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hannamoon143 · 3 days ago

Text

Die with a Smile

Nobody‘s promised tomorrow

So imma love you every night like it‘s the last night

Cause i wanna hold you just for a while, and die with a smile

༘⋆ ❅ ･:*:｡ ❆

Words: 5,2k

Genre: angst, fluff, comfort(…?), christmas

Hyunjin x fem. Reader

Warnings: Cancer!!!! So sickness, food, crying, sickingly sweet fluff, fears, , all i want for christmas by mariah carey (yes that needs a warning),death,non-sexual nudity (they r just bathing), cinnamon (sorry but- warning needed),

A/n: hi! I had so much fun writing this, and it‘s also for the StayblrHolidayEvent . I hope yall enjoy this also since it‘s my first christmas fic. Also as u can see it’s a bit inspired from die with a smile (bruno mars & lady gaga). Basically It’s just those lines i wrote over there kinda inspired me how to write the emotions and thoughts and stuff. So now, take ur hot chocolate, a fuzzy blanket and read! Merry christmas and happy holidays to yall🎄💕✨

You were laying down next to hyunjin, watching the other guys in front of you, while he was sketching most probably them or the decorated livingroom, or just the whole scene in front of him. Felix, Chan and Minho had come over, and now they were laughing as they decorated your tree, the rest of the livingroom, and singing christmas songs. The christmas joy had definitely taken over them, also if you couldn‘t really feel anything of it.„Don‘t you wanna get up and help them?“ Hyunjin mumbled quietly to you, not looking up from his sketch. He did that so often lately. He sketched simple scenes or things he saw, shutting almost everything else out. As if he wanted to remember everything to the smallest detail. „No, i‘m good here with you.“ You responded, laying your head on his shoulder. He sighed quietly, and kept drawing in silence for a while, the only noise was the guys bantering and christmas songs playing in the background. Then he spoke up again, quietly. „Y/nnie, you don‘t have to always sit around me and baby me alright? Don‘t think i don‘t know why you are doing this, and don‘t think i didn‘t hear you crying in the bathroom. I‘m well aware of the situation, but why can‘t we just make the best out of it? I feel like all this is getting to you more than to me, when it‘s literally me who is going to die.“ You froze at his words.

Last christmas, hyunjin had been diagnosed with cancer, and the worst was it was a type that could never be healed. They had told you that he had about one more year to live. That time you broke down entirely, and already there it was you who seemed to be more affected than him. But over a bit time you started acting normal again, not constantly being around him and doing everything for him. But now the year was coming to an end, and christmas was standing on the frontdoor. With that everything came back. You suddenly were all over him, not once leaving his side, and everytime he wanted to get up or something you pressed him down and did whatever he wanted to do for him.

The worst was you could feel it. Somewhere inside you had always hoped that the doctors were just wrong and hyunjin wouldn’t die in the next sixty years. But you saw that they were right. The way he slowly began to always eat a bit less than before, the way the circles under his eyes got darker, and his cheekbones more visible. You hated it. You didn’t hate him of course, you could never, but you hated this stupid cancer and what it was doing to your hyunjin. It was taking him painfully slow out of this world. With him getting worse you were too. You wanted to be strong for him, and for him to have the happiest last christmas ever but you couldn’t help it, the weight of the fact that soon he wouldn’t be there anymore was dragging you down too much, when you knew that it only hurt him more to see you like this, altough you always tried to hide it.

So there you were now. You stiffened and took your head off his shoulder, to look him in the eye. „Don‘t say it like that hyun-“

„No, i will in fact say it like that, cause i‘m not gonna lie to any of us for longer.I know that i‘m going to die, and you know it too okay? So why can‘t we enjoy the time left, and just do everything like we used to, instead of you constantly acting like i‘m some kind of fragile doll that could break at any moment? You acting like a overprotective mom isn‘t gonna change a single thing, as much as it hurts to hear that. Think about it y/n. Because i don‘t want to sit on this couch or in my bed the rest of my life. I‘m not doing this y/n.“ His voice was thick with emotion, and he had kicked his sketchbook away. He stood up, in fact needing a bit time to get up, and to lean onto the wall, but he went into your room, shutting the door. You stared at the closed door, with an empty hollow gaze. The other guys now excused themself and left. But before he left, chan said to you with a guilty smile: „Not everything he said is true, but you should think about some parts. Bye y/nnie.“

Now you were left alone in the silence. Hyunjin’s sketchbook was laying open on the floor, and the pages were a bit scaped now. He was going to be mad at himself for that later. You picked it up, wanting to close it, but then you saw his sketch from today. It wasn’t the scene in front of him, it was you, looking a bit sad. Under the drawing he wrote

My sad girl, 2024

When is she gonna be my happy girl again?

A tear ran down your cheek. He was always very empathetic and he hated when you felt down. Why hadn‘t you thought of the fact that you being like this only weighed him more down?

You cuddled up under the blanket that was still warm from hyunjin, tears slowly falling down. You knew he was right. Of course he wanted to enjoy his life, as long as he was still able to. Because no matter what you were going to do, it wasn‘t gonna change anything anyways, so why not enjoy instead of being sad and regretful when he was still with you, still breathing, still being able to smile at you?

After a while you could finally get yourself to go to him again. You braced yourself and got up, knocking on the door of your shared room. He just faintly sniffled. You opened the door slowly, seeing him huddled up under a blanket. He was crying, and it broke your heart. Hyunjin was a sensitive guy, and he hated arguing with loved ones more than anything, so you should have known that this would get to him, also if he was acting careless and tough. You kept being quiet, just sitting down on your side of the bed. You started stroking his hair, at wich he only started crying more. After a while of being like this in silence, the only sounds his quiet crying and the air cnditioner in the background, he lowered the blanket and looked at you with red eyes. „I don‘t want to die either y/n. I just… i‘m trying to be strong cause you are hurting so much,and i‘m so sorry for leaving you alone my love-“ His voice broke, and more tears spilled over onto his red cheeks. You opened your arms for him, and he didn‘t hesitate. He immediately moved a bit so his head was laying on your chest now. Quickly you wrapped your arms around him, kissing his head, while a few tears trailed down your cheeks too. Of course you knew. „I know, i know hyunnie. But you don‘t need to be strong all the time. I can‘t cure the cancer, but we are in this together. You can tell me how you feel, and i will give you space when you need it, but be by your side whenever you want it too. And i also promise to not act like a overprotective mom anymore.“ He chuckled a bit through his tears at that, wich made you do so too. „See, everything‘s okay. You are not alone, and as long as we can spend time together, i’ll be with you, trying to make your time left the best you ever had. How about tomorrow we make a christmas day? Like we go to the christmas market, bake gingerbread in the afternoon and sing christmas songs, all while we have ugly christmas sweaters on?“ you both started laughing, the tears finally stopping. He nodded,his face squished against your hoodie now, and his breathing was evening out. Maybe you really shouldn‘t take everything that serious. Because now it wasn‘t that point where you would have to say goodbye. You had no idea how much, but you had some time left to spend together, and you would try to make the best out of it. You would love him till the very end, and even after that, you‘d still do so. And as long as he was next to you would also tell him that, and make sure that when he had to go, he would do so in peace. So you closed your eyes, and in this little moment, everything that mattered was hyunjin, entirely squished against you, and you, holding him, as long as you could. The stars could have looked down at you two that night, and altough hyunjin was sick, and paths of the tears that you both cried earlier still lingered on your cheeks, they would have seen you two shine brighter than ever, the light not leaving, as long as you were together.

Prove reading done* until there ^

The next morning you woke up, a white comforter draped over you, and you almost had a heart attack when hyunjin was nowhere near. But then you saw him, walking in with a big grin, and one of the matching ugly christmas sweaters you had bought together sometime on.You started laughing, still half asleep and in a groggy voice. „You look…. Interesting.“ hyunjin laughed and threw something at you. It was your christmas sweater. You sighed, and you did your best to put a serious face on. His smile dropped. „Oh no- no- don‘t say you changed your mind.“ You broke out in a laugh and jumped up, putting the sweater over your pajama shirt. „God you are going to make me die even sooner with the heart attacks you give me.“ Hyunjin dramatically exhaled, gripping his chest. You just rolled your eyes at that. You were glad he was his usual dramatic self, the weight in the room that you both somehow created the past weeks, seemingly gone, replaced by a lighthearted joyful mood.

