#this week went by super fast
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allisonemiller Final day of filming @millionlittlethingsabc 🚪#comeandknockonourdoor #iykyk #amillionlittlethings
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IT'S KAWOSHIN DAY!!! As well as the last day of Kawoshin Week :') It's been such a blast, gonna miss it when it's over
Kawoshin Week Day 7: Cuddling/domestic fluff! + Sleepover and Spinoffs (again)! Based on the Campus Apocalypse sleepover chapter ☺️
#shinji ikari#kaworu nagisa#kawoshin#neon genesis evangelion#campus apocalypse#nge#nge ca#toma draws#kawoshinweek2024#CAwoshin again! wanted to ensure my favorite niche kawoshin got some representation in the week in case no one else did stuff with them...#which wasn't the case since literally every fill for the spinoffs prompt has been campus apocalypse!!! which i'm overjoyed about 🥺#my second option for today was finishing a sonicverse kawoshin wip for the free day prompt. but i already included sonic in the week with-#the song lyrics i used for my day 5 piece so i went with this instead#also went with this because. um. my original plan for today was actually. a CA fic for these same prompts set after said sleepover chapter#but i'm neither fast nor confident at writing so i. haven't finished it (i DID get it to almost 1500 words so far though! progress)#so i thought i'd color something i drew while thinking about it :')#i did it while taking a break from my day 5 piece and was pretty loose about it so it's not super polished and i'm not sure how i feel abt-#the colors but! it hits the soft cozy vibe i was going for and that's good enough for me#if i manage to finish the fic within the year i might still include it as a very late week entry... no promises though. we'll see
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First time meeting the Angel of grief (at golden hour) 🍂🪽
#didn’t know we had a replica of her in massachusetts#never mind right up the street in this gem of a little cemetery I drive by all the time#my girlfriend is actually the one who found it online then went in on a mission to find it for me#she got SO excited she found it super fast I didn’t think we would was getting dark and it’s a new spot#I was off taking pics and she ran over so excited#fucking beautiful man just stood quietly for a while looking#one of my favorite angel statues#imagine in the snow too#I wanted to go to mount auburn in the snow too and it never snows anymore#theres two so close to me that are so special now even more so#will be spending more time in there#there’s only so many replicas that’s so special to me#and so close to home#angels#autumn#mine#didn’t post these but this was from last week#went back yesterday#have so many pics 🙃#anyways love#🖤#🪽
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i really hope i’m experiencing the start of something new. this is just like high school musical
#i went on a really good date last week and we’ve been texting all day for 5 days straight#and last night i got drunk and told them i wanted to kiss them and he said he wanted to kiss me too and we’ve been super flirty and-#-it’s been making my days so much better#just smiling at my phone the whole time#we’re going out again on wednesday and it can’t come fast enough!#phoenix talks
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okay shoot me or whatever you want lol but i miss 2020. like for me personally that was a good ass year
#she bork#got super fit got super healthy mentally and did a lot of growth got lovesick then threw it up and felt better then got lovesick again but#that time my stomach settled. was looking at my playlist for that year (bc every year i make a playlist and add any song i get obsessed w or#listen to a lot) and it was a GOOD era of music for me. and thinking about each of those songs i can feel what it felt like to listen to#them back then and remember listening to them off a bluetooth speaker in my shitty honda or w my airpods in w my eyes closed on my bed w#only my color changing led lights on. fuck man i want to be young and healthy and happy again w no responsibilities and friends who also#have no responsibilities. growing up continues to fucking suck#and ROLLERSKATING???? FUCK i miss skating so bad. skating listening to tame impala and frank ocean and tyler the creator and brent fayaz and#scary story podcasts and alice isn't dead (never did finish that) . .. skating as the sun set. i remember skating down a hill where i would#always go so fast while new person same old mistakes by tame impala played and it hit THAT part of the song and it was so. i can't even#describe it. transcendent??? part of what i struggle with every single day is the idea that the older i get the fewer and farther between#those bursts of magic become. i have to believe there are more waiting for me. i have to i have to#furthermore (and less poetic lol) i miss working some part time bullshit job that didn't stress me out. really i miss not working at all#during quarantine but even when i went back it was for like. twenty hours a week. this full time bullshit w expectations and stakes sucks
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Gonna fucking lose it I lost my wallet like a week ago now and no one e has used it which I assume means that it’s in my possession somewhere but I’ve checked every fucking place I can think of in my car and home multiple times and have literally no idea where it is.
