#this out of control feeling does NOT help it only adds on to the negative association he has towards “love”

[marc--chilton]

my new hc is that house is stupid when it comes to love, he just doesn't get to show it as often as wilson does (he, too, is stupid with.... well. yknow. three wives, affairs. maybe it's the illusion of stability that comes with marriage that makes wilson jump to it so often... weird guy. but we're not talking about him rn)

like stacy was moved in to his place a week after they met. ignoring what that says about her, this is HOUSE. pre-infarction, sure, but still house. he himself said he would have married crandall because they were young and he had a car! he mocks the idea of marriage! (this is probably just a jokey throwaway line but Listen)

i believe that if house didn't hide behind all these mechanisms he's developed to keep people away, to weed out the "weak" ones who can't handle him, his crudeness, his disability, his neediness, he would have had his heart broken so, so many times

[rekino2114]

Gifting the chainsaw man girls a plushie of themselves

A/n: I'm still on vacation and wanted to do a smaller post while i'm free so i saw this prompt around and thought it was adorable, I'll probably do it with more fandoms let me know if you wanna see it

Makima

Thinks it's amazing and will treasure it forever, she specific keeps it on a shelf in her office (most of her subordinates are very confused to see it just sitting there around the paperwork)

She will 100% give you a plushie of yourself to repay you

Might ask you for a pochita plushie to replace the real one since she doesn't want it anymore.

"Oh, It's adorable darling you're so talented, how about I make you one of yourself to match?"

Power

She is confused at first and asks what power (lol) you used to make a mini her but quickly grows to love it.

It's soft and cuddly just like meowy whenever you're not near her you can bet she'll be cuddling those two things to fall asleep.

Definitely brags about it to denji and aki. Where are their small and fluffy versions of them uh?

"*gasp* is that an idol of the great power? Very well I will accept this. T-thank you"

Himeno

Thinks it's the cutest thing ever and immediately hugs you and peppers you In kisses as thanks

Will always keep it on her shoulder or in view in general hoping that someone asks her about it so she can start ranting about how wonderful her partner is

You have found her multiple times passed out drunk hugging the plushie and mumbling about how much she loves you

"Oh my God! Is that me? Thanks so much it's soooo cute, well not as cute as the original of course~"

Kobeni higashiyama

An incredibly blushy mess whenever you give her the plushie but thinks it's the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for her.

It kinda becomes a comforter for her. Whenever she's more nervous or sad than usual, she hugs the plushie and thinks of you, and it makes her feel at least a bit better

She feels kinda bad about not giving you anything back so she'll probably save the small amount of money she has to buy you a plushie you like.

"O-oh, that's really cute. w-wait, is that m-me? I love it a lot. Thank you so so much"

Quanxi (and her harem)

You immediately got tackled in a hug by 4 of your girlfriends when you showed them plushies of every one of them, quanxi just looked at hers for a while before smiling and joining the group hug

Might genuinely stab someone if they say anything remotely negative about the plushie

She works hard with her girlfriends to make you a plushie of yourself since they thought it wasn't fair that you were the only one in the relationship without one.

"Eh, it really does look like me, you did an amazing job on the girls too, don't worry I'll keep it close at all times"

Asa mitaka

Genuinely can't fathom that you would put effort into making something so cute of her out of everyone and the fact that you gifted her that makes her fall in love with you even more

Always keeps it with her mostly in her bag at school, similarly to kobeni it helps calm her down whenever she's having a bad day, it's a reminder that there is someone willing to love her this much

Yoru once tried to draw the scars on it to make it a plushie of her (just to mess with asa) but thankfully she took control in time

"Wait, seriously? That's....for me? Wow, i- I don't know what to say. Just thank you so much"

Yoru

Acts like she doesn't care that much but actually thinks it's really cute, asa often wakes up finding herself hugging it, courtesy of yoru not being able to sleep without it and taking over during the night.

Definitely brags to asa about it (not realizing it's technically a plushie of both of them)

Might ask you to add some weapons to the plushie to make it more interesting

"Hm? What's that? a plushie? I guess it does kinda resemble me, thanks it is kinda nice"

Fami

She might seem as indifferent as usual but genuinely loves the gesture and thinks it's adorable

She brings it with her whenever she eats (which is most of the time) she even puts a little bib on it, it's really cute to watch

Feels really bad when she gets it dirty (mostly when she's eating) so she'll try cleaning it even if she has no idea how

"I see, so it's a plushie of me. How cute. Thank you, you did a great job"

[moonrisecoeur]

gratitude — leon kennedy

author’s note: i don’t love doing taglists bc it’s kind of tedious but a couple people asked to be tagged so i’ll tag them in the comments of this post! please send asks/write comments/add tags to reblog if you liked this! that would be wonderful!

wc: 3.6k

content: sub!leon x fem!reader, sugar baby leon, mommy kink, orgasm control, pegging, hickies mentioned. leon is 21 reader is ‘slightly older’.

warnings: mentions but not depictions of financial abuse, dubcon, and prostitution (seen in a negative light; we support sex workers here)

this is a birthday gift to angel! @angelofwoe go give her some love :)

—

5. 4. 3. 2. 1…

incoming call from ‘leon ken(nedy)’

accept or decline?

you look over at your phone while you’re waiting at a red light, driving home from work. you smile, like clockwork, leon calls you at exactly 5 pm each day, and most of the time, you’re coming home. to him. the thought still makes your heart jump a little bit. leon is waiting at home, your home, and now his home too, for you.

he’s waiting for you.

god, your stomach does somersaults. he’s perfect.

you answer the call, clicking it on and waiting for it to connect the two of you, “hello?”

“hey!” he says, and you missed his voice. you smile softly at his enthusiasm, “what should i get and/or make for dinner? don’t know if you trust me to cook in your kitchen unsupervised yet…”

“i would let you,” you say, looking out the window, “though maybe i’d stop by a cafe for dinner on my way home.”

“hey, c’mon now!” he tries to defend himself, but he laughs, god you’re obsessed with that sound, “okay, okay, fair. i get it. really, though, what’ll it be?”

you think for a second, and you realize that leon doesn’t really ever get a choice, he just goes along with whatever you want, “hmm… why don’t you pick, baby?”

he goes silent for a second, “you sure?” and when you make a sound of approval, even though he gave you a chance to back out, he sighs, “fine. don’t say i didn’t warn you when we’re eating chicken nuggets tonight.”

“wow, what fine cuisine, leon,” you smile.

—

“wow, what fine cuisine, leon,” he smiles at the sound of your teasing voice. he can’t help liking you. i mean, how is he supposed to not like you? not only do you take care of him, buy him nice things, but you’re also so fucking pretty? what the hell?

“anyway, i’ll see you soon, baby. miss me a little bit, but not too much, okay?” you tell him, breaking him out of the daze that is listening to you talk. he feels bad that he wasn’t really paying attention to what you were saying.

“y-yeah. i’ll see you at home,” he stutters, quickly hanging up, clutching his phone to his chest. home. your… home. god, this was bad. he was going to go insane one of these days if you didn’t stop being so goddamn perfect.

leon had this preconception forever ago that sugar daddies and mommies and whatever the hell else were always old, decrepit people who gave you money for basically doing your best not to gag when you see them naked. people you take advantage of, who you give your body to in exchange for being able to afford anything. it’s an exchange, sex for money (no, sex for power). which would make him a… prostitute? he doesn’t know. he doesn’t want to know.

but god, you are so much more than that, practically his dream woman. sure, you’re a little older than him, but it’s not like girls his age are soft and sweet with him like you are. they expect so much, they expect him to be the perfect boyfriend 24/7. he could do it, sure, but it would be an act. a desperate act of manipulation for him to get what he wants.

what does he want? well, that’s the tricky part. he tries not to let on too much how intensely this one thing affects him, even with you. it would be too much power to let you have over him, and you already have way too much.

truthfully, you… leon doesn’t like to think about it, but you could take advantage of him if you really wanted to. he’s so used to such an easy lifestyle, he can’t go back to struggling and barely paying his bills. you really could use him for the one and only thing he has to give you whenever you please, and it’s not even that he can’t stop you, because he knows he’s stronger than you, but he knows you could dangle your financial control over his head and he would be at your feet, on his knees in an instant.

he doesn’t know why he even bothers to think about it. he knows you’re not like that. hell, he looks at you with half decent puppy eyes and you’re sending him more money just because he looks cuter than usual today. if anyone is the master manipulator here, it’s him, not you. you have only pure intentions, and leon appreciates that even if he can never 100% trust it.

—

leon is a weird sugar baby. he doesn’t ask for things, he doesn’t use up all of his allowance, he doesn’t beg you for every shiny thing that catches his eye. he’s simple, not demanding, not exhausting you of every last penny in your account.

not that you would… really care? leon could do anything, absolutely anything, and you’d forgive him. he doesn’t need your forgiveness, not for the sassy little jokes he makes, not for the way he awkwardly says the wrong thing at the wrong time in conversation. leon was easy to forgive. easy to adore.

but, that's off topic. you try not to think about how lovable the pretty thing was. too easily you could get lost in him, never make it out alive.

he’s not demanding, he just uses your money to pay for his rent and take care of himself, his bills, his utilities and groceries, stuff like that. or well he used to use the money to pay for his rent, but now that he’s moved in with you, he doesn’t even have that expense anymore. he might treat himself and buy himself a little something small he normally couldn’t afford. the rest he’ll save.

can you blame the guy for being so cheap? he finished the police academy, but the job he had lined up fell through. so what is he supposed to do? work a minimum wage job? serve tables until he dies or his body gives out on him? sue him for wanting better for himself.

and so… he met you. he had no intention of using you.. at first. but even now he feels bad. he truly can’t get on board with being a sugar baby, he feels like he’s extorting you. you have to tell him each and every time his bank account number skyrockets that you will always have enough to continue your lifestyle, what's the point of just having the rest of it sitting around when you could be giving it to a pretty little thing like him?

still.. sometimes leon feels awful. can’t help it no matter what you tell him.

he just can’t really afford to say no to the money, because now he has all of his debt paid off and an emergency fund and a savings account for fun trips to take you on and another one for expensive gifts to buy you as a small, tiny, miniscule thank you. it’s only one part of how he really shows his gratitude. you’ve given him a better life than he could ever give himself, and he will never forget that.

how else does he show his gratitude?

–

you make it home, and immediately see the containers of chicken nuggets on the kitchen counter. you chuckle, again, endeared by leon’s choice of cuisine. it was what he wanted, after all, and you always let him have whatever he wanted. it’s so representative of him. they’re inexpensive, perfect for someone so frugal like him. they’re a comfort food, easy on the stomach, they’re delicious, and that’s probably all of the comparisons you could make between chicken nuggets and leon kennedy before you burst out laughing in delirium.

“oh thank god you’re home…” he says softly, reaching to grab your bag and your coat to put up so you can sit down, “i’m so glad you’re back, you must have worked so hard today.”

you lean in to press a quick kiss to his lips before doing so, and he’s immediately left dazed after just one little half-a-second long kiss. his eyes follow you as you collapse on the couch, “yeah, it was a long one. just glad to be back with you, baby.”

his heart aches for you as you sink into the couch, exhaustion present in your entire demeanor, seeping off of you through the cracks in your composure.

he knows what’ll make you feel better. or at least… he hopes he does. if you’re not in the mood, he’ll just laugh awkwardly and try to play it off.

he takes a deep breath in, bracing himself for the awkwardness that always comes with saying this word, “…mommy,” he whispers, and he immediately has all of your attention, suddenly all that exhaustion in your soul is replaced by an intensity that he can’t quite understand.

one word… and you’re already losing your composure? he didn’t know he was that good.

“baby…” you coo back to him, almost warning him. as if you’re saying, if you start this, you better be ready to see it through.

“wanna help you… feel better, mommy…” he says, his fingertips brushing against your thigh. fucking tease.

you always look at him like he puts the stars in the sky, but now? you’re looking at him like you want him seeing stars.

“you sure?”

