#also not even sure if my merthur heart has it in me to write something like this😂

[thedragonlies]

*basically, the idea would be that Arthur realizes he’s gay/comes out for Merlin, but Merlin isn’t willing or able to support him through All That (which, valid)…I’ve seen a lot of fics that force Arthur to make some hard choices to be with Merlin (which I read and love, don’t get me wrong), but I’m kind of tempted to explore what it would look like for Arthur to get the support he needs in coming out in his own time and way…

[emryses]

20 questions for fic writers

thank you @postmodernau & @queerofthedagger for tagging me!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35. what the hell lmao

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

379,505. again. what the hell!!!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

at this point i would say the main one is stranger things. i tend to only be able to successfully write for one fandom at a time apparently lol. but i imagine i'll dip my toes back into merlin one day.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

you looking at me, looking at you (steddie) / run your fingers through my hair (steddie) / eat me alive (steddie) / when the party's over (gallavich!!) / you want it straight from the heart (steddie)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i do! most or try my best to. often in the first week-ish after posting something, and i do sincerely try to respond to every comment but i've fallen behind on that a lot recently.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

this is a hard question to answer because i literally have thrived off of angst, specifically in the merlin fandom, for many years. i think i'll say winter always turns to spring which is a canon compliant merlin/will fic i wrote that has a tinge of....unrequited feelings, which is probably what bumps it up into the most sad.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

is it bad that i don't write a lot of "traditional" happy endings? i kind of make them work to get there lol. bittersweet my beloved. i would say my hairdresser steve au is the most lighthearted thing i've written with a happy ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

not really! i've gotten the occasional weird ass comment that i'm sure the commenter THOUGHT was "kind" but i've kind of side-eyed.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i do! i don't think i'm very good at it & it takes me ages when i do. i guess all kinds??? love it when they're pathetic and desperate iykwim.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

not often, but i have a steddie btvs au i am slowly percolating on.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of! but i doubt it, even then lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! there was a merlin translation fest a while back, and my merwill fic, winter always turns to spring was translated into portuguese!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

no..........but mona & i have been percolating some thoughts..............................................monaaaaaaa.........is this a sign................?

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

this is such a hard question !!! i think i have to say at this moment in time it's steddie. they truly just scratch all the shippy itches for me. honourable mention tho to merthur, who have had my soul in some way or another for 10+ years.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

i have this shameless canon divergence fic. the summary i wrote describes it best: "When Ian was 3, his birth father Clayton Gallagher and his wife Lucy were granted full custody, ripping Ian away from the only family he had ever known. Fifteen years later, Ian has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and is looking for answers. Here, he reconnects with Fiona and Lip, his brother and sister who watched him be taken. Ian also meets his brother’s friend, Mickey, who conveniently is the guy Ian has been meeting in bars and dark alleys for the past few weeks."

part of me wishes i could go back and finish it, but i haven't written for gallavich in so long & i have so many other fics for other fandoms i'm more inclined to finish first. i guess never say never, but i also don't know when the time for it would be. alas.

16. What are your writing strengths?

how dare anyone make me talk positively about myself....sigh. ok. i think i'm good at character tone/voice. the way characters speak has always come pretty easily to me, and so i'm often most proud of my dialogue. i think it's why a lot of my fics often are dialogue heavy & have people working out problems together.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

does my own brain count? i feel like i can be repetitive in my descriptors of things. everything is "says softly" or "he smiles" or "he laughs" etc. my brain tells me every single goddamn sentence has to be Unique or something, and then i get in my head about Everything. it's the worst !!!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i haven't ever done it! not sure how i would go about it tbh! i don't speak any other languages other than english, so i would be hesitant to put any other language in a fic of mine because i would have to rely on google translate or something.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

HMMM. if i'm really honest, probably peter pan when i was like. 10. then it was icarly LMAO. all on ff.net babeyyyy

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

hands down, fields of gold. i consider it to be my merlin magnum opus of sorts, my eternal love letter to the show. i took 2 years to write it, and genuinely no joke some of the aspects/themes of that fic date back to headcanons/meta i wrote in 2012. so. i poured a lot of my heart into that fic, and i hope it shows.

zero pressure tags: @stargyles/@pushrope, @mojowitchcraft, @magicinavalon, @stevespookington, @lady-lostmind, @thefreakandthehair, @snapshotmaestro, @glaftwlet, @andonandon & truly anyone who sees this and wants to answer these questions. tag me!!! i am nosy and love stuff like this lol.

[salute-the-dead]

A List of My OTPs

because it's 11 and I can't sleep.

Enjolras x Grantaire a.k.a. Enjoltaire a.k.a. ExR- Les Mis

How I fell into this I don't remember now. I vaguely remember reading a crackfic of this and then everything just went sideways.

This was also the fandom that helped me realize that I wasn't exactly straight and that it's okay to not be loud about my sexuality, that I can just be.

I think that explains my attachment to this ship, not to mention just the movie's Grantaire (played by George Blagden) also shipped the characters and played his character like how he thought it should be, Grantaire loving and pining after Enjolras without the revolutionary knowing it.

Except in the fan fics, Enjolras returns his feelings and they work it out, even though it's not easy because they're both stubborn as mules. Ah, ultimate fantasy I guess. And the number of great fics here, *whistle*

Also, the Les Amis? Is amazing? Especially in the modern AUs? Like they're great friends? I love this fandom so much! Permets-tu!

Shen Wei x Zhao Yunlan - Guardian / Zhen Hun

C'mon, Zhu Yilong & Bai Yu's performance and emotions? Plus just the fact the fanfic writers of this ship are absolutely amazing? Please, escape from this pairing is impossible!

Best opposites attract trope for me. An academic by day, superhero by night in love with a roguish police chief who has no powers but whose charisma, wit, and heart can get him to toe to toe with the legends.

Also, Professor Shen Wei constantly acting like an innocent civilian and lying badly? Gold!

Loki x Tony Stark a.k.a. FrostIron - Avengers

How did I honestly get to this ship? I really can't remember what started it all. I think it must have been a Loki redemption fic where Tony Stark and Pepper broke up and something something happened. Let me tell you, the writers of this ship have written sagas and ballads of epic and sometimes confusing proportions, and that is why I fell deeper into the pit. I mean, they gotta give justice to two brilliant but chaotic characters, right? Angst. This ship has sooooooooo much angst.

Eiji x Ash - Banana Fish

My god, if you want to keep your heart intact and not be reminded of all that's ugly in the world, DON'T WATCH OR READ BANANA FISH. YOUR HEART WILL NEVER HEAL!

If you're gonna watch/read it anyway, make sure to watch something fluffy and sweet after. There's a reason that people from this fandom go, "If you've seen Banana Fish's ending, then you can handle whatever angsty show you're watching now." ~ or something to that effect. Another thing we like to say in this fandom is, "Other fandoms: Let's write a Mafia AU! Banana Fish fandom: We are the Mafia AU." Yes, all of us in this fandom is dramatic af.

Yuuri x Viktor - Yuuri!!! on Ice

Uh, does this really need an explanation? Aside from the fact that you will surprisingly find a lot of Mafia AUs here because we all know that hiding behind that beautiful face of Viktor Nikiforov is a devil capable of... tearing down your self-confidence, like WTF Viktor, don't make Yuuri cry! Also, their dance together at the end, such beautiful love.

Magnus Bane x Alec Lightwood aka Malec - Shadowhunters

I never read the books and have no plans to in the near future. I just saw a video on Youtube about why Malec is life and now here I am, still reading some Malec fics from time to time.

Some stuff on the show were WTF but overall they were a really good couple who supported each other. Plus, they're a Power Couple.

Erwin x Levi aka Eruri - Attack on Titan / Shingeki no Kyojin

Not to be confused with Ereri, which is Eren x Levi, which I don't generally ship except for that one time when a writer wrote an epic fanfic series with Eren in his mid 20s and Levi in his late 20s/early 30s, reincarnation AU. Boy was that one a surprise. I did not expect that.

Anyway, I'm an Eruri fan through and through. Especially with that promise that Levi made to Erwin. And the reason he gave the serum to Armin. HE DIDN'T DO IT FOR THE KIDS YKNOW. HE DID IT FOR ERWIN. Plus, Levi, Erwin, and Hange are my special trio. Erwin's batch was really amazing.

