#aitah polls

[aita-polls]

AITA for dating my friend's ex even though she doesn't want me to? (It's an EX, things ended between them over an year ago)

[messypenguin]

For not being aware that a guy liked me then proceeding to ask me out

(Softly & firmly rejected the guy)

That's its my fault that our 3 to 4 short talks about college made him gain a crush on me. Thus, I have to take responsibility and check my behavior?

It wasn't even the guy who asked me out who said this, but a friend.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I found this blog through a reblog and decided I’d poll Tumblr whether I’m the asshole. And the reason I’m concerned is because my mother (53 f) doesn’t think I’m the asshole, and that’s a bit of a red flag.

My sister (22 f) was home from college for break. She was to be traveling out of state to visit her boyfriend (23 m). Meaning, she was going to be flying in the continental US. As such, she needed a 1 qt, clear, plastic bag for her travel liquids. My family has several durable and clear plastic bags (as opposed to ziplocks) for this very purpose.

But rather than use one of these empty bags, she emptied my care bag.

This bag is fairly small. It usually holds my acne medication, including topical creams, tablets, prescribed moisturizer, etc… in travel sizes for me to take with me to work. I also include my migraine meds and lactose pills in this bag, among other things. And it fits perfectly within my backpack’s side pocket (which is why I bought it).

I noticed immediately that she had taken it as she had just dumped the contents all over my bathroom counter. So, I called her and told her that she needed to return it to me (at the time, she was only an hour away and her flight wasn’t for another week). She tried to play it off at first. “What bag?” Then she tried to reason that it wasn’t a big deal. Then she told me she didn’t want to make her bf drive an hour to return the bag to me as it’d put them an hour back in their drive, so I should just let it go.

And the reasonable part of me thinks… maybe I should? Maybe I should just go out and buy a new bag? Like… it’s annoying that she took it without asking and dumped everything out of it. It’s annoying that the bag doesn’t even meet TSA requirements as she claimed (it’s black and not completely clear). It’s annoying that I had asked her if she needed me to get her anything up for her night before and that rather than ask for help, she took something. And it’s annoying that she didn’t use the clear bags provided to her by our mother.

But the thing is… it’s not just the bag. This happens with all my stuff. It got so bad when I was a teen that my father put locks on all my drawers and doors that only I had keys to (my parents did have a spare set in the event I lost mine that they— ironically— “lost”).

EX: I have a pair of Levi jeans that I bought with a gift card from my grandparents. Levi’s are— well— expensive. Earlier last year, before she went back to school after break, I noticed they were missing. I called her and told her I was angry about this. She insisted I was “insane” and that she would never take them and that I likely misplaced them or lost them (I do have memory problems, combo of ADHD and whatever causes my migraines). My father helped me look for them. He even looked through her stuff. They *were not* in the house. But 5 months later after she came home from college, I found them under my bed (they were not previously under my bed). “See, I told you that you lost them.”

So, I told her that she needed to find a way to return the bag to me and that under no circumstances was she allowed to leave the state with it (if she did, there wasn’t much I would’ve or could’ve done about it, so I was hoping this ultimatum would work). And I said that if she didn’t return it, I would tell our mom about all the unused, unopened pregnancy tests she was stocking and hiding in her room (found when I went looking for spoons as she hides my mother’s spoons after using them). She told me “You’re insane. It’s just a bag,” but she did mail it back to me and I got it in time for work that Monday.

My mother says I was justified in demanding it back (she doesn’t know about the unused tests), but she is often petty and demanding and blows up or snaps at the smallest things. So, I am concerned that I made a big deal of nothing or that I took it too far.

AITAH? ESH?

What are these acronyms?

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[tumblr]: Your feelings are valid! It's okay to speak up when your loved ones ignore your wishes and disappoint you.

The AITAH cake post/poll

Also [tumblr]: Unless you're a man.

[bacchicly]

I have found tumblr aitah #unreality polls... And I can't decide if I love them (guilty) or hate them (pleasure).

Either way... I am voting but not yet up to reblogging.

Oh the shame!

[aita-polls]

AITA for repeatedly feeling angry at my boyfriend?

Context:

I have some mental problems that stem from trauma revolving abandonment and suddenly being ignored, me and my boyfriend have had multiple conversations on his tendency to randomly fall asleep around 8-10 pm at night, and I've come to expect it now. The issue is I never get a goodnight, warning, or even acknowledgement that this is triggering for me. Besides this, he's a good boyfriend so I refuse to leave him.

I don't say anything because whenever I do, I end up triggering myself and it isn't good for his mental sake to handle me in that state, I'm just getting really pissed off. I also have issues with insomnia, so I'm often left alone for hours on end.

