#too bad today is Friday :/
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It’s 7a Friday, 95 degrees…
#no but it gets way too hot too early nowadays#but happy Friday guise and bad b*tches#I hope everyone day is starting off great like mine#waking up to some head#then having a wake and bake sesh#whew#I honestly don’t even wanna go to work today
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[ * school suck of creativity + apathy? + guilt(?) over anything I could hope to create = not fun ]
#Random Ramblings#like I’ve had too good of a day to have this really bother me rn#but if you’ve wondered#hey Star what’s been up with you? It’s. It’s a lot of this.#I think I might improve but like. Last week before Friday + the week before were like this#to the point of my ACTUAL CHOIR TEACHER#noticing the fact I look more alive today#(which I think his awesome don’t get me wrong he’s my favorite teacher. But he’s also a whole busy adult. It’s notable.)#so like. whips and nae naes#As much as I love this fandom (skeletons) no more time than now have I resonated with the ‘people are what drove me out and made me feel-#-bad here’#Like I’m not leaving I don’t think. And I don’t really want to. But /I get it/#it weighs on you. Wheedles into your mind and insecurities.#Something I’ve gotta work on ig
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*rocking back and forth* just have to make it through this week just have to make it through this week just h
#i am so sick right now it’s not even funny#i almost fell over from dizziness and exhaustion like five times today#pretty sure i have a fever#but i can’t stay home cause IT’S TECH WEEK :’D#plus all of my online class is due this friday (the day before my show) and i still have a unit and my final project to do#i just want to sleep for the love of god#but i can’t until my work is done :3#thank GOD for my boyfriend like i would not have locked in otherwise#ANWYAYS. it’s fine after this week i’ll have no more drama no more online class (for the semester) and i can finally relax#we have monday off too and we might even get tuesday off because the low temp is supposed to be NEGATIVE TWO 😭😭😭#praying for it fr#then i can finally get back to embroidery cause i want to work on my jellyfish pants SO BAD#and even better than that I CAN FINALLY USE MY LOOM#i’ve had no time but i’m so so so excited#ANYWAYS. that’s enough tags for now goodbye
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I’m sorry I haven’t been very active lately, the hormones have been a bitch and I am just. so tired. Hitting the point in the semester where I’m feeling a little choked with some bigger assignments coming up so I’m getting overwhelmed with the thought of trying to get ahead of all of it so I can at least have on weekend to play Veilguard (but even then I know I’ll have to deal with that bs naggy little voice in the back of my head that always guilt trips me for doing nonproductive things when I could be doing other stuff—maybe I’ll take breaks by swapping laundry and dishes loads or cooking or smth, that might help). Anyway yeah I feel like shit but we keep on trucking as always👍🏻🥲
#fortunately most of what I have to do this week is reading#but if I want to get ahead it’ll be quite a chunk of assignment stuff for this weekend#and I never know if my brain will be in the mood to cooperate with me or not#like I got most stuff done this Friday but after that? I didn’t get jack shit done#I’ve had brain fog the last two days and it was particularly bad today#I’m having one of my weirder periods atm so that probably has a hand in it#but hey! at least I finally got my laundry put up after three weeks before I went to bed#I might try to cook some this week too bc that usually makes me feel a little better#I thought about cleaning my room today but that didn’t happen#but it needs to soon before winter hits or else I’ll go stir crazy#anyways I’ll hush#*blows kisses*#fisara’s scrawlings
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aughhoug h h .. . .. i've been SOO sick since wednesday.. . .
#my flatmates have been sick a lot so i was honestly just counting down until it was my turn.. .orz#i hate that i rarely get sick but whenever i DO get sick it's like... Time To Die i guess? ?#f.ex. like last may when i got an ear infection So Bad i was hospitalised for a week haha#man i've literally done nothign but lie in bed and sleep since wednesday#like i've been up a coupla hours here and there to inhale some water and both ibuprofen and paracetamol#and whatever nurishment i could scrape by while scrolling tumblr and watching some yt#before going back to bed and passing out again#i also haven't showered since i got sick cause i've been afraid of blacking out while IN the shower#cause like yesterday and friday it was so bad i couldn't stand for more than like 5 mins without starting trembling and getting dizzy.. .#the same ear i had an infection in last year also closed completely up so now i can't hear Anythign on that side#both my flatmates where like !!?!?!? when they heard and kept asking me if i needed to go to the ER again :'^)#but luckily i think it's just a symptom this time and not the cause#live love laugh or whatever#worst part this time around was that i hadn't been grocery shopping At All since the friday Before! so i had like No food#luckily one of my flatmates got me something yesterday 💙#wait actually the worst part is that i missed 1. an appointment 2. work 3. a birthday dinner#and 4. a birthday party where they ended up going to see a drag show 😭😭#anyways i Think (🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞) that i might be feeling a bit better today so hopefully it'll clear up in not Too Long#does fish make noise??