Also, I really like the fact that the shorter and slighter person is the more badass fighter while the taller, bigger one is the more calculating and strategic one. Rocks the boat of stereotypes and all that. Bonus: how these two met. My god, what a meet-cute! 😂

Dani x Jamie aka The Au Pair and the Gardener - The Haunting of Bly Manor

It really is more of a love story than a ghost story. I dunno how to feel about this. I loved these two characters so much and I wished they had a better ending but I wasn't SO surprised because it was a horror series (Like, I was still hoping at the end that they'd be together forever but yknow...). In any case, Jamie was just awesome. And her nickname for Dani? Poppins?! God, what a lover and fighter. She was not afraid to cock a gun in a ghost's face.

... and now for my flexible BROTPs

Merlin x Arthur aka Merthur - BBC Merlin

Yeah, my brain is so chaotic multiple OTPs and BROTPs of the same pairing exist at the same time without clashing with one another or having major identity crises.

I actually really like BROTP Merlin and Arthur and also like reading OTP Merthur.

And when Merlin is paired with Morgana or Freya or sometimes even Gwaine, that's fine with me too. As long as his bromance with Arthur stays intact, because that's what drew me to the show in the first place. Personal preference. I see them as platonic soulmates.

*Shout-out to the Merthur writers though, you kept me sane during my "Post-Merlin Depression," which is actually a term thrown around in the fandom because of that horrid final season (not saying it's a good term but it's what it was called). A lot of amazing fics here, too, both Magic Reveal and Modern AU ones. Full of action and adventure too! I mean, there are boy-band-looking Knights and magic-wielding badasses!

Tim Drake x Conner Kent/Kon-El aka Red Robin x Super Boy - DC Comics

More like flexible otp. I dig Stephanie Brown and Tim Drake BUT I really really also dig Tim Drake and Conner Kent. When they're TimKon, it's like an entirely different entity from TimSteph. Ugh, hard to explain.

I mean, Kon telling Tim, "You'll always be my Robin" and Tim telling Kon, "And you'll always be my clone boy" is the shit. Also when Kon could pick out/recognize Tim's heartbeat. And when Tim nearly went mad scientist trying to bring his bestie back. Like, dudes, wtf. And at the same time, hell yeah.

Liu Kang x Kung Lao aka LiuLao - Mortal Kombat

- I see these two as more like ride or die best friends connected by fate/platonic soulmates. But also like their dynamic is so awesome, cute, sweet, badass, can't-live-without-you vibes.

Basically the same way I feel about Merthur. I like reading both romantic and platonic relationships between these two characters. Like, the LiuLao fan creators peeling off the layers of this relationship and exposing every raw nerve is beautiful.

They love diving into the characters' psyche, emotions, motivations, fears, and doubts and you get really amazed because... Aren't they just characters from a video game, you ask? Well yeah, but MK video game has several interesting storylines and the Mortal Kombat 2021 movie was just the perfect jumpstarter to this beautiful blaze.

I mean, "We swore that if we were to die, it would be together"? Hell no, you're not dropping that on us and not expecting us to create our very own spin-offs and 12-page essays on that shit. That's what we fans do, baby. And also, really, we need a shaolin monks/white lotus spin-off/prequel. We're starving here.

As this ship is the newest one on my list, it's the one I'm looking forward to the most. Not enough fan content, I tell you. Not enough. One of these days, I just might add my own.

But right now, it's past 1 and so I shall attempt to sleep.

***No images for TimKon and LiuLao coz apparently I've gone past my 10-images allowance 😤

[fandom-star]

Writer’s Tag

@its-all-ineffable tagged me to do this, but it’s a long one so I’m doing it in a different post! Thank you very much! I love doing these so much!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many works do you have on AO3?

164 (possibly 165 by the weekend if I post the Witcher one I finished the other day)

What's your total AO3 word count?

181468

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

It’s Okay (Merlin: Merthur) - 569 Kudos Pulchra (Night At The Museum: Jedtavius) [NSFW] - 286 Kudos A Father’s Wisdom (Merlin: Merthur: Uther-centric) - 270 Kudos Crush (MCU Spider-Man: PeterNed) - 262 Kudos Comfort Blankets For Sleepy Gods (MCU Loki Series: Lokius) - 245

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Sometimes. I try to if I’m not in a non-social mood. Mostly, if I start off on my page before reading any fic and see that I have something in my inbox and it turns out to be a comment on my fic, then I’m more likely to reply to it. Idk why it works like that. Otherwise, it’s kinda touch and go whether or not I’ll reply to something, you’ve got a 50/50 chance, but I always read and appreciate every one that I get.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

*Looks at my abundance of angst fics* There’s... a surprising amount of angst without happy endings in my repertoire. Um. I’ll give you three that I vividly remember. (All of these are Star Trek and Spones) Written In The Stars - This is one of my really early works, and was gonna have a sequel that made it have a less angsty ending, but I could never get into the rhythm of writing it. I won’t spoil it, but this is probably the only fic I’ve written where Sarek is a straight-up dick. Battlefield - As the title suggests, there’s war with no real context. And major character death. It’s sad. I genuinely made people cry with this. I am both proud and apologetic of that. Unreal - This is probably one of my more complex concepts, and I’m really proud of it. Features ooc Spock with contextual reasons I won’t spoil, defensive/protective McCoy and major character death of a sort.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending

This is kind of difficult, bc while I have excessively written angsty endings (see: above answer) I do usually write happy endings, and I can’t remember all 160 fic endings left over, and even then it’s difficult to rank them by happiest. I like Nutcase {Murdoch Mysteries: Watts-centric) a lot, oh and also Blame It On Me (Star Trek Pricard: Hughnor) which is angst with a happy ending (and has amazing art accompanying it). There are many others with happy endings, but like I said I have no idea how to rank them by “happiest”.

Do you write crossovers? If so, What is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I don’t really, but I have written one as a request that I really really enjoyed. A Good Day is ThorBruce and is set in the DS9 era of Star Trek, in which Thor is a captain and Bruce is his chief science officer. It’s really adorable and features sleepy, over-worked Bruce and a very characteristically happy Thor.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, I don’t think so, unless you count unsolicited advice I felt I couldn’t turn down on ff.net when I was struggling to write Uhura. I’m kind of surprised I haven’t tbh (not that I’m complaining) since I do write for some very popular fandoms and ships (although, conversely, also some very niche fandoms and ships).

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I write it but have only ever posted it thee, four times if you count the exploratory one I posted under a pseudonym that wasn’t really that smutty. I’m hoping to get the confidence up to post some of what I’ve written tho, bc I do really like hat I’ve managed to do with some of it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I’m aware.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, I have! A lovely person found my fic 1967, which is probably one of my favourite Spones fics I’ve written, based around the UK’s decriminalisation (well, partial) of homosexuality, and traslated it into Hungarian here. I’ve not been able to check it out, due to not knowing a thing in the language (tho I could probably ask my friend to) but the translator seemed really lovely, so I trust them to have done a good job.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not something I posted, but before I even started posting fanfic, me and my best friend really randomly started writing a Star Trek TNG x Star Wars crossover whenever they were at my house. We gave up on it after about a year and never wrote much for it, but it was... it was something.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

This changes all the time with my hyperfixations! One that will always be in my heart is obviously Spones, my og ship and within my special interest. Currently I’m obsessed with The Witcher so I’ve got Geraskier on the mind but who knows when that might change!

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

In terms of fanfic I don’t really have any that I don’t think I’ll ever finish. I have an original script that I started writing months ago but only got about three scenes into and haven’t touched since bc I don’t actually have a plot for it.

