vnyverse

[vnyverse]

Hi, I’m making a post because something very serious happened in Korea and I’m hoping as many people are alarmed at this.

Deepfake photos have been made and sold on telegram (an anonymous chatting app), and almost 220,000 users were identified for being in Korea. About 70% of those were teenagers, and a list of schools (including colleges) that had victims within the chatrooms in the past couple of years was posted.

My school was on the list and it has been identified that two of my close friends were direct victims.

So that’s why I’m making this post. It’s a little bit of a rant and it’s mostly my anger getting the best of me.

Waking up, finding girls BEGGING their friends to take down photos from their instagram profile, the terror we felt when we found out men were hacking into privated accounts to take revenge, watching my friend breakdown as she tells me that she’s being investigated because her face was deepfaked into pornographic content - can you imagine that? Because that was me two days ago.

Korea, as a whole, is extremely lenient on their criminals - especially sexual offenders and minors - and it’s TOO LENIENT on men.

This situation is not being reported as much as it needs to be, and I’m trying to grasp onto straws by alerting people that know my stupid account on how fucked up this country is.

Men are making friends-only stories saying shit like ‘Why are y’all concerned? Y’all are ugly af’ (this is a real post i had the pleasure of seeing), and people in general have this fucked up view on AI generated content saying shit like “Isn’t this better than actually getting assaulted?”, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

I have to go to school. I have to walk around campus with the fear that maybe, just maybe, the man I walked past just now has seen a deepfaked photo of my friends. The perpetrator’s aren’t limited to simply the number of accounts within the group chat - what if they passed their phones? What if they texted the photos to each other after making them on the telegram? Our school has a big dormitory - what happens within those walls FILLED with men?? The more I have to think about it, the more sick it makes me.

I am not being the most informative and rambling more than anything. But my excuse is that there aren’t many reports and credible sources talking about this. So I’m going off on my personal experience as much as possible.

Please, people - especially women - be fucking warned about this situation. My country is one of the biggest perpetrators, but that doesn’t mean this deepfake issue isn’t (already) worldwide. It’s gonna get bigger, it’s gonna get more dangerous, and it should be making you sick to your stomach.

I hope all victims, including including my friends, get the justice they deserve.

Please, stay safe.

[vnyverse]

oh no I dropped my own heart on the floor, time to write!

:)

[vnyverse]

brb having a seizure this is too good

bound 2 (falling in love)

danielle marsh x fem!reader | one shot

Synopsis: Good news: Danielle has agreed to be your pretend girlfriend for Christmas so Haerin can stop extorting you of money. Bad news: Danielle is a bit too good at being a pretend girlfriend.

Contains: suggestive and threatening jokes, cursing, obligatory mistletoe scene

Song: Gingerbread Lover — Ivoris, Chevy

“I’m so screwed,” is what you say as you plop on the booth across from Minji.

She makes no movement to greet you, engrossed in some YouTube video titled ‘How Ceramic Tiles Are Made’. She’s never expressed any interest in tiles nor has any history with tiles, but this is not anything unusual for Minji.

She’s also playing the video at an uncomfortable volume, not necessarily on full speaker, but loud enough that the people on the next table over could hear and possibly be annoyed at.

You start digging into your chicken Caesar salad and smile to yourself in amusement as you spot Minji’s finished plate of it as well.

The two of you made a pact to eat healthier. Issue is, there’s this one dessert place two streets down that makes some bomb biscoff cookies, and you always catch each other there at least once a week. There’s a silent agreement that this does not break the pact.

You both sit in silence for a few more minutes until the video is finished — you eating and Minji watching.

Minji takes a loud sip of her hot chocolate when the video transitions to an obnoxious outro. “You were saying?”

You retell the story to her with a mouth full of food, and there are occasional offtopic segues, as there always are.

To sum it up: Your cousin Haerin is a force of evil and strangely has a good memory. Allegedly, you made a wager with her when you were both nine years old that you would get a girlfriend to bring home for Christmas when you turned eighteen.

And apparently, if you didn’t find one, you would have to pay her a hundred dollars.

Two things strike you as absurd: that younger you somehow thought you would be charming enough to get a girlfriend, and that younger you somehow thought you would have a hundred dollars just lying around to spare.

And for some reason, Haerin decided to never remind you of this wager until, of course, yesterday. You obviously didn’t believe her, but it was kind of hard to argue with Haerin.

Not because she’s good at arguing, but because she just stands there with this look in her eyes that makes you uneasy. So, you didn’t bother questioning her because you know there’s no escaping this fate.

So now, you have just a few days to find a girlfriend, because there was no way you were paying money. 

There’s also the matter of pride, too.

“Yeah,” you finish off your monologue. “I texted Hanni if she could be my date, but she just ignored it and sent me some TikTok of a stupid looking dog.”

Minji steals a piece of grilled chicken from you, to which you step on her foot under the table. You pull back your feet in time before she can return the favor. You get a glare instead.

“And Hyein?”

A notification ding stops you before you can speak. You lean forward to look at your phone. “Speaking of Hyein…”

Hyein’s text reads, I think I found someone for you! You two meet at the usual cafe at 12 tomorrow :)

“Okay,” you start. “Good news or bad news first?”

Minji thoughtfully chews on another piece of grilled chicken that she stole. Your plate of salad somehow now sits in the middle of the table instead of right in front of you. “Bad news.”

“Well I want to say the good news first,” you wave the fork in your hand dismissively. You’re pretty sure Minji mumbles “asshole”, but you ignore that as well.

“Good news,” you declare with a smile. “I found a girlfriend.”

Minji is unimpressed.

“Bad news,” you sigh. “I have to talk to said girlfriend who is a stranger.”

She is still unimpressed. “This is why nobody wants you. You don’t talk to anyone outside of us.”

“You don’t get it. It’s part of my mysterious vibe,” you grumble petulantly.

“Well, if you don’t want to socialize like a normal person,” Minji is folding a serviette into some sort of disfigured airplane. “Then consider paying Haerin that one hundred bucks.”

“I would never,” you fold your arms. “And even if I would, I can’t, because I literally only have 76 dollars in my bank account.”

You text Hyein back: you’re the BEST i love u so much xoxoxoxoxo

Minji tries to throw her tissue airplane at you, but it flops unceremoniously into your now empty bowl.

She sighs. “I guess I’m paying for lunch.”

“It’s your turn anyway.”

And that’s the end of the conversation, or at least the conversation concerning your predicament. You both spend the next hour babbling on about recent life updates and rehashing the same old stories over and over again.

“How do I look?”

You have your phone set upright by leaning it on this worn red panda plushie. Its head is permanently twisted after you and Haerin fought for it as kids and ended up ripping it in two, which led to your mom having to stitch it back together. She didn’t do a very good job, clearly.

You see Hanni, or what you think is Hanni, squint at the camera. “Like a bunch of pixels. The connection is so shit that you look like those wendigos from Until Dawn.”

“I’m sure you look fine,” Minji chimes in. This is the first time that she’s spoken since the call started (the call has been going on for half an hour), her camera pointed at her ceiling, and you’re pretty sure she’s half asleep.

“Thanks,” you say. “And I’m pretty sure it’s your WiFi, Hanni.”

You think she’s arguing back, but it’s all a garbled mess, and then the call drops. (It was definitely your WiFi.) You check your appearance one last time before you make your way to the cafe.

The cafe is named “Spill The Beans”, which you find appropriate, because that’s all you ever find yourself doing there. The walk there is a bit long, but the decent prices and good quality make up for it.

Plus, it means that most people would rather go to a cafe that’s closer, so this one has a bit more of a ‘if you know, you know’ vibe to it.

You’re also friends with one of the workers there, and she occasionally sneaks you a free pastry, or even better, gives you gossip about one of the regulars. You smile when you see her signature blonde hair through the window.

The cafe is decorated for Christmas — tinsel stringing on the top and bottom of the windows and cutely drawn candy canes and baubles stuck on the panes. There’s also a cardboard cutout of a snowman holding a coffee cup sitting next to the door. You hear the muffled voice of Mariah Carey.

Your entrance is announced by the light tinkling of the bells. You make your way to the cash register to greet a familiar face.

“It’s beginning to look a latte like Christmas!” Yunjin sings as she twirls clumsily, broomstick in her hand as a microphone. You are forced to stand there and watch this. For some reason, she’s adamant on greeting you with a coffee pun everytime you come in. She has yet to crack a smile from you.

“Stop it,” you groan, scanning the cafe and checking who’s in. There’s only four or five people in right now, most of whom you recognize. She holds the last note, with an unnecessary vibrato, for a few more seconds.

“So,” she leans toward you with an eyebrow raised. “Anything new or interesting you wanna share?”

“Asking for gossip?” You deadpan. “Is that how you take orders now?”

“Just curious,” Yunjin says nonchalantly. “You’re never here alone.”

You give her a scowl. “Don’t act like you don’t know why I’m here.”

There are some things that you can be sure of in life. You know how the saying goes: death, taxes, and Yunjin being all-knowing. She and her little army of spies (spies being her co-workers) are the most nosy people you could ever meet.

You’re pretty sure they consider eavesdropping as their main job, and that the cafe is just a means for them to satisfy their curiosity. (Again, an extremely appropriate cafe name.)

She grins cheekily, dropping her voice to a whisper and tilting her head. “She’s on that table.”

You follow her gaze to the table against the window, where a girl who seems around your age is staring outside like she’s the protagonist of a coming-of-age movie.

Yunjin slides you a slice of a carrot cake and winks. “On the house. Good luck!”

You grab the plate off the counter and slowly make your way toward your future fake girlfriend.

“Hi,” you clear your throat awkwardly as you slip into the seat opposite her. “Danielle, right?”

She enthusiastically nods and smiles. “It’s nice to meet you.”

You slide the plate of carrot cake towards her, to which she gratefully accepts. “Has Hyein filled you in on everything?”

“Hm,” Danielle taps her cheek. “Christmas party, a wager, and me as a fake girlfriend?”

“Sounds about right,” you hum. “Not to be nosy, but is there a reason that you’re doing this? I mean, you’re not getting anything in return.”

“Hyein did say she’d owe me a favor,” she answers with a hint of amusement. “Which I’m sure will come in handy one day. You’re also cute, so it’s a bonus.”

You internally wipe a proud tear. God bless you, Hyein. You make a note to get her something snazzy for Christmas. You were so thankful for Hyein that you didn’t even process the last sentence.

You then realize that you’re just spacing out and probably look a bit crazy, so you quickly clear your throat. “So, we should probably come up with our origin story and all that.”

“We should,” Danielle agrees.

You scratch your nape awkwardly before pulling out a notebook. You have this secret theory that notebooks are a hoax and people just pretend to use them. Which is a bit contradictory for you to say, because you’re using one right now. But you still hold onto that belief.

“So, when did we first meet?”

She seems a bit taken aback by the presence of the notebook, but her face quickly relaxes into a smiling one. “What are your interests? Maybe we share some and that’s how we met.”

“Actually,” you proudly flick to the back of the notebook. “I have prepared for this question.”

It reads: About Me

I like staying indoors

I go to the cafe sometimes

And that cookie place

Cats are cute

?

“Wow,” Danielle says after surveying your notes. “This is a very… extensive list.”

“Anything that can be used for our story?”

“Let’s just say we met at the cafe,” she decides. You nod in agreement.

“And who approached who first?”

“Definitely me.”

You frown and stop writing. “Why definitely?”

“I mean,” Danielle gestures at you vaguely. “We have to make the story realistic.”

“I hope you mean that because I’m too irresistible, not because I can’t talk to anyone.”

She smiles. “…Right. That’s exactly what I meant.”

“Excellent,” you say, continuing to pen down the story. “So, let’s say about three months ago, give or take, you entered the cafe for the first time. And then you saw me, sitting there all cute and pretty, and you knew you just had to ask for my number.”

“Right…”

“And because I’m never here alone, I’ll just say Minji was in the bathroom. I gave you my number, and then we instantly hit it off.”

“And Minji is…?”

“Oh,” you pause. “She’s a dumbass. Don’t worry about her.”

“Okay,” Danielle says slowly. “And our first date?”

“We’ll get to that in a sec,” you tap your pen. “Tell me about yourself.”

“I,” she heaves out as she bends down to reach into her tote bag. “Have also prepared.”

She slaps a folder on the table that resembles a police case file. You feel a sudden wave of affection crash over you. You immediately open it in anticipation.

It’s an in-depth profile of Danielle. There is the technical stuff, of course: name, date of birth, star sign, MBTI. Then, there’s the ‘favorites’ section: color, animal, season, time of day.

“Oh wow,” you run your fingers over the page. “This is more than I expected.”

You turn the page. There’s a ‘fun facts’ section, although you’re not sure if it’s considered fun. Example: “I once broke a tooth from trying to eat a rock. I also choked on it and my friend had to perform the Heimlich maneuver.”

“Oh wow,” you say again, louder this time, and out of concern more than awe. “Was this when you were a kid?”

“No,” Danielle blinks innocently. “Just last year.”

She is fucking insane. How on earth did Hyein find her?

The last page features results that she got from various UQuizzes, like “what romance trope is meant 4 you?” (ironically, she got fake dating) or “which ‘-core’ aesthetic are you?”

“I’ll make sure to study this when I get home,” you stare at the pages in astonishment.

“Sure,” Danielle smiles. “I was thinking our first date could be at the local arcade.”

A memory of Hanni breaking the buttons and joystick of a fighting game flashes in your mind. The joystick somehow flew and hit a worker in the face. To this day, you still have no idea how it happened.

Regardless, you always look back at the memory fondly, especially because Hanni didn’t even end up winning, despite putting her whole body into smashing the buttons.

“Haerin will know that’s a lie,” you grimace. “I’ve been banned from that place for three years now. Long story.”

She looks curious but continues anyway. “How about a classic dinner?”

“Hm,” you purse your lips. “There’s this amazing Korean restaurant that’s a 10 minute walk from this place.”

“And you’re not banned?”

You laugh and shake your head. “No. They make this amazing jjajangmyeon. I’ll have to take you someday.”

“Sounds good,” Danielle’s eyes twinkle. “I think that’s good enough for now. Anything else I should know?”

“The party is on Christmas day, of course. It’ll just be a dinner and some party games, nothing too serious. After the party, our work is all done!”

“And Haerin,” you hesitate. “She’s nosy. But not in an ‘asking questions’ way, but in a staring way. So we have to act really good if we want her to believe us. Like, a real couple and everything. Like-”

Her laugh cuts you off. “You can say PDA, it’s okay.”

You cough and turn to the side to hide the heat rising in your cheeks, but when you look out the window, you see an odd sight.

