#and then i lost them forever and then i went through a phase where i struggled to eat and then i started going batshit w protein bars

[cacw]

wow so cute. NOT! who the hell do you think you are

[redrobin-detective]

Continuing my incredibly sporadic and incredibly all over the place Adventure Time watch, it's really hitting me how Finn and Jake really are at completely different stages in life.

Jake had this whole other life going on before Finn became aware. Dogs in this world mature faster, age faster and don't live as long as humans. Jake went through multiple different phases, phases where he was cruel and reckless and even criminal. I had gotten used to Jake being this calm and wise center of the series that it has been eye opening to see that it was a multiyear long struggle to get to that point. And then Finn began coming into his own and wanted to be a hero and Jake changed again for him.

People have commented on the nature of Finn and Jake's relationship and it really does feel like a sibling pair in which there's a sizable gap between the elder and the younger. Jake does at times take on an almost parental role in guiding Finn. As Finn is growing up and really figuring out who he is, Jake is solidly in doggie middle age. While Finn is roaring with restless, reckless energy and trying to figure out who he is, Jake has mostly settled himself and is now making peace with his past and his future.

Jake's death is made out to be tragic but I bet he passed nice and easily of old age without want or regret. A peaceful death. But I believe the real tragedy was not in how Jake died but the fact that he didn't adequately prepare Finn for it. Jake had been the main pillar over the course of Finn's entire life. He has lost people and suffered a lot as teen/young adult, he couldn't imagine a life without Jake even though Finn would live long after Jake had met his natural end. I wonder if the two of them even realized how incongruous their lifespans were. Surely Simon or even the Islanders could have explained it to them. I wonder if it would have even mattered.

Finn did everything with his entire body and being, including love. He had decided early on that Jake was going to be his partner, best friend, brother forever and maybe nothing Jake or anyone said could have convinced him to move on.

[thevalleyisjolly]

As an intrinsic part of their Mortal heritage, I like to think that all the Half-Elven in Middle-earth have at one point in their lives (but most especially their youths) had a fairly unflattering haircut that they genuinely believed was the hottest shit ever:

Dior had a long feathered mullet that was a pure flex to show off how naturally full and voluminous his hair was. He only cut it once the twins were born and it became too much work to maintain while looking after two babies.

Elúred and Elúrin got their hands on an unattended bottle of hair dye when they were five and gave themselves skunk hair bangs that took months to wash out.

Elwing once experimented with teasing her curls into a big 80's hairdo because people told her how her father used to have big hair.

Eärendil had to cut his hair after a lice scare onboard one of Círdan's ships and went for a bowl cut that he thought would be quick and easy to do. Unfortunately, the bowl he used was a little too small and the high fringe made it look like he was wearing a small hat made out of hair. Idril had conniptions. Tuor managed to hold in his laughter until he could reach the privacy of an inner room. Elwing demonstrated the incredible power of love by both saying yes to his proposal and offering to neaten his fringe so that it at least looked a little less choppy.

Elrond stubbornly sported a man bun undercut for two whole years after he lost a bet with one of Maedhros' Mortal retainers and Maglor made a sighing comment about how he shouldn't worry because his hair would soon grow back out "nice again."

Elros gave himself curtained hair in solidarity with Elrond so that Maglor would get off his back, and kept it until the first time he commanded a war party and got good-naturedly ribbed to hell about looking like a 14 year old kid.

Like father like son, Elladan wore a rat tail for a few years after one of the Dunédain wagered he couldn't pull it off. He really couldn't, although he thought it looked great and was forever trying to do fancy styles with it until Elrohir staged a sibling intervention.

Elrohir maintained a buzzcut for nearly fifty years after his parents a little too amusedly said that he could do whatever he liked with his appearance now that he was of age.

Arwen went through a phase in her 200s where she dyed her hair with whatever colours she could get her hands on. The silver was very nice (Celeborn was extremely proud) and the blue highlights were interesting but still managed to work. She even made a decent ginger. However, the attempt at Arafinwëan gold just ended up a washed-out bleach blonde that is to date the only thing that has ever stunned Galadriel into utter speechlessness.

+Although not born Mortal, Lúthien spent a full Valinorean year with feathers instead of hair while trying to shape-shift into a nightingale. It actually made for quite an aesthetic when she took the time to preen them properly, but as she was far too busy running around having adventures with Daeron, the effect was more often ruffled bird's nest than sleek wings.

[alluraaaa]

transgender voltron thoughts. separated by character. voltrans thoughts

this got long so the rest is under the cut

shiro

trans man. he/him. realized it as a tween. like 11

already had the “shiro” nickname from his surname but chose takashi because it’s the name his mom planned to use. his momma was his best friend growing up so takashi is a special secret name only certain people can casually use for him <3

has a model minority complex and thinks he has to be a perfect person and a perfect role model and perfect everything else. he doesn’t think everyone needs to be like this but he does you don’t get it he needs to be perfect in order to gain basic respect

(he has anxiety) (went thru a frat boy phase tho where he let loose a little)

he’s a bear. when he started t and gained weight and started growing thicker body hair he was like “FUCK YEAH”

wanted top and bottom surgery. irl modern phalloplasty can take skin grafts from the arm and for sillies shiro did that. but on the arm he lost. can’t even show off his cool graft scar 🙄 stupid galra

him and adam are t4t. he picked the name adam because his deadname is eve and he’s the funniest ever

keith

trans man. he/him. realized at like 6

randomly walked up to his dad and said “pops i wanna be a boy” and his dad went “okay son :^)” and helped him with picking a new name and pronouns. that’s why he ended up with keith of all names

his dad planned on helping him with puberty blockers and hrt because keith said he wanted it but. he died before keith got to that age :^(

so unfortunately keith had to go thru one puberty and then another. and THEN he gets a weird galra puberty in his 20s. puberties gerog

shiro was the one to help him get access to testosterone and top surgery <3 yay trans brotherhood ^_^

keith doesn’t care about his junk enough to get bottom surgery tho. he really only got top surgery to get cool ass scars on his chest. he doesn’t give a shit about gender essentialism and isn’t afraid to stab a transphobe ❤️

pidge

trans girl. she/her. also realized when she was real young

same as keith she was just one day like “i wanna be a girl” and her parents were the same and immediately accepted her and helped her with transitioning (she had a bit more social transitioning tho because she wasn’t in the middle of bum fuck nowhere)

unlike keith tho she got to do puberty blockers and start e as a tween and stuff. good for her!

she picked the name katie but it’s not short for anything. she gets the question all the time and she always rolls her eyes

detransitioning for the garrison sucked like ass and she hated it but she did it for her family. coming out to the team was a huge weight off her shoulders

she has a love/hate relationship with femininity but i already went through all that in another post so i’m linking it here. smiles 😁

lance

bigender man/woman. she/he. realizes it while with team voltron

THEE most obvious egg ever. also very obvious bisexual but hasn’t realized that either. it’s painful to watch sometimes (send help to hunk because you know he immediately clocked lance)

he likes women so much because he’s straight!!!! and a lady’s man!!!!!!!!! he doesn’t wanna be a girl and even if he did that’s a universal unspoken secret that all boys have but agree to never talk about!!!!!!!!!!!!

once pidge comes out the rest of the team have more casual talks about being trans and lance is so tbh creature at them. hunk definitely gossips about how clear the closet is behind lance’s back #messy

lance never realizes on her own what happens is keith tells her despite hunk saying that that’s rude. he blatantly tells lance that she obviously wants to be a girl and that she can do that if she wants to. and when she says she likes being a guy keith says she can be both if she wants. she can do whatever she wants forever

after that she thinks about it for like a day and then is like “yayyyyy i’m a boy and a girl and i like boys and girls ^_^”

she has soooo much fun with femininity she plays dress up and is so pretty ❤️ she is indeed a lady’s man but also very clearly wanted to be beautiful like ladies are. and she is ladies!! yayyyyy

didn’t change her name because she loves being leandro alvarez-núñez-cuesta-espinosa so so much ❤️❤️

hunk

agender. any pronouns. realized as a teen

just fully doesn’t care about gender. obviously will respect people’s genders but like. gender as a concept is irrelevant to him and he opted out of gender. he’s too autistic for it tbh

use whatever pronouns you want. make up funny pronouns. fuck it we ball

“this is hunk bong’s my best friend i love bong so much” “lance oh my god”

hunk is a childhood nickname and only family (and lance) know his birthname. didn’t care enough to change it when coming out. he likes his name!! why change it!!

