#this turned into talking about my family's autism but isn't that what it was always about lmao

[magdaclaire]

my parents being fucking weird has ruined so many of the activities queers typically salivate over

[weebsinstash]

something that I think would be, truly one of the worst things about the yandere Batfamily really truly is their power to make any and every problem you've ever had completely go away in no time at all

it can be such an awful feeling to see that you struggled in vain with something that was nothing at all to someone else. You could have significant issues that have followed you all your life and have had traumatic impacting effects on you and these people could come in and sweep that all away. Student loans you've been paying off for years, if not a fraction of your lifespan, still burying you in debt? We are talking fucking decimal points on the scale of Bruce Wayne's wealth. That bad leg from an old work injury? Let's grab you one of the best doctors in Gotham, if not the entire world, fuck, we may even get you a doctor or medicine that isn't even human-made! Y'all want a magic leg? We know this chick who can speak backwards, you want a magically healed leg?

Crippling loneliness? Eternal sunshine and objectively best Robin Dick Grayson is here to brighten your entire world since he knows what it can feel like to be hurting and alone and he's literally like the heart and soul of the entire manor besides Alfred

Chronic pain, an undiagnosed disability, or maybe you're not confident in your fitness? Jason has extensive knowledge of injury recovery, physical therapy, and overall knowledge about human biology and musculature and how everything correlates

Family issues? Daddy issues? Let Resident Troubled Kid Expert Alfred Pennyworth be your new grandpa. He's dealt with more than one temperamental snappy individual, and he'll use his patience, experience, and wit to wear down all your stress and hostility. It's hard to keep being cruel to someone who's nothing but kind to you, and he has plenty of patience and delicious baked treats to hold out until you give in

Honestly just the fact most of them are so fucking young would get under my skin. You could be approaching your 30s and be sitting here at the Wayne family dinner table as their weird sister/mom/girlfriend/whatever and being all "I've just always had these struggles my entire life, I dont know what's wrong with me, I feel like I can't control how I act or feel and I hate it" and someone like Tim who depending on the source material and where you are on the timeline is a literal teenager with extensive knowledge of criminals and psychology is just over here, "oh, that? You have chronic childhood trauma, recurring resurfacing conflict related ptsd, severe abandonment issues, emotional regulation problems that are probably biological, and also you probably have autism, and there's nothing wrong with any of that :)" and then he turns to Bruce and starts talking about how his school is taking a trip abroad to Greece while you sit there processing that everyone around the table has extensively psychologically evaluated you and you probably have your own file on the Batcomputer (you do. It's excessive.)

It's just. The psychology of having all these problems you've struggled with be wiped away by someone else like it's nothing and how, that can result in making someone feel all the more worthless and helpless. Oh, Bruce was able to just make all your problems disappear? Clearly YOU weren't trying hard enough. Tim is able to suss out what's wrong with you? Well YOU'RE the dysfunctional idiot who was born wrong, and YOU were the one choosing the wrong doctors. You're watching all these young teenagers or young adults be vigilantes and travel the world and learn multiple languages and you're like. Normal guy Steve from the grocery store. You know? They take control of your life and make you feel like a side character in it, because everything you do is now attached to them, and all of them and all of their adventures are so... spectacular

And really, someone with a meaner heart, and maybe someone more blunt like, say, Damian, could perhaps come in and make some comment, "see? This is why you needed our assistance in caring for you" and what are you gonna do, NOT act like they basically fixed your entire life in less than a year's time, with the one objection of kidnapping and imprisonment? You're just over here, "um yeah, actually, I'm an adult and I can take care of myself, you don't need to TAKE CARE OF ME???" meanwhile Bruce and Alfred are exchanging knowing looks while you speak as if the old butler hadn't needed to help you call your doctor and other important urgent matters because being on the phone with strangers gave you such intense anxiety. Ok yes sure honey you are a lovely functional adult and your brain is big and beautiful and perfect 🥰 now shut up about going to live back home on your own, go play Xbox with your new brothers or go bake something with Grandpa while the world's greatest detective sits down in the Batcave using the Batcomputer to track down and "have a friendly chat" with that one childhood teacher that gave you that one really specific trauma-

[weeb-polls-with-pip]

Autistic Anime Boys Prelims - Propaganda Division - Group 5

Propaganda:

Ame -

"Typical autistic childhood – doesn't want to go to school, doesn't talk a lot, his plans for the future are just to go to live as a wolf in the forest… He's basically a werewolf and I think werewolves are often autistic coded. Actually his whole family is autistic coded."

Floyd -

"Has no emotional regulation skills and will make it everyone's problem. Prone to mood swings and can get angry at the drop of a hat, but can also be so goofy, silly, and lovely. Sways side to side for that good good stim, and loves to squeeze others (with violent intent and affectionate intent). Who doesn't love a good pressure stim? His interest in things can be fleeting, and his motivation to do things can change as quickly as his mood. Spontaneous and feral extraordinaire."

Hibiki -

"he is canonically diagnosed with hyperacusis <3 my fav sensory issues guy (he's so relatable). also canonically pulled a bad bitch (uta) by being autistic."

Akira -

"He has a heartbreaking relationship with road racing and the memory of his dead mother, and while he is a major antagonist, he is given a lot of interesting looks into his internal logics that I personally find relatable as an autistic person. I also like how he expresses himself in unpleasant ways, but isn't always treated with disgust, its kind of refreshing."

Sang Woo -

"literally the first results on google is "sangwoo semantic error autistic." he loves routine + is extremely distressed by change in routine (contrasts w his ADHD-coded bf). very blunt/cannot read social clues which leads to some misunderstandings throughout the manhwa. he's very relatable to me as an autistic person but also as a queer man, and it's refreshing to see autistic characters being open with their sexuality/sexual life bc we're often displayed as asexual robots incapable of love (bad for lots of reasons haha). he's super cute generally and really grew on me throughout the series. definitely the best part of semantic error."

Douglas -

"Many other characters try to read into what he does and says, looking for deeper or different meanings but it's always revealed that he means exactly what he says every single time and the butt of the jokes is always the other characters for being dramatic and presumptuous, not Doug for being autistic. Also he's the mean autistic representation we deserve."

Scott -

"look at him. failboy autism. even more so than any previous version!"

Shinra -

"he's just like me forreal."

Soi -

"I mean come on, it’s Purson. He thinks he’s really good at talking to people but most of his conversations (at least at the start) are completely one sided. He just blurts out whatever he’s thinking and completely dominates the conversation (if you can call it that). I love him so much for it, I have a really hard time figuring out when I should just stop talking and let someone else have a turn and only tend to realize after he fact that I didn’t really let anyone else get a word in and feel really bad. But the way Purson communicates is never shown to be a bad thing it’s a bit awkward at times but that just how he is and the rest of the misfit class live him for it. I think I could go on all day about how wonderfully inclusive Iruma-Kun is it’s such a good series, also in my brain Balam, Kalego, Clara and Opera are on the 4 outer points of an x-y graph that represents the autism spectrum. Everyone else fills the blanks in between. His bloodline magic is ‘detection warding’ and for the first several arcs of the manga the rest of the class didn’t even know he was there."

Makoto -

"In one sentence: Katai considers the titular Komi-san a communication master. Katai looks like a brutal thug, but he's actually extremely shy. Shy enough that after missing a couple weeks of class, it takes him months to build up the confidence to go to school. Katai tries to make friends once he does go to school, but he can't hold a conversation and doesn't realize that his mumbled half-sentences and resting bastard face make it look like he's threatening people. He's also pretty bad at reading the room, which is why he interprets Komi's behavior as a communication master trying to guide him from afar rather than a kindred spirit also struggling to hold a conversation."

[jarbbb]

Okay thoughts on this video

As someone with dyspraxia and autism i don't like how she is going on about wanting 'smart' , 'hard working', 'humble' characters. I think Mirabel was definitely written to be autistic/dyspraxic/neurodivergent and to suggest that 'quirky' characteristics like 'clumsiness' 'talkativeness' 'awkwardness' mean that these characters are not smart and hard working is incredibly judgemental and problematic

The 90s characters had their 'quirks' but traits like opinionatedness , talkativeness, clumsiness and being eccentric shouldn't be treated as 'flaws' because they aren't flaws they are traits that some people will adore you for and some won't but these traits should be embraced and kids should be taught to embrace these traits instead of seeing them in a negative light

The Rapunzel V Tiana comparison absolutely no shade on Tiana here she is one of my favourite princesses but its needless to compare the two and call her the polar opposite to Tiana... like what does Rapunzel do as a character to suggest she is the opposite of humble?? also hard working Rapunzel has lived in a tower for 17 years of her life with no contact with the outside world how would she even know what a job is? also Rapunzel is very hard working at the things she can be hard working at to pass her time in the tower with all of the creative hobbies she does.

