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m-oana-archive · 5 years ago

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A Love Too Heavy (For Just One to Hold) pt. 3

catch up on pt. 1 | pt 2.

Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader x Remus Lupin

Words: 3629

Summary: After pining after Y/N for years, Sirius finally gets the girl: the happy ending the story is supposed to end with. The only problem is the fact Sirius’ feelings for Remus still haven’t seemed to go away. But he isn’t the only one starting to question their ability to love two people at the same time.

A/N: This is the last part, and includes too many italicized words and usages of “oh” (which are almost always italicized).

requestor: @shinysilverunicorn-blog | read on AO3 | Masterlist

Y/N’s POV

How to describe Sirius and Remus? Y/N could do so simply, stating they were her closest friends, easily the two most important people in her life. But that wouldn’t include the whole of it. The way each of them were so different that both were essential to the functions of her heart.

Sirius was like a catchy tune: people got drawn to him. Even if he got annoying and overbearing, there was something that made him impossible to distance yourself from fully. And like a catchy tune, you wouldn’t expect there to be more than one layer to him, but that was wrong entirely. He wore leather and confidence, but only because he knew what it did for him, not because it matched what was held underneath. He knew about himself—his fears, hopes, failures, self-destructive tendencies—well enough to know how to look like he had none of them. Then there was Remus. The opposite. There was nothing about him that didn’t suggest introspection, from books to sweaters to tea to somehow swerving away from the Marauder reputation by being difficult to associate with petty pranks. But, while it seemed to be easy for him to dive deep into the depths of his soul, he always stood shivering at the shore before turning away, afraid of what he’d find under cold water. But with terror came beauty, and Remus couldn’t see past the first part to understand how gorgeous he was.

They were both wonderful in different ways: if Sirius was the sun, Remus was the shade that protected you. If Remus was a cup of tea, Sirius was the sugar that made it palatable. It was hard not to love one and not the other because it seemed as if both were necessary to survive.

Or, at least, that was the problem Y/N was facing.

Y/N remembered the first time she saw both. It was hard to look away from Sirius; sometimes, Y/N swore that his purpose was to be admired. But, in a similar vein, it was hard to ignore Remus. While, out of the rest of them, James was too earnest to be captivating and Peter too unsure of himself to be found attractive, Remus was quiet in the way he knew he didn’t have to give himself up to gain attention. Remus was identical to the pages he read: once you finished one, you couldn’t help flipping to the next.

She hadn’t meant, or expected, either adorations to turn into crushes. Instantly, she had wanted to be friends with the whole lot of them. Not even the cold blood was enough to turn her away; in fact, with her Slytherin ambition, showing her ability to make friendships despite the rivalry became part of the appeal. But, unbeknownst to her, feelings had started. With Remus, they were the moments he was loud and obnoxious and so bloody smart it was hard to be anything except amazed. Similarly, Sirius was at his easiest to fall in love with when he was without facades, wearing some torn-up jumper that belonged to one of “his lads”—almost always Remus—and speaking very quietly of whatever came to his mind first. They were two sides of the same coin, one that Y/N wished she could hold between her fingers, that Y/N wished she could keep.

At first, because of her platonic intention, Sirius’ obvious interest was overwhelming, like lights being flashed on in a room right after darkness, not giving eyes time to adjust. But once her eyes had adjusted, they could barely look at anyone else, envision anyone else kissing her; holding her hand; laying on her bed with her, bodies forming shapes that fit one another perfectly.

Remus was chillingly indifferent. When Y/N stated her wishes that someone would ask her to Hogsmeade—subconsciously, this was a complaint that Remus wasn’t doing so—Remus brushed it off casually, saying that someday someone would come along who would treat her right. The heartbreak of it made her realize how deep her emotions were for him; she was willing to waste her life trying to catch an unreachable moon just so Remus wouldn’t have to endure being transformed by it every month. And, when she inevitably failed, at least he’d know he was worth a whole lifetime.

So she picked Sirius, not through a choice, but through a lack of one. Because, if Y/N truly had her way, she would choose both.

But apparently, Remus wouldn’t. Not based on what he had just said to her, moments after some stupid, hopeful part of Y/N thought they might have kissed.

The sounds of the words Remus had said were gone, but the weight pulled the room down, including everything inside of Y/N. Her soul felt like the library: all the brightness was sucked out except for two small lights that weren’t enough to make her feel alive anymore.

“Oh.” She meant to say it, but she whispered it instead. Or sighed it.

For the first time in a long time since meeting and getting to know Remus, her eyes did not want to meet his face.

Silence followed. A long one; so long that it transcended tension and peace to turn into an overwhelming shallowness, the same kind Y/N felt inside of her chest as she stood waiting. She knew instinctively that Remus’ mouth was opening and closing above her, trying sentences in his head before realizing he didn’t want to say them out loud. Y/N wished he would have planned the sentence he had said before with that kind of carefulness. Since when was Remus so spontaneous, anyway? When did he make the decision to abandon so much of what made him him, even if it was in the name of honesty?

The first sound was Remus’ swallow. Then, his hand brushing through his hair. Then, his voice, saying, “I didn’t mean that to say I don’t want you to be with him. I’ve never seen him happier.” There was such sadness in the admission, the kind of sadness that is made of happiness. The kind of sadness that is made of love.

Instantly, something within Y/N shifted. Anger disappeared. She looked up to Remus and she could see it on his face, on the purse of his lips and twisting of his eyes and lock of his jaw: Remus really was in love with Sirius. Or at least could love him. If given the chance.

“I can’t just…” Y/N started, drifting, struggling to say anything because words felt so loud. “You’re… you’re my best friend. How am I supposed to just sit around dating him in front of you in good conscience? You’ve put me in quite a position here. Either I hurt you until you get over him, or I hurt him to spare you.”

“Please, don’t do anything for me,” Remus automatically replied. “Really, that wasn’t a cry for pity—”

“Then why the hell did you tell me that?”

Remus tugged on his hair. “I don’t know! I just couldn’t bear lying to you anymore!”

“Then want to know something else true?” Y?N said, despite her stomach telling her to stop talking, saying that this was a terrible idea, one rooted out of nothing except anger and childishness. “I fucking, I fucking had feelings for you, Remus. But you were so fucking indifferent, always brushing me aside, making me feel like I was just another person to you, no one special. I stayed in. I stayed for you. Struggled silently, hurting every damn day, just because I knew you didn’t mean it. Why couldn’t you have just waited until… until…”

Her words faded into a tense silence. Remus lifted an eyebrow at her. “Until what? Until I got over him?”

“Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you just say it? I don’t…”

Remus was looking at her, and she was doing everything to collapse into herself, to not let her red cheeks be noticed, to make them disappear. “Oh.” He paused. A single moment encapsulating a thousand different ones. “Y/N, do you still have feelings for me?”

Y/N laid her hands out in front of her, her body ready to express a logical counter argument her mind could not provide. Her stature sunk.

“What does it matter?”

“It matters because…” Remus hesitated, hands still in his hair, running through it desperately. “Okay, if we’re being very honest here, which we are, I need you to know that, um, a lot of the reason I’m not dating Sirius is because I’m conflicted between him and someone else, someone else who is also in a relationship… and it could work, but I… I’m not sure…”

“How to politely ask me to remove myself from my own relationship?” Y/N offered.

Remus’ face hardened. “No,” he said. It was stern, absolute. All at once, Y/N understood.

Just as suddenly, there was a gasp of wood from the side. Y/N turned to the door, finding Sirius there. He had a look of confusion nearing pain on his face and Remus’ jumper on.

Oh, Y/N realized. Oh.

If the rumors and legends were true, this could have been the last moment of her life: everything was coming back in flashes. There were fuzzy, alcohol-smudged scenes of parties, where, in something she misnamed as drunken dumbfuckery, Remus and Sirius were dancing with bodies close together, laughter taking up every part of their mouths. Times that she would see Sirius leaning in close to whisper something in Remus’ ear, Remus’ ears turning pink regardless of how many times it must have been done before. There were all the times that Y/N turned around in class to meet Remus’ eyes, just to find they were already on her. When she would borrow Remus’ jumper from Sirius and Remus wouldn’t protest; “It fits you,” he had said, which she had taken far too literally. The fact that Sirius wore that jumper more than Remus, yet Remus would never protest. The late nights of crying herself to sleep, afraid that she had made the wrong choice, because she wanted not one, but both of them.

She looked back to Remus first. He was already looking at her. “Wait here,” she whispered, fighting the urge to kiss him on the cheek nonchalantly before turning and walking towards Sirius.

This was it. This had to be it.

Y/N got to Sirius faster than she had meant too, but had no time to feel self-conscious about it. “I need you alone for a second,” she said. Her hands were on his arm, redirecting him out into the corridor before he had time to protest.

Once they were alone, door closed, Sirius’ body instinctively adjusted into an argument stance: there was a rolling back of his shoulders, a cocking of his chin, a tense spot in his jaw, a crossing of his arms. “You were real fucking close in there, Y/N. In dim light, after six hours together… he’s not your boyfriend! I am! I barely even see you today and when I finally find you you’re almost kissing him.”

Y/N waited, trying to cover the ache in her chest with an unbothered expression. She knew she needed to apologize, but had to wait: they didn’t have time for this argument right then. They might never have to have it again, too, if she was right. She hoped she was right.

“You have a right to be jealous of him,” she admitted. “But, let me ask you something: are you jealous of me?”

Sirius’ muscles softened, or, maybe, they buckled under the pressure of him having been uncovered. It was too soon to know, too similar to tell. He opened his mouth, then closed it. The anger in his eyes was transformed into pain.

Y/N reached to touch his face. The way he melted into her touch was enough to break her heart, again. “Sirius. I’m not asking about what this means for us right now. I just need to know, honestly, how you feel about Remus.”

“It’s complicated,” he frowned.

“It might complicate, but it’s not complicated. Even if things change because of how you feel, I will always love you so much. It would be unfair to ask you to tell me the truth and then get mad at you for doing it.”

With a deep exhale underneath Remus’ jumper and his lips, warm, against the side of Y/N’s hand, Sirius said, “I have feelings for him. So many. It’s painful.”

I know. God, I know, Y/N thought to herself. How could anyone meet Remus and not be madly, irresistibly, unforgivably in love with him? It was foolish of her to think she could not love him; it was nice to know that someone else had also been equally mindless. Perhaps this was something that made Sirius and Y/N so compatible.

“It’s okay,” Y/N decided upon saying. She brushed her thumb against his stubbled cheek. “I just need to know, does this change how you feel about me? What dating me means?”

Sirius’ eyes met hers instantly. “Merlin, no. I’m still so ridiculously into you, too, which is why I never told you about Remus—because I usually tell you about everything—because I didn’t know what it meant. I was so confused. I still am.”

“Sirius.” She stepped closer to him, feeling her eyes fill with tears, either from understanding his sadness or from realizing both of them were helping create it for so long. “I know.”

His eyes were angry again, despite the fact hers were wet.

“I know. I understand. God, Sirius, I have feelings for him too! And I hid it for so long, because I thought he didn’t feel the same, and I liked you so much, and I didn’t know I didn’t have to choose between the two of you.”

“You didn’t? You don’t?” Sirius asked with such shock, it came out as a scream.

A relief, golden as sunlight, filled Y/N so deeply that she could only shake her head in response, too overwhelmed to do anything else. The tension that was held inside of her for so long was finally undone and all she could see was how possible everything was now.

“He told me he feels like we do about him. It’s been so simple! All of this time, Sirius. It’s absolutely ridiculous.”

Sirius layered his hand on top of Y/N’s, tracing the curvature of her knuckles. “I want to barge in there and kiss that fucker right now,” he admitted, a laugh blossoming out of Y/N’s mouth. “But I want to ask: are you 100 percent on this? I know we just started dating, and I always felt like I was so much more eager than you, but you met me there. But this seems a lot… bigger. I don’t want you to go beyond what you can handle for me. You can still have me. No matter what you say. I promised I’d stick by you.”

Y/N pulled herself up to Sirius, kissing him, mouth absorbing the weight of the words he just said, but knowing this was something good. She pulled away sooner than she wanted to. Sirius looked both more rooted and more disheveled. “I know, Sirius. That’s why I’m okay with this. I trust you. I know you won’t push me aside. And I won’t leave you, either. I love you, and this is about all three of us, not any two of us.”

“As long as Remus is comfortable,” Sirius piped up.

“As long as Remus is comfortable,” Y/N agreed.

They both looked over at the closed library door. Something that was keeping Remus outside all of this. A threshold he’d have to be invited to cross, and would want to.

Sirius was the first to ask the looming question. “How do we…”

“You go,” Y/N offered, automatically getting his eyes on her for the demand of it. “This has been forever for you, hasn’t it? Since you met.”

“Yeah.” It was soft. He was flustered, a blush creeping up his neck, as if Y/N hadn’t seen him do much more embarrassing things. Loving Remus Lupin was not something to be embarrassed about.

“Then you deserve to be the one. Plus, he’s your best mate. And I’ve had to deal with him for six bloody hours.”

Sirius laughed, and everything felt better. “Okay,” he breathed. “Wish me luck?”

Y/N wanted to yell at him, knock some sense into him. He’s bloody in love with you! she wanted to shout. But it was too true to be cocky. Something struck her here: the fact that, while deeply in love with the both of them and utterly confused, Remus had to hear Sirius say this before asking Y/N out. Sadness kept finding its way in, as much as it felt wrong, as much as Y/N refused it.

“Good luck, love,” Y/N said. He released her hand, slid away from her, slipped between the doors, and was gone.

It was difficult, those minutes that felt like years, spent waiting for Sirius to explain himself to Remus. But it felt right. She had so much time with both of them separately that it was their time to come to terms for what this meant for them. There was also something so private in the intimacy of a first kiss; if they wanted to share theirs now, Y/N felt as though they should have the room to do so. And what place is better than a dark, musty library, as secret in the night as their love for one another, filled with as much logic as Remus and as much mystery as Sirius?

When the door finally opened, only one body emerged. It was Remus. He looked different, like something that was knocked over and finally set upright. He was smiling in a devilish way. Y/N knew instantly that they had kissed; it was the implantation of Sirius’ lips on his that had left his mouth hanging in the same crooked way that Sirius’ always does.

“Hi,” she offered, lamely. The result was rather surprising: Remus' smile straightened and softened. It was so true she almost had to look away from him. Again.

Remus came up to her, close enough to do so much—her mind was raking through possibilities—but failing to; she knew from six years of knowing him that this wasn’t due to anything except respect for her. She loved him more for it. Somehow.

“Sirius told me everything,” he said. “And I’d be the happiest person in the entire world if I got to have both of you.”

Y/N understood Sirius’ earlier sudden shyness: hearing Remus say that made her knees weaken and the words she had planned to say jumbled up inside of her head. The only thing she could think to respond with was, “How was the kiss?”

Remus’ smirk was back. “How’d you know?”

“You looked triumphant and cocky. It was obvious.” Remus laughed, hand finding the back of his neck to rub it. She felt the need to add, “It makes sense, considering how long you waited for that kiss.”

“Well…” he took a step in, close enough his mouth was almost touching Y/N’s, but still failing to. “There’s still one more I’m waiting for. If you’ll have me.”

“Yeah,” she said, already breathless. “Of course I will.”

Y/N’s heart was beating impossibly fast as Remus stepped close, cupped her cheek, and led his mouth onto hers. She thought she’d have the ability to compare his kiss to Sirius’. She thought wrong; it was too consuming—not in the intensity but the depth of it, the realness of it—it was impossible for her to think about anything except the fact she was kissing Remus Lupin. She was kissing Remus Lupin. It had worked. It had all worked out. She had Remus’ right hand on her cheek, the left trailing up the back of her head. She had his sweater in the clutches of her fists, a silent ask for more. She had Remus’ tongue in her mouth—she had Remus’ goddamned tongue in her mouth—turning her stomach into a night sky riddled with fireworks. It was too surreal to be real. But it was.

When they parted, they were both breathless. Y/N released her fists to allow her fingers to instead draw random shapes across Remus’ sturdy chest. She felt happy, at peace. Yet there was still something missing.

“Sirius,” she called from over Remus’ shoulder. “Open that damn door and get over here!”

He appeared instantaneously. Without explanation, he spelled the lights off inside of the library, and produced a key from his pocket which he then used to lock the door.

Sirius came up to them, attaching himself to Remus’ side in the same way he always had, but leaning into him more than usual, as if to say this is how I always have felt, but now I can show it. Y/N scanned both of their faces, two beautiful boys, scarred and wonderful in their own ways, and hers.

“Walk me home?” she asked. They both nodded, starting off into the night. A natural formation befell the three of them: Remus standing in the center, Sirius leaning into him in a way that demanded Remus to wrap his arm around his waist, and Y/N holding Remus’ hand, his thumb stroking her palm. All around them, evening was whispering, with cricket chirps, light breezes, and clouds shifting the moonlight from above. It was soft and calm and real, real, real. Somehow. It was real.

⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥ ⬥

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elizabeth-234 · 4 years ago

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The Hourglass

Previous Chapter Thirteen: Trust in me

Happy Monday. This completes day thirteen of whumptober: breathe in and breathe out. Enjoy!

Chapter Fourteen: Moments in Time

“Say hello to your new guardians.”

Peter pulled down the sleeves of his shirt and gave a withered glance at Tony who greeted them with a smirk in the lobby of the hospital. He ignored the flip in his stomach. This was a different Tony All that mattered was finding the truth and if he was a bit giddy from escaping the hospital, well, he wasn’t going to complain.

“Hell, Tony. You work fast when you want to.”   

“What can I say,” He said saddling up to them and throwing his arms around each of their shoulders. “I’m the kind of person who can…”  

“Stuff it?” Rhodey added helpfully.

“Fuck off?” Peter said to which Rhodey laughed.

“I can offer my support and guidance to this wrecked youth in need. You imbeciles. It’s not too late to take you back.” He said with a side eye at Peter as Rhodey and him continued to laugh together.

“We have to keep him. I mean he looks so good in the plaid and all.” Rhodey shoved them all so they wobbled over each other’s legs and barely missing the spinning doors. Peter remained squished between them the whole trip to the car. His cheeks hurt from smiling.

Unlike so many years ago they arrived at the apartment with the gloom of impending doom. Though he still had a flash of apprehension, this time was fresh. He almost expected to see the door split in two on the floor and broken kitchen table, but there wasn’t a single scuff mark or dented piece of furniture in sight. Not even the fabric of the couch, less faded green than he remembered, was worn from use.

At the hospital it was difficult to believe the he had time traveled but the apartment it was obvious. The rubber pile in the corner turned out to be a clear inflatable seat with glitter. Behind it was a sturdier, more expensive looking chair pushed into the corner. The influence of Rhodey and Tony and their youth, he assumed, was abundant. He often wondered how long they lived in this space.

They settled around the table Peter had last seen in pieces. He grabbed the cups out of the cupboard to pour water.

“What?” He said as he set them down on the table. They eyed each other before Rhodey spoke.

“How did you know that’s where the cups were?”

Peter looked down at the table clenching his fists in his lap. “Oh, uh, well. That’s just how it was at my house and I assumed the same here. It’s a fairly common cupboard design about 45 percent of people have the cups to the left of the stove.”   

They stared at him and shared another look. Peter watched as Rhodey shrugged.

“Alright.” Tony said clapping his hands to gather them around. “I need to fill you in on the cover story and just make sure everything’s okay with you. This is not an actual kidnapping no matter what my compatriot says.”   

“You thought it sounded cool as well.” Rhodey crossed his arms in front of him.

“Of course, it sounds cooler. Anyway, I want to preface this by saying I can undo any of this if you want. You also don’t have to sign them now, although if someone comes sniffing around it would be better.”

He shifted through the stack of papers laid out on the table and began describing the plan. Tony hadn’t been joking when he mentioned guardians earlier. The guardianship, as far as he could tell from reading through the papers was as legit as his driver’s license. Peter signed his name wondering how legal this all was. Tony was putting the papers away in a matter of minutes.

When he asked how everything wrapped up so quickly Tony said: “I’m rich, kid, and money buys this type of stuff way too easy to be okay with but it does have its advantages. Case in point here.”  

“You were right to be worried. The CPS was looking for you. Along with…”  Someone kicked Peter under the table.

“Ow!”

“Oops that was meant for Rhodey.”  

“Ow, damn Tony.”

The two devolved into bickering from there and Peter never learned what Rhodey was going to say.

The brush moved up and down the wall. It repeated the same motion over and over leaving a trail of evidence on the vertical surface until it dried. He knew what room would be his before they walked him down the hall. There was the bed and dresser but was void of all the decorations that had been hanging when Peter lived there before.

“We’ve just never gotten around to decorating. So, it’s up to you, honestly I couldn’t care less so go all out.”

Peter requested blue paint and bedspread but gave no more direction than that. All three of them dressed in old t-shirts so the painting would go quicker. Peter’s thoughts wandered after the first wall. With every new stroke of paint, he wondered how and if he was changing the future. The possibilities confronted him with every decision no matter the size. He could be changing everything. The time space continuum could be irrevocably destroyed by him eating a bowl of Wheaties in the morning. Not that the apartment was stocked with any healthy cereal.

The worst aspect was the secret voice in his mind that wanted to change everything. He wanted to storm out and never return to the apartment. He longed to stay wrapped up in his new comforter and never leave. He wanted to go see May. Longed to stare at her smile and wrap his arms around him. Would she recognize him somehow in the deepest parts of her? Would their connection transcend time and reality? What was the right choice?

The answer scared him.

The impossibility of the situation was precisely why he was staying inside the apartment as much as he could. This afternoon was paint day.

“Why the long face, Peter?” 

“Go away Tony.”  

“Well, he’s got a point. You look like you wanted to paint it with lavender and we wouldn’t let you. I knew that lilac would’ve been perfect.”   

“Shut it, Rhodey.” He said with a reluctant smile. Tony stepped toward him and with a flick of his wrist, pointed the paint brush at him. Peter wiped his sleeve along his chin.

“Point to you, Honey Bear. I need to step up my game.”  

“What-what do you mean?” Peter dipped his paintbrush into the pot, making sure to wipe one side off before dabbing it into the corner of the wall.

“We’ve got a small bet going to see who can make you smile more. Believe me, kid. It’s harder than it looks. Here I thought I was king of moody but you might take the cake.”

They gave each other high-fives as Peter deadpanned. He should be mad they were betting about him. They were laughing and he agreed, it was ridiculous. Their attempts were absurd and stranger still, it was working. Tony rubbed in the point he won from Peter’s smile. Before he could celebrate Peter jabbed him with the paintbrush staining his shirt with a blue dot. He turned to Rhodey and with some extra strength and a precision throw launched the paintbrush at him.

Both exclaimed and an all-out war ensued.

The room was painted… eventually.

The paint never came out of their clothes.

None of them cared that much.

“Did you hear that our esteemed guest. It’s movie night, although I wouldn’t get too excited because it’s Tony’s turn to pick.

“You guys watch without me, I’m not feeling it.”  

Peter found out within days of living with their younger versions that Tony was right. He was the king of moody and he was wearing the crown tonight. Only with the promise of cookies and popcorn had he emerged from his room wrapped snug in one of his blankets. Tony snatched the cookie tin away from Rhodey and, with crumbs on his mouth, refused to watch any movie his friend suggested.

“But we didn’t celebrate Christmas Tones. Pllleeease.”

“You know I don’t like it.”   

They sat, arms crossed, staring at each other. Peter shifted his weight between them. He was on his way to make popcorn at Rhodey’s request but Tony’s refusal had put a stop to the plans. He risked a glance at Tony who was still staring daggers at his friend.

May and Ben had seen how Peter struggled with the holidays in the beginning years of living with them. While they never forced cheer on him, they created traditions Peter could find a sense of newness in. Instead of baking gingerbread cookies, they cooked pfeffernusse. Rather than hanging stockings, their faux fireplace was lined with t-shirts they decorated and sewed up at the bottom. Sometimes Christmas wasn’t about Christmas as much as it was about just being with people. Peter had an idea. It just so happened to involve a movie he’d watched with them twenty-five years into the future.

“How about we watch some good old classic horror films. House of Dracula?”

The suggestion was unfair in some ways because he knew Tony only watched horror movies during the holidays. Their conversation at the hospital shed some light on the reason why he refused to watch family films at this time of year. Peter decided not to question if this was a previous tradition or if he was the one to introduce it.

Two hours later found Rhodey snoring – heavy breathing, he insisted – on the couch. Peter and Tony carried the empty dishes into the kitchen. Peter began washing and Tony leaned against the island counter, water in hand.

“Hey, Peter?” Tony handed him the glass but didn’t move away from his side.

“Hmm?”  

“How did you know I liked to watch horror movies?” Peter froze for a moment and began scrubbing again. He forced himself to laugh.

“I didn’t. I picked something not Christmassy but still a movie so Rhodey would be happy.”  

Tony hummed. “You’re a strange kid. You know that?”

“So I’ve been told.” He scrubbed harder.

“You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

“Do I? I don’t know you. Not really. I don’t think I ever did.” The frustration was hot on the back of his neck. Peter rinsed the brush and began scrubbing anew. “Why do you watch horror movies at Christmas anyway?”

Tony contemplated his words. Timed slowed in that moment. The water dribbled down his wrist and into the sleeve of his sweatshirt, Tony’s foot tapped against the cabinet, and the snores from Rhodey wafted into the room. Finally, he stopped tapping his foot and turned toward Peter.

“It was something my mom and I did. I, uh, didn’t get along with my dad and used to get scared too easily. We would watch them together to conquer that fear I had. It’s stupid but I just never associated Christmas with Christmas growing up.”  

“It’s not stupid and, if it means anything, I understand. When I lived with my aunt and uncle we never really celebrated in a traditional sense. I’m sorry I snapped.”

Tony shrugged. “It’s nothing I didn’t deserve. I’m trying not to push but I am me so bear with it while I practice.”  

Peter chuckled. Tony had no idea how pushy he was sometimes.

Peter choose the wrong one.

It was such a small detail; one he barely noticed was absent on his second introduction to the apartment. Tony had given him a magazine and instructed him to pick any phone he wanted for the living room. He dropped it on Peter’s desk and hurried off not answering his questions about what happened to the last one. Peter gathered from Rhodey that someone, he wasn’t going to snitch, had thrown it out the window.

Yes, out their multistoried apartment window.

Peter flipped through it and then he’d seen the one. It was so cool complete with clear plastic and these colored innards. The neon fidgets inside would move when you were on the phone convinced him so he’d ordered it without a second thought.

It wasn’t until he awoke in the middle of the night sweat soaked through his shirt that he remembered. He stumbled to the office and rummaged through the papers in hopes of finding the receipt. Of all the times for someone to organize.

Damn it.

The phone in the future wasn’t clear with neon accents. It was a hamburger. The phone was in the shape of a hamburger. Would this food shaped communication device be the difference between life and death?

He didn’t know.

It was his fault.

He backed up into the hallway until his back hit the wall.

Peter barely noticed the shaking of his hands but could feel the pins and needles of each breath he took. His breath stalled and built up the pressure in his chest begging to escape out. His fingers tingled. Peter lost track of time.

“Breathe in and breathe out.”

“We’re here… sitting right beside you, Peter.”

“You are here in our apartment. You are Peter Parker. I’m Rhodey. That’s Tony and we are going to be okay.”  

Peter came back to himself in slow increments. His back was pressed against the wall. There was cramp in his legs from curling them up to his chest. He stiffened and then relaxed. Two bodies were pressed against each of his shoulders. His head was bent up, resting on Rhodey’s shoulder and his hand was tucked into Tony’s palm between their bodies on the floor.

He didn’t remember his mission or how angry he’d been. All he could think about was the fact he might have ruined it all. He might have taken their future away and it was all his fault. What would happen if he ever went back to the future and these solid presences were no more all because he made a mistake?

Rhodey shifted in his sleep. Peter’s head fell more fully on his shoulder. He breathed in the minty scent and some of the anger he dragged back with him from the future chipped off his heart. Did the truth matter from the future when the Tony and Rhodey from here and now were beside him, comforting him?

Peter closed his eyes and slept.

Thank you!

Next Chapter Fifteen: Down Once More

#whumptober 2020 #whumptober2020 #no. 13 #breathe in and breathe out #breathe in #peter parker #rhodey #james rhodes #tony stark #marvel #avengers #spider man #fic #fanfic #ao3 #AU #time travel #avengers AU

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racefortheironthrone · 5 years ago

Text

Thoughts on Powers of X #2

We’re working on a deadline here, so let’s get to it!

Once Again, We Return...to Octopusheim (X^0):

In this section, Charles and Moira go to Octopusheim to share what they’ve learned with Magneto in order to gain his support for their whole mutant unity masterplan.

Thanks to the timeline infographic from last issue, we know exactly when this particular meeting at Octopusheim is happening - it’s Year 43, four years before the “Moira/Xavier/Magneto schism,” six years before the Genoshan genocide, and nine years before the present day. This timing is quite interesting, because it suggests a high degree of patience on their part. After all, it’s been twenty six years since Moira first introduced herself(herselves?) to Charles, which is a lot of time to not make moves. On the other hand, having a head start didn’t help in earlier lives, so there may be some other rationale.

There’s a really interesting echoing of Giant-Sized X-Men #1, with Xavier explicitly in the role of recruiter once again (we’ll see other pitches of his throughout the rest of HoX/PoX). The difference is that rather than relying on his normal posture of benevolent, almost wizardly, superior knowledge, Charles is using an admission of mutual fault to put them on an even level, which is necessary to gain Magneto’s trust for the psychic link to Moira.

Incidentally, when it comes to character voice, Hickman does an impressive job of nailing not just Magneto but the specific era of Magneto when Chris Claremont re-invented him as the Miltonian anti-villain holding the world to ransom in the name of enlightened despotism and mutant self-protection. “Who determines waht is truly good and truly evil?...I do. I decide.” is particularly well-observed, right down to his ironically Nietzschean self-conception.

At the same time, Moira’s query is clearly meant to shift the terms of discussion from the scientific (”you’re a specialist, specializing in the behavior of mutants”) to the religious. As her warning that “my truth is profound and life changing. It’s primal...” suggests, Moira is testifying in the Protestant sense of the word.

What follows is a series of psychic images of failure that bring the Satanically-proud Magneto to his knees, but remain really ambiguous: his death by Sentinel could be from pretty much any life other than 9, although 4 or 5 seem most likely; given his costume, the image of him in chains seems to be from the Trial of Magneto, which could be in Life 4 or 10; the central image of him with furious glowing eyes could be generic or perhaps a reference to the couple times he’s used artifical power-boosters; the image of him in a SHIELD tank being observed by Nick Fury is unclear; and him fighting the Shadow King is particularly singular, since the Shadow King has yet to show up in the narrative. Interestingly, we don’t see Moira showing him his death at Apocalypse’s hands in Life 9.

For his own part, Xavier is preaching a much more secular argument: mutant unity in order to not merely survive but thrive, which is very Adam Smithian. I’m not the expert that Nir Revel is when it comes to drawing parallels between Israeli history and HoX/PoX, but even with the one course I’ve taken in Israeli history, I could see the parallel between the bargain that Magneto strikes with Xavier (”I won’t acquiesce to sympathy or doubt...I won’t give an inch, I will check you at every moment of weakness”) reads a lot like the compromises made at the founding of the State of Israel between the leaders of the various political parties.

Then again, I think the allegory works for political leaders at the time of the founding of any number of nation-states, which is one of the things that makes the business of nation-building so very difficult. At every step, there are innumerable obstacles of the moment, yet the decisions made on how to overcome them will always have unforeseeable long-term consequences. Something to keep one’s eye on for the future.

Does It Need Doing? (X^1):

In a direct follow-up from Powers of X #1 and House of X #1, Cyclops gets briefed on the Mother Mold/Nimrod mission. Incidentally, I think this segment is a great counter-example to the somewhat overblown statements from some in the fandom that all of these characters are mindless pod-people who are acting out of character; throughout this briefing, Scott is consistently snarky in a very dry way that feels very in character to me.

Magneto’s pointed reference to Operation Paperclip with regards to Orchis I think further emphasizes an ongoing theme that Hickman’s working on with regards to nation-states, nation-building, and nationalism: no nation is free from sin. Even after fighting “the good war” against fascism, the U.S recruited Nazi scientists to give it a technological edge in the Cold War for the same stated reasons of necessity that drive both Krakoan and Orchis policy.

Following on from House of X #2, not only are humans a mere road-bump compared to Sentinels, but even Mother Mold itself is viewed as a secondary problem compared to the hostile AI singularity that is Nimrod.

And further showing how everything links to everything, this mission happens because of the information that Moira brought back from Life 9/X^2. More on this in a bit.

Machines Are Pure Information (X^2):

Speaking of which, we shift to another briefing on Krakoa, one life and a hundred years distant, in which Rasputin and Cardinal brief Apocalypse about the fruits of their own partially-successful clandestine mission.

While Apocalypse is very Apocalypsy in this segment, what with the idea that civilization is the fruit of war and that he’d happily sacrifice Rasputin and Cardinal both for the information he’s received, it is really interesting to see him talk about the powers and perils of information and the dangers of analysis paralysis; this last topic is particularly important as the series continues to explore the nature of these vast, universe-spanning consciousnesses. More on this in a bit.

Speaking of which, we see Nimrod the Lesser getting really distracted by trying to figure out what the mutants were up to, something that will arguably be his downfall. Incidentally, Nimrod’s casual execution of two humans for mouthing off to him not only suggests the lie at the heart of the Man-Machine Supremacy, but also that whatever kind of A.I he might be, he absolutely did not pass the “Heller-Faust line,” because he’s clearly a sociopath who lashes out violently due to emotional impulse.

