#time for another reread me thinks!!!!

[theputterer]

thinking about her again ("Folklorn" by Angela Mi Young Hur)

[ruporas]

invisible scars (referenced previous talk here)

[ID: A colourless, digital Trigun comic of Vash and Wolfwood talking about Wolfwood's scars. They're both laying in bed and topless. Vash lays on top of Wolfwood, playing with the rosary around his neck. Then, Vash kisses a spot on Wolfwood's chest. Wolfwood asks, "What are you doing?" Vash smiles sadly, "You got shot here. In the last town we visited. You didn't even bother moving."

Vash props himself up over Wolfwood, who frowns slightly. Wolfwood is quiet for a moment before he says, "You remember that, huh?" Vash grabs Wolfwood's left wrist and brings it to his face. "And here." He kisses another spot there. "When you helped free the hostages from that robber..." Wolfwood dismissively says, looking away, "Was a lucky shot." Vash huffs, “Don’t brag. Jeez.”

Half of Wolfwood's expression is shown, eyes returning to Vash who is now sitting up, continuing to say, "And..." Vash goes on and kiss Wolfwood's right palm. "You got cut here, even though that girl was aiming at me." A moment from the past flashes, of Wolfwood grabbing a knife aimed at Vash, his hand bleeding.

At present, Vash moves down and puts another kiss on Wolfwood's right shoulder. "And here, from watching my back." Another memory flashes of Wolfwood and Vash back to back. Vash looks back as Wolfwood grins while holding Punisher, bleeding from multiple gunshots in his shoulder.

"And," Vash combs up Wolfwood's hair to reveal his forehead, "Here." A final memory shows Wolfwood with a regeneration vial in his mouth while getting shot on his temple. The next panel is framed in blood with Vash at the center, eyes wide and stunned in horror. The next panel is a closed up shot of Wolfwood's eye, locked on Vash's face.

Back to present, Vash’s head is bowed down as Wolfwood raises a hand to his nape and says, “Spikey.”

Wolfwood looks serious and frowns as he says, "We talked about this. Those were my decisions. They're not there anymore. Forget about them." Vash looks very sad before he smiles ruefully and says, "I still see them. All the time." He leans down so they touch foreheads. Wolfwood’s sorrowful expression can be seen as Vash says, "You protect so much. I could never forget what you've done to me. And many others..."

In the last image, they're drawn more cartoonishly. Wolfwood sweats and asks, "You don't actually remember every wound, right?" Vash points at a spot on his chest. "Kuroneko left a scratch here 7 times." Wolfwood, startled, says, "Why the hell are you keeping count—" End ID]

Credits for ID here and here

[sysig]

Two skeletons in a trench lab coat (Patreon)

Bonus:

He’s very careful! Everything was fine before you interrupted!

[sirenofthegreenbanks]

《山河令》 WORD OF HONOR (2021) | Episode 20

Dear, the kiss that steals your breath Will steal your soul instead When night is all that's left So wait, keep your heart inside My hand won't keep it safe I'll just feed on dreams and smile as hope slowly dies –The Rigs, Run Baby Run

[ozonecologne]

having a hannigram moment

[kizunarae]

a mismatched mess: a fitz and molly essay

In my re-read of ROTE, I am struck again by the profound mismatch between Fitz and Molly. Neither complements the other, and their relationship is fraught with tension and incompatibility. However, what really compels me to write this is what seems to be the prevailing sentiment within the fandom that places the blame squarely on Fitz’s shoulders. I believe that this perspective is an oversimplification and rather unfair to Fitz. The demise of their relationship was not unilaterally caused by Fitz; rather, it was a shared unraveling.

I will be focusing solely on events up to the end of Royal Assassin, avoiding spoilers for subsequent books. I will put it under a read more as it will be long...

I want to disclaimer that while I may appear fairly critical of Molly's behavior, I do not think she did anything particularly wrong and do believe her emotions and reactions are largely justified. It is just precisely because of who she is (and who Fitz is) that I believe they are a bad match. Additionally, I think Fitz's wrongs have been hashed out extensively so I will only briefly touch on points I disagree with and not elaborate overmuch on his failures in their relationship.

