#in other news guess who yet again made a bunch of posts while on vacation

[heloflor]

I kind of hinted at it in previous posts but I’m kind of fascinated and very amused by how Peri is low-key a daddy’s boy in New Wish.

For those asking, the things that make me call Peri a daddy’s boy are 1. Cosmo being the more cuddly parents and taking the situation more seriously than Wanda when it comes to their son, 2. Peri taking a lot after Cosmo personality-wise, and 3. looking back Peri seems to have more patience towards Cosmo than he does Wanda, though I definitely think that last point is a bit of a stretch and not something the writers actually intended.

Giving examples for these three elements under the cut (1k words):

1. Cosmo being the more cuddly parent:

- In “Lost and Founder’s Day” he cries about missing his son

- in “Battle of the Dimmsonian” when reuniting with Peri he’s the first to speak and gushes about him

- Same in “Lost in Fairy World” with him taking pictures and being the first to gush about Peri, calling him his and Wanda’s baby boy later on too and also the small hug when talking about the tracking devices

- Again in “Operation Birthday Takeback” he throws himself at Peri at the beginning (granted I see this more as Wanda respecting her son’s boundaries) and then is more openly gushy when Peri agrees to give them a tour (and I still adore this moment, those three are so goddamn cute!!!)

- At the end of “Dig a Little Deeper” when Peri snaps back at Dev, Cosmo joins in to back up his son

- Cosmo spends the whole show hiding behind Wanda when scared and/or stressed out yet in “Best of Luck” he straight up starts a fight, all because Irep was insulting Peri; and while he does also stand up against Vicky in “Operation Birthday Takeback”, 1. He was doing so with Wanda, 2. Vicky was playing the nice act so they didn’t feel in immediate danger and 3. Cosmo brings up Timmy in this scene, Timmy being basically his adopted son so it’s still a show of his paternal instincts

- Oh yeah and at the end of “Best of Luck” Cosmo visibly hugs tighter, tho it’s worth noting Wanda is the one hugging tighter at the beginning of “Lost In Fairy World” (goes against my argument but I like being throughout)

- In “Battle of Big Wand” Wanda tends to Peri by standing next to him and rubbing his back while Cosmo straight up holds him in his arms. Also Cosmo does it for longer than Wanda. Also also when Wanda tries to talk Dev into helping them and starts insulting him a little, Cosmo catches it and calls her out through gritted teeth, taking the situation more seriously than her

2. Peri is a lot like Cosmo:

- The persona he puts on when trying to look professional has been compared by many to Cosmo’s personality in the “Oh Yeah” shorts. Also I stumbled across what’s apparently a tweet of one of the creators confirming that the voice actor took inspiration on either “Oh Yeah” shorts Cosmo or early seasons Cosmo for the voice

- I’ve also seen comments on a “everytime Peri talks” youtube compilation pointing out how his voice is a lot higher-pitched past his introduction scene, comparing it to Cosmo’s voice gradually getting higher-pitched as the og show went on

- Wasn’t sure where to put it but in “Battle of the Dimmsonian” Peri makes a comment about Cosmo having the heebie-jeebies, showing his dad easily comes to his mind (at least when he knows he’s around)

- In “Battle of the Dimmsonian” the potato wish suggestion; like between the body language and things Peri says, this is pure Cosmo right here (and for some reason I find it very funny)

- In a similar but opposite way, at the end of “Lost in Fairy World” when the fairies hug their kids, Cosmo’s nervous comment about the kids being alive is similar to how Peri acts when stressed out

- There’s a few moments of Peri having a similar expression to Cosmo, those being them eating candies at the beginning of “Lost in Fairy World”, while Wanda is talking after teleporting to Jorgen’s office in that same episode, still in that episode them hugging the godkids at the end, the beginning of “Operation Birthday Takeback” right as Peri escapes Cosmo’s hug, and them waiting for Wanda for a hug at the end of the finale. Granted in “Operation Birthday Takeback” Wanda and Peri have a similar expression when the “computer” lights up after Cosmo danced on it (right before Cosmo hides behind Wanda)

- Peri’s a bit of a cowards, constantly cowering whenever Dev raises his voice (which kills me everytime bc Peri wtf?! You’re a magical godlike creature! Why are you scared of that ten years old child?! And why being so visibly intimidated at the slightest raise of voice?! Who hurt you?!) and as said before Cosmo has a tendency to hide behind Wanda, so yeah he gets it from his dad; and no I’m not including his reaction to Vicky as proof of being scared easily bc there was clearly some trauma here that caused his reaction

- Because I like being throughout, it is worth noting Peri took his mom’s braincells (literally in this show) and flair for the dramatic; but for the most part other than that he seems to take after Cosmo

Also if you imagine that Blonda and Big Daddy changed their names (bc from my understanding Blonda wasn’t always blonde and there’s no way someone named their kid “Big Daddy”) he also took the tendency to get a new name from Wanda’s side of the family

3. Peri is more patient with Cosmo:

Now this one I’m incredibly unsure about as it could just be coincidences but yeah you have some moments in which Peri seems more annoyed with Wanda than Cosmo. For example at the beginning of “Lost in Fairy World”, he tries to escape the camera and looks annoyed when Cosmo gushes about him but doesn’t outright says anything. But when Wanda does the same, he pushes her away and audibly calls her out.

Likewise later on when his parents interrupt him, Peri has a sarcastic laugh with Cosmo but looks more angry with Wanda. Then there’s also “Operation Birthday Takeback” with him trying to escape Cosmo’s hug at the beginning but again not vocally expressing his annoyance, but later on when Wanda makes a cringy comment to the godkids (the “welcome to your dad’s spooky lair”) Peri whines about it.

Now again, those are like three small examples and I don’t think it actually means anything, but since I’m talking about Peri potentially being closer to his dad might as well point this out.

And when I say it doesn’t mean anything, an example from “Lost in Fairy World” I didn’t mention is when Cosmo and Wanda tell Dev he can’t go to Fairy World. Peri doesn’t say anything when Cosmo talks but interrupts when Wanda does. But in that case, I think Peri would have done the same thing to Cosmo had Wanda been the first to talk, it’s more of a coincidence that Wanda was the second to talk here and as a result the one Peri shut down. Hell you could say the same thing about the later scene of them interrupting him, maybe he seems angrier at Wanda because it’s the second time he gets interrupted. So yeah, don’t take that part too seriously.

[atinykidult]

TMW #1—SVT Performance Unit

[angst] [3122 words] — 500-1000 word scenarios, Trainee!au, specific tags with each part, x reader

[a/n] — To supplement my growth as a writer, and to hopefully post more often, I’m going to start this TMW series. In it, I just want to explore different aus/emotions/styles in very short but hopefully still impactful blurbs. Thank you for reading!

[taglist] — @yunwoo @woozisnoots​ @multifanhere (Thank you for supporting me! It means the world!)

— K W O N   S O O N Y O U N G

[established relationship] [trainee!reader] [tw for trainee contracts being horrible]

Heartache is saying goodbye for a very long time, even though I’ll see you tomorrow.

He lets out a watery okay.

You bite your lip and nod.

“We’ll give you a few minutes, then please return to your training rooms.”

“I understand,” he says.

“Yes.”

The door clicks shut, and you both look at each other.

His eyes are bright with tears; yours are, too.

You let out a tired yet almost humored snort. Watery eyes, tired hearts. It’s ironic. This is how you and Soonyoung got together in the first place.

You were a good thing, and you were incredibly good for each other.

After all, trainee life is hard. And the closer to debut, the further away you get from any non-idol humans.

And to be at a company with two groups nearing that fabled debut?

Your shared manager’s exhausted admission sums it up: “This is my fault. The company’s, really. We should have expected two overworked trainees to find comfort in each other.”

Soonyoung wetly clears his throat. “I—I am so, so sorry. I…”

You shake your head. “Don’t be.”

He meets your eyes, expression fiercely argumentative.

“We both knew what we were doing.”

His shoulders, usually shaking in laughter or holding themselves strong for choreography, are hunched over. For being the cause for that, you hate yourself.

“‘We both knew what we were doing,’” he murmurs. “I… I guess we did.”

More than viciously heartbroken, you just feel bone tired. Even now, you wish you could lean against Soonyoung and feel him lean against you in return. You’d spent many hours that way, silent in your mutual understanding.

Now there’s a table between you.

A contract laying between you.

No comfort, no soft touches—only two pens.

“We should sign.” You don’t raise your hand, despite your words. “Get it over with.”

You can’t feel your face.

Soonyoung’s lips are pressed so tightly together you wonder if they’ll bruise. Distantly, your insides curl when you recall the color they turn when they do.

“Right,” he agrees, not reaching for a pen either.

He tearfully stares at you, memorizing the way you stare back at him.

The thing that had attracted you to each other so powerfully?

Your sheer determination, mirrored in the other.

And also...

Your shared dream to debut.

A tear falls down his cheeks, and you can’t help yourself when you reach over and wipe them away with the pads of your thumbs.

Instead of whispered words of, we’ll get there, together, you can only offer him this:

“Keep working on that fluidity.” Your voice shakes a little. “You’ve been getting so much better.”

Your way of saying: I’ll miss you. I’ll watch your growth and be proud of you.

“You, too—with your locks.” He sounds like someone’s strangling him. “Even Jihoon was saying how much you’ve improved.”

His way of saying: I love you. I’ll watch you, too.

You both reach for your pens.

“See you after five thousand,” he says, hand hovering over the paper.

There’s a meteor in your throat, moving down and down. You shake your head wordlessly.

With your inability to reply, he signs his name.

You sign yours.

With the sound of your pen dropped to the table, the meteor meets your heart and pushes it down and down and down....

Trainees Kwon Soonyoung and Y/L/N Y/N shall not interact again until either of two conditions.

Condition A) The latter of the two reaches their group’s third anniversary.

Condition B) The event of both eventual groups acquiring 500k sales on a single album.

— W E N   J U N H U I

[angst with lighthearted aspects] [could be “canon” setting] [childhood friends]

Heartache is saying goodbye and leaving things unsaid.

You and Junhui—childhood friends to best friends to something a little too tender to be platonic—well.

There’s the whole story, really.

No verb needs to be added.

As you stare at your phone, you huff out a chuckle.

You blame PMS when your eyes well up a little, scrolling through the many selcas Junhui has sent you. It warms your heart whenever he sends you them. Even though, or rather because, he has little phone time, it means the world that he sends you a quick selca every so often.

It also makes your pathetic heart scream a little.

Not from a stabbing pain, not a scream saying I’m on a 9/10 on the pain scale, SOS!

A scream more like I feel a little helpless to my pain, and it aches dammit, and I should have just told him I loved him.

As one of your alarms goes off, you scream into your elbow.

Back to the books.

.

Heartache masks itself under warm memories and whispers of comfort.

Junhui, for all his loudness and talking much too fast, knows his heart. He understands what he feels, most of the time, and he knows what he wants.

He wants to debut with the other trainees in the Seventeen Project.

Right now, he wants to eat a delicious supper. Then he wants to sleep until he wakes up naturally.

Then, he wants a three day vacation so he can go home and reminisce childhood schoolyard games with a certain best friend. And maybe say those particular words...

Well, that’s not a want.

It’s a wish.

And while his stomach flutters at the thought of it, the reality of the ache in his muscles pulls his attention away from the pleasant fantasy of those wishes.

For now, it’s time to focus on wants and learning new choreography.

But maybe, in ten years, maybe….

Maybe then, it’ll be time to think about wishes.

.

The day Junhui left your hometown, you saw him off. Although you couldn’t see him to the plane itself, you shared breakfast with him and spent every minute together until his family left in their car.

At one point, he and you were sitting on his bed, staring at an unnaturally clean room.

“You know… I bet you’d pass the audition if you tried,” he joked, not for the first time.

“Haha. And I would enjoy trainee life just as much as you enjoy schoolwork.”

Both of you smiled with your eyes.

“But you’d enjoy it because you’d see me every day!”

“And you could enjoy my schoolwork just as much seeing me everyday!”

A pause, then a much too honest: “That would make the school work worth it.”

If you were brave, you would have asked him something like: Are you trying to say something? Please tell me you’re trying to say something.

You weren’t brave.

“Then why are you leaving me all alone?! Huh?! To suffer all by myself?! Do you know how many credits I’m taking?”

“And you’re leaving me to a bunch of foreigners!! So what about that?!”

“I’m not the one leaving!”

Insert spluttering.

And laughter.

So much obnoxious laughter.

It was a good last day together.

It was a warm goodbye.

But, want to know something that sometimes makes your heart scream a little?

Wondering if you could have made that last day even better if you had been brave.

— X U   M I N G H A O

[one-sided pining] [TW for slight age difference/feelings for an authority figure][favorite of this set]

Heartache is falling for someone untouchable.

First of all, don’t point any fingers at him.

Having the vocal instructor be a beautiful, attractive, and young person? Who compliments trainees in their native tongue? And sits with them at lunch?

It’s like the higher ups are trying to weed out the trainees via dating clause.

Second of all, and corollary of the first point: Minghao’s not the only one.

“Our teacher’s the best!” Junhui crows in his ear, Mandarin a little too breathless.

Minghao lets out a little grunt in response.

“I didn’t know our teacher could dance, too!”

“Seonsaengnim is very talented,” one of the Korean trainees says to Minghao, ignorant to Jun’s words.

Minghao wills his cheeks to not show anything.

“Really!” someone else says.

He groans at his thumping heart.

Third of all, it’s not like the feelings will last.

Shortly after the dancing display, Seonsaengnim sits with Minghao, Junhui, and a few other trainees at lunch. Here, Minghao learns something very important about their young instructor.

“Yeah, I was a trainee just like you three!” you say, hoping this conversation doesn’t take a poor turn. “Honestly, I think it was only a little over a year ago.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did you end up a teacher here?” Jihoon doesn’t mention any of the trainees’ popular assumptions in his question.

Seonsaengnim must not have been as good as everyone else.

Maybe all the other trainees were more beautiful.

Honestly, I bet that’s it.

Minghao doesn’t quite know it for sure, but he knows that Jihoon, like himself, worries that he won’t debut because of his visuals. Korean entertainment… just isn’t fair.

“Korean entertainment goes through its phases.” It’s like you read his thoughts. Minghao can tell you’re sifting through your thoughts very carefully, choosing your words not unlike the way he often does. Trying to find the words. The right way to articulate best intentions. “For me, I was good enough that even though I couldn’t debut, the company thought I was worth keeping around. That was honestly very…” He's fascinated by the way your tongue peaks out to wet your lips. “Very complimentary. Of them, to me. I’m thankful.”

“Do you think you could debut in the future?” someone asks, stupidly.

“No.” Minghao is surprised to see your lips begin to smile so sincerely. “But I’m looking forward to helping you all debut.”

There’s no bitterness in your tone.

Something in him stirs fiercely. He wishes he could have that surety.

When you smile warmly at him, tilting your head as you study his expression, the buzz that courses through him is surely the way Soonyoung would feel if he ever met Taemin. Surely.

It’s admiration, that’s all it is.

Fourth of all, it was inevitable, really.

“Minghao, can we talk for a minute?”

He nearly jumps at the Mandarin.

There’s rage sitting in his stomach right now—at the company, at the guest instructor, at the mistakes he made today, at his own pathetic face.

Minghao just wants to disappear for a while.

But he can’t say no. Doesn’t want to, to this one staff member.

“Of course.”

You sit next to him, back to the studio’s mirror.

“I know today was hard, but you’ve been doing better the last four practices in a row. That’s incredible. Remember… Every time you’re not going to improve visibly. That would be impossible.”

“Thanks.”

“And that instructor is a piss poor excuse for a—oh, sorry. I shouldn’t be teaching you those kinds of words—”

“Seonsaengnim, I won’t be telling anyone on you.” He can feel the corners of his lips twitching up, despite himself.

“Just… Know you’re already working hard enough. You don’t need to be… ‘working double because you don’t have the visuals.’” You run an aggressive hand through your hair and let out a righteously indignant noise. “Just… You’re so talented, and I honestly think you look perfectly attractive. So… Just… Ugh. Know that you’re unofficially my favorite. And I hope today doesn’t stick with you. Damn, that was a horrible instructor...”

Minghao can’t help but flush at the praise, and how intimate it feels for you to be here. Sitting with him. Rambling to him so that he’ll feel better.

This talk will stick with him.

But only for the best reasons.

You take his hand; squeeze it once reassuringly.

“You’re going really far. Remember that.”

He meets your eyes, heartbeat galloping.

It was inevitable.

Fifth of all, it’s not like he’ll ever say anything.

“Today’s my last day with you! I’m so proud of you all for making it this far.”

It’s not like he’ll ever have the chance.

“Thank you for everything, Seongsaengnim!”

“Yes, thank you!”

“You were our best teacher!”

Minghao freezes.

It feels like someone took all the warmth he had felt from that talk, and drained it from him. And decided that, you know what? For the hell of it, let’s just dump some ice cubes in there. Like rubbing salt in a wound, but emotionally.

The practice passes as quickly as clouds on a windy day.

Then, suddenly, you’re hugging everyone goodbye.

Then, suddenly, you’re fondly ushering the last of the trainees through the door.

Then, suddenly, you’re brushing his sweaty hair out of his eyes.

“Minghao, you’ve made it to the debut lineup. I’m so proud of you.”

You say more, but his mind is empty except for the panic settling in.

He’ll never get to say anything.

He grabs your wrist.

“Seonsaengnim, you can’t be leaving.”

A surprised frown. “I can’t?”

I need you to stay with me throughout my career.

I need you to keep watching me improve, with that proud look in your eye.

I need—

Minghao can’t find any Korean to answer with, leaving him nearly in tears.

He feels hysterical.

And you hug him.

And the tears fall.

“I’ll miss you too, Minghao.”

I love you.

So I need you to stay.

“I’ll be watching the headlines for your name, and when I see it, I’ll be telling my new trainees, ‘He was my favorite!’” A pure, bright grin against his sweaty hair. “You’ve made it, Hao! You don’t need to be crying over me.”

That’s not the words that will make me feel better.

“I—I—”

Minghao knows the three Korean syllables.

But it’s not like he’ll ever say them.

— L E E   C H A N

[angst] [exes]

Heartache is pouring out my regrets out on stage, knowing you’ll never see it.

Chan doesn’t know why he’s feeling this way, this minute, this song.

But he is.

It’s trainee evaluation day; his focus should be unwavering.

Yet, as he takes his spot with the other three trainees, he feels that familiar wave of regret bowl his heart over.

His memories of you flash through his head as he lowers it, waiting for the music to play.

Those memories are bowling pins in his mind, one toppling into another and that pin into another—

And Chan, being who he is, aims for a strike every single time.

“It’s alright you cancelled today—I know being a trainee leaves you no time.”

“I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

The first one always falls, and then the next.

“I understand. It’ll be worth it when you make it to the big stage.”

“Only if you’re in the front row.”

“Talk soon.”

“Talk soon.”

The second pin rushes into the third.

“I have to go in a minute. But you were trying to tell me?”

“It’s… no, it’s nothing, babe. Dance good. And… maybe—call me soon?”

“I promise I’ll call right after.”

And the next ones always fall much faster.

“I’m sorry I didn’t call last night. We were all so exhausted, and I just couldn’t deal with y—”

He stops himself in time, but the damage is done.

“You just couldn’t deal with me? Well, you know what, Lee Chan. Maybe right now I can’t deal with you.”

And then they all fall indiscriminately, until the last few are teetering, wobbling...

The music plays, and muscle memory sweeps Chan’s body away into the choreography.

“No, Chan, you don’t need to apologize. I understand exactly how we stand. I really do believe you, don’t worry about that. You like me, but not as much as yourself! And your ‘dreams.’ I understand completely.” Your voice is a both a cry and a hiss by now. “You’re really selfish sometimes, you know that?”

...And the last one falls.

“Chan, your lyrics are really... “

“Are they that bad?”

“No—not bad… Just, well… Heavy. For someone your age.”

“It’s a heavy topic, hyung.”

“True.”

“So, can we use them for the evaluation?”

“No. They’ll be wanting something lighthearted for that. But…”

“But.”

“I’ll hold onto these, if you don’t mind. We can use them on an album someday.”

“You can’t be serious.”

“No, really! They’re good lyrics.”

“No, uh… That wasn’t what I meant! It’s just…”

“Are they too personal? You don’t want them in the world?”

“Sort of.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, it’s decided then. We won’t use them.”

“Thanks, hyung.”

“What, you’re leaving? Don’t you at least want these back, if they’re so personal?”

“...No, that’s alright. I… I—just, can you keep them for me? I don’t want them again. Ever.”

“Hey, I—”

“Please.”

“You wrote ‘I’m sorry,’ nineteen times. Not to pull the responsible hyung card on you, but I feel like this isn’t something you can… keep away from yourself. For forever.”

“I know. I’m working on it.”

“Okay then.”

“Thanks for everything, hyung.”

“Sure.”

“I’ll just go now.”

“Okay…. Uh… Actually, Chan?”

“What?”

“Just remember that, even if… Even because you’ve messed up before... Just know that doesn’t mean you’re that person for forever. I don’t know if you can make up for whatever happened. But you’re not… ‘stuck on this tear-stained road, for ever. You’re a good kid.”

“Are you going after sappy hyung role, now?”

“You can talk to us if you’re not feeling okay.”

“Thank you, hyung. I’ll get out of your hair now.”

“Chan!”

The song ends. The dance resolves with a final swoop of the arm. And Chan’s heart hurts a little.

“That was really good,” someone whispers.

“For real, I got chills.”

“Chan-ie, are you crying?” one of his hyungs asks. He touches his face; he is. “Are you okay?”

