#aitah polls

[aita-polls]

y’know what…. yeah. hell yeah

[aita-polls]

AITA for dating my friend's ex even though she doesn't want me to? (It's an EX, things ended between them over an year ago)

[little-draculove]

AITA: interrupted my cat's movie night, and she's now threatening to chew on my hoodie.

my cat, (4F) was happily lazing on the couch watching her 'tom & jerry' that i had left on for her to watch, as i worked on an essay. about an hour into her movie night, i sneezed.

she sat up, glared and then angrily huffed at me. she then moved to sit on the backrest of my couch, and is now constantly trying to chew on the strings of my hoodie.

if i stop her, she pretends like she was just stretching, and just stares at the TV until i look away. when i do, she tries to chew on my hoodie again.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I found this blog through a reblog and decided I’d poll Tumblr whether I’m the asshole. And the reason I’m concerned is because my mother (53 f) doesn’t think I’m the asshole, and that’s a bit of a red flag.

My sister (22 f) was home from college for break. She was to be traveling out of state to visit her boyfriend (23 m). Meaning, she was going to be flying in the continental US. As such, she needed a 1 qt, clear, plastic bag for her travel liquids. My family has several durable and clear plastic bags (as opposed to ziplocks) for this very purpose.

But rather than use one of these empty bags, she emptied my care bag.

This bag is fairly small. It usually holds my acne medication, including topical creams, tablets, prescribed moisturizer, etc… in travel sizes for me to take with me to work. I also include my migraine meds and lactose pills in this bag, among other things. And it fits perfectly within my backpack’s side pocket (which is why I bought it).

I noticed immediately that she had taken it as she had just dumped the contents all over my bathroom counter. So, I called her and told her that she needed to return it to me (at the time, she was only an hour away and her flight wasn’t for another week). She tried to play it off at first. “What bag?” Then she tried to reason that it wasn’t a big deal. Then she told me she didn’t want to make her bf drive an hour to return the bag to me as it’d put them an hour back in their drive, so I should just let it go.

And the reasonable part of me thinks… maybe I should? Maybe I should just go out and buy a new bag? Like… it’s annoying that she took it without asking and dumped everything out of it. It’s annoying that the bag doesn’t even meet TSA requirements as she claimed (it’s black and not completely clear). It’s annoying that I had asked her if she needed me to get her anything up for her night before and that rather than ask for help, she took something. And it’s annoying that she didn’t use the clear bags provided to her by our mother.

But the thing is… it’s not just the bag. This happens with all my stuff. It got so bad when I was a teen that my father put locks on all my drawers and doors that only I had keys to (my parents did have a spare set in the event I lost mine that they— ironically— “lost”).

EX: I have a pair of Levi jeans that I bought with a gift card from my grandparents. Levi’s are— well— expensive. Earlier last year, before she went back to school after break, I noticed they were missing. I called her and told her I was angry about this. She insisted I was “insane” and that she would never take them and that I likely misplaced them or lost them (I do have memory problems, combo of ADHD and whatever causes my migraines). My father helped me look for them. He even looked through her stuff. They *were not* in the house. But 5 months later after she came home from college, I found them under my bed (they were not previously under my bed). “See, I told you that you lost them.”

So, I told her that she needed to find a way to return the bag to me and that under no circumstances was she allowed to leave the state with it (if she did, there wasn’t much I would’ve or could’ve done about it, so I was hoping this ultimatum would work). And I said that if she didn’t return it, I would tell our mom about all the unused, unopened pregnancy tests she was stocking and hiding in her room (found when I went looking for spoons as she hides my mother’s spoons after using them). She told me “You’re insane. It’s just a bag,” but she did mail it back to me and I got it in time for work that Monday.

My mother says I was justified in demanding it back (she doesn’t know about the unused tests), but she is often petty and demanding and blows up or snaps at the smallest things. So, I am concerned that I made a big deal of nothing or that I took it too far.

AITAH? ESH?

What are these acronyms?

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[tumblr]: Your feelings are valid! It's okay to speak up when your loved ones ignore your wishes and disappoint you.

The AITAH cake post/poll

Also [tumblr]: Unless you're a man.

[bacchicly]

I have found tumblr aitah #unreality polls... And I can't decide if I love them (guilty) or hate them (pleasure).

Either way... I am voting but not yet up to reblogging.