What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue; Is situations one? That sounds like a good and fancy way of saying AUs; Finding synonyms should be one, that’s like half my search history

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description; Despite my talent of finding synonyms I feel like I do repeat words a lot; Planning and outlining, I just don’t do it - it works for me tho.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I’m pretty sure the only times I’ve really done it is for Jedtavius (having Oct speak in Latin occasionally) and I might have done it once or twice with Spock speaking Vulcan, both times it’s mostly terms of endearment or Oct wanting to be romantic. Idk, I don’t really care about reading dialogue in other languages as long as there’s a translation somewhere in the work or I can easily pick it up or search it. Just do whatever, it’s your writing. As long as you do it well and it makes contextual sense, I don’t really care.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Unposted: Star Trek: The Next Gen Posted: Sherlock (I actually recently reread my first ever posted fic, it’s a long haul (just over 45k), but if anyone ever wants to see a work where my writing visibly improves lemme know and I’ll email the pdf to you)

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Why would you do this to me??? I love most of my fics!!! I’m just gonna link a few here cause I’ve been doing this for an hour now and it would definitely take me an hour to choose just one! The Relationship Series - modern AU, autistic Spock (written by a self-projecting autistic writer), there’s angst spattered about but is especially prominent in part 6, I just really love this series Promises You Can’t Keep - Loki spoilers, I love this bc it’s based on “what if my finale theory was right instead of being debunked three minutes into the episode”, definitely angst with a hopeful ending I love all of my Charite At War fics, but I’m gonna link my 20 years post-canon fic Grow Old With Me and my modern AU You Give Me Your Light - both have some heavy topics (post-canon is set in 1960s East Germany, modern AU topics are tagged) but I adore both with my entire heart You’ll Never Burn - Merlin/Merthur, again kinda heavy (not as heavy as the Charite ones in my opinion) but short and everything is tagged I love all of my Babylon 5 fics but Secret Rendezvous will always have a special place in my heart. It’s very sweet and essentially follows Vir and Lennier trying to navigate coming out about their relationship to their ambassadors I also recommend all the of the fics I’ve already linked in the post ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Now for the hard part - tagging!

@esperata @tallysgreatestfan @iwritesometimes @marlinspirkhall and any other writer mutuals I’ve likely forgotten but I’ve already spent WAY too long writing this post asfdhdskjdgha So I apologise, but if you wanna do it, absolutely go for it, this was so much fun and really made me realise how much I’ve achieved in 4.5 years.

[coinofstone]

5x12 The Diamond of the Day pt 1

Final two episodes! Big finale! Why am I making myself cry in the middle of the afternoon! Both eps in this post.

I do love that they made Arthur a sore loser

Enter treacherous white woman #2. Srsly it was lazy writing when they did it for Mordred, it's worse now with Gwaine.

I do love the actual Round Table war room discussion but a) why isn't Merlin seated at the round table and b) why does Leon have so much goddamn faith in Camelot's walls? Like??? You literally said the same thing last year and yet Camelot *did* fall when Agravaine brought an army through the tunnels!

Poor Aithusa. Kid's had a rough life.

I do love Arthur responding to Merlin presenting him with all his supplies ready - which he prepared without his magic mind you - with suspicion 😂

But then he calls Merlin a coward and it's sad

Katie has such a great voice. That entire thing in the cave from her taunting to her laughter to the spell, it just just beautifully played.

Whole ass battle to prepare for and Arthur is just walking around moping cuz Merlin isn't there

So, Merlin's father-vision telling him he's magic itself and he just needs to believe in himself to get his magic going again, does this mean he *didn't* need to go to the cave to get it back? Cuz it seems like he needed to recharge in the cave itself, his injuries were healed when he woke up. That seems like magic cave stuff to me.

Also that "always have been and always will be" - I'm taking to mean 'always have been' in the sense that since he's 'magic itself' even before he was born, his magic existed in other, intangible forms, like we are all stardust etc. But now that he is, he will always be, aka he will not die.

Arthur waking up with his wife in his arms and Merlin's name on his lips, jumping out of bed to act on dream-info.

Balinor telling Merlin to trust in what will be.... like bitch that is literally not how this ends.

5x13 The Diamond of the day pt 2

You know that gif of the cat knocking everything off the table? That's literally Merlin shooting lightning at everyone from his perch on the ridge.

I have a lot of snarky things to say about Merlin coming out of the cave in full Dragoon gear and riding a horse instead of teleporting like the other witches but I'ma keep that to myself.

Mordred is a bitch and Aithusa has terrible aim. At least Aithusa's loyalty to Morgana makes sense.

Arthur said oh shit I'm magic - oh wait no it's that old man again

He also straight up "No! Bad dragon!"-ed Aithusa

Y'know, for all I've watched this episode and screamed about Arthur's death, I don't think I've ever focused on the exact moment he gets stabbed before.

Mordred catches him from behind and he meets it, no fault there. But as soon as he realizes his assailant is the knight who turned on him and joined Morgana, what does he do? HE LOWERS HIS FUCKING SWORD

He leaves himself wide fucking open and vulnerable and Mordred seizes the opportunity. I understand wanting the moment of recognition for Arthur, but on what planet is a trained warrior going to drop his sword mid-attack because he recognizes his attacker as a dude who only just recently decided to forsake him? It's soooooo dumb

There was a whole sequence a few episodes back where Mordred and Arthur are sparring, the point of it was to show that Mordred has become a skilled swordsman. So what exactly was the point in having Mordred run Arthur through as soon as Arthur idiotically lets his guard down? This should've been a meticulously choreographed sword fight, with Mordred getting the upper hand and sticking Arthur properly. Not this nonsense. Look at Arthur's FACE! Oh, Mordred... 👉👈 do you maybe wanna be friends again- STAB ... guess not

Uther's been rolling in his grave but he's taking an extra tumble watching Arthur forget all his skills and training in that moment.

I do appreciate Arthur getting Mordred back though. Like that moment of merciless anger followed by the hurt and regret playing on Arthur's face, warring with surety and responsibility. It was good.

I've rewatched the big confession scene about 16 times just now.

I don't quite understand why Merlin took Arthur to the woods to begin with. Instead of bringing him to the med tent in the battlefield or back to Camelot. What was the reason?

Merlin saying it feels strange (to use magic freely in front of Arthur) and him just going 'yeah' completely deadpan makes me laugh every time.

I really feel like Arthur's head should be elevated at a further incline if he's going to be fed.

Gaius refusing to outright expose Merlin as the sorcerer but nonetheless letting Gwen figure it out on her own warms my heart.

My God Arthur is sitting there dying, feeling betrayed about his best friend 'lying' to him, and still he can't stop himself from looking at Merlin's mouth.

Percival summoned MUSCLE POWER

Hey um random but why does Gwaine even know where Merlin and Arthur are headed? Why would Gaius tell him?

Arthur looks at Merlin so lovingly after he's killed Morgana 😭😭

And now he's literally grabbing at the man's hand 😭 "just hold me, please"

That's gotta be the gayest death scene in television history. If you can watch that without thinking Arthur puts his hand on the back of Merlin's head because some part of him wants to bring him down for a kiss, or that "just hold me, please" is in any way shape or form a 'bros' thing, and certainly not at all an intentional mirror/callback to Isolde dying in Tristan's arms, then I'm afraid you are what we professionals refer to as a dumb-as-nails fucknugget, more commonly phrased as 'willfully ignorant'.

"All that you have dreamt of building has come to pass" yeah except for the whole, y'know, magic still being illegal thing.

I've said this before, but, while I'm sure there was a determined intention to have Arthur die in his armor, probably in some kind of attempt to make sure the audience knows he's died a warrior's death, I *really* think it was kinda stupid that Merlin never removed it, despite Arthur being weak, despite the fact that there was something like five days between him getting stabbed and him actually dying, despite that for the duration of that time they were traveling or hiding out. Merlin managed to produce a cloak to put on Arthur, why did he need the full armor on that whole time? Like even if they left the chainmail on, those plates on his shoulder were just getting in the way, and it looked quite uncomfortable.

Also not for nothing but Lancelot got like, every flower in the forest surrounding lush verdant greens in his death boat, Arthur gets a bunch of sticks.

It suddenly occurs to me, watching this now, that the reason Leon/Percival is such a common side pairing in Merthur fics, is because these two motherfuckers are the only original Knights of the Round Table to survive the series. 🤦‍♀️ I dunno how I failed to notice that before now. My stupidity amazes me.

I'm *really* glad they decided to do this scene with Gwen wearing the Pendragon red dress instead of the black mourning dress. Yes she looks fabulous in it but it's more the symbolism than the 'reality' - with Gwen wearing her house's colors it represents a continuation rather than a finality. Camelot will go on, Gwen will undoubtedly end the war on magic and with Morgana dead (and frankly, I think by now she already brought about the death of all the angry incel type rulers in Albion) there stands to reason her reign will begin with a period of peace, possibly longer than Arthur's. We kind of have to assume that the 'time the poets speak of' is, inevitably, Gwen's reign - which only came about through Arthur's death. It's a little bit toooo subtle in my opinion, but at the same time, I understand the need for the focus on Merlin and Arthur - after all, this show was their journey - not leaving much time to focus on Gwen and Camelot in the aftermath of Arthur's death.