“I will be,” he feels himself reply.

Hey, Y/N. I’m sorry if this is the last thing you want to see. Hell, you might have me blocked, and honestly, a better me would hope you do. Anyways, I needed to get off my chest how sorry I am. I’m not going to try to explain myself. But I needed to try to let you know that I understand what I did was selfish. And that I shouldn’t have let us continue like that for so long….

Five years later, Chan will perform a solo at a concert.

Thematically, there’s a lot going on. And the lyrics say sorry a lot of times.

The fandom wonders what inspired the lyrics.

Chan doesn’t cry when he performs it.

The ending of the song isn’t happy, but it does resolve. The sad chord makes any listener feel a little bittersweet, though.

And, from the front row, one ticket remains unclaimed.

—T H A N K   Y O U   F O R   R E A D I N G!

If any of these touched you in particular, please leave me an ask or rb! I really appreciate any feedback. Have a great day!!

[alias-b]

sins of my youth. 001

Billy Hargrove x OC! Evie Fenny~ Also posted to my AO3

Summary: It was common knowledge that Billy Hargrove hated Hawkins. Hated Cherry Lane. Even loathed the strange girl next door. Evie Fenny wasn’t too fond of the chaotic Cali transfer either. An awful high school tradition sparks a chain of events that changes everything, ultimately bringing two frayed souls together. 

A/N: Hey!!! I'm definitely not giving up on LFTM, I've had this story whirling around my brain and it's been pulling at me for a while. Hoping I can slow down, care for myself, and juggle both fics at my own pace. Thank you guys for reading and for being so supportive. I hope everyone who enjoyed WTL also enjoys this fic, it's a totally different direction. I'm excited to share it! I'll tag warning in each chp like I always too. TW: Light bullying, hints at an inappropriate relationship between a teacher/student, and teenage jerks.

Chapter 1: Fast Times

   A blaring bell trilled. Lunch time. So close and yet so far. Scrambling high schoolers like zoo animals clamored into the cafeteria. Knocking shoulders and bouncing around. No one really cared about knowledge today, the last day of school before winter break began. 

   1984. Coming to a close.

   “Evie!” A hand rose to wave. One pink scrunchie around the elegant wrist. Heather Holloway. Cute as a button smiling there. Hands pulled headphones down to acknowledge her. Evangeline Fenny. Best friends since the sandbox and now seniors. “This stupid day is dragging.”

   “It’s killing me.” Evie whined to herself, settling her beat up lunchbox on the table. Red and blue pattern, scribbled all over with song lyrics in black marker. “Mrs. Stockard fell asleep at her desk, I wanted to die.”

   “She snores so loudly.” Heather sparkled when she laughed, sweeping her hair back into a high ponytail with her scrunchie. Evie held a mirror up for her to see out of habit. “Thanks.” It was particularly louder than usual. Teens pregaming the parties to come over the two week vacation.

   “Going skiing with the folks this year?”

   “No, they’re going up to the cabin and I’m staying home after Christmas.” Heather unpacked her lunch, carefully organizing it. Evie pulled a regular PB and J out, amused.

   “Sushi?”

   “My mom’s going through a phase.” Heather poured herself a bit of soy sauce and plucked up chopsticks.

   “Your rich is showing, Heath.” Evie giggled when a foot kicked at her under the table.

   “Trade you a piece for half the pear.”

   “Deal.” They switched. Evie tucked some unruly dark curls aside, sitting back.

   “So...there is a party tonight. Loch Nora. Bunch of schools.”

   “Which ones?” Evie’s brow rose.

   “Ridgemont will probably crash, but who cares. It’s winter break, we’ll go and have some fun then crash at my place. Eat chips, make fun of them, and pass out like we always do.” Heather bounced a little. “C’mon, Evie. I’ll pick you up and we can walk from my house.”

   “I’ll think about it.” That meant yes to Heather. She grinned, reaching across to pat her friend’s arm playfully.

   “It’ll be fun.”

   Evie just whined and crunched on her pear, brows scrunching. Parties weren’t the same since the incident. But, she picked the popular, social butterfly for her closest friend. 

   The two couldn’t have been any more different.

   Heather Holloway. Rich girl from Loch Nora befriending Evangeline Fenny, a Cherry Lane girl, in preschool. They switched beaded hair ties and the rest was history. Bonded over music and fashion. Heather was classically stunning as if she jumped off a magazine. 

   Students used to make snide comments. That Heather kept Evie around because she made her look prettier. Sweet Heather shut that down. Loudly. Whenever the subject came up. Evie Fenny was a bigger girl. Plush. Fat. It wasn’t a dirty word. She was a strange and pretty teen who carried herself too high to be bothered with comments.

   Water off a duck’s back was the saying.

   Used to be she hid herself under big sweaters, tunics, and flared jeans. But, that was before the incident. Afterward, she came to school with a new haircut. Louder makeup. Even louder, fitted clothing. Flaunted the hourglass and caught eyes on her hips swaying. Sat next to Heather at lunch as if nothing had changed. Red glossed lips only smiled and the student body took to her. Those who stayed angry burned alone.

   Thick skin, no pun intended.

   “If that asshole Tannen shows up, I’m dipping.” Evie decided with one breath. 

   “I’d say that I’ll protect you, but you made your point last year.” 

   Ah, the incident.

   “I’m never going to live that down.”

   “It was legendary.” Heather beamed, crushing her fist into her opposite palm. “Bam. Prick went down. My friend is Wonder Woman. Super Bitch.”

   Evie broke to laugh, eyes rolling.

   “Truthfully, I don’t recall it all.”

   That was a lie, she remembered every second of it. Sometimes her knuckles warmed at the thought.

   “I just...didn’t think you had moves like that. Your mom is basically Dolly Parton. You don’t even like violence. You squirm during horror flicks. You love your cat, your guitar, and all plant life...and you beat the hell out of Ridgemont’s golden boy asshole quarterback.”

   It did earn Evie some Hawkins’ fame. Ridgemont was their main rival. The Bulldogs. Football players found a soft spot for the teen.

   “Don’t tell my mom she’s Dolly Parton, that’ll go straight to her head.” Evie joked, popping her water bottle open to drink. Heather’s big eyes lifted behind her.

   A flood of cologne wafted before two fingers tugged a curl. Little harder than they should have. Water choked to spill onto Evie’s chest.

   “Whoops, you got all wet, Fenny.” A tongue clicked. Billy Hargrove slid around the table. All his glory. Heather plucked up a napkin to offer it.

   “Watch it, Hargrove.” She huffed down at herself. The yellow tee tucked into her jeans was soaked through.

   “Girls can’t help it around me, I guess.” He had one hand in his pockets and another cradling his silver lighter. Flicking it open and closed. Eyes narrowed. “Polka dots, huh. I had you figured for florals.”

   “You’re an asshole.” She covered her damp shirt and bra with her striped cardigan. Thick fall colors warmed her skin. Noted the fact that he'd thought about it.

   “Whatever you say, Ivy.” 

   Billy knew her name. They were neighbors. Unfortunately. Right down to sharing the same space between their bedroom windows. She’d had dinner at their house. Susan Hargrove was new and eager to make some friends and Ms. Fenny was eager to be friends with everyone. Perfect match.

   Evie glared up at him. Fucking Adonis.

   “Heather, you going tonight?” He ignored his neighbor and leaned over with one palm on the table, back to Evie as he sat down to flash that darling smile.

   “Maybe.” Heather gestured with her chopsticks.

   “I can work with maybe.” He acted like the girl behind him wasn’t there. Frankly, Evie was used to being invisible. It was better than being bullied. Most days. “Maybe I’ll see you there.”

   “Maybe you apologize to my friend and say her name right.” Heather winked at him.

   “Who?” Billy stood and turned, mocked some surprise. “Oh. Evangeline. So quiet, I forgot you, chica.”

   She wasn’t sure if that was a jab at her mixed heritage or him just being a smartass. Billy rolled her name off his tongue like it was a joke. Like it wasn’t a real word. Blue eyes alight at her stony expression. Sly and alert. 

   The California transfer vibrated after leaving the basketball team before the season ended. Word was that he was persuaded to leave after some fight with Steve Harrington. Billy was a strange one too.

   Often, he seemed lax when he was alone like the world didn’t matter. Other days, he was rocking and quick on his feet. Hungry and itching for something. Anything. It was a scary look on such a pretty boy. You could never gauge where his mind was. Where it would go next.

   “Evangeline.” He sounded out again even slower. “Your mom lose a bet?”

   “It’s a poem.” She replied flatly, sitting back to cock her head at him. Billy snapped his fingers to point.

   “Sounds like the name of some chick whose man died in her arms.”

   She huffed at him, leaning in.

   “...That would be what the poem is about.”

   “Fucking depressing.” Billy tapped his chin. “I got it. I’m going to call you, Angel. I won’t forget that.”

   “You are not calling me-”

   “Trying to compromise with you, Fenny. You cast the first stone.” Billy flicked his eyes to Heather. “Bring your friend with you to the party, Heather. Some guys like angel cake.” He winked and slunk off to his band of merry assholes. This school worshiped him. Kissed the ground he walked on since he started in fall.

   “What a fucking slimeball.” Evie grumbled to herself, stuffing trash aside to ball it up. Thought about tossing it at Billy's big head. Heather gave this conflicted look as if to say, but he’s cute, right?

   “Ignore him.”

   “Bad enough his family moved in next to me.” They packed up their lunches. “God, I want a smoke so bad.”

   She didn’t keep the habit up just to save her singing voice. Her mom picked up cigarettes only after the divorce last year. Smoked out her window and hid it, but Evie knew. No judgment there. Better than other habits moms pick up after divorces.

   “I’ll pick you up at seven tonight?” Heather walked out with her after the bell rang.

   “Yeah, I’ll see you in fifth.” Evie turned to go to her locker and stuffed the lunchbox away. Grabbed a book to hurry to class. History. Three more periods left. Students fidgeted around her.

   “Hey, Evie.” Steve Harrington batted his eyes at her. Friendly enough these days after he left the popular cliche and broke up with Nancy Wheeler. Sometimes having your heart stopped on made you nicer. Not always. “You, ah, do the paper?”

   “All six pages.” Evie set it on her desk. “You?”

   “I made an attempt.” It was strange because Steve never gave her the time of day before this year. Maybe the guy was lonely. He tapped his pencil and the chatter quieted when their teacher walked in. Late as always.

   “Class, pass your papers to the front.”

   “Hopefully they don’t come back with red wine stains.” Robin mumbled behind her, one leg crossed up so she could draw on the rubber side of her sneakers. Evie caught a snort, taking the papers to pass them along. “I like the jacket.”

   “Thanks. New haircut?”

   “My own dad didn’t notice.” Robin beamed.

   “Psst, Evie.” A note flicked on her desk. Tammy Thompson. Pretty girl, kind of shy. “To Steve.”

   Evie considered herself a professional middle man for lovesick note passing. Discreetly, she gave it to Steve, head cocking. He furrowed his brow upon seeing it, but wrote back.

   Whatever the reply, it made Tammy’s shoulders fall.

   AP Biology was next. Teacher treated it like his kingdom and didn’t pose much of a challenge because he was disorganized as hell. Evie was relieved to share the class with Heather. 

   Billy, Tommy, and Carol also had it too. Hargrove bitched for a week about how the other science classes had no openings. Strange because he wasn’t an idiot. Still got his work in and maintained a B average. Probably due to his dad. Neil Hargrove seemed like a real hardass. And all of Cherry Lane had heard him and Billy arguing at some point.

   Evie might have also witnessed some more physical spats through the windows.

   She figured it was why Billy hated her. She knew something about him. Something he hid because it made him feel smaller. He caught her eyes once and barked nastily before taking off in his Camaro. A gust of smoke.

   She never brought it up. 

   Dads could be real assholes.

   “Watch the movie. Fill out the worksheet.” Their teacher was as ready for this day to be over as the students were. Lights went down. Yawns followed. Evie propped her elbow up on the high lab table she shared with Heather, doodling new lyrics between answering questions.

   A crumpled paper hit her hair. Stuck into brown curls. Heather turned back to glare at Tommy shrugging with a sleazy grin.

   He was no artist. Evie smoothed it for a wide, big lipped and breasted caricature of herself. She drew on it and scribbled a note back. Smiling sweeter when she flicked it at his chest. Carol and Billy leaned in on either side to see Tommy’s expression sour because Evie gave him nothing.

   “You got my hair all wrong.” She’d written. Fixing it for him.

   Billy snorted and turned back to defacing his textbook.

   “Bitch.” Tommy muttered to himself, tossing it away. Evie finished her sheet, dug for her compact to reapply a lip color. Caught Billy behind her. Intent on whatever vulgar drawing his mind was concocting. Blue eyes flicked like he’d been aware of her this entire time.

   The mirror snapped shut.

** ** **

   Study hall. Last period of the day. Most kids who had it were skipping out early during the hour. Slipping away one by one through the library. Evie was one of those kids. 

   “Leaving so soon, Miss Fenny?” The smooth as silk voice lowered, startled her enough to drop her notebooks and folders. 

   “Fr...Mr. Bowers.” Evie dropped before her English teacher standing so close to her. Second period. Been in Hawkins three years teaching the junior and senior classes. Fredrick Bowers. Dream of a man to all the teen girls. “Sorry.” She bit her bottom lip, eyes lifting to see him and his shadow blocking the light from touching her. 

   “No, I’m sorry, Evie. I figured you’d heard me coming.” Sky blue eyes centered on Evie there before he came to one knee. Helped her gather lose papers strewn about.    

   Mr. Bowers had a name and face all the teen girls drew little hearts around in pink gel pen.

   Evie thought she saw those same cartoon hearts bubbling up behind his back. Popping like gum. Styled toffee blond locks, trimmed mustache, and groomed side burns. A simple patterned shirt tucked into fitted slacks with the sleeves rolled up. Never a tie. Something groovy about him that stuck from the seventies. Mid thirties and hell of a smile.

   Evie tucked hair aside, displayed her blush in full view obscenely when he flashed those sparkly whites at her. Eyes crinkling.

   “I’ll warn you next time.” 

   Her heart plucked like a song when their fingers brushed. Dashing and broad. A Jane Austen character come to life. Enough to make any young girl melt. And how quickly she did.

   “Next time.” Evie gave this scoff. Pulling her notes close as they both came to their feet with hard intent eyes.

   "I wanted to give you something. A book to read over the break." He pulled it from his leather messenger bag and peered around.

   "An assignment?" Evie sparkled at him so he was lighter.

   "No, it's just because I believe you're so clever and mature. I think you'll read it with an open mind and we can talk about it like we talked about all the others. It's complicated material. I, ah, really shouldn't be giving you this book." He offered it. "But, there were quite a few I wasn't allowed to give you. After that chat we had over The Crucible. I'm just so fascinated by what you think."

   "Lolita. I know what happens in this one." Evie peered at the battered title. Rough paper between her fingers, it was clearly an old copy. She peered at his chest instead of his eyes. "We-"

   "Don't you miss talking? You know. Last year. Someone who knows what you're going through. I want all my students to be comfortable around me."

   "I am comfortable, we..." Evie glanced as someone passed far down the hallway.

   Bowers helped her after her dad left. A shoulder. A confidant. A crush that... She felt her heart close in on itself.

   "I thought you said we couldn't anymore."

   "I miss you." He whispered that. Lush and blunt. She barely heard it. Eyes snapped up.

   Someone missed her. Someone wanted to listen. Someone who saw her depth.

   His wife left him before he came to Hawkins. Evie learned a great deal about her too.

   "I won't tell, I never do." She hid it away into her bag, matched his tone. "We can...talk. Not here."

   "Good." He swallowed. "I just think you blossom under guidance and support. I always knew you were one of those girls."

   Evie blushed again. Eyes on her shoes. 

   “I wanted to say I was impressed with your paper as well. As always.” Fredrick gave her arm a pat and left his hand there. Fingers pressed into the knit fabric of her cardigan. His lip twitched. 

   “Good. That’s…I’m glad.” Evie’s eyes flickered over stormy blue ones, swaying. Lashes gave a dreamy bat. “I was thinking, ah, about you when I wrote it.”

   “Really, you should speak up in class more.” Fredrick gave her one subtle squeeze and dropped his hand. “All those funny poems you shared last year.”

   “My songs.” Evie corrected softer and he only smiled to nod.

   “Right.” An idle step backwards before he leaned over her. A great deal taller. The shadow crept over her eyes this time. “You have a Merry Christmas, dear. And speak up again in class, Evie. You know I love to hear from you.”

   A sensation like a fizzling sparkler glowed in her belly. Out her spine. Spread over skin.

   “I know.” She giggled at him, peering around. “Merry Christmas, Mr. B. We'll talk.”

   “Small town, I’m sure I’ll see you out and about.” A wink and he was gliding off. Shoulders back and chest perched high.

   “You might.” Evie swooned against her locker. Watched him go. Gasped a breath into her lungs. Swept all the clouds aside to fill her backpack with work. He made her feel so special, like no one ever could. 

   “Anyone...” She sang to herself, “who knows what love is...” Fingers plucked up a final book. Evie hummed and thought of small cartoon blue birds spinning around her head as she went into the restroom. Washed her hands and lingered to see her reflection.

   Evie was in a strange place. In and out of her skin. Torn between love and hate for her body.

   Usually, it just took a brave face. Her dad always used to tilt her chin and tell her to put on her bravest face before leaving home.

   She hoped the one she chose was convincing. 

   Her mom would always spin her favorite Bible or Dolly Parton quotes. Which helped on occasion even if she wasn’t sure which source the words came from half the time.

   A sigh. This was her flesh. She’d live in it as best she could. Dreamed herself into something better.

   Footsteps hurried down the hallway until the door shoved open. Humming cut.

   “Hargrove!” She gasped, dropping her messenger bag. “Billy, you can’t be in here!”

   “God damn it, Fenny. You again?” Billy skidded to hush her. Pressed them back into the wall. The heat of his body engulfed her frame, standing a good few inches taller. “Do me a fucking solid. Hide this for me.”

   Billy had no sense of boundaries because he was stuffing a baggie into her front jean pocket. 

   “What are you doing?” She seethed at him, smacking his arms off her to put some distance. “Get off me!”

   “Don’t say a word. Got it?” Billy lifted a finger with an intent look. Smelled of leather and his heavy cologne. Hairspray too. It all overshadowed the cigarette scent. He smoothed his tee out and turned to see the door. Scrambling like a spider, Billy jumped up on the toilet, threw his messenger bag outside, and pulled himself up. Wiggled his way out.

   Evie heard a thud and groan.

   “What the fuck?” She whispered, more so to herself as he disappeared. Hands pulled what was clearly concealed weed bundled up several times and bagged from her pocket. “Shit.” More footsteps before the door burst as she shoved it away.

   “You see that Hard-grove kid?” A thick accent asked. Security guy. Useless.

   “Uh!” Evie pulled her bag up. “Who?...This is the ladies room! Can’t a girl have a moment here?” 

   “Sorry!” He cringed away before she jumped into mushy period talk. It always worked. 

   Evie rolled her eyes and marched out to find Billy. Casual as can be, he tossed his bag into the trunk of his car and stilled to light a cigarette. Grumbling, steps hurried up the hill.

   “Asshole!” She tossed the weed at his chest, made him catch it awkwardly and stuff it into the trunk with a hiss.

   “Keep a lid on it, will you?” He slammed it shut. No one was around to see them.

   “Don’t do that shit again.” She pushed into him to go, Billy’s big hand wrapped around her wrist. Tugged her square into his chest. An unkind grin swept.

   “I had you figured, didn’t I? You didn’t say anything.” Billy blew smoke into the air, plucked the cigarette out to flick it with his free hand.

   “Let go.” Evie huffed. “I would have been in deep shit too for that.” She wiggled and pushed at his chest. 

   Billy flicked his bright eyes over hers. So brown they looked black in winter. He never noticed that she had a dusting of freckles across her nose and cheeks like he did. Pale for a girl with darker features. Indiana falls and winters must have taken the color right out of her. Looked like a lot of the mixed gals he knew back home. 

   Big curls. Soft and curvy. 

   Angry at him over something he did.

   There's no place like home, he figured.

   “You’re so weak.” Billy laughed at her. Took another drag. “They told me you freaked out on a guy last year.”

   “You want to be next?” She twisted away from him and turned. It wasn’t a real threat. He’s seen her tend to plants like they were humans. Feed neighborhood cats and nurse her own. Old black cat with not long left. Little fucker was always creeping him out from her bedroom window. Constantly staring with huge green eyes like it knew something Billy didn’t.

   “Babysit your own weed.”

   “You walking home?” Billy was relentless, voice lifting.

   Evie huffed and turned.

   “What, are you going to say I probably need the exercise? My bike chain broke.”

   “Christ, I was gonna offer a ride. Figured I owed you for saving my damn weed and my break. Not like it's out of the way.” Billy turned to open the passenger door. “Quit being a drag and get in. I don’t bite hard...unless asked.”

   “You’re such a creep.” She eyed him there. Wondered how he stayed warm in a tee, jeans, and leather jacket. “Not waiting for Max?” He gave this annoyed look.

   “She’s going out with her stupid friends, not my problem today.” Billy got in, gesturing. “At least close the door if you’re not coming. I went through the effort to open it for you.”

   “What a gentleman.” Sarcasm.

   Evie came back toward his car and debated it. Smelled like it might rain with the sky turning grey. And she really didn’t want to walk in these shoes. Rationalizing it, she slipped inside and shut the door. Settled her bag in her lap. Even buckled up. Billy revved the engine and skidded to speed out without a second glance.