Across the street, on a bench, there are two suspicious figures sitting. Suspicious meaning wearing sunglasses, a coat, and a scarf despite it being hot today. Suspicious meaning Minji and Hanni.

No fucking way, you think. Those little fuckers.

“-you okay?” Danielle waves her hand in front of you.

“Huh?” You quickly turn back. “Yeah, it’s nothing.”

“I love physical touch,” she admits, although somewhat shyly. “So I’m okay with hugging and holding hands.”

“Good!” You reply stiffly. “Great. Awesome. All done.”

There’s a mix of confusion, concern, and amusement on her face. “I’ll see you soon?”

“Yes,” you slide your phone across the table before opening her file in front of your face to hide your embarrassment. “Let’s text in between so we get used to talking to each other too.”

The two of you exchange numbers and you watch Danielle leave with a smile and a wave. Minji and Hanni proceed to shuffle inside the cafe, sighing in relief as they take off their ‘disguise’.

“Oh my god,” Hanni whines, resting her cheek on your outstretched palm. “I thought I was gonna die outside.”

You retract your hand in disgust, but not before flicking her forehead. “You’re sweaty. And you deserve it.”

“So how did it go?”

You recount everything that happens. Minji makes you pay for her lunch. You now have 46 dollars in your bank account.

When you get home, you hug your red panda plushie and turn on your phone to see a text from Danielle. You spend the next few days talking to her, your feet kicking in the air and a stupid smile on your face.

The day of the Christmas party has arrived. It’s due to start at six in the evening, and exactly three hours before that, Haerin sends you nothing but an ominous text: I will be awaiting you and your girlfriend’s arrival.

You roll out of bed and get ready in the morning, and read through Danielle’s file one last time. You’ve annotated it, adding sticky notes and highlighting it, which is more work than you’ve done for the entirety of university so far.

You make sure to put the matching reindeer headbands that Danielle suggested on before leaving. You drive to pick her up and you try not to weigh the meaning of the warmth blooming in your chest as you see her.

“Hi girlfriend,” Danielle puffs her cheeks out and smiles as she gets in the car. It’s awfully cute.

“Hey.”

“Before I forget,” you reach over into the glove compartment to grab a little box. “I got you a Christmas present.”

Danielle gasps, eyes shining as she opens the box. It’s a gold necklace with a sun pendant. You remember her eyeing it when you went out to the mall.

You don’t expect her to laugh. “What’s so funny?”

She also takes out a little box from her pocket. “I also got you a present.”

God, she even prepared it with a nice ribbon. You unwrap it to find a silver bracelet with a moon pendant. You think you’re a tiny bit delusional for thinking that you two were meant to be, but you let yourself live in this fantasy just for today.

“Oh my god,” you grin. “We’re matching now.”

The both of you put on your respective gifts before you start the car. You instinctively pass her your phone to pick a song. Of course, she puts on Christmas music. You glance at her as she takes out her crochet supplies.

“What are you working on?”

“Nothing much,” Danielle says. “Just a little cat to add to your car. It’s kind of plain.”

Her thoughtfulness makes you feel an out-of-body experience where you want to scream your lungs out and melt into a gay puddle.

You manage to get out one word. “Cool.”

The two of you pass the time by quizzing each other and ironing out the fine details of your ‘relationship’. And belting your hearts out to Christmas songs.

The drive is only an hour or so, and there’s a tender feeling encompassing you as you truly realize that it’s Christmas. Spending time with family is always nice. Receiving presents is too.

You only see Haerin a few times a year, and Christmas is one of them. Despite your bickering and her foreboding aura, she’s still somewhat endearing.

Danielle looks out the window in excitement as you draw closer to Haerin’s house. There’s a large blow-up Santa set up on the lawn that they reuse every year, and a bunch of other generic Christmas decorations.

You can already spot Haerin in the window of the house staring at your car.

Pretending to check your phone, you mutter, “She’s watching us. Let me open the car door for you.”

Danielle only responds with a giggle. You dash outside the car in record time, open the back to get your cookies and presents, and open the car door for her, as planned.

She surprises you with a kiss on the cheek. You’re sputtering and blushing, and she has to drag you toward the house (and lock the car for you).

By the time you come to your senses again, Haerin has vanished.

You heave out a long exhale and your gaze flickers to Danielle. You find that her eyes are already on you. If there was a person who could embody the joy and comfort that Christmas brings, you think that it would be the girl in front of you right now.  

“You ready?”

Danielle brushes a stray strand of hair behind your ear. For a second, you indulge yourself in the yearning of your heart and pretend that this is all real.

“Of course.”

Inside the house is chaotic as always. Everyone’s rushing to finish wrapping gifts, preparing the food, putting plates and cutlery on the table, setting up the TV to play Mario Kart, the usual.

You take Danielle around to introduce her to everyone, and you feel slightly guilty as everyone fawns over her. Haerin is the last person you find.

“Haerin,” you say. She nods in acknowledgment. “This is my girlfriend, Danielle. Danielle, my cousin Haerin.”

“Nice to meet you,” Danielle gushes, letting go of your hand to hug her. “I’ve heard so many stories about the two of you and your adventures.”

“Don’t trust those stories,” Haerin says. “She probably changed it to make her look better.”

You whip your head around. “What the f-”

Danielle winks. “Don’t worry. I know how much of a loser she is.”

You take a deep breath in and force a smile. You must maintain the jolly Christmas spirit.

Haerin gives Danielle a once over before nodding mysteriously. She then stalks off to who knows where. Danielle looks at you with a raised eyebrow.

You pat her shoulder. “That’s a good sign.”

“That felt surprisingly easy…”

“Oh no,” you laugh. “We’re just getting started. They’re going to try separate us-”

With perfect timing, you hear your name being called before you’re dragged into the kitchen.

“Be a dear and help us with the food,” your mom says kindly. (You know this is a facade.) You accept your fate and place down the cookies before starting to cut the vegetables for the turkey.

You try to keep an eye on Danielle, who’s now putting ornaments on the Christmas tree with your other relatives.

The Christmas tree has been around since you were a baby, and if you look closely, there's pieces at the back that is slightly charred. Haerin pushed you, you tripped on your own feet, crashed into the tree, and it fell into the fireplace. Alarms went off, neighbors left the house in a panic, the firefighters were called… it was bad.

You strain your ears and try to hear what questions your family are asking Danielle right now, and you hope it’s nothing too over-the-top or personal. She seems to be taking it well though. Your aunt keeps bringing you new things to do and speaking loudly in an attempt to distract you.

“First girlfriend, huh?” Your mom nudges you with her shoulder.

“Yeah,” you laugh awkwardly. “I’m so lucky, right?”

“She seems good for you.”

You pause your chopping. “It’s only been five minutes, Mom.”

There’s a gleam in her eyes. “That’s all I need. And you finally have a reason to go outside for once.”

You roll your eyes and continue chopping. Your aunt comes in at one point, and together, the two of them grill you about the details of your relationship. The words fall out of your mouth just as you rehearsed.

It’s around half an hour later when you’re finally reunited. The dinner is delicious, as always, and it all feels so good.

The light squeezes on your arm, resting her hand on your thigh under the table, making sure you get the crunchy potatoes because that’s your favorite — it feels so good.

And none of this is real, but as you listen to Danielle bantering with your family, your feelings start to feel more real.

The realization sets your heart aflame, just like the fireplace once did to the Christmas tree.

You’re leaning on the kitchen counter, nursing a can of Sprite as you watch Danielle squeal over Mario Kart (she just got hit by a red shell).

Haerin joins you. She doesn’t announce her entrance but you can sense her presence.

“No money for you,” you smirk.

“No. I guess not.”

Hell yeah. Your bank account is safe. “What do you think of her?”

“She seems too nice for you.”

You elbow her ribs. “Be nice. It’s Christmas.”

“…I’m happy for you.”

“Oh Haerin,” you muster up a sweet voice and open your arms out for a hug. She grabs a knife and holds it in front of her. Nevermind. You take multiple steps backwards.

The race is over, and Danielle finishes in a whopping seventh place. She turns around and looks for you, and smiles when your gazes lock.

You tilt your head, and she tilts her head back in response.

“I’ll be back,” you slither out of the kitchen. “The girlfriend calls.”

You think you hear Haerin scoff but you’re too busy focusing on Danielle. “Did you need something?”

“Yeah,” she says. “Where’s the bathroom?”

“Oh,” you cough. “Sorry, I’ll show you the way.”

You try not to stumble as you hear someone call out “don’t run off and make out!” Thankfully, Danielle takes it well and isn’t weirded out.

You’re unsure if it’s weird to wait outside, but you do it anyway (from a respectable distance) in case she needs anything. When she’s done with her business, the two of you make your way back to the living room, and your worst nightmare (but also a dream deep down) comes true.

Haerin is standing there, with her stupid mischievous smile and Rudolph’s nose on, holding some DIY fishing rod. At the top of that rod hangs a mistletoe.

“Haerin,” you hiss. “Put that down.”

She closes her eyes and pretends she doesn’t hear you. It’s like everyone’s telepathic, because suddenly everyone has their attention turned to you, and they’re egging you on.

“Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”

This cannot be real, you think. This is some skit or a sick joke.

You turn to Danielle awkwardly.

“A cheek kiss will be enough,” you say apologetically. “We don’t have to-”

She cuts you off with a kiss — a chaste one, but it shocks you nonetheless. You can barely hear the cheers of your family over the pounding of your heartbeat.

Haerin eventually brings you back to Earth by smacking your face with the rod, and everyone’s back to doing whatever they’re doing.

“Sorry,” you see Danielle’s worried face as your vision starts to refocus. “Was that too much?”

“No,” you blurt out. “I’m sorry. Because I actually like you but I just realized that twenty minutes ago and I have to tell you now because I don’t want you to think that I’m using you-”

“I know,” she laughs, grabbing your hand to squeeze. “Me too.”

You blink. “Oh. Cool.”

“…So we’re real girlfriends, right?”

“Yes,” she pokes your nose. “We are.”

“Awesome! Because I was going to ask you to be my fake girlfriend again for New Year’s.”

She rolls her eyes and pulls you back to the living room, and you finally understand, for the first time, all the cheesy Christmas songs.

God bless you, Hyein.

[vnyverse]

!!!!!!!!!!

mine

kim minji x fem! reader

synopsis: you both knew love came with downhills, but neither of you thought it'd get that bad. you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter, and she's the best thing you could ever call 'mine'.

genre + others: non-idol reader x idol minji, goes over the ups and downs of their relationship, semi angst but fluff end TRUST ME

notes: (TW: implied suicide of minor character) , y/n has been through so much pls give her a break, idk if either of them were toxic, but they work around it bc love >>>, not requested, i was just listening to the album and got an idea that made my soul go WHOOSH hehe, THIS IS A VERY LONG ONE

WORD COUNT: 6.9k

you were in college, working part-time, waiting tables. left a small town, never looked back. i was a flight risk, with a fear of fallin', wondering why we bother with love, if it never lasts.

you and minji were your friend group's favorite couple. almost anyone would agree, actually.

you met in high school when you transferred from a smaller, almost unknown town under a merit scholarship sponsored by the school. you were your family's pride and joy, the eldest daughter and older sister to two siblings. your parents weren't born with the same comfort they provided you and your siblings, or any comfort at all. it took a lot of work for them to get to where they were, and even then they still work day and night to give a life better than theirs for their children.

being born first, you witnessed everything. the blood, sweat, and tears your parents poured into everything; their failed start-up business, their multiple part-time jobs, and the low-paying wages they'd get in return. but above all this, you also saw how your parents did it all for love. love for you, love for their kids, love for the family they made. and so you swore, as an adorable 8-year-old, that you'd work your hardest and earn enough money to get your parents to rest comfortably once they were of age. you were raised in a struggling house, but a loving home. you knew love. you weren't a stranger to it. you loved love and the power it held.

minji, on the other hand, didn't. when you met her in your first year of high school, her parents had just signed divorce papers after her dad caught her mother cheating. she was only 16 at the time, and her parents were her role models of love. to her, they represented what love would, could, and should be. she believed in love, until she grew to hate it. she hated the way it hurt her father, she hated the way it hurt her, but most of all she hated the way it pulled her mother away from her. minji knew love. she wasn't a stranger to it. but she hated love and the power it held.

because of the stark difference you two had with your outlooks on love, it was a shock to everyone when the kim minji agreed to not just being your prom date, but to you courting her during your junior year of high school as well. 

“kim minji is this really you?” her best friend at the time, seol yoona, waved her hand in front of the raven-haired girl’s face. she was trying to finish an essay in english, one of their final requirements for the semester. “what’s different about park y/n?”

minji sighed and closed her notebook, finally facing the rest of her friends who sat crowded around her.

“look. she was nice to me at prom and she’s…” her friends’ eyes widened in anticipation. “cute, i guess.”

“oh come on minji that can’t be just it…”

“yeah you rejected like a quarter of the student population! i’m sure there were a few nice and cute ones!”

“they all…” minji started as she stood up from her desk and began packing her things in her backpack. “i’m just more comfortable with her, okay? we’ve been friends a while, and she’s patient about everything right now because she knows about…”

the rest of the table nodded their heads in understanding. there was no need for her to expound on that. 

meanwhile, in the complete opposite side of the school campus, was where you and your two closest friends ate lunch. under the shade of the courtyard’s largest tree.

"you're fucking playing with me..."

"i'm not! she said yes! she really did!" you exclaimed, mouth full of the school's spam and kimchi kimbap. 

"you better not mess this up y/n... you're like the first person i know of that she's ever said yes to." your other friend commented, playfully shoving your upper arm.

"do you guys not have like... the teeny-tiniest bit of faith in me?" 

they looked at you for a solid minute before nodding and shrugging. jokes aside, you were a selfless and caring person, and every one that has ever gotten to know you was sure of that.

and fair enough, by your first year of college which was also minji's first year as newjeans' leader, after almost 2 years of courting her, you asked her to have things official, and she said yes.

do you remember, we were sitting there by the water? you put your arm around me for the first time. you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter. you are the best thing, that’s ever been mine.

it had been just over a year since you two started officially dating, and nothing much changed since you put a label on it. you were now in your second year of university, simultaneously maintaining a part-time job at a local restaurant. 

it didn’t take an idiot to know that dating an idol was hard. and it also didn’t help that your schedule wasn’t the most flexible either. there were even some days where minji had more time in the week to spend than you did. the both of you hated that, and it frustrated you two to the point where there were times you’d take it out on each other.so when you and minji had your first big argument, it was a shock to none of the peers who knew of your relationship.

you sighed deeply as you unlocked the door to your apartment. it was the middle of midterms week, and you had just finished an evening shift. you didn’t even want to think about studying for your calculus exam tomorrow, but you knew you had to if you wanted to keep your gpa up to the scholarship’s requirements.