Going back to Asteroid K, we go back to a discussion of how the machines’ problem is that they “archive every moment of everything,” which makes it impossible for them or anyone else to actually make use of the data. If we apply the same problem to the Phalanx and the other universe-spanning consciousnesses, which for all their vaunted intelligences seem to restrict themselves to consumption of resources and calculation of data without any higher purpose, I’m left wondering whether these singularities are actually idiot gods capering at the heart of the universe.

By contrast, the mutant resistance find their purpose in transcending the bare necessities of survival in the name of transcendant meaning.

Nimbus Infographic:

This infographic, read together with the one that ends the issue, is where we really start to see what X^3 is about, namely Hickman’s thinking on technological/mechanical transhumanism.

To begin with, we learn that the people I’ve been referring to as blutants describe themselves as “post-human,” which suggests that the “human-machine-mutant war” ultimately ended in some sort of synthesis between mutant and machine. Not only do the post-humans have “seer-selves,” but we see that Nimbus started as the “copying - and integration - of their minds into a single thinking machine.”

Moving on, it’s interesting to note that the language of X^3 is entirely focused on terms of assimilation between cultures - will it take place as a consensual “suitor-alliance” or forceful consumption of the lesser by the greater? Is there a difference, when we’re talking about the “ascension” of copied minds?

It’s not a good sign that Nimbus’ interaction with Niburu is all about using “force...to inject” a planet with consciousness, or that the Worldmind decides to take a detour to “consume multiple Saturinian and Jovian moons ino order to increase its...intellect.” Over and over again, intellect and consumption go hand in hand, but we never see intellect actually getting used for anything meaningful (transcendant or otherwise).

Universal Predators (X^3):

Speaking of which, we see in the next section that the whole project of the post-human Outreach project is to negotiate the terms of ascension so that their culture is “preserved” rather than “mined,” in a context in which civilizations interact seemingly only in terms of predator and prey.

It’s particularly ominous that the Phalanx’s opening words are that they “ate your worldmind,” in a process that involves a lost struggle for “sovereignty” - a term that should ring particularly ominously given Krakoa’s struggle to be recognized as a sovereign nation-state.

That the post-humans’ goal is ascension is likewise troubling, because of how closely it tracks the self-abnegating human religion of X^2 (which we’ll see in the next issue) and suggests that the post-humans have abandoned the biological transhumanism of the X^2 mutant resistance.

Types of Societies Infographic:

This infographic reads very differently in the wake of Powers of X #5, suggesting a trans-universe taxonomy of intelligences, with each rung on the ladder thinking it’s the biggest and baddest out there, only to become fodder for the next higher up.

As people have noted, Xavier’s backup of mutant minds through Cerebro potentially puts Krakoa on the ladder, since they’re potentially far above the SI:1 (Machine) level if they ever combine the backups.

At the same time, we’ll see in future issues a number of biomachines - the eight-person long-distance communications system we see in Powers of X , the Five-person (or six-person, given the integral role that Xavier/Cerebro plays) resurrection system, the six-person Krakoan systems (Interface, Transit/Monitoring, Defense/Observation, Secondary/External, Overwatch/Data Analysis), and possibly the five-part Cerebro system - that would seem to be a parallel to the SI:10 (HIve) level of machine consciousness.

Similarly, Cerebro’s database of mutant minds (or the population of Krakoa) could potentially go straight up the chain from Intelligence (SI:100-10,000) to Phalanx (SI:1,000,000)...if the database was turned into a consciousness of its own following the uncommon Kree model, although that would seem to run counter to Krakoan taboos.

Speaking of my skepticism about the intellect of these machine consciousnesses, the deception at the heart of the Technarch (SI:10,000) and Phalanx relationship suggests that, on a universe-wide scale, the Technarchs seem to be rather mindless drones whose only purpose is providing resources to their masters.

One thing that’s slightly odd about Hickman’s description of the Worldmind (SI:100,000) is that, based on its descriptions here, it really should be a Type I Kardashev civilization rather than a Type II, since the line between I and II is planetary vs. solar system-wide energy usage/control.

A final note on the ambiguity of the suitor-alliance vs. consumption relationship - while the post-humans view Ascension as an alternative, this infographic describes Ascension as “consuming” for the purpose of “adding to its intelligence needs.” Either way, you’re just food for thought.

#xmen #xmen meta #powers of x #hoxpox

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bearsofair · 7 years ago

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I arrive early at the LA hotel where I'm meeting Game of Thrones star Gwendoline Christie, and my first impression of the actor is formed in a millisecond when I bump into her in a hallway. Unusually and ethereally beautiful, towering above me, there's no mistaking the 39-year-old who stars as the indomitable Brienne of Tarth in the must-watch TV series, and who is reprising her role as the villainous Captain Phasma in Star Wars: The Last Jedi. (She first played the kickass stormtrooper in the previous chapter, 2015's The Force Awakens.) Wearing a see-though black Fendi top and narrow trousers, her blonde hair is wavy and bobbed. With her porcelain skin and 191-centimetre stature, she could easily look intimidating. But her bright smile makes her approachable, so I tell her, in an embarrassing babble, that I love her work and that my two daughters are huge fans. She seems delighted, as though compliments are not at all commonplace. Is she enjoying Hollywood stardom? "I don't think I would ever term myself as a Hollywood star… ever," she responds with a loud laugh, while admitting that "things seem to be going quite well". That sounds like an understatement. "Well it's always great, isn't it, when you feel a level of creative fulfilment in your work?" says Gwendoline in her lovely melodic voice.

She has every reason to be in good spirits. Her film career is in flight and life post-Westeros looks exciting. She has loved Star Wars since she was six, she tells me later, ushering me into her hotel suite and settling beside me on the sofa, poised, hands clasped. "Everyone wants to be in Star Wars. It is such a huge global phenomenon; I desperately wanted the role." The latest instalment in the franchise sees Mark Hamill's Luke Skywalker in a prominent role with an apparently shocking twist. There will also a strong focus on a new generation of characters, including purple-haired Vice-Admiral Holdo, played by Laura Dern. Since the release of The Force Awakens, Gwendoline's "chrome trooper" has become a fan favourite. "Phasma seems to have ignited a lot of curiosity," she says. "The idea of a woman exhibiting a violent attitude is not something we see a huge amount of in mainstream media." There is speculation that Phasma has a much bigger role in the upcoming film, directed by Rian Johnson, but inevitably the actor is giving nothing away beyond referring to her character as "a threatening presence". Can she say anything about the plot, which continues the story of the powerful Rey (Daisy Ridley), Finn (John Boyega) and resistance pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac)? "Well, no." A few seconds of dead air are interrupted by a hearty laugh. She is less restrained about her excitement at working with one of her role models, Carrie Fisher (General Leia Organa), the Hollywood legend who died suddenly at the end of last year. "Princess Leia spoke to me," says Gwendoline of the original Star Wars. "She felt different, she was smart and she was strong." No wonder Gwendoline was "very, very starstruck" when she was introduced to Fisher. "When I meet someone I admire like that, I keep myself as far away as possible from the person, you know, don't bother them, eyes down at the floor. I am overcome with shyness. But, actually, Carrie was incredibly warm. Everyone around her felt electrified by her wit and humanity. She was so open about her struggles with mental illness. The sheer force of personality is ravishing." The same could be said of Gwendoline. It's no coincidence that the characters that have defined her career so far have been warriors ranging across the moral spectrum, from Brienne of Tarth – all goodness and altruistic selflessness – to the pure evil of Captain Phasma. She inhabits the kind of roles that are still rare for women. Brienne of Tarth, for example, is considered to be plain looking. "It has been thrilling for me to play her, particularly since she is a woman much maligned by society due to the way she looks," she says. As for Captain Phasma, audiences didn't even get a glimpse of her face in The Force Awakens, the stormtrooper being clad from head to toe in metal. "I've never really placed a huge emphasis on people's physical being," she says. "I remember Carrie Fisher referring to her body as her 'brain bag'." It's a subject that fascinates the actor, who is as intellectually curious as she is warm and funny. "We are so used to seeing images of women who are mostly conventionally attractive, and frequently scantily clad, and I found that a little restrictive," she says. "We have had a homogenised view not just of women, but really of the world. I think we all want to see ourselves represented [on screen] in some way." She has an affinity for playing outsiders, "characters that feel like they aren't seen and don't fit in. Most of my life I have felt somewhat outside of the conventions of society – and certainly outside the conventions of the acting community." Gwendoline was born and raised in West Sussex, "the only product of my mother and father". She is deliberate about her choice of words, avoiding the term "only child". In fact, she describes her early life as "idyllic – I grew up in the countryside surrounded by fields and forests. I used to play outside all the time. I was generally alone, but I loved to read." Away from the sanctuary of her close-knit family, however, life was difficult. "I absolutely hated school because I was bullied quite a lot." She was bookish and "really enjoyed being in the library, but I didn't enjoy the other students". Was she bullied because of her height? "I don't think it was just my height." She pauses. "I don't know. I'm really not interested in talking about the bullying; what I am interested in is transcending that, because there is too much of an emphasis on suffering. We need to look at how we overcome it." She explains her own coping mechanism: "I looked for where the sunshine was – for those who'd be more accepting and stimulating." As a child, Gwendoline threw herself into hobbies – dancing and rhythmic gymnastics (she had to stop because of a spine injury at age 11). "Retrospectively, I realise what I loved about gymnastics was the rigour of being disciplined and precise, and then applying the flow of emotion and imagination to that." Films provided "escapism", she says, singling out Orlando (1992), directed by Sally Potter, as "important". I can't help mentioning that she has been compared to the film's star, Tilda Swinton. "Well, that is an incredibly generous comparison," she exclaims. "I think she is a truly exceptional artist; she is doing her own thing." It's something Gwendoline has always done, too. Her parents were "incredibly supportive" and there's a story that when she was young her father told her, "You can do anything a boy can do." "He didn't use those exact words," says Gwendoline. "But he did say, 'There's no reason why you can't achieve anything.' " Intent on acting from an early age, she recalls watching films as a teenager and wondering why the women's parts were so often boring. "When we studied classical plays at school, I wanted to play the male parts. I didn't understand why women would be treated in a certain way just because they were women. It didn't make any sense. A lot of things didn't make any sense." Life began to make more sense when Gwendoline left school and enrolled in art college. "I became friends with artists working in the fashion industry, and musicians. That is really where I found my family – unconventional people who were totally accepting of themselves in all of their colourfulness and extreme personalities." She went on to study acting at Drama Centre, London – "a conservatoire with a classical training and method approach" which she describes as life-changing. "It was hard, 12 hours a day, six or seven days a week. It was psychologically rigorous. You were broken down and sometimes criticised. It caused you to have an internal investigation of who you were, and that gave me confidence. They trained us to be artists." In her early 20s, Gwendoline also began working for the actor Simon Callow (Outlander, Four Weddings and a Funeral). "He gave me an enormous amount of confidence," she says. "He also educated me. He had an incredible house filled with music and books, and I looked after his two wonderful dogs. He is one of the closest and most trusted people in my life." With Callow's support, Gwendoline's career took off via well-reviewed stage performances and supporting roles in films including The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, before being cast as Brienne of Tarth in 2011. In doing so, she defied predictions that she'd find it difficult to work because of her height. In fact, her stature and dramatic looks played to her advantage. With friends in the world of couture – she was interested in fashion long before art college – Gwendoline was in high demand as a model and became a muse of Vivienne Westwood. These days, she often collaborates with her partner of five years, British fashion designer Giles Deacon. She won't discuss her relationship with Deacon, citing her need for a private life that's just that. "Because of the phantasmagorical nature of being an actor, you have to have your own reality," she says. She explains that her "friends, family and partner form such an essential part of that reality that I do everything I can to get home, to see people as much as possible – because it is that life which is going to feed your work". Steering the subject back to her career, she happily tells me she is about to work alongside Steve Carell in The Women of Marwen. And she is enthusiastic about her recent role in Jane Campion's Top of the Lake: China Girl, the sequel to Campion's award-winning 2013 TV drama. In it, she played Miranda Hilmarson, a Sydney police officer assigned to work with detective Robin Griffin (Elisabeth Moss) investigating the death of a woman whose body washes up on Bondi Beach. A confirmed Campion fan, Gwendoline wrote to the New Zealand director pleading to be cast in the series, which also stars Nicole Kidman. "I love Jane because she is interested in women, in a fairer balance between men and women, and she is very interested in the subject of misogyny." She adds that Top of the Lake: China Girl "deals with what it is to be a woman and a mother, what it is to deal with feeling marginalised". Other than spending time with friends and family, Gwendoline's current focus is firmly on her career. So, what are her goals? "To create my own material – write it, direct it, design it, produce it. That is what I would love to do – if I wasn't so idle and lacking in imagination!"

#gwendoline christie #got cast

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gloriousgwendolinechristie · 7 years ago

Text

Press: Warrior woman: How Gwendoline Christie escaped the pressure to fit in

The Sydney Morning Herald – I arrive early at the LA hotel where I’m meeting Game of Thrones star Gwendoline Christie, and my first impression of the actor is formed in a millisecond when I bump into her in a hallway. Unusually and ethereally beautiful, towering above me, there’s no mistaking the 39-year-old who stars as the indomitable Brienne of Tarth in the must-watch TV series, and who is reprising her role as the villainous Captain Phasma in Star Wars: The Last Jedi. (She first played the kickass stormtrooper in the previous chapter, 2015’s The Force Awakens.)

Wearing a see-though black Fendi top and narrow trousers, her blonde hair is wavy and bobbed. With her porcelain skin and 191-centimetre stature, she could easily look intimidating. But her bright smile makes her approachable, so I tell her, in an embarrassing babble, that I love her work and that my two daughters are huge fans. She seems delighted, as though compliments are not at all commonplace.

Is she enjoying Hollywood stardom? “I don’t think I would ever term myself as a Hollywood star… ever,” she responds with a loud laugh, while admitting that “things seem to be going quite well”. That sounds like an understatement. “Well it’s always great, isn’t it, when you feel a level of creative fulfilment in your work?” says Gwendoline in her lovely melodic voice.

The latest installment in the franchise sees Mark Hamill’s Luke Skywalker in a prominent role with an apparently shocking twist. There will also a strong focus on a new generation of characters, including purple-haired Vice-Admiral Holdo, played by Laura Dern.

Since the release of The Force Awakens, Gwendoline’s “chrome trooper” has become a fan favourite. “Phasma seems to have ignited a lot of curiosity,” she says. “The idea of a woman exhibiting a violent attitude is not something we see a huge amount of in mainstream media.”

There is speculation that Phasma has a much bigger role in the upcoming film, directed by Rian Johnson, but inevitably the actor is giving nothing away beyond referring to her character as “a threatening presence”.

Can she say anything about the plot, which continues the story of the powerful Rey (Daisy Ridley), Finn (John Boyega) and resistance pilot Poe Dameron (Oscar Isaac)? “Well, no.” A few seconds of dead air are interrupted by a hearty laugh.

She is less restrained about her excitement at working with one of her role models, Carrie Fisher (General Leia Organa), the Hollywood legend who died suddenly at the end of last year. “Princess Leia spoke to me,” says Gwendoline of the original Star Wars. “She felt different, she was smart and she was strong.”

No wonder Gwendoline was “very, very starstruck” when she was introduced to Fisher. “When I meet someone I admire like that, I keep myself as far away as possible from the person, you know, don’t bother them, eyes down at the floor. I am overcome with shyness. But, actually, Carrie was incredibly warm. Everyone around her felt electrified by her wit and humanity. She was so open about her struggles with mental illness. The sheer force of personality is ravishing.”

The same could be said of Gwendoline. It’s no coincidence that the characters that have defined her career so far have been warriors ranging across the moral spectrum, from Brienne of Tarth – all goodness and altruistic selflessness – to the pure evil of Captain Phasma.

She inhabits the kind of roles that are still rare for women. Brienne of Tarth, for example, is considered to be plain looking. “It has been thrilling for me to play her, particularly since she is a woman much maligned by society due to the way she looks,” she says.

As for Captain Phasma, audiences didn’t even get a glimpse of her face in The Force Awakens, the stormtrooper being clad from head to toe in metal.

“I’ve never really placed a huge emphasis on people’s physical being,” she says. “I remember Carrie Fisher referring to her body as her ‘brain bag’.”

It’s a subject that fascinates the actor, who is as intellectually curious as she is warm and funny. “We are so used to seeing images of women who are mostly conventionally attractive, and frequently scantily clad, and I found that a little restrictive,” she says. “We have had a homogenised view not just of women, but really of the world. I think we all want to see ourselves represented [on screen] in some way.”

She has an affinity for playing outsiders, “characters that feel like they aren’t seen and don’t fit in. Most of my life I have felt somewhat outside of the conventions of society – and certainly outside the conventions of the acting community.”