   “You going to the party with Heather?”

   Evie peered at him watching the road with this hard look on his face. Ghosted a smile. Bingo.

   “You’re being nice to me to get to Heather, huh. You know you’re not the first guy to pull this. Could have just asked me about her.”

   Crystalline eyes flared up at her face.

   “What? Dorky chicks like you turn me on, too.” He replied rougher, not bothering to watch the road.

   “Wow. Spread it on thick, Hargrove.” She turned from him.

   “I always do.” He hit a hard corner. Christ, he drives fast. “I got a shot?”

   “She thinks you’re cute.” Evie shrugged. Far too used to this. Eyes slid to his profile. Wild curls still golden on grey days. The boy glowed. It was absolutely insufferable. Leaves whirled by, brown and dead. A smile crossed her face. “Listen. Since you’re saving me a walk. I’ll help you.”

   “Help me? I don’t need your help, I just wondered if she was gonna show.” He scoffed, turning on Cherry Lane.

   “You want to know what Heather likes. It’ll help you.” She crossed her arms, nearly flying forward when he screeched to a stop in front of his house. Billy shot her a look, filled with pride. “You got a pen and paper, bud?”

   He snatched her bag, tore a page from her notebook and dug into his glove box for a pen.

   Ass. She hugged it back to her chest.

   "Talk."

   “Okay.” A breath. “The thing about Heather is she’s a romantic. Jane Austin girl. Pride and Prejudice. If you can quote that just once like Mr. Darcy, she’s yours... Well? Are you writing?”

   Billy did a double take and huffed, grumbling. He actually marked it down.

   “Mr. Who?”

   “Your life amazes me.” She chuckled. “Darcy.”

   “Got it. Darcy. I’ll ask Susan about that shit, she’s a reader.” He muttered, tongue sweeping out before he scribbled. 

   “And she loves museums. First date ideas. Milkshakes. Cheese fries with jalapenos. Cheeseburger gal. Chinese from that corner joint. Always spicy. Easy picks.”

   “A girl after my own burning heart.” Billy felt her peer at him again. Lips lifting with this expression he couldn’t read. Blinked her big eyes and went on.

   “Definitely loves to snuggle in with something scary even though they freak her out. Must be a curiosity thing.”

   “Any excuse to get close to someone, I like it. This is gold, Angel, go on.”

   “You know, I think that’s all I got for you.” Evie turned to get out, sighing. That was just a little evil. “Billy.”

   “What?” He shut his door and turned from her.

   “Thanks for the ride.” She moved to go toward her house. “Knock ‘em dead.”

   Billy didn’t reply. Just watched her go into her house before he dug for another smoke.

   “Mom?” Evie called. “I’m home.”

   “I’m in my room, sweetheart!”

   Ramona Fenny was a spirited woman, went by Mona to the neighborhood. A girl of the 60s. Built like Dolly Parton with a pumped hairstyle to match in sleek dark brown, almost black. She worshiped the woman. Looked like she could have modeled atop a cake. 

   A church going girl who used prayer to get her through the divorce. Never pushed it on others, not even Evie. Too busy pushing other things. Like the free days she lost having her daughter young. She liked what worked in life and this worked for her. Liked the pretty side to things. 

   Mona was a sunny side up sort of mother.

   Best friends with Claudia Henderson as they both went through divorces which was not in God’s plan. Evie liked Dustin, she babysat him on occasion and he was a good kid. Bullied like her. 

   Mona owned the favored hair salon in town. Worked long hours with a team of women and ran a tight ship. Did hair for all the social elites so she knew everyone and all the hot gossip. And did she love that detail the most. Evie helped out with reception during vacation time. Liked the extra cash.

   “I was going to go to Heather’s later, there’s a party.”

   “Oh, have fun, baby.” She pushed her kid to go out. To live. To be smart. Never asked her to call. Not out of trust for Evie, she couldn’t be bothered. Never imagined her daughter would be up to mischief.

   If only she knew.

   Sometimes, Mona keyed in when it suited her. Understood when Evie’s likes and dislikes changed. When she asked to not go to church anymore because it didn’t help her after her dad walked out. Ramona was understanding as long as you didn’t bring up things like depression and anger. There always had to be a way out. Turn the other cheek.

   Evie knew her mother always thought the best.

   “Great.” Evie crossed to steal the hair brush, helped her mother out with the teasing. Dyed rich and dark locks that used to be a mousy brown. Dark eyes like her daughter. Evie didn’t look like her father with his brighter features. Her lush hair and russet eyes. Thick brows. “You going out? All dressed up...”

   “Just into town, couple of errands.”

   That was something that changed a week after her dad moved out. Mona’s style revamp. She was a woman of the sixties and seventies and that came back full force. Styled and pumped up like she was walking out of a Nancy Sinatra music video. Men around town noticed it and the woman certainly speculated. 

   But, her daughter had a style change too after the incident so it must have run in the family.

   “Better?” Evie eyed the glittery rings sitting in a ceramic dish. They looked like gumballs there.

   “Touch of hairspray and I’ll be right as rain.” Pink manicured nails came up with the can. “Take cover, baby.”

   “Got it.” Evie disappeared in a waft of spray. Stole an ice cube from the freezer to crunch it out of this habit she picked up when dad was gone. Cool and melty between her fingers before she swallowed it down. Felt the bulge tense all down her throat. Another followed. Teeth straining to crack it like glass. The chunks went down a little less smooth as she looked for real food and shut the fridge instead.

   Evie went into the bedroom to see her old cat on the pillow. His head lifted. Skinny and balding. Blind in one eye.

   “How’re we doing, my handsome boy?” Evie dropped her bag and crossed to pet him. Purrs erupted, whiskers twitching. “Bourbon, my darling.”

   A scratch of a meow rasped.

   “Yes, I love you too. I’d kiss you if my lips weren’t done up.” She smacked her lips and stood. “Outfit.” Clothing pushed around. Her room was a small, intimate space. Few pictures and purple curtains. Desks covered in song lyrics, trinkets, and needle felting projects.

   Evie held up garments to the cat, but he was no help. Just purred there like a motor boat. Settled on a black top with some sparkle and a magenta wash denim jacket. Jewelry was a must, she preferred earrings that were huge acrylic hearts. Bourbon had gotten into the window to watch the window across the way. 

   Billy wandering shirtless and damp. Muscles red and bulging like he’d done a quick work out

   “Yeah, not today, my sweet.” Evie plucked the cat from the window and reached to close the blinds. Billy caught her. Winked and licked his lips slower. She made a face at him. Utterly loathing and not impressed at his peacock way of navigation. “Ew." 

   The blinds snapped down, leaving Billy to laugh there. Evie carried her purring cat out, chiding. 

