#throwback to most of my life up to this point where most of my friendships were ‘youre a girl? i’m a girl! now we must be friends bc gender’

[sorrelpaws]

Sorrel imma listen to each song and the playlist and give my take! I wanna see how close or off or just any feedback tbh! For funzies! LMAO The first song is JUST THE VIIIBE FOR THE SHOW OVERALL <33

YOU ACTUALLY WENT THROUGH EVERYTHING honestly im so giddy over this. I'LL PUT MORE SPECIFIC THOUGHTS under the readmore, BUT U WERE PRETTY SPOT ON DUDE!!!

arrival - totally for the vibe. Just sounds like them to me daydream in blue - originally this was more so about rick/diane and how rick (badly)copes with her loss. BUT HONESTLY your interpretations centering morty's disillusionment ARE ALSO REALLY NEAT and i cant believe i didnt think of that sooner hehe i think it might be hell - YUP!!! mostly rick song but also has some lines that work for morty them changes - ALSO WORKS FOR BOTH OF THEM!! but personally i think of it more as a rick song snake eyes - I'LL ADMIT THAT THIS is half here for the vibe, BUT ALSO yeah definitely morty at a breaking point toy plane - YESSS EXACTLY!!!! i've been plugging this as a morty song basically since i found it. Very much about the dynamic between him and rick. TO BE HONEST i've never even thought about the "though this house is unchanged" LINES BUT YOU'RE SO RIGHT. RICK POTION #9. found god in a tomato - YUPPP very much their vibe. also makes me think very much about rick and just The way he is. his whole "i'm better than everyone" shtick just - YESSS EXACTLY THIS IS LITERALLY JUST rick being an asshole 180db_[130] - YUP just here for the vibe B) everything hurts - YEAH YEAH YEAH just completely rick's angsty sad miserable life no need for a leader - actually this for me is very much an evil morty song. specifically s3e7's whole plot starstruck - YUP MORTY SONG!!! for all his hurt feelings and protests, morty still obviously looks up to rick A Lot, so while he may be mad about something, he'll still go along with whatever rick wants fifteen minutes - THEM BOTH YEAH. here for the vibe cadence - this one is just kind of Rick and Morty to me. i dont even know how to explain it, just has their vibe. BUT I LIKE your interpretation a lot!! about how morty is aware of rick's self loathing and trying to kind of help him in his own way i'm your dog - YEAH. this is the most morty song ever to me. he really wants to act like he doesnt need rick, but he's also disgustingly codependent so the moment rick needs him, he comes running back. in the yard - YES!!! huge morty song. kind of has rick potion #9 vibes again, BUT I REALLY like the idea that there's some pressure to never mess up around rick, and feeling like his family prefers each other over him who is she ? - YEAH kind of here for the vibes, but also a bit for rick and diane! i don't know, i just feel like after searching for her killer for a couple of decades she might morph into less of a person and more of just an idea running on a treadmill - HEHE YESSSS morty doing everything for ricks approval to the point he sacrifices his own comfrot barbarism begins at home - YES about rick and morty's weird abusive relationship. morty not being "good enough", rick being a terrible role model/adult presence and not knowing how to be Nice call this # now - JUST FOR THE VIBES!!!! money - THIS ONE to me is about rick wanting to be better for morty, but having a really hard time stepping out of his nihilistic-asshole comfort zone. he knows he sucks, he acknowledges it, and he really wants to be better kiss me, son of god - very much a rick song hehe. specifically im imagining him in the era where he's contributing to the citadel's creation, but there's a line here that also make me think a bit about his relationship with prime (i destroyed the bond of friendship and respect between the only people left who'd even look me in the eye) birdhouse in your soul - just Rick and Morty and their relationship dungen - another Just for The Vibe song, BUT YEAH works well as a "throwback to the "good" ol' days" interpretation too drunk to come - YEPPPP RICK SONG ALL THE WAY BABY nugget killer - i'll be honest i also have no idea what this song says or means But it just Feels like rick and morty to me. i can feel it in my bones glue - YUHHHH MORTY ABOUT RICK YEOP YEP YEP YEOP oulala - YEP rick and his whole attachment and substance abuse issues two weeks - YEAH. their whole relationship

[uldren-sov]

SWTOR ELORA🖊

its her, Swtor Elora, watch her as she goes

Have some lovely throwback art by a lovely person!!!! (aka you)

Some vibes about her, her place in the Empire, and some of the hypocritical notions of being a Sith in the governmental system that benefits Sith!

I think she is one of my fave OCs in part because she is a way in which I can interface with a system that can be deeply insidious and evil, not only in the cartoonishly way that it is display, and the idea of what Good People can do in a Bad System.

So even while she may be able to change some of the most egregious aggression from the Empire; to what end is she truly effective when the very nature of the Empire is to destroy and diminish anything that is not it? But maybe lessening the outright atrocities committed on the front lines could be enough. We'll have to see.

However! I have really enjoyed her story as trying to be "different" given her awful childhood -- scar over her eye was from a knife wielded by her older brother, her exile to Dromund Kaas -- when the hypocrisy is still as blatant as it is intrinsic; she will always be Sith thus always above others. But, I am very satisfied that she has put in the blood, sweat, and tears in educating herself to push back the prejudices. Maybe that's my bias in thinking time, effort, and education, can overcome a lot of one's own ego and prejudices, but at least in her case being thrown into Nar Shaddaa at such formative years had changed her outlook irrevocably. And given her a fun edge and creativity to how she approaches a lot of her life anymore.

But I've enjoyed grappling with the destruction of her home planet a lot. The outrage, the anger, the incomprehension as to how it wasn't given a kind of mourning it deserved, how the Council allowed it all to happen. In an instant, thousands of years of history and culture was destroyed, and once more the Empire's worse enemy was the Empire itself. Her home was destroyed by the Empire yet she's expected to continue on and lead it? It's a wild conflict that keeps her up at night when Cosmia doesn't. And when Dromund Kaas was her prison, her exile, what true home is there in the Empire anymore? :) Is it really one more enemy to manage? A place she lives that she needs to strive to defeat or control?

Speaking of Ziost! Besides her eye, her only real scars are lightning scars over her hands. I imagine she truly pushed the powers of the Force to keep her alive and fighting on Ziost during those last days, to the absolute limit. The scars come from the amount of control it took to not kill people with the rage of her lightning, to the point where she probably has internal cybernetics in them that had to be operated on immediately after the devastation or else she would have lost her hands entirely. Ask her how pruny you get in a Not-Bacta tank.

And for as fun as the whole It's Just Casual, Don't Catch Feelings, trope is for her and Karo (your oc!!!! @damarlegacy ), I think it's so rewarding that they are where they are now because they put in so much time and effort into their relationship, even when they weren't in a relationship. Unapologetically themselves, yet willing to apologize when it came to the friendship and later partnership they had. It's deeply romantic, yes, but also so satisfying that they went into this with clear eyes and purposefully chose each other to love when they realized it was love. Like how powerful is that? lmao

Also parkour and gymnastic shit is fun

so are two sabers

she's a junglegym for her baby girl and pregnancy with a powerful force sensitive baby was WILD and dreads the prejudice lil cosima will face because she will not let mimi's mirialan heritage be hidden

she's considering another baby though

[watchingblsnowandforever]

No. No. NO. This can not be happening. The one thing I was most afraid of. The dreaded cliffhanger (quite literal in this case). I'm going through the 5 stages of BL grief help. And I've already reached de Nile T~T

When i first realized that Bad Buddy and ATOTS would air back-to-back, I had an inkling that something like this might happen. Because it's P'Aof. But now my brain is this close to 'killstabrip rinse and repeat' mode.

I was thinking of not watching today's episode because of the exam tomorrow, and for once, i regret not listening to the logical part of my brain.

Anyways what's done is done.

Let's move on.

I loved today's episode, and *maybe* Our Skyy has made me like ATOTS more than i originally did so bonus.

I have a lot of favourite scenes from today.

The waterfall scene where they play in the water. It's a throwback to the beach scenes from BBS. I like the similarities; in the beach, they'd escaped from their friends and family and really enjoyed themselves with each other for the first time, when their love was just starting to bloom. Here, they are already very much in love and in a secure relationship, but it's also away from their friends, a small haven just for themselves. They still enjoy each other's company and playing with each other. The ost song plays in the background, but the lines that are highlighted are "I hope you are not bored; Looking at this same old face." which just emphasizes the point that their love is still going strong.

The sleeping together scene – after the mosquito net kiss (still smiling from that) – loved the short tickling moment because it reminded me so much of the BTS of when Pat hugs Pran from behind as he plays the Thai xylophone and in real life, Nanon is trying so hard to not laugh. Loved even more the "You're an Architecture student, right? Haven't you wondered how much shaking this house can withstand?". We all know what that meant, right? (If you don't, it's nothing sweetie, just boring old people stuff. Be a child as long as you can.) Pran's reaction cracked me up but also made me want to wrap them both up in a blanket and hug them. Yeah, I'm weird like that. Also, Pran's "No, i don't want to know. I'm not curious." – of course you don't want to know, Pran, of course.

I love that they managed to fit in a song by Nanon. It was a pretty good song, too. I also really liked how fast Pran's expressions changed when Pat arrived. Saying this for probably the millionth time, but Nanon is an amazing (Off Jumpol's voice) actor.

The Pat and Hona (Chief) waking up shirtless together scene. It. Was. Hilarious. I am never ever forgetting it. Them being like: my boyfriend is going to kill me. And yeah, they probably would if they came to know. I liked the reference to PatPran ep 11 when Pran asked how many points he got out of 10. And Pat realizing it's not his faen just by the hand made me a little soft. Also liked the reference to the rangers' t-shirt that Hona had first offered to Tian. Though the first thing that came to mind after seeing it was "Tian and Pran are going to be so jealous when they (mis)understand what the t-shirt means". Ya'll have ruined my innocence so you need to suffer too.

The watch made a comeback! So happy. I really wanna know how Pran will react when Pat gives back the watch. I have a hunch to what Pat will say when he does.

As for the preview, I'm happy (and a teeny tiny bit skeptical) about Hona & Pat's and Tian & Pran's growing friendship.

[Unmute :D Do NOT repost; I'll do more than find you]

I have neither time nor energy to make more than this one clip today, but if i find the energy and motivation on Saturday (i will have literally no time tomorrow), be sure I'll make a lot of clips (at least 4 or 5). If you have any requests in the meantime, feel free to send them through my asks!

[forest-of-stories]

Throwback Thursday, Fandom Edition: Greetings From Wallglass

The Wallglass series (which I called the Wallglass Saga while I was writing it, and “The Writing Project That Ate My Adolescence” afterward) was absolutely foundational to my X-Men fandom experience, and, in some ways, my experiences in later fandoms as well.  It has its own tag here on my Tumblr, and I will very likely refer back to it in future TBT entries.  That said, it encompasses a great deal more material – whether publicly posted or not – than I can reasonably include or summarize in a single post.

A few months after I saw the first (and, at that point, the only) X-Men movie, I had barely admitted to myself that I wanted more from this universe, much less started looking for more.  A throwaway line from one of the tie-in novels, which my high school library happened to own, prompted me to start contemplating a story of everyday, non-superheroic life in a world where super-powered mutants existed.  Although I might or might not have been aware of it at the time, my idea was thematically very similar to The Common People Project, though canon characters (sometimes) played a more direct role in the Wallglass series than in most TCP works.  I also feel obligated to credit my best friend at the time for helping my contemplations become a story, even though we haven’t spoken since I graduated more than two decades ago.  She was the first person that I told about my idea, and helped me to develop key scenes in what later became – by the time I posted the first chapters to fanfiction.net – a solo project.*  I started writing and sharing what would become the first part of a planned series in early 2001, but rewrote it for the X-Men: Evolution universe a year later, and continued the story from there.  

Wallglass – a name and a setting that I had come up with before I started using it in fanfiction – was the fictional town where my two teenage protagonists, Phoebe and Stephen**, lived until Stephen moved to the Xavier Institute to master his newfound telepathic abilities.  Phoebe, who started out as the sole narrator, spent most of her page time stewing in her own angst about what these changes meant for their friendship – which had been on the verge of developing into a romance – as well as her suspicions that the Institute was kind of cult-like, and that Professor Xavier couldn’t be trusted.  This argument between the two friends is from a very, very early draft, and appeared over and over again, in some form or another, in each incarnation of the story.

The X-Men: Evolution fandom of 2002 was very well-populated with original characters, and I probably wasn’t the only writer who posted something along the lines of  “here’s what this season of the show would be like if my OCs were there!” The first two installments of the Wallglass series, told from different perspectives but set over the same timeline, were exactly that.  They converged when Phoebe resisted Xavier’s attempt to erase her memory, because of The Power Of Love Or Something.  And then I started taking notes for a sequel, followed by two more sequels after that.

The whole series ended up comprising approximately 250,000 words, and whenever I look back at the later installments in particular – which I’ve done a few times – it’s pretty clear that I didn’t always know where the story was going, and threw in characters and plot beats at random in the hopes that one of them would move it forward, without following through.  Some of those characters were my own inventions, while others were reimagined from the comics, which was also fairly common practice in X-Men media fandoms at the time.  Plot, pacing, and adherence to canon were less important than the opportunity to throw all of my feelings about certain tropes in the superhero genre into a giant pot and stir.  

The writing along the right side of the page is dialogue from a chapter in which my two protagonists are trying to navigate their new relationship after Stephen leaves the Institute and returns to live a "normal" life in their hometown.  Phoebe references “the girl that the bad guys tie to the chair while they make their nefarious plans” because they were very aware of their roles as “super-powered teenager” and “civilian girlfriend.”

