#those are the mistakes that will never be fixed

[pipperoo]

in hatchetfield, i always find all the timelines so fascinating because anything could happen in them. some unspeakable horrible thing could happen or someone puts themself in the worst possible situation but, there’s always the hope that somewhere, in some timeline, they didn’t make the mistake or that traumatic event didn’t happen. anything could change.

which just makes the events that happened before october 5th, before the timeline split, all the more tragic. because they’re set in stone, there is never any hope that those can change. across every timeline those events will have always happened

jenny will always be gone, there’ll never be a timeline where she and ted can find each other again. he’ll always have lost her and it’s all his fault. and since he made the decision to change who he was in 04, he’ll always be that sleazeball

hidgens will always be obsessed with making working boys because they will have always died on that football field in that lightning storm. every hidgens we see has had to crawl out from under the fried corpses of the men he loved. he’ll think of the life he could have had with chad and his other boyfriends forever

jerry and jeri will always have that child. since ted remembers hearing lumberaxe dragging his axe around and he certainty didn’t go to the camp after 05, lil jerry will always be raised in the woods and kill the horny campers. girl jeri will always be stuck.

miss holloway will never be able to save those three girls. she will have always made her deal with the lords in black. despite the people she saves now, she can never do anything to spare the lives that kickstarted this whole thing for her

it’s just the fact that some things, that didn’t make the 2005 cutoff point, will never be altered, will never be changed! those people will always be dead, they will have always done those things. every single version of each character across any timeline will still be marked by the same defining events

[jasvtsc]

beau arlen x innocent!reader.

warnings! mdni! smut. pillow riding. beau watching the reader. mutual masturbation. guided masturbation. age gap. fingering. fem!reader. innocent!reader. softdom!beau. slight corruption (not in the bad way tho). most likely grammar mistakes.

word count! 1.8k

dating the sheriff was definitely… exciting.

beau was older than you by A LOT, but it wasn’t one of your main concerns. he treated you right. he loved you to the moon and back…

and he was just so fucking hot.

the first time you saw him, your panties literally experienced their first flood.

sure, you had a few boyfriends, but it was never– that. his piercing emerald eyes, his broad shoulders, his handsome features and the way he carried himself. you were in awe and so much frustration, trying to figure out what was happening to you.

so when somehow you did end up dating him? yeah, it only got worse.

you had your own waterfall whenever your eyes landed on him. whether it was him trying to fix his truck with his sleeves rolled up, him manspreading and leaning back in his chair whenever you came to visit him in his office, or every time he was putting on his hat — you were a mess.

and the fact that you never had sex before only made it worse.

a few boyfriends? it never went past the phase of innocent kisses and holding hands shyly as if you were both carrying some kind of disease. growing up in a sheltered house definitely didn’t help. church every sunday, no boys allowed in the house after dinner, curfew and absolutely NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE!! it was one of the main rules in your home, and it stressed you out to the point where you weren’t even thinking about trying to at least pleasure yourself — you were scared that it’d be some kind of sin and your soul would be dragged to hell.

you were a good christian girl.

but that changed as soon as you started dating beau.

date someone your age, they said. nahh, you were in for the good ol’ cowboy with that strong drawl and a few silver streaks in his hair.

however, you couldn’t help but be scared. you literally knew nothing, and he already had so much experience. it was actually kind of intimidating for you. you were scared that maybe you wouldn’t be able to satisfy him enough or you’d do something wrong. that’s why you’ve been trying to avoid any intimacy at all cost.

and beau didn’t notice at first. he wasn’t with you for your body or physical pleasure. he was with you because you made his heart beat faster and charmed him with your cute little smile on your pinky lips with those sparkly eyes.

however, he did notice it at one point. well, more like he assumed it from the beginning. he knew you were innocent and that you’ve never really tried anything– you couldn’t keep anything from him even if you wanted to. also, you wanted to make sure he knew what he was in from the beginning. and fuck, was he going to hell for trying to make you lose some of that innocence. but he just wanted what was best for you– and that was helping ease some of your frustrations cause you were clearly a walking time bomb.

but how did he figure it out though?

well, after coming back from one of your dates, beau was driving you back to his place, his hand draped over your bare thigh because of how high your lavender sundress rolled up, giving it light squeezes from time to time. however, he decided to get more daring and slowly made his way up with his fingers. you didn’t seem to notice, too caught up reading something on your phone. but then, you widened your eyes and looked at beau, who had the same expression on his face as you. why? his fingers brushed against a damp spot on your panties.

it made his heartbeat falter, and he blinked a few times. so you did get excited around him. that’s why, as soon as you got to his place, he practically crashed his lips on yours, slamming your back against the wall and gripping your thighs tightly, lifting you and making you wrap your legs around him. he groaned and rubbed his already rock hard erection against your clothed core, making you gasp into the kiss.

fuck, that was getting serious.

“beau, i—“ you broke the kiss and looked at him with wide eyes like a deer caught in headlights. and just by that, he knew you were scared.

“i know, baby. i know,” he reassured, stroking your cheek with his knuckles, a soft smile on his lips. “we don’t have to do anything you don’t feel ready for, y’know?”

“but i want to. i just don’t want to do… that serious stuff yet,” you whispered and looked around as if someone would hear. beau chuckled lowly, then moved a strand of hair out of your face and cupped your cheek.

“then what do you want to do, darlin’? i’m all–“ but then he cut himself off and smirked as he got an idea. “you know what, actually, i know what we’ll do.”

with that, he carried you to his bedroom. he put you gently on his bed and gave you one of his pillows. you looked at him dumbfounded, tilting your head back, a faint pout on your plush lips that just made his cock strain against his jeans even more. fuck, he just wanted to know how it would feel if you were to su— not now, beau.

“we’ll try something new, ‘kay? something easy so you don’t freak out. do you trust me, baby?” he asked, stroking your hair. you nodded, looking at him like he was your everything, which made his heart warm up with even more love for you. he smiled and kissed your forehead. “good girl. now, get on that pillow and show me what a skilled little rider you are,” he patted your ass and then moved away from the bed, sitting down on an armchair nearby.

and once again, you were dumbfounded. “huh?” you asked, watching him manspread, his hand draped over his thigh and the massive bulge in his pants.

damn, you got even wetter.

this sight itself was enough to make you start moving your hips. slowly, you moved back and forth, trying to ease some of that feeling that pooled in your lower abdomen. and beau, seeing that, smiled widely, palming his crotch with his right hand, biting on the left one as it was formed in a fist.

“yeah. keep goin’. just like that, baby,” he praised, adjusting himself.

your mouth was practically watering because of that. you picked up your pace, grinding more fiercely against the pillow, enjoying the way your pussy was gliding on it, the fabric of your dampened panties only adding to the delicious friction.

soon, small gasps and pants started coming out of you. you moaned quietly and closed your eyes, your head tilting back. however, you were quickly reprimanded by beau and his stern voice.