   "Don’t make his head any bigger than it already is.”

~~~~

TAGLIST OPEN! Hope you enjoyed! Thanks!

[lust-bts]

Hey love can you do bts reaction of their s.o wearing their clothes but has no bra on and they can see their nipple through??

ofc!! ngl I love this trope in fics idk why but just yesssss

inc. sexual themes

k s j

you were just stepping out of the bathroom, thanking jin for the t-shirt and cotton men’s shorts which he had lent to you

you weren’t supposed to be staying over but you were feeling pretty sleepy from the few drinks you’d had at the bar nearby with the rest of your friends

and being the loving boyfriend that he was jin had insisted you stay over since it was closer

“it’s okay, petal,” he looked up distractedly from his phone and the first thing he noticed were your pert nipples standing through the shirt after you pushed your hair over your shoulder

he cleared his throat, trying his hardest to stay polite but you noticed anyway and decided to play coy

“what’s up?” you asked with a smile and instantly his blush deepened

“you look really good in my clothes,” he whispered and you cracked a smile

“maybe I should wear your clothes more often,” you suggested, sauntering over so you could crawl up your boyfriend’s body and sit in his lap

m y g

it was a chilly spring evening when you decided to bring yoongi his dinner, he’d been working so hard at the studio that you just knew he hadn’t even thought about feeding himself

when you knocked at the frosted glass door it took a moment before a blacked out figure approached it from the other side of the room and unlocked it

“yn, I didn’t expect you tonight,” he commented, opening the door fully when he saw it was you

“i made too much food for dinner, have you eaten?” you turned to look at him while he closed the door behind you, lifting the bag in your hands to show it off

“that’s sweet and no, I haven’t eaten yet,” he admitted and you grinned but your boyfriends eyes showed something darker going through his mind. “cold outside?” he guessed and you glanced down at your outfit, a pair or black biker shorts underneath yoongi’s t-shirt which you wore like a dress

you hadn’t thought to even put a bra on before you left your apartment because you were so excited at the prospect of surprising your boyfriend

“i- yeah,” you agreed sheepishly before yoongi pulled you closer by your hips

“maybe i should warm you up before we eat, huh?” he smirked, sliding a hand through your hair so he could bring you in for a kiss

j h s

it was the height of summer and you were on vacation with your boyfriend in a villa by the sea

you’d spent the day on the beach before having a bbq and while Hoseok insisted on cleaning the grill you took the chance to go and change, switching your bikini and coverup for one of hoseok’s t-shirts and a pair of boxer shorts

when you stepped outside your boyfriend was nowhere in sight but what had appeared was a water gun

you instantly smiled and picked up the gun before a spray of water hit your legs and you shrieked

“game on!” hoseok called from behind a pillar supporting the upstairs balcony

“it’s so on!” you shot back before running to take cover behind an oversized vase

over the next few minutes you and your boyfriend shot at each other with sprays of water though your boyfriends aim happened to be much better than yours

it wasn’t until there was a long moment of silence, while you were behind the corner of the house catching your breath, that you grew a foreboding feeling

with little water left in the oversized gun you turned the corner only to be ambushed by your boyfriend

“truce! truce!” you called between your laughter and Hoseok finally stopped spraying your body with the cold water from his weapon

“damn, that’s a nice view,” he commented cockily, eyeing your chest while laying his gun to rest against the wall before he pulled you in close. “have you ever had sex in a pool?” he smirked and your heart seized momentarily

“no...”

“let’s go change that,” he insisted, pulling you along with him with a grin

k n j

“here’s those textbooks you asked for,” you looked up when namjoon quietly set the books next to you

you’d been studying all evening in the school library and had left some textbooks at your boyfriends apartment the night before but he was nice enough to walk them down for you

“thank you so much,” you told him quietly before he pulled up a chair beside yours

“how is it going?” he asked politely and you flicked through a bunch of sheets in your notebook

“two classes down, one to go,” you updated him and he nodded

“you want to take a break? i know you’ve been working really hard, i brought snacks,” he rustled though his bag in search of a pack of double stuffed Oreo’s; your favourite

“god yes,” you relented, gladly taking him up on his offer when he opened the pack for you, you took two biscuits out and laid them on top of your notebooks before unzipping your boyfriends hoodie and stripping down to his t-shirt underneath

you hadn’t even noticed how chilly it was in the empty library until a few minutes quietly enjoying your snack had passed and during your conversation your boyfriends eyes strayed further and further down

“see something you like?” you teased, it was no secret that namjoon loved your breasts, so you always liked to call him out on his staring

“yeah,” he smirked, biting his plump lips before standing up, “come on,” he raised his brows suggestively while guiding you out of your chair and taking you into one of the far corners of the room

p j m

“show me one more time,” jimin insisted and you nodded, moving back into your starting position while he played with your phone to restart the song

you��d been in the dance studio all day, practicing your routine for your dance class with your boyfriend’s help but now you were dripping with sweat, your biker shorts were stuck to you like a second skin and jimin’s button up shirt which you’d tied up was clung to you in various places

but you ignored it while you danced, putting your all into the performance

“how was that?” you finished, panting as you walked closer

“perfect, come here,” he pulled you in when you gave him your hand and all of a sudden you were chest to chest, “just one thing”

“what?” you ventured cautiously, worried he was about to critique your performance; not that you had a problem with his feedback

“you should really wear a bra when you show it to your students,” he teased before leaning in for a kiss

k t h

“come on, i need to go shower before we go out,” you tapped your boyfriend’s shoulder and he groaned, rolling into his back to free you

pushing yourself up you reached for taehyung’s black and white silk pattern shirt at the foot of the bed, you loved the luxury of strutting around in one of his many silk tops while you got yourself ready

leaving your boyfriend to relax in the post-sex bliss you busied yourself having a shower

when you were done and dry you replaced your towel with the same silk shirt and buttoned it half way up to cover yourself

the first thing you heard when you got back into the room was your boyfriend wolf whistling and it instantly made you grin and roll your eyes

“you haven’t moved yet?” you sassed and he eyed you with a wicked smirk

“i was waiting for this view exactly,” he taunted, licking his lips before letting a hand fall to his lap over the covers “i already text jimin that we’d be late, so come back to bed for a while”

admittedly, you were absolutely weak to taehyung’s deep drawl and your legs were moving before he was even finished speaking

“that’s it,” he helped you onto the bed, getting comfortable in the mountain of pillows while you sat on his lap “look at you,” he shook his head in disbelief before switching his eyes to you “you’re my dream girl”

“mmh, you know i love it when you praise me like that,” you looped your arms around his neck sweetly while he moved to cup your breasts through his shirt, playing with your peaked nipples

“i can do much better than that, just wait till your taking me again,” he promised and you practically melted into him as he lead you into round two

j j k

without a doubt tiktok had stolen many hours from you; whether it be watching videos from other creators or you creating them yourself it was always an app you had loved and in turn the app loved you, gifting you a decent following of people who loved you’d your content and funnily enough, your boyfriend

so when you had been requested by hundreds of people to try the new ‘wet t-shirt challenge’ you were eager to try it out on jungkook, the challenge was similar to another from a few months ago where women would drop their towels and film their partners reaction

this one was not that different. simply put on a t-shirt and get in the shower before capturing your boyfriends reaction to your appearance

“hey jungkook, i wanna show you something,” you told him, pressing record on the little button at the bottom of the screen as you stepped through the threshold

you had to admit, jungkook’s wet shirt that cling to you now like a bodycon dress wasn’t the most comfortable thing in the world but jungkook’s reaction made it all worth it

“holy shit,” he gaped at your barely clothed figure, his eyes scanning from your hips where he could see you lacked panties all the way up to your chest where your lack of undergarments there too have him an almost perfectly clear view of your perky nipples

you giggled behind the camera and he instantly pushed himself away from his desk

“editing can wait,” he mumbled as he scrambled to make his way to you and you stopped recording before things became a little too heated for the app

[ladypogue]

Used to This

Summary: JJ Maybank has had his fair share of one-night stands and random hookups. He never considered himself a relationship kind of guy. He wasn’t sure if it was his fear of commitment or the years of being told he wasn’t good enough, but he was content with his current situation. So, what happens when JJ, the troublemaker of Kildare, finds himself face to face with a girl that could change his whole outlook on love and relationships. Will sparks fly, or will the two crash and burn?

Warnings: None :)

word count: 2.4k

A/N: Hello to any readers, as always, thank you for reading, it means a lot to me. I am terribly sorry for the late update if you’ve been waiting for it. I was away on vacation and had no service so I couldn’t post and then when I got home i rewrote a bunch.. I’m still not fully happy but it will do. As always feedback (both positive and negative) are welcome. Enjoy! :))

Part 2

JJ stood in his place, staring after the girl who just whizzed past him. Not even catching her name, JJ shook it off and made his way back to his friends who were standing around the keg, jumping back into conversation with them like nothing happened. However, even upon rejoining his friends, he couldn’t help but scan the crowded beach for the girl. Spotting her standing with her friends, he let his eyes trail over her figure from afar. She was wearing a red tube top that complimented her skin tone nicely with a pair high waisted jean shorts. Her long hair was blowing in the wind, the light of fire radiating off her features, she appeared to glow in the dim light; JJ couldn’t deny she was beautiful. Noticing he wasn’t paying attention to the group anymore, Kie tried to follow his gaze.

“What are you looking at JJ?” she asked, figuring it was a girl and ready to tease him about it.

“It’s nothing” JJ mumbled under his breath, not wanting to admit he was staring at the girl and endure the remarks Kiara was likely to throw his way.

“Uh huh, sure” she rolled her eyes but dropped the subject, turning back to the other two boys; John B and Pope oblivious to the exchange. When he looked back up, he was surprised to already be met by her gaze. He blushed and looked away, for whatever reason this girl made him nervous. This was new to JJ, but he just chalked it up to him not having hooked up in a while, so he was off his game.

“Seriously dude, what is up with you?” Kie prodded, noticing his blushing, which was very un-JJ like in her mind. It was weird to see the most confident person she knew blushing like a schoolgirl.

“Kie, do you know that girl over there by the fire? In the red top.” He asked glancing at the girl once more, Kie following his line of sight nodding her head.

“Yeah, that’s Ella. Ella Thomas. We were friends growing up. She’s a little quiet but a sweet girl. Wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Kie explained, giving what little knowledge she had about the girl to JJ. He just nodded his head taking in this information, having an internal debate on whether he should go talk to her or not.

--

Finally spotting her friends after what seemed like an hour of searching, Ella ran up to them excitedly, ready to share her experience with the tall blonde she bumped into, knowing her friends were always ready to talk boys.

“Oh my god, there you are Ella! We were worried when we got back, and you weren’t where we left you!” Grace exclaimed as she pulled Ella into a hug, relieved to see her friend hadn’t been kidnapped by some stranger. Sophia and Ella chuckled; their friend being known for her dramatics as it’s not like Ella was gone for more than 15 minutes.

“Here I am, some guy was flirting with me but I wasn’t interested so I got up to find you guys so I could shake him.” Ella explained gingerly. She did feel a little bad that she didn’t shoot them a text saying that she got up but figured they wouldn’t care about that as she continued her story.

“Ella, it’s summer, you officially have little to no responsibilities. Would it kill you to give into a little flirting every once in a while?” Sophia groaned hearing that her best friend turned away yet another potential boyfriend.

“So, I guess you don’t want to hear about the guy I bumped into on my escape route then.” Ella smirked taking a sip of her drink, watching her friends’ eyes light up at this.

“Boy?? There was a boy? And you didn’t hiss at him?” Sophia asked, joking, but only in the slightest.

“Ha. Ha. Very funny. But yes, there was a boy. He was so cute, but not in a boyish way. He had the most beautiful blue eyes, oh and he was so strong. When I bumped into him, he caught me and held me steady. I never wanted him to let go. And when he smiled at me, it felt like time stood still. I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve never experienced this before.” Ella gushed to her two friends, who held onto her every word.

“Ella, babes, it sounds like you have a crush.” Grace smirked, but secretly cheering on the inside, rooting for her bestie.

“How can I have a crush on him? I don’t even know his name.” She sighed, realizing she never caught the strangers name and the likely hood of her seeing him again after their encounter would be slim.

“You didn’t get his name?!” Sophia yelled, “that’s the most important part when meeting someone, is getting their name. You know what, it’s okay, could you point him out if you saw him? Maybe we know him.”

Ella nodded fervently, “There’s no way I wouldn’t be able to recognize him.”

“Well then start scanning the beach! We don’t have all night” Grace pushed, equally excited to find this mystery boy. Ella started looking around, trying not to be too obvious or weird, hoping to see those ocean blue eyes once again. She felt as if someone staring at her once again. Turning to meet the gaze of her onlooker, ready to brush them off no longer interested in anyone else, she was pleasantly surprised to make eye contact with the boy she’s had been searching for. He was standing around the keg with his friends, seeming to be paying more attention to her than them. Blushing and dropping her gaze with a smile, Ella turned back to her friends.

“He’s the blonde standing by the keg. But do not make it obvious that you’re looking at him.” Following her instructions, Grace and Sophia glance towards the keg, eyes almost popping out of their heads once they realized who Ella was referring to.

“Elle, sweetie, that’s JJ Maybank.” Sophia said, coming out of her shock. He didn’t seem like her type. She always imagined Ella with someone who was well off, probably a kook of sorts or maybe a touron who was visiting for the summer, but definitely not the troublemaker of the island.

“Who?”

“You know, resident player of OBX. Known to have his way girls and then leave them. He’s not a relationship kind of guy, really only wants one thing.” Grace explained.

“Definitely not a good idea. He’s bad news.” Sophia added on.

“But he seems to be friends with Kiara, and she doesn’t seem like the type to be friends with a terrible person.” Ella looked like a deer caught in the headlights, not wanting to be judged by her friends for her choice of attraction, even if she couldn’t help it.

“Don’t get your hopes up and do not get hung up on him”

“Yeah we want you fall in love, not get your heart broken by some douchebag.”

Ella took in her friends’ warnings and couldn’t help but be hurt, yet still endeared, by their words. How could they say such things about JJ when they didn’t see how he was her? Maybe they knew him better than her, but she couldn’t help but feel that they were wrong. But then again maybe they were right, they were more in the social loop and definitely talked to other girls about boys, so they had to have heard stories from them. And they did want what’s best for her. Plus, they only had a brief interaction so what did she really know about the boy, nothing. Looking back up to see if he was still looking at her, she noticed he was gone. He probably went to find another girl; she shook her head. Stupid of her to think he could possibly be thinking of her too. Noticing her change in demeanor, Sophia wrapped her arm around Ella’s shoulders, pulling her in close.

“Aw Elle, we didn’t mean to ruin your first crush, but there’s no way we could stand to see you get hurt. Especially by someone like him.”

She just nodded her head, tipping her drink back, finishing it. “I’m going to get another drink.” She stated, walking away not giving her friends a chance to reply. She wanted to take a walk and think about what they had told her. So, his name was JJ, she wondered what it was short for. She thought about his reputation and how many girls he had to have been with and mistreated for him to get it, but it didn’t seem to add up to their interaction. Granted their interaction was brief, and he could’ve just been being nice, but her gut told her otherwise, that he was actually a good guy. She was still nervous though, as he appeared to have quite the body count, while hers was still at zero. Not wanting to overthink she quickened her pace and made her way towards the keg that JJ’s friends were still standing at, ready to get drunk and block the blonde boy from her mind.

She was looking down at her feet, trying to not to think of JJ with another girl. She had no right to be jealous, as far as she knew, he had no idea who she was besides the girl who ran into him. Pushing the thought from her head she looked up just in time to smack into the chest of someone. Getting a strong sense of déjà vu, she felt their hands grab onto her arms and she looked up only to be met with a smirk from the boy she was trying so hard not to think about.

“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” He chuckled as he made sure she was steady before removing his hands from her arms and backing up ever so slightly.

“I’m so sorry! I guess I better start watching where I’m going, or this may end up being a regular thing.” She laughed along with him, less nervous this time but her heart still racing.

“I wouldn’t mind that.” He smirked slightly, “just maybe less crashing into me, I’m nervous you’ll break your nose. I’m JJ by the way.” He stuck his hand out for hers. Placing her hand gently in his she introduced herself. When JJ felt the pressure of her hand in his, he brought it up to kiss the back of her knuckles, leaving her staring at him in awe, as no one had done that before.

“What?” he smiled down at her.

Snapping out of her haze, she shook her head and smiled to herself, mumbling a ‘nothing’ before looking back up at him with a slight blush on her cheeks. Laughing at her shock, JJ inquired “So Ella, where were you off in such a rush?”

“Which time?” She laughed back at him, realizing now how cliché their meetings have been.

“Both.” He smiled.

“Well the first time, I was avoiding this guy who had been attempting to flirt with me.” JJ felt a twinge of jealousy build in his stomach. Obviously someone was hitting on her, she was beautiful, of course JJ wasn’t the only one who could see that. “I was kind of into it but then I realized that it’s the same guy my best friend has been crushing on so I couldn’t do that to her. So, I got up to leave but he tried to follow me, so I was looking for my friends.” Relief washed through him and he admired her for the way she cared more about her friends’ feelings than her own.  “And this time I was going to get a drink, just a little distracted by my thoughts so I wasn’t paying attention. What about you? Where were going?”

“Our first meeting I was going back to my friends after wringing it out” he chuckled as Ella made a face, “and this time I was looking for you.”

Her facial expression changed from that of minor disgust to shock, “you were looking for me?”

“Why wouldn’t I? A pretty girl literally runs into me but rushes off before I get her name. Of course, I’m going to look for her.” He told her as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Ella couldn’t help but blush at his words, not sure how to handle that fact that he seemed to be flirting with her.

They stood there talking for a few more moments, her next drink completely forgotten and the ones she had previously consumed calming her nerves. Eventually the pair parted ways, returning to their friends, yet they continued to steal secret glances, each flushing pink when their eyes would meet those of the others already awaiting stare.

As the night dwindled down and people started to leave, in a bout of courage, JJ jogged up to Ella and her friends when he noticed they were heading out. He grabbed Ella’s hand, turning her around, making the trio stop and stare at him, all three shocked he was standing before them. Looking directly at Ella, and avoiding the harsh stares of her friends, JJ took a deep breath.

“I know we just met tonight but I couldn’t let you leave without asking for your number. So, can I have it?” JJ inquired, fidgeting with his hands trying to calm his nerves, preparing for a rejection. Giddy on the inside, Ella nodded her head and held her hand out for his phone. Relieved JJ took his phone out for her to put her contact information in. Smiling when she gave it back, JJ glanced down making sure everything was there, adding an emoji to her name without her noticing. Both of them smiling wide, he started to turn to head back to his friends. Before he could get too far, he heard her call out, “You better use that number Maybank!”

Telling her he would text her later he waved goodbye as she and her friends turned back around and started their walk home.

Both returned to back to their beds, having endured grilling from their friends. Grace and Sophia continuing to warn Ella of the possible mistake she was making and the Pogues just confused on why JJ didn’t try to bring her home. Both of them shrugging of their friends and falling asleep with smiles on their faces.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

An Unexpected Visitor (Sriracha, Part 40.)

Series description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could keep you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: Early fall of ‘85. Everything seemed to be going just great - you were married, in love, almost finished with with your university studies, you had your baby back in your home and had some exciting news... Which was why someone had took you by a surprise.

A/N: I am honestly having so much fun, sksksks.

Word count: 3.1K

Tagging:  @nemodoren, @missdictatorme, @ysljordy, @creedslove​, @hopperlover, @btchsm, @rita-lean

Master list: H E R E

Series playlist: Jim Hopper 😠

You gave yourself three more days to accommodate to the new situation. It could be just the post-ceremony stress you were experiencing, right? Jim, as the good soul he was in his core, prepared you some breakfast the following morning, bringing it to your bed. It was obvious what you'll be doing that day since he took a day off and Eleven was staying at your mom's. James jokingly said that no-one will see you for the week following the wedding and look at that, he wasn't wrong.

As time went on, it was more and more obvious that something isn't completely in check with you. Whether it was the fact that almost every morning, you spent at least ten minutes with the feeling of being sick or the fact that you were capable of giving Jim a long lecture just because he didn't take off his shoes as soon as he got in. He was jokingly saying that you put your wife mode pretty early and you, as well, chuckled at that. Not knowing what to think about all of that.

The holiday in Maine suddenly wasn't such a good idea as you thought it would be. It was supposed to be your honeymoon and a family holiday at once since your budget wasn't exactly the highest. You were supposed to visit some ultra-romantic location for three days with Jim and spend a week at Joyce's.

Yet a week before the trip itself, you decided that you want to keep the voucher from Joyce for later, sticking to the kids and Joyce for the whole ten days. Hopper sure was caught off guard with that since you were all over the place for the romantic weekend when Joyce gave you the voucher as a wedding gift, yet he didn't protest at all.

You chose Steve as your co-driver to take a short break from being with Hopper all the damn time and to savor those sweet moments on the gas station. A few years, the kids would be disgusted to see you being touchy-feely with each other. You remembered them grinning every time they were visiting your pace and Jim came home, automatically receiving a smooch and a hug for you. Now, they just turned away and talked about stuff. And also, you didn't want him to see you hyperventilating into a paper bag once vomit comes to your throat again.

Steve, on the other hand, kept you busy while he was driving or even if you were sitting behind the steering wheel. He was choosing some nice jams to sing along with kids, or you played some games like word soccer to keep you, Lucas, Dustin, and Nancy busy. Or, when the car was quiet for too long, Nancy would think of a word, letting you guess what she's thinking about. You chose a good bunch for the car ride. Robin, since she couldn't sit on any of the backseats, was mostly hiding in the trunk of Steve’s car and occasionally, she changed with one of the children.

When you were in the middle, changing with Steve, Hopper asked Nancy if she would drive at least for an hour or so because he needed some rest. She nodded, which meant that you got Mike into your car instead of Nancy - Wheeler for a Wheeler, as Dustin had said. Of course that Jim also couldn't see these two snuggling constantly, that was why he asked you to take Mike to your car.

Even if you were locked up with all of these psychos for a good portion of ten days, the vacation couldn't be better. You visited many places, went to a beach to swim and watched movies in the evenings.

"You don't look healthy. Is everything okay back there?" - Joyce asked worriedly when you, her, and Nancy were preparing some peanut butter sandwiches. You shot your gaze at Nancy, but... Who on earth would this girl tell about your sickness?

"That sounds like you're worried if my grumpy old husband..." - You told her loud enough to hear Hopper chuckle from watching the movie. - "It just came across that you think he's beating me. That's not the case, don't worry."

"Hopper beating you?" - Joyce burst out with laughter, looking at Nance who was also grinning. - "You'd sooner kicked his bottom than him even getting to beat you. No, I mean, are you okay? Since the wedding, you had lost a lot of weight and your hair also looks different. And you seem to be tired all the time since you arrived."

"And let's not forget about your morning trips to the bathroom. It's a miracle that El or Hopper didn't notice yet since you're not exactly discreet about it." - Nancy added from cutting the edges. It maybe came off as a rude comment, but it wasnt meant as one. Both of the women were just worried.

"Maybe it's just the nerves, as Robin said." - You tried to shake it off with a nervous smile and you mixed Dustin and Will’s hot cocoa they ordered. At that, both of the ladies looked at you with a face knowing something you didn't.

"What would Hopper say about another child? Have you talked about that?" - Joyce asked pretty blatantly, looking at the peanut butter jar innocently. You weren't exactly surprised that this was their main concern. It crossed your mind too. What if you were pregnant? Just theoretically? There were a few occasions where you nor James were exactly careful with what you were doing in the bed, especially when he came back from the dead.

A long exhale of yours was more than a thousand words. But when you saw Joyce's shocked face, you shook your head immediately. - "I mean, yeah, I theoretically asked him once or twice if having children is something he would still be up to, but his answer... I don't know, gals, it was... He didn't exactly say no, but he wasn’t jumping around with excitement either."

"See?" - Joyce asked fenced with the butter knife in her hand, having her duh face on. - "He's opened to it, and that is the best you'll get out of Hopper. He wasnt too excited about seeing you at the begging either, don't you think?" - She poked fun of you a bit, having Nancy smile as well. - "And now he proclaims it the best idea he ever had." - She walked up to you, hugging one of your sides, Nancy joining on the other side.