But Stephen was, specifically, a psychically super-powered teenager, because of course he was. I don’t remember if I ever considered giving him another mutant ability besides telepathy, but the story would have been very different if I had. I tried to write about why that mattered in one of my journals, here:

And here:

And also here:

“How do terrifying, invasive psychic powers affect relationships, for both the people who have those powers and the people who are vulnerable to them?” is a question that I have explored in one fandom after another, from X-Men to Doctor Who to Young Justice to The Magnus Archives to The Hypnotists.  I will probably return to it in future fandoms as well.  I’m not saying that the Wallglass series explored this question, and the related emotions, in ways that entirely made sense, but it gave me plenty of space to figure out why that subject matter interested me so much.

The last story, which I drafted and then posted in 2003, ended with a brain fight between Stephen and Xavier, because of course it did.

For the time being, I’ll resist the temptation to delve too deeply into every storyline and theme that I explored in this project, the missteps that I made as a writer, or the state of the XME fandom and my own emotions at the time.  I will say that I sometimes think my first and biggest mistake was to focus so much on an ever-growing cast of original characters, but that was how I frequently approached fanfiction back then: other people’s universes were often dollhouses for playthings of my own creation.*** Although some of my choices in how I used my OCs betrayed a limited understanding of fannish culture and storytelling craft, I recognize the general importance of OCs to fandom as a whole, and I would never try to discourage anybody, especially teenagers, from using their own characters to explore the worlds and the tropes that are important to them.  (The trend of ��Mary Sue” bashing, in which I participated despite obsessively writing about OCs myself, was in full swing in the early 2000s, and I do not miss it.) 

I’ve returned to XME fanfic a few times, most recently in Ordinary Town, which was… a multi-chapter fic about an outsider perspective on the show’s first season, with a central focus on minor characters from the cartoon or comics. I like to think that I’ve learned how to keep such a story grounded in the world that the audience already knows, while inviting some emotional investment in characters that they might not have previously known or cared about; whether I’ve succeeded is for the readers to decide.  But I don’t think that I would have wanted to tell that story, from that point of view, if I hadn’t explored it in the Wallglass series first.

*My attitude and behavior around our collaborative writing is probably one of the reasons why we stopped talking to each other, but that is another story altogether.  I pulled several other friends into the orbit of the Wallglass series, too, and I am still close to some of them, so I can only express my gratitude that they were willing to play along.

**In early versions of the fic, this character’s name was Todd, but I changed it for the XME universe, which already had a character by that name.

***If I’d wanted to build a story around “my loved one has Mind Powers and I don’t trust their Mind Powers Teacher,” Sara and Jean Grey were right there, and I knew that they were right there because I’d already written about them in a different fic. Sometimes I still think about telling a similar story about them, even though the question of “should I center the feelings and character growth of non-mutants when mutants are a marginalized group in-universe?” has occurred to me off and on, sometimes with my tongue in my cheek, sometimes not.  While I’m definitely not going to delve into the strengths and weaknesses of the mutant metaphor here, the choices that I made when working with that metaphor in the Wallglass series were among the many reasons why it was a mess.

[orindas]

ok wait maybe having an epiphany

[kikuism]

Mariam!!!!!! You finished Monster 😭 omg I enjoyed reading your thoughts on the tags a lot :“) SO happy that you loved the series. Which scenes are your most favorite?

hi sel!!! i enjoyed monster so, so much. here are some scenes i loved!! in no particular order:

chapter 99, where grimmer breaks down comforting milosh.

this is the first time i cried during the manga. i.....i can't look at this scene for too long without wanting to cry again like...oh my god. the love i feel for mr. grimmer is so astronomical. the way he's been through literal hell and back and still has this much love and affection and gentleness in his heart for the children. look at the way he's holding him and hugging him.......god okay i need to step away for a moment. and johan was a cunt for doing this to this poor child.

chapter 71 where we get to see the nameless monster story in full. i love this so much. i’m such a sucker for stories in the text paralleling the events in the texts themselves, it's one of my favorite things ever. it's exactly the way a fairytale story should be....simple but eerie and the illustrations are so on point.

the library burning. tenma finally confronting johan.

tbh i still have no idea why johan did this, i guess he was just being an edge lord supreme, but go off. but the way he recounts his story to schuwald gave me chills. the way he refers to anna as his other self is really....that’s literal. that's literally how he views her—and himself. that one line just reveals so much about johan himself, and ties so seamlessly with the monster story—“so the monster split into two.” in other words, i’m obsessed. and these panels with tenma.....iconic?? Legendary??? it's just so .... tenma is the one who saved him, and now he's telling him to kill him.

tenma saving dieter. oh god.....i remember that panel of dieter’s bruises and felt so sick. god it's so unfathomable to me that people can hurt children like that. so tenma buying him the soccer ball and telling him tomorrow will be a good day got me so emotional.

tenma my beloved 😭🤍🤍🤍 omg he looks so young and unscathed here. throwback to when shit didn't really hit the fan yet

the reveal that nina in prague was actually johan all along hgjskfhfhfj girl i screamed. the way he was so shamelessly flirting with agent suk. but then again they are twins.....and johan calls her his other self. it makes so much sense. i am you and you are me.

all the scenes with eva and martin.....i loved martin so much oh my god. i wanted him and eva to be happy together. i still can't believe how he was brimming with so much character for someone we saw for such a short time. i loved how snappy and brisk they were to each other and how they came to care for one another over time. martin’s death really hurt.

johan and nina finally meeting. the reveal about the hazed memories....

my heart broke. i didn't want to feel this way about johan but, like. fuck. the way johan had internalized all of the horrible things anna had experienced and made himself believe they all happened to him....it takes i am you and you are me to a literal, heartbreaking level. and you can literally pinpoint the moment where nina’s heart just shatters. god, urasawa is such a master in drawing expressions. they are so subtle and shift so subtly but hit you like a punch.

to be honest, if there's one thing i’m not quite clear on in the manga, it's johan’s motivations. i’m still unsure why he committed all those murders, or what he was trying to get out of them. i’m chalking it down to monster being a story that isn't easy to understand on first reading. but no matter....the origin of how he is the way he is is still heheartbreaking.

this fucked me up. this whole time, we really thought that panel of 'nina' holding the book and saying 'welcome back' was nina.....but it makes no sense bc of the perspective. nina is recalling her memories in first person. but as the reader, we think we're seeing it from an omniscient perspective. it was johan she was seeing, dressed up as her. it's so genius. i was definitely tricked and completely fell for it. i didn't even bother to think of the perspective until this moment. and it ties back to johan dressing up as nina in prague.

tenma staying with this family. these scenes are so sweet. and look at the children :'))) their faces are shining with pure sweetness. my heart melts.

i definitely have more scenes but i’ve hit the image limit!! this manga is a true masterpiece.....i’m so glad i got to read it. i just adore the juxtaposition of these sweet, tender moments (almost all involving children) with the dark grittiness of the rest of the story. it's so superbly done, and really serves to highlight the message tenma imparts to the children he meets on his journey—tomorrow will be a happy day, and if you don't have good memories, make them. and then the reminders tenma himself receives from others—sometimes the best you can do is eat a meal and keep your chin up for tomorrow. eat and regain your strength. sharing meals with others is one of life's greatest joys. monster is a dark story but it's these moments that will stick with me. and the art is gorgeous, and so charming....urasawa’s panels are brimming with so much life and love. it's the work of a master.

next up on my list is 20th century boys! i’m a sucker for friendship groups 😌

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (3/4)

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

Yep yep yep, I'm liking this season a lot! 😍 Although I hope we'll get into a more frantic situation now, like with more battles and more bonding moments (Nya and Maya hopefully, but with Bentho too 🦈🦈🦈)! We got half a season to go, I'M READY!! 😎😎

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

I do like the season a lot, maybe MoM was a little more cohesive? Idk but it's not a big complain, I still love it so far 😍

Also maybe I would've liked more interactions between Nya and Maya about how they've been apart for so long, they had a chit chat but I would've loved even more. Maybe with Nya saying that it was fine and she grew up only to realize she is still hurt by that, even though it wasn't Maya's fault. I still like how they did it, I wished there was more that's it 🤷‍♀️

While I do make sense to Maya's behavior, that while it seems a little different from Hands of Time it had its logic in my opinion, maybe Ray feels a little weird? He seems less courageous than before, and it was established that he is a hothead like his son so that came off as unusual 🤔🤔

But I do love the fact that he's here and he's bonding with his son, for real, I've been waiting for this for so long so I'm happy nonetheless 🤩

Maybe I'm just easy to please and I take all I can get idk 😅

THE STORM AMULET

Oh, are we gonna address the wind element? It feels like we haven't really seen a Morro reference since Hands of Time, that would be cool! 😍 I mean, why even mentioning the wind then 😅😅

Well what do you know, they tracked them, who saw that coming?... me, I saw that coming... we all did probably 🤷‍♀️

Jay took upon himself making a quick recap on how Ninjago will be destroyed this time, thanks Bluebell 👌

Yep nyeheh electricity makes Nya go crazy for sure ❤💙 ... wait it wasn't a Jaya pun?

Jay wear your seatbelt please, you risk you life enough 😅😅 Pff lol "are we there yet" and they are actually there, biggest plot twist I've ever heard of 😂

LEGO HUG 💜💜💜

And with someone who might as well join the League of Jay apparently 💙

I liked The Island yet it was not as exciting as I hoped for, but now understand the meaning of it. The ninja helped the keepers and they are all allies. Without The Island the moment where Mammatus gives Nya the amulet wouldn't be as meaningful

Is it just me or Nya looked even more gorgeous during that moment?... just me huh? Okay then 😂💕

Wait that's a fake? Wait... UNCLE POWERS?!? OMG THAT I ACTUALLY DIDN'T SEE COMING 🤯

Here I thought he was just messing around, he always makes things harder 😅 Or maybe better? I mean, they kinda missed a bullet on this one...

BENTHO IS SO SWEET AND COOL OMG HE IS ALREADY OUR FRIEND 💙🦈💙🦈

Jay somehow had his own TV show in the past and yet he's got that horrible acting skills wth 😂😂😂

Kalmaar is a very cool villain, like, deeply evil. Not only he's calculated and merciless, he stops at nothing to get what he wants. And the people that get in the way? He wants them to suffer because they had dared to confront him 😳

And yes the voice does help a lot, I'm sorry I'll keep saying it until the season is over 😂 (or even beyond? Please cast Giles again LEGO 🥺🥺🥺)

Awww Nya no my poor girl 😢 Jay wanted to hug her to comfort her he is so sweet my SHIP ❤💙❤💙

MOM PEP TALK MOM PEP TALK!!! 🤩🤩🤩 How cool was it?

Like, this isn't even Maya asking Nya to believe in herself, this is her saying that she KNOWS her daughter can do anything when she puts her mind into it. FINALLY SHE SEES HOW AMAZING WATER GODDESS IS 💜💜💜

MORE LEGO TEARS OMG THIS SEASON IS FILLED WITH TEARS 😱 Which... kinda makes sense considering it's a water based season 😂

Nice one, and now? NOW WE GO BACK TO KAI COLE AND RAY YAS!!! ❤🖤❤🖤

RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

That is... surprisingly Egypt theme like? It feels like a title coming from the Fire Chapter of season 11... well we got two fire elementals so 😍😍

SPARRING KAI AND RAY

I REPEAT SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! ❤❤❤ Lol Ray got old, but how can someone blame him? He did touch death while aging in Hands of Time, I'm just happy he is alive 😂

Yep, master prankster Wu, that's what I love ���👌 I always thought Wu had become a father figure for Kai at the beginning, so seeing Ray and Wu in the same picture feels very wholesome to me 😚

Ah, uncle Powers, I both love you and hate you so freaking much 😌😌 But you make cool slides nonetheless 😂

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH BEAUTIFUL SMITH INTERACTIONS??

BECAUSE I LIKE IT KEEP GOING 🤩

Oh no you guys are stranded on an island whatever are you going to do?? It's not like you had already before and managed to survive (Skybound) or you got stranded on a rock in a sea of sand filled with giant monsters (Fire Chapter) or you were on a freaking COMET in SPACE (Rebooted). Yeee, this is the worst yet 🙂

I'm starting to think these ninja are just a bunch of drama queens so no matter what happens, it's always hopeless 😂😂 I feel like I'm kinda right on this one honestly 😛

Whoa whoa WHOA WHO IS NYAD THIS SOUNDS VERY COOL???

Aww I like that, while Ray told his kids stories about dragons and how they traveled through the Underworld, Maya told them about Nya the first water master that could summon whales 💙❤💙❤

Pff imagine if it turned out Nya was the master of fire, carrying a very water based name? Lol

Maya: I would know if it was possible!

Nya: Yeah, like she knows that I can control a bit of ice because it's frozen water

Maya:...

Maya: YOU WHAT

I find both interesting and very annoying that this explorers club thinks so highly of themselves, to the point the deny to aid even the FREAKING SAVIORS OF THEIR FREAKING LAND 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Misako got good reflexes after all, Kai was probably ready to melt this guy's face 😅

Oh, so a trial by Sphinx is a challenge? A mental one? A cultural one? A physical one? Idk but Misako is actually taking charge and that is cool I guess 🤷‍♀️

Okay this is kind of weird, how is Ray so afraid? Is it because there's fire?... did he... did he grow afraid of fire for some reason? Because it feels a bit off for now, but if there is a deeper meaning that could be interesting 🤔

Wait is that the riddle from Decoded? That's fire right?

IT IS FIRE 🔥🔥🔥

Lol at least in this one Kai wasn't completely ignored 😂 I know my flame babe isn't the most rational person, but I do like that it was an answer connected to his element where he used his head!