“nuh-uh. eyes on me, baby. i want to see your pretty face when you ride that pillow,” he almost growled, the ache in his pants making him feral.

immediately, you obeyed, his dominance adding to your arousal. quickly, you tilted your head and looked at him. but when it was harder to keep up with your movements, you decided to shift. so you moved, and now, you were facing him while grinding your heat against his pillow.

beau groaned and palmed his dick harder. however, when that didn’t work, he huffed and unbuckled his belt. then, he unzipped his pants and lowered them down with his boxers, his massive cock freed from the refrains. you widened your eyes even more, letting out a whimper that made his erection twitch.

you bit your lower lip and observed him intensely as he stroked himself a few times, spreading the leaking precum and then pumping his cock to match the pace of your grinding.

“yeah. grind that little pussy on my pillow. imagine my face laying there after tonight, getting a good whiff of how desperate you were for someone to teach you how to pleasure yourself. i bet you’re gonna be humping your pillows more often now, am i right, baby? like a little puppy in heat,” he chuckled, licking his lips. then he spat on his hand and moved it back to his huge cock, pumping it even more aggressively.

“now, move your hand down, baby,” he instructed, watching as you obeyed his every word. “yeah, just like that. good girl. you’re so good f’me, baby, do y’know that?”

you whimpered, again.

“you make such pretty little sounds. jesus christ,” he panted and squeezed his dick harder. “now, move your hand under your panties— just like that, and rub your clit,” you were mindlessly listening to every word he was saying. as soon as your fingers landed on your swollen bud, slipping beneath the soaked fabric, and applying just a tiny bit of pleasure, your body jolted up and you gasped loudly.

beau grinned and increased the pace at which his hand was moving. “you’re doing so well. i’m so proud of you, baby. move your fingers faster.”

at this point, you weren’t grinding the pillow, but your hand as your fingers moved aggressively over your engorged clit. you were panting more frantically, your eyes wide and glazed from the pleasure.

and the sight of beau coming, only made it worse. his cum shot up on his shirt and hand, making him grunt lowly. he eased himself from his climax, seeing that you were struggling to get some relief. so he decided to take matters into his own hands.

he got up and kneeled on the bed, basically yanking you on your back. he tore your panties off and replaced your fingers with his, his calloused thumb rubbing your clit with experience. and then, you moaned loudly, arching into his hand as he snuck his fingers between your slick folds, propping your entrance. you almost screamed when he put his finger inside you, rubbing your velvety walls.

“fuck, you’re so soaked,” he groaned, feeling his cock get hard again. “yer gonna cum? f’me?” he asked with a smirk, adding a second finger.

and that was enough to make you come hard for the first time in your life. you moaned loudly, pressing your heat to his rough hand as your juices flooded his calloused palm. he kept whispering praises, helping you ride out your pleasure until you were spent, trying to catch your breath with the fucked out expression on your face.

beau smiled and moved his fingers out of you, making you whine in protest at how empty it suddenly felt. he licked his fingers clean and hummed in contentment.

“delicious. however, next time, you’re riding me.”

and to seal the deal, he grabbed his hat from the edge of the bed and with a playful smile, he dropped it on your head.

a/n: sooo yeah, my first smut ever💀 y’all better lmk what you think cause i have no idea if it’s good or not

༄♡tags: @beausling @titsout4nicholas @deanswidow @deansbite @aileenunfiltered @figthoughts @fitxgrld @a1ecmcdowell @hrtsoldierboy @10ava01 @angelicp0etry

[kkayyerr]

Problem.

Summary: Pogues abandoning little!reader after she did an awful mistake. Rafe is here to show her that she’s not alone.

Warnings: Age regression, angst, slight fluff in the end.

Words counter: 1,3 k

Author’s note: I used scene from the „Arcane” as the reference for this fic!!🫶🏻

Pogues had never shown their disappointment in you or even told you that they weren’t pleased with your actions. They never showed you any signs of anger, especially not when you were in the little space. No matter how bad your mistakes were, they would just try to ensure you that everything is alright. They didn’t want you to know how hard it is to clean up your mess. And you couldn’t even think of anything about them being tired of you. 

After all, every mistake can be fixed, right? 

Tonight you found out that you were actually wrong, and there are some mistakes that unfortunately can’t be fixed, not at all. 

 

„Stay here, kid.”

 

JJ said to you an hour ago, as they were getting ready to go on another fight with some people that they had introduced to you as the „bad guys." You wanted to help them, but since you were regressed, they came up with the decision that it would be better for you to just stay inside the truck while they would be dealing with all of that. You agreed, just so they wouldn’t have to worry about you while fighting, and then you watched them leave. 

 

„Good wuck…”

 

You whispered, but it seemed like nobody had heard you since they haven’t replayed, just closing the truck’s doors. Since they left, you became so much more anxious. 

What if they would get hurt? 

What if they would get killed?

What if, what if, what if...

You just couldn’t help yourself, but finding that small gun that was laying on the driver’s seat was very interesting. What if that small thing would help you get your friends out of trouble? You knew that you shouldn’t have touched the weapons, but you also knew that you wouldn’t let your friends get themselves in trouble. 

Slowly you got off the truck and immediately saw them, staying there, just a few miles away from you. And there were also those bad guys, threatening your friends. Your heart ached seeing them in fear, so you approached them and shot.

A couple of times. 

You obviously didn’t see how one of the bullets came through the JJ’s shoulder, and you also didn’t see that you almost shot Kiara right in the head. When the gun's magazine finally got empty, you opened your eyes, letting a weapon fall from your hands to the ground. Pogues were looking at you, and there was something on their faces that you had never seen before. It took a moment for you to understand that they were disappointed in you and also scared of what you just did. Everyone heads to the truck, letting JJ deal with you. They just didn’t know what to say, and they were obviously afraid of your reaction to their harsh words. 

JJ wasn’t even looking at you; he was looking through you, as if you were something that he was finally ready to leave behind. You felt how your eyes felt with tears just from the amount of guilt that you were feeling right now. You opened your mouth, but before you could start to speak, JJ just shook his head. 

 

„No. We’re done.”

 

He said, and his words made your knees weaker. He had never talked to you in such a cold manner, especially not when you were regressed. It seemed like you actually crossed the line trying to help them.

 

„They were right, you are a problem, and I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to deal with you anymore.”

 

His words were painful, but the sudden feeling of your knees hitting the hard ground brought even more pain, finally making you cry. Your cries were silent at first, but as soon as JJ had left your sight, silent sniffles turned into loud sobbing. 

 

„Pwease, don’t go.”

 

You hugged your bloody knees, whispering some sort of pleading out loud, even though you knew that nobody would hear you. Or at least you thought so. 

Rafe Cameron saw your small trembling figure, and he was intrigued. Something about that scene reminds him of himself when he was a child, left alone and crying for nobody to hear him. Rafe shook his head to get rid of that image. 

Why would Pogues leave someone behind? 

He almost felt bad, hearing your sobbing as he approached you. Your hair wet from the rain and your face puffy from all the tears. You probably needed someone to console you, or at least someone who would be there for you, right? And you would most probably do whatever it takes to not be abandoned again. 

 

„Why are you here alone, little one?”

 

He asked, crouching down in front of you, waiting for you to answer his question. You rubbed your eyes in a childish manner, trying to focus your gaze on the man. He wasn’t looking like he was planning to hurt you, and even if he would, it wouldn’t hurt as much as getting abandoned by a Pogues did. 