“positive,” he mumbles.

again, this is all he has to give you. his love, his soul, his… body. he doesn’t want this to be transactional, sexual submission for money. he’s not a prostitute, but he genuinely has nothing else that even comes close to the value of gifts and money and just fucking everything you’ve given him.

you don’t ask for sex too often, even when he knows you’re horny. you’re so obvious but so understanding that your kinks and preferences are a little foreign to him. in his defense, he’s had one girlfriend right before he met you and she was the most vanilla person in the goddamn world. genuinely he could have switched positions on her and she would have thought it was too much.

“take me what you want from me, mommy,” he whispers, and yet for someone so inexperienced, he does it so well.

so well that you can’t help pouncing on him, pinning him underneath you. he feels your gentle yet firm grip on his wrists, the way your hair falls in front of your face as you hover on top of him, and he just has the softest urge to tuck it behind your ear. he can’t, but he wishes he could.

he doesn't get the chance to think about it much when your lips find his neck and he is immediately melted by their softness, their gentleness that makes him want to just break down and sob. he just wants to be treated softly, just wants to be held down and kissed like you’re doing right now.

“please,” he breathes, ironic because all you do is steal his breath away. your lips touch just over his subtle adam’s apple as you switch sides, pressing kisses into his neck, collarbone, and shoulder. he kind of wants you to bite down, leave red and purple aching bruises covering his neck, make him shudder and tremble with every love bite.

he knows you won’t.

“i don’t damage what’s mine,” you’d said once, and it left him dizzy. so casually asserting your ownership over him like that had his cock twitching in his pants. you very quickly learned to take advantage of his affection towards your possessiveness. you have to be subtle and you can’t do it too much, but every once and a while, you take your opportunity. you make your small little comments, you add ‘my’ in front of a pet name, you eye him like a piece of meat (intentionally being obvious so he’ll notice), etc.

your possessiveness is even better if it’s sort of objectifying. he might just like it more.

he wishes he could touch you, but what would it even be for? if you wanted him to make you feel good, you’d have shoved his face between your legs, tangled your fingers in his blonde hair, moaned as he ate your pussy while looking up at you with those pretty blue eyes, so full of an emotion you wanted to study in detail. it couldn’t be love, there’s no way. you settle for something else, even if it’s less satisfying.

devotion.

—

and even with your cock buried deep, deep inside of him, stretching him open and filling him up entirely, he’s still got that same glimmer of devotion in his eyes, but that’s irrelevant.

it’s irrelevant because he’s a desperate mess of a man right now and it’s all you should be concerned with, “mommy, fuck, please, i—”

“say you belong to me, pretty boy,” you groan in his ear, his body shivering and trembling at the pleasure that’s about to hit him. he’s gotta wait for your permission, though.

“yours, yours, fuck, all yours, my fucking body belongs to you, you can- you can use it whenever you want, however you want, for however long. it doesn't matter,” he cries,’s his voice raspy, he trying to keep himself together and he’s failing miserably, “fuck, fuck, god, and i- my body… i owe you my body as a thank you for- oh, f-fuck!- for your m-money, i- it’s all i can give you that’s worth anything-.”

“…yeah? you owe me?” you smirk, pressing your hand against his lower stomach, feeling the bulge your cock inside him. it drives you insane. he’s babbling about something you don’t care to listen to. something about being indebted to you, that sex is him paying you back for how perfect you are. you don’t listen. it’ll just make you sad.

“gonna give me what i want, right? because you owe me,” you say. sure, you felt bad, but you never said you were pure good. you’re entitled to leon and everything he could possibly give you, aren’t you?

he tries to speak, but your cock always makes him as stupid as can be. he tries, oh he tries, to respond, to say yes, i’ll give you everything, i’m all yours to claim and keep forever, but the sounds come out as jumbled moans out of the back of his throat. he gives up trying to talk, clearly that’s beyond him now, and communicates his feelings by holding your waist gently, his fingertips pressing against your skin.

he moans out absolutely pathetically as you thrust in and out of him, keeping him held down with your hands pushing down on his shoulders. his body contorts to your will, his soul too. you could do anything to him and get away with it, with him in this beautiful headspace.

he’s gorgeous like this, and you take a moment to admire him. glassy, distant , tear filled eyes, sweaty blonde hair, skin little with small marks of whatever lip product you use. god, he’s nothing less than fucking perfect.

if only you both didn’t have responsibilities in your everyday lives because the only thing that could make him prettier is if he was like this every single day, fucked out of his mind, desperate, stupid from the pleasure of your cock pushing firmly against his prostate.

“gonna cum, baby?” you ask maliciously, knowing he didn’t have enough of his mind working to even register the question, “gonna give yourself over to mommy? live in her home, let her keep you as a pet? couldn’t leave her even if you wanted to, and you definitely don’t.”

he looks for an out as his eyes shift up at the ceiling, still somehow finding it in himself to be shy.

“look at me,” you growl, one hand moving to his face to cup his cheek, fingertips brushing against his jaw. he obeys, making weak eye contact, blinking the tears away from his eyes, “ask me for permission to cum.”

cruel? yes, because the most his stupid mind can come up with to say is that pretty name you make him call you, “m-mommy…”

you remember him looking at you confused, almost a little uncomfortable, when you said you liked that name. it definitely tracks, you’re his sugar mommy… and you expect him to call him mommy. not exactly revolutionary, but his hesitancy to do so is what makes these moments truly special. earlier, he said it intentionally, mainly to get your attention and get you riled up, distracted from work and responsibilities.

but now? he truly can’t help it falling past his lips. every time he says it, or more accurately moans it, he feels even more attached to it, attached to you. he’s imagined saying it more casually, in everyday conversation, but he could never get over how humiliating it felt.

you graciously let him call you by name most of the time, something he has been endlessly grateful for.

but in this headspace, leon can’t think of a single other word but mommy.

“c’mon, sweetheart. won’t get any easier to think with mommy’s cock deep inside of you. mommy can wait all night sweetheart, but i’m not sure you can.”

he can’t. he knows he can’t cum because you haven’t given him permission, but he can’t ask permission if you keep saying things that make him dumber and slower. he can hold off his orgasm for a while when he tops, he’s gotten decently good at that, but with your cock filling him up like this? he would be lucky if he lasted another minute.

“fuck- ah, mommy… m-mommy, plea…. please…” he breathes heavily, trying so damn hard, it melts your heart how badly he’s trying for you.

“please what, baby? you know i’ll say yes, just ask mommy what you want.”

wet cheeks and trembling lips from him make your heart ache for him. you’d give him anything.

“c-cum, mommy?…. c-can i…?”

you nod, biting your lip, almost more excited than he is to watch him fall apart, “mhm, ‘course, baby… let go for mommy, i got you… here…” you say, taking a hold of his cock to jerk him off through his orgasm to get everything you can from him, milk him for all he’s worth. his body tries to give you everything it can.

his eyes shut tightly as he gives you the loudest moan probably… ever? you’ve never heard him cry out like that, and you wish you could have recorded it to go back and hear it again. his voice breaks, and he takes a sharp breath in, holding it as his muscles tense and spasm until he’s left achy and exhausted and filled to the brim with pleasure.

“awhh…. so cute, baby…” you mumble, “c’mon, give me all of it, don’t make me make you cum again. if it’s anything like the first, you might just pass out, sweet boy.”

“ah… oh, oh my god,” he breathes heavily, twitching, “mommy… mommy, i- mommy, please… please, mommy,” he can’t stop thinking about it. mommy is all he can think about like this.

he cries, literally. the kind where you can’t help sobbing and sniffing and you curl in on yourself in a desperate attempt to self soothe. you half expected it; leon usually cries after more intense sex. he doesn’t know why, but usually he’s embarrassed of it and tries to hide it. he must just be too far gone right now to care.

you pull out, earning a desperate whine that makes you want to rail it back into him, balls deep, watch him squeeze his eyes shut tightly and him scream in pleasure, but you restrain yourself. he's crying right now. even though he would technically consent, he wouldn’t really want it.

you take 30 seconds to clean both of you off, and those 30 seconds are tortuous to him, even if you’re praising him the whole time.

that’s it. his greatest weakness. praise.

no, your praise.

to be told he’s good, to be told he did a good job, to be told you’re proud of him. he sobs as he soaks in your praise like a sponge. he wants to listen to your sweet words every single day for the rest of his life. you whisper to him how he’s perfect, everything about him is, how you adore him, wanna give him everything so he’ll stay with you forever, etc.

in his defense, he has absolutely zero control over what he’s saying right now, but he looks up at you, with tear-filled, red eyes, his bottom lip trembling just slightly, “you don’t have to give me stuff… i’m always gonna be yours.”

and it hits a nerve you haven’t felt in a long time. maybe it’s the subspace he’s in, or maybe you’re reading the situation wrong, so you don’t push it, but something inside your heart feels… off.

to put it bluntly, he shouldn’t be yours. he should find someone he could really love to spend his days with. there’s no reason for leon to stay with you if you stopped giving him money, paying his bills, and taking care of him. at least, there shouldn’t be?

oh, unless…

–

a couple hours later, you’re sitting at the kitchen counter with him, eating cold chicken nuggets and giggling about whatever you were watching on tv. leon looks at you a little differently than usual right now, his eyes softer, fonder than you’re used to. his eyes carefully track your more animated hand movements as you passionately explain something about this show. he has no idea what you’re talking about; he just likes hearing you speak.

he kisses the corner of your lip when you jokingly ask if you have anything on your face, which turns into a full kiss that leaves him a little breathless, that feeling of excitement and nerves returning in his stomach.

yeah, he thinks to himself, pure, unadulterated beauty.

as you kiss, he pulls back to look into your eyes, looking at you as if you held up each individual constellation for him, with a godly reverence that would almost turn you on if the moment wasn’t weirdly romantic.

“baby…?” your voice sounds shaky and unsure, and he doesn’t miss your lack of composure.

maybe that was a good thing. a sign.

he chuckles, “nothing, mommy… nothing at all.”

[legoliomanikas]

Brief Thoughts About Aventurine, Religion, and Colonialism

This isn't a comprehensive summary, just things I started thinking about. It's kinda funny how things just completely fly past you when you don't think about them regularly, cuz I'm a very not-religious person so it took reading someone offhandedly refer to aspects of Aventurine's backstory as his "religious beliefs" for me to realize how important those actually are.

(2.1 Story Spoilers + reading the Sigonia relic set description will help for some context)

Despite his employment in the IPC calling for Aventurine to help amass capital in the name of Qlipoth the Preservation, we don't really hear him talk about Qlipoth often and his backstory basically omits mention of his relationship to THEM; the focus is entirely about his relationship with Gaiathra Triclops and HER blessing of luck.

The present Aventurine has changed a lot from his young self due to the influence of the IPC, in direct ways such as his newfound wealth and ruthless business practices, and in indirect manners such as how the IPCs involvement in the inter-tribal relationships of Sigonia resulted in higher tensions between the Avgins, Katicans, and other tribes.

However, his belief in Gaiathra Triclops has remained intact into his adulthood. It has soured as he begun to view HER blessing of good luck to be more akin to a curse, but it feels like a very deliberate writing decision to have him still hold onto the belief system of the Avgin. It would have been reasonable if he had later turned to the protection of Qlipoth, as joining the IPC had resulted in the wealth and status he has now, but he doesn't really do this.

Even if the colonialism took much away from him, he still wishes to retain his culture. (The value he places in the items his parents left for him and sister: the charm, the necklace, and the shirt, is further testament to this, as examples outside of his religious beliefs.)

Prayer is also something that we rarely see depicted often in Star Rail, which makes the segments of Aventurine praying with his younger self and sister stand out a lot more. The only character I can recall off the top of my head with an extended prayer sequence is Sunday at the end of 2.0, which is also notable.