Gwendoline was born and raised in West Sussex, “the only product of my mother and father”. She is deliberate about her choice of words, avoiding the term “only child”.

In fact, she describes her early life as “idyllic – I grew up in the countryside surrounded by fields and forests. I used to play outside all the time. I was generally alone, but I loved to read.”

Away from the sanctuary of her close-knit family, however, life was difficult. “I absolutely hated school because I was bullied quite a lot.” She was bookish and “really enjoyed being in the library, but I didn’t enjoy the other students”.

Was she bullied because of her height? “I don’t think it was just my height.” She pauses. “I don’t know. I’m really not interested in talking about the bullying; what I am interested in is transcending that, because there is too much of an emphasis on suffering. We need to look at how we overcome it.”

She explains her own coping mechanism: “I looked for where the sunshine was – for those who’d be more accepting and stimulating.”

As a child, Gwendoline threw herself into hobbies – dancing and rhythmic gymnastics (she had to stop because of a spine injury at age 11). “Retrospectively, I realise what I loved about gymnastics was the rigour of being disciplined and precise, and then applying the flow of emotion and imagination to that.”

Films provided “escapism”, she says, singling out Orlando (1992), directed by Sally Potter, as “important”. I can’t help mentioning that she has been compared to the film’s star, Tilda Swinton. “Well, that is an incredibly generous comparison,” she exclaims. “I think she is a truly exceptional artist; she is doing her own thing.”

It’s something Gwendoline has always done, too. Her parents were “incredibly supportive” and there’s a story that when she was young her father told her, “You can do anything a boy can do.”

“He didn’t use those exact words,” says Gwendoline. “But he did say, ‘There’s no reason why you can’t achieve anything.’ ”

Intent on acting from an early age, she recalls watching films as a teenager and wondering why the women’s parts were so often boring. “When we studied classical plays at school, I wanted to play the male parts. I didn’t understand why women would be treated in a certain way just because they were women. It didn’t make any sense. A lot of things didn’t make any sense.”

Life began to make more sense when Gwendoline left school and enrolled in art college. “I became friends with artists working in the fashion industry, and musicians. That is really where I found my family – unconventional people who were totally accepting of themselves in all of their colourfulness and extreme personalities.”

She went on to study acting at Drama Centre, London – “a conservatoire with a classical training and method approach” which she describes as life-changing. “It was hard, 12 hours a day, six or seven days a week. It was psychologically rigorous. You were broken down and sometimes criticised. It caused you to have an internal investigation of who you were, and that gave me confidence. They trained us to be artists.”

In her early 20s, Gwendoline also began working for the actor Simon Callow (Outlander, Four Weddings and a Funeral). “He gave me an enormous amount of confidence,” she says. “He also educated me. He had an incredible house filled with music and books, and I looked after his two wonderful dogs. He is one of the closest and most trusted people in my life.”

With Callow’s support, Gwendoline’s career took off via well-reviewed stage performances and supporting roles in films including The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, before being cast as Brienne of Tarth in 2011. In doing so, she defied predictions that she’d find it difficult to work because of her height.

In fact, her stature and dramatic looks played to her advantage. With friends in the world of couture – she was interested in fashion long before art college – Gwendoline was in high demand as a model and became a muse of Vivienne Westwood. These days, she often collaborates with her partner of five years, British fashion designer Giles Deacon.

She won’t discuss her relationship with Deacon, citing her need for a private life that’s just that. “Because of the phantasmagorical nature of being an actor, you have to have your own reality,” she says.

She explains that her “friends, family and partner form such an essential part of that reality that I do everything I can to get home, to see people as much as possible – because it is that life which is going to feed your work”.

Steering the subject back to her career, she happily tells me she is about to work alongside Steve Carell in The Women of Marwen. And she is enthusiastic about her recent role in Jane Campion’s Top of the Lake: China Girl, the sequel to Campion’s award-winning 2013 TV drama. In it, she played Miranda Hilmarson, a Sydney police officer assigned to work with detective Robin Griffin (Elisabeth Moss) investigating the death of a woman whose body washes up on Bondi Beach.

A confirmed Campion fan, Gwendoline wrote to the New Zealand director pleading to be cast in the series, which also stars Nicole Kidman.

“I love Jane because she is interested in women, in a fairer balance between men and women, and she is very interested in the subject of misogyny.” She adds that Top of the Lake: China Girl “deals with what it is to be a woman and a mother, what it is to deal with feeling marginalised”.

Other than spending time with friends and family, Gwendoline’s current focus is firmly on her career. So, what are her goals? “To create my own material – write it, direct it, design it, produce it. That is what I would love to do – if I wasn’t so idle and lacking in imagination!”

Star Wars: The Last Jedi opens in cinemas on December 14.

Press: Warrior woman: How Gwendoline Christie escaped the pressure to fit in was originally published on Glorious Gwendoline | Gwendoline Christie Fansite

#gwendoline christie #game of thrones #got cast #Brienne of Tarth #star wars #Captain Phasma #The Force Awakens #Mockingjay 2 #Commander Lyme #THG #The Hunger Game

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jakewright · 6 years ago

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Top 10

As a recent member of 'Club 30', I thought I would reflect on the past 25 years of listening to music and select my 'Top 10' favourite songs of all time. I plan to revisit this when I'm 60 and see whether my taste has changed.

A special mention must go to The Beatles, Gerry Rafferty, The Verve and Dekker, Desmond & The Aces, who didn’t make the cut, but who I owe for influencing and shaping my early sojourn into the world of music.

First clause: It's a top 12.

Second clause: There's no particular order.

1. AC/DC – You Shook Me All Night Long

I became a hard rock addict when I first heard the strutting two-barrel guitar riffs of AC/DC's T.N.T on Tony Hawks Pro-Skater 4. As a mid-teens teenager with a new electric guitar, I was obsessed with learning licks and riffs in my room and AC/DC provided me with the right rhythm and blues to get me rocking-out in front of the mirror. Obviously, Back in Black was the go-to album with more than enough guitar licks to master, but it was You Shook Me All Night Long that struck deepest, with its jangly intro; no fucks given power chords verse, and bluesy guitar solo that had me hook, line and sinker. I will never ever tire of hearing it and I will never tire of 'Acca Dacca'.

2. The Cult – She Sells Sanctuary

Another song that was introduced to me by a video game. If I remember correctly, The Cult's She Sells Sanctuary was on the playlist of in-game radio station V-Rock on Grand Theft Auto Vice City. It grabbed me instantly with its pulsating rhythm, catchy lyrics and psychedelic lead riff. The song's energy is addictive and always has me coming back for more.

3. Arctic Monkeys – A Certain Romance

The most important band to have ever graced my late adolescence. Through Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, Turner and Co. produced a soundtrack to our lives at the time, telling the familiar stories of drinking, fighting, clubbing, trying to chat up girls and having a tight group of friends – more like brothers – to experience it all with. A Certain Romance is by far my favourite song on the album. Its honesty, sincerity and poignancy reminds me of the best and worst parts of growing up. There's a lyric in the song that goes, Well over there, there's friends of mine / What can I say? I've known 'em for a long long time / And yeah they might overstep the line / But I just cannot get angry in the same way. Every time I hear it, I think of the friends of my youth and realise that without them I wouldn't be the man I am today.

4. De La Soul – Eye Know

A song to fall in love to. Lyrics, samples and production - closest thing to hip-hop perfection.

5. Pharoahe Monch – Push (Feat. Showtime, Mela Machinko & Tower Power)

I bought Pharoahe Monch's album Desire back in 2007 on a whim. The album is truly great, but Push captured me wholeheartedly. The all-consuming bass line and flourish of trumpets truly shocks the soul into life like a round of CPR. The song itself is about keeping ones resolve and never giving up no matter how tough things get. Advice we can all heed.

I live my life one day at a time / Hold my head, so I don't lose my mind / Sometimes you might fall down / But you get back up, get on your journey / Yeah, keep on pushin'

6. Bob Marley & The Wailers – Three Little Birds

Where to start. I was given Legend by Bob Marley & The Wailers when I was about 10 years-old as a birthday/Christmas present. It's was a great introduction to reggae and the songs of Bob, Tosh and Bunny. When I heard the simple but beautiful Three Little Birds I instantly knew it would be a favourite of mine. The reassuring refrain of Don't worry about a thing / 'Cause every little thing gonna be all right genuinely warms my heart. Couple this with the fact that it's one of my beloved Cardiff City's walkout songs, and that Ninian Park (Cardiff's old football ground) once hosted the great man himself makes the connection all the deeper.

7. The Pogues – Misty Morning Albert Bridge

Not a song, but pure poetry. A poem about dreams, love and the passage of time. Its references to London's Albert Bridge and Celtic melodies remind me of my Northern Irish grandparents, who met in London in the 1940s and would have undoubtedly passed by the bridge during their courtship and early married life. Sadly, neither of them are with us any more but when I hear this song I like to think of them both, meeting for the first time and falling in love (possibly by the Albert Bridge). Jem Finer's lyrics in the final verse make me deeply believe that one day I will see them both again. Goosebumps.

Count the days / Slowly passing by / Step on a plane/ And fly away / I'll see you then / As the dawn birds sing / On a cold and misty morning / By the Albert Bridge

8. Jurassic 5 – Concrete Schoolyard

There’s enough groove on this record to quench my thirst for old-school, boom-bap hip-hop forever. Match that with the beautifully interwoven wordplay by rappers Chali 2na, Akil, Zaakir, and Marc 7 and it's no surprise that Concrete Schoolyard made my top 12. Add into the mix a trip down memory lane of summer hoops with some of my best pals when I was a teenager and it's the perfect fix.

9. The Impressions – People Get Ready

I remember watching a great programme on the BBC called Soul Deep when I was about 13. The series told the story of how soul music was forged from r 'n' b and gospel to become the most successful music in the world. Safe to say I bought the compilation CD that accompanied the series and People Get Ready by The Impressions captured me in a way I still can't really describe. Curtis Mayfield really captured the spirit of community, struggle and racial harmony at a time when African-Americans fought brutal oppression as they marched for their civil rights. And this message was not lost on a middle-class white boy from Wales. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up every time I hear it because it makes me believe that whatever the struggle is it's something worth fighting for. Something bigger and better always lies on the other side.

People get ready / For the train to Jordan / Picking up passengers / From coast to coast

Faith is the key / Open the doors and board them / There's room for all / Amongst the loved the most

10. Joan Armatrading – Love and Affection (Remix)

A lyrically rich song, with great harmonies and instrumentation. A worthy listen when you're ready to fall in love or when you’ve already fallen in its wake. Recently, I was listening to actor Clarke Peters (most famous for playing Lester Freamon in The Wire) being interviewed by Michael Berkley on his Private Passions show on BBC Radio 3 and discovered he is the man behind the deep backing vocals on the track. Seriously cool.

11. MJ Cole – Sincere

I love UK Garage (UKG) and this is quite possibly the best UKG track ever made. MJ Cole's first album, also called Sincere, earned him two top 15 singles on the UK Singles Chart; a prestigious Mercury Music Prize nomination; Brit Award nomination, and beat Dr. Dre to win a MOBO Best Producer award in 2001. But more importantly, the album became one of the soundtracks to inner-city life in the early noughties – at a time when I was a teenager and looking for an identity and music scene to belong to. Cole once said, “London is a multicultural city… it’s like a melting pot of young people, and that’s reflected in the music of UK Garage.” But UKG not only influenced young Londoners, it influenced young people from inner-cities and suburbs all over the UK. The fact that his music replicated the pirate radio experience (key to UKG’s existence), and was dark, 'urban' and edgy was all part of the appeal. Even now I can listen to Sincere (the song) and imagine I'm at an underground UKG rave in Elephant and Castle with cheap prosecco in hand, two-stepping away.

12. Vaughan Williams – A Lark Ascending

And finally. I remember being a young lad, perhaps 11 or 12 and I was alone in the house. It was a Sunday morning and the summer sun was belting through the dining room, making everything shimmer with a golden glow. I decided to put dad's stereo on and set the dial for BBC Radio 3 (my old man was fond of putting classical music on a Sunday and I thought I would do the same). Then bam, I was hit with this weightless, airy violin that sonically sent me to the heavens, speaking to me on an ethereal plane. It was of course, Vaughan Williams's A Lark Ascending. Every time I hear this composition, I transcend reality and imagine myself to be as light and free as a lark, feeling the cold air about me as I rise and fall, flying across a vast endless landscape. There is a glory in listening to something so beautiful, however, there is also poignancy in the music one must be prepared for - to me, it invokes the idea that one day one's voyage will come to an end. The magnitude of the escapism means that by the end of the 15-minute opus you feel quite perturbed when you are set back down to reality. Still, worth it all the same.

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whitewolfofwinterfell · 8 years ago

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I read your previous answer about Stefan being a martyr or a hero (I agree with everything you wrote, thank you for always answering so throughout and thoughtful, it's a joy reading your metas) and I noticed you wrote "lost my soulmate to a coma" in a part of it and I just wonder, do you really believe stelena were soulmates? I do and I've seen other people discuss it, but it'd be fun to read your opinion on it too... if you'd like to share it of course (:

You’re welcome! I’m so glad you love reading my metas, because I always love writing them.

In answer to your question, of course I believe Stelena were soul mates. Of everything pertaining to their relationship them being soul mates is one of things that can never be denied or taken from them. Kevin Williamson has explicitly called Stelena soul mates, Nina has said Stefan feeds Elena’s soul and even Caroline Dries described their relationship after their break-up as being a soulful friendship.

Since you’re already familiar with my metas, it should be no surprise to you that I’m putting the read of my response under the cut, since it’s so long haha.

I think the concept of soul mates is one that’s different for everyone and there are no clear cut definitions or answers, but the most basic definition I can find is from the Oxford dictionary which is:

A person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

I don’t even feel it’s necessary to give examples of how Stefan and Elena fit this definition. It’s pretty obvious for everyone to see that they were ideally suited both as a couple and friends. The problem with that definition is that it’s too simplistic and unfeeling, so I’m gonna go to Urban dictionary instead. I would usually never do this, but since soul mates is more about personal interpretation I wanted to get an idea of some of the common things others perceive it to mean. A few definitions say:

A person with whom you have an immediate connection the moment you meet..The first time you glimpse at each other you are immediately drawn to each other…

A soul mate is someone you meet and the instant your eyes meet you feel these incredible feelings that you never knew existed…

This is a crucial element, that I feel ultimately solidifies Stefan and Elena as soul mates above any other couple on the show. They are the only couple who had an immediate connection from the moment they first met, which is a crucial attribute of soul mates. The reason for this is that the idea of soul mates, comes from Folklore and is the idea that when a soul descends to earth it splits in two, each half of the soul inhabiting a separate body. These two halves are destined to wander the earth until they find each other and only then will they be complete. And since these two people are essentially two halves of a whole, there is an instant recognition and connection, which is also where the idea of “love at first sight” is born from.

Another definition of soulmates is the following:

It’s the love that survives anything and everything, that struggles and pulls through, that even when it seemed hopeless and out of control it still beat strongly. It’s the love that is not superficial, a love that transcends not only the physical world but time itself.

This fits Stefan and Elena perfectly. There seems to be an impression that just because Stefan and Elena broke up their love ended or they stopped being soul mates, which is completely incorrect. Stefan and Elena’s love transcended their break-up, transcended Elena falling in love with Damon and being in a relationship with him, transcended Elena being in a coma for 3+ years and transcended Stefan’s death. In 6x22, 6 years after they met and after everything they’d been through (individually and together), Elena stood before Stefan and said, “I love you so much” and in 8x16 she sat outside Stefan’s resting place 10(?) years after his death remembering him and devoting her life to his memory. Their love was eternal and survived through everything, even death.

A common theme I also see popping up in these definitions as I’m scrolling through is the unwillingness to live without your soul mate in your life, which again describes Stefan and Elena. Even after she broke his heart in season 4, Stefan never stopped wanting Elena to be a part of his life and in season 5 he pushed through his personal feelings in order to establish a friendship with her, because he knew she was so important to him that he’d rather have her in his life as a friend than not in his life at all. In addition, in season 6 when Stefan had moved to Savannah, Elena refused to leave Stefan alone to get on with her life and he told her that he was avoiding Mystic Falls not her. This shows that even when they weren’t living in the same town and their common connection (Damon) was gone there was still a connection between them and a desire to remain in each other’s lives. Similarly, Stefan’s reaction to Elena’s “death” in 7x12 and Elena’s reaction to Stefan’s death in 8x16 showed all the signs of people that couldn’t bear to live a life without their soul mate.

I’ve also found an article that outlines 10 elements of soul mates (x) which I’ll go through systematically.

1. It’s something inside. This is an ambiguous definition and one of the reasons discussing soul mates is so difficult. But I feel like Stefan’s quote from season 5 of, “When we were together, every single atom in my body told me that it was the right thing, that we were the perfect fit,” pertains to this. It’s something that’s deep and profound, a love that makes you feel something you can’t quite explain.

