#this one wont stop following me
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playing around with my own humanformers design for bee :)
#threw in a d16 bc their dynamic is funny to me. cool guy and this little yellow thing who won't stop following him around#wont admit he likes the yellow things company#bee has 2 hairclips to imitate the ear thingies in his og design#they do absolutely nothing for his hair though LOL#his uniform is completely scuffed and stained from working with garbage#dude needs a bath in laundry detergent fr#transformers one#transformers#tf one#bumblebee#b 127#d 16#megatron#humanformers#my art
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read through the shadow triad's quotes page again and i'm wondering why they (or at least, one of them bc they only say this once) still say "Lord N" in bw2. if they're all loyal to ghetsis they shouldn't really care about n since he was just ghetsis's pawn right? they could have been calling n lord in bw1 to keep up appearances that n is the true king of team plasma but they don't have to do that into the sequel. wondering exactly how loyal they are to n
on a related note they do Not say "Lord Ghetsis" until the second game, even after the reveal that ghetsis was using n. then, after ghetsis's defeat, they stop using the word lord again but call themselves "royal servants" which is interesting to me. i think its some kind of honor thing where ghetsis lost the privilege of being called lord in their eyes but they're still part of the kingdom he attempted to build and so they're royal. but then why Not call him lord ghetsis in bw1? the first time they refer to him by name is while they're still serving n, so that could again be keeping up appearances, and the rest of the times are after ghetsis is defeated so it could be the honor thing again?
#clai speaks#honestly the royal thing might be a typo i'm thinking......#bc a very similar sentence is used in bw1 in similar context (farewell to bw1 protag and final battle against bw2 protag)--#--except it says ''loyal servants'' in bw1. maybe ghetsis gave them a promotion idk#i'm still trying to work on my hc post bw2 shadow triad.....#but i am not a writer. never been good at character creation. i am very much struggling to characterize any of them BEJBDJF#trying to do it Has got me interested in them though. i was kinda neutral on them before i didnt have an opinion on them#now i Want to know more about them and see how they could potentially interact with bw1 n anthea and concordia#criminal that they werent made playable in pokemas after their event debut.......#why are they and the striaton trio locked in npc jail. free them#last thought. i think i've said it before also so i wont put it up in the main part of the post but the way theres one triad member--#--who talks in a more laidback snarky way but Only Once bc once he rejoins the other two he's indistinguishable again#the loss of individuality. the way its clearly Forced bc he's like that on his own but stops when the situation calls for it. free my boy :(#ACKKK on mobile i cant edit tags. when i said ''bw1 n anthea and concordia'' i meant bw2#but bw1 is interesting too. how much did they actually follow n. if they were ghetsis's pawns anthea and concordia must not have liked them#etc etc. the harmonias are a messy bunch its very interesting#rambling again....... i love bw so much i love talking about it :)
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So the thing about me getting more used to driving is that I have discovered that I am, in fact, a speeder. Primarily on the highway. Less so when I'm making a bunch of turns, bc turns still scare me. But me hangin out in the fast lane thru the whole highway drive and getting annoyed at 2 trucks blocking my way for 10 mins so I had to go five Under... idk going faster means less time spent in the car and I'm going straight Anyways. So like whatever lol
#speculation nation#making sure i dont go Crazy fast bc i dont wanna get a ticket or anything#but a normal fast for the highway? yeah sure#ive found tho that people HAAAAATE me leaving a proper following distance#thats one thing i will not concede on. i will Never become a tailgater.#especially not on the highway. i need space to stop if i gotta slam on the breaks.#hate when ppl ride my ass too. im tempted to find some kind of bumper sticker to tell ppl to back off hfmahfms#one of those 'if you can read this youre too close' kinds of things.#probably wouldnt do shit. but at least it'd be a way for me to speak my mind about it.#and to be clear this isnt someone riding my ass bc im going slow. like i said i have in fact been going fast.#but the worst times were when i was stuck behind another car ANYWAYS#so theyd ride my ass and id be like 🤷♂️ i dont know what to tell you bub#and then bc i leave a following distance (still going the same speed as the person in front of me tho)#they get annoyed and speed to go around me. then get stuck behind the same person i was stuck behind.#and it's like wowwwwww you got to the road block so much faster and cooler than me... do you want a reward... a little trophy...#a good grade at being a douchebag?? youve got the golden star!!!!#so. yeah i have also been introduced to the timeless experience of Getting Pissed At Fellow Drivers and badmouthing them in my car.#i wont actually do anything to retaliate but it is my God Given Right to snark at them where they cant hear me.#also i got an air freshener for my car earlier this week and im lovingggg it#good smell. makes being in the car even nicer. i love my car ❤️❤️❤️
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Bellara lowkey pissing me off with all this feeling guilty bs