One thing that I was wishing the Penacony plot would at least lampshade is the irony of sending Aventurine, a slave working for the IPC, to retake a planet that had led a slave rebellion to escape the IPC's control. While I'm now uncertain if they will address that directly, I do wonder that as we learn more about Sunday, if his relationship with Xipe the Harmony will end up being used as a way to foil him to Aventurine and/or serve as indirect commentary on the situation between the IPC and Penacony. (This is pure speculation)

But yea anyways, it's pretty interesting seeing mihoyo try to incorporate other aspects of racism and colonialism that extend beyond displays of outright hatred, such as how Aventurine's retainment of his culture's religious practices is depicted in a positive light. (Another thing that stuck out to me is how they depicted the fetishization of racial traits negatively, with the way some characters remark on his eyes, how the Avgin's untrustworthy reputation partially lies within their physical attractiveness, and how his relationship with his own appearance has changed as a result, as this is something I rarely see fictionalized but I won't elaborate on this here bc its off-topic.)

Obviously, mihoyo doesn't have the best track record when writing minorities and there's still a fucktonnnnn to be criticized about their decisions in Aventurine's lore as well (the most egregious of which being deriving the name for his planet from an actual slur), but it does seem like they are at least trying to add more depth to their depictions.

[crystallizsch]

Random Thought, please humor me.

SURPRISE: YUUSHA GAINS MAGIC (By absorbing the Magic around her & dealing with Overblots)! Even better, she doesn't need a Mage Stone to control it! What would Yuusha's Unique Magic be & how does she use it? How would Jamil react?

"Magic makes people feel too powerful. Too entitled."

"That is not what magic does. That's just your fear. Fear is what can't be trusted."

HELPPP anon your random thought sent me down into a rabbit hole and i was hyperfixated on this for at least a WEEK 😭

THANK YOU FOR THE ASK BTW I REALLY APPRECIATE IT I HAD SO MUCH FUN WITH THIS 💕💕💕

anyways i also had an agonizing realization that yuusha is somewhat twisted elsa/anna because she has:

braid in front ✅

light-colored hair streak ✅

love interest that used her for his schemes ✅

desire to connect with people bc of years of loneliness (and emotional instability) ✅

unresolved childhood trauma in general ✅

(and probably more idk, these are the ones that stand out to me at the moment)

i haven't thought about frozen for YEARS and somehow it's still haunting me.

i have a lot of mixed feelings about this realization in general but the reason i brought this up is because i ended up basing yuusha's unique magic on frozen (not the ice powers part, but more the emotions aspect since elsa's powers work based on her emotions) while also still having aspects of yuu's own personality on it.

(also I'm sorry in advance i keep on dropping random lore about yuu and jamil's dynamic that only makes sense to myself hndsfhdsj)

I'm your friend. You don't have to hide. SHOW YOURSELF.

"Show Yourself" forces the target to say what's actually on their mind as long as she touches them. Since she's not particularly powerful and skilled with her own unique magic in the beginning, it's limited to skin-to-skin contact, and it only lasts for as long as she's touching her target.

If Yuu trained it more, it doesn't have to be skin-to-skin, just as long as she makes some kind of physical contact with her target; and it could last for as long as she wants even if she is no longer making physical contact. (But the longer she keeps it up, the more blot accumulates.) Yuusha would mostly just use her unique magic to mess with people. It'll only be rare that she chooses to use it for something serious.

To add more onto how Jamil would react to these magic shenanigans: They've both agreed on not using their unique magic on each other. To do so would be a breach of trust. (Of course there would be special exceptions but generally that's their agreement.) And since Jamil is still a scheming prick (affectionate), her "Show Yourself" unique magic would be useful. Plus, Yuu would not be against using her unique magic 99% of the time since she is also aware of the usefulness of her ability. Jamil would insist on helping Yuu out on how to use her magic because there was no way she'd get the hang of it immediately. And he knows she would refuse to ask any other (capable) magician for help.

An alternate idea that I scrapped was "Let It Go" where it's essentially Yuu telling her target to let go of their (usually negative) emotions. But those feelings can't just disappear so Yuu basically absorbs them so now it's her burden to carry instead. I scrapped it because I can't settle on how it works. (But it still had angst potential so I couldn't help but draw a bit about it anyway.)

(extra rambling below about yuusha overblot thoughts if anyone's interested hdlfhjgj)

this is a brief tangent from the original question because i also thought, "hey what if she overblotted, wouldn't that be fun"

i could see the overblot going in either two ways:

yuu accidentally hurts grim (or another friend) with her magic. she’s so distraught thinking that even with magic she can't protect those who are dear to her. and so during the overblot she will not actively try to hurt anyone but instead exhausting her magic reserves in an intentional attempt at self-destruction. (yes i also see the frozen parallels shhhh)

OR

something happens that was simply THE LAST STRAW. now she’s too pissed at everyone that she no longer cares about what happens to her or anyone else, going on a destructive rampage. which can also be considered an intentional attempt at self-destruction.

either way, basically, if she can’t go home she’s just going to take herself out and/or the school instead. the girl is not okay.

(there's actually nothing good she can home to, but she's convinced she'll be happy again if she returns. but she doesn't know that because she can't remember shit about her home. that's a separate lore dump post hgdsjfkld)

also the blot monster behind her would look something like marshmallow (elsa's snow monster from frozen) :)

(i also used to have a similar idea for yuusha. i planned to have her be immune to magic *because* she was absorbing it and she didn't realize. leading to an inevitable overblot) (but i scrapped it because yuusha became my victim for jamil x yuu stuff) (like if i can't have the excuse to have jamil use snake whisper on yuu then what is the point)

[astrosouldivinity]

Astrological placements in a natal chart that may indicate Bipolar Disorder or BPD 😶 🌊

Part 2:

⚠️ Disclaimer: I am not saying these placements are inherently borderline or bipolar. But they may be more prone to borderline/bipolar behaviors. You can use astrology to observe your subconscious patterns. Essentially, you can use it for shadow work. But these may not apply to everyone so take what resonates and leave what does not. The last mental illness I will be doing is OCD/Anxiety then that’s it for this series. I may revisit this topic in the future.

I want to clarify that I am not demonizing, diagnosing, or generalizing mental health disorders. Astrology & psychology can intertwine with each other. You can use astrology for deeper introspection & pairing both psychology + astrology together can help with healing. But I am simply observing my understanding of specific psychological disorders & how they connect to astrology via shadow work. But you can use astrology to predict certain mental illnesses. But it’s still a prediction so it may resonate or it may not.

Leo Sun/Moon/Mars/Venus/Saturn: They feel things intensely. They are the sun after all. Their emotions burn through them which can be painful for them especially if they don’t know how to control their fiery, & passionate side. They may be prone to a more extremist mindset. It’s all or nothing for them essentially. But these behaviors may intensify especially if negatively aspected.

Libra Stellium: Has a strong desire for equilibrium they may even stress themselves out trying to get to their perceived peaceful state. They are constantly perceiving multiple perspectives trying to choose the fairest one. This can apply to their emotions as well. If they don’t choose they can be self-destructive in their process of coming to their conclusions.

Aquarius Sun: They can be emotionally suppressive & chaotic at the same time especially if negatively aspected. They don’t like to share their emotions & may even ignore them but that usually tends to backfire on them. When pushed to that point everything they have been suppressing comes spilling out. They feel things deeply but it can be difficult for them to connect to their emotions since they try to stay logical vs. emotional overall. These behaviors may intensify especially if afflicted.

Scorpio Saturn: I forgot to add them to part 1 but the same thing applies. Can be emotionally unpredictable when they feel emotionally slighted or vulnerable. This may cause them to be able to see things in only black & white. Essentially, there is no gray area when it comes to how they perceive situations. But they can be vengeful & petty when they feel a real or perceived betrayal.

Moon Square Mars: These individuals fear vulnerability & just intimacy overall. They may even suppress their emotions out of fear of being judged for their innermost feelings. This can be detrimental for them because they naturally tend to have very deep, & intense emotions. But even though they hide them from others that doesn’t stop them from coming out anyway. May be quick to anger & just emotional volatility in general especially if they feel emotionally exposed as well.

Mercury Square Neptune: May be prone to more escapist behaviors. They can struggle with reality & expressing their innermost thoughts to others. They may also struggle with separating their thoughts from their emotions. Essentially, they will both get muddled which creates much confusion for them. However, they may be prone to paranoia because of their difficulties staying grounded in the reality of their emotions/communication overall.

Afflicted Sun: They may struggle with maintaining relationships with others. They can also struggle with low self-esteem & just lack the confidence overall to authentically express themselves. Can be prone to egoistic & moody behaviors. They can get trapped in their ego & may even find it difficult to break free.

Sun Neptune Aspects: Can struggle with having a distorted sense of self & may even find it difficult to stay present in reality. They could feel like how they perceive themselves is not being presented accurately with how others perceive them.

Moon-Pluto Aspects: They have trauma surrounding vulnerability & intimacy overall. They may fear bonding with people on a deeper level. It can be hard for them to emotionally express themselves because their emotions are all-consuming. But they operate comfortably in chaos & can be more prone to self-destructive behaviors. But others may find it difficult to understand & connect with them as well.

7H Moon/Venus/Saturn: Can struggle with maintaining their interpersonal relationships. Their relationships with others might manifest as being emotionally volatile & just karmic overall.

~Part 1~

[weirdestarrow]

East Germany and Countryhumans: Common Fandom Tropes that Make no Sense (To Me)

Thanks @geisterland for inspiring me to make this. Now I have not done in depth research into East Germany, but I have done some research.

East Germany and West Germany are twins.

While I understand the reasoning behind this, the countries were created months apart (West Germany was created on 23 May 1949, and East Germany was created on 7 October 1949), and making them twins never really made much sense to me. This is obviously very headcanon-dependent, so to each their own, but I feel this is something people need to take into account when making an East Germany.

2. East Germany is the weaker one who needs to be "saved" by West Germany

While East Germany is a satellite state and did have significant Soviet influence in their government, that doesn't mean that they are inherently meek or whatever and that they are scared or abused or depressed. The idea that East Germany needs to be saved from their evil Soviet occupiers reads a lot like American propaganda. Not that I am saying that the Soviets were good and perfect and they only did good things for East Germany, but East Germany had it's own government fucking things up for them, including the debt that was a leading cause in why they wanted reunification. Completely ignoring East Germany's own government in favor of portraying them as some sort of colony or puppet state of the Soviet government makes no sense, especially considering that there are several instances in which the East German government and Soviet government disagreed on things.

3. East Germany was brainwashed by Soviet

Now I feel like this one kinda depends more on context and reasoning. Like, yes they were Satellite state, that does not mean they were completely controlled by Soviet. If you want to make them brainwashed into liking communism, then maybe focus more on the East German government, the actual authoritarian government that controlled East Germany. East Germany's history does not revolve around the USSR. While it, of course, played a significant role, you cannot boil every negative thing down to the USSR. Doing so ignores the actual East German government and what it did, as well as it's reasonings.

Maybe East Germany doesn't agree with everything their government does, but they convince them it's for the betterment of their people. Maybe East Germany didn't like the USSR because of all the war reparations they had to pay! Maybe East Germany does support communism, just doesn't like her government! You can spice it up! Add some variety! There is so much East German history that isn't just the USSR!

4. East Germany has depression because of the Berlin Wall and because they couldn't see West Germany

Guys. West and East Germany were both in the UN. They could talk there. Not to mention, Berlin wasn't the only place they could see each other. That doesn't make any sense.

East Germany also gets portrayed as depressed a lot because of the Berlin Wall, which was a hugely important part of their history, but I feels boils down too much of East Germany's history too just the Berlin Wall, but also seems like a cop-out for a depressed owo East Germany that West Germany and the West need to save. Am I saying that East Germany having depression is inherently bad? No. What I am saying is that it is not often done right and just seems lazy.

For example, my East Germany does have depression. But because her life doesn't revolve around West Germany and the Berlin Wall, that is not the reason for it. My East Germany has depression due to the fact that she feels like she is powerless to help her people, feeling like she can't do anything to stop bad things from happening to them, and due to the fact that her government can be very restrictive in how she is supposed to act or behave. Her depression is linked to actual problems within East Germany and how she processed those problems.

