#and then i lost them forever and then i went through a phase where i struggled to eat and then i started going batshit w protein bars

[cacw]

wow so cute. NOT! who the hell do you think you are

[leaawrites]

Later

Lando Norris x fem!reader

Summary: part 2 to Now Or Never

Warnings: angst, fluff, I hate this but anyway...

Wordcount: 1.2k

Masterlist, F1 Masterlist

The lights were already bleeding together as she stepped into the club Lando had told her to meet him at. The music could be heard from outside the venue, but inside it was deafening. Loud club classics coming from where the DJ was standing above the crowd and every speaker that was scattered across the room.

Near the entrance, Lando was waiting with a drink ready for her. Greeting her with a hug that lingered a second longer than casual. His voice already drooping a bit as he guided her to where the others were waiting.

"I've got this for ya," he said, giving her the drink in hand. "Max said yer liked it." His British accent becoming clearer with the alcohol. "We're this way."

Taking her hand in his, they pushed through the crowd, Lando stopping all too often to greet someone or take in their congratulations on the good season. Introducing her with her full name.

"She's the reason I look good in the media," he'd say, pulling her into his side with a smile plastered on his face.

Heat coming over her when his lips grazed the top of her head.

"I'm only telling what's true," she answered then, making him laugh to the point he doubled over.

Walking further into the room Lando now had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, keeping her close as he made sure she safely stayed by his side.

"Look who's made it for once," Max said, standing up from his place next to Kelly to greet her.

"Hello, Mr. 4 times World Champion," she greeted him back, gratefully accepting the hug he initiated.

"You're gonna put in a good word for me after what I've read so far?" He asked, pulling back and sitting back down. Arm wrapped around Kelly's shoulders.

"Always," she answered, trying to walk over to the empty places on the couch. Her movement stopping by Lando’s fingers tightening around her hand, pulling her back towards him again.

"What about me?" He asked, already feeling left out. A pout on his face. Big, wide blown pupils looking at her, his bottom lip slightly sticking out.

"As if I ever talk bad about you," she said back, patting his shoulder in assurance. Her hand quickly flying up to cradling his cheek. Fingers tracing over his jaw. Taking a sip from the glass he gave her at the start of the night.

That's how the night went on, filled with drinks, talking and lingering touches that should mean less than they did. His hands on her waist as they danced to the vibrating music, his breath against her skin as he leaned closer to her ear for her to understand him, her head head on his shoulder and her legs thrown over his lap as the night started to wear her out.

"You wanna go back?" Lando asked, drawing shapes on her hip where his hand laid.

"No, just a tired phase, I'll get over it in a bit and be wide awake and then you'll have to put up with my hyper-active for another few hours," she said, slurring her words more than one does at a decent amount of alcohol in their system.

"I wouldn't mind that, you know?" Lando said, his eyes flying over her face, down to her lips. "Forever."

His eyes stayed fixated, not noticing the way her eyes lost the tired look in them. But he noticed the corners of her lips moving down into a frown.

"What do you mean?" She asked, sitting up straighter. His hand slipping from her waist down on the leather of the couch.

"Nothing." Looking away from her, he moved his body further towards the wall next to them. The side of her body that was pressed against his suddenly falling cold. Like dead skin.

"Lando," she started, his eyes not looking at her but the liquid swirling in his glass. "I wanna go home."

Nodding his head, he stood up without another word,walking towards the exit of the club, saying his goodbyes, checking that she was always behind him. Close enough to keep her safe, far enough away to not touch her by accident.

The air outside was cold, the neon lights not keeping them warm like they used to on other occasions. People were still lining up at the entrance to the place they just left.

Walking side by side, the hotel they stayed in was just 15 minutes away.

Watching him walk in front of her she knew that it wasn't nothing he had to say. It was obvious by walking past him. Kicking rocks under his feet, his hands shoved in his pockets, sunglasses pulled over his glass-like eyes.

Taking a few quick steps to catch up with him,she slipped her hand into his, pulling him back under the streetlight, bright neon lights all around them.

"What was that inside?" She asked, not letting him pull away from her grip.

"A party. People were dancing and drinking like us," he answered the obvious. Still not looking up from his shoes.

Rolling her eyes at his answer, she tried being more specific with her question. She knew how good he was at dodging questions, she'd seen it happen all too often. It just never happened to her. "What did you mean when you said 'forever'?"

"Nothing," he said again, seemingly sobering up quick enough to organize his thoughts. "Just a slip up."

"What kind of slip up?" She asked again, not letting him turn away. "Lando, just tell me what you wanted to say. It can’t be that bad. I know the worst people say about you, what could possibly be so bad you can’t tell me?"

Taking in a deep breath, he finally looked at her. All too aware that she wouldn't let loose until she had an answer that satisfied her. One that was the truth. It was her job after all.

"I thought about, since we're in Vegas and all, that if I somehow didn’t lose the championship, I'd ask you to marry me," he confessed, his thumb drawing circles over her hand. Eyes widening at his answer, he continued talking, "It was just a drunk thought I had whenever I couldn’t think straight, don’t think much of it."

"Lando, I barely know you outside of interviews."

"It's insane I know, stop thinking about it." Trying to walk once more, he tried ignoring the small smile pulling on her lips.

"Lando," she said again, tucking him back in. Faces inches apart now. "I barely know you."

"I know, that's what you just said- could you stop making me look stupid?" He rambled on, not quite catching up to the intention behind her words.

"You seemed nice enough to ask a girl out a couple minutes ago. Guess things have changed, huh?"

"You wanna go out with me?"

"That's not how you ask that question to receive a yes, you know?"

"Can I take you out?"

"I'd love to."

"Let's see how I feel about saying yes in a year or two, okay?"

[redrobin-detective]

Continuing my incredibly sporadic and incredibly all over the place Adventure Time watch, it's really hitting me how Finn and Jake really are at completely different stages in life.

Jake had this whole other life going on before Finn became aware. Dogs in this world mature faster, age faster and don't live as long as humans. Jake went through multiple different phases, phases where he was cruel and reckless and even criminal. I had gotten used to Jake being this calm and wise center of the series that it has been eye opening to see that it was a multiyear long struggle to get to that point. And then Finn began coming into his own and wanted to be a hero and Jake changed again for him.

People have commented on the nature of Finn and Jake's relationship and it really does feel like a sibling pair in which there's a sizable gap between the elder and the younger. Jake does at times take on an almost parental role in guiding Finn. As Finn is growing up and really figuring out who he is, Jake is solidly in doggie middle age. While Finn is roaring with restless, reckless energy and trying to figure out who he is, Jake has mostly settled himself and is now making peace with his past and his future.

Jake's death is made out to be tragic but I bet he passed nice and easily of old age without want or regret. A peaceful death. But I believe the real tragedy was not in how Jake died but the fact that he didn't adequately prepare Finn for it. Jake had been the main pillar over the course of Finn's entire life. He has lost people and suffered a lot as teen/young adult, he couldn't imagine a life without Jake even though Finn would live long after Jake had met his natural end. I wonder if the two of them even realized how incongruous their lifespans were. Surely Simon or even the Islanders could have explained it to them. I wonder if it would have even mattered.

