#this podcast makes me feel so many things

[laurasimonsdaughter]

If you want to write stories and you feel like you're not managing to write the way you want to, maybe you haven’t found your medium yet.

I’m not talking about making money, I’m not talking about getting some agent or publisher to see money in your work. I’m talking about you, writing what you want to write.

I love writing. I do not love writing novels. They hurt me, physically. I have been so much happier since I stopped trying to force myself to write novels and disappeared into my flash fiction and short stories.

Maybe novels aren’t your thing either. And maybe short stories aren’t! Maybe your words want to be poured into poems, or songs, or TTRPG campaings, or drabbles, or podcasts, or anecdotes, or (screen)plays, or something else entirely!

There are so many ways to be a writer, and even more to be a storyteller. You don’t have to let yourself be bullied by a medium that does not suit your creativity.

[cosmic-vacuum]

Introduction.

Heard someone online say this— "The right DIRECTION is actually more important than HARD WORK itself."

The first step to "working smart" is also stepping in the right direction.

Hard work directed towards unproductive and degenerative activities is equivalent to stalemate in the specific field if not further degradation.

HOW SO, DO WE STEP IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION?

Step 1: Have a talk with yourself about what you really wish to do.

My talks before starting this usually ended up in tears.

I've been failing in life altogether for over two years now and all the cumulative criticism combined with regrets and embarrassments fueled defense mechanisms and avoidance techniques to develop inside me.

The talk was obviously hard, but finally I've opened myself to opinion and change recently— this in itself is the greatest change a human being can have.

It wasn't easy, of course.

I was supposed to fight down my own behaviour and impulsive reflexes to understand words and opinions of the other people around me whilst not being swayed completely by them or even rejecting them completely.

This is one of those things easier said than done.

It was talking to myself more that led to this.

The only person who can reach the inner voice of your consciousness is you. This voice is the most truthful and genuine guide you can find, only, you must know to separate it from words materialised by intrusive thoughts.

Sit with yourself, talk to yourself, ask yourself what you want to do.

It may take a while, but you will surely get response when you try to connect to your inner self.

Step 2: Get into what you wish to accomplish— know more.

Reasearch about your goal. We can't start into something we barely know about.

2024 is a great year to live in but only for the seekers.

You'll find everything you need to know about anything online today, all you need to have is the desire to see.

This is the first step to "Smart Work" too.

[Smart work: works only when applied with hard work. It's not the other way around— you can not replace hard work by smart work]

We will be revisiting this several times in times ahead so don't worry if there are unanswered questions [you can always comment or dm them to me].

Step 3: This is probably the TRUEST of all advise I've heard growing up– You're the average of the five people you listen to everyday.

I have personally seen so many people change for the worse on having bad company surrounding them.

It's easier for people yo pick up bad behaviours rather than good ones so no matter how selfish it would make you feel, cross out bad influences from your life

If you happen to be someone mostly at home and in presence of parents or siblings (like me), try to make firstly, your pwn mind your best companion. When there's problems, talk about it to your own self.

It's magical, trust me.

This takes time to get a hang of but it's magical.

Other than that, fill your ears with podcasts or perhaps you tube videos of people who are wise and/or related to your specific goal.

[I will be sharing a list of thr best podcasts to hear for personal growth later in a separate post.]

Step 4: Have a proper plan.

How you spend your minutes, hours, days, months and therefore the years becomes how you ultimately spend your life.

A— Take either a calendar or just draw out the months which compose your selected "two month" time.

B— Write your goal on a piece of paper and formulate a monthly procedure to achieve it.

If this goal is some sort of skill development for example, divide the procedure into the two months and then further down to weeks. Then, divide the workload per day of the week.

This is also applicable for students preparing for some or the other sort of examination or are just studying in general.

C— People who wish to upgrade their personalities will be part of a more active process which will run alongside the daily log posts.

WHAT NEXT?

Once we've got all we wish to change outlined, we can step into finally starting the process.

This turned out to be longer than I expected so I'll keep it till here. Anything else we need to do will follow in the following posts.

If we wish, we can.