#vague spoilers in the tags so dont read em if you havent played yet#but feeling like the elves need to apologize for this shit?#are you KIDDING ME#genuinely fuck that#out of everyone in Thedas the elves got screwed over the most (arguably) and she wants us to APOLOGIZE?#like first of all theyre not our 'gods' so lets just put a stop to that entire rhetoric immediately#they betrayed their own people. ELVES.#and then Mythal's actions led to everything else that followed#including humans even further fucking over elves#so what exactly are the elves meant to apologize for?#Sorry for being so enslaved & betrayed by literally everyone so hard that it ruined the world for all of us?#yeah fucking SORRY I GUESS.#anyway she better cut that shit out i dont wanna hear such nonsense again#elves are gonna have enough bs to deal with im sure after all this is over#dont need to add pressure of feeling like the elves OWE something to the modern world who would rather just see them extinct#i cannot overstate how furious that sentiment makes me#meanwhile neve pissing me off too over here like ''i dont expect you to care about dock town''#okay fuck you too?#Treviso literally had no one#Minrathous had the shadow dragons#and not to put too fine a damn point on it#but (naturally) im playing as an elf#and not that i LIKE the idea of the Venatori seizing control#but just like super honestly in the grand scheme of things#i have no love for Minrathous.#and yet still have i not been willing to help? but she doesnt want to talk about that.#she claims to understand that i had to make an impossible choice and yet still she punishes me for it.#THE FACT SHE WONT HEAL ME IN BATTLE IS WILD BTW#anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk#things are going much better with the other companions
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im so fucking happy that one group project partner dropped out i was gonna be fighting them all presentation bc we're both kinda controlling but now that they're gone all i have left is the lowkey kinda meek kinda nonassertive kinda a pushover partner so now i get to basically have free reign and be the person In Charge and i looooove being in charge ive been waiting for this i get to do everything and i can compromise nicely w the partner i have left and i get to be soooo funny and beautiful while i present and i get to make the whole class fight to the death over kahoot *sighs dreamily* i love being given free reign i love people i dont like dropping out and most of all i love kahoot
#group project no longer killing me i am now having soo much fun im having the most fun i used to HATE presenting but i learned that actually#i love attention and i love doing whatever the FUCK i want forever adn ever and ever adn everyone loves me bc im so funny and beautiful#and im gonna stay up late to glitterify my powerpoint bc now that my BORING partner is gone i will have fun with this or i'll die trying.#oooh i should wear my heels wait no im a pacer hmm wait actually that could be cool loud footsteps are attention grabbers hmm i will#think on this but i need u to know that im living my fantasy called having a whole class's attention and nobody can stop me#long time followers/moots may remember my sadomasochism presentation this will not be that fun and cool but i will fucking make#it better and more fun than anyone else's because i am not the type to be upstaged no fucking way am i letting one of those lame ass#losers upstage my fucking presentation i wont fucking allow it#okay. i must go to do my thing goodbye *swooshes my dress and disappears in a cunty manner*
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Elden Ring DLC is already amazing bc the first thing I did was die so some stealthy screaming naked maniac with gauntlets and the second thing I did was avoid the dog on fire that was positivley surrounded by bloodstains
#txts#i also forgot i didnt level up to 60 vigor and died a lot bc man these guys be hitting hard#anyhow...am at 60now...dont judge lol#but its past midnight so...bed time bc i have work tomorrow still#wont have a long weekend or time in a WHILE#worst case i'll have to work 10 days in a row but we'll see....and pray#also not grumpy guy going 'if you stop following miquella i will be your enemy' like aight cant wait for that fight bc now its def gonna#happen since you put it out in the world so openly!#elden ring#i have not yet found the....basket fire giant things#i skillfully avoided the first one i saw and forgot about it until now rip#did get the first dragon tho-the ghostfire one#yay me 120k runes richer and 1 level more#got shits expensive#i know endgame for everyone is like lv 150 but consider this: i wanna use EVERY weapon or at least try it#but ALSO do well w/ my main#so....i am gonna sludge here a lot rip
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While finally writing a thing, I suddenly remembered that I never shared (I don't think) when I HC Guizhong's birthday to be: the first day of each year, January 1st. Why? Well, I was thinking of the Guili Assembly, and how it seems really rather likely that it was created from the names that she and Morax, at the time, went by (not Zhongli, or... well, maybe that was exactly what he went by actually, come to think of it; why wouldn't he?) Which, to me, is further confirmed by the translation of the area's name's from the Chinese source directly. We have the 'Plains of Returning and Departing' (歸離原), which correlate with the meanings of a symbol in each of their names, the 'Gui' (歸) from Guizhong which means 'to return', and 'li' (離) from Zhongli, which means 'to depart'.