Finn did everything with his entire body and being, including love. He had decided early on that Jake was going to be his partner, best friend, brother forever and maybe nothing Jake or anyone said could have convinced him to move on.

[clownstillwritesfanfic]

Let’s talk about the foreshadowing of Klaus and Allison’s relationship in the tarot scene in Season 4 of The Umbrella Academy.

I’m not an expert, I don’t even own my own deck. But I went through a phase where I watched a lot of tarot readings and I do have some books on how to read tarot.

Klaus has the Rider-Waite deck which is the most popular tarot deck. Anyone that does tarot probably has their own copy. It’s just very iconic.

The first card Klaus pulls is The Lovers, which causes him to joke about not being laid.

This is actually excellent foreshadowing. At this point, he still hasn’t taken the marigold.

The Lovers is a very powerful card. It’s telling him he will face temptation of some sort soon or it can be about existing relationships. The relationship does not have to be romantic or sexual. This can be shown directly after he is given the marigold. Allison gives him the marigold to save his life because she loves him. But this ultimately strains their relationship due to his trust being broken.

This causes him to revert back to his old ways with drugs. The temptation is back. His first love. And the drugs cause him to end up being prostituted out and subsequently, getting laid.

The second card he pulls is The Tower. And his reaction is interesting because…this is NOT the kind of card you’d like to see.

The Tower doesn’t directly mean loss of self control on its own, but when paired with The Lovers, it can very much be interpreted that way.

The Tower is actually a scary card to pull sometimes. It represents danger, sudden change, and destruction, among other things. Now it’s not always bad. But it’s not a card you’d be happy to see in most readings.

Him being so nonchalant while pulling that card is kinda crazy to me. Especially when he’s so freaked out about safety. The Tower is basically a huge warning sign that shit is gonna get rough.

Tarot can be read in multiple ways, it’s personal to each person. But they way I’m reading this is that this is also foreshadowing the chaos and destruction the Cleanse will bring. He’s doing this while he’s in the van while the others look for Jennifer.

The Tower also can represent higher learning and liberation, something the Keepers believe the Cleanse will bring.

Now obviously Klaus isn’t doing a general reading, he’s doing a personal reading. So for him, The Tower mixed with The Lovers could be a form of loss of control, especially since he won’t be able to consent to having the marigold forced back in him by someone he trusts and loves. He lost control of that.

The third card he pulls is actually wrong.

This is not Death. This is the Ten of Swords.

Despite its name, Death is not actually representative of actual death. It actually means the end of something. What’s interesting about Death is that it can have different meanings depending on who you are. For example, a man pulling this card could represent the loss of a benefactor. Who’s Klaus’ benefactor? Allison. She lets him stay in her house rent free, eat her food, bubble wrap everything, because she loves him and wants him to stay sober.

However…he didn’t actually pull Death. My guess is they didn’t do their homework well enough and thought that because the card doesn’t have the name of it on it like The Lovers or The Tower did and they saw the picture of a man stabbed to death, they just assumed this was the Death card.

Despite that, the Ten of Swords plays perfectly into this. This card represents betrayal. Pulling this card signifies somebody will betray you very soon or you already have been.

And who betrays Klaus? Allison.

On their own these cards are damning. But together it tells a story. Someone Klaus loves will betray him and send him on a path of self destruction and this will forever ruin his relationship with them.

Allison betrays his trust and gives him the marigold to save his life due to love. This causes him to feel betrayed and that’s why he crashes out on her and everyone else and why he ends up going back to drugs and ends up being pimped out to pay back an old debt.

But wait…this also foreshadows something else that happens later in the season.

Who else gets stabbed in the back and betrayed by a lover? Who else has their whole life destroyed only hours before they end up being erased to save the world?

But he’s not the only one…

While season 4 may have been disappointing…the foreshadowing was clever.

[avatar-legends-confessionblog]

Alright look, I understand the desire to project real world issues onto a character. There are an unfortunate amount of toxic men out there and it makes sense that women might want to have a character to represent that that they can then build stories about escaping.

But their choice in Aang will forever baffle me. They picked the 12 yr old who kinda wants to make jewelry for a living. The kid who got pissed at a guy and was willing to forsake an important part of his mission because a man dared to be sexist. The kid who, yes, had explosive outbursts (notably that were out of his control because spirit possession and also happened when he or a loved one was in danger or he lost someone), and when Katara was like "hey, that shit scary and upsetting" he was like "thank you for telling me" and while at first was still on the side of "I have lives to save" did decide to listen to her and try to shut it down. The guy who thought she might not be into him despite all the signs that point otherwise and literally gave her the perfect out by just asking her to confirm. You know, that guy.

And then they hold up someone with some of the biggest red flags a guy can have, like getting pissed at his girlfriend for daring to look at a guy, throwing a guy across a room bc he tried to talk to his (clearly uninterested) girlfriend. Called his girlfriend, and I quote, "a big blah" because she didn't feel comfortable/safe to fully express emotions (wonder why). Saw a post that was like "Aang's the kind of guy to not hit you but hit other things to scare" and meanwhile Zuko is literally over here with scenes like when Iroh was in prison and Zuko destroyed a stool before yelling and insulting the one person who's stood beside him.

And then they're like "but he apologized" and idk how much they know about the cycle of abuse, but an apologetic phase is very key to it. A phase where the abuser apologizes and makes themselves pitiful and sweet so the victim stays with them despite the behavior, but then continues the behavior.

Now, I'm actually a fan of Zuko, my otp is a Zuko ship, and I think this is all stuff he's able to move past and fix as he works through his trauma, but I'm just saying, if people needed a character to project to worst of men onto, it's really weird that they went for the 'love and peace, literally unwilling to kill a genocider' over the 'I own my girlfriend and insult people who love me when I'm vaguely pissed at something'

X

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

TTPD PLAYLISTS PART 4: Old Habits Die Screaming

Better late than never! We're onto the fourth playlist in the "5 Stages of Heartbreak" series, and the one I was most excited to get to, because it's the one I've been obsessed with for the last year. I think I've started and abandoned posts about this about a dozen times, but nothing like an arbitrary deadline to get the juices flowing, right?

(Links to Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 if you missed them)

If the bargaining playlist gagged me when it came out because of the implications of what she wanted and what she'd do to get there, the depression playlist punched me in the gut because of how it highlighted the ramifications of losing these things-- and yourself along with it.

Usual disclaimer: we're going into the themes, focusing on pre-TTPD songs first, have fun.

You can find the full playlists on this Reddit thread, which is where I got the transcripts from.

Let's go: Old Habits Die Screaming, aka Depression

Putting under a cut because this got a little long

Here is how Taylor describes this playlist:

“We're going to be exploring the feelings of depression that often lace their way through my songs. In times like these, I'll write a song because I feel lonely or hopeless. And writing a song feels like the only way to process that intensity of an emotion. And while these things are really, really hard to go through, I often feel like when I'm either listening to songs or writing songs that deal with this intensity of loss and hopelessness — usually that's in the phase where I'm close to getting passed that feeling.”

In other words: It was house and then cardiac arrest.