Ah Clutch, you really got no backbone 😅 And apparently you're the only explorer who doesn't, dang look at the others go! I'm having a bit more respect for them now 😚

LOOK AT SENSEI GO FINALLY!!! 😍😍 FIGHTING SCENES HECK YES!!!

Kalmaar: I'm your conquerer

Wu: so after skeletons, the serpentine, nindroids, the Stone Army, Chen's army, ghosts, oni, more snakes but on fire and people from a game, that makes you the tenth. Have a free cookie

Kalmaar:...

Wu: you're not special

Is this a little throwback to Possession too? Nya seems to always control better water when she doesn't actually think about it. When her feelings are free, so are her powers 🌊🌊🌊

Also this opens up more possibilities! Creatures connected with other elements might get summoned too! I would love something like that 😍😍

This was NEAT, or maybe I just missed Kai that much ❤ What's next??

PAPERGIRL

ANTONIAAAAAAAA!!!! MY GIRL IS BACK!!! All my girls are back in this season, I'm so happy 😍😍😍 And if she is here, sweet little Nelson has to be around and I cannot wait! Bring in the purple ninja! 💜

Owww Antonia's last day as a papergirl? Nooo why??

She's got a job at the... DAIRY DRAGON??? OMG OMG OMG IT'S THE ICE CREAM PLACE BRAGI TOLD US ABOUT ON TWITTER!!! 🤩🤩🤩 I remember the post, he was asking about names for the place and ice cream flavors. Now I can't wait to see what did he choose 🍦🍦🍦

UNAGAMI BABY HI HONEY!!! 🙋‍♀️ I hope he's doing great 😘😘

This is so cool honestly, Antonia got her own character arc going on! Living in a chaotic city like Ninjago City must be pretty dang exhausting 😅

Was... was that Dareth in the garbage can? Am I wrong? Poor brown ninja 😅🤎😅

SPINJITZU SWIRL, BANANAKHAN, ORANGE SERPENTINE, I'M DYING 😂😂😂

Their friendship is so wholesome, I'm so happy they are still together no matter what happens 💕

I thought Kalmaar wasn't much of a fighter but DANG he's got skills! Also the fact that he uses tentacles makes the fight very cool to watch! 😚😚

RAY RUNNING IN AFTER KAI GOT HURT HECK YES ❤❤❤

Well at least you tried Ray 😅

Ah, little cameo of the original Weekend Whip, always nice to hear it again... AND DO THE WEEKEND WHIP!!! 🌪🌪🌪

EVEN NELSON GOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I'M SO PROUD 💜

I don't even know what is cooler, the kids being mad lads on their bikes, Kalmaar driving a TRUCK or Kai going full parkour on the buildings to follow them 🤯

I'm sorry... am I the only one that during the Kai and Kalmaar talk kinda thought of Jestro and Clay? I miss my boys from NK, they're even more at odds now 😭😭

KAI YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE OR EVEN TRY TO DIE GET BACK HERE AT ONCE 😱😱

Kalmaar just loves to make everyone feel inferior, gotta be his hobby 😶

Oh good Kai is back

OH NOT GOOD KAI IS NOT BREATHING?!? FLAME BABE I TOLD YOU YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE 😱😱😱

Antonia, Nelson, you guys are now my heroes. You saved my fave, I'll be forever in dept with you ❤❤❤ Am I being overdramatic? Most likely, but Kai is one of the few that didn't almost die or did die in a dramatic situation and he is also my absolute favorite character so that... kinda keeps my sanity in check in this show 🥴

I wonder... does he still not know how to swim? He saved Lloyd in Possession but I wonder if he was only trying to float on the surface... THAT'S TERRIFYING

This episode was so adorable, I love Antonia and Nelson so much 💜💕💜💕 It's nice to see what the other people of Ninjago do while everything goes mad 🤣

Wait hang on my Ninjajan is a little rusty

"Ninjago City. City that never sleeps" well if that ain't the truth 😂

MASTER OF THE SEA

Like Master of the Mountain? Wait are we going back to Shintaro?? VANYA?? ANOTHER BEST GIRL RETURNS??? 💛

Hey hey hey, we got a full Nyad backstory! I really like when they do these little drawn shots, they feel more like legends! And... the ending sounds terrifying? Like, they wouldn't let Nya sacrifice herself and die... again... right? 😱

Bentho: and the world was in balance, until now because of my brother

Lloyd: and the Overlord before of course

Bentho: the what now?

Lloyd: the evil one my grandpa the first Spinjitzu Master fought?

Bentho: YOUR WHAT NOW

Why do I like this offscreen "hiiiyaaa" that sensei Wu does before actually going into the scene? 😂😂

No matter if they come from the underground or the sea, these are all snake-like creature with the same intellect 😅 Kalmaar and Garmadon would have a lot to talk about, sea king dealing with his minions does remind me of Lord Garmadon in season 2 a lot 😂😂

KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER ❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤

OMG Kalmaar is such a brat and petty villain I love him so much 😂😂😂 Yes I didn't even mention his amazing voice!... AH DANG IT 😳😳

*Misako kicks Kalmaar and is actually useful* 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

*Misako gets taken as hostage immediately after* 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

KAI LITERALLY JUST GOT SAVED FROM DROWNING WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO HIM!!!... and Ray and Cole and Wu of course, I care okay 😅

OMG that face 🤣🤣🤣

That some meme material right there

Whoa Vincent that voice just got super up when the Unsinkable showed up, it kinda sounded like Jay's lol

NO NOT BENTHO!!! 😢😢😢

Kai: Nya talks to whales now? (I snorted so hard at this 😂😂)

HECK YES NYA GOT THE AMULET!! 😍😍😍 ... we got, like, four more episodes to go so something needs to happen in between... do I need to be scared? I feel like I need to be scared 😅

Jay starting a fire then blaming Kai?... this is so in character I got chills 😂😂

SHARK BOY IS STAYING TO THE MONASTERY THIS IS SO PRECIOUS!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 I want all the shenanigans and we need to write fanfictions about more shenanigans and AAAAHHHHH 🦈🦈🦈

Bless these two fire idiots

They own my heart ❤🔥❤🔥 Also Vincent, this is supposed to be a fun little gag moment, your amazing voice acting is kinda distracting me 😭😭😭

ANOTHER LEGO HUG

YOU GUYS ARE SPOILING ME OVER HERE HECK YES 💙🌊💙🌊

Maya learned that her daughter is capable of everything, I love that. Nya simply understood that she doesn't have to give up when something gets difficult. She is AMAZING and can do anything she puts her mind into. She simply has to hold on until the end 💪💪💪

Omg Benthomaar playing billiard with the guys I already love this 😍😍

YES IT IS SHINTARO!!! THE UPPLY ARE HERE OMG!!! HI VANYA YOU LOOK AMAZING GIRL MISS YOU I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY!!! 💛💛💛 ... I just really like Master of the Mountain okay 😅

I love how Vanya doesn't even question it. It comes from Cole and he said it needs to be protected? Done and done 👌

Wait what, did something fall?

IS THAT THE FAKE?!?!? WHAT HOW WHEN??? UNCLE POWERS??? OR KALMAAR DID SOMETHING??? SOMEONE??? I'M LEGIT CONFUSED AND EXCITED??? 🤯🤯🤯

Well dang, I didn't see that coming, now what Seabound? What do you have for me?

[jazy3]

Thoughts on Grey’s Anatomy: 17X8

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

I freakin’ loved this episode! It was so so good! Which surprised me considering what they focused on. Based on the promo I knew that this would be DeLuca’s goodbye episode and so I expected to like the other parts of the episode we were shown in the promo such as Hayes talking to Meredith at her bedside, Richard’s storyline, and Derek’s return. However, I was not expecting to enjoy any part of DeLuca’s farewell storyline and I was pleasantly surprised. I think that’s because they focused on the effects of grief and guilt and how everyone processes those emotions differently.

It was a really interesting character study on how each person feels a loss in their own way. Despite not liking the character I actually found DeLuca’s memorial service quite moving. I think it was because they found a creative way to do it and because funerals in the real world like we normally do aren't possible right now. My grandfather died last summer and while he didn’t want a funeral my family and I weren’t able to get together to mourn his loss as we usually would and that’s been hard.

I wasn’t particularly close with my grandfather, but the loss of traditional grieving rituals in this time of COVID-19 has been frustrating. I liked that they found a creative way to have the characters mourn the loss of a fellow staff member. I expected to see Carina more, but as I understand it her storyline played out more on Station 19 which makes sense. I felt like they did a good job of showing the five stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) and how everyone experiences them differently.

Teddy and Owen displayed survivors' guilt and frustration that they did everything right and he still died. At the end we see Teddy in a catatonic state and it made me think that she might be sick with COVID herself or that there was something else wrong. While I've never been a Teddy and Owen shipper I did like the moment at the end where Owen noticed something was wrong and came over to her and told her that he would take her home and when she didn't respond he picked her up and carried her.

It reminded me of the Season 2 episode where Denny dies and Izzie refuses to leave his side so Alex picks her up and carries her over to a chair in her prom dress. Very different relationships, but a nice parallel in my opinion. This episode had a lot of those. Teddy seeing DeLuca in other people’s faces was freaky! I have to say that guy is way more interesting as a ghost then he ever was alive.  

I totally got Helm's reaction. I understand why she said and thought those horrible things about DeLuca. He was an ass for a really long time. I probably would have done the same thing myself, but that doesn't mean she wanted him dead. I thought what Maggie did for her was wonderful. My heart broke for Schmitt when he described his emotions. Richard was angry and Bailey went overboard trying to figure out what happened. Everyone's experience of a loss is different and I like that they showed that.

I’m glad that Richard told Bailey what she needed to hear. It was painful, but in trying to find an answer or a reason for what happened she was unintentionally hurting the people around her who were suffering too. The strength of Richard and Bailey's relationship is that they can tell each other the truth when no one else can or will. I loved his monologue to Catherine about trying to find a meaning in the puzzle of life and questioning his faith which is such a big part of his sobriety. James Pickens Jr. did a beautiful job in that scene.

Say what you want about Catherine, but I loved her response. Richard was trying to find meaning in the meaningless and in response she shared with him that her latest scans showed that the cancer hadn’t grown. Logically it should have, but it didn’t. Sometimes there are miracles and sometimes there are senseless deaths. Life is a puzzle. We don’t always understand it. That was exactly what Richard needed to hear in that moment.

On a more upbeat note, I loved the beach scenes this week! They were perfect! They were everything I dreamed of for my favourite characters and more! We got to see Derek and Meredith get closer and talk about the kids. When Meredith is heartbroken that Derek never got to meet Ellis or to know her he tells her all of these wonderful things about her. How she’s just like Meredith and makes it clear that he’s watching over them always.

He talks about Zola and how she writes to him in her journal and how Meredith taught her to ride a bike. I teared up! I've been waiting for them to discuss the kids and here it is! Hearing Derek talk about Ellis and knowing that he watches over Meredith and the kids was so emotional for me. I loved hearing him describe who she is and getting to learn more about her. I'm glad he encouraged her to go back. As much as Derek and Meredith miss each other she's needed back in the land of the living.

Her kids need her and so does everyone else. I loved Derek's gentle teasing. His facial expressions. And then there are her scenes with Hayes! God they were perfect! I've been waiting for this! I loved how Meredith kept joyfully asking him what he did to make Ellis smile so wide and laugh so loudly. She knows he can't hear her yet there she is dying to know what he said or did. The sound of her voice when she said that was everything for me. They already feel like a couple. So much in sync.

I love that Derek, who was shown to be extremely jealous in life, encouraged her to hear Hayes out. I really felt like he was giving her his blessing and the fact that they established that Hayes has met the kids virtually and they know who he is sealed the deal for me. Hayes has now received Cristina’s approval, Derek’s blessing, and is shown to have positive relationships with Meredith’s friends and family in Seattle. I loved that Hayes told Meredith to fight and talked about how her kids were doing and how everyone needs her.

I loved that he came and sat at her bedside and begged her to fight and not give up and that he talked to her even though he wasn’t sure if she could hear him. I love that he sat with her through the virtual memorial even though he wasn’t close to DeLuca and didn’t like him. The cheerful greeting and familiarity with which he greets Amelia and Zola and the stories he tells Meredith indicates that he’s been having regular video chats with Amelia, Maggie, Link, and the kids and that he’s chosen to stay by Meredith’s side when he just as easily could have left while she was on a call with her kids.  

It will also make the transition easier when do start dating because the kids will already know him. The music in this episode was really beautiful. Especially the songs that played during the beach scenes. I really enjoyed the drunken Link, Jo, and Jackson scene. I felt it brought much needed levity and humour to the episode the same way the beer scene with Jackson, Link, and Winston did in the previous episode. Their scenes were funny and raw and provided a good balance for the episode.

I also loved seeing more of Jo and Jackson's friends with benefits relationship and more of Jo and Link and Jackson and Link's friendship. I'd actually forgotten that Jackson and Link were friends so it was cool to see that dynamic again and that Link is supportive of their situation. The drinking game to me felt like a throwback to the Season 2 episode where Meredith and Cristina are at Joe’s Bar playing a game of whose life sucks the most and she tells them that Derek is married and Cristina tells her she’s pregnant. These revelations eventual lead to Cristina scheduling an abortion and declaring Meredith her person.

It was cool to see Maggie and Winston working together at Grey Sloan Memorial. Winston living in Boston was only going to go on for so long because as we've all found out this past year there's only so much you can do virtually. I knew he'd be moving to Seattle at some point and I'm glad to see him working at the hospital and hanging with Maggie's family. The scene where he danced it out with the kids was too cute! I'll be interested to see more of their dynamic moving forward as Maggie used to be his teacher and is now his boss. I'm also glad that both Winston and Hayes are finally getting the proper screen time they deserve.

