#this might take me a couple weeks
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a taste of a wip :3 uhh eerr hmm new one shot based on a prompt I have been thumbing the idea of. I didn't mean to make it sad, but I have a feeling it will turn out to be 20k words and delay the next chapter of aysya significantly
#assassin's creed#desmond miles#current wip#this might take me a couple weeks#it isnt slash#but im also trash for ezides#i might cave.#basically it's like. my own form of closure ig#the prompt is from user auroramoon !!!! when i post the thing i will link
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If u consistently choose kindness on the internet in comment sections and dms and content I love you.
#chatterbox#I See so many people always trying to stir the pot or cause arguments or take everything in bad faith just as an excuse for being mean#and it’s very demotivating as a human being . like wanting to exist in a world like that#however. kindness and love and joy is everywhere you look too. and it is a decision you can make .#shakes everyone by the shoulders I NEED SOMETHING TO BE DONE ABOUT THE WORLD WE LIVE IN#I love love and whimsy and happiness and i want everyone else to enjoy those feelings too#😞IMMA DRAW HAPPY CREEPED ART#DRAWN TOO MANY OF THEM FIGHTING AND GLARING AND COVERED IN WOUNDS#sucker when she gets somber before a shift#I work with kids imma see little babies babbling around like waaahuuuhghhh < baby noises#and I work w my fave coworker today AND it’s a morning shift instead of closing shift . blessed#actually they might put me back in the hole today.#couple weeks ago I was climbing 20 feet in the air on netting with no support so I could cut down fans that were a ft from the ceiling LMFAO#I miss my old coworker he was absurd but he was always giving us side quests
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dude im
i think this is the first time in... as long as i can remember that life's actually going well. like sometimes life just Goes By until something bad happens or whatever... but like, ive had a lot of pretty good days in the past month ish? ive gone to two really amazing local shows recently, plus some other concerts, im seeing my favorite band next week, i might be making merch for another one of my favorite bands.... and yeah ive had shitty days and i got sick but like.. i remember those days well so the inbetween is just, that.. the in between... god idk becoming more involved in my local scene has been so fucking surreal..
#like its hasnt been great weeks back to back but#ive had really great experiences? yk#so like... those mainly stick out to me bc of my memory issues#and like.. ugh#i dont even know it just feels like things might actually start getting#fun#ever since i went to my first incubus concert i like... knew i wanted to fucking go to as many as possible#and thags coming true!#ive found so many local bands i absolutely fucking love and theyve become what i regularly listen to#which makes that so much easier#and im hoping to eventually get my license because like... i need to start drivinnt#which will make traveling easier#if i do get to sell shirt i can make money#and stickers#and just#idk im actually excited for the future for the first time in so longm#like.. i know So many people like concerts#but just like#theyve genuinely given me a reason to live#i love seeing people at shows and i love taking photos and meeting the bands and just everything about it#i met a guy whos been to two shows i have and i got his insta n like#that shows that like hey maybe i can find a group of people to go with yk?#even if its not him or whatever#i still want to try and make a movie one day but i really am considering working for bands and shit cause like#i dont want to be rich i wanna live w a couple people and travel and actually Live#as long as i can pay the bills and get gas im okay#i mean fuck im even willing to stick around my home town longer if it means that i get to do that shit yk?#idk im rambling but whatever#just like#fuck im so thankful to have found a place i genuinely enjoy and most of the time can express that pretty easily
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i've been diving a lot deeper into adhd symptoms and comorbidities and misdiagnoses and whenever i tell my boyfriend something i learned that sounds like me he responds with something like