[check out the blog to join the journey]

[formleadsfunction]

remember when I used to write SAYER fic? remember when i posted very vanilla platonic bdsm hale/nanites!sayer? that was pretty cool, i realized, while re-reading and slightly editing it!

reposting this thing i titled "map reading" mainly for @kamil-a bc they keep getting me re-invested in this podcast, mwah.

takes place post canon ig, nobody can tell me otherwise bc adam will never finish and thus joss it <3 cw for (not graphically described, more implied) self harm; mentions of canonical injuries

---

"Hold still," you tell him, and he does. He always does exactly what he is told to do. This should, of course, not surprise you. This was, of course, the first thing you truly appreciated about him. No buts, no trying to argue with you like so many others.

You put the collar on him, close the strap at the back of his neck, and he shifts a little on his knees. Blinks at you. You look back without blinking.

Sometimes you are tempted to put the blindfold on him first. You doubt he would argue.

(He always does exactly what he is told to do. He carved a part of himself off because an incorporeal voice told him to. Sometimes you get angry when you think about it. (An emotion that you are aware is linked purely to FUTURE's existence, not the act itself, because whenever it does not make you angry, you are vaguely fascinated by it. By his obedience.))

So, you are certain he wouldn't argue. And in a way, you would prefer it if the blindfold came first. There are things about this that you are not particularly fond of. His eyes on you are one of them. As long as he is able to see, he never takes them off you, not for a second. He stares, and his pupils are wide, and there is something like admiration in them, if you don't entirely misplace the expression. It feels wrong. Mainly because he isn't actually staring at you, he's just staring at... a form, loosely linked to your existence; one you control but don't feel connected to. For a moment, you trail a finger over the leather of the collar, just to see him close his eyes. (That is another thing you do not overly like; you fail to see what exactly it is about the sensation of leather against his naked skin that he enjoys so much. But this is not about you, and you could stop at any time, anyway—he would hardly be able to protest, nor would he want to. Just as he could make you stop with a simple gesture, so could you just drop the act. You don't want to, is the thing.)

"Lift your hands," you tell him, and he does, opening his eyes again as soon as you take your hand off the collar. The cuffs, then; leather again, padded, of course—you do not want to hurt him. If this was what you wanted,

(and he would let you; you think about this often)

you could have just organized an ordinary pair of handcuffs. Uneven metal edges that would bite into his wrists, rubbing them open and tearing them bloody, the way he tends to tug at them. You don't want to, is the thing.

Sometimes, you secure his hands to the headboard, and he likes that; likes the way it limits his range of movement. But today you need his arms within easy reach.

He tugs against the cuffs, just slightly. Enough, you suspect, to make him fully aware that he wouldn't be able to get his wrists free even if he wanted.

Blinks at you again. Slowly, like a cat conveying trustacceptancerespect. (So fond of you, for some reason.) This time, you blink back, and he gives a tiny, automatic smile in response. You don't return the gesture and reach for the blindfold instead. Finally, this.

You watch him closely as soon as you have put it on him. It is easier like this, knowing he is unable to stare straight back. You watch his shoulders in particular, first. The way the tension so visible leaves them as soon as everything is darkness. His breathing immediately calms, evens out. You take the time to look at the rest of him, then. The scars, all the marks his time working for Ærolith has left on this physical form that isn't his original physical form but is his, still, much more than yours will ever be yours.

You stand and move a step away from the edge of the bed. You grab the leash attached to the ring at the front of the collar, wrap it around your hand loosely and give it a small tug. (You don't like that much, either, the metal against your hand, the sound in your ears, but oh, he does; he hears the small chain links clink-clink-clink together, he feels the pull, this input, a moment of pressure, the leather collar pressed more firmly against the back of his neck, and he shivers, just a little, and he follows your lead, because of course, of course he does. He straightens himself. His back makes a concerning sound, and you frown and file this away for later consideration.

(You miss having constant access to his biometric data.)

"Get up," you tell him, and he does. He's sitting on the bed just a few moments later, and you are in front of him, very, very close.

One of your hands is still holding the leash, and you move your fingers every now and then, just to let him hear the sound he so enjoys. You lift the other slowly and start with his forehead. You brush his hair away and trail your fingertips over the two faint scars that are visible like this. Testimonies to the excellent aim of Halcyon's security team. He doesn't move, he stays perfectly still and keeps breathing slowly.

