#tw: mention of terminal illness

[van-yangyin]

Ryuuya Kitta 1 ~ Introducing my family (I really don't know what title to put here 😕) - IcarRyuu [Ryuuya's POV]

Hello everyone… I don't know how these things work so…. I'm Ryuuya Kitta, nice to meet you all. Today, I'll start by introducing you to my family, my daddy Ryuu (瑠), my papa Tatsu (健) and my mommy Mikoto (光言). Almost all the pictures I'll share around here are made by me, if the quality is bad, especially when I was little and used analog cameras (specifically polaroids), you can't complain, I didn't know nor know how to make it better…. And it's not that I can change their quality, because are already made… who knows is my boy friend Icaro. I will indicate who is the author of the photograph, in the ones that aren't made by me.

I'll start by introducing myself, I'm Kitta Ryuuya (吉田竜矢), you can call me Ryuuya, I would tell you to call me Ryuu but better not, otherwise you want my father to think you call him. Well, unless you don't meet him, if you don't meet him, then you can call me Ryuu. My best friend Icaro sometimes calls me Ryuu-chan, although that's what my parents also call me… Unless they get mad at me because then they call me by my last name and first name, like all parents do when they get mad, I guess. Although I'm sure it's not necessary to point out that your parents won't call you by my last name and my first name, but by yours?

It always happens the same to me, why I start writing about something as simple as my first and last name and at the end I end up talking about what my parents call me and how parents call their children when they scold them? I hope that doesn't bore you because it's something that happens to me quite often.

Oh, that's right… I'll mention it now so I don't forget later and place it somewhere that it doesn't look well integrated. When I take photos I usually put a warm filter afterwards, because the ones I take look like are lifeless. By the way in the second picture I tried to get my best smile, it's not something I'm very good at…. I just wanted to clarify it, in case you find it weird. Also, English isn't my native language, so please be patient with it, and if I've written something really wrong let me know! I really like to learn and improve day by day.

I was born in Suita, in Osaka prefecture, Japan (rightmost part of the Komorebi area), as you can see, above I've put a photo to familiarize you a little bit with the place… Or at least with the concept of the place…. (although it's actually a photo of my old house, taken by me at the age of 7 or 8 before I moved to another place, that's why it looks so busy). At the age of 6, when my mother died, after a couple of years passed, my parents officially declared to the world that they loved each other and were going to continue raising me as a family, they argued with my maternal and paternal grandparents and we moved to Kizugawa City, Kyoto Prefecture, Japan (Evergreen Harbor). From a family house we ended up in a small apartment. I guess at that time my parents wanted to forget about my mother as soon as possible…. There I started at a new school and did quite well, especially with the theoretical subjects and baseball.

Oh, yes, I forgot! Although I don't know if it's something that should go here…. Before I turned 6, at the age of 4, I was officially diagnosed with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder), a somewhat late diagnosis because of the doctor who took my study. And the doctor said that it would personally make some aspects of my daily life difficult, but it seems that those words to my daddy Ryuu were taken very seriously because to this day he keeps trying to help me in everything he thinks I need help with and also papa Tatsu has also made a kind of alliance with him and they're so heavy handed with me that I think the best way to call them would be helicopter dads. The photo was taken by daddy Ryuu… and they were the ones who put me in those clothes… I know, totally boring clothes.

My favorite animal has always been the cat. I've always loved cats, especially black cats. In fact I've always gotten along very well with them and they've gotten along very well with me, I guess we're alike at some point. The picture was taken by Icaro on the spur of the moment, in case that's something you're wondering about. By the way, have you guys ever listened to the song by 「黒猫のタンゴ」(Kuroneko no tango)? I leave you the link here, listen to it if you want and let me know what you think. This song is inspired by the Italian song "Volevo un gatto nero", if you listen to the tone of this one here, you will see that it's the same, although the songs have nothing to do with each other. The Italian version talks about how the singer wants a black cat but is always given a white cat in exchange for what the others want, while the Japanese version the black cat symbolizes the runaway girlfriend of the singer.

On the other hand, my favorite topics and the ones you will always find me talking about are music and videogames. I love playing the piano, it's something I discovered when I went to school and saw a piano for the first time. On the other hand, video games stimulate me and when it comes to the ones I love, I can't stop speculating everything that happens around it and memorizing everything in it. By the way, the photo was taken also by Icaro, he said loves it when I play the piano, because I transport him to other worlds. Although I was a little worried because Icaro was listening to me.

I think I've already written too much about myself, and I can say more in other posts, so now I'm going to start with my father Ryuu.

This is daddy Ryuu, I took his picture recently. He's a writer and loves to write books for adults. Well, there you can see him at work. A long time ago he married my mom and they had me, when a few years passed my mom died, time passed and papa Tatsu confessed to daddy Ryuu. Daddy Ryuu told me what it's to be bisexual, that he told Papa Tatsu that had always liked both men and women, but that he never wanted to make a step forward, because he also loved Mom very much and didn't want to break the beautiful relationship and friendship that had formed between the three of them. My paternal and maternal grandparents never accepted this relationship, they told him that if he was homosexual why had he played a role by marrying mom and they didn't accept that a person could be able to like both men and women, I think they didn't understand as well as I did what it was to be bisexual, even though I was 9 years old. They believe that you can only like one thing or the other, so with me they have no problem, although they don't know that I've fallen in love with Icaro for who he is and not for being a man, but that's something I'll write about in another publication. My grandparents want me to visit whenever I can, but they don't want to know anything about my parents.

He's papa Tatsu, for as long as I can remember I've always called him papa, although technically at that time he wasn't romantically with either daddy Ryuu or mommy. No one ever denied it to me, not even he himself, so I got used to calling him that from a very young age. When I was little, I called him daddy Tatu, it was very difficult at that time for me to pronounce the character "つ" (tsu), although surely the first few times they heard me pronounce it they laughed at me.

Papa Tatsu works as a journalist. Some time ago he told me that when was studying journalism he worked in a bar part-time. There he met daddy Ryuu while writing books that he sent to publishers to try his luck. He confessed to me that from the day he met him it was love at first sight. I remember asking him why he didn't confess his love to daddy until long after mommy died and he told me it was because he was already engaged to mommy and never wanted to stand in the way.

He also told me that was the best man at his wedding and that mommy always knew that he was in love with daddy Ryuu. In fact, he told me that it was thanks to mommy, for her words of support before she died, that to this day he was formally my dad, because he had the courage to step forward and confess his love. The picture above is one that papa Tatsu and mommy took before I was born, I have permission to post it.

I've always wondered why I look more like papa Tatsu than daddy Ryuu, but they've never said anything to me, so I'd rather let it be.

