#its deppressing how happy i am to hear anything encouraging or someone saying i do good
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except that im mentally dead, i’m good
#i know its my concerta crash 80% but man being outside of my comfortzone for hours#does things to me too. like clockwork the mental exhaustion hits at 15 and its like someone pulled the plug#brain stopped working properly sorry only simple words used for me now i cant process#i got praise at work today tho so that made me feel too happy....#its deppressing how happy i am to hear anything encouraging or someone saying i do good#not hearing any of that growing up just made it something so major for me now#i'm going to be so fucking dead friday tho. hate how much energy goes away from me even if i just do small things#i know its my brain and how it works......... but my god...... i'd like an 'full energy battery' thats not normal peoples like 50%#cant tell if its my period thus my hormones speaking or if im in an episode#i think im just so fucking lonely haha....... i always feel that way but since moving on my own its bad#and the last moth its been worse too.... idk man. medication making me feel fine but also im like (: i need love and closeness#doesnt help that all my fave people have been away for diffrent reasons so i just feel lonely#not that im helping the matter bc im not contacting or telling anyone bc that would be out of line and bad so im just#here as usual i suppose? can still not get passed the idea that i exsist outside others needs for me#stuck in the mindset of always having to put others first and do whatever they want and idk how to start. im already an#big enough problem for people i dont want to make it worse for anyone dealing with me#miranda talking shit#negative#???
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