#bc i have no id no nothing to my name no bank account no literally anything and that i have to take care of mum bc they would all just get

[thorninyourpaw]

my existence makes me feel awful for my family

[ravencl-awh]

july 5th, 2021

okay this will be kinda long since i'll be talking a bit of my day, answering some of @myhoneststudyblr 's summer study challenge, plus a review and a lil talk about the book above. i'll answer the challenge questions first and under the cut will be the review and my talking of my day if you're interested!

july 1st - what are your plans for the summer?

originally i was going to try for my driver's license but i've decided to until i'm 18 since i can't even bring a car to my college campus 😂 instead of learning how to drive, i actually need to brush up on my bike-riding to get around. for now, i'm just trying to catch up on things that have been prolonged, such as getting an ID card, renewing my passport, and opening a bank account.

july 2nd - do you have a specific goal for this summer?

perhaps it's not a lot as others but i want to read 20 books overall this summer. i'm 5 books in already!

july 3rd - do you have a lot of work to do for school, university, or your job this summer?

not at all 😂 i have nothing actually

july 4th - what is the most important task that you need to complete this summer?

i need to get my real ID card this summer bc i kinda got nothing right now haha

july 5th - do you have any special plans or activities for this summer?

nope, none, zilch, nada

okay here's the part where i talk a little about my day haha. today one of my RPG sites "launched". the way these sites are made are that someone has an idea for a site based off a fandom and they pitch the site to those who code and manage them. then when they give the okay, they and others who join on the project have to raise a certain amount of money to launch and go public on the internet. and today, World of Monarchs, a RPG site based off the CW show Reign launched and i'm really, really happy about it! a bunch of people from this community joined today and i'm just having such a fun time right now. i literally cannot wait to see how this site grows and all the fun backstabbing roleplays that will be written! book review: (the curious incident of the dog in the night-time by mark haddon)

haha okay so, this is like my third time reading this book? i started rereading it a few months ago, but stopped and i finished it on the 29th of last month. i've had this book for around 4 years now, which is why the outline of the dog is so tattered. the book is wonderfully written, the main character being a boy named christopher boone who, while not explicitly said to be, has traits associated with autism. christopher's mother is dead and he lives alone with his father, but one night, his neighbor's dog wellington is found dead. christopher takes it upon himself to find out the killer as if he were a detective in a mystery novel while writing a book about it as well.

often the main "conflict" of the novel is not quite the situation of the dog and his parents, but christopher himself. he has a lot of troubles when around other people, and a lot of his interactions with others is what makes up a lot of the story and his journey. while yes, this proves to be difficult, christopher also shows multiple layers of himself that the reader gets to know about as they read his writing that one might not usually know if they were just talking to him. he has a love for math which is why the chapters are all numbered in prime numbers. he has a pet rat who he takes care of well and he knows what he does and doesn't like (he doesn't like yellow and i 100% agree christopher, i 100% agree.) one thing i like about the book is how there are a lot of pictures/diagrams. christopher thinks very logically and explains everything very thoroughly, which makes it easier for the reader to see through his perspective. i will admit though, i did skip a lot of the diagrams just because i don't have to brainpower nor the intelligence to actually figure them out or follow along with his thought process in these parts. i am horrid at math.

haddon has an amazing way of showing his character's speaking patterns and ways of thinking in his writing, as shown in the diagrams, how christopher makes connections that make the most sense to him and how a lot of the sentences start with "and". perhaps it's not the most grammatically correct but it fits with christopher. it all seems very personal which is great because it's supposed to have been written by main character!

it's a good read overall, but this will be one of the books i'll be selling to a used bookstore soon!

rating: ✩✩✩

[parkjmini]

im pretty upset

little disclaimer, if youre totally over hearing about the bts tour tickets, please continue away from this post bc im so upset that i cant help but rant about it and i feel like none of my friends truly understand how deeply hurt i am by this entire experience.

now, i completely understand the rise in popularity that bts has gained and how theyre practically one direction. getting tickets were going to be a big big struggle. i knew that. however, i watched many bts ticket tip videos, so you could imagine how prepared i was for today. I had transferred more than 250 into my bank account on sat, i made sure i was 20 minutes before the countdown. I had my 5 devices open with 2 different accounts per ticketmaster and powerhouse. On top of that, my two other friends had 3 devices and 2 devices, respectively, looking for any ticket as well. 

however, from 4pm to 5:15 pm, the 3 of us with a total of 10 different devices/mutiple accounts could not find a single ticket (one of my friends got a ticket once, but had released it in hopes to possibly find a better one). I was closely monitoring every device, every account. I had come up with zero, NO TICKETS, at all! i couldnt even get the sheer chance to obtain a ticket. 