This is my mother, Mikoto. She has long since left us and protects us from the stars, the sun and the moon. She worked as a medical scientist and developed and conducted experiments to test new drugs and medical devices, as well as studying the root causes of diseases and improving the effectiveness of treatments. Daddy Ryuu says that some people are very sensitive or don't want to read things that may remind them of sad moments in their life, so please if you're reading this, I'm now going to talk about something that happened to my mom and you may not like to read it. The picture I've posted above was of what my mom looked like when I was still very little, something I don't remember and that baby she's holding, is me. That picture wasnt taken by me, it was taken by papa Tatsu, so all rights go to him, he gave me permission to scan it and post it. The written part that comes now you can pass it and go to the end or until you see again this red color, I don't want to cause you bad memories or bad feelings, in fact for that reason is why I left it last.

My mom, Mikoto, died when I was 6 years old. I took that picture when I was little and it's one of my most precious objects. A year after I was born, mom talked to papa Tatsu, he was the first to know what she had. My mother had metastatic cancer, meaning the cancer was already far away from the area where it originated. The doctor told her that the chances of being cured were very low, and she was only given two or three more years to live. There were very remote possibilities of being cured, but the treatment with chemotherapy and pills would at least slow down its growth and reduce her symptoms. My mom was a fighter, she spent 5 years fighting to the end and for that I admire her very much. I was never told what kind of cancer she had, but I know my dad Ryuu and my dad Tatsu were always by her side and helped her in any way they could, plus I'm not very good in the medical field so I don't think would find what I'm looking for (actually I think the only thing I could do is go see the doctor who took her when when I have legal age and ask him) I know I said above that they moved to forget her, but specifically I meant to forget those bad memories that were left in that house. Surely they wanted to move out to treasure the good memories in the memories and videos we take with us.

I took the photo one afternoon when I found a dandelion on my way home. Since at that time my mom couldn't leave the house much anymore, I brought it to her and when we were both on the bed I told her to blow on it to make a wish. Mommy blew it and the dandelion seeds spread all over the room. She looked so beautiful that with my polaroid I took a picture of her (although it was actually with papa Tatsu's help, that's why the photo looks so good, I was 5 years old). I never knew what she asked for that day, and she never wanted to tell me either. By the way, mommy always liked to attach stickers on polaroid pictures, I think it's a habit I ended up picking up from her.

The last time I saw my mom she said, "Promise me that you will take good care of daddy Ryuu and papa Tatsu and that you will always, always, always be a fighter like mommy. This is for you, the bracelet that has accompanied me all my life. When I'm no longer in this world, I want you to know that the stars, the moon and the sun reflected in each pearl will be me watching over you from each one of them." And this photograph is of the bracelet mommy gave me, my bracelet, another of my most precious objects. I never mourned her death, no tears came from my eyes. I don't remember much about her either as I don't have an eidetic or photographic memory like Icaro, but I do remember the sound of her voice, I can always hear it in my mind, tone by tone. Oh, sure, there was a song my mom always sang to me that I remember how it sounded with her tone of voice perfectly my mind, it went like this:

"My little cat, my little cat, is always jumping. My little cat, my little cat, is always going on adventures. What will I do if my little cat gets lost in the grass? Wow, I found my little cat, he's right here!"

「あたしのこねこ、あたしのこねこ、いつもジャンプしている。 あたしのこねこ、あたしのこねこ、いつもぼうけんにでかけている。 もし、あたしのこねこがくさむらでまいごになったらどうしよう？ わぁ、あたしのこねこをみつけたよ！ここにいるよ。」

And right after that she tickled me. Sometimes she would change the lyrics to the song a little bit, depending on the day or the situation, but this was the version sang me the most. If you're wondering if you can find it on the internet the answer is no, because it was a song that mommy created especially for me. If someday I'm not so embarrassed I'll sing it and upload it for you to hear.

And this is the end of today's post. For the first one it has been quite long, hasn't it?

What would you like me to feature in my next post? Would you like me to write about who my best friend Icaro is and how I met him? My best friend Marena? Leave it in comments below.

See you in my next post, although I don't know when it will be yet as I'm learning to manage time and figure out how others work here.

[monstersandmaw]

Heads up (read tags too) on what’s been going on.

Just a little heads up that my dad is dying and he’s probably going to go in the next week. It could be longer, but I went to see him today and he looked like a cadaver, barely clinging to life. This was probably the last time I’ll see him.

It’s been a harrowing few months for him, for my mum, and for me, and I want to thank those of you who knew and have been enormously kind. Our lives have been completely on hold while he’s been slipping away, and it’s clear that he’s not long for this world.

He smiled and knew who I was when I held his hands today, but he couldn’t speak and he couldn’t even turn his head or hold it in place or lift it from the pillow. He couldn’t drink and he’s so thin that they’ve stopped weighing him because he’s too ill for them to worry about that now. He honestly looked like a corpse in the bed already.

I just wanted to post this so anyone wondering where I’ve been and why I’ve not felt like doing much in the creative line of things for months can now hopefully just understand.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts and messages over the past few months. Please don’t feel like you need to add anything or reach out because of this, but I just wanted folks to know why I’ve been so reclusive and empty for the better part of this year so far.

Take care of yourselves, and let your loved ones know you love them, every chance you get.

[bringthekaos]

On a more serious note i remember taking a screenshot of each time Viktor is like. *Looking* at the Hexcore and. Man. Stop looking at it as if its your wife or like your drug. Its scary. Please return to being normal. I can’t believe Jayce never noticed how concerning it was

I truly believe, had he not been forced into politics against his will, and was spending his usual amount of time in the lab, Jayce would have noticed. I feel like the “are you sure this is safe” line was even hinting at his worry about the risks Viktor was taking with the Hexcore.

I also think that whatever this influence is that the Hexcore is exuding onto Viktor (whether it’s the Void or not)… it’s sentient. It knows it needs to keep itself secret if it wants to continue to put its feelers in Viktor’s psyche, and as such, I feel like it started to manipulate Viktor’s behavior. Viktor already had a tendency to pull away from people when he was struggling (“he disappeared. He does that sometimes”), so it wouldn’t have been that much of a stretch for this habit to get worse without people around him noticing (especially in the wake of his terminal diagnosis—everyone has a different reaction to a terminal diagnosis, and sometimes solitude is one of them. Jayce may have wanted to respect that. And that’s a slippery slope, with no right answer—do you force yourself into someone’s personal life when they don’t want you there? Do you leave them alone, even when it’s clear they’re hurting and could use the support? I can understand how they end up in a sort of stalemate, because everyone is afraid of encroaching on boundaries.)

But the sad truth is that Viktor’s desperation to save himself is what drove him to these extreme measures, and even without the Hexcore’s influence, that desperation would still be there. The Hexcore was his hope, and I understand how hope—even when flawed—can be addicting. At that point, there would have been no going back to “being normal,” because either way he’d suffer. He truly is backed into a corner, and the inevitable snarling, gnashing, lashing-out rage at the injustice is yet to come, I think.

[moralpuppet]

@mayorspet 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐄𝐃 : " hey, Kiddo! What brings you.. here- "

A slight wave of concern, standing up from his desk at the Mayoral office.

