#time for studio ghibli therapy

[thewoodbetweenalloftheworlds]

someone needs to prescribe me some of these real quick

[feudalburgerlord]

As someone who's done quite of research on the topic of Ghibli films (and Miyazaki himself), I've found that a lot of what makes Studio Ghibli's films feel the way that they do comes from Miyazaki's role as the director.

From my experience watching the films the feelings I get from watching his films are:

1. An appreciation of nature/environmental protection

2. The romanticism of the mundane and daily life

3. A heavy influence from classic Japanese folklore

4. Making his films approachable for children without shying away from more serious and somber themes

5. Strong female characters/protagonists

All of these themes come together to create a cohesive and unique experience for watchers of all ages, and it's something that Miyazaki has prided himself on.

You can see a lot of the beginnings of his philosophy all the way back in his directorial debut, 'Lupin III: the Castle of Cagliostro' and it really starts to shine in his first original story, 'Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind'.

A lot of people really love Ghibli films because of their appreciation of the minute details of the world around the characters. From the beautiful forest of 'Princess Mononoke' to the cosy, coastal town in 'Kiki's Delivery Service'.

A lot of these films have big swelling orchestral soundtracks and grand set pieces that leave people on the edge of their seats but between them lie these incredibly calm scenes of emotional reflection that are always accompanied by the mundane tasks of life.

The films also give this feeling that the world has wonder and magic around every corner. Forests are lush and teeming with life, cities are busy but calm, and even though some people aren't as friendly or kind, the world is.

I've gone on a couple of tangents with my writing here but I guess what I'm trying to say is...

People love Ghibli because it shows that there is so much of the world that is beautiful and deep and romantic and magical, that there's hope and wonder to be found.

I would love for someone to discuss this with.

Studio Ghibli.

Once upon a time, I knew about the soft reverence towards the studio and its wholesome, meaningful movies. I watched videos and read discussions about why Spirited Away was so moving and what message it portrays. How My Neighbor Totoro filled viewers with nostalgia for the wonders of childhood.

I watched both of them. I recognized the stellar animation and whimsical music.

I did not understand why people loved them so much.

Went in with high expectations. Liked both movies. But I didn't "get it."

Until I saw Howl's Moving Castle. Then I understood. That "Ghibli feeling" kicked in about halfway through.

Ghibli still remains a mystery to me, and if anyone's game (I know this isn't like my regular content), I'd love to sit down and discuss the feeling.

[i2ycat]

clingy

pairing bf!jungwon x fem!reader synopsis jungwon as your boyfriend who is overly clingy and just can’t ever get enough of you genre established relationship, tooth-rotting fluff warnings none main masterlist

reblogs and comments are very much appreciated!

clingy bf!jungwon is 100% the type to keep you in bed until you realise that you’re late for class or work, but even then, he’s sneaky enough to keep you staying put

“can you stay here forever?” he asks groggily, the morning evident in his voice as he snuggles into the crevice of your neck

the warmth he radiates in the dead of winter makes you want to not get out of bed at all, and especially not in the morning cold, so you mumble quietly, “just 10 minutes.”

and like that, 2 hours magically pass by…

even when you’re busy with class or work, best bet that jungwon is blowing up your phone about how he misses you or how badly he wants to be in your arms right now

before he dated you, he didn’t really like physical affection or even hugging for that matter, but after meeting you, you’ve got him hooked… you think you’re clingy? wait until you meet yang jungwon

you’ve pervaded every part of his life and thoughts that anything he sees, he immediately gets reminded of you… like he’s just so down bad for you

he follows you around the house or around the supermarket when you’re shopping for groceries like a lost puppy

when you’re apart for more than an hour or two, he starts getting extreme y/n withdrawal… like he PHYSICALLY cannot live without you by his side (someone pls put him in a rerun of ‘my strange addiction’)

more under cut !

he would always find his way into your arms no matter the place, the situation or the people around, my guy does not give a fuck!

by extension, jungwon gets jealous easily and is super possessive of you

he honestly amps the physical affection up in public just to show everyone that you’re his, and he’s yours…

when he does get jealous, he gets all pouty and furrows his brows, staring at you with that look in his eyes that make you melt away because he’s just so darn adorable

his jealousy is actually so endearing that you sometimes don’t give him the attention he wants just to rile him up and see him get all sulky for you

there would be one instance when you would be chatting with a junior about your courses, and in jungwon’s eyes, they would be standing way too close for his comfort, so he immediately stares the both of you down until you eventually notice a pair of killer eyes

you look at him amused and immediately excuse yourself from your junior, walking up to him with crossed arms

“what is it now?”

“he was standing way too close to you.”

“he’s just my junior, wonie.”

“still! what if he likes you?”

