#aitah polls

[aita-polls]

AITA for dating my friend's ex even though she doesn't want me to? (It's an EX, things ended between them over an year ago)

[messypenguin]

For not being aware that a guy liked me then proceeding to ask me out

(Softly & firmly rejected the guy)

That's its my fault that our 3 to 4 short talks about college made him gain a crush on me. Thus, I have to take responsibility and check my behavior?

It wasn't even the guy who asked me out who said this, but a friend.

[little-draculove]

AITA: interrupted my cat's movie night, and she's now threatening to chew on my hoodie.

my cat, (4F) was happily lazing on the couch watching her 'tom & jerry' that i had left on for her to watch, as i worked on an essay. about an hour into her movie night, i sneezed.

she sat up, glared and then angrily huffed at me. she then moved to sit on the backrest of my couch, and is now constantly trying to chew on the strings of my hoodie.

if i stop her, she pretends like she was just stretching, and just stares at the TV until i look away. when i do, she tries to chew on my hoodie again.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I found this blog through a reblog and decided I’d poll Tumblr whether I’m the asshole. And the reason I’m concerned is because my mother (53 f) doesn’t think I’m the asshole, and that’s a bit of a red flag.

My sister (22 f) was home from college for break. She was to be traveling out of state to visit her boyfriend (23 m). Meaning, she was going to be flying in the continental US. As such, she needed a 1 qt, clear, plastic bag for her travel liquids. My family has several durable and clear plastic bags (as opposed to ziplocks) for this very purpose.

But rather than use one of these empty bags, she emptied my care bag.

This bag is fairly small. It usually holds my acne medication, including topical creams, tablets, prescribed moisturizer, etc… in travel sizes for me to take with me to work. I also include my migraine meds and lactose pills in this bag, among other things. And it fits perfectly within my backpack’s side pocket (which is why I bought it).

I noticed immediately that she had taken it as she had just dumped the contents all over my bathroom counter. So, I called her and told her that she needed to return it to me (at the time, she was only an hour away and her flight wasn’t for another week). She tried to play it off at first. “What bag?” Then she tried to reason that it wasn’t a big deal. Then she told me she didn’t want to make her bf drive an hour to return the bag to me as it’d put them an hour back in their drive, so I should just let it go.

And the reasonable part of me thinks… maybe I should? Maybe I should just go out and buy a new bag? Like… it’s annoying that she took it without asking and dumped everything out of it. It’s annoying that the bag doesn’t even meet TSA requirements as she claimed (it’s black and not completely clear). It’s annoying that I had asked her if she needed me to get her anything up for her night before and that rather than ask for help, she took something. And it’s annoying that she didn’t use the clear bags provided to her by our mother.

But the thing is… it’s not just the bag. This happens with all my stuff. It got so bad when I was a teen that my father put locks on all my drawers and doors that only I had keys to (my parents did have a spare set in the event I lost mine that they— ironically— “lost”).

EX: I have a pair of Levi jeans that I bought with a gift card from my grandparents. Levi’s are— well— expensive. Earlier last year, before she went back to school after break, I noticed they were missing. I called her and told her I was angry about this. She insisted I was “insane” and that she would never take them and that I likely misplaced them or lost them (I do have memory problems, combo of ADHD and whatever causes my migraines). My father helped me look for them. He even looked through her stuff. They *were not* in the house. But 5 months later after she came home from college, I found them under my bed (they were not previously under my bed). “See, I told you that you lost them.”

So, I told her that she needed to find a way to return the bag to me and that under no circumstances was she allowed to leave the state with it (if she did, there wasn’t much I would’ve or could’ve done about it, so I was hoping this ultimatum would work). And I said that if she didn’t return it, I would tell our mom about all the unused, unopened pregnancy tests she was stocking and hiding in her room (found when I went looking for spoons as she hides my mother’s spoons after using them). She told me “You’re insane. It’s just a bag,” but she did mail it back to me and I got it in time for work that Monday.

My mother says I was justified in demanding it back (she doesn’t know about the unused tests), but she is often petty and demanding and blows up or snaps at the smallest things. So, I am concerned that I made a big deal of nothing or that I took it too far.

AITAH? ESH?

What are these acronyms?

[fictionkin-am-i-the-asshole]

Hello fictionfolk of Tumblr!

This account is for you to submit your canon dramas and the community will decide if you are or not the asshole for your actions in the specific canon!

Please note that we do not accept AITAH submissions regarding THIS life. If you want that, go to Reddit's r/AITAH.

Although this blog has "fictionkin" in the title, copinglinks, fictionhearted, fictives, and others alike can submit! Just specifically that you are one of those otherwise it'll just be automatically tagged as fictionkin.