he’s a genius mechanic with access to super advanced alien technology so for funsies he invents a machine that can do instant top and/or bottom surgery with no problem. he can mess around with it for funsies or fashion or whatever. and ofc the team has free access to it as well <3 the only one to use it often tho is lance #besties

allura

trans girl. she/her. realized not long before the events of the show

the post about trans allura that inspired this whole post here

was able to use her shapeshifting powers to her transvantage (trans advantage)

her being out for not long before the war is why she was so excited that pidge is a girl. she’s a girl making friends with other girls!!!!!! and that excitement doubles when learning that pidge is earth’s equivalent of trans yayyyyy

in my mind the notion of people fitting into gender roles on altea is the same vibe as the notion of women wearing skirts not pants irl. like that’s an outdated idea but not that outdated unfortunately :^/

i don’t think there was major misogyny or transphobia on altea tho. not sure if it makes sense to anyone else but it makes sense in my mind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

coran

nonbinary. any pronouns

when allura came out she sat down with her parents and coran (honorary third parent) and talked about her feelings and thoughts on gender as a whole. coran went “oh. is that not how cis people think?”

he’s not a man or a woman but he’s not sure what he is exactly. he’s coran!

he’d make homemade hrt. may or may not have weird side effects

[luxury-nightmare]

inspired by nerdymixedpan on tiktok

Ranking Magnus fears by How likely I am to serve them/how freaked out I am by them (including the Extinction because I will never forget about my underrated king)

1, The Eye

How freaked out am I by it? 3/10. My sister will come barging into my room uninvited anyway so the fear of being watched doesn’t really freak me out.

How likely am I to serve it?

7/10. I listened to 200 episodes of gay people suffering. What do you think

2, The Lonely

5/10 the person who I took this idea from said it best. This is schrodinger's fear. Cause on one hand, I like being alone. I spend most of my time huddled up in my room. But on the other hand, the enjoyment mostly comes from being awful at social situations and accidentally hurting peoples feelings when I talk to them

8/10 I said it already. I already isolate myself give me the banish powers. Gentle voiced old man I’m coming for your crown.

3, The Spiral

5/10 not exactly. Honestly the thought of me being crazy is probably not my greatest fear, it’s more the system for mentally ill people. I once let a couple things slip and was taken to a mental hospital, and the only thing I could think is “is there something wrong with me?” which, in my humble opinion, is not something someone struggling with mental illness should be thinking in a place that’s supposed to help them

5/10 would I be a good spiral avatar? No. Would I leap at the chance? Absolutely. I wanna see door wife and fuckhands mcmike

4, The Stranger

6/10 I do not fuck with uncanny valley shit. 4/10 I am a theater kid, so this could be right up my alley, but all the avatars are glorified theater kids so I think I’ll pass

5, The Desolation

2/10 I was scared of fire as a kid, but that’s the extent of my fear towards it.

4/10 Fire is pretty, I like setting things on fire, and Agnes is hot (pun intended) but that’s pretty much it

6, The Corruption

5/10 sickness and illness freak me out, but I’m chill with bugs. 2/10 no

7, The Vast

6/10 I went through a huge nihilism phase in middle school so that would factor into it. Honestly having an astronomy class is not going to help with this. But lately it’s less “nothing matters” and more “nothing matters so you can fuck up as much as you need”

8/10 enjoy sky blue motherfuckers!

8, The Buried

6/10 honestly this is a new one. I like to be in small spaces, but I cannot handle caves. I think I can blame Pastra’s Ted the caver video and the lost johns cave episode for this. But also, if we think about The Buried as The Vast opposite and pulled from its more metaphorical aspects (I know the show doesn’t do this very often but bear with me) the fear that everyone depends on you and if you fuck up even slightly everyone will hate you forever? Yeah that’s me

4/10 has we ever met a buried avatar? I have no point of reference. Four out of ten

9, The Web

4/10 this is a tricky one. I’m chill with spiders but the manipulation part for me comes not from the fear that I’m being manipulated, more the fear that I’m being manipulative. That I’m tricking people into caring about me and doing what I want when I really just need to tough it out (would this feed into The Spiral? Not really, right?)

7/10 Spiders, killer aesthetic, breaking the fourth wall. Let me in.

10, The Flesh

9/10 no. No no. No no. No gross. Gross gross gross. Have you seen the episode where the guy hammers all the meat to his apartment and it’s starts to rot through the ceiling? Gross get it away from me.

0/10 no Jared I am not joining your cottagecore lesbian garden leave me alone

11, The Hunt

2/10 I feel like this one should freak me out more than it does. I live in the mountains, surrounded by wild animals, and I have terrible stamina. But honestly? It’s like Jon said. It’s natural. If I don’t bother them they don’t bother me.

3/10 I have terrible stamina. I would make a terrible hunt avatar

12, The Slaughter

5/10 I have strong feelings about war. But there less fear and more disgust, anger, and sadness.

2/10 although it would be nice to go apeshit once and a while, this is a hard no.

13, The Dark

1/10 dude I vibe with the dark. It doesn’t freak me out at all.

9/10 I am practically nocturnal. My sona is the embodiment of darkness incarnate. Hard yes. Give me the shadow powers

14, The End

6/10 honestly this feat comes from less from death itself and more what comes after, and my family’s reaction. The idea of nonexistence is terrifying and maybe there’s something worse. I watched a Scp video, I forgot the specific number, but it was an idea of what happens after death. Essentially, you stay conscious, but you cannot move, trapped in your own body feeling every slow pain of rot or cremation as your atoms split apart over millennium. So yeah, death itself is fine but everything after is scary

8/10 I’ve always had a fascination with death, not actual people dying, but the pomp and glamour we give death. Graveyards and funerals and death gods and all that jazz. Gothic stuff. Also The End is technically the only fear that can win in the long run. The End will come for us all.

15, The Extinction

7/10 Watch the news and you’ll understand what i mean. I was like 5 when I first learned about climate change and I promptly put that in a box in the back of my brain and tried to forget it ever existed.

10/10 dude this isn’t even about the killer aesthetic, this is just cause it’s criminally underrated. Extinction my fear I will be your avatar since no one else will be. Also dude it would be so easy, just send some random people inflammatory news articles, push some people into a hell dimension, and you’re done! Also if any of the other fears complete a ritual, that’s a whole ass free buffet!

TL:DR: Extinction is underrated and Hello jon. apologies for the deception, but i wanted to make sure you started reading, so i thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming youre alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldnt try to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt your self. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

[swallowerofdharma]

Yashiro’s Cruel God part two

Intermission: romanticizing trauma or Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate.