Track list:

Bigger Than The Whole Sky // Dear Reader // Maroon // You’re Losing Me // my tears ricochet // epiphany // hoax // champagne problems // coney island // right where you left me // Nothing New // All Too Well // Forever Winter // We Were Happy // Last Kiss // Castles Crumbling // Carolina // White Horse

The lyrics that tell (a) story:

Every single thing to come has turned into ashes 'cause it's all over, it's not meant to be, so I’ll say words I don’t believe // You wouldn't take my word for it if you knew who was talking, if you knew where I was walking, to a house, not a home, all alone 'cause nobody's there // How the hell did we lose sight of us again? Sobbing with your head in your hands, ain't that the way shit always ends // How long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? // And I can go anywhere I want, anywhere I want, just not home // "Doc, I think she's crashing out," And some things you just can't speak about // My twisted knife, my sleepless night, my winless fight, this has frozen my ground // "She would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she's fucked in the head," they said // Lost again with no surprises, disappointments, close your eyes and it gets colder and colder when the sun goes down // Did you ever hear about the girl who got frozen? Time went on for everybody else, she won't know it, she's still twenty-three inside her fantasy, how it was supposed to be // I've had too much to drink tonight, how did I go from growing up to breaking down? // Time won't fly, it's like I'm paralyzed by it, I'd like to be my old self again but I'm still trying to find it // I call, just checking up on him, he's up, 3 A.M., pacing, he says, "It's not just a phase I'm in" // Oh, I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore, but they don't give me choices and that's what these tears are for // You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind // My castle's crumbling down and I watch all my bridges burn to the ground // Lost I was born, lonesome I came, lonesome I'll always stay // 'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't our fairytale, I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well

Once again, it was harder to pick out lyrics than I thought it would be, because so many of the songs are one giant ball of depression and grief and any one line could be included here. Based on Taylor's intro (we'll get to that in a second) I tried to weave a story about how the narrator was feeling by picking out lines about their thoughts and actions that depict grief, loss, loneliness and depression. Because while the songs all depict different kinds of loss (dreams, faith, innocence, people, identity, work, etc.), the common thread is the devastation left in their wake.

… And what that story means:

I've said repeatedly over the last year -- to the point where you might be sick of me saying it idk -- that one of the things I love about the Depression playlist is her introduction to it. Because it sums up what her career-- and this album-- have really been about: writing her way through life, even the most painful bits, in order to process her experiences. I know she's said it in other contexts, but it was incredibly poignant to me that she said that when she's dealing with intense loss or sadness, writing about it is how she knows she's on her way to getting through it, which is especially pointed given what we now know are the themes of the album, because TTPD IS about grief, full-stop.

In this way, I do think it's significant that Bigger Than The Whole Sky is the first song on the (pre-TTPD additions) playlist, and the first song to come on the heels of the intro, because it's the starkest, rawest depiction of the actual feeling of depression, and that sets the stage for the rest of the playlist and the story therein. It perfectly distills the idea of life-changing loss and the absolute heaviness of its aftermath, which is then explored throughout the rest of the playlist. (And, unsurprisingly, is exactly what TTPD is about.) It's incredibly vulnerable and brave of her to talk about writing through that hopelessness, and presumably these songs are a reflection of those sentiments.

(Soapbox speech: I've said many times that personally, I believe BTTWS is the gateway to understanding both Midnights and TTPD. Midnights is an album about someone in the throes of depression grappling with how they got to this place and ruminating about events in their life, and TTPD is an album that delves into grief in the aftermath of loss. BTTWS quite literally describes how the narrator feels about both of those very things, and I think is essential to putting listeners in the mindset of the person telling these stories. IMO that's why it's included on Midnights, and why I think it's an excellent "gateway" leading into Fortnight/TTPD, both sonically and thematically. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.)

So with all that being said, this is what this "medley" sounds like to me:

Our dreams have gone up in smoke and I've lost faith in the future // and behind closed doors I am all alone in sitting in this grief // We broke apart and somehow we ended up turning into the very thing we scoffed at // How long could we stew in this sadness before it killed us both? // Because our home is no longer our home anymore // And it's making me careen off a cliff // I can't move past this betrayal // and maybe I would have gotten the life I'd wanted or people expected of me if I weren't so fucked up // The constant letdown is bleeding me dry bit by bit // And I'm stuck here while the world moves on and I don't know how to leave // And on the nights where I drink my sorrows away I wonder how I got here // I miss who I used to be before all of this happened // This isn't temporary, there's something fundamentally wrong // I know I have to leave, but I can't help mourning what I'm giving up in the process // Because you were the one thing I counted on and I never thought you'd give up on us like this // and I'm watching everything we built collapse around us // I might be destined to be alone forever // But in the end, leaving is right, because I don't deserve what you've done to me, and it's time for me to move on.

Oof.

It's just unrelenting sadness from start to finish.

But like with the other playlists, there are bookends to this journey. We start BTTWS with a narrator who is wholly weighed down by unrelenting grief, and we end with White Horse and a narrator who is coming out the other side of it and realizing that they have to walk away in order to save themselves and rebuild after the loss of that dream.

Again: her mind 🤌

I said in the post about the Bargaining playlist that that selection feels like someone grappling with the need for control vs. the lack of it, and this section is what happens when that lack of control sends you into an emotional tailspin, because loss by its very nature is out of your hands. It's the fallout, and the ways in which you claw out of that pit, that help you regain the footing you lost along the way. (Which, again: is extremely evident as a theme on TTPD on the road from grief to mania to depression to rebuilding.)

What struck me in the way this particular playlist was organized is that the album sections almost feel like their own chapters, too. Midnights starts us off with a run about breaking down, breaking apart and intense loneliness. Folklore is about betrayal and the trauma from it. Evermore is about the disappointment in your life not turning out the way you'd dreamed of. Red is about sinking into depression and being unable to find your way out. We Were Happy/Last Kiss/Castles Crumbling is grappling with the life you've built coming down, even when it's at your own hand. Carolina is feeling lonely when no one understands you. And White Horse is the period on the sentence, the summation of the entire journey which is: you might watch your life be dismantled, but in the end, you can rebuild it with an even stronger foundation from what you've learned.

(As an aside: the folklore run in particular struck me, because it feels like the stories in those songs go: losing her masters -> covid -> potentially the inflection point of the relationship breakdown. The track order throughout these playlists is absolutely purposeful and if I could remember what I've been thinking I'd dive into it more, and I'm just curious if this might be one of those things.)

So then jumping back into TTPD, here are the songs that then made the cut afterwards:

Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus // How Did It End? // I Look In People's Windows // Clara Bow // loml // Florida!!! // Down Bad // Fortnight

Maybe it shouldn't be a surprise that the Depression playlist ended up getting the most TTPD songs on it. Because again: it's an album about grief and loss! It makes sense that that informed so much of the art.

You see the pining and grief over the "what if?" from BTTWS in songs like Chloe et al. or I Look In People's Windows or loml. You see the confusion over loss from Last Kiss or We Were Happy in How Did It End? You see the rumination over the ways in which society destroys women and leads to the systems in which they end up playing these roles professionally and personally from Nothing New or Castles Crumbling (or even My Tears Ricochet) in Clara Bow or even Florida!!! to an extent. You see the fear over the future if the present stays its course from songs like You're Losing Me in Fortnight. You see the paralysis in the wake of loss from songs like All Too Well or even Right Where You Left Me in Down Bad.

