#love is a losing game

[music-catalogue]

[loverllyhurtswithoutyou]

"She’s not you."

"No. She’s not Rue."

"Yeah. Yeah, she’s not Rue."

[unholy-cvlt]

LOVE GAMES

I am full of bitterness and lies

And they say the soul is sitting right behind your eyes

And I'll reckon they are probably all right

They said it would be right where they would be

If I had one

If love is a losing game

Then why do we play it again

And again, and again, and again, and again, and again? Whoa

If love is a losing game

Then why do we play it again

And again, and again, and again, and again?

Love is just a healing flame

But it still hurts you just the same

And I don't want to play it all again

[glittergroovy]

Amy Winehouse

[too-young-to-fall-in-love]

A Letter From Moscow

summary:

He’s apologized a hundred times in a hundred ways, but now it’s time for Napoleon to hear what he has to say. Or, some of chapter 11 of Love is a Losing Game, but from Illya’s perspective.

notes:

inspired by Love is a Losing Game by @cha-melodius

tags:

Reunions, Alternate Universe, 60s Chess AU, Mutual Pining, Confessions, POV Illya Kuryakin, the happy ending to don't you try and make some fool of me, inspired by another fic

excerpt:

He thinks he might actually be hallucinating, that maybe the exhaustion has finally gotten to him, when he sees Napoleon standing outside the bar. He’s on his feet almost before he’s aware he’d moved. Their eyes meet and his heart drops to his stomach at the unfettered pain swimming in Napoleon’s eyes. He’s no idea how he can make it out from this distance, and it makes him sick to see it. The bell chimes cheerily, announcing Napoleon’s presence with the sort of store-bought joy that neither of them feels. It seems almost mocking, as though the universe knows that Illya’s about to lay his naked heart at Napoleon’s feet and watch it get trampled.

read more on ao3

[biagiooooo]

"Though I battle blind Love is a fate resigned Memories mar my mind Love is a fate resigned Over futile odds And laughed at by the gods And now, the final frame Love is a losing game"

[strawberry-shortcake-dreams]

[zippocreed501]

Amy Winehouse - Love Is A Losing Game (2006)

[cha-melodius]

hi! ⭐️ for love is a losing game pretty please?

HELLO I didn't mean to leave this for an entire day lol, but I've barely had a moment to breathe today and I wanted to be able to sit and think about this one.

Ok, Love is a Losing Game! So as I mention in the fic notes, I decided to write this fic after @eavos posted something in the tmfu discord server about The Queen's Gambit and how it'd make a good setting for a napollya AU. At first I didn't really think that much of it, but then I WATCHED The Queen's Gambit and the idea took hold of me like woah. Before this fic I'd written one long-form AU, and I certainly didn't expect this to become my longest ever fic, nor how MUCH I'd end up putting into it.

I've never done more research for a fic than I did for this fic. I planned it out using actual chess tournaments in the 1960s (whereupon I quickly learned just how fictional The Queen's Gambit was lol), getting into the nitty gritty of how many players and from what countries actually played them. Most of the chess games in the fic are real—I read an absurd number of tournament recaps in old archived issues of Chess Life magazine. I also got some information about grandmasters' lives and careers from various articles in there, as well as other stories online.

Illya's career wasn't really patterned off of any one player, but Napoleon's is roughly based on that of Bobby Fischer (this is one of the big reasons why, every time I think about 'filing off the serial numbers' of this fic, I reject the idea—I fear it would be written off as 'what if Bobby Fischer was gay', even when there's nothing of Fischer's personality in this). And don't get me started on the research/planning I did for the World Chess Championship at the end; I had spreadsheets to figure out the points and how to make it work out like I wanted it to.

Since this was the early days of me planning fics, I didn't have a great sense of chapters, nor did I have a very detailed outline. I'll post it here, in fact (behind a cut for spoilers, just in case).

Before I drop the rest, if anyone who's not a TMFU fan ends up reading this far, here's my tiny plea: If you love my fics, give this one a chance. You don't need to know anything about the fandom, I promise; consider it an original novel lol. But I still think this is among my best works, and it deserves to be read more than it is.

Ok, the outline. This was it—the championship, the date, very brief note about what was happening, and who won the tournament (tournaments in parentheses happened offscreen). I do not now recall what the asterisks mean lmao.