im going onto my 3rd kpop concert and while the recent monsta x ticket sales were similar to this experience, i still managed to get 3 tickets after 30 mins. ive never had this happen before, where i couldnt even get a single ticket for two different websites on multiple devices with multiple accounts like what the actual fuck 

im soooo soooo incredibly deeply truly devastated. i cried in the car when the 3 of us drove out to get in n out right after bc we were just so disappointed. we’ve waited 5 years for bts to come close to our city and actually being able to go. we watched their ireomun jungkook asses grow from smol no more dream thugs to the glowin bad bitches they are now. so you really could imagine how upset and how infuriated i am that people who don’t even know their names get a ticket . or how people who don’t even live in my city or near the city of the venue have a ticket when there is a concert location in their own city gets a ticket for my city’s venue. 

are you fcking joking me? why go if you dont even know them? why go “just for the hype” ? why go when you dont even live here and you have a concert date for your city? don’t even get me started on the resellers/scalpers. people that are out there selling it for 2000 or twice it’s value, are cynical assholes. idk about yall, but trying to manipulate me to giving you money for my favorite group is fucking low. esp for young fans out there that just want to see their faves in real life. and while bts is worth the world to me, im not dumb enough to pay 2000$ on a 250$ ticket. if it was officially 250, then that’s what im fucking paying. 

and ya, the excuse is that some people are trying to make money from those tickets or theyre reselling bc they need the money. okay... but ... sweaty.... youre literally taking money that is 3x the original price from dedicated, desperate fans.... idk..... how you have a good conscious for doing that to someone... if u need to make money... how about... idk.. a suggestion ... but.. get.. a ... job..?..... work for your...... money.... like .... everyone.... else???....... just a fucking thought.... 

this is much longer than i had anticipated it to be and i have more to say but i dont want to bore u with the same things yall r probably already hearing about ;;;

and ik there are some countries where yall dont even have a concert date and how i should feel lucky theyre coming near me at all. like yes ofc im lucky af and i am grateful, but at this point, id rather them not come at all so i dont have to suffer knowing that theyre 15 mins away in oracle arena and i couldnt find a single ticket and theyre performing pied piper and jimin is doing those dangerous body rolls that i will never get to experience with my own two eyes and ill just have to sit home when i KNOW theyre a city away

im just rlly rlly sad that i managed to get nothing for oakland... nothing.. absolutely zero tickets for a 19,000 capacity venue. for my babies.. im sorry i wont see you for another very very very long time ): 

[shytiff]

May Small Wins

1 - lazed, went to racheel’s place and put my motorbike there, went to slipi jaya with silvi devi reza to watch seobok (it was fun!!), had iftar at the yumz green sedayu. It was raining when we get back. prayed maghrib and isya in some random mosque. went back and arrived at like 8 past sumn. showered, slept like a babyy

2 - lazed, slept and woke up at like 11, went to nila’s house, practiced doing eyeliner by borrowing nila's (focallure brand), iftar at green sedayu foodcourt (originally intended to go to the yumz but it enforces actual distancing) with angkot ppl minus tik will. Arrived home at about 9-ish.

3 - magang as usual. Went to rm. Took mrt to lebak bulus. My inaco salary finally came. My head kinda hurts after tarawih. Ended up skimming over bj alex lmaooo. Did not shower today lol,,,,

4 - added dr dafsah's revision to the excel database otw to rsf. Pak nardi took a while to arrive. Left rsf early to go to the bank. I (((finally))) activated m-banking lmaooo wow the features are neat wow im not jahiliah anymore. Found this method of just let it sweat anyway during tarawih lmaoo. Preferably with long sleeves bcs somehow you feel less of the sweaty feel compared to tshirt.

5 - sampling - data entry - RM as usual. Theres no new RM. Read a goood dramione fic by bex chan even if its not complete, its okay. Im okay :"))). Iftar was soup, salad, chicken katsu and french fries. Its been 2 days that i practiced sleeping-to-rain-sound. The first night was spent as a dreamless quick sleep (its over before you knew it), but tonight i dreamed abt almira's wedding lmaoo.

6 - no sampling today!! Still went to rsf tooo go to the mall w regen lmao. Did some data entry. Went to PP by mrt. Went back by going to halte gbk and thankfully the kalideres one arrived after only waiting for 5 mins. Its surprisingly quick, compared to lebak bulus - pesakih trip. Took abt 20 mins to jelambar.

7 - no sampling today too. Dr vera gave us lebaran cookies! Did gcp for bu suryati a5. Went to rm, finally finished the available rm. Went home early. Can finally relax since its the weekend.

8 - literally laid in bed til my body hurts. Rly want to read sumn but dunno what. Finally decided to read momoiro heaven. And rere hello. And after iftar i read lack of love. And just like tht, my saturday was gone. Cant bring myself to do things

9 - its another day of lazying (or self sabotaging, cant tell). Read spy family and its effin hilarious. Wasted my sunday. Cant bring myself to even move and i just laid in bed all day.