“then i would tell him that i’m already dating the best boyfriend ever, duh.” you say as you envelop him into a hug, kissing him in the cheeks in the process

jungwon just loves to be in your presence, nothing could ever even come close to you in any and every sense… to him, you guys are end game

when jungwon is going through a particularly hard time, his number one therapy would be you

he would show up at your dorm, head hung low and hair unusually tousled into a mess. over the years you’ve been together, you immediately knew the drill — bring him into your arms and stay like that for hours, maybe even play a studio ghibli film in the background as you eat ice cream in the comfort of your bed

no matter how much jungwon hugs you, he just can’t ever get enough of it. people always ask him if he gets sick of the physical touch, and he just replies simply with, “never.”

other than his very obvious love language, jungwon also likes to spoil you with gifts, especially oversized teddy bears, because to him, it can act as his replacement when he’s not there…

but before he even gifts it to you, he would snuggle with it for a week or two straight so that by the time you receive it, it’ll smell and feel like he’s actually there in your bed with you

he’s so used to hearing you calling him by your nickname for him, that when you use his real name, it literally breaks his heart

“jungwon, can you hand-“

“jungwon? who?”

“what do you mean ‘who’? that’s literally your name?” you look at him confused

“no i’m not jungwon, i’m your baby? get it right. and what happened to ‘won’ or ‘wonie’?”

“baby, can you pease hand me the remote?”

“that’s better.” he LITERALLY starts smiling like this ‘😊’ and presses a kiss on your forehead

he loves you so much and will do anything and everything to show you that he loves you and cares for you so much

© i2ycat 2024

[anomymoussoapbar]

I'm proship/profiction because I understand that the content somebody creates or is interested in isn't a perfect reflection of how they are irl.

I trust that other proshippers understand how to separate fiction and reality.

I'm anti-censorship; I won't make any exceptions because we've seen in history that once you start making exceptions, it can lead to queer media also being demonized and banned (the best I can think off the top of my head is the trans institute that existed in nazi Germany, which had so many amazing trans resources, getting destroyed by nazis).

I believe people should be able to use art as an outlet for anything. Not every single thing in life needs to be censored, and people do often use art to process feelings and experiences.

I'm against harassing people for their art. Not only does harassing some internet stranger sound like a waste of time, it's bullying too. I don't want to be a bully.

I believe in "don't like, don't look, don't interact" (my own variation of don't like don't read). I have tools to block people and hide content I don't want to see. I'm going to use them. I am responsible for curating my own online experience.

I've seen people online who use proshipping as a coping mechanism. I don't understand how that's possible, but that doesn't really matter so long as those people are safe. I wouldn't deny a victim their coping mechanism unless it endangered their life because that's against my beliefs and I'm not a therapist, so that wouldn't even be my place to speak. I've noticed antis don't like these kinds of victims because they don't fit into the antis' perfect boxes of how they think victims should be, so they often harass and bully and claim victims need therapy/need better therapists. I find this ridiculous because in my and many other's experiences, therapy is inherently proship/profiction and antis ignore this/claim it's not true (idk how you can do that if you're not a psychologist but they're too far gone to argue with). And they don't even offer to pay for the therapy, lol.

Thank you for making this blog and being curious, you're amazing. Sorry that this is kinda long lol

Hello!!! :*)

Thank you so so so much for your views.

I find it interesting how you listed it and specifically how you explained "don't like don't look don't interact" [I really like how you phrased it :*)] which I myself see me doing a lot.

When I read through your explanation, I began getting vaguely reminded of those internet safety PSAs they would make kids watch when you are younger, of curating your own safe environment.

How to report bullying, and to not harass others online as well being points that made me think of those internet safety PSAs LOL

Something I find myself thinking about is on how a lot of what fiction can affect reality is a concern long ago that was likely brought by concerns by parents who were against video games saying it promoted violence.

I also find the idea of fictionally dark themes interesting, as I have realized I. Do often indulge in dark medias. In an oddly comforting way.

I really don't like how people harass proshippers, or anyone in general. And from what I have been gathering, not all proshippers indulge in dark thematics. Perhaps the majority, but the proshipping idea is simply respecting even if you dont share it.

Also, when you mentioned people not being exactly how they write or the creations they make, I realized how a lot of mainstream medias follow this. The creator of most Studio ghibli movies is COMPLETELY different from the peppy and cute movies he makes and the creator of popular horror Manga Junji ito makes a lot of horror visuals and grotesque stories however is just a sweet guy in real life.

I know I bring it up a lot in my posts, but a lot of why media can be triggering for me and sickening is when I see what reminds me of my own traumatic experiences [S/A /COCSA and grooming.] And how no matter how much I filter, it will always end up appearing.

As it makes me physically sick, revolted, and sadly reminds me of what I've so deeply buried.

However, I am ONE side of the S/A survivor victim experience and spectrum. The other is people who find comfort in exploring their feelings and it helps them understand on what happened to them.

And I love art. I express myself through art. I used to draw what happened to me and draw out how I felt with characters. But it would make me feel so much worse. As I am and was at the mental point of connecting so hard to the fictional reality which I built to be so much better than I was in.

I don't really know why I'm saying all of this, I guess I just want to lead to the fact that every survivor has their way of coping, and mine isn't the same as everyone else's. And I am still learning to accept that and educate myself on it. Because I do. I really do want to understand and take away my own personal stigmas.

