#aitah polls

[aita-polls]

AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to hang out with her boss?

My gf F28, lesbian (this is relevant) started a new job a few months ago. She hit it off with a college, F43, who has since been promoted and is now her boss. A while back they went for a drink after work and boss spontaneously invited her to have dinner at her place, with her husband and kids. Since then, boss has taken initiative to hang out a lot. Running together, going out for drinks or lunch on weekends. This is all fine, except that the husband has shown up "spontaneously" to several of these. They always say it's a spur of the moment thing cause he suddenly had a free schedule and just wanted to join.

Now boss has invited gf for dinner again, on a Friday night. No mention if husband will be there. Boss doesn't hang out with other colleagues. She knows that my gf is a lesbian, and in a relationship. I'm suspicious that boss and husband are looking for something else than just friendship and I don't want her to go there alone. Aita?

(I feel like, if they wanted new friends as a couple, they could have invited me too?)

[messypenguin]

For not being aware that a guy liked me then proceeding to ask me out

(Softly & firmly rejected the guy)

That's its my fault that our 3 to 4 short talks about college made him gain a crush on me. Thus, I have to take responsibility and check my behavior?

It wasn't even the guy who asked me out who said this, but a friend.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I found this blog through a reblog and decided I’d poll Tumblr whether I’m the asshole. And the reason I’m concerned is because my mother (53 f) doesn’t think I’m the asshole, and that’s a bit of a red flag.

My sister (22 f) was home from college for break. She was to be traveling out of state to visit her boyfriend (23 m). Meaning, she was going to be flying in the continental US. As such, she needed a 1 qt, clear, plastic bag for her travel liquids. My family has several durable and clear plastic bags (as opposed to ziplocks) for this very purpose.

But rather than use one of these empty bags, she emptied my care bag.

This bag is fairly small. It usually holds my acne medication, including topical creams, tablets, prescribed moisturizer, etc… in travel sizes for me to take with me to work. I also include my migraine meds and lactose pills in this bag, among other things. And it fits perfectly within my backpack’s side pocket (which is why I bought it).

I noticed immediately that she had taken it as she had just dumped the contents all over my bathroom counter. So, I called her and told her that she needed to return it to me (at the time, she was only an hour away and her flight wasn’t for another week). She tried to play it off at first. “What bag?” Then she tried to reason that it wasn’t a big deal. Then she told me she didn’t want to make her bf drive an hour to return the bag to me as it’d put them an hour back in their drive, so I should just let it go.

And the reasonable part of me thinks… maybe I should? Maybe I should just go out and buy a new bag? Like… it’s annoying that she took it without asking and dumped everything out of it. It’s annoying that the bag doesn’t even meet TSA requirements as she claimed (it’s black and not completely clear). It’s annoying that I had asked her if she needed me to get her anything up for her night before and that rather than ask for help, she took something. And it’s annoying that she didn’t use the clear bags provided to her by our mother.

But the thing is… it’s not just the bag. This happens with all my stuff. It got so bad when I was a teen that my father put locks on all my drawers and doors that only I had keys to (my parents did have a spare set in the event I lost mine that they— ironically— “lost”).

EX: I have a pair of Levi jeans that I bought with a gift card from my grandparents. Levi’s are— well— expensive. Earlier last year, before she went back to school after break, I noticed they were missing. I called her and told her I was angry about this. She insisted I was “insane” and that she would never take them and that I likely misplaced them or lost them (I do have memory problems, combo of ADHD and whatever causes my migraines). My father helped me look for them. He even looked through her stuff. They *were not* in the house. But 5 months later after she came home from college, I found them under my bed (they were not previously under my bed). “See, I told you that you lost them.”

So, I told her that she needed to find a way to return the bag to me and that under no circumstances was she allowed to leave the state with it (if she did, there wasn’t much I would’ve or could’ve done about it, so I was hoping this ultimatum would work). And I said that if she didn’t return it, I would tell our mom about all the unused, unopened pregnancy tests she was stocking and hiding in her room (found when I went looking for spoons as she hides my mother’s spoons after using them). She told me “You’re insane. It’s just a bag,” but she did mail it back to me and I got it in time for work that Monday.

My mother says I was justified in demanding it back (she doesn’t know about the unused tests), but she is often petty and demanding and blows up or snaps at the smallest things. So, I am concerned that I made a big deal of nothing or that I took it too far.

AITAH? ESH?

What are these acronyms?

[thepromiscuousfinger]

[tumblr]: Your feelings are valid! It's okay to speak up when your loved ones ignore your wishes and disappoint you.

The AITAH cake post/poll

Also [tumblr]: Unless you're a man.