10 - last day of work in the weeekend lmao. Felt better than being in AR, but still not that much productivity. Went to RM. Phone call w fianti along the way to plan food in almira's bridal shower. Went back at 12-ish. Picked up my dress from risma busana. Walked to and fro halte kebon jeruk. Prayed zuhur close to ashar in kfc's mushola. Felt better after ~8k steps. Had homelab's green tea mixed with vsoy. It honestly made me feel better. Matcha, or caffeine, sure is amazing. At least i had a sense of normalcy before losing all the will to self-care

11 - consumed internet entertainment u til i was sick and tired of it. Watched a lot of cut videos. Granny came and stayed over. So i slept upstairs

12 - same as 11 but upstairs. More relatives came near iftar time so i excused myself to shower. Slept in mom n dads room at like 12-ish. Watched hp goblet of fire since keisha and karins newest obsession was draco. We squealed together over liking enemies to lovers trope haha,,,,

13 - Somehow all of dad's jakarta relatives came for lebaran. the last time i checked, there were some bridges being burned. prayed eid at home. watched perempuan tanah jahanam (which was surprisingly not scary). ate. napped. talked about personal things w keisha and karin. i cant believe the time has finally come where we talk about this kinda stuff. watched you’re next (it barely has any plot, just gore). they went back at about 8 pm and i just sleptttt yall lmao i didnt shower today. disgusting, i know

14 - cam barely get out of bed. Managed to shower at zuhur time. Watched dalbang and laughed like crazy bcs its just that funny. Read fanfics. Tiktok. Ate once and had greenfield yogurt at the evening. Fell asleep. Woke up at 1 and snacked on 1 pack of oat krunch

15 - run bts. Originally planned to go to flavola but it was still closed, so i went to dm's dunkin. Ordered orange juice and oeanut choco donut but somehow the price wasnt package price hhh. Turns out my clires account was somehow banned. So i contacted the admin. Instead of doing dr dafsah's excel i ended up taking off the makara sticker from my laptop. Bought some stuff for almira's bridal shower. Bought arirang at hari2 (its funny bcs yesterday i was seeing online marketplace, planning to buy it, but turns out hari2 the magical place had buy 2 get +1 deal for arirang.

16 - run bts. Managed to move my body a bit. Did 20 squats (ill elaborate on this later). That improved my mood. Tidied up some of my stuff. Saw the paper bag of random memorabilias by friends.

17 - went to rsf by tj. left kalideres 06:45 and arrived at RSF 8:15. sampling. went to RM (still no new ones). picked up by mom. went to salemba for almira’s bridal shower. originally planned to get padang at citra minang behind BK but it was closed. so we drove around looking for open ones. ended up buying it in a small (but crowded) padang place near a big padang restaurant lmao. was the first one to arrive at acacia. checked in, pulled the bed near the wall. showered. its hilarious sometimes with a bit more serious discussion anjayy. went home w febby who drove and clara

18 - went to mcd to get lunch (since everyone’s fasting) and tried to muster the will to do something. i didnt manage to do anything except shopping online (brought dusty pink hijab at hijup). got spicy chicken and iced coffee. (spoiler alert: tomorrow i got mencret2 lmaooo). read my suha and beyond the skidipapap its actually rly good

19 - went to RSF (with mom as usual. quickly snapped RM pictures while mom was waiting. went with her to mami’s house bcs she and uwak will fly to banjar. finally got to meet haekal, he’s such a smiley babyy its basically free therapy. planned outing with nisa lmao. from soekarno hatta we went to vintage vibes lmao since we’re already out. vintage vibes is more crowded now. and there’s less good findings now. went back emptyhanded. ate chicken arirang since there’s no food. fell asleep at like 06:30 until early morning lmaooo

20 - woke up at 2-ish am, played my phone, fell asleep at like 9?, woke up again at 11 lmaooo. went to sbux. had matcha latte. did some inaco work. todays the most productive ive been this week.

21 - went to gi with febby to also meet up with fi, bought falsies and glue (later proved to be of a horrible quality), siraman and pengajian almira (first time seeing an actual siraman), went to blok m w nes ren ara gen. Tried naruto takoyaki at little tokyo, went to daitokyo (i didnt eat anything), and got matcha cake, sakura and mango raspberry gelato at kebun ide. Picked up by mom. Renata gifted me bts 2021 winter package photocard 🥺🥺

22 - iluni internship webinar by dr naldo. Grabbed fried chicken master. Stupid time management etcetc made my start makeup at 12 (febby went out at 13:30). My falsies and hijabdo was done by herrr thank god for the help. Went to swissbel. Didnt take a pic w almira bcs time. Almiras wedding at damai indah golf pik. My skin was TERRIBLE at the wedding. The make up didnt stick prolly bcs of vitacid. Thank god for masks,,, went back home w febbyy. Made tiktok lmao

23 - lazed. Went to flavola. Its finally daytime caffeine again w kopsuscok. Did dr triya's translation work and finished it at home. She transferred the fee at like 11pm

