#it just hurts not having someone like that in my life anymore because I did genuinely love them so much but like idk I already knew they’d
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aakeysmash · 2 days ago
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prompt:
reader getting injured because she slipped in the shower, sukuna has to help her get to the hospital, where reader gets some pain meds making her kinda high. she confesses to him while being high
content: fluff, crack. reader is in the hospital and blood is named but there’s no gore. yuuji and sukuna are siblings. i love sukuna and i need him in my life so bad… someone PLS be my sukuna
“So, just to be sure: one margherita for me and one with sausage for you?” Asks you Yuuji while putting on his shoes.
“Yup,” you answer, popping the p. “Can I just have a quick shower while you’re gone?”
“Uhhh, sure, let me go ask Sukuna,” your friend tells you smiling and rushing up the stairs of his home.
You and Yuuji have been best friends since forever. You remember the first time you both cried your eyes out at the park in kindergarten because a lizard had just eaten the ladybug you had been watching for half an hour. Since that moment you’ve been attached at the hip, your homework filled afternoons in high school turning to pizza nights when both of your work schedules allowed you to now.
“Big bro said sure,” comes Yuuji’s voice from the end of the staircase.
“I did in fact not say that,” growls Sukuna from behind him. Sukuna is the same age as you and Yuuji, but he always seemed older. Sometimes wiser, but sure as hell more annoying than his brother. Hotter, too, but that’s a topic for another time.
“I didn’t ask you to join me, big boy,” you say sarcastically, fake smiling. He crosses his arms, leveling you with a bored look.
“Yuu, if you aren’t fast enough you’re not going to find her corpse when you get back,” he tells his brother, still staring you up and down. Yuuji sighs, tired, then opens the front door.
“Make sure to not kill each other. I have a shift after this, stop bickering. You two act like siblings more than I do with you, Sukuna,” he reprimands you both. You and his brother roll your eyes at the same time, then you push him out, closing the door in his face. You turn around and find yourself face to face with Sukuna's menacing grin.
“You have 5 minutes before I come knock at the bathroom door with a kitchen knife, doll.”
You’re scrubbing yourself clean with a random pine body wash you found in the shower when the playlist you put before entering the stall stops. You’re annoyed, because now you’re forced to listen to Sukuna’s ugly songs from the bathroom wall (that he’s blasting just to annoy you), so you try to reach your phone. You’re on your tippy toes, not wanting to get out completely, when you trip and fall since you didn’t wash the soap away from your body. You bump your head on the sink in front of the shower, hard, and you muffle a whine. You close your eyes as hard as you can and open the shower head with the room spinning inside your skull.
“Don’t open your eyes, don’t open your eyes or you’ll fall… fuck, it hurts so bad,” you tell yourself while you speed run the end of the shower and blindly put your shirt over your head. It’s not the first time you've bumped your head on something, you were a crazy kid, so you’ve learned to open your eyes only when you physically can’t function anymore or you'll start seeing stars immediately. You barely get to put your pants on when you notice your forehead feels wet, and you didn't even wash your hair. As you get out of the bathroom wobbling you touch your head. When you open your eyes, you see blood on your hand. The room spins. You barely have time to look up and watch Sukuna coming out of his bedroom frowning before seeing black dots in your vision.
You try opening your eyes, but they feel so heavy. Your body feels rather stiff. What's this smell?
"Oh, she's waking up," a female voice softly says from somewhere next to your right.
"Thank you, miss, I got it from here," a rough voice responds.
"Make sure she drinks a lot, and keep a couple of painkillers near you. The scans show she doesn't have any internal damage, but she hit her head pretty hard. She's going to have a big bruise for a couple of days," the female voice continues. You hear the man making a sound of affirmation.
There’s a brief pause. "Your wife is very lucky. It's not every day that a man takes a woman up four flights of stairs by simple arm strength," the woman concludes sweetly, getting out of the room after he responds with a grunt and closing the door behind her.
"Your ass is lucky I lied or they wouldn’t have let me in, dumbass. Open your eyes, I know you're awake," the voice you now recognise as Sukuna says, getting closer. You try opening your eyes, managing to focus your gaze on him. Everything feels so fluffy, apart from your throat. You cough, and you think you see him rolling his eyes before getting you a glass of water and sitting beside you on a chair. You gulp it down, still feeling fuzzy, then you blink a couple of times.
You gape at him. He's cute. “You look funny,” you say, poking his cheek. He’s so squishy. Like a little mochi. A little mochi filled with strawberries. Strawberries and cream. He slaps your finger away, and you put on a hurt expression. He huffs.
“Why am I here?” You ask. The more you look at him, the more heads he seems to have.
“You fell in the bathroom,” he says, straightening up from the chair and covering your right leg with the duvet the hospital gave you. You raise an eyebrow at his gesture, and he just rolls his eyes again. “Don’t want you to also catch a cold. Yuuji would kill my ass.” You just hum.
“I caught ya when you already fainted. Yuuji came back home and panicked, but he couldn’t back out from work, so I was stuck with your ass. Took ya here but the elevator broke down. And I ate your pizza, by the way. All this is gonna cost ya 200 dollars, cash,” he lists, sprawling back onto his chair, deadpan.
Silence engulfs the both of you, and you don’t know what to say. You heard what the nurse said and you are searching for a way to bring it up, but the words in your mind are all scrambled. It’s probably the morphine that you realise they gave you, IV still attached to your left arm. You open your mouth to say something along the lines of “I’d like to thank your gym membership for this,” but instead the words that leave your mouth are-
“I’d like you to be my husband.”