So you dressed the rest of yourself, grabbed your things and left the apartment with hyunjin. He had insisted to eat waffles at his favorite coz cafe around the corner, and not have one of your healthy breakfasts at home. You had given in, so now you were walking there, both wrapped up in coats, and fuzzy scarfs. It was cold outside, and the wind blew. There were faint smells of gingerbread and cinnamon in the air, telling you it was really getting christmas now. Well christmas was already tomorrow so how could it be different? You went into the cafe and hyunjin picked a spot at the window. On the pastell green walls there were everywhere pretty pictures, and the chairs were all different, each one looking vintage and really comfy. You ordered two waffles and two hot chocolates. As you sat there in the cozy fluffy chair, you looked at him. He looked the same as yesterday, and the days before but something was different. It wasn‘t the pink shade on his nose from the cold, or neither the Christmas sweater. No, it was that his eyes sparkled. They sparkled like they didn‘t in a long time. Maybe he was right? Maybe this was what he needed, not your experimental healthy food (that didn’t even taste good, eugh) and constant sitting around at home. Hyunjin shook you out of your thoughts. „Why are you staring?“

You shook your head with a little smile. „You‘re pretty today.“

He just laughed, assuming you were joking because of the sweater.

Your waffles and hot chocolate were served and hyunjin got excited like a kid, and immediately started munching them. You giggled, and secretly took a picture with your phone. Then you started eating too. The waffles tasted like christmas and happiness. You had never eaten such good waffles before. Maybe it was also just the feeling to sit here and eat them with hyunjin, entirely lighthearted and happy for the first time in weeks. As you were highly concentrated on your food, hyunjin suddenly spoke up. „I love you, you know that? And i always will, even when you can‘t see me anymore. But don‘t worry, i‘ll look at you getting older, achieving your dreams, and doing everything you want to, because i know you’ll do so well, even without me. And i‘ll protect you, from wherever i will be going. You‘ll always be my muse y/n.“ He sounded sincere, not sarcastic like when he was being dramatic, though he kept on eating his waffles, like he didn‘t just say something that almost made you cry and want to hold him for the rest of your life. You looked at him, tears building up a bit behind your eyes. „Hyunnie… I love you too, and always will. I don‘t know if i ever can fully move on though,… because i will always think of you when i look at the moon shining bright on the dark night sky, or when i look at the town around christmastime, everything tinted in a soft glow and everything smelling like gingerbread.“ You said, but you weren‘t as desperate and almost seeming like you would break down at any moment, like it was just a few days ago when he started talking about his death. No, you were calm, and a little, sad smile played on your lips. He was done with his waffles now, and leaned over the table to cup your cheek in his warm hand. „It‘s okay y/nnie. Grieving i a natural and healthy part of when someone you love is dying. And it‘s okay to cry, scream or vent to someone. But please don‘t do all that alone hm? I talked to the boys a few days ago, and they have all grown so close to you too over the years, they will support you, and you can grieve together. Know that you are not alone y/n, never. And i‘ll always be somewhere in there.“ He pointed at where your heart was. „And you are the strongest, bravest woman i know, so i know that you will be able to somewhat move on someday. Oh but i have one little request. Please never forget me, no matter what you choose to do in the future. I like the idea of you being reminded of me when looking at the moon or while the christmas season. I hope you are being reminded of me in a good way though, and not like a haunting nightmare way.“ He chuckled at the last part a bit. And you smiled too.

„I would never forget you love, and don’t worry about it, you‘ll always be my dream, never my nightmare.“

„Oh but one more thing. Don’t be afraid of me dying, while i’m still here. Everything is gonna be okay.“ He smiled. You both looked into each other‘s eyes for a moment there, and it felt like nothing else was existing right now. No other people, no sadness, and no cancer. Just hyunjin‘s mesmerizing dark eyes looking into yours.

You two were walking out the cafe, hand in hand, now going to the little christmas market hyunjin adored since you took him there for the first time. Since then he didn‘t spend a singly christmas season without going there.

Your breaths were coming out in little white clouds, and you put your head on hyunjin‘s shoulder. He took his hand out of yours,and instead lovingly wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close, and pressing a kiss to your head. You loved when he did that. If only you could stop time now, and walk in the joyful town forever with your boyfriend.

But soon you heard happy children‘s laughter, and smelled cinammon. No doubt that there was the christmas market. Hyunjin started smiling like crazy. He loved the fact that he got to see this for the last time with you. No, he wouldn’t be sad that it was the last time today, and regret things. No, he would just be so, so glad to spend this day here, forgetting the cancer that usually weighed him down, for a while. It seemed like a gift that he got this day, being with his favorite person in probably his favorite place.

Soon enough he saw a stand, with cute handmade christmas decorations. He immediately went over there, and made a adorable noise.

„Looooook y/n, it‘s a ferret with a scarf, and it looks like my scarf! We need to adopt him and hang him on our tree. I feel our bond, so no arguing on this one.“ He said dead serious. You laughed, looking at the ferret. You almost forgot how excited hyunjin always got at the christmas market, and how you had to convince him to not buy literally everything he saw. But you nodded on this one, the little deco really looking a bit like hyunjin right now, with his cute red nose and the adorable smile on his face. He went to the man who was selling it, and even gave him more money than the ferret costed. The guy happily wished him merry christmas and waved. Hyunjin just loved to make people happy, and why not do that especially now? He took your hand in his again, walking by the other stands, the shimmer of the fairylights hanging on all the stands mirroring the one in his eyes. As you were slowly walking, you, literally trying to convince hyunjin to not buy a gigantic wolf statue from the eighteenth century for chan(He was so silly, he had to gift everyone the most random things for christmas with the simple explanation: I saw that and thought of you), you suddenly felt something cold on your face. Hyunjin seemed to feel it too, because he looked up and immediately his whole face lit up even more if that was possible. „Omg Y/n it‘s snowing! This is just a perfect day, even the weather with it‘s beautiful snow is on our side.“ He talked, not really paying attention to what he was saying, just mesmerized by the white crystals.

Sometimes you took a bit time, just to admire the way he got excited over little things, in a way you would usually see it only with kids. Those moments, when joy was literally radiating from him you felt so much love and admiration for him that you could combust. You just wanted to snap a hundred pictures with that adorable smile and the shine in his eyes, and keep them forever in your heart. You brushed his hair out of his face, and your hand lingered on his cheek for a bit longer. „You‘re right hyun, this is the perfect day.“ You whispered. He just continued smiling, then lowered down to kiss you. You didn‘t feel the cold snow on your skin anymore, only your boyfriends soft lips, that tasted like cinammon and warmness, pressed to yours. As you pulled away, your foreheads were resting against each other, and you felt his warm breath on your face. „Let‘s go home now, then we can bake gingerbread and show mini Jinnie his new home.“ you giggled at his words, and nodded, your eyes not leaving his.

You walked through your apartment door, both of you giggling like lovesick fools. You took your shoes and coat off, but suddenly your feet got sweeped off the floor, and you were being carried by hyunjin. „Yah, stop it!! The doctor said no heavy lifting!“ You slapped his arm in an attempt to make him let you down but you couldn‘t even hold in your own laugh. He shook his head and dramatically said: „If not now, then when should i carry you bridal style, my lady?“ You playfully slapped his arm again and threw your head back in laughter. He just fondly smiled, lowering his head down to kiss you on the cheek, and then he carried you into the kitchen. The other guys seemed to also have decorated the kitchen because beautiful fairy lights were hung over the stoves, and some more decoration, including a mistletoe, was placed perfect. When hyunjin stopped under the mistletoe you started shaking your head. „No jinnie don‘t. Please, that‘s so cheesy,don‘t do it.“ You whined, knowing exactly he would in fact do it.He grinned and asked „May i?“ He didn‘t wait for an answer, he just softly laid his lips on yours, the kiss so tender like always. Both of you closed your eyes, and you wrapped your arms around his neck. After a while you slowly pulled away, and he murmured a soft „love you my muse“. You hid your face in the crook of his neck, smiling. „Love you too hyunnie“ your words were muffled against his sweater, but he didn‘t mind. He wouldn‘t want to be anywhere else in the world right now.

You went into the kitchen, and hyunjin let you down. You started preparing everything for gingerbread, and soon christmas songs were filling the air. With the fairy lights on, everything was tinted in a soft, cozy glow.