I have so much more I would love to add but I feel I have been rambling for too long LOL

Oh my goodness I'm so sorry for ranting but anyways, thank you so much for the ask and informing me in this much detail. You are so so loved and appreciated. 💞🌸

[phroggies]

Hc’s I have of Red Son

1. He watches Studio Ghibli movies in his spare time

2. When he broke into MK’s home in that one episode he saw a drawing of him in MK’s sketchbook

3. His tears become fire when he cries

4. He regrets his actions back when he had the samadhi fire

5. His parents have tried to sign him up to therapy but he always manages to somehow scare the therapist

[rollercoasterwords]

hiiiiiii!! i don't have the brain to do or watch anything atm but i would LOVE some movie recs please 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

YAY ok assuming this is coming from the 80s movie post so. here r some of my favorite 80s movies:

ridiculous campy fun:

earth girls are easy (1988) - fucking LOVE this movie!!! such a fun time. horny aliens crash their spaceship on earth + get taken in by a human woman. also it's a musical comedy + the aliens are played by jeff goldblum jim carrey and damon wayans

hell comes to frogtown (1988) - also. obsessed w this one. post-apocalyptic world where society is a matriarchy + humans need 2 repopulate. protagonist is a Manly Man who has been discovered to have a Mega-High Sperm Count, making him a government asset so a sexy military doctor locks him up in a chastity cage 2 conserve his precious sperm. also there are mutated frog people + they kidnapped a bunch of ~fertile~ human women to keep as sex slaves so Manly Man needs 2 accompany sexy military doctor + sexy soldier to go rescue the ladies from Frogtown so he can fuck them <3 also his name is Sam Hell. hence. 'hell comes to frogtown'

clue (1985) - based on the board game!! murder mystery comedy w wacky characters + an ending that is oh-so-fun

weird dark fantasy:

the company of wolves (1984) - the movie that inspired my 80s movie post 2nite <3 creepy fairytale retelling of red riding hood w a bunch of stories-within-a-story so that it ends up feeling like some sort of fever dream matryoshka doll

labyrinth (1986) - one of my FAVORITE movies of all time!!!!! david bowie is a goblin king who kidnaps the protagonist's baby brother as a favor 2 her + then when she's like actually i want him back he's like ok solve my maze then <3

return to oz (1985) - sequel to 'the wizard of oz' that is like. 10 times darker + weirder + creepier + definitely scarred me + my twin when we watched it as children lol. dorothy won't stop talking abt oz so she's taken 2 a mental institution for electroshock therapy. queue dramatic storm + sudden return to oz except the city is in ruins + dorothy needs 2 save the day

horror:

aliens (1986) - sequel to alien (1979) which just missed the cutoff for making this list + i also recommend--but u don't NEED 2 watch it 2 watch this movie. outer space creature feature meets slasher survival horror. xenomorph i love u <3

the thing (1982) - another sci-fi alien horror but this time it follows a group of researchers in the arctic who encounter an alien that can change shape 2 look like any of them. queue paranoia. there's also a more modern remake of this movie if i'm not mistaken

day of the dead (1985) - probably romero's least well-known zombie movie lol but a fun one nonetheless! good if u like 80s movies + zombie movies which. i do <3

the shining (1980) - oooh artsy spooky hotel horror.....a classic to be honest....

animated:

the last unicorn (1982) - ANOTHER favorite movie of all time for me!!!! unicorn who lives in isolation in a forest overhears two humans talking about how there are no more unicorns in the world + is like what i can't be the only one left...so she sets out on an adventure 2 try and find out what happened 2 all the unicorns <3 another movie that scarred me as a child bc of how creepy + dark it was

nausicaa of the valley of the wind (1984) - studio ghibli <3 this is one of my fave ghibli films. post-apocalyptic wasteland where giant bugs roam the earth....amazing

castle in the sky (1986) - more ghibli! girl w mysterious magic necklace meets boy who is searching for castle in the sky. also they are being chased by pirates + creepy government agents. FUN

kiki's delivery service (1989) - aaaaand more ghibli. teenage witch sets out 2 make her way in the world + encounters existential dread <3

classics:

heathers (1988) - veronica decides that she's sick of her mean-girl popular friendgroup + at the same time meets Mysterious New Boy. when she complains 2 him abt her friends he starts killing them <3

the princess bride (1987) - based on the book (which i also recommend!!); i feel like everyone knows this movie but. basically fairytale-esque romance abt a girl named buttercup who falls in love w a farmboy named wesley but then wesley gets murdered by pirates...or so it seems....

ferris bueller's day off (1986) - teenagers decide 2 skip school + run amok in chicago. wahoo!!

[maybeconnorwashere]

BASIL HC'S BECUSE IM BORED AND HE IS ME FR 🌱

He identifies as a demiboy with pronouns they/he

He is a vegetarian

He is gay and demisexual

Basil isn't his birth name, he chose it when he realised he was ftm

He has freckles over his cheeks and nose becuse of how much time he spends in the garden. In the winter they fade a little bit

After the good ending he dyes his hair blue

He has dyslexia and adhd (this is literaly just me projecting)

He prefers cats over dogs and ends up adopting a ginger cat. He calls it tomo

Has a Nintendo switch that he saved up for, his favorite games are stardew Valley, coffee talk, deltarune, and botw

His Polaroid camera broke so he gets a new digital one

He has a bit of an obsession with scented candles and owns too many. Most of them are some kind of forest scent

He drinks peppermint tea religiously

Is actually a really good cook (not as good as hero but still close)

Has really cold hands so he wears gloves/hand warmers in the winter

After the good ending he becomes really close with sunny again.