'adorkability' isn't always a sign of intelligence - no one ever said it was but it also isn't a sign of someone being unintelligent and people who judge people with these certain traits like that usually are the mean bullies type or the fake people who will be nice to your face but are actually anything but.

Again these 'flaws' shouldn't be treated as bad but its worth noting that villains will and should turn any trait against you as they are bad people and thats what bad people do like how Lady Tremaine turned Cinderella's kindness and hard working against her and used it to control her any trait can be used against you by someone cruel hearted and thats what should be being taught and awkwardness, clumsiness shouldn't always be used in a detrimental way any trait even the 'non quirky ones' can be used.

These quirky characters have been popular because parents want their kids to see movies without cookie cutter stereotypical Disney Princess and see flaws be embraced as well as having relatable, appropriate characters for them , rapunzel was very child like due to her isolation, Anna was awkward and the movie focused on sibling love, Moana was slightly awkward but a resourceful and adventurous princess who goes on a big journey and doesn't end up with a prince, Mirabel as i said was definitely written to be neurodivergent but she is smart...doesn't have any romantic interests...15 so younger than most of the princesses...creative... brings her isolated family member back into the family fold and helps her family unpack their generational trauma and gets her grandma to see that she is hurting her family. Then you have the characters of Merida not a quirky character but a strong character who doesn't look like a stereotypical princess or act like one and goes against being put in an arranged marriage but doesn't fall in love with anyone else and i thought after all the years of criticism of disney princesses this is what people wanted from them? my auntie never really been big on disney has allowed her kids to see movies like frozen, brave and encanto because they don't have the type of characters she didn't like.

Funny enough if there is one movie i watched again and thought this character is stupid its The Little Mermaid as much as i love Disney i didn't relate to many of the old characters out of all of them it was Belle i related to much with her love of reading and dislike of her town. I wish i had a smart but awkward, clumsy and creative character like Mirabel when i was a kid i also wish i had a character like Moana both being an adventurous intelligent heroine but also being awkward i really needed that.

Wish isn't out yet judging it already isn't fair on the actors in it and creative personnel behind it

Mulan's thing is that she wasn't the perfect daughter - Yes but it got the whole movie got a lot of criticism for misogyny even though all the ideas that Mulan needs to be the 'perfect feminine woman' that was mentioned in the start were disapproved at the end when she proved herself and defeated the bad guys

Moana and zootopia i have never seen the latter so can't comment on that one but again you can be smart, resourceful, hard working, kind and caring and still be awkward and clumsy - you say that it can't be logically for their characters? most people are complex and multi layered people there i have logically explained it

Disney isn't for kids - Yes Disney is for families and has a big adult fanbase but do you remember Hunchback of Notre Dame?? it wasn't a flop for most standards but for Disney in the middle of their famed renaissance era it definitely was and that was because it was a much darker, adult film and didn't appeal to little kids. Hunchback is a masterpiece one of my favourite Disney movies but i watched it first when i was 4 or 5 and back then i hated it because it was too adult for me to understand and thats why disney wont do big delves into topics because their main audience is the parents who want their kids entertained for a few hours.

Okay i have never watched wreck it Ralph but from the bits i have seen of Vanellope i always assumed she was a child character due to her size, style and personality and i looked it up and she is literally meant to be nine?? like she is childish and silly because she is a literal nine year old child and shock horror 9 year old children are childlike because they are literal children

I feel like i repeated myself so much in this but i disagreed with most of the statements in this video

[bleue-flora]

Hey same anon :]

Undiagnosed more in a "he's clearly some type of neurodivergent, but his parents refuse to acknowledge it and shame P!Tommy for any type of coping mechanisms he tries to form (stop shaking your hands, we're in public. Stop making that noise, it's annoying. You dont need the plushie, you're too old to carry it around. Cant you stop making things up for attention?) so sometimes he meltdown badly and gets completly overwhelmed even tho normally he doesn't mind/likes lots of noise and people"

And thats when he asks to go to Exile, because he's overwhelmed, doesn't want anyone to see him like that, and is deeply upset about how a happy moment turned sour so quick. + he doesn't want to scream at his friends if they try to talk to him :[

[context]

I mean you have a right to believe what you want or make up your own kid Tommy for this concept of it all being an imagination game between kids, but again in my mind I don't think any version of Tommy is or should be considered neurodivergent/autistic, he just doesn't have the characteristics and that's saying something considering that the spectrum is pretty diverse. And I say that as someone who is autistic and has ADHD, whose friends are pretty much all diagnosed or undiagnosed neurodivegent with autistic and/or ADHD, whose family has a whole bunch of neurodivergence and who sees a therapist regularly who specializes in autism. Now I'm not going to claim I know everything, but I think from personal experience both from being around others and my own life as well as having researched and studied it enough to say Tommy is an annoying kid, but that doesn't make him autistic. Some kids are just annoying and loud and stuff but that doesn't mean he's stimming or whatever. Plus we don't see cc!Tommy stim, we don't see c!Tommy stim so why would p!Tommy, a kid who plays c!Tommy in his game of make believe stim? It doesn't make sense.

Some common traits of autism (obviously not all inclusive) is logical minded, struggle to understand emotions, tendency to be honest to the point of rude (not to say we can't lie but it's not our default and if we are lying there's either a reason or it's part of masking), tendency to follow rules and like fairness and justice, tend to be good at patterns and puzzles... do those sound like Tommy to you? because while the spectrum is diverse these are just a few examples of him missing the mark entirely... or perhaps the biggest reason Tommy isn't autistic - he doesn't make sense to me. He lacks all logic and the things he does do not make sense to me or my autistic friends I've told, not because I am unempathetic or unable to see people's point of view (I have actually spent a lot of time working on myself to develop those skills), but because he is neurotypical and I will always struggle to understand them because my brain does not think like they do...

[orbitingaroundyourlove]

💋👠 for the red ask game!!!

💋: What's your and your f/o's love language?

Dez –

My primary love language is absolutely Acts of Service. I love to make life the life of my loves easier by taking care of the things that I know will make their day easier; cooking, cleaning, making sure they have what they need before they even need to ask. I love knowing that they don't have to worry after anything when I'm in their life.

The love language I respond best to is Quality Time. I adore it when I am a priority to those I care for. Even if we don't talk, being in the same room together means the world to me. I love knowing that I am wanted, that my company is valued and sought after. Oftentimes, both men will bring home cases files to toil over even after official work hours. I like to spend time in the same room, either reading a book, writing, or drawing, just so I can be with them.

My least liked love language is Physical Touch. Perhaps it has something to do with my autism, but I have never enjoyed being touched very much. Even with family, I very quickly can get overwhelmed with being handled and find myself needing to have just a little bit of space. However, I do not shun my very tactile friends, understanding that they show their love for me in such a way, but I am the type who needs my romantic partners to understand that sometimes I just need a pause on being kissed or cuddled with – that I still love both of them very much, but I just can't have them hang all over me.

Jean –

Jean's primary love language is Quality Time. With how much he works, being able to spend time together is key. After a long day, plopping down on the couch and getting lost in one another is important for shutting out the hectic world outside the walls of home. He hates being shut out or told to go away in any way and will be very vocal about being shunned, pouting about his company being "unwanted."

The love language he responds best to is Words of Affirmation. He positively soaks up any kind of praise, even peacocking a bit even if he might scoff or verbally rebuff the love. Any kind of confirmation that he is both adored and wanted is something he needs to hear, often insecure about his place in others' lives. He needs to know without a shadow of a doubt that he is loved, even if he struggles to say that or ask for it. But you know immediately how good it make him feel by the way his posture changes, a glow coming to those grey eyes of his. Even if everyone else hates him, as long as we don't, he can be content.

His least liked love language is Receiving Gifts. Jean is the type to get overwhelmed with such things, insisting that he doesn't need anything and that the money doesn't need to be spent. It isn't that he doesn't appreciate the items in the end because he does. He just gets flustered and outwardly becomes quite snippy as a way to cover up how he's really feeling. Ultimately, he will thank us, but it's always still followed up with insisting that he's already got everything he needs.

Harry –

Harry’s primary love language is Words of Affirmation. The man has earned his nickname as the human can-opener for a reason. He can turn on the charm and woo even inanimate objects! The man adores expressing how much he loves both of us, enjoying seeing us blush. One never needs to wonder how he's feeling, his heart on his sleeve for better or for worse. Whether it's to compliment an outfit, or the meal prepared, or work completed, Harry is there to gush and make us smile.