Most people looking at someone like Yashiro would feel deeply sorry and they would make a wish for him to find something or someone good in life. But when we start talking about healing we forget or we don’t know what trauma is. Manga can actually help us understand much better in what terms trauma really works: the word we use in several european languages comes from the Greek word for wound τραῦμα. I don’t have the same linguistics insights for the Japanese words - it would be great to have that insight if someone can provide it - but I have access to visual representations, because a number of mangaka associated traumatic events/memories with physical injuries, and the very severe ones with a lost limb, a lost eye. I have talked about this briefly here. The earliest in life or the most severe or prolonged or repeated traumatic events or experiences - the deeper the injury is registered, written in the brain. In the case of a lost limb, there isn’t much healing to do, that part of the body is forever changed, but there are other things to do: relearning how to do things in different ways according to the changes and forgetting about what you could do before or what other people can do with their limbs intact and fully functioning. Of course you can get a prosthetic, an aid, you work around the injured parts. But they ache, they give you phantom pain, they don’t grow back, and the healing is only possible in the parts that are left. Thinking about trauma like this is how we don’t romanticize it. I really think that Yoneda-san is intentionally making a point to show how difficult this process of adaptation is and also how common is for the people around Yashiro to not fully understand or care or know what can be done and what can’t be done. Only Yashiro knows himself that well, can properly determine his boundaries. First he went through a long phase of trial and error and he progressively learned to regulate his impulses quite successfully I must say, because we see that he was alone, lacking guidance, and he did end up naked in an alley, but at least he was sober and drug free. That is when Misumi came in and, although he had also his selfish motives and interests, he cared enough and offered Yashiro some guidance and most importantly conditions so that Yashiro needed to learn how to restrain himself and only indulge his sex drive more safely and more intentionally, setting new rules and adapting to a life full of other responsibilities and commitments. Remember that the premise here isn’t to assign blame or make moral judgments or excuses, but to understand how these characters grew, matured or changed or how they developed their expectations and interpretations of the world around them.

There were areas where Yashiro, as a full formed adult, still refused to be challenged, mostly because he had adapted and learned how to be self reliant, but unfortunately also because he interiorized an image of himself as someone unlovable, as a consequence of his parents’ behavior and later his unrequited feelings for Kageyama. Yashiro can absolutely find love. He fell in love twice, other people have fallen in love with him before, he doesn’t want to hurt others, he generally cares, he has gained much better social skills than those he had as a teenager, he is still an eccentric but not unreasonable or crazy. The problem is that he doesn’t know how to accept romantic love because he doesn’t recognize the feelings of being loved. The new experience is confusing, disorienting and scary, nauseating, because he lacks points of reference. He can’t go back to a foundation in love, an original self that is pure and secure and healthy, because his parents didn’t help him build it or deliberately destroyed and reshaped it with fear. Romanticism poses love as a good, natural, inevitable human thing, implies an ideal world where everyone has that pure healthy self and if pain and hardship are inevitable in life and each person is wounded, they must get to heal normally or simply by reaching back and restoring that pure and secure and healthy self as much as possible. If it was parental love/care and responsibility to offer the best condition for the self to be that way, then it will be the love/passion and commitment of a romantic partner to help healing the inevitability wounded self later in life.

I don’t think it was pure coincidence that in the same chapter you have these two different scenes not far from each other. Doumeki has been left behind and he is reminiscing about the events that brought him to this point. I am still focusing on Yashiro now, so that I haven’t properly talked about Doumeki, who has his own wounds within him, but as I mentioned last time, Doumeki experienced betrayal, especially regarding his father, after he already had a foundation in a family with a sufficient amount of care. Even if his parents weren’t especially doting or his experience was so much at odds with his sister’s experience inside the same family, he still developed normally, if not very reserved or able to express himself only through controlled physical aggression at kendo practice. We see in this memory another element, Doumeki playing normally with other boys and having fun. When the chapter goes on showing Yashiro in a flashback, we see him spying on Kurobane’s nephew on Misumi’s order. But we also see him as this uncomfortable nineteen years old who is an outsider and feels like one when confronted with normal children playing normal games.

I’d really like to write a proper analysis of the confrontation between Yashiro and Doumeki in the car in chapter 32, because I think that conversation is a very good example of two people coming from completely different places and confronting each other without reaching a solution that would work for both of them, because of lack of understanding and the extreme difficulty to communicate. We see very well here how the dynamics older/younger and realist/romantic play out. Scenes like these, where they talk, get to know each other, they are there and they were frequent even.

For now, I just want to underline another example of Yashiro looking at children with a foundation in love/safety from the outside and having to wrangle with that feeling of alienation. How can he take part in that same world as these people, how can he be part of the same world Doumeki lives in? Since he is going to meet Hirata and he doesn’t know what might happen there, his only choice is to leave Doumeki behind, but since he doesn’t obey anymore, Yashiro has to push him away and, if necessary, intentionally hurt him. Doumeki tries different strategies to stay, and Yashiro seems to relent on occasions, but when the time comes, he takes the gun and shoots.

Again a long post, and I don’t know how much I have accomplished with this. Between phone calls and my cat giving me the stinky eye because I am two minutes late to feed her, although I had mentally prepared to tackle the part about Doumeki, I recon I am going to leave this part as it is and continue the analysis later. Hope you don’t mind, I am not great at planning things out. So this is again to be continued…

[ssa-dado]

PHI RAMBLES ABOUT MEETING AN IRL VERSION OF MR. UNIT CHIEF (he's married tho) So, I had a funny, excruciating misadventure today that led me to meet an IRL version of Hotch :) - full ramble below. I was never gifted with the power of synthesis so now you get the whole story from the start - I swear it's funny

As some of you know, I'm studying architecture, and this year I'm taking a "restoration of architecture" course. Our big project is to restore a historical building, and my group got assigned a 1940s fascist-era church.

Before we can start, there’s this endless documentation phase where we have to dig into the church’s history, context, and then measure everything using a technique that takes forever. Part of this involves finding out if the church has been restored before and showing it graphically.

Since it's a minor church in our university town, we were told that getting the info would be easy and not contorted , all we had to do was simply just ask the priest.

But he was a nightmare. THAT FUCKER-

He claimed the friars who once owned the church took all the documents, so he “didn’t know” anything about its history and neither he had all the legal documents with the technical drawings (even if it's mandatory for him to have them). Later, though, we found out he FUCKING LYING TO US because he’s all over the internet talking about the church’s history :)))))))

Desperate, we went to the municipality today to see if they had any legal documents from past restorations (the permissions to build etc), hoping to find technical drawings we could piece together for our project.

Of course, this whole thing turned into a misadventure because, in architecture university, they don’t teach you how to handle the legalities of getting a project approved, just theory, history, how to draft technical documents, construction techniques, and building statics. So, when we got to the municipality, we didn’t even know what to ask for; we literally just said, “So… we’re with the university, and we need to consult the technical drawings of X church.” We’d even called earlier, but they had no clue what we were talking about, so we ended up spending an hour getting redirected from one department to another. One guy even told us, “Go to the 4th floor and knock on every office door until you get what you need.” Seriously, there were about 30 offices up there :)))))

We finally reach the infamous 4th floor, aka the urban planning department, which was like a maze of corridors (no entry desk, no secretary, nothing). As we’re wandering around like lost deer, we see this guy talking with two other people. He senses us immediately, turns around, and asks if we need help. (Picture us: three confused students surrounded by 40-somethings in professional attire.) We explain we need info on the church, and he immediately asks something in legalese, something about an architectural constraint on the church. Naturally, we had no idea because all this information was supposed to come from the priest. His colleagues immediately disappeared back into their offices, but instead of dismissing us, he tells us to follow him to his office.

There, he checks himself if the church has any architectural constraints. (It doesn’t directly, but the park behind it does, so there’s an indirect constraint.) Then, with the softest, most reassuring tone, he tells us that we shouldn’t even be here because technically, the priest should have all this information. We tell him about the priest’s excuse - the supposed “theft” of the files by the friars - and he just rolls his eyes, like, “Of course he did,” clearly seeing through it.

We’re still worried he won’t be able to help, but he tells us we should go to the superintendent’s office. It’s 30 km away, and we’d need authorization from the priest and our university to access it. But then he says, “You know what, I’ll call them myself and make it look like I’m working on it so you don’t waste your time.” At that point, I was ready to propose to him.

As we’re talking, he mentions that he got his daughter baptized at this church and recalls, with the sweetest smile, that the roof collapsed five years ago and he didn’t know they’d reopened it. Total Hotch vibes.. his desk is impeccably organized, but his corkboard is covered with his daughter’s drawings. And this man is fine. Grey hair, beard, glasses, the whole package.