5. East Germany was not just a Soviet punching bag

seriously, just read the Wikipedia page, and you can see that. If you're going to give East Germany trauma, at least link it to actual events that were happening there.

6. East Germany isn't evil

Communism doesn't mean the countryhuman is evil. Authoritarian governments do not mean the personification is evil. East Germany is more compelling and interesting when based on her people and not her government (Or Soviet's government, since y'all seem pretty keen on ignoring the fact that East Germany had it's own government)

TLDR: East Germany's portrayal in the countryhumans fandom is lazy at best and just a caricature of anti-communist propaganda at worse. Or just evil. Please just open the Wikipedia for once I'm begging you.

I open this to more opinions and what you think on East Germany's portrayal! I am happy to discuss ideas

[kamomillee]

The King's Fall

There’s something important I’d like to share about this story.

The king, deeply shaken and worried about an unknown threat, feels the weight of being the sole protector of his kingdom. His trauma from past experiences and the fear of possibly not being able to deal with this danger consume him. He turns to the resources at his disposal but finds no answers. The only remaining option he can think of is the forbidden book. But then his wife suggests asking for help from the people of Rosas, an idea he accepts.

The king summons the people, asking for their help identifying the traitor threatening the kingdom. He asks them only to provide information so that he can deal with it himself.

But once the questions begin and someone says the trigger word “wish”, everyone quickly forgets about the urgent matter and starts asking about wishes. They question the king’s competence in protecting their wishes and begin clamoring for a new wish ceremony.

“Can you hold a wish ceremony? We’d be happy.”

“Can you hold a ceremony today?”

“Can you hold a ceremony NOW?”

With everyone talking at once, it was disrespectful and inconsiderate. Naturally, the king would be irritated.

(What do you think this is? Christmas?)

Bringing order and demanding silence, he asks if all they can think about is the wish ceremony, and they confirm that yes, all they think about is the wish ceremony.

The disappointment and irritation are obvious.

In his frustration, he makes a deal: those who help him will be rewarded with a wish, but those who help the traitor will not. This was quite sensible, as they don’t seem inclined to be helpful otherwise.

So… the worst thing that can happen to traitors is not having their wish granted by the king they betrayed… no imprisonment? no banishment? Okay…

The movie makes it seem like he was irrational and overreacted by getting upset. However, it doesn’t take much to realize that the people’s behavior was incredibly annoying; he has every right to be irritated.

Amaya says they acted this way because the king made them comfortable enough to do so. Which is true. They were very comfortable and complacent.

So, he goes out to vent and de-stress alone, which is perfectly reasonable?

He’s at the height of his stress and irritation, disappointed with his people. Add the past trauma. There’s an unknown threat, and he’s the only one who can defend the kingdom. Seeing no other options, since he’s already tried everything he can think of, he turns to the last resort: the forbidden book. His strong emotions clouded his vision and judgment. He made a hasty and poor decision, which was his mistake, and he ended up cursed.

That said, I’d like to share a piece of life advice that applies to everyone.

Never make any decisions when you’re emotionally shaken, especially important decisions.

When you’re overwhelmed by your emotions, it clouds your vision and judgment. You can’t see the big picture, and reality becomes blurred. If you act hastily, unless a miracle happens, you’ll most likely make a bad decision that you’ll regret later.

Even the most altruistic person can make mistakes under the impact of emotions, making poor decisions that negatively affect those around them and themselves.

You can be stressed, you can be angry. Take some time for yourself and do whatever helps you de-stress. But don’t make any decisions in that state. Calm yourself first. Then, yes, carefully analyze your options and make a decision. Don’t be hasty.

Therefore, it’s essential for everyone to learn and develop the ability to manage their emotions properly. Developing emotional intelligence and self-control is crucial for living a balanced and wise life. Live wisely, and you will live well.

If trauma is involved, the challenge is even greater, as it directly attacks your emotions and judgment, distorting reality further. It is crucial that you seek to work through and heal from your trauma, no matter how big or small, so that it does not control you and your life.

You are not your emotions.

You are not your trauma.

Don’t let these things control you.

You are greater than all of this, even if you don’t feel like it is true. The truth is, you can win and overcome all of these things.

Thank you for reading. Take care and be well. 💖

[gooeyringtown]

summer romance au headcanons

((inspired entirely by the song “striptease” by carwash))

*slight nsfw warning*

i like to think this all comes about by gloria winning another cruise at sasha’s school raffle

(but she and her husband are divorced now, and she finally has enough vacation days at work, so she can go!!)

sasha will be staying with her dad in the meantime

the cruise is going to the Caribbean and gloria will be gone for roughly a month

she’s a little hesitant at first because she’s not sure if she feels comfortable being apart from sasha for so long, especially since the divorce is rather fresh, but eventually she’s persuaded. more than anything sasha expresses that she’ll be fine and her mom should go for it. with the green light from her daughter, gloria feels a lot better about it. she really does deserve it, after all

it’s a little lonesome at first… the service isn’t always great, and the feeling of being disconnected and alienated is a little jarring for gloria

it gets better though

they dock at a beach village in the caribbean where they’re scheduled to stay until the end of the cruise

one beautiful tropical morning (they all are, honestly), gloria sits on the beach reading a book

and barbie tentatively approaches her, and asks if it’s ok if she sits there too, because it’s the only spot on the beach with shade, and barbie is already sporting a slight sunburn that she doesn’t wanna make worse

and gloria of course says yes

through small talk, they dissolve into an actual conversation

they are both from california. gloria from LA, and barbie from the bay area. she is not part of the cruise like gloria, though. instead, her parents own one of the resort’s restaurants and barbie more often than not spends her summers there, helping out

barbie is really sweet and tells gloria she should stop by the restaurant sometime

(she promises she won’t get offended if gloria doesn’t like the food, which makes gloria laugh)

then she has to leave, but she really hopes to see gloria again

she does, because gloria goes to the restaurant a few days later, for lunch

barbie spots her as she walks in and is immediately beaming

(and maybe gloria showed up because she’s had that smile stuck in her head ever since seeing it for the first time)

the food is actually really really good, which isnt even the point but still

barbie sits down with gloria while she has her meal and the two talk again. it feels so nice and so natural. so easy.

gloria is the most captivating person barbie has ever met. she has this ambition and this fire about her, while also being sophisticated yet very down to earth, and wow

barbie, in turn, is so sweet and easy to talk to and get along with. she has this air about her that is soothing and calming. it’s so hard for gloria to imagine ever feeling anything negative around her

barbie offers to show gloria more around the village sometime if she’d like

(gloria would very much like)

so the next day they meet up and barbie gives gloria a day tour of the village. they visit all these little shops like fudge ones and tea ones and farmers markets and souvenir shops

gloria uses this as an opportunity to get sasha a postcard that she can mail to her later

(barbie ends up infiltrating on the postcard. where gloria signs “love, mom” barbie adds in her pink pen “+ barbie! <3”)

they get these small matching keychains of their first name initials because they think they’re so cute

they end their day by having dinner at barbie’s restaurant on one of the private patios overlooking the ocean and drinking wine

barbie offers to walk gloria back to the cruise ship which gloria happily accepts

(and maybe barbie has to keep her hands in her pockets the whole entire time to have self control because gloria looks so unbelievably beautiful right now)

they get back to the ship and barbie is a whole mess talking about how wonderful today was. but she’s still somehow able to stumble out the words “will you go out on a date with me”

gloria says yes

(actually she has the biggest smile on her face and she leans up to kiss barbie’s cheek first and then she says yes)

barbie is dazed the entire walk home

and gloria tries her best to go to sleep, but she’s smushing her face into her pillow to hide the smile on her face that just won’t go away

the next evening barbie “picks” gloria up at the cruise ship, and she has a bouquet of flowers and looks so extra sweet and nervous, and gloria melts

her blue eyes are so sparkly and tender when she sees gloria, and she’s breathless at the sight of her

gloria’s stomach flutters, because barbie looks so pretty… and because barbie looks at her the way gloria has always dreamed of being looked at

they go on their date—barbie has pulled some strings with some people in the village and has arranged a moonlight picnic with fresh berries and warm chocolate

and after, they have the town bookshop all to themselves to browse

they pick out books for each other<33

at the end of the night barbie walks gloria back to the ship again

and this time they kiss

and thus begins their relationship

they spend the next few days and weeks with each other. swimming in the ocean and sitting on the sand, having wine on the restaurant patio, drinking sweet, tropical cocktails and eating delicious food. they trade the books they picked out for one another and read them, annotating the pages and leaving little notes for when they switch back and the other person reads it. they also trade keychains so barbie has the G one and gloria has the B one

the cruise has an event one night on the beach with an extravagant dinner and a fireworks show and they dance all night, as well as at the end, slowly, to this one song

and the cruise is coming to an end soon, and gloria will have to to leave

the night of the big event, they are in a private villa for the night, making out on the bed with barbie sitting on the edge and gloria straddling her, and there’s only the light of the moon, and barbie can’t stop thinking about gloria leaving, so she pulls away

she feels spontaneous, and unwilling to let this go. it is like a young love: reckless and unfazed by the consequences. she tells gloria to please stay. they can go to the bay area for a few days, to barbie’s house, and then barbie will drive gloria back home to LA

at first gloria only shushes her, puts her finger on barbie’s lips and wants to keep kissing her. because they’ve talked about this. there are so many things. it has not even been that long since her divorce, and what will sasha think? she is still struggling with her parents’ separation. and what about their jobs? they can’t just relocate overnight.

but barbie keeps asking. she is practically begging. and she looks so hopeful. so pleading. her hands are on gloria’s hips, over her flowy dress

and maybe gloria is drunk off this feeling. off barbie, and so she kisses her again, softer this time. more patiently

and whispers “okay” against her lips

and FINE i’ll give the titular satisfaction. gloria nudges barbie back on the bed and

“lie back for me. just relax and watch me.” whispered in barbie’s ear

and so gloria does a little striptease for her

barbie watches, eyes shiny and dazed, and her heart is like a drum inside her chest, and she’s completely enraptured, breathless and all she can think is oh my

the night seems to last forever then. they have sex and it’s warm and wet and the most sensual thing in the world, gloria thinks. she is molded to barbie’s hands, to her touch, to her mouth. they are both a mess that doesn’t stop. barbie’s soft cries of pleasure—here in the middle of the hot, humid caribbean island with sweet rum and blue water everywhere—make gloria’s heart race. and barbie’s cheeks flush and her neck arches when gloria hits this one spot inside her, and it’s addicting

gloria thinks this could be the christening of their newfound life together or something, if life was easy

but a few hours later, when she checks the time on her phone, her lockscreen with sasha in the picture stares back at her

and the answer is clear, isnt it?

when barbie wakes up, gloria is not there

and fuck it’s already almost noon

and she has this horrible feeling in her stomach

and she throws on her crewneck—which smells like gloria because she has spent all these weeks wearing it—and some shorts, running outside only to see-

that the cruise ship is now gone

but… maybe gloria is still around… maybe she is somewhere around the island, and will come back, right? she said yes to barbie after all

barbie picks up the book with all of gloria’s little notes inside

and when she opens it up she sees there’s another one, in a different-colored ink, which means it was made later, and it says–

“I’m sorry.”

and barbie crumbles

and you always like to think love is enough. the prevailing force that drives everything to an end, to completion, and that you’ll find your way back to each other. don’t you?

but a lot of the times… is it really? and will you ever?

gloria gets back home. and a few days later, sasha makes a comment. in passing, really. super offhanded. she points to the postcard on the fridge, and says

“who’s barbie?”

it’s innocent, but gloria has not stopped thinking about her. this whole time. she probably will not, ever, she thinks

“oh.” she responds, and the B letter keychain sits heavy in her pocket, like it’s burning a hole right through her.

