#too bad today is Friday :/
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Itās 7a Friday, 95 degreesā¦
#no but it gets way too hot too early nowadays#but happy Friday guise and bad b*tches#I hope everyone day is starting off great like mine#waking up to some head#then having a wake and bake sesh#whew#I honestly donāt even wanna go to work today
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[ * school suck of creativity + apathy? + guilt(?) over anything I could hope to create = not fun ]
#Random Ramblings#like Iāve had too good of a day to have this really bother me rn#but if youāve wondered#hey Star whatās been up with you? Itās. Itās a lot of this.#I think I might improve but like. Last week before Friday + the week before were like this#to the point of my ACTUAL CHOIR TEACHER#noticing the fact I look more alive today#(which I think his awesome donāt get me wrong heās my favorite teacher. But heās also a whole busy adult. Itās notable.)#so like. whips and nae naes#As much as I love this fandom (skeletons) no more time than now have I resonated with the āpeople are what drove me out and made me feel-#-bad hereā#Like Iām not leaving I donāt think. And I donāt really want to. But /I get it/#it weighs on you. Wheedles into your mind and insecurities.#Something Iāve gotta work on ig
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*rocking back and forth* just have to make it through this week just have to make it through this week just h
#i am so sick right now itās not even funny#i almost fell over from dizziness and exhaustion like five times today#pretty sure i have a fever#but i canāt stay home cause ITāS TECH WEEK :āD#plus all of my online class is due this friday (the day before my show) and i still have a unit and my final project to do#i just want to sleep for the love of god#but i canāt until my work is done :3#thank GOD for my boyfriend like i would not have locked in otherwise#ANWYAYS. itās fine after this week iāll have no more drama no more online class (for the semester) and i can finally relax#we have monday off too and we might even get tuesday off because the low temp is supposed to be NEGATIVE TWO ššš#praying for it fr#then i can finally get back to embroidery cause i want to work on my jellyfish pants SO BAD#and even better than that I CAN FINALLY USE MY LOOM#iāve had no time but iām so so so excited#ANYWAYS. thatās enough tags for now goodbye
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Iām sorry I havenāt been very active lately, the hormones have been a bitch and I am just. so tired. Hitting the point in the semester where Iām feeling a little choked with some bigger assignments coming up so Iām getting overwhelmed with the thought of trying to get ahead of all of it so I can at least have on weekend to play Veilguard (but even then I know Iāll have to deal with that bs naggy little voice in the back of my head that always guilt trips me for doing nonproductive things when I could be doing other stuffāmaybe Iāll take breaks by swapping laundry and dishes loads or cooking or smth, that might help). Anyway yeah I feel like shit but we keep on trucking as alwaysšš»š„²
#fortunately most of what I have to do this week is reading#but if I want to get ahead itāll be quite a chunk of assignment stuff for this weekend#and I never know if my brain will be in the mood to cooperate with me or not#like I got most stuff done this Friday but after that? I didnāt get jack shit done#Iāve had brain fog the last two days and it was particularly bad today#Iām having one of my weirder periods atm so that probably has a hand in it#but hey! at least I finally got my laundry put up after three weeks before I went to bed#I might try to cook some this week too bc that usually makes me feel a little better#I thought about cleaning my room today but that didnāt happen#but it needs to soon before winter hits or else Iāll go stir crazy#anyways Iāll hush#*blows kisses*#fisaraās scrawlings
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Hi Amber
Iām an eager follower who just want to let you know that I love your blog and YouTube a lot! Seeing all your Moomin-content always makes my day better!ā¤ļø
Hope you are having a great day!