I will begin with their first reunion in Royal Assassin. Fitz has just returned to the Keep after being on his deathbed for several months. Each person he encounters barely recognizes him through his wasted and sickly appearance. Fitz, embarrassed by his weakness, pulls a foolish move: he claims to be drunk when a passing serving girl—none other than Molly—crosses his path. His attempt to save face and avoid interaction turns futile. And yet, despite the evidence that Fitz is clearly sickly in appearance, Molly's first reaction is not concern. It is not to hear his side of the story nor to find out how he has been, nor consider anything that he may have gone through. Instead, she is focused only on her own experiences, and her own feelings and thus responds only with pure outrage and begins firing off accusations with misplaced anger.

Without basis, she accuses him of courting her and then abandoning her. I think many take this claim at face value, because "Fitz should have known what he was doing" (as Patience also intoned). However, let's consider the books have established a three-year age gap between Fitz and Molly. Thus, in Assassin's Apprentice, Fitz would have been begun "courting" Molly at around the age of 13-15 while Molly was 16-18. Even without viewing this through a modern lens, this claim feels like a stretch to me. Imagine expecting a young boy, barely schooled in social norms, to understand that strolling through town with a childhood friend equals courtship. No words or actions passed between them that indicated anything more than friendship. I believe Patience's scolding and instructions were fitting and commendable. However, Molly’s internalization of this narrative against Fitz seems misplaced and unfair, given her knowledge of their shared history and relationship.

Then, after he shares his concern for her about what he saw in his dream. She accuses him of purposely scheming and attempting to deceive her; that he must have heard her whole story in the tavern and is just making fun of her. This is again a very unfair characterization for her to place on Fitz; nothing she knows about him should indicate that he would do something like this at her expense.

She has a right to be upset that Fitz kept his true identity from her. But he also had a right to do so. She gave him no grace and despite his apparent weakened state, she did not allow him to give any explanations. Worse, because of how Fitz is, he immediately accepts her view of the situation and berates himself for not realizing the courtship, despite having had no tools of his own to recognize that. This pattern continues throughout their relationship.

And this, in essence, is what makes Fitz and Molly such a toxic pair. She accuses him of things he does not intend or cannot change, and he, like a sponge, absorbs them as truth, eroding his own perspective and identity. And on the other side, I believe Molly deserves someone who will challenge her. Someone to stretch her boundaries, broaden her horizons. A companion who could wholeheartedly dedicate their life to a family and business together in partnership. Because, while not necessarily a flaw, she has blinders on and focuses largely on her personal happiness and fulfillment. She does not want to bother with thinking of the realm, the raiders or the help other families may need. This is a chasm between her and Fitz, whose heart bleeds for his people's misfortune and feels a duty to his station and Kings. Instead of embracing and appreciating Fitz's compassionate heart and will to make the Six Duchies a better place, she frequently berates him and minimizes his feelings by accusing him of only being a mere king's pawn unable to think and choose for himself.

Especially as readers, we know this isn't the whole truth. We’ve witnessed Fitz’s tears for a dead child cradled in his arms, felt the fire of vengeance burning within him against the raiders. Molly has not, and yet, it does not seem she cares to know. To each of Fitz's explanations, she complains and argues. While we only get the taste of a few of these encounters, Fitz comments that it is a frequent topic of contention between them.

Molly wants Fitz to fit into her mold and she wants what makes her happy to be what makes him happy. She longs for the days when Fitz was only Newboy. She says she just doesn't understand the things he tells her, and yet I feel this is the same "not understanding" that Fitz employs with the Fool; in fact, it is very much understood, it is just not what they want to acknowledge as truth. Because Fitz is not Newboy, and because she subconsciously blames Fitz for not being Newboy, she thus does not put in effort to know and accept Fitz for who he is. I do not consider her calling Fitz as Newboy throughout Royal Assassin a simple nickname; to me it speaks of Molly desperately trying to reverse time and put Fitz back in the box she liked him best in.

I think exactly how little Molly knows Fitz is further illustrated by the Nighteyes-as-Fitz scene. It is a weird and, in some ways, humorous scene, but what struck me is how Molly appears to know Fitz so poorly that she did not sense anything amiss about an intimate encounter with a literal wolf in Fitz-clothing.