Loves studio ghibli, his favourite film is 'when marnie was there'

Sometimes writes letters to sunny instead of texting him. These letters will have photographs in and pressed flowers etc.

He has his ears peirced. Aubrey went with him to get them done.

Wears gold jewellery instead of silver.

Has really old friendship bracelets he never takes off

Tried to learn how to crochet but couldn't focus on it long enough

He listens to cavetown and mitski (and taylor swift but that's his secret)

Carries around crystals for luck

He only ever wears converse and has had the same pair for years. He can't let go of them.

Still sleeps with stuffed animals

Hums to songs when doing jobs

Always forgets to do homework so he ends up doing it last minute, on the bus.

Can't go anywhere without headphones, like is never seen without them

Sometimes when he needs advice he will call hero. (His older brother fr)

He visits maris grave often to place flowers for her. He still feels guilty for what happened but knows she would have forgiven him and sunny so he tries to not give himself a hard time. He often tells her about how sunny is doing.

Plays genshin and mains venti

He has blonde eyelashes and eyebrows that match his hair naturally

Had to have braces at one point

Watches horror films alone for fun. (Everyone finds this a bit disturbing but it's harmless)

Will cry when he finds anything overwhelming, positive or negative.

Wears cardigans all the time, some of them are from his grandma

Really loves sweet food and doesn't like sour things at all

Has a surprisingly high spice tolerance and will eat spicy food without any problems

Has a photography account on Instagram

His lockscreen is a picture of pot plants in his garden. The one in the centre is a white tulip.

Has a small collection of CD's in his room and prefers to play them instead of listen to music online.

Has an annotated copy of 'the picture of dorian grey'. Hero bought it for him becuse of the character basil in it. He loved it and has read it multiple times.

Sunburns easily so he wears sunscreen constantly

He's a little bit afraid of dogs but gets over it when he gets to know them

Gets car sick on long journeys so he sleeps to avoid it

Mint chocolate chip is his favourite ice cream flavor

Shows up early to everything so he can't be late and miss out on something.

Had a pokemon phase as a kid

Loves bugs, especially moths. he takes pictures on his phone whenever they land on him.

Spends most of his time at school in the library as he doesn't have many friends there. (Aubery doesn't bully him anymore after the good ending but has a new friend group, kel also has a new group)

Goes to therapy now !!!

Relationships with the main cast after the good ending :

Aubery - doesn't bully him anymore and talks to him outside of school (Took him to get his ears peirced and helped him with dying his hair)

Kel - not close anymore, they don't speak often but he will always say hi when seeing him.

Hero - becuse he is at college they don't see each other often but they have exchanged phone numbers and basil calls him often.

Sunny - similar to hero becuse he moved away but still extremely close with him. Basil considers him still to be his best friend. They call often and meet whenever they can. (Honestly he still has a small crush on him)

Mari - he goes to her grave quite a bit to talk to her. Despite everything he still tells her about everyone, what they are up to and how they are getting on. He finds it peaceful talking to her like he used to before the incident.

[edtriestowrite]

Yjh and Kdj as autistic persons (headcanons)

This was inspired from @dontheckinswear post! Btw, sorry if there's any mistake!

Yjh's hyperfixation is swords and interesting ways to kill people, and maybe the way the human mind works

kdjs hyperfixation is obviously twsa

yjh probably comes randomly to lgy (i BELIEVE that they have a good relationship where they infodump about their hyperfixations and talk about kdj), ysa, or kdj and it's like "i will infodump about the most interesting ways to kill people, my current hyperfixation, if that's okay"

yjh, kdj and lgy are the autistic, lgbtq family (yes, i do have the headcanon that lgy is aromantic, for some reason i don't know yet)

kdj would randomly enter into the house and read twsa AGAIN, and then go to yjh to infodump and getting excited about it (kdj to yjh, giggling: "i will infodump about twsa for the next hours" yjh, sighing: "here we go again... Yes, you can infodump about it."

kdj bought sound canceling headphones that match with yjh's

•yjh is constantly telling kdj to do not have his music so loud, even when he's with his headphones on (even though yjh does the same thing. Let him be he's worried about his husband)

kdj randomly asks yjh to just sit on his chest (for pressure therapy)

and then yjh asks for physic contact from kdj all the time. Only with kdj and biyoo.

yjh is more of, like, expressing with images of the autistic creature. He loves that thing.