Good.

Farther down, then. The neat scar on his chest, remnants of the surgery the medical team conducted to rid him of the plant matter and the insects that had remained inside of him. The much messier scar telling the story of the mutant plants in the break room.

You trail your fingers over them as if you were reading something. How appropriate—his entire body is a map.

Lower, lower—and here you hesitate. Your hand hovers over the jagged outlines of the first injury he's inflicted on himself, guided by the firm voice of something—someone—he thought was you. Slowly, you touch your fingertips against the marks the instrument FUTURE had provided him with have left on him. You study his face closely as you do. He remains calm, outwardly at least.

"...Alright?" you ask.

(It had not been alright during one of the first times you'd done this, and he had stubbornly refused to use the gesture to let you know, and you had ended up having to talk him out of a panic attack, and all of it had just been extremely inconvenient and slightly annoying. (You had been worried, too, but you don't like to think about this emotion linked to his existence much.))

But he nods, and his breathing doesn't change rhythm, and you resist the urge to place your fingers against the inside of his wrist to check his pulse, and decide to trust him. Your touch remains feather-light as you follow the outlines of that particular scar.

Eventually, you pull it back—you ignore the others, the ones that joined the already impressive collection at some point during his little adventure on Floor 13 while FUTURE had been inside him. You don't like those. You tend to not acknowledge them, most of the time.

Instead, you tell him: "Stretch out your arms."

And a second passes, two, before he does.

There are scars here, as well, spread across both of his lower arms seemingly randomly. No pattern to follow, no one story to tie them all up in. You let your fingers trail over some of them.

He freezes. Flinches a little, as you touch the fresh bandages. You pull your hand back immediately, and wait. Let the metal links of the leash slide through your fingers, clink-clink-clink, and he shivers just like before, and takes a deep breath, nods. Slowly relaxes, until you decide it's fine to reach out and touch him again.

It's not easy, taking the bandages off with only one hand, but you don't want to let go off the leash, not when the casual sound seems so comforting to him, and you manage. You don't touch these cuts, of course. Just examine them. Make sure they look alright. (They do. You always make sure that injuries are taken proper care of, whether he likes it or not.)

He gives a soft sigh when you pull your hand away from his arm, relieved, and you hadn't noticed the slight tension that had snuck back into his shoulders—only realize now that it leaves them again. It bothers you—you really miss having constant access to his biometric data.

"You are doing very well," you say, voice quiet and deliberately sincere, and perhaps he thinks you won't notice the way he bites his lower lip for a moment. Perhaps he hopes you do. Perhaps he doesn't mind either way.

(You do notice, of course you do. You tend to refrain from praising him precisely because you know how well he reacts to it, and because you are still unable to place this reaction entirely. You are not sure whether your praise shifts the whole thing into parameters you... have never actually discussed. This is a practical thing, first and foremost, and you would very much like to keep it that way. (But he is, of course. He is doing very well.))

You tear your eyes away from the cuts on his arm and let them wander up his body again, paying attention to all of the scars once more as if you weren't able to name their exact placement even without looking.

You stop at his face. He looks... peaceful.

(He has freckles. You notice every time.)

((You have ignored them, until now. They are not part of the particular map you are reading during this.))

(((Only that they are, of course, like a map, too. Bursts of them on his nose, a few stray on his left cheek, far more on his right. Like a star map, you think. Like an entire solar system painted onto his face.)))

You lift your free hand and place it against his cheek. If you wanted, you could use your fingers to find and draw constellations, you could, in theory, spend half an hour coming up with names for them. He would let you.

You won't.

He looks surprised for a moment, even with the blindfold on. Body tense, but not in a way that worries you or makes you think that it's too much.

A second passes, another one, and then he turns his head to press his cheek into your palm. You, too, hesitate. Stay like this, frozen for a moment, before you slowly move your thumb to brush it over his lips.

You don't know why you thought of doing it, or what exactly you had expected in return. (You didn't think much at all, is the only logical explanation.) You can hardly blame him for what must seem like the natural reaction—the pressure of his lips as he kisses your finger—but you immediately pull your hand away as if the simple gesture had burned you, anyway.