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Hi Amber
I’m an eager follower who just want to let you know that I love your blog and YouTube a lot! Seeing all your Moomin-content always makes my day better!❤️
Hope you are having a great day!
awww that's so sweet thank you, I'm glad my silly posts can help! hope you're having a great day too! 🥰
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Somehow got so exhausted that my body put me on bed rest. I'm up after a 3 ish hour nap to eat a little more and take my meds, then I'll be going back down for actual sleep. Can tell by the radiating exhaustion that I just have to give this to my body
#speculation nation#kind of confused bc it was just the weekend and it's not like i did That much#but i guess the sleep deprivation from last night and how busy today was was enough#also me working on assignments yesterday... hmmm...#other than that tho i just gamed and wrote yesterday#... oh right. i just remembered how phenomenally stressful saturday was and how extremely angry i was on friday#maybe those two days wore me out and i didnt properly rest after it yesterday. so with the bad sleep and the busy day...#ok yeah it makes more sense to me now why im next to bedridden.#my body telling me it needs rest in the only way it knows how. by making me feel literally sick so im too miserable to do anything but sleep#not feeling as bad after the long nap. but my limbs are still radiating exhaustion. like im moving thru molasses.#also have imminent period. that's probably also not helping.#bc of my appointment between classes today i drove to campus for my 2nd half of the day#and driving home was like. man. clearly i got home safely. but i could Tell how exhausted i was in how hard it was to focus on driving.#got home safe by just not doing anything weird with it. but i was definitely glad to get home.#i still have a homework thing to do... but im gonna have to do it in the morning. no way id be able to focus on it rn.#only up to get some more fuel and then it's back to bed with me.
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Made a friend at poetry club!!! We talked about fan studies, creative writing, etc. and we are gonna join another writing club together 😎
#we both said we’d go this Friday and then texted each other immediately remembering we had other commitments lol :’)#I felt sooo bad but then she said she was busy too lol so yay#we will def go next Friday 😁😁#she is so sweet yayayaya I’m so glad I’m finally making friends with people in this club#our meeting today was mostly small group discussions and it was. so great#there were these two other people whose names I wish I’d gotten… maybe next week#including another person who was interested in fan studies stuff too#we talked about fanfic for a while lol. I’m very passionate about fandom as a learning and artistic tool so it was fun ^_^#ellyposting
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So i'm working on a tiny roll & write about being a giant dragonness and conquering the land and burninating the countryside and uh I'm kind of trying to make """"""art""""" for it lmao
chat is this cringe
#print and play#boardgames#also the base concept for this game was “fuck it today im making monopoly but good”#and uh it's kind of moving away from monopoly pretty fast#but im content knowing that the base structure of it still was an inspiration#like how can i take this dreadful gameplay and pump as much decision making into it as i can#and i did#well im saying monopoly but good but the first playtest wasnt that good honestly#it wasnt bad but it wasnt like ENGROSSING#idk the roll and write about fishing i did last week was a bit MORE#but also they're not on the same scale games kinda#but also also i think the next version is going to be really nice actually#but i kinda got sidetracked uhhhhhhh#i just hope i dont have to throw all of this graphic work to the garbage#haha that never happens i never EVER get sidetracked and work too hard on visuals before i should#no but actually the playtest felt kinda close to good so im half confident that the changes im making will get it where i want it to be#its not a huge project anyways#like i started working on it friday i think#but i kept getting sidetracked i havent been efficient since thursday i think#well by sidetracked i mean setting up this tumblr#which is kind of also work if i want to try to have a Social Media Presence#well anyways i'm trying to find an artstyle that i can do with just a mouse and being Not Proficient At Art#and also one that works well with vector graphics because i'm already using illustrator for everything kind of#i could also maybe do pixel art i guess but it's so much more work idk#also im way too new at pixel art#this just feels like the natural next step after having been making icons for years and years#and by years and years i mean like four years#i think idk time flies so fucking fast#help#anyways
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bf says ive been going thru it and doing really well at that. bursts into tears.
