#this took me like two weeks to write
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funny bunny?¿ nrk.
in which bf!riki plays a prank on you for tiktok | tiktok series
riki x reader, fluff, crack-ish, warnings: cursing, pet names, riki is a little shit (when is he never)
riki giggled to himself as he set up the camera. one day, while mindlessly scrolling through tiktok on his phone, a particular video piqued his interest. a couple had gotten into a big argument over the boyfriend having a lot more knowledge on nails than his girlfriend expected. he immediately knew he had to make it with you.
you weren’t too interested in tiktok, but you also loved to get your nails done. riki would often pay for your nails, even though you told him countless times he didn’t have to. he loved paying for your nails, and seeing what you got whenever you came back home. this seemed like the perfect prank to play on you.
it took riki two days to research more information about nails. he memorized the different shapes, some of the common polish colors, he even asked sunoo the difference between gel x and acrylic nails a couple times. today, riki offered to take you to get your nails done after having such a busy week, saying he wanted to “treat you as usual”. but this time, he wanted to give a suggestion.
riki pressed record and straightened his face after seeing you approach the car. “hey baby,” he greets you as you settle into the car. “you ready to go?”
“yes, thank you for taking me ki.” he grabs your hand and kisses your knuckles. “are you gonna get your nails done with me this time?”
“aha, absolutely not.” he laughs off your request. you’ve practically begged him endlessly to get your nails done together, but there’s no way he would budge anytime soon. “i was actually thinking though, you should get something different this time.”
“really? what should i get?” you smile at your boyfriend. the sparkle in your eyes almost caused him to falter in the moment. he took your hand and spread your fingers apart, pretending to get a good look at them.
“i know you like simple styles, maybe try a short tapered square with a french tip?” he could see your head twitch slightly in his peripheral vision, and it took everything in him to not smile and blow his cover.
“or you could get that funny bunny and bubble bath combo? i saw that and it was really cute, it would suit you well.” this time you snatched your hand away from his grasp.
“riki, what the fuck are you talking about?” you shrieked. he looked up at your wide eyes, which were astonished at his recommendations. he let a giggle slip, just before pulling it together and feigning innocence.
“what? i’m giving you recommendations.”
“and where exactly have you seen these nails? and how do you know what they are?” you said in shock. riki was right, you liked simpler nail styles; however you didn’t expect him to know anything about nail shapes and designs. “who have you been hanging around?” you asked, squinting your eyes at him.
“baby this is, like, common knowledge.”
“no it’s not? are you seriously trying to gaslight me right now?” you laughed incredulously.
almost comically, you looked around the vehicle to check for cameras when you caught a red light peeking from your boyfriend’s side. riki knew he had been caught when you turned to him with a smile and flushed cheeks from embarrassment.
riki couldn’t help himself and busted out laughing, pointing at your sheepish face, and back to his phone. he stopped recording and saved the video to edit and upload later.
“i got you so good, y/n, you gotta admit i did pretty good with this one.”
“i can’t believe you did, i’ve seen this trend on tiktok too!” you groaned, hiding your face behind your hands. “still, how’d you even know about any of that?”
“tons of research, and sunoo helped me a bit.”
“can’t believe you got sunoo to help swindle me as well.” you said as you leaned back in the seat and crossed your arms, a pout present on your lips.
“aw, it’s just a tiny prank, baby. besides, i’m still taking you to get your nails done.” riki said, leaving a peck on your cheek and pulling out of the driveway.
© ikissjude 2024
#this took me like two weeks to write#enhypen oneshots#enhypen scenarios#enhypen imagines#enhypen ff#enhypen#enhypen niki#nishumra riki#niki oneshots#niki imagines#niki scenarios#niki x reader#nishimura riki x reader#nishimura riki#photo cred: pinterestwannabe#tiktok on the clock! 🎀
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Columbo and the Knight (1984)
put me in the universe where Columbo ran through the 1980s and had a crossover episode with Knight Rider. I think they deserved it, and I am not just saying that because they're my two favorite Old Shows. @telebeast wrote a little fanfic blurb about it and I HAD to visualize it into a comic (which is also the longest comic I have finished thus far at five pages...), so writing credit goes to them.
Autism W!
#columbo#knight rider#art#michael knight#kitt#comic#highlight reel#crossover#telebeast#there are two small easter eggs here. can you find them. they were somehow not Entirely lost when i resized these for the public#this is what i mean when i say I Draw And It's Everyone Else's Problem. look at my INCREDIBLY niche crossover comic boy#if the knight rider fandom has like 12 people in it. how many of y'all have seen columbo#this comic is for like 4 people and me and phoenix are already two of them#niche is my specialty lets be real. weird niche obscure shit and ships nobody's paid attention to yet#not to suggest this is ship art. columbo has his wife and michael has his car lmfao#stylizing real people is EXTREMELY hard btw sorry for when they get off model. its partly a 'better imperfect than never finished' situatio#cant tell you how much i redrew some of these panels. weeps#this took me 2 weeks but i think i thumbnailed it all in may and the ideas been rollin around in my head since march#is anybody good at editing. please edit michael and columbo into an image together like its a screenshot. NOT generated. edited.#it would be so cool#ive drawn columbo a lot but i haven't drawn a lot of michaels. i was learning things about his outfit AS I WAS DOING THE DAMN#COLORS ON THIS. all the lines done. it was too late to change anything. i did all the lines and colored page by page#i realized my mistakes on like page 3. 1 and 2 were already done. it was Too Late.#imagine it though. them working a case together. switching between the more serious tone of columbo vs the goofier#action antics of michael and kitt. columbo being so impressed by Modern Technology. there's more i could say but phoenix may write#more of this crossover and i don't want to spoil it :'3#there's opportunity here though i swear. there's gold to be dug.#i like how kitt gets shading but columbo's junker peugeot doesn't. kitt looked wrong without any. columbo's car is matte and dirty#i also applied effects to this to make it look a little film-grainy and VHS like. some CRT TV vibes#the only question left is. did they put knight rider into columbo; or columbo into knight rider 🤔
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> do you ever think about how scary remembering being alecto must have been for nona? because i think about that a lot.