I will just say, the first time I watched this that fucking truck scared the ever living shit out of me. I also just immediately, viscerally hated that scene and declared it invalid - but I think it was because the truck made me jump out of my skin. It has since grown on me, particularly once I started reading 'Arthur Returns' fic.

Everything beyond this point is post-series spec and headcanon, so if that's not your jam you can exit safe in the knowledge that as usual, if there's anything worth commenting on in the S5 extras, I will create a separate post!

For those interested, my go-to post-series fic is We Begin Again by katherynefromphilly I fully headcanon this series as the continuation of the series.

I have a lot of thoughts about Gwen and Merlin post-Camlann.

For one, poor fucking Gwen. She's lost her father, her brother, and her husband, all by what, age 30? That's rough. And who knows what happened to her mom, that was pre-series and I don't think it was ever mentioned.

Merlin, dear god poor Merlin. First of all, I just wanna say straight off that my instinctive headcanon about Merlin was that he never returned to Camelot. I couldn't really say why exactly. I just don't think he could stand being there after Arthur's death. But practically speaking, Merlin's still got Aithusa to deal with, that dragon needs some godsdamned house training asap. He's still the last Dragonlord, it's reasonable to assume he'd immediately take that on considering Aithusa is partially responsible for Arthur's death (the sword Mordred killed Arthur with, only succeeded in killing Arthur because it had been forged in Aithusa's fire-breath) so he's either going to attempt to train the bad behaviors out of Aithusa, or...well...

The only thing is, I do not believe Merlin would abandon Gwen, or Gaius. So my hc is inherently flawed. I do think Merlin probably spend a couple months with his mum, and I do think he ultimately settled near lake Avalon waiting for Arthur's return.

But I do wonder, what must their relationship have been like? Gwen, surely, would've sought his guidance in establishing laws governing the use of magic. And surely, peace cannot last indefinitely, so Merlin absolutely would've defended Camelot and protected Gwen. There's just no way he could've completely turned his back on them, but I doubt he could bear living in Camelot. And Gwen is both strong and practical enough to get on without him there 24/7, even though I'm sure she'd miss him.

I also think she would've found love again. Whether with Leon, as many people hc, or someone else not in the series.

ANYWAY.

Thanks to everyone who came on this journey with me. I will post comments on the extras if I have anything worth saying - and I think I'll do a master post linking all these episode posts after I clean them up once I get time to sit at a computer and do so. Until then! 💙💚

(Gif source) (h/t @shut-up-merlin)

[iblendingreenscreens]

Platonic Ships

For AGES now I’ve been trying to spread the idea of platonic ships and platonic adoration, but for some reason it just doesn’t click with most people. So I’mma try break it down here.

Platonic adoration isn’t always present in platonic ships, but a lot of the time it is. 

What is platonic adoration?

It’s falling in love with your friends, but not in the same sense as crushes. It’s loving and caring enough to show it and not care what people think. It’s buying your friends flowers and writing them crappy poetry, it’s celebrating little things like the day you became friends just because you are so happy to be friends with this person. It’s holding hands comfortably with any of your friends because you’re both so sure of this friendship that both of you understand no one’s trying to make a move on the other person. It is breaking out of the mold that adoration is limited to romantic relationships. When two people have been through so much together and they just know that no matter what happens they will stick together, that’s when you realize you should cherish each other and that your friendship is worth just as much (if not more) than any romantic relationship is. When two people are in love, but they don’t plan on ruining it with stupid things like kissing and sex; when all they want is to stick together; that’s platonic adoration. 

How does that play into platonic ships?

Sometimes people think that if you’ve already gone through all that why not just be a regular couple? Why not ship a ship the way it’s supposed to happen?

Well sometimes it’s circumstantial, sometimes the two just aren’t chemically fit for each other, etc. 

So let me list some platonic ships that I thoroughly believe are just platonic:

 Crowley x Aziraphale

Lucifer x Chloe

Fallon x Culhane 

Merlin x Arthur

James x Sirius

Luka x Marinette

So here’s a surf and turf collection of ships from various fandoms.

Now something people get bothered by, when I say that I think ships like Merthur or Crowley/Aziraphale are platonic, is the fact that they’re same sex couples. You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard  “Oh you’re just homophobic, if they where a heterosexual couple you wouldn’t feel that way.” Anyway, I don’t care for that fact aside from with Merthur, but I’ll explain that in a moment.

Crowley x Aziraphale

They are such a good platonic adoration type couple, but at the end of the day they’re just platonic. Not because they’re both dudes, but because they’re CELESTIAL BEINGS. There’s no doubt that they’re in love; that they would do anything for each other; they they would sacrifice themselves for the other, but are they gonna make out anytime soon? NO. It’s as simple as that. 

Lucifer x Chloe

So they’re a little more complicated because canonically they aren’t a platonic ship, but honestly I believe that, even though it would possibly kill the whole point of the show, it would be better if they were “just friends”. All things considered they would work wonderfully without all the drama that they brought upon themselves. 

Fallon x Culhane

Obviously, they don’t need the adoration bit, but they have an amazing platonic ship. I don’t think I need to go into detail, if you’ve seen the show I think it’s pretty clear

Merlin x Arthur

BBC Merlin one of my all time favourite shows and recently I’ve noticed a lot of people are really getting into it. Merthur has seen so much support that it’s heart warming, but I really don’t ship them romantically. Similar to Crowley and Aziraphale they are best friends, and their friendship has quite a romantic-relationship-type dynamic (two clueless idiots who are constantly bickering/fighting/arguing, but really they just want to snog each other). It’s just that, considering the time period I think that even if they were gay for each other they... wouldn’t know it? Therefore I love the idea of them just casually being in love without the romantic aspect to it. “Yeah, I love Merlin more than my actual wife, but that’s normal, right?” -Arthur, at some point probably

James x Sirius

They might just be the DEFINITION of platonic adoration. Both of them are completely smitten with other people, these people who they know they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with, but at the same time they will also spend the rest of their lives with each other. They are most definitely the kind of friends who will randomly buy each other gifts; hold hands and celebrate the day they met. They love each other just as much as they love their significant others and would literally die for their friendship. Obviously close with the other marauders as well, but they are the others ride or die. 

Luka x Marinette

Honestly wish I could dive into the mess that is the relationships in MLB right now, but this post has already given me carpal tunnel. Just imagine them being close and secure in their friendship, neither being in love with the other, but they do love each other. Everyone wonders if they’re a couple and this friendship is what pushes Adrien over the edge into asking Marinette out.

I really hope that this has enlightened someone to the wonders of platonic ships and how much fun you can have with them. I think it sucks that so many people still limit adoration to romantic relationships when honestly you should adore everything you do and everyone you love. Never forget that even the smallest gesture that you appreciate someone could light up their day. Also if you love your friends so much that you would be willing to die for them then show them, if you really are close they’ll know that you aren’t making a move on them and will probably love it.

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk, now go write stupid poetry about your friends and send it to them.

[sleepdeprivedphilosopher]

GET TO KNOW YOU MEME

thanks for the tag @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire​  💙

this got a bit long-winded I apologizeeee 

rules: tag 9 people you want to know get to know better

---

top 3 ships:

for the record, I named my minivan the enterprise so.... yea anyway onto relationship ships. this was a hard list to make honestly. 

1. snowbaz (from Carry On). this ship inspired me to write and publish fic so it makes sense that it is my number one. I’ve always loved those classic love-hate rival to lovers stories and this ship provides that in spades. that isn’t all that snowbaz is though. it is also one of the most relatable depictions of a relationship with someone traumatized I’ve read. I could see myself in simon and I wasn’t expecting that. for someone who struggles with relationships and opening up to people, it was like suddenly having words for something I had never been able to express before. 

2. merthur (from BBC Merlin). for years this ship was my number one. Merlin is my favorite television show in part due to this relationship. even in just a platonic sense their connection and their dynamic gets me every time. two sides of the same coin you can’t get much better than that. 