Oh the shame!

[messypenguin]

For not being aware that a guy liked me then proceeding to ask me out

(Softly & firmly rejected the guy)

That's its my fault that our 3 to 4 short talks about college made him gain a crush on me. Thus, I have to take responsibility and check my behavior?

It wasn't even the guy who asked me out who said this, but a friend.

[aita-polls]

AITA for refusing to stop my pet roaches from sleeping in my roomates socks?

So me and my roomate (let’s call her D) recently got in a bit of a fight over my pet roaches and their nap spots, I recently moved in with D and her little brother (L) and I brought my large multitude of pet roaches with me. At first the roaches were home sick having moved so suddenly however they finally warmed up to the place and had found their favorite beds. The problem being that their favorite beds were D’s socks, she informed me about them sleeping in her socks and asking me to tell them to stop. The thing is, I love my roach babies, I wasn’t gonna deny them the joy of a good nap, besides D always wears fuzzy socks that seem really comfy so I understand my roach babies. 

Anyway, AITA?

TLDR: they are comfy socks your honor

[aita-polls]

wibta?

My friend is writing and posting a fic on ao3. They requested irl friends not read it (I am an irl friend) but I want to show them support with their fic (it isn't super popular and they get really excited about kudos and comments) wibta if I secretly read and commented on it? (New account, never tell them IRL it was me)

[aita-polls]

aita for still liking the sandman comics?

I (18f) got into the sandman comics at a very dark time in my life. I was unable to leave my bed due to paralyzing anxiety, I thought everything was an omen of my impending doom and I was convinced this was how I was going to die. I couldn't even go into the kitchen in my own home without almost fainting. My mind was a mess of repetitive and inescapable thoughts of horrific events playing out in my mind at all times. My father suggested I read comic books as a way to get my mind off of everything. They are easily accessible online, and I wouldn't have to go out and buy any physical copies. I am an artist, I am planning a major in art, and I was instantly drawn to the sandman comics for their unique visual style. The whimsical and dreamlike first volume got me hooked, it was a perfect escape from my mental state. I was introduced to sandman's depiction of death and something changed in me. She was friendly and kind, she took all of the souls with care. As someone who thought she was literally about to die, this comforted me and I grew incredibly attached to her. I even read sandman while I was waiting in the ER to be assessed for unrelated horrible back pain.

I was never privy to who Neil gaiman was as a person. I had no idea what he was like, I never sought out interviews to learn more about him, he was just letters on the cover of a book to me. The only other book I had read by him was Coraline. I was essentially oblivious to what he looked like and what his beliefs were until the big break last summer with the frankly nightmare inducing situations he put all those women through.

There is a lot of nuance to me about separating the art from the artist. On one hand, there are cases in which it is nearly impossible due to how prevalently the authors own beliefs or themselves feature in their art, especially if the art is autobiographical. On the other hand, there is art that is so far removed from the artist as a person where it is easier.

I have been told that the character morphius is very similar to how neil wanted himself to be depicted, but as I mentioned earlier I knew almost nothing about him going into sandman and I don't have that association. I never monetarily supported him, my Coraline copy was a gift, and I read all of his comics online for free through PDFs. This is where the cognitive dissonance really starts hitting for me. He's still alive unlike authors like Lovecraft. I know this is an incredibly selfish thing to worry about considering what he did to the women who survived him. I'm really sorry in advance.

[aita-polls]

I (22m) had two friends (19??nb, 23m) but I lost them both due to behavior that one might say is well within my control but in my personal experience is very much not.

I have a habit of oversharing, especially when it comes to my negative emotions, which I have a lot of. It's not really something I can stop easily, it's like throwing up. No matter how much I try to keep it down it always happens anyway.

The two mentioned friendships ended because the mentioned habit eventually made them dread talking to me. I realize that constantly dumping my problems on people hurts them, but I genuinely don't know how to stop myself.

Was I the asshole...? Would I be the asshole if I went looking for new friends, since no matter how hard I try to repress the urge to talk, I can't stop myself?

I honestly feel like the asshole just for existing, because no matter how hard I try to I don't improve as a person and it's incredibly demotivating and painful.

[aita-polls]

AITA for repeatedly feeling angry at my boyfriend?