Then he walks us (instead of letting us wander aimlessly) to the archive office and explains everything we need to the technical analyst there. He even tells us to come back to him when we’re done. We eventually get authorization for three documents, and of course, we return to ask if he’s found anything else. He checks our documents and says, “Oh, so you managed to get something, can I see?” Um, yes, absolutely.

He points out that he’d found a photo of the worksite sign from the latest restoration (2023), which includes the name of the commissioner, and asks why his colleague only gave us files up to 2008. Back we go to Garcia 2.0, who authorizes the 2023 document, which is digitized, so we won’t have to spend hours redrawing it. If it weren’t for Hotch 2.0, we’d be lost!

Also, I’m 100% in love, we met him again while waiting for the bus, and he bikes to work with a seat for his daughter attached on the back. (And note: while we were in his office, at least 10 other colleagues came looking for him because he was needed elsewhere, but he still gave us all his time. No appointment, no nothing!)

God how I love lawyers, especially if they are specialised in the architecture field.

Something incredibly attractive he did was, in the softest voice, explaining the procedures he was doing on the computer. I only understood about a third of it because it was mostly in legalese, but the fact that he took the time to instruct us on something no one else bothered to tell us AAAAAA and the fact that he took the time, even if others were asking for his help.. HOT HOT HOT

Too bad he's married, I wanted to be his controversially younger gf

The way I could easily turn this misadventure into a one shot in which hotch helps the reader to get the authorizations HAHAHAHAHAH

[mazelicious]

Emily Prentiss x Reader

Season 7 Episode 1 spoilers, Canon divergent, angst, faked death, funeral, fluff, nightmares, comfort.

Requested by @wanhedaskaiprisa and Anonymous

The eggplant painted fingers of Penelope Garcia were wrapped tightly around your back as she guided your steps through the field. On your right Derek Morgan's strong hand was clutched around your forearm, bracing you, prepared to pull you up at the slightest shakes in your knees.

Your eyes were clouded with tears as you glanced around your surroundings, blurs of people who were here for the political capital, conveniently a lack of Emily's mother who never approved of your relationship from the one state dinner you shared, and most importantly the BAU, surrounding you, protecting you, they were truly a family, a broken family who lost a member.

You were supposed to give a eulogy, you were supposed to rattle off the list of her accomplishments, you were supposed to display the correct amount of tears and say you would love her forever. Instead JJ took one look at you and took the notes out of your hands.

She was the better griever between the two of you, she was the one who got over cases quicker, but still there was something uncanny about the way she handled her speech. It didn't phase you, you were frankly a mess, a loss for words, a hopeless case. It's funny how hard it is for the human brain to empathize with loss, because before you had known what it was like to fall for Emily Goddamn Prentiss, you could never feel the victims wives and husbands pain, but with the scorching tears swelling your eyes and burning your skin you appreciated a new understanding for them. Too bad it took you weeks to be back in the field.

The first days were the easiest, you were in shock, you were fine. Penelope came to check on you every morning, you had Sergio, you had Emily's apartment.

On the fourth day you woke up and didn't get out of bed. When Penelope came to check on you Sergio had broken into the bag of cat food, and she decided to take him home with her when you couldn't look her in the eye.

After a month you came back to work, only to help Derek with finding Doyle, to be honest it wasn't work, it was Reid holding back his genius so you could feel like you were helping and Penelope showing you pictures of cats while you hung back from the field in her office.

That was until Hotch decided the team needed a little more help on the Doyle case.

His suited figure stepped away from the door frame and there was Emily Goddamn Prentiss.

She looked around. She mumbled something about how much it killed her. She hugged Spencer and Derek, and finally she made eye contact with you.

Your hands were bitten raw and your eyes were blurred in tears.

"Y/N...."

"Emily."

"I'm so so sorry."

"FUCK YOU. You couldn't give me a single word? A LETTER?? Was it even real, was I just another one of your covers? HOW CAN YOU EVEN PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT ME?!"

"Wait-"

You ran for your life, you didn't even know where you were going. You heard voices yelling back at you, you ignored them. You got coffee, you spilled the cup. You went home and you didn't leave. You didn't eat,

you slept for so long.

Then Emily finally returned, apparently Doyle was dead, apparently she could stay with you now.

It started with cleaning, the apartment was a mess, you two cleaned together, silently. You sang your hearts out to cheesy pop songs and you took care of Sergio after Penelope brought him back.

She slept in the guest room, you slept on her side of the bed.

One night you were dreaming. Dreaming? No, you were screaming and crying in your sleep. You were having a terror, it was the same one as always.

You were woken up by a squeeze in your wrist and a light shake of your torso.

"Y/N. You're okay, you're safe, I'm right here."

You woke up dizzy and exhausted with tears welling your eyes.

"Come here."

She had your head in her lap and your heartbeat rested to line up with hers.

"It helps if you talk about it."

"Ok"

You took a deep breath, you stuttered and your voice shook.

"Me and..

and him we were racing to get to you first, he always won."

"Honey"

"He carved his name into you... And I couldn't do anything."

"It's not your fault."

"I couldn't do anything."

"Hey! I'm right here. I'm okay now. I'm here and you're safe, were safe."

She wrapped her hands around your head, she held you tightly, you had never felt so safe, and you couldn't believe yourself. You were safe in her arms again. You were unbelievably trusting her again. Honestly you wouldn't change a thing.

[osakanone]

How to Domesticate Your Pilot

tw: emotional abuse, abusive relationship, slavery, drug use, nonconsensual

Chapter 3: Do not abuse your wolves

Part 1: Action patterning: Initial Phases

On patterning, and its consequences.

Music: Five Sharps - Meditation for a Lost Pup

A lot of outsiders assume this one is going to be perverted in some way, like pet-play and stuff like that and really its more like being a parent until they mentally mature and come out of the adjustment period. In the beginning, a pilot's mind is regressed to a more platonic, more child-like state where their neuroplasticity is incredible compared to how it is normally, their capacity for learning is incredible: Its not unlike lysergic acid derived innocence, or things like that. Violence will genuinely traumatize them while they're in this state, so you must protect them. Even violent media will make them uncomfortable, you know? Be gentle. And be patient. Please. This is a fleeting time, and although it'll seem like it lasts forever, its over so quickly. You'll miss it, wondering where it all went. I still miss those days sometimes. You have to be a carer of sorts, as they re-learn to walk, and how to move and even speak. The result is someone who loves with the poise of a ballet trainer, the conserved motion of a boxer. Nearly inhuman levels of precision and grace. But until then, they're dependant on you. Its very short, but this is the period where they bond with you -- like a child might a mother, or as a dog might an owner -- and that bond is what makes this whole thing work. It is complete and utter selfless devotion on a level no human of sound mind is capable of comprehending: It simply isn't biologically possible for us to imagine what they're feeling, what they're going through. We just can't. The closest I've heard is its like falling in love for the first time, when love is new and beautiful and strange and pure, and you don't understand it or try to navigate it or circumvent or control it because you don't even realize it consciously. Only, its like that every day. For them, it never goes away. For the rest of their lives. -- RN, handler of Juno

Account: Sensory Sensitivity

Soundscape: The Hearts of Wolves

I cannot see, yet my ears are so young, Like when the world was new This strange clarity: I hear all; Thunder bakes the sky distantly A leaking window, through which cold wind whistles along, along Candles, whispering Slow tinkling bells along, along And the ship's engine room, four decks below along, along All separate All together: I hear all. -- Juno, pilot of RN, transcribed record taken during the adjustment period of action patterning

Addendum 2:

Q: "Is it ethical?"

Many self-elect, thinking it would fix them, that they want to be fixed… But they really don't understand what they're getting into. The worst is that after its done, even if they wouldn't have wanted it before, they would have no idea of that possibility now. It would be completely alien to them. We have absolutely no way of ever knowing if any of these are truly consensual, or have ever been consensual. -- LR

[your-queer-dad]

Hi Dad

This is the person who wrote about being too old recently and about a lost ask. I don’t have the previous text anymore so I’ll wri

TW: rant, suicide mentiones, depression, OCD intrusive thoughts, war, ED

So, I have been going through some stuff for the last ~10 years, having to relocated cause of war twice, various toxic situations and relationships, coming out as trans and loosing half of my friend group, so on. But I always felt like there will be a point where somehow, through magic, luck and working on it, I would get better.