As you were just done with the dough and had placed it to rest somewhere ‘all i want for christmas‘ started playing. „Oh my favorite christmas song.“ He chimed, preparing a spoon as a microphone. You looked at him in shock. „Sorry what?? Don‘t tell me we are together for literally six years, and i had no idea that your favorite christmas song is all i want for christmas. How can you have these muscles, and act all flirty but suddenly be like a lovesick teeny girl?“

A endearing pout played on his lips. „It‘s a classical, don‘t judge me!“ You sighed but started giggling. As the refrain of the song came, hyunjin threw his hair back (Nuh uh seriously, who was this diva?) and he began to loudly sing into the spoon. You laughed, but couldn‘t resist him. You grabbed a spoon toom, and put it up to your mouth, singing along with him. He then wrapped his one arm around your waist, and with the other one he held his ‘microphone‘ , singing „All i want for christmasss is youuuuu“ And then pointing at you. You started dancing around together too. In a little clumsy pirouette move, where you would never think this man was a professional dancer, Hyunjin accidentally threw a bag of flour off the stove. In only a few seconds you both and the whole floor were coated in a thick layer of flour. For a moment you were both flabbergasted, but soon you bursted out laughing, and hyunjin just kept singing like it was nothing. This whole moment felt so heartwarming and silly, you just knew this was one of those moments you would still think of in twenty years. Hyunjin ended his little concert with one more time singing the refrain line and then he picked you up and swirled you around, the flour flying around in the air. You squealed, not expecting it, wich only made him chuckle. As he let you down again, he pulled you close again, pressing a kiss to your forehead, not caring that now flour was on his lips.„I love you so much.“

You giggled, wrapping your arms around him, so now you were both wrapped up tightly in each others embrace, not caring about the fact that you were just distributing the flour even more.

„You said that so often today.“

„Yes because i never ever want you to forget it, alright love?“ he held you jut a bit tighter, and you felt his nose nuzzling against your neck.

„alright.“

„Good. Let‘s just stay like this for a little while longer? You look cute in flour.“

„As long as you want to.“ you smiled softly and laid your head against his chest, feeling his heartbeat.

After a while the flour got a bit itchy though, you both had to admit. So you went into your room, getting some clothes for you and hyunjin, while he went into the bathroom to run a bath. You took your matching christmas pajamas, the fluffy one with gingerbread men on it. As you came into the bathroom, hyunjin was turning on the water, putting some of your favorite cinammon-bath salt in it. He had also lit some candles, and turned off the big light, so the whole bathroom was tinted in golden light. You both undressed, and you stepped into the tub first, sitting down at the end of it. Hyunjin waited and raised a brow. „Don‘t you want me to sit behind you like usual? You always like when i massage your scalp, or your tense shoulders“ You gently smiled up to him. „Today i‘m gonna do all that for you. It was so wonderful to just forget everything today, and with the christmas market and the snow, everything was just perfect. But you‘re still my sick baby. So sit down, today it‘s me who is gonna massage your scalp.“ Hyunjin‘s eyes filled with tears, and a fond smile crept up to his lips. He got into the bathtub too, sitting down between your legs, like you usually did with him. You soon gently started to run your fingers through his hair, and he closed his eyes, cherishing the feeling. After a while you felt his muscles completely relax, and his breathing get slow and steady, almost like his body was melting into yours. You held him tight, one hand still in his hair, and from time to time you kissed his shoulder, like he always did to you.

After a while when you almost thought he had fallen asleep he murmured: „The water‘s getting cold.“

You hummed. „Let‘s get out, and get you to sleep jinnie.“

„But the gingerbread.“ He mumbled, but his eyes were already closed. You smiled and he whined as you got up and out of the tub. „We can still make the little gingerbread men, and ferrets and whatever you want, tomorrow.“ You took a fluffy towel, and wrapped it around yourself. Then you got another one, and tried dragging hyunjin out of the water.

„But then it‘s already christmas day. That‘s against the rules my lady.“ You chuckled at his sleepy confused mumbling. „We are making our own rules.“ You took the towel and slowy dried him off. Then you softly pushed him down to sit on the bathtub edge and put him on his pajamas. „You are taking care of me so well love… Never gonna stop loving you, i‘ll protect my muse at all costs, even when i‘m not physically with you anymore.“ He mumbled, so incoherent and sleep drunken you almost didn‘t understand it. „I know jinnie, i know. Now let‘s get you to bed, hm?“ He whined, and after you quickly put on your own pajamas too, you helped him get up and you both went to bed. As he laid down, you pulled the comforter up to his chin, lovingly stroking his hair. Then you got into bed too, closing your eyes. When you were already at the edge of sleep you suddenly heard hyunjin speak up again. „Y/n?“

„Hmm?“ „Please say it back“

„What are you talking bout.“

„That you love me. I‘m so tired already, but somehow i feel like i won‘t fall asleep if you don‘t say it.“

If you would have thought about that, maybe you could have somewhere already thought that it was coming. Hyunjin‘s pure soul was bracing itself for something, as if he knew.

„I love you. Forever and ever.“

And then you both drifted off.

When you woke up, you didn‘t immediately open your eyes. But you knew. You felt it. You could never describe this feeling, or how you would know, but you had no doubt your hyunjin was somewhere else now. Somewhere far away. And when you finally did open your eyes you took a second to breathe in. You slowly sat up and braced yourself. Then you looked to your side. There he was, looking like he was sleeping peacefully. You didn‘t know if you were imagining that or if it was real but it seemed like even a small smile was laying on his lips. You were oddly calm, as you stood up, and walked around to hyunjin‘s side.

You crouched down next to the bed, and with a slight tremble you took his hand in yours. It was still a bit warm. You pressed a kiss to it, as a silent tear rolled down your cheek. „Hey hyunnie. I don‘t know if you can hear me, but i just want to tell you that i love you okay? Don‘t forget that. And i hope you weren‘t in pain when it happened. Just know that you can peacefully go wherever you are supposed to go now. It‘s okay for me. I will continue living, also if the pain of your absence will daily remind me of the fact that you aren‘t with me anymore. But that‘s okay. I thought that this pain is the worst, but it makes me remember you, and that‘s what i want to do for the rest of my life, so actually i will be okay with it. That day yesterday was really a perfect day, as you said. I guess somehow our souls knew that soon they would have to say goodbye to each other. It helped me realize that when you die i won‘t have to act all strong, and feel like suffocating when i‘m alone. Oh by the way, i‘ll call the guys soon, and tell them. Then i‘ll bake our gingerbreadmen okay? And i‘ll be taking good care of mini jinnie, so you don‘t have to worry about him and his little scarf.“ You smiled through the tears running down your cheeks, that were silently landing on the bed next to hyunjin.

„So hyunnie, i bet you are wating for me to finish my dramatic boring speech so you can finally go in peace, hm? I wish you merry christmas my one and only love.“ You kissed his hand tenderly for the last time, a single little tear dripping down onto it.

Taglist: @0omillo0 @lina-linny @darqlys

@onementally-unstabel-kid @idek6758 @sadie-tucker @kozumesphone

@urlocalmultigroupfan @thoughtfularbiternightmare @lezleeferguson-120

@stayblrofficial hello this is my submission for the stayblrholiday event! For some reason I can’t send y’all the link but yeah I hope tagging is okay too!<3

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exitvelocities · 2 days ago

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2023-2024 cdramas year in review

i'm borrowing this idea from thai bl tumblr, but with less fun categories because i'm tired. i'm including shows from this year and last year since i mainly watched a mixture of the two in 2024.

tagging whoever wants to do it!

overall favorite show (2024): fangs of fortune it's gorgeous, i love the characters, and it's got one of the most shippable poly casts i've seen in basically ever.

overall favorite show (2023): mysterious lotus casebook i actually did watch this one last year and i liked it, but it wasn't until i rewatched it again in 2024 that i lost my mind over it.

favorite character: di feisheng from mysterious lotus casebook my love my darling my heart. i adore him with every fiber of my being. i honestly never really noticed xiao shunyao too much before this but he's sure got my attention now.

favorite character runner up: pei sijing from fangs of fortune sorry, you can't give me a badass kuudere archer and expect me to NOT be absolutely nuts about her. cheng xiao has also improved SO much from her early days acting and i think it's super neat that they incorporated her dancing background into her fight scenes.

favorite ship: dihua from mysterious lotus casebook see above about losing my mind. it's got everything i love in a ship: history, tension, longing, being totally obsessed with one another. i've written so much this year and most of it is for them.

favorite ship runner up: jingxiao from fangs of fortune GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS i love them and they love each other. i love how flirty wx is with psj and how sincere and open psj is with wx.

favorite canon ship: song mo/dou zhao in blossom this is still airing so i hope they don't fuck it up, but it's such a refreshing dynamic. they're really partners, and he's so gone of her.

favorite canon ship runner up: gu jiusi/li yunrui in destined i'm not really a fan of straight romance dramas but the strongest arc of this show is undoubtedly the first one, where they unwillingly get married and slowly fall in love. bjt is particularly charming in this role and song yi is lovely per usual.

favorite fl: dou zhao in blossom i love that she's careful and meticulous but not omnipotent. she's working at changing what she can but she's not a miracle worker. she feels warm and human and fallible in the best way. also mzy is gorgeous and i love her, fuck the haters.