[bacchicly]

I have found tumblr aitah #unreality polls... And I can't decide if I love them (guilty) or hate them (pleasure).

Either way... I am voting but not yet up to reblogging.

Oh the shame!

[aita-polls]

AITA for dating my friend's ex even though she doesn't want me to? (It's an EX, things ended between them over an year ago)

[aita-polls]

AITA for repeatedly feeling angry at my boyfriend?

Context:

I have some mental problems that stem from trauma revolving abandonment and suddenly being ignored, me and my boyfriend have had multiple conversations on his tendency to randomly fall asleep around 8-10 pm at night, and I've come to expect it now. The issue is I never get a goodnight, warning, or even acknowledgement that this is triggering for me. Besides this, he's a good boyfriend so I refuse to leave him.

I don't say anything because whenever I do, I end up triggering myself and it isn't good for his mental sake to handle me in that state, I'm just getting really pissed off. I also have issues with insomnia, so I'm often left alone for hours on end.

I'm also fairly certain he turns off his phone, because theres no read receipts when he falls asleep, which only upsets me more, because then I get no warning he's tired. I'm getting so sick of it, because it's extremely upsetting, and I've told him numerous times to tell me when he's tired, but he keeps insisting he isn't and just falls alseep randomly. I'm not sure what to do anymore.

AITA for being so angry over this?

[aita-polls]

okay. little storytime.

i’m in a friend gc on discord with about 8 or 9 other people in it. the group started off with 5 people and more have been added, but i don’t think it’s relevant to the issue i’m about to present.

in my opinion, i am blatantly ignored. i’m not sure whether it’s on purpose or not, but i’m starting to suspect this is not a mere coincidence.

you see, everytime i send something in the gc, everyone either goes dead silent and doesn’t reply, or just ignores what i said and starts an unrelated conversation with the rest of the group. from what i caught on, those friends also use private dms to talk with one another, and that is perfectly normal and fine, however, none of them ever texts me first or cares to check up on me. hell, sometimes they don’t even reply to me when i message them. there’s been a few occurences where they just ignored me mid conversation and never replied to it again.

there’s been a moment where everyone made funny memes about the people in the gc and their behaviors and stuff.

i was included in none of them. i wasn’t even mentioned.

on the other hand, this real or imagined negative bias towards me made me cease nearly all interaction with the group, just reading the hundreds of messages they exchange without me. i admit i’ve turned somewhat dry and bitter. i feel like this is unfair towards me, but i might just be imagining things. i’m a person that’s dependent on attention from others, and it makes me upset when nobody is paying theirs to me.

am i just an overly attention needy person? or is there injustice towards me?

am i the asshole?

[aita-polls]

Am I The Asshole for telling someone that their autism doesn't make them stupid?

Bad title, I know I know, hear me out, yeah?

So I (22 F) was living with my now ex girlfriend at the time (25 F). We're poor college students, I had a job, she had SSI and food stamps.

This was during Covid lockdowns. I'm high risk due to a shitty immune system and asthma. I also have anxiety and a tendency to catastrophize. My ex, due to comorbidities, was high risk for a ton of reasons. I don't want to list her entire medical history but what's relevant to this scenario is that she's autistic, and has some memory issues. She's also very particular about food safety. Due to reasons I handled our finances, and about 80% of the household chores, including all the cooking.

So the night in question, I asked her if she could set some chicken out to dethaw before bed so we could have it the next day. I texted her the instructions:

"Take 4 pieces of chicken out of the large bag in the freezer. Place in a Ziploc bag and seal it. Then set that bag in a tupperware dish and place it on the bottom shelf of the fridge."

She agreed and said that was easy enough.

The next day. I found our entire 15 lbs bag of chicken sitting in a popcorn bowl filled with lukewarm water that had been there for 10 hours. Some of the chicken wasn't even below the waterline. Obviously no longer safe to eat.

I admit, I got really upset. I was tired, and our entire source of protein for the next two weeks was wasted and we couldn't afford more. I was burnt out from studying full time with a part time job and doing 80% of chores, and I trusted her with this one little thing. This led to an argument between us, she claimed that I know I need to give her detailed instructions because she's "autistic and stupid."

Which of course I just got madder. I don't remember my exact words but it was something along the lines of "autism doesn't make you stupid, I know you're smarter than this, what's going on?"

She continued to double down saying she just didn't know how to cook, my instructions weren't clear, I'm being ableist and then she stormed out. She then used all of her money left that was supposed to go to her pain meds to buy more chicken, then spent two weeks in pain because no meds.

We didn't stay together long after this. But it does still bother me, was I being ableist? Should I have been more understanding, or just done it myself?