(NONA THE NINTH SPOILERS) (this is mostly a post inspired by my personal experience and feelings so feel free to disagree. but also i Am correct)
dissociative amnesia is terrifying. just. full stop, point blank- as a concept, to experience, however- its terrifying. the idea that there’s something missing and half the time you don’t even know it’s gone? and then to remember? to slowly start remembering every horrible thing that happened to you? to be nona, remembering, and suddenly realise that you’re doing what everyone around you seems to have wanted you to do since you first opened your eyes, you’re remembering- only it isn’t helping, and instead, you’re realising that everything you thought you were was built on a fault line that only seems to keep growing with everything more you remember?
and then it’s nona, the girl who’s anger has only ever been treated gently and peacefully by the people who love her, who is determined to be good, to be helpful, suddenly having to remember so much unrestrained anger, so much pain? and the more she remembers, the more she becomes sure that all of that is what she is going to be left as when her time, and her life is up. of course that scared her. how could it not scare her?
i don’t think it was just the realisation of who she had been that was terrifying - it was the understanding that she was a makeshift person walking around in a world where (nearly) everyone else got to be wholly themselves for as long as their bodies lived- but she’d been on borrowed time her whole life, and suddenly she has a rapidly running out countdown.
further - dissociative amnesia isn’t just about the loss, it’s about the shape of the loss. it’s about the gaps in the narrative of your own life, gaps you can’t see because your mind has plastered over them, smoothed them out so seamlessly that you don’t even think to ask what’s missing. It’s about waking up one day and realising the foundation you’ve been standing on isn’t real, and worse, that the truth waiting underneath it might be so much worse than the not-knowing… and when those memories do start to surface, you don’t quite know what it is, but it feels like a betrayal- and you aren’t quite the same as you were before anymore (which happens on such a bigger scale with nona!!!! it’s so important to me, that in ntn, nona’s remembering is not celebrated. so often in media, i see people remembering memories lost to trauma related amnesia portrayed as a good thing, and every time i’m just sat there thinking ‘is it worth it? really?’)
like. just imagine you’re nona, for me. your mind kept those lost memories from you for a reason- it buried them because it thought you wouldn’t survive them, and maybe you won’t, but now, whether you’re ready or not, they’re coming back. they’re clawing their way up from a grave you didn’t even know was there, and you have to look them in the eye and reconcile the person they tell you you were with the person you fought to be.
for nona, remembering meant losing herself. she didn’t just gain alecto’s memories, she became alecto again. the life she had built, the life she had clung to, the love she had felt, all of it just unraveled beneath the weight of who she had been before. how could it not be terrifying?
to remember. to finally give in and remember what she’d been so determined to not, to finally know what you were missing - and have to realise that your fears weren’t unfounded. it is scary - because remembering doesn’t make you whole. sometimes, remembering just erases you instead.
#like i look back at who i was this time two years ago before i had a few major memories resurface and i don’t recognise that person anymore#if i remembered everything my brain has hidden from me i wouldn’t be me anymore and it’s terrifying to know that i cant control remembering#anyways#i don’t know if this post makes sense it took me like a week to write on account of the. dissociate#doing my best & having feelings ab nona#the locked tomb#i say things#tlt#nona the ninth#nona the locked tomb#nona tlt#alecto the ninth
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#truly maybe i am just a pokémon photographer at this point#taillow#i do think this regional bird is a little weird. a little boring‚ maybe#i know it's very nostalgic for a lot of folks and that includes me‚ but in the grand scheme of regional birds i think it set up#a rather boring trend of normal/flying birds#along with pidgey and spearow before it#think about it. pidgey‚ spearow‚ taillow‚ starly‚ pidove… it took six generations for us to get an interesting early-route bird#fletchling was good. love the fire typing. and then we got pikipek which i believe is also normal/flying into toucannon#yeah it is so we. definitely regressed there. gen 8 gave usssssss fuck what is the galar regional bird#ugh i'll come back to that but wattrel in gen 9‚ although not my favorite design-wise‚ is interesting#because of the electric typing. some Could argue that squawkabilly is actually paldea's regional bird but#i would. disagree#gen 8's bird. i'm not gonna fuckin google this i can get it#i can fuckin remember it#here i'll queue up the next post and let you know if i remember it by then#the difference between these two posts for me is like two seconds but for you it'll be about three hours#so if you tell me the answer on this post. thank you but it will have been two weeks ago that i wrote these tags#some of you forget this. i queue posts up two weeks in advance#so i'm writing these tags on december 18th
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as an apology for being gone for a month, have a uquiz i spent a week making! pls feel free to reblog with which character you got, i worked way too hard on this silly little thing. there are eight different characters you can get that are varying levels of unknown, with comic recommendations for each character <3
#necrotic nuisance#batfamily#uquiz#batfamily uquiz#reblog for sample size#some of these characters are my fave but some are not#so I apologize if I didn't do them right I tried my best I swear#I can promise i've read all the comics recommended for each character tho!#so this was based on. something idk#I have no explanation for why I vanished for a month. it felt longer. but it also was a short month#it took time getting settled in and figuring out a routine with a baby#also answering those rlly long asks started draining me I got daunted kjjhgjkhjg#I love them tho! I will get to them#but expect them to be answered veryyy slowly now#I tried to post like 5-10 a day#and with my current life rn that is absolutely not feasible#Christmas break is coming up and my brother in law has two weeks off so! I should have spare time over the holidays to get back into it#also idk why but i've been fighting with writing#it's not even writer's block it's like I can't write well#idk what happened.#i think i'll go back to finish up the whump prompts bc it'll let me write without pressure#so expect those to come out!#i am proud of this quiz tho pls take it.#it took me so long.#I will not say which characters are in it bc I don't wish to clog tags#and I want it to be a surprise#of the ppl i've made take it so far tho I will say the breakdown of the most popular result is fascinating to me
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man this VN's getting weird ... ...
(a set of fake screenshots based on @wouldwulfie's hey girl! 👋 your best friend just murdered you 🥰 !! despite still not really knowing what it was all about, i do love me a fucked up house ...)
#holy shit im free its finally done#would you believe me if i said:#this took two fucking weeks. its not even that much#ive been meaning to make this since MAYYYY#these fics are like. 50% of why this sideblog exists#i have a whole write up about the process and the designs and shit#i will release that. one day man#okkii actual tags#jaiden animations#alpharad#altrive#<- sorry to those perusing who have no clue what’s going on#i don’t either if that makes you feel better#♢ dealer’s choice
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Really bothers me how Kilorn's disdain for Cal in GS is boiled down into being primarily made up of jealously over Cal's abilities and his relationship to Mare when Kilorn has every reason to hate Cal and have no respect for him whatsoever.