favorite fl runner up: xue fangfei in the double she's batshit overpowered and it's still contrived in some instances but wu jinyan sells it enough that i just eat it up hahah.

favorite ml: li lianhua in mysterious lotus casebook his burnt out gifted kid ass is captivating. he has so many complex layers; it's a role that really gives cheng yi a chance to stretch his muscles and i think he did a great job.

favorite ml runner up: pu yiyong in oh no! here comes trouble he's a dumbass delinquent with a hereditary power to see spirits and release them, what's not to love.

favorite female supporting role: yang ying in a journey to love one of the best character arcs i've seen in a long, long time. i love her journey and where she ends up and i hope she gets everything she ever wants. iconic role for helan dou imo.

favorite female supporting role runner up: feng baobao in am nobody she doesn't understand human interaction and she loves knives and is good at them. she was made for me.

favorite male supporting role: yu shishan in journey to love breakout role for fang yilun, suave playboy with a heart of gold, faithful brother in arms. i adore him.

favorite male supporting role runner up: wang ye in i am nobody lazy, lowkey, and the best in the world. a good look for hmh also.

favorite antagonist: shen yurong from the double what a thoroughly unhinged man. i particularly loved the middle section of the show and the back and forth between him and xff. i wanted him to take a different path, but he couldn't.

favorite antagonist runner up: li lun from fangs of fortune oh my beautiful, bitter, lovelorn tree demon. he's like catnip for me.

favorite antagonist honorable mention: gong shangjue from my journey to you so intense, so brooding, so murderous.

bonus 2023 thai show section

favorite overall show: moonlight chicken i just really loved this show. i like both gemfourth and earthmix and while i did not enjoy the bit of firstkhao pandering at the end, i thought it was a generally thoughtful exploration of human foibles.

favorite cast: my school president they're adorable and i love them. this is overall such a fun, feel good show with great music. tinngun are wonderful and so are the secondary couples. special shoutout to babygirl por's outfits.

most ridiculous sex scene: bed friend you know the one.

biggest disappointment: only friends i still haven't finished it. i'm just not invested in anything or anyone. i think part of it is that i don't really love the cast, out side of neo and mark. i do like first and khao but not really together, sadly.

#year in review #cdramas #thai dramas #fangs of fortune #mysterious lotus casebook #blossom #i am nobody #a journey to love #oh no here comes trouble #my journey to you #gif

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chil-aglia · 22 hours ago

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𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

A Step Closer

Be sure to read the tags on my Ao3 so you guys know what you’re getting yourselves into.

Art is done by me, PLEASE feel free to make your own art and idk tag me in it or something—

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The mask never came off. It practically stuck to Giovanni’s face ever since he got it. But no one told him to remove it, they understood that this mask was special to him, a real gift he ever received in years.

Giovanni was adjusting to the family life, it wasn’t perfect, but he became less jumpy around his brothers and father, still on edge and he frequently has nightmares, but he made the effort of slowly coming out of his shell.

Still, he felt odd. It was like this was all still a dream to him. He can still feel the slimy and squishy tentacles of the Krang crawling along his body, choking him, suffocating his windpipe. He sometimes just shivered and felt sick whenever he just recalled them. But he didn’t want to burden or worry anyone, so he kept these feelings to himself.

He knew it was unhealthy to do that, but he didn’t want to risk ruining everyone’s mood just because of him.

Giovanni was currently sitting in Splinter’s chair, cross legged as he watched his brothers act out scenes from the movie they were watching. They started introducing him to Lou Jitsu movies, A.K.A. Splinter’s old movie star life before he was mutated into a rat.

Giovanni didn’t understand any of it. But he kept patient and watched on. He supposed this was normal for his younger brothers to act out these scenes, Mikey told him that they have seen all the movies countless times that it was embedded into their brains, they knew all the lines and all the action.

Giovanni was impressed.

”Hot soup!”

Giovanni flinched when Raphael suddenly threw Leo and Donnie behind him, the twins crashing on the floor and landing in front of Giovanni who panicked that they were hurt as he looks down at him, arm stretched out hesitantly as though he was scared to touch them.

But he blinks when they laughed and sat up, cheering and clapping for Raph praising him on the performance.

Giovanni sighs softly in relief as he got back to his original position.

“Hey, you guys smell that?” Leo spoke up, sniffing the air, his brothers copying him. “Ugh, yeah…what is it?” Mikey made a slight disgusted face as he follows the stench. He walks towards Giovanni and blinks at him, Giovanni tilting his head in puzzlement.

”Whew! It’s Gio!”

What’s me?

Leo slides in and gave a brief whiff as he pokes his tongue out in disgust. “Eugh, yeah…guess you haven’t had a bath for some time. But it’s time for you to get clean.”

A what?

Noticing the confused expression, Leo widens his eyes before turning to the others. “Uh, oh. He doesn’t know what a bath is. Someone gotta bathe him.” He explains as Mikey immediately shakes Donatello’s shoulders.

”I volunteer Donnie!”

”Wait, what?!”

Leo grins and slings an arm around his twin, “Thank you for volunteering bro. Go have fun!”

He shoves Donnie gently over to Giovanni who stared at him as Donnie gags a bit at the smell. “Why do I have to be the one to give him a bath?” He groans over to the boys who laugh sheepishly at him.

What’s a bath?

Giovanni perks up, a little curious about this ‘bath’ they kept speaking of. Was it good? Safe? Something for him to eat?

“It’ll be fine. Besides out of everyone here, you seem to interact with Gio the least! This is good for you two to be more aquatinted!” Raph smiles in assurance as Donnie glares before sighing and shaking his head.

There was no way out of this was there?

“Very well. I’ll have Giovanni here come out squeaky clean!”

Donnie wasted no time and grabs the oldest brother and drags him away to the bathroom. Giovanni lets Donnie take him away, but he couldn’t help but gulp. He was nervous being left alone with the soft shell.

He enters the bathroom that he’s only been in probably once. And that was just by accident when he was looking for one of the rooms of his brothers to return something they left behind in the living room.

Donnie closes the door, making Giovanni flinch and turn around. “All right, now, do you know anything about bathing?” Donnie asks in a more begging tone, but to his disappointment, Giovanni just shook his head.

”Sigh….all right. Guess I have to do everything.”

He huffs and walks over to the bathtub, turning the tap on as water pours out. Giovanni leans over Donnie slightly to get a better look, however since he now closer, Donnie had to resist the urge to gag.

”Boy, you really do smell.”

”I smell?” Giovanni mumbles in confusion as he steps back and sniffed his arm, but he didn’t smell anything out of ordinary. “You probably don’t smell it because you’re already used to your own scent. But trust me, you need a bath.”

Donnie looks to the tub and turns it off once the water was at a reasonable level. “Okay, get in.” He gestured as Giovanni remained where he was, feeling anxious of getting in. Donnie blinks at him, “Well? Chop, chop. The water will get cold.” He encourages but Giovanni just shifted uncomfortably on his feet.

Donnie hums in thought, he was hoping this was going to be easy but of course he should’ve expected that Giovanni would be uncomfortable with getting into something that he had no idea about.

”Look, it’s safe. It’s just water.”

Donnie placed his hand in the tub, splashing the water lightly. “It won’t hurt you. Promise.”

Donnie was just winging this, feelings and making others comfortable was suited for Mikey. But since his brothers oh so kindly gave him the task of bathing his oldest brother, he didn’t know what else he could do.

Relying on visuals to help Giovanni become more comfortable with the idea of getting into the tub. He was surprised that it seemed to work as Giovanni walks over and hesitantly dipped his finger into the water.

Giovanni relaxed at the feeling before he raised his feet up and hopped over the tub lightly, placing both feet into the water. “Yessssuh!” Donnie grins, a step forward in the right direction.

”Okay, now sit down in the water.” He instructs, to which Giovanni listens as he squatted down before sitting in the water. He shivered at the weird feeling of being almost submerged.

Donnie gazed at the grey mask around Giovanni’s face, “We should take this off, so it doesn’t get wet.” Donnie points out, tapping lightly at the mask as Giovanni points but nods.

”All right…but I’ll get it back?”

”Course you will.”

Giovanni unties his mask and handed it to Donnie who placed it on the sink counter. “Well, guess we should start scrubbing.”

He grabs a loafer and soap, turning in the direction of Giovanni who looks between the items in curiosity and nerves.

Giovanni discovered a new kind of love. He loves baths. Loves being in water.

Donnie had been the one to witness all the chaos that Giovanni brought when it came to being bathed. At first, he shivered and almost avoided being scrubbed, but then when Donnie eventually managed to touch him and start slowly, he saw the changes in his brother in an instant.