“park y/n.” minji’s voice interrupted your brain’s train of thought. you were so busy trying to figure out the most efficient way to spend the rest of the time between the present and your exam. 

usually, minji’s voice calling your name would be warm and sweet. you talked about it to your friends one time, describing it as melted chocolate, and she gagged at how cheesy you were being. but god forbid you speak the truth.

but now, her voice was neither warm nor sweet. it was cold. it was cold and sharp. if you had the time to process it you’d probably describe it as ice shards, rather than melted chocolate.

you hesitated to face her, because you knew exactly why she was here in your apartment at 11pm in the evening instead of her dorms, fast asleep. you couldn't count how many times you cancelled a date last minute within the last month, and minji was tired of you not explaining properly.

you heard her stand up from the living room couch and walk towards you in the dining table. 

“what is it, minji?” you spoke, leaning your forehead against your palm as you brought out school textbooks and worksheets.

“what do you mean ‘what is it, minji’? you know why i’m here, y/n.” 

she wasn’t lying. again, you knew why she was here with you, which is why you dreaded the conversation that was about to come.

“this is the 4th date you’ve cancelled this month without telling me why. if you wanted to break up i’d much rather you tell me directly…” the last sentence felt like a stab to your chest. the cold and sharp dagger that was her words, taking one large hit.

“what the fuck? no, okay! no i don’t!”

“then for the love of god would you at least tell me why you’re being so fucking distant?!” 

you kept silent. eyes avoiding hers as you internally debated on whether you wanted to burden her with your struggles or not.

“see? you can’t even say it.”

“fucking hell. my sister is sick, minji.” 

you let out a shaky exhale as you spoke, finally gathering the courage to face her.

“she has pneumonia. she’s sick. she’s in the hospital. and i-“ you cut yourself off as tears made its way down your face. the cold exterior on minji’s face dropped almost immediately at the sound of your voice breaking. your breathing remained shaky as you tried your best to verbalize everything that has been piling up over the past few weeks.

“medical insurance isn’t enough to cover it. my parents are working endlessly, but they’re getting older and i don’t want them to overwork themselves or they could get sick too, so i asked if i could pick up more shifts at the restaurant because that’s really all i can do right now. it just breaks my heart whenever i visit her because she’s always telling me that she’s sorry for causing trouble when none of it was her fault. and fuck, as if it doesn’t get any worse it’s midterms week, and if i fail just one exam it’s enough to bring my gpa down for the school to drop me.”

you gasped for air.

the girl sat beside you and rubbed your back, reaching over for your water bottle and offering it to you. you muttered a thanks as you gulped down half of the water inside and gave yourself a few seconds to speak again.

“and i know what you’re thinking. ‘why didn’t you tell me? i could’ve helped.’ but minji please. you’re an idol. you’re a celebrity. fuck, you’re the leader of one of the biggest group’s right now. you have enough on your plate. i don’t want to add to that.”

minji nodded to show you she was listening despite not saying anything since you started letting it out.

"let's take a walk." 

you were shocked by the suggestion, and minji could tell. she would be too.

“but won’t people recogn-“

"more air to breathe, more space to think. come on." she got your coat for your and brought your most comfortable pair of shoes over.

you weren't agreeing, but you also weren't objecting the idea. from what could've been a fight to this, you were just glad you had the warm minji with you right now.

she dragged you along by the hand, just a few steps ahead of you. it didn't take too long until you two found yourselves sitting on the park bench facing a small river. it wasn't too far away, just a couple meters from your apartment building.

“can i ask you something, y/n?” there it was. the warmth, the sweetness in her voice. 

she turned to face you. “do i bother you when i tell you about my problems? when i talk to you about how i worry for haerin not opening up, or when i tell you about how hanni might’ve bothered me on a certain day. does that burden you?”

you looked up at her shaking your head, your eyes still red and puffy. 

“w-what? no. never. i like that you let me know. i like knowing you have some type of output for it."

"well if it doesn't burden you then what makes you think you'd burden me?"

you slowly looked away, eyes busy gazing the clear water and the rocks that laid under.

she moved to wrap her right arm over your shoulders, and slowly reached for your left hand to hold if you'd let her. after all, she didn't expect to be comforting you when she planned on seeing you.

"i may be an idol. i may be a celebrity. i may be newjeans' minji a lot of the time. but i'm also your girlfriend, park y/n. the one you met in high school whose life you changed forever the day you asked me to prom." you leaned against her when she pulled you closer as she spoke.

"i stopped believing in love when my parents split. remember when i told you that? but you were there every step of the way. you understood, and you were fine with waiting." minji took a pause to make sure you were still with her, listening. 

your eyes were heavy, but your brain couldn’t be more alive. 

“y/n, i don't want to be the person that makes their partner feel like they can't talk to them. let me be there for you too, okay? i may not be able to do a lot to fix it, but i'll be there because you shouldn't be facing things alone. not when you have me."

you nodded, letting out the last of your tears on her shoulder while she ran her fingers through your hair. 

“so next time, please, please tell me what bothers you.”

you never gave a clear response, just your sobs slowing down as she held you. minji would later on regret not noticing this.

a few minutes later, after you calmed down, you pulled away to finally fix your eyes on hers.

"thank you. and i still owe you an apology. for how i was the past couple of weeks.”

“you really don’t have to y/n.”

“well, you say that now after i told you. but what i did was still such… an ass move, and i should’ve told you what was going on because you deserved to know with the way it affected you too.”

minji gave you a smile. a small smile that held the largest emotions a human could ever feel. she leaned against your side, head on your left shoulder with her arm around your waist.

“it’s okay…”

“i love you.”

three words. eight letters. the first time it was ever said between the two of you. 

on the inside, you were a little shocked. if your relationship was a sports game, no one would bet on minji saying it first. but she did. and that just made those special words mean a little more than they already did.

you wrapped your left arm around her shoulders and rested your head on hers, giving the top of her head a kiss before saying it back.

“i love you too.”

flash forward and we’re taking on the world together. and there’s a drawer of my things at your place.

a couple months later, you felt on top of the world, and so did minji. you found a higher paying stay-at-home job, your sister got better miraculously quick, and your grades were stellar. for minji, newjeans had just released another hit mini album, and it was played everywhere you went. in the store, at the mall, on tiktok, on the radio. everywhere.

eventually, you two found a free spot on both of your schedules, and used it to have sleepovers at your apartment or her dorm. she’d always prefer staying at yours though. one of the few times you stayed at hers, the second you left, hanni and hyein were teasing her endlessly about… well, usual couple stuff.

this night was one of those sleepover nights. the two of you just finished dinner and were cuddling on the sofa, trying to decide on a movie to watch.

“mean girls?”

“didn’t we watch that last week?” minji reasoned out, looking at you with a questioning face.

“uhm… horror?”

“i don’t mind.”

you hummed and browsed through the horror collection your streaming site had. it took you a while to find a movie, you and minji each always had a minor problem with whatever came up.

“oh hey this one looks fun. zom-“

“did i ever tell you the full story of my parents?”

“ha?”

you looked at her with a rather surprised expression on your face. sure, she’s told you all about being a child of divorced parents and how it affected her. but you never bothered to ask more about it in fear of her discomfort.

“well… no. i wanted you to bring things up at your own pace.”

it felt like a silent agreement that maybe you two were going to drop the movie for a little “deep talk” moment.

“my dad went m.i.a., well, sort of did, on my mom.” she began, you sat cross-legged beside her, reaching for her hand to play with while she muttered a quick ‘thanks’. it was your little show of comfort. 

her parents was a subject that you two didn’t bring up very often. she’d mention them once in a while, like when you were preparing a dish that reminded her of her mom’s cooking, or when you came over to help fix hyein’s bike like her dad used to do for her. but it was never in the subject of the divorce. you two always had more to talk about when you were together anyways.

“he lost a lot of the money in their savings, and he’d never talk to my mom about it thinking he could cover it up soon enough. mom was convinced he was cheating and was sending money to another girl. even after my dad explained everything she just… went and did what she did. until he caught her and… well, you know the rest.”

minji was surprisingly calm throughout the whole storytelling. you figured it must’ve been from keeping it in for so long, finally letting the old wounds heal.

“wow…”

“yeah, ‘wow’.”

“i’m sorry, i just…” you paused and grabbed her other hand, holding them both closely within your palms. “do you think if your dad was honest from the beginning things would’ve been different?”

“i-… well…”

“nevermind, sorry that was int-“ you dropped her hands and ran yours through your hair, the other covering your mouth in disbelief.

“no no, it’s okay.” she reached for your hands and they were intertwined once again. “i think things would’ve turned out the same. it probably would’ve just… took a longer time.”

“i guess… since your mom practically ignored your dad after he explained…”

“yup. i believe things happen for a reason.”

“really? i’m 50/50 on that.” you looked up at her with a questioning look.

“well, for one, it led me to you.” she gazed in your eyes, her hands soft and gently cradling yours side to side. you looked at her with amazement. since when was she making the moves with all the cheesy lines?

“okay… so i’m not 50/50… maybe 70/30.” “dork.” “your dork?” “…” “sayyy it…” “…” “you know you wanna…”

“my dork.”

“hehehe…” 

with a victorious grin on your face, you pinched her right cheek, something she both hated and loved. rolling her eyes, she positioned herself to lay her head on your crossed legs while your hands automatically fixed her hair to keep her face clear.

“god you’re so-“

“lovable? i know… it’s crazy.”  

“well…”

“oh, we were serious?”

“yes, seriously, y/n. there are times i think about that night by the river.”

“that night by the river…”

“when i told you i believed in love again, after my parents. because of you.” she opened her eyes and looked up at you like you were a constellation in the night sky. eyes wide and full of wonder.

“i know what you’re talking about, i didn’t forget, don’t worry.” you smiled, tucking a strand of hair that went astray behind her ear.

“when things get hard i think of that night, and how… i don’t know. you know that feeling when something means so much, and it’s so good, feels so right, almost too perfect, you’re just scared it’ll slip away?”

“mmhm. of course. that’s how i felt about this book i was reading. things were going so well at the beginning, like it wa-… continue though.”

“sometimes i’m scared we’ll slip away.”

“what?!”

“i mean like! it’s just a tiny… irrational fear in the back of my head.”

“ell… good thing that won’t happen!”

“how are you always so sure about things?”

i tell my secrets and you figure out why i’m guarded. you say,

“i get why you’re worried, okay? but we’ll never make your parents’ mistakes.”

she sat up straight to give you a proper hug, or, well, she more or less just threw herself on you. not that you were complaining, you loved her bear hugs.

“you and i… we talk things out. we work well that way, right?”

“yeah.”

“i love you. and thank you for letting me love you.”

“i love you too. so so much.”

and we got bills to pay. we got nothing figured out, when it was hard to take, this is what i thought about. 

throughout your relationship, you two came across a couple, or well, several bumps along the road. but it was always something you two had dealt with before. even if it wasn’t, you were beginning to feel comfortable sharing the weight you carried on your shoulders with minji; talking about the usual late night shifts, a terror professor, etc.

communication was one of the last things your relationship with minji lacked.

until one fateful evening, you received a phone call from your brother. one you wished you never had to hear. one no one ever deserved to hear. 

before he spoke, something about it already felt wrong. the combination of muffled sirens, crying from who you surely knew was from your sister, and conversation between who you assumed were adults, was straight eery. a shiver ran down your spine, realizing the nature of the news.

and you were right. 

you could feel your hand shake as he spoke with a stutter,

“noona… it’s about… about d-dad… h-he… he… did it to hims-himself… he-he w-went out… and to-told us not to follow. a-and, and then we- we heard… we heard a r-really… r-really loud noise… n-noona… wh-when… when are you coming b-back?”

what?

who?

how?

your father. he shot himself in your neighborhood’s park.

and you’ve yet to understand why. why he’d choose to abandon his family. why he suddenly switched from the hardworking man who’d endure hell for his family, to a man who chose to escape his troubles.

after consoling your brother and the rest of your family on the phone, you packed your bags and took a taxi the next day. heading straight back to your hometown, a much smaller and rural area compared to the skyscraping city of seoul. 

you ran straight to your parents’ room as soon as you arrived, your bags dropped and forgotten by the conjoined living room and kitchen. there was no time to reminisce the warmth, comfort, and love that came with the childhood home you haven’t seen in years. 

as soon as you stepped foot in your parents’ room, your younger sister, who was much taller than the last time you saw her, ran straight into your arms, almost knocking you over. it didn’t take long for your younger brother to follow, his added weight finally pushing you to fall butt first to the fortunately, carpeted floor.

you rubbed their backs as soothingly as you possibly could while they started dampening your shirt with tears. in a way, having them in your embrace comforted you the same way you comforted them. you shed your own fair share of tears, hugging them even tighter when they’d take deep breaths and wail.

you also needed to process whatever the hell just happened.

a few minutes later, once your siblings had calmed down, you slowly stood up from the floor and approached your mother who was sorting out papers on what used to be your parents’ shared bed. the mattress dipped as you sat beside her. you wrapped your arms around her frame, giving her a warm hug. 

her pain was silent, and you wished it wasn’t so you’d at least know she had an output, but at the same time, you both knew she held it together for your siblings’ sake. she gave your forehead a kiss and ruffled your hair, muttering a soft “you’ve been eating well.” 

she was just happy to see her baby home.

the next couple of days were dull and grey. it was the only word you could use to describe it. your mother would head out to deal with government papers, your siblings stayed at home with modular work as permitted by the school after what had happened, and you picked up a small full-time job at a bakery as a cashier.

in a private conversation with your mother, late at night when your siblings were fast asleep, she explained to you the law of debt and inheritance in simple terms. it was difficult, but most definitely much needed for you to at least grasp understanding on why your father did what he did. 

“i know what your first thoughts were going to be. and he wasn’t being a selfish person, y/n. he never was and he never will be. in this province specifically, debt isn’t passed down to your heirs. your father… he… he borrowed a lot of money, y/n. and we thought we could pay it back over the agreed 3 years. it was taking longer than expected, and they began looking for your dad with threats that… i’d rather not share with you.”

“wait what? what about the money i’ve been sending? did it help? did you use it?”

“of course we did, y/n. we don’t want your hard work going to waste. we used it for yoonseo and junseo’s tuition. there was an increase that wasn’t in our… scope.”

“fucking school…”

“hey… listen. do you understand things a little better now?”

“…yes.”

“repeat to me what you understand.”

“dad… didn’t want them coming after me… us.”

“yes.”

“i… i don’t understand how you’re so… calm about it right now, ma. did you know? did he tell you he would?”

“he didn’t. we fought about it, actually. i couldn’t believe all that… nonsense he was saying.”