3. so I wasn’t sure which ship to put here. it was a toss-up between supernatural’s destiel or star trek’s spirk. in the end, I picked spirk because despite how much into supernatural I am at the moment spirk was pretty much my first ship and as such will always have a special place in my heart. 

if you can’t already tell I really enjoy soulmatey meant to be ships. whether they be platonic or romantic I’m a sucker for a pair of people who are meant to be (tm) and that’s what you get with spirk. they just bring out the best in each other and isn’t that what love is really about? 

lipstick or chapstick:

lipstick. especially liquid lipstick. I always have a bad reaction to chapstick so I tend to avoid it. love me a good liquid lipstick though. I usually have one on my person and picking out a shade is my favorite part of doing my makeup. 

my favorites right now are Wet N Wild liquid catsuit in the shade rebel rose (only five dollars can you believeee) and NYX lip lingerie in the shade ruffle trim (only seven dollarsss). you can get both brands at the drugstore for cheap and they last forever and go with pretty much every outfit. 

last song:

(Coffee’s for Closers) by Fall Out Boy. though I love every single Fall Out Boy album and could probably sing along to any of their songs (seriously test mee) I think folie à deux is my favorite. I listened to it a lot during 2016 and it has my favorite song on it, The Shipped Gold Standard. 

there’s nothing like yell singing the line “I will never believe in anything again!” when you are feeling super down about life in general. love the song. love the violins at the end and all the references poured into it. just great. 

last movie:

I can’t remember the last movie I watched. I don’t really watch movies much anymore. I did watch the muffin scene from The Importance of Being Earnest (2002) recently because my friends and I were doing a virtual reading of the play. but in terms of full-length movies, I think the last movie I saw was Anastasia (1997). I just got the urge re-watch it a few months back so I did and it was just as good as I remembered. (I may or may not want to write a snowbaz Anastasia au now....)

reading:

I am currently listening to the audiobook Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir and have been listening to it on and off for a good four months I think. I am getting close to finally finishing it though. 

I also read a really depressing destiel end of the world fic last night until six in the morning soooooo yea (fic is Every Living Thing by Askance if anyone wants to cry a lot). 

three random things that make me happy:

1. dancing. goodness, I love dancing. I used to go swing dancing every tuesday but of course, with things as they are I only get to dance in my studio apartment by myself nowadays. 

2. my little brother has been sending me snapchats daily. it usually doesn’t have a message attached to it just his face and honestly, it is just a little way we stay in contact. a way so I always know he is healthy and safe and thinking about me. he’s a good kid. I love him to bits. 

3. my characters. some of them I’ve had for years some just for a few months. I enjoy making their boards on pinterest and sketching out their expressions in my sketchbook. I love all their weird little details I just somehow know. I love being able to dive into another person and explore how they see the world. 

they've always been there for me and I love them dearly. maybe that’s strange. 

---

not sure who all has been tagged so I’m just going to go for it. sorry if you’ve already been tagged. 

tagging: @sortofsea​ @archegonia @the-clueless-philosopher​ @nodusormu​@bluelioncupcake @nightimedreamersworld​ @sunshine-death-breath​ @kit-kat57​ @sourcherrymagiks​

[shellsan]

30 Day Writing Challenge

Day Twenty-Eight: Luck

Fandom: Merlin

Pairing: Merthur or Gen

Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin

Luck

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

It occurred to Arthur once, late at night, long after the moon had reached it's peak, and even longer since Merlin had left him.

Merlin was an enigma, truly amazing. He followed Arthur everywhere, whether he was supposed to or not, witty remarks and sarcasm all the while, and he always always came out of it alive.

It was an odd thing to realise, so late in the game. It had been years since he's met Merlin at this point, and that meant he had gone years not realising just how lucky his friend manservant, has been to come out of each ordeal with sometimes less than a scratch on him.

But it was also concerning.

For years, he'd gotten used to bringing Merlin everywhere with him – no longer questioning when Merlin also assumed he was coming along – and he'd forgotten that the other man didn't have a single ounce of training (as evidenced by the way he still refused Arthur's offers to learn).

And that was just the kicker, wasn't it? He had offered for this exact reason a couple of times over the years, and every time Merlin had refused, throwing out that he wasn't suited to sword-fighting. It was almost like a hint to something, but Arthur had never been able to figure out what, so he'd just let it go.

Another memory rose unbidden from his mind, Merlin proclaiming that he'd die if the manservant didn't come to him, but that he would be fine as long as Merlin was with him.

It had been such an odd thing to say, and Merlin had almost fallen over himself trying to explain exactly why, which had amused and exasperated him at the time. But if he thought back to the times before Merlin had become his manservant, to the near-misses he'd experienced in the past, he'd gotten so much closer to death every time before that.

When Merlin was with them though, lady luck seemed to favour them. Tree branches would fall on his enemies, and bandits would trip and stumble. And not just for him. For the rest of the knights as well.

He'd gotten so used to these happenings that he hadn't thought of their origins in a long while, but in the darkness of this night, he couldn't help but wonder, suspicion rising.

If it had been as such only a few times, then perhaps he could view it as coincidence, but a memory of Merlin and his friend (Will?) in Ealdor rose to his mind, and he could feel suspicion rising.

The first instinct he had was to deny that it was possible. Merlin wouldn't do that. He wouldn't practice magic, not in Camelot.

Except he would. Stupid, reckless, brave, kind-hearted Merlin who cared so much more for his people then Arthur ever could, and who had carved his place by Arthur's side, day by day, through every hardship on his rise to the crown, comforting him through it all, a steady presence through betrayal after betrayal, always reliable.

Merlin would do almost anything to protect those he loved. Of this, Arthur had no doubt.

As he continued to think on moments in the past, Arthur found only more and more evidence to support his theory, and wasn't that the worst thing? Because he spent a lot of his time with Merlin, most of it if he was being honest, so he couldn't very well leave this secret alone.

Part of him snarled at that word. Secret.

Merlin had kept something secret from him. He would not claim that Merlin had lied, because he had no doubt that when he finally asked his manservant whether or not it was true, he wouldn't lie.

Merlin didn't have it in him.

He would, however, try to side-step the question, and confuse Arthur into forgetting what it was he was asking. So he would have to be just as conniving (because there was no other word to describe what Merlin was. He was conniving, and so much smarter than Arthur ever gave him credit for).

Or perhaps, he reasoned with himself, maybe there had been enough 'conniving' between them. Perhaps the best solution was the easiest. He would just tell Merlin his thoughts, and refuse to let the man leave until he confessed.

And then Arthur could fill in so many gaps that he had forgotten in his anger, and irritation, almost always towards Merlin. (See? Conniving.)

Content with his plans, Arthur lay there throughout the night, willing his mind to sleep, but unable to catch more than a short sleep here and there, before he awoke once more.

The third time he forced himself to sit up in bed, giving into his need to be awake – and a little restless thinking of what was going to happen in a short while.

During what sleep he had gotten, he had been reminded of just how much Merlin had seen him do, how much he had watched Uther do, condemning his kin to death, over and over again. How could the other man stand to be here, in this castle, standing by Arthur's side always.

And when he realised that Arthur knew, how would he react.

When he'd thought on it before bed he had thought of Merlin defiant and then reluctant, but his dreams had offered him the thought of Merlin cowering, of Merlin scared of him and that hurt so much more than the brief moment of hurt he'd felt at not being told for so many years.

And then he no longer had time to re-plan, to re-consider, because his door was rattling, and Merlin was stepping into the room, shock at Arthur being awake clear on his face.

“Well, Sire, I had no idea that you would be so eager for today's activities.” Merlin chirped, voice so cheerful, much too cheerful for the time, and yet so like himself.

Swallowing thickly, Arthur took a deep breath. “We have to speak about something.”

He was proud of how steady his voice sounded, even as he wished that he was anywhere but in bed.

Merlin blinked for a moment, the picture of innocence as he stepped closer. “Is that so? Would you rather be dressed for this 'talk' or..?”

Arthur was about to agree, before his mouth clicked shut as he thought about it.

Perhaps if they spoke in this way, no pretences, no real line to draw between their status', then Merlin would be less inclined to be scared.

“No.” He stated finally, patting the mattress near him. “Come sit.”

Merlin's eyebrows rose high – something he'd clearly gotten from Gaius, and god, there's no way that Merlin was keeping this from the old man.

“Are you feeling okay this morning, Sire?”

Arthur rolled his eyes. “Just sit down, Merlin.” He grumbled, annoyance rising despite what was about to happen. “And stop that.”

It took a moment for Merlin to get what 'that' was, but as soon as he did he looked even more curious.

“I finally go out of my way to show you respect, and you don't want it.” He complained half-heartedly, grinning as he let himself fall onto the bed heavily.

Snorting, Arthur rolled his eyes again, trying not to look too fond. “With how you say it, it might as well be an insult.” He grumbled.

“Only the best for my King.”

And wasn't that the issue? Because the way Merlin said that was so sincere. He truly only wanted the best for Arthur, for his king.