" He's out, sorry if you needed something- otherwise, what's up? "

Leaning back against his desk, giving a friendly smile

✟ UNPOMPTED

The  man  at  the  desk  is  friendly  ,  in  good  spirits  ,  usually  so  would  Orel  be  as  he's  here  ;  he's  looking  for  his  father  so  there  is  only  a  smile  for  the  sake  of  courtesy  .  ❝  I  came  to  see  my  Da- ❞  𝐎𝐡  .  𝐇𝐞  𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐡𝐨𝐰  𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰  𝐡𝐞  𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝  𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞  𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝  𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐠𝐡𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲'𝐬  𝐟𝐢𝐫𝐬𝐭.  𝐕𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐲  𝐝𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠.

❝  It's  -  uh  -  family  stuff  .  I  guess  I  shouldn't  really  bother  him  even  if  he  was  at  work  ,  ...  or  drinking  .  ❞   Despite  the  boy's  chiper  tone  it  drops  off  at  the  end  in  a  slip  of  disappointment.  Grandpa's  condition  is  only  deteriorating  ,  Orel  at  least  thought  he  should  inform  his  father  on  it  considering  Clay  had  been  avoiding  both  Orel  and  Arthur  at  home  .  It  can  wait  until  he  gets  back  later  tonight  ,  or  in  the  early  hours  in  the  morning  .  Hold  on  Grandpa  .

For  now  he  forces  a  smile  and  says  a  little  . ❝  Thank  you  .  ❞ Before  turning  to  shuffle  out  of  the  door  once  more  .

[skaithis]

| Live for me | Cliso oneshot | VALORANT

🦋 pairing / ship : Clove x Iso 🦋 word count : 3,5k 🦋 tw : suicide attempt, suicide mention, death mention, terminal illness, primary character death 🦋 note : it's my first oneshot in the entire life. Not really sure if it's good enough, since english is my not first language, but I've tried my best. Let me know what you think!

“You should stop doing that, Clove.”

“Why? I don't understand why you don't believe in me, you saw it wasn't a coincidence, I've proven it more than once!”

“You’re not a superhero. Please stop, this is going too far. You don't even know how fleeting life is.”

“...duh. Shut yer gob.”

His words to them were like a cold bucket of water on a body warmed with enthusiasm and excitement. He didn't believe in them? Clove's been trying it a few times... and all because of this bizarre and still unexplained media incident.

That attack near the gym they went to… were they lucky or not? Clove didn't remember much, except the flash of the knife, the vague words echoing down the cramped, stuffy alley in which they were attacked. The man probably wanted money, or their belongings… the only memory that could awaken in Clove was a strange, sudden prick, when they saw again, with the eyes of imagination, a knife thrust into their body, the heat dissipated by an enormous amount of adrenaline... they felt not too much pain, just overwhelming fatigue. Or was there so much pain that the mind wanted to forget it, erase the traumatic struggle for life?

It was just a memory now. It's been a year and a half. No one could explain so many stab wounds that didn't hit any vital organ. None. Luck? Magic power? Destiny? Everyone says it differently. Clove didn't believe it until another accident happened over three months ago, with a lot of fatalities, and they came out with a few scratches and a broken arm. It was supposed to be a simple trip to another country; no one thought what would happen near the end of the trip...

These memories were horrible, painful; howling sirens, glaring lights, screaming echoing, ringing in their little aching head... every time they thought it was the end, they would never see Zhao Yu again, they would never go back to university, they would never laugh at bubble tea with friends, exchanging stories and gossip. And every time they were wrong, leaving the hospital building sooner or later.

It was no different now.

Maybe that's why Iso was so mad at them? Clove's mind didn't get much of his concern for them as they breathed in a bubble of abstract fantasy about their powers. More and more, with each passing day, they believed that it couldn't be a coincidence, that everything that happened to them couldn't have been random luck. And more and more insistently, Clove wanted to prove to him that it was worth believing.

A deep inhale and exhale escaped from their mouths as they gathered thoughts on how to respond to their beloved. But before they opened their mouths, Iso continued.

“Clove, one day your luck will run out. I don't want to lose you because you want to prove something to the world or to yourself. Or me. You know I won't be able to be with you all your life.”

“Eh, fuck up, okay? I don’t want to hear it, I don’t want to hear anything about it, not now,” Clove interrupted him immediately, feeling their heart trembling with fear, filled with thoughts that Zhao Yu is not destined to live as long as they are. ”...I wanted to have a good day, ya know.”

There was a clear definition of distress in his purple, flowery eyes; he felt as if he were slowly losing his beloved, and he could not grasp them, unable to follow them into the inevitable darkness that the Clove had chosen as their path. He was afraid; it was harder and harder for him to look into that charming, unpredictable head on which he kissed tenderly every day. Physical pain often took control over him, occupying his thoughts, robbing him of the happiness he had been striving for with Clove. Which made him think of the darkest questions and scenarios that forced him to reflect.

Will he ever be able to look into their minds again? Understand them, like he used to?

Will Clove want to be understood?

Zhao Yu grabbed their hands, gently drawing circles on their soft skin with his thumb; he always did so when he thought intensely, holding his beloved hand. It was the unconditional reflex that Clove had always seen, trying to guess his thoughts, to understand what was going on. But now it was quite different, Clove could not guess what was in the boy's mind; or rather, they were afraid to guess, so they chose to say nothing, think nothing. For their own good.

The journey home passed in a complete, dense silence, which irritated the nostrils, hurting their throats; it could be said that the lovers were suffocating in the atmosphere they had caused, which in time took on colors of sadness, sorrow. They were both asking themselves the same question.

Why can't my beloved see all of this the way I do?

Silence accompanied them, grabbing their throats until Iso pulled out the keys to the dorm room. Clove dared to speak, looking sadly at Iso, who with a stone face opened the door for them, waiting for them to enter first.

“But... you still love me the same, don’t you?”

A childish question evoked a cheerful smile on Zhao Yu’s face, which he hid, stealthily turning his head towards the room, following Clove inside. He disliked such questions; they were definitely a waste of time and thought. It wasn't worth worrying about, since the answer was always the same. But he also understood that Clove didn't quite know how to start a conversation.

He closed the door behind them, slowly making his way to the kitchen to boil water for tea for both of them. Their little ritual every time they walked into the house together. Only when everything was ready he turned around, hearing the quiet footsteps of his beloved behind him. His hand wandered to their cheek, stroking it; he said nothing, staring at those charming freckles, feeling the remnants of the anger he felt, running away from his body and mind into oblivion, and his muscles relaxed, trying to be as gentle as possible towards Clove.

“Tiánxīn, I will never stop loving you. Even as your life decisions are increasingly worrying me. I know you don't want to talk about this, but we have to do this.”

“Ya promise me that never really means never? Like… never-never ye?”  Clove asked quietly, hugging the beloved, leaning their cheek against his soft sweatshirt, listening to his heartbeat. It was restless. Iso was nervous about starting this conversation, but they had to go through this together. They both needed it. Without anger, without convincing oneself by force, and without running away from the subject. It took too long. They had to understand each other. For their sake.