#idk he knows me more than anyone bc i can't hide the parts i'm ashamed of from him#last night he was like. yeah EYE think you have adhd but i'm just some guy#idk i'm excited about this not because i want to be Quirky for internet reasons. yknow. but bc i've felt like an impostor of a human being#and i have no sense of self and i can't get myself to do basic tasks and the thought of doing something i don't want to do#genuinely makes me want to throw up/my brain shuts down/i can't think or talk or function to the point where i can't work.#so i can't support myself. so i feel terrible about myself. and i've been in and out of therapy for 20 years and have numerous diagnoses#that have never really felt like they fully encapsulate what's going on. and like. i've kinda just internalized that i'm not as good at#being a person as everyone else because i struggle so so much. like yeah i did well in school but i had to sacrifice literally everything#else to do that. idk how everyone else is managing to have a job and hobbies and friends#i get to pick like. one now. i used to be able to juggle everything to some degree although i felt like i was being careless in all areas#except school. i'm so scared of making mistakes or starting anything or talking to new people or trying new hobbies#because i know it won't interest me more than a couple weeks MAX and i'll feel listless and restless again#and i've come to understand this as part of who i am at my core. i'm just someone who can't commit and isn't reliable or a good friend#i just want so badly for that not to be the case because i want so badly to not be stuck like this#idk im going home to talk to my dad this weekend and just rest because i'm really really not doing well#which is why i'm scrambling to try to figure out what's going on with me because idk how much longer i feasibly can do this#and i might be moving back to the pnw bc therapists in pa don't work with medicaid#and no psychiatrists near me are taking new patients. and i can't work to get on private insurance. but therapists in or do work w medicaid#so idk. again if youre diagnosed w adhd and this sounds not like someone who is consuming social media brain rot content about adhd#but rather someone whose experiences you identify with. please let me know. please please#i am reaching out to professionals also but things move slowly and i'm trying to compile evidence so i don't sound like i'm making it up
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you all know that audio from bladerunner? "you look lonely i can fix that"?? my brain wouldn't let me rest until i haven't drawn that with Sun n Moon
but jokes aside, really self-indulgent comic bc both Security Breach and Ruin came out when i was at a low point mentally and helped me greatly just be able to move forward and get through each day (and i won't even be getting into how much these 2 fictional robot jesters have helped me refind my passion for drawing)
i really hope that more people can relate to this :))
#anyways i mean it when i say my brain wouldn't rest until i whipped my pencil out n started drawing#tbh i stumbled upon the audio waaay back like 5-6 months ago??#but just now like literally just now i though#damn that REALLY fits Sun n Moon#i think it might be bc this semester was really stressful for me#and this last month has been hell#i was honestly drained physically and mentally#but i managed to go through each day and move forward#n just when my whole energy was running out n just when i had a couple of days left where i had to work more than my body could carry#right then Ruin came out and it was like;; really a breath of fresh air#my brain was suddenly thinking about the lore and theories and not anymore stressing abt projects and exams#while i still had to work Ruin gave me a push to be able to finish what i had to do#now i'm taking a small 2 week break where i'm gonna go easier with uni work and letting my body heal itself :))#but anyways enough rambling n everything#i really hope more of y'all can relate to this comic :))#now onto the tags#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf superstar daycare#sundrop#moondrop#fnaf sun#fnaf moon#moondrop x y/n#sundrop x y/n#tw eye contact#doodles#traditional doodle#comic#Ghost doodles
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karouvas >>>> morocorra
#s speaks#(it’s Karou and Akiva from daughter of smoke and bone <3 which you should all read)#I kept that url for a weirdly long amount of time (like 3 months which is quite long for me). But it was a canon one so that was cool#I might change to another trc one in a couple weeks just workshopping something I like enough. Or I might change back to the adanseydivorce#url since that was a really good one we’ll see.#i also have a partially morgana inspired url idea for when I finish merlin. But I’m kind of taking a break from watching it rn so
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ao3 has been down for hours and i keep forgetting and then going to scroll for new fics to read and then being like oh. guess i’ll do something else for now. and then 20 minutes later i try again and it still doesn’t work.
#in other news started working on the last chappy of hb#evie is a bit busy this week so she said it’ll take a couple days before she can beta chp 17#gives me time to get head start on chp 18 and the updates can be closer together!!#also might start working on whumptober fics bc i actually have the time to do it this year#probably not every day but i’ll probably be able to do at least a couple per week
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for like 3 weeks i was wondering why i was sleeping so much and felt listless. and just now I managed to email 3 people and responded to a month old message in the span of an hour because I got back to TAKING MY FUCKIN MEDS..........