“a friend.” one day she will have to pick up the book barbie annotated for her. she will have to admit barbie was so real for her

“she was just a friend.”

why did this turn out so much more sad than i thought…

i was thinking of making a pt 2 though 👀 should i?

ps i have a whole playlist for this au if anyone is interested or wants to hear it!! lmk or message me 🩷

[izukuwus]

Boiling Point 3: ...Will Still Boil Over Eventually - Miguel O'Hara/Reader (NSFW)

First - Prev - Next - M.list - Ao3

A/N: well folks and strokes I have no self control. this was originally supposed to be the finale, but lol. lmao, even. you didn't really expect me to finish a storyline in only three parts?

Summary: You reach your boiling point.

Notes: sub drop, a frankly ill-advised length of time to be edging oneself

Word count: 3317 words!

It is day…

uh…

(What fucking day is it again?)

You’re tired. You’re bored. You’re horny. And that handsome motherfucker sent you a carousel of Spiders to explicitly make sure that you were actually resting in the time he so generously gave you.

Your package delivery was delayed by a combination of bad luck and worse luck, apparently, because it should have been here by now. You stopped bothering keeping up with your journaling partway through this, namely because you were starting to become hyper-aware of all your negative traits when you wrote them down (teenage boy levels of horniness and anger, mostly) and also because you’re starting to feel… low. Low low. Low low low low low.

The part of you that’s desperate for sex with a man you’ll never have or even just a fucking release at this point is losing out to your deep-seated need to be right. And in your contract, you said until the new vibe arrives. So, you are stuck waiting, lest you prove yourself completely slutty and undisciplined. And you are not slutty or undisciplined.

The worst part, you think, is the understimulation. Sure, you’ve got hobbies, but you don’t want to do any of them right now. You want to get someone’s hand on your tits and teeth on your neck, or else you want to hook yourself up to a vibrator until you discover new frontiers of consciousness and burn out the motor on that one, too, or else you want to lay here and rot. And fuck it, you can’t do any of that, because you still have your shitty office work to attend to, which doesn’t even distract you from the real problems in the world: dimensional anomalies, stopping criminals, and the criminal lack of dimensionally anomalous dick in your mouth.

Honestly, at first, it was sexy. You liked the little thrill of rolling over in bed and seeing your contract and knowing that you’re being so good even without a dom to make it so. You liked the idea of the denial, the promise of a new toy coming as a reward for all the longing in the meantime. Part of you still does, but that part has been glazed over with a level of self-loathing that usually being a Spider wipes away.

If you were worth anything, you wouldn’t have to enforce this yourself.

If you were worth anything, someone would be telling you what a good girl you’ve been, that you’ve worked so hard for this, that you’ve earned the right to cum.

Admit it.

You’re not doing this alone to prove a point.

You’re doing this alone because no one is ever going to do it for you. Not for long, at least.

You know two ways to fill time and void—searching for good views from too-tall buildings and masturbation. The too-tall buildings frustrate you even more, because occasionally one of your coverage Spider-Men will swing in and remind you that you’re under strict orders to rest, or worse, you’ll see them at work and know that Miguel has probably instructed them to web you to a wall if you try to help with YOUR job, and then you just feel even more useless and angry and empty.

Okay, so skyscraper sightseeing is out. What about masturbation?

Yeah, that’ll work. Add more sexual frustration to your sexual frustration. You like sexual frustration, right? Clearly, since you’re still doing this bullshit. Go ahead, we put some sexual frustration on your sexual frustration so you can get sexually frustrated while you experience some light sexual frustration. This can only serve to alleviate your problems. Clearly. Dumbass.

…you make sure to leave your wristband in the other room before you take your pants off.

And you know what? Maybe it’s the demon on your shoulder egging you on when you slip two fingers inside yourself and fantasize in scraps of images—sharp teeth, big muscles, webs holding down your wrists—and chase release, but you no longer care about the stupid fucking contract or your stupid fucking delayed package or your stupid fucking—

There is a noise in the other room.

A noise that sounds suspiciously like an incoming call on your wristband.

You can’t help it. Fuck your neighbors. You actually scream.

Okay. You’re overreacting. Walk it back. This is good. You didn’t break the contract, because you didn’t cum, and that call probably means you’re back in business and able to be a fucking Spider again.

So really, you're glad you got a call. You wash your hands, you scrub extra hard. You make sure your Spider suit is on, you make sure you're wearing casual clothes with the zippers all pulled and hiding your suit. When you're calm and collected and ready, the dread and self-hatred is still there, as is the frustration, but you didn't spend years in customer service without learning how to wear a smile even when the only desire you have left in your little heart is that lingering drive to take up serial killing.

You find the wristband on the coffee table. Slip it on. Hit the button to call back.

And there he is: man of the hour, loathe of your life, Miguel O'Hara. You've been trying not to think of him by his full name only, but it isn't working, mostly because you've also been halfway trying to not think of him at all.

You don't really process most of the conversation, too busy floating in the space between "horny" and "dead inside", but you do hear the words "we need you back on to help with an anomaly" pretty fucking clear, and you know damn well you wouldn't say no to that.

"Give me two minutes to get changed," you manage, already pulling at the shorts you so carefully hid your Spider suit under.

"You get one and a half.”

Aw, he's cute. Miguel's holo is looking away from you, and it blinks out of existence in the time it takes you to get your free hand hooked under your waistband. He's not flustered; you're not sure that's possible, but his unnecessary display of respect is endearing.

You're ready to go in one. You take the thirty seconds remaining to fix your hair and play it cool, even if you're now stuck between excited, horny, and dead. I heard, if you add a fourth emotion to the mix, you can build a house out of your weird bullshit and finally put a ceiling on it. Give it a try sometime!

You slip into spidery actions the same way you do swimming pools—the initial drop of your stomach, water too cold on your toes, New York City but Wrong, then the adjusting. You always adjust. Anomalies blur together for you by now, amalgamate into a series of fun diversions that lower your stress and put the pieces of you back together in the process.

They’re supposed to put you back together.

They’re supposed to put you back together.

The anomaly is dealt with. You’re spidering again. You got your rush from the heights and the wind against your mask, your adrenaline from a fight gone well. You returned to HQ with your partners from this little adventure no worse for the wear, and even Miguel has afforded you an approving nod at the work you’ve done.

You’ve done a good job. A great job. Something has pushed out the rage in you and taken its place, but you know better. This fight against this anomaly did not, in fact, put you back together.

You need to go home. You have to report in, first. It’s redundant. You need to leave. You’re doing good. You need to smile and do it anyways.

Your smile is heavy, so heavy, nearly impossible to drag out of you. You wish you could leave it where it sits in the pits of you, go home and find a cave to live in where civilization is not and no one can ever make you smile again because—

You need to stop everything there is danger there is danger you need to MOVE—

You jolt away, violent, exaggerated, but it’s just Peter, frozen with his elbow raised awkwardly, halfway to nudging your side for your attention.

“[name]?”

“Sorry,” you mumble, as though that does anything, for anyone, ever, at all. It does nothing, in fact, and you’re hyper-aware of that. An explanation might help. “My head’s not back in this dimension yet.” Great explanation. You’re winning at this. I’m so proud of you.

“Right,” Miguel says. “Your report?”

“Oh. Right.” You rattle off the details. They’re hardly anything worth reporting, really. When you’re done, there’s a heavy silence in the room. Everything’s heavy right now, kind of. Like that week away turned the multiverse into molasses.

You glance up through the silence to see that Miguel is staring you down. Okay, more like looking at you, but it all feels the same right now, your skin crawling at being perceived at all.

“Are we done?” The words come out too aggressive. You’re not angry; you’re not anything. The words are just too heavy to drag out without a little bit of bluntness. You hope he won’t take it as a challenge.

“You did good.”

Fucking hell.

You didn’t brace yourself for that one.

There’s motions between you hearing the words and you being on the floor. There must be, because you were on your feet, and now you are not. The heels of your palms press against your eyes, you’re gasping for air, and—

Oh. You’re crying your eyes out.

Are you sure you’re not overreacting a bit?

Heightened spider senses inform you someone is reaching for you, begs you to move, screams at you to throw them away and make sure no one ever touches you again, but you’re too caught up in the tears to do a thing about it, too caught up in the waves finally crashing down on you and shredding your skin in the sand of all the resentments you’ve been building, too caught up too caught up too caught up—

Woah, hey, let’s take a deep breath—

Out.

I’m not just going to leave them crying on the floor—

Out!

—someone is touching you someone is holding you leave me alone leave me ALONE—

LYLA. Portal back to their home dimension. Now, please.

Already on it. I’ll send for Jess.

Good thinking. I’ll be back.

~

Miguel is careful not to jostle you too much as he sets you on your couch. You dissolved into tears and are still dissolving now, wordless. He shakes his head at the sight.

When he realized what was going on and placed you on leave, he had sort of been trying to avoid a situation that looked a lot like this. He tells himself there was only so much he could do and not a single right answer to keep you from steering yourself straight off an emotional cliff.

Well, that’s not right. There had been a right answer; it just wasn’t the one he chose. The least he can do is stay with you until you’re stable. The least he can do is see you through this drop.

You’re not talking yet, so he tears away from you to search for anything you might want for aftercare and tries to run the autopsy report of his latest failure.

Admittedly, he misjudged what a compliment would do to you, so close to the edge. The goal really had had been to uplift you. He could have done worse. It’s not like he broke out the ‘good girl’. And yeah, maybe it was too jarring coming from his mouth after the last time you spoke in person.

Maybe he was just too late. By the time he got to you, you were already locked in. Even before that, you were acting more reckless than usual. Really, he was the one who should have seen it coming and put a stop to it day one. He should know better by now, when it comes to you.

He’s on autopilot, so he grabs the fluffiest-looking blanket from the pile on your bed, the most hug-worthy pillow, and returns to wrap you up.

You accept the pillow wordlessly, don’t even bother resisting when he wraps the blanket around you. You’ve gone from sobbing to sniffles, but he’s got work to do yet.

“Better?” he asks, voice low. His voice comes out gentle, even gentler than he was shooting for, and he curses the effect you have on him like he does every time.

You eye him warily, nod silently. You’re all verb-adverb right now, it seems, but at least you are a little better.

“What do you usually do for this?” he asks, and okay, maybe that’s a little up front, given the way you jolt and shift your expression to a glare.

“What makes you think I do anything?”

He lets out a little huff, settles in on the couch next to you. “You haven’t figured out by now how to handle yourself?”

“I can handle myself just fine, and if you even begin to act otherwise I swear to god—“

“Have I ever said you can’t?”

“You put me on leave. For a week. Not just from interdimensional stuff, but from protecting my own city. What the hell else is that supposed to say?”

Oh. You completely misinterpreted him, didn’t you?

“It means that I thought you needed the rest and correctly gauged that you wouldn’t take it willingly. If I was wrong, then you wouldn’t be crying on your couch right now, would you?” He cringes internally. That came out wrong.

“It’s not like it prevented it,” you mutter.

He sighs. You’re not being very receptive, and he needs to get the right words in his head in the right order with the right tone before he makes things even worse. So he stands and begins walking to your door.

“Where are you going?” you call after him, and your voice is small enough that he nearly stops.

No, Miguel. Control yourself.

“Checking your mail.”

“You’re going to walk all the way down the stairs to the mailboxes on the first floor? You’re going to unlock my mailbox with a mail key you don’t have, and—“

By your front door, there’s three hooks with keys. One is labeled “mail”. He picks it up, then glances back to where you’re craning your neck over the back of your couch. His hand is already on the door, and he’s firmly unbothered by your attempts to protest with logic.

“You’re in your Spider suit, stupid. Do you want people to see you walking out of my apartment? Trying to give away my secret identity? It’s not like people aren’t gonna notice one of the Spider’s caked-up new friends walking around the apartment building—“

…Caked-up?

He shakes his head and opens the door anyway. You make a good point about him being in his suit, but it’s not like he can’t handle himself for one trip to the first floor and—

Oh. There’s a package on the floor in front of your door.

That’s good enough. He’ll bring that inside.

