#my-praticeblog

[my-practiceblog]

Reasons to be glad it’s over

I know I planned a while ago to start this blog but life has been weird and it never happened.  But anyway, I finally have a reason to do my first post, so it’s happening!  Towards the beginning of quarantine my boyfriend and I broke up.  It’s sucked because I’m stuck at my parents house and have nothing going on in my life to distract me, and can’t meet someone new, so it’s just pretty hard to really get over him.  On top of that I still think he’s a really good guy so I can’t hate him, and also struggle when my friends are trying to be supportive by saying he sucked but, despite some issues, I don’t think that he did.  However, I listened to a podcast the other day that suggested writing out every little thing you don’t like about your ex or things they did that annoy you and if you focus on these things it’ll be easier to get over them.  Also a good thing to look back at when quarantine ends and I’m able to see him again but will need to stay strong and this list will remind me why.  It’s also my personal feelings so it’s different than my friends saying things about him because this is accurate to the way that I feel which is the only thing that matters in this situation.  So, here we go.

1. He took FOREVER to pick a movie when we were together.  And even if I gave him an option he thought was good he always needed more options to see if there was something better.  It would waste so much time and it was super annoying.  Also I feel like in the end most of the movie we watched together weren’t even great.

2. Off of that note he also would never want to watch rom-coms with me.  I think we watched one the entire time we were together, and that was at the very beginning of our relationship.  Even though I’d always want to.

3. He had a cat.  I’m not a cat person and will never be a cat person.  My roommate has a cat and I already don’t like living with her and was never going to want to live with another cat.  Especially like forever.  If we moved in together and got married I’d be stuck with that cat till it died.  I just want dogs...

4. When we first met me lived in an apartment with his sister which I thought was weird.  He also didn’t tell me this until the first time I stayed over (she was away) and saw girl’s products in his bathroom and questioned him about it.

5. I didn’t like his new apartment.  It was a better location but it was a fifth floor walk up and tiny and he had to get rid of things from his old apartment because he couldn’t even fit everything and it was really loud.  

6. More on his apartment- he didn’t have a side table or coffee table or anything besides his desk and his kitchen counter.  Like when we watched TV I’d have to either hold my water/food or put it on the floor.  Where it also wasn’t safe from his cat.  When I went to sleep I Iiterally had to leave my water on top of the fridge.  He turns 30 in a month, he should not have been living like this.

7. For this tiny apartment he was paying way more than he did before so on top of living in a place that was very whatever he also couldn’t go out or spend as much.

8. Also once he moved he always wanted me to go to him when I liked my apartment better

9. He became less thoughtful the longer we were dating even though to begin with his thoughtfulness was what I liked most about him.

10. He put very little effort into both Valentines Day and my birthday.  And my birthday is my favorite day which he knew.  

11. He never told me he loved me.  And we were together just about 10 months.

12. He never invited me to meet his parents.  They lived in a different city, but even when him mom visited for a weekend he didn’t ask me to meet her.  And I have to guess a mom wants to meet her son’s girlfriend, so he must have said no.

13. In all of our time together I heard him refer to me as his girlfriend exactly once.  There’s no argument that’s what I was, but he never said it outlaid (in front of me at least) which was not a great feeling.

14. He never talked about a future with me (main reason we actually broke up).  The closest was him being upset when I said I didn’t want to keep living in the city for more than a few years,  but that was about it.

15. He would get really annoying when he was drunk.  And he was an awful dancer.  To an embarrassing level.

16. He never wanted to go on double dates with my friends.  I brought it up a bunch but he always seemed weird about it so we never made it happen.  He’d go with me to my friends parties, but that was about it, even though I went out with his friend’s (both as a double/triple date type thing and also me being the only girl with them) but outside the parties he’d never hang out with me and my friends.

17. Sex was eh.

18. He read really weird books.

19. He had MS.  And didn’t tell me until corona happened.  You’d think it’s something you’d share with your girlfriend sooner than that?

20. I had to bring up the “what are we” talk because after three and a half months he never did even though we were talking every single day and going out a few times and week and had met each other’s friends.

21. Before we were official I had a pool party at my parent’s house and he wouldn’t come because he didn’t want to meet my parents yet even though like yes I’d obviously introduce them (which every person who comes to my house meets my parents) but I was inviting him to my party, not to meet my parents, it’s not a big deal.

22. His parents knew about me, which I know because he said his mom was giving him suggestions on what to bring when he did eventually meet them, but apparently even by that point he hadn’t even shown either of them a picture of me?  Like how am I supposed to take that.

23. The one vacation we went on he brought two laptops.  TWO.  On vacation.  Who does that?

24. He was way less social than me.  That’s obviously fine but I want a guy who is going to push me in a social way, not the opposite.

25. Just another comment back on his apartment.  When he was looking he told me he was hoping for a place he could stay in more long term (more than a year long lease).  But he wasn’t looking for a place I could ever live with him.  So basically, at least the way it made me feel, I wasn’t even being considered for his long term.

26. On my birthday he was very drunk and made a comment about how much he cared about me.  And how he thought it was more than I cared about him.  It was weird first of all because that’s basically the most he spoke about his feelings towards me when it was just a drunken comment at a bar, but also I have no idea what it meant. Because when I asked him if he ever thought about a future with me, less than a month later, he didn’t really have an answer.  And if he cared about me that much that would never be the case.

26. Not exactly about him but I’d hear my friends and my brother talk about their relationships and how there wasn’t doubt and they were basically obsessed with each other.  And it just was never what we had.  And was never how we felt about each other.