“…It really means that,”  Iso replied without hesitation, hugging them in his iron embrace, allowing them to endure that sweet moment, and the silence around them was warm and safe.

“But say it, please?” they whimpered with puppy eyes, wanting to hear exactly what they said a moment ago, but from their beloved.

“...fine. Never-never,” sometimes Iso didn't see the point in trying to get the conversation back on track right away. The little mocking and little words they used were their love language, and he loved to tease Clove, pretending to forget about them.

There was a pile of papers on the table, perfectly arranged; Iso apparently put them there before picking up Clove from the hospital. It was hard for him to begin this conversation, but he calmed down, looking into the innocent, silver eyes of his beloved, wanting them to understand his point of view.

“Clove,” he started, putting the tea aside, grabbing one medical file after another, slowly leafing through them, page by page. “I know what happened a year and a half ago was a miracle. I never meant to call it like that but... from the beginning, I believed you were extraordinary. Every time you’ve had an accident, I became more and more sure of what I thought. But look,” he continued, carefully rolling up the sleeve of their shirt to show Clove the scar on their own freckled skin.” This was from three months ago, a bus accident on the highway. It wasn't your fault, of course... but it left you a scar for life. And now? Clove, you fell off the fucking balcony. I’ve read your hospital documents today, and I can't believe it was an accident, the way you so brilliantly described it to the doctors, so smart. I didn't want to start this in front of the hospital building, but it was called a miracle again. It's a miracle you're alive. And how many scars do you have from that? How many painful memories do you write on your skin this way? Every time I look at this, I feel like I'm losing you.”

Tears gathered in his eyes, Clove felt his hands were shaking. Iso was right. How many times have they pushed themselves into the embrace of death, which casted an icy glance at them, only to turn away at the last moment? Why would they think only of themselves to prove it to the world? Why didn't they think about the emotions of those close to her? Zhao Yu, their friends... they were everything to them. So why did they act like they had nothing to lose?

Was the answer his cruel illness, slowly taking his life? Clove did not want to be left alone, yet that future was inevitable for them, waiting for their journey together, one day they would end alone. 

It's only a matter of time.

Tears flowed down their cheeks, the world became blurred. They cried loudly, looking at the hospital papers piled up on the table in front of them. Could they have died that many times? This madness... it seemed like an unreal dream, as if all the visits and the pain and the fear were already dusty fiction that they read a few years ago without believing a word of it.

And yet all these thoughts were obscured by an icy fact that screamed all the time in the chaos of thoughts whirling around.

Iso is slowly dying.

“ ... You promised me we’d finish college together and adopt a cat! Adopt our little stupid Simba, ae?! Where is my behavior all of sudden selfish when you will just… just walk away to the other plane of existence or something whatever they have up there and leave me forever? Why is testing my gift an act of selfishness for you when you're gonna die?”

Clove didn't quite know how to collect the chaotic thoughts scattered all over their lost head. They felt like a lost child, waiting for a clue, a path to take. When they looked into Iso’s eyes, everything suddenly seemed terrifying. 

Zhao Yu knew that words should not be spoken now; silence and their tears were the most precious when he again held them tightly in his arms, wanting to remain with them forever, to protect them from the world, from their lost mind wandering for too long. Even if words could explain or justify anything, he had no idea what he could convey to them.

“I know you don’t want to lose me, my butterfly, but... you have to be aware that it will happen someday. My illness is progressing, and I'm sorry to tell you this, but... we can't avoid this subject anymore. Every day I'm happy to have the chance to wake up with you, to live with you... you don't know how I feel when I think I can lose that.”

Sorrowful, lavender eyes looked deep into Clove's soul, wanting to ease their pain; though this not something material, he felt he could get into their soul with a very tender gesture, word, healing its bleeding wounds slowly, bringing comfort. Clove nodded as an answer, unable to say even the smallest word for a long time.

“Me too... I don’t want to wake up without you... and yet it will happen. When? When, ya numpty? So selfish…” they muttered, but their beloved did not know the answer. The trembling hands clamped on the soft sweatshirt of his.

“I don’t know, tiánxīn.”

His words echoed through the dorm, and the only answer was silence. Iso grabbed their face, giving them one, tender kiss. They looked each other in the eyes again, resigned, tired of the actual fight. It was too much.

“Let’s live. For both of us” Iso smiled tenderly, and Clove had no choice but to nod. They were helpless children who were exposed to a cruel reality, left to fend for themselves. They couldn't waste those moments, those crumbs of life they had left.

Their lives went on; they went to university together in peace, they met with friends. The wounds healed with every morning, a warm smile full of happiness, raindrops streaming down the glass on cloudy days... a sip of sweet white tea, a gentle gesture of hands... every crumb of their life together was another step to the future they might have before them, which they timidly built. Month after month, Iso's health got worse, but Clove's support helped him continue his normal student life.

This last semester, the hospital was inevitable.

Clove had to survive their first day alone in the dorm, the whole world became gray and just blant. No melody… no view was the same. Everything seemed dead, withered. This is how they lived now, going to the hospital to visit Iso was harder with each passing day. This little bit of light that these visits gave them was a still smoldering hope that things would get better.

They promised each other they'd live. Right..?

Another month passed, and loneliness became one of Clove's parts. They went to classes, talked to people, and the pain had become… some kind of a habit.

The last class went by very quickly. As the Clove left the university building, only the moon and a few stars illuminated the world around them, and the sound of the wind dancing through the treetops broke the silence. The Clove did not want to be left alone with their thoughts, slowly accepting that they must leave the past behind. It was hard, but with small steps, and with the help of their beloved, they knew they could do it. Step by step they walked towards the dormitory, feeling that this incredibly short journey was going far too long. More and more people passed by until Clove realized there were far too many of them.

They looked around; there were a lot of people standing in front of the dorm building, looking up, pointing at something, taking pictures, recording. When they raised their head like the rest of the crowd, their heart stopped.

The girl standing in the window on the fifth floor. The wind blew away her hair, and she stood barefoot on the window sill, looking down. Clove took off their headphones, suddenly hearing the noise of screams and chaos around her.

“Do you think she’ll jump?”

“Someone call the police! Don’t stare at her, you idiots!”

“Help her!”

Has time slowed down? All the memories Clove had in their head suddenly went quiet. They entered the building without hesitation, rushing up the stairs, not feeling the slightest bit of fatigue, the breath was even, but the heart was beating like crazy. No thought barged in their mind, not even a shadow of doubt, when they saw the door, which must have led to the girl's room. 

They tugged the doorknob; closed. Despite their small body, Clove managed to kick the right spot to break the door and get inside. They themselves did not know they had so much strength; adrenaline allows for inexplicable things.

Immediately they felt a strong draft; an open balcony, whose doors opened and closed in turn, slamming the dancing white curtains.

The girl did not see Clove, and apparently because of stress and fear she did not pay attention to the noise; she leaned over, letting go of the balcony rails. 