Returning to Fitz's identity and 'lies' throughout their relationship, I personally do not believe that Fitz owed her the truth of his identity from the beginning. It was a deeply personal matter and I believe it was not wrong for him to keep it private. As a young boy, he felt his status as a bastard was deeply shameful, and it is no wonder he would not share it. In my opinion, he would have a duty to disclose if he had truly begun to court her, however he was never given this chance.

So, did he continue to lie after his identity was revealed to her? I do not believe so. He shares much with her about what he does, and about Verity and King Shrewd. It is not a question to me that he would not be able to disclose every detail of what he knows; his knowledge of his kingdom's affairs and his identity as an assassin are not entirely his secrets to share. There are surely modern equivalents of this as well. It is hardly unusual to be unable to share some portions of one's work with one's partner. However, Molly deems this as unacceptable and unforgiveable, despite her lack of interest in what he does— a further inherent incompatibility in their relationship. Instead of offering understanding and support for the isolation that Fitz must feel for being in such a position with his Kings, she resents him for things he has no real power to change. Keep in mind if he had left the Kings' protection at the time, his life would surely have been threatened as Chivalry's was lost. Molly should be able to understand this, and yet she cannot see past her current unhappiness.

In her time at the Keep, Molly also puts a large amount of pressure on Fitz. She is out of her element, she has had a traumatic experience, she knows no one at court. And so, she often complains to Fitz that he doesn't spend more time with her. In a very unhealthy way, she attempts to force him to be everything for her at the Keep— her only social outlet, her support, her protector. Due to this, her resentment for Fitz and his choices grows with every moment he is not with her, and she spends much of their time together asking him to turn away from who and what he is to start a life together.

In the end, both hold the other up as idealized versions one could never hope to fulfil; Molly wants Fitz without his royalty or passion for his people. Fitz yearns for Molly, stripped of independence, her self-driven, entrepreneurial nature tucked away. In their relationship, they offer only moments of fleeting comfort punctuated by feelings of sadness and blame. They cannot fulfill each other's expectations. Molly is unable to bolster Fitz's confidence in himself and the peace and acceptance he desperately craves remain elusive. And likewise, Fitz cannot offer Molly purpose or allow her the sense of security she desires under which to prosper her business and family.

And so, these two are ill-matched and ill-fated, clinging through each other to the last vestiges of a childhood they wish they did not have to leave behind. 

[concert-bflat]

Thinks about how. Gloreth only starts looking at Nimona differently/strangely when her parents call her a "monster". Just throws that label with such a negative connotation on her. Gloreth fucking fights for Nimona immediately in the beginning saying that she's her friend and never once looks at her with ridicule until her mom just holds her by the shoulders and tells her she's a monster, straight in the eye, straight in the face. And just the word is enough to cause the change.

Nimona's getting fucking attacked and prodded and Gloreth doesn't even feel sorry for her just because she's now re-contextualizing everything around her but with that word. I'm so sick. She looks not in hesitance but at disbelief before she runs away. She sees Nimona trying to defend herself from literal Danger in any way she can (she's just a kid and she's fighting with people who won't listen, never will, people that she can't get through) but just sees that as more proof of her being violent, monstrous. She sees her friend all alone, with the odds and the world stacked against her despite them being. so similar but just tells her to go back to the shadows.

And like. Of course she believes those words calling Nimona a monster and takes them to heart. Her parents, the ones she would probably trust most are the ones that told her that. And she's young, she doesn't know much about the world or much better. And of course, her parents and the whole village don't know any better. They didn't see what she saw. They don't know or feel the need to know much more than the definition of the word "monster". But it hurts. God it hurts. It's wrong. It's not fair. It's really not fair.

And it causes this whole legend that will stay with Nimona to ridicule her for generations and generations and birth this system that she's trapped by and causes everyone to be so brainwashed. The one that makes people scared and build walls. That births unecessary distrust.

God. Even in the scroll illustrating Nimona and Gloreth, Nimona is portrayed as such a bigger and scarier threat than she ever could be or would be, until Nimona internalized and gave into those images and despair of course. It's not fucking fair.