“oh… i’m sorry. i’m sorry i thought he-“

“it’s okay, y/n. and i know you. i know you, yoonseo, and junseo. it’s okay to not be okay right now. i want you to feel that. let it out. cry, scream, take a walk, do anything. let the pain pass through. i’ll be here to make sure you’ll be alright.”

“but we want to be here for you too ma…”

“you will be there for me when you feel better. but right now, you’re my children, and i’m your mom. i want to make sure you’re okay first.”

and for the rest of the night, you silently wept against your mother’s shoulder as she held you tight against her chest, the same way she did the day you were born. you were always your mother's child at the end of the day.

since the day you left til that night, your focus was on yourself and your family. comforting your siblings when your mom couldn’t, helping around the house, and searching for more jobs dirt-paying jobs you could take, for you didn’t care as long as it’d help fill the gap your father left.

your focus was solely on the grief held over yourself and your family, that somehow, you had completely forgotten about your life in the city.

the life with kim minji in it.

on her side of the world, minji was struggling. newjeans was still a popular and well-received group with global success, but their growth was exceeding expectations, and that meant that the hate wave had only gotten stronger.

as their leader, minji was the supporting pillar, the foundation of sanity for the rest of the girls. when one of them had the need to cry or rant, they’d go to her, and she’d hold that responsibility willingly out of love and care for them.

but newjeans’ leader minji, is human. 

newjeans’ leader minji, is kim minji. 

a 20-year-old girl facing the world’s backlash and carrying the weight of her members’ hurt alongside her own on her back.

she wasn’t meant to deal with all of that alone.

where was kim minji’s supporting pillar? where was her foundation of sanity? 

where were you?

where were you when she needed you the most?

and i remember that fight, 2:30 am, ‘cause everything was slipping right out of our hands. i ran out, crying, and you followed me out into the street. 

things have calmed down a bit. you and your family decided it was best for you to go back to the city as it was where you’d earn the most for your work. you hated saying goodbye to them, especially at a time where it was best where you were all together. but you and your family didn’t have the luxury of choice. you and your family couldn’t afford to lose the opportunity.

on the 2-hour long taxi ride home, you finally decided to charge your phone. you hadn’t realized how you completely deserted it the moment you arrived at your childhood home. leaving it on the car seat, you decided to take a nap to get rid of the headache that was building up. whether it was from the anxiety of being away from your family after what happened, or the pressure of having your family’s financial support come mostly from you, you needed an escape, even if it was just for 2 hours.

you weren’t sure how or what you felt. you knew most would be sad. grief-struck and lost. and you did feel that in a way, when your family held a small ceremony at the memorial center because it was all you could afford. it was just you, your mom, your siblings, and a few neighbors who knew your parents.

that was the hardest you ever let yourself mourn, the loudest you ever let yourself cry, and after that, you felt empty. your chest and your stomach ached, but there was nothing else to feel. your head, on the other hand, felt heavy. like it was rammed against a cement wall and forced to carry the weight of hardbound books. 

the moment you picked yourself up from your wallowing in sorrow, the weight of responsibility crashed into you all at once. like being thrown anvils to carry on your back, every step you took wherever you went. your father wasn’t just one of your family’s sources of income, he also stood as a figure of support for your siblings and your mom while you were away. you were angry at him for leaving you, but you beat yourself around into understanding that it wasn’t an escape.

it was about 2am by the time you arrived at the small apartment complex. an inconvenient decision that may have seemed senseless, but before you insisted in spending as much time as you could with your family before you were required to report to work the next day.

and so here you were, backpack in hand, unlocking the door to your apartment late at night.

seeing the living room and kitchen lights on alarmed you. you were sure you turned everything off before you left. your electricity bills were going to be horrendous that month.

you settle your bag down on the floor and bent over to untie your shoes.

“oh… you decided to come back?”

that voice.

kim minji.

hearing her voice again felt fresh. but it felt fresh for only one reason.

you ignored her the whole time you were away. you didn’t tell anyone anything, not even you friends in the city.

minji’s tone was firm. it wasn’t sharp and cold like the time she came over to confront you about missing your dates.

it was firm, but it was also vulnerable. the night she confronted you her voice lacked all the emotion in the world. tonight, it was full of it. you couldn’t tell if she was worried, angry, disappointed, sad, maybe everything and in between.

“where were you?”

there it was. the burning question of the night. 

unlike last time, minji didn’t bother approaching you. she stayed seated on the living room couch, her head turned to face you at the front door.

“minji, listen. i-“ you walked towards her, approaching the living room couch with caution from what you could pick up in her voice.

“y/n i was in pain… did you know that? the past few weeks have been horrible… and before i can even begin to talk about why, i have to worry about whether you were even alive or not!”

“i’m sorry! okay, i’m sorry!”

you were defensive, and it came out like you were throwing around apologies for a band-aid solution, when that really wasn’t the case. you just didn’t have it in your heart to tell her what happened.

“we had to cancel 2 fansigns because of threats we were getting, did you even know that, y/n?”

no, you didn’t. you weren’t aware of how far your girlfriend’s career had gone for the group to be receiving that kind of treatment. even before your dad passed.

“…no.”

“and that’s just… the tip of the fucking iceberg… so i ran here thinking i’d find you. because, y/n, i know for a fact you’re my safe place. but you weren’t even fucking there…”

“i’m sorry…” you muttered, your hands clasped together as you stood in front of her.

“you weren’t answering calls, you weren’t responding to texts. from me or any of the girls! i asked my manager to get in contact with your coworkers! fuck, i even asked some of our high school friends… but none of them knew where you were! do you know how sick my stomach felt?” she looked up at you with tears in her eyes. one of the few times you’ve ever seen her cry, and somehow, it always had something to do with you.

it made you feel sick.

“i’m so sorry…”

“and before you fucking arrived, for a moment i really thought you were going to just leave everything like my dad.”

after all the pain she’s shared with you?

“minji i-“

“but a part of me knew, or wanted to know you’d never do that. like you said, ‘we’d never make my parents’ mistakes’. but in that moment it felt like you did. like we did.”

“i’m sorry… i wasn’t thinking…”

“i think we need a fucking break y/n.”

she stood up.

what?

“w-what? minji what do you mean w-why a-“

“this isn’t the first time you just disappeared on me, don’t you get it? the first time it happened i had to confront you because otherwise you’d just let it slide and it’d probably happen again within the next few months.”

she walked to the dining room, away from the living room. it was closer to the apartment entrance.

“that’s not true.”

“when i told you about my parents, it was because i thought i had finally found something different with you.”

“and we did! we are! we’re not like them…”

she stood by the door, hand on the knob.

“you keep disappearing on me, y/n. i don’t know what to believe anymore.”

and just like that, she dropped the spare keys to your apartment on your kitchen counter, and left your apartment unit. 

you knew better than to let her go. you knew better to let the love of your life go. you knew better than to let her, a celebrity, run out in the middle of the night, with no security, and god knows who or what out in the streets of the area you stayed in.

braced myself for the goodbye, ‘cause that’s all i’ve ever known. 

for minji, she had no idea what she was doing, but she knew couldn’t take another second in your damned apartment. the apartment she stayed in the weeks she was waiting for you to come back. it reminded her of the times she felt like her mom, desperately waiting for her dad to come back to her. it reminded her of how she felt like her dad during the first month of the divorce, and how he kept his hopes high telling her and her brother that things would get better because their mom would always come back, when she didn’t. she hated that apartment because it reminded her of why she hated love. why she stopped believing in love.

she hated that apartment because it was yours, and you showed her how to believe in love again, and you made her believe you two would be different. 

if that was so, then why did you leave her feeling like things were going to end the same way her parents did?

she couldn’t take it anymore. how could she fully commit to someone who’d leave her out of the loop. someone who can’t at least try to share part of their world with her. someone who, after seeing all the sides and versions of her, could still get up and leave without a word.

you cursed under your breath for minji being so long-legged. it didn’t take long for her to get to your apartment building’s lobby, but timing was by your side. for once, it felt like maybe the world wasn’t against you.

the scene was cinematic. you grabbed her wrist from behind her, and pulled her by the arm, back towards you. back to you where you knew she belonged.

“i’m sorry, and i promise i’ll tell you everything. and i know i left with no warning, no sign. i know that it was best to tell you. but i promise i wouldn’t have done it if it wasn’t something as serious as that.”

you gently reached over to hold her other hand in yours. hopefully it was enough to not have her run away again.

“i don’t know how many sorry’s i have left in me, but whatever that amount is, i know, won’t be enough. but please, minji, i’m begging you now, please don’t leave. i know it’s been hard, it’s been difficult for me too. fuck, it’s been hell the past few weeks and not a single second of it has felt real, but i need you. i need you to stay.”

you took a deep inhale. you hadn’t realized you weren’t breathing throughout your mini speech. 

“because right now it feels like i’ve lost everything, and i can’t take it if i lost you. and i know… i know, i sound like a guilt-tripping asshole right now but that’s really... you mean a lot. you mean so much… you mean so fucking much to me, minji, and i know that’s not what you felt when i disappeared, but it’s the truth, and i-“

your legs gave in. you were exhausted, but you weren’t going to stop until you knew she’d stay.

you knelt on the floor, in front of her, holding her hands above your head.

god, you looked so ridiculously desperate. but you didn’t care. not an inch of your body felt a bit of shame. you knew minji was worth everything you had.

“i love you. i love you. i love you so much. and i don’t know how else to say this without sounding like a fucking asshole, but i know you love me too, and i just need you to hear me out, before you decide to leave. and if you still want to go after, then i-. i wouldn’t blame you, and i’d let you, but please… please.” you whispered out the last of your words, your sobs echoing through the empty, dim-lit lobby.

she’d never seen you like this before. 

not once in the several years of being your friend or your girlfriend.

and you were right, she loved you so much. just as much as you did her.

and that was enough for her to listen.

“get up.” she spoke so softly, you could’ve missed it if you weren’t listening for any response.

you scrambled, shuffled onto your feet, and finally came face-to-face with the girl you loved.

it took everything in you to not hold her, kiss her, and comfort her, when you knew you were the cause of her pain and suffering.

but if god made angels roam earth, you were convinced minji was one of them.

she almost catapulted towards you, causing you to stumble backwards until your back met a wall. your arms automatically wrapped around her waist, like it was second nature, or maybe because it was.

you heard her sobs, and you ran your fingers through her hair like she’d do for you. rub her back comfortingly like when you held your siblings in your arms, her tears dampening your clothes the same way theirs did.

you let her be, and waited patiently until she decided to speak. her face rested against your shoulder so her voice was slightly muffled, 

“i thought you’d leave.”

you felt your chest tighten in guilt.

“i thought i did something wrong, or that you were tired of me. tired of dating someone with a job like mine, packed up, and left.”

then, you took me by surprise. you said,

“i’m sorry i made you feel that way.”

you kissed the top of her head and rested your cheek against it.

“never again. i promise, and i say it out loud this time.  i’ll never leave you alone.”

[vnyverse]

hey everyone, this is a short msg to let y’all know I’ll be postponing my works for now bc school is getting a little messy and I promise I’ll be right on track with writing one last summer after that, but my req is always open so when I come back and see some reqs I’ll get to writing!

[vnyverse]

☺️

| randomantic

synopsis: showing love in the form of random ways, you love haerin and do things for her; haerin loves you and wants to know everything about you.

— idol!khaerin × 6thmember!fem!reader

(⁠=⁠｀⁠ェ⁠´⁠=⁠)(⁠=⁠｀⁠ェ⁠´⁠=⁠)(⁠=⁠｀⁠ェ⁠´⁠=⁠)(⁠=⁠｀⁠ェ⁠´⁠=⁠)

"do you want to share what's on your mind haerinie?" you asked, eyes darting at haerin's icy gaze then back to the table as you started opening the boxes of letters that have been sent to you by your fans. there's a lot, and you felt overwhelmed but happy at the same time. weird enough, haerin followed you around as you carried the box and just watched as you unbox it. haerin was standing across you, behind the table — doing nothing but staring at the envelopes on the table.

"you have a lot of letters, there's a lot of people who love you. y/n unnie." haerin stated, she walked around the table, before taking the space behind your seat, not choosing to sit across from you.

you nodded and smiled. "isn't that a good thing? i love being loved, it motivates me to give my best at our performances for tokkis to feel my love for them." haerin liked the way you speak your mind, your heart — it's the honesty that she sees in you, your transparency with your feelings.

haerin knows you love your fans, the people behind your success, your confidence, the ones who cheer for you when you're performing, the ones who show up to give their full support — you really appreciate them, scratch that — everyone knows that. you turn your head around back to the table, sorting out the letters.

haerin wants to get a taste of what you're thinking, although, haerin's intelligence is her pride — she's not that smart to be able to read through your mind, unless you say a word or indicate it through obvious actions. that's what frustrates her, because she wants to be ahead of the member when it comes to your love or your thoughts, even if it sounds toxic to compete for a member's attention.

haerin stood behind you and took deep breaths before reaching out for your shoulder and squeezing it lightly, you jumped at the sudden contact— but you stayed still. "can i help you with those?" she asked, you didn't look back at her but you huffed and nodded. "lend me a hand if you want haerinie, it's appreciated." you answered. haerin's body is stiff, her breathing is stable but her body is frozen.

haerin pulled her hand away and walked towards the table, she began opening letters but didn't take them out of the envelopes, instead she passed the open envelopes to your way and said: "read the letters and i'll open them for you." you looked at her with a confused expression but seeing as she didn't seem to care with the envelopes in her hands; you take one envelope from one of those she have opened and took the letter inside.

"should i read it out loud for you?" you asked, you see haerin's eyes squint, a faint blush on her cheeks, her ears suddenly red — she contorts her lips, which made her expression peculiar but you didn't seem to pay no mind, instead you grinned at her. "hmmm... you don't need to if you don't want." haerin has such amazing techniques to cover up a stuttering sentence, she takes her time to come up with words and hums, or pouts her lips before she continues.

you shook your head. "really? you don't want to hear?"

haerin loves your voice, she will always do, she can listen to you talk about your biggest aspirations, your dreams, your favorite things, the things you hate — you love, about newjeans or haerin, it matters to her what you have to say.

but she feared you might lose that precious voice of yours if she made you read all of those letters scattered on the table.