His eyes snap to your widening ones. “Wait that wasn’t what-“
“Huh?” He just replies, dumbfounded. You panic, waving your hands in the air between you two.
“No, what I meant was- like- thank you for getting me up here- can you stop looking at me with your weird 16 eyes?- not that you aren’t attractive! You’re super hot! But that’s not- oh god,” you whimper, rubbing your face, noticing how you’re just making the situation worse. You prepare yourself for his snarky comeback, closing your eyes, but everything is silent.
Suddenly, you hear him snort. You crack your eyes open, touching the big cotton gauze they put on your forehead. You must be hearing things. It’s definitely the morphine, there’s no way Sukuna is actually laughing.
“Yes, I’m laughing, doll,” he says, chuckling. You widen your eyes.
“I said that out loud, didn’t I?” You cringe.
“Yeah, you kinda did,” he responds, smirking. You groan.
“Take me out to dinner first, damn,” he yawns. You jut your bottom lip out, frowning and giving him your middle finger. Then you register his words.
“You’d come? I mean, if I asked you out.”
“Well, if you’re paying,” he responds, shrugging. That’s still a yes, isn’t it?
He ruffles up his pink hair, black t-shirt straining across his bicep. You can’t contain the urge to poke the muscle.
“Stop touching me like I’m made of play dough, doll,” he sighs, slightly less annoyed than 5 minutes ago.
“Would you let me play with you if you were made of play dough?” you ask, words a little slurred, still poking his arm, and he flexes it. “Don’t show off,” you mumble.
“You’re even weirder when you’re drugged,” he grins. He kinda looks scary, though. If you didn’t know him, you’d piss yourself by looking at his sharp teeth.
“But would you or would you not?” You whine, dragging out the last word, letting your hand fall next to you. He misses the warmth of your hand, so instead, he just puts his on your thigh. To be warm, of course. The room is so cold. Yeah. Definitely because of the missing heat.
“Yeah doll, I would.”
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aurorangen · 3 days ago
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That I can take control of my decisions and make myself feel understood
Transcript:
Vincent: I don't want to attend this bar crawl event. It's that day today. Pam: Your mum wants you to enjoy uni life! Don't let the past and him get to you. Vincent: I'm just saying, I'd much rather keep her company.
Pam: Didn't you promise someone you'd show up? Anyway, you're already here, holding a beer. Vincent: Thanks to your persuading. I did, Renee. And this? I don't want to drink it, you gave it to me. Pam: We're blending in like everyone else! I've not met Renee yet, but what do you think of her?
Vincent: There's something about her like an instant connection, maybe because she's Charlie's cousin. And I dunno how to describe it, but I felt safe with Renee. Relaxed. I had a warm feeling inside of me. Pam: Sounds like you like her. Could be something more.
Vincent: Oh hmm that uhh [awkwardly talks] I have Nancy, but Renee…I don't even know anymore. This is embarrassing to ask, why would a girl stop texting a guy? It's close to a month. Pam: She's busy? Umm please don't hate me for saying this [quietly] maybe Nancy's moved on?
[Those were the words that hurt to hear. The longer it went on, the more believable it seemed. It was hard to move on without knowing anything…what if she was still waiting for me? Then we arrived at the next bar and there was Renee with her friends. My heart was telling me to move on. My head? The opposite]
[In the end, I went with my heart. Slowly though. Just in case I saw Nancy again. I was afraid of messing things up with her, even though I knew we were growing more detached as the days went by]
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yanderefarm · 15 hours ago
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How did ares wedding/proposal go with us
🐀
cw;; violence mentioned, yandere tendencies, murder, hurt/comfort
i think this was the ask that originally had me revealing that you and ares aren't actually married yet. but here's a proposal? kind of. im sure he made you do a big fancy one eventually but!! still.
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you have lived with ares for a while now and despite his knack for violence it's been domestic bliss. you go to work, come home, and get adored by your boyfriend. well, boyfriend is a weird term for it. technically you two are boyfriends but somehow ares seemed to have skipped that step. whenever he would introduce himself to people in your life he would call himself your wife and you were his husband. you even got so used to calling him wife you forgot you two weren't actually married.
the only thing that reminded you of your unmarried status was that pretty golden ring around your lover's finger. you were holding his hand, your thumb mindlessly playing with the band while some trashy reality tv show played in the background. you looked at the ring as you started to slide it up his finger.
"....have you ever thought about actually getting married? ..... i mean like to me."
ares turned his head to look at you with confusion. "we're married?"
"no. we're not."
"you're playing with my wedding ring."
"yeah. the wedding ring from your ex husband."
he blinked and then looked down at his hand, his brows furrowed. "oh."
"...so? have you ever thought about marrying me?"
he looked between the ring and your face before smiling softly. "of course I want to marry you. you're my husband."
"but I'm not." you didn't realize just how deeply this was bothering you until you were pouting.
"yes you are."
"no. that stupid... that guy is still your husband. he got you first."
"are you jealous?" ares asked in his flirtatious way, a finger going up to twirl his hair.
"no. i mean... yes but I don't want you to get that way about it. I'm serious."
ares dropped his hand and shifted to face you. "you know I don't care about that man anymore, don't you?"
"i... i guess?" you let out a sigh and looked away from him. "why do you... keep so much stuff that reminds you of him?"
"it doesn't remind me of him." ares reached out and cupped your face in his soft hand, pulling you to look at him again.
you found yourself leaning into his hand. "it's his wedding ring... his heart... you still have some of his clothes."
"i got rid of the hearts like you wanted."