I'm also fairly certain he turns off his phone, because theres no read receipts when he falls asleep, which only upsets me more, because then I get no warning he's tired. I'm getting so sick of it, because it's extremely upsetting, and I've told him numerous times to tell me when he's tired, but he keeps insisting he isn't and just falls alseep randomly. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

AITA for being so angry over this?

[aita-polls]

Am I The Asshole for telling someone that their autism doesn't make them stupid?

Bad title, I know I know, hear me out, yeah?

So I (22 F) was living with my now ex girlfriend at the time (25 F). We're poor college students, I had a job, she had SSI and food stamps.

This was during Covid lockdowns. I'm high risk due to a shitty immune system and asthma. I also have anxiety and a tendency to catastrophize. My ex, due to comorbidities, was high risk for a ton of reasons. I don't want to list her entire medical history but what's relevant to this scenario is that she's autistic, and has some memory issues. She's also very particular about food safety. Due to reasons I handled our finances, and about 80% of the household chores, including all the cooking.

So the night in question, I asked her if she could set some chicken out to dethaw before bed so we could have it the next day. I texted her the instructions:

"Take 4 pieces of chicken out of the large bag in the freezer. Place in a Ziploc bag and seal it. Then set that bag in a tupperware dish and place it on the bottom shelf of the fridge."

She agreed and said that was easy enough.

The next day. I found our entire 15 lbs bag of chicken sitting in a popcorn bowl filled with lukewarm water that had been there for 10 hours. Some of the chicken wasn't even below the waterline. Obviously no longer safe to eat.

I admit, I got really upset. I was tired, and our entire source of protein for the next two weeks was wasted and we couldn't afford more. I was burnt out from studying full time with a part time job and doing 80% of chores, and I trusted her with this one little thing. This led to an argument between us, she claimed that I know I need to give her detailed instructions because she's "autistic and stupid."

Which of course I just got madder. I don't remember my exact words but it was something along the lines of "autism doesn't make you stupid, I know you're smarter than this, what's going on?"

She continued to double down saying she just didn't know how to cook, my instructions weren't clear, I'm being ableist and then she stormed out. She then used all of her money left that was supposed to go to her pain meds to buy more chicken, then spent two weeks in pain because no meds.

We didn't stay together long after this. But it does still bother me, was I being ableist? Should I have been more understanding, or just done it myself?

[aita-polls]

AITAH for telling my ex's mom I didn't marry her son because they were 'trashy' and 'poor'?

I (25f) come from an upper-middle-class Indian family. In our community, class and status matter a lot, and not marrying into your class or up often means you get disowned. I know it's regressive, but I have never dated anyone without telling them first hand and I have always known what background they came from so that I wouldn't get shamed in our community and neither would my parents. It's a norm, and one of the few I follow, because I can't put any more stress into my elderly parent's lives.

My ex and I broke up last year. We both studied in the same Uni abroad for our Master's and both of us stayed behind in the country. Being from the same community, we bonded over both of us speaking our mother tongue. I told him, the moment he asked me out, that I date to marry, and I would never marry someone my parents wouldn't approve of. I don't care if I sound conservative, I won't. They work very hard to give me a life of privilege and I won't make it hard for them. He reassured me of his family background and the idiot I was trusted him and didn't check. We lived separately anyway, and he was on scholarships and jobs like many of our friends, so I never bothered thinking otherwise. A year into dating he proposes marriage. I told him I wouldn't marry without travelling first. Plus I was thinking of going back to school for a second degree. Then he gaslights me on how I can live my life being married and doing all these things. My friends back home, to whom I told all this, ran a background check, and because we were from the same city, his lies came out.

Truthfully, he came from a family I could never marry into. Not only that, even though my family's conditions were to marry within our economic class, no matter what race or caste, his family came from a place where the veil for women (purdah), not working, and horrible living conditions were prevalent. He lied about his parents being government workers, only one of them had a high school diploma, and in India, it is considered a very bad thing. I confronted him, and we had a massive fight. He told me he would never even look in his family's direction again if I married him, and I was disgusted. I broke up with him, and he harassed me for months. He only stopped when my cousin went to his flat to talk to him, and I don't know what they talked about, but he stopped calling and texting me.

Only, yesterday I got a call from his mother (I'm back in India to celebrate festivals with my family), and she started to cry and tell me that her son blames them for me leaving him. I asked her where she got my number from and she said that he gave it to her. I was pissed, so I asked her to leave me alone, and she started to scream at me and call me names and asked me why wasn't her son enough, and why was marrying into a poor family so bad. So I told her that both she and her son were trashy and I wasn't going to suffer them, that them being poor was not my fault, and to never contact me again. She cried and cursed me.