Kilorn in RQ is nearly sent to his death in war that isn't his to fight and the only reason he avoids it is because Mare saves him after being held captive by the royal family. He's lived in oppression his entire life and Cal is at the very top of the ladder. Cal is heir to the throne that oppresses Kilorn and RQ ends with Cal arresting Mare to have her killed. Kilorn has every reason to hate him, so for Mare, and the narrative by extension, to treat it as something he needs to get over is wild.
I think what disappoints me the most about this is that it could've been used to show how utterly disconnected from Reds Cal is by this point. Have Kilorn hate Cal because Cal is the physical representation of the system that has oppressed Kilorn, and his people, for his entire life. Have him resent Cal for what he did to Mare, Farely, and the Guard as a whole in RQ. And then have Cal's disdain come from something as childish as Kilorn's annoying and Cal is jealous over his bond with Mare- show how disconnected Cal is from the Red's he wants to rule over that he can't even understand the core of why one would hate him so much.
#been thinking about this for a while#I probably should be waiting until I finish GS to give my take on things like this but it's been eating away at me#In general though- GS has been really pmo with how it seems to utterly disregard Cal's position#I think a lot of it has to do with Cal being the love interest and thus the writing can't afford to have him just look awful to most of the#people Mare is around and respects#But I want to fully finish the series before I really get into that because it obvs will extend out of just the first two books#Generally though#I really dislike how Kilorn is being treated in GS#I'm not the biggest Kilorn fan but I hate how his problems are boiled down into being jealous and childish instead of being treated with th#severity they deserve#anyway I plan on finishing the book soon hopefully by this time next week#I took a break due to how packed my semester became lol I just didn't have the time with everything I needed to have read for my classes#red queen thoughts#red queen critical#I've seen acotar fans use a tag similar to that and I love lurking in that tag so I'm gonna start using it for my more critical posts ooOOo
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“You will tell us what the bell is for. Who has the other bell?” Why wasn’t Shuro saying anything? What could possibly be dangerous about telling them it’s Laios? It had to be him; no one else could cause Shuro to make a face like that. What in the world happened in the dungeon? Ring. Ring. Ring. Namari said the first thing that came to mind. “It’s his lover.”
dipping into my favourite trope: fake dating
#and yet another fic about the Fucking bell ahgdfsbgdfg.#laishuro#fic#dungeon meshi#and actually. came up with this while rereading the manga for laishuroweek#i didnt submit anything for most of the week but by god i am gonna try and get something for the last day#thats also why this isnt edited. it took me a bit under two hours just to write this not even 1200 word thing#also wait i know that patty isnt actually like. a fan of rumors and gossip esp in the workplace#but. like. what if she had a romantic streak marcille style.... thats whats happening here LMAO
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I kind of hinted at it in previous posts but I’m kind of fascinated and very amused by how Peri is low-key a daddy’s boy in New Wish.
For those asking, the things that make me call Peri a daddy’s boy are 1. Cosmo being the more cuddly parents and taking the situation more seriously than Wanda when it comes to their son, 2. Peri taking a lot after Cosmo personality-wise, and 3. looking back Peri seems to have more patience towards Cosmo than he does Wanda, though I definitely think that last point is a bit of a stretch and not something the writers actually intended.
Giving examples for these three elements under the cut (1k words):
1. Cosmo being the more cuddly parent:
- In “Lost and Founder’s Day” he cries about missing his son
- in “Battle of the Dimmsonian” when reuniting with Peri he’s the first to speak and gushes about him
- Same in “Lost in Fairy World” with him taking pictures and being the first to gush about Peri, calling him his and Wanda’s baby boy later on too and also the small hug when talking about the tracking devices
- Again in “Operation Birthday Takeback” he throws himself at Peri at the beginning (granted I see this more as Wanda respecting her son’s boundaries) and then is more openly gushy when Peri agrees to give them a tour (and I still adore this moment, those three are so goddamn cute!!!)
- At the end of “Dig a Little Deeper” when Peri snaps back at Dev, Cosmo joins in to back up his son
- Cosmo spends the whole show hiding behind Wanda when scared and/or stressed out yet in “Best of Luck” he straight up starts a fight, all because Irep was insulting Peri; and while he does also stand up against Vicky in “Operation Birthday Takeback”, 1. He was doing so with Wanda, 2. Vicky was playing the nice act so they didn’t feel in immediate danger and 3. Cosmo brings up Timmy in this scene, Timmy being basically his adopted son so it’s still a show of his paternal instincts
- Oh yeah and at the end of “Best of Luck” Cosmo visibly hugs tighter, tho it’s worth noting Wanda is the one hugging tighter at the beginning of “Lost In Fairy World” (goes against my argument but I like being throughout)
- In “Battle of Big Wand” Wanda tends to Peri by standing next to him and rubbing his back while Cosmo straight up holds him in his arms. Also Cosmo does it for longer than Wanda. Also also when Wanda tries to talk Dev into helping them and starts insulting him a little, Cosmo catches it and calls her out through gritted teeth, taking the situation more seriously than her
2. Peri is a lot like Cosmo:
- The persona he puts on when trying to look professional has been compared by many to Cosmo’s personality in the “Oh Yeah” shorts. Also I stumbled across what’s apparently a tweet of one of the creators confirming that the voice actor took inspiration on either “Oh Yeah” shorts Cosmo or early seasons Cosmo for the voice
- I’ve also seen comments on a “everytime Peri talks” youtube compilation pointing out how his voice is a lot higher-pitched past his introduction scene, comparing it to Cosmo’s voice gradually getting higher-pitched as the og show went on
- Wasn’t sure where to put it but in “Battle of the Dimmsonian” Peri makes a comment about Cosmo having the heebie-jeebies, showing his dad easily comes to his mind (at least when he knows he’s around)
- In “Battle of the Dimmsonian” the potato wish suggestion; like between the body language and things Peri says, this is pure Cosmo right here (and for some reason I find it very funny)
- In a similar but opposite way, at the end of “Lost in Fairy World” when the fairies hug their kids, Cosmo’s nervous comment about the kids being alive is similar to how Peri acts when stressed out
- There’s a few moments of Peri having a similar expression to Cosmo, those being them eating candies at the beginning of “Lost in Fairy World”, while Wanda is talking after teleporting to Jorgen’s office in that same episode, still in that episode them hugging the godkids at the end, the beginning of “Operation Birthday Takeback” right as Peri escapes Cosmo’s hug, and them waiting for Wanda for a hug at the end of the finale. Granted in “Operation Birthday Takeback” Wanda and Peri have a similar expression when the “computer” lights up after Cosmo danced on it (right before Cosmo hides behind Wanda)
- Peri’s a bit of a cowards, constantly cowering whenever Dev raises his voice (which kills me everytime bc Peri wtf?! You’re a magical godlike creature! Why are you scared of that ten years old child?! And why being so visibly intimidated at the slightest raise of voice?! Who hurt you?!) and as said before Cosmo has a tendency to hide behind Wanda, so yeah he gets it from his dad; and no I’m not including his reaction to Vicky as proof of being scared easily bc there was clearly some trauma here that caused his reaction
- Because I like being throughout, it is worth noting Peri took his mom’s braincells (literally in this show) and flair for the dramatic; but for the most part other than that he seems to take after Cosmo
Also if you imagine that Blonda and Big Daddy changed their names (bc from my understanding Blonda wasn’t always blonde and there’s no way someone named their kid “Big Daddy”) he also took the tendency to get a new name from Wanda’s side of the family
3. Peri is more patient with Cosmo:
Now this one I’m incredibly unsure about as it could just be coincidences but yeah you have some moments in which Peri seems more annoyed with Wanda than Cosmo. For example at the beginning of “Lost in Fairy World”, he tries to escape the camera and looks annoyed when Cosmo gushes about him but doesn’t outright says anything. But when Wanda does the same, he pushes her away and audibly calls her out.