"god, don't say it like that i feel like I'm being unreasonable."
he chuckled. "i want to gouge out the eyes of everyone who looks at you but you're unreasonable?"
you let out a little huff and leaned against his forehead. "maybe we're both unreasonable."
"i don't want you to feel bad, honey bunny. tell me what you need from me and I'll do my best to give you it."
"what if i want to burn down this house with all of his belongings and your ring and run away together?"
"i could arrange that."
you chuckled letting your head fall to his shoulder. "i just... i wish i knew you didn't love him anymore... sometimes i.. i worry you're going to get bored of me, cheat, and kill me."
his fingers ran through your hair coaxing you closer into him until your nose nestled against his neck.
"you're nothing like him. he didn't love me... he was just scared of me all the time. he knew what I was doing and he hated me for it... you would never treat me like that."
"i think most people would be scared of you killing people..."
he pouted. "you're not. you love me."
"yeah because im crazy. and you're crazy."
"I'll never find someone else who loves my crazy like you."
"can i take it off?" you started to slide his ring off as you leaned in for a kiss.
"please. i only want yours. burn away everything. burn him from my skin until only you remain."
you finally caught his lips, his wedding ring discarded somewhere as you began kissing passionately. the next morning you started picking out rings together.
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reidology13 · 1 day ago
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we could make it better (breaking every habit)
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Spencer Reid x fem ex-famous!reader
Summary: After Spencer overcomes his addiction, he seeks out the company and forgiveness of an old flame. cw: talk of addiction, a little sad? mostly fluffy though a/n: technically a part 2 of my fic based off making the bed by olivia rodrigo, but it can definitely be read as a oneshot. maybe they are a bit unhealthy, but they're cute and that's all that matters. also this was so incredibly delayed cause my phone drowned so I'm posting this from my dad's computer
Part 1
They say time heals all wounds, and standing at the door of his past mistake, Spencer hoped it had healed hers the way it had his. It had taken him too long to find her, for his pride to break down enough to ask Garcia to search for her. A few years ago it would have been all too easy, a few years ago she was on the cover of every magazine. Now she was the public's favourite conspiracy theory, the biggest where did she go? post made on some website full of self important nobodies. 
Where did she go? A small house in a small town, a few hours from D.C, just close enough that Spencer had gotten in his car without a second thought the moment he had her address. Maybe it was a slight invasion of privacy, but Spencer had seen much more of her than the house she lived in.
As he lifted his fist to knock, doubt crept in for the first time since the beginning of his endeavour. Was he right to apologise, to show up at the doorstep of the person he hurt worse than anyone else in his life, and say sorry? Sorry. ‘Sorry’ was a puny word that could never hope to mean anything compared to what he had done, how he had used her. But it would have to do, because he had not come all that way to turn back at the flashing neon sign that said ‘CLOSURE’.
Knock, knock, knock. Was three knocks not enough? Knock. God four was too many and the last one had been so separate from the others it was clearly an afterthought that she would think was weird before she even knew it was him on the other side of-
“Spencer?” The door opened, just enough for her face to be visible through the small opening. She was so much more beautiful than he remembered, although he really didn’t remember much from back then. 
“I’m sorry.” Well that was one way to get to the point. He smacked himself internally, scolding himself for being so stupid and inconsiderate, not even saying hello or asking her how she was doing.
“Do you wanna come in? You look like you need to sit down.” She pulled the door open, stepping back to let him in, and Spencer froze. She was allowing him into her home, her space, he who had squeezed her dry, used her up and tossed her aside when he didn’t need her anymore.
Unsure what else to do, Spencer found himself sitting on her couch, the awkward tension between them palpable as he sat silently in regret of every decision he had made in the last week.
“So,” She prompted, gesturing vaguely in his direction, “How are you?”
“Good, yeah, better. You?” He looked around the room, trying to find something that would tell him anything about her life, about her. She was a stranger, really, a stranger that used to be someone he knew. He wanted to know who she was then, on that day, in her house sitting across from him.
“I’m good too. You look better.” He knew what she meant – he didn’t look high out of his mind. The far wall of the room was covered in framed pictures of her and what he assumed were her family and friends. Some were from her childhood, some were taken in front of the very house he was sitting in. 
What surprised Spencer were the photos, though few and far between, where he made an appearance. The Fourth of July party, a bright, sunny photo full of smiling faces. The poor quality of the picture did nothing to disguise the bags under his eyes, nor the dead look in hers. Her birthday, a photo of her blowing out the candles on her cake, blurred from his shaky grip on the camera.
“I don’t remember that one.” He pointed to a picture of the two of them, a dark photo that he nearly hadn’t recognised as himself. The ability to not remember had been his favourite thing back then, now the haze left him with a pit in his stomach.
“Makes sense, you were… you were bad. It was taken right near the end.” 
“I am sorry, really.” Neither of them spoke after that, the silence a warm blanket rather than a thick smog. The apology wrapped around them in a warm embrace, they did not choke on it.
She moved first, after what felt like the most peaceful eternity, slipping her hand around his, holding it in the space between them. He looked down at their joined hands, his gaze slowly drifting up until it landed on the soft smile spread across her face.
“I missed you.” She squeezed his hand gently, although it felt like she squeezed his heart instead, “I missed you from the moment I met you. It’s nice to get you back.”
“I missed you too.” He didn’t know how to explain the way it had taken him a month to get sober enough that reality hit and he realised what he’d lost. At least, he didn’t know how to explain it without having to actually say something about his addiction. He’d always been good at avoiding the topic, skirting around it with suggestions and subtle confirmations. The word ‘addiction’ made him feel weak, like he’d been defeated. He’d talked about his problem once, in a room full of people who had been through the same thing, and even then he hadn’t been able to say it. 
