#too bad today is Friday :/
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It’s 7a Friday, 95 degrees…
#no but it gets way too hot too early nowadays#but happy Friday guise and bad b*tches#I hope everyone day is starting off great like mine#waking up to some head#then having a wake and bake sesh#whew#I honestly don’t even wanna go to work today
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[ * school suck of creativity + apathy? + guilt(?) over anything I could hope to create = not fun ]
#Random Ramblings#like I’ve had too good of a day to have this really bother me rn#but if you’ve wondered#hey Star what’s been up with you? It’s. It’s a lot of this.#I think I might improve but like. Last week before Friday + the week before were like this#to the point of my ACTUAL CHOIR TEACHER#noticing the fact I look more alive today#(which I think his awesome don’t get me wrong he’s my favorite teacher. But he’s also a whole busy adult. It’s notable.)#so like. whips and nae naes#As much as I love this fandom (skeletons) no more time than now have I resonated with the ‘people are what drove me out and made me feel-#-bad here’#Like I’m not leaving I don’t think. And I don’t really want to. But /I get it/#it weighs on you. Wheedles into your mind and insecurities.#Something I’ve gotta work on ig
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I’m sorry I haven’t been very active lately, the hormones have been a bitch and I am just. so tired. Hitting the point in the semester where I’m feeling a little choked with some bigger assignments coming up so I’m getting overwhelmed with the thought of trying to get ahead of all of it so I can at least have on weekend to play Veilguard (but even then I know I’ll have to deal with that bs naggy little voice in the back of my head that always guilt trips me for doing nonproductive things when I could be doing other stuff—maybe I’ll take breaks by swapping laundry and dishes loads or cooking or smth, that might help). Anyway yeah I feel like shit but we keep on trucking as always👍🏻🥲
#fortunately most of what I have to do this week is reading#but if I want to get ahead it’ll be quite a chunk of assignment stuff for this weekend#and I never know if my brain will be in the mood to cooperate with me or not#like I got most stuff done this Friday but after that? I didn’t get jack shit done#I’ve had brain fog the last two days and it was particularly bad today#I’m having one of my weirder periods atm so that probably has a hand in it#but hey! at least I finally got my laundry put up after three weeks before I went to bed#I might try to cook some this week too bc that usually makes me feel a little better#I thought about cleaning my room today but that didn’t happen#but it needs to soon before winter hits or else I’ll go stir crazy#anyways I’ll hush#*blows kisses*#fisara’s scrawlings
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Hi Amber
I’m an eager follower who just want to let you know that I love your blog and YouTube a lot! Seeing all your Moomin-content always makes my day better!❤️
Hope you are having a great day!
awww that's so sweet thank you, I'm glad my silly posts can help! hope you're having a great day too! 🥰
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There is no way my mom just told me she didn't wake me up this morning because I was taking too long to wake up on my own...
#yapping#ripping out my hair and screaming i woke up at 10am and you were already asleep and now youre using ME not being awake as an excuse to avoid#taking me to Greenville so we can get the shit that you promised me we'd get on friday then you moved that to sunday then you moved it to#today and now you're moving it to fuck knows when. and you wonder why I'm so behind on getting the stuff i need its because you dont let me#even have the opportunity to get anything any sooner than your own pace#“you dont have a bank account yet??” I'VE BEEN ASKING YOU FOR MONTHS and youve been delaying every chance you get and now i have to ask Doug#because you just basically refuse to at this point#its not even that its stuff i need its anything else too#you promised me when i was FOURTEEN that i could dye my hair and you havent even tried to keep that promise and now you said youd take me to#go buy some and i could do it myself and you've been avoiding it for the past month#we havent even gone for our stupid birthday dinner that we so every year since our birthdays are only 2 weeks apart. and that was MARCH.#it took 2 months for me to even convince you to take me to Walmart for fucking pencils and a clear backpack for school and you did that a#few days before school started because you didn't want to look like a bad mother to random strangers who dont even know you or care#but when it comes to me youll just cry and say “i dont want you to think im a bad mother” but wont do anything to actually show that#and that works btw. im too busy feeling bad for you that i cant even consider thinking any bad of you because that'd mean that i was hurting#you more than my existence already does
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No way that just happened