Rules:

If you are a submitter, please sign off with who you are and what your source is so it can be tagged appropriately

If you are a determinator, please do not attack the submitter, just judge the actions and continue on.

That's it. Just those two rules.

Poll options:

YTA - you're the asshole

NTA - not the asshole

ESH - everyone sucks here

NAH - no assholes here

NMI - need more information

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[tumblr]: Your feelings are valid! It's okay to speak up when your loved ones ignore your wishes and disappoint you.

The AITAH cake post/poll

Also [tumblr]: Unless you're a man.

[bacchicly]

I have found tumblr aitah #unreality polls... And I can't decide if I love them (guilty) or hate them (pleasure).

Either way... I am voting but not yet up to reblogging.

Oh the shame!

[aita-polls]

aita for still liking the sandman comics?

I (18f) got into the sandman comics at a very dark time in my life. I was unable to leave my bed due to paralyzing anxiety, I thought everything was an omen of my impending doom and I was convinced this was how I was going to die. I couldn't even go into the kitchen in my own home without almost fainting. My mind was a mess of repetitive and inescapable thoughts of horrific events playing out in my mind at all times. My father suggested I read comic books as a way to get my mind off of everything. They are easily accessible online, and I wouldn't have to go out and buy any physical copies. I am an artist, I am planning a major in art, and I was instantly drawn to the sandman comics for their unique visual style. The whimsical and dreamlike first volume got me hooked, it was a perfect escape from my mental state. I was introduced to sandman's depiction of death and something changed in me. She was friendly and kind, she took all of the souls with care. As someone who thought she was literally about to die, this comforted me and I grew incredibly attached to her. I even read sandman while I was waiting in the ER to be assessed for unrelated horrible back pain.

I was never privy to who Neil gaiman was as a person. I had no idea what he was like, I never sought out interviews to learn more about him, he was just letters on the cover of a book to me. The only other book I had read by him was Coraline. I was essentially oblivious to what he looked like and what his beliefs were until the big break last summer with the frankly nightmare inducing situations he put all those women through.

There is a lot of nuance to me about separating the art from the artist. On one hand, there are cases in which it is nearly impossible due to how prevalently the authors own beliefs or themselves feature in their art, especially if the art is autobiographical. On the other hand, there is art that is so far removed from the artist as a person where it is easier.

I have been told that the character morphius is very similar to how neil wanted himself to be depicted, but as I mentioned earlier I knew almost nothing about him going into sandman and I don't have that association. I never monetarily supported him, my Coraline copy was a gift, and I read all of his comics online for free through PDFs. This is where the cognitive dissonance really starts hitting for me. He's still alive unlike authors like Lovecraft. I know this is an incredibly selfish thing to worry about considering what he did to the women who survived him. I'm really sorry in advance.

[aita-polls]

AITA for repeatedly feeling angry at my boyfriend?

Context:

I have some mental problems that stem from trauma revolving abandonment and suddenly being ignored, me and my boyfriend have had multiple conversations on his tendency to randomly fall asleep around 8-10 pm at night, and I've come to expect it now. The issue is I never get a goodnight, warning, or even acknowledgement that this is triggering for me. Besides this, he's a good boyfriend so I refuse to leave him.

I don't say anything because whenever I do, I end up triggering myself and it isn't good for his mental sake to handle me in that state, I'm just getting really pissed off. I also have issues with insomnia, so I'm often left alone for hours on end.

I'm also fairly certain he turns off his phone, because theres no read receipts when he falls asleep, which only upsets me more, because then I get no warning he's tired. I'm getting so sick of it, because it's extremely upsetting, and I've told him numerous times to tell me when he's tired, but he keeps insisting he isn't and just falls alseep randomly. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

AITA for being so angry over this?

[aita-polls]

WIBTA?

God this is a shitfest. 🏊‍♂️🦠 emojis to find this easier.

So I (20f) have a terminal disease and a bit less than a year left. Whatever. I’ve come to terms.

But there’s a whole shitfest, basically close member of my family (m50 let’s call him G) did a bunch of shifty stuff (which we found out was as a result of several undiagnosed mental illnesses) and his wife (M) left him, and got a restraining order. And then two more after the first one expired. Her father, (B) basically controls her, and we’re sure he’s behind this.

I’m not going ti get into the shitty stuff, because this post would be a mile long. But, the long and short of it

B and M:

Took over G’s successful business position and shut down the branch of the company, but kept the money (and is currently holding the money hostage through legal red tape) and made more on the side (illegal)

Got several restraining orders (2/3 of which were dismissed for lack of evidence, one is still under investigation), which made G be arrested in public twice and at home once

M took her and G’s two year old (at the time) daughter (A) and got a restraining order for them both on G (A is now 12 and has had incredibly limited contact with her father for her whole life)

Used the police system to confiscate G’s phone and passport because he’s considered a flight risk and apparently sent M messages asking to see A, which were taken as threats

(And because of no phone or passport, G can’t access any of his healthcare info (fuck the healthcare system, honestly) has no diagnoses or ways to get help. We’ve tried.)