#MOTHER FFFFUCKER#to be fair. my doc said I could stop taking them while im on break since i wouldnt need to be constantly pumped on stimulants#im not sure if it was a side effect but i managed to take like 3 different naps in one day and STILL managed to sleep thru the whole night#at least 2 days into my break. the weird thing is i didnt feel more or less rested afterwards. but mentally i think im in a good place rn#to really put the level of awakeness im at rn i feel weirdly confident i could start one piece. also bc of that sick new opening it BANGS#the song is really good and im in love with the animation style. did some digging and it seems one of the lead animators is masato mori#but i could be wrong. it seems he also did some work on mp100 which could explain a lot lol.. he uses smear frames really well to convey#consistent movement and fluidity!!! someone else might have done color design but it works really really well esp with odas style!!#just love the overall vibe and aesthetic and id really love to study it and incorporate a bit of it into my art.. especially the thick#outlines which i think helps to separate characters and objects on screen. though i have to say the style is definitely more suited to#animation bc of the simpleness and smears. maybe that will help me explore shapes and perspective when i draw... i wanna get better#at drawing poses and angles but i have a hard time wrapping my head around space and using perspective guide lines NGHHHH#i wonder if it has to do with my dogshit ability to judge distance. not depth perception but like. judge how far smth is in metres etc#im also wearing an N95 for the first couple weeks back bc of the wave. absolutely NO BODY is wearing a mask its so fucking over#where im sitting ive heard 5 different people coughing probably not into their elbows!!! and im just. head in my fucking hands#there was a kid sitting a couple seats away in class coughing as he pleases and i wanted to grab him in a chokehold so badly. PLEASEE#ive been annoying my family by asking them to mask up and reminding them to bring masks when they go out and showing them news articles#but at least its working bc we ordered some KN95s and my mom is at least taking me seriously so. please dont be afraid to speak up abt your#health. take care of yourself and others however u can!! wear that mask indoors at your maskless friends house!!! stay home when u can!!#im wearing a surgical mask at home too bc my parents have '''a dry throat cough''' and they are so bad at coughing into their sleeves#also im pretty sure dry throat isnt transmissible bc my brother started coughing too so.. i also tested negative but they havent tested yet#im also not a doctor but i have to keep reminding ppl whenever i can that covid and flu work differently. covid is new and too recent to#have nearly as much research done on it. it seems its also compounding so instead of building immunity it weakens the body and spreads to#to other systems which might explain brain fog and muscle weakness. i remember someone early in the pandemic got infected and it messed up#their smell/taste receptors so bad that they cant eat most foods and that stays in the front of my mind when i think abt covid. christ#yapping
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(//i don't normally do text but cw in the tags erm. i went a little off track)
#inanimate insanity#ii#ii lightbulb#daily lightbulb#scribbly bulb#god. ohh my god. im not doing so hot yall#once again i apologize for suddenly halting on posting; ive had a couple rough days recently and it's constantly crashed my motivation to#even QUEUE SCREENSHOTS. my mental health has been so messed up too and i just had to take a step back#for starters. happy birthday to my baby sister that was born yesterday. like legit. im a big sister now#it's hard getting used to it; i was never good with change#secondly; like in the 100 post i've gained a new fixation thats unfortunately pushed ii to the side#i have adhd and autism so its hard for me to keep up with such a daily routine that includes a media i may end up losing interest in#i LOVE lightbulb and i LOVE ii i just.....need a bit#thirdly; i actually havent seen inside out 2 yet. might end up watching it this week or next week though which will be fun#while waiting in the hospital inside out was playing on the room tv so i wanted to draw smth to get my thoughts out#inside out is one of my favorite. modern? disney movies. rlly means a lot to me.#sorry for ranting i shouldnt dump all my life problems on yall LMAO you just wanna see lb pics#anyways posting will try and resume! cant afford to slack off with ii 15 being so close#if anyone is reading this ty sm for liking my silly blog and i hope you have a good day/night#102
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finally got past my writing slump! vacation threw me off for about 2 weeks but i’m back babey (also happy nanowrimo to all who celebrate 🎉). chapter 8 is at about 1.5k and growing. thank you for your patience, have this as a parting gift:
#hdwtotl#finals week starts up in a couple weeks for grad school so#might end up having some interruptions there#but we’ll take what we can get!!#also nobody talk to me about my wild west fic i don’t want to talk about it
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look at me, listen to me, trust me:
as somebody who is currently living through the worst trauma and depression of my life, i gotta tell you:
you cannot live on coffee
coffee cannot be your replacement for sleep or nutrients. it will become less effective over time and mess up your endocrine system (the system responsible for hormone and sleep regulation). your stress and anxiety will increase and you may put your heart and kidneys at risk. you also might shit yourself sometimes
this may all seem very obvious but its possible to be in the mindset where Living On Coffee makes sense to you
what i'm saying is coming from a place of experience. and love. you cannot live on energy replacements. no matter how tasty
eat veggies. drink water. sleep. you can do other things, you can indulge, i promise! just please, do basic self care too
#same applies to colas and energy drinks. except those are worse for you#colas are worse for your teeth and energy drinks are worse for your heart#in fact you might get a heart attack#yeah a few years ago i cut back on coffee because i was getting heart pain#but in the last five months i developed a dependence on pepsi and coke and coffee for energy#and in the last couple weeks the coffee thing got worse#and i reached a point where i wasnt even getting energy or even happiness from it anymore#plus my heart was hurting#so im taking a stand. im taking better care of my health. in general#fruits! veggies! showering more! water!#etc and so forth. and no more coffee until i can be trusted to be responsible with it#if it sounds like im describing drug addiction. then yeah#this behaved like text book drug addiction. even down to being induced by trauma#and me thinking about my next ''fix''' the second i was done with one. no good#except! coffee is waaaay easier to give up. i have painkillers for the headaches. i'll be fine#i've also been eating like shit too. because sad. but i bought healthier and easy to prepare foods#because the human body cannot live on maccas alone. it just can't. i've been having a Bad Time#everything will get a little better over time
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the salt under the sea wip post TOMORROW!!