Okay I think this list is long enough and I got at least all of the main points out there.  Honestly, he was a good guy, and he treated me well, but for the long term I see why it wasn’t going to last.  I don’t know that he ever intended it to.  Which sucks.  But I don’t hate him.  But it also is good that we’re over.  And now I can come back from the quarantine and do what’s best for me.  Meet new guys, find someone who is a fit for me and who I have with whatever it was we were missing.  Or maybe I can move somewhere new and warm.  Because I am single and now all the possibilities are open.  

Alright, enough for my first post.  If you have any thought, comments, questions, feedback, literally anything, please send it my way.  And thank you for reading, hopefully I’ll have some brighter things to post about soon and I can keep improving. <3 <3

[my-practiceblog]

The Girl Who Owned a City

I went to school in a college town, where that town would not have survived without my school.  To paint a bit of a picture I technically went to school in one town, that had some off campus housing next door to campus, and big chain stores/restaurants (Target, Walmart, Chipotle, Starbucks, etc) all down the highway the campus was located on.  Then we had a downtown area ten minutes away, which technically was a different town.  This is where the majority of students moved to off campus housing their junior year, and also where all the the partying (at frats and off campus houses) and bars (we had one main block that held all of our bars) were located.  My freshman year there were two main restaurants downtown, and three big downtown student apartment complexes.  By the time I graduated there were more good restaurants downtown than I can think of, and at least five (maybe six?) apartment complexes.  My school was growing, and downtown just kept growing and improving along with it.  

There was one alum who basically owned half of downtown.  From what I can think of at the time of my graduation I am pretty sure he owned three bars and the building a fourth was located inside (out of the seven bars on that one street), a hotel, and two restaurants.  The staff of the bars (and probably his other businesses, but I only knew people who worked at the bars) were basically entirely college students.  It always seemed so smart to me that he would open so much in our town, because with the college students there would always be demand.  The more revenue he makes from his businesses the more capital he has to open new businesses, and as long as he is smart in opening things that college students want, his wealth can just keep growing.  

I don’t know why it happened to be while I was in school that there was such a boom in downtown offerings.  However, since we were so under utilized for so long, I know that there must be other big college towns that are in a similar boat to the one we were.  The boat where for a birthday dinner you only had two spots to choose from, and on parent’s weekend they had to drive you out of town because for any sort of special weekend or event there was no way you could get a reservation at one of those two spots.  Since learning about the alum who helped transform my college town, I would love to participate in doing that to another college town.  At least once I accrue enough money that I have the ability to get started.  

I’m just as shocked as you that this post didn’t include a list.  Expect a follow up post soon with a list of the businesses I think every college town needs at least one of, and as long as it is opened by a school with a decently sized population it would practically be guaranteed success.  And since I normally have an ask at the end of my posts, for this one it will be to let me know if you do/did attend a school that didn’t offer enough off campus activities for students and you feel like the town could use a revamp.

[my-practiceblog]

Where I want to go next

As I mentioned in my last post I’ve thought about moving.  Obviously I don’t know what will be going on by the time my lease ends in January.  But right now I don’t have a boyfriend, I don’t have a job, and I have a fair amount of savings without much responsibility.  I honestly love my apartment and Manhattan, but I hate the cold and have always wanted to at the very least try living somewhere warm.  All my friends and immediate family are here, and the ease in which I can see everyone is definitely a big thing to give up.  But my friends will still be my friends no matter where I live.  I’m young and likely the longer I wait the harder it will be to leave.  Assuming I have no additional attachments by the time ends (a boyfriend I don’t want to leave, a job I love, etc) I think it may be the time for me to take the leap.  However, if I’m going to leave it has to be worth it, and hit all of the must haves I’m listing below.  I am thinking Miami because it’s the only place I know that fits the bill, but would love to hear about any other suggestions that meet my requirements.

1. Somewhere fairly easy to get to from New York (so likely sticking to the east coast).

2. Somewhere warm year round.  Ideally where I could go swimming in January comfortably, but at the very least where every freaks out if it gets below 50 degrees during the day in the middle of winter.

3. A place with a very high young professional population.  I want to be surrounded by people my own age like I am now.

4. A city with lots to do.  Bars, restaurants, activities, at least decent night life.  I don’t want to get bored.

5. I want to live by the water.  Ideally within a fifteen minute drive of nice beaches on the ocean.  I could potentially be okay with a bay or something else of the sort.

6. Ideally some place less expensive than Manhattan, but at the very least not more expensive (though not sure that there really are places in this country more expensive).  I’d really like to build up my savings which is not so easy to do living in the city.  But I could pay similar to what I do now if that’s the way I can really get everything I want.

7. Not in the “Bible Belt”.  I’m Jewish and an atheist and don’t want to have to feel uncomfortable where I live because of either of those things.

8. Some place fairy easy to get around.  I hate driving and love not having a car in the city.  Unfortunately, I understand that I would need a car almost anywhere else I go, but if there are places with really good public transportation, or walkability, that would be great.

9. I am going to need a job, so should go somewhere with good job prospects.

10. I would like to get into anther long term relationship, so I guess a place good for dating?  I feel like any place that fit’s the bill of the above would probably be fine because I assume people everywhere are looking for relationships, but I don’t know, I’m sure some cities are bad for that still.

So, I guess that’s my list.  The last few aren’t necessarily must haves, but this is a pretty laid out description of exactly what I am looking for.  If you have any suggestions of cities you think hit the mark, let me know!  And if you live somewhere you think I would like to live please talk to me so I can ask you questions!!  Specifically would love to talk to people who live or lived in Miami, but also open to other places!  Okay, thank you for reading, and thanks for your help <3