~

“Your neighbor got your mail by accident,” Miguel says, already walking back from the door. “Let’s see, he says…” In one hand, he reads from what looks to be a hand-written note, and in the other…

You catch sight of the logo emblazoned on the side of the envelope he carries and have to kill the screech in your throat. Whatever pathetic tears you were crying for stupid reasons before mean nothing now.

You’re so fucking glad you bought from a new sex shop this time. You’re so fucking glad this one doesn’t have some super obvious name that makes it very clear that the Sex Toy Destroyer Himself was carrying your replacement for all the toys he personally destroyed. Hell no, you’re not taking credit for those. You’re not the insanely hot one here.

Of course. Of course you would have a completely unprecedented breakdown in HQ directly in front of Miguel. Of course he’d stick around to make sure you weren’t completely useless. Of course your new toy would show up whenever Miguel decides to be weirdly nice and bring in your mail for you. How else would things go? You’re the one with all the luck here.

Miguel is mid-sentence saying something you’ve been completely not listening to, and you do feel guilty for that, but come on. It’s taking everything in you not to freak out. You’re giving yourself whiplash just trying to calm down. Like, it’s normal. People receive mail sometimes, idiot, and sometimes that mail gets delivered to the wrong place, and that’s good and normal, and sometimes your neighbor is kind enough to leave it on your doorstep with a note, and sometimes—

“He’s asking you on a date.”

“What?” In less than a second, your web is on the back of the page, and Miguel lets it sail from his hand and into yours. “Let me see that.”

Holy shit. Your neighbor returned your sex toy he mistakenly got in the mail and asked you out to coffee sometime. You check the unit number he listed—motherfucker. He’s the one that shares a wall with your bedroom. He’s probably heard more than he hasn’t. You sure fucking have.

You let out a low groan. Eyes flick to Miguel. It’s not like that particular bad idea is going anywhere, and you’re basically the ruler of Definitely Healthy Coping Mechanisms anyway, so maybe—

“That was nice of him. Is he actually worth your time, though?”

The sentences are so weird coming from his mouth that a little jolt of laughter bubbles out of you. “Why are you being so weird? That was almost nice. You’re supposed to be all, tough love and everyone thinks you’re mad even when you’re being nice.”

He blinks. Stares at you a moment. “You just had a complete breakdown.”

“Yes, thank you for reminding me.” You’re doing a tremendous job at ignoring that fact, thank you very much. “…Thanks for the consideration, though. And probably not. He’s like, not unattractive, I guess, but, you know. Can’t shake the feeling that he’s only asking me out because he shares a wall with my bedroom.”

Miguel arches a brow.

Oh, fuck. That’s sexual connotations. I mean, sexual meaning, too, but come the fuck on. You’ve got to be more restrained than that. What were those two weeks of training for?

“…right. Anything good?” He gives the package a little shake, and you remember how fucking precarious your situation is in this moment.

Another web snatches the envelope from him. He seems nearly amused by your reaction, based on vibes. Deadpan as always, but if you’re not mistaken, there’s a slight spark in his eyes. “What could you possibly have ordered?”

“Nothing.”

“Given that you just snatched it out of my hands…”

“Nothing,” you repeat. It’s meant to be emphatic, but you just sound whiny. You blame the post-cry snottiness.

He sits directly across from you. “No, open it. You don’t have to wait for me to leave if you’re that excited for it.”

“I’m good.” Your voice pitches high. “Really. Thanks for all your help today. You can go.”

He stares. You begin to sweat.

“Look. I was really hoping you’d figure discipline out on your own with all that time I gave you, but I guess not.”

“If… if you wanted me to be doing something specific with the past boring-as-shit week, why didn’t you tell me what it was?”

He sighs. “If you think two weeks of edging yourself without aftercare is discipline, then I guess I have to be the one to teach you.”

…oh.

Huh.

Fuck.

Tags: @deeplightgarden @idonthaveanameideayet @dusstory @roxannarichie @vegas-writing-den @cooch1ecruncher @bluepeanutharmony @instanttragedyfire @yohoe-hoe @ambientcryptidsounds

If you'd like to be tagged, shoot me a message or an ask, or ask here in the replies, tags, or reblogs and let me know what you'd like to be tagged in (all works, all miguel works, this series in particular, etc.). If your name appears on this list but is not underlined and you didn't get a notification, please check to make sure that your blog is NOT set to not appear in search results in your blog settings! If you've got that set that way for a particular reason, consider subscribing to the fic on ao3 for an equivalent update notification, as I always crosspost simultaneously! After three unsuccessful tagging attempts, you will be removed from the list.

As always, thanks for reading! <3

[my-coven-is-claudia]

Katelyn has BPD analysis

i love psychoanalysing my favourite characters whenever i am currently questioning my own mental state.

disclaimer!!

this is based off extensive research,, the people in my life who deal with this condition and my own personal experience. i very much doubt jess intended any of this but once i began to notice the dots connecting when it comes to katelyn’s behaviour and common symptoms of bpd my brain had to make this post.

i aim to have be as accurate as possible with the resources and knowledge i have at my disposal about bpd. if you wish to add anything or believe i’ve said anything inaccurate please feel free to say!

so finally,, without further ado…

1. causes

“If you get a BPD diagnosis you're more likely than most people to have had difficult or traumatic experiences growing up, such as […] losing a parent” - Mind.org

in her early years,, katelyn’s mother left her and the rest of her family,, leaving them poverty stricken and in a single-parent household. losing a parent in any context can be deeply traumatic,, especially if the child does not have the right support systems and/or has to fill the role of the parent themselves. losing an attachment figure can increase a child’s poor psychological well-being,, changes in behaviour and mental health issues. although we don’t have much information,, losing her mother most definitely negatively affected katelyn. this is amplified by the fact this happened roughly during her preteens where a parent’s death is more likely to have a significant effect as the child and parent would have developed a close bond by then.

with what information we have on how elizabeth’s disappearance specifically affected katelyn suggests that there was a refusal to move on. it is said that she would throw tantrums whenever her father planned to be with another woman. this shows that katelyn was likely one of the most affected out of her entire family by this trauma; whilst the rest of her family attempted to move on with their lives katelyn was still stuck in the moment where she first learned that her mother was gone. she was stuck in the trauma. a fear of abandonment was instilled in her and her father disrupting the walls she had made would throw her into a state of distress. witnessing her father treat other women the same way he treated elizabeth possibly even triggered a return of the past trauma of losing her mother.

katelyn describes these episodes as “tantrums” a common way to phrase bpd episodes when the person experiencing them is undiagnosed. without the proper tools to address and control these episodes katelyn likely was left to process it all herself. this would have added to her complex trauma as a mishandling of an episode can also be a form of trauma. having no idea why not only your mind but your body is having such a violent reaction and your cry for help is being met with even more mishandling only leads to the problem becoming worse. if you struggle with any kind of mental disorder and your symptoms aren’t being questioned this will negatively affect you. these outbursts are usually cries for help in some way or another and them being simply ignored only digs the hole deeper.

with all this said katelyn does state that she eventually overcame her grief and was able to move on. we see that the grief over elizabeth’s disappearance does not affect her nearly as much as it once did as an adolescent and is no longer debilitating. but at what cost?

2. emotional instability

“If you have BPD, you may experience a range of often intense negative emotions” - NHS official website

one of katelyn’s most defining traits is her intense emotions,, usually extreme anger. in the early seasons of mystreet we see her snap and become easily irritated with people,, even with her friends. when she displays emotions such as panic or rage it is always extreme. furthermore,, violence is usually the next step as she regularly threatens the people around her and even sometimes goes through with it.

an important note to make is that those who struggle with bpd are not inherently violent. not in any sense of the word. however,, this does not mean people with bpd cannot be violent,, whether this is a byproduct of their bpd or something else. katelyn is someone who i think is violent because of her intense emotions brought on by bpd. she is not equipped enough to deal with these and consequently,, let’s it out on other people. no one has questioned why she acts like this and so she doesn’t find an issue with it. her problematic behaviour has been so normalised and the people around her are seemingly used to it,, aphmau and nana mostly notably so.

Nana: “Oooh you know Katelyn~Sama… she just likes to get in a snarky remark. She does that… a lot… to our customers at the restaurant.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 1

nana and aphmau do not take any notice of katelyn’s behaviour,, simply brushing it off as her being well - katelyn. this shows that she’s been like this for the majority of her life,, long enough for her two closest friends to consider it normal. her knee-jerk reaction is defensiveness and fury and it’s a habit that goes deep and is ingrained into her.

it is deep in her veins,, so intrinsically a part of her being that she cannot be separated from it; the people around her quite literally solely associate her with wrath. this passive acceptance of this toxic trait likely enables her behaviour,, preventing her from healing. although she mentions that she does meditation it cannot replace actual professional help. she doesn’t appear to have enough self awareness to keep herself in check that she ends up hurting others in an irreversible way. but that’s for later on.

another example of her extreme emotions is her anxiety.

Katelyn: “Do you not remember high-school? I always freak out before tests.”

Travis: “Oh yeah. But you usually passed so why worry now?”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 23

although anxiety over exams is common, travis points out that katelyn has been repeatedly successful in tests so this worry seems to be a lot more like paranoia than simple nervousness. katelyn feels like her whole world is ending and is completely frazzled.

Katelyn: “There’s no way I can [calm down]. The test is in 10 minutes - I need more time.”

no amount of rationalising will make the situation any less stressful for her. she only experiences in extremes; in terror and alarm and not simply nervousness and worry. on top of this,, she doesn’t appear to have any proper coping mechanisms for this outside of meditation. no grounding method. no breathing technique. she either lashes out or freezes up. for a character who when it comes to picking between fight or flight usually chooses fight she has a pattern of being so overwhelmed by her emotions that she cannot function. her brain’s rationality is drowned out by anger,, anxiety,, sadness whatever she’s dealing with and all that is left is pure instinct.

3. impulsive behaviour

“Impulsivity is regarded as a clinical, diagnostic and pathophysiological hallmark of borderline personality disorder” - PubMed.gov

impulsivity in the context of bpd is thought as usually being something of the like of drug misuse or unprotected,, risky sex. however,, it can also present as less extreme actions (although still harmful) like binge-eating or going on a spending-spree. impulsivity in someone with bpd goes deeper than individual reckless actions and can affect the personality of the person. for example,, maybe they’re charismatic and charming or dramatic and seek thrilling activities. this all can actually be tied back to lower impulse control.

i bring this up because although we don’t see katelyn acting impulsive much,, her true symptoms may be more clear in her personality and this does happen in those with bpd. for example,, katelyn is playful with her friends and has flirted with quite a few people. her flirtatious behaviour doesn’t seem to hold much meaning,, however,, usually being meaningless. this kind of attitude to love and relationships is an example of how reckless behaviour in bpd can affect someone’s personality and day-to-day life. in episode 31 after a chaotic string of events due to zane and aphmau faking a relationship whilst zianna visits,, katelyn ends up stepping in and lies about her and aph being in a relationship and even goes as far as being willing to kiss her. all of this is obviously in jest but that is the key issue here. to katelyn it is a joke,, nothing serious. she appears to be much more comfortable with the idea of romance and intimacy than having a genuine and raw connection with someone.

in this episode once zianna is told this lie by katelyn she encourages katelyn and aphmau to kiss. aphmau is flustered and is made even more distressed than she already is whilst katelyn immediately leans into it.

Katelyn: “Well, if you insist.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 31

again all of this is casual but the fact that she gives less than a second of thought before agreeing to this clearly implies how lightly she takes the situation. it’s superficial at most. not in the way that she has no desire for intimacy but more so that she doesn’t view it with the same meaning and significance as someone else would. as a result,, this leads to her impulsivity.

this recklessness,, especially when it comes to romance,, comes to a climax when katelyn kisses travis in an attempt to prove a point to lucinda.

Katelyn: “Because he doesn’t deserve a kiss from you. Plus you’re terrible at kissing.”

Lucinda: “Excuse me but I am amazing at kissing… because I have a potion for that.”