You looked at him for another second, and then you jumped on him, hugging him tightly with your little arms. Both of you were lying on the ground now, but he didn’t seem to protest. He didn’t hug you back, though, not yet. 

 

„They left me, Pogues left me.”

 

You whispered, trying not to start sobbing again. His eyes widened, as he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. How could they call themselves a family when they’re leaving their people behind? The thoughts of getting left were hurting your little heart so bad that you almost screamed but felt two strong arms picking you up from the ground just in time. You didn’t know who that man was, but the need in someone’s care right now made you desperate enough to accept his attention. You hugged his neck with your hands, hiding your face there as he was trying to calm you down. 

 

„I’m lonely”

 

Rafe chuckled at your pitiful voice, hugging you tighter. He wasn’t the big fan of hugs, but he knew that you needed that right now. He also knew that you were way too tired now to give him any information about yourself or at least explain what happened previously, but he also knew that you wouldn’t say „no” if he would offer you to go with him. 

 

„You won’t be lonely for too long, little one.”

 

His words were gentle; he didn’t want you to get scared or overwhelmed. He could tell that you were close enough to yet another tantrum just because of the stress that you had experienced from getting left alone. 

 

„I’m Rafe Cameron, can we be friends?”

 

You nodded, wanting at least someone to be around. You couldn’t stay alone, especially when you were regressed. He smirked at your response, knowing that he doesn’t want to be your friend. He wants to be your everything, and somehow you didn’t seem very against it.

 

„From that moment you will never be left alone again, baby.”

 

You looked at him with a small suspicion. It was hard for you to believe that someone might actually want to deal with you, and not leaving you behind when you would became too much. Rafe extended his pinky, his big hand approaching yours.

 

„Pinky pwomise?”

 

Your eyes widened, and your face turned more bright. For you, a pinky promise was something more meaningful than a signed contract or a proposal ring. You slowly connected your pinky with his, smiling happily. 

 

„Pinky promise.”

 

He reassured you, giving you a gentle kiss on the nose, making you smile once again. After he saw that smile, he knew he wouldn’t ever let anyone make you cry. 

Taglist: @marvelfanfics1 @aew-regression-cove @rafecameronsloverrrrr

[mothhball]

SANGUINEOUS

JONATHAN CRANE X VAMPIRE!FEM!READER

summary Jon takes the time to feed his pet

warnings SMUT!! PET PLAY, sub!reader, p in v, unprotected, dom/sub themes, injury, blood drinking, pet names for reader (pet, good girl), death mention, reader kinda ate (literally)

notesI had Nolanverse in mind while writing, but there's not much description of him lmao. Also, this was supposed to be the pet play entry for kinktober but 😬 my bad, whoops

! MINORS DNI !

event masterlist • main masterlist • taglist • kofi word count: 1.6k

The floor felt cold beneath you, sending a shiver down your spine as you watched him with bated breath, waiting for a command, a word of praise, anything.

There was a fire in your eyes, never waning, never dying. You’d outlast his life tenfold, and he knew it as well, but that wasn’t a conversation for nights like these. No, on nights like these, he’d make you crawl, gloved hands and stockinged knees. A predator, adorned with lace and silk and a collar around your neck.

Two truths made up the foundation of this peculiar relationship.

Firstly, both of you knew that you could easily destroy him. Tear him to pieces until he'd be little more than disassembled flesh and bone. Until the sweet essence of his body would cover you in brilliant, scarlet rivulets.

But secondly and more importantly, you both knew that he'd trained you well enough so you wouldn't.

As much as you held the power of life and death within your palm, Jonathan held the leash that kept you tethered to his side. A snarling, exotic pet that bent to his will.

And exactly this predicament was what got you addicted in the first place.

The sensation of kneeling; of obeying. The delicious humiliation of submitting to what was supposed to be prey. The lust in his eyes always mirrored your own, because as much as he liked to lead and own, you desired to follow and be possessed.

“Jonathan,” you rasped, fixing him with gleaming, insatiable eyes from where you knelt before him. The clicking of his tongue betrayed his disapproval, but there was no ire in his eyes. No, the icy blue of his irises was almost completely eclipsed by his blown-out pupils, darkened with a need that only you could satiate.

“Pets don’t speak, do they?”

Your jaw clenched at that, lips pulling down into a frustrated pout, which only caused him to chuckle lowly. His pointer finger flexed, silently commanding you to get closer to where he was seated on the edge of his workbench. Of course, you knew what he kept in those sickly green vials and syringes. You knew from the second he stumbled upon you that fateful night, mistaking you for a helpless little thing he could use to test his latest concoction.

It was only when you revealed your nature that the tables turned instantly. In hindsight, you were happy that you didn’t rip his throat open; that you took the time to see him for what he was. Now, you were monsters of two different kinds, toying with each other in ways that made your skin crawl delightfully.

You followed the gesture of his finger, breath hitching as he hooked it into the metal ring of your collar and yanked you even closer and up on your knees, cheek resting on his thigh.

“You’re famished, aren’t you, pet?” he said, regarding you with a haughty smile that caused your insides to shiver with need. You didn’t answer. Didn’t need to. Jonathan knew the telltale signs of your vampiric hunger; could tell by your posture, the lacking health of your hair, and dull skin.

He hummed, thumb caressing your jaw as he kept his eyes on your ruby ones. Then, he patted his lap with his free hand.

“Up.”

The bell on your collar jingled as you got settled in his lap, straddling his thighs and shifting to get comfortable. Jonathan allowed it, surprisingly patient for a man who adored the marks that a little rough treatment would leave on your body. But for now, he just watched as you got situated, his fingers idly tracing patterns over your hip, which caused goosebumps to spread beneath his touch. Once you were finally settled, he brushed the back of his hand over your cheek and then higher up to adjust the plush cat ears on the top of your head. Something you used to pretend to hate. Fortunately, Jonathan was stubborn enough to insist on them time and time again. Until you gave in and openly started to enjoy the little accessories and trinkets.

“Good girl,” he praised softly, grabbing the back of your neck.

Your eyes were fixed on his nimble hands as he undid his tie and the first two buttons of his shirt. Instantly, your attention was caught by the steady thrumming of his pulse beneath his skin. The mere thought of his velvety blood on your tongue already made you salivate. A willing morsel.

“No. Focus.”

His voice and the tightening grip on your nape released you from your momentary trance, and you swallowed thickly. “You know the drill.”

His cock was already hard by the time he freed himself from the confines of his slacks. Obediently as ever, you raised your hips and allowed him to pull your panties down and carelessly toss them aside.

With how quickly you were complying, one might’ve thought your years of immortality were about to catch up to you. But it was the hunger that drove the urgency of your movements. Hunger that felt like a black hole in the pit of your stomach. A hole that only the rich, sanguine lifeblood of your master could fill.

Jonathan’s free hand crept up the inside of your thigh at an agonizing snail’s pace, taking far too long for your liking until his fingertips dipped between the glistening folds of your pussy. Fleeting pleasure. Far too little to please, yet too much to stay still. Your needy whine earns yourself a tug on your hair.