Now, regardless of the perceived nature of these two to others, I think saying that they're intertwined in stone (history) and memory either way, to hardly be far from a stretch at all. Now, keeping the above two translations in mind, and remembering that they put Zhongli's birthday in our western calendar on December 31st, I think January 1st would be a beautiful decision for Guizhong's. He represents the end of a fruitfal year, and she represents the start, or chance, of a new. I love the symbolism more than I can put into words.
#speaking of-- of course when i speak of guizhong... i usually end up talking about zhongli as well but i do want to touch on it now.#people have gone 'okay but the name of the plains doesn't make sense... he went by morax! not zhongli!'#okay but guizhong also wasn't her /actual god name/ like morax was/is zhongli's name. guizhong's god name was haagentus.#guizhong was either a name given to her by her people (similar to 'rex lapis' even though that was more a title than a name i suppose)#or it was one that she took on. and THAT name was utilized from thereon out. which includes the guili assembly.#but look at the definitions of both names-- as in guizhong and zhongli and tell me that they don't match in numerous ways.#what if he actually /did/ go by zhongli back then? what stops him? it may be a name that withered in the ages. maybe it's one he let go of.#in the aftermath of her death and the guili assembly and returned to morax?#what if him using it now-- is possibly a callback? i mean /who would know/? and even if somehow it might've been remembered.#who would /ever/ make the connection?#instead of hypothesizing what name he might have used that contained 'li'-- why not... look at what's in front of us?#what if he picked that name because... it was already once his?#[ guizhong. ] many things only seem to surface beneath the moon's poignant glow. wherever its light shines; the heart is wont to follow.#[ guizhong: meta. ] her manuscripts lie unfinished in her abode. the blank pages give cause for contemplation on what might have been.
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nanocore
#literally no one enjoys these shits except me. i know bc they get like 2 notes. but i wont let that stop me#nathaniel norwell#moodboard#i wasnt gonna make one of these for him bcz i hate giving him more attention but then i saw the fb marketplace car one#the egregious lowball followed by 'have it cleaned up for me'. despicable. quintessential nathaniel behaviour to me
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Trying so hard to not have a mental breakdown on main over something stupid
#a while ago a very beloved mutual unfollowed me and i dont know why#and just realized a more recent mutual unfollowed#and i know it shouldn't bother me so much but it does. especially bc i feel like my recent content has been extremely high effort/quality#so why am i posting such banger content and LOSING followers#and ofc this is bringing back the dumb re fandom insecurities ive had before#i just feel like an outsider in the serrennedy/re fandom. ppl like my posts occasionally but wont follow me#or interact at all beyond liking my posts. despite the fact i see them Frequently interact w some mutuals#i know it's stupid. no one is obligated to follow me/interact.#but it still upsets me and makws me wonder whats wrong w me since others get interaction and I dont#like if i stopped posting abt re entirely i think maybe 2 ppl at most would even notice. why do i bother w high effort posts#no one will notice if i abandon my details series. no ones waiting for part 2 of sw lab. no ones waiting for the post w luis's island lab#i dont regret all the hours i spent taking screenshots bc i personally enjoyed it. even tho it was tedious i loved doing it#i love scrolling thru my unorganized google drive of screenshots. looking for specific ones. using em as references while daydreaming/writin#but i dont enjoy the process of sorting and selecting pics for tumblr posts. ive just done it hoping others would appreciate them#so like if im getting like 20 notes that are mostly likes/reblogs w no comments#why should i do the hard part