24 - off to RSF with mom. no new medical records. wrote fuad’s name on the medrec borrowing form. continued to nisa’s place w mom. lazed, played w haekal, put some patient’s phone number on the inaco excel. Off to GBK with nisa and sarah. parked at abc field (shouldve parked near GBK’s H gate). saw moja museum 2.0, took lots of pics. mo paint (moral lesson: draw the background first!! not the foreground). finished at 16:30. ashar at masjid al-bina. nisa dropped me off at gbk tj station. prayed maghrib on the bus since the traffic was so ughh. met atikah in lippo puri. decided to eat seirockya so we walked to puri. talked about a certain someone along the way. we rly talked about it while walking until we arrived at seirockya. atikah treated me uyeyy since she and racheel will stay in depok for 2 weeks starting tomorrow. got the shoyu ramen and gyoza. took the taxi to atikah’s place. mom’s waiting there lmaoo i was like “noo dont wait at jco, just wait at atikah’s”. still felt energized that night in my bed. no sleepy2. like 100% awake. 

25 - woke up at like 9:30. i basically did nothing today. didnt even shower lmao (i showered last night). read the good teacher in one go. zoom meeting w dr eva. i rly need some structure in life, goshhh

26 - showered and went to mcd. got nasi uduk, breakfast wrap and milo for 26k (thanks mcd app promo and mcd duta garden’s menu machine, i dont have to interact with another human). planning to do dr dafsah’s excel after all the data is complete, and still no new inaco data, so i ended up.... online shopping at bobobobo....... (bought outer and white culotte). tidied up the writings on my stickies (plenty of words has accumulated). ordered onejai for emir juan (expensive!!! 79k no promo lolll but free delivery. i was baited by gojek’s 1k 2 week subscription and felt like hmmm i should get something since we live in the middle of nowhere and free deliveries felt significant at that particular time when im holding my phone lmao). fell asleep after drinking vsoy + matcha lol its soft caffeine no longer works i guess

27 - woke up late as usual, went to sbux at 1 pm. tried white peach matcha frapp. the peach overpowers and u can barely taste the matcha. tried to read something useful (in medicine) but skimmed 2 ppt and then i saw solid’s bitly for isip. finished reading banana fish. couldnt bawl my eyes out because im outside.

28 - checked out rsf. Still no new ones. Immediately went back. Lazed and wasted my time

29 - iluni webinar. Here comes the impending life crisis. Ate nasi uduk and mie goreng telor today. Tried vsoy golden grain with matcha. It has almond aftertaste. Line call with kris for almost 4 hrs until 11 past sumn pm.

30 - more iluni webinar. Dr Eric, SpPD, PhD was rly cool. Tried daily box (butter soy chicken). Quite tasty. Mkg w regen. Videocalled in the mall w silvi racil bcs its ale and nadaa's wedding today. Bought gooma 500ml matcha w gofood pickup discount. Ate sushi go (the shoyu has mirin btw). 50k+ you get 6 piece of sushi (2 salmon) and matcha cake and ocha. Quite a nice deal. Talked abt cryptocurrency lmao. Went back and forth w TJ. All hail tj

31 - planned to do at least some productive stuff at home. turns out nila is outside and had some time to spare. so we went out. i met her in citra 6. we went to pik’s white beach. its scorching hot since its 2 pm. spent like 15 mins there. we had wanted to stop by monsieur spoon but THERES A QUEUEEE even if its a hot afternoon. so we ate tom sushi at green sedayu. talked a bit afterwards in nila’s place and then i was picked up by emir. tried gooma’s matcha. its not sweet like sbux. approved by mom (who doesnt like sweets). but its more expensive than sbux’s 2L 100k promo lol. (45k after gopay pickup promo for 500 ml). reread bj alex lmaooooo found new tidbits

[chanelvenus]

92 truths

i got tagged by the babe @beebeecee !! thank uuu

im nt tagging anyone but if u wanna do this go ahead and tag me so i can read it !

THE LAST: 1. Drink: water stay hydrated kids 2. Phone call: my bf when i freaked the fuck out on saturday lmao 3. Text message: my roommate i complained abou howt amazing this one masters program is and how i need around 27000€ 4. Song you listened to: bang yongguk - yamazaki 5. Time you cried: don't drag me but i shed a tear when i said goodbye to my bf last time i visited bcs im not used to not being around him 24/7.......... HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice: yah kinda 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah 8. Been cheated on: god no  9. Lost someone special: no? im blessed 10. Been depressed: nothing diagnosed 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: nah LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: black pink red IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends: oh hell yeah 16. Fallen out of love: not really 17. Laughed until you cried: last week actually 18. Found out someone was talking about you: maybe i don't remember  19. Met someone who changed you: YAH 20. Found out who your friends are: i guess? i really love the friends i have rn 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yah