Likewise later on when his parents interrupt him, Peri has a sarcastic laugh with Cosmo but looks more angry with Wanda. Then there’s also “Operation Birthday Takeback” with him trying to escape Cosmo’s hug at the beginning but again not vocally expressing his annoyance, but later on when Wanda makes a cringy comment to the godkids (the “welcome to your dad’s spooky lair”) Peri whines about it.
Now again, those are like three small examples and I don’t think it actually means anything, but since I’m talking about Peri potentially being closer to his dad might as well point this out.
And when I say it doesn’t mean anything, an example from “Lost in Fairy World” I didn’t mention is when Cosmo and Wanda tell Dev he can’t go to Fairy World. Peri doesn’t say anything when Cosmo talks but interrupts when Wanda does. But in that case, I think Peri would have done the same thing to Cosmo had Wanda been the first to talk, it’s more of a coincidence that Wanda was the second to talk here and as a result the one Peri shut down. Hell you could say the same thing about the later scene of them interrupting him, maybe he seems angrier at Wanda because it’s the second time he gets interrupted. So yeah, don’t take that part too seriously.
#Fairly Oddparents#fairly oddparents a new wish#fop#fop anw#Peri Fairywinkle Cosma#Cosmo Fairywinkle Cosma#Flor talks#I love how I originally found it interesting due to memories of the og show having Wanda do all the parenting#but looking back Peri was actually already a bit of a daddy's boy who took after Cosmo in the og#then again a lot of similarities between the two had to do with ''Cosmo being stupid = Cosmo acting like a baby''#and Wanda was definitely the more involved parent back then#Cosmo and Peri still have some very cute moments together in the og tho#and yeah I'm very amused by how much Peri takes after his dad#I think it's because Peri's supposed to be the smart one; yet he mainly takes after Cosmo outside of that and being extra#I find it ironic; and pretty cute honestly; I swear this show straight up fixed Cosmo's character I love it#in other news guess who yet again made a bunch of posts while on vacation#and upon coming back went MIA for a month for absolutely no reason instead of posting their shit#and now will dump all of it at once five weeks after writing them !#on that note fop is getting a link in my fandoms page; I genuinely didn't think it'd give me brainrot like that but it did !
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Trying 2 be so normal rn
#spent a lovely 3 days and then a v heavy last night w him . i cried into his arms and told him all the little worries & none of the#overarching things causing them. i was so afraid that this display of weakness would end everything and when we woke up the goodbye was so#short so i called him on his way back home and told him everything. he seemed to understand but im still scared but at least he has an#honest version of me ig. idk#he is lovely and hes trying to help etc idk if i've ruined everything but yh#anyway met w my friends i havent spent time w them in a while its been nice to listen to them#and look at them . and theyve said nice things#and comforting words. i have to remember that people dont just end up hating you#i was shielding my eyes from sunlight and a few of them put their hands up to shield me more#((hand over hand over hand over hand) and two weeks ago i remember i was walking with two of them and i said that i was cold and they took#their jackets off at the same time. i remember this buzzed but not sober.) i think i suppress the good things as a survival instinct and#I wish my head understood it makes things harder. Requires way too much evidence to believe anything and little evidence to doubt anythin#anyway i like him n i want this to work. im glad i have my friends. im glad he has his#and his space. he has people there and i have them here and im happy he can afford to live how he does#and i have a rly good therapist now and i hope itll help. Ps he looks lovely in my eyeshadow#i like holding my friends hands#the worst case scenario is that it's over. Ill see him around his city and#It might be painful but i'll live. I wont ban myself from all joy.#the best case scenario is that he understands what i said and he feels empathetic towards it and he will do what he can to help#and that he doesnt like me any less for it all. the best case scenario is what he said is the case.#im writing this post over the course of. 57 minutes and 25 seconds rn#one of my friends just had his hands around my shoulders he said its been too long and i agree#Ok im home now gn i have to wake up early tmrw morning#I rly hope its all ok#I hope itll all be ok
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So here we are

...again
#a preview for next week#because i'm losing my mind over the next chapter#in the best way#i wrote this chapter last fall with no intention of it ever seeing the light of day#i was just having fun writing for them and getting to know them#the word 'again' has a link to my first post of the two of them#the photo i took right after finishing this chapter the first time#it felt fitting to recreate it now#as time went on i really wanted to share their whole story#and then i heard this song and it sparked inspiration for this entire arc#every time i hear the intro i see this image of the two them walking together#so it was fun to finally create it#it's so simple.. nothing special really.. but meaningful to me nonetheless yknow#for me... sharing this chapter now feels like a full circle moment#even tho we're only half way through this arc lol#anyway.. i hope you enjoy this week's chapter as much as i've enjoyed writing it and bringing it to life#enjoy the good feels while they last lol#💛🩵#aries outtakes#atlas extras#asher extras#spotify
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there’s something so epic about hetero chinese period dramas and i think one part of it is that there is absolutely nowhere in the narrative i could exist.