"We’ll be here if you'd need some help, okay?" - Nancy whispered. No matter what, the idea of being an auntie made both the ladies smile. And you as a mom? You hadn't a problem with getting Eleven and the children gange under your thumb, what would the difference with your baby be?

Yet you felt kinda nervous when you gave all of the food and drinks to the kids, sitting beside Hopper. Someone started the movie, but the man couldn't look away from you. - "Why are you staring at me? I thought that this phase is way beyond us." - You accused him jokingly, laying down on the couch to watch The Breakfast Club, which was chosen by the girls for the night. Other nights, you watched movies like The Planet of Apes or Star Trek, so it was a fine compromise. Or ’halfway happy’ as Jim and Eleven called it.

"You're not lookin’ good is what I wanted to say." - Hopper chuckled, watching your mouth open wide. - "I mean, you don't usually look this ugly, so I'm just worried." - Jim finished, teasing the living hell out of you. With a smile, you kissed him, feeling the familiar scratch of a beard on your face. - "Shut up and watch the damn movie, James." - You chuckled, getting into a good position.

You fell asleep on the couch in the middle of the movie, both of you. So even if it was Dustin and Mike’s sleeping place, they decided to sleep in the garden in a tent with Steve and Robin, who were telling them scary stories the whole night. You knew that because around three a.m., back pain waked you up and as soon as you got up, Hopper had conquered the whole couch by himself.

When you went to sit on the terrace with a cup of cocoa too, Steve was still sitting there by a fireplace, looking into it while the rest was dead asleep at that time. These lumberjack slumbers had to be heard miles away. The summer air was colder in the area since you were pretty close to the sea, which was nice.

"Some ghosts on your mind, huh?" - You whispered into Steve's ear after sneaking up on him, freaking him the hell out. With a chuckle, you sat down next to him, pulling your sweatshirt closer. Steve took a sip out of your mug without asking and you let him, watching the flames too.

"Can't fall asleep for a reason. You?" - Steve answered the question, looking at the profile of your face. - "Back pain and Hopper being spread all over the couch. Since I got married, I feel like an old lady with all these back pains and late-night waking up." - You chuckled back at the comment about you feeling old.

Yeah. Steve was just three or so years younger, yet the differences between you and him were undeniable. You were married, possibly pregnant, a mother, almost a college graduate with a psychology diploma, and an adult responsible for a man like James Hopper while Steve was just trying to figure out who he even was. He was single, he was still living with his parents and had a job at a video rental. You both were adults now but in different ways.

"It weirdly suits both of you. I am like... No expert, but you feel right together. Jesus, do you remember when I kissed you when we were playing that hide in seek?" - Steve asked embarrassed, looking at you. At that memory, you started to laugh with him, nodding. - "And I how I have shot the basketball ball into your forehead? You had a concussion or something." - You told him back, having him laughing as well.

"Mom was not letting me see the two of you for the next two weeks. She said that you're too dangerous to be friends with." - Steve smiled and then, suddenly you both slipped into your childhood memories once more. He was making you laugh the whole night. You got back to the couch by six in the morning. - "Where were you?" - Jim asked sleepily once you shoved him off your half of the couch. You didn’t answer him, you simply kissed him without saying a word. Oh, what fun making Jim quiet that night it was.

The other day, Robin, Jonathan, Steve, and Hopper planned some kind of a quest for the kids and no matter how adult they were trying to be, they were happy when the four adults told them. And what a better day to spend with your ladies than peeing on sticks, am I right?

"So, does it like have two strips or one strip?" - Joyce asked through the door, looking at the instructions she got at the pharmacy. She was confused as hell, but she wasnt willing to say it out loud. At that moment, you opened up the door, walking out, having three different pee sticks in your hand. - "Do I look like a gynecologist to you, Joyce?" - You asked ironically, putting them on a paper towel so you could all have a good look at what was in front of you.

The only thing Nancy did was that she opened up her mouth unbelievably, Joyce copying her actions within a second. Only you stood there, not knowing what the hell is going on. - "So, it's negative, right?" - You asked with a peal of horrified laughter only being the single thing you were capable of. And you almost fainted when both of them shook their heads in complete sync.

"All three are positive. So... Congratulations?" - Nancy whispered, still looking at the three pregnancy test in front of you. You, my friend, felt that you were in deep shit since that moment. It was your last day in Maine and the other day, Steve was driving you home again. The whole ride, you were quiet, looking out of the window. When Steve wanted to turn off Baba O’Riley, you stopped his hand by catching it, letting it play. The song was somehow translating to your situation with the lyrics like We’re all wasted and Don’t cry. You were feeling like crying.

Any other girl your age would be fine with it. Well, not fine, but they would somehow accept it. Yet you had a lot to think about. Should you let this one dream go? Should you get rid of the baby before Jim gets to know? What would his reaction even be? Jesus, you weren't that scared ever before. But you couldn't bring yourself to tell him nor to for that abortion. The only thing you did was visiting a doctor to confirm the news. It was too late to let the baby go anyway. The doctor could see you tearing up when they told you... - "Congratulations, you're going to be a mom."

A loud ring bell woke you up from your slumber. Jesus, you weren't ready to go to the hospital as a children psychologist that day. You lower back hurt, you were growling, your tummy was in immersive pain. You were getting real pregnant since the day it was confirmed. Maybe it was time to tell Jim and Eleven - but there was nothing sure until the end of month three, so there was no way telling them beforehand. Your mom knew and she almost went crazy with happiness. Yet the rest, no, you didn't consider it appropriate to tell them just yet.

You were in so much stress, as your doctor said, that you should wait before telling the others the news. There was no wonder - your fucking husband was a stressor at his best, Eleven was now at school in Hawkins, which didn't quite help and your new job as a psychologist in the local hospital was quite a burden too. You wouldn't be even able to finish the semester in time, probably, yet you already told your lector about the situation, thinking about taking something called a pregnancy break or whatever, starting the final semester again after you'd give birth. You'd also had a full right to continue studying while having a child home, taking the exams, and other things.

It wasn’t a big problem since the same man had you under his wings since 1983 and he was still friends with your parents. You already started to work on it with the man - first, you had to prove that you're pregnant for real with some report from your doctor, which you have already done. It was more chill than you'd ever say - you could ask for prolonging your studies without having to pay fees or whatever, but you didn't want to freak yourself out too early about being a real mom and... There was much to talk about.

Nonetheless, even in your first trimester, you felt super-pregnant, super huge and it was a wonder that you somehow covered the constant vomiting. It wasnt happening at that moment mostly, yet when it did, your whole dinner usually ended up in the toilet. You cussed as you ran the stairs down. Jesus, you were gassy as a living fuck. Holy damn. You farted on every step you took and when you needed to burb, well, that was something as well. And you were better at these activities than the boys or even your husband.

"I'm coming! I'm coming, just wait a minute, Jesus!" - You yelled at the door, supporting your lower back with your hand, the other one holding the railing. No-one was at home. Jim was at work and El was with her friends outside, probably having some milkshakes at Murphy’s. You still loved that place and you visited it frequently to talk with Ada and you other co-workers or just to have something ultra-unhealthy there with your family.

When you opened up the door, you felt like if you've run a marathon before that. You still had your palm on your lower back when you smiled at the persons who were ringing. It was a tall woman with a boy standing next to her, smiling at you with a surprise in her face. She expected Jim to open up the door. Instead of her ex-husband, it was a girl who was maybe half his age with a golden ring on her left hand.

"My name’s Y/N Hopper. I'm so sorry I didn't hear you ringing before, I was sleeping." - You smiled at the woman pleasantly, knowing that you've seen her before already. And the boy was just super cute. She nodded and took the sight of you once again. - "What are you looking for? Can I help you?" - You asked, inviting them in for a cup of coffee. Maybe it was the former owner of the house? That was where you knew her from?

"Oh, I'm just looking for James Hopper? His secretary told me he lives here?" - The woman asked while you started to prepare the cattle. She was looking around your kitchen, especially on Sara’s pictures on the walls while her boy wandered off to explore the living room.

"Yeah, he should be home every minute now. Do you and Jim know each other?" - You asked with a smile, making her choose between tea and coffee. She decided to have a coffee.

"My name’s Diane. I'm Jim’s ex-wife." - She told you, and when she did, the mug fell out of your palm, breaking into small pieces. You opened up your mouth, picking everything up before the boy would come there and cut himself. So that was where you knew her from. Jim’s old photos. Of course. - "And I need to talk to James as soon as possible."

[my-practiceblog]

Reasons to be glad it’s over

I know I planned a while ago to start this blog but life has been weird and it never happened.  But anyway, I finally have a reason to do my first post, so it’s happening!  Towards the beginning of quarantine my boyfriend and I broke up.  It’s sucked because I’m stuck at my parents house and have nothing going on in my life to distract me, and can’t meet someone new, so it’s just pretty hard to really get over him.  On top of that I still think he’s a really good guy so I can’t hate him, and also struggle when my friends are trying to be supportive by saying he sucked but, despite some issues, I don’t think that he did.  However, I listened to a podcast the other day that suggested writing out every little thing you don’t like about your ex or things they did that annoy you and if you focus on these things it’ll be easier to get over them.  Also a good thing to look back at when quarantine ends and I’m able to see him again but will need to stay strong and this list will remind me why.  It’s also my personal feelings so it’s different than my friends saying things about him because this is accurate to the way that I feel which is the only thing that matters in this situation.  So, here we go.

1. He took FOREVER to pick a movie when we were together.  And even if I gave him an option he thought was good he always needed more options to see if there was something better.  It would waste so much time and it was super annoying.  Also I feel like in the end most of the movie we watched together weren’t even great.

2. Off of that note he also would never want to watch rom-coms with me.  I think we watched one the entire time we were together, and that was at the very beginning of our relationship.  Even though I’d always want to.

3. He had a cat.  I’m not a cat person and will never be a cat person.  My roommate has a cat and I already don’t like living with her and was never going to want to live with another cat.  Especially like forever.  If we moved in together and got married I’d be stuck with that cat till it died.  I just want dogs...

4. When we first met me lived in an apartment with his sister which I thought was weird.  He also didn’t tell me this until the first time I stayed over (she was away) and saw girl’s products in his bathroom and questioned him about it.

5. I didn’t like his new apartment.  It was a better location but it was a fifth floor walk up and tiny and he had to get rid of things from his old apartment because he couldn’t even fit everything and it was really loud.  

6. More on his apartment- he didn’t have a side table or coffee table or anything besides his desk and his kitchen counter.  Like when we watched TV I’d have to either hold my water/food or put it on the floor.  Where it also wasn’t safe from his cat.  When I went to sleep I Iiterally had to leave my water on top of the fridge.  He turns 30 in a month, he should not have been living like this.

7. For this tiny apartment he was paying way more than he did before so on top of living in a place that was very whatever he also couldn’t go out or spend as much.

8. Also once he moved he always wanted me to go to him when I liked my apartment better

9. He became less thoughtful the longer we were dating even though to begin with his thoughtfulness was what I liked most about him.

10. He put very little effort into both Valentines Day and my birthday.  And my birthday is my favorite day which he knew.  

11. He never told me he loved me.  And we were together just about 10 months.

12. He never invited me to meet his parents.  They lived in a different city, but even when him mom visited for a weekend he didn’t ask me to meet her.  And I have to guess a mom wants to meet her son’s girlfriend, so he must have said no.

13. In all of our time together I heard him refer to me as his girlfriend exactly once.  There’s no argument that’s what I was, but he never said it outlaid (in front of me at least) which was not a great feeling.

14. He never talked about a future with me (main reason we actually broke up).  The closest was him being upset when I said I didn’t want to keep living in the city for more than a few years,  but that was about it.

15. He would get really annoying when he was drunk.  And he was an awful dancer.  To an embarrassing level.

16. He never wanted to go on double dates with my friends.  I brought it up a bunch but he always seemed weird about it so we never made it happen.  He’d go with me to my friends parties, but that was about it, even though I went out with his friend’s (both as a double/triple date type thing and also me being the only girl with them) but outside the parties he’d never hang out with me and my friends.

17. Sex was eh.

18. He read really weird books.

19. He had MS.  And didn’t tell me until corona happened.  You’d think it’s something you’d share with your girlfriend sooner than that?

20. I had to bring up the “what are we” talk because after three and a half months he never did even though we were talking every single day and going out a few times and week and had met each other’s friends.

21. Before we were official I had a pool party at my parent’s house and he wouldn’t come because he didn’t want to meet my parents yet even though like yes I’d obviously introduce them (which every person who comes to my house meets my parents) but I was inviting him to my party, not to meet my parents, it’s not a big deal.

22. His parents knew about me, which I know because he said his mom was giving him suggestions on what to bring when he did eventually meet them, but apparently even by that point he hadn’t even shown either of them a picture of me?  Like how am I supposed to take that.

23. The one vacation we went on he brought two laptops.  TWO.  On vacation.  Who does that?

24. He was way less social than me.  That’s obviously fine but I want a guy who is going to push me in a social way, not the opposite.

25. Just another comment back on his apartment.  When he was looking he told me he was hoping for a place he could stay in more long term (more than a year long lease).  But he wasn’t looking for a place I could ever live with him.  So basically, at least the way it made me feel, I wasn’t even being considered for his long term.

26. On my birthday he was very drunk and made a comment about how much he cared about me.  And how he thought it was more than I cared about him.  It was weird first of all because that’s basically the most he spoke about his feelings towards me when it was just a drunken comment at a bar, but also I have no idea what it meant. Because when I asked him if he ever thought about a future with me, less than a month later, he didn’t really have an answer.  And if he cared about me that much that would never be the case.

26. Not exactly about him but I’d hear my friends and my brother talk about their relationships and how there wasn’t doubt and they were basically obsessed with each other.  And it just was never what we had.  And was never how we felt about each other.

Okay I think this list is long enough and I got at least all of the main points out there.  Honestly, he was a good guy, and he treated me well, but for the long term I see why it wasn’t going to last.  I don’t know that he ever intended it to.  Which sucks.  But I don’t hate him.  But it also is good that we’re over.  And now I can come back from the quarantine and do what’s best for me.  Meet new guys, find someone who is a fit for me and who I have with whatever it was we were missing.  Or maybe I can move somewhere new and warm.  Because I am single and now all the possibilities are open.  

Alright, enough for my first post.  If you have any thought, comments, questions, feedback, literally anything, please send it my way.  And thank you for reading, hopefully I’ll have some brighter things to post about soon and I can keep improving. <3 <3

[lofitowns]

this girl - s. harrington

❝ THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER LIKE THEY JUST REALIZED WHAT LOVE IS ❞

In which a boy likes a girl and a girl likes a girl (Henderson! fem! reader)

              fandom ; stranger things

              word count ; 2791

              warnings ; none that i can think of, a little cursing

              (y/n) - your name

as a forewarning, this is the first writing i’m publishing here! so sorry if it’s really bad! (i’m really nervous about posting it) if you like it though, like it maybe? repost? if you don’t, that’s fine too! i’ll take constructive criticism! i read this over a few times but tell me if i missed any big errors! thank you!

           The only reason you came to the small ice cream shop in the big new mall was to see your friends Robin Buckley. That was all.

     Dustin had been away at camp for a few weeks, all your friends had been on vacations, and you had been bored out of your mind. 

     You felt like you had listened to all your records fifty times over and had seen all the movies Family Video had to offer. Your mom tried to get you to the pool a couple times but seeing Billy Hargrove and Mrs. Wheeler flirting every day made you want to vomit.     

     When Robin Buckley, your friend from school theatre told you she scored a job at Scoops Ahoy, you decided you should visit her. Make her life a little more interesting. 

     The first time you visited her, she had been at the counter, scooping ice cream for some little girl and her mother. When her eyes landed on you, you saw actual joy fill them instead of the forced one she had while she served.

     “Finally, someone with actual brain cells,” She greeted, a large smile appearing on her face.

     “I know, I know. I’m your favorite person,” You teased, leaning forward on the counter, “Now, what would you recommend?”

     “Knowing you, I’m just going to give you a vanilla cone with sprinkles,” She responded making you hum in agreement. She got to work making your cone, a small blush forming on her cheeks.

     Suddenly, the glass sliding window from behind the counter opened, revealing a very unhappy looking Steve Harrington. 

     “Robin, can you ple-” He stopped after seeing you. 

     You managed a small smile and wave before Robin handed you your ice cream treat. 

     “Can I please what?”

     Steve still didn’t respond to her, “Hey, (y/n)! I haven’t seen you yet this summer. Dustin doing okay? Is he here?”

     “Oh yeah, hey,” You greeted, feeling a bit weird. You hadn’t actually talked to Steve since the Snow Ball for the middle schoolers when he had taken Dustin. Sure you had seen him, he hung out with your brother many times since then, you had just never had the chance to talk. 

     “I’ve been... Busy,” You hadn’t been, “And Dustin’s at summer camp. He’s coming back in a couple week though.”

     “Oh yeah, right. He told me about that. I must have... I must have forgotten,” He chuckled nervously, reaching up to run his fingers through his hair, forgetting about the little hat his employer made him wear. It fell off, making him flinch and you giggle.

     His face flushed as he reached to grab it while Robin scoffed. “Whatever,” The girl turned back to you with a coy grin, “You can have this ice cream on the house if you promise to come visit me.”

     You let out a small laugh, taking a lick of the cone you held, “You have yourself a deal, Buckley.”

     That was why you had been here almost every day for the past two weeks. Not because you thought Steve “The Hair” Harrington was cute. 

-----

     Dustin was finally home from camp and after not being able to reach Suzie and his friends bailing on him, you decided he could use a nice pick me up. This included Steve and ice cream. Both things made him very, very happy.

     As soon as you walked into Scoops Ahoy, Robin waved at you from behind the counter. Dustin ran in front of you, smacking his hands down on the counter, “Is he here?”

     There was a sudden bang as the door behind the counter hit the wall. “Henderson!” Dustin laughed and pointed at an excited Steve running towards him, “Henderson! He’s back!” 

     You walked towards Robin, leaning against the counter as your brother and his best friend did their dorky handshake. You shook your head, laughing as Robin’s face twisted, “What was that?” She whispered to you, furrowing her brows.

     “What can I say, they’re dorks.”

-----     

     You sat next to Steve and Dustin as he told him about his summer love affair at science camp. 

     “No, no. No way. Hotter than Phoebe Cates? No.” You let out a small laugh at the two boys next to you. In the past couple of weeks, you had gotten a lot closer with Steve than you were before. You went from not really talking to him to seeing him whenever you went to visit Robin, which was frequently.

     In all honesty, you developed a small crush on the boy. Sure you knew he was a good guy before, if Dustin was friends with him he couldn’t be that bad. And you had seen him try to beat up Billy not that long ago and save you and all your younger friends. 

     Now you knew he was funny, really funny. He was cute and very considerate. He cared about other people a lot more than himself. If you had told Freshman you, who had a crush on Steve Harrington, that you would be friends with him, she would have laughed in your face.

     When their conversation drifted to Russian communications, it piqued your interest again. 

     “Wait, you did what?” You whisper shouted. he hadn’t told you anything about this. 

     Dustin’s face screwed up for a moment before his voice raised from whispers to shouts, “I intercepted a secret Russian communication!”

     The three pairs of eyes in your corner booth went wide as the rest of the patrons in the ice cream shop looked at you. You all shook it off before starting to whisper again.

     “What does that mean?” Steve asked, leaning closer to the two of you.

     “It means, Steve, we could be heroes. True American heroes.”

     Dustin mentioned having all the ladies they could want and you scoffed. “Oh, shut it, Dustin.”

     He simply shrugged before Steve asked about a catch.

     “No catch, I just need your help.”

     “With what?” The brunette asked as Dustin reached into his bag, pulling out a Russian-English dictionary. 

     “Translation.”

-----

     That felt like years ago once you were down in the secret Russian basement. 

     Your translations had lead to you all, well Robin, realizing the messages were talking about being inside the mall. And that leads to you finding an elevator that brought you down into the Russian base. Now, you were on your way out of said elevator with a loopy Steve and Robin.

     You had to run back into the mall, planning on hiding out in the movie theatre. There were two seats on both ends of the first row. You dropped Steve and Robin off at one end while you sat next to Erica at the other, Dustin leaving to try and contact his friends.

     You were engrossed with the movie, only being pulled from your trance by your brother kneeling next to you.

      He bickered with Erica about batteries before looking past the two of you at the other end of your row. Your head turned there was well, eyes widening.

     “Where... are they?”

-----

     Steve and Robin leaned against their respective bathroom stall walls after drinking their weight in water and throwing it all up. Hopefully, that would get the drugs out of their system.

     “The ceiling stopped spinning for me,” Robin commented as she looked up, eyes roaming around, “Is it still spinning for you?”

     Steve removed his hand from over his eyes so he could look up as well, “Holy shit. No. You think we puked it all up?”

     “Maybe. Ask me something,” Robin encouraged, leaning to lay her back on the ground, her feet above her. “Interrogate me,” She added using a fake Russian accent.

     “Okay. Interrogate you. Sure. Um...” Steve paused for a second before coming up with a question, “When was the last time you, uh, peed your pants?”

     Robin responded quickly, “Today.”

     “What?”

     “When the Russian doctor took out the bone saw,” She explained while Steve laughed, “It was just a little bit, though!”

     “Yeah, it’s definitely still in her system.”

     They both shared a moment of laughter before Robin straightened up and sat with her back to the wall. “All right, my turn.”

     “Okay, hit me.”

     “Have you...” She paused, “Ever been in love?”

     “Yep, Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year,” He answered before making a gun shape with his fingers and making a shooting sound with his mouth.

     “Oh my god, she is such a priss.”

     Steve shrugged, “Hm. Turns out, not really.”

     Robin scoffed, “Are you still in love with Nancy?”

     Steve’s heart started to flutter, not because of Nancy, not because of Robin. Because he was thinking about you. 

     “No.”

     “Why not?”

     “I think it’s because I found someone who’s a little bit better for me,” The boy started, “It’s crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he’s been saying, ‘You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.’”

     Robin cut him off, “Wait, who’s Suzie?”

     Steve shook his head, “It’s some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I’m not 100% sure she’s even real,” He admitted, running his fingers through his hair, “But that’s not-- That’s not really the point. That doesn’t matter. The point is this girl, you know, the one that I like, she’s somebody I never talked to in school. Not until last year, actually. And I haven’t really talked to her until this summer. I don’t even know why. She’s... She’s an amazing person but I didn’t see that and because Tommy H. would have made fun of me or something. I mean, Dustin’s right, it’s all just a bunch of bullshit anyway,” Steve paused to take a breath.

     “Because, when I think about it, I should’ve been hanging out with this girl the whole time. She’s so funny, hilarious. Spending this summer with her, I think I’ve laughed harder than I have in my entire life. And she’s smart, so smart. A lot smarter than I could ever be. And she’s so compassionate, especially to her brother and his friends.” 

     This caused Robin’s eyes to widen. He was talking about (y/n). The girl Robin had had a crush on since they met in her Freshmen year. The reason she knew she liked girls. A soft sigh passed her lips as she laid her face in her folded arms.

     “And she’s saved my ass before, like in the Russian base and last year. She's just not like anyone I’ve ever met before,” Steve stopped gushing for a moment to check on his friend.

     “Robin?” His eyebrows furrowed as he tapped on the stall door, “Robin, did you just OD in there?”

     “No,” she sighed again, moving back so her back was against the wall, regaining her composure, “I am still alive.”

     Steve licked his lips before moving to slide under the door between them. 

     “The floor’s disgusting.”

     “Yeah, well, I already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt, so...” They both paused, not looking at each other before Steve spoke again, “What do you think?”

     “About?”

     “This girl.”

     “She sounds awesome,” Robin nodded. She knew you were.

     “She is awesome. And what about the guy?”

     “He seems very oblivious.”

     Steve’s eyebrows furrowed, “What do you mean?”

     “Do you remember what I said about Clink’s class? About me being jealous, and, like, obsessed?”

     Steve nodded.

     “It isn’t because I had a crush on you. It’s because...” Her voice wavered at what she was about to admit, “she wouldn’t stop staring at you.”