2. Flashbacks. Now, this one is very interesting regarding Stelena, because of the issues revolving around them being doppelgangers. There’s no denying the doppelganger story line developed in season 5 is incredibly flawed with plot holes left right and center, but ultimately, I feel that what it was doing was implying the idea of soul mates. The doppelgangers were born as a direct result of Silas and Amara’s love, they were literal copies of them and therefore destined to meet and fall in love. As Tessa said, she watched versions of Stefan and Elena find each other and fall in love century after century. And when you take away the idea that each doppelganger is an individual person/character these doppelgangers throughout the centuries can surely represent various past reincarnations of Stefan and Elena?

3. You just get each other.“I know you, Stefan, better than anyone.” “You know me probably better than anyone else.” “You knew me better than anyone, you always have.”

4. You fall in love with his (or her) flaws.This is referring to the acceptance of one another’s flaws. I can say with complete confidence Elena accepted Stefan for his flaws and she took this a step further by having faith in his ability to overcome them. The poor writing in the later seasons means that Elena’s flaws were hardly acknowledged by the writers let alone by Stefan or any other character, but the fact he remained a faithful and loyal friend to Elena until the day he died suggests that he did indeed accept every part of Elena.

5. It’s intense. Again I feel like I don’t really need to explain this. From the very beginning their relationship was intense and although the romance ended, whenever Stefan and Elena had an emotional or romantic scene together it was incredibly intense (e.g. almost kiss in 5x04, goodbye in 8x16)

6. You two against the world.I think this definitely applied to Stefan and Elena when they were a couple. Whenever they faced an obstacle they faced it together, they were a team. When Elena was dealing with finding out she was adopted/meeting Isobel, Stefan was right there by her side, when Katherine came back and tried to tear them apart they fought to face her together, when Klaus was hunting Elena they worked as a team, even though Elena becoming a vampire broke them up, they still very much faced that together in the early episodes, and even in the hunt for the cure they were united. Let’s just put it this way: Stefan and Elena have always been on each other’s side, always fighting the same battles and for the same cause.

7. You’re mentally inseparable.This is without a doubt a trait of Stefan and Elena’s relationship. It’s why Stefan’s humanity was so rooted in his love for Elena, why Elena instinctively knew Stefan was looking at her in 3x02, it’s why no matter what happened they remained in each other’s lives, it’s why in his final moments the person Stefan saw was Elena.

8. You feel secure and protected. Again, no explanations necessary. In 3x22 Elena clearly stated that part of the reason she fell in love with Stefan is because he made her feel safe. Whenever Elena was in danger, it was always Stefan that she sought and when he held her in his embrace, you could clearly see how safe she felt just for knowing he was there. With Stefan, I think the safety he experienced with Elena was not so much rooted in his physical safety, but his emotional/mental safety. Elena was the first person since Lexi to keep him grounded, to connect him to his humanity and keep him sane. When he was with her he felt safe knowing that she gave him the strength to conquer his demons and overcome the darkness.

9. You can’t imagine your life without him (or her). This goes back to what I’ve already mentioned about how Stefan and Elena could never completely leave each other’s lives. Even after his death, Elena was finding a way to weave the memory of Stefan into her daily life. Stefan and Elena from the day they met were always going to be in each other’s lives and that is just a fact.

10. You look each other in the eye. Stefan and Elena did this all the time, even after their break-up. Their eye contact, the way in which they looked each other (8x16 is particularly coming to mind here, but also 6x21 and 6x22) was always intense, soft, adoring and easy. You could see the familiarity and comfort that was between them just by seeing the way they looked at each other.

So, by the definitions I’ve found and outlined above, Stefan and Elena seem to be confirmed soul mates.

From a personal perspective, I have never doubted that Stefan and Elena were soul mates. The reason for that is that my perception of soul mates is simply two people that upon meeting form an instant and profound connection and that connection grows and blossoms into a very meaningful relationship that is inexplicable and unbreakable. Whilst the characteristics above do describe soul mates to an extent, for me it really comes down to the fact that Stefan and Elena had such a life-altering impact on each other. They’re two people who brought each other back to life and who quite literally transformed each other’s lives forever. Stefan and Elena’s lives took the paths that they did because they met, because they fell in love, because they knew each other. Even though they broke up Elena reconnected Stefan to his humanity in such a deep way that he was able to continue to grow and move forward with that and loving Elena is an experience that enriched his life and made him happy (even if only for a short amount of time). For Elena the impact was so much bigger because not only did he save her (literally and metaphorically in season 1), but she actually ended up living her entire life through Stefan. She devoted her life to his dream career, chose to live her life a certain way and to be happy in honour of Stefan and what he’d given her. That alone makes me wonder how anyone could say that Stefan and Elena weren’t soul mates, because really, is there anything more profound than that? Another significant reason as to why I perceive Stefan and Elena as being soul mates is because of something which has already been mentioned - their emotional/mental connection. Particularly emotionally, Stefan and Elena had such a instinctual and natural understanding of one another that continued throughout the seasons. As always I feel like the concept of an emotional connection can be very misunderstood by people, so I took the liberty of doing a quick Google search and found a site that I feel explains it very well (x). The first basic definition it gives is:

An Emotional Connection happens when two (or more) people knowingly feel and perceive the same thing at the same time.

I feel like this definition alone really hits the nail on the head and clears up the how/why Stefan and Elena developed such an intense and deep emotional connection. In fact, it also actually explains why/how they connected so quickly, since they were both feeling lost and as Kevin said “dead inside” and they knew they were feeling that way. When Stefan found Elena’s journal, it suggested that she was feeling certain emotions that she couldn’t express in any other way except by writing them (just like Stefan), when they sat in the Grill and Stefan explained that he lived with his uncle, there was an immediate connection on the basis that they’d both lost their parents (obviously the circumstances were completely different, but that’s irrelevant) and particularly at the end in 1x01 when Stefan showed up on Elena’s door with blood shot eyes and they had that conversation where Stefan asks Elena if she’s okay and she says that’s all anyone seems to ask her and he says, do you ever really mean it? That conversation just confirms that emotional connection that was already being built in the earlier scenes by portraying two people that were clearly at a low point in their lives and looking for that emotional connection they found in each other to appease their loneliness and give their life meaning and purpose. The examples that the site gives are also great for going deeper with what it means to have an emotional connection:

Two lovers holding hands while gazing out together at a beautiful sunset - hello, this is already a canon Stelena moment.

A mother and a baby feeling scared together after the baby falls over into a coffee table - comparable to pretty much every scary event Stefan and Elena experienced throughout the season (and let’s face it there were a lot haha) where both of them shared the same fears

A husband and a wife discussing and forming a shared commitment to financial goals - comparable to Stefan and Elena’s shared vision for the future (a human life, children, marriage, careers as doctors etc.)

Two friends laughing together over an old teacher’s funny walk - the entirety of 5x21 comes to mind (they had so much fun and laughed so much together in this episode).

As you can see from these examples and the definition, an emotional connection is really rooted in sharing emotional experiences, negative and positive. Throughout all 6 seasons Stefan and Elena consistently shared similar emotional experiences at the same time (a few of which are outlined above).The next essential part of an emotional connection is empathy:

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person.

This is something I feel like Stefan and Elena did brilliantly. For all of their common feelings/thoughts on certain subjects, there were also a multitude of things that made Stefan and Elena different from each other. They went through experiences emotionally that the other hadn’t, yet they always displayed understanding and empathy. When Stefan was struggling with his blood lust towards the end of season 1, Elena was completely supportive and empathetic, despite being human and not being able to necessarily fully understand what Stefan was going through as a vampire and the same happened in season 3 when Stefan had no humanity. Stefan was empathetic towards Elena in season 2 when she was suffering through the pain of being coveted by the most powerful hybrid of all time. There’s the whole line from Stefan in season 4 of, “You’re in hell, which means I’m in hell” line from Stefan which really sums this up (x). Whatever Elena felt, Stefan felt and vice versa. That is a very powerful thing which is reserved only for the deepest of loves and relationships. However, as the article says, empathy is not enough in itself, it needs to be communicated.

Feeling empathy is a necessary ingredient for emotional connection. But it is not, by itself, sufficient; in order for an emotional connection to be created, the empathy needs to be communicated.And that is where validating feelings comes into play.

Again, Stefan and Elena had no problems in this area. There have been endless conversations between Stefan and Elena where they demonstrate understanding and empathy for one another, even if it’s just simply saying, “I know” and hugging each other. Look at what Stefan said to Elena in 2x20, “Hey, it matters. It matters.” A prime example of Stefan validating Elena’s feelings and showing her his empathy towards her. An example of Elena showing this to Stefan would be in 2x05. “Just a few drops every day, right?” Elena is so empathetic towards Stefan’s struggle with blood and his dilemma between not wanting to lose control, but also wanting to be stronger that she changes her perspective to see Stefan’s POV and then willingly agrees to allow him to feed off her. If that is not a clear example of both empathy and validation, I don’t know what is.

The article ends by explaining that the reason why so many people struggle to establish true emotional connections with others is a discomfort at the prospect of being vulnerable, which is essentially a completely natural human fear. Once more, Stefan and Elena demonstrated the extent to which they were able to be vulnerable with each other. An emotional connection cannot exist if the two people involved are unwilling to drop their walls and be completely honest about their feelings. Here are examples where Stefan and Elena did this with each other (these are just off the top of my head, there are probably more):

1x19: Stefan tells Elena the truth about his struggles with blood lust and openly cries and shows his frustration in front of her

1x20: Stefan cries and admits his guilt, pain and turmoil over the terrible things he’s done in his past

2x09: Elena cries in Stefan’s arms and expresses how she blames herself for her friends being hunted by Klaus to break the curse

2x20: Elena opens up to Stefan about not wanting to be a vampire and cries in his arms

3x14: Elena tells Stefan how she’s feeling about the uncertainty of their relationship and encourages him to open up to her in return

3x20: Elena cries in Stefan’s arms and admits she feels she has no one

4x01: Elena cries in Stefan’s arms openly as she suffers through the transition, later on in the episode Elena and Stefan talk about their love for one another, the situation with Elena nearly dying and cry.

4x02: Stefan admits to Elena he feels insecure that she chose to turn to Damon for help instead of him and Elena opens up about the heightened grief she’s experiencing

5x18: The two discuss how they’re feeling about their visions openly and honestly and get very emotional with each other.

6x22: Elena cries as she tells Stefan how she feels about him.

8x16: Both of them openly cry and discuss how they’re feeling about Stefan’s death and hold each other.

There are so many more examples, particularly in the later seasons that I’ve skipped because I’m just too lazy to write them out haha, but the point has been made anyway. Stefan and Elena were able to be very vulnerable with each other and they had complete trust that neither of them would use that vulnerability against the other as a weapon.

Proof of this emotional connection manifests itself in so many ways throughout the series. The fact that Elena was consistently Stefan’s connection to his humanity, that Stefan was the connection to Elena’s (I will not have anyone tell me any differently on this matter, 4x19 and 4x21 just proved this), that even when she was in a dilemma about Damon Elena sought out Stefan for advice/comfort (even after Damon’s death in the beginning of season 6) and that they knew each other better than anyone else. All of these aspects of their relationship stemmed from this emotional connection that was between them.

Although there are many other smaller factors that contribute to it (such as their general compatibility as people, which I’m sure I’ve discussed in another post somewhere), the depth of this emotional connection Stefan and Elena shared combined with the long-lasting impact they had on one another��s lives are really the main reasons I believe Stefan and Elena were soul mates.

#answered #my meta #tvd meta

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lawlightfan42069 · 8 years ago

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iyo when you write non-straight characters should you specify their sexuality/gender? I mean I'm personally a very 'not into labels at all' person for my own sexuality but support ppl who do find comfort in labels. but when I write I also tend to go toward the 'he just loves who he loves !!!' that sounded stupid but idk how to explain it.. so... like I was wondering why you feel strongly about explicitly stating someone's queerness instead of it being implied (at least u come off as that sorta)

i do definitely feel like that so!! i happen to have a lot of feelings about this so get ready for a Long Ramble. this is a precaution before ive even started typing i just know im gonna write a lot

i think before we start saying anything, we’ve got to acknowledge the difference between people who say that they dont like labels, and writing characters who Don’t Like Labels™. pointing out the problems of the latter is not a condemnation of the former. if someone rly doesnt feel like labeling their sexuality or gender, thats totally alright. the difference between these two is the person is a nuanced, multifaceted human being who may have lots of personal reasons for feeling that way, while the second is a fictional character that is Created and informed by cultural views of the creator. a person is not “created” by one single author and characters arent like…real living agents that have their Own Free Will, they are what their creators make of them. anyway i just feel like this is a rly important distinction that gets lost often!! i’m also more willing to look favorably on someone who self describes that way writing characters based on their own experiences, bc this perspective is inherently different from a straight person writing these sorts of characters. but moving on.

whats also important to understand, beyond writing characters, is how being openly not straight is shunned. queer people are not allowed to Exist as openly queer and they have not been allowed historically. even these days among people who consider themselves progressive, you’ll often hear that “its alright if someone is gay but do they have to shove it in my face all the time.” this attitude isnt somehow formed in vacuum, but created in a society that treats been openly queer as a taboo. we aren’t allowed to be open about our sexualities the way straight people are. we can’t acknowledge that we’re queer lest someone tells us to Stop Shoving It In Their Face (not missing the irony as we’re surrounded by 400 billboards of hetero couples everywhere). i dont wan’t to delve into other aspects of discrimination and get too off track here, i just want to focus on how being Openly queer is treated as a taboo, particularly among people who still want to call themselves ‘accepting.’ the only way society allows queer people to exist is if they never remind anyone, Ever that they are not straight.

this is Integral to understanding why the i Don’t Like Labels characters are so frustrating. the unwillingness to Explicitly talk about queer people carries over quite handily to media. the same faux progressive people that demand queer people never talk about being queer bc its Too Much Information, will praise queer coded characters that hint at their sexuality but never confirm it. the reason these characters are written is not to genuinely explore why someone might feel uncomfortable with applying labels to themselves, but to appease people who will accept queerness as long as they never have to acknowledge it. this way, u can court queer people interested in representation And people who might like the story but will be uncomfortable with explicit queerness. its an attempt for writers to cash in on peoples desires for interesting queer characters without ever actually fully committing to representing them. you dont get to claim to support queer people if ur also out there providing comfort for peoples homophobia. you cant have a foot in both doors.

describing queer experiences without calling them queer means that youre okay with this story as long as u dont acknowledge it as something Explicitly not straight and like…why?? why is it suddenly not okay when u take that bundle of experiences and use the word that theyre defining?? theres Weight behind using words like bi, gay, lesbian and if u reject them are u Really okay with lgbtq people? or are you okay with them Despite the fact that theyre lgbtq and not because you take into account theyre lgbtq. acceptance is not tolerating people Despite something, its acknowledging it and validating it as an okay thing to be. especially when it is something that historically Not been validated as okay. dismantling structural systems of queerphobia does not go about by ignoring queerphobia…shit this doesnt just fade away by chance, it takes active work. and part of this active work is Acknowledging Peoples Queerness As Something that is okay Out In The Open. the You in this isnt directed at you anon, just people who have these sentiments.

throwing vague statements like ‘they just love who they love’ Also creates this level of ambiguity. you might say “well why do u need the certainty when ur describing what is at the very least, something obviously very not straight” and to that i say youd be fucking surprised at how goddamn hard straight people will try to erase the queerness out of a character. like i’m going to use a game called life is strange as a example. i’ll give some background: in the game, the main character max can romance both chloe and warren. note that max is not one of those blank state wholly customisable bioware-esque player characters, she has a personality outside of the choices u make. anyway, the conclusion that is Logically drawn from this is that she is most likely bisexual. or at the very least in some way, not straight. and Yet i have seen discussions that say “she doesnt have a set sexuality it just depends on the playthrough so shes not rly a Queer Character.” even more than that, ive seen people that saw “well even in the chloe one shes not necessarily gay or bi maybe shes just Making an Exception for chloe bc their relationship transcends sexuality” and like ??? Why??? why cant she just be bi?? even when given a queer romance, why do u try and interpret it in a way that sets her up as straight?? ive seen people say “its not a romance its just something that Transcends Words” as if this is… mutually exclusive from being a romance. like… Why doesnt this happen when hetero relationships are depicted?? ive literally never seen someone say “u know, maybe hes not attracted to women and just Making an Exception so hes not straight” why dont u see people try to erase the romance aspect out of hetero romances by claiming their relationship is “Beyond Words.” this treatment is 1000% only ever afforded to queer characters. this attempt to play off romance as not rly romantic is only done to queer characters, even if its done subconsciously. people will Refuse to accept a character is queer as fuck if you dodge around it, because heteronormativity is so ingrained in every interaction that even obviously queer characters get filtered through this lens. the problem with this isnt necessarily apparent until u look at it within historical context, where queer people are repeatedly not allowed to be openly queer. these arent isolated incidents, but manifestations of the idea that queer people shouldnt ever be open about their sexuality. youve got to tackle the discomfort that people have with words like gay/lesbian/bi/etc

i think this particular character trope wouldnt bother me so much if it wasnt like… the only narrative ever present. time and time again, i have to see characters proclaim that they dont like labels while never once even hearing people breathe the word bisexual. if it existed alongside characters who were explicitly queer it would be less frustrating But its literally one of the few ways (semi positive attempts at least) queer characters are ever portrayed. this is particularly true for bisexual characters lmao like… yes…theres people who dont like labels…but theres also millions of bi people that just wanna see a fucking bi character Talk about being bi and all we ever get is a vague “i dont like labels” (that is often never explored further than that and treated as a throwaway line anyway). is creating characters who say that a genuine attempt to characterize someones struggles with labels or is it just a way to avoid saying the word Bisexual.