Giovanni was purring at the sensation. It was like his body went on autopilot, he began slowly sinking into the water before he completely submerged, blinking and looking up.

Donnie had deadpan, watching his brother not coming up. And since he was a turtle, he knew that Giovanni could hold his breath for a while. Donnie had to drag him back up to the surface since he didn’t want to stay in the bathroom any longer than he already has.

But of course, with Giovanni’s best found love for water, it wasn’t easy. Whenever Donnie turned away for a second, he would hear the rippling of the water in the tub, looking back to see Giovanni being completely under water.

But none the less, Donatello managed to clean his brother, draining the tub and drying him off with a towel. He gave back the mask to let him tie it on himself before opening the bathroom door and announcing out loud.

”I’ve done it! Behold, a clean Giovanni!”

Mikey received a phone call from April, he was in his room painting away until he saw his phone lighting up with a picture of April’s smiling face coming up.

”Chello!”

April chuckled on the other end when Mikey picked up, “Hey Mikes. How’s it going? Haven’t heard from you in awhile.” She greeted, as Mikey smiles happily. “Sorry about that. It’s been quite busy here. We’re all helping our brother out and—“

”Whoa, whoa. Back up. Brother? Who?”

Mikey widens his eyes in realisation. They forgot to tell her about Giovanni. “Ohmigosh! We’ve been so caught up; we forgot to tell you about him! Okay, so, you remember that mutant turtle we brought back to lair to get him treated?”

”Uh, yeah. You guys never told me what happened to that guy.”

Mikey beams as he stands up, pacing around excitedly. “Well! Long story short but he’s actually our older brother. He was, uh…trapped in the prison dimension for years, until we brought him back.” He explains the short version, but he grew weary at the silence from April.

”Uh…Apri—“

”You have another brother and you didn’t think to tell me?!”

Oh, she was mad.

Mikey chuckles sheepishly, “Yeah…sorry about that. But hey! Maybe you can come and meet him?”

“Meet him? Uh…I don’t know, he might not like me.”

Mikey blinks but shakes his head, “Nonsense! Everyone likes you. In fact, bring Casey with you too. That way you two can meet him. His name is Giovanni by the way.”

”Giovanni. Your pops sure likes those renaissance names. Look, I’d love to meet him but…I don’t know.”

”Want me to ask him? He’s in the living room.”

”What? Uh…yeah okay.”

Mikey nods, even though she couldn’t see it, as he skips out his room and runs to the main living room, noticing Leo and Donnie fighting over the remote while Raph and Giovanni watched the twins. Raph was already used to their antics, so he just looked bored, whereas Giovanni was sweating anxiously.

“Hey guys! April’s on the phone!” Mikey announces, as Raphael turns to greet his little brother, “Tell her I said hi!”

Mikey smiles and looks to Giovanni, “Hey, Gio.” He calls out, immediately Giovanni looks over to him upon hearing his name, “I was wondering, how would you feel about meeting our friends, April and Casey?”

All the brothers froze and glance over for Giovanni’s reaction. “Meet…who?” He questions softly, he tried to remember if he knew these guys, but their names weren’t familiar to him. “Ah, you only met them once. But you were unconscious, so does that technically count? Anyway, they’re cool people, but if you’re not up to meeting them, that’s fine too.” Mikey assures with a gentle smile.

People? Ah…he means humans right?

Giovanni hums in thought, before he gave a slow nod. “Okay. I would like to meet them.” He agrees, which shocked the others, but Mikey was excited none the less, placing his phone back to his ear.

”He said he can’t wait to meet you two! When do you think you and Casey can come?”

“Well, Casey still has homework catching up with. And I gotta study for a bit…but maybe we can come over later tonight?”

”Sounds good! I’ll let the guys know. See you then!”

Mikey bids his goodbyes and grins at his brothers, “They’ll come by later tonight. That all right with everyone?” He asks to which they nod, until Leo hesitantly spoke up, his eyes trained on Giovanni.

”You sure you’re up to meeting new people? Heads up, they’re human so…”

Giovanni tilts his head at him in confusion, “Should I…be worried?” He asks out of curiosity, as Raph shakes his head and sweats a little awkwardly. “No! No, not at all. It’s just…well, we don’t want them to accidentally trigger you. You said that humans before in the past captured you…?”

Giovanni glanced down, nodding to Raph’s words. “That was the past though. I barely remember those people. Besides…you guys have friends that are human. Me, meeting them was bound to happen at some point.”

He gave his brothers the best reassuring look he could muster, “I’ll be okay….”

Stop shaking, stop shaking, stop shaking!

Giovanni tried to not show it, but he was shaking like a leaf. He had assured his younger siblings that he was fine when meeting their human friends, but now that it was actually happening, he couldn’t help but be smothered in anxiety.

He was waiting in the kitchen area; Mikey having been the one to go greet Casey and April and bring them over. The others remained with Giovanni, all noticing the nerves radiating off him, but they didn’t want to startle him out of the blue. Giovanni perks up when the sounds of multiple footsteps got closer, ahead of him entered Mikey with two humans by his side.

”And voila! Gio, come meet April and Casey!” Mikey waved him over, his older brother showing hesitation but complied and walks over. The humans blink at him, surprised to see Giovanni walking over as the last time they saw the mutant he was unconscious and injured.

”Whoa! Hey, how are ya? I’m April O’Neil! I’ve been a friend of your brothers for years.” The female human smiles warmly, extending a hand out to shake, but Giovanni just eyed the hand and gave her a slow nod in greeting.

The younger human, a male, clears his throat as he awkwardly waved. “Hi, I’m Casey Jones. Um…I haven’t been around here long, but uh…I know your brothers too.”

Mikey slung an arm around Giovanni, “Casey’s from the future. So, he kind of knows us for a while too. Uh, with our future selves at least. Time travel is kind of weird to explain.” Mikey rubs his head as Giovanni was more focused on the fact that Casey was from a different time.

”Future? Time travel is a thing here…?”

Casey blinks, “Uh, well, I was sent here by Master Michelangelo. The one from my time, to help stop the Krang invasion.”

Upon the mention of Krang, Giovanni tensed, eye going wide and body being stiff. It was quite noticeable as Casey quickly apologised. “Sorry! Uh, I wasn’t thinking.” He rubs the back of his neck, wanting to smash his face into a wall.

“Hey, Gio? You okay bro?” Leo softly spoke, walking over to him as Giovanni snapped out of the daze and nods. “I’m fine. I’m okay…sorry, haven’t heard that name in a while, so…”

He clears his throat and face a tiny assuring look. “I’m all right.”

Donnie waits for some time to pass before he couldn’t help but comment about something. “Say, Casey, since you’re from the future, how come you’ve never told us about Gio?” He questions, eyes narrowing in thought as Casey straightens up slightly.

”Right, um…well it’s because I wasn’t sure if you guys have already met him or not.”

”Even if we did, you didn’t mention him once.”

Giovanni tilts his head curiously at the conversation as Casey frowns a bit. “Well, to be honest with you all…I actually never met Giovanni in my time.” He informs, the silence growing as well as the tension.

”But…you knew us?” Raph stated, puzzled by this, but Casey nods in understanding. “You see, in my time, Giovanni wasn’t around. But I had no idea if he was alive or not. No one told me. Whenever he was brought up, my master's would have this sullen look and didn’t speak about him.” Casey starts off, looking between the brothers for their reactions.

”There were a few pictures of Giovanni around, but they were old ones. I think he vanished when he was maybe in his mid 20s or early 30s? And whenever anyone did talk about him, they only told me stories of his deeds and their memories of him. Apparently, I only knew Giovanni when I was still a baby, but since I was, well, a baby, I don’t remember him much.”

He frowns softly and turns to Giovanni who was taking in the information. “I’m sorry…I wish I knew about your future self, but I don’t. I like to think that future you is still out there somewhere, but realistically…” He pauses but he didn’t need to say anything else as Giovanni inhales some air.

”It’s okay…um, if anything I’m sorry.”

”Huh? Gio, why are you sorry?” Mikey looked at his older brother with confusion on his face as Giovanni continued to hold Casey’s gaze. “I’m sorry that you didn’t get a chance to get to know me. And uh, I’m sorry if future me disappeared or something.” He says softly with a sad look, which Casey immediately saw and shook his head in slight panic.

”I’m not mad or anything! Sure, I would have loved to see you more in my time, but it’s fine!”

He breathes in to calm down as he offered an assuring smile, “I could…tell you stories about him if you’re interested?”

”I…I’d like that. But maybe another time though.”

”Sure. Whenever you want.”

It had been a few days since Giovanni met April and Casey. He had surprisingly warmed up to the humans rather quickly. His brothers all saw April as an older sister or something and saw Casey as part of the family.