I don't know, I feel bad, because maybe my ex hurt his mother and she was just mad and took it out on me. AITAH?

[aita-polls]

AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her boss?

My gf F28, lesbian (this is relevant) started a new job a few months ago. She hit it off with a college, F43, who has since been promoted and is now her boss. A while back they went for a drink after work and boss spontaneously invited her to have dinner at her place, with her husband and kids. Since then, boss has taken initiative to hang out a lot. Running together, going out for drinks or lunch on weekends. This is all fine, except that the husband has shown up "spontaneously" to several of these. They always say it's a spur of the moment thing cause he suddenly had a free schedule and just wanted to join.

Now boss has invited gf for dinner again, on a Friday night. No mention if husband will be there. Boss doesn't hang out with other colleagues. She knows that my gf is a lesbian, and in a relationship. I'm suspicious that boss and husband are looking for something else than just friendship and I don't want her to go there alone. Aita?

(I feel like, if they wanted new friends as a couple, they could have invited me too?)

[aita-polls]

AITA for ignoring my friend’s DNI that applies to me since we were friends before they created the DNI? They are very serious about it (“if this applies to you, then I hope you die” kind of serious), but we’ve never discussed the topic. Now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to make sure I don’t reveal I have this interest, because we’re really good friends and I don’t want to lose our friendship over it.

[aita-polls]

okay. little storytime.

i’m in a friend gc on discord with about 8 or 9 other people in it. the group started off with 5 people and more have been added, but i don’t think it’s relevant to the issue i’m about to present.

in my opinion, i am blatantly ignored. i’m not sure whether it’s on purpose or not, but i’m starting to suspect this is not a mere coincidence.

you see, everytime i send something in the gc, everyone either goes dead silent and doesn’t reply, or just ignores what i said and starts an unrelated conversation with the rest of the group. from what i caught on, those friends also use private dms to talk with one another, and that is perfectly normal and fine, however, none of them ever texts me first or cares to check up on me. hell, sometimes they don’t even reply to me when i message them. there’s been a few occurences where they just ignored me mid conversation and never replied to it again.

there’s been a moment where everyone made funny memes about the people in the gc and their behaviors and stuff.

i was included in none of them. i wasn’t even mentioned.

on the other hand, this real or imagined negative bias towards me made me cease nearly all interaction with the group, just reading the hundreds of messages they exchange without me. i admit i’ve turned somewhat dry and bitter. i feel like this is unfair towards me, but i might just be imagining things. i’m a person that’s dependent on attention from others, and it makes me upset when nobody is paying theirs to me.

am i just an overly attention needy person? or is there injustice towards me?

am i the asshole?

[aita-polls]

AITA for not wanting to sleep in the same room as my boyfriend?

Even in the initial dating stages, whenever we hooked up, I went to another room after and locked my door and he had no problem with it. It has always been like this but now that we have moved in together he expects me to change that, to sleep in the same bed, the same room or 'just don't lock your door as a start'. He insists that this means I don't trust him when it isn't about him. It's just how I prefer things and he has always known this but now it suddenly means that 'our relationship lacks trust'.

[aita-polls]

AITA for refusing to baby proof (locks on oven, outlets, installing gates on the stairs etc) our new home for my partner's sister's kids, who visits like 4 times a year. (SIL is pissed and thinks this means they're not welcome)

[aita-polls]

WIBTA for telling my girlfriend I cheated?

Okay so this is probably going to be a lot. People involved are me (24F), my girlfriend M (25F), our best friend A (22M), and our other best friend, A’s boyfriend, S (20M).

So. For background, we’ve all been friends for years and it was very much the four of us against the world. I met M first because we were roommates at college, and she knew A and S from our classes, who were already dating at the time, and introduced us. I’m a lesbian, S is gay, and M and A are bi. We’ve always been a very openly affectionate and sometimes sexual friend group, ignoring the fact that me and S never did anything because of our incompatible genders/sexualities. No one had sex outside of our partners, but we were definitely much more close than most friends, and casual making out etc. was a thing that happened between me, A and M quite often. It was always while we were in a group, never alone or without anyone’s knowledge. I was never attracted to A, again I’m a lesbian, but due to a mixture of just naturally lax boundaries and sexual trauma I don’t really see sex or sexual activity as anything sacred or meaningful so I didn’t mind messing around with A in that way for fun. We never explicitly said not to do anything alone, but we never said it was okay either, it was just never really a situation that came up.