But recently I’ve been feeling kinda hopeless, it seems like all any attempt at improvement does is just show me a new flavour of how being miserable. My 20s will end in a few years and I’m just a mess again. Most days it’s hard to do basic tasks and my work on top of that, some days it’s hard to even take public transport cause my brain like to tell me that I’m a predator if I look at people for more than 0.01 seconds without a “good reason”. I’ve even tried taking the easy route out, but could go through with it.

I am also overweight and have been so for most of my life. I know that this is just my body type and that some people find it beautiful, but I just cannot force myself to love it. Been going through starving myself and overeating phases but always end up in the same phase. A year and a half ago, when I cried alone on my birthday because I saw myself in the mirror and thought that noone could ever love me like that. That I am trapped forever being forgotten and unwanted and playing second fiddle to the happy endings of other people.

I have wonderful friends, a good career, I live in a beautiful and queer-friendly city. But I just don’t know how to not feel awful and dissociated and guilty and in pain all of the time. I even eat salads everyday, yes dad, you can be proud of me I no longer feed myself frozen pizzas! Tried 5+ different psych meds, went to multiple therapists and looking for one again, talked to a bunch of doctors but nothing is ever helping. Nothing is ever getting better in my head or in my heart.

Sorry if this is too dark, I just wanted to vent a but without burdening my friends with it again.

Thanks for being around, dad.

Hey kiddo! I'm really happy to hear from you again. It sounds like you've been through so much kiddo and I'm so sorry you've been through so much. But you're still here, and it sounds like you've been trying so hard. I'm so proud of you- and I'm really glad you're here.

The thing with mental health is you can have the most picture perfect life you could imagine, friends, family, career the whole shabang- and still be depressed. Sometimes mental health issues don't go away, or we struggle with them for years and years. Maybe they'll never go away. But we grow around them, our lives expand and bloom around it, and sure it's still there but as things grow the issues feel smaller and smaller. It'll be there, but you'll have other things as well.

Not every day can be a good day, but someday the good days will out weigh the bad ones. You just gotta hold on til you see them.

I'm so incredibly proud of you kiddo. You're doing so well, through so much shit- keep going and I'll always be here to listen. 🫂

- dad x

[northlt03]

Highly recommend listening to work song by Hozier while reading cause that’s what I was listening to while writing.

They buried the coffin without a body inside.

The sky was weeping with the funeral guests. A grey, dreary sort of background to their grief. The whole word seemed to be at a standstill, all of them mourning the death of a star. Something so beautiful, so disastrous- a supernova.

The boy watched them from the shadows. He didn’t dare join their sorrow. Fake tears and attendance for the sake of the papers. Was that all they cared about? Their image in the eyes of others? How had he loved these people? He called them his family?

Walburga Black sniffed with a handkerchief to her nose. She cursed the dead, called him names. Said he should have stayed in line, listened to the dark lord. In war, there was no good side or bad side, all that mattered was the side that emerged victorious, the side that guaranteed your own survival.

The Blacks were selfish like that.

Narcissa Malfoy watched, stoic as ever, her husband by her side.She cursed him too, called him stupid. Too much like your brother, she said.

For the first time, the boy in the shadows was proud of the comparison.

The heart of the lion. That’s what his name meant. For once, he’d been deserving of the name.

There was no eulogy, no one preached about what a great person he had been, because he hadn’t. He’d been a scared child. Only eighteen years old. Eighteen years old and he wanted to take on the world.

The rebellious phase had come a bit too late for him.

So many weren’t able to come.

So many came after the funeral was over.

Sirius was expected, sobbing, clutching his chest like he’d just lost his lungs. He was a sputtering incoherent mess. He’d never shown this much care when he was alive. Or perhaps he had, and the boy in the shadows had been too blind to see.

Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t touch Sirius, not now. Not anymore.

His big brother, meant to keep him safe.

James came next. If Sirius was a mess, James made him look sane.

The boy in the shadows wished he hadn’t shown up. That way, he could hate him forever. But it was James, of course James would come.

It felt wrong to see the sun weep, golden tears touching the earth where his coffin was buried. James was a boy made of fire, meant to burn. He wasn’t meant to cry by the grave of the boy he loved once.

Memories snaked through his mind, unwelcome. They twisted his heart, wringing every last drop of care from him.

But his heart would grow more, he had people that cared about him. James would love again, red hair and a flash of green eyes.

The boy in the shadows swallowed his jealousy.

Pandora was next. Her life had been snatched from her, not once, not twice, but thrice. First Dorcas, heartbroken from the loss of her love. She’d been foolish, reckless. But she’d been the best of them.

The boy in the shadows wondered where she was buried.

Barty was a lost cause ever since then. They said he’d gone mad, but he went mad long after the supernova. A celestial body, wiped from existence.

This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. They were supposed to make it. They were supposed to graduate. They were supposed to have their lives ahead of them, marriage and love, children and fulfilling long lives. Dorcas and Marlene, Barty and Evan, James and…

No one came after that.

Evan couldn’t, too busy risking his life. He’d die soon enough. Pandora would follow. Barty at last. And there would be no proof of their existence. No one could say they existed once, they lived and laughed and ran through the corridors.

The boy emerged from the shadows. His face gaunt, alive and dead at the same time. He was all sharp edges, eyebrows drawn together in determination, stormy grey eyes fixed in a glare. Even his soft, dark curls had an air of importance to them. He looked like royalty, a boy meant to rule. Forced to grow up too fast.

Regulus black stared at his own gravestone. His name stared back at his ghost.

His body was at the bottom of a lake, not quite dead, but not quite alive either. He’d stay like that, maybe forever. And all because he’d been foolish enough to play the hero.

[popculturebuffet]

Transformers: More Than Meets The Eye Retrospective Issue 6: Interiors

Hello all you happy autbots and welcome back aboard the lost light. So there's a few bits of buisness to attend to before we hop back on board after our detour with the Wreckers for some needed context, something i'm glad we did as I forgot this issue is essentially a direct sequel to last stand. While Lost Light follows up on some plot points, this one directly follows up on Fort Max and what he went through… and also ties some other threads into it, one being why Whirl is in court mandated therapy in the first place, the other i'll save as if you have context, it's one hell of a cliffhanger. If your me and you didn't, you just scratch your head a bit.

The first is some great news: Brotoman.exe in addition to paying for the wreckers review is now doubling down on patreon, being my first 10 dollar patreon in some time and thus we'll be covering the issues 2 at a time instead of 1.. and sometimes more if he feels like it. While I have something of a schedule ready, it's flexible, so you can expect AT LEAST two issues a month and sometimes more from here on out. We also plan to thread in the two drift mini series, the second wreckers mini series, and the final wreckers one shot as we go.

Threading things in also leads to the second announcment which is a story thing: As a result of how we're doing this the next two months are going to be a bit different barring Brotoman adding any issues as the next three sets of issues are all something diffrent: We'll be covering the two spotlight issues next month. During Phase 1 of IDW Transformers, they frequently did issues like this, little issues to spotlight one character and help widen the story outside of ongoings, the central mini series and what have you. I liked that system a lot, and it's something IDW was really great at and did later again with TMNT, though with Microseries instead (i.e. a one shot with a neat name). There were only two made for the Lost Light side of things and after this phase they stopped doing them, likely both due to both series being so plot dense it was hard to squeeze them in and the addition of Windblade as a third ongoing likely making it finacially tough. We'd still get a few one shots later on with a christmas special and a revolution tie in, but both are more fun side stories.