Katelyn: “Pft let me show you how it’s done.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 34

katelyn promptly kisses travis and doesn’t realise the implications of what’s she’s done until a good few seconds later. in response to travis reading the kiss as a declaration of love she immediately punches him and runs off,, denying any meaning behind the kiss. she doesn’t realise the implications of what she’s done until it’s laid out right in front of her.

a lot of her impulsive actions seem to be done to prove herself or a distraction from reality. when egged on to prove her confidence or superiority in some way she lunges at the opportunity. she doesn’t critically think about the effects this may have on others or the general aftermath. if it seems like fun to her she won’t hesitate to do it. this ties into her general lack of care for other’s feelings in these situations. when she pretends to be aphmau’s partner and when she kisses travis she causes both of them to be flustered,, clearly not thinking about how her words/actions affect those around her. although these instances are not severe she shows a pattern of disregarding people’s feelings. she isn’t self centred per say but her impulsiveness leads her to not register the severity of what’s she’s doing. not until it slaps in her the face.

4. intense and unstable relationships

“To split something means to divide it. Those with BPD tend to characterize themselves, other people, and situations in black and white.”

- healthline.com

splitting is when a person with bpd alternates between extremes of idealization or devaluation. the key part of this is the exaggerated and rapid change in perception of a person or situation. this usually applies to relationships,, causing the person with bpd to have a distorted view of their partner,, seeing them only in the best or worst possible light. sometimes this derives from projection,, pushing their negative view of themself onto their partner. this black and white can destroy relationships as the person with bpd is consumed by their distorted thinking whilst their partner is left in the dust.

katelyn exhibits this black and white thinking very clearly. she antagonises people like zane,, refusing to get to know him and disregarding any possible positives about him. in contrast,, she adores her friends like aphmau,, thinking only good of her and defending her at every chance. she clings onto quick-second first impressions of people and doesn’t let go even when she’s been proved wrong. very rarely does she feel neutral towards someone,, either loving them and showering them in praise or despising and only thinking the worst of them.

this is shown when aphmau asks her to be nicer to zane and she refuses to change her stance.

Katelyn: “Um.. I think you already know the answer to that. You know he and Jeffory don’t get along and Jeffory is my friend. So no.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 15

even if she may not have a negative experience with someone personally if someone she trusts and values doesn’t like someone she will automatically share that same opinion.

this kind of black and white thinking doesn’t appear to massively negatively affect her relationships as she appears to have enough rationality to keep her thoughts to herself. however,, this awareness that good and bad can exist together in one seems to falter when it comes to her relationship with travis.

from the moment that katelyn meets travis her view of him is engulfed him in negativity

Katelyn: “I also bet you didn’t know what pain was until I-“

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 15

in their very first interaction katelyn punches him. without any thought or remorse she just hits him. however,, this first instance of abuse is somewhat understandable as he approached her by flirting which reasonably and justifiably upset her. travis is the one mainly in the wrong in this situation,, even if his flirting is mostly humorous.

what appears to anger katelyn specifically in this context is that nana appears to be ignorant to travis’s inappropriate behaviour.

Nana: “Katelyn-sama that’s not nice. Travis has a broken heart and needs more chocolate!”

Katelyn: “How blind are you Kawaii~Chan? He’s just trying to smooth talk you!”

this passive reaction to travis’s behaviour is a pattern throughout the series. no one particularly appears to have a problem with his comments or flirting. but katelyn does. everyone else doesn’t feel uncomfortable around travis and her friends expect her to feel the same. her discomfort around travis is undermined and minimised again and again,, played off as a joke.

an instance of this is when in an attempt to distract katelyn,, lucinda teleports travis into her home.

Travis: “Oh- what the- where am I? I was just about to take a shower and… heyyy Katelyn.”

Katelyn: “What the- Travis?! Lucinda you said….”

Lucinda: “I said I wasn’t going to use any spells on you. You said nothing about a teleportation spell. Oh, and don’t bother to smack Travis I put a temporary spell on him to prevent physical injury.”

- Mystreet Season 1: Episode 28

this is presented as lighthearted fun between katelyn and lucinda. just another instance of two friends trying to annoy each other. very clearly,, katelyn wants nothing to do with travis,, even despising his presence but she is forced into the same room as him repeatedly whilst all her friends laugh at her. it’s no surprise that she reacts with violence.

this is in no way to excuse her actions but her abuse towards him grows more and more extreme because she’s being constantly taunted by those around her. her own friends push her buttons with no regard for how she feels and treat her like a rag-doll. both travis and her have been pushed onto a stage,, all eyes on them and forced to play caricatures of themselves. the only difference is that whilst travis appears to live off the attention katelyn cracks under it. she smashes to the ground and shatters into a million different pieces. and they all aim towards travis.

where katelyn’s behaviour veers off from being simply weirded out by travis to physical assault and abuse is when she starts taking out all her of anger on him and him only. it goes from her only hitting him when he flirts with her to when he even utters a word.

this is why her behaviour is so toxic because it seems she begins to want to hurt him for merely existing. she already has a history of allowing this black and white thinking to harm those around her,, even those she cares about,, and her own self-destruction turns into destruction of others. too blinded by her own anguish and suffering,, she doesn’t realise her wrongs and that she’s hurting people.

why she likely doesn’t see her mistakes is because she’s been told all her life that she’s dramatic and overreacts. as i said previously the mystreet cast brushes off travis’s harassment and pushes katelyn to be in situations with him. despite what her friends say,, she doesn’t believe that she’s in the wrong to be suspicious of him and stands her ground. but that doesn’t mean their words don’t affect her. her friends’ lack of understanding worsens katelyn’s mental state as she feels misunderstood by her own friends. this leads her to grow suspicious of them and ignore them. at every turn she’s told that’s she overly aggressive and no one attempts to even comfort her or try to understand why she doesn’t like travis.

on one occasion when she displays this distrust she is only met with mockery.

Lucinda: “I assure you it wasn’t any potion I used.”

Mystreet Season 1: Episode 25

on the surface this may not appear that malicious but it’s the fact that this isn’t the first time someone has brushed off katelyn’s concerns is what likely pushed her over the edge. cutting back to when travis first moved in nana does not listen to katelyn and defends him.

Nana: “Katelyn-sama that’s not nice. Travis has a broken heart and needs more chocolate!”

Mystreet Season 1: Episode 15

but despite her seeming hatred for travis katelyn is revealed to actually like him. sprinkled through season 1 and 2 katelyn is shown to have some sweet,, soft moments with travis; moments where her perception alters and it appears that she tolerates at him and at times is even… fond of him.

this is called splitting.

this flip-flopping between hating and loving travis is not due to her discomfort being an ‘act’ or her being ‘dramatic’ instead it is as a result of her own distorted thinking. most of the time she only views travis in absolute negativity and disgust. even when she appears to tolerate to him she treats him coldly and considers him with suspicion.

Travis: “H-Hey Katelyn, these flowers are for you.”

Katelyn: “Oh… thanks.”

Travis: “Y-You looks beautiful….”

Katelyn: “What’s wrong with you?!”

Travis: “Why, can’t a guy be nice?”

Katelyn: “No suggestive remarks? No trying to get close with me? No looking at my butt?”

Mystreet Season 1: Episode 25

however,, as per the nature of splitting,, there are times where she thinks the complete opposite of him. during season two when travis suddenly appears katelyn initially regards him with a lot more care and kindness,, especially after shoving him off from atop a building.

Katelyn: “Travis, you really worried me.”

Mystreet Season 2: Episode 7

this drastic change is a clear indication of splitting and its effects. in a very short amount of time katelyn goes from completely despising him to seemingly harbouring romantic feelings for him. this juxtaposition only confuses travis and worsens their relationship as katelyn continues to stick to her black and white view of him,, without any communication.

this all comes to a climax at the end of season two where travis finally confronts katelyn for her mistreatment of him. travis admits his own faults and puts out a hand to katelyn,, asking for a fresh start between them. all that is left is for katelyn to own up to her mistakes too.

Conclusion

do i think all of this was intentional? no. do i think it’s a justification or excuse for katelyn’s toxic and abuse behaviour? definitely no. am i emotionally drained after writing all of this? yes

hope you enjoyed reading !

[ko-garashi]

What are your headcannons?? 👀

Well, here are my headcanons about William Birkin's post-mutation (if there was one, of course):

- Probably the first and most important thing is the lack of the ability to independently restrain the human species. Due to the fact that the G-virus is not stable in its mutation, William has to take injections to contain the virus. They don't cure it, they just make the virus more dormant.

- William has a constant headache and painkillers do little to help him. But he retains his mental abilities as before.

- Post-mutation William is more aggressive and hot-tempered. Although he tries to control himself in order to remain as cool-blooded as possible and not mutate from any little thing that pisses him off. And by the way, he copes with this successfully.

- By the way! He returns to his mutated form if he misses a dose of the drug, or if he feels severe stress (any strong negative emotion). As well as various more tangible injuries. No, of course, it’s unlikely that it will suddenly mutate from a cut on the arm, but if the wound is serious... (it’s important that it’s just a wound and not an amputation).

- In addition, William does not age much externally and internally, or rather, his process is too slow to seem obvious (again, this is not 100%, because the virus is in him, but at the same time it is partially blocked by the serum).

- And about regeneration! If he loses a limb, it will take him a long time, but the G-virus will restore everything back. (with a simple wound, the body will only generate cells at the site where these cells are lost. And if there is no limb, then it will take longer to expend strength and time. Therefore, it is easier for the body to mutate from a wound than from amputation... But does this apply to the head? I doubt it. And I don’t want to check what will happen if you separate the head. He’s not a designer, right?)

- And he also has a fairly accelerated metabolism due to the virus in him. That's why he's often hungry.

- William can turn back from mutation to the human form only in the G1 phase. The longer he remains in mutation and mutates, the more his consciousness will become confused and lost until it is completely erased. Therefore, he is afraid to use the mutation and does not do it often.

- He is basically afraid of his mutation, and not even because it is not stable, but because William is afraid that he will lose himself.

- William's right eye is damaged by mutations and he periodically has difficulty seeing with it in human form. (I still haven’t figured out how to justify this... It seems that not all of us would feel good if strange metamorphoses happened before our eyes)

- His mutation sites are covered with scars reminiscent of burn scars. At first he was very complex about it, but then he got used to it.

- His scars often itch. Like a swarm of little ants under the skin.

- Even in human form, William has sufficiently developed strength. Of course, he is not as fast as Wesker and in his human condition he will not be able to beat the crap out of someone (along with internal organs), but still.

- Each time during the process of mutation and return to human form, William experiences unbearable pain in his body. It's like you're being torn into so many pieces.

(if one day I have more headcanons, I will add to the list)

[schizosupport]

one time during a psychotic episode I was convinced I had did / was part of a system. I experienced what I perceived as switches and such. when I started getting better I realized that wasn't what was happening. it was very real to me while it was happening though and im just wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar. I feel bad because I dont wanna be one of those people who fakes did, but thats really not what I was doing, and I dont know how to put it in a context that doesn't make me feel bad about it. sometimes I miss who I thought of as alters at the time but I suppose were really just. delusional headspaces.

Hey there!!

Ok so I think it's important to add the context to my answer, that I have a different approach to/understanding of these questions than both many people in the respective communities, as well as many professionals. Nevertheless, since I'm not writing a research paper, but rather, providing a personal take on the question, I hope that you will bear with me!

So in my somewhat radical opinion, it doesn't much matter whether you experienced what you did because of DID or because of a delusion caused by psychisis.

Alters, as well as delusions, are products of the mind. It doesn't mean that delusions don't FEEL real, it doesn't mean that alters don't truly experience themselves as separate entities, but it IS worth keeping in mind that one of these experiences is not inherently more "valid" than the other.

Delusions are often of a negative, harmful nature, while alters are often a helpful coping tool, but that is FAR from being a universal rule.

