In a cone. And two scoops of… Matcha, wasn't it? Also in a cone,” I said, winking at Dane as I did so. Matcha was his favourite flavour, and it had always delighted him when I remembered that, so I made the effort to. Indeed, he brightened up when I made his order correctly, and squeezed my hand appreciatively.

Smoothly, the woman scooped out our order. “You two make a cute couple,” she said as she did so. “I didn't know you liked little boys, Katherine.” My uniform had no name tag on it, and neither did anything I carried.

Ah, shit.

I tensed up, sliding into a fighting stance. “How the hell do you know my name?” A protective hand on Dane's shoulder, I leaned in to peer closer at her.

She looked up and tilted her head to the side. Eyes like burnished copper met mine, her pupils just a tad too elongated to be normal. Her hair was down, but I had a suspicion that it hid pointy ears. “Don't you recognise me, Katherine? I'm disappointed,” she purred.

That voice was familiar, and not in a good way. I'd met her kinden before, men and women too beautiful to be purely mortal, the children of unholy unions. They were never up to any good. “You should be,” I replied, baring my teeth at her. “Don't expect me to remember the name of every random person I come across.”

The insult stung, as it was meant to, and she thrust my order under my nose. I took my chocolate and handed the matcha to Dane, who accepted it cautiously. “You think you're so high and mighty, Katherine? You've made too many enemies, and it's only a matter of time before one of us gets you,” she snarled, her pearly white teeth stark against blood-red gums.

I rolled my eyes in my best approximation of a rebellious teenager. “Sure, like, whatever. I'm so frightened by random minimum wage workers,” I jeered. “C'mon, don't expect me to quiver in my boots at you. You're only scary to the children of helicopter parents who point at you as an example of what happens when you fail your exams.”

“You bitch,” she hissed.

“So close, but no cigar, sweetie,” I replied. “And I don't think that's the proper way to treat your customers, is it? No tips for you.” Picking up a handful of change from my pocket, I dumped it onto the counter. “Toodles!”

On that cheerful note, I pushed my way back out into the sunny sidewalk. Dane followed like a lost puppy, looking increasingly concerned. “What was that about? That woman looked like she was gonna kill you!”

I shrugged. “Get used to it, kiddo. Everyone wants me dead. And when they find out about you? Well, you can bet they'll want the same for you.”

Dane sulked the whole way home, eyes downcast, feet dragging. His gelato melted in his hands, long after I had finished mine, and I watched him in awkward silence. It did neither of us any good to push him, I had realised. Dane would open up to me when Dane wished to do so.

His hand engulfed mine, a steady pressure against my palm. “Katherine,” he said finally, whence we approached his family home, “Are we in danger?”

My initial instinct was to laugh at his innocence, but the look on his face stopped me. There was a quiet fear beneath his skin, on his crumpled brows and tense body, a fear that belied his youth. I sighed and rested my head against his arm, stroking him like I would a kitten. “It will be alright,” I told him, in tones softer than I was used to. “Whilst I am around, they won't lay a finger on you.”

Dane bit his lip and unlocked the door. “Come in,” he told me absentmindedly, and I followed him into his home. “It's just…” He looked away, hunched ever so slightly into himself.

“You're frightened,” I finished for him, and smoothed a lock of his hair back.

“No!” He yanked himself away from me. “I'm not scared, alright? Just- You know-” He stuttered and trailed off again.

Young men and their insecurity, always needing to seem strong and brave. “Denying your emotions isn't gonna help anyone,” I told him flatly. “And if you weren't scared, you're more of a fool than I'd thought.”

Dane looked away. “There’s so many of them and only two of us,” he whispered, slumping onto the couch. “How can we fight them all? And…” The last of his words were swallowed in a sigh.

I settled next to him, smiling slightly. “We all die someday,” I offered. “And the worst they can do to you is kill you.”

He shot me a glare. “That's not helpful!”

With a shrug, I threw my hand around his shoulder. He was always so warm, like resting on the stones of the riverbank beneath the sun. “But it is, Dane. Don't fear Death. I’ve met him before, and he's a rather decent lad. Just like you,” I told him, squishing his cheeks. “Besides, I've been telling you about the dangers this whole time. Why fret now?”

“I'd never seen someone… Like that, you know? She wasn't human, and she knew you. Besides, she had those vibes! It was like she was a cryptid or something,” he told me, eyes wide with passion. “Was she the same as what… You know- The thing that took my parents?”

“I doubt it,” I replied, pursing my lips at the reminder of why we were both here. “But she is something close enough to it. You were lucky she didn't notice you, you know? You're doing a damn good job at keeping up appearances, kiddo.” A better job than me, I thought bitterly. So much for being a perfectly normal schoolgirl.

Dane beamed at the praise. “I was practising every day, just like you told me to!” He paused and tilted his head to the side. “Wait- Does that mean I passed the test?”

I considered it. He'd done well, that was for sure. I'd seen precious few youths who picked up subtlety and discretion quite as fast as him. Nonetheless, he was lacking in all other areas. His discipline faltered at every corner. He was atrocious at fighting. There was not a scrap of wisdom hammered into his brain.