Their storyline with the naked guy cracked me up! My two favourite lines of the episode were when the guy freaked out because he realized he wasn’t wearing his mask and Maggie said, “You’re not wearing much of anything.” And when Maggie and Winston went looking for him and Zander Perez, the resident from Pac North, told them, “If you’re looking for a naked guy he went that way.” I laughed so hard!

The scenes with Zola got me. She is a real trouper. She definitely is Meredith Grey's daughter through and through. I'm a big believer in found family and one of the things Grey's does really is show that there are many different ways to be a family and that family is what you make of it. True family is made up of the people who love and support you unconditionally not genetics. I really love that they've shown the strength of that bond between Zola and her family.

My favourite hidden moment of the episode was Tom! He appears in the background at DeLuca's memorial which means he's getting better. If he's well enough to be outside at the memorial then his condition has greatly improved since last we saw and that's great! Tom's a wonderfully complex character and I'm glad he's doing better. He appears in a bunch of deleted scenes that were released through the Grey’s Anatomy Twitter account which I highly recommend. The writing in this episode was excellent!

This episode was written by Adrian Wenner whose previous credits include the Season 16 episode ‘A Hard Pill to Swallow’ in which Meredith and Hayes work that vaping case together and get to know each for the first time. Honestly, my only complaint about this episode is that I wish they’d done it sooner! I wish they had bumped this and the previous episode up. The Mid-Season Finale felt very anti-climatic to me and was poorly received by a lot of fans. I wish they had just scrapped that episode or combined it with what we saw in the Mid-Season Premiere and then jumped into this episode after the break. But we’re here now and that’s the important thing.

Onto next week’s promo. Damn does it look interesting! We see that Owen has brought Teddy home and she’s not eating or speaking and he’s worried if her condition does not improve he’ll have to admit her. I’m sure he’s having flashbacks to when Cristina did the same thing after the plane crash. She appears to be experiencing some kind of nightmare sequence where she sees DeLuca as a ghost and Meredith speaks to her. Looks intense!

Until next time!

[quickreviews]

Some Thoughts about New Girl

Hello everyone,

I’ve been binging New Girl for the last 2 weeks now and I definitely recommend starting it if you haven’t watched it yet. I don’t know why I ignored it while it was on air but it was nice to watch it all together. First 3 seasons of it was the most I laughed in a really long time.

The characters are quirky, at first it is a bit hard to get into it but give it a chance. Once you get to know the characters and like them it becomes really funny really fast. First season just keeps getting better and better by the end. I absolutely loved its season finale.

It’s a show about friendship and all these weird people living together and caring for each other. Not much else to say without spoilers. Just go and watch it.

Now to the spoiler part: This is gonna be long, apologies in advance.

Now I said I love the show and I do but that doesn’t mean in later seasons there were no problems but I want to start with the positives.

Why I loved it so much: The characters are well done. They’re a bit much at first but once they grow on you, you get sucked into their silliness. I started to care for each of them like they cared for each other and it’s beautiful and hilarious to watch their reactions to each other. This loft dynamic they have is what makes the show so heart warming watch.

The reason why I say first 3 seasons and not all of it is my favourite: After that point I started to feel like these friends started to lose some characteristics of what made them so funny and lovable. I felt it started halfway into season 3 and Nick was the first to start losing some of his silliness, followed by Jess and the rest of the mains. They mellowed their characters down.

Career stuff: I remember one specific moment where I thought, this is why I love this show so much. This was when they made it clear that Nick wasn’t gonna become a lawyer. They didn’t try to make him a “success”, they explained it in an episode why he loves being a bartender. I thought, yes, we need more of this. Success is not fame, it’s not money, it’s doing what you love and being happy. This goal was different for all of them; Schmidt loved his job, he earned well but in the core it wasn’t about that for him. He loved it, he says it many times. I love that Winston tried a bunch of things to finally find the thing he wanted and was passionate about doing. Now Jess, she started off as a passionate teacher, she loved her job. After she got fired and found a job again as a teacher of kids, her school environment wasn’t the best. I feel like they missed an opportunity with her. There is an episode where she gets offered a job for something other than teaching and I felt that she needed to explore that option.  

The relationships: I love their friendship dynamic. Every episode, different sets of them, do something funny and it is entertaining and hilarious to watch them fail at it. 

Nick and Winston, Nick and Schmidt I love their throwbacks to their childhood or college years. I love that Schmidt and Winston became friends through Nick. Life took all of them to different directions and they are different people, still they have a bond and it’s beautiful to watch every episode. Same with Jess and Cece, they are different people but they have that same bond of friendship.

So Jess and Nick, I love their friendship. Throughout first 2 seasons I love how they communicated their attraction to each other. Even though Nick doesn’t do as much communicating as Jess. The times Nick refuses to talk is hilarious. The way they got together and struggled with getting to that point was well done. Their problem starts a few episodes into their relationship, at that point I started to feel like Nick’s character has started to disappear. Not as much in the first half of the season but more in the second half of season 3. We can argue that's the relationship changing him but he doesn’t get his character back after the break up either. 

Following their break up, both of them have series of relationships with different people. This is where I feel like the writers missed a great opportunity: making them grow from these relationships and find their way back to each other. Right after their break up, both Nick and Jess actually date people who are similar to them. At that point I thought, hey now they’re gonna realize why it’s not that great to date someone so similar to you, even if not get back together, they at least acknowledge that fact. Needless to say I was disappointed one relationship after the other with those two. Both of them, learned absolutely nothing new about themselves from their failed relationships following their break up. 

Jess had the easy way out of all of her post Nick relationships. Robby was her 3rd cousin, Sam found the love of his life, that British dude got his dream job and left with no fuss. Absolutely no drama and no learning something new about relationships or themselves. Same with Nick, he was the same person after each of his relationship but he was changing without their effect almost. He was just not the same and there was no reason for his change. Now I have a bone to pick with Reagan. She has no character, she has no emotion. She’s stoic and she's just there. I feel like with her writers relied too much on her being played by Megan Fox and didn’t feel like giving her a character. She just doesn’t fit in with this group of quirky people who care deeply for each other. Although at that point Nick, Jess and Schmidt was mellowed down considerably, she was still way too normal for the amount of screen time she had. 

Cece and Schmidt’s relationship was handled better. They were on and off all the time and the attraction was there. I feel Cece lost her voice a bit after their relationship moved forward and she had more screen time. Or once she got more screen time I realised that she wasn’t as interesting as the rest of the group. One thing I praise is her relationship with Winston. Their friendship was very well done and one of the positives in the later seasons of the series.

I think Winston’s character improved as the show went on, unlike the first 3 I mentioned, he was handled a bit better. One thing is I got bored watching him with Aly because she felt disconnected from the group. For the amount of screen time she had, some of them should’ve been spent with the rest of the group without Winston to improve upon her character. If that was not gonna happen then I didn’t need to see the two of them so much.

Coach. I loved his character in the pilot and it was unfortunate he had to leave the show. It took time but I got warmed up to Winston and it was good. Bringing Coach back for more than a cameo was the prime problem for me in season 3. By season 4 the show just just got too crowded. Almost all of the characters had romantic interests, now there were 6 of them and it was too much. He definitely didn’t need to stay more than a few episodes. I felt the show got overwhelming and more like a chore than fun at that point. I think they realized it and that’s why he was out of the cast at the end of season 4. 

When I look at the show overall, they never gave Jess and Nick enough time together after their break up. If they were done and wasn’t gonna get back together, this is fine, but they did end up together. They mostly acted like those 2 never loved each other, there was almost no attraction left between them after their break up. It just didn’t feel real that two people that loved each other so much could be that casual around each other while living in the same house. Since they ended up together in the series finale, I think all of their relationship post their break up, should’ve thought them why they should be together. Why did they break up? Jess planned everything and Nick didn’t want responsibility. I’m not saying they need to do a complete 180° and change, no. Mellow down just a little and accept each other for who they are. They had so many chances to learn this in their post-break up relationships but all of those were basically just a waste of time. I’m especially pissed about the 3rd cousin thing. If that was like a 2 or 3 episode thing it’s funny, move on, but they spent a lot of time on Robby and Jess which made that whole thing like a waste of time. 

Nick and Jess getting back together felt very undeserved. In the end, they got together but not because they got to that point by learning they were the ones for each other through experiences. They got together because writers decided it was time. Just like their break up. They broke up because writers decided it was time. I always think that a show is not doing great when I start to see the writers making the decisions and not the characters.

I don’t know if Nick getting successful with his novel should’ve been the way to go with him, either. Season 1&2 Nick would be more than happy with just 10% of the bar and the little side job with Schmidt where they invented silly things and sometimes got little cash inflows. They could’ve easily co-owned the bar together by the end with that.

On the other hand I think Cece and Schmidt ended up in a more logical place. I can totally see Schmidt wanting to stay at home and spend time with her daughter because he didn’t have his father with him growing up. It just makes sense. I just imagine that would’ve been more satisfying to see if he had the bar and the inventing thing going on with Nick on the side. 

Winston and Aly, sure I mean at one point the show got sucked into the TBBT trap of finding someone for everybody. They just wanted everyone to have a partner and a family and that was their view of happiness. 

If it were up to me I’d finish the show earlier than this point and just left them at the loft together still doing the same thing. Giving all of them the suburban dream is not a happy ending because the show was about their friendship with each other, not their romantic relationships. I probably expected too much from the show because I loved the first seasons so much.

Overall if you've read this far, I don't think you'll regret watching the show. 

[my-fandom-imagine]

Throwback to when I wrote a Doctor Who children's fairytale story for my niece who just turned 5 and started watching the show with me.

The Doctor and the Fire Fairies

Once upon a time there was a man who was tall and thin with unruly hair, who lived in a little big blue box. His name was the Doctor. 

One day the little big blue box called the TARDIS crashed on a planet that the Doctor in all his brilliance couldn't remember. 

It was a beautiful planet, with skies a violet purple and the grass a deep silver colour. The trees were blue and the moons... Yes, all four of them were white as snow. 

The Doctor marvelled at how it was so beautiful, it was brilliant this new wonderful planet. He smiled widely and decided to explore, so with his sonic screwdriver in hand, he started his adventure through the long silver grass and dark blue trees. 

Upon entering a clearing the Doctor finally came across life. The Doctor blinked once, then twice. They were fairies... Red fairies to be precise. They were small and had clear wings and were as red as fire, each fairy had deep markings of various colors across their bodies. 

"Hello," the Doctor smiled brightly and greeted this new species. 

The fairies all startled upon this strange looking creature, it was an odd colour and had stuff growing out of its head. 

They fluttered around him curiously, and one brave fairy even tugged on the Doctor's hair. 

"I'm the Doctor. What's your name?" The Doctor asked, unfazed by the hair tugging. 

One fairy who had dark blue markings across its body fluttered close to the Doctor's face and sang a tune that was oh so lovely. 

The Doctors smile widened as he let out a laugh and said, "Yes I suppose I do look quite funny... Although my whole species looked like this once."

The fairy with the blue markings whistled and flew around the Doctor's head. 

"Is that your name? Ealhdun?" The Doctor asked. 

The young fairy, Ealhdun nodded and tugged the Doctor's hair and pointed to a parting in the trees. 

"You want me to go there?" The Doctor asked. 

Ealhdun nodded and flew ahead, the Doctor following close behind. 

They came upon a large tree with brilliant lights dancing around it and a most wonderful melody coming from the tree. 

Ealhdun twinkled and whistled while fluttering excitedly around the Doctor. 

"You're celebrating the new season?" The Doctor asked. "What do you do when you celebrate the new season?"

Ealhdun twirled around and danced about and began to glow a bright blue. 

The Doctor watched in amazement as the lights around the tree and Ealhdun's light began to flow into the ground and flowers of many began to grow and sway. 

The Doctor laughed at how brilliant these little fairies were. He sat upon the ground to watch the fairies work. 

A few fairies younger than Ealhdun fluttered by and placed a crown of flowers upon the Doctor's head and then whistled a tune and a bright light flowed around the doctor, making him feel warm and welcomed. 

"Friend?" The Doctor asked then beamed at the little fairies as they nodded.

Quite happy to be considered a friend by the little fairies, the Doctor had a sudden brilliant idea. 

As fast as lightning the Doctor dashed back to the TARDIS disappearing inside the magical blue box. 

Ealhdun, curious as to where their new friend was going decided to follow the strange being called the Doctor. 

When Ealhdun reached the TARDIS the door flew open and the Doctor ran out with a strange orb in his hand.

The Doctor smiled wide and with a yell of "alons-y" he dashed back to the clearing. 

He placed the orb on the ground and it began to glow, first a soft blue, then white and red, purple and green, and so on the colors went. Then, it started to sing a beautiful melody.

The Doctor smiled, almost sadly and spoke softly. "It's a song that was sung to young time tots when they were to go to bed," he smiled again, his eyes a little wet. "My mother sang it to me, and I sang it to my children, and they to theirs." 

The Doctor looked up at Ealhdun and smiled widely "It's a song for good fortune and of friendship, and as the last Time Lord, I want you to keep this song as a reminder that I am your friend."

So on into the night they celebrated the new season, and the new friendship they had formed. As the four snowy white moons lit up the deep violet sky and the stars slowly twinkled in glee, the Doctor bid the fairies a farewell and a promise he'd return soon. He disappeared in his little big blue box, with a loud bang and whirl of wind, he was gone.

[steve0discusses]

Yugioh Ep 35 S4: Raphael Joins the Pile of Dead Bodies

Ah 2020, thankfully we have one trashfire somewhat behind us, but I’m still avoiding social media for so many obvious reasons because of all the other trashfires that just never seem to stop burning, so lets talk about Yugioh with all of this newfound time.

