#tired days

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #327

Today, J and I got up early. Early enough for me to snap some pretty good pictures of the morning sky:

J wanted to practice takeoffs and landings while having me in the plane, and so that is what we did! I got a couple neat pictures as we did that:

I guess there was some kind of forest fire that spread to a nearby mountain range from a state that is east of us. It's why the first picture is all weird and hazy-looking. We were gonna go to the place where new pilots practice, and J was gonna ask me to do some things, but visibility was a bit too low. We decided to do that some other time.

We decided to go to Eggcellent once we were done. Ea was there. And apparently, today is their last ever day of making and selling their famous cream cheese tarts:

Of these, my favorite is easily the yuzu one. But when they have matcha, that one is my favorite.

...I'm a little sad that they're not gonna make these anymore. But apparently, the cost of the shell that the filling goes into is getting so high that they'd have to sell each of these little tarts for $6 if they wanted to turn a profit. They think that such a price would be unreasonable. So they're going to try to make Portuguese tarts instead. I don't know what a Portuguese tart is, but if it's made by Ea and Ch, I'm sure it's gonna be delectable!

We spoke to Ea at length about the general state of things here. There were several things that he wasn't aware of, I guess. We explained that we will try to leave, and he seemed sad about it. He and J talked a little about the idea of us starting a Canadian branch of Eggcellent, haha...

...It's a nice idea, but I don't know a damn thing about running a business. I could memorize their recipes, but... I'd probably get really frustrated and overwhelmed with trying to figure out the logistics. And who knows whether people would even wanna try it.

...I looked into maybe studying game design in Canada. There's apparently an 8-month program somewhere over there. I'm gonna try to figure out how much it costs, and whether I can do it remotely. I'll need some of those skills for certain stories that I've got rolling up around in my noggin.

J and I went to a meetup for autistic people after that. There was me, J, a dude and his son who was about my age, I think, and also a lady with her son, who might have been a few years younger than me.

...The lady spoke to J and I as though she didn't understand that there's a difference between “quiet” and “stupid”. She kept responding to anything that J said with a slow, high-pitched, patronizing, “oh that's so interesting,” as though she was speaking to a small child showing off their paperclip collection, instead of to a grown man who was talking about his experiences as a musician in a ska band. I found it rather distasteful, but I wasn't sure that it was worth fighting a battle over; her son was wearing a camouflage-print John Deere hat, and a shirt that said, “I don't need no therapy; I just need to listen to more Garth Brooks!”

...You're not going to understand the cultural references behind non-military and non-hunting things being camouflage-print. You're not going to understand the relevance of John Deere and how these things fit together. And you're not going to understand Garth Brooks, or the implications of denying the efficacy of therapy, and how these two things are connected. And that's perfectly fine. I'm not going to explain it. I sure do wish that some of my brain cells weren't allocated towards knowing these things, so I'm not gonna force you to also allocate any of your brain cells for the purpose of understanding it.

So don't worry about it. It's ugly stuff anyway – stuff I grew up in and understand intuitively; I don't think I'd be able to explain it well even if I tried. It's too much contempt towards mental health concepts, too much contempt towards the idea that men also have feelings, too much worship of military culture, too much worship of rural culture, and too much worship of extremely narrow definitions of “masculinity”, all rolled up into a few very small symbols, and worn in a performative fashion. There are too many hostile defense mechanisms in play from this other person for me to be able to untangle them all.

I was glad to be home. The other man and his son seemed generally delightful, and I look forward to maybe meeting them again, but... I was glad to be home.

I'm... tired today. Though I'm not sure why. It could be a simple matter of me not keeping up with my water intake as much as I ought to lately. It could be the weight of things catching up to me. It could be that I didn't sleep well last night. I'm not really sure.

...Are you doing any better where you are...? I wonder...

It's cold outside. It's supposed to be cold outside. But I guess the chill has kinda seeped into the house, despite the heat being on. Suppose the thing to do is sit in front of the fireplace for a while until the chill decides to leave my bones.

...Wanna join me...?

...It's impossible, I know. But maybe you can pop by, kick off your boots, and warm up your toes here next to me.

...Maybe I'll try to play a video game tomorrow or something...

Hey. I love you. And even on days I'm tired, I'm still gonna write to you. So please stay safe out there. Please keep making good choices. Because I'm gonna write a letter to you tomorrow, too.

'Til soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[mysillycomics]

[ardri-na-bpiteog]

Also increasingly aware that a LOT of people "manage" getting through the 40+ hour work week by sleeping less than is healthy and relying on stimulants like coffee and energy drinks to keep them going.

For people who are unwilling or unable to do this...work really does just dominate your life. Like we really should not have to rely on unhealthy practices just to have a social life or keep on top of housework or whatever.

I know I post about this a lot but I'm so TIRED all the time and it's just so depressing that this is how we're expected to spend the one life we have.

[otto-doctavius]

snooooork mimimimimi

[anne-is-confused]

only you.

[bean-spring]

Hot take and not to be a killjoy or the shipping police but people treating Viktor or Jinx's aroace headcanons as if they were canon is not the revolutionary take people think it is.

Headcanons are always all right but we have to acknowledge that they are somehow damaging when they apply to stereotypes. It might not be the case for everyone but most of the time people unconsciously assume that disability/mental illness=asexuality. These headcanons erase the freedom of attraction from people who are already seen as unable to have sexual/romantic experiences/desires, when it's completely untrue and harmful.