Mrs C.'s ominous grin loomed in the back of my mind. With my and Dane's association, it would only be a matter of time before she picked him as her next target. When that time came, I would hardly be in a position to protect him, without shedding what precious little cover I still maintained. Besides, I had certain suspicions about her, ones that I wanted to get to the bottom of.

“It will be difficult,” I warned him. “And it will hurt.”

With all the panache of innocence, he jerked his head up and down. “I know,” he told me. “And I'll do it! Come on, you said I did well, didn't I?”

Damn that guileless faith on his face. I did not deserve it, did not deserve to hold this boy's fate in my hands, did not deserve his trust and affection. And I could not accept his blood on my skin, were he not ready for the attack that would eventually come.

“Alright,” I said softly. “Get ready. We'll do this at midnight.”

***

“I'm a fool for doing this, aren't I?” Dane didn't look up from where he sat, cross legged on the ground. His shirt was opened to reveal the runes I'd scrawled on his chest and throat.

I drew the circle around him wordlessly. Nothing I said would help him now. The candles were lit, casting the otherwise dark room in flickering shadow and light, darkness dancing just outside our pentacle. The ointment was smeared across his face, glistening like his soul leaked through his pores. The stage was set, and it was time for him to dance.

Stepping back from my handiwork, I glanced at the clock. Right on cue, it struck twelve. “Was something supposed to happen?” Dane tried to crane his neck to look at the clock.

Worried as I was, it brought a smile to my face. I snapped my fingers and watched as his joints locked up, body going ramrod straight. This was something I'd seen dozens of times before. Sometimes they made it out alive. Sometimes they didn't. Either way, it was up to him now. Some battles could only be fought by a single person. I settled in an armchair and pulled a book out from his bookshelf.

It wasn't long before someone showed up. A man, resplendent in a golden top hat and cloak. He knocked on the door seven times. I ignored him. “Katherine,” he said, voice clear as bells, “I know you're in there.”

Of course. Of course he showed up now, at the worst possible time. With a sigh, I hauled myself up from my armchair and swung the door open. “L,” I hissed. “You're not welcome in.”

L laughed. “Goodness, Kat. You'd think I was trying to st-” I pressed my finger to his lips, reaching past the boundary of the door as I did so.

“There's a security camera nearby,” I warned him. “Be wary.”

“A camera! And you still went through with that thing? Are you trying to get yourself caught again?” L folded his arms against his chest. “Fine. Won't you at least invite me inside, so I don't have to discuss matters with you next to a deathtrap?”

“It's not my home to invite you into. And its owners are currently indisposed.”

L peered into the house. “A boy,” he remarked. “You have gone soft, haven't you? Since when did you do that for mere mo- children?”

I shrugged. “I owe him one. Why are you here?”

“Come on, Kat! You know damn well why. You've been hiding out in the middle of nowhere, pretending to be some dingy little student, and letting yourself get pushed around by lesser beings. The others are mad at you, but they're not that mad. They'll forgive you if you come back.”

He just didn't get it, I thought grimly. Then again, none of them ever did. “L, do you know why I chose to stay here?”

“Will you stop deflecting? I'm telling you: Come back!”

Ignoring him, I continued, “It's warm here. The humans are nice. They have these things called gelatos, and it tastes like nothing else I've known.”

There was a dangerous look in L's eyes. I had grown familiar with it, being the sort of person who tended to inspire mind-numbing rage in others. “Seriously, Kat! Stop it. My place is warm enough for you, and humans are nice wherever you go, and we can bloody well get gelatos at home!” He tried to grab my wrist, but I pulled it back through the doorway, into the boundaries of Dane's home.

“The best thing about this place, though? The cameras. It's a surveillance state. Nobody tries anything here. Nobody dares to. Not even you.” I moved to close the door in his face, then paused. “Go home, L. I won't.”

There was heartbreak mixed in with the anger on his face. I didn't want to look at it anymore, so I shut the door. But L had to have the last word, as he always did.

“He'll die, you know. They all do.”

Then I was alone with Dane. He twitched, raw terror etched onto his features. The poor boy was walking through a living nightmare, and I could not help him. If he died… I did not want to think of that. I had watched more than my fair share of dying children, and it would attract Death. I had no wish to meet him ever again, kind though he was.

The book held no respite for me, and pacing the room did me not good. I settled just outside his circle and stared into his unseeing eyes. He moved again, desperately trying to break free. There were tears streaming down his cheeks.

Was it worth it? I had known those who said yes. The ones who didn't make it out had no chance to disagree. His suffering would make him stronger, the theory went. The rules said merely not to break the circle while he tried to break free. The faith he'd held in me, that I would protect him, compelled me to disobey.

Flopping onto the floor, I let out another heavy sigh. What the hell… I'd broken enough rules already. What was one more?

With one finger, I smudged the circle.

Dane came free with a shriek, shaking off a layer of not-quite-dust. Before he could fall over and break the circle entirely, I caught the air around him, twisted it, and pulled it back. He toppled over in his panic, and landed squarely beside me. “What the hell?!”

I smiled at him and pulled him into a hug. “You looked like you were in pain,” I admitted. “So I broke you out.”