It was such a rush to realise as well, that somehow he had managed to receive the right for this amazing man to pledge himself to Arthur in a way he would pledge himself to no other.

“So, what is it Arthur?” Merlin said finally, and it had been so long since he'd heard his true name from anyone's lips, and he found that suddenly, he never wanted Merlin to call him Sire ever again.

But he was digressing once more, delaying the inevitable. And it would have to end eventually.

“It had come to my realisation, Merlin, that you are my good luck charm.” Arthur started, kicking himself for the amusement that it caused on his friend's face. “A magical good luck charm at that.”

As soon as the word left his mouth, Merlin's face seemed to go passive, all amusement replaced with caution.

Not fear though, which was something.

“Sire?”

“I thought I told you to stop that.” He admonished.

Merlin frowned. “Arthur then.” He accepted. “I don't understand what you're implying.”

“Sure you do. But you want me to say it.”

There was a shrug from Merlin and a hopeless look on his face. “Wouldn't you in my position?” He shot back.

“Fine.”Arthur conceded. “Merlin, do you, or do you not have magic?”

“Yes.”

Just as he'd thought, Merlin did not lie, did not try to jump around the issue, but he was more docile then he'd thought.

“You're taking this well.”

Merlin smiled a little, looking ever so lost as he shrugged once more. “You are my king, Arthur. If you wish for me to die, then I will in a heartbeat. As long as you don't exile me – because death would be a kinder sentence.” He admitted softly, before looking into Arthur's eyes, completely relaxed, despite the caution that remained still. “But I don't think you want either of those things.”

“Oh?”

Now he was curious, because Merlin knew him best out of everyone in his life, had been with him for such a long time, and if anyone could read Arthur, then it was him.

“Yup.” And the cheeriness was back as the 'p' was popped, and he wasn't sure whether to hit shove Merlin off the bed or roll his eyes. “Because you insisted from the moment this all started that I call you by your name, which you never do. You want us to be as close to equals right now. If you wanted my head, you would've done this fully dressed and with a sword at your side. Instead you left yourself completely vulnerable.”

You trusted me wasn't said, but both men knew it was there, underlying every single word, and in every breath that he'd taken.

“You're right.” Arthur allowed.

At Merlin's wide grin of satisfaction, he opted to shove the boy this time, making him almost fall of the bed, but not quite.

“But answer me this, Merlin. Would a sword have even stopped you?” It was curiosity in his tone, not accusation, and the other man seemed to realise this as he hummed.

“If it was anyone else, Arthur, then it wouldn't have been worth a damn thing.” He admitted. “But in your hand? In your hand it would have been everything. I told you didn't I? I would submit to your decision, even if that meant that it was time for me to die.”

Swallowing thickly, Arthur shook his head at that, refusing to get emotional at Merlin's words, but having trouble given the thought of Merlin dying by his hand, even in theory.

“I'm not worth that, you fool.” He muttered finally.

Merlin shrugged. “Your worth is never for you yourself to decide.” He reminded gently.

Arthur snorted. “When did you become so wise?”

“I've always been this wise. You've just been too much of a clot-pole to realise it.”

And then their heart to heart was over. The sun was rising higher and higher in the sky, the air all the clearer now that no more secrets remain.

Later, they would have to talk more about it, there was still much Arthur had to learn, and so much more he didn't know.

But given the relaxed and happy look on Merlin's face right now, he figured they could wait.

[thedogsled]

I'm interested in hearing about the Merlin queerbaiting thing because I seem to remember someone saying that this homoerotic subtext was upped after the producers or writers or whoever had been asked whether the queer subtext was intentional or something like that.

tbh the likelihood is you probably heard this from me, but who knows. I think it’s clear to a lot of people in Merlin fandom either way, although maybe not everyone feels that way. I’m going to go riiiight back to the beginning, though, to the very first episode where I was coming off my last fandom (Harry Potter) and had nowhere else to go, and there was this awesome show on TV…

First of all I’m going to drop this here:

So this was my experience, back in 2008, when I got to go to MCM London. The show had been on maybe a few weeks at the time, and not much had been developed back then, but there was no doubt that they were writing the pair of them very well as a strong male/male friendship. Now the subtext was glorious, because as you can hear right here it wasn’t the intention of the writers to put any of it in there, and it came off so naturally as a strong set of bonds forming between two guys. Nobody was aware of it, and then bam there’s all this fanfiction being written. This was the first ever question these guys had been asked on a panel ever. We’re not talking like the pussyfooting into asking those kinds of questions like you see with SPN panels, these guys were fresh and green and had no idea what they were getting into, and the unequivocal downplay from the writer ‘No, this is a story about friendship’, well it should have stopped there. But as you hear the writer go on to say, as they laugh about the idea of people shipping Merthur at all, these sorts of heroes journeys do have a homoerotic subtext. He acknowledges that, but he’s also forthright in saying ‘no, that’s not what this is, end of story’.

So for me, that should have been what it is, i.e. it’s not queerbaiting because there’s absolutely no intention of going there, and they’ve made it clear. Unfortunately that’s not what happened, and the consequence is that it wasn’t made clear to the audience. Sure, that crowd at comic con of a few hundred people, but not the audience (also I’m disappointed there wasn’t more to that clip, because the writers (there was at least one other person, a woman there, backed and forthed briefly on the topic, “is that a thing?” or something like that, but it was ten years ago so I’m afraid I can’t remember exactly. By this time next year people were cosplaying Merlin, it had played in the USA and everything was really taking off, but that first season was in the can at this point, and consequently precious and innocent. The friendship between Arthur and Merlin was as untarnished as you could get, because the writers had no idea what they were doing, and the actors had no idea of what was coming across in those intimate moments, so that was perfect too. Seriously, that first season of Merlin is superb.

But now everyone is self conscious. They know they have this audience and they’ve been exposed to how loud it is, how superbly influential. The feeling of watching Merlin season 2 was therefore entirely different to watching season 1. Bradley and Colin carry themselves differently. The wording choices in the scenes become deliberately nudge nudge wink wink. The scenes themselves are more homoerotic because of this conglomeration of ideas and acting choices. Merlin talks about how he ‘feels’ about Arthur and there’s shitloads more shirtless scenes and long silences and held glances between Merlin and Arthur than Arthur and anyone else. 

I’m saying this as someone who didn’t fall for the queerbaiting, because I knew from that unequivocal “this is a profound friendship” declaration that they were never, ever going there, that Arthur was destined to get with Guinevere (that was the societal wall i.e. class, that he had to jump over) and they weren’t ever going to do anything but straight and hetereosexual on Saturday night on BBC1 (an opinion I changed for Sherlock but very quickly changed back when I saw the same tone and delivery grabbing for and successfully pulling in the audience who so desperately wanted to see what they were being teased at. Merlin and Sherlock really coincided at the sweet spot of queerbaiting (which incidentally is when Cas joins SPN, and coincides with the most queerbaiting seasons of SPN as well.) But I was at ground zero for Merlin, before shipping Merthur was cool, and you can betcha that the writer declaring that there were only straights here put a dead end to that before it could begin. Just imagine a writer saying something like that now. We track all the panels, we record everything. We’d tear them to pieces in a second flat.

The mood in S2 just changes. Here’s a bunch of clips from S2. I’ve stuck it on a late timestamp, but that’s only because that particular scene is a standout example: gay 4 comedy. By the middle of S3 filming, everyone is well briefed on the interest in the ship. The baiting gets really hard and comedic by season 4. I’ve jumped to some of the worst offending moments in this series of clips here. And remember Sherlock’s first season aired just before this, thus my accusations of a queerbaiting heyday. It was all getting into stride about this time, carte blanche to suck in queer viewers with no intention of following through and use ‘they might be gay’ both as an endless mockery, as in these Merlin clips, and as a way to add seriousness to some scenes. My memory of feeling mocked and ridiculed by Merlin is just so strong, and reviewing some of the episodes really nails that down for me. Having known where the writers come from, knowing the sentiment behind their approach to their queer audience…it drives me up the wall even right now.