Ah, card games. Card games that go on for 6-7 episodes. Lets see how they pad it out:

In a lot of ways, Roland really is just padding for the show, and that’s OK. He’s doing his best, by doing literally nothing but stand outside and check the time.

Inside the dusty soul chamber, Tristan has decided to do us the favor of recapping what happened last episode, which included the return of our four dead friends, so that they could die...again.

Seto’s reaction to seeing these dead people suddenly alive again was very “guys...I went nuts like years ago, I’m just going with it at this point.” and he’s still 100% positive that this is all a hologram and that no one will ever die.

Whatever it takes for Seto to get out of bed in the morning, I guess.

(read more under the cut)

One of the big mechanics the game is that you need to stay level headed, or the Orichalcos just kind of slurps you up. This explains a little why Dartz is so freakin chill basically all of the time, just the Bob Ross of evil over there. It also is sort of funny because Pharaoh and Seto are the least chill people to have ever lived so he’s just kind of waiting it out to see whom between Seto and Kaiba gets the most angry first and completely botches it.

Yugi has to do literally nothing and for the first time in his life this is the right choice.

I’m so glad he gets to use his big brain move of “If I don’t play, no one dies!” from S1. Glad it came back to serve him for once instead of just make everyone else really annoyed.

Yugi just...not moving means it’s now Seto’s turn to put down some cards, and he kinda looks over at Pegasus and goes...well you know what’s gonna happen next.

I have no idea why he didn’t attack Pegasus. Like this episode is kind of weird because we got these flashbacks of Pegasus being like “you’re my only hope, Yugi!” and it’s like wtf, Pegasus trapped you on a murder island and tried to kill you multiple times. He abducted Mokuba and turned both the Kaiba brothers into cards.

yo did Seto and Pegasus get back together in between seasons or something? Was there a whole character development where these two have fun brunches in San Fransisco now? Because I would watch that anime. I would watch the anime where Seto and Pegasus are co-hosting Diners, Drive-ins and Dives, and just destroying every unsuspecting local restaurant they brunch in.

But are we just assuming that the eyeball did all that evil stuff from S1 and that otherwise Pegasus is a good person? Because like...he was a mess before he got possessed. He’s kind of a Yugi, he’s kind of a Bakura, he’s kind of a Marik...in that there’s a mess in that bean, and getting possesed just only amplified what was already there.

So, with his smug as hell grin, Seto surprises Dartz by only barely getting affected by this inescapable moral dilemma and Seto just very quickly deciding to do a murder. And then we get a little blimp throwback to S2 (S3? I don’t even remember at this point, since we’ve been stuck in S4 for an entire year. Thanks 2020.)

If blocking the shot when Marik did it in S3 or S2 or whenever that was, didn’t get Mai to like Joey, then it shouldn’t work if you do it a second time.

But hey, I guess it’s better than letting her perma-die. Although this show desperately needs to figure out how to use Mai if they’re gonna keep her around, youknow?

Like all ships are fine and valid here, ship whatever you want to your hearts content: I don’t ship at all, as you know, but I hope one day they give Mai a personality that is consistently likeable. I do want to like her because she’s like...good at what she does when she plays cards and can be that can be a fun “hey I’m a girl but I’m not a freakin ‘gamer girl’ you male chauvinist assholes” type of character. But, the show just...the show doesn’t know what they want outside of a little romantic tension that they legally can’t follow through because of a 5-6 year age gap with a teenager.

This show actively tries to destroy this ship, and then turns around and is like “oh shoot this ship is all we have.” This show tries to lift up Mai as a feminist icon one season, and then tears her down for being “too” feminist the next season when she decides to--youknow--kill Joey Wheeler because he made her feel weak or something when he saved her life. 

Like the show does a lot to explore weakness and strength, and how what we see as weakness is actually strength, and how what we tend to attribute as strengths is actually weakness, and how our modern career/school/success expectations set us up for failure, but I think they explored that way better with Seto than they ever did with Mai.

Could’ve been cool Mai, you could’ve been cool.

Anyhoo, that was my spicy commentary on a 10+ year old anime, good to get it off my chest.

Seto and Yami have the typical problem they have whenever they play cards together, where one goes completely rogue. Except this time, the one going rogue isn’t Seto, it’s Yami. He’s just like...I’ll make life for Seto very difficult and I will lose this game and I don’t even mind because I’m already dead, deal with it.

So honestly this is an episode where it’s just Seto demanding we kill a bastard, and Yami being like “but not THAT bastard” and Seto just shrugging and saying “I have to kill A bastard, Yugi! Just CHOOSE one!”

That actual line in the show (I forget what it was exactly) does infer that Seto thinks Joey holds him back, and that implication speaks miles about Seto’s insecurities.

HOW THOUGH..........what are you jealous of, Seto?

You’re better at cards than he is, he’s never beat you at anything. It’s not about who’s best friends with Yugi because...Yugi’s possessed so Yami is always going to take first place...

......so what could it possibly BE?

Seto doesn’t attend school anymore, is it about that? Is it because Joey is likeable? Is it because Joey pretends he has a much older girlfriend? I mean hypothetically, Blue Eyes White Dragon is WAY older than Mai so...that can’t be it.

.....what IS it???

Does the “friendship” he have with Joey make Seto too soft? Is that what’s holding him back? Because Seto doesn’t actually think he’s friends with these people and says that Yugi and co are “Mokuba’s friends” so like....

.....what are you talking about, Seto???

Is it because you’re addicted to cards again? Because that’s...sort of Joey’s fault because he was the one who told you he needed a ride to Jacksonville, and then let slip that the “King of Games” title was up for grabs, is that it?

Are you just tired of Joey asking you for a ride?

Not like it matters, because Joey survives, and Seto gets to feel like a complete asshole about it.

As Raphael (who is this purple blur here) motorcycles into the dome of souls, Rolands last words were

“You can’t go in there!”

which was the weirdest thing to say to a guy you just saw fall down a 50 story building a few hours ago. Raphael not being dead should be the thing Roland fixates on, but instead he’s seen so many people die and come back to life, that he’s only concerned that Raphael will get in trouble for trespassing.

Again, Roland is the only Kaiba that hasn’t died yet, and it’s because he’s the only Kaiba that hasn’t broken the law.

Dude. What if the reason Roland is standing outside is because he’s been politely looking for the doorbell to be let in?

...the players asking for death...like clockwork...and me asking for the end of this freakin game...we played...1 turn this episode...

This episode was 1 turn!

And you may ask...well what else could possibly happen to stretch this out and well...

Raphael dives in on a motorcycle to save the day. Which is an aesthetic, by the way, this huge man covered in like a dozen belts, doing a wheelie jump into a chasm of 1 million souls. that’s an aesthetic.

So he shows up, gets off his bike and I was like “Oh good, someone to maybe save Yugi saving Joey saving Mai?” And instead, I was...not given that.

Mostly Raphael is here because he ALSO wants to kill Dartz, and is like “can I join? I know you’ve only played like 1 round, just deal me a new hand, it’ll be fine.” and it’s like...we already played the Orichalcos Raphael, this is not a game of Uno, you cannot just jump in.

Dartz is sort of obsessed with how everyone around him has potential for evil except for him, the chillest human to ever be born, and I gotta say...when he’s in this room...Dartz has a point.

+++++++++++++RANT ABOUT BEING PERFECT FEEL FREE TO SKIP++++++++++++++

It is sort of nice to have the concept of an older generation (in this case 10,000 years older) fighting with a younger generation. To have the older, more typically wiser generation say “Listen, I kinda screwed the planet and the war economy and the prison system...and I’m gonna keep doing that...and you can’t stop me because you’re a bunch of hypocritical dumbasses.” and then the younger generation say. “We don’t care if we’re a mess, dude. We aren’t the problem here.”

I may be putting some recent topical STUFF into this mold here, but it is a nice little analogy that they made even someone who is such a human disaster as Yami and Seto “morally good” enough to fight Dartz. You don’t have to be a perfect Harvard Grad to fight the system, you don’t have to be an entirely problematic-free savior, you can be even as problematic as Seto Kaiba--just get rid of the dumb assholes trying to destroy the world. That’s all.

Like this concept is strangely prescient because in 2020 we’re in a weird time period where if you aren’t perfect, you’re not allowed to have opinions. You’re not allowed to make content. You’re not allowed to make change. This is mostly an online problem in places like twitter, but it’s a real problem--because in the end what you’re left with is no one that wants to step up to the plate because they know that they, too, are flawed.

And like not even just as a political thing, even as a creator, as an artist, I see this problem more and more with kids. Kids who are like “I am afraid to draw because what if I do it wrong and I get dragged on twitter years later?” or “I want to make a story, but I’m afraid to get cancelled because my fantasy story has problematic stuff in it? Am a bad person for wanting to write it?” And it’s like...what are we doing to young creators right now? Did we all fail humanities? How have we failed art and literature SO badly that we’ve come to this point that people are too afraid to even learn how to do it right?

Anyway that was a tangent, but like...you see the similarities, right? That if you really were as perfect as Dartz either politically or creatively, you’d be a freakin monster and would probably just tear down everyone else around you on twitter rather than lift other people up. It’s a stretch but eh, it’s been a while since I went on a good Yugioh tangent and like

---it’s not like I can say this on twitter---

+++++++++++++++END OF THAT RANT+++++++++++++++++++

So it’s at this point that Dartz turns to Raphael is like “I mean...we weren’t really doing anything else, and Yugi and Yami are playing so slowly...I guess I have time to bust your nuts” and decides to bust his nuts.

Oh hey, I was right.

And yeah, that’s still effed up. Dartz killed his Raphael’s family, left him on an island, and then adopted him later after forcing him to dig up their graves. Like...Raphael, that’s effed up.

He also did the same thing to everyone else (and for Valon he just kinda glazed over that really fast because we had to edit his backstory out of the English version)

PS at this part Mokuba started sweating bullets and Tea leaned over and was like “Is this true, Mokuba?”

And Mokuba was like “...yes.”

Because, I don’t think Mokuba can keep any secret from Tea. Like for reals, Tea may be the most dangerous thing to all of KaibaCorp if she wasn’t so distracted by Yami’s endless string of problems. Mokuba is constantly telling them all of Seto’s deepest darkest secrets and there is like nothing Seto can do about it.

The animation of Gozaburo turning into a beautiful Dartz was just a simple fade to white, but man--imagine if they had dome some crazy effed up animation where Gozaburo just whips back his head and he has ass length blue hair and long, luscious lashes?

Imagine.

Anyway, this was enough for Raphael, who was already our most gullible and unstable person on this show, to just flip that switch and go lime green like all those other minibosses before him.

Really glad we built up Raphael for him to just die at the door hahaha.

That was so freakin random.

OK then. Thanks for nothing, Raphael.

I guess we go to the next episode to see if we finally play another turn? We can hope for good things. But if we don’t play a full turn I will NOT be surprised.

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

[gayenerd]

I have literally no source for this interview, but it’s one of my favorites because Billie seems to be really honest about his songwriting here - this is when Nimrod came out

The day I met Billie Joe Armstrong he flashed me his new tattoo, a Chuck-Jones-perfect cartoon character on his right bicep. Above it was some skull or Celtic armband or something, but below was the name "Joseph," exquisitely lettered, for his firstborn child. It's that image of him that I always keep in my head, and what I think of when I hear his band, Green Day: loopy humor and face-punch riffs and sincere sentiment I tight formation, worn as close to the skin as possible, covered in sweat. From the band's first records on the local Berkeley label Lookout, 39/Smooth and Kerplunk!, through the multi-million selling Warner Brothers releases Dookie, Insomniac, and now Nimrod, Armstrong has written dozens of perfect little punk-rock ditties that are probably the most sincere and playful acts of musical aggression since that first punk wave twenty years ago. 

But the songs are more than throwbacks. Armstrong writes from a very personal perspective, the perspective of someone born in the Me Decade, raised in the Me-vs.-You Decade, and trying to cope in the Yet-to-be-Stereotyped Decade. His songs are about the current crises of being alive right now, in a society that's used up and marketed all of its counter-cultures, and has little use for its youth except as consumers. The songs are also about how one reconciles anger and rebellion with love and desire to not be so down all the time. It's less political and more personal than its punk rock predecessors, an angry/crying/shouting/fucking definition of self.

 It made me wonder how you can take bile directed at you and turn it into a song that gets sold at the local Sam Goody. I figured I'd ask, so I called him up at his home in Berkeley. 

Q: Where do you start when writing a song? 

A: Most of the time I'll come up with a melody, and I'll do lyrics, but I'll tackle them at different times and not connect the two, you know? So I'll come up with the riffs, and the melody of the song, like a short ditty. I'll put some lyrics to it and bring it to band practice and then we'll just start to pound it out. And then, as things need to be restructured, sometimes Mike [Dirnt, bassist] will have an idea for something, or Tré [Cool, drummer] will have an idea for something, or sometimes we'll just leave it alone and it's sort of already done. 

Q: Have there been any particular songs that have stayed the same from the original inspiration to recording, or have they all gone through changes in the process? 

A: There's a lot of them that stay the same. "Redundant" really never changed, except we made it a little longer by adding another chorus at the end. And there's this song called "All The Time" that's pretty much exactly the way I had it.

 Q: So how much does a song change then, in producing the record? On Nimrod there are a lot of different arrangements: strings on "Good Riddance," horns on "King For A Day." Did you have the ragtime horns in mind when you were writing? 

