#this was supposed to be funny crack

[verieriberries]

the girls definitely thought bruce was a villain when they used their x-ray vision the first time they stepped foot in the manor.

batonium had been going at this dating thing for a couple of months now and the girls are still on the fence about bruce. surely if he was another sedusa situation then it wouldn’t take months for his evil plan to unfold, right? they can’t deny that bruce makes the professor happy but the trauma from the sedusa incident was deeper than they realized. as much as they wanted to trust bruce, there was something within them that couldn’t, at the moment.

bruce was briefed by the professor about the unfortunate ‘ex’ cause utonium felt like bruce deserved to know. it’s not that the girls hate him exactly, they’re just super cautious. bruce completely understands and only works harder to earn the girls’ trust. part of his campaign was opening up more of himself to the little family of the man he’d grown to adore. well, as much as he could while still keeping the batman thing a secret and trying to unlearn his emotionally constipated ways. (he goes to therapy because he deserves and needs it)

and so, what better way to open up more about himself than to open up his home to the utonium family? of course, he picked a day where most of the batfam were busy. only dick and alfred were in the house, which is basically the best combination bruce could think of when introducing a prospective partner who has children of their own.

alfred and dick were wonderful to the girls and it was heartwarming to see how content it made utonium feel. bruce felt like he could get away with wrapping his arm around the professor’s waist and it turned out to be true when he only got a glare from buttercup and no demands to unhand her dad.

on the girls’ part, dick and alfred were effective persuasion to start sort of warming up to the idea of boyfriend bruce. granted, it would take some time for them to actually start trusting the man but it was a start.

bruce was giving the utonium family a tour of the wayne manor, dick tagging along with them and supplying an inane story that happened in every space that they walked through. it was great entertainment for the girls and utonium as well. the batfam is nothing but rambunctious to say the least. buttercup was starting to think that damien might be her favorite of the bunch (oh how wrong/right she was).

they eventually reach the study that had the secret entrance to the batcave and blossom just suddenly has this niggling feeling. she’s an intuitive girl and her instincts have never steered her wrong before, no matter how young she was. deciding to trust herself, she uses her handy dandy x-ray vision and could see what she could only assume was an entrance to a secret villain lair. she wasted no time flying to her father’s side and her sisters were close behind despite their confusion.

utonium immediately chastised his daughters while bruce and dick momentarily paused before looking at each other.

“dad, we told you! he’s a bad guy!” blossom yelled causing her sisters to gasp and glare at bruce. dick couldn’t stop the loud cackle that pushed through his lips even if he tried. bruce looked confused.

“now what makes you say that?” utonium asked as he kneeled down. it had already been a few years since the science accident that created his daughters and while they were steadily growing, they were still quite small compared to his tall stature.

“he has a secret entrance to his villain lair behind the clock! bubbles and buttercup can look for themselves to prove that i’m telling the truth.”

after doing as their sister said, they flanked the professor with their assent that yes there IS a secret entrance to an evil lair there, we wouldn’t lie about it!

utonium knew his daughters had no reason to lie for something quite as serious as this so he could only look towards bruce for answers.

of all the ways that bruce could’ve revealed the batman to the professor, he didn’t expect that it would be like this. he had wanted to wait a bit more, maybe a year, before telling. and even then, he was hesitant about revealing the vigilante thing entirely. he was content to keep it a secret because he didn’t know how he could deal with utonium reacting negatively. it was only with the combined intervention of all his children and alfred that he even began to consider divulging his and his family’s alter egos to the utoniums. bruce couldn’t enter a relationship that he had hopes of lasting if he couldn’t share the single most important thing about him as a person.

he was really hoping that the moment he tells utonium would be under his own terms in which he had control over the situation but the girls just. poof. made all that hope go down the drain. he’d already been told by the professor that the girls were superpowered and that they had a range of abilities but it seems like he’d be putting x-ray vision into the list.

glancing at dick who was barely stifling his gighles, bruce sighed. “i’m not a villain or a bad guy. i’m. . . batman.”

now, utonium has heard of batman. who hasn’t? and ever since living in gotham, he’s been hearing more and more about the guy and he’s made an opinion. batman is good, though his slightly violent methods seem to suggest otherwise. gotham needs someone like the dark knight to keep things in check, and something that a lot of the public didn’t notice is that he was a lot more compassionate than they realized. why else would he send a gaggle of rogues to a psychiatric institution if not to give them the means to heal themselves? (utonium would feel differently about arkham whenever he finds out about the abuse and neglect that was prevalent in the facility.)

so when he heard buttercup say that the batman sounded very much like a villain name, utonium chuckled. and so, everyone’s attention was suddenly on him. his girls looked confused, wondering how he could laugh about this like it’s a light matter and he found himself smiling softly at them, silently wishing they’d stay this innocent for a little while longer.

“girls, remember how i told you about how townsville was before? how bad guys would always do bad things and that the people there would be too afraid to even go out of their homes?”

“yeah!” exclaimed buttercup. “but then you made us and we beat up the bad guys!” she looked very proud of that statement, as did her sisters. when utonium glanced at the waynes still standing in front of them, they both looked confused. utonium sighed.