awww that's so sweet thank you, I'm glad my silly posts can help! hope you're having a great day too! š„°
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new girl my client hired gave me fucking strep throat š
#i went on friday to train her and didnāt know she was sick???#my client knew but didnāt tell me š#she had her mask off when we met and sheās one of those close up talkers#so basically spitting all over my face#and woke up today literally dying of death š#like mother strep is so bad my throat was literally bleeding#thatās actually insane broWHY DID SHE EVEN COME IF SHE HAD SOMETHING LIKE THAT#and now iām too tired and miserable to do anything fuuuuucixuxuduahusjsjcnks#people are ass#apple babble š#non fandom#also *the not mother????????#autocorrect what even in the FUCK
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No way that just happened
#procrastinated my homework for TWELVE HOURS TODAY#only the learn the one assignment i thought i had to do is actually due friday and the other i literally cant do bc he forgot to post the#reading and you cant write a reaction essay on the reading if you cant read it can you?#broooooo#technically i still have to do my portuguese but like. its easy and wont take long and ill have time tomorrow to do it if i dont have to#write the paper. and if i do write the paper theres a nonzero chance i skip portuguese to do it. so like....#probable outcome paper moved to wednesday for next reading#i just read the one for tmrw once he posts it during my 2hr break which is when i do my portuguese too#if this actually works out for me w/o making my morning hell tomorrow thats hysterical#does jackshit for 2 whole days w no consequences..... could you imagine....#also sorry for the morning prof is gonna have when he finds out he didnt post it. also sorry that i had to tell him at midnight with an#essay due on it (obvious procrastinator)#also sorry that NO ONE ELSE pointed it out yet (even more obvious procrastinators)#sucks bc i know its gonna make his day sucky and were friends#so like sorry im the bearer of bad news my friend#i say friends i mean hes still my professor but hes a 25yo grad student ive have 3 classes w including study abroad#like weve gone clubbing together and he bought me alcohol the one time i think its safe to say were cool#as much as anyone who has the power to kill my gpa can be
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Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it here hfkshfks
So when I was tuning the violins today. Well it was the first time I'd done anything with them in a while. And tbh I should've loosened the strings before leaving them for so long, but I hadn't thought of it.
So I tuned up my main violin. It's always been easy to tune & keeps in tune near perfectly when it's played regularly. So it went by quickly, except... when I'm tuning, I like to check the harmonic notes when cross-checking strings, and for whatever reason, the G string's harmonic was like half a note flat. The string itself was in tune tho, which was weird. So I went to adjust the bridge a little bit, just in case that might help, and then the G string fucking SNAPPED!!!
RIP lmao
Good for me tho I've always kept spares in my case. I had 2 of each string, so I just went and put in the new one. First time stringing a violin in years and years, but it went perfectly fine!!
Back and better than ever!
Then I went to tune my electric violin, and it took me literally 10 minutes bc the pegs DID NOT want to turn. I had to literally grab a blanket to pad my fingers as I put my whole self into that shit. It hurt !!!!! But I got it eventually lol. My main violin is definitely the best one for playing out of the bunch.
#speculation nation#i played my electric violin more than i ever have today.#didnt actually play my main violin like i first intended. bc it was getting late and i felt. bad.#so i played the electric violin. it worked! but i find myself missing my darling#i should try to practice at least a few more times before next semester. to make sure im prepared for returning to orchestra#(which isnt THAT an exciting prospect. take THAT my reoccurring dreams born from orchestra longing)#i actually picked it back up surprisingly well. outside of the um. stiff wrist and finger pains.#my wrist will loosen back up in time. thats the main reason i want to practice some more b4 next semester.#that plus my finger endurance. i still have pretty great dexterity. like it just felt really natural.#but my fingers got tired quicker than they used to and the SKIN. my CALLOUSES. are NOT THERE.#gonna wait until my fingers r recovered before i try taking my violin out again tho#also my wrist is a lil sore. i was demanding a lot from it today too.#not as flexible as it is when im actively playing but i actually managed to overcome it fine.#did my shifting and whatever. vibrato. whatever. really the worst part of the wrist stiffness is the finger positioning.#instead of being straight down on the strings my fingers had a bit of a turn to them#so the sides of the tips are sore now. owie. but oh well i made it work.#certainly wasnt my best playing but i did the best i could considering the circumstances.#in retrospect picking violin back up after Years and practicing and (re)learning a whole song to audition that SAME DAY is kind of insane.#whyd i do this to myself. oh yeah cause im stupid. oh well at least im following my heart.#i hope i hear back from the orchestra professor before too long. now that ive done the rehearsal im like. oughhh. yknow?#we will hope that friday night was good enough to count as 'by the end of the week'. we will hope.