“But what about the boon? I need it… Don't I?” Dane frowned down at me. “How else will I be strong enough?”

Silly boy. Silly me, too, to risk so much for him. “You did receive the boon,” I told him, beaming. “I caught it before it could leave.” Presenting the glittering air trapped between my fingers, I revelled in his surprise.

“I thought you said the rules forbade outside help?” Dane took the air from me nonetheless, cupping it to his chest. He sat up, and I followed, the two of us facing each other.

“I break rules for fun, kiddo,” I said with levity I did not feel. “Don't worry about me. Besides, I promised to help you out, didn't I? Can't have you dying on me before I grant your wish.” Man, was I dancing on the line today. One wrong move and we were all doomed. It gave me a thrill like no other.

“You're right,” Dane said. “So what's our next move?”

I laughed. “We strike first, and hard,” I told him. “Mrs C and her little friends won't know what hit them!” And more to the point— Neither would the cameras. This was my one chance to get my satisfaction, before she managed to catch me in her web.

Dane nodded. “So we meet at school early? Say, 6am?”

I considered it. “That would work, yes. But I've got a favour to ask of you.”

“Ask away! You know I'd do anything for you, Kat,” he told me, the earnestness on his face palpable. I wanted to pick him up and stuff him somewhere safe and far away.

“Can I stay here tonight?” The odds of running into L again were low, but I did not trust him not to try to spirit me away. Safest to be within a home tonight.

“Of course! You can use my room,” he assured me. “I'll take the couch.”

“Isn't there a spare bedroom?’ I could've sworn I'd seen one.

Dane froze, a pained look creeping onto his features. “That's my parents' room,” he whispered. “I can't…”

He could not bring himself to use it. “I understand,” I told him, and pulled him to his feet. “Take your own bedroom, I don't really need somewhere to sleep.”

Dane gave me a grateful look. “Kat, do you really think we can… You know, save my parents?”

I ran my fingers through his hair, and hugged him. “I promised you, didn't I? And I always keep my promises.” How I would do it was a separate issue.

All through the night, I could hear Dane rolling in his bed, crying and shifting sleeplessly. I stayed outside his door, standing guard. There was such fragile beauty in his emotion, such truth in his pain, such rawness in his humanity. I could not tell if I pitied or admired him for it.

By dawn, I had prepared all I needed. String, to tie loose ends together. Blood, to find a heartless body. And a penknife, because everything is made better with blades. I had it all in my bag when Dane stumbled out of bed, dark circles under his eyes, uniform crumpled and askew. “Kat? Oh god, I had the worst night,” he mumbled, gulping down the cup of coffee I had set out for him.

“Let's go,” I said. “I don't want to waste any more time kicking about the bush.” It would not be nearly so easy to hide Dane with the aura of his boon about him. In fact, I was counting on that.

He downed the dregs. “Alright, alright,” Dane mumbled. “Let's get going.” Marching to the door, he swung it open with the lethargy of the sleepless.

It opened to reveal L, standing right where he had been when we last spoke. Before either of them could react, I slipped into the gap between the door. “What the hell are you doing here, L? I told you to go home,” I snapped, punctuating my words with a shove in his direction.

L held his ground stubbornly. “I'm coming with you, Kat,” he insisted. “You're not going off on one of your hare brained schemes without me.”

“I can handle myself,” I hissed back, glaring at him. “I told you, I'm not going home. Not now, not whence we rescue Dane's parents, not ever.”

“Damn it, Kat! You're acting like a-” He caught himself, and snatched a cautious glance at the security cameras. “A child,” he continued. “You don't belong here. None of us do.”

“I'm happy here,” I said, half-pleading, half-yelling. “And I-”

“You love that boy, don't you?” L pointed a finger accusingly at Dane. “You're in love with a mo-” He swallowed his words again. “A boy.”

“I’m not in love! Not in that way,” I told him, crossing my arms. “Is it so impossible to believe that I can love a place? That I can be happy without you? That I have a life beyond what you and the others have me?”

“Now listen here-” For the third time, L was cut off. Dane shouldered his way past me and glared at him.

“I don't know who you are or what you think you're doing, but you aren't allowed to harass my best friend in my house,” he said.

L and I exchanged a look. It said, ‘Human hubris was just what needed to be added to this argument'. “He's my brother,” I sighed. “And he wants me to go home.”

Dane sized L up in that manner young males so often did. They were the same height, though Dane was by far the broader. Finally, he asked, “Do you want to go home?”

Taken by surprise, I laughed. “Of course not! This is the home I've searched for my whole life,” I admitted.

L made a noise of frustration and pressed closer against the doorway. “Listen, if I help you out with your little venture here, will you at least consider coming home?”

I thought about it. L would make a fine asset. I glanced at Dane. It was his life, after all.

Gently, Dane placed his hand on my shoulder. “I trust you to make the right decision,” he whispered.

Damn that boy. Had it just been me, I would've rejected L outright and punctuated my refusal with a kick to his crotch. Instead, I sighed and stepped through the doorway. “Alright, fine. Deal,” I muttered, sticking my hand out to shake his.