same with queer romance in media. its only ever Okay if u just hint at it- see dumbledore being gay. see- the korrasami thing (though i dont fault the writers for this bc they pushed hard for what they got, its issues with the network). why are queer people relegated to drawn out stares that May imply something while straight characters are allowed to get into explicit relationships. when u create ambiguous characters that May be interpreted as straight (even if youve really gotta stretch) ur prefer to maintain the negative “neutral” of the heteronormative status quo and allow homophobes to live with their views unchallenged more than u care about addressing queerness in characters.

its not a coincidence that we dont do this to straight romance or straight characters. this is particularly important for queer kids!! its good to see queer characters out there being openly queer. while me and u can often pick up on queer themes and narratives, a 8 year old is not going to get that. especially when theyve been conditioned to see straight romance as the only feasible choice. they wont realize the character youre writing is gay or bi or whatever Because they havent been exposed to the connotations we associate w certain phrases. its so important for queer kids to see queer characters Owning that theyre queer. its especially importantly to normalize words like gay or bi or pan. being gay is often Extremely hypersexualized (which is why so many people will tell u they dont care what u do in the bedroom bc they can only picture queerness is a sexual context) so when u Dont treat these words as things only adults can say, u help get rid of the stigma surrounding them. u help remove the idea that being queer is inappropriate for kids to hear about and that the only possible aspect to being queer is sexual.

anyway this has been Quite the Ramble but the point is that yes, we need to write more characters who are absolutely explicit about their sexuality and move away from the expectation that queer people need to create euphemisms to comfort homophobes desires to never hear about queerness.

#LONG POST #VERY LONG POST #man...u rly got me going #theres a lot of reasons why labels are important in the first place but man this is truly long enough as this is #i hope i didnt get too rambly and my point still stands i try to stop myself from going off on tangents #anon #ask

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houstonreggaefestival-blog · 8 years ago

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H.R.F. Exclusive interview with Ted Bowne of Passafire

1. First things first, what can you tell us about the new album?

TB:The new album is finished! We have completed the recording/mixing/mastering part. Now we are finishing up the art work and copy stuff to get it ready for manufacture. We recorded a lot of material in 10 days! Out of those songs we chose 12 for the album. The process was a lot more live and natural than past approaches as we set up "in the round" and tracked as much as we could live before going into overdub mode. I think it turned out well because of this approach.

2. Are there any plans to drop a single in the near future?

TB: We have talked about a single. It's all up to the label (Easy Star) now and how they want to roll out the release. I think there will most likely be a single released with the pre-order package somehow.

3. Every Passafire album has always had its own unique sound, how would you describe the overall sound of the new album?

TB: The new album is an updated culmination of our experiences in music both individually and as a group. The overall theme is a message of hope for continual growth as artists and as people in general. As always we touch upon both the highs and lows of the human experience in as relatable a way as we can to reach a broad spectrum of music lovers. Musically, we are exploring all of the avenues we've previously gone down while maintaining a good amount of reggae elements that keep it as true to the genre as it can be. We have a huge love for reggae, but can't deny the power of all types of music and love to allow those things to be absorbed into our sound as well.

4. How did y’all come up with the name Passafire?

TB: In 1973, Bob Marley &a The Wailers released the iconic album "Catch a Fire" which was released by Island Records and quickly spread worldwide bringing reggae from Jamaica to the far reaches of the globe. 30 years later, myself and the other original members of Passafire decided that we had caught that fire and it was time to "pass it on" as they say in one of the songs on that record. Playing music in a live setting is a cycle of energy being passed back and forth from band to crowd and back. We feel that the meaning of the name reflects our desire to share that energy with everyone who hears our music.

5. If you could collaborate with any current reggae artist who would it be?

TB: There are a few on my list personally. We are all big fans of John Brown's Body and would love to have Elliot Martin sing on a track some day. I am currently a big fan of Chronixx and would be SO stoked to collaborate with him in any way. We got to meet him when we opened for him at a festival in Vienna, Austria this past summer. He's a very nice guy and super talented live performer.

6. Y’all do some amazing covers during y'all live sets, whats your favorite song to cover and why?

TB: We covered "Give It Away" by RHCP on our fall tour 2 years ago which was a dream come true. They have been one of my favorite bands since I was a kid. That song was fun to learn and difficult to play and sing at the same time so it was a challenge that I embraced every night. I think the best performance of it was in LA (appropriately).

7. What's your favorite memory you've made while touring with the band?

TB: Oh... so many it's hard to choose just one. Any time I've had the chance to perform in front of thousands of people and many of them are singing along to our music is a moment that makes all the struggle worth it. Meeting people who have our logo or lyrics tattooed on their bodies is also very surreal.

8. A lot of artist in the genre look up to y’all and what y’all do, what advice would you give an upcoming reggae artist based off your own experiences?

TB: Tour hard! Just go for it and don't look back. We were given a chance to do a national tour only after 4-5 years of relentless touring up and down the east coast. Humble yourself and be prepared to face uncomfortable situations in the name of making a name for yourself as an artist. Sacrifices are made every day. Be open to uncertainty and make music that people can enjoy. That's my advice.

9. A lot of y'alls music has been recorded at Sonic Ranch studios here in Texas including some of the new album, what brought y'all out to Texas to record and how has recording here influenced your music?

TB: We actually recorded the entire new record at Sonic Ranch. It was our 5th time recording out there. We have a great relationship with the ranch and love to go there to be creative. It's the world's largest residential recording studio which means you can stay there at the ranch and record on your own schedule. Creativity doesn't always hit at the same time every day. We love the flexibility we are given out there and the ability to use a plethora of amazing gear. The hospitality is top notch and the food is authentic Mexican cuisine that will fuel your creative energies. The staff has a strong grasp on the equipment and can make things sound exactly how you want them to quickly and efficiently.

10. What is your opinion on the current state of Reggae music? Do you think the culture is negatively affected by the stereotypes associated with Reggae music?

TB: Every now and then I meet someone who says "reggae is too repetitive" or something like "all they sing about is weed." These opinions are usually held by people who have only heard a few reggae songs and have decided to generalize the entire culture. I have listened to reggae from all over the world. It is a genre like Jazz, Blues, or Rock that has been adopted by different cultures everywhere and transcends race or religion. I believe as we start to educate ourselves on the benefits of cannabis and open up the world to opportunities to explore it as a path to wellness and reason, we can expect to see less of a negative connotation associated with Reggae. People are starting to recognize it as something that is not just background music for your island vacation and more of a way to spread the message of love and positivity in these troubled times we are facing today. I have faith that the genre will grow more and more in the coming years.

11. Do you think that those stereotypes make it more difficult for bands trying to expand the genre to tour/find an audience?

TB: I think those "stereotypes" are actually what is drawing people to the genre in the first place. People who are laid back and enjoy to be around other laid back people flock to reggae shows. We see our fans meeting one another and traveling to see us in remote places far from their homes. They came together because they like those things that are associated with Reggae and the feeling they get when they are gathered together to enjoy a show. There will always be people who aren't into it... and so it's not for them. To each his own. Live and let live.

12. Did y'all experience any difficulties trying to get traction when y'all first started in the reggae scene?

TB: Starting out in Georgia? Absolutely! We quickly found that Florida was a much better market for our style of music and luckily it was close by. Not to say that we don't do well in GA, but we had to branch out to the places where the scene is blossoming to gain traction. Colorado, California, and Texas have been great places for our style of music and we try to frequent those spots as much as we can. Now we are trying to gain traction in Europe and it is very similar to the early days here.

13. One of my favorite things about Passafire is that y'alls sound is always evolving, has that resulted in a more fluid fanbase for the band or would you say the majority of fans have become dedicated because of y'alls reluctance to settle on a specific part sound spectrum?

TB: I think we have a sound that allows for people from all kinds of backgrounds to gravitate to it. The ones who don't like the "repetitive" nature of reggae are given relief when we break into a metal riff or funk breakdown here and there. The fact the we change it up often adds dynamics to our show and albums. Music, in my opinion, should reflect the many aspects of life. Love, sadness, joy, thoughtfulness, philosophy, abstraction... these are all things that can be expressed through music. We strive to continually explore all of these things.

14. Do you think the band will release a documentary/DVD of y'all playing an entire live show and maybe gives fans an inside look what life is like on tour with the band?

TB: We have so much footage from the 14 years we've been a band. Someday I hope to do a more in depth style doc about the band that includes live footage, studio footage, interviews, and behind the scenes stuff. I would love to tell our story thus far with film.

15. What's left on the bucket list for Passafire?

TB: Red Rocks, South America, Australia/NZ, Asia, Africa, the world! We have several ideas for alternative tour formats such as an all brewery tour where we can team up with small craft breweries nationwide. Beside that, we're looking forward to continuing to build our relationships and fanbase over in Europe in the coming years.

16. How would you describe Passafire to our fans who are just now being introduced to the band?

TB: We bring a lot of energy to the stage. Our albums are enjoyable and very diverse musically, but the live show is where we shine. We thrive off of crowd interaction and overall good vibes. Our music is reggae infused progressive/alternative rock but we jump around to many different points of the spectrum.

17. If you had to choose one Passafire song to be broadcasted into the depths of outer space which one would you choose?

TB: Start from Scratch, of course! ("Like black holes in space")

18. What's the first thing that comes to mind when you think about Houston?

TB: "Houston, we have liftoff!"

19. If you were to choose a lineup for the Houston Reggae Festival who would you want to see on the bill?

TB: Chronixx, John Brown's Body, The Expanders, Jesse Royal, Raging Fiya, or Steel Pulse

20. For the final question I want to give our fans something to look forward to, when can we expect to see Passafire in Houston again?

TB: Possibly spring, maybe summer.

#Houston #Reggae #Festival #Houston Reggae Festival #HRF #Passafire #Ted Bowne #Exclusive #Interview #Music #Passafire Army #Movement

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componentplanet · 5 years ago

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Video Game Addiction in the World of Warcraft

Video game addiction is definitionally a controversial subject, given that there’s disagreement over whether such a thing even exists. If we separate the clinical concept from the colloquial usage of the term, we’re more likely to be able to come to general agreement. Everyone has known someone (assuming you haven’t been the someone) who, at one point or another, spent way too much time buried in a game and way too little engaged with the world around them.

Most recently, discussions on video game addiction and inappropriate player retention techniques have focused on issues like the use of microtransactions and loot crates. Players have a variety of concerns surrounding these issues, including the use of gambling mechanics to generate revenue and increase customer engagement. The question of whether MMORPGs are overly addictive is the sort of topic that was being debated more widely about a decade ago.

It felt nearly retro to see the headline “World of Warcraft Changed Video Games and Wrecked Lives” go by at Vice. It’s a topic with some personal resonance for me. The article describes what happened to several people who describe themselves or their loved ones as World of Warcraft addicts who played and engaged with the game to a much greater degree than was healthy.

Why Are MMO’s Easy to Get ‘Stuck’ In?

Multiple people Vice spoke to identified World of Warcraft as offering a supportive community for various identity issues or life struggles they were going through at the time, even if they often felt that their own relationship with the game had fundamentally been an unhappy one. This dovetails with my own thinking. While I never allowed World of Warcraft to take over my own life, I played a great deal of the game during some tumultuous and difficult years. I participated in the PvP grind that the Vice article discusses and wear my “Commander” tag to this day. I saw people become colloquially “addicted” to WoW, in the sense that WoW became central to their lives. It’s not that everybody quits their job and becomes a full-time player, so much as being able to count on people to show up around 6 PM and hang around until 10-11 PM, 5-7 nights a week.

Vice’s article hints at part of the reason why this happens: community. Players in WoW self-sort themselves into guilds for the purposes of raiding endgame dungeons and (more rarely) for PvP. It’s not uncommon, at this point, for long-time WoW players to have real-world friendships that have transcended the game. While I am not in regular contact with the vast majority of people I played WoW with, I remain friends with a double-digit group of people that I met solely as a result of our mutual travels through Azeroth.

But WoW didn’t just offer a community. It offers a chance to succeed publicly, to be recognized for that achievement, and to feel as though you are making a positive contribution to something larger than yourself. Leading a group of 25-40 people through a series of choreographed fights while they variously alt-tab, argue, bio break, check Thottbot, check YouTube, get distracted, make food, kill random trash, and occasionally kill bosses felt like an achievement at the end of the night, especially if you’d refrained from throttling the guild leader after he speculated that we should just give all the caster DPS loot to mages by default in the middle of a raid.

It wasn’t always this bad. It just often felt that way. Image by BlizzPro.

Most of the addiction stories that Vice recounts are from earlier in WoW’s history, when the game required a significantly higher time commitment than it does today. That’s one reason why the second parts of my WoW leveling comparison haven’t appeared yet. It’s not that I haven’t logged time in-game, it’s that the amount of time required to level goes up substantially in Classic, while Retail remains a comparative sprint. One of the reasons why people used to log more time in WoW is that WoW used to require it in order for you to be truly successful. In the Classic era, you couldn’t make enough gold from raiding to support the cost of raiding in an endgame progression guild — you had to play the game on top of that.

It’s this combination that I think made WoW (and MMOs in general) “addictive” in ways that a single-player RPG like Skyrim or Dragon Age: Origins really isn’t. First, you’re interacting and socializing with a group of friends you’ve generally chosen to play with. Second, you’re actually working at something that requires some dedication and commitment to succeed. You didn’t have to be a great player to wind up in endgame gear, but a good progression guild had standards and demanded that people show up on-time with buffs on and ready to play. Maybe your clever use of Divine Protection kept the main healer alive when a fear caught the main tank off-guard. Maybe you knew how to stance dance to maximize rage generation. Maybe you were the Druid with a fast-fingered battle rez or the hunter who could always be relied on to handle an add or take Drak for a walk. Maybe you’re the rogue tank who makes snarky comments about how well you can hang with plate wearers and then winds up splattered down the side of Blackrock Mountain.

(I never said all these comparisons were going to be complimentary).

Regardless of the role you played, being good at WoW offered social interaction and validation in a way that a single-player game doesn’t. It was difficult enough to “feel” like work in some psychologically important ways, without being so hard as to represent a challenge on par with the pits and snares of everyday interaction.

Should Blizzard Have Made WoW Less Addictive?

It would be a mistake to pretend people weren’t asking this question 10-14 years ago. Everquest had already been nicknamed “Evercrack” before WoW hit the scene. Nor do I recall Blizzard taking enormous pains to help people disconnect from WoW, though there were a few hint messages that would pop up in-game from time to time reminding players to take a break and only enjoy the game in moderation. It’s worth asking, yes, if Blizzard could have done more than it did. But it’s also worth remembering that MMOs were a lot newer than they are now, with smaller playerbases. World of Warcraft was the game that popularized the MMO genre like no other title ever had.

It’s easy to forget now, but in 2004, Blizzard was the new kid trying to break into the market. I still remember reading head-to-head comparisons of WoW versus Everquest 2, some of which predicted that WoW would be the game to fall by the wayside as Everquest 2 took over EQ1’s built-in player base. The other facet of the conversation that’s easy to lose is that World of Warcraft was hailed at launch for requiring less grinding and being more accessible to individuals than any MMO had been before. Blizzard set out to make a game that was easier for people to play, with less frustrating roadblocks and readily accessible fun.

Vice brings up the WoW PvP grind as an example of a place where the game took a catastrophic wrong turn, and I’ll tell you, they aren’t wrong about that. The PvP of original WoW was an extreme grind. Unhealthily so. But it’s also a system that Blizzard modified even before The Burning Crusade launched, before dumping it altogether. This aspect of the game was gone, never to return, by 2007. Classic WoW might recreate that system, but it does so at the explicit request of the player base.