#procrastinated my homework for TWELVE HOURS TODAY#only the learn the one assignment i thought i had to do is actually due friday and the other i literally cant do bc he forgot to post the#reading and you cant write a reaction essay on the reading if you cant read it can you?#broooooo#technically i still have to do my portuguese but like. its easy and wont take long and ill have time tomorrow to do it if i dont have to#write the paper. and if i do write the paper theres a nonzero chance i skip portuguese to do it. so like....#probable outcome paper moved to wednesday for next reading#i just read the one for tmrw once he posts it during my 2hr break which is when i do my portuguese too#if this actually works out for me w/o making my morning hell tomorrow thats hysterical#does jackshit for 2 whole days w no consequences..... could you imagine....#also sorry for the morning prof is gonna have when he finds out he didnt post it. also sorry that i had to tell him at midnight with an#essay due on it (obvious procrastinator)#also sorry that NO ONE ELSE pointed it out yet (even more obvious procrastinators)#sucks bc i know its gonna make his day sucky and were friends#so like sorry im the bearer of bad news my friend#i say friends i mean hes still my professor but hes a 25yo grad student ive have 3 classes w including study abroad#like weve gone clubbing together and he bought me alcohol the one time i think its safe to say were cool#as much as anyone who has the power to kill my gpa can be
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Mmm you guys wanna hear me complain about the tired again~ hhhhmrmrnr
#naps please I take you to get rid of the eep not to wake up more out of it#also let me get out of bed ill rest a bit again after dinner but i need to eat cause I for sure have to do work at 5 and id very much like#*at 7#id like to get a good portion of one assignment done today. and stop complaining about not being able to game I know I get it but sadly#homework needs to be prioritized right now we can game again… friday. yeah I know thats the same as last week and we didn’t game enough but#blame the bad sleep schedule#this is a post i made#vent#not too bad of one but I sure annoyed at life about having things to do
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it here hfkshfks
So when I was tuning the violins today. Well it was the first time I'd done anything with them in a while. And tbh I should've loosened the strings before leaving them for so long, but I hadn't thought of it.
So I tuned up my main violin. It's always been easy to tune & keeps in tune near perfectly when it's played regularly. So it went by quickly, except... when I'm tuning, I like to check the harmonic notes when cross-checking strings, and for whatever reason, the G string's harmonic was like half a note flat. The string itself was in tune tho, which was weird. So I went to adjust the bridge a little bit, just in case that might help, and then the G string fucking SNAPPED!!!
RIP lmao
Good for me tho I've always kept spares in my case. I had 2 of each string, so I just went and put in the new one. First time stringing a violin in years and years, but it went perfectly fine!!
Back and better than ever!
Then I went to tune my electric violin, and it took me literally 10 minutes bc the pegs DID NOT want to turn. I had to literally grab a blanket to pad my fingers as I put my whole self into that shit. It hurt !!!!! But I got it eventually lol. My main violin is definitely the best one for playing out of the bunch.
#speculation nation#i played my electric violin more than i ever have today.#didnt actually play my main violin like i first intended. bc it was getting late and i felt. bad.#so i played the electric violin. it worked! but i find myself missing my darling#i should try to practice at least a few more times before next semester. to make sure im prepared for returning to orchestra#(which isnt THAT an exciting prospect. take THAT my reoccurring dreams born from orchestra longing)#i actually picked it back up surprisingly well. outside of the um. stiff wrist and finger pains.#my wrist will loosen back up in time. thats the main reason i want to practice some more b4 next semester.#that plus my finger endurance. i still have pretty great dexterity. like it just felt really natural.#but my fingers got tired quicker than they used to and the SKIN. my CALLOUSES. are NOT THERE.#gonna wait until my fingers r recovered before i try taking my violin out again tho#also my wrist is a lil sore. i was demanding a lot from it today too.#not as flexible as it is when im actively playing but i actually managed to overcome it fine.#did my shifting and whatever. vibrato. whatever. really the worst part of the wrist stiffness is the finger positioning.#instead of being straight down on the strings my fingers had a bit of a turn to them#so the sides of the tips are sore now. owie. but oh well i made it work.#certainly wasnt my best playing but i did the best i could considering the circumstances.#in retrospect picking violin back up after Years and practicing and (re)learning a whole song to audition that SAME DAY is kind of insane.#whyd i do this to myself. oh yeah cause im stupid. oh well at least im following my heart.#i hope i hear back from the orchestra professor before too long. now that ive done the rehearsal im like. oughhh. yknow?#we will hope that friday night was good enough to count as 'by the end of the week'. we will hope.