A: No, not at all. I actually demo'd that song and played all the instruments myself and showed it to the band and they're like, "oh, that's pretty cool." We fucked around with it and practiced it a couple of times, but we never expected it to go onto the record. Then when we got to the studio, we said whatever, we'll just put it on there. It ended up being pretty good, but the song was just screaming for horns. We got Gabe [McNair] and Steve [Bradley] and it was so funny. They said, "what do you want us to play?" And I said, 'I'm sure you'll think of something.' And they looked at me like, "aw man!" So they basically wrote all the horn parts to that song. 

Q: What's more important, lyrics or the music? 

A: I think lyrics are really important, because there are songs that, musically, I don't think are the greatest in the world but lyrically are amazing. I mean, Johnny Rotten never had the greatest voice in the world but he wrote really good lyrics for the first Sex Pistols record, and that goes for a lot of people. But the thing is, a lot of people tend to -- especially in pop songs -- they tend to take the music and put something sappy to it, and it's just a one-dimensional emotion that the rest of the songs has to carry. I was actually thinking about that yesterday. I went to a friend's house, and they were joking around, putting on the Spice Girls records. And it was blatantly catchy, super catchy, but at the same time it really didn't say anything. You could only hold it at face value, there was no depth behind it, you really couldn't tell anything about the people singing it. But I guess there's a need for that. People want to hear songs that don't say anything, they want to go out to a dance club and shake their booty.

 Q: That's a good question, then: what makes a good song? Depth, a point of view...? 

A: I guess so. I don't know. I know what I like, personally. Like, yesterday I did my top ten favorite songs or something like that. 

Q: What's on there? 

A: Let's see. "Surrender" by Cheap Trick. "In My Life" by the Beatles. A song called "They'll Never Call It Quits" by a band called One Man Army. Generation X, "Kiss Me Deadly." "Outsider" by the Ramones. Hüsker Dü, "Makes No Sense At All." 

Q: How do you deal with writer's block?

 A: I write something else, just for fun. I'm just habitual about it. If I can't come up with the song...the great song that you want to write that will leave your mark forever or something cheesy like that, I'll write a polka number if I can't come up with something. 

Q: Do you put that kind of pressure on yourself? Do you say "this one's gonna be a statement?" 

A: Sometimes I do. Sometimes I'll think way. I just have a really strong work ethic. I have that sort of way about all my songs that, lyrically, every single one of them has to have some subliminal thing going for it. But most people don't really get what you're talking about until 10 years after the fact anyway. That seems to be how people respect songwriters through time. 

Q: Do you have a time of day or a place where you write? You say you have a work ethic, how does that manifest itself? 

A: Anytime, every time. The other night I was dead tired. All I wanted to do was fall asleep, and me and [my wife] Adrienne get in bed, and we're laying there. I was just dozing off a little bit, and all of the sudden this music was popping in my head, going over and over. And I was like, aw man, I have to go downstairs to put this on my guitar and just write it down. But I don't want to. I was so tired. So finally I got up and I go, 'goddammit! I have to get this done.' Otherwise I would forget it.

 Q: When you're writing, do you write with an album in mind or song by song? 

A: Song by song. I can't really conceptualize that far in advance. We knew we wanted to change and bring in new elements on the new record. But we really didn't know how to do it. So I wrote, constantly, all kinds of songs. Fifty or something. And you try to find some sort of natural progression within those songs, and try to capture that on the record. 

Q: So are the songs you write linked by your state of mind, or thematically? 

A: Sometimes if I'll get into a depression, writer's block, where I can't write, I get really bummed out and then I'm not working at all, I'm not doing anything. And then I'll deliberately get myself down to the lowest of the low that I could possibly get down to. And then a song will pop up. And I'll be happy, I'll get ecstatic for like the next month and then all of the sudden another one will pop up. 

Q: So you revel in the dark zone and it's useful. 

A: Yeah...sort of...I kind of...well...definitely. 

Q: But you don't necessarily choose to be there... 

A: Sometimes I'll cause problems just so I can get in touch with that emotional side or whatever, you know. Just to see if something will spark up, start a fight or something (laughs). 

Q: Can you name a song that has come out of something like that? 

A: Umm...a song called "Worry Rock." 

Q: Seems like a really personal song. 

A: Yeah. I think I got drunk and put my fist through a window. Adrienne called me an asshole or something like that and, I don't know. We just got into some meaningless fight like most couples get into, those fights that don't make any sense. A fight for the sake of fighting, which can be destructive to your relationship. That's how that song came about. 

Q: Are you okay with that kind of exposure that comes from investing your personal life and emotions in a song like that? Is your family okay with that? 

A: Yeah, I think so. I guess the only problem would be if, say, Adrienne doesn't have an outlet for herself. That's the kind of thing that I worry about. The things that she could say about me could be pretty horrifying. 

Q: In what way are you a different songwriter now than you were on 39/Smooth and Kerplunk? 

A: It goes in a way of, you know, what kind of person were you at sixteen, and what kind of person are you at twenty? It's almost like two different people in some aspects. I think that most of my stuff is based on infatuations with women. Some are just straight obsession. I mean, nowadays you could call me a stalker (laughs). The quest for that ultimate happiness with another person, which I think started to change, and it changed pretty dramatically with Kerplunk, because I started to talk about other things, like loss of innocence, going out on your own, moving out at the age of seventeen, being a high school dropout, living in west Oakland in a warehouse with fifteen people. Where the first record was more...mushy...the next one you could tell I was going through some pretty dramatic changes. 

Q: So Dookie comes out, and where are you there? 

A: I think I turned more bitter. I started to realize where my true friendships were, the politics of Berkeley were setting in, drug abuse was starting to fuck with me a little bit. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, but I couldn't really do it and that had a lot to do with drugs. I started to get a lot more bitter. Life wasn't how it was supposed to be when you're on your own. There's a couple of different songs on there...I mean, the psychoses that went into that record! Songs like "Basket Case" and "Coming Clean" were blatantly neurotic songs. 

Q: That's messed up: amazing success, and it's your bitterness you're being celebrated for. 

A: I don't know. It's funny because I feel that once you write a song, and then record it, and then release it, it doesn't necessarily belong to you anymore. I mean, you can hold that piece of work closer to you than anybody else can, and that was one of the big problems for a while. I felt so misunderstood all the time. Which goes with the territory, anyway, of writing songs. Because nobody really understands what the hell you're talking about. Other people have interpretations of whatever, figure out their own plot, make it fit to the soundtrack of their own lives. It messed with me a little bit, 'cause people didn't know where I came from, people didn't know where I came from, people didn't really know what I stood for. People calling us a throwback to 1977, I guess I got affected by that. Because punk rock is a lifestyle for me, and has nothing to do with 1977 or any particular band, but the relationship that you had with and the amount of work that you put into your local scene. And it gets completely misinterpreted as trying to make a buck. 

Q: It wasn't a fashion statement, it was a lifestyle. 

A: Yeah, a lot of people took it as a fashion statement, even to the point where I think a lot of people thought we were the '90s equivalent of Sha Na Na or something. Some of that's kind of funny, whatever. But now I sort of don't care. No one's gonna understand it anyway. The whole success or fame thing was so new to me at the time, it came so abruptly, and I was like, wow, this is too much. I didn't know all this baggage was connected to all this shit. I thought I'd just have the opportunity to play my songs for people. 

Q: Is that why the new album is as different as it is, because you're just doing what you want to do, you don't have to be what people thought you were, or even what you thought you were? 

A: I think so. That might have something to do with it. I think when you stop caring and worrying about what people think, even stop caring what you think of yourself to a certain extent, and just sort of do it, it's a release to push your past behind you. I think that's when the best stuff comes out. And, of course, when you're forging ahead really hard. I think this time our songs are much more than just things that you can listen to, but actually visualize at the same time. It's like this guy told me the other day, this friend of mine, he goes, you know I was listening to that song "Platypus," and I can totally imagine this big western stampede of horses and cows. And that, for me, is exactly what I was thinking. Not that I was thinking of a stampede, you know, but that kind of quality. 

Q: So you communicated an image and a feeling. 

A: Exactly. 

Q: Of any of your songs, do you have a favorite? 

A: Lately, I like "Walking Alone" and "Uptight" I've been into. My mind changes all the time.

 Q: Let's talk about one of those. What are the circumstances around a song like "Walking Alone?" 

A: I play in this side project band called Pinhead Gunpowder. This guy Aaron Elliot writes all the lyrics and a lot of the music. And he wrote this song called "I Walk Alone," which is about walking at night, the streets, being a street punk. And so I wrote...I don't know what you'd call it -- an alter ego song? -- called "Walking Alone." 

Q: An answer song? 

A: Yeah, cause we always work in that sort of way. I wrote a song called "She," so he wrote an article in his fanzine called "She." It's kind of funny, it's really good to bounce things off of each other. So "Walking Alone" and "I Walk Alone" were sort of the same thing. I think Tom Petty could play that song. It's got that harmonica and the big smashing snare sound on it. But it was the first time I ever played harmonica. I can't play harmonica at all. I had to teach myself how to play that. 

Q: Hey, you did great. 

A: Oh, thanks. We actually tried to get a studio musician to play it, but I think he was a little too hobo for us. 

Q: Smelled bad? 

A: Actually, he had almost too much soul for it. He was too good at what he did. And I wanted it to come across more loosely. Not as good, I guess. So I played it. 

Q: It's not a confident song, or a song about confidence. "Sometimes I need to apologize/sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right." 

A: It's sort of like sticking your foot in your mouth sometimes, and thinking out loud, but the lyric changes. It turns into talking about friends and how they change and your friends either become lawyers or the local town drunks. 

Q: Any advice for people writing who want to be hit songwriters? 

A: Oh God, I don't know. Don't take advice from anybody.

[silver-wield]

Can you do an analysis on Cloud and Tifa’s body language during that scene when they’re in Cloud’s room and he’s slyly referring to his promise to Tifa? There was crazy sexual tension in that scene and it honestly looked like Cloud was subtly being flirty with her 😭

No probs, Nonny! I actually already touched on their body language in a reply to a gif set of this bit, so we'll just expand on that ^=^

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven't played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it's gonna be a VERY long one so prepare to scroll.

Also, this is one person's interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that's cool and we'll agree to disagree.

You're also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I'm grabbing them from Youtube and it's frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone's interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis) 

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog) 

Tifa character analysis 

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I've had other ideas since then) 

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti) 

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis 

Cloti reunion analysis 

The Promise Analysis 

Andrea's approval (Cloti ask response) 

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read) 

Cloti action touching 

Aerti friendship analysis 

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

Keep reading

Recap time! Yall know the drill by now if you've read my other ramblings.

Chapter 3, where we get a room (lol), do some jobs and have a chat with Tifa. It's pretty basic stuff until the cut scene after Marle gives Cloud a talking to. She's the overprotective grandmother figure that Tifa needs in her life and she wants to make sure Cloud isn't messing with her. Now, why would she think that? Well, maybe she picked up some hints when Tifa mentioned Cloud to her about wanting a place to stay? Marle's pretty sharp, after all, and if she got the impression Tifa is carrying a torch, she'd definitely make sure Cloud's not about to blow it out. She tells him to pay attention to her, to listen. This is the very first instance of Cloud taking in that kind of info and it changes how he treats others for the rest of the game.

After the chapter 4 mission where Cloud reflects on his promise to Tifa, it's back to the slums for some rest. Then Tifa knocks on his door and enters. She mentions Cloud was gone for a while, and he answers he was walking so that he keeps Jessie's secret – because he's that kind of guy.

Small talking Tifa is cute, but lol, Cloud seems to have purposely forgotten Johnny since he's yet another admirer of Tifa. For a guy who doesn't forget info like morons who could cause them trouble in the long run, it's pretty telling how quickly he is to dismiss Johnny.

Onto something more interesting in this pic, though. Cloud is sitting on the bed. Now, if he wasn't comfortable around Tifa he'd have got up. His eyeline is lower than hers so he has to look up at her. This puts her in a position of dominance over him – also not surprising since his mentality is that of a 16yr old around her and she's the adult in the relationship. Tifa for her part has her body turned to the side in a non-confrontational pose.

Tifa has her hands clasped in front of herself (couple of seconds before this screen) which indicates she's trying to protect herself as she asks the question if Cloud is leaving Midgar. Not surprising since she's afraid of losing people she cares about and even just someone heading off somewhere else would upset her, though she'd try not to show it.

Cloud, for his part, looks away, appearing as though he's thinking it over, but we're already aware he's decided to stay and help Tifa out, so this is a fake out on his part. He's half-teasing, half trying to get a positive response from her (remember the water tower? Yeah, this is that Cloud. The dork. The one who is useless at talking to girls).

I'm sorry, but Cloud is such a cheeky bastard I just can't with him! This is giving me all the throwbacks to his behaviour at the water tower and I love that it mirrors that moment, but with more success on his part this time. He's looking all around trying not to give himself away before it's needed. He's smiling and looks relaxed. He might be sitting but he definitely believes he has the upper hand between them at this point. Remember, I've said before that eye contact is important. Well, in this case, Cloud's deliberate refusal to make eye contact shows he's teasing. This is such a cute moment between them!

Oh ho! But here's where his teasing ends. Cloud is being completely serious and obviously took the promise between them as being special. Ducking his head out of sight completely prevents us from seeing his expression and allows him to act in a casual way about something that's such an important part of who he became. But, he's not quite pulling it off because he's also looking quite defensive in this pose. His hands are clasped in front of him and he's leaning forward, looking at the floor. This is something very meaningful for him to talk about and he's hoping Tifa doesn't brush it off, so if he doesn't look at her he won't have to see her reaction.