“You’re so strong, Spencer. You’ve come so far.” It was like she could read his mind, see every fear that haunted him and soothe it accordingly.
“So are you, I mean, you got out of everything.” His eyes dropped to his lap in shame of everything that he hadn’t noticed, all of the obvious signs of just how not okay she had been. All that she must have been going through, that he had been too far from reality to know existed, even when it was staring him in the face.
“You say that like you didn’t.” It was a simple sentiment, but maybe that was what hit him like a freight train. It wasn’t some mantra he’d heard hundreds of times, or a complicated conversation with his friends where they tried to talk to him without saying anything that actually mattered.
He got out of it.
“You’re perfect, you know that right?” The way he looked at her in that moment could only be described as reverential, she was the brightest star in a sky that he had never truly seen before.
“No I’m not.” The way she said it like a definite fact made Spencer’s heart start to crack, “Do you know why I have those pictures up?”
Spencer shook his head, “Tell me,” he said the words under his breath, as if they were surrounded by people in the empty room, “I’m not going to find you any less perfect.”
“Hope. I could never get the thought out of my head that you would come back.” She shook her head, gaze locked on the ground like she couldn’t bear to look at him as she spoke. “It was stupid, and then you actually did, and that’s stupid all over again.”
“You’re even more perfect than I thought.” Spencer laughed, tears pricking in the corners of his eyes, happy and sad and something he couldn’t put a name to. She was still holding his hand, he realised, and he used that information to interlace their fingers, placing their joined hands in his spare palm.
“I’m stupid and lucky, that’s what I am.” She snorted, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips.
“No, not stupid.” Spencer drew circles with his thumb on her palm as he spoke, “Lucky, maybe.” 
“We’re gonna have to talk about this, us, you know that.”
“Eventually, yes. Not right now.”
“Not right now.” She confirmed, nodding slowly. They were both there, and that would have to be enough, at least for the moment.
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joons · 2 days ago
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okay no wait, I'm so curious your thoughts on the elvis mythology! I'm trying to think of an example haha. anyway, thank you for that food for thought. your takes on elvis are so interesting and kind of a different perspective than I normally see
Thank you! That means a lot because I do love going into his psychology and thinking about how he thought about things. And I love being able to engage with Elvis stuff from all different angles!
I can think of a few - like there will be people who were close to him who make such absolute statements about him: he refused to wear blue jeans, he hated eating fish, he loved eating peanut butter/banana/bacon sandwiches, he was afraid of germs, he wouldn't sleep with women who were mothers. But not all of those are true for him 100% of the time, or they seem to be big outliers where no one else has reported anything like that. And as you read more, you can see moments where he behaves differently than these big eccentricities that people pin on him, and you have to think about why that might be. You pick up little clues that you can put together to figure out what he meant. Did he have an almost pathological dislike of blue jeans because they reminded him of his childhood poverty, or did he just tell one of his band members that because he had made a brusque joke about the guy wearing blue jeans in front of a bunch of people and wanted to find a way to apologize without apologizing? Was he covering up behavior he was ashamed of, or was he revealing the real shame that drove him to look his best and make sure his entourage looked their best too? Did he actually have an aversion to women after they had given birth (unlikely, since he had relationships with several mothers), or did he want to give Priscilla a reason for avoiding her that she couldn't work around, knowing that she always went overboard trying to change herself to get his attention and getting rid of things she thought were coming between them (his spiritual books/Larry Geller/etc.)? Was this just one of a long line of excuses he made for not truly being in love with her and not wanting to try anymore? Did he actually eat the same sandwich every day, or did he just make a big deal about it one time because it was Lisa's birthday and he wanted to fly her somewhere special? And the other stuff he did eat every day, did he do it because it was one of the few things in his life he had control over, and could extract comfort from, or did he do it because, as he told Larry, he wanted to make himself sick of it so that it would no longer be a temptation? And how much of these conversations are either hearsay or someone putting words in his mouth to absolve themselves of something that bothered them?
The long and short of it is that people have sometimes reported things he said or did without any surrounding context, or it gets stripped away when it's reported elsewhere, and we are left with these moments that don't make sense or tell us anything about him unless we see how he dealt with them throughout his life, around different people, and see him as a whole person and not the Elvis Image that he tended to embrace when it suited him and resent when it hurt him. A really great moment that I think shows how Elvis tended to approach things is reported by Steve Binder, where he said Parker was telling Elvis absolutely not to do something, and Steve felt like Elvis just kind of shut down and mumbled "yes" until Parker left, and then Elvis' eyes flashed and he turned to Steve and said, "Fuck him," and did what he wanted to do. He was a people pleaser! A huge one! He valued loyalty above honesty. He was willing to lie to people he cared about if he felt that it would avoid a confrontation, and sometimes that tipped into a selfish "I want to do things my way," and sometimes that tipped into a selfless "I want them to have everything I can give them." And he waffled between those extremes because of his own low self-esteem and loneliness. I'm! Screaming! About this! At all times! He is an unreliable narrator, he's such a bubble of emotions that pops with the slightly scratch, he's so complex that you are not sure if he wants the bubble to be an opaque shield or a transparent boundary that you can slip through. He was testing people all the time to know if he could trust them with his heart without expecting him to be the Elvis Image, telling them things that were an invitation and a challenge and an insult and a declaration of love all at once, and so much of the problem we deal with now is that people are still completely uninterested in these depths. I???? Love him??? And the things he can help us learn about ourselves??? Just by trying to see him as he really was????