That was on you, really.

Too affectionate. That's not what you are doing here. That's not what this is for. This is calming. Grounding. Keeps him from doing dangerous, stupidly human things with sharp objects. Most of the time, anyway.

(Part of you wants to leave, just for a moment, just until the thought that he made the conscious decision to kiss you, part of you, feels less overwhelming, but that would, of course, be incredibly bad etiquette. (A yet smaller part of you is tempted to do it regardless. (You don't, naturally. You like clear rules, and you like sticking to them.)))

Instead you sit back and let go of the leash, clink-clink-clink. "I will keep you like this for another few minutes," you tell him, and he nods.

Both of you stay like this, then, quiet. Breathing. Both of you breathing. He's still very, very calm.

Good.

You let a little more than six minutes pass, until he starts shifting slightly, not uncomfortable, you think, so much as made restless by all the silence and the waiting, and then you reach for the blindfold.

"Alright?" you ask again, and he nods and exhales slowly as you pull it off. The cuffs follow, and then the collar.

This part—

"Let me look at your wrists." You grab them both, gently, rub your thumbs over them. The cuffs haven't even left any marks—you knew they must be alright, but

—well. It's less that you dislike this part. You're just not… all that good at it. It feels more like playing a role than the entire rest of it, and you are not exactly… well, you're not someone for cuddling. The thought is, in fact, absurd. You think you would be extremely uncomfortable with the concept.

(You can't be sure, though. Not without trying it. That wouldn't be very scientific; never testing this assumption. But you're not eager to test it.)

You do what you can without feeling clumsy, instead.

You have water for him, hand it to him, make sure he drinks. He does, and he lets you wrap the cuts on his arm, and neither of you speaks, because he seldom does, and because you wouldn't know what to say.

You ask him if he needs anything else, and he shakes his head. Lying on his back, covers pulled up to his chin. He blinks at you. Slowly—content and tired and like a cat and so fond of you, for some reason.

"...But can you—stay? Here? Until, just until I'm asleep?"

You slowly blink back,

(you didn't expect him to speak at all, today)

and nod. "Certainly, yes."

He gives a tiny, automatic smile in response before he closes his eyes, and you sit next to him, and you stay.

[akpinkprincesss]

I'm catching up on woe begone and it just got me thinking about some of the characters, like really thinking about them and damn it hurts.

i was thinking about lieutenant and it made me realize that he was a victim. what he went through was worse then anyone could ever imagine and he had to adapt to survive. Of course that doesn't excuse his actions but he isn't a horrible person doing things our of malice, he is a victim who did horrible things his abuser (the man who brainwashed him into obeying his every word) told him to.

and its not like ANY of the other mikes have it easier, michaels especially. Like i think the reason they (michaels) all hate lieutenant is because they have all been through horrible pain and suffering. They all have lost edgar and i think most (if not all) of the ones who are alive right now were held in the compound and also tortured, they just werent brainwashed.

In general i think the michales have a hard time empathizing with other characters because they dont want to get close to others in case they die. But any version of mike also have a hard time empathizing with lieutenant because they were also tortured and they didnt react like that. However they forget that trauma victims will do whatever it takes to survive and in this case lieutenant had to become the perfect solider or else he would die, or worse. and the only character who witnessed the torture first hand is either dead, doesnt interact with lieutenant at all or doesnt care which proves my point (i cannot remember what happened to that michael)

and after i had those realizations it sent me on a mini spiral about the W.B "villains" are actually just victims, these are usually iterations of the mikes. Like this nobody guy who just appeared (for me) i dont know what his deal is (and i dont want you to tell me) but the way hes talking it cant be good. The way he could withstand a gunshot for as long as he did doesnt give me good vibes. of course that could be of his own design but i dont know yet and when it comes to mike walters i can hope for the best but expect the worst.

of course not every villain in the story is a victim, like eagle he can taste the carbon of my bat as i slam it full force into his face. but some of them are just victim to circumstance and the horrible events that always follow mike walters.

thanks for reading my long ass rant, ive had feelings that i needed to get out. i might have more to say on the topic later but for now i will leave it. also ignore grammer mistakes im not in the mood to edit right now :/

ive been listening to this podcast on and off for about 2 years now? so there are bound to be mistakes in lore as i forget things and ill go a few months without listening then binge the 10+ episodes so if you have any notes please add them (without spoilers please i am only on episode 154 thanks)

note: do not take this the wrong way i love this show and this is NOT a criticism of the writing :D

[vickozone]

Hey, TMA fandom!