GENERAL: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i recently cleaned it lmao so everyone 23. Do you have any pets: nah  24. Do you want to change your name: my name is cool ok  25. What did you do for your last Birthday: NOTHING it was lit 26. What time did you wake up: 8:30am 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching memes on youtube i think 28. Name something you can’t wait for: having a new job aka €€€ and the new semester !! im gonna have some lit classes  29. When was the last time you saw your mom: mid July  30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: id love to have more cash lol literally all my problems right now are money related 31. What are you listening right now:  ........ german battle rap bye insight job (<3) vs emmax  32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yah 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: my bank account  34. Most visited Website: youtube Tumblr asos

LOST QUESTIONS. I JUST PUT IN RANDOM INFO ABOUT ME 35. Mole/s: a few 36. Mark/s: ??????? 37. Childhood dream: being a lawyer by e 38. Hair colo(u)r: platinum blonde 39. Long or short hair: shorttttt 40. Do you have a crush on someone: Keanu reeves ! always ! currently its 2017 Keanu but soon it'll change to late 80s again i can feel it 41. What do you like about yourself: i have many different interests so i can talk to all kinds of ppl ?  42. Piercings: ears two holes on each side, wanna get two more tho 43. Bloodtype: ask again when i donated blood in a few weeks  44. Nickname: none really 45. Relationship status: taken  46. Zodiac: LEO 47. Pronouns: She/Her 48. Favorite TV Show:  i like Brooklyn99 ? sex and the city??? 49. Tattoos: im planning a few  50. Right or left hand: right 51. Surgery: at the beginning of august i got nose surgery ?  52. Hair dyed in different color: yah i bleached this shit out of it 53. Sport: used to do swimming badminton n shit 55. Vacation: im planning Paris rn  56. Pair of trainers: i literally collect sneakers what u want from me. my favorites are my reebok insta pump over branded in black/white?? i want airmax 95??  MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating: just had toast 58. Drinking: still water 59. I’m about to: eat something chocolate-y and do the dishes 61. Waiting for: the exams to be over, the semester to start ?? 62. Want: money 63. Get married: ya 64. Career: i am a philosophy and art history student do u really think i got any career plans... WHICH IS BETTER 65. Hugs or kisses: depends 66. Lips or eyes: lips 67. Shorter or taller: taller 68. Older or younger: both is ok as long as its not too dramatic 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: arms 71. Sensitive or loud: ???? what 72. Hook up or relationship: relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: what kind of question is this

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger: nah 75. Drank hard liquor: nooo 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: nah 77. Turned someone down: ya 78. Sex in the first date: nope 79. Broken someone’s heart: i hope not ? 80. Had your heart broken: kinda??? 81. Been arrested: omg no 82. Cried when someone died: i always cry. 83. Fallen for a friend: yeah DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself: sometimes a lot sometimes not at all but overall i know ill be fine 85. Miracles: ya 86. Love at first sight: yes :( 87. Santa Claus: hfjskhfkjsdf 88. Kiss in the first date: do u really have to believe in this... 89. Angels: something like that ya OTHER: 90. Current best friends name: i don't do the best friend thing 91. Eyecolor: muddy green 92. Favorite movie: OH BOYYYYY ?? maybe ?? fight club the social network tasm2 ?? BILL AND TED??? the devil wears Prada????? idk !

[subjectsilver]

5:05 AM on July 23rd

i absoTonight someone got stabbed over a god damn jul pod. 

but lets back up

I have been at school for a week.

I needed to get out of columbus... just like old times there was just nothing left for me there i was just killing myself because of how summer went and how i am and shit whatever. it'll be nice to temporarily go back in the winter and spring and even next summer and i can't wait until then but for now i need to not be there. I need school i need distractions i need people - i need people who are my friends but I'm not too close with - distractions are all i need right now so i don't hurt myself.  

I came back to Wake and literally the first day i was here i heard                       1-800-273-8255 - Logic 3 times by three separate people. Thats a fucking sign if i know it...ive never really heard that song until like that day and now i listen to it every single day...

Everyday i wake up and have running or lifting and i do that in the morning then i just sit and do nothing until playing pick up soccer at night which is kinda shitty bc fuck boredom and fuck routine but its a distraction none the less so its alright with me...

Im destroying my bank account because i have no meal plan so i eat out everyday which is like 10$ a meal cus life is expensive... but at least I'm eating i mean I'm still underweight sitting around 140lbs but I'm not getting any lighter. Tbh i was kind of getting comfortable being skinny because i love the way my baggy t shirts that are too big for me, fall on me when I'm underweight but i know inside i need to get my weight up to be healthy and like sane. but ill get there..i hope - eating as much as i can in hopes to gain weight anyway.

I knew i was forgetting something when i left -  well i forgot a lot but least of all i forgot my contact case so i was sleeping in my contacts for like 5 straight days and that shit killed my eyes but i finally got a case so last night was the first time i slept without them and if i sleep tonight it'll feel good as well.