     Steve shook his head in confusion, “Mrs. Clink?”

     Robin let out a nervous laugh, “(y/n) Henderson,” she stopped, “I wanted her to look at me. But... she couldn’t pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn’t understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And-- And you didn’t even like her and... I would go home... And just scream into my pillow.”

     Robin felt her chest heave, a weight being lifted off her shoulders at her confession. Steve still looked totally confused.

     “But (y/n) is a girl.”

     “Steve...”

     “Yeah?”

     The boy paused for a second before realization swept over him, “Oh.”

     “Oh.”

     “Holy shit.”

     “Yeah. Holy shit,” Robin turned her attention from Steve to the bandaid on her knee.

     After a few moments of him not responding, she looked back to him, “Steve? Did you OD over there?” 

     “No, I just, uh... Just thinking.”

     Robin reached up and fiddled with her earring, a thing she did when she was nervous or stressed, “Okay.”

     “I mean, yeah. (y/n), she’s really cute. She’s really nice too. You guys would be cute together-”

     Robin cut him off, “Steve, were you not listening to a thing I said? She likes you. This summer... It’s just proven that. I thought that maybe she could like me too but... Just seeing how you two interact with each other. How you joke and care for each other. How she looks at you. Especially after they had to leave us with the Russians. She really likes you, Steve.”

     The brunette boy felt like his heart was going to beat right out of his chest.

     “I... I can’t do that to you, Robin.”

     “It’s really okay, I don’t even know if she likes girls. But I know she likes you.”

     The pair shared a smile right before Dustin, Erica, and the girl they were just speaking of crashed into the bathroom. 

     “Okay. What the hell?”

-----

     After the events of the Starcourt, you definitely needed a break. After you found Steve and Robin, you had tried to sneak out but couldn’t, causing you to be reunited with everyone. Then, Billy died. Hearing Max’s cries were anguish. Sure, the guy was an asshole to you but you felt really bad. After everything was done, you found out Hopper died. That was the thing that broke you. 

     You had been sitting in the back of an ambulance, holding the shock blanket a medic had given you close, when you saw Steve. You locked eyes, a mutual understanding of the need to be held passed through your gaze.

     As the rain fell around you, you met at the halfway point and enveloped each other in your arms, gripping onto each other tightly. You didn’t care how disgusting you both were or how weak you felt, you felt warm again in his arms.

     You started sobbing into his shoulder, your whole body shaking as the events of that night came crashing down. You had almost died and someone you looked up to had. You tried to calm yourself down as Steve rubbed his hand up and down your back in a comforting manner, whispering in your ear, telling you you were going to be okay.

     That was three months ago. 

     Your relationship with Steve had definitely changed since then. You still hadn’t spoken about it though. 

     Today was the day the Byers and El were leaving Hawkins. You had gone with Dustin to say goodbye to them, your heart aching for all of the kids, along with Jonathan, Nancy, and of course Joyce.

     It was a tearful goodbye and when Dustin told you he was going to Mike’s house after, you decided to drive yourself over to Steve’s. 

     You waited after knocking on his door, wringing your hands together. A few moments passed before the boy you were looking for opened the door.

     “Hey,” You greeted softly, your face was already red and blotchy from the few tears you had shed at the Byers’ old home.

     “Hey,” He breathed out, opening the door wider for you to step in.

     You followed him into his living room, taking a seat on the sofa next to him. 

     “Did they leave today?” He questioned, not having to say who.

     You nodded, sending him a soft smile before taking a deep breath. You were going to tell him. You had to. Seeing Joyce so broken up after Bob and Hopper, you didn’t want something else to happen to where you might lose Steve.

     “I... I really need to talk to you,” You started, staring at your hands where they rested on your knees, “I don’t really know how to say this, but I really like you, Steve. As in a more than a friend way.”

     You looked up at the boy who had a dopey smile on his lips and a look of pure admiration in his eyes.

     “You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to hear you say that,” He whispered, reaching a hand up to cup your cheek.

     “Is this okay?” He questioned, leaning forward to kiss you.

     As you nodded, you closed the distance, your lips molding together in a perfect kiss. 

thank you for reading :) have a good day!

[cornholio4]

Loving Spider

Author’s note: this was a one shot I made on ao3 I had decided to continue as a normal story. You can find the story here https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13138303/1/Loving-Spider. It is indeed a shameless plug.

It was after school and Marinette Dupain-Cheng was frustrated after what had been going on for about a week. Lila had gone back to her lies and everyone was buying them again, it led to her having to sit at the back while Lila got HER seat next to Adrien.

Of course she had gotten over her old crush on Adrien, but still the seat meant a lot to her as her friendship with Adrien helped her become more confident. But now it seemed like him and the whole class was against her.

Well Chloe, she had been dethroned as the one on top of Marinette’s hate list. For how angry that Chloe had made her after all this time, it never made her so mad that she was in danger of being akumatized or turned the whole class against her!

“I know things are bad Marinette but they will get better, I promise, why don’t you give Peter a call? That is bound to cheer you up!” Tikki suggested popping her head out of Marinette’s bag. Marinette’s eyes opened when she remembered that she had yet to call her long distance boyfriend Peter Parker.

They had met during the Summer when she had her parents had went on vacation to Queens, New York. She had met Peter who was a gifted science geek. She had gotten to know eachother especially when by accident they each discovered the other’s secrets........

About one of them being like a spider and the other being like a ladybug.......

They agreed to keep eachother’s secrets (it was embarrassing to her that all her hard work that she had her identity exposed to someone else). Peter was in actuality New York’s costumed super powered crimefighter Spider-Man. They grew closer, Marinette even helped design his new suit with him to replace the homemade one he had been using before. They had by impulse kissed before they left. But they had been keeping in touch by email and phone calls.

Peter actually knew certain people who gave him someone to help him translate different languages. True as Spider-Man, he reminded her of Cat Noir but as Peter he was a loveable dork. Her parents and his Aunt May even remarked how similar they were. plus it was nice to have someone else to open up about having to keep secret being a superhero.

She got out her phone and started calling Peter’s number, she answered it and asked “Hey Peter, how was Stan’s funeral?” she decided that she didn’t want to let Peter know about her troubles and comfort him. The last email he had sent her told her that Stan, one of the neighbors of his apartment had passed away. he was a nice sweet old man who was filled with stories and advice for Peter when he came to him. The funeral would have taken place by now.

“It was hard to say goodbye to Stan but we had eachother for comfort....... Sorry had to move there....... Still we are able to move on but guess what, on social media my Spidey account was contacted by someone from Insomniac Games and they want to talk about making me into a Game!” Peter told her a bit somberly but grew excited at the last bit.

NYCWallCrawler was the social media account that Peter had set up for his Spider-Man identity. It was becoming quite popular in New York.

Marinette was weirded out by the pauses but said nothing about it, she happily told him “when it comes out you can be sure I will be first in line at my local game store! Sorry Peter, can you hold for a second.........” Marinette sounded apologetic at the end when she saw that Alya and Nino were coming over towards her.

“Marinette, we have been giving this some thought and seeing how lonely you have been and how this has been affecting you.....” Alya told her and Marinette grew a smile waiting for the apology....

“We forgive you.......” Nino finished and Marinette stood there opened mouthed hoping that she heard them wrong. “We know that you just made a big mistake and overreacted from your jealousy, and you don’t need to apologize girl..........” Alya told her with a smile reaching out her hand that Marinette angrily smacked away with her free hand to their shock.

“Good because I got nothing to apologize for! Some friends you all are, I thought I knew you all better than that to go along with this! Now if you excuse me, I have to get back to my call with someone far more worthy of my time and attention than false friends!” Marinette shouted to the shock of the two, the classmates who were nearby and Marinette herself.

She walked away and noticed to her horror that her hand with her phone was still near her shoulder. She then went back to her phone and heard a gasp making her groan realizing Peter heard her shout like that. She should have covered it....

“Wow Marinette, what did Chloe do to get you this riled up this time?” Peter asked with concern making Marinette sigh.

“No Peter, Chloe practically had nothing to do with it this time....” Marinette and she decided to explain everything to him.

“Sorry to hear about that Marinette, from what you have told me I thought your friends were a great bunch that I wanted to meet myself..........” Peter told her apologetically and Marinette gave a sad smile.

“Still I have a great feeling that you will have a big surprise when you get home......” Peter told her cryptically before hanging up. She blinked and put away her phone in confusion.

“Big surprise, what does he mean?” Marinette asked Tikki and Tikki just shrugged, Marinette jsut began walking home. She was ignoring any classmates who tried to walk up to her.

She got home to see a huge crowd in front of her family’s bakery; she saw Nadja Chamack trying to get closer and asked what was going on. “You won’t believe it Marinette. Tony Stark is in Paris for a meeting and he brought an intern with him. A boy about her age and they are in your family’s bakery right now!” Nadja told her excitedly and Marinette blinked in shock.

She then made her way through the crowd and entered through the door. She saw that at the counter was a smiling Tony Stark along with Peter’s Aunt May. She then saw looked to see Peter waving to her with a cheeky smile.

She then engulfed him in a hug, “Tony came to me and my Aunt May about us coming over here on a trip, I have been having to keep a secret from you for some time so I can see your look on surprise.” Peter told her apologetically but Marinette didn’t think much of it.

“Marinette, why don’t you and Peter have some time to yourself and play a game in the living room.” suggested Marinette’s father when Marinette let go of Peter. They went to the living room where Tom already had a games console set up.

They began getting to work playing some rounds of Ultimate Mecha Strike III, having fun. While playing they started talking about recent bad guys they fought and Peter was telling her about a She Ra cartoon he had been watching on Netflix. However her thoughts began drifting towards what had been happening to her recently.

“if you ask me III makes up for the disappointment that II was, the first game set up a high standard that they only managed to match with III...” Peter told Marinette only to see that she was growing a bit sad.

“Is this about the lying girl and the gullible classmates?” Peter asked in concern pausing the game to meet her in the eye.

“I still can’t believe I allow my emotion to get an Akuma after me and I had snapped at Alya and Nino in the middle of our call....” Marinette told him feeling a bit ashamed in herself. Tikki came out when she was sure there was no one else about and gave Marinette a hug on the neck.

“They were the ones who screwed up and everyone has their limits, even the most sweet Marinette.” Peter told her making her blush a bit. “Plus you said that you overreacted when you first saw her and her first lie, well that was another mistake and if they are still buying lies after that then it’s their fault for being gullible. I still have some citizens buying the whole ‘Spider-Man is a Menace’ thing that Jameson spews on about.” Peter continued and Marinette just sighed once more.

“Plus I am not entirely honest myself, it’s not to get attention but i have to hide being Ladybug....” Marinette muttered but Peter picked up her head to meet him in the eyes.

“I know all about that, at least you jsut have to hide Tikki. I have to hide my outfit and equipment. Last time I had to hand wash my suit, my excuse to Aunt May was that I was washing the American flag....” Peter told her causing Marinette to laugh.

“Let yourself cool down Marinette and if they decide to keep being idiots then that’s their fault. You are the amazing sweet girl I am proud to call my girlfriend, you are the one whose a gifted designer who won a contest by a famous designer and was chosen by a rock star to come up with his album cover.” Peter assured her and she smiled.

She then decided to put it out of her mind as she asked if they can continue playing the game. Peter then got an idea and grinned while asking if she would give her a minute. Marinette blinked in confusion but gave a nod.

Peter then got out his phone and went on his social media page and logged in as NYCWallCrawler. He then began typing away:

You want to know Spidey’s tailor? It was made for me by a visiting design student from Paris. Marinette Dupain-Cheng, she designed an album cover for Jagged Stone! She is going to be big one day!

He smirked as he posted it and went and unpaused the game after putting his phone away. Hopefully now more people will know how much better than Lila, Marinette is and hopefully she won’t try and kill him when she finds out.

[rosebloodcat]

Changeling Nelson Tethers

*Kicks in door* Alright! I’ve finally finished the short/story!

It’s not terribly long, and I tried to make the events of the two games (and the time between) seem a bit more stretched out. You know, to seem more realistic?

But the main focus was Nelson going through his transformations (and the build-up to each change) without too much focus on what happens in the games. As in, the story isn’t a play-by-play of what happened in them. So it doesn’t spoil anything for people who haven’t had the chance to play/watch the games.

I hope people like it, and if you have ideas for more stuff I could write for this, feel free to tell me. As either an ask or a comment/reply to this post.

If he had to pick a point where everything started, where the first signs had made themselves known, Nelson would say he had no idea. But, after thinking for a bit, he would say it started with a toothache.

It started just before (or maybe just after?) he was told about his field assignment in Scoggins, Minnesota. At first, it had been little more than a faint pressure in his back molars. Almost as if he’d been gritting his teeth for too long without knowing it. The sort where you’d stop letting your teeth press together for a while, and it would go away. But it didn’t.

Instead, the ache seemed to spread slowly. Until the whole of his mouth was throbbing dully. At that point, it wasn’t painful, but it was notable. Enough that he was planning to schedule a dentist’s appointment to figure what was going on in there. Chewing on gum made it easier to ignore, resulting in him working his way through packs at a much faster rate than he usually would. A habit that quickly became a problem when he arrived in Scoggins.

During his stay in the small town, his fingers began to ache as well. At first, the agent had thought it was due to the note-taking and snowmobile riding he’d been doing on the case and had dismissed it. (Nevermind that he would usually spend his entire day gripping a pencil while solving puzzles in his office.)

But, like the toothache, the ache got worse instead of better.

And then the Gnomes appeared, causing his annoying aches to shift into spikes of pain. Complete with a brand new pulse of pain from his lower back. The alarm (and pain) had almost driven Nelson from town then and there.

It probably would have sent him away, if the Innkeeper hadn’t mentioned that the Sheriff had told her to let him know when Nelson left. Not if he left, but when. He had no idea what had made the man think he would leave, and so soon after he’d arrived in town. Something didn’t feel right about that.

Something that the FBI agent found suspicious enough to change his mind.

So he swallowed back the aches and pains (along with some extra strength aspirin) and trooped back out into the cold, snow-covered town to solve the case and get the factory going again. Just like he was sent there to do.

And once he’d gotten the factory open and running again, Nelson returned home with notable pains and an unsatisfying end to his field mission. He couldn’t get his mind off of what had transpired, or what he had seen.

Yes, he’d succeeded as far as the FBI was concerned. But the factory foreman was missing, and now he knew of impossible things. He couldn’t just leave it at that.

That was when the first significant sign of change made itself known.

Nelson had been in his office, trying to solve a crossword puzzle and get his mind off of Scoggins, when he bit into his chicken sandwich and felt something hard in his mouth. Something that was not food. He froze mid-chew.

That was not part of his lunch.

He used his tongue to carefully shift the hard thing to the front of his mouth, and, lifting a hand, he pulled it out. He stared in disbelief when he pulled away enough for him to see.

That was a tooth. A back molar, if his memory was right.

He swallowed his mouthful of chicken, which suddenly didn’t taste as appetizing as it had before.

One of his teeth had just come out. His tooth had just fallen out.

He was too old for his teeth to be falling out. He was starting to shake.

He carefully slipped a pair of fingers into his mouth and brushed them along his gums, trying to find which molar had come out. It was the bottom, back molar, on the right side of his mouth. What bothered him more was the fact that the spot where the tooth had come out didn’t feel empty.

Nelson looked down at the tooth in his hand. It looked whole and didn’t seem chipped or damaged, so he couldn’t be feeling broken remains that were left behind.

Dropping the tooth on his desk, Nelson all but sprinted to the office bathrooms. He nearly stumbled outside the men’s room, but caught himself and hurried inside. He darted to the mirror hung over the sinks; he needed to see this. Not just feel it.

Hands shaking, Nelson hooked a finger into the corner of his mouth and pulled his lips back until he could see the space in question.

The molar was gone, and it looked like there was a new tooth growing in. One that definitely wasn’t a molar.

But that couldn’t be possible; Nelson was too old to be growing new teeth. And he was pretty sure he wasn’t old enough to be losing his adult teeth yet. That couldn’t be possible.

Except there was a very real tooth lying on his office desk that said otherwise.

He rubbed a finger over the surprisingly sharp tooth that was, apparently, growing in.

I guess it’s a good thing I hadn’t made that dentist’s appointment yet. I don’t think I could ever explain this. He thought dazedly, still rubbing a finger over the strange tooth. Is-is this why my teeth have been hurting? Because I’m growing a bunch of new teeth?

His heart froze at the thought. It seemed like a worryingly plausible idea.

But why? Why was he growing new teeth? How was it happening? And why was it happening now?!

He gripped the sink to steady himself. The cold, smooth surface under his hands helped steady his racing mind and cooled his aching hands. He couldn’t panic, panicking as a bad idea and could make him do something stupid.

“Okay, Nelson. Calm down; you’re okay. Everything’s okay. It’s just a tooth, one tooth. It’s come out, and it looks like a new one is growing in. Nothing to get frantic about.” Nelson muttered to himself, rubbing a hand over his head. “You just- you just need to calm down and think this through. Think of what to do about this.”

He couldn’t speak up about this; he needed to keep it to himself just until he could figure out what was going on.

There was no way he could explain the teeth-thing to his dentist. Not without the man thinking Nelson was trying to prank him (not that the agent ever would) or that he was crazy.

No, it was best if he kept quiet until he could come up with some explanation. And maybe confirm it was just one tooth and not all of them.

He would be okay. He just needed to be calm about all of this. If he stayed quiet, everything would be fine.

At least, that was the chant he kept in his head as he returned to his desk and bagged up the tooth to bring home with him.

As the week went on, at least one of his worries had proven right.

More teeth began falling out, from back to front — each one revealing a new, almost fang-like tooth growing in its place. Nelson started to tighten his smiles, letting his teeth show less and less as the new teeth made their way closer to the front of his mouth.

He started noticing other changes too.

His fingers, specifically his nails, didn’t look right anymore either. They seemed thicker and were changing shape ever so slightly from how he remembered them. He’d never paid a great deal of attention to his nails, beyond keeping them from splitting or chipping in ways that would hurt.

Except, now that his teeth were changing for reasons he didn’t know or understand, he found himself becoming hyper-aware of his body.

(He hadn’t felt this aware of his body since puberty, which was its own brand of internal terror.)

He’d gotten some help from one of his female coworkers, who’d given him a nail file when he mentioned that his nails were bothering him. She seemed to think he was having problems with splits catching on things. He had no plans of correcting her, but it wasn’t the root of the problem.

No, the problem was that his nails seemed less like nails and more like claws. Humans weren’t supposed to have claws. They could have nails that looked like claws if they got them specifically manicured that way. And Nelson had never done anything like that.

The man had no idea what was happening to his body, and it terrified him.

The anxiety was worse when he realized he could find a trend to the changes he was going through.

They were all in spots that had started with an ache that became progressively worse as time went on. And he remembered one other part of his body where he’d been feeling pain.

The lowest part of his back, close to his tailbone.

(Maybe even at his tailbone? He didn’t know exactly where that was on his body.)

He had no explanation for what was going on with him, but there was something that made him wonder.

Every time his mind wandered back to his assignment in Scoggins, he remembered the way his aches spiked into pain whenever he’d encountered the Hidden People.

Was there a connection of some kind? He knew it had started before he went there, but the way it seemed to accelerate while he was there.

It seemed like a crazy idea, but everything about Scoggins had been insane (and he appeared to be transforming), so it seemed like anything was possible at this point.

That left Nelson with few options.

He wanted, no, needed to find out what was going on and there was only one place he could go that seemed to have an answer.

The agent gathered up his supplies, submitted a request for vacation time, and headed back out, back to Scoggins, Minnesota.

When he arrived, he found the town just as still and unsettling as his first visit.

He felt terrible for poor Martha. It was clear the worry and stress were getting to her. He’d had to be very careful and persuasive to convince the woman to let him have a room there again, but he’d managed.

Once he was settled and finally had the chance to start combing the town for information, he learned about the disappearances from Darryl, who was hanging posters of his missing brother, Darrel. About how often and how many there had been over the years. To the point where the residents were barely phased by it anymore. Something that was incredibly worrying in its own right.

Nelson threw himself into his self-appointed investigation and ignoring every spike of pain that hit him on the way.

(But he remembered it. Every surge of pain that shot down his spine. Each one, coupled with the silent prayer that whatever was happening would wait just a bit longer before actually taking effect.)

That visit had been a whirlwind investigation and discovery, shock and fear, and danger and pain.

He’d met a few new people, agreed to help Glori get her husband back, broken into the Sheriff’s office to get more information, and met a fellow puzzle enthusiast. (Who was- Not crazy but most definitely misinformed. If he was polite). He’d had his investigation crashed by fellow FBI agents, was made temporarily mad by the Hidden People, fought the other agents, was his by an insanity-inducing raygun, and destroyed said ray.

Nelson had come out on top; He’d found the missing Issac Danvers, destroyed the Lunacy Ray, and helped the Hidden People finally return home.

And was mildly traumatized by everything and reasonably sure he wasn’t going to have his job for much longer.

He dragged his tired, slightly frostbitten body back to his hotel.

But he knew that once he got back to work, or at least back to his office, there was a chance he wouldn’t have a job anymore. If he was lucky. If he wasn’t, well, there would be a decently comfortable jail cell waiting for him.

But there, safe in his hotel room, having solved his case with no more mysteries dogging his mind, Nelson could rest. He could finally let go of the stress and tenseness that had sunk its claws into him the entire time he’d been in Scoggins. He could finally let himself relax.

And the wall hit him.

It was a sudden, blindside of pain that brought Nelson to his knees. It cut his perception to his body alone, leaving him on his hands and knees on the floor, gasping for breath. He coughed and wheezed, fighting to get his lungs back to their average pace. (Had he screamed? He didn’t think he’d screamed.)

What-what was that?! That wasn’t like anything I’ve felt before. Nelson thought in a pained daze. He vaguely registered something behind him move. Looking back, he felt his brain stalled.

That was a tail. A dark brown, fur-covered tail. A tail that looked like it was attached to him.

Stunned, he reached behind himself and rubbed a hand down his back, confirming that the tail was very real, and very much attached to him.

Laying on the floor of his room, all Nelson could think was that he was glad he’d asked for two weeks of vacation when he’d first set out. So, whether or not he still had a job, no one was expecting him back for a while.

And he needed all the time he could get to deal with this.

And that’s the end! I hope this came out well, and that you all like it. Feel free to leave comments or even give your own two cents on it.

[thatonebirbnerd]

Kestrel Posts About Music, Attempt #2: The So-Called Tanager, And Other Birds

It should come as no surprise that that birdsong has inspired music for centuries, perhaps even millennia. Something I didn’t know until recently, however, is that it’s lurking within one of my favorite pieces of all time, by the Czech composer Antonín Dvořák (1841-1904). (That’s d-VOR-zhahk. It’s kind of like the last syllable is Jacques, I guess?)

Before I get going, here are some basics. Antonín Dvořák was perhaps one of the few untormented geniuses in classical music; his life was quite ordinary and successful, but that didn’t prevent him from writing music with a massive emotional range and timeless melodies throughout. He was generally a forward-thinking guy; he promoted the work of black composers and advocated for the use of African-American spirituals in wider genres of American music. (Which actually wound up happening, by the way: blues, jazz, rap...) He’s best known for his Symphony #9, “From the New World”, which officially set the example of quoting and taking inspiration from even the most marginalized cultures. The fourth movement... let’s face it, it’s so dang famous that I’d be surprised if you hadn’t heard it somewhere.

The piece I’m going to discuss in this post is a bit different, and on a much smaller scale, though it’s also very well-known and infectiously catchy. It’s Dvořák’s String Quartet #12, the “American” Quartet.

More under the cut, because this is gonna be a long one. Maybe even “I could make this into a scholarly paper” long.

The “American” Quartet was, as one might be able to guess, inspired by the composer’s time spent in the United States. While he spent most of 1892-5 working in New York City as the director of the open-minded and accepting National Conservatory of Music, he took a vacation in the summer of 1893 with his at-the-time amazing salary... to the middle of nowhere, Spillville, Iowa. Pictured is the house that Dvořák and his family stayed in. It’s now a museum with a permanent exhibition dedicated to the composer and his work.