(I also think I could make direct parallels between individual song themes/stories and the TTPD songs, but this is long enough and I'd be here all day.)

One of my favourite things that Taylor has said about the album is:

“This writer is of the firm belief that our tears become holy in the form of ink on a page. Once we have spoken our saddest story, we can be free of it.”

And IMO that is exactly what this playlist reflects. It starts off as a story about unspeakable loss, and ends with the narrator moving on to write their next story.

We're in the home stretch! One last playlist to conquer, Acceptance!

(ICYMI: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3)

[thevalleyisjolly]

As an intrinsic part of their Mortal heritage, I like to think that all the Half-Elven in Middle-earth have at one point in their lives (but most especially their youths) had a fairly unflattering haircut that they genuinely believed was the hottest shit ever:

Dior had a long feathered mullet that was a pure flex to show off how naturally full and voluminous his hair was. He only cut it once the twins were born and it became too much work to maintain while looking after two babies.

Elúred and Elúrin got their hands on an unattended bottle of hair dye when they were five and gave themselves skunk hair bangs that took months to wash out.

Elwing once experimented with teasing her curls into a big 80's hairdo because people told her how her father used to have big hair.

Eärendil had to cut his hair after a lice scare onboard one of Círdan's ships and went for a bowl cut that he thought would be quick and easy to do. Unfortunately, the bowl he used was a little too small and the high fringe made it look like he was wearing a small hat made out of hair. Idril had conniptions. Tuor managed to hold in his laughter until he could reach the privacy of an inner room. Elwing demonstrated the incredible power of love by both saying yes to his proposal and offering to neaten his fringe so that it at least looked a little less choppy.

Elrond stubbornly sported a man bun undercut for two whole years after he lost a bet with one of Maedhros' Mortal retainers and Maglor made a sighing comment about how he shouldn't worry because his hair would soon grow back out "nice again."

Elros gave himself curtained hair in solidarity with Elrond so that Maglor would get off his back, and kept it until the first time he commanded a war party and got good-naturedly ribbed to hell about looking like a 14 year old kid.

Like father like son, Elladan wore a rat tail for a few years after one of the Dunédain wagered he couldn't pull it off. He really couldn't, although he thought it looked great and was forever trying to do fancy styles with it until Elrohir staged a sibling intervention.

Elrohir maintained a buzzcut for nearly fifty years after his parents a little too amusedly said that he could do whatever he liked with his appearance now that he was of age.

Arwen went through a phase in her 200s where she dyed her hair with whatever colours she could get her hands on. The silver was very nice (Celeborn was extremely proud) and the blue highlights were interesting but still managed to work. She even made a decent ginger. However, the attempt at Arafinwëan gold just ended up a washed-out bleach blonde that is to date the only thing that has ever stunned Galadriel into utter speechlessness.

+Although not born Mortal, Lúthien spent a full Valinorean year with feathers instead of hair while trying to shape-shift into a nightingale. It actually made for quite an aesthetic when she took the time to preen them properly, but as she was far too busy running around having adventures with Daeron, the effect was more often ruffled bird's nest than sleek wings.

[alluraaaa]

transgender voltron thoughts. separated by character. voltrans thoughts

this got long so the rest is under the cut

shiro

trans man. he/him. realized it as a tween. like 11

already had the “shiro” nickname from his surname but chose takashi because it’s the name his mom planned to use. his momma was his best friend growing up so takashi is a special secret name only certain people can casually use for him <3

has a model minority complex and thinks he has to be a perfect person and a perfect role model and perfect everything else. he doesn’t think everyone needs to be like this but he does you don’t get it he needs to be perfect in order to gain basic respect

(he has anxiety) (went thru a frat boy phase tho where he let loose a little)

he’s a bear. when he started t and gained weight and started growing thicker body hair he was like “FUCK YEAH”

wanted top and bottom surgery. irl modern phalloplasty can take skin grafts from the arm and for sillies shiro did that. but on the arm he lost. can’t even show off his cool graft scar 🙄 stupid galra

him and adam are t4t. he picked the name adam because his deadname is eve and he’s the funniest ever

keith

trans man. he/him. realized at like 6

randomly walked up to his dad and said “pops i wanna be a boy” and his dad went “okay son :^)” and helped him with picking a new name and pronouns. that’s why he ended up with keith of all names

his dad planned on helping him with puberty blockers and hrt because keith said he wanted it but. he died before keith got to that age :^(

so unfortunately keith had to go thru one puberty and then another. and THEN he gets a weird galra puberty in his 20s. puberties gerog

shiro was the one to help him get access to testosterone and top surgery <3 yay trans brotherhood ^_^

keith doesn’t care about his junk enough to get bottom surgery tho. he really only got top surgery to get cool ass scars on his chest. he doesn’t give a shit about gender essentialism and isn’t afraid to stab a transphobe ❤️

pidge

trans girl. she/her. also realized when she was real young

same as keith she was just one day like “i wanna be a girl” and her parents were the same and immediately accepted her and helped her with transitioning (she had a bit more social transitioning tho because she wasn’t in the middle of bum fuck nowhere)

unlike keith tho she got to do puberty blockers and start e as a tween and stuff. good for her!

she picked the name katie but it’s not short for anything. she gets the question all the time and she always rolls her eyes

detransitioning for the garrison sucked like ass and she hated it but she did it for her family. coming out to the team was a huge weight off her shoulders

she has a love/hate relationship with femininity but i already went through all that in another post so i’m linking it here. smiles 😁

lance

bigender man/woman. she/he. realizes it while with team voltron

THEE most obvious egg ever. also very obvious bisexual but hasn’t realized that either. it’s painful to watch sometimes (send help to hunk because you know he immediately clocked lance)

he likes women so much because he’s straight!!!! and a lady’s man!!!!!!!!! he doesn’t wanna be a girl and even if he did that’s a universal unspoken secret that all boys have but agree to never talk about!!!!!!!!!!!!

once pidge comes out the rest of the team have more casual talks about being trans and lance is so tbh creature at them. hunk definitely gossips about how clear the closet is behind lance’s back #messy

lance never realizes on her own what happens is keith tells her despite hunk saying that that’s rude. he blatantly tells lance that she obviously wants to be a girl and that she can do that if she wants to. and when she says she likes being a guy keith says she can be both if she wants. she can do whatever she wants forever

after that she thinks about it for like a day and then is like “yayyyyy i’m a boy and a girl and i like boys and girls ^_^”

she has soooo much fun with femininity she plays dress up and is so pretty ❤️ she is indeed a lady’s man but also very clearly wanted to be beautiful like ladies are. and she is ladies!! yayyyyy

didn’t change her name because she loves being leandro alvarez-núñez-cuesta-espinosa so so much ❤️❤️

hunk

agender. any pronouns. realized as a teen

just fully doesn’t care about gender. obviously will respect people’s genders but like. gender as a concept is irrelevant to him and he opted out of gender. he’s too autistic for it tbh

use whatever pronouns you want. make up funny pronouns. fuck it we ball

“this is hunk bong’s my best friend i love bong so much” “lance oh my god”

hunk is a childhood nickname and only family (and lance) know his birthname. didn’t care enough to change it when coming out. he likes his name!! why change it!!