Time was non-existent at this short moment, nothingless was around; Clove jumped on the balcony, grabbing the girl’s clothes with all their might, holding her tightly. Their tiny body couldn’t cope with the girl’s larger weight, so Clove stood leaning over the balcony, looking into the eyes of a frightened girl who seemed to snap out of her trance, realizing what was going on.

“Take my hand! Fuck, I beg ya!“

Clove's voice was filled with despair as they looked at the girl with tears in their eyes, and their strength slowly subsided, hands shook with effort, and their fingertips became whiter and whiter. The strength returned once more when the girl made a gesture to show that she still wanted to fight, she still wanted to live. She grabbed their hand tightly; now they both were hanging in a dangerous position, but Clove shrieked with the remnants of their forces, throwing the girl in, and… losing their balance.

Those moments were like a slideshow happening right in front of their eyes. They didn't even remember the girl's face, except for those frightened, gray eyes that begged for help.

Maybe that's why it happened? Would the Clove have come to their senses, valuing their lives over hers, if it weren't for this silent plea for rescue? Now it was too late to guess and wonder. The last sight they saw was a cloudless sky and pale stars before dark.They closed their eyes to see their loved one's smile in their memories for the last time. 

Everything will be okay.

“It’s not the first time they’ve been lucky. There were already a lot of incidents in their files, the media talked about it.”

“It was no longer luck in my opinion. It was stupidity and nothing more”

“But they are hero after all.”

The vague words reached Clove's head before they opened their eyes. They learned the quiet rhythm of the hospital apparatus, which they had heard many times before. They were alive. They did it again.

They couldn't even whisper a word or move. The white coats in front of them suggested the voices belonged to the doctors. As soon as they saw Clove awake, they immediately came closer to talk and ask some questions.

“Hello Clove, please tell me how you can hear us,” said the oldest of the doctors, measuring their pulse and examining their body reactions. “You're very lucky to be alive. The surgery went well and it looks like you're doing okay for now. Keep it up and maybe you'll get out of the hospital as quickly as before.“

“What... surgery...” Clove could barely whisper the words that frightened them. Trying to get up, they felt a huge pain in their chest. Doctors immediately stopped them from even trying to get up.

“You had multiple organ failure caused by a massive fall. It's a good thing you didn't fall directly on your skull, or we wouldn't have been able to save you.“

The silence that followed these words was overwhelming, breathtaking, mercilessly catching the throat and forcing tears. They survived. They miraculously survived. But someone gave their life for it.

“Whose... whose organs do I have?” they whispered, looking blankly into space until they saw a letter on a small table next to their bed. They stretched out their hand in silence, and tears flowed uncontrollably down their pale cheeks, as the first letters allowed them to see who the handwriting belonged to.

“Clove,

For a long time, I felt my time was coming. When they brought you to the hospital, I felt like this was the time to say goodbye. I've always feared I'd lose you, and I would never stand one second of my life knowing you were gone before me. My last act to leave with dignity and peace was to agree that you could carry my heart and live.

So live for the two of us. Finish college together, adopt the cat we've always dreamed of. Make our favorite tea every day and laugh, smile, because I've always loved to look at you when you were happy.

Just live for me.

Li Zhao Yu.“

***

That day was exceptionally sunny. White tea, freshly brewed, slowly cooled on the window sill, from which there was a magnificent view of the endless sea. Clove watched the waves crashing into the sandy shore, thoughtfully. The scars were barely visible; besides, they often dressed so that those memories could be seen; then they felt as if Zhao Yu was still with them. The meow of the cat, which demanded attention, awakened them from their thoughts

“Yeh, come on, Simba, give me five minutes and we’re going for a walk as I promised aye? Just… let me finish my tea. It’s my sacred ritual ya know that.“ 

They smiled at their pet, which ignored the owner’s words and continued to make a noise. Clove rolled their eyes, looking back at the setting sun, smiling.

“So… what are our next dreams, Iso?”

Thank you for reading!~

[loaflovesdoodling]

Part Three:

.....

"Sir, please calm down. Her condition seems to have stabilized, for now. However..."

Ades rushed into the hospital, before being stopped by a medic right in front of her room:

"WHAT??! WHAT'S WRONG?!!"

"After running a few tests, we have concluded she has contracted some sort of disease..."

"SO?! WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?!! She'll get better, right..?"

"I'm afraid to announce,"

"It's terminal."

Ades felt his heart drop; he stared blankly at the floor, eyes so wide they felt like they were going to fall out. He clenched his fists, shaking. Suddenly, every noise in that room was muffled, instead being replaced by an unsteady and loud heartbeat. It was as if the universe had slowed down.

"Sir!!"

"It must have been something of genetical origin, given the time of passing of the girl's legal guardians, and.... sir. Sir, are you okay?"

He snapped back to reality, trying so hard to push words out of his throat. Instead, muttering. You couldn't make out anything he said if you were there, either.

Eventually, he spat out:

"how long... does she have...?"

"About two years, if we keep her under constant surgery. The chances of survival are extremely low, but at least we can keep her alive for as long as possible."

"will she have to be bedridden for all this time...?"

"For the most part, yes, but we'll make sure she'll be able to have some days out of the structure."

"can I see her... please....?"

"You may."

He gently opened the door, and, surely enough, Dulciana was there, waiting, with a sad expression plastered on her face; her eyes slightly lit up upon seeing Pleiades:

"hiya, honey..."

"..."

He silently walked closer and closer, slowly lifting his mask over to his hair before falling to his knees right in front of her bed, trying hard not to sob or let out a single tear.

"hey, it's okay... I'm sorry for not knowing... maybe, if I did, I wouldn't have bothered to meet you that day, and now you didn't have to suffer so much..." she claimed, regretful.

Ades struggled to get up, but those words broke him. He couldn't hold back anymore.

He sat on the bed, right in front of her, tears now streaming down his face. He held his chest with his hands and used his paws, with claws now sticking out to grab her hands, and so he pulled her closer, before shouting:

please.... don't... leave me...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU SAYING??!! I WOULD BE NOTHING WITHOUT YOU, SO WHY??!! WHY WOULD YOU EVER THINK THAT??!!! MAY I BE FUCKING DAMNED, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO THIS MESS OF A MAN!!! SO, PLEASE...!!

not yet...."

his voice broke down, and he shook his head, turning to the ground, as he grasped for air, before exhaling out a painful cry, so desperate it would've shattered even the dullest heart in a million pieces.

"...it's going to be okay, Ades, I'll be here..."

[zairas-realm-gateway]

OFF ramblings: Batter's Purpose

Content warnings for discussion of canon and speculated canon content: violence, medical trauma, abuse, child neglect, terminal illness, child death.

This post is a basic layout of the general conversations I had with my sister when I showed her the game OFF recently. These are just our speculations, observations, and headcanons.

This post will discuss our deductions behind Batter's in game creation and his opposition to the other characters.

As we all know, Batter (in universe) is created at the start of the game. He has never before existed in the lonely, tormented world of the Zones before. My sister and I discussed why he never existed in the world before that point. We think we have deduced why from the information given in The Room level.