“Behave,” he warned, rubbing slow circles around your clit. Jonathan let go of your hair again, unbuttoning his shirt more and more to properly expose his shoulder. You almost bit your own tongue at the sight. The faintest visible throb of his heartbeat, the healthy flush on his pale complexion; arousal, excitement.

And a hint of fear.

Terror beneath rose-tinted glasses.

It was an exercise of restraint as he made you sink down on his length, stretching you open around his cock. The appetizer to the impending main course.

His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed, breath heavy and hands grasping onto the flesh of your hips as he looked up at you. Eyes full of need. Of reverence and trepidation.

And then, Jonathan dipped his head back to bare his throat to his most favorite pet.

“Feed.”

Your mouth was on his throat within seconds as you pounced like the predator you were. Tongue lapping at his skin, you felt the steady beat of his heart as you licked a stripe up the column of his neck. And then you sunk your teeth into his flesh. Deeply.

The man beneath you flinched, his grip tightening on you as a pained groan slipped past his rosy lips. The initial bite always hurt. But what followed was the sweetest pleasure. His eyelids fluttered shut as you began to swallow gulps of his blood, drinking him like the most exquisite wine.

Jonathan had to pull himself together, gritting his teeth to focus as he began to thrust up into you, fulfilling his own carnal desires. Quickly taking the hint, you followed along to his rhythm, meeting every roll of his hips with one of your own.

Moaning with a mouthful of blood, your hands found their way into his hair, desperately tugging and pulling as your mind started to blank. Debased, bouncing in the lap of your master, you were less than and more than human at the same time.

A creature tamed by pleasure.

As Jonathan slowly started to become light-headed, his fingers curled into the back of your collar to pull you off of him, and after one more flick of your tongue against the wound, you released his flesh from between your fangs.

Both of you were panting and whimpering, working up to a desperate climax that was rapidly approaching. Jonathan’s blood was smeared across your parted lips, rolling down your chin and throat in beautiful runlets, and disappearing in the valley between your breasts. If this were the last thing he’d ever see, Jonathan was sure he could die a happy death.

But not now.

Right now, he was alive, and his thrusts sped up as he neared the edge. Despite the loss of blood, his pulse sounded even louder in his ears, and you could hear it as well.

Gritting his teeth, he reached down your bodies to rub your clit with his thumb, determined to push you over the edge first. It’s what any good owner would do.

The filthy moan he got from you in response was reward enough for him, and even in this state, he still managed to grin up at you as your face twisted with pleasure. Grabbing onto his shoulders, your back arched as you came, whimpering and choking out noises with your face tilted towards the ceiling.

Jonathan’s pace only quickened, emboldened by the sight of your trembling form and the exquisite clenching of your slick folds around his cock. Even as you began to squirm, his thumb kept circling your clit.

“No. No, don’t pull away. Don’t be greedy, pet. Let me have this– “ His voice was strained, hissed out from between bared teeth as the bucking of his hips grew more erratic.

One more thrust. And then another. And he finally, finally succumbed to the bliss of his own climax. Jonathan cursed under his breath, pulling your body flush against his to get to your shoulder, where he sank his own teeth into your skin. Or, well, tried to. Aside from the dull pain, he didn’t do any damage.

His bite would leave a bruise; yours would leave a scar. One of many.

And neither of you would ever want it any other way.

@ellebellebarnes @harrystyelsgf @mcumorningstar @mandies24 @detroitbecomevenom

@pretty-bluebird @calicoartie @vampmary1411 @ashdrinksoatmilk @sillycillyforlife

@ptolemaniac @kiss-me-cill-me @hanawrites404 @ilovetoxicfictionalmen @biblicallyaccuratebee

@notveryoptimistic @smxkyqvxrtz @luvlloyd @blvdymary @paradiseprincesss

@vegasisthinking @ilovedottore @cillianslvt @ddawgg1 @tkappi

@humbuginmybones @jordyn-yeager @chaengist @ryecosse @strangeobsessed

[vickytaa]

Music keeps me alive. M.S. Chapter IV

sumerry: y/n's father passed away, and she moved to Boston to finish school. She always keeps her headphones on, only she knows the reason why. What happens when she meets Matt?

Chapter I - Chapter II - Chapter III

Y/n Pov:

I was never a big fan of parties, especially when I didn't know anyone, but being next to Matt always calmed me down a bit. After the thing with Emily, everything felt weird and uncomfortable, but the guys quickly noticed it on my face and made me feel at ease again.

“Honey, I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back,” I told Matt, who kissed me on the forehead and let go of my hand so I could go. It didn't take long, or well, a little bit. I just did my business and touched up my makeup a bit, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go back out. The party wasn’t bad, and getting to know the guys' friends better is great, it's just that I was tired and I've never been one to go to these parties, but if Matt liked it and it made him happy, obviously I was going to go with him.

As I walked in, I was met with a crowd of sweaty bodies dancing together, which made me a little uncomfortable. But when I found Nick talking to Chris, everything else faded away. Reaching the circle where everyone was chatting, I saw him. Matt was wrapping his arm around Emily's waist, just like he used to with me. He must have made a mistake. But how could he not realize it wasn't me? Maybe he'd just had too much to drink... But Matt doesn't drink much. I was approaching them when I saw Emily grab his jaw and kiss him. He didn't pull away, he kissed her back. How? Why? Didn't anyone notice that I wasn't the one with Matt?

Without realizing it, my eyes had filled with tears and some rolled down my cheeks. My breath caught in my throat. My heart ached. Those few seconds of their kiss felt like years to me. I felt invisible, until Matt heard a sob coming from me and turned around. That's when he realized that the girl he was kissing wasn't his girlfriend, it was Emily.

I was in shock, my world was falling apart, again. "What? Y/n?" I heard Matt say, looking completely confused. I had trusted him, I had told him things about myself that I never thought I would tell anyone else. I couldn't think of anything else, I wanted to get out of there, away from everything, from everyone, lock myself in my room and never come out. So I did, I turned around and started running through the crowd, while I heard Matt shouting for me to stop as he ran after me.

"Y/n! Wait!" Matt repeated, his voice desperate. I had managed to get out of the house, but hearing him cry made me unable to contain my pain and I turned around, this time stopping. "Y/n, I- I didn't- I didn't realize that... that it wasn't you. I had too much to drink and when she..." Matt started to speak, trying to explain what happened, but I couldn't take anymore pain, so much betrayal, so much everything. "No, Matt!" I tried to interrupt him, but I couldn't. He had come very close and grabbed my arms tightly, afraid I would leave. "I thought you had already come back and..." "Matt! Stop!" I yelled, now desperate because I couldn't escape. Matt stood still, slowly raising his gaze that was fixed on the floor to meet mine. My tears were now falling uncontrollably, despite my enormous effort to stop them. "Matt, let go of me," I said, now in a softer, lower tone. But he didn't let go. "I don't want you to leave Y/n. Please," Matt started begging me not to leave, which hurt me even more, but I had to stay strong and respect myself. "No, Matt. Now let me go," I said again in the same tone. "No, no, no, please don't go, I need you," Matt said as he began to kneel in front of me. He was crying uncontrollably, begging me please not to leave, grabbing my legs. "Matt let go of me!" I shouted and my voice cracked.