The love language he responds best to is Quality Time. While he also does do well with praise, having us want to be with him is everything to him. There is a deep-rooted fear of abandonment within him, his whole life being made to feel as though he is too much. It's important for him to have his company cherished. While he understands that everyone needs space sometimes, he can act a bit like a kicked dog when told that he can't always be with us 24/7, needing that extra bit of reassurance that he is still loved and wanted even if he can't come to the damn bathroom with either of us.

His least liked love language is Physical Touch. This is simply something that can be worked on, but it's a complicated thing for him. With his past trauma, he has always needed to be drunk in order to be intimate in the past, the booze helping to drown the memories of aggressive rejection and his sexual assault. Even just being hugged for too long can have nasty voices playing in his head, ones even his Furies have a difficult time shutting out for him. As a result, he struggles with the romantic intimacy that comes with a relationship now that he's trying to be sober, but it's all about baby steps. Each moment gets a little easier with lots of verbal affection when he needs to tap out.

👠: Do you and your f/o enjoy shopping? If you go out shopping, what stores are you visiting?

Out of all three of us, Harry is the most interested in shopping. The man loves to browse just about anything, always coming home with little trinkets or some new funky article of clothing. Second in line would be myself, though there's only a few places I really enjoy perusing the isles at; art supply stores, thrift shops, and antique stores. Though I rarely buy anything when I do look, I will enjoy having fun at looking at all the things that I could get but don't. The last one would be Jean. He's more of a get in and get out kind of guy. Shopping is a chance for him to bitch – although what isn't. He'll complain about the prices of things, about the quality of items, and certainly about how much time we're spending the longer we're out. He's also got sticky fingers, so if any of us happen to see something that we like but gawk at the price, there is a chance it "shows up" at home anyway with Jean simply shrugging and refusing to discuss it.

[saintavangeline]

I remember a while back you mentioned dropping out of college, would you mind talking about your experience?

I’ve been thinking about dropping out a lot recently. I’m attempting a very difficult course whilst having very low-functioning unmedicated ADHD and possibly autism, so I’m not only hugely behind on assignments but I’ve also had to quit making art.

The fear that’s stopping me is that I would have to go back to my abusive household and I don’t want to stagnate.

Sorry this turned into a vent- that was not my original intention. Of course I have no expectations that you, a stranger, will give me a solution. Frustratingly I’m getting a lot of “you just need to get started” and “you just need to settle in” from people, and hearing how you made that decision as someone who is also disabled would be really valuable even if the circumstances were different.

So I emergency withdrew from college in 2021 after a suicide attempt and had planned to return the next school year, but something kept pulling me away from it. Something just felt off and I just decided that my heart would tell me when it would be the right time to go back.

I'm not gonna say any of that was an easy choice, especially as a person who was an overachiever for the entirety of my school years. I was anal about maintaining my 4.2 GPA, and a lot of how I based my worth was on how well I was doing in school. I was already holding on for dear life by the time I entered college, and I quickly burned out when every bit of trauma I'd put on the back burner to get through school finally rose to the surface.

I struggled with ego a lot. I threw myself into work and I tried to avoid letting people know I wasn't in school because I felt like they'd think I was stupid or lazy. I come from a college educated family, and every single person in my life had zero doubt I'd go to school. I had been telling everyone since I was literal child that I had plans of going to medical school, so I really felt like I had dropped the ball. It really wasn't until this summer that I finally started to feel like I made the right choice. I had been full time nannying and house-managing up until this year and I could feel my body deteriorating rapidly.

I'm finally at a place with my music where I'm living completely off of it, and while making music isn't just a monetary gain for me, I won't say I enjoyed the starving artist life, as much as I tried to romanticize it. I remember telling my mom if I couldn't pursue music, I'd die, because there's nothing else I wanted to do. And I guess my heart was right, lol.

I'm really sorry if this was kind of a tangent. This was my experience, however. I too struggle with adhd and autism, so I completely understand the position you're in.. and being an artist who can’t make art due to constraints that seem beyond your control.. that's torture. I don't know the extent of your living situation and if you've discussed any alternatives to living at home, but my heart truly goes out to you. That definitely makes it more difficult. I really took a leap of faith in what I chose to do, but I'm very fortunate to have a family that's not only accepting, but I'm also able to lean on them if desperate times called for desperate measures. I know that's a privilege that isn't granted to everyone and I definitely don't take it for granted.

I'll leave it here: school will always be there. You can go back at any time, any age. having any sort of a degree can open a lot of positions for you. Even ones outside of your field. A lot of the time, people just want to see paper. If you want to feel somewhat secure and comfortable with a steady income, school might be the best choice and you might need to just hunker down and get through it. But, and especially in times like these, school also isn't everything, and it feels like bachelor's degrees have become the new GED's in so many places. There's a great sense of freedom in taking the leap of faith and pursuing a passion, but it's difficult to know when to do that as well. I can’t make that choice for anyone.

I know you'll make the right choice, even if it takes you a few years to realize it. I believe in you 🤍

[van-yangyin]

Ryuuya Kitta 1 ~ Introducing my family (I really don't know what title to put here 😕) - IcarRyuu [Ryuuya's POV]

Hello everyone… I don't know how these things work so…. I'm Ryuuya Kitta, nice to meet you all. Today, I'll start by introducing you to my family, my daddy Ryuu (瑠), my papa Tatsu (健) and my mommy Mikoto (光言). Almost all the pictures I'll share around here are made by me, if the quality is bad, especially when I was little and used analog cameras (specifically polaroids), you can't complain, I didn't know nor know how to make it better…. And it's not that I can change their quality, because are already made… who knows is my boy friend Icaro. I will indicate who is the author of the photograph, in the ones that aren't made by me.

I'll start by introducing myself, I'm Kitta Ryuuya (吉田竜矢), you can call me Ryuuya, I would tell you to call me Ryuu but better not, otherwise you want my father to think you call him. Well, unless you don't meet him, if you don't meet him, then you can call me Ryuu. My best friend Icaro sometimes calls me Ryuu-chan, although that's what my parents also call me… Unless they get mad at me because then they call me by my last name and first name, like all parents do when they get mad, I guess. Although I'm sure it's not necessary to point out that your parents won't call you by my last name and my first name, but by yours?

It always happens the same to me, why I start writing about something as simple as my first and last name and at the end I end up talking about what my parents call me and how parents call their children when they scold them? I hope that doesn't bore you because it's something that happens to me quite often.

Oh, that's right… I'll mention it now so I don't forget later and place it somewhere that it doesn't look well integrated. When I take photos I usually put a warm filter afterwards, because the ones I take look like are lifeless. By the way in the second picture I tried to get my best smile, it's not something I'm very good at…. I just wanted to clarify it, in case you find it weird. Also, English isn't my native language, so please be patient with it, and if I've written something really wrong let me know! I really like to learn and improve day by day.

I was born in Suita, in Osaka prefecture, Japan (rightmost part of the Komorebi area), as you can see, above I've put a photo to familiarize you a little bit with the place… Or at least with the concept of the place…. (although it's actually a photo of my old house, taken by me at the age of 7 or 8 before I moved to another place, that's why it looks so busy). At the age of 6, when my mother died, after a couple of years passed, my parents officially declared to the world that they loved each other and were going to continue raising me as a family, they argued with my maternal and paternal grandparents and we moved to Kizugawa City, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan (Evergreen Harbor). From a family house we ended up in a small apartment. I guess at that time my parents wanted to forget about my mother as soon as possible…. There I started at a new school and did quite well, especially with the theoretical subjects and baseball.

Oh, yes, I forgot! Although I don't know if it's something that should go here…. Before I turned 6, at the age of 4, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), a somewhat late diagnosis because of the doctor who took my study. And the doctor said that it would personally make some aspects of my daily life difficult, but it seems that those words to my daddy Ryuu were taken very seriously because to this day he keeps trying to help me in everything he thinks I need help with and also papa Tatsu has also made a kind of alliance with him and they're so heavy handed with me that I think the best way to call them would be helicopter dads. The photo was taken by daddy Ryuu… and they were the ones who put me in those clothes… I know, totally boring clothes.