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i think itis funny in the past when i would list my interests as if i post abt them i donot post abt the shit im into rly Mainly bc im not rly Into Into anything anymore i occasionally watch or read or play something but i dont do fandom stuff rly much.... just sometimes i get brainworms
#do i still list my interests somewhere i dont knowwww#i just stopped rly being into fandom a few years ago combination depression antipathy + bad experiences in fandom spaces#but idk. me listing my interests didnt rly accomplish anything for anyone bc it was just like anddd just so you know i was crazy abt this#video game for a rly long time it probably wont ever come up again but it might maybe one day. yk. ig its just sharing info Which is one#supposes the point of all of this but idk#its not that im cagey abt my interests except that one which i cant talk abt publically bc its a triple a game and im embarassed abt it. no#anything bad im just embarrassed . its not anything any of my oomfies have ever posted abt either so its just for me. and lamp . and when#the third game comes out i might post very very very vaguely abt it ......... possibly.#but ya its like. idk i think you guys have to find out abt my plague tale obsession on your own through lived experience. aka just me seein#like the word king and randomly collapsing to the floor and going KING HUGO 😭😭😭😭😭 oh god hugo guys oh god . please play plague tale#i wish i had finished that tw thing i started making but then i got too focused on the color palette and making it look nice and i stopped.#umm tw child death animal death The plague some gorey stuff theres some cult things in the second game ummm. yeah ..... its rly special to#me tho i love those games PLAY PLAGUE TALE!!! and if u need more indepth tws ill give them to you even if i have to replay both games to#refresh my memory... lamp wont play plaguetale with me (not their speed) so im all alone </3 but i miss it i might replay soon... i wish i#was in like discord servers so i could play it on call w ppl or something <- is in discord servers but is shy and Also i feel like playing#game on call is like a level like 2 friendship thing and i cant even do level 1 friendship things like i feel i need to at least be talking#regularly in a server b4 i like try to do Calls in the server esp for plague tale bc its like a 1p game so wed need a rapport to like have#shit to talk abt and etc ..... i could just infodump abt the game but again i feel doing that to like strangers/oomfies would b weird. ik i#come on here and talk abt whatever i want but its like you guys dont Have to read this and its not like a server where Yeah im not talking#to one person but im still like Oh well ive sent a message and its in the channel and everybody just has to look at it and whatever.#but on here i post i nobody cares and it just gets pushed down and its Fine bc its not like anybody has to feel obliged to respond#which is fine. you know.. i just hate being like a nuisance i hate . idk how to phrase. imposing myself on others ig.. which is dumb bc the#i turn around and whine abt how i have no friends and its like Maybe that is bc you donot talk to anyone bc yr scared they will be annoyed#with you and you dont leave the house and have no interests to bond with ppl and etc. but basically the difference is ive written all this#and you guys can just not read it or you can just read it and ignore it and its different. even tho i am like addressing you and i do have#like. weird parasocial thing with My followers or whatever where i talk directly to you YES YOU! reading this. IDKK im rambling so much i#dont know what im talking abt anymore. i proooooobably need to go to sleep im hungry tho but im not but i am. but i think my sleep is getti#off schedule again i had trouble sleeping yesterday too... ugh
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46 minutes and i will be over a week sober. this is insane.