After the second RO, B went to ‘talk’ to G (he still won’t say what they talked about but we’re fairly sure B tried to goad him into suicide)

It’s a shitshow. And it’s really not what I fucking need right now.

Here’s where I could be TA.

Since I’m terminal, I’m making up a will.

Would I be TA if I left a letter to M and B, pretty much just calling them out on all their shit (because this has gone on for nearly ten fucking years) and telling them to go fuck themselves and give G back his money and let him see his daughter?

The letter would probably go something like this:

Dear M and B.

What the fuck do you think you’re doing. Who gave you the right to ruin G’s life? And why are you so fucking determined to do it? Because we all know he never hurt M or A. He’d sooner die.

Was stealing his life’s work not enough? Was shattering his whole entire well-being, his whole sense of who he is, not enough? Well I hope this is enough. I hope you both join me in the grave soon enough, because I can’t wait to see what Hell has in store for you.

A is old enough to know the truth about her father. About who started this whole shit show. She deserves to see her father, her family. She deserved to know me. But it’s too late for that now, I guess.

For all the suffering you’ve caused, with your ten year rampage. For every time you’ve ‘talked’ to G, for every restraining order that was built on bullshit. I hope you get your heads out of your asses long enough to see your palace burn before you. And I hope it hurts.

-

Sorry this is so long and rambling, I’m on a lot of painkillers atm.

TLDR: WIBTA for leaving an abusive letter to people who’ve ruined someone close to me s life in my will?

(I know this sounds fake but istg it’s real, and it’s a fucking shit show.)

[aita-polls]

Am I The Asshole for telling someone that their autism doesn't make them stupid?

Bad title, I know I know, hear me out, yeah?

So I (22 F) was living with my now ex girlfriend at the time (25 F). We're poor college students, I had a job, she had SSI and food stamps.

This was during Covid lockdowns. I'm high risk due to a shitty immune system and asthma. I also have anxiety and a tendency to catastrophize. My ex, due to comorbidities, was high risk for a ton of reasons. I don't want to list her entire medical history but what's relevant to this scenario is that she's autistic, and has some memory issues. She's also very particular about food safety. Due to reasons I handled our finances, and about 80% of the household chores, including all the cooking.

So the night in question, I asked her if she could set some chicken out to dethaw before bed so we could have it the next day. I texted her the instructions:

"Take 4 pieces of chicken out of the large bag in the freezer. Place in a Ziploc bag and seal it. Then set that bag in a tupperware dish and place it on the bottom shelf of the fridge."

She agreed and said that was easy enough.

The next day. I found our entire 15 lbs bag of chicken sitting in a popcorn bowl filled with lukewarm water that had been there for 10 hours. Some of the chicken wasn't even below the waterline. Obviously no longer safe to eat.

I admit, I got really upset. I was tired, and our entire source of protein for the next two weeks was wasted and we couldn't afford more. I was burnt out from studying full time with a part time job and doing 80% of chores, and I trusted her with this one little thing. This led to an argument between us, she claimed that I know I need to give her detailed instructions because she's "autistic and stupid."

Which of course I just got madder. I don't remember my exact words but it was something along the lines of "autism doesn't make you stupid, I know you're smarter than this, what's going on?"

She continued to double down saying she just didn't know how to cook, my instructions weren't clear, I'm being ableist and then she stormed out. She then used all of her money left that was supposed to go to her pain meds to buy more chicken, then spent two weeks in pain because no meds.

We didn't stay together long after this. But it does still bother me, was I being ableist? Should I have been more understanding, or just done it myself?

[aita-polls]

AITAH for telling my ex's mom I didn't marry her son because they were 'trashy' and 'poor'?

I (25f) come from an upper-middle-class Indian family. In our community, class and status matter a lot, and not marrying into your class or up often means you get disowned. I know it's regressive, but I have never dated anyone without telling them first hand and I have always known what background they came from so that I wouldn't get shamed in our community and neither would my parents. It's a norm, and one of the few I follow, because I can't put any more stress into my elderly parent's lives.

My ex and I broke up last year. We both studied in the same Uni abroad for our Master's and both of us stayed behind in the country. Being from the same community, we bonded over both of us speaking our mother tongue. I told him, the moment he asked me out, that I date to marry, and I would never marry someone my parents wouldn't approve of. I don't care if I sound conservative, I won't. They work very hard to give me a life of privilege and I won't make it hard for them. He reassured me of his family background and the idiot I was trusted him and didn't check. We lived separately anyway, and he was on scholarships and jobs like many of our friends, so I never bothered thinking otherwise. A year into dating he proposes marriage. I told him I wouldn't marry without travelling first. Plus I was thinking of going back to school for a second degree. Then he gaslights me on how I can live my life being married and doing all these things. My friends back home, to whom I told all this, ran a background check, and because we were from the same city, his lies came out.