lately i’ve been on a western media detox— i’ve cleaned english language music out of my playlists and have never been able to stomach western dramas anyway, so that part is easy— which might seem funny, because if i’m in singapore and i hate it and i won’t touch american music then what’s left? the answer is the false binarism of chinese period dramas, at least for me. the badly written ones are misogynistic and stupid and the better ones are less of those things, but regardless the world that emerges is clean-cut and easy to parse. there’s someone to root for and someone to hate. there’s a girl and a boy. there’s the comedy and the drama, the sheer thick drama, the music that signals to you precisely how to feel before the scene even starts going
try to jam a fifth culture transnational transgender they/them with 2 mental illness and 1 autoimmune disease into this world and it simply doesn’t work. and that’s kinda epic lolzers! it’s like watching high fantasy, or super hardcore sci-if. it both represents a simulacrum of the real world and is so far from the reality you know that you understand it as a hypothetical universe, one that disincludes you on principle. i exclude myself from the story and in doing so fangfei from moyuyunjian’s steely gaze becomes all the more important. i give so many shits and laugh and yell and spectate. but i am safe from the eyes of its inhabitants. if i entered the story it would break. so i sit outside of it, clapping by myself
in other news, we gave up on mysterious lotus casebook 16 episodes in. there are many character archetypes in these shows that i can no longer stand; the salacious sexy seductive supervillain lady is not necessarily one of them but the way they did miss ‘this man didn’t even Look at me when all men fall at my knees so i hated him’ ‘no one is allowed to steal buttchin from me’ jiao was way up there. surely a woman can have multiple personality traits and yet you would think from this drama that that is not at all true. and the strange harem that grew around li lianhua despite his absolute loser attitude— like i get it, he’s the gintoki of this show, that’s hot, but the way the women who were into him were written made me want to Eat Horse. it bothered me that di feisheng and lianhua’s homo as fuck dynamic was so intriguing and them + fang duobing was a winning trio but all the women in the show were written like complete fucking ass, and one of the big antagonists being a woman, the stakes throughout were not only lost to me but also Pissed Me Off. also, that case about the corpse flowers dragged on forever and all my pocky wilted
I Just Think, women deserve better in these damn stories. make them slutty as hell, sure, but make them other things too and i mean this in the most generous sense. slutty and proud. slutty and weird. slutty and oblivious. literally anything at all so they don’t come out cardboard flat from all angles. this is why i have a personal vendetta against the ditzy clueless female protagonist as well because if everything stems from the fact that she doesn’t know shit it’s like please someone Please tell her shit i’m on my hands and knees begging. give her more to chew on she’s dying of boredom over there
this is why i liked the so called antagonist of blossoms in adversity best (spoilers ahead). he was cruel as hell to huazhi and gu yanxi’s only parental figure. he was paranoid and selfish and lonely and craved a son’s love from the one person he couldn’t hold onto. in the end he is pushed further and further by huazhi, who won’t give in, to isolate yanxi from the people he loves and to lash out at those people as a way of punishing yanxi. and when he dies it’s because of his own distrust, his own negligent parenting, his absent cruelty from decades of insomnia and lack of faith in his people. but he cries for yanxi, and there’s something so human about that. to think of evil not as a first principle but rather an adjective for a verb that is set in motion by other events. to be honest, i haven’t seen such thoughtful writing in any chinese period drama before or after that and i strongly suspect i will never see such writing again in this genre but man, it was so fucking good (spoilers end).
in the meantime, i’ve dragged my mother to moyuyunjian/the double for the return casting of liu xiening and wang xingyue who are Eating so hard. they’ve got wang xingyue done up with the sluttiest makeup and liu xiening is breaking my heart with her pout and her Sassy Mean constitution and this is a revenge story, yes, but it’s a double revenge story. it’s a grief story. and fangfei is carrying more on her shoulders than lingbuyi imo, and doing so with much more grace too. her step mom’s a dick but she’s a smart, 5d chess playing dick who wears hot shades of green so i’m personally interested enough to keep watching (something lotus casebook DID NOT accomplish with their epic female antagonist…. mein gotte). and the princess too. unhinged as hell but god, so charismatic. and beautiful, with scary big eyes and the sweetest head tilt. fun fun fun! that’s fun character writing right there. the comedy might be too straightforward for my tastes but everything else is kind of hot and sexy And after the coming of age ceremony when jiangli appeared amidst the flowers i felt my throat close up even though we saw her for all of one (1) episode). i was like yes. they got me alright. i Care now
really that’s all that matters isn’t it. we want stories about people we care for. we want to give a shit. why else would we listen to the stories of other people. we are looking for us and the people we love in them
oh also moyuyunjian soundtrack goes hard as hell i love a little three step waltz. here’s a pic from the ‘gym’ for ur time. guten night


#gelmo#i get so. i get so angry when women write ass female characters like fr ur kicking urself in the crotch rn#you can be innocent/clueless about The World and still be so compelling#thinking about guxiang from word of honor. she was goofy and oblivious but she also had Teeth#and she was strong! and had opinions and stuff#so important to have opinions….. especially in the pre internet age#i hage so many more thoughts on this topic but i took melatonin which should knock me out so#this is not a well organized argumentative essay this is just me yapping in an empty room#but yeah i was disappointed at lotus casebook. particularly given its high as fuck reviews#reviews? i mean ratings. and stellar reviews or whatever#also the ending (sans 24 episodes of context granted) was ASS i was like ??? it’s over ??? surely not#idk it didn’t work for me. glad it worked for some other homies. fang duobing let me rescue u and the dog from this shit ass story#anyway……….. i have been unable to listen to english language music in some weeks now#this is quite major for me. given my 2 year indie folk phase. but i need a break from america and the ideological west at large#no more taylor biden…. justin kahan…………#just my chinese drama insert songs nct 127’s sixth album WALK and jacky cheung#it’s true i keep landing myself in these spots where i’m sick of america and i’m sick of singapore so how are my friends (from these two#countries) supposed to approach me. well the answer is they are not the country but it’s trhe i am in one of those weird holes right now#glad i’ll be leaving in august briefly! watch me go. awooooo
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Your beacon fic goes SO HARD dude. I gotta ask, will Caz be developing any more mutations as the fic goes on?
WILL THERE BE HINTS OF HIVE MIND STUFF WITH HIS FELLOW INFECTED?????
Your getting me invested bro and it's perfect timing I just started watching Jack's let's play of this gameeee <33
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! And YES JOIN US
For Caz developing more mutations as the fic goes along, I thought about it, and kinda wanted to, but ultimately decided not to. Kinda spoilers for what I want to write later, but my thoughts were that the shape infected them and caused them to mutate, but if this were a good end thing, then they couldn’t come back to the mainland if they were still infectious. So, once they get infected, it mutated them, but then their immune systems kinda fight off the infection and just leaves them like that. The same happens to Caz, but on a much smaller scale (and with a sprinkling of my theory that he gets Ethan Winters’ed and it somehow slows his infection). He got infected, it mutated him to be able to bioluminesce, and then his body fought off the infection and left him like that.