Hearing my voice crack, Matt let go of me. I quickly ran away from there, not wanting to hear anything else from anyone. I didn't know where I was going or how long I was going to walk, all I knew was that at that moment I needed my dad. He had always been there for me in the best and worst of times, always trying to make me feel better. Even though sometimes I didn't quite understand what he was saying, he always found a way to see the good in the situation, or a way to make me feel good, no matter how bad the situation was. For example, when my cat Sherlock died, he made sure to be there for me the whole month, giving me gifts, affection, making me laugh, despite the fact that I wanted to cry, among many other things that I had never realized I needed until he was gone.

And that left a huge void in me, a pain in my chest, a sadness and a need for him to come back, not at 2 in the morning at my lowest point of mental breakdown, but when I was laughing with my cousins while playing at the last family dinner all together.

I didn't need the music. When I said it kept me alive, it was a lie, what kept me alive was the memory of my dad. The countless nights I spent sleeping in his arms while listening to his favorite records, the road trips singing at the top of our lungs while mom laughed at how much we were alike, that's what kept me alive.

After an hour of walking in the middle of a neighborhood I didn't know, I decided to order an Uber home. The ride was quick, I got home and opened the door, still in costume. "Hi honey! How-" My mom started talking until she looked into my eyes. "What happened to you? Are you okay?" She started asking me a million questions, but I wasn't really listening. I couldn't feel anything but pain. Why does something bad always have to happen when I'm having a good time? It broke my heart to see myself so vulnerable in front of my mom, not knowing what else to do but wanting to run away from everything, like we had done when Dad died. My mom understood that I wasn't going to talk now so she hugged me. She knew I needed my father there, and maybe that wasn't something he would have done, but now he wasn't there and she had to find a way to make me feel a little better. I was crying uncontrollably, and my mom's hug made me cry more, but it helped me, because I felt more comfortable expressing my feelings, I felt accompanied, I felt at home. After a while hugging, my mom helped me go to bed and lay down next to me. Maybe I'll never say it, but I was very grateful to her.

That night, I could sleep very little, so my mom let me sleep a couple more hours and then try to talk about what happened yesterday. When I woke up, I stretched and grabbed my phone. There were thousands of messages and missed calls from Matt, but I couldn't even start looking at them when my eyes started to fill with tears again. I decided that maybe I wouldn't want to see my phone for a few days, so I just turned it off and got out of bed. My mom was making breakfast, like every day. "Good morning, my love. How are you feeling?" she asked. How do I feel? It was my time to speak, to explain everything that had happened, to talk about everything that has been happening to me lately since Dad died, to talk about my desire to leave, to talk. But who cares? If I have a problem, the problem is mine and I have to solve it myself, if I talk to someone I'm sure I'll bother them, I can't talk. If I talk, I cry. Why can't I explain what I feel like everyone else?

I simply swallowed my urge to cry and nodded. I sat down for breakfast and just sat there, staring at the plate of food in front of me. "Y/n, please," Mom said without explanation. I started eating. When I finished, I went upstairs to go back to sleep. I had nothing else to do. When I got up, I would just stare at the ceiling, not knowing what to do. Read? I couldn't form a complete sentence in my mind. Listen to music? I can't even hear my own thoughts. Talk to someone? I cry.

The moments from last night replayed over and over in my mind. The turn the night took, before we went out we were all doing great, happy, and at the end we didn't even leave the party together. I wonder what Matt is thinking, what he's doing. Is he thinking about me? Why would he think about me now if he didn't think about me before kissing Emily? God. I need to sleep and never wake up again.

The emptiness inside me grew bigger and bigger. I don't know if I'll ever trust anyone again. I feel broken and alone, as if the world around me is falling apart and there's nothing I can do but watch it crumble. I don't understand why he would want to make me believe he was in love with me and that he loved me only to break my heart. A big part of me wanted to talk to him and tell him what a jerk he is, the other part wanted to believe that it was an accident and that there's still hope.

The following days were the same, I only left my room to eat or go to the bathroom, I missed a whole week of school, I left my phone off, in short, I disappeared for everyone except my mom. She understood that I didn't want to go to school now because I didn't want to see Matt's face, but she refused when I asked if we could move because if I did anything here it reminded me of him, and that hurt me a lot. "No, honey, we're not moving again." I was crying again, begging her to leave. "Mom, please!" I said in my broken voice, full of pain. My mom's heart broke seeing me like that, but she couldn't take a step back again. "Honey, listen, when your father... passed away, I couldn't go back home because I was afraid of having to start over without him. He was the engine of my life." Her eyes began to fill with tears, she paused to catch her breath and spoke again, "That's why we moved, because I couldn't go back home and see all his things. But now that some time has passed, I could think about it better and I think maybe it wasn't the best thing on my part, because with that I taught you that if something bothers you you have to run away from it, and no, you have to talk. I barely knew Matt, but he seems like a good guy, and it shows that he really loves you and would never do anything to make you feel bad." She finished and I saw a tear fall and roll down her face. "Mom..." I said in a weak voice. "Honey, talk to him." "I... I can't," and with that I ran to my room and locked myself in again.

When the weekend arrived, I found myself out of my room, in the living room, listening to music again after so many days. As the first song was about to start, I heard the doorbell ring. Who was it? I wondered. Honestly, I didn't want to see anyone, especially at that moment, because I had red and swollen eyes, my hair in a messy bun, a big t-shirt and shorts.

But I didn't think about it much either, so I quickly got up from the couch and walked to the door. The doorbell rang again, it seemed like the person behind the door was desperate. "I'm coming!" I said, a little annoyed by the impatience. I opened the door and there was Nick, who looked very worried, and as if he had been crying, but little compared to what I had cried. "Y/n, I need help," Nick said. I knew this was serious, because he went straight to the point, without greeting or anything. Before I could ask, Nick explained what was happening: "Matt... he's not eating, he's not talking, he won't leave the room, Y/n please, we've tried everything, but-" I interrupted him, "Wait, wait, what happened to him?" I couldn't believe it, Matt was bad, very bad. Could it be because of...? "When you ran out that night, we went after Matt and found him crying on the floor. We took him home, we tried to talk to him, but he doesn't answer, he just locked himself in the room and won't come out. I'm afraid he's going to do something bad. I'm scared, Y/n."

I knew what happened between us had affected him, but hearing it from Nick? This is terrible. Nick is never afraid of anything. I knew I had to do something to help his brother, as much as it hurt me, Nick and his brothers were still my friends and seeing him so devastated broke my heart.

I tried to calm him down a bit, we spent some time together, but my mind was fixed on Matt, I had to help him. So when Nick left, I turned on my phone, after a few days off. And there were millions of messages from Matt, of all kinds, but they all ended with an 'I love you, I'm sorry'. I can't deny that my heart didn't break as I read the messages.