I don't know, I just get very overwhelmed!!!!
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pweepsiee · 2 days ago
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Thank you but goodbye
This won’t get any traction because only pictures of tits get pushed or interacted with but that’s okay. I’ll add tags so you guys see this anyway.
It’s hard to know where to start. I spent a long time on here, putting pieces of myself out into the void, hoping for connection, validation, maybe even some kind of understanding. But it’s been a journey that taught me more than I ever anticipated—about others, about myself, and about the darker sides of online spaces and human nature.
I’ve been through more than I ever thought I’d face here. I’ve had people send me things no one should have to see—gore, graphic threats of rape and murder. Strangers who decided they had the right to punish me with violence for simply existing and sharing my body on my own terms. I’ve been slut-shamed, insulted, torn apart, told I’m not “enough” in a thousand different ways. Too fat, too ugly, too bitchy, too much of a people pleaser. For some, my body was never enough to satisfy whatever expectation they’d dreamed up for me. And when I expressed my pain, I was told to just “try harder” to please. Every insult, every attack—it was relentless.
At first, there was a thrill in it. The idea that people were paying attention. But over time, it became less about freedom and self-expression, and more like a trap. I started needing the notifications, addicted to the fleeting rush of being “seen,” even if it came with all the ugliness. I posted things that made me feel raw, exposed, and ashamed—but still, I kept them up. It wasn’t even about me anymore; it was about performing for a faceless audience, one that only wanted to consume and never connect. I kept hoping that if I posted more, someone might notice that I was struggling, that I was hurting. But the moments I tried to be vulnerable were met with derision, mockery, or worse, cruelty.
On October 6th, I tried to end my life. It wasn’t a whim or a flippant decision—it was the culmination of feeling completely worthless, invisible beyond what I could offer visually, and unheard. I had tried to signal that I was in pain, and the responses I got were gut-wrenching. People told me to “try again,” mocking my failure to die. Others brushed it aside entirely, demanding I get back to posting my body as if I had no value beyond that. It was like looking into a mirror that only showed one version of myself—a version people felt entitled to consume and degrade.
There’s a sickness in spaces like these, a perverse lack of empathy and human decency. There’s a void where kindness, respect, and understanding should be. I’ve encountered men who would spit their hate, their misogyny, their violent fantasies at me without a second thought, men who have shown me how easily they can strip away my humanity to satisfy their own needs. Some are rapists, some are worse, and they all seem to revel in their cruelty, hiding behind screens. They have taught me that, to them, I am just an object—a body, a pair of tits, something to use and discard. They’ve shown me how quickly love, admiration, or even simple respect can turn into venom the moment they don’t get exactly what they want.
Being on here has been like swimming in polluted water, beautiful on the surface but poisonous underneath. What started as a space to share myself turned into a source of harm that corroded my mental and physical well-being. It was more than just being objectified—it was the sense that I didn’t even matter as a person, only as a vessel for gratification. And that feeling sank deeper and deeper, leaving wounds I’m still working to heal.
I’ve met a few kind people here, people who saw me for more than just a body, who offered me small glimpses of kindness, understanding, and friendship. To those few: thank you. Your kindness did not go unnoticed, and I wish you nothing but peace, joy, and all the love you deserve. To those who saw my humanity and respected it—I’m grateful.
But to the rest: those who degraded me, insulted me, sent me threats or slurs, and preyed on my vulnerabilities—you’ll reap what you sow, one way or another. I don’t hold anger toward you, but I do pity you. And I have no intention of letting your words and actions follow me into the future.
There’s been a silver lining in all of this, and it’s one of the few positive things I’m taking with me. Through all of the toxicity, I discovered something important about myself. I realized I am a lesbian, and that I no longer want to be viewed as something for men to consume. I am worth so much more than being reduced to a body on a screen, worth more than any like, reblog, or message notification. I deserve to be seen, truly seen, as a whole person, and to be loved for who I am, not what I look like or what I can give to others.
This is goodbye. For those who truly cared, I’ll remember you. For those who didn’t, I’ll leave you behind, along with this platform that no longer serves me. I’m taking my life back, my self-worth back, and finding peace in spaces that don’t drain me.
Thank you, and goodbye. ♡´・ᴗ・`♡
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pepis-benis · 2 days ago
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fuck it, wip wednesday
eventual swanqueen, ofc
—————
“She’s his mom, Mary Margaret! I don’t know what else to tell you! She clothed him, fed him, took care of him when he was sick, taught him to walk and talk and all sorts of other things! I didn’t do any of that! He’s my kid, yeah, and I love him more than I thought I’d ever be able to love anything. But the first thing I did? I gave him up.”
“Emma, don’t say that. You were giving him-“
“Yes! His best chance. I gave him up, for him to have his best chance in life. And it was Regina. I know you fucking hate that it’s Regina, and I get it, really. But look at Henry. He’s so good! He’s so good that it hurts sometimes. I would think about him, wondering how he was, who he was. I always hoped he’d be okay; he got better than okay. Henry got everything I ever wanted him to have. Everything I wished I had gotten. Not just food, clean clothes, and a place to sleep. Henry got someone who loved him.”
Snow opened her mouth again. Emma didn’t let her get a word in.