The reason that such a figure would go to such a tiny town is actually not too complicated. Spillville boasted a small (a few hundred people) but thriving Czech-American community, so the homesick Dvořák felt very much welcome. He was so happy that he spent his summer writing this quartet among other works, inspired by the sights and sounds around him.

So, that’s where the birds come in.

Previous scholarship on this work has discovered that there’s a little motif at the beginning of the brief third movement, played by the first violin in a very high register, that’s inspired by birdsong. The bird he imitated was making an absolute racket, and annoyed Dvořák so much that he transcribed the song in his notebook! This was the final result, for my fellow musicians.

The composer himself apparently never saw the bird, and thought it might be a Scarlet Tanager...

But according to ornithologist Ted Floyd, in an article published in 2016 in Iowa Bird Life, the more likely culprit was this completely different-looking but similar-sounding songbird, a Red-eyed Vireo.

This is where things get a bit interesting, because, well, I am a birb nerd, and I found some more birdsong in this piece.

There’s one particular refrain from the second violin and viola in particular that made me wonder. It’s present throughout the movement, but I’m going to link this snippet in particular, where you can hear it quite well underneath the first violin (which is doing its own thing, more on that later).

What I realized is that this - and I can’t believe I haven’t found anybody else theorizing this yet - is more than likely an imitation of a whippoorwill, a type of nightjar and a common evening singer in the central and eastern US. I can imagine Dvořák sitting outside that brick house at dusk and hearing a bunch of these goofy birds advertising their availability for mating, and thinking, “hey, I can make music out of that.”

“Wait, why are you calling it goofy? It’s so cute! You’re hurting its feelings!”

BECAUSE IT SCREM

Okay, now that I got that out of the way, now for the last thing I found. (So far.) You know how I mentioned that the first violin in this bit (linking again for good measure) is off doing something else?

I can’t say it isn’t a bird, but truth be told, after a bunch of digging, I’m not sure what kind this is. I even went so far as to submit it to /r/whatsthisbird, and while I found a kindred spirit who helped me out a bit, I wasn’t able to get a definite answer (unusually for the subreddit). But I have a few leads!

Option 1, Red-winged Blackbird. It’s certainly got the basics down.

Option 2, Eastern Towhee. The pitch of the song is different between individuals; this is one that sounds pretty similar to the musical excerpt. While not extremely common in Iowa, they probably would’ve been more prevalent in Dvořák’s day.

Or something else, maybe? Who knows. Not me, yet. But I tried!

Whew. That was a long post. Congrats for making it through, and I hope you enjoyed this weird interdisciplinary adventure!

[purplesurveys]

626

HI BELATED HAPPY NEW YEAR

First things first, did you have a good year? I would say most of it was good. I did most of the stuff I said I was going to do so I’m giving myself pats on the back for that. Things just kinda took a turn for the worse by the end of the year what with an ambiguous end to my most recent semester (I don’t have two of my seven final grades yet because my prof likes seeing her students suffer, I guess) and losing Nacho, so it all balances out.

How old did you turn this year? I turned 21. Which means legality in the US, but I’ve been legal in the Philippines for three years now so it doesn’t warrant much of a celebration lol.

Do you feel your age? I guess. There are days where it’s very tempting to feel inadequate because there are many 21-year-olds in my social circle who have their own business, are grabbing opportunities here and there (they’re in a successful band, are junior radio jocks, hired as emcees, serve as UAAP courtside reporters, to name a few), already make their own money, etc., but I just have to remind myself that everybody is moving at their own pace and that in my case, at least I’m not behind and that I’m moving remarkably fairly for my age.

Did your appearance change in anyway? Nah I BARELY did anything to my look this year. I did not go for a haircut at all in 2019 and now my hair is crazy long. I’m keeping it untrimmed until my grad shoot, so the long hair will stay with me for a while.

Post your favorite selfie. I would but Tumblr doesn’t really work the same way as Twitter where I’d feel more free to share photos of myself haha.

If you traveled, where did you go? My family went to Pangasinan, Bicol, Tagaytay, and Cavite this year. I also took my friends on a day trip to Nasugbu shortly before school started in August as sort of a last hurrah for our summer vacation.

Which fashion trends did you love? Which fashion trends did you hate? I initially liked chunky sneakers until everyone bought their own pair solely so that they’d feel like they’re one of the cool kids – it quickly became uncool after that. I was a fan of mom jeans (still am), high-waisted jeans, culottes, and tops in muted colors and had cute little bows in the chest area. I hated bike shorts and scrunchies, and slowly got tired of off-shoulder tops by the end of the year. I never understood tracksuits and never bought one of my own, and was also never a fan of hype fashion like DBTK shirts.

What was your favorite article of clothing this year? Post a pic if possible? I looooooooved the floral romper and the two-piece ensemble I was both able to snag at Feliz.

What song sums up this year for you? Buwan by juan karlos, the two reasons being that the song exploded in 2019 and because it was Nacho’s favorite and he made a million jokes about it.

What album came out and has been on heavy rotation since then? This question is a little vague so I’ll answer it in two ways. In my case, I definitely played Beyonce’s Homecoming album TOO MUCH last year. But radio-wise, it looked like Ariana Grande and Camila Cabello had stellar years.

What was your favorite movie of the year? I had several favorite movies, but here they are put in order: Portrait of a Lady on Fire, Midsommar, and Toy Story 4.

Did an actor/actress catch your attention for the first time this year? Florence fucking Pugh. Also I just realized how attractive Timothee Chalamet is, although I’ve been aware of him way before 2019 and haven’t watched any of his material.

Favorite new TV show? I watched the first few episodes of Stranger Things but I found it too slow-paced so I let it go easily. Other than that I didn’t really get into any 2019 shows because I’m not a big TV person, but I did recently get into Descendants of the Sun so that’s new for me! Queer Eye will also always have a place in my heart.

Which new ship/fandom has taken over a lot of your time, attention, and tears? I’m a little too old for that now but I did heavily get into the Try Guys. I don’t ship any of them together but I just genuinely love each of them, them as a group, and all the content they put out.

What food did you try for the first time? Ooh there’s a lot. Foie gras, aligue (crab fat) ramen, Bloody Mary, pistachios, a vanilla frappe from Starbucks, Tim Hortons food, ji pai (Taiwanese fried chicken) and pad thai, to name a few. I’m so so so pumped to try out even more new food in 2020.

Did you make any big permanent changes this year? I stopped talking to my brother.

What was one nice thing you did for someone else? Being one of the only two people in my org who can drive, I’ve always offered lifts to my friends. I don’t say anything even if where I’m taking them is entirely off my normal route, which frustrates Gabie, but honestly I just like helping my friends and making their commute easier for them. I also checked up on Nacho a day before he passed. I regret being too civil, but at least I checked up on him. Not a lot of people did that in his last few days.

What was one nice thing you did for yourself? Ok so one thing my org does is hold journalism workshops to schools across the country. The org is a bit small and not all the members are reliable, so what usually happens is that the same group of people attend the workshops and teach and facilitate – me being a part of that same group of people. Given that we have class during weekdays and these workshops happen on weekends, the schedule can be very demanding, especially if these schools request a shit-ton of topics for us to teach them. I sort of looked out for myself more this year by declining to go to a couple of the workshops, so that I can experience actually having a full weekend to myself.

Did you develop a new obsession? I discovered a YouTuber who is insanely good at Mario Kart 8 and I watched a ton of his playthroughs in 2019. Oh, and MUKBANG ASMRs. It’s an insanely unpopular opinion but I love chewing noises, dude.

Did you vote? It was the senatorial elections this year and yes, I did vote. None of my votes got in, of course, because unfortunately the rest of the Filipino electorate don’t know any better. I was part of a real-time fact-checking group that day for extra class credit, and I will never forget the collective groan and moan that came out of that room when the first batch of results came out on the news and we saw the same corrupt, power-hungry, money-hungry, anti-poor politicians top the polls.

Did you move? No. I’ve lived in the same house since 2008.

Did you get a job? I did not, BUT I did get an internship which I was pretty stoked about.

Did you get a pet? I did not. I don’t want anyone else but my dog, who I’ve had also since 2008.

Do you regret not doing anything? Sure. I have never taken Gab’s mom out on a girls’ night kind of date, and I always told myself that I was going to finally do that in 2019 – which I didn’t. I’m so going to make sure we do it this year. I’m also sad that I didn’t get to see Angela more times last year. And that I didn’t do more for Nacho, so now I have to live with the loss of him forever.

Do you regret doing something? Nothing is coming to mind so I guess nothing major. <-- Pretty much, thankfully.

Have you done anything that scared you? Tried vaping, did shisha for the first time, walk alone in Katipunan, be stuck at a restaurant table with Gab’s (very stoic) dad while she went to the washroom, to name a few lol. On a deeper note, I was a bad girlfriend several times over 2019 and it rocked the relationship quite a bit.

Did anyone/thing make you so mad it stayed with you for days? Yeah absolutely. I hated the people who went too far when it came to Nach, especially his ‘friends’ who didn’t hesitate to turn his back on him. And when things finally crashed and burned, I was too fucking pissed at everybody to even say something about it.

Did you lose anyone close to you? Yes.

Did you fall in love? For most of 2019 as with 2014, 2015, 2016, 2017, and 2018, yes.

Did you fall out of love? Nope.

Did you start a new relationship? I did not.

Did you go through a break up? I almost had to, but we sat each other down several times in the year to fix what had to be fixed, and it’s been very smooth sailing since.

Did you have to cut ties to someone? They weren’t people I was close to in any extent, but I’ve blocked several people from a certain elite school because I hate that school.

Who was important to you this year but wasn’t important last year? No one strongly comes to mind since I basically just retained my circle, but I did meet Gab’s closest cousin this year for the first time, and anyone who’s family to her is automatically important to me, so I’d go with him.

Who wasn’t as important to you this year as they were last year? This is going to sound completely awful, but I guess my college blockmates. I was always sort of the ~black sheep in our small batch of 7 while all of them are incredibly close with one another. 2019 was the year that I stopped trying to hang out with them, because I realized that no matter how hard I try, we’re really just on different wavelengths and I can’t keep faking my expressions and mannerisms just so I feel accepted or so that I can survive a day with them.

If you could have a do over on one thing you did, would you take it? Yeah, I definitely wish I cut some of my classes much less.

What was the best moment of the year for you? What was the worst? There were a lot of high moments from 2019 if we’re being honest. I liked taking Gab and her dad out for a ONE Championship pay-per-view back in January, I liked being invited to her dad’s birthday dinner, my road trip to Nasugbu, every day that my dad was here, going to the beach, partying for Halloween with friends, seeing old friends again in our org Christmas party, that one night Gab and I went to BGC just to bar-hop, our fancypants date that was also in BGC, and I’m sure there’s a bunch more that I’ve forgotten to mention. The absolute worst moment came at the very minute I pieced it together and found out *surprise surprise* Nacho was gone forever. I don’t think I was able to speak for two hours. When I did, I ended up crying the rest of the night until I passed out.

Did anything happen that you were sure would change you as a person but it really didn’t? Not-so-serious answer, but I thought I was gonna live my entire life without needing injections to my mouth, but lo and behold I went to the dentist in December and got THREE. I thought I was going to pass out, I thought it was going to hurt, I thought I was going to thrash around my seat in terror... I ended up not even feeling anything. I dunno if it’s because I got a lower dose of whatever, or if my dentist is just better than others, but the whole experience went much better than I expected. This may sound shallow but I have the biggest needle-and-any-sharp-object phobia, so this is a lot coming from me hahaha.

Did anything happen to you that you were sure wouldn’t change you as a person but it did? Watching Portrait of a Lady on Fire. Gab just needed a companion to the cinema that night; I had no idea what the movie was going to be about and even read the entire plot while trailers were showing – in the end, it’s been me who’s been talking about the movie way way more than she.

What are you most proud of accomplishing? Not killing myself. The 2010s was just me internally betting on when I’d finally pull the plug, but I had what it took to get me to 2020, apparently.

What have you learned about yourself this year that you didn’t know in the years prior? That everything you do and say on the internet is permanent, and you’ll forever have to live with the the consequences that come from them.

Did your opinion of anyone change for the better? Andrew. Before 2019, I found him so horrifyingly clingy, so chatty, and he was always trying to be close to everyone (he still does). It drove the introvert side of my ambivert-ness absolutely NUTS. At one point I realized he wasn’t going to change, so I just gave him a chance and turns out, he’s a great friend and an even better co-worker hahaha.

Did your opinion of anyone change for worse? Everybody who claimed to be Nach’s friend but didn’t find it hard to say vile stuff about him.

If you make resolutions, did you complete them this year? I told myself I was going to make a one-photo-a-day private Instagram dump for 2019, but I stopped as early as January 27 LMAOOOOO. I’m doing it again this year and I’m much more determined to keep it going.

If you make resolutions, what will your resolutions be for the coming year? Keep my 2020 Instagram active, be able to travel... and be happier, basically.

If you could go on an adventure during the remaining days of the year, where would you go and what would you do?  Who would you go this? A little too late my dude. I’m typing this out in 2020.

What do you wish for others for the coming year? What do you wish for yourself? I just hope everybody on here feels a little bit more warmth and happiness, dude. We all deserve it.

[kellinquinnaf]

A bi girls story

As a teenybopper I remember fantasizing about boys and coming up with senarios in my head. One day it was randomly a girl in my thoughts.

In summer 2015 I kissed a girl “A” (my bestfriend at the time) idk why part of me just really wanted to and she kissed me back, a boy saw (an ex it’s a small town) and was SHOCKED but we played it off. Later the “A” and I are home alone and I totally kissed her, pushed her up against the wall and everything. She was my first make out too. Throughout the summer we would have sleepovers and make out and it got as far as being shirtless and grinding (and I came wtf??) The whole time we would ask eachother if we’re straight or not and I was so like mind boggled that I was like “im straight, and we’re just friends who kiss” looking back now we were totally girlfriends that summer.

After that summer I was at a sleep over (in the city now) with my straight best friend “B” (100%) and another girl “S” and we were all friends. For some reason we started giving eachother hickeys and my straight bff “B” thought it was hilarious but I was like so into giving “S” hickeys that after I got sooooo nervous. We were all laying in her big bed together and my bff “B” fell asleep and I was so nervous that I kept shaking uncontrollably and she kept asking why. We were cuddling and so close and I can’t remember what I said but I think I told her I wanted to kiss her and we did and it’s was so amazing. Then weeks later we all had another sleep over and I was more confident this time and I kissed her and she kissed me back but out of no where “S” got up and was all nervous and I was sad that it ended but scared that she was not happy about something. After that she moved schools and I heard from my bff “B” that she felt really awkward about it all. Then she’d start posting about her “gf” (it was supposed to be platonic to the rest of the world) but as she posted pics or vids of them kissing I knew it was real for one of them at least.

In grade 11 a new girl came into the school, she was short and had the best but ever.. I couldn’t help but look. We ended up snapping and FaceTiming a few times and she wanted me to sleep over and she talked about us doing shit. She had a boyfriend at the time and he said he was ok with her experimenting. I was so excited to go over, and she started snapping me her in the bath and then her tits but she started snapping me just her vagina and I was not ready for that. The sleepover never happened :/. Yearssss later I’m in the city at the club and she’s there. I dance with her can call her hot and she says something like it’s been a while. We part ways.

I had a few boyfriends / flings in between then and finally made out with some boys and it was all really amazing too! The next summer I didn’t want to go back to the small town cause I had met this guy “D”! But I went back anyways.

I got a boyfriend in this town in summer 2016 and we told eachother we loved one another a few weeks into dating. During this summer I had a little fling with a girl “J” who at the same time was dating my ex-crush of 3 years who his letter is “V”. We tried kissing in front of both our boys they were just like wtf ok.

My boyfriend and I went long distance for a year while I went back to the city for school. During this time I went to a party with a bunch of people from my grade and idk why but I started talking to this girl “H” and straight up asked her (while drunk) if she ever thought about being with girls and she admitted yes and I kissed her. People saw and she got awkward about it. Another friend who saw got awkward around me after too. Another friend knew I’ve kissed other girls and I told her I was thinking about this party girl “H” and she told me that “H” felt weird about it after it happened. I let it go. During this time I also kissed a boy “J” at a party. And more girls at a different party (including my straight best friend “B” while she was drunk. I convinced her to kiss me I just wanted to see how she kissed lol). When prom came boy “J” had a girlfriend and we saw eachother at prom with our dates (“J” knew at the time that I had a boyfriend when I kissed him at the party) he just said hey Sam and looked at me with side eye but flirtation??? I said hey back .. my boyfriend knew that was the guy.

Fast forward a year and I moved in with my boyfriend in the small town. We were completely in love until we moved in together. Things get hard when you graduate high school and move 15 hours away with your boyfriend the day after. I cheated on him with a man “K” a year later and again 6 months after that, with “D” from years after he and I were a thing.

During the second time I was back in the city at the club dancing with the cheat “D” and my bffs sister “K” (guy “D” had a huge crush on girl “K” for the longest time). I’m between them both, my front grinding this girls ass and my ass grinding on this guy. This is the moment I felt true complete bliss and I knew then in that exact moment that I was bisexual. I then admitted it to my bestfriend “B” days later, the first person I told out loud and she said “I’ve known that since girl “S” in grade 10” (at this point we’re on our second year out of high school) Guess I must be obvious.

This guy “D” though he accepted my bisexuality in the moment and made me feel empowered and turned on by it. He was turned on by it. It just felt so good to be with someone so open. Actually I had another boy “C” who felt the same and it felt so good to me for them to enjoy me just being bisexual me. (Funny story this boy “C” dated the girl I had kissed in the sleepovers “S” and so I told him about how we kissed the same girl and he was so horny over it ahhh!)

Bring us to one month ago and (6months after that last cheat with “D”) and I go to another party in the small town now. I’m fucking plastered but I somehow scavenge out the lesbian from the pack of girls who is “M” 😍. We start talking and I guess I’m totally attracted to her. I think I kissed her without her wanting it at first. I kissed her a lot that night. Everyone saw too. We walked home with everyone and I held her hand the whole way. We added eachother on snap.

I told my boyfriend long ago that I’m bisexual and he told me I’m not. I tell him again and he says we could have a three sum. After kissing “M” I got weird cause he considers it cheating and I felt horrible for doing it again. I told him and my boyfriend said “I’m sorry but Im not into that. I know some guys are but I’m not” I told him my fantasy of having us be in a three way relationships with a girl. He could have two girls to fuck and I could have the best of Both worlds. He could get us both pregnant and our kids would be siblings. He was not intrigued by this idea at all.

“M” and I want to hang out but now I feel like I can’t hang out with her cause I know I won’t be able to control myself. She came into my work the other day for a dental appointment. She walks in wearing all black, her blonde hair shimmering in the light contrasting to the black. She has a big leather jacket and a helmet in hand, wearing big black boots. Her colourful tattoos showing on her arms making her look so tough but artistic. We get to chatting as I show her to her exam room. She forgot that I worked there and I commented on the fact that she rides a motorcycle. A Honda 500 (can’t remember the model) - I tell her I’ve always wanted to ride but my parents never let me. I’m leaning on the counter trying to look chill and cool. She said riding a bike is the gayest thing to do (I thought she meant like “gay insult” but she meant “gay homosexual”). I bet the whole office could hear the flirtation and I only hope that they think it’s just banter. She’s getting ready to leave now so I pretend to busy myself with paper work at the front so I can watch her leave. As she’s leaving I walk to the back and turn over my sholder, us making eye contact and waving to eachother. I watch her ride her motorcycle with one hand after saying she just started riding and is getting used to it. She looked like a dream.

I snap her the next day asking how the work day is since I of course work days and she works nights. She replys with something calling me cutie and sending heart eye emojis. We flirt a bit more and she says she wants to hangout soon since she’s leaving for college again. I leave for vacation so I tell her aug 25th and 26th I’m back and can hang out. She said she leaves the 27th but can chill the 26th. I ask her what she wants to do (idk if she knows I have a boyfriend but I have to tell her). She says “I don’t think we’ll be bored😉”

Now I’m day dreaming about her and I have a boyfriend. I don’t know what I should do but I now know that the term “once a cheater always a cheater” is true. I know my desires will win. But can you really blame a Gemini; we are so torn between being two people and leading two different lives that we are greedy and take as much as we can of everything.

I also have a crush on my boss, a smart, intelligent, artistic and wholesome girl dentist, who is also a Gemini and born a decade and two days before me. This life is a struggle.

—

I’ve been thinking lately of talking to a therapist. My life is fucked up. I’m so torn between where I am and where I want to be. I don’t even know where I want to be .. I thought right where I am was it but I’m not so sure. I want to leave this town and go back to the city and go to school but I’m living the life I wanted here. I just don’t want this settled down family life just yet. I’m dental assisting without having gone to school for it so I feel like I can’t be proud of what I do. I’m a dance instructor with someone I can’t even handle anymore because of their greed and want to have my own control over it. I’m torn between wanting to be in a relationship and wanting to be single. Between wanting to be with a boy and with a girl. I miss my family but I moved here to get away from that toxic household (not toxic when not living with the parents). I have not been officially diagnose but I know I have OCD and trichotilomania (a disorder causing you to involuntary pull out your body hair). I only pulled my eyelashes but when I tried to stop I just started picking my skin and now I have the worst acne and scaring. I need help. My house is either spotless or a complete disaster. also I’m in the closet for most of everything and I’m nervous to what my family and coworkers will think/feel. Everyone else idgaf but when you’re so close and personal and you come out it shocks people and then the women don’t want to get to close to you in fear that you’re attracted to them. And the parents would be ok with it but they’d just be shocked.

I’m gunna ask the girl to hang out tonight and we’ll probably make out. Hopefully we fuck.

#horrible person

[putschki1969]

Japan ~ Summer 2018 #2 🎌🚅

Quick introduction: Hello my lovlies!! As most of you might already know, I went to Japan this summer. It was a rather spontaneous decision based on the fact that both Hikaru and Wakana had announced their solo lives. At that point I was suffering from a serious case of Kalafina withdrawal so I felt like I had no choice but to go. I just needed to see them. Also, it was my 30th birthday so I thought I would treat myself. You only turn 30 once, right? On a side note, the timing finally gave me the opportunity to do something I had wanted to do for a few years now. Climb Mount Fuji. o(〃＾▽＾〃)o So yeah, that’s the backstory of my trip. I stayed in Japan from July 30 till August 14 and pretty much my entire trip was dedicated to Kalafina Pilgrimage. Let me tell you this, it was by far the best summer vacation of my life, worth each and every penny! And believe me, there were a LOT of pennies involved XD

Notes: Once again this is coming pretty late but not as late as my previous travel report so that’s a good thing. It took some time to gather my thoughts and put them all into words. This report will be a bit different from the last one since I thought it would be nice to include some travel tips here and there. I guess you could see this as some sort of travel guide/Kala-guide. Many of my followers have never been to Japan so I guess some general info would be useful to make things easier for you if you ever decide to travel to Japan.

Please note that this is Part 2 of my report. It is dedicated to my time in Toyama. Part 1 can be found HERE!

Without further ado, let’s get to it 〈(•ˇ‿ˇ•)-→

Aug 4 (Sat) ~ Toyama Trip

I decided I would dedicate that entire day to a Toyama trip. I made the mistake of not reserving a seat in advance for the shinkansen. I usually always do that but for some reason I didn’t think the train to Toyama would be that frequented. Turns out I was wrong (at least when it comes to the fast bullet train - the Kagayaki). When I got to Ueno that morning I was planning to take one of the earlier trains but it was already completely booked out. Later on I found out that Aug 4/5 was the Toyama Matsuri weekend so it's really no surprise that all the shinkansen seats had already been reserved. I ended up getting a ticket for the 10:14 Kagayaki which meant I would arrive in Toyama around noon (a little later than planned but oh well, there was nothing that could be done about it). It was my first time taking the Hokuriku Shinkansen so I splurged a little on a fancy ekiben °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° For those of you who don’t know, ekibens are bento boxes sold at train stations. You can eat them on a long shinkansen ride. There are so many different types to choose from. But I’d personally recommend the one I got. The E7 Bento Box. Like many others, the Hokuriku shinkansen has a very distinctive look so of course, it also has its very own bento box XD And boy, is it a cute box! Perfect to keep as a souvenir. And the good thing about it, there’s mostly stuff in it that I actually eat (I am a VERY picky eater!). The special Ueno Coca Cola bottle is also cute as hell btw!