And I LOVE HIVEMIND STUFF. It might not be on the level of a true hivemind, but I definitely plan to have some “we’re connected on a deeper level than people are supposed to be” stuff. Hehehe
#still wakes the deep#swtd#beacon au#JOIN US JOIN US JOIN US#I gotta stop posting fic in the afternoon because then I have dreams about getting asks and it wakes me up at like 3 to check#BUT THEM IM SO HAPPY WHEN I ACTUALLY WAKE UP AND I HAVE SOME#and I had another fic idea while writing this one where I can get to fulfil my wish of mutating Caz#but that’ll take a long while. this fic already took like two weeks
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is the kralsei road trip fic even about aromanticism anymore
#chatter#its about Something. but yall i think i failed to write the fic i wanted dfnlgdgd#presumably dead arm songfic you WILL exist one day#just. uh. not in this one i think#MAN it wasnt even the medical issues this time. truly kris and ralsei looked me dead in the eye like#actually this is the story we want to tell#and i took a deep breath and said fine okay let me just edit the beginning i guess#still not done btw but. probably within a week or two#look forward to that!!!! i dont know how i feel about this one!!!
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One's Dazzling Light - Ruikasa Week 2024
Day4: Fantasy
Rui always thought that the world was cruel. That happiness doesn't exist in his play of life. The curtain rose to reveal a dark wood where he lived since he was born. A poor peasant couple; the toy maker husband and the housewife. In a world where magic surrounded the air, what could a pair of magicless humans do?
Neither of them could raise a child of magic. Not just any magic; the Pure Darkness. A magic of jinx and curse. A magic that could bring ruin to the world.
A magic bestowed on the only son of the poor Kamishiro family.
His parents tried their best. They did. They loved him more than anything in the world and he lived him back. His father taught him about crafts and his mother taught him about flowers.
But Rui was a child. A lone child who only wants friends.
And yet no children his age wanted to step onto his stage. They shun him for having the cursed magic. He could count on one hand the children who eventually accept him the way he is; a shy mermaid named Nene who accidentally swam too close to the beach when he was practicing and a knight-in-training named Mizuki who had been outcasted for being too feminine.
Those four people are the people Rui kept close to his heart.
And the world decided to take them away almost immediately.
"I got accepted!" Nene said to him, happy tears streaming down her cheeks. "Phoenix Orchestra. I get to sing and travel the world."
He didn't have the heart to beg her to stay.
"I'm going to the Knight Academy next year," Mizuki said to him. "Do you want to join in as well?"
He just shook his head, knowing he had no place there.
"We'll be home in just a week, okay kiddo?" His father ruffled his hair.
"Don't forget that we love you." His mother kissed his forehead.
They never came home. Their carriage was attacked. It was not an accident, Rui knew that. The punishment of being the parent of a cursed child.
They tried to kill him as well, but a burning house could never hurt him. He sent it back to them, burning them to the bone. After all, Pure Darkness magic could increase misfortune. Perhaps he accidentally cast it upon himself. But he no longer cares.
If the world tries to kill him, then he'll destroy them first with his own hand.
"I understand you," the spotlight shone upon a lady in black with pink hair who smelled like death. She offered a hand toward him. "There are many who seek justice, to restart the world with a blank canvas. With your power, we shall bring salvation to those who seek."
"What must I do?"
"There are people who are the opposite of you; four people hold the power of Pure Light. Find them, bring them to me, and with the power of Pure Darkness, we shall create a Utopia."
Rui, who has nothing left to lose and a desire to see the world crumble, took the hand.
The title 'Alchemist' was bestowed upon him.
The world trembled before his title despite never seeing his true appearance for his illusion magic. In his search for those Pure Light, he brought judgment upon evil. Those who commit crimes will receive punishment from him. Those who wish for revenge upon their enemies, he shall fulfill it. The true Utopia may not come sooner, but he shall bring a little salvation to the people.
*****
In the small provincial town of Phenny, Rui had found one of the Lights. He had sensed a shift in magic the moment he stepped into the town. It was warm, inviting, peaceful... It was everything that Rui wasn't. A Pure Light, such presence they had.
It brought him to an inn. Rather crowded this late in the evening, filled with drunkards and knights off-shift. Rui schruched up hin nose. Could the Light possibly be here in this lowly place?
"Rui? Is that you?"
Rui turned toward the voice and saw a familiar pinknette, now dressed in a silver uniform. "Mizuki..."
"Hey, man!" Mizuki ran toward him, not hesitating to hug him. "It has been a while!"
"I thought you were still studying at the Knight Academy."
"I am. I'm in my final year, so we had a one-year service thing."
"Who are you servicing to?"
"Oh, just some guy." Mizuki didn't look at him as they waved their hand nonchalantly. A gesture of avoidance. They were hiding something and Rui had his guesses.
"Mizuki!"
There it was. A Pure Light walking toward them. Taking a figure of a young man dressed in simple, yet elegant, clothes at the same time; a suit, blue hat, a bow as a tie, and a coat over its shoulder with constellations. Hair as gold as sunset and eyes that shine with innocence.
The Light widened its eyes. "O-Oh. Hello! Are you a friend of Mizuki?"
"You can say that." Rui smiled just for pleasantry. "I'm Kamishiro Rui. And who might you be?"
"Tenma Tsukasa. But you can call me Tsukasa." It offered its hand and Rui took it. Such power radiated from that hand, sending shivers down their spines. "Are you a traveler?"
"You can say that."
It smiled. "Well, I hope we see each other around."
For a prey to invite its predator into its nest, perhaps the Light was more gullible than Rui thought it was.
*****
Passing Akito's room, he could hear the sound of him humming. It wasn't an unusual occurrence, the Wanderer is often one who announces his presence with either a whistle or a caw of his eagle.
This melody, however, sounded more cheerful, more passionate, and filled with excitement.
"What are you humming about?"
Akito raised his eyebrow from his spot on his bed. Book perched on a thigh and a pencil in his hand. "Why do you care?"
"Just curious."
Akito rolled his eyes and looked back to his book before writing something. When Rui thought he had decided to ignore him, Akito said, "It's just something Kohane taught me."
"Kohane?"
He paused. His gaze shifted to avoid Rui. "I mean, the Light."
Rui chuckled. "Oh, aren't you getting too chummy with it?"
"Shut up. It just happens we have the same interest."