The problem with declaring that Blizzard should have made WoW less addictive in the run-up to launch in 2004 is that it assumes game designers have a perfect understanding themselves of where that line is or that it’s easy to parse such information from the mountains of player feedback that millions of first-time MMO players were churning out. Blizzard was attempting to build a game that would meet the expected requirements of players who wanted a “hardcore” experience against those from “casual” players that wanted the game to be more accessible. The other term for casual players was “filthy casuals,” which gives you some idea how much these two groups of people got along with each other. From its launch, however, WoW moved consistently in one direction — towards making it easier for people to play for smaller amounts of time.

I think it’s much fairer to criticize WoW and Blizzard for the degree to which they acknowledged that some WoW players did have problems with addiction as the game moved forward, or even to argue that the game could have included features intended to check on players who were playing too much as time went on. At the same time, virtually every change Blizzard has made over the past 15 years has been aimed at making it faster to play WoW. The PvP grind? Gone for well over a decade. Reputation grinds? Much faster. Unlocking major abilities like flying and mounts? Happens much quicker in the game. You don’t even need to visit trainers to learn skills any longer. The game has been categorically overhauled to make it faster and easier to play, and these changes haven’t all been dumped in at one point — the game began evolving in this direction in 2004 and it hasn’t really stopped at any point.

Ultimately, I found the Vice piece somewhat frustrating — not because I doubt that WoW had a negative impact on people’s lives, but because it doesn’t really engage with the fact that World of Warcraft was, ultimately, a product of its time and designed the way it was in part to meet the demands of its own player base. It doesn’t engage with the fact that much was learned in the gaming industry as a result of World of Warcraft or that the game as it exists today is, in a very meaningful sense, not the title that it was in 2004. It doesn’t really engage with the difficult question of how to help people who get hooked into video games (or any other form of entertainment). It doesn’t touch on the fact that compared with the modern era’s loot crates and microtransactions, the idea that people would spend insane amounts of time grinding Dark Iron rep or killing mobs in PvP purely for in-game rewards comes off as rather quaint and self-assured.

That’s one thing about WoW Classic that I intended to put into its own article but that I’ll pull out for this one. WoW Classic is confident in its willingness to ask you to spend time doing things. It doesn’t ask you to buy microtransactions to speed things along. It doesn’t advertise the ability to purchase six Onyxia Death Tokens to get more chances at her loot drops on your next kill. It just… takes a while. Far from trying to climb in your pockets and rifle them for spare change, WoW Classic says, “This is going to take a while. Let’s have some fun along the way.” World of Warcraft Classic is striking to play partly because it exists in an era before game developers treated player time investment as a monetizable commodity.

There are more nuanced ways to explore the question of why people are drawn into MMO worlds than Vice has engaged in here — questions that range beyond the mechanics of the game and explore the social aspects that draw people together. Some of the people Vice spoke to clearly touched on these issues with discussions of identity and finding like-minded communities of players. The topic is more complicated than this treatment ultimately addressed.

Now Read:

Blizzard Lowers Penalty on Hong Kong Streamer, Says China Uninvolved in Censorship

Capitalism Didn’t Bring Democracy to China, but It’s Yoking the Rest of the World to Chinese Authoritarianism

World of Warcraft Classic vs. Retail, Part 1: Which Early Game Plays Better?

from ExtremeTechExtremeTech https://www.extremetech.com/gaming/302134-video-game-addiction-in-the-world-of-warcraft from Blogger http://componentplanet.blogspot.com/2019/11/video-game-addiction-in-world-of.html

#Video Game Addiction in the World of Warcraft

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iamkellyadams · 5 years ago

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Attention Women Over 25: Still Struggling To Lose Belly Fat – Flavor Pairing Really Works?

Hi, I’m Carly and this is my story which I’m proud to share and probably can inspire you to take action and finally achieve the dream body you always dreamt for.

On this very page you’re going to discover a hidden fat loss trick i.e. ‘falvor-pairing‘ which when implemented along with a simple 2-minute ritual will trigger an awe-inspiring female transformation.

I discovered this transformation Cheat-Code that over 93% of people still have no idea exists after my life threatening experience which triggered a flood of what scientists call the weight-loss doubling molecule that lay dormant inside even the most stubborn female metabolism!

Which is why my friends, my family and even my doctor were shocked- when this sequence of events not only ended my battle with hypertension, pre-diabetes, endometriosis, and even depression…

…. and compelled my body to initiate a 22-hour-a-day fat burning sequence that grew stronger with each passing day!

Before you read on…

I highly recommend you to watch the video below, sit back relax to hear and see this incredible story… How at almost 40 years old, I eliminated 100 pounds of confidence-stealing, energy-sucking and potentially life-ending body fat. And finally got to live my ‘happily ever after’ reversing all signs of hypertension, diabetes and depression.

All while managing to lose 12 dress sizes and 23 inches of my waist … Shrinking from a whopping 42 inches all the way around – down to only 26″ inches! Watch this video below and I promise to reveal my full transformation along with the secret “Flavor Pairing Ritual” aka “Carb-Pairing Ritual” I used to melt away over 80 pounds faster than I ever thought possible-without pills or depriving myself on the latest fad keto, calorie counting, satisfaction stripped diet…

Those women who decide to watch this video till the end will:

See, hear, and experience an almost unbelievable transformation story

Reveal a life-changing, time-tested technique that a tiny country half way across the world uses daily

Discover a truly unexpected method hiding right under our noses that 93% of people have no idea exists…

I’m sure you can see how worthwhile it will be today to sit back, relax, watch and listen.

The truth of the matter is, I am not a great writer, I am ok but that’s not enough when you’re on a mission to spread this unique & easy fat loss trick to as many women as possible on the internet.

So for me to try explain this story and this method to you through this article is a great opportunity but I found an even better way… I was able to put this video together. And I’m pretty proud of it.

(Video plays in a different window)

My Promise To You

I guess my promise to you today, woman to woman, is that I wouldn’t have put in the 100’s of hours it took to create this if I didn’t think it would be of great benefit.

I can’t make some sort of “guarantee”, because we can’t “get time back”. But hey, if a relatively small time investment today could teach you even just one thing that you can take forward to get more healthy, wouldn’t it be worthwhile?

So, if you’re tossing up whether to go and grab your headphones right now and settle in, then I say “GIVE IT A SHOT!”

You’ve got nothing to lose!

Power of Hormones

This is no secret hormones plays a major role in our lives, but what you might not have realised we women are worst effected.

As our body transcend from one phase of life to another our hormones completely goes topsy turvy leaving us on the mercy of these life altering hormones. Hormonal imbalances occur when there is too much or too little of a hormone in the bloodstream.

Because of their essential role in the body, even small hormonal imbalances can cause side effects throughout the body.

3 Fat Hoarding “Evil-Step-Mother-Hormones”

Today I’m going to focus on your I.C.E hormones (i.e. Insulin, Cortisol, and Estrogen) also known to be 3 fat-hoarding, “Evil-Step-Mother-Hormones” who inevitably “lose their way” in our mid-20’s.

I will show you can make rogue hormones once again be become the “fat-burning queens” and starts running like clockwork.

Let me explain…

These 3 hormones play crucial role in a women’s health, metabolism and weight loss.

They do numerous jobs around the body, but let me give you a quick run down…

➢ INSULIN: Transports energy to the cells that need it and quite often to the cells that DON’T need it when there is excess sugar floating around in your body.

➢ CORTISOL: released into the body at times of stress. During exercise cortisol can help increase fat burning, but having chronic high levels of cortisol is a recipe for snail pace fat loss and stubborn levels of belly fat.

➢ ESTROGEN: gives the female body it’s womanly characteristics, but if the ratio of estradiol + estrone are out of whack, then losing fat from the hips, butt and thighs is going to be an uphill struggle.

And this is where I hit a jackpot, and learnt to fix the I.C.E. hormones. I went on to lose 84 lbs, drop 12 dress-sizes, burned 23 inches of fat off my waist and hips, and finally got my life back using a simple 2-step ritual a.k.a ‘The Cinderella Solution‘ that got my hormones to play together nicely.

I cannot describe what’s it’s like to actually FEEL something start to work from the moment you start all the way until you lose your last pound…

The Transformation Cheat Code

It was exciting and shocking, when I stumbled upon this easiest ever female fat loss technique!

I just could not believe myself, and even those 500 odd women first to try this new technique. They all replicated my results, some even had better results than me…

It was unbelievable how science could have missed such an important discovery hidden in plain sight which has the power to transform lives for thousands if not millions of women around the world.

You would be surprised to know how easy is this ‘flavor-pairing’ technique is and how these principles kept women of this small country thinnest and healthiest as compared to anywhere else.

Whether you want to believe or not it was a God’s plan, “luck” or divine-intervention…

… Having my 209-pounds, disease-saturated and confidence-starved body hit the floor that morning WAS my fate.

And to be honest,

I’m glad it happened

Because it allowed me,

A once clinically obese and exhausted pre-diabtic mother with hypertension on the verge of losing everything…

to stumble upon this “weight-loss doubling” ritual… that triggers a relentless fat-torching “domino-effect”

Buried deep inside even the most shattered metabolism.

➢ All it takes, is a diet-free solution that re-wires and re-awakens your Scientifically-proven 22-hour-a-day weight loss magnification systems.

And even THOUGH those powerful systems went dormant for you the moment puberty ended, undeniable recent top-level university investigations now verify THERE IS a fat-burning “sleeping-giant” inside you and by end time we are done today…

Together you and I will have given it a giant-sized kick in the butt that screams,

‘GET BACK TO WORK’

But before all this happened…

I mean, like even before I started gaining all that weight in my mid 20’s…

… that every woman falls victim to the shadowy Metabolic-Villain that forces the 3 hormones that kept you fit, youthful, healthy and happy when you were younger,

To literally funnel floating fat-cells into every single area exposed by your bathing suit.

…all while introducing you to a lifetime struggle with body-image, while locking in your weight-management hormones to ‘storage-mode’.

And even though none of this is our fault because nobody, not even our doctor warns us about this when we’re younger… Unless of course you are one of the lucky 8% blessed with near-perfect-genetics…

As women we are ALL VICTIMS of this fat-hoarding 30-year sentence…

The one that dismembers your metabolism form the end of puberty all the way through menopause.

However if it wasn’t for that fateful day not-so-long ago…

I could have never discovered these kindergarten-simple “Flavor-Pairing” rituals from a tiny island 6000 miles across the ocean…

But bodies and lives of over 16787 other women just like you, in the last year alone.

Because the truth is,

You are literally only one unusual step in an unexpected direction away from knocking over the big fat-loss domino that’s standing you and the body you’ve been dreaming of.

Just like Susan did at 53 years old…who used a of all things, A ‘carb-pairing’ ritual to channel a Fat-Flushing current…

Forcing 48 pounds of fat from her body while allowing her to recover the youthful glow lost in her 20’s…

Or even ladies with once-silent metabolism, like Kelly who lost 52 pounds.

Using the salty-sweet flavor-pair that revs up fat-burning by over 200%…

THE BEST PART IS,

Sadly, you’ve never heard of their secret because it’s so closely guarded by their top gatekeepers.

It wasn’t until a few highly respected doctors and government officials broke their code of silence that I was able to unleash that flood of age-reversing enzymes,

Allowing me to reclaim my body, my energy, my husband

And as you can see here….My Youth!

Luckily these battles with weight and body image inspired me to open my own special-place devoted to those looking to reclaim the health, happiness and confidence that had abandoned them so long ago.

Pretty soon after opening my first weight loss center a ‘buzz’ began to circle around the city…

➢ It’s Your Turn Now, Get The Blueprint Here

The Discovery

While we were looking for the perfect weight loss solution everywhere, it was already in practice for 100’s of years. Probably being couple of centuries old, a simple ‘flavor-pairing’ ritual which made this small island country the slimmest, longest living and most disease-resistant country…

However if it wasn’t for that fateful day not-so-long ago….(my near death experience). I could have never discovered these kindergarten-simple ‘Flavor-Pairing’ rituals from a tiny island 6000 miles across the ocean…

…. that not only had the power to transform my body –

But bodies and lives of over 16,787 other women just like you, in the last year alone.

Because the truth is,

You are literally only one unusual step in an unexpected direction away form knocking over the one big fat-loss domino that’s standing between you and the body you’ve been dreaming of… (This is your chance to join the revolution – click here for all the steps and instructions)

The Moment Everything Changed

That alone got my attention but what really took my breath away were the statistics that backed up these claims from world’s most respected health authority:

Japanese women live to an astonishing average of 87-years-old,

A record number that has continued to climb since the 1960’s.

That’s over 10 years longer than we get to live here…10 YEARS!

Can you imagine getting an extra decade on this planet with your loved ones?

But the Japanese were also named the most “Disease-Resistant” & “Happiest” country as well. These women had uncommonly low rates of dementia, depression, heart attacks and strokes.

So not only were they living longer,

But for the last half-century, their quality of life was dominating ours as well.

As I’d later find out,

The Japanese had made one simple “alteration” to their eating habits 62 years ago.

And it was this subtle,

Yet profound adjustment that super-charged their immune systems

With the unique hormonal-synergy needed to produce “Warrior-Antibodies”

That actually fought tooth-and-nail against disease and obesity.

It turns out that Shoku-Iku (which translates to Nutrition Architecture)Is a set of guidelines, broken down into extremely simple food and flavor-pairing rituals.

The primary goal of each pairing was to create“hormonal and metabolic balance to promote health, well-being, strength and happiness from within”.As I mentioned before, here we do the exact opposite.

The scientists explained that in North America we literally try to “attack” obesity, disease and depression from the outside With what they called “Shotgun-Approaches” like the diets, exercise routines and pills we’re all used to.

Back In 1966, as the fast-food craze hit America…

…The Japanese Government instead passed laws To make their “wellness from within” Flavor-Pairing Rituals and Shoku-Iku, the country’s mandatory Nutritional Platform.

So while we quickly became the fattest, sickest and unhealthiest country on the planet, The Japanese just kept losing weight while living longer, happier more fulfilling lives,

All because of a simple, yet metabolically explosive set of Flavor-Pairing rituals they adopted over 50 years ago.

And that’s what really gave me peace of mind that flavor-pairing was the key to unlocking the female fat-loss code…

… This wasn’t some pill being concocted in a lab or “get-skinny-by-yesterday” diet dreamed up by some TV doctor … Without any long term testing to see if it actually worked or more importantly, if it was safe.

This was 50 years of proof combined with 2 billion people living leaner, healthier longer lives.

And did I mention that Japanese women consume more carbohydrates than any other country as well?!?!

In fact,

They eat almost double the carbs we eat here!

From there we began to examine other nations that topped the list for “Healthiest Countries” like Spain, Switzerland and Australia.

The team and I dug deep to uncover their secrets for living these ultra-healthy, lean and long-lasting lives

Focusing specifically on weight loss and how they actually maintain such lean and slender figures.

Pretty soon a shocking pattern began to emerge…

The women who lost weight the fastest and those who were able to maintain such desirable life-long figures

Free from the stress of and guaranteed failure of dieting,

All practiced simple rituals that paired the right foods and flavors throughout their day.

The cutting-edge research proved

(Video plays in a different window)

We were shocked because even though these simple, zero-cost rituals had been undeniably proven,We had never seen the indisputable evidence until now…

It turns out there’s a despicable reason for hiding the key to unlocking the female fat-loss code…

It’s the same reason you haven’t heard about it from those TV doctors, social media weight-loss gurus, fat-loss infomercials or even your own doctor…The truth is simple…Our government can’t tax easy fat-doubling rituals and pharmaceutical

And supplement companies can’t make money off a simple flavor pairing trick that signals around-the-clock weight loss!

Because these strategies cost only pennies-a-day and are so extremely simple…

…The weight-loss industry wants to keep them locked away and buried. And if you lose the weight extremely fast, like you will this time, they can’t hook you with another fad-approach…

…that kills your dreams and empties you and your families pockets yet again.

And I’ll tell you right now,Once you hit your own weight loss goal, That 20, 30, 40 or even 100 pounds,It Just feels like an “added bonus” compared to knowing that you’ve just bought yourself extra time on this planet with your friends and family.

However, how you feel about that lady you see staring back you in the mirror each morning can be pretty powerful,

So I should give you a glimpse of what you too can expect when the weight just starts falling off… Starting tonight!

I’ve got good news for you if you are a woman who refuses to give up and finally start living your own Cinderella Story inside

THE BODY YOU DESERVE

The Cinderella Solution offers an easy to start, simple-to-follow cure using Flavor-Pairing rituals that hit the “reset-swtich” on your metabolisms 3 key fat-burning hormones; Insulin, Cortisol and Estrogen.

The product is digital and images are for visualization only

THE CINDERELLA SOLUTION

Our research that spans 60 years of proof, Combined with the results from 10’s and 1000’s of women across the globe have already proven that ladies like you are only step away from signalling a supercharged fat-loss doubling effect within your body.

If you want to watch the fat float off your body in the next 3 weeks, you simply need to re-ignite your 3 fat burning hormones to create a fat burning domino effect from the inside out.