for yjh, is an obligation to cook kdj's comfort food at least once a week, and even keeps the ketchup, tomato, and anything tomato-related (???) away from kdj and kdj's food as well

they compete in who makes the best thesis on their shared hyperfixations (Yjh, showing his powerpoint and thesis of 40 pages of the studio ghibli's art: "you cannot defeat me." Kdj, with his 55 page thesis, multiple powerpoints and with a GODDAMn WHOLE PODCAST about studio ghibli's metaphors, smirking)

when kdj gets overwhelmed, he just goes away from the world, and yjh helps him by wrapping him into a blanket like a burrito

when yjh gets overwhelmed, he just goes nonverbal (is not too different anyways), and only communicates with kdj via notes

hsy is their adhd bestfriend

[larascorner]

Get to know me ☕️✨🍂

Hey! I’m Lara, 24 yo and from Italy. I don’t really know what I’m doing here but here’s some stuff that I like:

Reading and visiting bookstores for hours

Autumn and Christmas time

Stationery and journaling

Traveling

Daydreaming and overthinking (I don’t really like doing the second one but it’s very related to the first one)

Knitting, although it’s been some time since I’ve knitted something

Learning about mental health and waiting till I can afford therapy again

Watching teen dramas

Japanese culture and comics

Coffee but decaf because: anxiety

Dogs, of all kinds and breeds

Lists

And here’s some me time:

Some of my favorites:

Books: the Osemanverse, The catcher in the rye, Little Women, The perks of being a wallflower, Kafka on the shore, Call me by your name, The midnight library

Comics: Heartstopper, everything by Zerocalcare and Giacomo Bevilacqua, Haikyu, Nana, Toradora, Blue Flag, Kabi Nagata’s diaries

Tv series: Gilmore Girls, Friends, This is us, Atypical, Heartstopper, Sex Education, Never have I ever, Anne with an E, Sherlock, Skins, Stranger Things, Fleabag

Movies: Your Name, Spirited Away and everything by Studio Ghibli, Lady Bird, Harry Potter

Musicians: Twenty One Pilots, Yungblud, chloe moriondo, Tananai, girl in red, Måneskin, RADWIMPS, the 1975, Arctic Monkeys, ariete

And finally, some random facts about me:

I’ve always wanted to become a translator but since last year I have no idea what I want to do with my life

I’m studying foreign languages and literatures at university

I’m a socially anxious introvert

I love animated movies way more than “normal” movies

I’ve been writing articles about books and comics on a website for two years

I would literally die for my dog

My cousin lives in Thailand and I went there four years ago: best trip of my life

My latest addiction is Sylvanian Families

I’ve been sleeping with the same plush (a pink duck named Pape) since I was two

I’m a virgo sun, libra rising, taurus moon and I love astrology memes

I’ve had a bookstagram account for 4 years and idk if I’m ever using it again

That’s all for now, wish you a lovely stay in this random dump of my life 🫶🏻

[anonmothgod]

gush time about gf

My gf doesn't use tumblr, and doesn't know that this account exist so imma list off things I adore about her

pokemon! She's able to name every single one of them and loves alot of challanges and nuzlockes. She makes really good teams (imo since I don't know pokemon that well) and shows me art of them all the time for "exposure therapy". She loves alot of nitendo games as she grew up with a DS and a Wii, and she still has her Switch she got when it first came out.

Studio Ghibli, she took me out to see Princess Monoke in theaters in the sub. She's so happy to show me the movies and I love them! I've seen Spirited Away, Howl's Moving Castle, Princess Monoke, and we are going to see Ponyo next tuesday.

Gundum. Her and her grandfather bond over building the sets and she's determined to find the perfect first set for me. It's cathartic writing while she's slowly piecing and connecting them together, and I can admire the craftship that comes with making Gundum.

Cats! Her instagram feed is nothing but cat videos. She'll send me cat memes, videos, even wanting to get a cat to adopt (We agreed once were in our own place that we would get a cat. Preferably a older senior cat.) She has so many cat items too; a cat lamp, cat themed phone case, cat theme lunch box, cat purse, cat wallet, even a cat lanyard and a cat reel for her badge at work.

I have more to say but I don't wanna make the post a mile long lol

[thewoodbetweenalloftheworlds]

sometimes I think I'm the worst version of a human being to ever exist and the world is a meaningless hell scape and usually that just means I need to watch Princess Mononoke again and then I'll be fine

[beatsboy]

7.5.24 day 12 of romanticizing my life until i love myself again

brat in the street

found an old song on a sheet of paper written before my egg cracked. revealing

fuck you, you’re not my king, it ends. funny that my first single is literally “(i’m your) king” and it’s about my breakup

used my uber eats for the first time in like a year and it came with my deadname. amazing

tested positive for covid after rushing out of my house to go pick up my friend’s dog i’m taking care of while they’re out of town, thinking i was just coming down with a cold (there was no human interaction in this exchange)

after driving/walking from 10am til 1pm essentially i came home, feeling like shit, and decided to take a covid test, and here we are

i miss tb so much when i get sick. i miss the way they would make me soup, tea, bring it to me in bed. how we’d watch studio ghibli movies and pretend it wasn’t sunny outside so i would feel less trapped indoors. i miss the way they never cared that i was sick in the way i do, in the way that i’m afraid of getting sick (partially because i’m immunocompromised, but i was v paranoid even before i found that out). they’d just cuddle me, hold me, take care of me, and do chores in between while i was sleeping during the day