[aita-polls]

AITA for ignoring my friend’s DNI that applies to me since we were friends before they created the DNI? They are very serious about it (“if this applies to you, then I hope you die” kind of serious), but we’ve never discussed the topic. Now I feel like I have to walk on eggshells to make sure I don’t reveal I have this interest, because we’re really good friends and I don’t want to lose our friendship over it.

[aita-polls]

AITA for not wanting to sleep in the same room as my boyfriend?

Even in the initial dating stages, whenever we hooked up, I went to another room after and locked my door and he had no problem with it. It has always been like this but now that we have moved in together he expects me to change that, to sleep in the same bed, the same room or 'just don't lock your door as a start'. He insists that this means I don't trust him when it isn't about him. It's just how I prefer things and he has always known this but now it suddenly means that 'our relationship lacks trust'.

[aita-polls]

AITA for refusing to baby proof (locks on oven, outlets, installing gates on the stairs etc) our new home for my partner's sister's kids, who visits like 4 times a year. (SIL is pissed and thinks this means they're not welcome)

[aita-polls]

AITAH for telling my daughter I won’t budge even if she never speaks to me again?

**I am not the OP and do not claim the statements below to be my own** [Link to Reddit Post]

My daughter Casey (17f) worked and saved up money for around a year to be able to afford a better car than we could buy her with our family budget. My other daughter Alana (16f, has ADHD) recently got her driver’s license, and asked to drive Casey’s car. Casey allowed it, but Alana ended up having a bad accident around 6 months ago which basically rendered the car unusable.

The insurance payout wasn’t nearly enough to cover the replacement, and with Alana’s medical bills from the accident (thankfully there was no permanent damage, just a broken arm and leg), there was no way we could afford to replace Casey’s car immediately.

Alana was very apologetic to Casey, and so were we since we couldn’t afford to replace her car. Casey didn’t accept our apology, and has been basically avoiding us, skipping family dinners, and pretty much pretending that her mom, Alana, and I don’t exist and only talks to us if she needs a form signed for her school.

I begged her to come to a family therapy session, and she eventually relented but with the condition that Alana wouldn’t be present. In the therapy session, she told us that she won’t be resuming a relationship with us until we replace her car, which realistically won’t be until next year. When the therapist asked how she expected us to do that, Casey said we could just make Alana work to earn the money.

The issue is that Alana has severe ADHD, and already has trouble managing her school work. I’m worried that making her work to earn the money will harm her grades and have significant ramifications for her future. Casey said “well she should have thought about that before destroying my car, I don’t care, I’m not gonna speak to any of you unless I have my car replaced”. I responded that she was free to avoid speaking to me for as long as she wanted to, but I’m not going to permanently harm her sister’s future to get her a car earlier.

My wife agrees with me that we need to stand firm on our position, but is also genuinely afraid of Casey never speaking to her ever again. I understand that her car was ruined, but I as a parent I need to look out for all my children, not just one. I also don’t want to set the precedent that emotional blackmail will work even if what you’re asking for is unreasonable.

AITAH?

[aita-polls]

AITA for pretending to get fired when customers get a temper with me?

**I am not the OP and do not claim the statements below to be my own** [Link to Reddit Post]

I am a high schooler with a weekend job at a coffee shop. My coworkers who work weekends are:

James - the owners son, he goes to my school. He's a shift manager but it's not a real formal thing, he's a friendly guy.

Danielle - A college student who sometimes works weekends too.

So sometimes customers will come in and just be angry about such little stuff. Like literally blow up about nothing. I dunno if theyre in a bad mood already and looking for someone to take it out on or what, but it's a lot... Like how sad so your have to be to be a grown-ass man taking your anger out on high school and college kids.

So James and I were joking about having a little fun with them and hopefully getting them off our backs.

So one day I was at work and some guy was having a temper about how we don't make the coffee hot enough... Which I couldn't do a thing about because I gave it to him right out of the machine.

So James came in and was like "sir is there a problem here" and the guy started ranting at him too. So he was just like "OP, this is unacceptable, you're fired."

I started acting real sad, like "no please don't fire me, my family needs the money, I need this job, pleaseeee" and he played up being a hard-ass, telling me to take off my apron and leave.

The angry guy started to backtrack, like "It isn't that big of a problem, you don't need to fire her over it. I didn't mean it" and James was like "No, we pride ourselves on the best customer service"

Of course after all that drama I still had my job, we were just acting. And we've done it a couple times, whenever a customer will lose their temper at Danielle or I, James will storm in and "fire" us. And almost every time, the person who had come in angry will apologise and say that they didn't mean it. It's kind of satisfying, making people realize their actions might actually have consequences.

Anyway, I was telling my friends from school about this and a few of them thought it was a mean prank, to let someone go away thinking they'd gotten someone who desperately needs the money fired.