Truthfully, he came from a family I could never marry into. Not only that, even though my family's conditions were to marry within our economic class, no matter what race or caste, his family came from a place where the veil for women (purdah), not working, and horrible living conditions were prevalent. He lied about his parents being government workers, only one of them had a high school diploma, and in India, it is considered a very bad thing. I confronted him, and we had a massive fight. He told me he would never even look in his family's direction again if I married him, and I was disgusted. I broke up with him, and he harassed me for months. He only stopped when my cousin went to his flat to talk to him, and I don't know what they talked about, but he stopped calling and texting me.

Only, yesterday I got a call from his mother (I'm back in India to celebrate festivals with my family), and she started to cry and tell me that her son blames them for me leaving him. I asked her where she got my number from and she said that he gave it to her. I was pissed, so I asked her to leave me alone, and she started to scream at me and call me names and asked me why wasn't her son enough, and why was marrying into a poor family so bad. So I told her that both she and her son were trashy and I wasn't going to suffer them, that them being poor was not my fault, and to never contact me again. She cried and cursed me.

I don't know, I feel bad, because maybe my ex hurt his mother and she was just mad and took it out on me. AITAH?

[aita-polls]

Plain text under the cut

AITA for suggesting we celebrate my friends birthday 3 days early?

Im not either of the people in this situation, l'm trying to make a point towards this argument. TW for mentions of drinking.

My friend is turning 21 (we'll call her A) soon and wanted to go out to celebrate her birthday at a popular Mexican restaurant/bar nearby. Among the group of people going, most of us are already above legal drinking age. A invited about 5 people to go, this includes B. B is already over the drinking age. B started inviting her own friends to come along too before asking A. A was annoyed but went along with it.

Then B started telling everyone invited that the celebration would be on

Margarita Monday's so that drinks would be half off. A pointed out that she didn't want this because it wouldn't be her birthday yet and she would not be 21. B offered to get her Twisted Teas to pregame instead. To which A said that the whole reason she wanted to go was so she could get margaritas on her birthday.

[aita-polls]

WIBTA for listening to Hitler's speeches for a book?

I just want to preface by saying that I do not agree with those views at all. Causing millions of people to die just because they don't fit your standards for a perfect human is the most twisted and evil thing someone could do, and it's so shocking to see how many people agree with this.

I'm writing a dystopian novel, and the fictional country it's set in has a government that is controlling and very much based on fascism. It's not represented as good- they lie, convince young children to sign up for their army, murder, etc.

Now, a big part of this is how the people- other than those on the poor side- do not care. It doesn't affect them, so they don't see a problem. A child dies because he was accused of sneaking over from the other side? ‘Well, that's just how it is.’

Because of this, the leaders of the country have to be horrible people, but excellent leaders. Propaganda needs to be rampant. Otherwise, it's not as realistic that they'd be borderline worshipped.

I was thinking of listening to some of Hitler's speeches- as he's probably the most infamous leader who fits into that category- and having the leaders of this fictional country do their speeches in ways very similar to him.

However, I'm worried that someone will see what I'm listening to and think I'm a neo-nazi. Or that most of the speeches uploaded will have been uploaded by neo-nazis.

[aita-polls]

AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her boss?

My gf F28, lesbian (this is relevant) started a new job a few months ago. She hit it off with a college, F43, who has since been promoted and is now her boss. A while back they went for a drink after work and boss spontaneously invited her to have dinner at her place, with her husband and kids. Since then, boss has taken initiative to hang out a lot. Running together, going out for drinks or lunch on weekends. This is all fine, except that the husband has shown up "spontaneously" to several of these. They always say it's a spur of the moment thing cause he suddenly had a free schedule and just wanted to join.

Now boss has invited gf for dinner again, on a Friday night. No mention if husband will be there. Boss doesn't hang out with other colleagues. She knows that my gf is a lesbian, and in a relationship. I'm suspicious that boss and husband are looking for something else than just friendship and I don't want her to go there alone. Aita?

(I feel like, if they wanted new friends as a couple, they could have invited me too?)

[aita-polls]

AITA for ignoring my friend’s DNI that applies to me since we were friends before they created the DNI? They are very serious about it (“if this applies to you, then I hope you die” kind of serious), but we’ve never discussed the topic. Now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to make sure I don’t reveal I have this interest, because we’re really good friends and I don’t want to lose our friendship over it.