and i was always so upset. why? just because i got sick. because i couldn’t do things. in the last year of our relationship, i remember getting covid before fluid, being so upset i couldn’t prep and work and get money for the show. when i got covid the first time, in the first year of our relationship, i was so upset i couldn’t be there for cori, and yet, i was given a chance, to just be taken care of and do nothing else. realizing now, that that was the only time i’ve ever really had that, other than zeke (hs boyfriend lmao do not have to redact his name bc i know he will never see this), and i regret not cherishing it in the moment, instead being so angry at the illness in my body stopping me

i know i crave tb and grow weaker in this breakup (it’s been over a year since we broke up sort of, but we spent all last summer being in and out of it, broken up but not very well), in september it will have been a year since they moved out. since it was really real. it wasn’t real before then. we kept trying to go back to us, to see the changes in action, but every time we tried to put them in action, after seeing ourselves be able to do it on our own, the work, the healthy behaviors, we would just fall into the same cycles. and by september, i was done. i was done trying, working. i was exhausted. we almost spent $3000 on couples therapy. we were 26! i know now, all we needed was space and independence, and to work on our own respective traumas. and then there is the question if i want to be with this person at all, beyond codependency, beyond the linger, beyond the rumination, beyond the addiction

i know, that after a breakup, you spend so long in the ruminating phase, as they’re calling it these days. or, at least i do. i spent 4 out of 5 years of my flirtationship with my ex, jb, ruminating, pining, and thinking that someday we would end up together. of course, i dated other people, fucked other people, but i was never over him. not even when i dated kc, my girlfriend after college. not even then had i really gotten over him. and then, one day i did, like magic, and everything changed. i hate to give credit to him, and it wasn’t just him of course, it was going no contact with my father (and dating jb was very much an instance of wow i dated my dad), allowed me a freedom i had never known before. the awareness of being perceived by that kind of man was holding me back so much more than i would have liked to thought. my idea of myself revolved around what i thought both those men would find impressive (dad) or attractive (jb), and most of the time both in my ex’s case.

i never had that fear with tb. i never worried about them finding me attractive or impressive. i never worried about how they would perceive me. i changed in front of their eyes, and there were some hard conversations along the way (i.e. do you like men or do you just like me, because if you’re not legit sexually attracted to men you can’t be attracted to me) and i watched them change, too. but, by the end of our relationship, i was a completely different person. i act like i changed so much from 2020 to the end of 2021, and i did. i shaved my head, i tattooed my face, i did things i didn’t even know existed, i also got very addicted to cocaine. and tb met me in that era, when i was a femme karaoke queen who was in the middle of the most succession ass family drama they’ve ever heard in real life. and they just, loved me. and they watched me grow and change, soften and harden, break down and rebuild myself. reinvent myself. again.

but i remember also, when i had to buy myself flowers. when i had to choose all our date nights. when i became so in charge for some reason. and they would do things for me, anything i asked, but eventually, they never did things i didn’t ask for. i asked for a lot, i know. things were unbalanced, in both directions

i think about “king” my song from our breakup. it was all about ownership. love is not belonging to someone, i know that now, that’s just how i was taught. i don’t want to love like a king, i don’t even want to live like one. it sounds so lonely, and i am already feeling a bit too much of that at the moment.

i know this is a lung disease but finally broke down and smoked some weed to help me sleep, and maybe eat something. it’s hard to eat without it, and i don’t have a lot of food at home right now (will probably have to really give in and instacart tomorrow)

tb offered to come bring me groceries even though they’re working for the next 7 days basically. why can’t i just let them love me

i need it

i want it

[mi4011mariaperera]

Off Topic - Animation idea No. 2 (school life)

09/05/2024

Before I type in my idea, I would like to thank one of my school friends Shavini for reminding me of this song and giving me the idea to create this animation someday.

Have you even listened to a song that make you feel nostalgic? A song that takes you down a trip of memory lane? I bet you have.

For me that song is 'What once was' by Her's. Go ahead and have a listen to it.

I don't know how Her's did it, but they've managed to create a beautiful song that makes so many people feel nostalgic and look back at distant memories.

Whenever I listen to this song I remember my school days in particular. To be honest, I have a love-hate relationship with school. Most of the time school was a living nightmare with judgmental and rude teachers and nuns (Not all of them. There were a few of them who understood and cared for the students) who would force us to maintain this idealistic standard of being a student and pressured us to get 9A's (For O/Ls) and 3A's (A/Ls).

But, regardless of living in this nightmare fuel, we had our friends and classmates to relate to. So many girls in our classes that we can get our therapy from by 'impersonating the rude teachers', 'gossiping about teachers', 'hiding from the teachers before after school classes started', 'skipping classes to hide in the library or walk around the science labs', 'Playing cricket with the entire class when we have a free period', 'sports meet' 'school public shows'. (I'm tearing up while typing these)

The best part was being alone in class with all these amazing girls. Some of them could sing, some of them could dance, some of them could play instruments like the violin and guitar and some of them could draw. (Like me :D) So many unique and talented girls were in school and I hope they are doing well. (Even the mean ones I guess. Hopefully they've learned to finally grow up and mature.)