My favorite animal has always been the cat. I've always loved cats, especially black cats. In fact I've always gotten along very well with them and they've gotten along very well with me, I guess we're alike at some point. The picture was taken by Icaro on the spur of the moment, in case that's something you're wondering about. By the way, have you guys ever listened to the song by 「黒猫のタンゴ」(Kuroneko no tango)? I leave you the link here, listen to it if you want and let me know what you think. This song is inspired by the Italian song "Volevo un gatto nero", if you listen to the tone of this one here, you will see that it's the same, although the songs have nothing to do with each other. The Italian version talks about how the singer wants a black cat but is always given a white cat in exchange for what the others want, while the Japanese version the black cat symbolizes the runaway girlfriend of the singer.

On the other hand, my favorite topics and the ones you will always find me talking about are music and videogames. I love playing the piano, it's something I discovered when I went to school and saw a piano for the first time. On the other hand, video games stimulate me and when it comes to the ones I love, I can't stop speculating everything that happens around it and memorizing everything in it. By the way, the photo was taken also by Icaro, he said loves it when I play the piano, because I transport him to other worlds. Although I was a little worried because Icaro was listening to me.

I think I've already written too much about myself, and I can say more in other posts, so now I'm going to start with my father Ryuu.

This is daddy Ryuu, I took his picture recently. He's a writer and loves to write books for adults. Well, there you can see him at work. A long time ago he married my mom and they had me, when a few years passed my mom died, time passed and papa Tatsu confessed to daddy Ryuu. Daddy Ryuu told me what it's to be bisexual, that he told Papa Tatsu that had always liked both men and women, but that he never wanted to make a step forward, because he also loved Mom very much and didn't want to break the beautiful relationship and friendship that had formed between the three of them. My paternal and maternal grandparents never accepted this relationship, they told him that if he was homosexual why had he played a role by marrying mom and they didn't accept that a person could be able to like both men and women, I think they didn't understand as well as I did what it was to be bisexual, even though I was 9 years old. They believe that you can only like one thing or the other, so with me they have no problem, although they don't know that I've fallen in love with Icaro for who he is and not for being a man, but that's something I'll write about in another publication. My grandparents want me to visit whenever I can, but they don't want to know anything about my parents.

He's papa Tatsu, for as long as I can remember I've always called him papa, although technically at that time he wasn't romantically with either daddy Ryuu or mommy. No one ever denied it to me, not even he himself, so I got used to calling him that from a very young age. When I was little, I called him daddy Tatu, it was very difficult at that time for me to pronounce the character "つ" (tsu), although surely the first few times they heard me pronounce it they laughed at me.

Papa Tatsu works as a journalist. Some time ago he told me that when was studying journalism he worked in a bar part-time. There he met daddy Ryuu while writing books that he sent to publishers to try his luck. He confessed to me that from the day he met him it was love at first sight. I remember asking him why he didn't confess his love to daddy until long after mommy died and he told me it was because he was already engaged to mommy and never wanted to stand in the way.

He also told me that was the best man at his wedding and that mommy always knew that he was in love with daddy Ryuu. In fact, he told me that it was thanks to mommy, for her words of support before she died, that to this day he was formally my dad, because he had the courage to step forward and confess his love. The picture above is one that papa Tatsu and mommy took before I was born, I have permission to post it.

I've always wondered why I look more like papa Tatsu than daddy Ryuu, but they've never said anything to me, so I'd rather let it be.

This is my mother, Mikoto. She has long since left us and protects us from the stars, the sun and the moon. She worked as a medical scientist and developed and conducted experiments to test new drugs and medical devices, as well as studying the root causes of diseases and improving the effectiveness of treatments. Daddy Ryuu says that some people are very sensitive or don't want to read things that may remind them of sad moments in their life, so please if you're reading this, I'm now going to talk about something that happened to my mom and you may not like to read it. The picture I've posted above was of what my mom looked like when I was still very little, something I don't remember and that baby she's holding, is me. That picture wasnt taken by me, it was taken by papa Tatsu, so all rights go to him, he gave me permission to scan it and post it. The written part that comes now you can pass it and go to the end or until you see again this red color, I don't want to cause you bad memories or bad feelings, in fact for that reason is why I left it last.

My mom, Mikoto, died when I was 6 years old. I took that picture when I was little and it's one of my most precious objects. A year after I was born, mom talked to papa Tatsu, he was the first to know what she had. My mother had metastatic cancer, meaning the cancer was already far away from the area where it originated. The doctor told her that the chances of being cured were very low, and she was only given two or three more years to live. There were very remote possibilities of being cured, but the treatment with chemotherapy and pills would at least slow down its growth and reduce her symptoms. My mom was a fighter, she spent 5 years fighting to the end and for that I admire her very much. I was never told what kind of cancer she had, but I know my dad Ryuu and my dad Tatsu were always by her side and helped her in any way they could, plus I'm not very good in the medical field so I don't think would find what I'm looking for (actually I think the only thing I could do is go see the doctor who took her when when I have legal age and ask him) I know I said above that they moved to forget her, but specifically I meant to forget those bad memories that were left in that house. Surely they wanted to move out to treasure the good memories in the memories and videos we take with us.

I took the photo one afternoon when I found a dandelion on my way home. Since at that time my mom couldn't leave the house much anymore, I brought it to her and when we were both on the bed I told her to blow on it to make a wish. Mommy blew it and the dandelion seeds spread all over the room. She looked so beautiful that with my polaroid I took a picture of her (although it was actually with papa Tatsu's help, that's why the photo looks so good, I was 5 years old). I never knew what she asked for that day, and she never wanted to tell me either. By the way, mommy always liked to attach stickers on polaroid pictures, I think it's a habit I ended up picking up from her.

The last time I saw my mom she said, "Promise me that you will take good care of daddy Ryuu and papa Tatsu and that you will always, always, always be a fighter like mommy. This is for you, the bracelet that has accompanied me all my life. When I'm no longer in this world, I want you to know that the stars, the moon and the sun reflected in each pearl will be me watching over you from each one of them." And this photograph is of the bracelet mommy gave me, my bracelet, another of my most precious objects. I never mourned her death, no tears came from my eyes. I don't remember much about her either as I don't have an eidetic or photographic memory like Icaro, but I do remember the sound of her voice, I can always hear it in my mind, tone by tone. Oh, sure, there was a song my mom always sang to me that I remember how it sounded with her tone of voice perfectly my mind, it went like this:

"My little cat, my little cat, is always jumping. My little cat, my little cat, is always going on adventures. What will I do if my little cat gets lost in the grass? Wow, I found my little cat, he's right here!"

「あたしのこねこ、あたしのこねこ、いつもジャンプしている。 あたしのこねこ、あたしのこねこ、いつもぼうけんにでかけている。 もし、あたしのこねこがくさむらでまいごになったらどうしよう？ わぁ、あたしのこねこをみつけたよ！ここにいるよ。」

And right after that she tickled me. Sometimes she would change the lyrics to the song a little bit, depending on the day or the situation, but this was the version sang me the most. If you're wondering if you can find it on the internet the answer is no, because it was a song that mommy created especially for me. If someday I'm not so embarrassed I'll sing it and upload it for you to hear.

And this is the end of today's post. For the first one it has been quite long, hasn't it?

What would you like me to feature in my next post? Would you like me to write about who my best friend Icaro is and how I met him? My best friend Marena? Leave it in comments below.

See you in my next post, although I don't know when it will be yet as I'm learning to manage time and figure out how others work here.

[cowboycannibalism]

i watched When Evil Lurks (2023) yesterday and I have thoughts! also this is literally just my letterboxd review copy and pasted with a bit more detail lol

spoilers!! ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

first of all, I am not the biggest possession horror fan. It's not my thing. But wow I was actually so into this movie I completely forgot about it being a possession movie! It was sort of a mix between zombie/disease and possession which was interesting. The very first Rotten we see is hard to look at, not normally a sight you think of when someone is possessed. Usually these movies tend to be more bone-cracking, spine breaking, unnatural bending and scary voices. Seeing the "demon"/evil manifest physically with bodily fluids and boils and rotting flesh made my stomach turn a bit which was awesome!

Secondly, I admit I'm very partial to sibling dynamics in movies, I love my siblings and I would die for them. The only people I would want to be in this apocalyptic-end-of-days situation with would be my siblings and my mom. I think the film did a great job bringing to life that tie between family, that you would do anything to protect them even if it means leaving your entire life behind including people who may be close but not willing to believe you (the ex wife and new husband). Also I couldn't help but compare them a bit to mario and luigi in my head but I blame that on me watching the Mario movie right before this 😅.