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Made a friend at poetry club!!! We talked about fan studies, creative writing, etc. and we are gonna join another writing club together 😎
#we both said we’d go this Friday and then texted each other immediately remembering we had other commitments lol :’)#I felt sooo bad but then she said she was busy too lol so yay#we will def go next Friday 😁😁#she is so sweet yayayaya I’m so glad I’m finally making friends with people in this club#our meeting today was mostly small group discussions and it was. so great#there were these two other people whose names I wish I’d gotten… maybe next week#including another person who was interested in fan studies stuff too#we talked about fanfic for a while lol. I’m very passionate about fandom as a learning and artistic tool so it was fun ^_^#ellyposting
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bf says ive been going thru it and doing really well at that. bursts into tears.
#im like a toddler that needs a nap except ive badly needed a nap every minute of every day for a week because covid#and im trying really hard#im actually really okay. i don't have my first math test for another week and two days and if i did terrible on#the bio test today my lowest test grade gets dropped and it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.#i am recovering and working and in a class that is very hard for me and i miss simon so bad. i was too tired to drive last weekend#and couldn't go the one prior to that bc covid obviously#it's okay it's okay it's okay#also im getting the depo provera shot in november. i'm fully over it#also the fatigue is getting better by the day. it's okay. it's okay#getting the shot. seeing si on friday. my math prof is very kind and understands that i'm struggling and wants to help. fatigue is getting#better. turns out i don't have work tomorrow. im gonna play valo w seity sometime soon that will be SO fun.#new comfy desk chair. im gonna put something on and work thru my math hw and submit questions without feeling bad about it#it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay. im being sooo brave.#he also said it's insane that i've had to work this week because i'm very much still symptomatic. it got me really good this time#the initial sickness wasn't nearly as severe as the last time i had covid but this one is more drawn out#im still having sinus symptoms/pain on top of the fatigue. cried in my car both days that i worked 👍 it's okay. it's okay
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shout out to retail workers on black friday. they're the strongest among us fr
#chirping#not me psyching myself up for work today😭😭#2nd black friday in retail let's gooooo#last time wasn't too bad bc the sale stopped Early#but it was still hectic as hell T_T#god this'll be sm worse aaaaauugghhhhh#AND i forgot to take my meds last night WHOOPS#yeah this'll be a bad day ;-;
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If you want to go and be stupid (make me wait in a car for an hour and a half knowing I haven’t had lunch or the bubble tea we had agreed on AND that I have a history of being dehydrated to the point of passing out) don’t do it in front of me (drag me along just cuz YOU want to meet your old professor)
#I was listening to please please please so#I can’t even enjoy teenage dream by katy Perry HHHH#Insert that creed meme#if I can *enjoy teenage dream by katy perry* what’s all this been about???#I didn’t even half switch on the engine until just now cuz I don’t want the car to overheat or smth#but IM overheating now#I have the car keys and istg it’s not even funny how close I am to driving off right here right now#and it’s so frustrating cuz we agreed to keep Fridays open for us to spend together like I didn’t got for my orientation session today cuz#of that#and she could have met her professor yesterday but she said the timing was too close to peak#cuz she didn’t want to drive in peak hour#which fine but she literally could have kept the meeting next week#and I still would have been fine waiting if it was just an hour#now we’re coming up to 1 hour 45 min#ugh I’m just in such a bad mood#personal#tw vent
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#personal#bless my supervisor really#after lunch i'm half dead bored as shit trying not to fall asleep in my desk and she's like hey you and White Guy™ should work on this thing#i am soooo bad at playing it cool truly. the rumors are true i stopped aging after 19#but hey we spent 30 minutes at my desk and i did all my daily quota of looking#god. he's just. i just love hearing him talk. id rank his voice in the top ten things about him#i was just SPOILED today#he gets there early everyday so wheneve i come in he's preparing his breakfast in the kitchen. singing to himself and stuff#he literally had me sighing out loud as i walked to my bus stop#this is sabotage really because ive been on the cute girl grind as of late#last friday she was wearing this shirt with holes in the shoulders and the amount of skin i could see.....#i understand how the victorians felt basically#she's such a girlfailure...... and god she's so pretty#couldn't stop staring at the shape of her waist in the dress she wore today#she's so easy to talk to too. and perceptive and very thoughtful#okay i think that's enough#i hope you guys know that i'm holding myself back from rambling about every daily thing like this is middle school#i got it real bad#if you are on my mind all night and day blame it on mu youth..........