#it feels like one of those dreams that is going bad but then you force it to get better.#like it was a nightmare at first and i was worried but like. im doing this alone and im the only one that can actually make me follow thru#and now its getting easier#i know it wont be forever bc im not planning on being sober forever#but im gonna try to be sober until i have enough self respect to remain present and stop when i want to fr
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Maybe I'm just cursed 🤪
#trigger warning for everything that follows in these tags btw#i am in need of some venting into the void#so im gonna vent#so uh#im almost out of time to find a new job before i have to leave my flat and move back with my parents#in the past 27 days ive filled in 189 job applications#6 of those led to interviews#so far 5 of those have been rejections#i even started looking at jobs that paid way less than i can feasibly live on just so i could at least cover rent and stay here but no luck#anyway thats already sucky#and then ive had to go off my adhd meds because of continuous and annoying fuck ups with my drs and im hesitant to work to fix it cause#might be moving counties anyway lol#my depression is the worst its ever been in about two years i struggle to want to exist day in and day out and#this morning i found out my dog - my baby who i dont live with because i moved cities - he lives with my parents#we found out he has an agressive cancer - and i have to now make choices i dont feel ready to make#and im just#do you ever feel like youre already one the ground but life wont stop kicking you#and i feel#so lonely#my friends are doing everything right my cousin who i live with is always checking in on me and i am still#convincing myself i am being a burden i am the problem i#my whole life is collapsing and i#even writing this all out in tags my brain is yelling at me for being an 'attention seeker' or smth and idk#i just wanna#idk#its complicated ig#im fighting#i am fighting so hard#i just want ppl to know im doing my best thats all#anyone who read all of this - hi - i hope youre having a beautiful day. its all going to be okay in the end 💛
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i will genuinely never understand my dad!!! and i feel guilty for being confused and angered by him!!!! i don't know what he wants and i doubt i ever will
i guess he's known that he's had cancer for over a month now but never told me. and i dont know if it's because he wanted me to reach out/pay attention to him, as he's done in the past or if he just didn't think to, or if it's some other third mysterious reason that i can't think up
we aren't close since he was rarely in my life but i feel like that's something you tell your kid.
and the only reason i found out is because i went to go check and see why he hadn't replied to my message about asking if he wanted to hang out for the thousandth time without getting a response
#[static]#he tells me 'kid im gonna change i miss you i love you we need to hang out more im sorry that i wasnt around'#and then when we try and make plans it's like pulling teeth to get him to follow through#and sure there's been a couple of times in my life where ive had to back out of plans with him but like .....#we're talking less times than i have fingers on one hand in 30 years lol meanwhile he disappears for years without a word regularly#i thought we got somewhere last year when i decided to reach out after i stopped talking to him#we're both adults and we're busy but i somehow manage to have regular scheduled dnd games with 4 other adults twice a month#and i cant get my biological father who claims to want to know me reply to a message#and i know i know i know he's got his own demons and battles but i s2g it's just Frustrating because i dont know what he wants from me#i dont fuck with indecision and i dont like not knowing where i stand with someone#i know that he wont reach out to people in hopes they 'care enough' about him to do it#but like dude .......... SHOW THAT YOU CARE ABOUT ME TOO WTF#i want to be unendingly compassionate to him since he's gotta figure out what he's gonna do regarding his throat cancer#but like ..... what am i supposed to do with this lmao he saw my message and didn't reply and maybe he's busy#but he also didnt reply to any of my other messages asking to make time to see each other#but then he called me this summer to see if i was in town when he was there (and i wasn't and it was out of the blue)#he also posted a lowkey transphobic comedy sketch on his page which is weird because that's not really his politics but also he's old#and i can just hear exactly what he'd say about it if i tried to even bring it up to him ever#idk what he wants from me but i sometimes think even he doesn't know#i think we missed our time to mend things into something that makes sense#anyways sorry for the vent into the void i just got new information and dealing with stuff about my dad is always difficult#i have rarely felt wanted by him and have never felt seen for who i am either
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i need eddie to get another guy friend in season 8, and buck loses his shit about it (again), so he breaks up with t because he's convinced that the weird feeling he gets when he sees them together is because he is Really attracted to the new guy.