I couldn't wait any longer, there was no more time, I changed into a more comfortable outfit, greeted my mom and left the house, to head towards the triplets' house.

a/n: I cried writing this chapter. What happens when she goes to their house? I can't wait

love yall:))

[myersesque]

ok. so. viktor is my favourite character in arcane. i am also physically disabled and hate the Magical Miracle Eugenics Disability Cure trope with a fiery passion. naturally i have a lot of opinions about where his character is going, but for now, here's a relatively simple one:

internalised ableism has always been part of viktor's character. he describes himself as "a poor cripple from the undercity" (yes, quoting how other people speak about him, but still); he shies away from the spotlight even when jayce encourages him; as a child, he directly acknowledges his disability as the reason other children don't associate with him.

i watched a video essay recently ("how arcane writes men" by schnee) that identified viktor's tendency to just suck it up and push through his problems rather than dwelling on them as a stereotypically masculine trait, which he is written to both subvert and lean into. whilst i agree with that to some extent, i think for viktor specifically it's more of an insight into a very common mindset for disabled people to have; a lot of us do not want to be pitied, and understand that acknowledging our hardships will often unfortunately lead to being treated as attention seeking. he doesn't dwell on things because he can't, unless he wants to be looked down on more than he already is; he's already had to fight to even be acknowledged as more than somebody's assistant, or respected as a zaunite living and working in piltover. i can't imagine he's keen to show any further "weakness"; he only ever cries when he's alone. it makes sense that he'd want to save himself rather than relying on anybody else.

the dangerous thought process of "fixing" people with the hexcore begins with that desire to save himself. at first he's just trying to stop his illness from killing him, but then he progresses to carving runes into his leg, seemingly in the interest of fixing his limp - which works, albeit temporarily. he seems aware enough of the implications of what he's doing to be somewhat ashamed of it (or, at the very least, enough to hide it from jayce). i've seen a lot of (mostly able bodied) people interpret the scene of him running down the pier as victorious, but it always felt bittersweet and scary to me; the dark, painful fantasy of "fixing" the thing the world has always looked down on you for, and the unsettling knowledge that you were never supposed to exist that way. a man experiencing a moment of joy only when he has detached himself from a core aspect of his being; self hatred disguised as progress. he only seems to register the horror of what he's doing when it kills sky.

it's not a leap to say that, with the hexcore dulling his emotions and blurring the lines of his ethical code, he would turn this externally. self loathing so insidious that he mistakes it for kindness and mercy and points the blade of it at the people he swore he'd help. before merging with the hexcore, he was desperate to destroy it and rid himself of its influence, hindered only by his physical inability to do so; under its control, he's seemingly lost all those inhibitions, wiped clean of his understanding of its danger. no longer "clouded by emotion", no longer human enough to know better, no longer suspicious of the arcane.

what viktor becomes in season 2 is, i believe, a hellish mix of his own internalised ableism and the hexcore's desperation to spread and survive. his genuine desire to help people has been warped into stripping people of their individualism, forcing them into some predetermined ideal in the name of healing (very "the empty child" from doctor who). it's his own character flaws mixed with the inhuman apathy of the hexcore. the road to hell is paved with good intentions, and also dressed up so nicely that you don't even realise you're headed downwards.

this is not what viktor stood for, but rather a perversion of his own insecurities, with a fresh coat of hexcore paint to stop him (or his followers) from scrutinising it too closely. they took the guy who dedicated his life to bettering humanity, and warped him into something doomed to destroy it.

(or something like that. idk. i haven't slept.)

[theharellan]

My rough thoughts/interpretation/reflection of Solas and his relationship with Mythal after a first playthrough. It's subject to change on future playthroughs, but probably by inches (if I can ever get my audio fixed). Note that while I am trying to base all of this on canon, there is reinterpretation involved, as I do feel Mythal/Flemythal/Morrimythal was neutered somewhat in the writing process.

Spoilers for the whole of DA: The Veilguard.

When I roleplayed Solas I mostly played the relationship as benign, in large part due to her being another character whose role in Solas's life was gestured at but never defined. Which in some ways, is still true, but I think at this point it's impossible to deny she had a negative impact on him (to say the least). Since moving into fic writing I started to lean into the darker implications of their relationship, and while for the sake of rp I'm adaptable, I do still want to talk about my feelings regarding them.

I believe Solas, by aiding her, is culpable in many of the crimes they committed together- make no mistake of that, but he is also a victim of her. She says at the end she used his wisdom as a weapon, but she also used her benevolence as a tool to manipulate him, appealing to his knowledge of her nature to get what she wanted.

Her coaxing him to take a body after he states outright that "he has no wish to live as humans do" (I'm going to ignore the confusing implication that humans were around) is but the first betrayal she subjects him to, and imo the greatest crime she commits against him, specifically. At least in canon, the game skirts around the issue of vallaslin, but if the "he didn't want a body but she asked him to come" is true, then it would follow that the follow-up, "he left a scar when he burned her off her face" would also be true.

The second would be rising to the heights of the gods, and calling him the traitor for rebellion. Morrigan calls Mythal corrupted 'Retribution,' and that may be true of Mythal after her murder, but I believe long before that her benevolence had gone awry. From what I can tell, we have no concrete timeline for Elvhenan and what the gods did before and after her death, and therefore no idea what Mythal even means by tempering the other evanuris. Slavery almost certainly existed, which honestly is enough for me to say she was doing a bad job. Past codices indicate that her punishments were not just so much as exact:

"Mythal, in her wisdom, interceded in an argument between Elgar'nan and Falon'Din. With clever words, she convinced them to settle their grievance through a battle of their champions. Elgar'nan and Falon'Din agreed, and set their champions against each other rather than declare war among the gods. May those knights long be remembered, and Mythal's wisdom be praised." (x)

This and the codex describing Mythal's judgment characterise her tenure as a god as being far from bloodless.

There are also indications that not all had as much faith in Mythal's ability to see reason or cede power:

"Solas always thought" is the key phrase for me in this note. Not "we," but "Solas."

What this all means for Solas is that Mythal someone he has a deep, ancient connection to, but also someone who has hurt him deeply, violated him, used him.

And he doesn't want to face that.

Solas is quite capable of admitting his mistakes, even as he is moving onto the next one literally in the same breath... but Mythal's mistakes are never addressed by him, even at the finish, when he is holding the pommel of the knife out for her taking.

I think Solas navigates around the wrongs committed against him throughout the course of their knowing each other. His rage against the mages who forced Wisdom to take a body, to kill, may lead him to murdering them, but he never directs such anger at Mythal. He can't. The regrets he has about her literally flake and dry upon the walls of the Lighthouse because he can't. He can't face her remnant in the FadeAnd it's only at the end where he receives any catharsis in the matter, any admittance of wrongdoing against him (albeit without apology).

So in most interactions with Mythal, Solas will be very close with her, at best brushing up against the sides of where there relationship chafes. Always willing to believe the best of her, and her death granting him the mercy of being able to persist in that belief.

I do also believe their relationship was entirely platonic, albeit at such an intensity (on his part at least) that I'm certain there was talk. Luckily, I've spent ten years with Thora and Solas doing the ground work for Solas having deeply intense platonic relationships that match his romantic ones for their dedication and devotion.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for getting revenge on my abusers?