First, we have to note the importance of Batter, Hugo, and Queen. Hugo has manifested representations of his parents in his fucked up world. His father is Batter and his mother is Queen.

Now, my mother is chronically ill, so I've spent a lot of time in hospitals. So, when Batter enters a new location at the end of the hallway when you enter the Room level, my sister and i immediately recognized it as a hospital. It reminded us of many we've been in before and left us uneasy.

In the Room, Batter goes to the small room on the left. This room is returned to many times. It paints a painfully vivid picture:

There is a sick child (Hugo) in the hospital. Probably between the age of 10-17 because they can talk in complete sentences but are still referred to as "the boy". This child is terminally ill and immuno-compromised. You can tell when the note says that his father (Batter's human counterpart) says they can go outside tomorrow but that trip outside never comes. The notes say that his father comes regularly to play with him but he doesn't like his father and wants his mother instead but she never comes to pick him up or visit.

This tells me a lot. It says that Hugo's father (we'll keep calling him Batter) is cold but holds deep affection for Hugo. Based on Spectral Batter's personality, Human Batter probably has difficulty with emoting. Meaning he has trouble displaying and expressing emotion both physically and vocally. To a sick and distressed child, this would appear as if his father doesn't love him despite Batter visiting constantly and playing with Hugo.

This could explain why he wants his mother over his father. Affection and emotional support are needed for comfort when sick. It seems like Queen can probably express emotions in a way that would be comforting.

Or, she would, if she ever showed up.

It's speculated that Human Queen has a job that makes her a lot of money but forces her to work/travel a lot. Spectral Queen's later argument with Batter makes it clear that's she's pretty much phoning it in as a mom. The cadence of Queen and Batter's conversation is that of a divorced couple. If this is true, it sounds like Queen has primary custody but just is never around.

Batter is his most emotional during his argument with Queen right before their battle. He is still flat in dialogue tone but it is clear he is passionate about the subject. He accuses her of taking all the steps of being a mother with none of the emotion, care, or memory for who her actions are for (Hugo). Rather than defend herself, Queen just deflects until Batter gets angry.

To argue the point of Queen doing the right moves with none of the personal touch, I want to talk about the three guardians. It is said the Queen appointed them and I think this really happened.

My sister and I speculate that the three guardians represent the specialists that Queen hired for Hugo while she was away on business. Dedan is speculated to be a surgeon based on his temper and excessive need for total order and demand everyone be efficient at their job. Japhet being a bird, dove, and loving books is probably a priest. Enoch would be a private chef. These three were left with explicit orders to keep an eye on Hugo, which is why they're called his friends in the notes. This would also make them opposing forces to Hugo's father and the hard decisions he has to make. One of those decisions is massive and we believe it is what manifests Batter for the first time.

It's the decision to unplug his terminally ill child from life support.

Now, I see a lot of speculation that Hugo bases Batter on Ballman. But I think that Batter is a dual manifestation of Ballman and Boxxer. This would make Batter both the hero and the villain, hence the choice at the end of the game.

This is what brings Judge into the mix. We speculate that Judge is Human Hugo's high consciousness, the one aware of the pain and suffering of the world. Judge thought Batter was a savior but after Hugo's death, he calls Batter a monster. If Batter is both hero and villain, it makes sense that Judge trusted him to help but was unaware this is the action that would taken. He had no clue that this was the only solution that Batter could see.

If Judge is Hugo and Batter is Hugo's father, then the truth that his father is taking him off life support would paint his father as a monster. A villain that is murdering him.

Meanwhile, Hugo's father had to live with that truth and the reality that it is his duty to keep his child from suffering. And the end stages of terminal illnesses are only suffering.

I feel this is why Hugo takes the form of an infant. Because a child, no matter how old, is always their parent's baby...

[ofgreaterthings]

[ wakeema hollis, cis-woman, she/her ] Look who just landed! THALIA TURNER-SEWELL, I sure hope you packed all you need. Perhaps you’re not worried as A POLITICIAN for THE CITY OF NEW JAKARTA. The city has plenty of spots for a 36 year old HUMAN like you. You’ll be known in the city soon enough as THE SUN, being CHEERFUL and CUNNING. ( moth, 28, EST, removed for discretion )

THE BASICS

full name: thalia iris turner-sewell

nickname: tally, lia

date of birth: june 21st, 2369

gender: cisgender woman

pronouns: she/her

sexual orientation: bisexual (with female preference)

romantic orientation: biromantic

modification: human

affiliation: unaffiliated

birthplace: brooklyn, new york city, new york

current location: sora

occupation: politician

known languages: english (native), japanese (fluent), mandarin (fluent), indonesian (intermediate), thai (intermediate)

INSPIRATION

quote: "nothing can dim the light which shines from within"

label or archetype: the sun - a person who radiates positivity wherever they go

tropes: the sunshine character,

media parallels: mel medarda (arcane), tiana (the princess and the frog), cruella de vil (cruella), leia organa (star wars), miranda priestly (the devil wears prada)

theme song: here comes the sun - the beatles

PERSONALITY

positive traits: cheerful, eloquent, resourceful, confident

neutral traits: analytical, diplomatic, objective, decisive

negative traits: manipulative, smug, demanding, prideful

peeves: people talking about her behind her back, being reminded of her past, being wrong, dishonesty, betrayal

fears: losing her status as a politician, unruly crowds, earth's environment becoming unlivable, negative press

skills: debate, painting, strategic thinking, creative writing, mindfulness, emotional regulation, understanding mechanics, critical thinking, interpreting data, problem solving

goals: becoming a successful politician (achieved), improving the environment on earth, becoming a member of high society

APPEARANCE

faceclaim: wakeema hollis

height: 5’10” (178 cm)

eye color: brown

hair color: black

clothing style: always immaculately dressed for public appearances, usually consisting of a blazer or cardigan with a top underneath and trousers. footwear can be flats or heels depending on the occasion. for formal events she dresses in gowns, with a preference for knee length or longer style dresses. thalia’s outfits are accented with blue or yellow pieces.

jewelry: exclusively wears rose gold pieces. has her singles and doubles pierced, for her singles plain studs and for the doubles a small pair of diamond earrings, a plain band ring that she wears on her left ring finger, and a faux moonstone ring she wears on her right index finger. the plain studs double as surveillance cameras for her security(the camera feature is disabled when in the confines of her home), and the diamond studs have signal jamming properties, when activated they render any electronic device within a 300 foot distance temporarily useless. the plain earrings are occasionally swapped out for hoops that can emit an energy shield for up to 20 minutes. the plain ring also acts as a smoke machine, it can deploy smoke that dissipates after half an hour and the moonstone ring functions as a projector.