Jaime (Jimi) and Pedro are fun contrasting personalities in the scenario they get put into. Their priorities are different and even the belief they have is split, while pedro is more sure about the Rotten, Jaime is so doubtful he can't even admit if what they saw was real and that leads to problems with everyone else believing them. He's seen as the "good" brother so of course if he's saying he isn't sure of what they see, then all the other characters would believe him over Pedro, the "bad" brother with a troubled past. One of the things I loved about it was that Jaime never waivers in his faith in Pedro, he may not be sure of the Rotten/evil but he always trusts fully in his brother.

Pedro does get on my nerves with some of his choices but cmon would it be a horror movie if you weren't mad at some character for making stupid decisions? The desperation that seeps from the actor (Ezequiel Rodriguez) is so palpable that it brings out sympathy for him, he may be dumb but he's trying his best okay?

The whole story with the autistic son was a little weird and I know everyone's reviews of this say it's ableist but I saw it in a different light. The Cleaner says the demon can't figure out the minds of autistic people, get stuck in their bodies and that helps them from fully becoming possessed. To Me it feels like the opposite of what movies would usually do in where the son would be autistic BECAUSE of the demon, whereas in this movie he is "normal" when the demon takes over. It isn't a cure, it isn't saying autistic people have evil in them that needs to be fixed, but that is something that people have said for a long time and tbh its probably still a thing idiots believe in. it's interesting to see that his autism actually kept him safe for as long as it did.

Let's talk about the kills! When the wife of the landowner whacks into him with the axe, I was caught so off guard, same with the dog attack on the little girl. oh god, the throwing up of the hair and necklace by the son got to me, I probably shouldn't have been eating while watching this. This may sound weird but I LOVED the scene of the mom eating her son's brains as she's walking alongside the car Jimi is in.

The movie was so bleak and nihilistic that I felt the need to repent so this doesn't happen in real life. I wish it could have expanded a bit more on the universe, some of the characters and the disease/possession but for pacing reasons I think they did a solid job of dropping enough hints to fill in information. I love foreign horror movies and Argentina you are on my watchlist now, i enjoyed this and I think its definitely worth a watch!

Be warned there are animal and child deaths in this movie so know your triggers. It has English subtitles that aren't 100% accurate so it can get a little confusing sometimes, just pay close attention and if you want more insight the reddit threads on this movie are so great.

[stoportotouch]

PLEASE tell me about the lieutenantcules kids

ohoho i would Love to

they end up having two, james frederick (little and hodgson) and katherine "kate" alexandria (irving and hodgson). (obviously hodge is transmasc here.) james is born in january 1849 and kate is born in july 1850. They Were Busy, is what i'm suggesting here. (behold my lovely spreadsheet, because i can't keep track of these people otherwise.)

since this is The One Where Doctor MacDonald Survives, he is also the one to deliver both of them. (which is great because hodgson doesn't fancy explaining all that whatnot to a new doctor.) this later becomes a great advantage in that it prevents hodgson from Fucking Dying having kate.

lots of Stuff below the cut, because i have a lot to say about these childen as it turns out.

james is named after fitzjames and fairholme (and also edward's older brother james cornelius) and also after fred hornby. after he's born, hodgson (slightly high on Fun Victorian Narcotics, as was the fashion at the time) suggests calling him "james james". this is not necessarily unfitting considering that he is named after the man so james that they called him it twice but get Vetoed.

james is one of those "started talking late but once he started he never stopped again" neurodivergent kids, and his Personality is basically the same as hodgson's. (this includes The Neurodivergence. he would be diagnosed with autism and adhd if this was the 21st century.) this eventually leads him to join the diplomatic corps, for some reason.

he is basically hodgson's software on little's hardware in that he looks and physically acts basically exactly like little but with some of hodgson's pointy features. he... is short. (just barely taller than little when he's full grown.) partly because, as you can see, april of 1848 isn't that long after they were rescued.

but also little is short and in a short family, and hodgson is alone in his immediate family in being tall. (or rather, he was objectively tall pre-transition. he got bumped down to Just Below Average Height by the simple expedient of cutting his hair.)

james was also The World's Most Difficult Baby, again because he was born to somebody who was still kind of recovering from scurvy and definitely recovering from lead poisoning. this is literally just because the "thank god we're alive" came back LONG before the... actual intelligence did. (it also fucked hodgson's hip up for the rest of his life.)

for the first year or so james does Not like not being held, wakes up at just about every noise or External Stimulus and has colic. then around his first birthday he suddenly just goes like "hm, no more of that, thanks" and starts walking. which completely fixes all the other problems. (he still doesn't start talking until quite a while after kate.)

the not talking does give his Dads pause until james cornelius mentions when he visits that edward didn't talk until he was about seven. thus when james starts talking when he's about five or six this seems to explain everything. (one difference: when edward started talking he seemed to do so unwillingly and never talked much. james starts and then never stops for the rest of his life. this is presumably hodgson's genetics kicking in.)

as i mentioned earlier. katherine (or kate) is hodgson and irving's kid, which is just... a fascinating combination of personalities to cross-pollinate. she's named after katherine irving, who is irving's sister-in-law (and also one of his best friends), and also after alexander macdonald.

katherine irving is an obvious person to name her after, especially since irving is a bit glum about not being able to tell his family about Having Kids, on account of The Circumstances. but naming his kid after her is the next best thing (especially when he had always promised her Godmother Rights if he had kids). alexandria is, obviously, after doctor macdonald. it seems like the least they can do since he stops hodgson from dying. (kate is completely fine.)

kate is like. the world's most chill baby, and also the pregnancy is far physically/psychologically easier on hodgson than james was. most of the issue the first time was the combination of "the unknown" and like. Gender Stuff. the latter of these still gets to him from time to time with kate but far more mildly and he feels more able to talk about it. (because he was pregnant with james while little was recovering from a brain injury and irving was recovering from being stabbed. as i said, they were not especially bright in this regard.)

as i said earlier, having james when he was still recovering fucks up hodgson's hip for the rest of his life. this actually doesn't lead to what happens with kate but it probably doesn't help. (kate is also a far larger baby, since irving is tall and quite broad when he isn't malnourished, and from quite a tall family.) long story short doctor macdonald figures out that hodgson isn't just sore/tired and a bit high and hodgson gets an emergency hysterectomy out of it.

hodgson later suggests, once everybody has recovered from the shock of "partner/other father of our kids/friend just nearly bled to death", that they call her stephanie. you know, because of doctor stanley (who in fairness he did get on really well with. world's oddest friendship, or not really considering that when we see doctor stanley make attempts at Bedside Manner it's basically hodgson through a filter of irony poisoning).

little and irving haven't even talked about it and irving is kind of... avoiding it all (he does with both births but hodgson only particularly wants little with him. not for any particularly Personal reason irving's energy is just too jumpy for a sick-room). hodgson does suggest that he be there when kate is born because he knows what to expect now and they're All a bit further out from The Initial Arctic Trauma. irving says no, which turns out to be the right decision because he spends about a week having a panic attack.

they decide on a full name for her very quickly. (both of them have hodgson's surname, just to avoid any questions. this doesn't actually avoid questions with james because he looks like little.)

kate looks basically exactly like hodgson did as a kid, which is really weird for him (and also makes him a bit more protective of her than he was expecting to be). it's doubly weird that she also acts exactly like he did. as an adult she ends up looking like hodgson but a girl/with irving's tone of voice and way of speaking. (she's also about six foot tall fully grown.) basically she looks like this leyendecker painting.

she basically acts like hodgson would if he didn't have... The Problems. which can be extremely annoying but also it's great for her; she's assertive in a way that neither of her Dads could ever manage in addition to being at least book-intelligent. (she isn't people-intelligent.) she fortunately doesn't pick up irving's anxiety (or his compulsions) but she does get his Maths Brain.

she and hodgson still bond over music but she's very into like. Finding The Right Answer so he gets her into bach. this works excellently. she eventually ends up with his ancient copy of gradus ad parnassum that he's scribbled in over the course of a few decades. she is far better at bach chorale harmonisations than he is. (or rather, she picks it up far quicker.)

-----

on the subject of their families: some of little's family know but this is limited to james cornelius (Gay Uncle, beloved by both james and kate for all their lives), and little's sister margaret anne (and her husband, john). margaret and john don't particularly get it but also "aw, nieces and nephews" (and margaret likes hodgson). they look after james when kate is born.

hodgson... basically does not talk at all to his family, honestly. his dad died in 1844 (literally right before he met irving. like he was going through all that while they were having a really complicated Situationship that ended with irving trying to ghost him but not being emotionally able to) and while he used to get on with his mother... not so much any more.

if he hadn't had kids then he would probably have gritted his teeth with at least two of his siblings (beilby porteus and mary) and at least tried to have more of a relationship with them. but then as soon as he has james he's just like, "yeah my family are never getting near our kids", and kate being born (and everything around that) cements that in his mind.

he uh. i have so much to say about his relationship with his oldest sister, henrietta mildred. but the summary as it pertains to this is "he is still stuck at the level of a very scared seven-year-old where she is concerned and she is stuck at the level of a very miserable nineteen-year-old where he is concerned." they could probably talk it out. it would actually be beneficial. but they literally never will.