So season 5 they pull it all together, and - spoilers - Arthur dies in Merlin’s arms, and there’s an unspoken I love you, and Merlin waits for centuries for the return of the Once and Future King. And this, coming back to the strongest part of the story in order to deliver the final emotional punch, the part that carried it through (the relationship which could be misconstrued between the main characters) and offering a flimsy not quite there delivery of yet more subtext (because you have to be in on the queer reading to see it), was a final spit in the eye. It’s why you’ll see a bunch of people in fandoms who are disgusted by the idea of a kiss in the last scene, they die together, or a subtextual drive off into the sunset ending, because it’s such a familiar and heart wrenching and aggravating cop out. It’s not even Thelma and Louise, you know? Because over years and years, you’ve been driven by this show, by what you’re seeing on screen, and your reward is a lacklustre nod in the last few seconds; what you’re there for you never get, and yet at the end of the day you’re supposed to be delighted they gave you even 50% certainty that your ship would end up together. Fuck you.

Merlin could easily have been read as not queerbaiting. That’s the thing. Some people will outright tell you that Sherlock is easily read as not queerbaiting too. Those people will also say ‘why is it that two guys can’t have a relationship without people thinking it’s romantic.’ Well, they can. They can. But I point you to the word ‘bromance’. These shows deliberately either take romantic storylines and apply them to those characters, or play up the gay for laughs. Especially at this sort of 2008-1016 sweet spot, pre The 100 drama, they absolutely did. They didn’t see the harm, and what they got back in return from fandom involvement and viewership and repeat viewing was absolute justification for those choices. Merlin benefits from it’s queer audience, but it also benefits from a storytelling perspective as having been intended as a heterosexual friends only story in the first place, and the first season (and season 3 largely, idk why) play out like that. That’s what lets it off the hook when people are looking for queerbaiting in the show, because it’s absolutely not from the get go. Like with Destiel it establishes naturally, both as a result of the story and because of the vibe the two main actors have with each other. 

Compare to Sherlock, which went for it right out of the gate “Is this a date?” and never backed down, applying the queerbaiting consistently until they were done as though I think to legitimatize the writing choice. “See, it wasn’t queer, that’s just how we wrote it, you’ve all got dirty minds.” That same show will be defended with ‘why can’t guys just be friends’, and implications that any suggestion of physical intimacy doesn’t make it gay and is harmful to guys in general. There may be some truth in that, but there is also truth in the use and manipulation of queer audiences, and there are plenty of touchy feely male/male relationships which aren’t queerbaiting; look at most buddy cop shows (I exclude due South from this), JD and Turk, McGee and DeNozzo, Esposito and Ryan. Well written brotherhood and friendship is out there which does not rely on one character waiting for another to come back from the dead for centuries, or casually delivering that Cas <3 Humanity + Dean = Humanity ∴ Cas <3 Dean.

I’ve been going on for a while, but I’m going to just make one last swing for it before I conclude. Take in mind that original quote, then. Look at this article. The quotes here are notorious in Merlin fandom, of course, but even from an outsider they leave a bad taste in my mouth. 

“Murphy points to the moment where Arthur finally dies as what the entire series has been building towards. At the “just hold me,” Murphy justifies to a shocked McGrath that, “well, he’s dying, the man he loves is dying, so he’s holding him.””

Maybe it wasn’t queerbaiting to start with, but Merlin knew what it was doing. S1: “Merlin is about a friendship between Merlin and Arthur, and they do care about each other hugely, but um it’s not necessarily, you know, it isn’t a gay love story, no.” vs. S5: “I think you maybe just confirmed what a lot of people thought, and I’m glad that Julian could do it, because he’s probably the only one who could have gotten away with that commentary.”

I don’t know where Merlin fandom stands on this. I know there’s an undercurrent - because I’ve read it - that some people like the ending as it is because they don’t think that all love has to be shown in smooches. But that would be fine if it wasn’t raising a strawman to argue against (I see it a lot in these conversations). Nobody is even talking about kissing. A relationship of any shade which is confirmed and genuine is fine. But queerbaiting specifically is this kind of stringing people along by dancing around the suggestion of something, and then coming back to state that it was there all along, or worse still just go “Maybe~ If that’s the way you see it~”. Nobody is saying they have to bang it out in a clearing in order for it to be legitimized, but that’s a whole other level from ridiculing people who see it that way, playing it as a joke, or stringing those people along right to the very last gasp.

For sure, if you don’t think it was queerbaiting then that’s great, and I’m actually glad for you! I’m sure people disagree with me on a handful of things I’ve said here, but Merlin was a huge disappointment for me as a creative. I wanted to play in that universe, but the seed was planted that every hint of homoerotic subtext was targeting me, or making a mockery of me, and it poisoned that well from the get go. That I’m still harboring those feelings a decade later probably shapes the way I interact with canons now, but it also is an indication of how strongly I feel about Destiel that I can get over it; once burned twice shy usually applies; it harmed my viewing experience of Merlin, Sherlock, and Hannibal, and I won’t deny it affects me when I watch SPN (and some other shows) too. It’s part of why I think this show has such an opportunity to do something different. But there’s still that tugging part of me that insists that because this is a show nurtured in that sweet spot, I have no reason to believe it should do anything outside the norm. Perhaps the situation with The 100 doesn’t affect it, or maybe it will have learned from it? Some things, like the queer hires to the writers room, fill me with hope. But who knows? That’s unfortunately the state of the uneasy relationship I have with it, particularly as a queer person who wants to see those stories on TV. To tell the truth, this uncertainty and unease is the damage that queerbaiting causes in the long term, and we deserve better stories.

This got super duper long, so thanks for sticking with it.

[thedaughterofkings]

Fanfiction blanket box

I did this blanket box thing on pillowfort and thought I’d crosspost it to tumblr as well^^ I'm still figuring out this pillowfort thing and this blanket thing is especially new to me, but I'm always down to talk about my fics, so here we go! (Here's the blanket box if you want to do it yourself)

The Blankets

What fandom have you written the most fanfic for? Teen Wolf! 74 if I didn't miscount (to be found here)

What’s the longest fanfic you’ve ever written?   Fully grown (36.035 words, Sterek, a soulmark AU with feral!Derek)

How many different fandoms have you written fic for? Four if I'm not forgetting anything (Teen Wolf, Merlin, Harry Potter, Star Trek) (Five if you count the Eowyn/Aragorn fic I have started writing)

Oneshots or multichaptered? Overwhelmingly oneshots, though Fully grown has made me reconsider!

Does a drabble have to be exactly 100 words? For me, yes^^ Anything over that and under ... let's say 4k is a ficlet

Have you ever participated in any writing challenges, like NaNoWriMo or a Big Bang? I wrote through this life, and into the next (this is a marriage of equals) for hyraeth for a Merlin Reverse Bang and The Waterline Divides Us for hd-hale for a Sterek Reverse Bang and I've participated in things like shipweeks (particulary Sterekweek - sooooon) A Big Bang is still a goal, though! Perhaps I'll have something ready for the next Sterek Big Bang (if it happens)

Do you have a favourite fic you’ve written? Why? where the heart is is definitely still a favourite because it's my personal fix-it fic (undertitled everyone loves Derek and Derek loves everyone) Pigtails got me considering Stackson and I still really love how that one turned out; it was really fun to work on getting those two together "organically" For Stoyd, it's a tie between Queen Maeve and Pas de Deux, Queen Maeve because it was my first longer fic that had just the relationship as the driving force of the fic, no external conflict, and Pas de Deux is just really pretty in my opinion, if you can say as much about a fic^^° Aunt Mable doesn't count is still one I reread when I just need a quick pick me up, and definitely my favourite Stisaac; it's just fun :D Homebound is one I still love a lot; it allowed me to work through a few issues I had with Merlin/Merthur and I really liked how Merlin and Arthur's relationship progressed in that, how they cleared up their misunderstandings and miscommunications and ended up on more equal footing for it My favourite of my own Sterek fics probably changes on a weekly basis, but for today, let's go with Fully grown because I managed to write 36k without the main characters having a single verbal conversation or even knowing each other's names and I think I pulled that off pretty well! So I'm proud of that^^

What’s your favourite fanfic trope to read (ie fake dating, hurt/comfort) and do you also write it? I love all of my tropes, but a definite favourite is a soulmate AU - I've written four of those, all Sterek, including one with a twist, five if you count werewolf mates (Of dogs and deer darcy, Fully grown, Bouquet toss, the one I want, Fireworks) I also just love fairy tales a lot and that's reflected in my writing as well, including my first ever published fic (which I'm not even sure I want to link here, but oh well) (The Waterline Divides us - inspired by Scottish fairy tales, to live happily every after (a tale of sparks and wolves) - a retelling of Brüderchen und Schwesterchen, Rose and Thorn - a Dornröschen/Sleeping Beauty AU, and Little Red, jumping head first into Little Red Riding Hood clichés like a boss!)