tattoos: a black and white lotus on the back of her right bicep

marks/scars: none

modifications: none

scent/fragrance: orange blossom, bergamot, and lemon

FAVOURITES

likes: reading, green and herbal teas, debates, the rooftop gardens, nature, hiking, beaches, sunny days, cooking meals for loved ones

dislikes: rainy days, unintelligent people, redundant (or rhetorical) questions, pollution, cold weather, snow, winter, betrayal, dishonesty

hobbies: painting, cooking, gardening, creative writing, historical research, volunteering, meditation, yoga, pilates, tennis, robotics, philosophy and ethics research

habits: tendency to be overdramatic, assumes others have bad intentions, talks with her hands, holds grudges, talks fast when excited, hums when bored, gossips about others

one cherished item: a real moonstone ring - the ring that her wife put on her finger on their wedding day

AESTHETICS

sight: blinding white, a radiant light

sound: birds chirping on a tree branch outside your window

taste: the tart bite of a ripe, juicy orange

touch: the warmth of sunlight on bare skin

thought: a new, completely blank journal - new beginnings

THE BACKSTORY

(death mention tw, terminal illness tw)

EARTH

thalia was born to a lower class family, where she witnessed her parents work several jobs for years in order to provide her with opportunities for a better future. her mother and father worked tirelessly to ensure that she could get into a private school, only the best for their daughter. one of her most cherished memories is her mother telling her "you're going to do great things, thalia." after one of her teachers commended her on creating an outstanding school project.

thalia considers that phrase to be her life motto; she heard it in her head when she first took an interest in politics, when she was accepted to her first choice university, when she won her first election. it shaped her into the driven, ambitious woman she is today. it reminds her that no matter how many times she fails, she will always get back up and try again. she was destined for greatness, it was written in the stars. so far, the stars hadn't steered her wrong yet.

these words were the last she heard from her mother, months after receiving a terminal prognosis. the disease had been caught too late, any treatment would only extend her life for a matter of months. despite how fate had turned, her mother never let her forget that she was capable of great things, she witnessed it with her very eyes. her mother's smiling face and her hand grasped in thalia's is the last memory she has of her mom, burned into her memory.

it was after her loss that she began looking into extraplanetary prospects, running into new jakarta as she was researching. she had heard the name before, something in her history books about the first settlement on an extraterrestrial planet. from what she could tell, the politics there were booming; the perfect opportunity for a young and upcoming politician. leaving her grief behind with her, she made the decision to move to new jakarta.

MARS

ten years after moving to mars, thalia is a known and established politician on the planet of mars. she's known for her activist views in regards to the relationship between the overseers and the gangs. she largely believes that so long as they limit their activities to petty crimes, the gangs should be left to their devices and the overseers should stay out of it. both before and after she moved she researched the political climate between the overseers and the gangs in new jakarta extensively.

after researching the gangs, reading every piece of information she could get her hands on, she came to the conclusion that from an economical perspective the gangs were too important to get rid of. they were largely what kept the slums from completely going bankrupt, at least in her opinion. they provided sora and mawar with products as well, just maybe less than legal ones. but some things thalia can turn a blind eye to.

thalia also focused her attentions on x academy and hextech, recognizing them as important elements in the economy of new jakarta. even with how new hextech was as a company, thalia could already recognize that this was going to be a game changer once it was available to the general public. furthermore, she could see how the technology could be implemented to benefit upper class society. she's especially interested to see how the politics surrounding hextech might come to be.

she also found herself being invited to high society events after a couple of years as a politician on mars. suddenly she was being invited to galas, art shows, film festivals, charity events. this was new to her, when on earth she sometimes received the odd invitation but now it was a regular occurrence. thalia found herself living a cushy, lofty life that she was only just beginning to grow accustomed to. know that she knew what she was missing out on, she certainly didn't want to lose it.

[the-expatriate]

((An absolutely massive thank you to everyone who's been so kind and understanding regarding the passing of the lady I look after on the 13th of this month.

Things just don't feel real and I'm absolutely heartbroken still. But I know she's no longer in pain.

8 and a half years of supporting someone is a long time, and it was an absolute privilege to have been part of her life and to make hers better while I could.

I do apologise for the lack of everything, I'm absolutely mentally exhausted so I'm gonna be putting things in the queue to go out over the next few days.

I'll be able to get to things at some point, but please bear with me. I promise I'm not ignoring anyone on here or on discord I'm just not in the best of places mentally.

Much love - Nat x))

[nvrlcnds]

So, as a lot of you know or might not know, I have been caring for my terminally ill mother for a long time. About a month ago, she was put in the hospital and it's the worst it has been. We think that this could be the end for her, as she is no longer being verbal or drinking water... I'm going to go see her today but despite thinking I was mentally prepared, we never actually are... I'm definitely going through it. Sorry for the small paragraph, but that's why I've been so MIA -- I love writing so much and have wanted to distract myself with it so much... but like I've been here but not really here mentally, you know?

[fairytailskies]

| if you’re hearing SAMURAI by LUPE FIASCO playing, you have to know ANDREAS KOSTIĆ (HE/HIM; CIS MALE) is near by! the THIRTY year old COOK AT THE 365 DINER has been in town for, like, ONE YEAR. they’re known to be quite TEMPERMENTAL, but being HARDWORKING seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble EMILIO SAKRAYA. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those DRIVING FAST WHILE BLASTING MUSIC LATE AT NIGHT, FRESHLY BREWED BLACK COFFEE, FIGHTING OUTSIDE OF BARS, STARRY NIGHTS vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around RIVERSIDE long enough!

tw: death tw, terminal illness mention tw

born in chicago, illinois, on one hot summer day in the month of june (06/13/1994).

from a young age andreas has always been intrigued by the culinary arts. if he wasn't outside playing with neighborhood kids, doing chores, or working on their cars with his father, andreas was inside watching his mother cook. he'd spend hours in his bed when he was supposed to be long asleep just watching cooking videos.

the moment he saw his first fast and furious movie, andreas fell in love with the need for speed. to this day, whenever he drives, it's like the guy has a lead foot, andreas is not shy about testing the speed limits. he's gotten tickets over it, but he just can't help it sometimes.

one negative trait he inherited from his father was the old man's temper. unfortunately, both of the kodtić men have terribly short fuses that tend to go off pretty easily. his temper caused andreas to get into a lot of fights in high school, which caused him to get suspended a lot of the time from school. he grew a reputation for being a troublemaker in school even though most of the fights he got into were either to defend something getting bullied or defend himself.

during his senior year of high school, his father passed due to a terminal illness. because of this his mom had to tap into the college fund they had set up for andreas to help pay for both medical and funeral expenses. even though he understood why the money had to be used, he was frustrated. the frustration was shared between his dream and his father dying.

up until a year ago, when he moved to hemlock springs, andreas was working as a mechanic and helping his mom pay the bills. he moved away because things got a little messy between himself and a guy in a gang who was in the upper ranks. he didn't want them to find out where his mom lived, andreas would never forgive himself if something happened to her because of him.

he has found a home in the 365 diner family, and he's happy he gets to do what he loves. his temper is still something he's working on, as it still gets him into trouble from time to time, but for the most part he tries to live a relatively lowkey life.

wanted connections

neighbors: open

co-workers: open

favorite customer: open

party buddies: open

gym buddies: open

smoking buddies: open

fwbs/flings: open

sibling like friendship: open OPEN TO LOTS OF STUFF :D

[wetcatspellcaster]

This is probably a huge reach but is there any possible mention of Hemlock in Honest Lie?

probs not and if so nothing more than a cameo - she wouldn't really add anything to the plot as she'd just be a terminally ill academic.