he’s a genius mechanic with access to super advanced alien technology so for funsies he invents a machine that can do instant top and/or bottom surgery with no problem. he can mess around with it for funsies or fashion or whatever. and ofc the team has free access to it as well <3 the only one to use it often tho is lance #besties

allura

trans girl. she/her. realized not long before the events of the show

the post about trans allura that inspired this whole post here

was able to use her shapeshifting powers to her transvantage (trans advantage)

her being out for not long before the war is why she was so excited that pidge is a girl. she’s a girl making friends with other girls!!!!!! and that excitement doubles when learning that pidge is earth’s equivalent of trans yayyyyy

in my mind the notion of people fitting into gender roles on altea is the same vibe as the notion of women wearing skirts not pants irl. like that’s an outdated idea but not that outdated unfortunately :^/

i don’t think there was major misogyny or transphobia on altea tho. not sure if it makes sense to anyone else but it makes sense in my mind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

coran

nonbinary. any pronouns

when allura came out she sat down with her parents and coran (honorary third parent) and talked about her feelings and thoughts on gender as a whole. coran went “oh. is that not how cis people think?”

he’s not a man or a woman but he’s not sure what he is exactly. he’s coran!

he’d make homemade hrt. may or may not have weird side effects

[luxury-nightmare]

inspired by nerdymixedpan on tiktok

Ranking Magnus fears by How likely I am to serve them/how freaked out I am by them (including the Extinction because I will never forget about my underrated king)

1, The Eye

How freaked out am I by it? 3/10. My sister will come barging into my room uninvited anyway so the fear of being watched doesn’t really freak me out.

How likely am I to serve it?

7/10. I listened to 200 episodes of gay people suffering. What do you think

2, The Lonely

5/10 the person who I took this idea from said it best. This is schrodinger's fear. Cause on one hand, I like being alone. I spend most of my time huddled up in my room. But on the other hand, the enjoyment mostly comes from being awful at social situations and accidentally hurting peoples feelings when I talk to them

8/10 I said it already. I already isolate myself give me the banish powers. Gentle voiced old man I’m coming for your crown.

3, The Spiral

5/10 not exactly. Honestly the thought of me being crazy is probably not my greatest fear, it’s more the system for mentally ill people. I once let a couple things slip and was taken to a mental hospital, and the only thing I could think is “is there something wrong with me?” which, in my humble opinion, is not something someone struggling with mental illness should be thinking in a place that’s supposed to help them

5/10 would I be a good spiral avatar? No. Would I leap at the chance? Absolutely. I wanna see door wife and fuckhands mcmike

4, The Stranger

6/10 I do not fuck with uncanny valley shit. 4/10 I am a theater kid, so this could be right up my alley, but all the avatars are glorified theater kids so I think I’ll pass

5, The Desolation

2/10 I was scared of fire as a kid, but that’s the extent of my fear towards it.

4/10 Fire is pretty, I like setting things on fire, and Agnes is hot (pun intended) but that’s pretty much it

6, The Corruption

5/10 sickness and illness freak me out, but I’m chill with bugs. 2/10 no

7, The Vast

6/10 I went through a huge nihilism phase in middle school so that would factor into it. Honestly having an astronomy class is not going to help with this. But lately it’s less “nothing matters” and more “nothing matters so you can fuck up as much as you need”

8/10 enjoy sky blue motherfuckers!

8, The Buried

6/10 honestly this is a new one. I like to be in small spaces, but I cannot handle caves. I think I can blame Pastra’s Ted the caver video and the lost johns cave episode for this. But also, if we think about The Buried as The Vast opposite and pulled from its more metaphorical aspects (I know the show doesn’t do this very often but bear with me) the fear that everyone depends on you and if you fuck up even slightly everyone will hate you forever? Yeah that’s me

4/10 has we ever met a buried avatar? I have no point of reference. Four out of ten

9, The Web

4/10 this is a tricky one. I’m chill with spiders but the manipulation part for me comes not from the fear that I’m being manipulated, more the fear that I’m being manipulative. That I’m tricking people into caring about me and doing what I want when I really just need to tough it out (would this feed into The Spiral? Not really, right?)

7/10 Spiders, killer aesthetic, breaking the fourth wall. Let me in.

10, The Flesh

9/10 no. No no. No no. No gross. Gross gross gross. Have you seen the episode where the guy hammers all the meat to his apartment and it’s starts to rot through the ceiling? Gross get it away from me.

0/10 no Jared I am not joining your cottagecore lesbian garden leave me alone

11, The Hunt

2/10 I feel like this one should freak me out more than it does. I live in the mountains, surrounded by wild animals, and I have terrible stamina. But honestly? It’s like Jon said. It’s natural. If I don’t bother them they don’t bother me.

3/10 I have terrible stamina. I would make a terrible hunt avatar

12, The Slaughter

5/10 I have strong feelings about war. But there less fear and more disgust, anger, and sadness.

2/10 although it would be nice to go apeshit once and a while, this is a hard no.

13, The Dark

1/10 dude I vibe with the dark. It doesn’t freak me out at all.

9/10 I am practically nocturnal. My sona is the embodiment of darkness incarnate. Hard yes. Give me the shadow powers

14, The End

6/10 honestly this feat comes from less from death itself and more what comes after, and my family’s reaction. The idea of nonexistence is terrifying and maybe there’s something worse. I watched a Scp video, I forgot the specific number, but it was an idea of what happens after death. Essentially, you stay conscious, but you cannot move, trapped in your own body feeling every slow pain of rot or cremation as your atoms split apart over millennium. So yeah, death itself is fine but everything after is scary

8/10 I’ve always had a fascination with death, not actual people dying, but the pomp and glamour we give death. Graveyards and funerals and death gods and all that jazz. Gothic stuff. Also The End is technically the only fear that can win in the long run. The End will come for us all.

15, The Extinction

7/10 Watch the news and you’ll understand what i mean. I was like 5 when I first learned about climate change and I promptly put that in a box in the back of my brain and tried to forget it ever existed.

10/10 dude this isn’t even about the killer aesthetic, this is just cause it’s criminally underrated. Extinction my fear I will be your avatar since no one else will be. Also dude it would be so easy, just send some random people inflammatory news articles, push some people into a hell dimension, and you’re done! Also if any of the other fears complete a ritual, that’s a whole ass free buffet!

TL:DR: Extinction is underrated and Hello jon. apologies for the deception, but i wanted to make sure you started reading, so i thought it best not to announce myself. I'm assuming youre alone; you always did prefer to read your statements in private. I wouldnt try to stop reading; there's every likelihood you'll just hurt your self. So just listen. Now, shall we turn the page and try again?

[lovekabaneri]

Snppets from Earth "Hot Rod" chapter out!