I remember big match session in school used to be so crazy because the guys from the 'only boys' schools' would jump into our school and run around near the classes waving their school flags.

I can go on and on about my school memories. I may not want to go back to learning in school. But I would do anything to experience that nostalgic feeling again. It makes you feel sad but in a good way.

If I were to make an animation on my school life, I would like to make it in a way that it's only relatable to me. I would like to talk to school friends and ask them what school felt like to them. I would love to add their experiences as well.

This would definitely be the soundtrack I add in for the entire animation.

I can also vision this animation in a studio Ghibli visual style.

I'm still not sure how the animation would start, the story boards and the color script. But at least I have the idea written down here! That's more than enough for the time being.

Hopefully once I finish working on Nakamura's animation, I can get started with this. I can't wait!!!

[relativelydefected]

I havnt posted in awhile. I just keep finding myself in deeper darker holes every time I turn around. Just one right after the other. It gets tough to think about let alone write about.

My mom is in the hospital again. She passed out 3 times this week again. My dad told me his struggles with bringing her up the stairs. Picking her up off the floor of their bedroom cause she couldn’t get on the bed. Went to visit her she got up to get me something and fell again.. she had two cat scans done. She has to wear a heart monitor to monitor her for an irregular heart beat. They found she had a small brain aneurism in her head.. as well as a spot in another part of her head as well. Which may be the reasons she keeps passing out. The past two days she’s had nausea. Which might explain the things going on in her head.

I quit therapy. For the simple fact that if something is to happen to my mom. I’m gonna be a wreck regardless. So no amount of therapy is going to help me with that. And I’m not using that as a scapegoat or an excuse. It’s the fucking truth. I don’t care who tells me otherwise.

No amount of breathing exercises or coping mechanism is going to help me with this portion of my life.

The kids are doing well. My daughter is clueless as to what is going on and my son is slowly starting to take into an account the seriousness of the situation. He cried about it last week and all I could tell him is that she’s fighting this she’s strong and that we’re gonna get through this together.

Things I should probably say to myself but knowing the reality of the situation. It’s tough to think that way while at the same time trying to prepare for something that might be inevitable.

I havnt been to the bike path for the past few days due to having a cold and this bipolar New England weather.

I even bought a longboard. Just to try something new.

Havnt been able to fully try it out cause it’s either raining or I’m sick or my kids are sick and I have to be home.

Havnt been able to see my mom the past week cause I’m fighting off this cold that doesn’t want to go away.

On a more semi positive note.

I met this guy on tiktok we talked for two days before we decided to hang out. What’s funny is he lives right down the street from me..He’s a single dad I’m a single mom.. he has a good job his own place.. he’s younger than me and that’s a first for me but I thought why not give it a shot. Really cute.

Has a stutter but that is also really cute .. we are both gamers we both like studio ghibli and Star Wars. We went to the mall he was so nice and easy to talk to he gave he gave me a hug it was just really lovely. It felt good to be treated like a lady after 11 years of being treated like garbage..I definitely felt a connection. Then of course my own insecurities took hold and I think I messed up the entire thing. He seems like such a good dad and he has all these nice qualities but some how some way I always manage to mess up a good thing. That’s my life. It’s like I psych myself out every time. I can’t just let things flow or be. Maybe he’s not attracted to me? I don’t know..

He has a twitch I watch it, try to message but don’t hear back so not much I can do 🤷🏽‍♀️ think im just gonna stop messaging at this point.

It felt good to go out shop and have fun and not think about the crap going on in my life so for like 5 hours I was at peace for the first time in months.

Good things never last. They are rare but fleeting.

You’d think I’d be used to it by now but im not.

But I tried right? Even if it didn’t work out.. I can say I tried to meet someone and put myself out there.

But I also feel guilt about being happy. When everyone around me is falling apart.

Maybe when I go back to work it will be a distraction from all this. But I can’t go back till I figure out my daughters situation with school or whether i need to put her in daycare full time.

Cause I can’t do both and I have no one to help me in this situation unfortunately.

I’ll try to update more. If you guys have prayers I could always use them.

#depression #anxiety #terminalcancer #stage4cancer #breastcancer #mentalhealth #life