L did not bother with that, instead sweeping me up into an icy embrace. “Accursed-gods be praised, I missed you,” he said.

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled. Secretly, however?

I had to admit it, I was pleased.

We snuck L past the security guards at school using Dane as a human shield. It was… Awkward, to say the least, but L seemed to derive amusement from it.

At 6am, nobody was in school. The hallways were lit only by the grey post-dawn and the red of the security cams. L eyed them nervously as we walked down the halls. “How can you be so calm, surrounded by those things? They terrify me,” he said, when we rounded a corner and escaped their gaze.

“If you aren't doing anything wrong, you've got nothing to fear,” I quipped. “Now listen, this entire hallway has no cameras, and I'm pretty sure it's not just a design oversight. Mrs C and her brood are using this place for something. I wanna find out what, and preferably before she decides to make a move on me.”

The walls were too-pristine, lacking the grime and stains that permeated the rest of the school. I tapped them regularly, hunting for a hollow spot. “There's a secret doorway somewhere… I've never quite found it, but it's gotta be somewhere.”

Obediently, Dane joined me in hunting for the secret passage. L surveyed the hallway with bland curiosity, then stepped up to a random spot. “This one,” he announced, grinning smugly at me. “Still got a thing or two to learn, eh, little sister?”

I glared at him and tapped the spot he indicated. It slid apart seamlessly. “Holy shit,” Dane said, stepping up and peering into the hallway that lay beyond. “That's pretty cool.” he paused. “I wonder if there's other tunnels like it around.”

“Have you taught the boy nothing?” L gave him a little shove and walked into the hallway, leaving me to follow. “These are everywhere. In fact, magic is everywhere, so long as you know where to find it.”

I laughed. “You know the camera's are still watching, right?”

L jumped like a frightened mouse. “Where? I could've sworn it was safe,” he said, hunting for the telltale stare of a security cam.

“Hah! Gotcha,” I jeered. “Still got a thing or two to learn, eh, elder brother? Especially about sniffing out lies.”

The look of affronted rage that passed over his face made me snort. “I bet you're wishing you didn't offer to help out,” I told him.

Stubborn bastard that he was, he shook his head. “No, I don't. Irritating beast though you are, Kat, you are my sister.” He gave my nose a playful tap. “By the by, your little mortal is about to get himself killed.”

I snapped my head around to find Dane far ahead of us, at the end of the corridor. He was wrestling with a locked door, trying to open it with brute force. “Dear gods! Dane, quit that immediately. We've got no idea what's on the other side,” I snapped.

Dane didn't listen. “My parents are in there,” he yelled back, slamming his shoulder against the metal door. “I can feel it.”

I threw my hands in the air and hurried to aid him. “Your senses can deceive you, you know,” I warned him as I studied the door. “Even odds this is a trap.” It certainly would be, in my opinion. The only thing that correlated the two issues was their physical vicinity.

Nonetheless, I lifted my foot and kicked. The door flew off its hinges with a satisfying crunch. I'd be damned before I'd admit it to L, but there were some things I missed about not being surrounded by cams. This was one of them.

Dane watched me with eyes like saucers. “Wait- If it's a trap, why're we walking in?”

“Cos it being a trap never stopped me before,” I replied, winking.

It was a trap, as expected. What I did not expect was to get thoroughly caught in it. As soon as I stepped out into the open, a net descended upon me. I suppose it was entirely my fault, because I thrashed enough to get Dane caught in it too. The two of us fell into a heap of netting and limbs, and only L had the sense to back away. As I was forcibly pulled into the sole, blinding light by sharp-nailed hands, I watched my brother press himself against the wall, blending in with the darkness.

“Well, isn't that a sight?” Mrs C. sneered down at me. “The Kat got dragged in this time. I could've sworn it was typically the other way around,” she purred.

I detangled myself from Dane and prepared to launch myself at her. “Nuh uh,” she hissed, aiming a sharp kick at my stomach. “I'm afraid someone's watching.”

She was right, damn it. The unflinching red of a security camera watched me from a corner of my vision. I dared do no more than bare my teeth and hiss at her.

Beside me, Dane stumbled into a semi-upright position. “Kat,” he hissed, confused and helpless as a newborn kitten. “What's going on?”

I forced him back down. Damn that boy, always piping up at the wrong time. Hoping it would distract her, I met Mrs C's triumphant grin with a look of pure hatred. “Cheng Kai Ling, eldest of eight,” I began, feeling the camera's stare burn me. “Born 1890 as the child of two poor immigrants. Taught to read and write by the nuns at Saint Joseph's Convent. You had a penchant for mathematics, they realised, and set you at the book-keeping of the church. That was how you put your youngest brother through to university. He was far dumber than you, however, and you all knew it. But what could you do? You were the eldest, and a girl besides.”

Her facade wavered with nostalgia. Humans were all the same, no matter their age and abilities. “How the hell do you know that?” She grabbed me by my lapels, shaking me roughly. “Hmm? Tell me, little witch.”

Was that what she thought I was? I gave her my blandest smile. “It was a dark night, just before a hurricane hit, that a stranger showed up at your door. He was cold and pale and you were kind, so you let him into the convent. He offered you a chance to see the future, didn't he? A chance to live a life beyond the boundaries of the church and your books.”