"no need to, i'd be fine just helping." haerin responded, you nodded and began reading.

haerin would stop, often. she would stare at your face as you read sentences written on the paper, she'd try to decipher your expressions — the twitching of the corners of your lips as you try not to smile, the way your eyes widens when you read something you like, the way your brows move when your heart melts, and the blush on your cheeks.

over the past few years you have known haerin, she can basically read your emotions, but it feels like everyone can do that already, you're so expressive one can know what you feel with just a simple look on your face. nothing compares to actually knowing exactly what you're thinking, just what you feel isn't enough; haerin wants to dive deeper.

upon reading your 15th letter, you kind of broke down into tears, haerin heard your sobs and looked down to see you wiping your tears.

others would think, must've been a hate message mixed with fans but haerin instinctively knew it was a heartfelt message.

she reached over to your hand and squeezed it gently, her soft hand on yours, she caressed the skin under hers. as you wiped your tears, you looked up at her and saw her blinking at you. you sniffled. "a-ah, haerinie did i bother you?" you asked, intertwining your fingers with hers. haerin blushed and looked away.

"no," she answered and took a deep breath and looked back at you again, this time she stretched her lips into a thin smile, her cheeks puffed up. you couldn't help but smile wider, your cheeks blooming a shade of pink — you couldn't help but look down in sudden embarrassment because of your fragile state displayed to a younger member.

"did you get a nice letter?" she asked, you nodded and laughed through the tears on your face. "very nice actually." haerin felt the warmth on her face, her whole body, she loves your smile so much, it's affecting her motor skills.

"hey, she said that — she's happy i'm your unnie, she is happy you are my haerinie. she said — she hopes, you will be my haerinie forever." you started, clutching the letter with the hand haerin isn't holding, you can see haerin's eyes blink, slowly. you don't know what that means, but minji once said that's cats' way of saying their i love you's.

you don't know whether it's the same for haerin, but if it was ever, you are happy to have her blink at you like that.

"i cried because, she thanked me for taking good care of you. she said, you really love me and she can tell how much you care for me. haerinie, you are very precious to me. to every tokkis too. i feel like i haven't been able to tell you yet but — you know i'll cry if i do right?" you looked at her and laughed, not being able to hold eye contact for more than five seconds, feeling your heart swell.

haerin tightened her hold on your hand, feeling her stomach twist around — so weird, she hated the feeling of her body doing shit around you.

haerin really wants to know your mind.

"you will cry, but i wish i was able to know that you feel that way." haerin spoke, she took a few steps forward, closing the gap between the two of you. you look up at haerin, she's able to hold her feelings in whenever she has to, it may seem like a bad thing — but it's really necessary with the way they live, it's hard to keep your guard down.

haerin is a very nice girl, she's kind but she has her own boundaries that she's able to withhold, unlike you; you have a hard time giving people "no" as an answer, you live a life of pleasing people — putting yourself behind others. haerin knows that, but it took minji and hanni to know first before she did, when you had a conversation with the two girls that haerin have heard.

you used to overthink, a lot — it's still the same today, but you try to lessen the pessimist behavior more often because you don't want the group to be dragged down. it takes 50 compliments to reassure you but it only takes 1 negative comment to tore it all down. you don't know why, you feel that way, think that way — you are a subject of criticism, whatever you say, do, wear, or think, there's something to people about that. everyone in newjeans are expected to be at their best. you didn't realize it's tearing you apart until you just found yourself in bed crying yourself to sleep.

haerin didn't know that, she couldn't see it through your eyes — it took a conversation with danielle for her to know.

you love your fans, you value hard work and friendship, you will never pull someone down for yourself, and you always give the best shot at everything. hyein knew that first before haerin did, it's 'cause hyein told haerin when they slept together at her room, hyein told haerin about how caring you are, nice and everything!

haerin regretted not being able to see you like that.

you love haerin, more than anyone knows — more than what you claim, you cook her breakfast, snack, dinner, even her popcorn — you love doing stuff for her, for everyone too but specifically for haerin. haerin doesn't do that much for you, but she thinks of you at night, worries about you, and takes notes of what people say about you. she's learned a lot, and still applies what she have learned over the course of being your co-member.

you may have your favorites, which is haerin — probably because you can give minji a plate of food with lots of carrots, a muffin that is slightly hard for hanni, a lollipop that doesn't have a stick to danielle and a "slightly" burnt egg for hyein.

but haerin will always get the better ones, you don't do it on purpose, when you think about it at least — and they don't seem to mind it that much, but it's just already in you — the need to give haerin what you think she likes, and deserves. it's automatic, one time you decided to make a cute sandwich, you get the thought that you should give it to haerin! minji asked for you to make her one too, and she got a slightly fucked up one, and that's not even on purpose.

everyone doesn't know about your love for haerin, they don't notice that, even with how many times you've fawned over how cute haerin is, how worried you are with her, when you volunteer to help her with her studies, fold her clothes for her, give her the best compliments! everyone guessed that that's just the way you are. but there's more to those things you do that is just not your typical way.

you thanked danielle when she peeled your oranges, but you hugged haerin when she sliced your apple.

and again, you don't do that on purpose — you love everyone but you just love haerin more that's why it's so natural.

haerin was proud of being able to do stuff for you, when she gave the last bite of her favorite snack to you. writing you a post-it notes during your exams to cheer you up. when she walks in on your room to give you a tomato frog snack she made, even if it's not even recognizable. she stares at you all the time, then wonders what you might be thinking about, after that she just brush you off when you ask her.

haerin loves you, she gets crazy jealous when you do the same for others — because she liked it the most when she's ahead of everyone for your love.

now, you stood up, facing haerin with an adorable smile on your face, your cheeks stained with salty tears and haerin opened her mouth to speak, then closed it when she couldn't find what word to say.

you still have her hand in yours, you rocked it slowly.

haerin knows you love her, you had to. there was no way she wouldn't know that, because this time she won't let anyone know that before her, she can't have someone else tell her that.

"you love me right? unnie?" haerin whispered, her voice is soothing, like how the wind blows on a windy day, making the trees rustle and make sounds that you like. you didn't know what that meant but yes, you do love haerin — so you nod.

"i don't think you get it." haerin added, you were looking down at haerin's frog slippers, worrying that looking at her eyes might ruin your friendship. you love haerin, more than one can imagine. you chuckled, it came out airy because you weren't sure what it's supposed to be for; what she said isn't even funny, nor ridiculous because yes, it's true.

"what does haerinie mean then?" you asked, playing with her fingers. haerin looked at your face, your eyelashes and your lips, then your nose and cheeks.

"you love me, more than anyone else. more than tokkis, minji unnie, hanni unnie, dani unnie and hyein. i know you love them too but you love me more right?" haerin asked, then there she goes again blinking her eyes. you giggled, darting your eyes around except haerin's. your throat felt dry.

"oh, how love? i don't think i still get—"

your cheeks are like fresh buns, soft and warm. haerin just stared at you, she then thinks you know what she meant but is hesitating whether to be honest or not. "you can always tell me." you see haerin puffing her chest up, then looks up, takes a deep breath again, even exaggeratingly exhaling with her brows furrowed. you found that funny, and laughed. "you're so cute." you told her as you laughed, putting another hand on your mouth.

haerin smiled. "you liked that?" you nodded, still laughing. "i loved that."

you finally met her eyes, the sharp gaze of her eyes— reminding you of felines. it's pretty really, she gives stares that sends chill to your spine then butterflies inside your stomach. haerin stared at yours and still said nothing, so you took it as a cue to say something.

"i do love you, that's why i care for you a lot. it's really hard to get a grasp of these feelings, but i think i love you, on a moderate amount. but then, it's not really what my heart feels, or what i show you. that's why i don't say much about it because i'm confused." haerin nodded, you suddenly felt her fingers pulling yours. "so you don't really love me a moderate amount?" haerin asked.

you bit your bottom lip, nodding. "yeah i guess."

"i can tell. don't you want to know if i love you too?" haerin tilted her head with a feigned confused expression. you look at her eyes, trying to find something inside those pair of orbs. haerin licks her lip, you dart your eyes away immediately.

"well, what do you want to say?" you asked. "don't tell anyone about this huh." haerin sighed and pushed strands of your hair behind your ear. you nodded. "i won't."

haerin hooks her arm on your torso, her other hand still holding yours. you let yourself be taken away by hers and she leaned her forehead with yours.

haerin has gotten taller, back before she was shorter than you, now she's the same height.

"i love you." haerin whispered, with her eyes closed, you look at her, your face flushed a deep shade of pink. you giggled. "oh, i'm glad you do." haerin sighed and shook her head.

"of course you are. you've loved me for a long time." she said, you couldn't help but laugh, because it's true. "uh-huh, my haerinie is so smart." haerin blushed but kept a calm face.

it was silent for a few minutes, then you placed another hand in haerin's shoulder. "i love you too." you whispered.

haerin was the first to know about the love you harbor for her, she was able to know even before you realized it yourself, without anyone telling her. she got you to confess your feelings and she couldn't be more happy about that. you're just happy to be there, for her; ready to peel oranges for her, make her sandwiches, fold more of her clothes, find the other pair of her socks.

you love your haerinie, you love her so much, even you can't measure it on your own — so much that it's hard for you to tell, and so much that there are no words in this world that can explain what you truly feel. maybe that's why no one except haerin has to understand, she's the only one who can truly tell how much you love her — it's funny, but you're happy she knows.

[vnyverse]

“I promise I’ll always do my best to make it work” “I’m sending bear hugs” 👌😳

[vnyverse]

president kim's love: kim minji short smau

non!idol reader x non!idol kim minji

scenario: two competing girls who want to outdo each other. it would be very simple if one of them did not feel feelings, and was afraid to admit it to herself and her. now school competitions are the only bridge of their interaction, which she clings to so desperately.

a/n: i have a bad relationship with photoshop, so forgive me this simple cover

warnings: some drama, bad jokes, some swearing, possibly spelling mistakes, text me if that's not all

masterlist

chapters

introduction

01.

02.

03.

04.

05.

06.

07.

08.

09.

10.

11.

12.

13.

14.

15. end

Taglist:

© 07.26.23 @june-k

[vnyverse]

yes sure! u should try making one, even without titles it can just be like [insert name] imagines pt 1, or something like that ; just so that way we can see your writings more!!

Okayyy muah 💋 kissing you on the forehead anon I’ll be doing it these few days thanks for your feedback and don’t hesitate to chat w me or even slide in my dms if u have other feedback/ideas/requests :))

[vnyverse]

do you happen to have a masterlist?

No I don’t I’m so sorry I just write my posts out on a whim and most of my works don’t even have titles if u notice, should I create a masterlist?

[vnyverse]

😳

that summer

draw me in your world, as you let yourself into mine let me be your safe haven, for I love when you shine

word count : 4.8k words

genre : fluff with a tinge of angst; your typical summer love story but haerin does not feel the same way you do for her?; runner! haerin x literature student! fem!reader; you are an overthinker and sometimes just wish you stop thinking

t/w : none :)

a/n : this is the longest i've ever written for a oneshot and honestly, i didn't want to split it up cause i wanted yall to feel the whole thing at one go. enjoy !

"haerin-ah, wait up!"

"you're just slow! we're gonna be late if we don't hurry!"

you swore you needed to wake up earlier to avoid having to rush to school, especially when haerin waits for you every day to walk together. at this point, the two of you had been running to class for three days in a row now, not walk. to your surprise, the girl has never complained or grumbled about how you would make her almost miss the bell. but then again, she's always been like that. haerin was never someone who wouid let out her anger on you or anyone in general. you've never seen her get angry, concluding that she just doesn't know how to.

the said girl turned her head around while not faltering in her rushed steps, making sure you're keeping up with her speed. but the thing is, she's the school's top runner and you barely pass your required tests for physical education. haerin knows, which was why she opted to drag you along by your hand. the sudden grab left you slightly taken aback. well, slight is an understatement, you were very taken aback. especially when you have the most obvious crush on her.

you've always had a crush on haerin ever since you were 12. it just happened so when she saved you from some bullies, aka silly boys, running away from them as you two rest at the neighbourhood playground after. she sat you on the swing while you cried in both fear and relief. but all the fear washed away when she flashed you a smile that you never forgot till this day. the way her eyes curved up and her snaggletooth showed with that big smile of hers, that's when you fell for her.

as you busied yourself in your own world, you once again arrived at the school gate right before they closed it off, with some students sighing at how they missed it by a split second behind it. a slow realization hit that you've ran to your limit, you tried taking deep breaths but it might have made it worse. sometimes you wished you were more athletic, for these kind of situations, and also to spend more time with haerin if you were in the track and field team.

"hey, try breathing with both your nose and mouth, it can help."

the girl in front of you looks unfazed, as if she just went for a relaxing morning jog. which isn't entirely wrong as you don't live too far from school. you stand up straight again, doing what she told you to. it actually did help but as she glanced at her watch, you understood what it meant.

"go on, don't be late for class because of me."

"it's fine, there's still some time. I'll go with you."

although you were very sure classes starts in 3 minutes, you didn't argue further as it just meant you get to spend more time although it's just minutes. when the two of you were put into different classes, the time spent together reduced drastically plus haerin's training after class on some days. it was just lunch and maybe weekends if she didn't have extra training. but you felt bad for wanting her to spend her only free day with you, so you try to refrain from jumping onto her bed during some weekends.

why is it so hard to just spend some time with her?

lunch came. and that meant you get to see haerin again after the last time before classes started. at this point, you were just too infatuated with her that you were experiencing some sort of separation anxiety that you can't seem to quite explain. there's nothing you can do about it, you were just that in love with her.

but you did not guess for her to walk along to the cafeteria with him. him who? him, woonhak, the heartthrob who happens to be almost as good as haerin in the track and field team. everyone who sees them walking down the corridor would literally stop to look at how good they look together. it's to the point that they gush over the possible relationship they should have.

you were one of the people who'd look too, but you were always left slightly upset and heartbroken whenever you heard such comments. for sure, woonhak didn't do anything other than walk with her because he likes to ask and learn from haerin when it comes to running. there was no one to blame for your feelings except yourself. and at times, you just wished you could just like someone else cause the pain gets unbearable.

"hey froggie! how was class?"

it might sound like you're being selfish, but you wished haerin only ever smiles at you like that. that smile, the very same one you fell for and also the one that makes your heart clench a little. not to mention the nickname, it makes you feel as if she sees you nothing more than just a friend.

"the same. mr park is giving out work, again. I'm not surprised anyways."

"how about you?"

you swore you saw how her eyes sparkled a little when she started telling you about hers. but you don't feel that much good inside after.

"oh! you know woonhak right? him and I got chosen to be interviewed for a promotional video for the school."

"oh, him..."

"sorry, did you say something?"

"ah, yeah I know him."

"yup him, we agreed to meet on sunday to prepare ahead of the interview. I'm sorry if you wanted to come over."

"no don't be, it's fine. I can just work on mr park's project on sunday."

"but still, it feels weird that I won't be around."

"oh come on, it's literally just a few hours! and before you know it, you'll be back and I can come over if you want."