“How can you tell me Regina doesn’t love Henry? He’s so polite and smart and funny and caring! Henry cares so much about the things he loves, the people he loves, and that’s because he has someone who loves and supports him. She’s everything he’s ever had, Mary Margaret, and there’s no world in which I can take that from him. Either of them, actually. How fucking cruel would I be if I took a kid from his mom, huh? Just because I think I’d be better? Because I’m good and she’s evil?” Emma missed the pain that crossed her mother’s face, ignoring how her mouth closed tightly, lips pressed impossibly thin. Her brain had started scrambling, letting out any and every thought she had about Regina. She had been doing a lot of thinking, and yeah, most of it had been about Regina. “I know she’s done horrible things, things I don’t want to dwell on, things I don’t want Henry to hear about. She’s different now, and she deserves as much of a chance as anyone else to prove it. You can’t raise a kid like Henry and be the same person she was; it doesn’t make sense.” Emma finished lamely. Snow was quiet, digesting Emma’s tirade as she leaned against the counter. Emma glanced toward the table, finding that Henry and David had migrated to the living room area of the loft.
Regret filled her when she saw Henry’s bowed head, David speaking in a low, calm voice. She hadn’t wanted Henry to be aware of the arguments surrounding his other mother. He already had too much knowledge of her past, and Emma hated to taint his view of her anymore than it had been. She left Snow in the kitchen without another word, making her way to her son.
“You have to go home, Henry,” Emma said gently, resting her hand on her son’s shoulder as he slumped on the couch in resignation. David stood, giving her an apologetic look before taking Snow out of the loft for a walk. “I’m sorry you heard all that, but it is the truth.” He finally turned to look at her, his eyes wet.
“I miss her, I really do. I know she was bad, but I love her, Emma,” Henry said, voice thick. Emma wrapped her arms around him, eyes beginning to sting with tears. “People change, right?” he asked into her shoulder.
“All the time, kid. And your mom changed a long time ago, she was just scared of it.”
“What makes you say that?”
“You changed her, Henry. Everything she’s done since you came to her was for you. She hasn’t been evil, she just didn’t know how to protect you any other way. Now she doesn’t have to protect you alone.”
“But she was trying to hurt you at first”
“I was a threat, Hen. I know that might not make sense to you, but she saw me trying to take you away. And I can’t do that to her. I was never trying to do that. I want what’s best for you, and she does, too. We can find a way for us to all be happy.”
“Like a family?”
“Yeah, like a family. Nothing would make me happier.”
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camgoloud · 7 months ago
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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons
#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups#and the later regrets of the parties involved#anyway. tell me not to text her#it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength#she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life#and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever#going to get back#and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that#really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you#felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way#instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out#so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least#we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she#like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have#said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me#and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting
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selfinflictedgunshotwound · 2 months ago
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i'm kind of amazed how most of the stardew marriage candidates just want you to be their manic pixie dream whatever by agreeing with everything they like and plying them with compliments or praise or whatever (which is fine but a bit. Much) but for shane his romance is just you being there for him while he figures his own shit out... dunno why i never wanted to romance him before he's so good
#i'm usually a sebastian kinda guy but i do think it's silly you have to say you like scifi to gain friendship points w him like cmon man#i will say though that. my bestie's baby daddy being named shane kinda does make it hard to like him 😭 unfortunate but not his fault#ik a lot of ppl are weird abt his recovery and his messy ass room bc they play stardew to make things look pretty or whatever#but i'm actually kind of glad he's a realistic depiction of addiction... the problem is his dependence on indulging in alcohol when he's#depressed not the fact that he drinks period... i think that a lot of ppl are unrealistic abt alcoholism (including me abt my dad's)#but concernedape did really good w him imo. anyways all this to say that i'm really glad shane never expects someone to be a certain way#i know most of the candidates are like. archetypes or whatever and i think that's fine they are very sweet and cute regardless but#i think maybe i didnt romance him before bc i related to him so badly that it hurt seeing myself reflected LMAO dead end life and being#suicidal about it like. i've never had a drug dependence but i'm not really in a position where i can ever make my own decisions anyways#but regardless. there is smth to someone who slowly warms up to you when they can't ignore your kindness any longer and have no reason to#act like an abused dog anymore which. does make me sad just to say but that is how he acts beforehand#idkkkkk idk i think people are always too caught up with his addiction and his messy room to actually see him without realizing that#getting better is a lot harder than it appears and that having a dirty room doesn't mean you aren't trying to be better. sigh#besides it's not like. the end of the world that he has a beer sometimes. have you tried going thru life completely sober? it sucks#ok im done LMAO but yeah i've found myself gravitating towards him this time around when i've romanced sebastian literally every playthru#til now. hmm!#ACTUALLY ONE MORE THING. i like how he's basically a twist on the classic useless husband trope in media where they love sports and drinking#but he's not a bad person and the only reason he's mean to you at first is because he hates himself and his own life and he makes an effort#the more you get close to him instead of the opposite. i like that a lot. ok now i'm done
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wolfisland · 5 months ago
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dont get me wrong. i am absolutely a problem, often. im very cutting and blunt a lot of the time. people tend to find it funny til they realise i am deadly fucking serious. i definitely have anger issues. im a "i forgive you but i wont forget this" type. but i dont think im unkind, genuinely. i think it was just jarring for a lot of shitty people in my life when i stopped letting them treat me like shit. which makes sense, i just disrupted the fuckhead routine of like 6 white autistics. woe are they. but really honest god gun to my head i cant bring myself to feel bad about it. half of those friendships made me feel like shit about myself anyways.
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icewindandboringhorror · 1 year ago
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I love all of these goofy product photos where the water bottle is extremely obviously just photoshopped onto a stock image of someone pretending to hold something or whatever.. very convincing..