I'm trying to think about what happened this week but nothing really happens during summer school it kinda sucks. I met all the freshman guys and girls and they all seem pretty cool I've been chilling outside with them  every night when were done with pick up and shit because i have nothing better to do and i like hearing conversation hearing them all talk and reading all of them. Half of them think I'm crazy because i only sleep like 4 hours a night and because my teammates tell them the stories that are my snapchat stories this summer. It is what it is ya know.

SIDENOTE andre keels is currently telling me about how he went on a date with this girl and he's low-key geeking out and its pretty funny, I'm happy for him he deserves the high that follows being low - i hope i get that eventually.

I had a really low night a couple nights ago where i just sat outside listened to jcole and smoked cigarettes by myself but i got thru it.. it just seems like when I'm doing absolutely nothing my mind takes over and i think about all the things that bother me with life or just life itself. its kinda shitty because it seems like when I'm not distracted its like a struggle to keep living like i don't understand the point of living or being alive or life in general so it confuses me why I'm here but i try not to think about it.

I thought i was a going to quit cigarettes but i literally need them not because I'm addicted but bc its something to do when I'm alone at night by myself... and i should prob get a jul pod or some shit but its so expensive and niggas are getting stabbed over it now and I'm just not about that lmao ........ I'm dying on my own terms if anything.

im not on social media really anymore. i check it every once in a while but very rarely except like writing weekly shit like i am rn or on snapchat. i guess like 5 albums came out or something and i had absolutely no idea. it's alright tho other people fill me in eventually I'm currently listening to tyler the creators new album. Its a lot better than i expected tbh.

 “5 car garage....full tank of gass but that don't mean nothing nothing nothing without u in the passenger”

took a little break to smoke a cig - I'm kinda nice at it now and hitting juuls tbh despite my efforts and much coughing in the past I'm finally getting nice. with my luck ill probably get cancer or some shit but thats alright i guess  (kanye hands)   

anyways down to business aka the most excitement of this week SOMEONE GOT STABBED OVER A FUCKING JUUL POD 

thats fucking lit and crazy and so disappointing of humanity but at the same time the greatest thing thats ever happened ever...

actually 2 people got stabbed but one kid got sliced in the finger so like that doesn't even count but the email i got said 2 people stabbed soon i mean i don't make the rules. I was chilling right i played like 2 games of pong and won both (ayeeeee) then i walked into this house and was staring out of a window i actually took a pic but this fight broke out and i turned around and everyone started leaving under the assumption cops would come... so i walked outside and i was trying to account for everyone that was there because DAD FOLDS came out and i was counting everyone and i thought i had it correct but this kid was like where is abby i think she's dead inside like passed out drunk soon despite hearing sirens i ran back inside and checked the house to find that she was not there which was good so i ran outside and started running with this kid named Sam.. so me and sammy for running through yards and bushes and shit but my shoe got caught in a bush (fuck me right) “sam go on without me live on  bruv” so sam started running away... i finally got unstuck and i saw like 3 cops chasing sam so i ran the other direction around this building and on the other side i saw 4 cop cars so immediately i dipped into these bushes where i hit my face on a brick wall and copped a gnarly scratch that will not scar which is disappointing... (incase u were wondering go had a black t shirt on and not the usual white so my shit was not stained or anything thank god) so i was laying there for a good 10 seconds and i got on snapchat and scrolled thru the stories for a brief moment when i heard “sir we saw you jump in the bushes please come out” i was like fuckkkk mee so i got out with my hands up cus a nigga not trynna end up like trayvon   and i backed up slowly and got handcuffed and then they patted me down found my wallet, luckily found my real ID and then put me in the car... i wait there for a little and scrolled thru snapchat behind my back and then they pulled me out and questioned me. I just claimed ignorance bc i actually didn't really know shit at all... my only lie was that i didn't know the only guy i was running with. Then they just let me go. They asked me why i was running if i didn't do anything and i was like “i wasn't trynna get stabbed and also cops these days shoot black people so i wasn't trying to be shot either” and at some point this cop was like do you have an accent where are u from and i was like uhhhh ohio? but they let me go and i walked back to campus and i saw all these freshman outside and i was like ooo go to bed y'all and we all went to bed.... then i laid there for like 2 hours before going back outside...talked to some people for a while who were out there and then skrrttted off to smoke and music and write..

present time  - its 5:48 AM and someone got stabbed over a juulie like 6 hours ago thats wild....................

tomorrow or today technically I'm going to play beer die (a drinking game) [google that shit] at like 3 and then go to a team cook out and chill. should be alright.