“Kat,” Dane repeated, tugging at my skirt. “Maybe you should stop upsetting her?”

We both paused, and I winced. With nigh-inhuman speed, Mrs C swept Dane up and tossed him against the wall, ripping the wire net as she did so. I watched my friend smack against the wall with a crack. He didn't stir, and I hoped he had nothing worse than a concussion.

“Yes, little Katherine. You should shut up, just like your little boyfriend,” Mrs C concurred. “Perhaps if you beg for forgiveness now, I will make your and your love's deaths swift.” The grimace on her face said otherwise.

I gulped despite myself, and continued. “In some ways, I don't blame you. I sacrificed so much for my freedom too, you know. But-” I crossed my arms. “To sacrifice your entire family? To give up your sisters' lives and burn your home down to ash? To gulp down their lifeblood to sustain yours? I think you crossed one line too far.”

Mrs C's eyes glowed ever-so-slightly red, just like the camera. “You insolent bitch! You think you know anything about my life? You think you’re worthy of judging my choices? You're nothing but a feckless child, and I'm going to drain you dry,” she snarled, baring teeth.

“Sure you will,” I drawled. “You're not any more intimidating than you were when you told me off for not handing in my homework. Less so, actually. At least then you had a leg to stand on.” There was, in fact, a tinge of panic to my voice. I tried to control it, as far as I could, but truth be told, I really had no idea how to get out of this one.

Bad enough that I was trapped, but Dane was a massive liability, fragile as he was. L was never going to dare the camera's attention, even if my life was on the line. Or was he?

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught movement. I suppose L had been smarter than I gave him credit for, because he snuck directly beneath the camera, right under its blind spot. I dared not look closer, for Mrs C had leaned in so close that I could smell the blood on her breath.

“Oh, you are so dead,” she snarled. “I am going to rip you limb from limb, right after you watch me eat your little boyfriend alive. If you're lucky, his screams will be the last thing you hear.” Her fingers dug in sharp against my shoulders, and I prayed she would not notice the lack of blood.

“Is that so? Aren't you worried you'll damage your dentures?” I sneered at her. “Perhaps you should just check yourself into an old folk's home instead. Wouldn't want to give yourself a heart attack with all the excitement you've got going on.”

It was a shot in the dark, but it hit home. She tossed me harder she had done Dane, a blow that would shatter any lesser being's limbs. Playing innocent, I lay limp as a ragdoll, listening to the clacking of her footsteps. Curses, but we were still trapped under the camera's gaze.

Her breath came in harsh gasps, the last traces of her facade of humanity evaporating. With fingers like needles, she hauled me up to eye level. “Foolish girl,” she began, but I was having none of it.

I raised my head and met her eyes. With a deliberate hawk, I produced a glob of saliva.

Then I spat it in her eye.

The effect was immediate. She released me with a howl that was more animal than sapient, clawing at her face. Her body rippled as it shed its guise, revealing what lay beneath. Her canines sharpened, sliding out of her mouth like sabres. Bones crackled as they slid out of her skin as jutting spikes, two rubbery wings ripping her dress as they flared up like a cape.

Finally, her transformation was over. Head brushing against the ceiling, Mrs C looked down at me with eyes that were a pure red. Her tongue flickered out, split in half. “Gaze upon me,” she growled with a hundred voices. “Gaze upon me, little witch, and know true fear.”

On my knees before a monster and watched by a camera that would gleefully end me, I laughed. “You know,” I said, giggling like a schoolgirl in the face of her blinding wrath, “You really should look behind you.”

Nonplussed, she tilted her head 180° like an owl. “I see nothing,” she replied. “Do not think you can trick your way out of this o… Oh. Oh shit.”

“Oh shit indeed,” I remarked, and gave a little way to the camera that had been watching us this whole time. Its lens glowed lava-hot with wrath, trained on Mrs C like a laser.

In a moment that felt like an hour, she went up in white-hot flames. I pressed myself against the wall, feeling it scorch me from its sheer rage. A scream that could have been her being torn apart bounced off the walls, and she fell back. For a moment, our eyes met, one monster to another.

Then she was a pile of ash, glowing red, stinking up the air with her remains. I unstuck myself from the wall and plucked a flake of C from my hair. “Brother,” I called out to the darkness. “Are you alright?”

L did not respond. Finally, he unfolded himself from the protective ball he had curled into. “This was why I said don't go near the bloody cameras,” he croaked. “Be grateful I saved your little boy-toy.”

I walked over to him. Indeed, Dane was breathing, shallow breaths between gasps of pain. “It'll be alright,” I promised him, heart breaking at his expression. The way Dane's eyes were glazed over, shaking and crying softly… Curses, I had promised the kid I would protect him. The urge to fix him immediately, consequences be damned, overtook me. I wrestled control over myself and said, “L, use your jacket to cover the camera. I'm certain it will work.” I had tested that myself, in the very first nerve-wracking moments of my life as a schoolgirl.