"this is why you're my best friend, I can always count on you."

well, that hurt a lot. you didn't know if it was intentional or just coincidental as she manages to throw your urge to confess out of the window every time it surfaces. all you could hope was that she didn't take notice of your feelings, or else you swear you'd never be able to face her again. the very last thing you need is for this friendship with her to shatter to the ground like glass. but you knew, the moment you fell for her, you were already walking on thin ice.

"what do they have for lunch today?"

"kimchi fried rice, today has your favourite strawberry milk."

picking up yours, you shaked it to tempt her to quickly go get hers and come have her food with you. and so she did.

whenever it came to her favourite food, she always looks like a cute little kitten who's hungry all the time. and when she spots them, she'd rush to get it and sit with you with an adorable smile plastered on her face as she eats or drinks away. you wish you were able to be someone who makes her that happy too, but along with those thoughts were the heavy consequences of your confession.

whatever you two have built throughout these many years will just shatter like glass, into fragile pieces that will not be able to be pieced together again. even if it could be pieced together again, nothing can stay the same.

for now, you'll keep it to yourself. nothing has shifted between you and haerin, so you shouldn't too.

you have no idea what the hell you're doing right now. what kind of situation is this, you don't know.

"you told me we were gonna work on that project. as far as I know, this is not part of the project."

"I know, but just, we'll work on it after. for now, I just need you to accompany me."

"bro, this feels so illegal to be spying on someone."

"I'm just making sure that boy isn't doing anything to haerin."

"you know they're like the most shipped couple in school right? and woonhak's a really nice person."

"you never know."

all dani could do was roll her eyes at how dumb you look, she looks, with this so called disguise that barely covered their identity. she told you the shades were not it when it's practically indoors, and how literally makes them stand out even more. at times like this, she questions herself why she's friends with you, and why she's willing to be in this with you. overall you were a great person, just not when you get too overprotective of the girl you love.

"if you're just gonna snoop around, you might as well just confess."

the moment you heard the word 'confess', the coffee you were drinking through your mouth came out through your nose. dani didn't know whether to laugh or help you wipe the table cause that was the reenactment of that 'the incredibles' meme of violet. maybe this was why she was friends with you.

"w-what do you mean?"

"you're too obvious to not notice each and every time you zoom out of class to have lunch with haerin. and zoom out again when the bell rings so you can head over to the gym hall to watch her practice."

"bro why didn't you tell me?!"

"tell you what? that you're like an idiot in love but the person you love doesn't seem to feel the same way?"

"I am not an idiot! but I definitely am in love..."

the mood suddenly shifted to somewhat gloomy as those words left your mouth. admitting that you had feelings for haerin to someone else for the first time didn't feel much extravagant than you thought. it wasn't that what you felt wasn't real or overwhelming, they very much were. but the thought of her not reciprocating them, broke you a little on the inside.

you've always imagined being by her side throughout university till the day you'd grow old and get a small house in the countryside. if it were the best friend context, things would have been fine. but you want to be there for her as someone she loves, too. as cheesy as it sounds, just the two of you against the world and no one can stop you.

reality begged to differ when you see how happy she is now as she picks up some clothes from the racks in a store. with woonhak smiling down at her. you couldn't deny that they look good together, way to good that it was believable if haerin told you they started dating after this date. the more you saw the two of them together, the more it was harder to imagine you being the one who would be making her happy.

although you've known her for so long, you weren't one to express your feelings through words. 'actions speak louder than words' was the motto you've lived with all this time. but this love thing takes more than that. being a literature student did not help with that vast range of vocabulary cause there was no point of preparing a confession. it has to come from the heart, and that's what makes it so hard.

"..."

"they left by the way."

your head whipped to the direction of the store they were in, and the last spot you saw them at was indeed empty.

"let's go then! you better saw where they are heading."

not even allowing dani to finish her chocolate drink, you dragged her along to chase after the two. they were definitely fast, very fitting to be in the track and field team. and dani did not sign up for this.

in the end, dani had to drag you out of that mall before you ended up actually stalking those two poor souls. you were definitely not pleased with that decision but you two had a project to attend to, so you placed whatever that's disturbing to the back of your head. although it was sort of futile.

"well, at least we got half of this done, sorta."

"we can meet again tomorrow after school to finish it up if you want."

the australian squinted her eyes at you, as if trying to question your intention. she had the right to after what you pulled off today.

"for real, this time. I kinda want to get this over with and watch haerin practice."

"you better keep your promise."

giving a salute, all dani could do was chuckle at your attempt to lighten the mood with your antics. how can she not love someone like you when all you do was make everyone around you smile?

"hey, do you think it's possible that haerin would have feelings for me? even the slightest bit?"

"I don't see why not. you're a nice kid."

"the definition of nice is different for everyone, and so it is for me."

the older took a seat next to you on the bed, putting down her books on your study desk. when the topic about your feelings for haerin surface each time, you can't help but your real self seep out a little, the happy-go-lucky facade faltering.

"you know, you don't have to be nice to be liked by anyone."

"but that doesn't mean I can be bad either."

"you know I don't mean it that way. it's just that, whether the person is nice or not, if you like them, you just do."

"that's true..."

it was feeling a little weird to talk about this with someone, but you were glad that it was dani. she was like an older sister figure that you could rely on whenever you needed her.

"you love haerin. and do you love her because she's nice? or because it's her?"

as you registered her words in your brain, you couldn't help but feel hopeful all over again, even after seeing those two at the mall today. maybe, they really are just friends. maybe, haerin does like you a little. maybe, you should confess.

you were so lost in your own thoughts that you couldn't feel the presence next to you, slowly clasping your hands. dani looked at you really endearingly, as if you were the person she cherished the most in the world.

"whatever you do, I'd be here to support, okay?"

giving her a reassuring nod and grin, dani's heart swelled at how your mood was lifted again. all she wants to see was you smile, regardless of who's behind it.

"FROGGIE!"

the shout from across your bedroom door grabbed your attention as your eyes darted towards it. as it swung open, the very person you two were talking about barged through to throw you into a hug. along with dani cause haerin knows her too.

"unnie! what are you doing here? the project?"

"hmm, we were just tidying up cause it's getting late."

the older slipped out from the embrace to finish packing her stuff to leave those two to their own world. maybe one day, she'd be able to find someone she loves too.

"bye unnie!"

"dani, I'll let you know what time tomorrow."

"yup sure, just ping me when you're done."

as dani left when she saw your thumbs up, you're tackled into another hug. you were wondering why she was being extra clingy after that date with woonhak. did woonhak confess to her? was she being shy about it? is she gonna tell you something? you were overthinking a lot of things and it wasn't a good sign cause that just means you're going to start doubting every single action haerin takes.

"I missed you."

you wish you would just disintegrate into dust at this very moment. everything that has happened today had already put your brain and feelings into overdrive. and for her to say this, made your heart feel heavier than ever. you didn't know why, it just didn't feel all that good although you did miss her too. but the words just can't seem to fall from your lips.

all you could do was look away and nod. because if you were to look at her, you think you are going to cry and confuse her even further.

"I should go shower first, it's been a long day."

"then we can cuddle!"

haerin slipped away from the embrace into your bathroom. with her belongings scattered around your room, it makes you feel even dizzier from all these crashing feelings. it's as if you are itching to confess to her or else you'd combust for real. that was why you could only keep your mouth shut, or everything would be over.

for now again, you try your best to act normal in front of her. for the sake of yourself, for her sake, and to keep this friendship the way it has been this whole time.

everything went on like normal. you and dani wrapped up that damn project mr park gave, having lunch with haerin every day, spending your time watching her practice, hanging out every weekend. but as haerin's competition was approaching, she spends more time at the gym hall, even during weekends at times. you can't blame her when she's the top in her team.

this competition was utmost important for her as many big companies scout at this particular one. meaning that if she does well, she may have a chance of signing with one. but that means that she would have to move to the city if that does happen.

you were afraid to lose her. sure, you two would still be friends even if she was miles away. so that's exactly what you're afraid of, staying friends. you knew you had no guts to confess to her anytime soon. if haerin leaves, you will still be here. you can't imagine how it will be without her, because you've spent your entire life with her by your side.

even today, you're in your room as haerin is training more as days are left till the competition. divided between confessing or not, you wrote down all the things you want to get for her on your laptop. the tomato frog that she loves so much, a printed sweater with a cat, a couple bracelet that she had her eye on last month. you remembered everything like you knew the back of your hand. it wasn't intentional, but you just did. not to mention that you had quite bad memory that you took a week to remember your seatmate's name.

you were going to do it. you were going to confess. it took you years to finally make that decision and you want it to be perfect. what did it mean by perfect, you don't know. it was your first time, but you just wanted it to be from the bottom of your heart. regardless of whether haerin would reciprocate the feelings, you came to an agreement with yourself that it was fine if she didn't. she was going to move away when she wins that competition so it would just mean that you two stay friends. friends who are apart from each other.

although it may take time to heal, it was going to be fine. not everything in life can go smoothly, and you were willing to take the risk. it was unfair for both you and her. you couldn't pretend any longer that you saw her as a friend, when the way you treat her is definitely more than one. and she deserves to know what you feel for her, with no secrets kept between the two of you.

D-10.

"WOONHAK! GOOD LUCK!"

"YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT BRO!"

"HAERIN-AH! SLAY IT!"

"HWAITING!"

screams and shouts from both sides of your ears were definitely gonna leave them ringing for some time. of course you weren't going to miss haerin's big day. you were beyond proud that she made it to the finals after beating her opponents in the semifinals. quarters were a piece of cake since she was a whole second ahead of everyone.

it was no doubt when she held the fastest record for 100m among the schools here. the agents definitely had their eyes on her the entire time, it just depends on who she chooses.

you didn't really like going out for events like these but she was an exception. although you weren't screaming your lungs out for her, you caressed that ring on your finger very dearly. the ring haerin got you when you two got into the same high school, calling it "the lucky ring". whenever there were big happenings, you'd wear it, feeling that she was with you through them. this time, you wore it so she could feel that you were with her.

"ON YOUR MARK."

the determination on haerin's face didn't go unnoticed even if you were nowhere close to the tracks. and when she flashed that smile at you before the whistle went off, you cried softly into your hands.

you love her so much. so much that this was going to be the last time you two were going to be friends. friends who grew up together, playing with puddles at the playground. finding restaurants to visit together. laughing at stupid videos in bed. taking pictures and videos of each other when one is sleeping. all those days were going to be a memory. a sweet memory for you to look back at after this day.

reporters swarmed the winner of the competition, blocking the pathway for the others who could only sigh at their defeat. some were lucky with outstanding performance.

"could you tell us what's your future plans after this?"

"will you be signing with Krux? we saw their agent approach you personally."

"is it possible to know who kim woonhak is to you?"

"i'm sorry everyone but haerin will be heading off first, any questions will be answered by me."

the coach pushed haerin into the locker room before locking everyone outside with him. she let out the breath even she didn't know she was holding.

"so, who is kim woonhak to you?"

the noise was starting to die down outside as the reporters were led to a different room for interview. the silence was growing deafening as those words echoed across the empty room.

"you're my friend."

"damn, I really didn't have a chance, did I?"

"you know that very well. plus, there's a whole line waiting to date you so why waste your time on me?"

haerin couldn't bother, as she had something better to do and someone better to be with.

"sunbae, you do know I don't like you anymore right? not after you turned down my confession the other day."

"I was just making sure. I've seen too many of you playboys in action."

"oh come on, I'm not a playboy!"

woonhak was someone that was very responsive to teases, and haerin takes every chance she gets to tease the hell out of him. if anything, he was like a brother to her and she was like a sister to him. in fact, both of them decided to sign with the same company since they were offered. it was always good to have someone on your side in the sports world.

"I know, I was just messing with you. now get out, coach probably needs you."

"why me when the winner is right here chilling?"

"because you're gonna answer on my behalf."

the scene that was unfolding could easily be misunderstood if walked in at the wrong timing. and someone did just that. but what haerin didn't expect was that you walked in on them, seemingly laughing and smacking each other, like a couple. well, it did look like that to you at least.

you felt like you were interrupting something, so you dashed out of there as quick as you could. your eyes were stinging as the humid wind cut through your tears that were threatening to fall. although haerin was deemed the winner today, you were zooming past people faster than she could, as if in denial that you lost even before getting a chance to tell her.

it was getting more and more suffocating as the people around you were overwhelming. although you could breathe better when you reached the tracks, taking in the view of the vast field, it was too much that you had to hit your chest to let out some suppressed cries.

just as you felt slightly better, you felt a pair of arms swinging across your sides from behind, trapping you with them. you didn't even need to see who it is, as their scent invaded your senses, carrying familiarity with it.

"haerin-ah, congratulations! I'm so proud of you."

you turned around to bring her into a hug, but also hiding the fact you were crying because things were to change today.

"thank you, I wouldn't have done it without you."

"no, don't say that. you.. did it because you trained very hard for this. and you'll be achieving your dreams."

"you did do something for me, you were there for me. I saw you at the bleachers and that made me more determined to win."

"why are you crying, froggie? don't cry, we'll still see each other."

haerin cupped your face with her hands to wipe the tears off of your face. but that just hit the nail on the coffin, meaning that she would sign and leave for the city. which was now or never.

"haerin-ah."

"hmm?"

the endearing look in her face as she looks at you was more than enough to let you know she would be here for you no matter what. even as just a friend. although it was starting to rain, you knew you had to do it now. the words were getting stuck in your throat as it started to get dry. but, you were going to do it still.

"I love you."

"huh?"

the confusion on her face hurt you more than it should. you should know that she does not feel the same way you did for her. you should know that she was probably already dating woonhak after what you saw earlier. you should know-

"I love you too."

it was the first time you have ever seen that smile on her face. a grin so wide, it's like she's the happiest girl in the world. the most crescent eyes you've seen on her, as if she's staring at the girl she loves.

wait. she said she loves you too.

the sunshower was drenching the two of you but you couldn't care a damn about it. she said she loves you. she reciprocated your feelings. but you were having a very hard time trying to wrap your head around it.

"I love you too, you silly."

her laughter tickled your ears as you stood there frozen. your dumb reaction had her swaying you around with her in the rain as the sun was blinding through the droplets. just as she stopped to look at you again, you still had that bewildered face.

"I thought you were dating woonhak..."

"me? and that idiot? babe, you gotta be kidding me."

the sudden endearment had your cheeks flare up as you bury your head in her shoulder, in attempt to cover your face. but your ears were shooting bright red too, earning an earthy laughter from haerin, feeling it through the embrace.

"so that means we're dating right?"

she looked at you with a shocked face before peppering kisses all over your cheeks.

"yes, of course froggie. unless you wanna get married."

the attempt at humor cracked both of you up, but you knew that was something you see happening in the future. but for now, everything was perfect. you were perfect, and haerin's urge to kiss you was too strong at that moment.