#like. I’m not super worried bc I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere bc. if someone has my wallet and has been choosing not to use it for a week#well then idek what they’re doing with it. so it’s just a matter of FINDING it which I have not been able to do#I need to do it fast bc 1 not everywhere takes Apple Pay and 2 i need my id to drink and also pick up my prescription#but like. I literally don’t even know where else to look. if there is a place in my home I have looked there at least twice.#I have opened drawers I haven’t opened in months. i did 2 full loads of laundry on the off chance it was in there somewhere. I even went#through the trash (not using my hands) to see if I threw it I. there by accident cleaning up from my t shot.#and it was in none of those places.#I need to get one of those fucking beeping trackers and keep it I. there I’m so serious this is. not the first time this has happened#prsnl
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#JDJJDJDJDJD weve been messaging so much.... i havent seen him in a week tho#we see each other tomorrow so im excited but nervous JDJJFJFJFJFJFJFMMFMFMDMDM#IDKKKK. im pretty sure my feelings are reciprocated bc why else is he randomly messaging me and replying super fast#when ik for a fact that he doesnt really talk to ppl or answer back... not to mention showing up to class when he doesnt need to#and usually wouldnt. im just... HMMMMMMMMM the common denominator is meeeee#and even if its just friendship.... (it doesnt feel like it tho LMAO) i'll be ok with it idk. i just want him in my life JXJXJJDKDKFKFKF#SUCH A SCARY THING TO SAY. GOD. i just like him so much#im a broken record LMAO........#given how i always went crazy over sj n jb who i like... dont even know... i really should have seen this comin for a guy id actually know.#ohhhh man......#n e way JDJFJFJJFJFJFJFJFJ#gotta get this out........#personal
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wow so cute. NOT! who the hell do you think you are
#trick question he doesn't know#94#also i loove the 3 mouth...#in a soft subtle way#the protein bar thing is very projectingful of me but genuinely#i actually do like protein bars but i've had hundreds over the past 16 months so i know how disgusting they can be#i feel like protein bar addiction is such a specific experience#addiction is a strong word it's just the food i autistically latched onto after aldi stopped selling my keto bagels#not that i believe in keto. but they worked for me...#i ate those w 2 eggs+egg whites every day for half a year almost without fail#and then i lost them forever and then i went through a phase where i struggled to eat and then i started going batshit w protein bars#i had 3 1/2 today it's not looking too good#that's because i went a few weeks or maybe a month without any and whenever i get a new box#after not having any for a while i tend to go through it really fast#and i get them at sam's club too so they're big boxes yk it's kind of embarrassing#it's a big part of my diet. don't do this to yourself ever#what the hell was my point my point was that a super solider diet requires a lot of protein and bucky would not do well w eating enough#so he starts relying on protein bars because it's the same everytime and it's better than nothing#what do you think his favorites would be...#would love to hear about bucky's protein bar ranking tierlist
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😔
#▓▓▓┆♚ ˖° ❛ out of character#.ask to tag#.death mention#.depression#life has been so hard on me since i was last active on here#from breaking my finger and not being able to write#to life getting hectic#with my mum breaking her back and healing#to my first cruise#i was gonna come back after the cruise once i was resettled#but then my grandmother fell and broke her hip and a week later she was gone#i was at the rehab center when it happened#it was so fast#i was talking to her then went to get her a pudding#came back and she was gone#its officially been a week since her funeral#and 2 weeks since she passed#my mum's bday was inbetween her death and her funeral so it was super hard#we're currently moving out all my grandmothers stuff from her asst living apartment#then we have to work on her house#im so tired and so sad#ive lost my will to write though i want to but i log on and just stare#i dont know how to write anymore and all i can do is close my laptop and cry#i dont know what to do#i was the only one left of the grandkids who hasnt been married#i hadnt had a chance to introduce her to my partner#and im just broken right now#i want to try tho#i want to try to get back on here#i want to talk to yall again
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any moots who experience hypomania/mania: what does it feel like? bc i'm honestly Concerned rn
#thoughts#tldr i went from like a 6 month long severe depressive episode to feeling Super Fucking Great Mentally(TM) a couple of weeks back#but as i've noticed w other periods like this in the past. i'm a little bit out of control ?? like overly ambitious and disorganised#brain too fast type shit which idk if i can solely chalk up to my adhd when it gets like this#oh and also paranoia! which i get a lot anyway but it's worse rn!#and spamming the group chats with cursed ass fkn jokes and any tiny thing i find funny bc omg i'm so funny !!#just this need to talk and talk and talk and do and plan and ideas and take on the world but i'm too chaotic to actually work on shit#oh by the by i was informally dx'd by my old doctor like 10 years ago w cyclothymia but it was never mentioned again ?? huh#AND now i've been talking to one of my besties who is dxd bipolar (i think type 1 ?) and they were just like huh. explains a lot abt me.#but it's hard to disentangle it all from the typical audhd shit and the pmdd that goes on w me vbfh;ghdfg;
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I have not written at all for Camp Nano this week and I'm 5k short of the goal (when I was 6k ahead on the 17th xD) so catching up tomorrow is going to be fun. Plus I have a writing deadline that I'm not ready for in the least. I also meant to write more autistic Faramir for the event that ends tomorrow, but I guess that's not going to happen.