Do you remember Sergey Ushanka?

No?

Well, he’s the guy that got his brain -> 🧠

coded and converted into a computer -> 🖥️

Then, he ate a keyboard -> ⌨️

[Season 2, MAG065 - Binary]

Well, we all know the upcoming Magnus Protocol, correct?

…

Unrelated, do you know that thing going around about how Jon and Martin are mentioned in a line of code?

If you’ve already seen the released episodes because you’re a patron, LEAVE. 👉🚪

helpful visual aid

[weremadeofbadcode]

Malevolent fandom.

Hear me out.

Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen

But it's John and Oscar.

[corviiids]

wben i finally get more than 0.2 microns of energy and make one of the multiple video essays i desperately want to make so i can yap out loud as god (never) intended

[dyketennant]

oh i can already tell i’m about to have some really unpopular opinions about the edge of sleep tv show

[popsicle-stick]

wanna make a folk costumes of britain zine sooo fuckign bad.........

[secret-sageent]

listening to the mistholme museum podcast. please excuse me while i just

[hephaestuscrew]

Audio Drama Sunday 24/11/2023

Here's the new stuff I've listened to in the past week and a bit:

🏠 Unwell Ep3.01-3.07 - I really liked the first couple of seasons of Unwell, and I don't know why my listening fell off midway through Season 3 in 2021. (Honestly it might have partly been that some of the dementia stuff hit too hard. Ep3.05 was A Lot in a masterful way...) But I thought I'd resume it from the beginning of Season 3, and it's been really nice to return to these characters and this world, even if I can't remember all of the context. I'm tutting at Hazel, a librarian actively withholding and distorting information. I'm shaking my head at what Rudy's gotten himself into. I'm very emotional about Wes - the first episode of this season was really moving. And I'm excited to see where things are headed!

🚀 Travelling Light, Ep1-3 - Like Monstrous Agonies, this show has such a lovely reassuring vibe. I'm in awe of H. R. Owen finishing one show and almost immediately releasing another weekly show nearly single-handedly. It reminds me a bit of the Wayfarers series by Becky Chambers, because of the exploration of the diversity of cultures across different planets and species, and the way these differences are celebrated. I've also noticed that so far the cultures described tend to be more local and specific than 'every alien of this species has this tradition' - instead it's usually about the people who come from a certain city or region on a planet. Which helps avoid some troubling attitudes that sci-fi which contrasts different species can imply. My favourite archive entry from these episodes so far was the drinking song. It felt convincing as that kind of song and was fun to hear.

🌊 The Silt Verses, Chapter 36 - This was one of those episodes that made me stop in my tracks in the street as I listened. I cared so much about the two characters who were only introduced this episode, and the ending sent shivers up my spine. I often hate listening to flirting but the flirting via memory games was unusual, sweet, and compelling in a way that made me smile in spite of the Horrors around them. Also I think Carpenter should be a bitch about unimportant things like music trivia more often. I loved her and Hayward bickering. She should get to care about things that aren't gods or rituals or matters of life and death.

🚇☕ Greater Boston / The Amelia Project, Live Crossover Episode - This was an excellently done crossover in terms of blending elements of both shows in a way that I think would work for someone who was only a fan of one or the other. I was pleased to hear Felix Trench's absurd portrayal of Mark Walhberg again, but my favourite parts were Chuck Octagon attempting to sum up the events of Greater Boston (and the Interviewer's reaction to this) and the Narrator narrating the Interviewer's response to his offer with his own exaggerated impression.

[all-thestories-aretrue]

If anyone cares I am STILL thinking about that phone call. He tried to call her back!! TWICE!!!!

And the line about how she keeps thinking about the way his scars felt. 🫠🫠 end me.