Thinking about how when the villagers saw Nimona as a "normal" person they were happy for her just living her life and playing with her friend, she was just another kid being happy like she and every ("normal", apparently) person deserves to be, and they were allowing her to be happy then when they find out what she really is they hate her. They call her a monster and drive her out immediately. They don't look into the details that contradict the stigma, they just feel betrayal when they weren't even the ones who were betrayed (Nimona couldn't fucking help being who or what she was. And she was her own person. She was still. A someone. Why do things have to be different now?). I'm so sickkk.

Thinks about how Nimona feels so hopeless as to just. Accept and yield to that label. That label that was passed down to Gloreth. To the whole world. Such simple but awful words. Aughhhhhhhhhhh

Another post I saw talks about how this is a movie about how hate is taught. And oh my god it is. Hate it taught. It's done so simply yet so, painfully effectively. So devastatingly. And that hate teaches people to hate the world back. God I fucking loooove this movie

Also Nimona's such a Creature /pos /affectionate she's so relatable I fucking love her and I'm insane okay that's the post bye

[leezuhh]

sunshine court no context

[kyouka-supremacy]

Well.

[suddencolds]

~

[montypng]

every once in a while i remember that one xmen fic i read ages ago that put pietro maximoff through the most gruesome, agonizing, and soul-crushing time loop experience i have ever seen before or since and well. i am not even into xmen that much . i will never forget it.

[devilsskettle]

i think i'm finally gonna read house of leaves wish me luck

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"yes im so fine"

*researches whether i can get my hands on ipecac*

[too-young-to-fall-in-love]

Don't You Try and Make Some Fool of Me

summary:

With his world on the brink of collapse, he knows there’s no easy way out, except how maybe there is. He can only hope it’s worth the sacrifice he’s about to make. Or, the ending events of chapter 9 of Love is a Losing Game, but from Illya's perspective.

notes:

inspired by Love is a Losing Game by @cha-melodius <3 The fic may or may not make sense without the original, I really can't say, but REGARDLESS I think everyone should read Love is a Losing Game because it's LITERALLY SO GORGEOUS AND SO AMAZING I am in love with it, probably, and there aren't enough words for me to express how much I absolutely adore it.

tags:

Falling out, Emotional Hurt No Comfort, Angst, inspired by another fic, competitive chess au, Napoleon Solo Needs a Hug, Illya Kuryakin Needs a Hug, Mutual Pining, Angst without a happy ending, but there is a happy ending in the original fic, POV Illya Kuryakin

excerpt:

Anger courses through him, thick and revolting, a nauseating combination of fire and ice that shakes him to his very core. He isn’t even certain what he’s mad at, nor who. Napoleon, for putting him in this position? Oleg, for causing this to exist in the first place?  As he lifts a trembling hand to Napoleon’s door, it’s really impossible to say what the true source of his anger is, because upon seeing Napoleon, it’s gone as though it were never there. The relief in Napoleon’s eyes leaves him breathless and for a moment his resolve is shattered. There’s something in Napoleon’s ocean eyes that preemptively shatters his heart. Chest aching, he wonders how he could’ve ever thought he’d be able to do this.

read more on ao3

[kaurwreck]

you once mentioned that you never analyze bsd characters without considering the source material and the namesakes, and i've been looking at akutagawa's natal chart for 15 minutes because i wanted to write something about bsd!akutagawa, but i can't stop thinking about his moon in aries and how aries moon natives tend to describe their mother figures as chaotic, sometimes controlling, how they often have to pick up the pieces. and his dominant aspect being a square, a martian aspect—his life must have felt like an endless battlefield (with mercury—his mind—being affected the most). i have to agree, once you know at least a little about the namesake and their work, it feels not just unnecessary but also impossible to perceive bsd characters without considering what inspired them

Yes! There's so much intention in how Kafka Asagiri writes the influences into the characters, and once you start noticing them, the influences fit so neatly into the unspoken grooves of the characters. Which speaks to how well Asagiri knows his source material!

Also, I'm 🥺 over Akutagawa and how his mother's mental illness felt so intensely to him like something lurking within himself too (almost like... it felt like a beast... inside of him... that threatened to consume him...)

[smallblueandloud]

i have to go to bed very soon so instead i'm lying here being overcome by clintasha emotions