AITA for this joke?

[aita-polls]

AITA for giving my daughter a stuffed bear filled with human hair?

**I am not the OP and do not claim the statements below to be my own** [Link to Reddit Post]

My (33 M) wife (31 F) and I just had our daughter, our first child, three months ago.

My family has a tradition where the first born will get a special stuffed animal. I got one from my mother when I was born, who got one from her mother, who got one from her father, and so on and so on. The reason that it's special is because the stuffing is made from their parent's hair.

The way it works is that once a child is old enough to start getting their hair cut, their parent will save as much of that hair as they can. When the child becomes a parent themselves, the new grandparent will use the saved hair to make a stuffed animal to give to the baby. The hair in the toy represents the new parent's connection to the child and is a tangible measure that shows that they'll always be close by; the care taken by the new grandparent in collecting the hair and using it to make the toy represents the child's connection to it's family history and is a tangible measure that shows the extended family will always support them. In short, the stuffed animal is a way of connecting the new life to their new family.

After my daughter was born, my mother spent a lot of time making a stuffed bear from scratch to fill with my childhood hair. She just finished last week. Since my leave from work is just about over, I was excited to give my daughter the bear and share the tradition with my wife. I thought she would think it was sweet, but she blew up at me.

Instead of liking the bear, my wife said it was gross and disgusting and that she wouldn't have it around her daughter. I told her that it's our daughter, not hers, and that there's nothing disgusting about my family's tradition. She said it was unhygienic. I told her that it's not; the hair is clean and well preserved. We argued, and eventually she said that if I ever put "that thing" near her daughter, that she would throw it in the trash. I was shocked. This is something that represents decades of my mother's work and planning and generations of my family's history. I told my wife that if she's so cruel and callous about something that means so much to me and my family, then she's not the person I thought she was. She just called my family's tradition "weird and culty."

I didn't know what to do. I didn't think my wife was this kind of person. I told my mother about the fight, and now she's feuding with my wife too. My wife then got her family involved before calling me some vulgar names, but am I really an a\*\*hole for wanting to give my special girl her special bear?

Additional information from OP’s comments below the cut

(INFO: is the hair completely inside the bear and is the bear sewn up properly?) Yes, it is.

(responding to a comment saying he should’ve told his wife about the tradition beforehand) I thought my wife would like the tradition, and I wanted it to be a nice surprise. I just didn't expect to misread her like this.

(INFO: has this really not come up beforehand?) No it hasn't. I lost my stuffed animal when I was moving around in college, and since there had been no reason to bring it up before my wife was pregnant, I wanted the tradition to be a nice surprise.

(INFO: how well sealed is this bear? I could see your wife’s point if there is a significant risk of hair getting all over the place. If this bear is such a special piece of family tradition, is there enough hair left over for future children you have, or is this just for the first born?) The bear is well sealed. It looks just like any other stuffed animal, so I don't think that there's any risk of it getting hair everywhere. As for the tradition, it is typically only ensured for the first born, but if there is leftover hair after the toy is made, there have been a few cases of making them for subsequent children in the past. I don't know if or how much hair is left over; I would have to ask my mother.

(INFO: is this tradition a usual part of your cultural heritage, or is it only something that your specific family does? (This is relevant because it has impacts on how much of a cultural miscommunication this might be.)) I honestly don't know if this tradition was originally cultural or if it is specific to my family. … but my side of the family is originally emigrated from Eastern Europe and to the US a little over a century ago.

[aita-polls]

AITA for deleting pictures of myself and my baby from my ex’s phone without permission?

**I am not the OP and do not claim the statements below to be my own** [Link to Reddit Post]

My ex has taken a lot of pictures of me and our baby in the last 2 months even though I hate having pictures taken of me right now. He knows I hate it but he keeps telling me I’ll regret it later when our son is older if I don’t have these pictures and promised he wouldn’t show anybody else them.

I ended up deleting the majority of them when he left his phone unattended because I hated them and he had pictures of me breastfeeding which I don’t want him to have even if you can’t really see anything. I never told him I did it but he noticed recently and is mad at me for touching his phone without permission and deleting the pictures even though I only deleted the ones with me in them.

During one fight I called him a pervert for taking pictures of me breastfeeding and I threatened to move out if he didn’t stop bringing it up. Things are awkward and tense between us now as he's still angry with me so AITA?

Additional information from OP’s comments: He said he wouldn't show anybody. We live together because everybody said the newborn stage would be hard so I moved back in with him so he could help and I didn't have to do everything alone.

(INFO: Did you explicitly tell him not to take pictures of you before deleting pics from his phone?) Yes.