“yes. you beat up villains so that they’d go to jail and everybody would be safe. it’s the same for batman.”

“oh.” they still looked unconvinced, but the professor always told them the truth. it was only dick’s comment, that batman was friends with superman, that made the girls release the tension that was holding them up. their shoulders relaxed as they regarded bruce with a curious look. bruce nodded at them, confirming everything that’s been said about him.

“so… you won’t hurt us mr. batman?” bubbles hesitantly asked and isn’t that heartbreaking, that the thought of bruce harming them was at the forefront of their minds

bruce kneeled on one knee to be eye level with utonium’s daughter. “i promise you, i would never harm you, your sisters or your father intentionally. if i end up being mean and hurting you guys, you have my explicit permission to beat me up.”

bubbles giggled, the most trusting of the three, and held out her pinky finger. “pinky promise? and you can’t break it ever.”

since they were still at the age where pinky promises were sacred, blossom and buttercup also held out their pinkies with determined looks. bruce’s lips quirked into a small smile, bringing up his own pinky to seal the deal with each of them. “i pinky promise.”

dick, when recounting what happened to the rest of the family when they arrived back at the manor and bruce was driving the utoniums back to their apartment, had a lot of to say about how adorable the girls were and how funny it was when they called bruce a bad guy.

jason had to interrupt him. “wait, what do you mean they beat up criminals in their hometown? aren’t they like, 3 years old?”

it was at that point everybody realised something. sure, damian was also young when he started as robin but that was mostly due to the hellish and dangerous training that he was put through under the league at such a young age. was it the same for the girls? what it they were being forced to do it? sure, they had powers but they were still children.

although they expected to feel excitement about meeting the utoniums soon, now they could only feel a small sense of dread.

[hussyknee]

I'll never understand why the UK needs a monarchy as a symbolic head and non-partisan representative of the state when they have Larry the Cat.

You tell me which of these guys has the power and presence to represent a nation?

[lyrichi]

mc, randomly at dinner: how do y'all feel about demon slayer

luci: demon what?

mc, taking a bite of rice: slayer

asmo: slay

levi: I wanna be a demon slayer :(

satan: levi, you are a demon

levi: owee :((

[scruncheduppaper]

drew this bc because i hate sitting thru chapel

[psykoe100]

Congrats on the loss boys. Love Wins <3

[violent138]

[muyru-iru]

scene 1- interior- Palpatine's office. Palpatine is eating a salad. Commander Fox: would you like some cheese on top, sir? Palpatine: why yes. Give me a heart attack amount! Commander Fox: right away, sir. Commander Fox: would you like some in your water, sir? Palpatine: why.... why that sounds delightful. Once you're done with that could you just pipe it straight into my mouth. Commander Fox: without hesitation, sir. Palpatine turning to Darth Sidous: oh yes,dear, yes. Commander Thorn totally engrossed: there is too much sexual tension in this room. Commander Ponds: when....Fox...when did i failed as an Ori'vod... Commander Thorn: *side eye* I wonder when.

reference to smosh on yt. Aren't the clones british?

[aballofbees]

When Viktor hasn’t slept in a couple of days:

[iampikachuhearmeroar]

as someone who has just started volunteering in a big op shop 2 days a week.... if you're the type of person that just leaves a whole ass mountain of clothes strewn on the floor of a change-room and maybe haphazardly hung up on the wall or direct on the floor in front of the change room rack... I reserve my right to believe that I should be allowed to flay you alive when the purge happens. also this is playing in my head right after you have the audacity to do this and probably say to yourself that "well, it's their job anyway 😒🙄. why should i even try and bother to help them?"

however, if you're the type of person who honestly tries to rehang your clothes on the hanger and either puts them back correctly on the return rack at the change rooms.... or EVEN BETTER puts it back in the CORRECT clothes rack where you got it from (or at least you guessed where you got it from and say put it in size 8 when it's size 10 or something). I am passionately, earnestly, eagerly, ardently, caringly, wholeheartedly, tenderly, vigorously, etc, making out with you. with tongue. sloppy style. we can do anything else sloppy style too if you wish, king or queen.

[thebad-lydrawn-sanses]

Cross's assumption is correct, that's exactly what I'm implying. So be a good boy and lay down pls :3

Cross: you-

Killer: implying what?

Cross: that they're gonna break my leg

Killer: .