Again, the usual link is giving me some trouble while posting for some reason so I am putting the AO3 link here: AO3

Short teaser from beginning of the chapter:

Hot Rod was not always the super cool, fantastically badass, alien ass-kicking mech pilot he currently was. Before he became Hot Rod, he was the fire hazard, and before that… he was just a kid that loved giant robots. Back then, he was called just Richie – an ordinary, if hyperactive, redhead kid with freckles.

He was always overly-excitable and hyperactive kid. His parents and older brother always had at least a few stories of his shenanigans ready during family gatherings. There would always be something new to tell whenever they met. What kind of mess he’d caused while trying to help his mom cook, him running all over the park and somehow ending up on top of a flagpole (they needed to call the fire department about that one after he got stuck), how he managed to catch a wild rabbit and bring it home because he wanted a pet. The time his older brother left him unsupervised with a pack of markers and he drew all over the family car, the time they went fishing and he jumped in the lake because his older brother dared him to, how the two brothers got lost in Ikea and liked it so much they decided to live there and so on. He was always full of energy! He could feel this buzz under his skin that made him want to move, to act, to just DO something instead of sitting around!

Another fact about Richie was that he absolutely loved giant robots. Yes, he also loved sports, and music, and hiking, and movies, and exploring, and animals, but those were mostly interests he went through and changed every once in a while, in his ‘phases’ of interest where one week he’d be out all day, hiking and the other playing football. But the giant robots- they were a constant to his day. From the posters on his walls, the action figures and movie collections.

He can’t even remember when he first started liking giant robots, having liked them since forever, but his parents did remember.

……………………..

Richie was just out of the toddler phase, he could speak in short sentences and could walk on his own, so he was taking full advantage of that fact while he could. His brother had returned from school and sat down to watch his favorite show (at that time). “Super Robo Samurai” was all the rage among the other kids at the school and Richie’s brother was the same and would rush home to watch the newest episode each day.

Richie had heard his brother turning the TV on and while his mother was distracted, hopped down from the chair and went to see what his brother was doing. It was then that he saw the Power Samurai get into their robots and combine to turn in the Ultra Samuroid. Needless to say, little Richie’s eyes shone at the sight of the giant robot and he immediately glued himself to the TV.

At least that’s what his parents told him whenever it came up.

[nintendont2502]

three things:

1. which character did you latch onto before davesprite?

2. what's something you enjoy ironically? (as in, you know it's objectively bad but you can't help enjoy it anyway)

3. what's the deal with cal? (your original character; not the puppet)

1. Kris deltarune back during my deltarune phase! and before that it was uhhh. frisk + chara > glory and moonwatcher (wof) > stealth elf and cynder (skylanders) > toothless and stormfly > dovewing jayfeather and hollyleaf > spottedleaf (baby's first blorbo)

2. so. so many things. rick and morty is the big one recently. binging youtube shorts and reddit (especially the AITA style subs where people just make up the most insane stories. your mom. your mom *jokes*. skrillex music. low effort vine compilations with pngs of characters faces slapped over the top. self indulgent ooc fic (both reading and writing)

3. cal,,, what a guy. love him. I share custody of him with @error707-thatdude and we just take turns bullying him. long story short he used to be in a shitty toxic codependent relationship with a trans guy, who left and ghosted cal when he realised he was pregnant, and Cal went through a brief angsty depressed phase, lost his job, lost his house- and then got killed and turned by a vampire because the universe would rather die than give him a break. he spends 16 years homeless, briefly considers hunting down and turning his ex (step 1: turn him. step 2: ???? step 3: in love forever) before maturing slightly, realising that's a stupid fucking idea, and going on a 16 year character arc where he kinda gets his shit together. he ends up finding a vampire kid in the city where he used to live with his ex, reluctantly helps teach the kid how to. yk. be a vampire, and then when the kid and his human older brother force him to meet their dad/help them come out as a vampire to him, he realises. well oh shit. their dad's his ex. the older kid is *his* kid. well fuck. anyway now they're gay it's great

[ssa-dado]

PHI RAMBLES ABOUT MEETING AN IRL VERSION OF MR. UNIT CHIEF (he's married tho) So, I had a funny, excruciating misadventure today that led me to meet an IRL version of Hotch :) - full ramble below. I was never gifted with the power of synthesis so now you get the whole story from the start - I swear it's funny

As some of you know, I'm studying architecture, and this year I'm taking a "restoration of architecture" course. Our big project is to restore a historical building, and my group got assigned a 1940s fascist-era church.

Before we can start, there’s this endless documentation phase where we have to dig into the church’s history, context, and then measure everything using a technique that takes forever. Part of this involves finding out if the church has been restored before and showing it graphically.

Since it's a minor church in our university town, we were told that getting the info would be easy and not contorted , all we had to do was simply just ask the priest.

But he was a nightmare. THAT FUCKER-

He claimed the friars who once owned the church took all the documents, so he “didn’t know” anything about its history and neither he had all the legal documents with the technical drawings (even if it's mandatory for him to have them). Later, though, we found out he FUCKING LYING TO US because he’s all over the internet talking about the church’s history :)))))))

Desperate, we went to the municipality today to see if they had any legal documents from past restorations (the permissions to build etc), hoping to find technical drawings we could piece together for our project.

Of course, this whole thing turned into a misadventure because, in architecture university, they don’t teach you how to handle the legalities of getting a project approved, just theory, history, how to draft technical documents, construction techniques, and building statics. So, when we got to the municipality, we didn’t even know what to ask for; we literally just said, “So… we’re with the university, and we need to consult the technical drawings of X church.” We’d even called earlier, but they had no clue what we were talking about, so we ended up spending an hour getting redirected from one department to another. One guy even told us, “Go to the 4th floor and knock on every office door until you get what you need.” Seriously, there were about 30 offices up there :)))))

We finally reach the infamous 4th floor, aka the urban planning department, which was like a maze of corridors (no entry desk, no secretary, nothing). As we’re wandering around like lost deer, we see this guy talking with two other people. He senses us immediately, turns around, and asks if we need help. (Picture us: three confused students surrounded by 40-somethings in professional attire.) We explain we need info on the church, and he immediately asks something in legalese, something about an architectural constraint on the church. Naturally, we had no idea because all this information was supposed to come from the priest. His colleagues immediately disappeared back into their offices, but instead of dismissing us, he tells us to follow him to his office.

There, he checks himself if the church has any architectural constraints. (It doesn’t directly, but the park behind it does, so there’s an indirect constraint.) Then, with the softest, most reassuring tone, he tells us that we shouldn’t even be here because technically, the priest should have all this information. We tell him about the priest’s excuse - the supposed “theft” of the files by the friars - and he just rolls his eyes, like, “Of course he did,” clearly seeing through it.

We’re still worried he won’t be able to help, but he tells us we should go to the superintendent’s office. It’s 30 km away, and we’d need authorization from the priest and our university to access it. But then he says, “You know what, I’ll call them myself and make it look like I’m working on it so you don’t waste your time.” At that point, I was ready to propose to him.

As we’re talking, he mentions that he got his daughter baptized at this church and recalls, with the sweetest smile, that the roof collapsed five years ago and he didn’t know they’d reopened it. Total Hotch vibes.. his desk is impeccably organized, but his corkboard is covered with his daughter’s drawings. And this man is fine. Grey hair, beard, glasses, the whole package.