-----

further on Family Dynamics (and also a bit about Victorian Class Dynamics):

hodgson is a good amount younger than his siblings (or than his surviving siblings). he's one of five that survived to adulthood and he's ten years younger than the next one up which means that he was basically an only child but that his parents had forgotten everything about babies and toddlers. so like, Victorian Ideas About The Child, Multiplied By Ten Thousand.

he was also completely unexpected and while not quite unwanted he was far more handed off to nurse and then nanny than his older siblings as a kid. and then he went away to a boarding school aged thirteen, joined the navy at the age of fifteen, and basically never came back again. (until post-franklin-expedition.)

so he thinks that little, whose family mostly still live together and see each other as often as they can, has a really weird relationship with his parents and siblings. little is not going to argue this because he's sure he'll find something awful if he scratches the surface. also hodgson isn't going to press the issue because uh. little came home to discover that his mother had died a couple of months before they were rescued. so he doesn't want to cause any further Hurt.

little does, though, feel really weird about handing the kids off to nannies and nurses and governesses. (he's one of twelve from a family which was upwardly mobile but still working-ish class. they could not afford all that whatnot.) he still ends up getting on very well with the nurse they find, who they keep employing after james is born. this turns out to be a good thing when kate is born, because of The Circumstances.

[blorbologist]

do you think canon Percy is neurodivergent / on the spectrum? I personally hc him as such but what is your opinion on this subject? what are things that stand out to you?

Hi anon!

I do as well! Full disclaimer: I am autistic, my brother is autistic and has ADHD, and our father is probably on the spectrum as well but in vehement denial. However, I got Very Good at masking, to the point I rarely unmask and spend all my energy dealing with Social Bullshit, while my brother is... idk, super charismatic in social settings, somehow, but a nightmare with Tasks and Sensory Hell. So I usually project autism onto characters given my lived experience, but can 100% see how he has ADHD vibes as well! I think neurodivergent rep is very important, and it's great that we can see ourselves in these characters <3

I will repeat this a lot, but Percy has also undergone a fuckton of trauma. A lot of his traits that remind me of myself could be due to PTSD. His panic attacks, for instance, are things I'd slot more with PTSD, personally. You can read his character different ways (I read him as having both), and that's good on you. However, I am autistic and I like projecting My Me onto the blorbo so that's what you get.

A couple of things stand out to me:

The whole Feywild thing reminds me of a special interest. Less so in the campaign, but given how they play it up in TLOVM I really suspect it's the case. Clockmaking also seems like the sort of very specific, detailed work that'd make my brain go brrr if it was my thing, so? Is that anything?

A lot of how he is described (by himself or by Tal) pre-Briarwoods could align with a little introvert noble with no social skills and a whole fuckton of arrogance, but it also aligns nicely with an autistic kid.

Just. how many times Cass has to imply 'percy I can't handle Whitestone alone' before he gets the memo. is insane. it's either 'his autistic ass isn't getting what she's trying to say' or 'percy stop being a dick and help your sister out you KNOW what she's asking'. either way works for me! But I'd like to hope he's not intentionally shoving responsibility on his little sister and use that as an excuse.

We don't know if he had issues being touched prior to being tortured ("We didn't touch in my family"), and the trauma of what Ripley did to him could 110% account for that! But I like to slot it away into my 'on the spectrum' vibes box.

Layers. Layers. Layers! Again, another potential covariate with the fact he's a poncy noble, and has a vested interest in hiding his scars, but I am Particular about what touches my skin at a given time. I like long sleeves and pants and gloves because then it's always the same sensory things on me and not changing.

Just how slow he is to court Vex. Because maybe he's reading the social cues wrong, and he has to be Obvious about his interest too, and becomes a fancy bird giving gifts because that's the best way he can think of supporting her and expressing interest while figuring out whatever the fuck this Attraction thing is.

Perhaps just a Tal thing (I see it with Ashton too, or I did when going over the Laudna n Ashton convo with a fine toothed comb the other day), but how much he fidgets when talking. Constantly moving.

His entire friendship with Keyleth is very autism vibes. Could purely be coming form her, or shared, who knows! (I am a huge supporter of autistic Keyleth, here n there I'll sneak in a line about her stimming <3)

Might just be a Me thing, but how he turns to Vex when he's feeling big emotions and doesn't trust himself to handle them. What the fuck are these, I think this impulse to lash out at Scanlan is probably bad, dear please keep me from doing anything stupid.

Also it's very funny for me to do the 'me and the bad bitch I pulled being autistic' meme with him and Vex ngkntrjnhrt

[characterswithcolorsnamesfight]

If you haven't filled the survey completely yet, can you please send in [Phenomena by Ruben Eliassen] which Azur is from among the novels? The Norwegian publisher is treating it like crap these days and print fewer and fewer copies rather than celebrating its 22nd anniversary and being grateful for it being one of the first (and best) Norwegian fantasy book series. It was the one that made people start taking the genre seriously in Norway so it'll be depressing if it just disappears..!

Cool things for it's time and still is:

The hero has a love interest, the heroine doesn't, the author has later said that she's an aroace lesbian.

A 12-year old girl becomes friends with a guy in his 20s, they do not end up together and stay friends for the rest of the series.

The author manages show don't tell in a book, and discusses the weird misogyny that was around in the 2000s rather than acting like it never happened.

While there's unfortunately some implied r**e, are the ones doing it not glorified or end up with their victims. One of the victims is a man and treated as just as terrible as the other one and is never joked about.

One tribe that were used as slaves take the cousin tribe of the tribe that kept them as slaves as their slaves, this isn't treated as okay.

Adults aren't always right.

The protagonists both have ADHD but are presented as intelligent in their own ways despite being twins.

Is just very good.

Oh sure ! This seems really promising and rather woke for a 2000s book (some of you need serious updating and should come with special warnings but we love you 2000s series)

Here's the survey for those who'd like to help ! Reminder : we're talking about Phenomena by Ruben Eliassen (Norwegian book) and Ragnarok by Odin Helgheim (Norwegian comic). All hail Norway !

(Just a thought from someone whose country has a heavy colonial past : Not sure the "ex slaves turn easily into oppressors when given power" is actually a good take since I believe the "they'll do the same to us if given the occasion/as revenge on us" was the kind of saying used to oppose the end of slavery. It doesn't mean the book doesn't have great takes or that the author and readers are racist, just that it's possibly a poor/clumsy take)

You had me at twins with different personalities ! (I'm joking, I was into it when you said fantasy from Norway and I realized I didn't know what Northern fantasy looked like as a genre) If they translate it, I'll do my best to get my twin to read the copy I'll get

Funnily enough, my favorite kid/young teen series is a French series who never had been translated which title is Phaenomen (from the Latin noun, all the chapters have a Latin title). It's about kids with different kinds of disabilities (unnamed but quite reminescent of autism and other mental or physical disorders -with a supplementary 'magical/sciency' touch but I promise no magical superhealing stuff- : dyspraxia, hypermnesia, migraines, hyperfixations, hypersensitivity to light, difficulties to communicate, anger management issues etc.) who flee the special needs type of clinic they're in and find themselves in quite a lot of trouble as they try to survive together as a makeshift family and run from some powerful Templar sect who's taken an interest in their uncommon abilities (special vision, superspeed, soul manipulation... all are the other sides of their disabilities)

It's been a while since I've last read it but I used to reread it several times a year. Some stuff in it might be problematic (ableism-wise) but I also have autistic friends who love the series too

If anyone else wants to mention childhood/teenagehood/pasthood reads not translated into English from their own countries, don't hesitate ! (Also works for movies, games and whatnot)

[your-queer-dad]

(Vent sorry, not about queerness I just have nowhere else to say this where I'll get any sort of response)