Therefore, Giovanni was rather comfortable with them as well. He might’ve not seen them as siblings, but he knew that they had a special place in the family.

Giovanni walks along the hallway of the lair; he paused when he his brothers all heading to the exit of the lair and heading to the sewer tunnels. “Where are you all going?” He innocently questioned, taking a few steps forward as Raph turns to him with both an awkward look and assuring one.

”Patrolling time. It’s been pretty quiet topside ever since the…well, that.”

Ever since the Krang came here.

”But, we figured we check out everything to make it’s all good. Don’t worry, we won’t be gone too long.”

Leo cuts in and gave a thumbs up. “We have it all under control bro! It’ll hopefully be a quick surveillance around New York, and we’ll be back home.” He assured as Giovanni slowly nods, watching them bid their farewells and headed off inside the sewer tunnels.

He heads back inside the safety of the lair and raised his head to stare at the ceiling. His expression distant and deep in thought.

Topside…he actually hasn’t left the lair since he first arrived. But now that he thought about it more, the more he was curious about what the outside world was like. He felt…a little lonely being in the lair while his brothers ventured outside without him.

”Something wrong?”

Splinter walks towards him, noticing how Giovanni was standing there looking at the ceiling. “Yeah, um…well, when can I go to the surface?” He asks, which briefly startled Splinter who blinks owlishly at him. “Ah…curious, are you? Well, that’s to be expected, it was a matter of time before you wanted to explore more of the world.” He smiles at Giovanni who nervously fiddled with his fingers and shifted his feet on the spot.

”The outside world is both a beautiful place and also a dangerous one. Especially for your brothers and yourself.”

Dangerous…?

He gulps, feeling a little unsettled. “I know that sounds scary, and it is…your brothers have made quite a few enemies, and they often get into troublesome situations. If you were ever to go topside, you’ll know doubt find yourself in situations that may require you to fight.” Splinter explains truthfully, as he noticed how on edge Giovanni grew upon listening to him.

He knew that this was probably going to put off going topside for Giovanni, but he had to tell him. For his own safety.

”Actually…do you know how fight?” Splinter changes the topic, as Giovanni stared at him in thought. “I…remember being trained by the humans in lab coats, but I hardly ever used that training when I was sent to the prison dimension.” He explains shortly, scratching the back of his neck as Splinter hums in understanding.

”Come with me.”

The rat walks off as Giovanni follows. Not knowing where he was being led to until he saw the familiar room of the dojo. To be perfectly honest, he’s probably only been in here once, and that was because he heard noises coming from inside, only to find his brothers training whenever they had time.

He was puzzled, why he was brought here, focusing his attention back to his father who walks to the centre of the dojo and looks back to face his son.

”I want you to spar with me.”

Spar….?

Giovanni had to think about it for a moment until he realised what he meant. “Fight…? I-I can’t fight you!” He shakes his head, instinctively stepping back to gain distance.

”You can’t? Or you won’t?”

”Both! I…I don’t think I have the heart to attack you.”

Splinter softly pouts at his son, he could tell that Giovanni didn’t like the idea of bringing harm to him, but Splinter needed to see where Giovanni's abilities were at in a fight.

”I’m sorry…but sparring with you will help me determine where you are at. So, I may help you.”

Help me…?

He bites his lip, looking to the side as he rubs his palm against his arm. He can’t fight his father…he hasn’t fought properly in a long time. He barely fought the Krang, he would just get lucky and escape or they let him go.

He remembered using Leo’s sword to block an attack from Prime, but that was about it.

“I don’t know what to do…” He whispers, his voice soft and small as Splinter’s ears flatten in sympathy. “I know it’s…strange. To hear me request that you fight me. I just want to see what you’re capable of so that I know where you need more training in. If you want…we stop at any time. Just say so.”

That seemed to ease Giovanni’s mind. He just needed to say stop and Splinter will pause and not fight him. He could…he could work with that.

”Okay…if you promise that we won’t spar anymore when I say stop.”

”Promise.”

Giovanni looked over his father’s face, looking for any sort of lie on him. But he saw none and he relaxed his muscles. He walks over to the centre, standing in front of him as he awkwardly got into a defensive stance. Splinter watches until he was ready.

Giovanni gave a nod, silently telling him he was ready.

Splinter charged at him. He was swift for an old rat guy. It shocked Giovanni who barely had time to react as he held his arms up in an ‘X’ stance above his face as he blocked the kicks.

”You just fight back my son! Defence will not always be with you!”

But it’s safer.

Another hit, from Splinter’s tail. Giovanni winced, biting the inside his cheek as he kept his position.

”Attack my son. You will not hurt me. I promise.”

Attack…

He froze when a recalled something…a memory.

Giovanni’s past self gasps in horror and pain when Sister Krang threw him to the side harshly. “What a pathetic sight. Why aren’t you fighting back Vermin?”

It hurts…

Sister Krang jumps up and landed on Giovanni who wheezed and let out a yelp as he felt his lungs being crushed slowly at the pressure. “You’re boring me. Fight back Vermin, show me the desperation of living in your eyes…attack me.”

Attack. Attack her. Attack to live.

Attack..

Attack.

Attack—

Giovanni was brought back to reality as he looks up, face sweating as he sees Splinter jumping up in the air, but in Giovanni’s eyes, he saw Sister Krang being the one to jump towards him instead. Thrusting out one of her tentacles at him.

It was Splinter’s tail that thrusted at him. Whatever the case of who it was, Giovanni reacted none the less. He dodged, jumping back as he managed to grip the tail, it surprised Splinter who didn’t have time to register what was happening as Giovanni pulls Splinter towards him.

When he was close, Giovanni lets the tail go and round house kicked Splinter, knocking him to the side as the rat skids along the ground, groaning lightly and looking up in shock. Giovanni pants as he eyed his father.

He runs towards his opponent, Splinter quickly got back up and dodged the incoming kicks and punches. But he wasn’t expecting Giovanni to be so fast, one moment he was in front of Splinter, then in a blink of an eye he was behind him, punching his father in the back, which sent him flying to the wall.

Splinter shakes his head, keeping his eyes focused on his son who stares back.

He’s good…I’m honestly surprised that he was able to knock me down a few times.

Splinter runs forward, using Giovanni’s blind spots and kicking him in the side. The mutant turtle gasping and gripping his side, stumbling back.

But he still needs some help in a few areas.

The two continued to spar for some time, sweating and panting as Giovanni dodged and attacked. Splinter doing the same thing. Learning more about his son as they went.

Eventually it got to a point where they were both tired and Giovanni uttered out a small but loud enough ‘stop’ for Splinter. Who, as promised paused the fight and sat down to catch his breath. Giovanni crouched to the floor, panting as well as he stared down at his shadow. “My son…you fight well. A little rusty, yes. But you’ve surprised me today.” Splinter smiles exhaustedly as he stands up and walks over.

”I’ll have a think about what I can do for you. You rest and hydrate.”

Giovanni blinks up at him, nodding in agreement and understanding as he witnessed his father leave the dojo. When he was alone, Giovanni sat on the ground, legs crossed as he placed his hands over his head.

He didn’t want to say anything. But sometimes, during the spar, all he saw was the Krang attacking.

He grips his head tightly, closing his eyes firmly as he felt his lips tremble.

He was still traumatised by them. But Giovanni expected that to be the case, it wasn’t natural for someone to get over their trauma so quickly. That takes time.

But…the sparring did make him feel better in a way. That despite not fighting properly in years, he could still hold his own.

He was close…to going to the surface with his brothers.

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A/N: Ayy, you get to see Giovanni in action. Kind of. He still hasn’t gotten his weapon yet, but that’ll come soon.