Then while MTMTE returns in March, it's for our first Scavengers arc. If you haven't read the series, buckle up and if you had, then you know it means our heroes will take a breather so a new bunch of screw ups from the other side of the forever war can take stage. Finally we'll be covering Chaos Theory, which while intended as a prequel to the Chaos arc that ended the Carey era of transformers and ushered in the MTMTE and RID era, it also serves as one ot this series as it sets up cybertron's past, something that will become heavily important to the series and also stealth introduces Whirl. T

So before things change, we've got a hostage situation to deal with so join me as we spend a lot of time in a therapists office under the cut

We open in Rung's office where Fort Max is in therapy. He's not exactly opening up about G9 despite rung prodding, not wanting to relive his trauma… which as we see had Overlord planning to murder someone every second he didn't reveal the truth. We also find out why Overlord was intrested in Aquetius and thus had max plugged in, as in hindsight , and I kick myself for not thinking of this he had no reason to other than to be a dick, which was probable but didn't seem right. Why would a rogue decpticon care about airing the autobots dirty laundry? That wouldn't get megatron to notice him and fufill his death wish any faster. No he wanted something UNDER IT. There was something else there and having forgotten what i'm chomping at the bit to find out. Point is he's not opening up.

What is open , for now anyways is swerve as they play a rousing game of guess who transformed, which Chromedome is great at though Rewind is usually better. Pipes.. is alive?!

Yeah I was floored by this. While I remember a lot about more than meets the eye, some details just slipped so i'd just.. assumed pipes was good and dead last time but other than being shaky about transforming, for obvious reasons, he's fine… for now. As for where Rewind is he's outside as Tailgate finds out when he sits down, having asked Cyclonus to join them and got the response you'd respect

We also get a hint of how the two met .. at a relinquishment clinic but that's all we ge tfor now

Ultra Magnus walks in… and as you'd expect yells at swerve before dragging him off in chains.. well handcuffs, Rodimus hid the chains for obvious reasons. Fort Max then comes in grumpy.. and just up and shoots pipes. Yeah I forgot about this part.. I knew what he did NEXT… but it's one of the only joys of my spotty memory: sometimes you forget a moment or something, and thus you get to be suprised all over again.

So things then went from bad to worse as we find out in the situation room later that day: Max didn't stop with just pipes, shooting 4 robots we've never heard of on his way out and now holding Rung hostage. Thanks to Blaster, Soundwaves sadly undeerultized autobot counterpart, they have visual. Magnus also stops in and naturally is very I told you so.. and has earned it as he's absoltuely right that the recently traumatized POW should NOT have been carring around his big old gun. HE still probably coudl've done what he's done so far WITHOUT one, granted, but it wouldn't be nearly as easy. Our heroes find a ray of hope though someone's in there with him who Rodimus hopes is a beacon of stablity and calm to help defuse this tense situa…

We also find out why he's doing this besides you know, clearly needing the therapy he's refused to actually take seriously

While what he's doing is not right he's holding an innocent man and whirl hostage to vent his anger is horrible… said anger is understandable. G9 went silent for years and while sure, we know part of it was Megatron's invasion left the autobots barely functoning due to a combination of their numbers being worn down to next to nothing and bad writing, he dosent know that and even if he did.. they stilll sent ONE SQUAD two years later. It's hard not to feel for the guy even as he's holding an innocent bot whose using his thumb microphone to broadcast the sound hostage… which backfires as soon as Fort Max catches on.. and immdeitly uses up said sympathy twice in a row. He assholishly demands Rodimus turn the ship around and refuses to talk to him or listen to the fact their FAR too far from cybertron for that to actually work anyway, and then rips out Rung's thumb.

One final touch i'll note from all this.. the fact Rodimus.. looked sad as he figured out what Fort Max meant. The guy has enough flaws to fill several more issues of this very comic, but it shows he does care and does feel horrible about what max went through.. even if he's not about to aquiese to his demands.

In the medbay for a thankful break Ratchet notices a pattern.. he'll say it later but all the victims.. look like overlord. Not exactly, pipes for instance has a cool visor thing, but they all have purple eyes and light blue and dark blue chasis.

Back at the hostage situation

Whirl just says to kill them already and be done with it, especially since as he put earlier, telling Rodimus to do something he dosen't want to do never works. This does get Fort Max curious.. why is HE in therapy and in the dog house and while Whirl being.. whirl refuses to answer at first, it's telling that when Max threatens to shoot rung he instantly complies. Whirl was kicked out of the wreckers, we'll find out why shortly, and took it "shoot up the place" badly, so hence the therapy. He also reveals a key part of his backstory for the first time

We'll get a more fleshed out version of this soon enough, but for now comnand notice rungs pointing at his model of the lost light.. specifically to where he is.. and to it's window.

Outside the unlikely duo of Swerve and Rewind are re-riviting the ship as punishment: Swirl for his bar, which he figures he'll keep since while Magnus naturally hates it, Rodimus will brush it off, and Rewind for those discs we saw him get back in issue 1, one of our first chekovs guns to get fired. I really should've been counting every time this series foreshadows something. Maybe next time. Point is we find out they were essentially snuff films: heavy casualty battles that sort of thing. Though rewind isn't a monster.. .he just wants to find someone. He dosent' open up who, yet another setup for later, but we will indeed find out. For now our heroes are useful as being outside they can reach the window and pull a gun on the guy pulling a gun.

Back at the office, Whirl continues his story…

This.. is where Whirl really grew on me. At first he just seems like a quippy, trigger happy robot dead pool but actually forced to get the therapy needs…. that's not bad.. but like wade himself finding out WHY he's like that and seeing the heart underneath really makes him more loveable. He just wanted to make watches, lost that, became a thug, and while he clearly again needs help… it's easy to see why he turned out like this. He was only an autobot because Prime saw good in him.. while Whirl dosen't phrase it that way.. that's really how I feel it. Optimus may be many things.. but he's a good bot and while i'm sure not letting megatron gain more followers was a tiny consideration, the fact is knowing him.. he just saw a bot who was lost and needed a better purpose and took him in for that. It's also likely why, however misguided, he tried to end springer: he saw a friend in pain. Granted it wasn't the best call and he shoudln't of done that, but given what Springer had been through emotinally and physically on garrus 9, you can understand why he might try to do a one flew over the cuckoos nest.

Him declaring rung his friend is also sweet and reframes his actions this whole issue. Sure on paper he's putting everyone at risk because he dosen't care if he nor anyone lives or dies.. but in practice, it's kept the gun AWAY from rung. It's kept Max, aside from the whole thumb incident, focused not on harming Whirl's friend.. but on Whirl himself, who can not only take the hit (He earlier took two punches to the face from Max, but likely figures if he gets shot, then it'll force the bots outside to rush in. He's trying to sacrifcie himself to save Whirl. Why he considers him a friend, to close this bit out… is also easy: Most people on the ship see Whirl as an unstable screwup and while it's mildly true… Rung so far is the only person to treat the guy with kindness, humanity and as a person and not just the mistakes that person made or his mental illness. He's someone trying to help who genuinely belives hin him and that's likely barely happened in the poor bots life.

Things then deteroiate fast as Fort notices they aren't moving and is somehow suprised Rodimus hasn't reverserd course because you know.. why would he? Swerve tries to take the shot, but with Fort max under a pillar Rewind is forced to use those snuff films to his advantage.. using footage of Garrus 9. We get a truly heartbreaking sequence afterwords: Rung manages to calm a freaked out max down.. but not wanting to take a chance Rodimus orders the shot. As a result rewind accidently hits poor Rung, while Whirl stabs Fort Max for causing all of this.

So we end rather grimly: Rodimus is clearly wracked with guilt, the art doing a nice amount of the lifting to show this, and wants Max locked down tight by Red Alert… while Drift is concerned as Red Alert's been acting paranoid hearing voices.. but as we learned last issue those voices are real.. and as we see at the close of this one we not only find out what he was hearing.. but just what Prowl had the duobots smuggle on board

I told you overlord would be important did i?