Tifa's obviously got her own interpretation of how that promise went. We can guess she did it because she just wanted a guarantee she'd see Cloud again some day from how she acted during the water tower cut scene. Here, she's leaning back on her hands which leaves her body language open, but also conceals something. She's looking down, the same way Cloud did. She's also hiding her true feelings towards Cloud the same way he's hiding from her, but she's being as honest as she can be as the same time. I've seen people call Tifa a liar because of how she doesn't address Cloud's memory problems in OG, but when you really take a close look at her, lying just isn't her. This is a complex moment between them. They've not long met again and they're having this heavy conversation. The feelings between them are still there, but there's all this other stuff that's more important. But, they know they're friends, and that's a good place to start getting to know each other again, and Cloud choosing to stay is that first step, with the quick follow up of him reminding her of their shared history.

Cloud, you smooth bastard I love you for this! This is definitely flirting! He's looking directly at her, then dips his head to the side in an inviting gesture. His eyes soften and he gets this tiny smile on his face. His body language has changed, too. He's sitting up and back slightly with both arms by his sides. There's no more defensiveness about him. He wants to listen to her. Cloud is choosing to ask for Tifa's confidence. He's letting her know she can rely on him. That he's interested.

For her part, Tifa's pleased, but surprised. She's not long got back in touch with Cloud and, while he's been a decent guy, she's had the overall impression he isn't the same as the soft boi she knew, so this is a revelation for her. The Cloud she knew is still within this Cloud – which anyone who knows the real!Cloud SOLDIER!Cloud storyline is exactly the point of this moment. Tifa knows his true self. The true self that comes out only when he's with her.

Cloud, bro, I'm gonna combust from all these flirty gestures! Fully open body language, a smile, teasing tone. Goddamnit, just say you love her already! Yes, please, invite Tifa to check you out. Remember, he's still sitting. He's so relaxed and natural around her. Even if all you saw was two friends and no ship, you'd be insane to think he isn't a different person in this scene. He's not SOLDIER Cloud here.

Tifa, for her part, isn't flirting here. She likes Cloud, that's clear, and her body language is reaching towards him, which suggests she has feelings towards him, but her tone is more playful and her expression is pleased. She's happy to see her friend isn't too different from the one she knows. Most of the flirting in this scene is on Cloud's side, which makes sense when you think of the torch he's been carrying for her. He's trying to get her attention, same way he did when they were kids. Tifa's oblivious but receptive because she likes him back, but she won't show it as much because she thinks he's not interested. Someone knock their heads together please lol

OMG FUCKING HELL CLOUD JUST TELL HER YOU LOVE HER! Leaning back on the bed, totally vulnerable body language, drawing attention to the bod in an attempt to spark her interest – since he's clearly interpreted this line from Tifa as a rejection – this boi is trying so hard! He even looks a little disappointed she's not more impressed with SOLDIER Cloud, but we knew she preferred the dork anyway lol

Now, I know everyone talks about the physical and emotional distance between them here, which is obvious, but what I'm gonna point out is after feeling like SOLDER Cloud has been rejected by Tifa – thanks to her preference for the real deal – Cloud looks away from her. She's brushed him off and he's hiding his upset by not meeting her eyes.

Tifa is still oblivious to this, but Cloud definitely has a look of disappointment on his face.

Now, after that last bit you'd think Cloud would assume he's got no chance, but then Tifa says how glad she is to have him back and that cheers him up. He's still in that mindset of a 16yr old with a crush, whereas Tifa's moved on. She's had 5 years apart from him (she thinks it's 7, I know, but he saw her in Nibelheim and how she'd matured a little). She's not thinking of him in an openly romantic sense, whereas Cloud is definitely still deep in his feelings for her. Hearing she's happy to see him hints to him that he might still have a chance with her if they spend more time together. His soft af goodnight is the last indicator of his strong feelings for her. His body language is open once more, he's staring after her with a longing look and a smile and doesn't look away until the door closes.

Conclusion

JUST GET FUCKING MARRIED ALREADY IT'S BEEN 23 YEARS!

Lol seriously though, Cloud is definitely still deep in the throes of his childhood crush. Tifa could resurrect hers with time because it's clear she does still harbour feelings for him, but she's not the type to be pushy or insistent. She'll let Cloud take the lead and offer subtle hints how she feels, hoping he feels the same. She doesn't pick up on Cloud's subtle flirting compared to those more in your face things he tried earlier. Through all of those interactions with her he's definitely trying to say that he likes her and he'd like her to accept his feelings, but the bigger gestures get the brush off, although she blushes and looks shy, and the smaller ones go over her head.

Unfortunately, these two are oblivious af and it's gonna take everyone's help to get them together.

[randomestfandoms-ocs]

Top Five Episodes for Sophie? (With or With out context for reasons why)

These are in no particular order, but the top five!!  Some of these ended up being a lot longer than expected  because I’m just very ridiculously excited about certain plots

1. Those Are Strings, Pinocchio — it’s a very sweet episode for Sophie and Tristan (and her boys, they all come for the graduation), and as the senior class president, Sophie gets to make a graduation speech too (along with Paris as student body president and Rory as valedictorian), and while I haven’t written the entire speech yet, I have some highlight notes for the episode and I’m excited about it!

2. The Party’s Over — the kiss list!!!  You already know how excited I am for this one, it sparked an entirely new branch of our crossover!  Obviously (and tragically) Sophie doesn’t get to make out with Richie in her own story, but she does still have a really fun time flirting with Rory and the two get to bond as Sophie dedicates herself to making sure that Rory has fun despite the Emily-And-Richard of it all, and to cheering her up after her breakup!  It’s also a fun callback to the scene I talk about at the end of this (which doesn’t line up with a specific ep yet), as it has the same main group of Rory, Sophie, and the boys, and Sophie making sure that Rory has fun at a party that Emily throws that she doesn’t want to be at — which is also a callback to Rory’s Birthday Parties, and anyways I just find it very adorable how Professional Party Girl Sophie Dugray cares so much about Rory not being miserable (and you know I’m really excited for the whole “Mary” throwback that I have planned with Sophie and Finn’s passion of the christ)

3. Rory’s Birthday Parties — while Sophie and Rory start becoming friends before this, this is when their friendship is really settled!  Sophie is at Rory’s party and when she sees how miserable Rory is, she (in her totally dramatic but endearing Sophie way) commandeers Rory and puts on enough of a show of pretending to be wasted to distract everyone so that she can drag Rory upstairs and talk to her.  She promises to get Tristan to lay off Rory, offers to climb out the window with her to escape, and ends up “accidentally” dropping a bottle of champagne to give Rory an escape when Emily tries to force her to make a speech!  This is the first time that Rory feels like maybe she really has a friend in Hartford/Chilton, and she ends up inviting Sophie to her Stars Hollow Party, where Sophie has the time of her life and gets to enjoy being at a party where the adults don’t constantly whisper about how much of a disappointment she is, and she totally hits it off with Miss Patty and Babette (and, to everyone’s surprise, Luke)

(this also includes a specific bit of dialogue between the girls at Emily’s party, which is “oh my god Sophie, you’re drunk!” “shhh, I’m as sober as ever” “you’re wasted” “I know”, while Sophie pretends to be much drunker than she is to get eyes off Rory, and then grabs Rory’s shoulders and guides her out of the room — she pretends that she’s using Rory for balance but as soon as they’re out of sight from Emily, she’s totally fine)

4. You Jump, I Jump Jack — I mean, Sophie and Logan!!!  So Rory does already know the boys in this universe, having been friends with them since season 1, but she’s only really heard about them from Sophie and seen them at a few parties that they’ve been able to make it to.  She doesn’t know know about the LDB or about Sophie and Tristan being a part of it, so it’s a fun little shock for her!  It’s also a moment where Rory realizes that this is the first time she’s ever seen Sophie not putting on some sort of act for people and really seems like she belongs — it’s not Chilton where she played up her wild child party girl image because she was going to be met with derision and slut-shaming regardless so she might as well have fun, it’s not Hartford parties where she knows that she’ll never be good enough so she gives the parents exactly what they expect to see from her, it’s not even the subparties where she’s made out with every guy and wlw under 30 (and some over) because her life might not be her own but at least her body still is.  Here she’s surrounded by people who seem to get that she can be wild and reckless and want to make the most of every minute of her life and can also be smart and opinionated and can still be figuring out what she wants from life; she can be a whole person and not just one side of a box that people put her in.  We also get some fun Rory & Sophie dynamics with Sophie (once again) encouraging Rory to live in the moment and throw herself into things, and being the one to convince her to do the jump (and having the umbrella ready because she knows Rory and knows that as soon as Rory gets out of her head, she would do it), and of course we get some great Sophie and Logan content now that they’re finally in the same place relatively permanently!  I want to say that this episode is really Sophie at her best but while that’s true, it’s more like this episode is Sophie at her truest, and that’s really special to me

5. Run Away Little Boy — This episode is the entire reason that Sophie exists, it had to be on the list!  This episode is very focused on the relationship between the Dugray siblings, which I love, and I get to give some actual insight to why Tristan is acting the way he is!  We also get some fun content with Romeo and Juliet, with Paris casting Sophie as Juliet and then Sophie stepping down when Tristan joins their group (and Paris basically saying she doesn’t care if they’re siblings if they get an A).  We also get Sophie totally tearing into Dean, Sophie and Rory kissing, and we get to see a much more calculating side of Sophie than we’ve seen til that point as she plays her cards just right to make sure that her dad doesn’t send Tristan away.

Honorary mentions (ugh there’s so many but like I’m just very excited about everything that involves Sophie): Go, Bulldogs!; Always a Godmother, Never a God; Twenty-One is the Loneliest Number; Wedding Bell Blues; The Lorelais' First Day at Yale & The Lorelais' First Day at Chilton; Ted Koppel's Big Night Out; Girls in Bikinis, Boys Doin' The Twist; Presenting Lorelai Gilmore; Like Mother, Like Daughter; The Bracebridge Dinner; The Deer Hunters; Concert Interruptus

Also — this doesn’t line up with a canon episode yet (but eventually I’ll have to figure out when it is) but I’m creating a party that Richard and Emily throw in season 1, probably some sort of Yale reunion but idk, which is when Rory meets Logan, Finn, and Colin for the first time and immediately sees how much Logan and Sophie like each other, even if the two of them are very insistent that they’re just having fun

Send me an OC + “Top 5″ anything

[the-slut-verses]

tct final thoughts

oh boy this is gonna be a long one,,, i’m gonna begin with the things that i liked so that 1) it doesn’t feel like i just wasted my time when i could’ve been listening to literally to any of the hundreds of other podcasts im subscribed to and 2) this show did so many things right, i wouldn’t be as emotionally invested and fired up about it as i am if it was just  a purely garbage show

everyone in the cast gave just stellar performances especially adam and caleb’s actors,,, gosh that final confrontation in ep 19 where they had that big long talk about their feelings and it was so raw and real and genuine,,, how having mental baggage really just can fuck with a good healthy relationship no matter how much the people love each other and mean well

going into this show, i wasn’t looking forward to hearing about adam and caleb having been broken up cuz that just seemed, so out of character from where we last saw them in the original series,,, but i was pleasantly surprised with just how enjoyable their new dynamic as awkward exes that are still just completely in love with each other,,, i love this drama,, i love seeing these disasters inadvertently hurt each other (honestly it kinda worked too well cuz,,, more on that in the negative section)

CAITLIN! I love caitlin so much!!! and i just love her dynamic with adam,, i mean like, fried rice nights, shared google calendars, stressing out over essays that aren’t due for months,, i love these two!! also it’s so fresh cuz like,, usually it’s just the one nerdy loner character,, but here we get two and they’re just lovely for each other,,, lol i can totally see these dudes just moving in together and just getting married if they’re still both single by age 40 for the tax benefits

she was only in a couple of episodes,,, but i love love hearing joan again, especially that bit where caleb just infodumps at her all the shit he’s going through and she’s just 0_o that was such a fun throwback

minor thing, but the confirmation that the bryants are asian (when mark got oliver to take off his shoes when entering his house)

the soundscape and music was phenomenal! one of the most well done soundscapes i’ve ever had the pleasure of listening to,,, and the theme was stuck in my head all week

now,, all the things that i hated:

super mixed feelings about the bu crew,,,, im a fan of ride or die friendships, like what they were trying to go for here,, but like,,, the characters here aren’t very likable,,,

frankie’s flirting at caitlin came across as creepy rather than charming and it frustrates me so much that they got paired off by the end

i don’t get what ben’s deal is,,, i didn’t get much of their character outside of them being kidnapped and being a powerful atypical as plot device

and sadie’s just,,, she’s such a dick to adam and caitlin, constantly belittling and invalidating their feelings,,that line about her getting to be angry at adam and caleb but adam not being allowed to,,, just made my blood boil

also the characters act like she has just Very Good Takes:tm: on life and the human condition when they’re very much Not

honestly overall i don’t get what their deal is,, like what they’ve been through as friends, why they care for each other, how they got that way,,, and i don’t really have much reason to care for them

the adam caleb drama was so fun and like,,, honestly i was rooting for them to stay fucking apart by the end of the series,,, the weird pacing this show was going for made their ending feel super fucking rushed,, and they have way more fucking shit to deal with and talk about,,, and we’ll never get to see that cuz the show thought a tacked on ancient atypical cult conspiracy was more interesting,, which is a real fucking shame cuz what appealed so much about the original show is all the talking about feelings,,,

everything about the time fucking book and the atypical cult was not very compelling and felt forced and rushed and tacked on and there are so many plotholes,,, like,,, what are a bunch of fucking college kids gonna do about a conspiracy that’s been going on for generations,, and apparently even people like the am or the order can’t deal with them,, cuz they’re super hidden or whatever,,, but ppl just randomly hanging out in the library can fucking overhear all their bullshit

i was never given any believable explanation about why they can’t just ask the am to deal with this nonsense,,, when two very powerful people in the am care very deeply about the characters in the midst of this dangerous plot,,, and they already knew about it but did fucking nothing,,, and they keep fucking lampshading it but not actually address it. this whole nonsense felt like a ploy to get adam and caleb to talk to each other again when they seriously didn’t need it

blackwell was such a bad villain,, he was so melodramatic but not even in a fun way,,, and uggh,,, i can’t help but compare the new villains, this blackwell and hellen(?i can’t even remember her name) with the ones in the original series, wadsworth, agent green, damien,,, and the new ones feel like cartoon caricactures compared to how much nuance and depth and humanity the old antagonists were written with

also like,, the more information about the wider atypical world that’s laid out, the less fun and the less sense it makes,,, atypical secret societies are a thing??? and it’s also possible to find atypical communities online??? that just cheapens all of damien’s angst about being alone and not even knowing the word atypical until he met joan,, as well as how the order and the am value keeping knowledge of atypicals top secret, it doesn’t add up

it bothered me how they mentioned it should be impossible to turn a normal person into an atypical when like,, hello??? frank’s right there???