The ride to Toyama takes a little over two hours I think. I arrived around noon (maybe at 12:30 or something). Shortly before I arrived I realised that I had forgotten my USB cable. I brought my charging battery but it was useless to me without a USB cable At that point I had already used my phone quite extensively and my battery was at around 60%. I was already starting to panic a little because I had all these plans for Toyama but they required me to use google maps, without google maps to rely on, I wouldn’t be able to find ANY of the places I wanted to visit. When I arrived I was greeted by a gorgeous little street festival, right outside of Toyama Station there were lots of people gathering around a handful of dance groups. It was quite pretty and spectacular. But at that point I was already scared to use my phone for anything except google maps so I didn’t take any pictures. *sobs* Such a shame. First I made my way to the Nanakosi shop that sells those pastries Hikaru mentioned in the 10th Anniversary Film. It’s located inside the Sōgawa Ferio Grand Plaza which is about a 20 min walk away from Toyama Station. Usually 20 min is nothing for me and I always try to explore new areas on foot but man, it was hell to go there. It was really hot that day and my battery was dropping faster than expected in the heat. Google maps was constantly crashing on me and it didn’t seem to work properly. I kept going the wrong way (please note that I have no sense of direction whatsoever). So yeah, I was a mess. Frantically I was trying to find a shop that sold USB cables but for some reason I had a really hard time finding one. Usually they sell those in conbinis but I couldn’t even find one of those. Plus, I was scared to venture too far away from my route since I thought I might get lost. Thank God I eventually managed to find a 100 yen shop. They have everything, including USB cables. After that I was able to relax and focus on my Hikaru pilgrimage.

So yeah, like I said, I was walking towards Ferio Grand Plaza. On my way there I passed Toyama Castle. It’s a nice little castle with a small garden but nothing to write home about. When I arrived at Grand Plaza I was greeted by yet another festival. A nice little wind ensemble was playing popular songs such as “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid, it was quite epic. They were all wearing uniforms, it was some sort of commemorative event to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Toyama police department band or something .

Grand Plaza is a really nice gathering place that’s protected by a glass ceiling but it’s still outdoors. It’s a wide open space and often used as venue for events like the one mentioned above. While enjoying the concert I bought myself one of those infamous Nanakosi pastries.

I got the one with custard because I am not a fan of the standard bean filling. I’ll be real with you, it wasn’t all that great (sorry, Pika-chan T_T). I think it might be more enjoyable in winter but during a hot summer day it was just too much (and that’s coming from someone who can usually eat a lot of sweet stuff). There was just too much filling. It was a struggle to finish it. Afterwards I walked around the Ferio Grand Plaza area a bit to find the Doutor Coffee shop that Hikaru had worked at in her student days. It’s very close to the Nanakosi shop so everyone should be able to find it quickly. It’s the Toyama Sōgawa shop in case any of you want to check it out ( 〒930-0083 Toyama-ken, Toyama-shi, Sōgawa, 3 Chome−5−４ アキオビル 1F).

My next stop was the Yamaha Music Center which was also mentioned in the 10th Anniversary Film. It’s only a 10-minute walk from Grand Plaza (although I took a lot longer because google maps was messing with me again or maybe I was just too stupid to follow the directions, I don’t know). At any rate, the center is a little hidden away in the backstreets of Toyama so it wasn’t exactly easy to find. Of course the heat made everything seem a lot worse XD. Here’s the address for those of you who want to go there one day => 富山音楽センター 〒930-0049 富山県富山市豊川町５-６

Then it was time to head north, to Kansui Park. You simply follow the river for about 30 minutes and then you are there, it felt really nice to walk along the riverside, the trees were providing some shade, there was a nice breeze so close to the water and you could listen to the cicadas singing. Oh boy, I underestimated how loud they could actually get. I had never heard them before because I always travel to Japan in the winter time.

Kansui Park is absolutely gorgeous! This is where Kalafina performed during the Stardust Illusion Festival. I summarised Hikaru’s blog post from that day. She talks about how that was one of the most special lives for her so of course I had to go and see where it took place. Hikaru also mentioned the infamous Kansui Park Starbucks which is known for its lovely terrace views. And really, it DID have some nice views. I took a little break there and tried to cool down with a cold drink. Afterwards I headed to Aubade Hall, the venue of Hikaru’s dreams. She has mentioned in a couple of blog posts that ever since she was little she always wanted to perform there. And Kalafina did end up performing there twice. Once back in 2015 for their fotw tour and then last year for their 9+ONE tour. It’s about 10 minutes away from Kansui park, pretty close to Toyama Station actually. Here’s the address => Aubade Hall (Toyama City Art and Culture Hall), 9-28 Ushijimacho, Toyama, Toyama Prefecture 930-0858, Japan

Then I wanted to have some dinner and I thought about going to the Izakaya that Kalafina always go to when they are in Toyama. It’s called Soratobu Usagi which pretty much means Flying Bunny XD. You can even check out their signatures at the bar. It’s quite cool. BUT I decided against it since they only have seafood and I don’t really eat seafood. So I slowly headed back to the station and ordered some gyoza (because I always crave gyoza XD) at a random restaurant. I finally got to relax after walking around in the heat (I didn’t really walk that much but it felt like I had run a marathon due to the humidity). While watching the sunset I ate my yummy giant gyoza and then I took the train back to Tokyo.

❗ Some tips ❗ 

Always bring your charging battery AND a USB cable

Conbinis and 100 yen stores have everything in case you are ever in need of a random product

Always reserve your shinkansen seat tickets in advance. It’s best to reserve them at least a day ahead if you are planning to travel during communiting hours or during the weekend.

Prepare an itinerary so you don’t waste your time going back and forth between locations. I started with the lower part of Toyama and visited all the places in that area. Then my plan was to head north where another bunch of places were located. Do your research before you travel and life will become so much easier. You can lose track of all the places you wanna visit if you don’t have an itinerary and then you might end up having regrets because you didn’t get to see everything you wanted to see. I mean, you don’t have to strictly stick to your plan but just see it as a sort of guideline.

When you are taking the shinkansen splurge on an ekiben. Yes, I know they are totally overpriced but really, they are pertty delicious most of the time and it’s just part of the shinkansen experience.

Aug 5 (Sun) ~ Lazy Shopping Day

I didn’t actually do much on that day. After all I wanted it to be a relaxing holiday and not just one exhausting trip after the other. Plus, the heat really took a toll on me so I felt like I needed some downtime. So yeah, I just did some shopping (mostly window shopping) and eating. I walked around Tokyo Station and happened across an IENA store. Guess what I found there? Yup, Hikaru’s blouse, right in front of me. In my previous post I mentioned that I originally wasn’t planning to buy it since it was just way too expensive. But after climbing Mount Fuji and after celebrating my 30th birthday I just felt like I deserved a treat. I realise I have said the same thing about my nail salon appointment but oh well, you only live once. So yup, that’s the story of how I ended up buying the blouse even though I was initially not intending to.

This was me during the entire trip.👇

The rest of the day was spent in all kinds of shopping malls in Shibuya/Shinjuku. I am actually quite proud that I didn’t buy anything else. But on this trip I really wanted to focus on Kalafina so I didn’t feel the need to spend money on random clothes or accessories. But I always enjoy just looking at stuff. We don’t have any of these malls here in Vienna (at least not in those huge dimensions) so it’s a cool experience to check everything out. To wrap up the day, I had some yummy dinner and then I headed back to the hotel to pack for my upcoming trip to Fukuoka.

[lilcutieana]

Forget Me Not

 Warning » lots of fluff 

 Synapse » You're a university student struggling to pay rent and decide to enjoy the cool spring weather in the woods . Little do you know, you aren't alone in the same plan. 

 Forget- me- not is a wild flower that grows all round the year, almost. It's small yet not at all delicate. Just as the name suggests, it signifies a relationship that lasts forever. A hope that you never forget them, and keep them in your heart.

It was spring after all, the birds singing cheerily, looking for their mates; bunnies hopping around gleefully, and trees in full bloom. The fragrance from the flowers as it filtered through the open window made me inhale deeply. It was heavenly. Yawning and stretching my muscles, I opened the curtains and closed my eyes, feeling the warm sun dance across my skin. A low rumble interrupted my morning date with the sun. Pouting, I rubbed my complaining tummy and headed to the kitchen to prepare some sandwiches, coffee and some fruit. That should make for a good meal.

My apartment was tiny, me being still just a student, this was the best I could afford. A bedroom, with a bathroom attached, a tiny kitchen to the side and the hall that connected the foyer to the kitchen and bedroom. The only source of entertainment was the woods close by, the internet and my second-hand laptop.

I loved to cook and had a blog about it with about a hundred subscribers. A particular subscriber by the name 'pinkmochi' loved my posts and often sent requests and little gifts. He was my favorite and I always waited for his comments after every update.  

Opening the fridge to a wide colorful assortment of veggies and fruits, I forgot why I even opened the fridge in the first place. Picking a strawberry and plopping it in my mouth, I closed the door and stared at it for a minute. Oh! Right. Sandwiches.

Picking out cucumbers, dill, cherry tomatoes, potatoes, Turkey, ham and mayonnaise I closed the door once again, with my butt, since both my hands were full to the brim. Now the task was to get these to the counter safely. Quite the Herculean task if you asked me.

Stumbling over the little carpet by the door, I made it to the kitchen counter and carefully placed all the ingredients, preparing for a hefty brunch.

Some strawberry lemonade, six kinds of sandwiches, two slices of cheesecake and a bunch of juicy grapes. I was set to eat. 

Just then, a lark sat on my kitchen windowsill, singing beautifully and when another joined, they flew away together. I wished to be in the wilderness too, maybe with a certain someone who would keep me company, make my heart race and my lips constantly smile. Deciding now is better than never, I started looking for things I'd need out in the woods. 

It's not every day you get such an amazing weather. Picking up a basket, I set everything into order inside it, added some plastic cutlery and plates to the mix. A camera, my laptop, a blanket and an umbrella, just in case, and I was set to go.

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Setting up the blanket neatly, I decided to set the things prettily on it and take a picture. After four shots that didn't come out as pretty, a cute cat came and sat on my picnic while I was focused on my laptop editing the picture. She was beautiful and healthy. A white cat with yellow patches, I just wanted to cuddle up to her.

Should I..? But what if she ran away? I then decided to take a picture of her as the model. Taking a few steps behind, I snapped a picture of her sniffing the grapes on display. This was just perfect! I didn't waste a minute and instantly jumped into my blanket, making the cat screech and jump a meter away. Oops. 

"I'm sorry. Here, you can have the cheese slice." Opening the turkey sandwich, I slid out the cheese slice from within and handed it to her on a plate. Slowly, she tilted her head to the side and sniffed the air, her whiskers vibrating. Swishing her tail side to side, she jumped on the blanket and bit the cheese.     

Carrying it to the edge of the blanket in hurried backward steps, she turned to the side, eyeing me up warily and started nibbling on the cheese. "Don't worry missy, I won't steal from you." I raised my hands in surrender. I had enough food to last the whole day. I definitely won't.

"Mreow", with that, we continued living in peace. For now. I still wanted to hug her though. Pouting, I shrugged. Maybe one day, she will let me. 

Picking up my laptop again, I connected the camera to it, this picture didn't even need retouching. I decided to just add my watermark and post it on it my blog while taking tentative bites of the turkey sandwich, just without the cheese slice. It still tasted delicious. 

'An assortment of sandwiches brings kittys to the yard' 

As soon as I had posted it, I received a comment from pinkmochi.

Is that my cat? I thought I lost her! Where are you? Weird. We were from the same area? He was here? No... couldn't be. I doubt it. Maybe the cat was lost for days? And wandered in here. Or he could have come this far on a trip to the woods. Boys tended to do that. Just then my laptop pinged with a new notification. It was from him once again.

 I think she didn't go too far, the trees behind look similar, can you respond if you hear my voice, please, don't let her run away. Wow. He was fast. And he was here. What do I do? Do I even look presentable? A pale blue top and white shorts, I guess I was okay.

  No. Stay where you are. I'll find you. I'm used to these woods.

There. That should do it. Turning off my laptop, I jumped up, dusting my pants. The cat got startled and started backing away slowly with her tail high up and ears pushed back. The cheese slice, half eaten, lay on the grass. One step forward, and she bolted.

I followed her in a slow jog. She'll surely return to wherever her owner was. Whoever he was, must have been very worried. From what I knew, he was a gentle soul. 

After every few steps, she would stop and look back, as if she wanted me to follow her. Strange. Shrugging it off, I slowed down my jog to a fast-paced walk.  

Soon the dense woods thinned out to bushes and shrubs, and I could faintly make out the heads of seven boys. Wow. Okay. Danger.   

At the crunch of a branch under my feet, I stood still. Wide-eyed, windblown hair, scratches on my arms. I must have been quite the sight to see. 

As if on a tune, every single eye turned to where I stood. Raising my hand, I waved at the boys. Oh. I knew them. They were all over the news lately. Really talented, had music for all sorts of ages and genres. They were exceptional and the world liked that about them. The bulletproof boys. Me? I was too broke and relied on internet.   

A movement from beside me, caught Jimin's eyes and he lurched forward, "Sun-hee, why'd you run away?" The cat leaped into his waiting arms and I cooed at the adorable sight. I wasn't alone, the rest of the boys, heaved a sigh of relief as Jimin finally found his lost feline. 

Wait... this cat belonged to pinkmochi, does that mean... Jimin was pinkmochi?!?  Shocked at the new revelation, I backed away a couple steps and turned around to leave. It's better if I don't get involved. I'm a nobody anyway, not to mention, I left all my food at the picnic I set up before, in the middle of these woods. What if it got stolen by other animals? 

Walking at a faster pace, bending and curving around lower branches, I was a woman on a mission. A very hungry mission that ended with me blissfully full of sandwiches and iced drinks. Hearing some muted footsteps behind me, I stopped alerted. Surely, I wasn't just hearing things? 

Instead of turning around, I bolted from the spot, running in zig zags. I had read online, it confused wild animals from chasing you if you didn't follow a straight path.   

But, somehow, instead of losing them, whatever they were, it gained speed behind me and had started to sound more humane like. Panting heavily, with sweat running down my back and neck and heart about to leap out of chest, I stopped as I almost reached my own picnic. 

Oh no. I brought the enemy to the holy food. Hearing the same heavy panting behind me, I turned around slowly, by heart almost leaping out of my chest, it was beating so fast. Hands fisted by my chest, my eyes frantically looked for any possible weapon and coming up short. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and completely turned around. 

It was now or never. Opening my eyes, I gasped out loud to see the seven gorgeous boys leaning on the trees and trying to catch their breath. So much for me giving them space on their vacation. "If you don't mind me asking, why did you follow me?" I asked softly, scared my voice would give away how nervous I was in front of them. 

"We got lost hiking up the hills early this morning and ended up in the woods. Jimin thought the cat would lead us to food and water and let her run, but it actually ran away." Jin, the guy with a calm expression but chaotic hand gestures glared at the cat.   

"And it actually ran away, like I predicted. Well, it did find food for itself." Suga quipped from behind, slumped under a tree with his head resting over the palm of his left hand. He looked bored out of his mind, or maybe tired. At my puzzled expression, he pointed towards my picnic I had set up earlier, spread out prettily behind me, with his chin. 

Feeling my cheeks heat up in embarrassment, I looked down at my feet, covered in dried up mud on all stars. " Would you guys like some lemonade and sandwiches? I have some spare." I mumbled slowly. When I don't hear any response, I looked up to find the boys gone. 

Was it all my imagination?     

Maybe the heat was getting to me. It was almost noon, the sun beating down on my back. That's when I heard the crunch of papers being unwrapped. Startled with wide eyes, expecting to find a bear on my picnic, I turned around to see Jimin looking sheepish with a mouth full of cheesecake that Jin fed him.

Jimin sat in the far right with Yoongi and Jungkook on both of his sides. Then there was RM, Jin, Jhope, and Taehyung on the left. Well, that explains not answering. They were hungry and thirsty after all, since they had been lost all morning, going everywhere and arriving nowhere. 

I went to sit beside Jungkook, since he seemed calmest of the bunch, focusing only on the turkey sandwich and eating it as if it were his last meal.

I was almost close enough to sit down when Jimin pulled on my arm and made me sit next to him, almost on his lap. Yoongi hissed from beside him, on our sudden movement and the whole crew laughed aloud, making the two of us sport matching red cheeks. 

"You're cute when you blush" whispered Jimin from beside me, making my cheeks burn hotter. Turning to him with a sharp glare, I replied. "At least I don't call myself 'pinkmochi'" 

His eyes widened at the retort and he sputtered on his lemonade jar. Hitting his shoulder to ease his choking, my eyes met Suga's amused ones. He winked at me and turned to the other boys. "I think it's time we introduced ourselves.I'm Yoongi." 

"Jungkook" 

 "Taehyung" 

 "I'm your hope, Hosoek" 

 "Namjoon"

"I'm the most handsome, and the best cook, we should share recipes! Oh! And I'm Jin and that's Jimin beside you." With that, they all smiled brightly at me.

 "I'm Y/N., nice to meet you all. I do enjoy some of your music. It's all so unique, so inspiring!" I said enthusiastically. Well, I hoped I did. They were indeed incredible. And that's when Jimin had calmed down from his coughing fit. Smiling softly, I handed him some grapes to munch on since most of the sandwiches were now gone. 

 "Thanks Y/N. You know, we are a fan of yours too. We love your recipes!! And I even tried some of your easiest ones." Jimin said proudly with rounded cheeks as he was stuffing grapes into his tiny mouth. He was just as adorable as a chipmunk. "Yeah! Your desserts are the best." Seokjin nodded in agreement from beside Taehyung opposite us, who looked at Jimin and then at me, weirdly. Jimin taking the hint, got a handful of grapes and tried feeding me. 

Flabbergasted, I opened my mouth and let him push three grapes past my lips at the same time. Satisfied, he smiled back and smirked at Tae. "Aw, look at the cute couple!" Cooed Namjoon in front us, making me hide my blush face into Jimin's hoodie. He smelled so good. Something citrusy with floral undertones. 

"Are you sniffing me, Y/N?" Whispered Jimin from above my head teasingly. Mortified at being caught red-handed, I jerked away from him, wide-eyed. Patting my head, he looked at me fondly while I  turned my head smiled at the grapes shyly. This was all too much! 

 "Okay guys, I think we should head out. Jimin, you should accompany her to her home, the clouds are gathering, it might rain."  Nodding, Jimin took a deep breath. RM, Jungkook and Hosoek stood up and started walking in the direction of my appartment grumbling about themselves. Taehyung And Jin seemed to smile conspiratorily towards Jimin , before getting up and joining them followed by Suga.

 “Do you guys even know the way?" I hollered behind them. What if they got lost again? Shouldn't I be the one to show them the way? "I can hear cars from here, I'm sure the highway is close by. And we have phones, it's okay" Declared Hosoek waving at me with a bright smile.

 "Thanks for the food, Y/N, come to visit us sometime!" Jungkook hollered from far ahead of the group. Waving at the boys, I turned to Jimin bashfully. "Why'd you stay behind? It's definitely not going to rain soon."

 "That was just an excuse. I never had the courage to meet you in real life, I'm thankful today, you came to me." He said with a slight smile, raising his hand, he swiped my hair behind my ears. "You're so much more beautiful in real life." His hand lingered in my hair and then he caressed my ears, finally cupping my cheek. I leaned into his Palm. It felt so soft and warm. 

 "Th-thanks, you too." I stuttered out softly, unable to look into his intense eyes anymore. He was too close. It was a miracle I hadn't passed out from the way the blood was rushing through my veins, my legs trembling. Hearing him chuckle softly, I was mortified. He thinks I'm silly, doesn't he? An idiot, a dunce, that's what. 

 Stepping back, I started piling up the plates and cutlery. Wrapping up the leftover food and placing them in the basket in a daze. I just had to react like every fangirling out there. Even though he might have meant what he said about me being pretty, but that doesn't mean he likes me! Folding up my blanket neatly, I collected everything and nodded to myself. 

 Looking behind me, I saw Jimin cuddling up Sun-hee with a soft smile that made me want to squish his cheeks and join in the cuddle fest. How can I not react like a fangirl when he was this cute, cuddly bean half the time, and a man after my heart the rest of the time? I wanted to get to know him, the real him, before assuming things and judging him. That wasn't me. I shouldn't do that. 

"Let's go home, then." With that, I took his hand and intertwined our fingers. His hand was quite soft and warm, his fingers lean and only a tad bit bigger than my own. Hand in hand, we walked the rest of the way to my apartment. Sun-hee walking behind us leisurely, Jimin took the food basket from my hands' and left me to only carry the blanket and the laptop bag.

 Smiling gratefully, I knocked shoulders with him. Soon enough, we reached my apartment. The five minutes of walk, we were silent, yet it felt so exhilarating and warm. It wasn't just the sun, it was his presence. He was warm, and comforting, I liked being around him. I didn't want him to leave yet. But I knew the boys were waiting for him. 

 "So... it's time for me to go. It was nice to get to see you in person." I said looking him into his eyes. They were a mesmerizing shade of caramel, shining as if the whole galaxy was hiding in its depth. Scratching behind his head, he smiled faintly. 

"Me too, I'll miss you. Here."He handed me a loosely tied bouquet of forget-me-nots. They looked so pretty. But... "When did you even get these?" I asked astonished.

 "When you were packing up. I didn't want to leave without giving you something to remember me by." He said with a bright smile as I accepted the flowers, smelling it's sweet aroma. 

 "They're beautiful, thank you." "Now that I know where you live, I'll drop by again soon. Don't forget me, Y/N!" With that cheeky comment, he bent forward and kissed my cheek. Instantly making me squeak in surprise and hold my cheek in awe. He then turned around and jogged across the street where the boys were standing in a group leaning against a black van hollering and cheering him.

 I hadn't even noticed them waiting for us across the street! Waving at them goodbye, I kissed the flowers in my hand. "I definitely won't ever forget  you, Jiminnie"

[windmilltothestars]

OK OK OK

It is SUNDAY!!  I walked in the heat and played Pokemon Go!  I walked a mildly longish way to catch a Jigglypuff!  On the way, I met a man I had met once before.  He was returning from grocery shopping!  I was walking that way purely to catch a Jigglypuff!  He incredulously asked “In this heat?!?”  and commented that it was “some commitment” before we said goodbye!

I suppose it’s like the guy who was impressed that I didn’t care about walking umbrella-less in the rain.  I’ve just - never really let the weather affect my plans.  Like, I go outside in full knowledge of what kind of misery and sweatiness it can wreak and it’s just like - part of life?  Mind of matter?  I rarely take the weather into account when getting dressed.  Anyway, I was going out for multiple reasons but two stores were closed.  I did get that Jigglypuff, however.

The world’s length and breadth of new experiences is staggering and amazing and stressful.  I fully understand “fear of missing out.”  And yet it kind of makes me feel greedy, because I’ll see an article or post about some kind of cool thing or experience - the Renaissance Faire, this one street in Moscow, and France and Egypt and the Andes, The Wizarding World of Harry Potter, a whole bunch of conventions, somebody else’s DnD campaign, somebody else’s job or field of study - and I’ll want to experience it myself, and a lot of that stuff is EXPENSIVE and I don’t need any more stuff, I have too much already and others need more and blah blah blah, or it’s too late to go into that field and it’s not your top choice and you need to DECIDE and PRIORITIZE what you want for you life and I ALSO WANT TO ADOPT EVERY STREET CAT and what about your ART?!?  What about the job you HAVE?!?  You’re just setting yourself up to be dissatisfied.  Contentment is virtue, Malina.

Anyway, I scroll through another ADHD blog to feel potentially validated.  I saw Incredibles 2 this morning!  It was super-fun!  Since then I’ve accomplished NOTHING but catching that Jigglypuff!  Though I started and made progress on dishes a while back (out of DESPERATION because someone was COMING) I’ve now backslid, and they smell so gross.  I spend too much time watching Youtube and playing stupid phone gem-sliding games not because I particularly want to, but because I’m filled with DREAD at doing anything actually MEANINGFUL.  I can barely watch a full movie by myself these days.  I’ve been really stressed at work. My students have actually asked me what’s wrong.  Sometimes when all the kids are being noisy at once, I can’t do anything but clench my fists, shut my eyes and beg them to by quiet.  The question of whether or not I’m “good with kids” may never, in fact, be fully answered.  I’m OK with being empathetic and dramatic enough to entertain them, but keeping them focused?  Discipline?  If my job was just keep them happy, I’d be a rock star.  I mean, maybe.  Watching Edna Mode today got me into that mindset of “you’re naturally just an Eccentric Artist, Malina; you weren’t meant for organized offices” but that’s an exaggeration and an excuse.  I don’t know.  I need the vacation, I guess.  My boss watched my class again on Friday so of course I freaked out.  I’ve had this class for three days and he just handed me a book and told me to talk about the same 1-page reading for the whole class.  I tried to make a plan for what we would talk about for it on Friday but it lasted maybe half that and so I had kids write summaries.  I think I might hear it tomorrow.  And if I hear it again, I will inevitably cry.

My 5-day of vacation starts on Wednesday.  I want to help my coworker make pie; she was asking me about making pie - idk why me, maybe it just seemed like an American thing? - and this woman is amazing and I would love to come to her house and bake with her but offering that suddenly seems very terrifying. She’s the sweetest and the least scary of my coworkers, and apparently when my maternal Grandma was in Japan visiting my mom, she taught the Japanese students to make apple pie, and I would feel this amazing sense of LEGACY if I did so but this lady has a husband and two kids and idk I’d feel weird offering.  I hope my vacation can help me and that my friend and I get along.  I need it.  And then I need to make decisions about the future. 

ANYWAY!!  Thanks again for reading my repetitive, disorganized stream-of-consciousness, getting-off-my-chest rants!  Have a fantastic day!! :D