Context:

I have some mental problems that stem from trauma revolving abandonment and suddenly being ignored, me and my boyfriend have had multiple conversations on his tendency to randomly fall asleep around 8-10 pm at night, and I've come to expect it now. The issue is I never get a goodnight, warning, or even acknowledgement that this is triggering for me. Besides this, he's a good boyfriend so I refuse to leave him.

I don't say anything because whenever I do, I end up triggering myself and it isn't good for his mental sake to handle me in that state, I'm just getting really pissed off. I also have issues with insomnia, so I'm often left alone for hours on end.

I'm also fairly certain he turns off his phone, because theres no read receipts when he falls asleep, which only upsets me more, because then I get no warning he's tired. I'm getting so sick of it, because it's extremely upsetting, and I've told him numerous times to tell me when he's tired, but he keeps insisting he isn't and just falls alseep randomly. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

AITA for being so angry over this?

[aita-polls]

WIBTA if I told someone that I don't think they should be an officer of the pride club?

I (FTM) graduated high school this year and moved away, although I stayed in touch electronically with many of my old peers. I and many of my friends were queer and part of the school pride club, including "A" (NB). (Some backstory: A and I were good friends years ago, but we drifted apart with time, and now I only consider them an acquaintance.) We are all in the pride club Discord - normally, alumni/graduated members of the Discord have to leave it, but I was permitted to stay in it because of special circumstances (unrelated to the move).

A is one grade below me, and is now in 12th grade. This school year, they are an officer in the pride club, and have been for a few months now. I am proud of them for the achievement, but also worried; I don't believe they're a good pick to hold a position of authority in a club, especially pride club.

Last year, the topic of pronouns in Discord bios briefly came up in discussion. A was very insistent that you absolutely should have your pronouns there, going as far as to brand it anti-trans if you put something else in the space designated for pronouns. I pointed out how we had multiple very much trans-friendly classmates who had put some silly joke in there. They responded "and what if I don't like that?" I didn't really know how to tell them that it wasn't their business to tell other people what to put on their profiles. Some time later, in a different, non-school-affiliated server, A also directly pinged someone they had never met to tell them to put their pronouns in their bio instead of whatever joke they had in there, under the guise of it being offensive. Suffice to say, I consider A overly sensitive and chronically online.

Additionally, while this has nothing to do with queer discourse, some mod revoked my access to sensitive channels (like the venting channel) in the Discord, and while I never found out who exactly it was, I suspect it was A, as they mentioned that the mod team did it on the grounds of "not wanting alumni in sensitive channels"... despite the fact that I had been using the venting channel just the day before. I was also not in any way given a heads-up before this happened. While I got my access back soon after, I found out later that the decision was made by one specific mod, just not who, and I still suspect A. I may be overreacting, but this seemed to me like an unwarranted overreach of power by an officer/mod.

All this to say, I think A is chronically online concerning queerness and prone to being somewhat controlling, particularly when it comes to mod power. I don't trust them to lead rational, non-biased discussions, especially with school staff, and I don't think they should be an officer for pride club. I have noticed behavior like this for a while, so I feel bad about not having brought it up sooner - however, I might also be taking this too far, and my personal issues with A may not be grounds to tell them that I think they are a bad fit for their position. So, WIBTA if I told A that I think they shouldn't be an officer at pride club because they're very sensitive and pretty online?

[aita-polls]

Am I The Asshole for telling someone that their autism doesn't make them stupid?

Bad title, I know I know, hear me out, yeah?

So I (22 F) was living with my now ex girlfriend at the time (25 F). We're poor college students, I had a job, she had SSI and food stamps.

This was during Covid lockdowns. I'm high risk due to a shitty immune system and asthma. I also have anxiety and a tendency to catastrophize. My ex, due to comorbidities, was high risk for a ton of reasons. I don't want to list her entire medical history but what's relevant to this scenario is that she's autistic, and has some memory issues. She's also very particular about food safety. Due to reasons I handled our finances, and about 80% of the household chores, including all the cooking.

So the night in question, I asked her if she could set some chicken out to dethaw before bed so we could have it the next day. I texted her the instructions:

"Take 4 pieces of chicken out of the large bag in the freezer. Place in a Ziploc bag and seal it. Then set that bag in a tupperware dish and place it on the bottom shelf of the fridge."

She agreed and said that was easy enough.