Grudgingly, he got up and flung his jacket over the camera, obscuring the hateful red. “Right,” he said, staring down at Dane with a blank expression on his face. “I take it we've got to save him?”

“Of course we do!” I bared my teeth at him. “I promised him, you know that? When his parents disappeared in the night, he came to me for help. When he found himself alone, he trusted me. When he learnt about what I was and what lived in the dark places, he still stood by me. So yes, we have to save him.”

I placed my hands on my apprentice's soft flesh. There was a bone jutting out awkwardly, and I pushed it back into place. Any mortal medical professional would have been horrified at my methods, but I knew what I was doing. Quietly, I put him back together, shushing him when he cried out, stroking his hair as I had done every time he wept. My skirt was damp with his tears, but I could not care less.

Finally, the last wound had been mended, and I gently coaxed him to his feet. He shivered on his legs, barely able to support himself. “It's alright,” I whispered, holding out my hands. “She’s gone. Come on, little one. It's all gonna be okay.”

Dane gave me an indignant look, as though he disagreed with being called a ‘little one', but collapsed into my arm nonetheless. I almost folded under his sudden weight, but held on. It would not do to show him weakness at this point, after all. The boy needed support and comfort.

“So,” I said, “You said you felt your parents nearby?”

He nodded. “They have to be nearby. I just know it.”

I jerked my head at L. “You've got the senses for it, and you've yet to be any of the help I was promised,” I said bluntly. “Get to sniffing, brother.”

L rolled his eyes. “It's obvious, little sister. Follow the reek of flesh, and you will find the prey. Or have your years of hanging amongst mortals dulled your senses?”

I bristled at the obvious reference to what we were, but did not respond. It shamed me to admit that I had indeed been going native, with the softness that conferred. There was hardly a need for me to hunt and track, so I let my scent-sense rot.

With blithe arrogance, L located yet another secret door. “Whatever is it with blood-suckers and hidden crypts? I swear, I have yet to meet one who did not adore them,” he commented, rapping his knuckles against the concrete.

“It's good for hiding things,” Dane replied, sotto voce. There was a tenseness in him, anxiety and hope and fear all churning beneath his skin. I ruffled his hair, futilely hoping to calm him.

As L finished tapping the last of a code onto the wall, it slid open, revealing… Yet another dark hallway. I had to say, Mrs C's lack of creativity disappointed me.

There were corpses scattered about, dessicated and rotting, as though the mouldy old crypt was not cliche enough. Brittle old bones crunched underfoot, and I felt Dane cringe in discomfort at the feeling of his kinden's dead being desecrated so. L and I, however, had no such reservations.

“A feeding room,” he noted as we ventured deeper into the passageway. The scent of raw, fresh flesh grew stronger. There were living humans nearby, living humans in agony. For Dane's sake, I prayed that his parents numbered amongst the bleeding. It was better than the alternative.

“Kat,” Dane said, hurrying to catch up with us. He winced at every step, trying and failing to dodge the bones scattered across the floor. “Kat- I think my parents are here. I know they are. I can't explain it, but-”

“You sense it,” I finished. “It is a good thing. Your intuition is blossoming. Someday, you will make a fine man.” And I hoped to all my enemy-gods that I would be there to see it, to see the first thing I had cared about bloom.

He smiled faintly at that praise, but greater matters occupied his mind. Despite his unease, he quickened his pace, hurrying towards the source of the blood-scent.

I suppose something must have smiled upon us, for his parents yet lived. They lay amongst dozens of other mortals, half-piled atop each other like a pigsty. How had Mrs C gathered so many, and with no notice from the authorities? It troubled me, the same way the gelato-fae troubled me.

But I digress. Dane was the centre of attention, and his parents the grand jewels of his crown. Ruby blood glistened from their throats, and I could see the deathly paleness of their skin, but their chests moved. No recognition stirred in their eyes, even as Dane knelt beside them.

A happy ending. It may well have brought tears to my eyes to see it.

“Look at them,” L growled beside me, grimacing in distaste. “Nothing more than livestock. How can you dote upon them, care for them so? No sensible being could see them as more than playthings.”

I glared at him. “In case you have not noticed, I have never been one for sense.” With a flick of my wrist, sharper than necessary, the blood on Dane's parents' throats dried, and their eyes fluttered open.

Instantly, he was all over them, not caring about the groggy shock of the other bloodless humans. I watched him for a moment more, then turned away. “Our deal is concluded,” I snapped. “Let's go.”

We walked back through the hallway, and in the clearing where Mrs C's ash filled the air, I turned to face him. We were hardly more than an arms-width apart, enough for him to lunge and grab and drag me home. “I'm still not going, you know. Even if you haul me all the way back, I'll crawl to the surface again. This is where I belong.”

“I know.”

“Fine, then. There's nothing left for us to say.”

“I agree.”

We both knew he would be fast enough to pull me away. We both knew that if he did, Dane and everyone I cared for would be long dead by the time I returned. We both knew that trapping me again might just work.

There was a grim set to his face, a harshness in his eyes. It mirrored mine. We might as well have been back home, with that chasm between us, youngest and eldest butting heads for the thousandth time. I could feel the words stuck in the back of my throat, unable to demand he go for the last time, incapable of bridging the gap between us, powerless to break away from the last of my past.