#like things with t are fine cuz he likes exploring this new side of himself even if t doesnt always match his energy but whatever its fun#and maybe at work chim is the one who brings up eddies new friend and he is immediately just. what new friend?#chim laughs and says. tbf last time eddie got a new friend you attacked him so you could date his friend. hes probably keeping it to himsel#and bucks like. dude what. that was. yeah it was shitty of me but it was a one time thing. i wont do it again...#and when eddie shows up for shift buck immediately asks about his new friend and eddie tells him about the guy without hesitation#after shift tho buck is like. why didnt you tell me about him? after t i get why you dont want to but im just. you dont have to worry man.#buck. i know. im not worried. anyway he and i are gonna head to a bar to catch the game. you want to come with? you can bring t if hes free#oh. thats. thatd be okay? i dont want to idk ruin the vibe by bringing a date#nah man. itll be fine#and so he and t go to the bar and eddies already inside with the new friend and its Fine. its Great actually because t gets along with eddi#and the new guy and the new guy makes eddie laugh and doesnt miss a beat and knows more about the teams record this season than buck and#buck is doing Fine. this guys smile is big and his eyes are bright and when he laughs he sorta leans into eddies space alittle and its Fine#the night ends and buck and t go back to his apartment and buck cant stop thinking about that guys hand when it clapped down on eddies#shoulder or the look on his face as he teased eddie about the beer he drinks (cuz its kinda bad but only buck can say that) and buck Cant.#he wants that guy. he wants his hands and grin and teasing voice all to himself and not on eddie.#so he breaks up with t and ts confused af cuz i thought things were going good?#yeah. i just. i want to explore my options yk now that ive uh figured out i like men.#and its a clean break. not dramatic or messy. t tells him to call if he every changes his mind. buck wont.#bucks trying to not pry about eddies new friend and he doesnt grill eddie or anyone and just waits and listens to all the new info he gains#and eventually eddie invites him out to watch another game because whatever team they were watching made it to the playoffs#and when he gets there eddies like. no t tonight?#nah we. uh. we broke up.#eddie says sorry man that sucks. and the new guy is like. honestly he didnt even seem that into you which what an idiot. youre great.#and its good because the new guy splits his attention between the two of them now. eddie isnt the only one getting hands and grins and eyes#and the third time theyre at the bar the guy follows him to bathroom and kisses him hard against the door before pulling back with a#panicked sorry and leaving and when buck finds eddie after hes like. what happened? new guy ran out of here without even saying goodbye#he kissed me in the bathroom. i think uh. i think he was kinda freaking out about it and thats why he left.#and eddie just blinks at him before being like. buck. buck you said you werent going to do this again.#i didnt mean to! and buck means it. he just saw the way that guy made eddie laugh and put his hands on eddie and had eddies attention and#oh.
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o boy new life series cant wait to Stop Watching As Soon As Someone Permadies
#i dont need more tragedy sorry. but i DO want to see what stupid shit they cook up in there#i need to root for tango also. maybe he'll uh. well. end of sentence.#its kind of a shame im too much of a sap to enjoy em bc theyre truly goldmines for Ideas. y'all have fun for me ok?#life series#secret life spoilers#life series spoilers#footnotes#why are skizz and tango like a bonded pair of birds. god i hope bdubs joins them i want to see that disaster. im rly sad cleo bailed#the heart theme is SO CUTE and will probably stop being cute very fast but SHHH OUTFITS#also i WISH i could be excited abt new watcher subclass symbol dropping but i can Feel the grian fandom being bastards with it#ah yes another morally ambiguous figure who follows their own rules and judges very fairly from that basis-#oh youre making them evil. ok. yeah so theyre the new twisted sicko in charge of the life games even though thats Literally Just Grian. ok.#i have not and will not actually verify if this is what is being said BUT this is one time i would LOVE to be wrong#maybe my curse of saying something abt hermitcraft that immediately becomes false will work out in my favor for once? please? hello?#but yes i will not look and this is tags instead of a post bc truly. i need to get over myself. i Wont but at least i can quarantine it
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#sorry to every recent follower who's seen my nonsense thus far#anyways this time its going in the tags so. vent warning#mfw i will never fit in with any circle im in and dont match their energy in the right way#i like what they like but not in the right way#dont communicate in the right way. dont interact in the right way#dont enjoy certain things they all seem to like#incapable of doing anything right. incapable of connecting to anybody. one such reason why i need to be taken out back and shot#end my pitiful life now because i will never fucking be able to interact with other people normally#i am convinced there is nothing that can be done about it#i need to be put out of my misery#i cant reach out cant talk to them cant ask to be included. ill annoy them. then i wont have anyone in my circle at all.#sure i might seem fun but im only good in small doses. no one would want to be around me too long.#i get boring. i get annoying. my jokes all fall flat#im only good when im being as likeable and funny and entertaining as i can be#i dont belong in any conversation. if i talk im just an interruption. if i talk about what im up to then im just being annoying#annoying people get blocked right? its only a matter of time till they figure out you're one of those.#im not fun to be around its just that simple. thats why no one wants to talk to me. no one seeks me out. not that i blame them#why would they i havent given anyone a reason to#i might as well not be here. its just like school was. i dont exist to anybody. there is plexiglass between me and the world#ok i need to stop now#its my fault anyways
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