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

170 of 2023

Created by riseagainst328

You're turning 16 soon: You're in driver's ed: You're a bit of a Tumblr addict: People think you and your best friend like each other: You do like your best friend but would never admit it: You have no idea what stereotype you would be considered: But you're perfectly fine with that: You're obsessed with your Doc Martins: You will always be a Converse kid at heart: Warped Tour is the best day of the year: People think you're kind of strange: You didn't have real friend until high school: You want to move to Washington state: Your dream is to be in a band: You idolize your favorite musicians: You're stoked for Halloween: People think your halloween costume is lame: You dye your hair unatural colors: Your school is full of peasants: You've hurt yourself on purpose before: You aren't ashamed of who you are: The thought of being told you need therapy scares you: You think the female body is more impressive than the male: You want to be in a relationship: But having sex doesn't really interest you at this point: You've kissed more than one of your friends: You're in all honors/ap classes at school: Tu parles francais: (you spelled it wrong) You think your best friend is perfection incarnate: You would bang Taylor Jardine if given the chance: Alex Gaskarth is perfect: You should be doing homework right now: You don't really know who you are: Psychology interests you: You don't have a religion: You love drinking tea: Starbucks is love: You think iPhones are overrated: Even though you love yours: Most of your wardrobe is dark colors: You own 15 or more band shirs: Flannels are awesome: You love them boys who wear beanies: You don't like talking about 7th grade: You had somewhat of a 'scene' phase: Music is one of the only things with the power to make you cry: Your dad is one of the only reasons you're still alive: Friends mean more to you than family: Love never seems to work out in your favor: Someone has written a song or poem for/about you: You don't think anyone is proud of you: You smoke cigarettes: You tend not to drink alcohol: You get really reckless at times: You change your mind constantly: Dances aren't your scene: You've been to 5 concerts just this year: You don't trust most of the people you know: Studio Ghibli movies are amazing: The person you were in love with has attemtped suicide: No one has capture your heart quite like they did: You think life is absolutely beautiful: But you have trouble seeing it sometimes: You've lost someone who meant the world to you: You're considering becoming a vegetarian: You miss someone so bad it hurts: You don't cry very often anymore: You get complimented on your eyes a lot: You're short: You love to read: You're protective over the people you love: You need a hug right now: You don't like your name: There's something you need to say to someone: You don't have many regrets: You want to get your tounge pierced: You know a lot of random facts: You have a lot of secrets: You think you're unattractive: Your friends have voted you the 'pretty friend': You love being alone: You aren't afraid of many things: Christmas is overrated and commercialized: Freshman year was the best and worst at the same time: Sophmore year has been relatively uneventful: You REALLY need a hug now...: You defend pop punk: You're a good liar: Last night was a good night: You wish you could be friends with your ex: You sing while you pee when you're home alone: You don't understand why people like you: You've made someone cry: You've been kissed on a dare: You're a girl, but would love to make out with a girl you know: You don't know how to label your sexuality; So you don't: Boobs are awesome: You're thinking of taking a year off before college: You have no idea what you're doing to your life: You have a song on repeat right now: You're a virgin: You want to ask someone out, but you're scared: You look like your dad: You aren't really like your parents: You often feel out of place: Writing is one of your passions: One of your friends insists that she's a hipster: She is far from being one: Memories haunt you: Only one person has ever made you feel truly beautiful: You should be sleeping right now: Facebook is annoying: You have a Twitter just to follow celebrities: Autumn is the best season: You have an accent:

[lastoneout]

GREAT!

I want to preface this by saying I was not one of those kids who never learned about other countries. I only had PBS which exclusively played educational shows, I was obsessed with segments about travel that came up in those shows, and my ADHD ass used to spend hours in class staring at the world map on the wall instead of paying attention.

Anyway! Back when I was a little kid watching my first few Studio Ghibli movies on VHS tapes rented from god knows where I remember really liking Sheeta's voice in Castle in the Sky. I had no idea why she sounded the way she did, but I knew it wasn't an American accent because that's what all the other English VAs had and also I lived in America, but it wasn't a British accent either, but I was also like eleven and had no idea how to figure out what type of accent someone had, so I simply assumed she either Just Talked Like That(I was in speech therapy and had strong opinions about being forced to Speak "Correctly" for no reason so this was based in my mind) or had some weird niche European accent I'd never heard before. It didn't really matter, I thought her voice was beautiful and mysterious and I legit used to focus on her lines because they sounded that lovely to me.

Side note, it's incredible I didn't realize I was bisexual sooner.

So I filed that away as just something that was going on with that actress and didn't think about it again for the next *checks calendar* like fifteen years despite rewatching the movie DOZENS of times within that time period.

A few months ago I decided to rewatch Castle in the Sky again because I hadn't watched it in a while and I knew it was one of my favorites, and lo and behold!! Sheeta starts talking and I go "wow man I love her voice I really wonder what's going on with the way she talks....WAIT A FUCKING SECOND!!"

Her english VA is from New Zeland. She has a New Zeland accent. I know what that accent sounds like, I have for years, I've MET people who live there, I've also read Anna Paquin's wikipedia page and seen OTHER MOVIES SHE'S IN, but somehow I never fucking put the pieces together. Literally the most American shit I've ever done my ass is here like "what an ethereal voice I wonder why she sounds like that it really makes her feel like a princess from another world I guess she just has a special voice-" GIRL SHE'S FROM FUCKING NEW ZELAND.

I do stand by her voice being beautiful tho, I absolutely love it and her accent and I do think having her have an accent no one else in the cast does adds to the air of mystery about her. I just feel SO fucking stupid for never actually realizing what the fuck was going on. Anyway feel free to mock me for this, I deserve it.

y'all wanna hear the most American(tm) shit I've ever done