Finally, L shook his head, lips twisting into a humourless smile. The wheels in his head grinded to a halt, at the same conclusion I had come to seven hours ago. He liked it no more than I did. “I can see you are happier here, for whatever reason. I cannot say I am happy, but I will not stop you. I love you too much for that, sister mine. Enjoy your life with these mayflies.” He began walking away, shoulders slumped in a defeat I had never seen before.

“Wait.” Before I could stop myself, I had a hand on his shoulder. Up close, I felt his regret as if it were my own. In a way, it was. He was sorry he could not convince me to stay with the pack forever, with my siblings in our home far away from prying, foolish mortals. I was sorry I could not show him that it was not his fault, that I loved him and the others no less for it. “Farewell. And I love you too, just as I love Ari, and Cere, and Ter, and all the others, ‘kay? Visit me again someday.”

He froze, mouth ever-so-slightly open. Then he grabbed me. Instinctively, I reached to scratch him, to stop him from dragging me home. But it was only a hug, in the end, an icy, bittersweet, goodbye hug. “You can visit us, too, if you ever wish,” he whispered. “And if that little boy of yours ends up down with me, I promise to take good care of him. Have a happy eternity, you strange, strange girl.”

I nodded, and pulled open a way home. The words had deserted us both again, and we held each other tight silently. Finally, he pulled apart from me, and walked through the door that I made, the door to a place I had sworn to never return to.

My brother went home without a backward glance. And curse my heart, but I thought of following. The room was dusty and reeked of a dead woman's failure, the corridor beyond holding none of the emotion that so horrified Dane, and the mortal world so very peculiar to me.

“Kat?” That plaintive voice, warbling from the corridor, dragged me back to Earth. “Are you still there?”

I took a final glance at the gateway, one final wayward glance, and waved it closed. “I'm coming,” I called back. “Give me a minute.”

Damn that sweet, innocent child. How many times had he saved me, again? Rescued me from my own folly, pulled me out of my darkness, protected me from making choices I would regret? Did he even know what he had done to help me? Of course he didn't, innocent fool that he was. I got up to go look after him, to go check on him and his family, and stopped midway.

I don't know what perverse desire compelled me to glance back at the security camera. I don't know what might have happened if I had not glanced back, had not pulled back the facade and looked at the thing beneath. I don't know if I regret glancing back.

You see, the cloth covering it had slipped at some point in the chaos, and its clear glass eye stared into my soul. The red hid flames like no other, flames that would scorch even me.

Heart sinking, I gave it a nervous grin. Damn, but it hurt to be caught at the last moment. To fail, after everything we'd done. To lose this wonderful world that had just accepted me into its heart. The security eye held my gaze for a horrible eternity.

Then it winked at me.

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vnyverse · 2 years ago

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can i request for newjeans x reader when their s/o is smart, has a cute eyesmile with dimples, a hopeless romantic, probably a nerdy partner whose very mature? thank you!

a/n: not writing for my kiddo hyein! might add platonic hyein on a later date

Anon.. are u insinuating you’re all of the above? Dimples? Cute eyesmile? Nerdy? Smart? You’re mighty fine.

Minji

Have you seen how she reacts when Hanni initiates skinship with her? Not the most touchy person, me thinks, but would love to hold you close regardless, preferably looping your hands around each others’ when reading or in the car ( because she wants to appear calm and collected, she would not be able to concentrate if u pull out surprise kisses)

Quick reflexes- the sort that catches you when you fall, catches your phone mid air when it falls, puts a hand around sharp corners of furniture you’re around

Would totally handle a dramatic or even awkward s/o well, have you seen the girls she lives with…

Would find you endearing if you’re too shy to make the first move, and would totally entertain you if you turn out to be very expressive

Eye Smile(s) on 3..2..1..

Both minji and your smiles would emanate so much light, she thinks your eye smile is very endearing, would probably take a polaroid to keep the memory fresh and lovely for when she needs it

Would be so excited she has her own set of dimples to poke-(not on her face but yours), would be such a curious girl, always wanting to touch it or would very unlike herself, doing something dumb to make you smile and show your dimples to her

I actually think minji has a jealous streak.. If she sees you, albeit jokingly, acting out romantic tv lines with another member, she’d not want to show her jealousy, but it wouldn’t take long for you to find out

She appreciates emotional maturity, intellectual depth

In essence, she’s appreciative of how you take care of her when she is willing to be vulnerable around you

You know when she wants to talk, you’re mature enough to listen to whatever she has to talk about without laughing, she would genuinely want to just get it over and done with when talking about what upsets her, would not want to ruminate on negative thoughts

I would think intellectually stimulating conversations about whatever subject matter would be something she genuinely values

She likes when you can hold your ground, support your argument by reasoning well, that you aren’t easily influenced by groundless assumptions.

She’d love to have these conversations with her members as well, but I think with how hard she can be on herself it may lead to the result of her members overthinking, so she turns to you.

Academic rivals turned friends could very well be possible here with how competitive she is..