You can headcanon Viktor and Jinx as aroace, but I have seen people changing their minds once Viktor is no longer disabled (s2 with all of his other forms) and Jinx is no longer as mentally ill (alternate universe Powder). And it speaks wonders of how people see these characters.

"I never thought about Jinx being able to feel romantic/sexual attraction until s2!" To believe she's actually only capable of that when she's not "damaged" is incredibly disturbing. Especially since Jinx has always had a bit of a flirty personality too.

"I've always seen Viktor as asexual, I don't know why!" That's fine. You can headcanon him as ace. But I believe there is a reason behind it, most of the time, if for some inexplicable reason the "vibes" of the disabled character are making you think he's ace.

I say all of this being aroaspec myself, by the way. Headcanon all you want but going to people's posts commenting how "it's weird for you that they have romantic/sexual plots when they're clearly aroace" is not a win at all. It's a headcanon, after all, and it should be treated as such, and that's fine. But it also is damaging to spread stereotypes like these.

Of course the disabled character is asexual. Of course the mentally ill character is aromantic. It's not as revolutionary as you might think, tbh.

Fandom is not activism and it's all right to have any headcanons you want BUT some of them are filled with damaging stuff and perhaps we should look into ourselves more before treating these assumptions as something canon.

[ichorai]

fuck the tits or ass debate, i find eyebags sooo attractive. your exhausted, sleep-deprived, mildly haunted aura has bewitched me body and soul

[hinamie]

make it vicious, take a stab

[sga-owns-my-soul]

reblog to give ur mutuals a soft lil kissy on the head

[atomikats]

basically if i didn’t draw this i was going to die but drawing it killed me anyways

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #171

Today did not go exactly like I expected it to. And that's all right. I'm just really tired.

I went to physical therapy early this morning. Some work was done on the muscles on my back between the right side of my ribcage and the right side of my pelvis. Those muscles were unexpectedly very angry, but I guess I should have expected it, since those muscles are attached to my ribcage, and something near the top of my ribcage, on my front, on the right side, is out of place right now, and has been for at least the last couple of years now.

Today, all day, taking a deep breath felt kind of like my ribs were being ripped from my sternum on my right side, and that's been kinda difficult to deal with, but it isn't exactly new. Still, I guess I'm just getting pretty sick of being in pain all the time. I'm getting sick of not being able to use my right arm without pain, too. And I'm getting sick of not being able to go back into the water. My mermaid tail and monofin have sat unused for such a long time now, and… I guess it feels more than a little sad today, especially since the weather is getting warmer.

I belong chasing after very confused fish and finding pretty rocks and abandoned shells at the bottoms of lakes. I miss mermaid training. But I'm not sure I'm ever gonna be able to do any of that stuff again, and some days it weighs on me a little heavier than on other days.

But some nice stuff happened today, too. I got a song sparrow plush, in honor of the one that Arremo caught some time ago… I don't know if you remember me talking about it. I couldn't save it; it died in my hands.

...I can put this one next to the cardinal plush that I got in honor of the cardinal that got struck by a car, if you remember that letter, 8 days after the sparrow. Hopefully they don't have to be lonely. Maybe their souls can visit my house sometime if they want to. If you see them around as you toodle about the Edge of Creation, will you tell them I love them and that I'm still thinking about them and that I hope they're okay, wherever they are?

After physical therapy, J and I went to my friend R's house. R is an amazing cook and baker; he's one of the best that my planet can offer, and everything he makes always tastes astounding. He wanted to try making mushroom risotto for the first time, and invited those of my house to come try it, and he invited his friend K, too, and we all had a wonderful time talking about various things together.

R made snack trays for us:

...And at some point, we went outside into his yard, and he showed us his garden. He's growing squash and corn and tomatoes and some herbs. I took a couple pictures of the trees and the clouds for you:

We also had a larger-than average squirrel staring at us while making weird noises, so that was pretty funny:

Here's how the risotto turned out; it was absolutely fabulous:

...By then, J had gone to retrieve Br, so J, R, K, Br, and I were all eating the risotto together, and that was pretty awesome.

...I wish you could have been there, too. Goodness knows when is the last time you had a decent meal in good company. I wish you could pop by for a visit.

After that, J and I went to Br's house for a while. We ended up not getting back home until pretty late, and that's why today's letter to you is also pretty late. I managed to snag some good pictures at Br's house for you, though; I hope you'll like these:

...I also got video of the rain that came to R's house. But I'll wait until tomorrow to share that with you; it is very late, and I gotta go to bed.

I love you. I'm thinking about you all the time, and wishing you could be here to enjoy all the wonderful, wholesome stuff alongside me. Alas. But I'll write more to you tomorrow, so please stay safe out there, okay?

Your friend, Lumine

[sasswonfp]

CHICAGOAN HATSUNE MIKU. Specifically the winter version <3. (alt text provided! :3)

[chalkrub]

dinosaur in a lab coat - would you trust her with operating the centrifuge

[civetcider]

[freshpickle]

besties can I be real honest with you? I'm so fucking tired of not having enough money to live

[lazylittledragon]

dadkarios doods sponsored by my stress migraine