So. This is where it becomes a lot. At the beginning of 2024 S was murdered. A and I found his body. The legal stuff is still ongoing obviously but the person responsible was caught. It was violent, random, and completely unprovoked. S was the kindest person any of us had ever known. None of us coped with this well. We’ve all always been very impulsive, emotional people, S was kind of the token responsible guy keeping us (occasionally) grounded even though honestly more often we were convincing him to join us instead 🥲

We all responded in different ways but none of them were good. A was a complete mess exacerbated by the fact that the last time he and S had spoken it had been an argument. I was just angry at the world and the only time I wasn’t sobbing or yelling I was drunk or high. M essentially vanished off the face of the earth for a month and ghosted us and didn’t talk to us at all.

I’m not going to offer excuses for what happened. I could say we were messed up, I could say I felt abandoned by M or assumed she’d left me, I could say we were coping, but none of that matters because what matters is A and I slept together. This was about 5 weeks after S’s death and M’s disappearance. It was very abrupt, kind of impersonal, and sort of just. “I need to do something and you’re the person here” vibes. I obviously was not actually attracted to him as a man, but I just didn’t care who it was in that moment and I gather neither did he. I had followed him into a sort of out of the way campus building people don’t use much because he was very fired up and upset, we talked about S and M and how fucking devastating and enraging it all was, he just grabbed me, and it went from there. We were both very dissociated throughout it and agreed it wouldn’t happen again.

A few days after this, M got back in contact. She apologized for disappearing and said she was coping in her own way and needed isolation but that it wasn’t fair to us. She said she wanted us all to put everything that had happened since S’s death behind us and not talk about it because she assumed we had all done things we weren’t proud of in grief and that she didn’t want us to dwell on them. She just wanted us to heal together and stick together from now on.

We agreed but I felt fucking awful. I spoke to A about it after this and it was complicated further by him admitting that he had been attracted to me since the day we met and that this was part of how fucked up his emotions felt because he was full of guilt both for feeling that way and for arguing with S before he died. He said S had been aware of him wanting me and had been relatively fine with it but that it wasn’t an outright crush, he didn’t have romantic feelings for me, it was just physical attraction paired with us being close friends and him trusting me. I reaffirmed that I’m a lesbian and am not genuinely attracted to him like that and that I love M and want to be with her, and he said he completely understood and that he was still in love with S. We both agreed it had been a grief thing for us and only happened as a result of our mindsets and emotional states in that moment.

However I still feel horrifically guilty for not telling M. Part of me thinks she’s guessed something happened and that’s part of why she said to forget anything we’ve done, but I don’t know if that’s just wishful thinking to weasel my way out of confronting it. A very firmly believes I shouldn’t tell her both because of her wishes and because he thinks since it didn’t mean anything it would ruin our relationship for nothing. But I still feel that it was a huge betrayal and that my confusion at her disappearing and my grief doesn’t just mean I get to pretend it didn’t happen.

Everything is still so fresh and we’re still trying to cope, and we haven’t even gotten to the trial and facing him yet. Sometimes I almost go to tell her and it feels like she knows and changes the subject so we never get the chance. But I don’t know if I’m just making things up. Would it be a bad idea to keep pushing and just sit her down and tell her straight up, should I wait until we’ve all moved on a little more, or should I just shut up about it forever?

[aita-polls]

Literally have nowhere else to ask this but I'm losing my mind and I'm considering drinking (not much like 1-2 glasses of wine) and cleaning the house because it's triggering me (idk what I have but I've been unable to do anything for a week because the floor Has Crumbs On It and it's pretty bad everywhere else). Here's where I might be the asshole: I'm pregnant. Will alcohol one night do anything? I'm literally alone because I left the cult I grew up in and live out in the middle of Nowhere, barely know my boomer neighbors. I've accepted I have no one and just have to get through it alone but everything is slowly killing me and I feel like one wild moment to take control might help tip the trajectory but??? Don't want to fuck up a kid. I was a kid that got fucked with (literally haha) and don't want to continue the cycle of using kids. Mostly a vent but also please help? AITA?? And do you have any better suggestions either way???

[aita-polls]

AITA for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?

**I am not the OP and do not claim the statements below to be my own** [Link to Reddit Post]

I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My coworkers who work weekends are:

James - the owners son, he goes to my school. He's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.

Danielle - A college student who sometimes works weekends too.

So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. Like literally blow up about nothing. I dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... Like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.

So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.

So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... Which I couldn't do a thing about because I gave it to him right out of the machine.

So James came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. So he was just like "OP, this is unacceptable, you're fired."

I started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, I need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.

The angry guy started to backtrack, like "It isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it" and James was like "No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"

Of course after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting. And we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or I, James will storm in and "fire" us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.

Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.

AITA for this joke?