On that cliffhanger we close this issue. I'm pausing the soundtrack reviews for now both due to the increased workload a coming, and because they just haven't been clicking. They've felt like an afterthrought and it's better to just roll out when the issue does. So i'll see you next month for some Decpticon Shenanigans, and till all are one thanks for reading.

[curoopeez]

(Final?) Update on my vegetarian anti colonialist minecraft world:

I managed to find the stronghold. I will admit, I cheated to find it. I tried the legal way and it didn't work. In fact, it was so hard to find the stronghold that when I finally got to the portal room I had lost one too many ender eyes and had to go back to the nether to make more

The end fight went smoothly, but I was using shaders to make it more epic and that ended up causing me to miss some mlg clutches. It's fine tho, my boots had feather falling maxed out, I barely felt anything

Speaking of enchantmens, I couldn't find any mending books but I did find a couple with sharpness, so I had a sharpness V diamond sword for the battle

Honestly I don't know if I'm gonna keep playing now that I've beat the game. Maybe some day I'll come back to it

Now, lemme talk about my experience under the limitations I put myself through

Early game it's really hard to be a vegetarian. In most worlds that I tried the hail mary was running into pumpkins, because sugarcanes and chikens are easy to find and with sugar eggs and pumpkins you can make pie, which can be a food source until you grow a wheat farm

The enchantments were straight up upsetting. The enchanting table needs an update asap. Make it less random the enchants you get, make it easier to add enchants to an already enchanted item, or at the very least make mending a part of the enchanting table loot.

All the other treasure enchants have reasonable excuses for being exclusive. You have to get soul speed from piglins because they live in the nether and can know ways to navigate there better than any overworlder. You have to get swift sneak from ancient city chests because whoever lived there had to figure out a way to live with wardens around. Frostwalker doesn't have any specific mob or structure connected to it, but at least you can get depth strider from enchanting, which gives you an alternative to move around on water

The only way to get exactly the enchants you want is with villagers, and I have conflicting thoughts about them. On one hand, they are a form of community a player can form, and the fact they are so op highlights the power of making connections and being around other people. On the other, the way the game incentivizes players to interact with villagers resembles slavery in an unconfortable number of ways. I think that could be remedied by changing the restock mechanics so that they have some basic needs met, like making villagers have to sleep or chatter with other villagers to restock (both mechanics already in the game and affect golem spawning)

Nametags should have a crafting recipe. Some of my dogs remained unnamed because I didn't have enough nametags, and I had to leave some nametags behind on chests I knew I wouldn't be able to find again because my inventory was full. Being able to name pets should not be a treasure loot, that's just another thing to be dependent on villagers for

Finally, the stronghold entrance room should be wider. I dug straight down where the ender eyes phased through the floor 3 different times, and each of them I had to mine hundreds of blocks because with the new terrain generation it takes forever to check if you're digging in the wrong place or just not deep enough. Just make a wide entrance room that's all I ask

[seancamerons]

I love semma so much. I love them so much. I have literally written roughly 60 pages of story for a universe I completely aside from a few things, made up, comprising and spanning over twenty years of time so far.

Impressive mildly, to say the least considering I rediscovered an outline for this from 2000s? I of course fleshed out doctored this storyline there's been quite a few versions of this story but ultimately I kind of have a hope that I have given my thirteen or fourteen year old self justice somehow?

At the very least I'm finding myself a writing machine which makes me feel good. 🙃

here's to the genuine hope that someday soon I will complete backtrack, find a way out of this corner I wrote myself into in together forever (an emjay vehicle and my pandemic baby), and some other long, multichaptered works. I suck at writing endings. ✍️

I always aspire to write a holiday esque story this might be the year it happens to be finished on time. Backtrack believe it or not was slated to be in the earlier chapters but I kind of diverged and I'll fated maybe this Christmas I pretty much scrapped and time got away from me is literally holidayesque. I have one I hadn't posted pretty much and this story ive been working on has always been a holiday type story but it doesn't like my other stories aren't all one ship there are multiple relationships interleaved such as in Backtrack there's Cranny and Janny in a weird triangle that ultimately leads to fall out for one ship and a full on romance for the other relationship which initially was planned to play out much differently than I started with, in this story mentioned above there is an original character and entire life that didn't pan out in canon who now exists in this universe I created circa 2003 and fleshed out and humanesque. By comparison Camille of Backtrack, the Wasaga Beach "girl next door" who is sort of cursed by where she comes from was somewhat based loosely on Theresa from The OC and also if you could believe it Haley James from One Tree Hill.

Camille, affectionately known as Cami or Cam, was Sean's childhood best friend he grew up with in Sean’s trailer park in Wasaga Beach. They were both not from money, she was a smart girl and had potential to be something but circumstances and luck seemed to not be on her side. While other kids in their neighborhood were about parties, drugs, are generally prone to growing up too fast, experimenting deviant behavior and the like they largely flocked together and that stuffc didn't phase them and they were boy and girl but the best of friends, the trope kind of Haley and Lucas or Steve and Robin. No sexual or romantic undertones what so ever. That was them, Sean and Camille, though at thirteen.

Camille knew Sean was going through a lot. Tyler Bishop was a popular guy who would push the other peers around but she never put up with that. Things were going in a bad direction and Sean’s anger was reaching a boiling point.

He blacked out in a rage and we know what happens next.

It's worth noting she initially dated or pursued Tyler, who was Sean's enemy, bully, and later catalyst for his departure from Wasaga, to get him off of Sean's back and she had a slight crush on him but she didn't intend to betray her best friend but tensions with Sean and Tyler only intensified.

When he went to live with Tracker, he unfortunately lost contact with Camille. She grew to love Tyler a little prior to Sean and Tracker’s fight, implied he

Fast forward to when Sean returned to Degrassi, and he and Tyler with Camille's now together in a long term happy relationship, Sean was able to bury the beef with Tyler and be peaceful and worked toward a friendship while they attended Wasaga High together for their junior year. Camille was still gearing up for her future. She still had good grades she had uncertainty about college and lack of funds and since Sean left she became a popular student through her relationship with Tyler and experienced the things they'd sort of thumb their nose at as young kids before things changed.

Sean then of course joined his friends back in Toronto at the start of the next school year and ultimately pursued the military and enlisted and all that. Fast forward to 2013 he briefly returns to his trailer park community. Camille is around, she wasn't successful post college and returned home after she graduated and is living with Tyler in this off and on revolving door relationship. She was in home Healthcare and taking care of Sean’s sickly father and her own older parents we don't really know them. The old friends catch up one night over beers and in their loneliness and drunken state have a brief hook up and one night stand resulting in a pregnancy and around the time Tyler and Camille reconcile. Days later Sean returns to Toronto and pursues a life there and also Emma who Camille knew all about her and was supportive of him. Their hook up wasn't something that ruined their friendship and was buried because she didn't know she was pregnant until months later. When she finally discovered it she assumed it was Tyler's because they were in a relationship around two days after Sean’s and they had make up sex. It's also worth noting Tyler is an alcoholic but he is a hardworking guy and loves Camille. He can't wait to be a father but she's looking for a way out because of his temper. They've had violent arguments before it's implied much like Theresa and Eddie in Chino and the animosity between Sean and Tyler in the past is the only real reason for their arrangement and she felts guilty, couoled with arguments and she can't justify staying together but ahe doesn't know how to be alone anymore. He's a very possessive boyfriend and she'd be arguably more successful and got away like Sean did if Tyler didn't root her in Wasaga and financial aspects and other influences too keep her complcant compliant and generally beat down so nothing changed really.

Tyler's alcoholism intensified with the financial stress of working more to provide for the incoming baby. It became more evident that there was a possibility that he might not be the father of the baby. Sean and Emma, since we're in a committed relationship, and paid his mom and dad a visit in a later chapter. Emma heard a doorbell ring and opened the door to find Camille in the early morning to take Sean's father's daily vitals and such visably pregnant. They shared a pleasant conversation while Sean slept unaware.