fuck oliver,,, there’s nothing fucking likable about this asshole,,he’s selfish, manipulative, a coward, smug,,, and not even in any charming or sympathetic ways,, he feels super tacked on,,, like he’s only there cuz the bullshit ancienty conspiracy plot demands it and i do not for one second believe any of the characters care about him

mark was just,,, so fucking under utilized,,, the characters always talk up caleb and mark’s brotherly bond, about how much they care for each other and how much he’s helped him out,, that’s really interesting i would actually like to fucking see it please,,, overall mark feels like his main point in this series is to just be an accessory to oliver

what the fuck do you mean that mark considers him his bestfriend?!?!? ano po?? tangina,, sam’s right fucking there,, and oliver has never shown in any genuine that he cares about mark and i don’t fucking see what mark sees in this guy

you know,,, all that fucking forced ship tease between these is literally the final nail in the coffin of my enjoyment of this universe,,, like you’re telling me that these two are actually gonna get together?? fuck that noise good fucking bye i want nothign to do with this series anymore

conclusion: i am just,, completely fucking done with this universe,,, honestly,, normally im not one to hate listen,, if i don’t like something,, i’ll just drop it and say it’s not my thing and move on..and im not one to just angrily yell about it into the void. but i can’t with this show,,, the original show really just meant the world to me,,, it was with me at some of the darkest points in my life and was one of the things that got me through em (cuz hey i can’t afford therapy and this show made a p good substitute at times asdkfljsad)..

i felt so betrayed,,, i really opened up myself to this one for all that. i should’ve learned my lesson after the disaster that was tama,,, the needless killing agent green was an indication of things to come,,, but i was cautiously optimistic for this show,, cuz it seemed they were going back to their roots by doing a story that’s more on just characters learning how to person and talk about their feelings,,, but oh god how badly was i mistaken,, they shoehorned another bs thriller action plotline when the characters by themselves were enough,,, and it seems that this is the direction this universe is taking,,, i want absolutely nothing more to do with,, im gonna unsub to the original feed and just block out all the tags and pretend i never interacted with this franchise in the first place

[calypsoff]

Two. Part 2

The way I didn’t think this would have happened, I didn’t think global singer Rihanna would be acting this way with me. I have still yet to reply back to that message, I don’t understand why she is being this way. I feel it’s irrational to say the least, I feel bad for most part because it’s Seiko birthday and she booked time away too “you can’t sit there with that glum face bro” downing the rest of my vodka and coke “I am getting another drink, want one?” I offered “not for me” nodding my head walking off to the bar, I am not about to get drunk, but I need some alcohol in me for this, drunken thoughts are not the best thing. This situation has taken a turn, a turn I didn’t think would happen, I know the friendship we had was the best, I adore her so much and she does make me happy but this behaviour, it’s odd from her but also maybe she has changed, I mean of course she has changed. Leaning against the bar to be served, I am stuck between my girlfriend and my best friend that I do adore so much, she has a man go and speak to him but also maybe she just wanted me, but this whole love situation, maybe I am to blame with getting back in her life, maybe I’ve ruined her whole little bubble “what would you like?” Looking up from the bar “anything strong” I mumbled “can I have a bottle of Hennessy?” She looked at me with a slight smirk “whole bottle!? Really that bad?” Nodding my head “kind of” I laughed shaking my head “how about I give you some in a glass, clear thoughts are better” she is right “thank you” maybe I am looking into it too much, I know what I want really. I do, I mean I have a girlfriend.

Placing both glasses on the table “we going to get drunk?” Sitting down “not exactly but I thought get some Hennessy and a large vodka and coke “I don’t think you should stress yourself out about it, just go with Seiko I guess?” Licking my top lip “but she’s begging me to come what if something is wrong and she needs me” Barry shrugged “she also ditched you, did she not? Do it back” made me laugh “I’m not that petty” I chuckled “then what the fuck you want dude!?” He spat “you’re jumping or want me to jump because she is who she is and that is wrong and I am not that person Barry, you see her as that famous girl. I just said let’s take it slow, be friends again and have fun” I know what Barry and TJ are thinking “I hate this new nigga mentality, she want your dick, give it” rolling my eyes shaking my head “you don’t help, if you want to be helpful then just be quiet. When I did meet Robyn that day before she left, I felt that attachment and she was admitting to love, I don’t know. Like, was it?” Barry pointed at me laughing “you remembered her after all these years and at that time you was upset so I suppose yes but only you know that, just speak to her. Text her back and just tell her you’re working, if you say Seiko then she may dislike you even more for it” nodding my head “I need to message her back, you right” I need to suck it up.

Twin:

I don’t mean to upset you, tell me what happened? 😔😔

Pressing send on the message, chewing on my bottom lip just thinking. Seiko is there for me, she’s there I guess and Robyn yes she’s been the person on my mind when I was locked up but I felt slightly hurt she went but hearing her tell me why, I do forgive her for it but I just don’t know, am I getting myself in some shit or am I following the path I could have had with her, I am just in deep thought. I promised myself I would never fuck up; I would never do anything to fuck up my life. It has scarred me when I got beat up, to be in that situation “you know, to this day I’m scared them niggas people will get me for snitching” I admitted “you did what you needed to do Chris. You moved away from your mom so she is good, I think you will be ok. Just keep your head down” I suppose he is right, now I am just going to have that on my mind. Seiko is staying at my apartment tonight so now I got to deal with her questioning me and shit, I decided I’m not going to drink anymore unless it’s water, I need a clear mind “I can’t wait for you to wake up and be a fuck nigga again” Barry continues to say this, he makes me laugh “it’s still there, trust me. I got it but I’m trying to keep my head down, trust me I don’t think anyone will like me if I’m like that again” picking my glass up “Robyn did, I mean clearly she’s jumping on your dick and riding it to the high depths” I near choked on my drink, he ain’t shit.

Barry has a fucked up mind, he is there just talking shit. I mean he did talk shit back when he assumed that Robyn and I had sex, I did say no we didn’t, but he did not believe. Only thing we did was make out, we did that a lot so that was the reason why I ended up initiating sex but it’s whatever now. Robyn aint’ texting me at all, she is more then likely fallen out with me “I am back” walking into my apartment, Seiko has let herself in. She did say she was staying with me tonight “so early!?” she spat, closing the door behind “yeah, I am tired. And also I just wanted to be at home, you know” I have too much on my mind, taking my jacket off “you going to come and snuggle me” pulling a face “I don’t do snuggles, nice try” throwing my jacket on the back of the couch “give me a kiss at least!?” rolling my eyes, leaning down and pressing a kiss to her lips “I am so excited about my birthday weekend” I chuckled wishing I had that energy for that, my phone pinged in my pocket “I will be back” walking off to go to the bathroom, grabbing my phone from my pocket and seeing that Twin has text me but it looks like a picture. Opening the message and then tapped on the photo, bringing my phone closer to my face seeing a fifteen year old me with the chubbiest cheeks ever “oh wow” I look so goofy as hell but yet so happy, looking at Robyn at the side of me. This was for the science project and I won it, this was the picture taken. The way she is just smiling but looking at me, I was so goofy, it’s sweet to see a throwback of us. Closing the picture and seeing the message ‘wish I could go back to this’ she messaged, I am not sure what is wrong with Robyn but whatever it is I feel she is hurting about something but is not mentioning it.

I do not play; Seiko knows I mean it when I say I don’t like snuggles. I am sat on the other couch, I just don’t want to be hugged up on and she knows it “I really wish you got over this phobia of you disliking cuddles, I won’t bite?” I shrugged smiling “I actually wanted to speak to you, you know Miami” Seiko frowned “I don’t want to hear it, you promised. You always do this; you have something coming up” clasping my hands together “you said you got that for your friend and not me!? So what is the difference, Seiko I will make it up to you. I will cuddle you?” Seiko was frowning but her face softened up “come here” she patted the couch; I mean if I must. Getting up from the couch and dragging my feet walking towards her, jumping on the couch sitting next to her “I love you so much” Seiko jumped on me “how do you know you love me though? Like people throw that word around, I find that shit kind of weird. Like why say that word, what do I do to make you love me? Or is it something you wish to be in?” she gasped in my ear “who put two cents in you? Something you wish to be in, that is pretty rude Chris. I love you because you don’t show you care but you do, you are a caring person” side eyeing her as I turned my head to look at her, she pecked my lips “but on a real how do you know you love someone?” it’s a genuine question “well they think about the person constantly, craving connection with them both physically and emotionally. We want to know their thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs. I think with us it’s starting slow, I get that you have been through shit. I got you” I slowly turned my head, I am deadass thinking about what I did to Robyn to make her upset with me like that, feeling a kiss to my cheek.

I have been watching this show with Seiko but also I haven’t been watching it, my phone screen lit up and the name twin popped up as it rang out “you and Barry are twins” so she thinks it’s Barry, grabbing my phone from my lap and answering the call “hey” turning down the volume on the phone “you picked up quick, I just want to say sorry for like pressuring you to do something you can’t, also that I just have a lot of things on my mind. I am totally fine with you not coming, I just have a lot of things going on” why does Robyn cry, like now her voice is all over “yeah” I said “I will be back” I got up from the couch “huh” Robyn said “one minute” I don’t know who to speak too, I have Seiko just staring at me like what the fuck am I doing and Robyn confused, I was going to go to my bedroom but Seiko could be nosey so I will just leave the apartment “where are you going!?” Seiko shouted out “I will be back, I need my cigarettes” putting my slides on, unlocking the door walking out “sorry about that” I said down the phone “it’s fine, I just shouldn’t have acted that way. I think I don’t want you to say those things. I don’t want money to be a factor on the decisions you make” walking down the steps “you been really different with me, I feel like meeting you again as made it worse for you. I have messed up your feelings and made you this” I feel a little bad about it “you know when you don’t have that person there, you learn to live with it. When that person is there you can’t. When I think back, I feel like I should have told you everything, but I had no time. I don’t want you to think it was a mistake, it has been the best thing for me, to reconnect with you. I just need to back off. I just have so much going on, and I think I am just on that mode of you always being there, I feel fifteen all over again” opening the door walking out “I am here for you, I am here for you now, you at your concert date?” seems loud in the background “yes, but I am just thinking of how I have been with you. Emotions are high” I can agree on that “we have grown in different ways, we need to explore that again but being with you, you bring that out. You do, I am just not that boy you see in the photos, you are the person I was” I admitted “you’re like wall, there is a wall between me and you and I can only hear your voice, I saw it as soon as I saw you. You are different and I get it, but I just wanted to say that to you” she did mention it, she felt the change “I will see what I can do, if I can come. I will text you and let you know beforehand” rubbing the back of my head, is this me choosing but I feel like Seiko made that choice for me, after that little description of love, maybe I was or did be in love “it would be nice to see you” Robyn is so much more calmer, much calmer then she was on text.

I have been trying for the past half hour to get Robyn to tell me her issue, she is straight hard headed “my period, there! Happy now?” pulling a face at the fact that was the issue “ok, so because you decided to be on your period you angry?” I am confused “I didn’t decide to be on my period Chris it happens every month! I don’t just say oh well today I will be on my period, come on! We were both in the same lessons” I snorted laughing “and I was busy” I kissed my teeth “busy annoying me and eating my food” she ain’t wrong “we shared food, also you owe me breakfast. That was an hour pay” I pointed out “one waffle for two please” Robyn and I both laughed out “you sound like me! I would march into that place and be demanding that one waffle, he gave me a discount too. But on a real, that whole thing of being angry was because of your period? That is a lot of anger for a lady like yourself, so you gonna be on your period when I come? Does that last ages” Robyn screamed out laughing “wait, you being deadass about this? Wow, why do you care, not like we doing anything freaky” I am offended she laughed at me the way she did “we could finish off where left off? I am joking but you all angry and stuff, I don’t do hugs either. Like I am not about that snuggle life, no ma’am. I just sex and go, it’s the best thing” placing my cigarette between my lips “the lie detector determined that was a lie Christoff, you hugged me all of the time. You would drag me back by my backpack and then hump me. Don’t give me that” I grinned shaking my head, not like she can see. Moving my cigarette away from my lips because I am too busy smiling now “I am serious though; I don’t do that hug business” she don’t believe me at all “how many sex and go you done?” raising an eyebrow “good question, you tell me first?” she being sly with that question “mhmmm two, could have been three if that happened with us” that is low “two? I mean body count doesn’t matter to me, but two!?” I am shocked “you think I just give myself away” let me not get her angry “not at all, just thought it would be more. Erm, possibly could have been more but I would say about ten? Not sure, but since coming out it’s been one, I met Seiko quick. Could have been eleven if forehead put out” Robyn snorted laughing, I am glad she is ok now.