May have expounded more on intellect because that’s what I like as well hehe

Hanni

The dynamic I see would totes be failing student x top student here

I see her as not a dumb student, but one that procrastinates a lot and flips through a page or two of her books before the exam

Doing revision with her while you focus on grading her work and she focuses on the dimples that show even when you frown, giggles

The sort to get you kicked out of the library on accident

She would be so proud of you when grade rankings are made public to the entire school and you always place number one

“MY Y/N GOT FIRST PLACE AGAIN”

Would tell everyone and their mama about it

Will melt when she sees you, a student from another discipline, taking up extra classes or doing research to be able to coach her on a paper to save her grade.

Grateful towards you that you give in to her requests and shelter her even if you know you don’t have to, even if you’re happy to

Getting her snacks, giving her your sweaters even when you’re cold, pretending you’re not affected by the a/c blasting cold air onto you during study dates

Probably has you geeking out over something as her chat wallpaper unbeknownst to you

Random, but asks you to hold 423 things for her because she loses her things easily, yet you know where every single item is

Hopeless romantic x hopeless romantic, thing one and thing two

Ice cream dates

You’d suggest a cafe and ask her come along to try out a new flavour, she’d probably eat so messily yet not bring along tissues and you’d have to use a handkerchief to wipe off the ice cream that found it way to her cheek, while she looks at you with those eyes

Likes your eye smile so much, if it’s not only reserved for her she might lowkey pretend to be upset about it

HATES IT when she sees you outright being taken advantage of.

You being you take it to the next level by writing notes for other students in class to aid their understanding yet they don’t take you seriously and continue asking for your help at times, being very confusing

You’d have to hold her back from beating up every single one of them, and she would be so angry on your behalf yet cherish you even more because of how unconditionally kind you are

Use your big brain to your advantage, engage with her when she rambles on about what she overthinks about, yet guide her to focus her energy on self improvement rather than self blame, if any

Danielle

Sunshine and sunshine protector, nothing else

Miss Danielle loves listening and sharing her little observations, so her partner having so much knowledge would be so attractive, she knows she can rely on you if she wants to find out more about her topic of interest.

Hear me out here…

She would probably make a powerpoint about your subject of interest on special days, and try to learn about what you like, but get a fact or two wrong but you’d be so encouraged by her efforts.

Being brought up to be very loving, Dani would be comfortable expressing her cheeky side with you.. Ever seen her as a kid? Lowkey chaotic

So it's no surprise if she knits you something, you wear it for important events, even if it sounds cringe, for competitions and all that.

Theatre kid Dani will not let you be a hopeless romantic on your own, you have my word

I would think she know how to ground herself, enjoy alone time, but when she misses you or wants you around she lets you know upfront, very communicative

She may be young and has lots to learn, but she’s very humble and earnest in wanting to grow with you

She wouldn’t be afraid of communicating across her anxieties with growing up, hate, or even when there are disputes within the members, partly because she knows you can be trusted, and you always manage to comfort her

Nothing but continual praises for your dimples on Phoning, will probably ask you to show her your dimples 4323 times a day, has a picture of you everyday with an eye smile, so many she could probably make a calendar out of it, but you’d do anything she asks

Will turn into a ball of mush if you make sudden eye contact with her and show that glorious eye smile of yours

Haerin

Quiet kid haerin x nerd that is so cute cmon

She would probably be dozing off in class, and when she gets called to answer a question she freezes

You jump to her rescue by pointing out that there’s a flaw in the question and sit down immediately

Her eyes become glued to you for the rest of the day, while you tell yourself you must be dreaming when you feel a pair of feline eyes on you

“Cute” she thinks when she sees your eye smile after seeing a big red 100 on your script, not knowing she says it out loud, she wonders why you’re turning so red and is currently using your script to cover your face.

Excuse me as I digress but…

VANESSA KANG x nerd (hmmm stuco treasurer and stuco secretary in an elite school)

I pulled this out my ass but might end up writing a whole fic for it

Only started talking because they are the admin backbones of stuco, and eventually it blooms into a r/s

Your positions were always thought to be background work, but in reality you have to plan so much and bear the brunt of the teachers’ wrath when something unexpected happens and the school’s reputation is at stake

Many many breakdowns and restless nights ensued, and late night calls between the two of you to plan out school events took place

Though you two were not the most sociable, your eye smile was pretty lethal, and she fell for it as well

She may or may not have given in to her intrusive thoughts one day, and reached out to poke your cheek because she though it looked so soft it’d feel like bread dough

You found it utterly adorable, and her little actions always seemed to be so subtle yet eye catching to you

You could live with not watching hunks play basketball during recess but you couldn’t miss haerin’s escapades to the nearby park during break, in fact, you’d probably accompany her

Tying her laces, afraid she falls

Letting her doodle all over your notes and joining her with coming up with ridiculous names for the doodles

The sort of couple that will name a cat dog and a dog cat.

I honestly think that haerin has her own way of feeling out whether or not someone is a good match for her, and that is how they can manage to be on the same linguistic wavelength; how they can reciprocate with her energy and how spontaneous they can become. Hence, I didnt really focus on physical traits so much with haerin, and I think the same goes with Danielle.

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