"can I kiss you?"

all you could do was nod and as her lips touched yours, that's when things were sinking in for you. your hands slowly draped over her neck as you pulled her closer to feel the longing for her warmth grow stronger. the sunshower painted over you and her, but you couldn't care less about what's around you when the most important person is in front of you. it was true that today was the last day you two were friends, but blossomed a new beginning as each other's love.

as you pulled back to breathe, you two had your eyes closed, foreheads touching. although no words were exchanged, you knew, many more summers were to be spent with the love of your life.

it was the summer rain, the summer rain when haerin fell for you as you held her hand and ran in the rain back home.

that summer you fell for her too.

[vnyverse]

your rant is extremely valid, and i relate a lot. keep your head up, you're doing well!

🥹 thanks anon I’m handing out the biggest hug I can possibly give to you, hope you’re doing well at what you’re doing as well :)))

[vnyverse]

MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED THE ULTIMATE COMFORT FIC IS HERE PEOPLE ❤️❤️❤️🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 ALL HAIL ELLY99 REPEAT AFTER ME

Cool With You

contains swearing and revolves around anxiety

Kim Minji for Vogue Korea. She glowed through your screen, as she did in real life, in stark contrast to the shadows rippling on your walls as you scrolled through the article. Her new song was on repeat. Quiet, but enough to fill the emptiness of the room. She was beautiful, you thought.

"My grandma always asks if I'm having a hard time and if I'm having fun. I didn't think much of it before. It just seemed like a normal way to ask how I was doing. But now, whenever I hear it, I reflect on myself a little more and my heart warms up, too. So I also try to ask the important people in my life the same thing. 'Have you been having a hard time? Are you happy?'"

You hear the words in her voice. She was so sweet, you thought.

Then the end of the song. A brief moment of complete silence before it repeats. A brief window for another voice to cut through.

Have you been having a hard time? Are you happy?

Your own. In your head.

Yes, you are having a hard time. You haven't been happy in months.

"Not again! I was just reading a fucking interview! What the fuck is wrong?"

If you're so important to her, why hasn't she asked you the same thing?

"Just stop. Just stop."

You're losing it. I know you are. I know you.

The song starts back up. It goes, "You know me like no other," but you didn't know who was talking anymore.

"No, I'm fine! I'm fine. I swear I'm..."

Suddenly the darkness of your room felt suffocating. You stand up quickly to turn on the light. But when you do the clarity is equally uncomfortable. All your insecurities, your fears, your worries in plain sight. You just want to hide. Turn off the light again. Sit back down.

"Ok, this is fine! I know how to deal with this. Just breathe slowly. Deep breaths through the nose. And count. One. Two."

Three. Four. Five. All this counting but when will you get your life together?

"Three. F-f-our..."

You try to get the words out but your lips won't cooperate. You can't feel them anymore. Just a tingling over your face. So instead you scream. In anger. Where is this coming from? Why couldn't you stop it? This didn't make sense. Stop feeling this way. This is stupid. Just be normal, you thought.

Of course it doesn't make sense. You're fucked up. You know that. Everybody does. Don't try to rationalize it because you won't be able to. You're not good enough for that.

You can't feel your legs. You can't feel your hands struggle to pick up your phone.

Wow. Are you really going to ask her to come over now? She's busy. Probably exhausted. The album is coming out tomorrow. Why the fuck would you bother her?

"Hey, babe! What's up?" The sound of her voice tethers you to the ground for a moment. Holds you close in the dark room.

"Minji, I... Hi!" You feign composure. But your chest was aching. "I-I'm good! I just wanted to hear your voice. H-How are you? Are you busy?

"Well, I just got back from work..." she trails off. "Are you ok, baby?"

You're suddenly aware of your breath hitching. And you know she hears it, too. There was no point pretending. You needed her right now.

"Min... could you come over, please? I... can't..."

"Ok, I'm on my way." You hear her voice jump. Then her footsteps. She's running. "Baby, listen to me, ok? I'm on my way. Count down from 100 very slowly. And breathe deeply. If I'm not there yet, just count down again but I promise I'm coming. I love you."

She was so sweet, you thought, as your hands lost their grip on the phone. You smiled with tears running down your face.

"100. 99. 98. 97."

You know that's pointless right? The more techniques you use to try and stop it, the more you'll just remind yourself that you're a mess.

"96. 95. 94. 93."

Look at you go.

You clench your fists. Then your teeth. You still couldn't feel either of them.

"92. 91. 90. 89. 88."

You focus on breathing. Slowly. Lie down on the sofa and stare at the ceiling.

"59. 58. 57. I like 57."

You heard no reply. You felt calm. But you could never be too sure.

"17. 16. 15. 14."

Almost there. Where is she?

Shit. Focus. You shut your eyes and start whispering forcefully.

"She'll be here. 13. 12. 11. 10. 9. 8."

You hear your door unlock. Open your eyes and quickly stand up. A little too quickly. Your legs are still numb and you stumble. But she's there to catch you.

"I'm here, baby. I'm here. I brought our bear, too. Look!"

You look up and there she was. Your girlfriend and your bear. And the stuffed toy you both loved. She was smiling but her eyes were drowning in concern. She was so beautiful, you thought. She came all this way, carrying a huge toy, in the rain, after a very busy and tiring day, just for you. She was so sweet. She was so good to you.

She's too good to you. She's too good for you. You don't deserve this. You're not beautiful like her. You're not kind like her. You'll wear her out.

You couldn't take it anymore. You burst into tears in her arms. Breathing short and shallow.

She wraps one arm around you to pat your back and uses her other hand to pull your head towards her, stroking your hair softly.

"Baby, it's ok! I'm here now. I'm here. You're going to be ok."

You feel the warmth of her words penetrate the chaos of your mind. But there was still so much to get through. So much you were still feeling. Still so far from the ground. You cling to her tightly in desperation.

"Just hold on to me, ok? I'll take you to the couch. Let's go. Take your time."

She lifts you slightly. Not enough to carry you but enough to aid your trembling legs. She lies down first and beckons you to stay next to her.

"Come here. Let me spoon you, baby."

You do as you're told. Anything to keep you grounded. You knew her arms were the safest place in the world.

"Let's look at the ceiling together, ok? We've done this before. Tell me five things you can see in the room."

"Well... there's the ceiling... and the walls..."

"Mmhmm..."

"The door..."

"Yeah... that's three."

"I see your hands."

"Ok. One last thing."

"But you have two hands."

You can't see her face but you could tell she was smiling. She kisses your cheek.

"One more thing, babe."

"I see... your music video still playing on my laptop."

"Great. Ok. How about four things you can feel?"

"I can feel your hands. Your breathing. Your voice when you speak. And your warmth."

"I'll always keep you warm, babe." She kisses your cheek again. "Ok, now tell me three things you can hear."

"I can hear you. I can still hear Cool With You. And the rain outside."

"Now two things you can smell."

"Umm... I can smell your perfume." You pull a bunch of her hair close to your nose. "And your shampoo."

"Do you like the scent?"

"I do. I thought you didn't usually wear perfume, though."

"I felt like it today." Another kiss on the cheek. "Ok, for the last step, I came prepared. I brought chocolate. It's my superpower after all." She takes a small bar of chocolate out of her pocket and puts it in your hand. "What's one thing you can taste?"

"I taste this magic chocolate bar made by my Powerpuff Girl. This is really good actually."

"You must be hungry, baby. Want me to order food?"

"Yes, please."

After all that you're gonna make her order food?

You flinch. She knew what that meant. She holds you tighter.

"Hey, you're ok. Nothing to worry about. Just your girlfriend buying her favorite bunny some dinner."

She holds her phone in front of both of you. "What do you wanna eat, bunny?"

Even making simple decisions was hard. You flinch again. She holds you steady.

"Ok, ok. I'll choose for you." A kiss on the other cheek. "Done."

You feel yourself melting into her. Her warm embrace calming the storm in your mind just a little.

"Minji... thank you so much for this. For everything. For just being you. I don't know what I'd do without you..."

"Anything for you, baby. You know I love you, right?"

"I do. It's just I... Sometimes I don't believe it. Like, I'm just..."

She sits up and turns you towards her.

"Shhh. I know what you're going to say. Don't let that part of you even have a voice, babe. It doesn't deserve any space in your beautiful brain. We need to shut it out. Whenever it gets in the way, just listen to my voice. And even when I'm not around, I'm right here in your heart. Remember my words. You just have to listen."

"Minji..."

"And remember, when you feel that anxiety building, find where it is, grab it and throw it away. Just the act of physically trying to pull that anxiety out of your body can help. Even if it's not something you can really feel with your hands, the effect is real. You learned this, remember? You can do it. I love you so much. Ok?"

"Ok..."

She hugs you tight again.

"Let's talk about something else! Did you like Cool With You?"

The shift in her tone briefly lifts your mood.

"I loved it! It was soooo good. So cool. You're so cool, babe!"

"Aw, thanks, honey! We worked really hard on it. Glad you enjoyed!"

"You always work so hard..."

The way you trail off lets her know what you're really thinking. What you were about to say. Again she knows just what to do and cuts you off with another question.

"Are you excited for the rest?"

"Of course! I'm excited for anything you do."

"And I'm excited to share it with you! I like sharing my life with you."

Slowly she was pulling you back down. You were almost there. You begin to remember what normal conversation was like. For a while you lie in silence. Nothing but the sound of the rain and the song still on repeat on your laptop. But you can still hear faint thunder in the distance. Both outside your apartment and in your head.

"Do you mind me asking what the trigger was tonight? You know I just wanna help."

"I was just reading your Vogue interview while listening to the new song and somehow it all just came crashing down. It never really makes sense when it starts. But I was just reading how you said you wanted to ask the important people in your life if they were having a hard time and if they were happy. It just triggered a spiral of thoughts. Immediately I was reminding myself I wasn't happy."

"So... it was me?" The sadness in her voice hits hard.

"No, no! Of course not, baby. It's all me. My biggest insecurity is that I'm just this ugly, unhappy person just dragging you down. Like, why can't I be happy like you? Why don't I have my life together the way you do? I can't help but compare cuz you're just so amazing and out of this world to me. And that's not on you. That's just something I have to work out myself."

"Hey, no..." She tries to stop you but it all comes rushing out.

"And you're so pretty. You're so sweet. You're so talented and successful. Like, there's literally nothing to fault about you. You just feel so perfect and I just feel so inadequate next to you. That's why sometimes my brain gets in the way and doesn't believe that you could love me."

You notice tears start to form in her eyes.

"I really hate when you talk like that about yourself. It hurts. Cuz you'd never talk like that about me. Or anyone else for that matter. Why be so hurtful to yourself..."

"I know, baby. I just can't help it...

"No. You can help it." Her voice was firm now. "We'll work on it together. Do it for yourself. And for me, too. Because it hurts when you refuse to see why I love you and why there's so much to love about you."

"I know you love me. It's just that I get so scared all the time that you'll get sick of me or I'll just drag you down because I've been a mess lately. I want to be good enough for you but faking confidence or pretending I'm ok doesn't really work."

"But you are good enough! I know you haven't been well lately but you've always gone above and beyond for me. The word inadequate shouldn't even be in the same universe as you. And it's ok to be a mess! It's ok to not know where you're going yet. I just found my career very young but that has nothing to do with how good you are and how successful you can be. We may have different paths but that's ok! We're in this together. I'm with you to the end, ok?"

You knew she was right. But it was just so hard. As you nod weakly in agreement, she pulls you in for another hug. She speaks more slowly now. Gentle and caring. You feel her voice reverberate in your chest.

"I'm so excited for your future. You may not see it yourself but I know you're gonna be amazing. Because you are amazing. You just need to trust yourself, baby. The real you. The one who knows all the reasons you're wonderful and why I love you. Do you want me to remind you?"

She pulls away with a smile on her face. Her smile that could outshine a thousand galaxies. Her smile that could comfort you a million times over.

"Actually, you have no choice. I'm going to remind you. Let me spoon you again."

You eagerly oblige, falling quickly into the safety of her embrace.

"Close your eyes and just listen to my voice, ok? So, do you remember when you first came to Korea? When we first became friends and you learned Korean in a year just for me?"

"Yeah."

"What does that say about you?"

"I don't know..."

"You do know. It means you're smart, hardworking and dedicated. And a sweetheart. Now you say it to yourself."

"I... um... what do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. Say it to yourself like you're complimenting a friend."

"I'm smart, hardworking and dedicated."

"Don't forget the last part."

"And I'm a sweetheart," you say, blushing.

"Yes, you are! Now remember when you started having a hard time and you reached out for help? You went to therapy and shared with me everything you learned there and what you talked about? You were at your most vulnerable and you still shared everything with me. That takes strength and courage."

"I have strength and courage." You pause. "This sounds cheesy."

"No, you're doing a great job, babe. Just keep going. Ok, now, remember when I was a trainee, whenever I'd have super long days, you'd come over to my place just to drop off some coffee or my favorite ice cream? What does that say about you?"

"I'm thoughtful and caring," you say, smiling this time.

"Good! You did it without me telling you. That's your confidence building! And do you remember all the gifts you got for me, my members and my family? There's too many to count."

"Does that mean I'm kind and generous? This feels weird. This just feels like I'm showing off."

"But who are you talking to?"

"You."

"No, you're talking to yourself. I've heard you give all these compliments to me before. And many more. Now you're just complimenting yourself. And it's not like you're lying to yourself. You know everything is true. You just need to be confident and admit it to yourself out loud. Take care of yourself like you take care of me all the time, ok? Be kind to yourself like you're kind to everyone around you. You need to be your friend, too."

"I'll try. But doesn't it sound like showing off? Like I'm too proud of myself?"

"You're just reassuring a friend! Telling them all the ways they're worth loving. It's not like you're going around telling everyone how good you are."

"Is this how you're always so confident, babe?"

"I guess!"

"You're incredible."

"So are you! Incredibly cute I might add."

You're blushing again. In the dark she couldn't see it clearly, but she knew you well enough to know that you were. Somewhere in the room the song repeats again.

"Do you feel cool with me, baby?"

"I really do, Min. You really do know me like no other. The way you helped me tonight - it's like you could read my mind. It's just like you said. 'What's the best?'"

"너의 옆에 내가 있을 때."

"Exactly. When you're here with me I feel safe."

You open your eyes. Saying those words out loud was the last thing you needed. You landed. She brought you all the way back. You were home. And she could tell by the way you were smiling.

"I'll always be here for you." She smiled in return. "Cuz I know you're always there for me, bro."

The first chuckle out of you that night.

"How are you feeling, baby?"

"I think I'm good, Min. Thanks again. You're the best. The best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you so fucking much."