He jumped off his bed and pulled his hood. "Where are you going?" Rui asked when Akito walked past him.
"Meeting-" He stopped himself. "I mean, keeping an eye on Kohane."
"Sure you are."
For a Darkness and Light to be friends...
How ridiculous.
*****
Phoenix Orchestra arrived at Phenny. It was said that this small town was the birthplace of the most well-known orchestra in the entire country. The same orchestra that Nene joined. Thus their reunion happened in Phenny.
"Rui!" Nene was never one with physical contact, but she leaped into his arms. Even in his cold heart, Rui couldn't deny returning it. "It has been too long."
"I'm glad I can see you again."
"Me too." Nene pulled back. "Oh! I need to introduce you to someone!" She pulled him toward a small pinknette with a smile so wide. "This is Emu. She's the daughter of the head orchestra."
"Hello!" Emu took Rui's hands and shook them hard. "It's nice to meet you! Nene told me a lot about you!"
"She did?"
"Yup! I would love to get to know you!"
Rui couldn't help but chuckle. "Likewise."
"Oh! Oh! Now it's my turn to introduce you to my friend!" She pulled them toward the inn where Rui was now staying. And upon entering, he could hear the sound of a piano. A beautiful melody; soft and inviting. The Light sat there, eyes closed and smiling softly. Fingers glided down the keys, foot pressed the pedal to a ringing tone. A harmony that left Rui speechless.
"It's just something Kohane taught me."
Was this what Akito felt when he met his Light? To hold a melody close to his heart and cause a change of heart.
When the piano stopped, Rui craved for more.
"Tsukasa!" Emu leaped into Tsukasa's arms, almost causing him to fall from his seat.
"Emu! I didn't know you were coming back."
"We'll be here for a couple of months! Keisuke is thinking of holding another audition soon. You should try in."
Light smiled and patted Emu's head. "I'll think about it."
"But you always said that!" Emu pouted.
"It's a hard decision, Emu."
"And why is that? If I may ask," Rui asked.
Light looked at him. His gaze softened and sighed. "I have a personal reason. I don't want to be a bother."
"You'll never be a bother," Emu said again. "Everyone will love you. I just know it! You'll be a star! Don't you want that?"
"I did." He sighed again. "But that was just a phase, Emu."
Emu stared at him with a slight sadness and Rui was curious about that answer.
Thus, when one night came as Emu, Nene, and Mizuki hung around at one table, Rui walked up to the piano where Light was playing once again. Even after a couple of times listening, Rui could say that he was quickly attached to Light's playing.
"What do you mean 'it was just a phase' last time?"
Light smiled. There was a hint of melancholy in his gaze. "I always know my time is limited. I can't let myself indulge in dreams." He glanced at him. "Aren't you here to take it away quicker from me?"
Rui hummed. "So, you know."
"Pure Light and Pure Darkness always resonate with each other. I've never met with you fellow, but I had sensed you the moment you arrived here."
"Are you going to fight me for your life?"
Light paused his playing. "Tell me, Rui." He fully looked at him. "Do you know what it means to bring salvation to the world?"
Rui didn't answer. The question haunted him in his sleep.
*****
"Rui, do you think we're doing the right thing?" Shizuku had asked him one day.
Rui turned to her. "What do you mean?"
Among the four of them, Shizuku had always been the most compassionate. She loves humanity, which includes her sister who she hadn't seen for a long time. The secret of her being the Pure Darkness was spoken and the guilt of leaving her sister behind always burdens her.
"Minori told me," Minori was the name of the Light assigned to her, wasn't it? "that maybe we're heading to a decision that we couldn't go back anymore."
"We are aiming for a Utopia. It's only normal that once the world is rewritten, everything won't be the same."
"I know that." She looked at her hand as Pure Darkness danced between her fingertips. "But still." She brought up her hand to her chest and smiled. It wasn't like the cold smile of the Songstress who charmed her victims. But it was Shizuku's smile; a smile filled with warmth. "I think I want to try to live in this world with her for now."
*****
The Light - Tsukasa - stood in the middle of the plaza, surrounded by children. There was a hint of jealousy blooming in Rui's heart. How funny that he hates the sight of children playing around him. He had gotten close these few days under a self-reassurance of building trust. His conversations with Tsukasa about their daily days were pleasant. In the evening, Tsukasa would play at the bar for his part-time job. Rui had asked once why he even bothered to have a job. Tsukasa just answered with, "I just want to experience life."
That was also a thing that Rui was confused about: the desire to live. Rui had given up on life for he had nothing else to do other than wait for salvation Lady Death would bring. Watching Tsukasa going on with his daily life (buying cute stuff for Mizuki with his own money, attending Nene and Emu's rehearsal, inviting Rui for stargazing), Rui wondered if he could do this as well in the new world. Perhaps, if he ever met Tsukasa again, they could live together and experience it.
...
What was that thought again?
"Do the magic, Big Brother Tsukasa!" One of the kids cheered. "Do the magic!"
Tsukasa giggled. "Alright, alright." Tsukasa looked up to Rui, smiling and offering a hand. "Come and give me a hand, Rui."
Rui frowned. "Me?"
"Yeah, come on." Tsukasa skipped to pull Tsukasa into the circle.
"Is he magic too?" One of the kids asked.
Tsukasa nodded. "Yeah, and a great one." He turned to Rui, still smiling at him.
"Are you sure?" Rui whispered. "Pure Darkness brings destruction."
"And Pure Light brings creation." Tsukasa opened his palm and Rui's keen eyes could see magic dancing on his palm. "When combine..." Tsukasa brought Rui's hand closer. "A miracle can be created."
Their hands joined together and Rui could feel their magic intertwined. It felt so right. The wind picked up underneath their feet, fluttering Tsukasa's coat and Rui's robe, carrying white and black feathers. The children cheered from the spectacles. When they reached for the feather, it burst into fireworks and bubbles.
It was beautiful...
A feather landed on Tsukasa's head and it burst into bubbles. Tsukasa giggled and Rui's heart skipped a beat.
*****
"Luka, I don't want to do this anymore."
Lady Death didn't even look surprised when Mafuyu stood up from her seat. The table felt so empty after Akito and Shizuku's departure, leaving only a pot of a single black lily in their seat.
"Kanade had told me everything. You lied to us."
"You trust the Light more than me?" Luka commented.
"You never told us anything about sacrificing us all!"
"What?" Rui looked between the two. "Mafuyu what are you talking about?"