The next day. I found our entire 15 lbs bag of chicken sitting in a popcorn bowl filled with lukewarm water that had been there for 10 hours. Some of the chicken wasn't even below the waterline. Obviously no longer safe to eat.

I admit, I got really upset. I was tired, and our entire source of protein for the next two weeks was wasted and we couldn't afford more. I was burnt out from studying full time with a part time job and doing 80% of chores, and I trusted her with this one little thing. This led to an argument between us, she claimed that I know I need to give her detailed instructions because she's "autistic and stupid."

Which of course I just got madder. I don't remember my exact words but it was something along the lines of "autism doesn't make you stupid, I know you're smarter than this, what's going on?"

She continued to double down saying she just didn't know how to cook, my instructions weren't clear, I'm being ableist and then she stormed out. She then used all of her money left that was supposed to go to her pain meds to buy more chicken, then spent two weeks in pain because no meds.

We didn't stay together long after this. But it does still bother me, was I being ableist? Should I have been more understanding, or just done it myself?

[aita-polls]

AITAH for telling my ex's mom I didn't marry her son because they were 'trashy' and 'poor'?

I (25f) come from an upper-middle-class Indian family. In our community, class and status matter a lot, and not marrying into your class or up often means you get disowned. I know it's regressive, but I have never dated anyone without telling them first hand and I have always known what background they came from so that I wouldn't get shamed in our community and neither would my parents. It's a norm, and one of the few I follow, because I can't put any more stress into my elderly parent's lives.

My ex and I broke up last year. We both studied in the same Uni abroad for our Master's and both of us stayed behind in the country. Being from the same community, we bonded over both of us speaking our mother tongue. I told him, the moment he asked me out, that I date to marry, and I would never marry someone my parents wouldn't approve of. I don't care if I sound conservative, I won't. They work very hard to give me a life of privilege and I won't make it hard for them. He reassured me of his family background and the idiot I was trusted him and didn't check. We lived separately anyway, and he was on scholarships and jobs like many of our friends, so I never bothered thinking otherwise. A year into dating he proposes marriage. I told him I wouldn't marry without travelling first. Plus I was thinking of going back to school for a second degree. Then he gaslights me on how I can live my life being married and doing all these things. My friends back home, to whom I told all this, ran a background check, and because we were from the same city, his lies came out.

Truthfully, he came from a family I could never marry into. Not only that, even though my family's conditions were to marry within our economic class, no matter what race or caste, his family came from a place where the veil for women (purdah), not working, and horrible living conditions were prevalent. He lied about his parents being government workers, only one of them had a high school diploma, and in India, it is considered a very bad thing. I confronted him, and we had a massive fight. He told me he would never even look in his family's direction again if I married him, and I was disgusted. I broke up with him, and he harassed me for months. He only stopped when my cousin went to his flat to talk to him, and I don't know what they talked about, but he stopped calling and texting me.

Only, yesterday I got a call from his mother (I'm back in India to celebrate festivals with my family), and she started to cry and tell me that her son blames them for me leaving him. I asked her where she got my number from and she said that he gave it to her. I was pissed, so I asked her to leave me alone, and she started to scream at me and call me names and asked me why wasn't her son enough, and why was marrying into a poor family so bad. So I told her that both she and her son were trashy and I wasn't going to suffer them, that them being poor was not my fault, and to never contact me again. She cried and cursed me.

I don't know, I feel bad, because maybe my ex hurt his mother and she was just mad and took it out on me. AITAH?

[aita-polls]

Plain text under the cut

AITA for suggesting we celebrate my friends birthday 3 days early?

Im not either of the people in this situation, l'm trying to make a point towards this argument. TW for mentions of drinking.

My friend is turning 21 (we'll call her A) soon and wanted to go out to celebrate her birthday at a popular Mexican restaurant/bar nearby. Among the group of people going, most of us are already above legal drinking age. A invited about 5 people to go, this includes B. B is already over the drinking age. B started inviting her own friends to come along too before asking A. A was annoyed but went along with it.

Then B started telling everyone invited that the celebration would be on

Margarita Monday's so that drinks would be half off. A pointed out that she didn't want this because it wouldn't be her birthday yet and she would not be 21. B offered to get her Twisted Teas to pregame instead. To which A said that the whole reason she wanted to go was so she could get margaritas on her birthday.