I APOLOGISE FOR ANY GRAMMAR MISTAKES THAT WERE MADE, I TYPE REALLY FAST AND OFTEN DON'T SEE THEM UNTIL I ACTUALLY PUBLISH THE CHAPTER.

quotev - 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

Ao3 - 𝐄𝐲𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐧 𝐘𝐨𝐮 |ROTTMNT| (Male OC)

First chapter here

Previous chapter here

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lushbliss · 10 days ago

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#uufff #these two #las dos #😅#mafin #this was a fun scene to watch them act out #sdl #alba brunet #marta belmonte #fina valero #marta de la reina #swoon #209 #vintage lesbians #wlw #mine

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lilacs-stars · 4 months ago

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wait okay I haven't seen anyone talk about this yet (and I'm really sorry if this has been brought up before, to my knowledge it hasn't, but obviously I haven't seen every single post ever), during "perfect revenge" when they first go into the dead fish layer thing whatever, and around the time where uliana says "find that perfect, perfect revenge"

HADES LITERALLY GRABS ONTO MORGIE'S SHOULDERS AND DOES A LIL JUMP?? AND HE'S SMILING AND HE SEEMS SO HAPPY HE JUST DOES A JUMP LIKE

it's soo cute 😭 honestly in my opinion it feels super out of character for him, idk why it was even included but like maybe it shows a part of hades that's super bubbly, which he tries to mask with his apathetic, uninterested demeanor?

but the way he jumped on morgie's shoulders in particular, makes me wonder more about their dynamic? like is it because morgie's so bubbly that hades is like that around him too? and the way that morgie was quick to agree to hades's "yeah let's burn her to a crisp" makes me wish we got to see more of them. like imagine hades always acting so tough and unconcerned around maleficent, but finally letting loose and being super excited and happy when he hangs out with morgie.

anyways just a thought, I figured it would be nice to point it out and see what you guys think about it. that's all for now! :))

(also now I can't get the idea out of my head where hades is being all chill to maleficent like "yo imma go hang out with morgie" and she's like "okay whatever" and then cut to hades hanging out with morgie where they're both squealing and jumping up and down like a pair of teenage girls while one of them spills the tea 😭 I'm sorry I can't this is too funny 💀 I actually need a fic about this like this is some top-notch villain behavior fr)

#I was trying to watch hades's scenes to figure out how to write for his character #and I stumbled upon this gem #but now I'm even more confused about his personality #I honestly don't know how he should act #bro's super hard to figure out frfr #the hardest thing is trying to write for characters that you barely get any content for #because then it's like I don't know them well enough to be able to decide what they'd do in a scenario #which makes actually writing them really difficult #plus I'm always stressing that my writing is super ooc for whoever I'm writing for so that's not very fun #lilac’s rants #descendants #descendants the rise of red #descendants 4 #d:tror #the rise of red #rise of red #hades #hades descendants #descendants hades #young hades #descendants young hades #morgie #morgie le fay #descendants morgie #descendants morgie le fay #perfect revenge #descendants perfect revenge #teen hades #d:tror vk #uliana's crew

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m-o-o-n-f-i-r-e · 9 months ago

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help i’ve fallen for another ship comprised of two insane autistic queers that want each other dead despite also being willing to do literally anything for the other even at risk to themselves

#nygmobblepot #i literally never gave a shit about the penguin and the riddler #but the moment my brother makes me watch a show where they are portrayed by theatre nerds who care about the characters #i become obsessed instantly #i would watch the show out of the corner of my eye while my brother and dad were watching it and see oswald and id just think #that little weirdo is the only thing that makes me like this show its so fun when hes on screen #then ed starts showing up more and i start to love his autistic ramblings and general energy #then ed kills a guy and i think fuck i love this show so much #then i see them interact and find out that they are semi canon???#like oswald is canonically in love with ed but the show seems to want you to think that ed just doesn’t reciprocate #but he obviously does and just doesn’t realize at the beginning because he thinks hes straight #but by the end that man is NOT hiding how much he loves oswald #like what the fuck was that hallucination scene if not his concince trying to make him realize how much he loves oswald #and there scene in the last episode in the car???#like that man has finally accepted that hes in love and is finally ready to act on it #anyways rant over they are just like hannigram and danbert and i will never change my mind #also their actors fucking killed in their rolls i love them #and fun fact: edward was cory michal smith’s first role outside of theatre and it fucking shows in the best ways #him being a mostly theatre person just adds so much to edward and makes him just so enjoyable to watch #now the rant is actually over #gotham #gotham tv

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kindaorangey · 3 months ago

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also like i keep reading fics where people try to spin daniel's turning as something he was sort-of into, and that he sort-of consented to it (although with his life being threatened he could never consent fully, yanno) and also it tends to be intermingled with him and armand having sex and like. i know im a killjoy for saying this but i really hope in canon it isn't like that. like the turning is this massively violating and cruel thing and honestly i think it'd be a lot more interesting for it to be one more issue the two of them have to move past before they have any sort of relationship with each other

#iwtv #armandiel #like daniel Does Not Like armand at the end of s2. hes very fascinated by him but that fascination is second to his fear and repulsion #i want them to work through their issues with each other a bit before dm happens. in fact i want them to clash a bit more #and THEN keep being drawn to each other and THEN for dm to happen #though it is interesting. every time i watch the last scene of s2 and i see daniel say 'fucking asshole' i laugh bc #it really seems like he's calling armand an asshole for disappearing. and not for turning him #lmao #like they need to reconcile. and that reconciliation can and should include a patented daniel molloy bitchslap at the very least #please.... dm in the books has the turning as an act of kindness and love. but its flipped in the show #i really dont think you can spin it as something daniel welcomed in the show despite the fact he was begging for it in the book #okay im gonna yap some more #i also like the chase/reverse chase trope #i think itd be kindof gas if armand let daniel go and then stalks and hunts him like in the books #in fact i think thats the only scenario where daniel couldve consented to the turning. like if he has time to breathe and warm up to #armand and the idea of being a vampire #and vice versa that armand warms up to daniel and then the whole 'out of spite' thing at the end of s2 was just what louis assumed #or what daniel tells him. or whatever #and the reverse chase where armand turns daniel and disappears and daniel tracks him down #that ones my fav lowkey #but the chase in any form is very good fun #thunder rambles

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months ago

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would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

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thetimelordbatgirl · 4 months ago

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God why did a video on Disney fatigue have to remind me Hocus Pocus 2 existed because that in turn led me to remember Hocus Pocus 3 was confirmed and the last update we got was October last year, aka that the story is being worked on.

#i hated hocus pocus 2 oh my god #its up there with rise of red actually in 'i never wanna watch this shit again not even for fun torture-'#like the film was definitely desperate in its plot and shit #but even video pointed out it was just the first film but worse #like the first film BARLEY left room for a sequel #like yeah you get the ending with the book...thats it though #the sisters are dead and thats it #like the way film had to force a kid into the sisters death scene just to justify bringing the sisters back #because there was no other way these fuckers were coming back #or at least they acted like it there are interesting ways to bring them back #but no gotta do the candle again....#like its just a film made to milk hocus pocus' cult following and thats it #like all it did was try to act like the sisters are now suddenly sympathetic and it can fuck off with that btw #and dont get me started on main characters i could not give a shit about by the end due to how they acted at times and such #and just...hocus pocus 3....2 was already pushing it but 3....ahhhh #granted nothing on it at d23 so wonder how well the story is going...

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throwbacktears · 1 year ago

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as someone who knew nothing about the books or show until i watched it last year on a whim, i was a belly x conrad girlie. i still am, but man, with season 2 already foreshadowing how much theyre soulmates, i feel bad jeremiah doesnt get a fair and fighting chance as belly’s love interest. every time he is, it’s just an afterthought. and it makes the “love triangle” a lot less intriguing bc, well, theres nothing to be intrigued about!!! theres no pining, we all know — even jeremiah himself — that she will always have conrad as number #1. justice for jeremiah and belly to have a fair love story actually

#whats the fun in a love triangle if everything in the show is pointing towards bonrad lol. cmonnnnn #its to the point that every time a jeremiah x belly moment or scene comes up my bonrad self goes out the window and i root for them #but then watching gavin and lola actually act out those scenes - try as i might - i just cant...... i dont believe it #like idk if this is just me but i also feel like gavin and lola just dont have chemistry #again as someone who didnt read the books or have a vested interest in waiting for the show to come out last year #so i wasnt predisposed one way or another #and like. normally i would go for jeremiah and belly bc hes the healthier fit. but i just dont feel any sparks btwn them the way chris #and lola do. and on a larger scale i feel like gavins chemistry w everyone isnt strong either??#i thought he and sean were great last season but idk. it feels like he doesnt jive w everyone as well #you can see it more in the scenes where theyre improving or riffing in the background #and watching the cast interviews it feels that way too. but not for lack of trying on gavins end #just my observations #tsitp #belly x conrad #belly x jeremiah #lola tung #christopher briney #gavin casalegno #mytext

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girlivealwaysbean · 1 year ago

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you ever hangout with someone and their company is actually much worse than being alone?