Emma had never heard of Camille or his life in Wasaga like it was some dirty little secret and she had limited information aside from how he wound up in Toronto but not the key players in the rest of it in the meantime. In Sean's past, she was key and instrumental. It needless to say hurt her feelings.

By now, all four are adults. The pregnancy on Camille is unplanned, but timing was on their side. Prior to this, Emma had been previously married to Spinner. They never had children and were currently divorced for over a year, and Sean and Emma reunited in December and quickly became romantic by Christmastime. Also, Tyler wants to be committed with Camille stable but his alcoholism and implied temper cause tensions and barriers and the fight to end all fights puts her in fight or flight mode and she ran away when he passed out.

somewhere along the lines prior to this all, Emma finds out she can't have a family of her own. She is essentially sterile Camille agreed to a surrogate situation upon finding out the news, and her circumstances being what they are it made the most logical sense. By now she sheltered by a battered women's drug and mental health center in Toronto since the violent fight with Tyler, she later meets Alex Nuñes there who is in recovery (drug addiction) become close as roommates. Sean and Emma catch wind through Alex of this situation, and Camille gets discharged, and she moves in with Sean and Emma.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

Even if there's plenty of problems with how the MCU writes women that doesn't mean there isn't a lot of criticism made in bad faith. Like, people where complaining about She-Hulk when the only thing out was the Logo. "Why does there have to be a female Hulk." Ask as if she wasn't a character who's been around for over 40 years.

Yes, it is important for women and girls to be their own heroes but there's nothing wrong with female counterparts. There can actually be a lot value in them. Sometimes it's good for children to see themselves in not just a hero, but THE hero. It's great that a black kid can see that they can be Captain America or Spider-Man, the hero everyone knows and adores. Same hold true for girls. That there's Carol Danvers is equal to her male predecessor. It's important that the Bat-Family is a family and that Kathy and Barbara wear the logo.

Anyway, point is that the Distaff Counterpart is simply a character that can be done well or poorly and that "Why girl version of guy character, but not boy version of Lady character" is not a real criticism. Jessica is going to be in n Spider-verse 2 and I'm so excited

There is a lot of criticism done in bad faith, I couldn't agree more with you!

The She-Hulk craze was a dumpster-fire in the worst possible way. I didn't watch the show and I only criticized her speech to Bruce regarding catcalling (mainly because it was a lost opportunity to introduce a new character and instead of talking about her personal experiences she went on a general rant on what all women go through + she invalidated Bruce's struggles), but a lot of the criticism I heard about her was ridiculous. Remember all that madness about her twerking? That was a post-credit scene meant to be fun, nothing more, but the amount of hate I saw made my skin crawl - and a lot of it was utterly misogynistic too.

And of course her obsession with Steve and his sexual experiences didn't help. You can't have a series that is supposedly trying to make a point of saying objectifying someone is wrong and then have the title character do just that and frame it as funny.

I'll be honest though and say that I'm not a big fan of female counterparts of male heroes unless they're done well. I didn't mind Kate because she has her own personality and story and she has a great arc throughout the Hawkeye series, but Captain Carter? She's absolutely terrible and she has no story of her own: her What If ep is a copy&paste of TFA where all of Bucky's scenes are given to her. I think the criticism of "this woman is only a male version" only happens when it's done badly, as we saw in Into the Spiderverse that when done well we're all big fans of the outcome.

With that said, reading people trying to pair all women in Phase Four together as something Marvel is doing out of "representation" and claiming they're all just the "female version" of a male hero gets on my nerves, especially when those fans include Shuri in all this. Shuri was introduced in BP1, she's her own character way before she took the Black Panther suit and put it on. It sounds like that type of criticism is in bad faith because it assumes those women need to earn their place on the screen whereas the men are accepted at face value.

As long as we're getting women written well, who cares if instead of Clint we have Kate? Why is it a problem now that it's a woman when it wasn't a problem earlier when the mantle had been given to a man? Or to claim Valkyrie is replacing Thor because she's the King of New Asgard (that's not how it works, she's not female Thor now that she's ruling). It's the same bullshit I read post-Wakanda Forever: if there are more than 2 or 3 women on screen some people start whining and claiming it's all an agenda. So, do we want more women on screen or not? 🤔

[dojae-huh]

Random question

Do you think their relationship (jh and do) will become toxic? Although lately their relationship looks good and even seen a lot on camera unlike the previous year. Will the relationship go smoothly? Or will it turn toxic?

The bigger and longer the relationship, the more love will be lost which turns into love between families. Are they able to distinguish the love between families they have with their love with other members?

Then will their relationship become toxic for themselves, considering that both of them are stubborn and have a fairly high sense of possessiveness. Will their relationship remain healthy in the future?

Then do you feel that lately Do has been showing a lot of openness about his relationship? Even though jh and do have the same insta vibes but lately, do really like posting the vibes that jh posted first. Likewise with the two tiktoks randomly showing their private tiktok only a few days later. Is there any chance of them announcing their relationship later? Even though in South Korea the relationship is still pros and cons.

Sorry, maybe you are dizzy reading my consecutive and not coherent questions. Thanks for sharing your opinion.

I think whether JaeDo part will depend on the life circumstances. I can see a scenario where they can decide it is better to break up, however, I also think that fans and fanfic writers are too keen on this idea (due to JaeDo's on public "divorce").

JaeDo are long past the strictly lust phase when chemicals change the brain and perception of the partner, they are already at the "familial" stage. Many smart and art-oriented people function as life partners (from "partnership", doing something together for mutual benefit, towards one goal).

Both Jae and Do have parents who are still married. Therefore they have this example of a happy marriage and can always consult "pros", i.e. their parents for relationship advice. Doyoung met a couple who rekindled their love after husband's illness on MITH. He has a lot of opinions about the marriage (for example, kids shouldn't be born to be a tool for their parents to feel happy). He is a planner.

A marriage is a thing that needs investment and care. However, that's something the two are good at. Their idol live taught them both how to understand/accept others and how to overcome hardships. As well as the value of the help and support from friends.

I think many shippers look at JaeDo as a circumstational couple. You know, how people in small towns marry someone from their school for lack of choice. Therefore, they think that with time the relationship accumulate problems. However, JaeDo are together despite the circumstances.

There were many divorces during Covid because married couples had to spend a lot of time together in their flats, and interact, and get on each other's nerves, and find out that they can't stand each other for a prolonged time instead of a few hours in the morning and in the evening.

JaeDo spend 24/7 together, and only get stronger. Their compatibility was tested many times. They already went through many obstacles (2017 and Jae's broken heart, Taeyong as Do's bff planning to stay forever by his side, Do's burn out, Jae's scandal and cancellation of acting projects, the tensions among 127 neos during the pandemic, the whole hiding, fake ships, solo stans, and all the irritation it brings).

JaeDo are not a young couple, they have been together for almost 10 years. A crush is also "romantic feelings and fixation", so it counts.

I do have fun with Jae's jealousy, while Do's possesiveness is what makes him betray himself and is worth attention, as such I bring them up often. However, the relationship has a huge amount of warmth, trust and mutual understanding, and that's what long-lasting couples always possess.

I think JaeDo cancel each other's potentially toxic traits nicely. For example, Jaehyun needs praise and cheering on, and Doyoung gives it freely without asking for something in return, he will never gaslight or belittle. Doyoung needs well expressed loyalty, and Jaehyun isn't one to have eyes for others and flirt for the fun of it. Jaehyun gets jealous easily, but Doyoung actually isn't a social butterfly and he knows how to demonstrate how much Jae matters with big or small gestures.

In short. Anything can happen in the future, but JaeDo are a couple made for a success and not an inevitable disaster.

Doyoung has been more open for many months now. The recent events are just fresh on memory.

Who knows, SK is changing fast. Maybe in 10 years it will be possible for celebreties to come out and preserve their job. And maybe k-pop fans will get used to the idea of their oppas getting partners.

Smitten with each other.