For context, me and my sister are conjoined twins. (I'd be medically classified as a parasitic twin, to be specific. We share a brain and I'm just a face on the back of her head) Our mother didn't want us, and instead of giving us to an orphanage, she donated us to science. We spent our first several years in a lab, enduring intense experimentation. During this time, the way we were treated was vastly different. She was just a poor kid cursed with an affliction, while I was a monster. A mistake, a cancer. They poked and prodded at us, treated us like guinea pigs, put us through all sorts of tests, to figure out what was "wrong" with me and how to control me. They never ONCE asked me how I felt or what I wanted. I fought back of course, because the shit they were doing HURT and I was SCARED. I'll admit that I caused a lot of damage, people got hurt, but they had it coming. Who does that to a kid? Eventually they decided that trying to control me was too much work, and it was time to get rid of me. They couldn't fully remove me, since me and my sis are attached at the brain and all, but they removed as much as they safely could and pushed the rest into her skull & sealed it up. Soon after that the problem was deemed as fixed, and she was adopted out into a new family. I was mostly dormant, only able to talk to her in her head but unable to act. Years passed and eventually she forgot about me, fully integrating into her new, happy family I was inactive until our adulthood, early 20s. I was awoken when she took a blow to the head, and immediately I decided to get to work. When she slept, I would track down the doctors and scientists from our childhood and kill them one by one. Was it brutal? Yes. Gruesome? Of course. I don't regret a thing, though, they got what they fucking deserved Though, because nobody knows about me and we share a body, now the police are trying to blame my sister for the murders. (And because of the shared brain, she has a few memories of the murders and might be a little traumatized, or something) That was never my intention. I was doing this for her as much as it was for me, those people hurt her back then too. But she's super upset and freaked out, so idk. Did I maybe go too far? Was there some other way?

[peppymintdreams]

a fic of barista and elias having an argument, and barista crying in the middle of it?

Tears in the Storm

Elias x Barista

The tension in the room was palpable. It had been building up for days—weeks, even—but tonight was the breaking point. Elias and Barista stood across from each other, the air thick with frustration and unspoken words. The argument had started innocently enough, a disagreement about something small, but like a fire catching dry grass, it quickly escalated.

“Elias, I just don’t get it!” Barista’s voice was tight, but the raw edge of hurt was creeping in. “Why do you always shut me out when things get difficult? Why can’t you just talk to me like a normal person?!”

Elias’s jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing. His frustration, always on a razor’s edge, finally snapped. “Because I don’t need anyone to fix my problems!” he shot back, his voice rising in pitch. “I can’t drag you into everything, Barista! I—I don’t want to keep putting you in danger just because I can’t handle things on my own!”

“You’re always pushing me away!” Barista’s chest heaved with each breath, their hands trembling at their sides. “I’m not some fragile thing you have to protect, Elias. I’m here for you, you know that, don’t you? Why is it so hard to just let me in for once? To let me help you?”

“I’m trying to protect you, okay?!” Elias snapped, his voice raw with emotion. “Every time I try to open up, something goes wrong, and I can’t bear the thought of you getting hurt because of my mistakes. It’s easier for me to keep it to myself than to drag you into this mess!”

Barista took a step forward, their eyes desperate as they searched Elias’s face. “But we’re in this together, Elias! We’re always together! It doesn’t matter what happens, we’re a team, okay?”

Elias’s heart clenched, but his pride, that wall of defense he’d built over the years, wouldn’t let him let go. “You don’t understand, Barista. You never will. I—” He stopped himself, realizing how cruel his words were, but he couldn’t take them back.

A sharp silence fell between them. The words hung in the air like smoke, suffocating them both.

Barista’s breath hitched as they blinked rapidly, trying to keep the sting of tears at bay. The words Elias had said—those raw, cutting things—tore at them, but it was the underlying truth that hurt the most. He didn’t trust them enough to let them in. And that thought… that thought had more power than anything else he could’ve said.

“Fine,” Barista whispered, their voice barely audible. “If that’s how you feel… then maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

The weight of the words hit Elias like a punch to the gut. He wanted to say something, anything, but the words wouldn’t come. His chest tightened with guilt, but his fear and pride held him back, like invisible chains he couldn’t break free from.

Barista wiped at their eyes, turning away from him. “I can’t keep doing this, Elias. I can’t keep pretending that everything’s fine when you won’t even let me in.” Their voice cracked, and they quickly turned their back on him, not wanting him to see the tears that were finally falling.

Elias felt like the ground beneath him had just vanished. He wanted to go to them, to take their hands, to apologize for every stupid thing he’d said, but his feet felt like they were glued to the floor.

“I didn’t mean that,” he said, his voice breaking as he took a step forward. His heart pounded. He needed to fix this. “Barista—please, I didn’t—”

But Barista was already shaking their head, their body trembling as they wiped their face, trying to regain control. “No, Elias. I… I need space. I can’t keep doing this.”

Elias’s stomach twisted with dread. He wanted to hold them, to tell them everything he’d been too afraid to say, but he was terrified. Terrified that he’d ruined something he wasn’t sure he could fix.

Barista’s shoulders shook as they turned back toward him, their tear-streaked face a mixture of hurt and exhaustion. “I just want to be there for you, Elias. Is that too much to ask?” Their voice was soft now, but it held so much pain. “Why can’t you just let me love you?”

The words hit Elias harder than anything. They shattered him, because deep down, he knew he was the one pushing them away. He’d always been this way—always afraid of letting anyone close, of letting them see the cracks in his armor.

His voice was barely a whisper as he took a tentative step forward, reaching for them. “Barista, I— I’m so sorry.”

But they shook their head again, stepping back from him. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this, Elias. I need more than just your apology. I need you.”

Elias’s chest tightened with panic, but he held his ground, his heart aching. He was scared—terrified that he’d lost them, but there was only one thing he could say now.

“I love you,” he said, the words raw, desperate. “I know I don’t always show it, but I love you. Please, don’t go.”

Barista froze, staring at him with wide eyes. The tears that had been falling seemed to stop in an instant. The silence was thick, but this time it wasn’t suffocating. It was a chance.

Slowly, Barista took a hesitant step toward him, their hands still trembling. “You… love me?” they asked, voice barely above a whisper.

Elias nodded, his eyes searching theirs for some sign that he hadn’t ruined everything. “I’m not perfect, but I’m trying, okay? I just… I don’t know how to let you in without breaking you, but I’m learning. I’ll learn for you.”

Barista’s tears started again, but this time, it was a different kind of cry. The cry of someone who’d been holding onto pain for too long and now, finally, felt heard. They stepped forward, closing the gap between them, and Elias reached for them immediately, pulling them into an embrace, careful not to hurt them more.

“I’m so sorry,” Elias murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I promise… I promise I’ll do better.”

Barista’s arms wrapped around him, holding on tightly as they let the tears fall freely now. “I just want you to let me love you, Elias. That’s all I want.”

And for the first time in a long while, Elias let himself believe that maybe—just maybe—they could work through this. Together.

[kittarts]

is it stressful running your own art shop/business?

It's something I am considering myself but, idk it just seems like a lot of responsibility and I always get so intimidated by that😔

It's stressful, and it takes a-lot of work and patience, but it's also incredibly fulfilling!