(US National Championship & Zonal, New York 1965 – Napoleon)

Hastings International Chess Congress 1966 (Jan) – Meet for the first time (Illya, Ch)*

Mar del Plata, Argentina 1966 (March) – Begin off-book games (draw, Co)

(World Chess Championship, Moscow 1966 – Illya)

Piatigorsky Cup, Santa Monica 1966 (July) – Affair begins (1–1, Illya Ch)*

Chess Olympiad, Havana 1966 (Oct) – Discovery (Soviets)

Palma de Mallorca, Spain 1966 (Nov) – Napoleon absent (Illya loses)

US Championship, New York 1966 (Dec) – Illya shows up looking for Napoleon*

Monte Carlo Tournament, Monaco 1967 (March) – Napoleon returns (Napoleon, Co)

Canadian Centennial Grand Masters Chess Tournament, Winnipeg 1967 (Oct) – Illya misses (Napoleon)*

Sousse Interzonal, Tunisia 1967 (Nov) – Napoleon wins

(Hoogovens 1968; Monte Carlo 1968; Chess Olympiad, Lugano 1968; Palma 1968)

World Chess Championship, Reykjavík 1969 (June) – Illya v. Napoleon (Napoleon)*

San Juan International Tournament, Puerto Rico 1969 (Oct) – Defection

Some of the early ones really ballooned, like Mar del Plata and the Piatigorsky Cup, because I really needed to give their relationship space to develop. And I'm so glad I did, I love all those moments and conversations they have. Sometimes I feel like I'm rushing through fics more these days, and this one was one I just allowed to grow, which is part of what makes it so delightful.

Anyway if you ever have questions about this fic please feel free to ask, I will never not want to talk about it. I love it so so much. Thank you for asking!!

[uniquemyz]

The problem is: love hurts, most of the time. Always, maybe. Your love will be the biggest cause of your pain, and will be the one for whom you will bend your ego. Choose wisely 💫

[carefulignorantghost]

Amy Winehouse quotes

[glittergroovy]

Love is a Losing Game - Amy Winehouse

[phillynessa]

Think of me when you're out, when you're out there

I'll beg you nice from my knees

And when the world treats you way too fairly

Well, it's a shame I'm a dream

I think I'll pace my apartment a few times

And fall asleep on the couch

And wake up early to black-and-white reruns

That escape from my mouth

I could follow you to the beginning

Just to relive the start

And maybe then, we'd remember to slow down

At all of our favorite parts

All I wanted was you

[too-young-to-fall-in-love]

Love is a Losing Game - Chapter Nine

to the tune of Just Like Me by Paul Revere & The Raiders

in my heart of hearts I've been associating this song with that scene since May

It is quite spoiler-y, so PLEASE read the fic first!! (also, fair warning, without the fic it may or may not make sense)

inspired by Love is a Losing Game by @cha-melodius

lyrics and analysis below the cut💕

LYRICS:

It's just like me It's just like me I act the fool That's how I'll be

But it's just like you To say goodnight And leave me all Alone to cry, waaa

-

QUOTES:

“We are all disappointed sometimes” 

“Goodbye, Napoleon” 

“He tries to tell himself he knew that this was coming, that it always had an expiration date, that it wasn’t meant to be anything real."

"None of that makes it hurt any less.”

-

ANALYSIS:

had to use all the hallway bug-throwing scenes to kinda sorta emulate Illya showing up at Napoleon's hotel room (yes i KNOW it's napoleon showing up to bother illya here, shhhh)

obviously Illya playing chess is a no-brainer hehe i love that part

also, deciding where to put in the quotes? I had no idea how to fit them in LOL but I just knew that I *had to* so I found a way. I did it with just like you because it would be just like Illya to say something like that to Napoleon before telling him goodbye (and it also comes right before the say goodbye/goodnight part so I'd say a job well done lol)

and surely the I act the fool with the part where he gets the bug, because in the fic he's talking about searching the room for bugs bc of the Russian's reputation (I think that's what it was my memory is a little clouded lol it's been awhile since I've read it) because he's acting the fool by searching for them, but then also haha silly cuz in the movie they actually ARE THERE !!!!

Yeah and the bathroom fight scene cuz Sara gave them their own bathroom fight scene. <3

AND THE ENDINGGGGGG yes I did reverse the clip where Napoleon opens the door what about it

and then pretend that when it cuts after that it's Napoleon walking away from the door. you know for more angst and things

ALSOOOOO yes I had to put in the quotes here they just added so much CRONCH to it okay (at least I think they did LOL)

end note: I really love this fic so much and I love how it captures the way Napoleon is the first to fall and how he falls so hard and how it's just like him to confess to Illya and tell him how much he cares. Also, telling him that it's real and that it's not a front (haha just like me reference go wild) but Illya still leaving him regardless because well 1) he kinda has to and 2) they're both convinced the other has no feelings.

INCOHERENT SCREAMING Sara I love this au so much

[rastronomicals]

10:24 AM EDT June 22, 2023:

Amy Winehouse - "Love Is A Losing Game" From the album Back to Black (October 27, 2006)

Last song scrobbled from iTunes at Last.fm

File under: Blue-and-Bloodshot-eyed Soul