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#my eye is doing so bad today 💀💀💀#im trying really hard not to freak our but im so anxious about this shit#it gets better#then its blurry again#and it stop hurting much#then it gets worse again#and i KNOW my doc didnt seem that worried when i saw him on friday#but i feel like its really gotten worse today#its wayyyy blurrier#idk idk#im stressed#he said he might have to get back in there#and do more stitches#and i really dont want to have to go through that again it was so traumatic for me#uuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so fucking anxious#this sucks#i keep having nightmares too#fuck this shit#about moi
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ok i survived yom kippur. but it took every single scrap of strength in my body and i’m not completely better yet
#purrs#food#ask to tag#got my period thursday… bad cramps friday and saturday to the point where i had to go home early saturday (we were working lol 🤪)…. woke up#sunday with a. headache that got worse and worse throughout the day… 5-6 hours into the fast was in agony and felt like i was going to ****#so i… broke the fast and ate something at like 1am. then woke up in agony at 5am and then again at 9am and had a breakdown / fight with my#mom and then spend the whole rest of the fast deathly nauseous and my head hurting worse than ever. broke the fast an hour before everyone#else did (only ate a tiny bit) and then during the fast breaking dinner i started freaking out bc eating wasn’t making my head hurt less so#my grandpa told me to go lie down with a heating pad on my head and i did and slept for like 2 hours and it helped. finally feel better but#my head still hurts faintly and im scared it’ll come back. also i didn’t do my homework and missed class today to fast so im fucked#ive had headaches like this before but this is the worst one in a LONG time. it wasn’t a migraine bc those are in one specific spot iirc but#this was like… my ENTIRE face and the source of the pain migrated from my jaw to my temple to the bridge of my nose to the back of my head#etc etc and it kept moving around and was so sharp i didn’t even have the strength to open my eyes or walk around. and i think it was making#me interpret hunger as nausea. also i took my temperature bc i was flashing hot and cold and was like 2 degrees under normal body temp and#felt so weak and shaky and had body aches too. lol 😍 hpefully the worst of it is over but my head still hurts a little and im so scared itll#happen again. that was by far my worst fasting experience ever#delete later
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Wow, today has been. Rough. Was working on school stuff for about 10 hours straight. Woke up early to work on my essay (and stayed up late to work on my essay), so I only got Maybe 5 hours of sleep... and then I went to class, where I worked on my project due on Wednesday. It's mostly done. Then I sat and wrote for nearly 6 hours straight. Did finish the essay. Missed the time to turn it in today though. So I emailed my professor and asked if it'd be fine to turn it in tomorrow. And also offered to send a digital copy if he'd like. No reply yet, but it'll probably be fine.
I am... so, so tired...
#speculation nation#but the biggest thing is out of the way...#i also have to do a reflection thing tonight. im going to at least eat and rest first.#and i have an assignment due tomorrow around 1:30 (probably).#ive written all the words i have to write today so thatll have to be done in the morning. Wooo waking up early again.#gonna try to go to sleep earlier too tho to offset it.#then i have presentation on wednesday... midterm for another class i Think? this week. need to check on that.#and then normal weekly reflection and quiz due on friday.#guys how did i ever survive full time school while also working a job. im dying.#(i know how. I Did Bad In School. lol.)#im fuckin dying But i havent missed an assignment Yet (aside from the quiz i forgot a few weeks back)#(not to worry lowest quiz grade gets dropped. so i just have to be sure not to miss Another.)#in better news next week is october break. please please please i need it so bad#just gotta get thru this week and then i can truly rest. just a little longer
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