#the last one where the water bottle is like nearly the size of the woman's entire leg ghbjbjhh#ALSO I know.. gross.. nasty.. amazon.. I was only looking there because I was trying to find an exact replica of an old water bottle#I bought like 6 years ago in a store and I just wanted another one of those and it seemed like the only place the old manufacturer#still sold was through amazon but.. alas.. I think they just don't make them anymore. so I have abandoned my hunt#I didn't actually buy anything. but I did get distracted clicking through product images for a few of them#it's bizarre how like............... idk.. WHY is this done??? Isn't this offputting to basically ANY potential customer?? or do people#not look at every photo/read the entire page/all product information before buying??#all of these are from like front page ''top sellers'' or whatever like........... how does this not hurt the brand????#If the company can't even bother to take a single photo of a real life person using their real life product then... that to me#is kind of red flaggy..?? even if you're an indie start up small business with hardly any funds.. still#A real photo of the product you are selling in a real actual non-photo shopped environment does not seem that inacessible#Maybe it's because everyone does everything on phones now?? So it's harder to see the pictures when they're smaller?#Kind of the same thing with ai art and also hair color photoshops lol.. On my full comptuer screen it is SOOO easy to spot ai art#like IMMEDIATELy from the little tells and ways certain details morph into each other etc. I dont even mean obvious dalle mini stuff but#like the Fancy High Quality Photorealistic AI art is still pretty blatant 98% of the time if you know what to look for. But I still catch#people sharing it a lot like 'omg where can I buy this pair of shoes!! :O <3' .. erm you cannot.. that is the most balatantly fake looking#pair of shoes I have seen in my life hhjbj.. the heels are both different heights. there's a different number of straps on each one. etc.#AND that phase back before colored hair was Mainstream and people would post photos like 'omg going to bring this to the salon!! dream hair#and it's like.. you can LITERALLY see the parts where it's 'colored outside of the lines' and is so clearly just a person with blond hair#that someone drew over with a tint brush or something not even very neatly. etc. etc. ANYWAY.. Maybe with phones it's harder to tell these#things?? To me so much of it is instantly recognizable and it's suprising to me that people either don't notice or don't care and will#interact with it anyway by buying the product or acting like some ai art fake furniture is real or etc. etc. ..hewwoo#Aslo sidenote - I think I've become soo cynical and tired of constantly being advertised to that I literally cannot shop without getting#exhausted. I do not see how marketing is anything but obnoxious and transparent. Every item description having stuff like ''Our company is#commited to bringing you the highest quality water products! we set out with a mission to bring high quality products to people all over#the world and we believe in spreading health and happiness and'' just like SHUT THE HELL UP!! youre a fucking company#you don't ''beleive'' in anything you are here to sell a product. stop trying to talk like you're my bff who cares deeply about my health#or something just tell me the materials and product specifications of your stupid fucking water bottle and move on. Idont need to hear your#whole bullshit spiel about what ~your company stands for~ that is SO much MORE offputting. you make me want to buy the item LESS..#longing for the type of ads from my 1800s magazines that are just like 'this product is good. please buy it. okay thank you much. bye'
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our-lady-of-mcr · 6 months ago
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everytime i think im done ranting i remember something else LMFAO this one is extra long i hit tag limit god mf damn
#self#for instance.....my mom wants me to cut off everyone who is still tied to the school#and im so mad at myself for feeling a certain type of way when the campus manager called me not too long ago basically to tell me she doesnt#trust the girl who did this shit and she wasnt mad at me but was also mad at me for bringing her to her dads house#for reference we were trying to get a cat from the campus managers dads house LMFAO#and i honestly cannot wait to speak to her again and be like 😔 god dammit you were right like you were every single time#i just dont understand the wiring in her head to think the shit she says and does to people is normal and okay and how she doesnt realize it#is literally a mental health break. when i finally told my mom the first thing she said was shes probably off her medication#which.....probably isnt wrong sadly coming from someone who has borderline and very easily can lose it#but the difference is i dont give in to the urges to try to hurt everyone around me in every way i can#and me and her have said before that we thought she might also have borderline because we were very similar#but god damn does she love proving that if she has it its extremely severe or its something else entirely#on an honest note. shes incredibly narcissistic and i know her mom is part of the reason shes that way bc she was given princess treatment#her entire fucking life and then doesnt understand when other people dont treat her the same way#i hate rambling about this and i hate it that it is bothering me so fucking bad but like ???#if youre going to decide that you can put our past aside period and move on then fucking do that and stop bringing the past up as a way to#hurt me and the people around you???? she acts like shes not done horrible fucking things to people. so sorry i wrote a letter that was very#honest at the time. so sorry that when you found out i apologized for it and said i regret it because 2 weeks after my apology i no longer#regret writing it. if its making school a living hell for you....theres probably a reason for that girlfriend#i am not the person who put that shit in your folder#though i seriously fucking doubt its actually in her folder shes probably assuming it is#and youre the one who made a complete ass of yourself to every educator that ever stepped foot in that building#that has nothing to do with me that you are a literal warning given to every new educator!!!! i havent even been in school there in months#yet IM the problem??? how am i the problem when i graduated in fucking january???? everything since then falls on you#AND YET AGAIN! MIGHT I MENTION! IT IS NOT JUST MY LETTER!!! THERES AT LEAST 2 OTHER ONES!!!!!#BECAUSE IM NOT THE ONLY PERSON SHE DOES THIS SHIT TO!!!!#god sometimes i sit back and realize that theres a reason she regresses as a person and i do not#im not going to sit still anymore and let someone walk all over me and she can thank herself for that#shes who taught me that blocking and running as fast as i can doesnt fix anything#so here we are bitch. youre not blocked and im sure youre sitting at home thinking about how youre right about everything
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(