Trust in your ability to get a task done, to manage money, to communicate with customers and manu's, to ship things safely. Don't settle for less, hold yourself to a high standard and make sure your goals are reached.

The more you do so the easier it'll become! :)

[camellcat]

you ever realize you never properly learned how to say a character's name, so by the time you finally HEAR it, you have no idea who they're talking about? cause I feel like I keep doing this and it's very confusing to keep being corrected like that

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

home from work

[halfelven]

love random not even logged in readers just dropping their 'constructive criticism' on your 100k+ story that you're putting online entirely for free. this is just a rant btw

"You obviously have a great talent and I think you should work on honing it some. As much as I’ve enjoyed the story, there are a few things that stand out that you might consider looking at. I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven? It doesn’t flow smoothly because sometimes we have these wonderful character vignettes, like Illumi and Kalluto on a road trip or Kite/Leorio/Gon/Killua in an apartment where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats, like Kalluto and the spiders. In addition, it contributes to confusion because sometimes we see established characterization turned on its head. Especially the weird way everyone all of a sudden just sort of was OK with Kalluto being a spider and then working with Illumi when they just went to all that trouble to escape him? It all kind of feels forced and not natural. You know?

Anyway, I’ll definitely keep reading and look forward to seeing what happens."

first: love you trying to sound legitimate with your "in addition" like this is some kind of writer's workshop. second: in what way would I, the writer, think that an incomplete part of my story in which the reader does not yet know most of the main motivations (they are only hinted at so far) feels forced and not natural when I know what's happening, where it is going (and where I haven't had other readers comment with confusion about that part)

and moving on. don't do this. also like i said this is a wip in and no, no one is cool with Kalluto being a spider and no they're not cool working with Illumi, really. it was already established that some of them /have/ been working with Illumi before this~ he's someone that they know. like have you never been in a seriously dangerous situation that you just have to get through before you get back to what you want?*** also at this point Chrollo's real motive hasn't been entirely revealed.

Killua keeps changing his mind about what he's doing because he's a scared kid whose self-hatred is destroying him from the inside out. the POV is so tight that I have to keep dropping reminders that what is stated in the narrative is often not true! Illumi's POV, for example, keeps showing Killua as really loving him and being happy he's around but struggling with a desire for freedom, while with Killua's POV he's terrified of Illumi most of the time. like how is that not obviously a distorted POV where you can't trust the narrator?

"where plot doesn’t really feel important, followed by what feels like heavily plot driven beats"

this part is especially irritating because it's like yeah that's how I want to write it? this isn't a published novel. I don't have to commit to making sure every scene is important to the plot. I can spend time writing a full scene about someone drinking a glass of water and then 13 chapters in a row that are for moving the plot forward. I didn't even tag it as a novel... I did tag it for unreliable narration and I keep getting annoyed that people keep ignoring that.

"I feel like the story isn’t sure what it wants to be at times; is it character driven or plot driven?"

it's both??? it's neither??? it's a fanfic??? why do I keep getting comments lately where people are expecting me to adhere to like fucking publishing standards. this keeps up and I will write a chapter which is entirely about a minor character drinking a glass of water. watch me. I'll write one about phinks drinking a glass of water and you'll like it*

"Overall, the story is good and presented a compelling alternative to CA. Look, each fan has their own opinion on CA and I know I didn’t like it. I think it was a product of what Togashi was going through as he began to experience health issues and then finding himself right back where he said he wasn’t going to be mentally after he ended his earlier manga. We can never know for sure, but it certainly had a “watch it all burn vibe” to it near the end. I honestly believe he wanted it to end with the finality of Gon’s suicide as a capstone statement, but was probably convinced to go a different route, which kinda of left a jarring feel in the narrative and culminated in a rather unsatisfying end to Gon and Killua’s journey. Despite that, I am very reluctant to read fics where the events of CA are erased or grossly modified and honestly yours is really the first long AU/alternate timeline I’ve enjoyed"

okay first of all, I love the CA arc. but I had to split a point off where Kite was going to survive. why do you have to leave this whole paragraph about how you think Togashi was or wasn't going to go with the CA on my fanfic? I didn't even write this as 'oh look at my alternative to CA bc I hated CA' I don't really look forward to hearing comments about how random people didn't like so and so aspect of the story that I'm basing my story off of. I've never written fanfic for a story that I didn't like (except for some things that I don't have published I wrote at a request for friends for a fandom they were into that I wasn't really) and yeah I've wanted to 'fix' aspects (like tolkien's treatment of women for example) but I am not looking for your 'this is what I hated about the source material' comments on my stories

tired of getting comments with little 'oh I didn't like your style at first but now I do' or 'here's how to fix your story!' unsolicited advice from people who aren't better writers than me (I don't even want it from people who would be better writers than me on stuff I'm just doing for fun and for free)

when did stuff like this become normal? at least don't be a coward and be not logged in so you can't even get a response notification. like girl they aren't cool with it! why do you think everyone is on guard standing around like they're in a fucking hostage situation? how do you see such wildly different interpretations from different character's POVs and think it's not intentional? what part about Kite watching Killua like a fucking hawk makes you think he's going to let Illumi take him after this?

like if you've never had to smile and pretend to be cool with your abuser (pretend to love them) or someone who was threatening you to keep someone else safe then good for you! it fucking sucks! also don't know how to explain to you what a child who is growing up in an extremely isolated abusive situation goes through (though I keep writing about it in this story you should catch on...) but it's a million back and forths with emotion and feelings--especially if their abuser does (to in some way or to some degree) love them. and it is often blaming themselves. I'm not letting my years of studying human psychology and child development go to waste here**

is this story perfect? no but I'm not gonna hire an editor for a fanfic. and everyone's interpretations of characters will be different. especially with child characters who are going through huge changes in the world around them and their personal lives. part of the appeal of fanfiction is 'who would they become if this happened instead?' *sorry I keep writing about starving and not having clean drinking water but I will never stop because that's what I grew up with and it's hell. also phinks drinking water would be compelling since I assume he'd have harder access to clean drinking water

**hunter x hunter is also one of the only stories I have encountered with characters who have backgrounds as fucked up as mine and Togashi's interest in human psychology really stands out.

***like good for you but that was most of my life and you sometimes just have to shut up and get through it. and no I will not put my notes in the right order bc I'm not being paid enough****

****I'm being paid nothing

[joleneghoul]

my friend reading the physical OLD prints of the rainbow raider bg vol 1 issues and saying "wow i can 100% see the influence on Jo's style here" but not saying that for the digital recolors is so real and true of him.

[aria0fgold]

Got distracted and I ended up working on my drawing But then I realized a major mistake on it when I thought I was done with the star veil (yes, again. I changed up the stars at the tips of it, this veil is kicking my ass) and I was erasing stuff already so when I realized I'm like: FUCK-- undo undo undo undo und o un do u n d o. And now I gotta... move All those new lil designs at the tip, Again, so I'm like: Okay... alright... I'll do that Later. I'll write now cuz god Forbid I do anything in that design, it's all mistakes!

[whimsyprinx]

i think I just need to stop clinging to and getting so attached to people