Then he walks us (instead of letting us wander aimlessly) to the archive office and explains everything we need to the technical analyst there. He even tells us to come back to him when we’re done. We eventually get authorization for three documents, and of course, we return to ask if he’s found anything else. He checks our documents and says, “Oh, so you managed to get something, can I see?” Um, yes, absolutely.

He points out that he’d found a photo of the worksite sign from the latest restoration (2023), which includes the name of the commissioner, and asks why his colleague only gave us files up to 2008. Back we go to Garcia 2.0, who authorizes the 2023 document, which is digitized, so we won’t have to spend hours redrawing it. If it weren’t for Hotch 2.0, we’d be lost!

Also, I’m 100% in love, we met him again while waiting for the bus, and he bikes to work with a seat for his daughter attached on the back. (And note: while we were in his office, at least 10 other colleagues came looking for him because he was needed elsewhere, but he still gave us all his time. No appointment, no nothing!)

God how I love lawyers, especially if they are specialised in the architecture field.

Something incredibly attractive he did was, in the softest voice, explaining the procedures he was doing on the computer. I only understood about a third of it because it was mostly in legalese, but the fact that he took the time to instruct us on something no one else bothered to tell us AAAAAA and the fact that he took the time, even if others were asking for his help.. HOT HOT HOT

Too bad he's married, I wanted to be his controversially younger gf

The way I could easily turn this misadventure into a one shot in which hotch helps the reader to get the authorizations HAHAHAHAHAH

[mazelicious]

Emily Prentiss x Reader

Season 7 Episode 1 spoilers, Canon divergent, angst, faked death, funeral, fluff, nightmares, comfort.

Requested by @wanhedaskaiprisa and Anonymous

The eggplant painted fingers of Penelope Garcia were wrapped tightly around your back as she guided your steps through the field. On your right Derek Morgan's strong hand was clutched around your forearm, bracing you, prepared to pull you up at the slightest shakes in your knees.

Your eyes were clouded with tears as you glanced around your surroundings, blurs of people who were here for the political capital, conveniently a lack of Emily's mother who never approved of your relationship from the one state dinner you shared, and most importantly the BAU, surrounding you, protecting you, they were truly a family, a broken family who lost a member.

You were supposed to give a eulogy, you were supposed to rattle off the list of her accomplishments, you were supposed to display the correct amount of tears and say you would love her forever. Instead JJ took one look at you and took the notes out of your hands.

She was the better griever between the two of you, she was the one who got over cases quicker, but still there was something uncanny about the way she handled her speech. It didn't phase you, you were frankly a mess, a loss for words, a hopeless case. It's funny how hard it is for the human brain to empathize with loss, because before you had known what it was like to fall for Emily Goddamn Prentiss, you could never feel the victims wives and husbands pain, but with the scorching tears swelling your eyes and burning your skin you appreciated a new understanding for them. Too bad it took you weeks to be back in the field.

The first days were the easiest, you were in shock, you were fine. Penelope came to check on you every morning, you had Sergio, you had Emily's apartment.

On the fourth day you woke up and didn't get out of bed. When Penelope came to check on you Sergio had broken into the bag of cat food, and she decided to take him home with her when you couldn't look her in the eye.

After a month you came back to work, only to help Derek with finding Doyle, to be honest it wasn't work, it was Reid holding back his genius so you could feel like you were helping and Penelope showing you pictures of cats while you hung back from the field in her office.

That was until Hotch decided the team needed a little more help on the Doyle case.

His suited figure stepped away from the door frame and there was Emily Goddamn Prentiss.

She looked around. She mumbled something about how much it killed her. She hugged Spencer and Derek, and finally she made eye contact with you.

Your hands were bitten raw and your eyes were blurred in tears.

"Y/N...."

"Emily."

"I'm so so sorry."

"FUCK YOU. You couldn't give me a single word? A LETTER?? Was it even real, was I just another one of your covers? HOW CAN YOU EVEN PRETEND TO CARE ABOUT ME?!"

"Wait-"

You ran for your life, you didn't even know where you were going. You heard voices yelling back at you, you ignored them. You got coffee, you spilled the cup. You went home and you didn't leave. You didn't eat,

you slept for so long.

Then Emily finally returned, apparently Doyle was dead, apparently she could stay with you now.

It started with cleaning, the apartment was a mess, you two cleaned together, silently. You sang your hearts out to cheesy pop songs and you took care of Sergio after Penelope brought him back.

She slept in the guest room, you slept on her side of the bed.

One night you were dreaming. Dreaming? No, you were screaming and crying in your sleep. You were having a terror, it was the same one as always.

You were woken up by a squeeze in your wrist and a light shake of your torso.

"Y/N. You're okay, you're safe, I'm right here."

You woke up dizzy and exhausted with tears welling your eyes.

"Come here."

She had your head in her lap and your heartbeat rested to line up with hers.

"It helps if you talk about it."

"Ok"

You took a deep breath, you stuttered and your voice shook.

"Me and..

and him we were racing to get to you first, he always won."

"Honey"

"He carved his name into you... And I couldn't do anything."

"It's not your fault."

"I couldn't do anything."

"Hey! I'm right here. I'm okay now. I'm here and you're safe, were safe."

She wrapped her hands around your head, she held you tightly, you had never felt so safe, and you couldn't believe yourself. You were safe in her arms again. You were unbelievably trusting her again. Honestly you wouldn't change a thing.

[osakanone]

How to Domesticate Your Pilot

tw: emotional abuse, abusive relationship, slavery, drug use, nonconsensual

Chapter 3: Do not abuse your wolves

Part 1: Action patterning: Initial Phases

On patterning, and its consequences.

Music: Five Sharps - Meditation for a Lost Pup

A lot of outsiders assume this one is going to be perverted in some way, like pet-play and stuff like that and really its more like being a parent until they mentally mature and come out of the adjustment period. In the beginning, a pilot's mind is regressed to a more platonic, more child-like state where their neuroplasticity is incredible compared to how it is normally, their capacity for learning is incredible: Its not unlike lysergic acid derived innocence, or things like that. Violence will genuinely traumatize them while they're in this state, so you must protect them. Even violent media will make them uncomfortable, you know? Be gentle. And be patient. Please. This is a fleeting time, and although it'll seem like it lasts forever, its over so quickly. You'll miss it, wondering where it all went. I still miss those days sometimes. You have to be a carer of sorts, as they re-learn to walk, and how to move and even speak. The result is someone who loves with the poise of a ballet trainer, the conserved motion of a boxer. Nearly inhuman levels of precision and grace. But until then, they're dependant on you. Its very short, but this is the period where they bond with you -- like a child might a mother, or as a dog might an owner -- and that bond is what makes this whole thing work. It is complete and utter selfless devotion on a level no human of sound mind is capable of comprehending: It simply isn't biologically possible for us to imagine what they're feeling, what they're going through. We just can't. The closest I've heard is its like falling in love for the first time, when love is new and beautiful and strange and pure, and you don't understand it or try to navigate it or circumvent or control it because you don't even realize it consciously. Only, its like that every day. For them, it never goes away. For the rest of their lives. -- RN, handler of Juno

Account: Sensory Sensitivity

Soundscape: The Hearts of Wolves

I cannot see, yet my ears are so young, Like when the world was new This strange clarity: I hear all; Thunder bakes the sky distantly A leaking window, through which cold wind whistles along, along Candles, whispering Slow tinkling bells along, along And the ship's engine room, four decks below along, along All separate All together: I hear all. -- Juno, pilot of RN, transcribed record taken during the adjustment period of action patterning

Addendum 2:

Q: "Is it ethical?"