Ive been having to deal with so much stuff lately. Like I was fine when I was in the midst of severe depression cause I didn't think I'd live very long anyways but now I need to come to terms with everything I've been ignoring for at least a year and at most my whole life. Like I'm AuDHD in a decently ableist family (middle/working class white cishet moderate leftists who think they're very progressive, you know the type) and I've had absolutely shit experiences with the people who should be helping me with that stuff (my old therapist was actively uneducated and ableist, my psychiatrist was a white cishet man in his 60s or 70s and I had to teach him what masking is and how adhd and autism present in AFAB people) which makes that really difficult in general because all my friends know I have AuDHD but I can't officially come out and say that I do because my family will deny it and tell me I'm being attention seeking and looking for excuses for being lazy and a flawed person. I also don't physically look the way I've been convincing myself I look naturally for a long time (yay anorexia recovery) and it's just messing me up a lot because when I look at my reflection I just feel visceral disgust. I'm still on the lower end of a healthy weight, but I can only see a few of my ribs now and my stomach isn't flat anymore. Everyone else says they can't notice but I feel like I've lost everything that made me good, and I'm scared that gaining weight is going to stop me from passing. I hate being with my parents and I just feel like I'm a horrible person for that, I only got hit once and other than that they're just toxic and sort of manipulative/emotionally abusive. They try their best they just can't raise me right and I feel like shit for that. I wish I could be spending more time outside, but I had a medical emergency thing on Tuesday (my mom doesn't let me call it a seizure because we don't know for sure) and I'm scared that that's going to happen again, and my constant joint pain has just gotten worse. My friends are telling me that I need to talk to a doctor about this, but the wait time for rheumatology is insane and my parents thing I'm making it up/exaggerating/looking for attention and even if they believe me they don't think it's important and worth getting help for. I'm scared that I'm going to die, last time it happened my entire body went numb and stiff and I couldn't move and I was just twitching for like 15 minutes. I also completely lost my vision before this happened, and it was greyscale/coming back slowly for the entire thing, plus I could barely hear anything. If that happens again I genuinely think that I might die. I also have scars all over my legs and chest and I have to either hide them or find some sort of explanation for them that won't make the people I work with during the summer think I'm not suited for working with kids (summer camp counseling). I spent all of last year thinking I was never going to turn 15 and now I kind of wish I hadn't.

I want to live but it's all so overwhelming and if I falter or let my parents see that I'm scared, they'll force me into the role of a small child and start treating me like a toddler or an animal like they always do. I just don't know what to do and I know it's horrible and selfish and disgusting but I just wish my mom would die. I can't live like this, it's only 3 more years but I'm just so scared. She keeps threatening me and saying I won't get into college or I'm failing high school because of how long I was out of school due to psych ward stuff even though she knows that not getting into college is my main fear- if that happens, I can't keep going. I know that I'm going to kill myself if I can't get into college. After that I'm still going to need to pay off student loans and I might not have my best friend with me (if I have him ill be okay and he says that he promises he'll try to live with me in college) and I just can't deal with that. I need to catch up on school and I need to learn to drive and then I need to get ready for my job in the summer and I need to make sure my grades are good enough for colleges to want me and I need to get people to like me and I just can't do it. I don't want to die but I feel like it's the only answer, I'm just not capable of doing this. I'm not supposed to be alive. I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Sorry about the rant you don't need to answer at all I know this is a lot

-🔆

Hey kiddo. Please please don't apologise for reaching out, I'm here for you and I'm always here for you, night and day my inbox and DMs are always open to anyone who needs to talk.

God, it sounds like you've had a rough deal. I understand where you're coming from. With parents, it's so hard when they don't do what they're supposed to do as parents and they don't understand you or believe you when you ask for help. It's awful and I am so sorry.

From the sounds of things, it sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself, as well as all that pressure around you. As scary as the future is, it isn't going to creep up on you one day. It's tomorrow and the day after that and the day after that and the day after that and every single day after that. You have time to breathe and rest and do whatever you need to do. You can't do everything at once, you're only human- and expecting yourself to do everything at once only caused burn out and stress.

Also, as a person who's gone through eating disorder recovery- weight doesn't stop you from passing. I promise you it doesn't. It's a good thing! It's a sign that all the work you've done recovering has paid off. I'm proud of you.

Keep your head up kiddo, I'm so so proud of you. Remember to take care of yourself, let yourself breathe and don't expect yourself to do everything all at once. I'm here anytime you need to talk.

Love you,

- dad x

[blueempty]

Bad news besties, the unbearable headaches I've been having throughout my poisoning situation went away when I drank caffine 😳

Listen. I know this is positive time, and I do not want to take away from positive time I will be positive I promise okay, but this week has been rough and today sucked really bad lol

I ended up going to work for a bit even though I dont feel fully recovered and I really wish I hadn't. Today kinda just turned into this confluence of negativity. I feel very disoriented as a result of sleeping for 4 days and driving makes me feel further from my fellow man than I already do. I genuinely dont understand what goes on in peoples minds. Then the pita place I trusted to not harm me was closed cuz sunday, which I always forget because I'm Vulcan pilled and days dont hold special meaning for me

After that was like, a couple of random things that made me feel really overlooked and unaccomplished which isn't normal for me. I dont typically care too much what people think but I guess I was primed to be upset. The specifics aren't really worth going into but its just like, I see people do something and everyone go wow thats awesome, and then I'm like, bro I have been doing that and no one gives a fuck when I do it. Even within my irl friend groups and back in my family when I still talked to any of my family I always felt this very pronounced sense of no one gives a shit what you're excited about dude. I start talking about something I like and everyone stares at the floor or their phones silently till I stop. But that doesn't happen when other people talk about things. I do not feel kinship with other humans, I feel very different and lost and confused and hungry and also incompatible with society

Its like in TNG when Data gives a time estimate and he only gives like days and hours or something and then stops, and everyone is confused. Riker goes no minutes seconds or milliseconds Mr. Data? And he turns around and goes "I have noticed a certain... annoyance with my level of specificity at times"

And in the same way, over time Ive just learned to talk less. Which isnt entirely bad cuz William Shakesman said brevity is the soul of wit I guess. I've also been noticing that when I'm alone I dont really emote much. Like I need other peoples vibes to mimic. Teacher give me the Autism test I swear I'll pass!!!!!!

ANYWAY negativity aside, I am still improving health wise. I'm spending more time sitting by the back door looking outside rather than being on my phone cuz text has been making me dizzy, and outside is nice right now. And once I got home from work I spent an hour-ish practicing the first world stages of Mario Wonder to get faster and remember 10 coin locations and that game makes me feel happy inside. That game is so perfect they literally thought of everything

Also my current Barony run is a Vampire Conjurer named Dracula Flow and thats going insanely well. Not gonna overexplain but one thing is that Vampires are weak to water and I found boots of water walking very early. I just need to stock up on blood and I'll be movin different

Live Long and Prosper

[littlemoondarling]

i don't know your characters yet, but i want to, sooo... 9, 12, 26, 30, 35, 42, 48, 50 and 57 for both ezra and theodore! hopefully it's not too much... 😅

Awww ty so much!! No ask is too much so never worry ab it! I'll answer under the read more bc I talk alot~

Starting off with dear ol Ezra Woodburn because he's a bit more down to earth than Teddy

[9] What is their love language?

His love language is physical affection, if he initiates it with you then you are sure to be his favourite person in the whole world because he despises being touched. That was how his husband discovered that "oh shit there may be something more than friendship here" when Ezra randomly cuddled next to him while watching movies on the couch.

[12] How high is their self-esteem?

Ezra's self esteem is so low it migot as well be in the center of earth XD

He was never able to accept anything about himself and always felt like a mistake that shouldn't have been born, but still, he makes it to over 50.

[26] Do they have any physical or mental ilness, how do they handle it and how open they are about it?

He has both, he has chronic joint pain and fatigue that he has been struggling with since childhood, he also suffers from terrible social anxiety, depression and autism but he never got diagnosed because he refuses to go to a psychiatrist. His family is a very conservative "pull yourself by your bootstraps" kinda family so he was raised to feel immense shame at his disabilities and so he is only open about them with his husband, but it isn't too difficult for people around him to guess given his behaviour.

[30] What are their most healthy and most unhealthy coping mechanisms?

The healthiest is definitely writing and spending quality time with his husband and cat, the unhealthy is sh and smoking :|

[35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

He really really doesn't, if he is given the chance to look like anyone else he would take it in a heartbeat. He got both top and bottom surgery to ease the dysphoria of being born in the wrong body and he has thought about going to the gym to lose some weight but his pain immediately flares up, but he is getting slightly better at accepting himself given how many kisses his husband gives the areas he considers flawed.

[42] What is their idea of a perfect friendly hangout and/or romantic date?

Going out to the library or a picnic in nature, maybe even a trip to the shelter so he can pet all the animals and coo at them and beg you for seven more cats, three birds, a turtle and a snake.

[48] Are they, or were they at some point in their life, a part of any subculture?