I used to think I had something like OSDD, then a psych convinced me the 'others' were delusions of control (and as a result for a while I suppose they were), but today we just kind of co-exist somewhere on the border between psychosis, identity compartmentalization, ipseity disturbance, dissociation, method acting as coping and general identity confusion..

After years of wading through the professional and community discourse, on my own personal journey with the topic, this is what I think:

It seems to me that the discourse surrounding the acceptable causes of identity dissociation and amnesia in DID/OSDD, has ended up with a situation where DID identity compartmentalization is seen as the only "real" aka "valid" experience of identity fragmentation.

It would appear that this debate, which to me seems largely to be a matter of categorization and definition, has been warped to the point where people like you end up feeling bad for having been "faking DID" while in fact you have done no such thing, and furthermore having your legitimate grief at the loss of people/alters YOU experienced as real, be invalidated and belittled (by yourself, if not others).

Anon, I'm sorry for your loss. Jesus fuck, I'm sorry. Who cares what the others "really were" or "why they're gone"... You experienced them as people in your life, people you had relationships with, people you could rely on - ofc it hurts to lose them.

Of course you are grieving.

"Just delusional headspaces" is such a telling turn of phrase, and it breaks my heart. It really does.

So often we psychotic people are expected to be "over it" the moment we are not actively delusional. As if we don't get traumatized when we think we are going to be killed. As if we don't grieve the relationship we built completely in our head, when it turns out not to be 'real'?

Identity.. personality.. headspaces.. they are no more real or no more fake dependent on their underlying cause..

I understand why the dissociative community are protective of their alters, I understand the need to say "this is not psychosis! These experiences are real!" ... I truly do, and I don't think it's a meaningless distinction, either.

But it's setting up a false dichotomy. Because the truth is that ultimately both delusions and alters are a thing the brain does. It's not THE SAME THING, but they are similar in the way that they are experienced internally as very real.

And I think that accepting the existence of alters as "real and valid" is important, but I don't think it should (or needs to) come at the expense of people who experience delusions, (or identity compartmentalization for any other reason).

In my experience, identity compartmentalization, that isn't coming out as scary delusions of control, is usually among the healthier coping mechanisms, delusional or not.

And creating a culture where having DID/OSDD is the only acceptable and "valid" variety of this type of experience is really not helpful for anyone. For one thing, it means that people with these types of experiences will be extremely prone to assume that they must have DID, potentially to the point of delusion, potentially to the point of making themselves more ill (developing amnesia, inducing memories etc) - and when it turns out they DON'T have DID, they will be terrified that they were "faking", when in fact they were just acting according to their current best understanding of themselves..

Not to mention, they will feel the obligation to bury any hint of identity compartmentalization within themselves, to conform to a social world that insists these experiences are "problematic" by virtue of being "not real", somehow.

.....ok I think I went off on a whole ass rant...

Was this helpful at all, anon?

[rabbiitte]

I admit I only tolerate Ray cause I love Khao. but irl I'd run from a guy like Ray and never look back 🫥

Hey Anon!

Thank you for talking about Ray, I'll take this opportunity to give my opinion on the subject.

I feel like a lot of people only tolerate Ray because it's Khao who's behind the character, so you're not alone! Your thought regarding real life is valid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It's essential to understand that choosing not to want to be with someone who has addictions doesn't automatically imply thinking that person is a bad person. A person's first instinct is always going to be to protect themselves and setting clear boundaries is a big step toward that. It's not necessarily related to dehumanizing the person with addictions, but to recognizing one's own limits and needs. After all, addictions are complex and can affect the dynamics of a relationship in a variety of ways. While it's important to offer compassion and support to those struggling with addiction, it's valid for others to choose not to expose themselves to situations that may be detrimental to their well-being.

Still, the dehumanization of people with addictions (whether real or fictitious) is a real issue and it's critical to remember that people struggling with addictions deserve compassion and support too.

In this context, Top and Cheum's scene helps us to reflect on the matter. Cheum refers to Ray as some kind of animal they can only hang out with if they have him under control. Without having it under control, Ray doesn't deserve to hang out with Mew?

Personal responsibility: Understanding and supporting someone with addictions involves acknowledging the struggle, but not excusing actions that harm others. Seeking help and taking responsibility for one's own behavior is crucial.

However, it's essential that the audience understands the difference between understanding and supporting someone with addictions and excusing harmful behaviors.

Here are some tips to ponder whether we're excusing or supporting and understanding a person (real or fictional) with addictions.

Setting limits: Support involves fostering growth and positive change. If someone excuses harmful behaviors without the expectation of change, they are more likely to be crossing the line into the excuse.

Awareness of consequences: Understanding does not mean ignoring the consequences of actions. Those who excuse harmful behaviors can minimize the repercussions, while those who understand recognize the difficulties but do not underestimate the negative consequences.

Fostering growth: Supporting someone with addictions involves encouraging personal growth and looking for constructive ways to address challenges. Excusing harmful behaviors could involve passive acceptance of harmful actions without a clear drive toward improvement.

I'd like to add, much is said about how addictions affect Ray's personality but little is said about how trauma contributed to the origin of much of Ray's behavior patterns. In fact, many of Ray's behaviors (intensified by being intoxicated) are inherent to his personality. Ray's inclination toward violence, disregard for others' boundaries, possessiveness, desire to purchase affection, and stereotypical affluent behavior constitute his inherent traits. Even if Ray abstains from alcohol or drugs, these behaviors persist. Sobriety primarily enhances his capacity for reflection and attempting behavioral changes. The origin of Ray's behavioral patterns isn't in his substance dependencies but in his experienced traumas. His possessiveness, willingness for multiple relationships without preference and attraction to maternal figures like Mew or Sand stem from a deep fear of abandonment. In contrast, his violent tendencies trace back to the affectionless and hostile environment of his upbringing.

In conclusion, let's reflect and understand the way in which addictions affect Ray but let's not ignore that addictions aren't the cause of the problems but a way to cope with the inner real problems. In this regard, rehab can help treat addiction itself, but therapy is crucial to addressing the underlying roots of those behavior patterns. If the origin of behavior patterns is not addressed, unhealthy coping mechanisms may continue to emerge. Coping with and overcoming trauma, learning healthier coping strategies and changing those patterns takes time and ongoing effort.

[sleepnowmychild]

Introjects of the gods and worship

I figured I’d make a little post about my experiences here. As a Hypnos devotee that’s also a system and has a fictive of him (mainly based on the game hades, but he has aspects of his original myths too).

First let me assure you all, the gods know what plurality is, they know you can’t exactly control who you split. Having an introject of them, or a version of them, is in no way disrespectful or bad. They know, and you know, that the actual god and the introject are two separate beings. So if you’re a system and you have an introject of a god, don’t fret. That god won’t be mad at you or anything. They’re literally older and wiser than any human will ever be, they understand these things.

Sometimes it can be a bit confusing deciphering which feeling/message/sign etc is from the actual god and which is just your alter being nearby. I’ve learnt that while there’s similarities in their presences (being sleepy, yawning, sudden focus on sleep related things etc) there’s a different feeling to each of them. Alter Hypnos split in 2020 to fill a role in the system, to regulate our sleep schedule. He put a set bedtime in place, he makes sure we follow it, he washes sheets, makes the bed etc. he does all things bed care and night routine. So his energy is more awake in a way. He’s a sleepy guy but he has more of a spring in his step and is a bit of a joker. Deity Hypnos is a force, he’s an overwhelming calm and tiredness. I know the difference between their presences based on things like that, how overwhelming and powerful their vibes are.

They also sound different. With plurality hearing a voice is always a bit of a *squints suspiciously* moment. Unless is very clear it could be anyone. An alter you know, one you don’t, or not an alter at all. Alter Hypnos and deity Hypnos sound very different. Alter is higher pitched, peppier and very giggly. Deity is very soft spoken, androgynous and has a much slower pace.

They look different too, like I said alter is based partly on the game hades, so he looks very much like the game design. Deity I’ve posted about his appearance to me before, but it’s vastly different. The only similarity is really the colour of the hair and the freckles.

I’ve not yet had an experience where my alter of Hypnos and the actual deity have met, so I can’t say what that’s like. But alter does help with the worship, he’s an expert on it after all. He’s literally based on said god. There’s a handful of us that focus on worship and witchcraft stuff, some of the other alters have their own main god they turn to, but we tend to stick mostly to Hypnos since he’d always been a big presence in our lives. I’ve never had any negative comment or sign from Hypnos in regards to the alter, he tends to talk to me the most as I’m the host and out the most anyway. And in all that time, I’ve had zero issues.

As long as you can differentiate your alter and the actual god, treat them accordingly, you will have no issues. They’re seperate beings despite sharing a name and mythology, both of them know that.

So systems, don’t fret about possibly splitting an introject of your deity, things will be perfectly ok. They understand.

P.s. of any of you want to ask alter Hypnos about his personal experiences with this, he’s open to it. You can send an ask addressed to him or comment/rb! And if any of you guys have experiences with introjects of your gods, feel free to add to this post in the reblogs.

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Twisted Tales: Suddenly Super Review

What if Violet was an Agent of Syndrome?

This was another solid addition to the Twisted Tales series. It’s unfortunate this tale is only available out of the U.S. because Calonita does a great job on the first Pixar-based tale.

All from Violet’s POV, Calonita explores the girl’s negative feelings about her powers. Since being Super is illegal, it’s been ingrained into her to never show her powers to others. Problem is, she can’t quite control it when she turns invisible from anxiety, embarrassment or any high emotion. I mean, it’s teenage hell amplified. Add in the fact that they’re constantly moving when Mr. Parr blows their cover, chasing his glory days, Violet wishes she was never born super. She wants to be normal.

What’s more normal than getting grounded for sneaking to a party without her mom’s permission. And almost getting exposed. But that brief bout of normality is all Violet’s gonna get. When her parents don’t return from their vague conference, Violet has an inkling that her mom’s paranoid attitude the day before might have something to it. She certainly knows it when goons break into their house to kidnap them! With no one else to turn to, she accepts the help of Mirage, a woman she only knows from her dad’s mess of business cards, and her boss, Syndrome. Syndrome offers Violet a chance to rescue her parents with a special bonus. To ensure that they won’t be targeted by supervillains again, he’ll help get rid of their powers. Dun dun dun!!!

Calonita has been writing YA for decades so she does a good job in portraying Violet’s hormonal mood swings, and readers can see the clear arc of Violet’s insecurity and shyness in the beginning to her learning to master her powers and take charge herself. I particularly applaud Calonita’s portrayal of Violet’s anxiety attacks in relation to her powers and generally describing the physical toll of her powers on her body as heat and electricity. There’s a good balance of Violet’s panic-stricken reactions to a world she doesn’t really know and proactive in trying to protect her family. This alongside her conflict with her negative feelings about her powers and supers in general that it s not a curse but a gift. Her anger fueled into her control into control out of defense of her family.

There was a surprise in Mirage and Syndrome having two-three chapters to themselves. Mirage in particular gets more depth as an aspiring actress drawn into Syndrome’s promise of an equal world plus money. Primarily the money, until she realizes what an egomaniac he is. It is also quite funny how unprepared she is for when her job unexpectedly puts her in the role of babysitter. Syndrome is also drawn in-character as Calonita captures his affable cool-bro exterior with the underlying obsessive bitterness.

Calonita also gets to add her own characters into the world like the Incredibles’ big nemesis, Mastermind who reminds me of a cross of Edna Mode and Yzma as well as Frozone’s non-super niece, Lucy who provides a sounding board to Violet in the eleventh hour.

Calonita improved the story by having the infamous babysitter, Kari, be Violet’s only friend. It fits as her chattiness allows Violet to blend in at school as well as provide a bunch of comedic moments. Like when she babysits Jack-Jack. That will always be funny. Calonita adds other references fans will enjoy like Bomb Voyage, Brad Bird and so on.

The only one negative would have to be the lack of Edna Mode. Absolutely none darling and it’s a shame!

A well done tale full of action, humor, and family. So go onto eBay and try to snag a copy.