#she came over and we watched hasee toh phasee together okay #bc she said she hadn't seen it and i was like huh wtf!!!!!#terrible idea she doesn't deserve to see that movie it was so perfect she didn't ruin it exactly bc it's my fav #movie ever and she's not important enough to change that #but god it was annoying having her next to me i wanted her to go away and watch it on my own😭😭#she kept looking at her phone on super important scenes and she kept saying arey she should find out about them where is the spice #and i kept saying this isn't about spice it's sweet heartwarming story about love and doomed relationships and father daugter rships #but she didn't appreciate it #i need to watch the movie again on my own to cleanse myself from the negativity ew #and she said i had so much fun let's do this again help😭😭 meko nahi karna never again #time to subtly start ignoring her so she gets the message and leave me alone #i already got the ick from her when she acted that way over parents but i was like ivy no ppl aren't perfect give her a second chance you #friends you're really lonely your internet friends are great but they can't sit next to you and talk to you #but i was wrong being lonely is better she's just so. wrong😭#i kept thinking she's literally worse than everyone in my life i would have had more fun watching it with my MOM😭#and my sis loves this movie and my bestie loves this movie and my cousin sis also loves this movie #UGH

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casualavocados · 6 months ago

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finished kiseki. ai di and chen yi rewired my brain and set it to hyperdrive and made me black out from the sheer adrenaline and angsty yearning. zongyi and zherui were also there

#yeah thats an apt summary #i will rewatch that a hundred times for ai di specifically #i will skip over every zherui and zongyi scene in every rewatch <3 #ok enough about the main couple lets talk about the ACTUAL main couple IN MY HEART #CUZ LIKE.#THE EMOTION?????#AI DI CRYING. AI. DI. CRYING.#THE BIRTHDAY PRESENTS #CHEN YI VISITING HIM IN JAIL #'just for fun. okay?'#WHEN DID YOU LEARN TO EAT SPICY FOOD #ONE SECOND #yeah thats it thats the post #literally how can you have an extremely deep and well thought out and acted romance (despite and bc of chen yi's lack of rizz)#and then have. whatever the z's are doing. which is what they make me do. zzzzzzz #......actually we can thank them for handling the majority of bad tropes so that ai di and chen yi didnt have to suffer those #WILL BE THINKING ABOUT CHEN YI GETTING AI DI A GUN WITH A HEART STICKER ON IT. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE #thanks thats my review #julian watches kiseki #kiseki: dear to me #there will be more posts. like im serious when i say they unhinged something in my brain #there will probs also be gifs

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jeonstellate · 1 year ago

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#third nebula #the marvels spoilers #//#watched ‘the marvels’ earlier today #and i had. so. much. fun.#like. so. much.#ngl i was initially a lil worried that i wouldn’t enjoy it as much bc i only watched 1 ep of ms marvel so far #but that actually didn’t affect my enjoyment :D #the pre-battle scenes in aladna has my heart #i need a marvel one-shot/short film on how exactly the ‘marriage of convenience’ came about #preferably one where they also confirm that prince yan && his people are fine after the battle in the movie #could be a musical w the whole singing-is-their-language thing 👀#but it doesn’t have to be #i just wanna see it acted out bc it’s one of my favorite tropes 🥺#oh and also . . .#i can’t believe the rumors i’ve heard floating are true??#i mean- i kinda expected mcu to do them eventually #but oml i def didn’t expect that they’d start building them in ‘the marvels’#the gasps i let out in the theater . . . i almost started screaming 🧎🏽‍♀️

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invinciblerodent · 1 year ago

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While I fully agree with this analysis (really, it's excellent!!), and I'm sure this has also been mentioned before, there's just one thing I'd like to add that makes me still... genuinely like this whole scene. What makes it, to me, more... hopeful, bittersweet, even romantic, rather than just a piece of masterfully done character insight the sheer sadness of which only becomes clear in retrospect.

And it's this little face, a couple seconds later.

This cute, surprised smile that flashes across his face for just a second- at least if you take the "let him bite you" option, and the PC decides not only to offer to let him taste their blood while in the act (something he's never experienced before, guaranteed), but more importantly, also makes it fun.

Sure, rolling around in the dirt and dead leaves is not glamorous, super sexy (mild disagree from me), or even very comfortable. It's not part of the envisioned "I'll sweep you off your feet and slam you against a tree to have my wicked way with you" wish-fulfillment routine he's performing, much like being asked what he wants isn't. But play-fighting like that, getting knocked on his back, I think it goes a long way in rattling him in the aforementioned "seduction" mindset of things (even though it obviously doesn't knock him fully out of it), and drives home that undercurrent that this is different. It's still a performance, mostly- there's still probably that thin thread of disgust, but on the heels of it, there's also enjoyment, fun, companionship, and an unprecedented (and memorable) kind of pleasure that's as much physical as it is emotional.

And I think that pleasure might simply be the trust. Despite everything. Despite what might be wise. He's experiencing casually given, natural trust, even though he's potentially told the PC more about the sludge festering in his brain than he has told anyone before.

I mean sure, tasting the blood of a "thinking creature" is obviously pleasurable on its own, but it's also very much novel to him that he's with someone he knows, and even likes somewhat, later admits to being actually attracted to, and whom he knows is going to be alive in the morning. And on he flipside of it, this little action shows to him that the PC is a person who knows more about him than any "mark" has before, and not only accepts that, but also trusts him not to hurt them, even though they're fully aware of how easily he could. It is a very small sign that this person... might actually be able to see him.

Eventually.

Maybe.

I went into his romance on my second game, so I kind of knew the pain that was beneath the surface of his "hot sexy vampire elf" persona (that, after getting to know the character somewhat, honestly feels very ill-fitting, strange, almost off-putting even, in Act 1), but... this tiny, blink-and-you-miss-it smile is probably one of my favorite moments of his romance arc, at least in the early game part.

This little glimmer of hope that shakes loose, if the mask is rattled.

I like this glimmer. I think it suits him. ☺️

I used to really love the first romance scene with Astarion (and I still do) but it hits so much harder after you know why he's doing it. That he's purposefully seducing you for protection and blood, that he's forcing himself to sleep with you, and this is a mask he's wearing.

It's a sexy scene and really feeds into the vampy (pun intended) jump-your-bones version of him you get at the start of the game. The whole thing starts out with him being so confident and suave, saying that he's wanted you ever since he set eyes on you and how you want to be known and tasted. It's like everyone's perfect vampire romance novel.

He's laying out the bait that's worked thousands of times over and luring you in. And you can just get right to the kissing if you want.

But, you can also stop and ask him, "And what do you want?"

And for just a moment the mask drops. This is not the same cocky seductive face we've had up until now. This is vulnerability showing. When has anyone asked him what he wants? When has anyone cared? Does he even know the answer to that question?

So he pivots. The mask snaps back into place immediately. He turns back into the master seducer and feeds you a line about shared ecstasy to get you back on track.

And then comes what is, to me, the pivotal moment. He asks you "That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?"

Looking at his body language he seems unsure at first, maybe questioning his previous tactics. Then he slightly cowers back, lowering himself as he asks the question. The total opposite of his confidence from earlier where he's standing with his arms out wide.

He's not sure what you want anymore. You're not playing by the rules he knows. Why haven't you taken the bait yet? Why haven't you thrown yourself at him?

And when you finally Nod in agreement, confirming you're here for sex?

This. This is the face he gives you. He just looks so damn sad. To me, it hearkens back to "Of course it'll turn me into a monster. What else did I expect?"

Whatever momentary blip made him question why you're there with him, he's just been reassured about both of your roles in this situation.

He sounds so quietly resigned when he answers: "I thought so."

And then the scene transitions into the actual act. I do like to think Astarion enjoyed himself as I'm sure the PC did, but it's hard for me to watch this scene now that I know his story and history without being uncomfortable.

Just that line "lose yourself in me" is so difficult to hear. Because on paper it's so sensual. Who wouldn't want a lover to feel that way about them? But knowing the context of what Astarion expects and believes in this moment is just... oof.

And to me, this is what makes this scene brilliant. The writing, voice acting, and the mocap/animation are all just SO GOOD. It's so delicately done and Astarion the character is so good at playing a role that you can completely gloss over the deeper stuff. But once the mask is eventually stripped away you can't help but see what was there the whole time.

And as we've established, being seen is a whole aspect of Astarion's romance arc.

I originally romanced Astarion for the same reasons I'm sure most did: he's a hot, sexy vampire elf (i.e. everything that's on the surface). But, I keep coming back to him over and over again for the person I know is waiting for me underneath the mask.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #i honestly really like this scene specifically because of this #if this smile wasn't there; if you couldn't catch him having fun; it'd be so painful to watch #then I don't even know if I could have gone through with romancing him honestly #you know which line I actually find hard to listen to?#“I just hope we don't have to wait too long before we can steal away 🥺🥺🥺”#that baby voice is just...... ugh #that's a big no from me dawg #not only because it's not personally my taste but also because it's got such a horribly obvious fakeness #it makes me think of the kind of mark who'd want him acting childishly defenseless as a part of a seduction routine #and its uh. not great #lbr innocent as they were many of the 7000 were... probably not great people just putting that out there #probably not all of them were sebastians #either way i digress yes cute smile good fun #squirrel plays bg3

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