"Then don't swear at me, bro!"

The first real laugh out of you that night. And she echoes it.

"Do you hear me, baby? Do you hear me laughing with you?"

"I do."

"You hear just me?"

"Yes. Just you."

"Do you see me? Focus on my eyes."

You turn around to look at her and see the way her eyes sparkle with encouragement. Her endearing smile pulling you out of the dark. Into the light with her.

"I see you." You smile. "But it's a bit blurry cuz I've been crying."

"That's ok! Can you feel my hands?" she asks as she gently takes both your hands in hers and caresses them slowly. "I've missed holding your hands."

"I can feel you. But my fingers are still a little tingly. And shaky."

She pulls your hands towards her and kisses both. "That's ok, too." She smiles again. "And you know, we listed reasons to love someone, but at the end of the day, love isn't a rational thing, either. The strongest love has no reason. Who knows why we fall in love? All I know is that I fell in love with you because you're you. And that'll always be reason enough for me."

[vnyverse]

encounters

pairing — jang wonyoung x itzy!reader

synopsis — after meeting wonyoung at a cafe, you just happen to come across her everywhere. you both decide to befriend each other. (at least, that's what's supposed to happen)

tags — f!reader (ethnicity friendly), idol!au genre — pure fluff, romance word count — 2,420

notes — reader is ’03 (born in august), is the same height as wony, not proofread, this photo is so 🔛🔝, I'm gay

after two long months of promotions, you and the other girls of ITZY could finally rest. you were looking forward to relaxing for a while because you've needed it for a long time, but you were disappointed to learn you'd only have a week off due to your solo schedule.

you were already halfway into your week, much to your dismay. your company has recently overworked you and the girls, and knowing that you only have so much time for yourself, you decided to stay put at home.

that is until yuna forcibly brought you out of your room.

"yah, what do you want?"

"don't be so cold! I need you to come with me." yuna grinned.

"what is it…" you grumbled.

yuna often clung to you and talked about different things since you were both part of the maknae line and were born the same year as her. you both acted more like siblings than anything, always arguing but not having the heart to hate each other.

you both had your differences, and times like this highlighted them.

unfortunately for you, she dragged you to yeji and chaeryong's room, where you were forced to face the fierce eyes of your leader. your eyes widened, and you looked at yuna, already fearing for the worst.

"you actually got her out of her room?" yeji raised her brow and crossed her arms.

"yep, I know. no need to mention it. so does that mean I can go now?!"

"you need to ask her permission first." she pointed at you.

"what permission?" you looked between them in confusion.

"so you didn't even tell her yet?! shin yuna." yeji sighed and closed her eyes.

"okay, so yuna here agreed to meet up with an yujin tomorrow afternoon at a cafe, which is fine with me, but, the problem is, she has no one to accompany her."

"lia and I will be at the grocery store with our manager, ryu and chaery will have a dancing session, and you will be at home. I told her she is not allowed to go without supervision.""

"but that's just no fun, unnie! I have our driver! why can't I bring our bodyguard?" yuna whined.

"our driver is just there to drive you. and you're not supposed to be obvious! isn't this all private?" your leader said with slight frustration.

"you're right... but that's why y/n's here! you'll come with me, right n/n?" she asked, pouting and looking at you with puppy eyes.

talk about the devil. "so that's why you brought me here?" you groaned with faux annoyance.

"do I even have a say in this??"

"maybe…"

"no, you don't. you have to go, or else our maknae might keep on whining." yeji babied her and squished her cheeks.

you facepalmed. "oh my god. you guys planned this to get me out of the house, didn't you?

a few more bickerings later, you agreed. after all, she was your best friend. you didn't have much of a choice. you couldn't really say no to her. and who in itzy could resist that face?

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you and yuna walked into a cozy cafe and kept your heads low so you couldn't be recognized. you both went to a more private area, where yujin, the puppy leader of IVE, perked up and waved you two over.

yuna squealed with excitement when she stood up, embracing yujin and swaying her around.

you bowed and removed your mask, smiling at her until you noticed she was standing next to someone you didn't know.

I thought it was just yujin with us?

the girl, who appeared to be lost in thought, made yujin tap her shoulder, causing her to exclaim in surprise and stand up to bow back at you and yuna.

your jaw almost dropped in shock.

you took it back. you had no way of not knowing who was greeting you right now. she's the talk of, well, everywhere, and anyone would know her. there are posters and billboards of her all over town,

in front of you was the jang wonyoung.

the it girl of the fourth generation, and the girl everyone adores and envies.

"y/n, right? I heard you were also born in 2003. we should make an ’03 line group chat together!"

"oh, also, this is my bandmate, wonyoung. you've probably heard of her."

"it's nice to meet you." She took off her mask and sat down, smiling at you.

"it's also a pleasure to meet you, wonyoung."

you sat next to yuna and in front of wonyoung. no one noticed, but you were dazed by the beauty who is wonyoung. you couldn't focus when yujin spoke to you, her saying something about "feeling comfortable" and that she and yuna would just be catching up on things, and you smiling in response, trying to act normal.

the leader nodded to the girl next to her, and the younger girl nods back in acknowledgment.

minutes pass, and you can't help but stare. you tried not to be obvious, scrolling on your phone while the other two talked about whatever they were talking about. you weren't paying attention. instead, you were focused on her. if yuna ever noticed your predicament, she would definitely tease you later.

wonyoung put down her phone, tucked her hands beneath her chin, and leaned toward you, interrupting your train of thought.

"hi, y/n. do you want to talk with me? to pass the time."

you lifted your head and fiddled with your fingers beneath the table. you notice yuna smirking at you from the corner of your eye before turning back to yujin.

you ignored her and smiled at wonyoung.

"sure, wonyoung. I think we'll be here for quite some time." you barely glanced at the other two conversing, off in their own world, before returning your attention to the girl—

who you openly declared was much more beautiful in person than in photos.

she giggled sweetly.

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for your solo schedule, you had to attend a collaborative event consisting of different brands, where they would showcase their newest items and products. you were an ambassador for one of them, so you had no choice but to leave.

it was good for publicity, they said.

you found it bearable cause you were alongside other k-pop idols, so you wouldn't have to watch the showcase in distress and could instead make conversations or meet acquaintances.

another good thing about events like this was that there was always food. good food.

after posing for photos, waving to your fans, and being interviewed, you entered the venue and went to the food section, where you saw familiar and unfamiliar faces.

you also saw a bunch of random influencers who were ecstatic to see all of the celebrities with whom they could interact.

on an entirely different note, you were satisfied with the amount of servings they had. you couldn't eat much of the snacks presented though, since your management team put you on a diet.

while walking around, you saw various designer items on display, and you grimaced because they were more expensive than the previous sets they released. the prices only continue to rise.

when you came across the sponsored products, such as makeup, skincare, and so on, you noticed a crowd forming, and your curiosity got the best of you, so you came closer only to hear such loud commotion.

you stood on the sidelines and your eyes widened when you saw wonyoung, an ambassador for multiple featured brands such as innisfree, miumiu, and kirsh, standing there, looking as elegant as ever.

you never expected to see her again, but you still happen to come across her here.

"wonyoung-ah, can I get a picture with you!"

"wonyoung, look here!"

"wonyoung, can I get your autograph?!"

you couldn't show it, but hearing this almost made you frown. as an idol, you knew the troubles of constantly being in public, always under the watchful eye of society and netizens, and you couldn't bear how this girl felt about being bombarded every second, left and right for every reason. you wanted to feel sympathy for her.

"step aside, everyone! someone's coming!"

when a booming voice caught everyone's attention, wonyoung breathed a sigh of relief and managed to slip away from the group of fans.

she didn't realize you were watching the entire thing unfold, and you were still in a dilemma, so she accidentally ran into you.

"oh, y/n! I'm so sorry. I didn't see you there."

"wonyoung, hey! how are you doing?"

"I'm doing great. fancy seeing you here, I wasn't expecting you."

"well, I'm here now." you chuckled.

"you look... gorgeous, by the way," you added, your eyes roaming her lovely dress.

"o-oh. thank you, thank you. I appreciate it, so much." you didn't know it but wonyoung cursed at herself for stuttering.

"so, where are you planning to go?" she asked, hoping to cover her slip-up.

"I'm planning to get a drink and lounge around. would you like to come with me?"

her heart beat faster and her jaw slightly slackened at the idea of getting a drink with you. she welcomed the feeling of being friends with you after that meetup at the cafe, but she never knew how to contact you, since she forgot to ask for your number.

"we can hang out after, like, you know, ignore these showcases if you want."

...if she knew her cheeks would heat up so much, she wouldn't have put on any blush.

"am I... am I reading this right?" she asked timidly.

you smiled and nodded at her. "yes, yes you are." you extended your hand, giving her the option of holding it or not.

"okay... okay then. sure. let's go get a drink together, y/n." she smiled confidently and took your hand, linking your arm with hers.

you both exchanged numbers before the event ended, her with a bashful smile on her face.

"I had a great time, y/n. call me." she winked.

that night, "wonyoung and y/n" trended on twitter.

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you were in line at a bakery, getting pastries and desserts for your members. you just finished your day's activities, which included going to the studio to write some songs and filling in as a temporary MC for one of the music shows.

exhausted from your solo schedule, you wanted to get home so you could collapse face down on your fluffy bed. it was almost sunset, so dinner would be served in a few hours. you didn't want to arrive late because you didn't want to hear another scold from your cat leader.

walking out of the bakery with a plastic bag of your goods in hand, you chose a pastry you wanted to try, intending to eat it on your way to your dorm. you took a bite after unwrapping it and looked around at the scenery.

you walked down the street, peering into the shops you passed, and your heart skipped a beat when you saw a large poster of wonyoung modeling for fashion.

I see her everywhere, huh?

you smiled as you remembered the conversations you'd had with her over the past month. when you and wonyoung had free time, you would text each other.

you didn't realize it, but you spoke your thoughts aloud while looking at the poster and were startled to hear a voice beside you.

"y/n?"

you would know that voice anywhere.

"oh, my god wonyoung! you scared me." you put your hand on your chest.

she giggled and covered her mouth, apologizing.

"you know, I'm starting to think you're stalking me," you jokingly stated.

"oh? and what makes you think that?" she asked, her gaze playful.

every interaction you have with her simply replenishes your energy.

"let's not forget that I caught you staring at my banner…" she walked closer to you and said it quietly enough to make your breath hitch.

"speechless now?"

"I..."

"I thought so."

you shook your head in slight disbelief as you looked at the woman in front of you. the amount of power she has.

"what brings you here, wonyoung?"

"I was going to buy something at my favorite bakery. I see you just bought from there." she pointed to the bag you were carrying.

"I didn't know you liked cherry. I like that flavor, too. besides that, I'll get going now." she began to walk away, and before you could think, you turned around and called her.

"wait, wait!"

you ran up to her, trying to catch up, but she continued on her confident strides.

"wony, do you want to go on a date with me!"

she came to a halt, her eyes widening in surprise.

she turned around, grabbed your arm, and led you back to the bakery you had just left. once you were both inside, she smacked you and dragged you to a seat.

"yah! what if someone had seen that? pabo." she smacked you again, immediately feeling bad, and massaged the spot she hit twice.

"I'm sorry... I just thought... it would get your attention," you said dejectedly.

"well, you certainly have my attention now. hah. you look like a kicked puppy right now." she burst out laughing, throwing her head back and clapping her hands. you made a silly smile and held her hand.

"so, wonyoung. would you go on a date with me?"

"aren't we already on one?" she asked, her eyebrows raised, a smile on her face.

she just always felt like bringing her guard down around you.

you brightened up and hugged her, giving all your "thank you's". she giggles and tries to swat your hands away, eventually giving up and settling for you and your warm embrace.

"thank you."

"you're welcome. I'm happy I keep on seeing you."

"me too. even if it's everywhere I go."

she laughed and smacked your shoulder before calling the waiter and placing her order.

whatever you felt at that moment, you knew you wanted to feel it more as time passed. one of the best things that ever happened to you was spending time with wonyoung, even if it was all unexpected encounters.

when you looked at the time, you told wonyoung in advance that you would bring her to her dorm so she could be safe. once she finishes eating, you swore you'd pay the bill because it's what she deserves.

when you saw her smile radiantly for you, you suddenly didn't mind getting home late or being scolded by yeji anymore.

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ending notes — yayy first fic done!! ofc it had to be my lovely wonyoung<3 not sure if it was messy, but I hope you enjoyed it!

[vnyverse]

one last summer.

status: in the works!

gxg

loner!y/n x school tyrant!hanni

synopsis: formal schooling was coming to an end. With a one-sided crush on a certain someone she's admired for years, y/n, a final year student at S.High navigates through her one-sided admiration, and becomes a part of a plan for confession while helping school tyrant, the so very hot tempered, somewhat unpredictable pham hanni at love. Will she spend her final summer with the girl she's been eyeing for years, or will she forge new and unexpected relationships?

- y/n is actually a huge domesticated softie but looks scary, doberman gf?

warnings: family issues

chapters

The First Encounter

Cat vs Dog

more to come!

praying hard I dont procrastinate on this....

[vnyverse]

rant

I scroll through lots of self-help media in a bid to intellectualise my own insecurities and issues and I think I've come across something I have come to accept and question depending on the kind of days I'm having. So there's a saying that goes something like this. If you feel as though you're inadequate in some aspect, and you don't go around boasting "being" someone to take time and action to actually "become" someone, you're on the right track. While I do accept the latter, I can't help but feel like inadequacy has helped me "un-stroke" my ego if you will, made me more determined in pursuing academic excellence, but it really has been extremely damaging to my confidence as well. Full-on self sabotaging, spending more time sulking and thinking about wanting to do well instead of putting the time into studying. Panicking for months after exams because I feel like I'll never do good enough. Now that I got into a "high tier" uni with a relatively stellar employment rate, I don't know what to do. I haven't taken the time to find out what I like, I haven't had the confidence nor ambition to do popular majors like psychology or political science, and I think I'm downright too sensitive and dumb to take philosophy. Like, maybe its just because its 1am, and my moms snoring so loudly I can hear her from a room away, and I can't get any sleep that has me wanting to share something, but where exactly is the line between confidence and ego? I guess confidence generally has a more positive connotation and allows you to be assured and at the same time reassure others with certainty in your actions, whereas with ego it more of seeks to make you more and more close-minded and limits how much you can accept, absorb and learn over time. The differences in the impact of these are so drastic, but the line between the both is so hazy. I dont even know why I'm fearing both. It's scary to have absolute certainty in your every movement, to be so heavily relied on can also breed sorts of complacency, but at the same time to be so egositic makes life hard for people around you, and frankly I just have a distaste for them, but I sympathise them at times. Ok goodnight