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reomanet · 6 years ago

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Andrew Sullivan: America’s New Religions

Political cults are filling the space left by the decline of organized faiths. Photo: Loren Elliott/Getty Images Everyone has a religion. It is, in fact, impossible not to have a religion if you are a human being. It’s in our genes and has expressed itself in every culture, in every age, including our own secularized husk of a society. By religion, I mean something quite specific: a practice not a theory; a way of life that gives meaning, a meaning that cannot really be defended without recourse to some transcendent value, undying “Truth” or God (or gods). Which is to say, even today’s atheists are expressing an attenuated form of religion. Their denial of any God is as absolute as others’ faith in God, and entails just as much a set of values to live by — including, for some, daily rituals like meditation, a form of prayer. (There’s a reason, I suspect, that many brilliant atheists, like my friends Bob Wright and Sam Harris are so influenced by Buddhism and practice Vipassana meditation and mindfulness. Buddhism’s genius is that it is a religion without God.) In his highly entertaining book, The Seven Types of Atheism , released in October in the U.S., philosopher John Gray puts it this way: “Religion is an attempt to find meaning in events, not a theory that tries to explain the universe.” It exists because we humans are the only species, so far as we can know, who have evolved to know explicitly that, one day in the future, we will die. And this existential fact requires some way of reconciling us to it while we are alive. This is why science cannot replace it. Science does not tell you how to live, or what life is about; it can provide hypotheses and tentative explanations, but no ultimate meaning. Art can provide an escape from the deadliness of our daily doing, but, again, appreciating great art or music is ultimately an act of wonder and contemplation, and has almost nothing to say about morality and life. Ditto history. My late friend, Christopher Hitchens, with a certain glee, gave me a copy of his book, God Is Not Great , a fabulous grab bag of religious insanity and evil over time, which I enjoyed immensely and agreed with almost entirely. But the fact that religion has been so often abused for nefarious purposes — from burning people at the stake to enabling child rape to crashing airplanes into towers — does not resolve the question of whether the meaning of that religion is true. It is perfectly possible to see and record the absurdities and abuses of man-made institutions and rituals, especially religious ones, while embracing a way of life that these evil or deluded people preached but didn’t practice. Fanaticism is not synonymous with faith; it is merely faith at its worst. That’s what I told Hitch: great book, made no difference to my understanding of my own faith or anyone else’s. Sorry, old bean, but try again. Seduced by scientism, distracted by materialism, insulated, like no humans before us, from the vicissitudes of sickness and the ubiquity of early death, the post-Christian West believes instead in something we have called progress — a gradual ascent of mankind toward reason, peace, and prosperity — as a substitute in many ways for our previous monotheism. We have constructed a capitalist system that turns individual selfishness into a collective asset and showers us with earthly goods; we have leveraged science for our own health and comfort. Our ability to extend this material bonanza to more and more people is how we define progress; and progress is what we call meaning. In this respect, Steven Pinker is one of the most religious writers I’ve ever admired. His faith in reason is as complete as any fundamentalist’s belief in God. But none of this material progress beckons humans to a way of life beyond mere satisfaction of our wants and needs. And this matters. We are a meaning-seeking species. Gray recounts the experiences of two extraordinarily brilliant nonbelievers, John Stuart Mill and Bertrand Russell, who grappled with this deep problem. Here’s Mill describing the nature of what he called “ A Crisis in My Mental History ”: “I had what might truly be called an object in life: to be a reformer of the world. … This did very well for several years, during which the general improvement going on in the world and the idea of myself as engaged with others in struggling to promote it, seemed enough to fill up an interesting and animated existence. But the time came when I awakened from this as from a dream … In this frame of mind it occurred to me to put the question directly to myself: ‘Suppose that all your objects in life were realized; that all the changes in institutions and opinions that you are looking forward to, could be completely effected at this very instant; would this be a great joy and happiness to you?’ And an irrepressible self-consciousness distinctly answered: ‘No!’” At that point, this architect of our liberal order, this most penetrating of minds, came to the conclusion: “I seemed to have nothing left to live for.” It took a while for him to recover. Russell, for his part, abandoned Christianity at the age of 18, for the usual modern reasons, but the question of ultimate meaning still nagged at him. One day, while visiting the sick wife of a colleague, he described what happened: “Suddenly the ground seemed to give away beneath me, and I found myself in quite another region. Within five minutes I went through some such reflections as the following: the loneliness of the human soul is unendurable; nothing can penetrate it except the highest intensity of the sort of love that religious teachers have preached; whatever does not spring from this motive is harmful, or at best useless.” I suspect that most thinking beings end up with this notion of intense love as a form of salvation and solace as a kind of instinct . Those whose minds have been opened by psychedelics affirm this truth even further. I saw a bumper sticker the other day. It said “Loving kindness is my religion.” But the salient question is: why? Our modern world tries extremely hard to protect us from the sort of existential moments experienced by Mill and Russell. Netflix, air-conditioning, sex apps, Alexa, kale, Pilates, Spotify, Twitter … they’re all designed to create a world in which we rarely get a second to confront ultimate meaning — until a tragedy occurs, a death happens, or a diagnosis strikes. Unlike any humans before us, we take those who are much closer to death than we are and sequester them in nursing homes, where they cannot remind us of our own fate in our daily lives. And if you pressed, say, the liberal elites to explain what they really believe in — and you have to look at what they do most fervently — you discover, in John Gray’s mordant view of Mill , that they do, in fact, have “an orthodoxy — the belief in improvement that is the unthinking faith of people who think they have no religion.” But the banality of the god of progress, the idea that the best life is writing explainers for Vox in order to make the world a better place, never quite slakes the thirst for something deeper. Liberalism is a set of procedures, with an empty center, not a manifestation of truth, let alone a reconciliation to mortality. But, critically, it has long been complemented and supported in America by a religion distinctly separate from politics, a tamed Christianity that rests, in Jesus’ formulation, on a distinction between God and Caesar. And this separation is vital for liberalism, because if your ultimate meaning is derived from religion, you have less need of deriving it from politics or ideology or trusting entirely in a single, secular leader. It’s only when your meaning has been secured that you can allow politics to be merely procedural. So what happens when this religious rampart of the entire system is removed? I think what happens is illiberal politics. The need for meaning hasn’t gone away, but without Christianity, this yearning looks to politics for satisfaction. And religious impulses, once anchored in and tamed by Christianity, find expression in various political cults. These political manifestations of religion are new and crude, as all new cults have to be. They haven’t been experienced and refined and modeled by millennia of practice and thought. They are evolving in real time. And like almost all new cultish impulses, they demand a total and immediate commitment to save the world. Now look at our politics. We have the cult of Trump on the right, a demigod who, among his worshippers, can do no wrong. And we have the cult of social justice on the left, a religion whose followers show the same zeal as any born-again Evangelical. They are filling the void that Christianity once owned, without any of the wisdom and culture and restraint that Christianity once provided. For many, especially the young, discovering a new meaning in the midst of the fallen world is thrilling. And social-justice ideology does everything a religion should. It offers an account of the whole: that human life and society and any kind of truth must be seen entirely as a function of social power structures, in which various groups have spent all of human existence oppressing other groups. And it provides a set of practices to resist and reverse this interlocking web of oppression — from regulating the workplace and policing the classroom to checking your own sin and even seeking to control language itself. I think of non-PC gaffes as the equivalent of old swear words. Like the puritans who were agape when someone said “goddamn,” the new faithful are scandalized when someone says something “problematic.” Another commonality of the zealot then and now: humorlessness . And so the young adherents of the Great Awokening exhibit the zeal of the Great Awakening . Like early modern Christians, they punish heresy by banishing sinners from society or coercing them to public demonstrations of shame, and provide an avenue for redemption in the form of a thorough public confession of sin. “Social justice” theory requires the admission of white privilege in ways that are strikingly like the admission of original sin. A Christian is born again; an activist gets woke. To the belief in human progress unfolding through history — itself a remnant of Christian eschatology — it adds the Leninist twist of a cadre of heroes who jump-start the revolution. The same cultish dynamic can be seen on the right. There, many profess nominal Christianity and yet demonstrate every day that they have left it far behind. Some exist in a world without meaning altogether, and that fate is never pretty. I saw this most vividly when examining the opioid epidemic . People who have lost religion and are coasting along on materialism find they have few interior resources to keep going when crisis hits. They have no place of refuge, no spiritual safe space from which to gain perspective, no God to turn to. Many have responded to the collapse of meaning in dark times by simply and logically numbing themselves to death, extinguishing existential pain through ever-stronger painkillers that ultimately kill the pain of life itself. Yes, many Evangelicals are among the holiest and most quietly devoted people out there. Some have bravely resisted the cult. But their leaders have turned Christianity into a political and social identity, not a lived faith, and much of their flock — a staggering 81 percent voted for Trump — has signed on. They have tribalized a religion explicitly built by Jesus as anti-tribal. They have turned to idols — including their blasphemous belief in America as God’s chosen country. They have embraced wealth and nationalism as core goods, two ideas utterly anathema to Christ. They are indifferent to the destruction of the creation they say they believe God made. And because their faith is unmoored but their religious impulse is strong, they seek a replacement for religion. This is why they could suddenly rally to a cult called Trump. He may be the least Christian person in America, but his persona met the religious need their own faiths had ceased to provide. The terrible truth of the last three years is that the fresh appeal of a leader-cult has overwhelmed the fading truths of Christianity. This is why they are so hard to reach or to persuade and why nothing that Trump does or could do changes their minds. You cannot argue logically with a religion — which is why you cannot really argue with social-justice activists either. And what’s interesting is how support for Trump is greater among those who do not regularly attend church than among those who do. And so we’re mistaken if we believe that the collapse of Christianity in America has led to a decline in religion. It has merely led to religious impulses being expressed by political cults. Like almost all new cultish impulses, they see no boundary between politics and their religion. And both cults really do minimize the importance of the individual in favor of either the oppressed group or the leader. And this is how they threaten liberal democracy. They do not believe in the primacy of the individual, they believe the ends justify the means, they do not allow for doubt or reason, and their religious politics can brook no compromise. They demonstrate, to my mind, how profoundly liberal democracy has actually depended on the complement of a tolerant Christianity to sustain itself — as many earlier liberals (Tocqueville, for example) understood. It is Christianity that came to champion the individual conscience against the collective, which paved the way for individual rights. It is in Christianity that the seeds of Western religious toleration were first sown. Christianity is the only monotheism that seeks no sway over Caesar, that is content with the ultimate truth over the immediate satisfaction of power. It was Christianity that gave us successive social movements, which enabled more people to be included in the liberal project, thus renewing it. It was on these foundations that liberalism was built, and it is by these foundations it has endured. The question we face in contemporary times is whether a political system built upon such a religion can endure when belief in that religion has become a shadow of its future self. Will the house still stand when its ramparts are taken away? I’m beginning to suspect it can’t. And won’t. What’s Left? Here are a couple of questions for Democrats about two of their potential 2020 candidates: What motivated Kirsten Gillibrand’s widely noted tweet this week? And why is there so much discontent on the left with Elizabeth Warren? On Tuesday evening, Gillibrand tweeted : “Our future is female. Intersectional. Powered by our belief in one another. And we’re just getting started.” I get the point: Women are succeeding more than ever before, are poised to do even better, and this is a great thing. But why express this as if men are also not part of the future? And “intersectional”? It’s telling that, in Democratic circles, this is such a mainstream word now that she doesn’t have to explain it to anyone. Gillibrand’s evolution, of course, has been long in the works — and reveals, I’d say, where the Democrats are going. When Gillibrand was a member of Congress, she identified as a Blue Dog conservative Democrat. She once campaigned in defense of gun rights, was in favor of cracking down on illegal immigration, voted against the 2008 bank bailout, and opposed marriage equality. Fast-forward a decade and look at the change. She first reversed her previous anti-gay positions, and was even instrumental in ending the gay ban in the military. By 2015, she invited Emma Sulkowicz to the State of the Union, a person who alleged they had been raped at Columbia University, despite Columbia’s, the NYPD’s, and the district attorney general’s investigations ending without a finding of rape, indeed finding “a lack of reasonable suspicion.” On social media, Sulkowicz was known as “Mattress Girl,” carrying an extra-long twin around the campus to exemplify the burden they felt (Sulkowicz identifies as nonbinary) and to pressure Columbia into expelling her alleged rapist. Gillibrand, who once opposed allowing illegal immigrants to get driving licenses, is also now a supporter of abolishing ICE. And, of course, she famously engineered the resignation of one of the more talented Democrats in the Senate, Al Franken, because of a forced stage kiss, allegations of groping, and a photo of him pretending to grab a fellow USO entertainer’s boobs. We won’t ever get to the bottom of all that because Gillibrand demanded Franken’s resignation merely on the basis of allegations, and within a day, Franken had resigned, before the Senate Ethics Committee had finished an investigation. “Enough is enough,” she declared , invoking the “existing power structure of society” to end due process for Franken. I do not begrudge Gillibrand for her transformation, but it is hard to believe that political calculation was absent. She’s running for president, and invoking the language of critical gender theory, she seems to believe, will help her in the primaries. Then there’s the Democratic backlash against Elizabeth Warren. You’d think it would be about her terrible political judgment, as demonstrated by her spectacular self-immolation on the “issue” of her claimed Native American ancestry. But no! The reason many Democrats have turned on her is that she used a DNA test at all to prove her family lore. From the New York Times : “She has yet to allay criticism from grass-roots progressive groups, liberal political operatives and other potential 2020 allies who complain that she put too much emphasis on the controversial field of racial science — and, in doing so, played into Mr. Trump’s hands … Ms. Warren has also troubled advocates of racial equality and justice, who say her attempt to document ethnicity with a D.N.A test gave validity to the idea that race is determined by blood — a bedrock principle for white supremacists and others who believe in racial hierarchies.” The social-justice movement’s suspicion of science, especially genetics, is at work here. And it is not “racial science” to examine your DNA to see which genetic subpopulation in the world you belong to, or where your ancestors lived. It’s science. So if you send off for a 23andMe test, in the view of many Democrats, you’re a white supremacist! This seems to be where the Democratic Party now is. Hunker down for a second term of Donald J. Trump. A Moment of Truth I almost never cry in movies, even tear-jerkers. But the other night, I sat down and watched Darkest Hour , the movie, now available on HBO, that follows (well, kinda) John Lukacs’s account of the five days in May 1940 when Britain, its entire army stuck in France and its air force still woefully unequal to the Luftwaffe, stared into the abyss. Many in the elite believed that some kind of accommodation with Hitler was the only option — keeping him at bay and preserving much of the Empire. That policy of a peace treaty was, to my mind, a highly persuasive way forward in the naked short-term interest of the United Kingdom. Lord Halifax famously championed it in a vital cabinet meeting. Something in Churchill resisted. There’s a factually ridiculous but dramatically powerful scene when Winston jumps out of his official car and into the tube, where the passengers greet him first with British politeness (no mass selfies back then), and then begin a conversation. Churchill lays out the reasons for a peace treaty and asks the Londoners what they think of dealing with Hitler this way. “Never!” they shout back. “Never!” Interests be damned. A figure like Hitler has to be confronted and defeated. To slink away from this moral obligation violated their sense of patriotism, their understanding of what Britain meant to a world suffocating in tyranny. The great symbol of this refusal to appease was, of course, the rescue of the troops from Dunkirk by hundreds and hundreds of ordinary Brits in various boats and ships, defying Nazi control of the air to save their “boys” as they called them. It was an upwelling of moral purpose, of real grit against all the odds, and as I watched Gary Oldman deliver the “Blood, Toil, Tears and Sweat” speech that Churchill gave in the Commons, my eyes were swimming. Why had my response been so intense, I asked myself when my bout of blubbering had finally subsided? Part of it, of course, is my still-lingering love of the island I grew up in; part is my love of Churchill himself, in all his flaws and greatness. But I think it was mainly about how the people of Britain shook off the moral decadence of the foreign policy of the 1930s, how, beneath the surface, there were depths of feeling and determination that we never saw until an existential crisis hit, and an extraordinary figure seized the moment. And I realized how profoundly I yearn for something like that to reappear in America. The toll of Trump is so deep. In so many ways, he has come close to delegitimizing this country and entire West, aroused the worst instincts within us, fed fear rather than confronting it, and has been rewarded for his depravity in the most depressing way by everything that is foul on the right and nothing that is noble. I want to believe in America again, its decency and freedom, its hostility, bred in its bones, toward tyranny of any kind, its kindness and generosity. I need what someone once called the audacity of hope. I’ve witnessed this America ever since I arrived — especially its embrace of immigrants — which is why it is hard to see Trump tearing migrant children from their parents. That America is still out there, I tell myself, as the midterms demonstrated. It can build. But who, one wonders, is our Churchill? And when will he or she emerge? See you next Friday. Tags: interesting times president trump social justice kirsten gillibrand elizabeth warren Andrew Sullivan: America’s New Religions Most