this tyler the creator album is actually kinda nice - i actually did find some nice songs on soundcloud tho today i found a really nice piano piece that kinda calms me down in the beginning then slowly gives me anxiety... I've had a lot of anxiety lately

it seems like I'm feeling so much shit now as opposed to being numb and feeling just so dead and all the feeling at once just scares the shit out of me or makes me heart want to explode but its kinda nice to feel shit sometimes... i still have moments days where i feel absolutely nothing but it is what it is...it can't all get better at one time... I've just noticed tho that like everything use to seem weird to me like literally “this is so weird” always went thru my mind but now EVERYTHING is so scary to me like even if I'm not paying attention and someone speaks to me and the sound catches me off guard it makes me jump. its weird - haha

its getting light outside i know i need to sleep because I'm trying to get 8 hours a night even tho it doesn't always happen but I'm trying. last night i laid awake for 2 hours thinking about magic tricks. card tricks that i will eventually try on people...i created my own card tricks in my head... i have zero decks of cards rn tho which is so rare for me never really happens.

anyways - another update will come next sunday and hopefully by then i get stabbed over a juul pod by then.  

6:00 AM   I FUCKING HATE BUTTERFLIES.

i love you good morning.

[anarchysloth]

Rules: once you have been tagged, answer 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose people to tag. tagged by @asexual-unicorn 🌻LAST… [1] drink: a sample from teavana
[2] phone call: my mom
[3] text message: lesboon (mady)
[4] song you listened to: thriller by fall out bot
[5] time you cried: like 2pm today because i saw a cute dog 🌻 HAVE YOU EVER… [6] dated someone twice: nope
[7] been cheated on: not that i know of?
[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yea
[9] lost someone special: more than i would like
[10] been depressed: lmao yeah since like fucking 2012 
[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no 🌻 LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS… [12] red
[13] pastel green
[14] pastel blue 🌻 IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… [15] made new friends: i literally made one today at build-a-bear because the worker noticed i like the maine, so we talked and exchanged numbers and now we're gonna meet up @ the state champs show next month lmao
[16] fallen out of love: i don't think i've actually ever been in love
[17] laughed until you cried: yup
[18] found out someone was talking about you: yes
[19] met someone who changed you: a bunch
[20] found out who your true friends are: still trying to figure that out
[21] kissed someone on your Facebook list: i don't use facebook 🌻 GENERAL… [22] how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i don't have a fb
[23] do you have any pets: a fish named cornelius
[24] do you want to change your name: nah
[25] what did you do for your last birthday: cry and eat sushi bc no one remembered my birthday
[26] what time did you wake up: like 8:30 am
[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: dreaming about ryan ross tbh
[28] name something you cannot wait for: to graduate
[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: 2 minutes ago
[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: the amount of money in my bank account
[31] what are you listening to right now: the sound of my parents arguing over who is the better property brother: jonathan or drew
[32] have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes, my cousin
[33] something that is getting on your nerves: everyone and everything
[34] most visited website: tumblr or livejournal
[35] elementary: harris hill
[36] middle school: bay trail
[37] high school: palo verde
[38] hair colour: brown ombre into blue
[39] long or short hair: i think it's medium/short but everyone else thinks it's long
[40] do you have a crush on someone: no everyone at my school is a white pretentious self-absorbed mormon
[41] what do you like about yourself: ?????
[42] piercings: got my ears pierced when i was 4
[43] blood type: idk
[44] nickname: avocado
[45] relationship status: single af
[46] zodiac sign: taurus
[47] pronouns: she/her/hers
[48] fav tv show: criminal minds or doctor who
[49] tattoos: not yet, waiting until i'm in my mid-twenties so i know i won't regret it and it's not a spur-of-the-moment thing
[50] right or left handed: right-handed 🌻 FIRST… [51] surgery: nope
[52] piercing: ears
[53] best friend: ?
[54] sport: gymnastics
[55] vacation: canada probably
[56] pair of trainers: i have no idea 🌻 RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing
[58] drinking: nothing
[59] I’m about to: start my english essay and crime&justice serial killer project, both due tomorrow
[60] listening to: nothing
[61] waiting for: friday bc i'm seeing one republic 
[62] want: more money and ppl who give a shit about me
[63] get married: what does this mean if it's asking id i wanna get married then yes but not now
[64] career: aspiring artist? 🌻 WHICH IS BETTER… [65] hugs or kisses: hugs
[66] lips or eyes: eyes 
[67] shorter or taller: don't care
[68] older or younger: older, but i'm fine with a couple months younger
[69] romantic or spontaneous: romantic
[70] nice arms or nice stomach: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 
[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive
[72] hook up or relationship: relationship 
[73] troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker lmao but not idiotic 🌻 HAVE YOU EVER… [74] kissed a stranger: no
[75] drank hard liquor: yes 
[76] lost glasses/contact lenses: yes
[77] turned someone down: yes
[78] sex on first date: nope
[79] broken someone’s heart: who would like me
[80] had your own heart broken: kind of ?
[81] been arrested: nope
[82] cried when someone died: most times
[83] fallen for a friend: nope 🌻 DO YOU BELIEVE IN… [84] yourself: bitch i wish!
[85] miracles: yes
[86] love at first sight: hell no
[87] santa claus: the historical St. Nick - never did
[88] kiss on the first date: depends
[89] angels: no 🌻 OTHER… [90] current best friend’s name: dont have one?
[91] eye colour: brown
[92] favourite movie: if i stay or big hero 6 🌻 I’M TAGGING… 
no one bc i dont think i have any mutuals who like me enough to do this lmao

[meanwhileinoz]

10+ Millennial AF Parents Who Are Too Extra To Handle

Parenting is the hardest job in the world.