Mafuyu turned to him. The Marionette had always been emotionless, but at the moment Rui could see the great anguish in Mafuyu's eyes. "In order to create a new world, you need to destroy the first world before creating the new one. If Pure Light is the power of creation, what is needed for the destruction?"
"Darkness? We already know that Mafuyu-"
"The Pure Darkness is tied with our own soul. The same goes for the Pure Light to Kanade's. Once magic tied with one's soul, it became harder to extract." She turned back to Luka, glaring at her. "Any attempt of extracting Pure Darkness or Pure Light won't only result in death, but also the erasure of our existence."
What?
"What... What are you saying?"
"We won't be able to enjoy this Utopia is we disappear for good!" Mafuyu curled her fingers into a fist. "The only one winning here is Luka! She's just using us to get all the Pure Light and later killing us to get the Pure Darkness!"
No...
"Luka..." Rui stared at her. "Tell me this is not true... We're not going to die, right?"
Luka never answered them. But her silence was enough.
"I don't want to die..." Mafuyu lowered her head. Rui couldn't see her face, but he knew the devastation feeling she felt. "I don't want to leave Kanade... She's the only one I have..."
*****
"Sacrifices need to be made to reach one seemingly impossible goal," Tsukasa said as they stared into the sunset from the hill of white lilies. It was a secret place that even Mizuki wasn't told about. And yet Tsukasa showed it to Rui out of all people. "Four Light. Four Darkness. For one utopia that we won't be able to enjoy. Is it worth it?"
Rui turned to look at him. "Are you saying it's better just to let evil roam around this Earth?"
"No." Tsukasa shook his head. "Evil can't roam freely if law and order exist is being held up high." He looked up to the orange sky. "If a Utopia is a paraside where people can do whatever they want, then what's stopping them from doing evil again? Light and Darkness, good and evil, will always be there. One cannot be there without the other. How can one judge that something is evil if good doesn't exist? How can you say you've done a good deed if you don't know what evil doings are?"
"So, what do you suggest?"
"It's a tough question." He reached to snap a lily of its stem, bringing it closer to his nose to smell the scent. "But I don't think bringing the end of the world is a good solution." He giggled. "I still love this world and the people in it."
Tsukasa looked at him with a smile as soft as the sunset as he tucked the lily behind Rui's ear. His fingers lingered on his cheeks for a second too long. Rui caught his fingers, pressing Tsukasa's palm onto his cheek as he kissed it.
"I don't want to die," Tsukasa whispered.
"I won't let you," Rui answered. He leaned into Tsukasa's face and pressed their lips together.
He understood now. He understood why Akito resonated with Kohane's music, why Shizuku wanted to live together with Minori, and why even the thought of leaving Kanade brought Mafuyu to tears.
Rui always thought that the world was cruel. But the simple action from Tsukasa, his Light, made him want to stay in this world together with him.
*****
The city was empty when Rui arrived and immediately he felt dread.
Luka is here.
No no no no no.
Rui ran.
She wasn't supposed to be here. She wasn't supposed to be here!
The inn was empty when he barged in. Not even the sound of the creaking window. The bartender who usually already working on his order, was nowhere to be seen. Rui could feel the darkness coming from upstairs inviting him, challenging him.
Rui ran up and slammed the door open.
There, under the moonlight that shone through the window, Luka stood in the middle of the room. With an unconscious Tsukasa in her arms.
"You really think I would let walk out of our deal that easily?" She smiled at him. "Out of all the Pure Darkness, you were the last person I expected to betray me. I guess all those big talks about hating the world are just for shows."
"Luka..." Rui knew he had the power and yet he felt utterly hopeless under the gaze of Lady Death herself. "Let him go."
"Didn't I tell you?" Luka glanced down at Tsukasa, eyes gleaming with greed. "We need the Pure Light if we ever going to create Utopia."
"But you also need us Pure Darkness."
"That's true. But you'll come." She stepped back, separating Tsukasa from Rui even further. And Rui couldn't even lift a finger. "You will all come. All of you are attached to those Lights. And I'll be taking everything."
A portal appeared as the wind picked up again. Rui could feel the world shift, returning to its original form before being visited by death herself.
And Tsukasa slowly opened his eyes, dazed. He didn't even register that he had been captured. All he knew was that Rui was standing there, just a few feet away from him. "Rui..."
He reached out for him. And Rui snapped as if a freezing spell was finally being lifted from him.
"TSUKASA!" He ran toward the pair, arm stretched to reach his Light. But before he could even graze a finger, Tsukasa was gone.
He's gone.
Tsukasa's gone.
Luka caught him.
He's going to die.
All because of Rui.
"Rui!" He didn't even realize Nene was there, clutching his shoulder and shaking him, because Tsukasa was gone. Luka has Tsukasa. He's gone. Rui couldn't stop her. She's gone with Tsukasa.
"We'll find him." Nene clasped his cheeks, grounding him. "We'll bring Tsukasa back."
Bring Tsukasa back...?
"We'll bring him back." Mizuki knelt beside him, hand on his shoulder. Emu gave him a determined nod. "Not just to stop the end of the world."
Right. They can Tsukasa back.
Rui looked at his hand. A hand that could bring disaster with his magic. But Tsukasa believes that he's a good person, even if his hand is cursed.
Rui would believe him. He clenched his fingers into a fist, feeling Pure Darkness flowing in him.
"Wait for me, Tsukasa…"
#RuikasaWeek24#ruikasa#rui kamishiro#tsukasa tenma#i have so many feelings about this one#it's just too damn long like 3k words#it took me freaking two days to write this#this thing went through a lot of rewrite#but the theme somehow is still 'tsukasa getting captured' lol#putting tsukasa is peril is my favorite past time#rui saving tsukasa is my favorite genre#aahhh i'm so behind with ruikasa week#i have ygo arc-v in my mind when writing this#if i have the will i will make a prsk arc-v au#in the original draft i called the white lily gang as 'princesses of heart'#yes it was a kh reference
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can i PLEASE get my creative drive back ;~;
#i just wanna write#but instead all i'm doing is spiraling#and absolutely psyching myself out for november and U G H !!!!!!#really can i just finally fucking recover from burnout can i PLEASE get some genuine rest and time off#i never fucking have time off i've always been forced to go do something somewhere when i use my leave#it's never been FOR ME#even the two weeks i took off last year for mental health!!!! ended up having to do shit in the middle of it all!!!!!! like!!!!!!!!!!!!#hate this stupid shit burnout culture we've created for ourselves#can't wait to die at the ripe old age of maybe 60 bc of chronic stress#negative
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