Many self-elect, thinking it would fix them, that they want to be fixed… But they really don't understand what they're getting into. The worst is that after its done, even if they wouldn't have wanted it before, they would have no idea of that possibility now. It would be completely alien to them. We have absolutely no way of ever knowing if any of these are truly consensual, or have ever been consensual. -- LR

[gibblegabber]

2o24 recap! ...sorta

all previous years got deleted for location concerns and i won't say much from this year. half of the year was Not Good. but the other half was Pretty Good?

stayed very close to my favorite cartoon for the first half of the year. i was very, VERY sick for a good chunk of it, and genuinely having online friends around often and having cartoons to focus on is what got me through it. and my husband, who put up with A LOT of bullshit dealing with a sick wife for months. also Kick Buttowski's attitude is infectious, you feel like you can do anything when you're in that mindset, and it helped lots! joined a KB:SD server and made some new friends. i met Kick's VA at a local convention too!!

an arcade opened up near us and i spend, uhhh,,, a lot of time there. usually once a week, sometimes more if people are around, but i have a consistent DDR schedule now both on cab and on home setup, and it slaps. it SLAPS. i fucking love DDR and when i get too old and my legs stop working i might as well just drop dead tbqfh.

met Khaliar and Ginger this year! i gave them drawings and letters written in Irken and we fooled around in a bookshop for a few hours, i was too sick to stick around in the city very long so my other plans fell thru but i'm happy the stars aligned to let me meet them at least!!

in the spring i got SO sick that i stopped eating, sleeping and driving far. almost lost my job from being unable to work. it was a virus at first and then anxiety took the reigns and things just got? really bad? i still can't travel because of it. BUT i love food again and can sleep easily and all things considered, we have to look at the bright side and take victories where we can. they're small for me compared to my peers. but i'll keep building on it in 2025.

over the summer we had ARTFIGHT!! and a sudden (?) WOY obsession!! joined another server and watched all of season 2 with Vermi and Hux and a bunch others, it was SO fun! affected who i attacked in AF for sure lmao, sorry to most of my Irken and Vortian bookmarkssss aaaaa (but still got a Vort Mass attack in >:3!)

the fall was probably when i got back to feeling mostly normal again. we had just closed on a new condo, so there were pressing matters to deal with and it helped shake me out of my own head and focus on those things. lots of construction and 700 things going wrong later, and we moved in! it's awesome, we lived in what was basically a single room before, and this is sooooo much more comfortable and it's been so fun to decorate and make our own.

the fall has also been a mini Weeb Phase(TM), i fucking guess. got really into Dandadan thanks to my wonderful friends, but i was PAINFULLY into it to the point that waiting for updates was just sooo hard. so i asked for recommendations for anime/manga to fill the void and instead of TAKING those SUGGESTIONS and WATCHING/READING THEM i instead went back to my favorite anime of all time. which is. regrettably. Osomatsu-san. truly the garbage dump of anime. but i missed the boys so. here we are. i um, bought a hoodie (got 3 of them now), and figures, and DVDs, and i can't fuckignnnnn stop, and uhhh aaaaaaaa anyway. also played lots of webfishing and minecraft with friends, it's been A Lot of fun and feels a lot less, idk. alone? than the beginning of the year felt.

goals from 2023 for 2024 included find a new place to live (done!) and travel around the northeast more (not done!)

definitely need to push the envelope for 2025, or i'll be stuck physically in the same place forever. i was happy in my job last year but not now, so i've been casually applying. bigger place means higher bills so, aughghghh. i still want to learn Japanese, which is extremely difficult with zero self-discipline and eternal distractions. i started in 2022 and then got distracted by like, World's Longest Invader ZIM Obsession and dropped it. so i'll try but it just is what it is unless i can get into local courses with grades on the line.

uhhhmmmm appreciate my friends more. i love them soooo much. have fun. be less afraid of sharing my writing. stop being worried about getting cancelled over fictional characters, they are god damn fictional. HAVE. FUN.

[your-queer-dad]

Hi Dad

This is the person who wrote about being too old recently and about a lost ask. I don’t have the previous text anymore so I’ll wri

TW: rant, suicide mentiones, depression, OCD intrusive thoughts, war, ED

So, I have been going through some stuff for the last ~10 years, having to relocated cause of war twice, various toxic situations and relationships, coming out as trans and loosing half of my friend group, so on. But I always felt like there will be a point where somehow, through magic, luck and working on it, I would get better.

But recently I’ve been feeling kinda hopeless, it seems like all any attempt at improvement does is just show me a new flavour of how being miserable. My 20s will end in a few years and I’m just a mess again. Most days it’s hard to do basic tasks and my work on top of that, some days it’s hard to even take public transport cause my brain like to tell me that I’m a predator if I look at people for more than 0.01 seconds without a “good reason”. I’ve even tried taking the easy route out, but could go through with it.

I am also overweight and have been so for most of my life. I know that this is just my body type and that some people find it beautiful, but I just cannot force myself to love it. Been going through starving myself and overeating phases but always end up in the same phase. A year and a half ago, when I cried alone on my birthday because I saw myself in the mirror and thought that noone could ever love me like that. That I am trapped forever being forgotten and unwanted and playing second fiddle to the happy endings of other people.

I have wonderful friends, a good career, I live in a beautiful and queer-friendly city. But I just don’t know how to not feel awful and dissociated and guilty and in pain all of the time. I even eat salads everyday, yes dad, you can be proud of me I no longer feed myself frozen pizzas! Tried 5+ different psych meds, went to multiple therapists and looking for one again, talked to a bunch of doctors but nothing is ever helping. Nothing is ever getting better in my head or in my heart.

Sorry if this is too dark, I just wanted to vent a but without burdening my friends with it again.

Thanks for being around, dad.

Hey kiddo! I'm really happy to hear from you again. It sounds like you've been through so much kiddo and I'm so sorry you've been through so much. But you're still here, and it sounds like you've been trying so hard. I'm so proud of you- and I'm really glad you're here.

The thing with mental health is you can have the most picture perfect life you could imagine, friends, family, career the whole shabang- and still be depressed. Sometimes mental health issues don't go away, or we struggle with them for years and years. Maybe they'll never go away. But we grow around them, our lives expand and bloom around it, and sure it's still there but as things grow the issues feel smaller and smaller. It'll be there, but you'll have other things as well.

Not every day can be a good day, but someday the good days will out weigh the bad ones. You just gotta hold on til you see them.

I'm so incredibly proud of you kiddo. You're doing so well, through so much shit- keep going and I'll always be here to listen. 🫂

- dad x