↓ Damage Count ↓

999999999

999999999

999999999

999999999

[ssaseaprince]

sorry but if you watch hannibal with me you'll have to deal with me compulsively calling him a bitch every 5 minutes

[averlym]

my last two braincells fr

[kmesons]

crack theory: peanuts! (the song) takes place in the tgwdlm timeline

dan and donna go to work on the morning after the meteor strikes and are instructed by their boss, who, strangely, has been humming a tune since they walked through the door of the headquarters of hatchetfield action news, to sing a song about peanuts, the hatchetfield pocket squirrel. they say, why not, it's all part of the job. sure, there are some strange lyrics, like "if there's an apocalypse, he'll survive it," and "he's had a meteoric rise," but they don't think too hard about it, since the town's crazy about peanuts anyway.

they are instructed not only to sing it in the newsroom, but also to venture out into town to sing it on-air, which is even more suspicious, but they do it, because donna thinks it would be funny. dan and donna do their regular news in the morning (which is what paul hears before he leaves and la dee dah dah day begins), and then launch into song, unaware that their coworkers nearby are singing a different tune (la dee dah dah day). when they start to explore the streets of hatchetfield, it seems strangely empty. they spot man in a hurry, in a hurry, and get the opportunity to continue the bit by interrogating him about peanuts.

they continue to walk through hatchetfield together - they even get some weird flash mobs broadcasted on video - until, by pure chance (or so they think) they spot peanuts. what a coincidence! but why isn't she with proud papa ed? and why does she have bizarrely blue eyes? suddenly, peanuts the hatchetfield pocket squirrel begins singing. to dan and donna. and they proceed to lose their minds on-air as their worldview regarding supposedly non-sentient squirrels is shattered ("WHAT DO WE DO NOW? WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?? WHAT IS THE NEXT STEP??? IS THERE A GOD????").

then, dan and donna quickly become infected and the song continues as normal, except it never ends (there are tiny breaks for dan and donna to do regular news, but only while there are still survivors left in hatchetfield). peanuts! is forever.

this means that, not only was the hfpd part of it, but so too was donna (and dan). professor hidgens did not consider this. more importantly, this means that peanuts did, in fact, not make it out of there and was infected at the end of tgwdlm. in fact, I would go so far as to say that peanuts was one of the prime instigators in allowing the hive mind to infiltrate clivesdale. meanwhile, an infected dan and donna will sing her praises forevermore in the form of peanuts! (the song).

[mxbbadperson]

OKAY WAIITT WHYD YOU LOWKEY COOK WITH THE WHOLE SINGED SALO PATRONSHIP

also now that I think about it u kinda are right about the whole illness thing, but also… he’d 100% have this kind of sugar daddy relationship with viktor where the only person really giving anything is salo, get me???

Viktor needs this rare plant that only grows on the outskirts of the topside? You bet he’s already sending people to get it, Viktor needs money for more medical equipment? Salos giving him both the money and the best medical equipment he could find.

ALSO, imagine singeds reaction: his protege/ apprentice starts coming home with gifts or something he’s 100% asking about it, and when told of the whole story he’s like “oooohh…. Okay then…” and is 100% already getting in contact with salo.

also the Jayce storyline??? oooo lalaaaa I can’t really choose wether an act 2 s1 aged Jayce would suit or s2 Jayce but honestly??? IMAGINE salo finds out that Jayce also has connections with his miracle boy. Dude would be beyond pissed, barely keeping on his facade , talking about “oh, how interesting.. you knew of viktor that way.. well, i was a patient of his too, you know, how do you think i got my working legs back?”

or maybe he’d be brimming quietly, keeping quiet about his connection to his lil miracle boy? Either way, it’s impending doom for viktor because he’s got TWO very feral men trying to steal him away from the other. So he’s fucked(both literally and figuratively.) (also singed would 100% profit over the 2 men fighting over his boy, somehow???)

of course salo is the only one giving anything bc his treatment is done, there is no more medical advice or medicine to give so what can viktor give him now? (his time perhaps, his attention, his voice in salo's ear, oh, anything, really, anything bc salo will accept anything)

and of course viktor knows of salo's gifts (and gifts from others too) but he doesn't... say anything abt it. he's uncomfortable w/ his admirers attention, their... strange loyalty but leaves them be bc they need him and he has to be sensible bc he does need supplies to help people. so he keeps everyone at arms' length (which is why his clear fondness for jayce is so grating. why is he allowed so close?)

(that's bc jayce is kinda viktor's big brother? can viktor call him that?)

singed knows abt the admirers, they're not subtle, lol, and he's keeping a close eye on them to make sure none of get too close or... you know, needy bc my goodness, his apprenta is too kind and his followers can sense it. and also bc he needs supplies too, heh. and manipulating his apprenta's followers gets him whatever he wants easily. especially now that salo and his money is around

(maybe it could be younger jayce, academy jayce, eager to learn abt magic and it takes him to viktor. or maybe it's a jayce that no matter his age, is grieving his mother bc she's so sick and nothing seems to work! so he makes his way to viktor)

and as said before, singed is keeping an eye on viktor's admirers so no harm will come to him. and really, don't salo and jayce know that useless dogs, dogs that don't give anything, neither money or affection, get thrown away? and dogs who are rabid, who'll try to bite their owners? well, they get put down. (viktor will be upset that they'll get hurt but singed knows he'll get over it eventually, there's so many dogs around after all, all licking his hands and begging for his attention, viktor can and will find new dogs)

[hawkeshep]

actually Varric is alive and right next to me? no clue wtf you’re all on about

[featherymainffins]

Well these colours sure didn't translate well

@prismatic-starstuff @beardedladyqueen