Edit: actually im not done. How long has britta been thinking about this??? Since before her loss of willpower??? After??? How did that psychic attack change things?? Would she have said all that if she still had her full willpower?? How did that affect all her other emotions? I'm going to say it intensified them, or at least the shame she feels at wanting something for herself. Now she just doesnt have the control to say no. How often has she denied herself in the past??? What other consequences will we see going forward??? Britta!!!!!

[six-of-ravens]

this might sound dumb, but listening to WizBru and in particular hearing Holden talk about the times he, as the children say, put his whole pussy into some pop culture phenomenon and had a great time with it, has kinda changed how I take on things like that and has increased my enjoyment 1000%.

like idk, it might particularly be bc he's a 40 year old dude who's embracing fun and often "girly" things instead of being derisive and superior, admittedly. bc there are a lot of those kinds of dudes in my day-to-day life and seeing a dude be not only Chill but Enthusiastic is a nice change. also might be because I come from tumblr where everyone's shitting on anything popular and a little silly the instant it comes into existence.

but listening to him talk about how he wholeheartedly loves Blackpink and thinks they're super cool, or how he started a singalong at the tswift concert movie, or wearing pink and going to Barbie, or just...anything. is like. oh right sometimes pop culture is just for fun and you can just have fun and be in the Fun Space for a while and you can still critically examine it but also just. have fun. and let having a good time be a profound experience for you.

[audhdwitch]

spell log 9.23.2023 money jar

a slightly different version of a spell i've previously used for getting gig-based work, reworked to suit on-hand materials and to pull that part-time job i applied to recently.

materials:

jar

appropriate sigil + tools to write the sigil on the jar's lid

$2 bill

pouch (doesn't need to be fancy. this time i just used a folded up half of a paper towel secured with a rubber band)

rice

"hard work pays off" powder

coins

citrine

(optional) "spun gold"

steps:

gather materials and do whatever you gotta do to get settled and into your headspace. personally, the path to least resistance on this for me is getting high and throwing on my money draw playlist on spotify.

affix your sigil to the lid of the jar. my jar is awesome and has a chalkboard lid, so i just draw it on with chalk. if you don't have an awesome jar you can also just paint it on or draw it on a scrap of paper and affix it to the top with tape or something. set this aside.

fill your pouch with a bit of rice (seriously, you don't need a lot. maybe a few tbsp max) and sprinkle in some "hard work pays off" powder. secure the pouch however you see fit so that nothing falls out. set this aside, too.

optional: spin your gold, if you haven't already, and set that aside as well. (adapted from the lovely @breelandwalker, you can "spin gold" by methodically wrapping golden thread/embroidery floss/similar fiber around a spool or three, and tying it off. i had to look up how to do this and tbh i still am not sure i totally got it right, lol)

time to put stuff in the jar! i do it in a Particular Order to minimize the Bad Sensory sound of coins clinking against glass but honestly stuff can just Go In There. the order i do it in is: $2 bill, rice + powder pouch, pour spare change all in there (i always make a Big Deal of slowly pouring the coins in for the Vibes. the $2 bill and pouch going in first really helps muffle the sound). nestle that citrine in there; i have a lovely palm stone that always fits like a dream. optional: toss in those spun-gold spools now, if you have 'em.

close the jar and seal however you see fit. i wrap a little hand-woven thingy around it left over from the original iteration of this spell. set in a semi-prominent (or at least easily accessible) location and let it work its magic!

notes:

you can charge this spell over time by adding spare change.

when your jar gets full, grab some of those paper coin rolls and start rolling. deposit your full rolls, or use them to buy yourself a little treat. any coins leftover that didn't make a full roll go back in the jar to continue accumulating!

[wolfiemcwolferson]

.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

Mackerel how involved do I have to be in watching trigun. like how crucial is it to look at the screen (figuring out if i can watch it at work)

HMMMMMMM. i dont think i would suggest it for a work show at least for ur first time seeing it !!!! its very visual a lot of the time (<< parts that are Just Music/Sound Effects for tension, fight scenes that are just a lot of gun sounds and not a whole lot of dialogue etcetc) so i think first time going into it u should definitely pay attention BUT. personally i find trigun98 to be a very enjoyable background noise show :] i have however watched it all the way through like 6 times atp LMAO