Do you stick to a writing schedule, or just write when inspiration strikes? I've tried to stick to a writing schedule this year and it has mostly worked pretty well, but lately I've really been struggling *sighs* Mostly though, I've written when inspiration and free time aligned - which is seldom enough!

Got any ongoing/recently written fic you want to promote? I really wish the only lonely boy in New York (Sterek, 9k) would get some more love! How can you resist a musician AU with pining and misunderstandings and PINING and love confessions through songs, all set to Simon & Garfunkel??

[alessariel]

Please don't reblog. Replies welcome! A couple of people expressed interest in a state of the me, so here's a bit of a run-down as to what's been going on in my life lately: I've been sick for the last two weeks with a fairly annoying sinusitis. I don't suffer from this often and the symptoms were a little weird so I went and got tested for lyme's disease just in case - had a couple of close encounters with tics after the larp in july and since I've had it before I'm somewhat weary. Looks like it's not that though - its a bit hard to tell because the infection from long ago still skews the markers. Weight-wise, I just had my one-and-a-half-year post surgery check-up. Mostly, everything looks good. I've hit my target weight, but I could stand to loose another ten to twenty pounds. Mostly I'm annoyed because my weight fluctuates wildly every month - around ten pounds in extreme cases, sometimes within one week. Not sure what's up with that. Due to weather and health circumstances I haven't been keeping up as diligently with sport as I should. Stopped doing the sword fighting for reasons - some of the people there were weird and made me very uncomfortable. I miss running - the weather so far this summer has been very miserable. I should really make an effort to run more often nevertheless. I still do pilates once or twice a week and ride the bicycle a lot though. Some of you may remember me posting a bit about my dad and his heart problems last year. Then, after all of the scare he gave us, his docs decided he didn't have to had surgery. Now, a year later, they decide that he suddenly has to have it, because things have gotten way worse. Not sure wether to be angry or relieved. I just hope it goes well. He'll get a bypass and a new cardiac valve, hopefully next month. I really hope that with that his mental state will improve as well - we've been very concerned with what looks like an early onset of dementia or alzheimers lately. On the up side, my relationship with him has notably improved somewhat during the last year. I'm in the process of applying for a program that might help me get back into a job. It's a long and ardous process and the success rates arent thrilling - as someone suffering from longterm disability because of mental problems, it's pretty hard to get back into a real job. it's been years since I've been full-time employed. The whole thing is scary, but if I don't try now I may never manage to get back into it and I'm not done trying to fix my life yet. I've been catless for half a year now. Since Kea died and Teddy left its taken a while to get used to it, but I'm managing. I'm getting to the state where it's hard to remember why keeping Teddy would have been a bad idea (mainly, he needed more activity than my small flat could afford him plus deargod all that fur) but I start to really miss having a floofball around. I firmly believe that the cat finds the human though. Maybe one day one will find me again. I've been pretty productive lately. Finished some crafts and larp projects, worked on the flat a lot too. Did some digital work and am really thinking about getting affinity photo once it comes out for Windows, because my old copy of photoshop is really extremely outdated. I forgot how much I enjoy doing this stuff. Gishwhes sort of reminded me how much fun photoshopping can be. I also had way too much fun doing those little illustrations for @phoenike and her great mass effect andromeda mreyder fic "Unresolved". I enjoy betaing that one so so much too. After the disaster with the Drachenfest where I had to give up and go home because the weather was so bad and there just was too much mud the next larp I'm going to will be at the end of september and it will hopefully see my new charater's debut. I'm really looking forward to it. The antidepressant I've been on for the last three years was just unexpectedly cancelled by the only producer so I was forced to switch meds. That led to a bit of a stint with mania last week. Very productive, but also very exhausting and a little scary because it's not something I experience a lot. I hope it'll even out now. Hm, I feel like this all sounds pretty negative when really, a lot of things have been going pretty ok, too. I'm productive, things are going forward, I'm seeing a lot of social interaction and I'm getting stuff done. There's the occasional setback but overall I feel like I'm dealing fairly well with everything. I've been a little inactive here lately and I kind of want to remedy that and be more present again. I'd like to talk more with people too, so if you feel like it just chat with me. Fandomwise I'm in a bit of a lull since I'm feeling a little less enthusiastic about Supernatural lately. I'm still following along for now and I'll guess I'll see what the next season brings but I'm not very hopeful for it drawing me back in. Yuri on Ice still keeps bringing me joy but there's no new content and I just really finally want to own it on DVD so I can rewatch it whenever I want to. Other than that I really enjoyed watching Supergirl, Voltron, Designated Suvivor and iZombie lately, but none of these shows really draw me in shippingwise. But I have had nascent merthur otp feelings lately, I even thought of a plot and sort of started writing it in my head. Not sure it'll ever progress to the page though. So, uh, that's a lot of rambling, sorry. If you've actually progressed this far, wow. This is where I'm at, this is the state of the me. Would love to hear some feedback, but please no reblogs. Thanks!

[laaawliet]

Hey ;) 1, 3, 4, 8, 19 & 23 for the ship thing?

omg i forgot i put this in the queue rip fuck akjnfksdf

1. Talk about the first ship you ever had.

MAN. my otp of all time. the reason i exist. listen. it honestly has given me so much. if it wasn't for that damn ship i would've never found fanfiction and found my friends that eventually led me to ff.net and then to LJ and then here like LISTEN. they are everything to me. they will always have a super big place in my heart. it really has been so many years since i ship them, fuck. lmao i'm talking about ronmione like literally THE BEST SHIP ok i will never be over them i was patiently waiting eVERY SINGLE BOOK for something and then the fucking movies were all about harry and hermione and it hurt my soul because!! ron!!! RON!!! fuck. (ron is my favorite character ok i might be biased but he's literally the best i will fight the world). 

but yeah i remember when i started shipping them lmao ironically it was because of the movies! ha. i was fucking YOUNG, ok, i hadn't read the books by then. i was like 7? i think? when the second movie came out and you know that part when hermione is coming back to the great hall and she runs towards harry and ron and she hugs harry and then she goes to hug ron but she stops and they are awkward and they shake hands l i sT EN that part changed me as a child lmao i remember seeing that and being 'oh. they like eachother' and that was that. rip. 

(then i read the books and i was even more lost into them i honestly love them a lot ok if u ever want to talk about ronmione w someone come w me it's been so long) (i could literally rant a lot but this is already going to be a long post as it is fuck) 

3. What’s your current OTP?

boy. that's not that simple. see, i will always treasure all my otps forever and if i see something from a previous fandom of mine i will go back and want to die about it so it's not like my love for them expires or they lose their otp tier status or whatever but kakjfs i guess if the question is more like, what’s your most recent otp, the answer would be viktuuri because of course it is. 

4. What's your current NOTP?

OKAY I HATE THIS because i can't fucking remember?? i KNOW i have one. it's on the damn tip of my tongue I KNOW IT EXISTS i just can't remember hahahah i really just block things that bother me, fuck. if i see it i'll remember ofc but right now i'm completely blank here (i'm not kidding, i really can't remember and I'M SO SURE i have one because i was just thinking about it like a week ago and i'm trying to fucking remember the damn fandom at least but i dONT KNOW AGH)

8. Have you ever shipped yourself with a character?

nah, son. i'm not about that life. self inserting ain't for me. 

19. Have you ever shipped something despite yourself?

ha, yes. the most recent thing is otayuri, but they're not my otp.

23. Which of your ships deserve better writing?

LMAO DO U WANT ME TO GO THERE because i can go there. but this is long. and no one cares. but basically all my ships deserve better writing at the end of the day? there's so many things that could've been developed but weren't (and like, tbh the very first thing that came to mind when i read this question was barney/robin from himym lmao I WILL NEVER STOP BEING SALTY OK rip) but also i'm still salty about viktuuri (i'm giving it the benefit of the doubt i hOPE they fix things in s2 if we ever get one rip until 2018 but i'm still salty for regressing their character development and their relationship BUT OH WELL) (tbh nothing will ever compare to the character regression and destruction of himym. wow) but also merthur!! hahaha MERTHUR. MAN. FUCK. fuck. just yesterday i was watching a video of merthur of all things and the pAIN came back like a thousand bricks and i was legit crying, that fucking show damaged me. i hate everything. fucking merlin deserved better i will fucking punch the wall, fuck. 

40 questions - meme for shippers.