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Made a friend at poetry club!!! We talked about fan studies, creative writing, etc. and we are gonna join another writing club together š
#we both said weād go this Friday and then texted each other immediately remembering we had other commitments lol :ā)#I felt sooo bad but then she said she was busy too lol so yay#we will def go next Friday šš#she is so sweet yayayaya Iām so glad Iām finally making friends with people in this club#our meeting today was mostly small group discussions and it was. so great#there were these two other people whose names I wish Iād gottenā¦ maybe next week#including another person who was interested in fan studies stuff too#we talked about fanfic for a while lol. Iām very passionate about fandom as a learning and artistic tool so it was fun ^_^#ellyposting
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So i'm working on a tiny roll & write about being a giant dragonness and conquering the land and burninating the countryside and uh I'm kind of trying to make """"""art""""" for it lmao
chat is this cringe
#print and play#boardgames#also the base concept for this game was āfuck it today im making monopoly but goodā#and uh it's kind of moving away from monopoly pretty fast#but im content knowing that the base structure of it still was an inspiration#like how can i take this dreadful gameplay and pump as much decision making into it as i can#and i did#well im saying monopoly but good but the first playtest wasnt that good honestly#it wasnt bad but it wasnt like ENGROSSING#idk the roll and write about fishing i did last week was a bit MORE#but also they're not on the same scale games kinda#but also also i think the next version is going to be really nice actually#but i kinda got sidetracked uhhhhhhh#i just hope i dont have to throw all of this graphic work to the garbage#haha that never happens i never EVER get sidetracked and work too hard on visuals before i should#no but actually the playtest felt kinda close to good so im half confident that the changes im making will get it where i want it to be#its not a huge project anyways#like i started working on it friday i think#but i kept getting sidetracked i havent been efficient since thursday i think#well by sidetracked i mean setting up this tumblr#which is kind of also work if i want to try to have a Social Media Presence#well anyways i'm trying to find an artstyle that i can do with just a mouse and being Not Proficient At Art#and also one that works well with vector graphics because i'm already using illustrator for everything kind of#i could also maybe do pixel art i guess but it's so much more work idk#also im way too new at pixel art#this just feels like the natural next step after having been making icons for years and years#and by years and years i mean like four years#i think idk time flies so fucking fast#help#anyways
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bf says ive been going thru it and doing really well at that. bursts into tears.
#im like a toddler that needs a nap except ive badly needed a nap every minute of every day for a week because covid#and im trying really hard#im actually really okay. i don't have my first math test for another week and two days and if i did terrible on#the bio test today my lowest test grade gets dropped and it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.#i am recovering and working and in a class that is very hard for me and i miss simon so bad. i was too tired to drive last weekend#and couldn't go the one prior to that bc covid obviously#it's okay it's okay it's okay#also im getting the depo provera shot in november. i'm fully over it#also the fatigue is getting better by the day. it's okay. it's okay#getting the shot. seeing si on friday. my math prof is very kind and understands that i'm struggling and wants to help. fatigue is getting#better. turns out i don't have work tomorrow. im gonna play valo w seity sometime soon that will be SO fun.#new comfy desk chair. im gonna put something on and work thru my math hw and submit questions without feeling bad about it#it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay. im being sooo brave.#he also said it's insane that i've had to work this week because i'm very much still symptomatic. it got me really good this time#the initial sickness wasn't nearly as severe as the last time i had covid but this one is more drawn out#im still having sinus symptoms/pain on top of the fatigue. cried in my car both days that i worked š it's okay. it's okay
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shout out to retail workers on black friday. they're the strongest among us fr
#chirping#not me psyching myself up for work todayšš#2nd black friday in retail let's gooooo#last time wasn't too bad bc the sale stopped Early#but it was still hectic as hell T_T#god this'll be sm worse aaaaauugghhhhh#AND i forgot to take my meds last night WHOOPS#yeah this'll be a bad day ;-;