[shiloh-the-pokemon]

ENTER PASSWORD: whatsswaggin

PASSWORD ACCEPTED

LOADING VIDEO WITH PASSPHRASE: whatsswaggin

...

[A video recording.

The same older man from the first video is seen leaning back at his desk. Outside chatter can be heard, though it is impossible to make out.

He clears his throat, "Log 00. We have our first participant of Project Dart. Shiloh Rainier has been diagnosed with a terminal illness about a month prior to this recording. Medical details are available in their file. They have not been given the full details of the procedure, but they have agreed to try anything that is" He puts up airquotes, "not some sort of fucked up medieval torture."

He leans back and sighs, "Mx. Rainier has expressed a great, shall we say, melancholy at their diagnosis. They say they will go down," He puts up airquotes once again, "kicking, screaming, and maybe even biting."

"I really hope to help them. They are a good person, a little strange, but good."

The video ends.]

...

...

...

what the fuck was that. i dont know this guy. and he said i have a terminal illness???? i dont remember being diagnosed with that??? i was going to die??? am i still going to die??? fuck. i need to punch something. and scream. and cry. and punch something again. fuck

[moralpuppet]

In your main verse, how do you envision Orel growing up? His family, his beliefs, stuff like that?

In your main verse, how do you envision Orel growing up? His family, his beliefs, stuff like that?

Okay so if I had to give some key notes this is going to be long and rambly, and feature talk of depression , death , terminal illness so please be careful going through ... starting from the end of the episode honor here you go ....

OFFICIALLY UNRELEASED CONTENT / END OF THE SHOW

talking about Grandpa Puppington / goth Orel / I mention terminal illness and death here so please skip over if needed !

Orel by the end of the show is 13 . It's not ever OFFICIALLY announced but we know from season 1 his birthday is after Halloween and before Christmas . He never fully recovers from being shot and as they said in the last episode he continues to limp even in deleted scripts that follow episodes that never made it because of the shows cancellation .

We know that in unreleased scripts he loses his grandfather on Easter after Clay basically condemns Orel's Grandpa to Orel's bed as a death bed when Arthur Puppington ( Orel's Grandpa ) comes to Clay seeking reconciliation as he is terminal .

Orel comes home to Arthur every night and tells him about his day , getting a new perspective on lessons , as we know , Orel usually mistakenly gets wrong/misguided by . Arthur is essentially a grounding perspective and helps Orel become a little more wary of what he trusts .

Orel at this time seems , at least in the scripts , to have not forgiven Clay but he's still caring about Clay , at least still showing that he has some respect and generally loves him as his father still . He prays to God for Clay and Arthur to reconcile in hopes that it would stop Clay from "getting any sadder " I quote he says " he can't afford to get any sadder " . Of course that never happens and they never reconcile .

After Orel loses Arthur , he becomes a Christian Goth for a while sort of not denouncing his faith but not fully committing to it either. He is essentially lost and he's in this state of grief for a few weeks until Reverend Putty can't stand seeing him like this anymore and snaps him out of it .

That's it for unreleased stuff really ... Here's where headcannons come into it .

HEADCANNONED STUFF !

Relationship to faith after Goth Orel tm ! Found family

Things don't necessarily go back to normal but Orel is now finding that returning back to focusing on his faith is actually helping him with the grief and loss . As my good friends @ rvrend and @ dollene have built up he comes to Reverend Putty more and more , finding that the good reverend is more like a father figure to him than Clay but not quite making that leap because of the views he was raised on that he must honour his biological father . Noellene too is far more motherly than Bloberta . She is more emotional unlike the emotionally withdrawn Bloberta .

Orel also is a far better brother to Shapey and Block , teaching them to do stop motion animation too and helping them get schooling by teaching them at home so they could enroll in a public school .

FAMILY / CHRISTINA AND DOUGHY

Eventually , in his late teens to early adulthood ,Orel finds an interest in architecture of religious buildings , something he could sculpt out of clay and design in other ways like he used in his stop-motion videos / my friend scribbs actually suggested this one . And of course all the while he and Christina are still very much sweethearts.

His relationship to Clay and Bloberta become estranged but he still invites them to important gatherings, probably had to kick Clay out of his and Christina's family home for being a violent drunk a few times . Clay and Bloberta are still stuck together ! Block and Shapey become a fireman and a police officer ! Orel and Christina of course get married and have a family of their own like in cannon.

Lastly , I will say Doughy , Orel always wanted to stay in touch and still be his best friend but I quite like the fan headcannon by the fandom that Doughy is incredibly jealous of Christina due to actually having a crush on Orel since childhood and maybe sadly he pushes Orel away .

Orel always keeps his faith .

OKAY so that was a lot but if you ever want to ask any more questions or for me to elaborate on anything let me know !

[aphrodites-clownery]

Something I think is interesting is use of gore in media, especially in video games. Now I don’t like gore. I think its icky yucky nasty nausea inducing. But I can appreciate it when its used well or to accentuate a point.

Take for instance the video game Hyper Light Drifter. The world you exist within is full of trauma and death and societal upheaval, and you are a part of it. As you pass through the world there are corpses littered everywhere, in all varieties of awful ways. (Why is nobody cleaning these up jesus christ)

But its all to accentuate that everything in this world is dying, and that you, the player character, the drifter, are dying. Your dying from that beast made of black tendrils, the thing causing you to cough up blood all the time. And by raising the pillars and finding the triangle things, you aren’t ending this. Your just chasing after some glimmer of hope for yourself in this world full of death.

[sigilsongs-a]

ooc. a serious question. i need help here, i have always held with the belief that i don't use deceased actors (with small exceptions, such as sir christopher lee as saurman) — however, i have been toying with this idea for so many years. there is an actor i adored (and still do) — andy whitfield — who sadly passed of a terminal illness some years ago shortly after completing what would become his most iconic role; he assisted in casting his replacement, he championed the show, and the show/everyone involved championed him in return, he even had a documentary made to showcase his life and journey, though not many outside of australia (me!) and areas of the uk (he was aussie-welsh) followed this story, i cannot understate how much of a literal champion this man became on and off screen. i have always wanted to use him as a FC, i want to honour his performance and dedication to his craft, and i personally have come to believe that there is nothing malicious about doing this ... however, i also understand that people can have mixed feelings about this topic. so, i put it to you — would this be a deal-breaker? would this make you not want to follow me?

please feel free to drop a comment to further explain your thoughts or suggestions! EDIT. i can't edit the poll, but maybe drop an emoji of any sort for an option — i wouldn't unfollow, but request tagging his fc & threads.