He experimented with the leather goth subculture in his 20s but he immediately discovered that he doesn't have the energy to melt in the summer, so for now it is only a winter and bedroom subculture XD

[50] What are they really good and really bad at?

He's good at cooking, writing, organizing, cleaning and giving orders, he sucks at teamwork, asking for help, singing and knowing when to take a break (and socializing, my man has 0 friends outside of the ones his husband introduced him to)

[57] What was the most stupid or dangerous thing they have ever done?

The most stupidly dangerous thing was to let a stranger that ten years before was his bully at summer camp into his home because he (The bully) had all his money stolen and had nowhere to stay, it ended well for him tho.

The most dangerous thing is probably having 7 attempts at his own life before he turned 25. He eventually met a guy in the psych ward who was fostering a mother cat and her kittens and that is how he got his little angel cat Pumpkin (the guy at the psych ward was Theodore)

Now for Theodore Malik!

[9] What is their love language?

Giving gifts and acts of survice, he will cook for you and make you the best outfits you've ever seen all for the small price of tolerating his existence and listening to him ramble about Batman for way waaaay too long. On the more extreme end he will kill for the people he cares about ♡

[12] How high is their self-esteem?

It fluctuates between I am a gift from god blessing you with my mere existence to I am the worst thing to ever happen to this planet and if i don't stop existing right now the whole world will explode.

[26] Do they have any physical or mental ilness, how do they handle it and how open they are about it?

He is immortal and has otherworldly physical strength and immunity but you will find him with very sever injuries more times than not, mentally he has a little cocktail that consists of depression, general anxiety, bipolar, ptsd and some psychotic hallucinations. He is very open about everything and you WILL know when he is upset because nothing on God's green earth will stop this man from complaining.

[30] What are their most healthy and most unhealthy coping mechanisms?

The healthy ones are cooking, embroidery and chatting with his friends, the unhealthy ones are smoking, drinking, driving off of cliffs and other destructive actions

[35] Do they like their own appearance, and what do they do, if anything, to alter it in any way?

He is obsessed with his appearance, narcissus levels of self love, all except his eyes, they are blue like his mother but he would very much prefer if he had inherited the warm brown of his father's.

[42] What is their idea of a perfect friendly hangout and/or romantic date?

Theodore's perfect date would be going to the club, getting wasted and forgetting about everything the next day, but if you're not a fan of that he would settle to going to a convention with you.

[48] Are they, or were they at some point in their life, a part of any subculture?

Punk goth, from the 60s till now, before that he just dressed in frilly dressed with floral patterns

[50] What are they really good and really bad at?

He is good at listening, taking care of people, cooking, making and fixing clothes, making friends, and making enemies, he's terrible and mainting a healthy long term relationship, taking care of himself, cleaning, and making good life decisions

[57] What was the most stupid or dangerous thing they have ever done?

Every choice he has ever done is stupid and dangerous, the honorable mentions being running away from home at 16 to go live with the man who stalked him, didn't end well at all. Attempting to kill his ex's abusive ex but he is the most powerful vampire so the only damage Theodore managed to do was burning half of that man's face (and getting himself on a hitlist) and having a thing for mafia bosses which isn't that good when you date two people from opposing sides at the same time :)

[lastwave]

no energy or patience to write a full character study in character with plot. but i will write a lengthy post analyzing seward and his abusive tendencies because my autism rules. and unfortunately to write a good rewrite you have to have a good grasp on ur characters . so! under the read more . i have analyzed him. i break up my analyses in. semi chronological order

1. lucy

so like. seward's secondary motivation (the motivation that is easily pinpointed to keeping the character in the story) is lucy. not just because of his character but also the misogyny around lucy as a character but thats a whole other post. it'd be really easy to end it here and say sewards main motivation throughout the novel is an unrequited love and sense of dedication to her memory. but that leaves him very flat and a lot of his interactions with the main cast unexplained (how he acts with the other male leads, how he treats renfield, the fact even his proposal was so laden with self hate it became a guilt trip).

so then i need to ask. why does he propose to lucy? does he love her? it doesn't seem like it. in his proposal, he doesn't talk about lucy as a person, he talks about what she does for him. that it would make him sad if she turned him down, that he would be the happiest man in the world if she said yes. intentional or not, this isn't a profession of love, its emotional leverage. i mean. imagine if someone proposed to you like that. also keeping in mind that this is in the victorian era, its frankly a dangerous situation to put lucy in. had she not been sure that arthur was going to propose later, she wouldn't really be at liberty to say no, considering how much weight mens perceptions of a woman impacted how everyone in your social circle saw you in victorian high society. seward wouldn't even have to directly do anything, the people around her would deem her cold and uncaring for turning down the nice wealthy man propositioning her. it wouldn't even be a conscious decision on sewards part . point being, for a novel that writes a great example of a loving man in the victorian ages (jonathan), seward doesn't measure up. which leads me to my next point (i didnt even get to mention how he talks about her dead body, gross, but remember that. ok.)

2. authority figures, expectations and self esteem

so again we ask. why is he proposing? well. hes a wealthy, unmarried man nearing his 30s in victorian england. simply put that was seen as fucking weird. people start asking whats wrong with you that so many families turn you away. and seward cares a lot about his image. his image and accolades are half of what he talks about. theres three characters that are higher up the social ladder than seward is. arthur, avh, and renfield* (he gets hid own section). debatably quincey too but to be honest i think he just regards quincey as a curveball of a guy. and theres a lot of subtext implying quinceys an outlaw. again, another post.

easiest to break down is his dynamic with avh. he fawns to avh because to him, he's an authority figure. he's asking for his teacher's input, for approval. really thats what seward wants from avh, approval, that for one reason or another avh can't directly give (amsterdam medical laws had no bearings on wether or not a british citizen could be a doctor. avh is always trying to use lateral thinking exercises to get a message across to seward, that seward keeps missing. he seems used to this. this tidbit will be relevant later.)

secondly, arthur and quincey. lumping them together because their interactions with seward are kinda few and far between. seward fawns to them though, always speaking highly of arthur and quincey (more than enough examples in the text i shouldn't have to cite).

and you have to ask why. again, it goes back to his position in society. it's because he's expected to. you can't criticize someone above you, and it'd be even better to be in their good graces. he makes himself small, palatable to almost everyone we see him come across. its not a conscious decision, but he still does it. and you have to ask why. just like you have to ask why he refuses to take care of himself in his own privacy. just like you have to ask why he pursued medicine, psychology specifically.

that is where my thesis about his entire character comes in.

the fact of the matter is that seward aims to be someone everyone can like, that everyone will be proud of. when he talks about psychology, he doesn't talk about it with any sort of love for the craft itself, but rather the acclaim he could get. he talks about sonography with more love than he does medicine. psychology was in its very infancy, considered the cutting edge of medicine. they were still talking about fucking phrenology. in this pursuit, though, he lost what made him a person that people want to know. how well does any of the main cast know him, really? barring avh, who was there to see this whole development.

he wants to be liked. but he doesn't know the person he wants to like him is himself. hes a black hole.

3. renfield

"but hugh, you said he was an abuser, that doesn't sound like an abuser" that's because anyone can be abuser, especially when given institutional power.

renfield is everything that seward hates. hes smart, hes of good standing, he had friends, and yet and still he is unliked and unwanted by the world around him, and yet he is still assured of his personhood, of what defines him.

this is because renfield is psychotic. and seward is a psychologist. sewards been given the societal "go ahead" to be as shit to renfield as he wants, to exact everything he cant punish himself for onto renfield.

and, for the record, his abuses aren't even standard for the time. so stop using that as a justification lol. private asylums, like the one seward runs, at the time had a rudimentary idea of "don't encourage or argue with the delusion" (hey remember when seward considered encouraging renfields delusions just to see the end result?) and straightjackect confinement (still abuse. by the way.) was limited to a few hours by most guidelines (remember when he left him in a straightjacket for an entire day?)

and it just gets worse when he realizes he has parallels to renfield (both pursuing something unattainable, renfield wants undeath and seward wants to be liked by everyone). he won't hurt himself, so he will hurt renfield, because he can get away with it without hurting the reputation he worked so hard to make.

he cant stand the fact he has anything in common with a psychotic man, and that that psychotic man (who he fundamentally views as lesser.) once had what he never did. and you can only partially blame it on the times, bedlams reform happened nearly two fucking hundred years before the novel takes place. us psychotic people being. yknow. people is not a new idea

abusers arent going to be a caricature of evil. intentional or not, seward is actually a really well written example of an abuser, because abusers are people, and you'll rarely be able to just.. pick them out of a crowd.