But it doesn’t have to be. Parents can be really funny at times, and they might make you laugh most often. In most cases, they’re there to break the convention that old people can’t joke. And the hilarious parents in the list below seem to be having a very good time at parenting.

Here are 10+ millennial AF parents who are just too extra to handle:

1. Savage 101.

my ex posted a pic of him & his newest fling on facebook, & the caption was “ain’t she pretty” & my mom’s petty ass commented “no not really” 😂😭😂😭😂😩

— madi (@madison_lashane) October 26, 2017

2. Extra petty and pretty extra.

Lol my mom has fought with so many of her friends that this picture is just of her w/ a bunch of no headed ladies http://pic.twitter.com/i1AlH3Troz

— Tamara Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) December 26, 2014

3. This dad’s wall of shame are his son’s confiscated fake IDs.

That Proud Dad Moment when you go to the Liquor Store and Find Your Sons Confiscated Fake ID Displayed on the Wall of Shame http://pic.twitter.com/V6SbzuUfDh

— Wade Grundmeyer (@coachswaz) October 21, 2017

4. Because saying I had a nice night is just too cliche.

Why can’t my mom just say she had a nice night http://pic.twitter.com/R8qG2znVmh

— Kaley (@KaleyKurzhals) November 5, 2017

5. A new level of extra.

This bumper sticker threw me for a loop yesterday http://pic.twitter.com/0EjS8FCRU8

— Buff Ed Grimly (@Jonny_Wags) November 2, 2017

6. If mom’s convinced then I am too.

So my mom and I share an online banking account, and she keeps changing the security questions to things I don’t know the answer to…. http://pic.twitter.com/QeGfoJ9hYZ

— Holly (@AintNoHoIIyBack) August 23, 2017

7. #NoTwitterDrama

no twitter drama will ever compare to my own father subtweeting me into the ground https://t.co/Jbmn49tq0s

— Lukas “Long Display Name” Thoms (@LukasThoms) August 11, 2017

8. This mom definitely knows how to be extra AF.

Since i’m in college now and my mom doesn’t get to take back to school pictures anymore, this is what she sends me… http://pic.twitter.com/3QyUsH4eEh

— Kay (@kaylinnicolexo) September 6, 2017

9. MEME LORD.

My mom made this meme don’t let her down http://pic.twitter.com/AjjMAW97pS

— Fusushi 🍣 (@Junglefushimi) August 21, 2017

10. This mom made an Instagram just to mock her daughter.

my mom literally made an instagram to mock my instagram http://pic.twitter.com/eL4baJ6acK

— FAITH (@Faithh_creech) August 7, 2017

11. Here’s what you do when you don’t have to unpack for college.

my mom, sister and i were unpacking in my dorm and my dad sent us this http://pic.twitter.com/tp493wtRWm

— shay (@shayla329) August 19, 2017

12. Game of thrones got nothing on her.

🗣HOLLERING !!! My mother has no chill!! http://pic.twitter.com/n2RX3x9jZB

— nanzzz (@nmhxix) August 6, 2017

13. And then there’s this mom whose daughter wanted to be a minion for Halloween.

My Child: Mama I wanna be a minion.

Me: You gonna be Maxine Waters. http://pic.twitter.com/zaT4VlkYOq

— Jasmyn Lawson (@JasmynBeKnowing) October 31, 2017

14. This mom dressed up as her son for Halloween.

My mom was me for Halloween 💀 http://pic.twitter.com/hJJabSoc1o

— trenton (@TrentVincent11) November 1, 2016

15. This mom right here is a legend!

new year. new bellsuit. same legendary mom. #shesback http://pic.twitter.com/o6swOI27KO

— linds ❁ (@Lindsey_Sewell) December 26, 2016

16. He’s the real MVP.

MY DAD MAILED ME A TUPPERWARE OF MANGO THAT HE HAD CUT FOR ME IN AN ICEBOX BC I FORGOT THEM WHEN I WENT BACK TO SCHOOL HAHAH DAD OF THE YEAR http://pic.twitter.com/jXHTTYJ2Ya

— 李祉欣 (@ce_silly_a) September 13, 2017

17. And the mom of the year award goes to…

My mom is so dang dramatic. I don’t even know how to get in the tub. http://pic.twitter.com/aHLvngXLK0

— Tu☪ (@WallsRunIntoMe) August 23, 2015

http://ift.tt/2mn5bP8