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If you want to go and be stupid (make me wait in a car for an hour and a half knowing I havenāt had lunch or the bubble tea we had agreed on AND that I have a history of being dehydrated to the point of passing out) donāt do it in front of me (drag me along just cuz YOU want to meet your old professor)
#I was listening to please please please so#I canāt even enjoy teenage dream by katy Perry HHHH#Insert that creed meme#if I can *enjoy teenage dream by katy perry* whatās all this been about???#I didnāt even half switch on the engine until just now cuz I donāt want the car to overheat or smth#but IM overheating now#I have the car keys and istg itās not even funny how close I am to driving off right here right now#and itās so frustrating cuz we agreed to keep Fridays open for us to spend together like I didnāt got for my orientation session today cuz#of that#and she could have met her professor yesterday but she said the timing was too close to peak#cuz she didnāt want to drive in peak hour#which fine but she literally could have kept the meeting next week#and I still would have been fine waiting if it was just an hour#now weāre coming up to 1 hour 45 min#ugh Iām just in such a bad mood#personal#tw vent
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#personal#bless my supervisor really#after lunch i'm half dead bored as shit trying not to fall asleep in my desk and she's like hey you and White Guyā¢ should work on this thing#i am soooo bad at playing it cool truly. the rumors are true i stopped aging after 19#but hey we spent 30 minutes at my desk and i did all my daily quota of looking#god. he's just. i just love hearing him talk. id rank his voice in the top ten things about him#i was just SPOILED today#he gets there early everyday so wheneve i come in he's preparing his breakfast in the kitchen. singing to himself and stuff#he literally had me sighing out loud as i walked to my bus stop#this is sabotage really because ive been on the cute girl grind as of late#last friday she was wearing this shirt with holes in the shoulders and the amount of skin i could see.....#i understand how the victorians felt basically#she's such a girlfailure...... and god she's so pretty#couldn't stop staring at the shape of her waist in the dress she wore today#she's so easy to talk to too. and perceptive and very thoughtful#okay i think that's enough#i hope you guys know that i'm holding myself back from rambling about every daily thing like this is middle school#i got it real bad#if you are on my mind all night and day blame it on mu youth..........
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#my eye is doing so bad today ššš#im trying really hard not to freak our but im so anxious about this shit#it gets better#then its blurry again#and it stop hurting much#then it gets worse again#and i KNOW my doc didnt seem that worried when i saw him on friday#but i feel like its really gotten worse today#its wayyyy blurrier#idk idk#im stressed#he said he might have to get back in there#and do more stitches#and i really dont want to have to go through that again it was so traumatic for me#uuuughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#im so fucking anxious#this sucks#i keep having nightmares too#fuck this shit#about moi
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Wow, today has been. Rough. Was working on school stuff for about 10 hours straight. Woke up early to work on my essay (and stayed up late to work on my essay), so I only got Maybe 5 hours of sleep... and then I went to class, where I worked on my project due on Wednesday. It's mostly done. Then I sat and wrote for nearly 6 hours straight. Did finish the essay. Missed the time to turn it in today though. So I emailed my professor and asked if it'd be fine to turn it in tomorrow. And also offered to send a digital copy if he'd like. No reply yet, but it'll probably be fine.
I am... so, so tired...
#speculation nation#but the biggest thing is out of the way...#i also have to do a reflection thing tonight. im going to at least eat and rest first.#and i have an assignment due tomorrow around 1:30 (probably).#ive written all the words i have to write today so thatll have to be done in the morning. Wooo waking up early again.#gonna try to go to sleep earlier too tho to offset it.#then i have presentation on wednesday... midterm for another class i Think? this week. need to check on that.#and then normal weekly reflection and quiz due on friday.#guys how did i ever survive full time school while also working a job. im dying.#(i know how. I Did Bad In School. lol.)#im fuckin dying But i havent missed an assignment Yet (aside from the quiz i forgot a few weeks back)#(not to worry lowest quiz grade gets dropped. so i just have to be sure not to miss Another.)#in better news next week is october break. please please please i need it so bad#just gotta get thru this week and then i can truly rest. just a little longer
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