On the upside: I FINALLY have a place. I have zero furniture so I'm not moving in just yet but I got the keys today.
#echo's writing thoughts#echo's rambling#finding a place was a mess and a half#but it suddenly sped up over the last week and went surprisingly fast from there#and i'm super happy with it
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#wooo tag rant!#this feels too silly to talk to friends about (and also feels a little like bragging which I’m NOT but)#but some stuff has happened in the last week that made me sad so. here we are.#for some context: I’ve always loved music. I sang constantly when I was younger (much to my parents amusement and therefore belittling)#I took piano lessons for five years and cello for three or four#both of those my parents were hugely supportive of#but neither of them were really It for me#I really really wanted to sing#finally in early middle school I talked my mom into letting me take a group voice class at our nearby music school#I didn’t think that would go anywhere of course#but the teacher of the class disagreed#she moved her entire schedule around to make room for me to take lessons with her#she immediately had me fast tracked to the basically honors program in the school. super performance based super exclusive#I’m pretty sure she tried to get lesson prices lowered for me#it was. amazing.#and also the first time I really felt like an adult thought I had potential for something?#I took lessons with her for a few years. I was about to be accepted into the honors program. and then I got my wisdom teeth removed.#tldr we don’t really know what the fuck happened but the muscles in my jaw went insane. I was in constant pain for like two years.#I tried to stick with voice but I just. had to quit.#I went back with a different teacher later in high school but had to deal with Constant complaints about it from my parents.#and when that teacher fell through I just. stopped trying.#my jaw is a lot better now. but I still don’t sing much because it all just. makes me so sad.#it’s this constant reminder of pain and having to quit something I’d dreamed about for Years and having my parents just… not care.#I’m just. so angry and sad.#this was something I loved. and I was good at it.#and now I barely sing in private.#I went to a cool chapel a few days ago that had amazing acoustics and was empty. and it was the first time I had fun singing in. years.#but then I tried again today and felt miserable.#idk.#I miss singing. I miss music.
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Worried that my health stuff might be acting up again augh
#PLEASE I don’t want another several weeks of this#I’m feeling super low energy and brain foggy and generally shitty#which makes me anxious because that’s usually how it starts when my symptoms start getting worse again#I’m crossing my fingers that this is just because I’m on my cycle or because I ate fast food today#for the first time in a while#and that it’s not the same health stuff I had going on for the last couple months#but I’m worried#we never figured out what was going on with me and it went away after a couple months#and I’ve been way better lately but the past week or so I’ve been feeling gradually worse and have been really low energy#I do have an appointment on Monday I think to redo some blood tests and stuff#but the first two times they ran those tests they didn’t find anything wrong even though my symptoms were awful#so if it is coming back I kinda doubt that this time will reveal anything#but maybe this will convince them to do other tests or refer me to a specialist or something#At least I’m taking fewer classes this term#so I won’t have quite as much stuff to balance#but money is tight because of how much work I missed last term so I can’t afford to miss a lot more#and I’m supposed to start volunteering at an animal shelter in a couple weeks which I’m really looking forward to#and I’ve been planning to get a dog soon-ish#and I would hate hate hate to have to postpone any of that stuff even more#and I just. can’t keep dealing with this. I hate being sick I hate not being able to do things I’m tired of it#I’m trying not to spiral or worry too much because anxiety definitely makes me feel worse lol#and this could be nothing it could be unrelated to whatever health issues I was having earlier#but it makes me nervous#the being of chaos speaks
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anyway ten and a half months into my wrist sprain(s) and i’m braced up again…got a cortisone shot the other day so hopefully that finally resolves it but it has been worse again for a couple weeks now inexplicably (to me, i’m sure a reason technically exists) thus my return to the doctor…if it’s not better in six weeks ie at the one year mark they’ll do another MRI and see if i did actually manage to make it worse but good God will it ever end.