#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever#and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!!#i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved#and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad#like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause#unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided#to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also#but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee#i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested#man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading#and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier#and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!!#i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago#and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man#u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever#insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc#ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone#gn#.vent
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whimsyprinx · 2 years ago
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i think I just need to stop clinging to and getting so attached to people
#whimsy whispers#because then things fall apart and so do I#it’s also just like suffocating and annoying of me to do to people I’ve realized#like I just tend to get too attached to people and when things get bad and I can’t fix them I don’t know what to do or how to cope#especially when it feels like no one else is being affected the same way I am so it feels like it’s just a me problem#anyways guess who finally talked to their irl about how they’d been feeling for the past few months#I don’t expect for things to improve based on just doing this and idk if things will be like they use to be but this is the only friendship#that I feel like I can like idk salvage at this point#I don’t think they’ll go back to being the most important person in the world to me or my very best friend but maybe that’s for the best#it just hurts not having someone like that in my life anymore because I did genuinely love them so much but like idk I already knew they’d#never love me as much as i did like they have actual loved ones who it makes more sense to cherish more which is like obvs fine I just like#idk i feel like I generally stopped being important in general to them and that’s what hurt most#as for the other friendships I’m uncertain about there’s nothing I can do there#I talk to like very few people now and have been trying to like allow new people to try and get close to me as scary as that is#I am afraid I’ll just fuck up those relationships too tbh because everything is a cycle with me#idk I just feel stupid and helpless and like there’s nothing I can do and maybe i just need to accept that there isn’t anything I can do to#fix my mistakes like I can’t undo anything and I can’t fix them and like I just hope I’ll accept that eventually#and again I need to just learn to stop getting so attached to people it’s just abdjfktk hard for me not to but each time I hurt others or#others hurt me it makes it harder for me to want to let anyone else get closer and eventually I’m going to be all alone if this keeps up#anyways tnats tofays vent/fun little realization that I need to force myself to accept
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beast-of-the-void · 4 months ago
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#My little sister is an asshole- dad was warned by mom when she was like 14 and he did nothing by mom of all people#she's callous-hurtful-abusive-underhanded-crass-and somehow draws people to her despite giving the aura of “toxic”#He was asking me if I liked the new car-I said no because she was in it- that she didn't bother meeting my eyes nor greeting me#Only reason she was driving was to rub it in that “daddy loves me the best- look at my car he bought me”#It has taken every ounce of restraint I have to not look at her son and tell him every beating I've taken because of and on her behalf#But that is between me and her until it isn't- I hated being pitted against my parents even when they were being vile#Dad's excuse for letting it all happen is that he wasn't the one in the crosshairs cuz somehow that negates the EVIL she did to us#I have been made aware of TWO other instances besides mine of her literally trying to get someone to off themselves- unforgivable#Makes me wonder if she has gotten away with it before and is chasing that high again- I'd like to think not but I am not discounting my gut#I really wish that at least one adult in my life had given a fuck about how we were going to end up- one emotionally mature adult#Then! Dad tried to defend himself about pulling a gun on her ex- like taking a dog was worth a fucking life- give me a break asshole#If you cared at fucking all about the kid you wouldn't have immediately sided with the monster just because of shared blood#But hey- I'm the one that needs to inherit the shitshow from him- if I outlive him- Kinda hope the universe is spiteful and lets me off 1st#Is having a place to get away from this so I don't have to rely on them so much to ask for? I don't want their affection anymore#I really want out of this family- I don't even want to help the kids anymore- does that make me selfish?- I don't know#I have been trying to talk to babysis about any of this given our small bond- but it's so gd fleeting- we're all terminally lonely people#I long for a place I have never been- people I haven't met- warmth I've never known. spirituality has nothing for me#neither does the mundane#Let me get this story out of my head and hands and we'll circle back to the topic of escape. I just want to sleep now- so I'll do just that
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bongospasm · 5 months ago
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#just ignore this#i’m fr never going to be mentally healthy am i#why do i not see a future for myself outside of just killing myself at like 25 once my life falls apart completely#managed to not hurt myself for ages and went straight back to it in the past few weeks#just got out of genuinely one of the worst depressive episodes of my life where i genuinely thought i was going to finally do it#genuinely so lonely at the minute. i see my bf once a week#i have one friend who i get to see consistently and besides that im alone and it fucking sucks#i have a club i go to once a month that sort of keeps me going bc it means seeing more than two people#i thought i was out of the episode but i really don’t know anymore and im worried im actually going to do something this time#i’ve called the crisis line so many times in the past year and it’s not done anything they said they referred me to psych but they in fact#did not and i’ve just waited around for two years for three non existent referrals#i can’t do it bc i can’t do that to ewan or my parents but besides that i sincerely think me dying wouldn’t really affect anyone else#which i think is a good thing really#literally cannot cope with the constant intrusive thoughts anymore it’s genuinely hell#stuck between i need to see people and the people i want to see do not like me so i’m just gonna keep my distance#actually wish i could have my consciousness just sleep for a bit while someone else piloted my body and did everything i do so no one could#tell i was gone#i feel like a stupid hormonal teenager but i really didn’t think i would live this long and i don’t really like being alive all that much i#just keep going because i get to see ewan once per week
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