#im like a toddler that needs a nap except ive badly needed a nap every minute of every day for a week because covid#and im trying really hard#im actually really okay. i don't have my first math test for another week and two days and if i did terrible on#the bio test today my lowest test grade gets dropped and it's okay. it's okay. it's okay.#i am recovering and working and in a class that is very hard for me and i miss simon so bad. i was too tired to drive last weekend#and couldn't go the one prior to that bc covid obviously#it's okay it's okay it's okay#also im getting the depo provera shot in november. i'm fully over it#also the fatigue is getting better by the day. it's okay. it's okay#getting the shot. seeing si on friday. my math prof is very kind and understands that i'm struggling and wants to help. fatigue is getting#better. turns out i don't have work tomorrow. im gonna play valo w seity sometime soon that will be SO fun.#new comfy desk chair. im gonna put something on and work thru my math hw and submit questions without feeling bad about it#it's okay it's okay it's okay it's okay. im being sooo brave.#he also said it's insane that i've had to work this week because i'm very much still symptomatic. it got me really good this time#the initial sickness wasn't nearly as severe as the last time i had covid but this one is more drawn out#im still having sinus symptoms/pain on top of the fatigue. cried in my car both days that i worked 👍 it's okay. it's okay
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shout out to retail workers on black friday. they're the strongest among us fr
#chirping#not me psyching myself up for work today😭😭#2nd black friday in retail let's gooooo#last time wasn't too bad bc the sale stopped Early#but it was still hectic as hell T_T#god this'll be sm worse aaaaauugghhhhh#AND i forgot to take my meds last night WHOOPS#yeah this'll be a bad day ;-;
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If you want to go and be stupid (make me wait in a car for an hour and a half knowing I haven’t had lunch or the bubble tea we had agreed on AND that I have a history of being dehydrated to the point of passing out) don’t do it in front of me (drag me along just cuz YOU want to meet your old professor)
#I was listening to please please please so#I can’t even enjoy teenage dream by katy Perry HHHH#Insert that creed meme#if I can *enjoy teenage dream by katy perry* what’s all this been about???#I didn’t even half switch on the engine until just now cuz I don’t want the car to overheat or smth#but IM overheating now#I have the car keys and istg it’s not even funny how close I am to driving off right here right now#and it’s so frustrating cuz we agreed to keep Fridays open for us to spend together like I didn’t got for my orientation session today cuz#of that#and she could have met her professor yesterday but she said the timing was too close to peak#cuz she didn’t want to drive in peak hour#which fine but she literally could have kept the meeting next week#and I still would have been fine waiting if it was just an hour#now we’re coming up to 1 hour 45 min#ugh I’m just in such a bad mood#personal#tw vent
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#personal#bless my supervisor really#after lunch i'm half dead bored as shit trying not to fall asleep in my desk and she's like hey you and White Guy™ should work on this thing#i am soooo bad at playing it cool truly. the rumors are true i stopped aging after 19#but hey we spent 30 minutes at my desk and i did all my daily quota of looking#god. he's just. i just love hearing him talk. id rank his voice in the top ten things about him#i was just SPOILED today#he gets there early everyday so wheneve i come in he's preparing his breakfast in the kitchen. singing to himself and stuff#he literally had me sighing out loud as i walked to my bus stop#this is sabotage really because ive been on the cute girl grind as of late#last friday she was wearing this shirt with holes in the shoulders and the amount of skin i could see.....#i understand how the victorians felt basically#she's such a girlfailure...... and god she's so pretty#couldn't stop staring at the shape of her waist in the dress she wore today#she's so easy to talk to too. and perceptive and very thoughtful#okay i think that's enough#i hope you guys know that i'm holding myself back from rambling about every daily thing like this is middle school#i got it real bad#if you are on my mind all night and day blame it on mu youth..........
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work shouldn’t be allowed to make me work overtime on wednesdays 😭
#ashleys talking again#thankfully not too bad I only missed the first half hour!!!!#they wanted me to do some more work but I said no LOL#I said ‘I will stay as late is you need me tomorrow and Friday but no more today please 😭’
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except that im mentally dead, i’m good
#i know its my concerta crash 80% but man being outside of my comfortzone for hours#does things to me too. like clockwork the mental exhaustion hits at 15 and its like someone pulled the plug#brain stopped working properly sorry only simple words used for me now i cant process#i got praise at work today tho so that made me feel too happy....#its deppressing how happy i am to hear anything encouraging or someone saying i do good#not hearing any of that growing up just made it something so major for me now#i'm going to be so fucking dead friday tho. hate how much energy goes away from me even if i just do small things#i know its my brain and how it works......... but my god...... i'd like an 'full energy battery' thats not normal peoples like 50%#cant tell if its my period thus my hormones speaking or if im in an episode#i think im just so fucking lonely haha....... i always feel that way but since moving on my own its bad#and the last moth its been worse too.... idk man. medication making me feel fine but also im like (: i need love and closeness#doesnt help that all my fave people have been away for diffrent reasons so i just feel lonely#not that im helping the matter bc im not contacting or telling anyone bc that would be out of line and bad so im just#here as usual i suppose? can still not get passed the idea that i exsist outside others needs for me#stuck in the mindset of always having to put others first and do whatever they want and idk how to start. im already an#big enough problem for people i dont want to make it worse for anyone dealing with me#miranda talking shit#negative#???
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