#on the bright side i could not be in better circumstances for having limited abilities rn since i finished college and don’t have to work#so i CAN take it super easy#but. oh man it makes me nuts#i’ve learned so much in this time i have grown i have revolutionized my relationship w pain#chronic or otherwise#stuff left from my uterus era that just Went Away when my 24/7 pain stopped came back w a vengeance but. I Am Strong Now. I Am Strong Now.#That Was All Years Back. etc#ALSOOOOO as i’ve mentioned a few times i’m writing again and that was def making it worse bc typing bad#but i can’t type fast enough one handed to keep up w my brain. but eva the other week when i had to cry about it was like. what if we get.…#new notebook! so i now have an EXCELLENT notebook and i’ve handwritten a TONNNN of my fic heheheheh#bycbwg#a ten is blogging#idk if i have a wrist sprain tag. i should#wrist saga tag
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I’m literally just venting below to get it out of my head feel free to ignore
#my great aunt who was previously diagnosed with leukemia like three weeks ago was emergency intubated today and is on 100% oxygen#and yesterday my grandma had told her that she needed to spend a few days back home to rest because she had been at my great aunts bedside#for the last two weeks straight and my great aunt was guilting her super hard about taking some time to rest and come back to va#so yesterday I was really angry at my great aunt because my grandma got off the phone with my great aunt and was just sobbing for like an#hour and wouldn’t accept that none of this is her fault and she shouldn’t feel guilty#and my grandma was saying how we’re going to make a schedule so that everyone has a turn to go down there so she’s not alone#and i was trying to think about how I was going to go down there and be supportive even though I’m really angry at her for guilting my#grandma for not being there every second of the day when my grandma has HER OWN cancer that my great aunt has never once tried to care for#her because of and then this morning (literally during my first Pap smear by the way lol) I start getting a crap ton of texts#that my great aunt was emergency intubated and her lungs are like entirely being operated by the ventilator and I feel bad cause for a#minute I was relieved because my grandma said she’s completely sedated and won’t know if anyone is there or not so she was going to take a#few days to rest and wasn’t going to rush down there#and then a few minutes later she got off the phone with my great aunts doctor and he was saying she’s in critical#condition and that they’re doing a scope test to see how it went bad so fast and that they think with chemo over the last few days that they#may have gotten rid of the leukemia but that her lungs are filling up with some sort of fluid and won’t operate on their own#and on top of that yesterday my uncle (separate from my great aunt) was driving drunk on his way to work (at 4 am) and got sideswiped by a#truck who then drove away and my uncle refuses to call the police or the insurance because he had a ton of open alcohol in the car and#wouldn’t pass a breathylizer and his car needed to be towed and he had some sort of midlife crisis and bought said 45000 dollar truck#earlier in the year could he pay for that? no he couldn’t so he borrowed some from his retirement to help make the payments#and now my aunt (grandmas daughter) is struggling because of this and they’re going through a real hard time financially#and all of this is very stressful on my grandma and I can’t do anything to help I keep calling people asking if they need anything if theyre#alright and I have absolutely no idea how I’m feeling I feel like I’ve spun that children’s feelings wheel and the arrow has landed on half#the board somehow lol#I’m scared that my great aunt is going to die and I’m angry at her for telling my grandmother she made it worse by leaving and I feel guilty#for being angry at someone who might be dying and I feel guilty because I am sick of this being on egg shells what’s going to happen next#and I’m scared for my grandma who has her own health issues and is making the trip back to Florida to go be with my great aunt and won’t be#back for three weeks and I can’t protect anyone#I don’t know what I’m supposed to do
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i will not let one bitchy resident ruin my good day . affirmations
#i have a few ninregular rooms bc brenda is. idek what the fuck shes doing the the new girl. shes STILL in training and its been over a week#usually we get 3 days. daj got one.. like#and shes still taking like. an hour and a half for studio rooms... idk#it sucks bc shes getting some of my favorites likee. she got 258 which is one of my favorite rooms bc hes so sweet and i just know shes#gonna do a bad job and im like :( bc hes such a nive guy and he doesnt deserve to have his room halfassed#the other day she did her rooms super fast like 30 minutes per room#so then brenda went to check at the end of the day and. dude. it was like she hadnt been in there#one of the toilets was Caked in piss like. she didnt touch it at all.#theres a bit of a language barrier bc shes from the ivory coast so some things im like. yk i understand it might get lost in translation a#bit for sure but like. brenda writes everything down bc nee and dee are from thailand english isnt theur first language either. and brenda#is rly understanding of the language difference thats why she writes everything down so its easier to understand etc.#and ik this girl knows the steps to cleanjng the room bc. multiple people trained her. ik she knows how to clean the toilet#idk. its frustrating basically. bc i keep getting pushed to new rooms im not familisr with which slows me down bc i dont know them#and then this one was just. rly rude like cussing me out saying Youre way early like half an hour#like. im trying to fucking stay caught uppp whatever. i hate rooms that bitch at you for being early#i get it if u like have a routine thats fine but why . be a bitch abt it. you can judt say like Oh im not quite ready for you to come in#yet sorry! and ill be like oh no problem! ill come back in a bit and thats fine. but rhis guy was like Fucking christ swearing while he#walked to the door and opened it and went Youre a goddamn half hour early come back at my actual time. and i was like oh s and he judt shut#the door in my face. like. ugh
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