#holding myself to it#(tomorrow meaning later today lmao)#let’s hope tsuts doesn’t take me a month to write like mmaos did lmao#but i fear it might take a couple weeks at the very least since it’ll probably be another 20k fic#a LOT happens in this one#﹙🐈⬛﹚kipo rambles ༉˚.#tpg series
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i just saw someone say that "the vast majority of the userbase is complaining" about tumblr's recent layout change. i see this a lot after a change: people complaining about it (sometimes without saying what about it is bad, making it sound like either it's self-evident (it usually is not) or just that it's bad because it's change and change is always bad) and saying that everyone else is complaining about it too. i don't know how to tell you this but a) you don't follow every user on tumblr so how can you possibly know what "everyone" or "the majority of users" thinks about anything and b) ONLY THE PEOPLE WHO FEEL VERY STRONGLY ARE TALKING ABOUT IT!! people who are not bothered are not spending time posting about how unbothered they are! please look up "selection bias" and stop making me read this nonsense with my own eyeballs.
#i don't get what's so bad abt this change bc it doesn't bother me & no one is explaining it! the most i've seen is it's 'like twitter'#which people don't like i guess bc this might imply that tumblr could be taking more cues from twitter than just the layout?#which is also fallacious reasoning#some changes i do hate. like for instance the change that made it so i can no longer click to the version that someone rbed from#which breaks the prev tag culture :(#but some changes are whatever! and some changes are good even!!#it's fine if it takes time to get used to something being different of course but it seems like the reaction on here can be so extreme#so fast. 'bombard the app with 1-star reviews!!!!' how about you give it a couple weeks and maybe you'll calm down.#i think there's a sense of 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' but it is broke though! tumblr is unsustainable and they gotta do stuff to make#the site more attractive and easier to use for new users. they can do that without losing what makes tumblr tumblr#the layout is not what makes tumblr tumblr! the functionality is. and sometimes that does change for the worse#and i get having complaints about that. but not really about moving the location of some buttons#anyway i haven't said anything before because i don't have strong feelings about this UX change but i DO have strong feelings about#the vague yet very forceful complaints about the UX change that i keep seeing lol#tumblr#fallacies#anyway don't get distracted by my tags. this post is not really about me not understanding what's so bad about this specific change#it's about people who hate a change assuming that everyone agrees with them because they're only seeing the reactions from#a biased subset of the userbase#(by biased i don't mean the users are biased. i mean the sample is biased...it's highly likely to include people who feel strongly#and unlikely to include people who are neutral or feel less strongly)
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realized i don’t really ramble to you guys like i used to so quick life update in the tags before i go to bed in the tags bc idk how to cut a post on mobile :)
#i’m actually doing really good lately#like probably the best i’ve been in years tbh#but i’m rly excited about the skincare routine i’ve started#it’s only been a few weeks but so far my skin is already showing a lot of improvement!#i also picked up a couple books the other day!!#i can’t remember the last time i read a book until recently tbh#i’m almost half way through the first one i got so i might go pick out another once i start the next one!#and on monday i’m getting a crown fitted for a tooth that’s been broken for 7 years#let me say that again SEVEN YEARS#like i’m so thankful i found a dentist that actually wants to help me#instead of tell me i’m being dramatic when i say it’s causing me pain :)#i love never being listened to lmao#but yeah i’ve been doing a lot to take care of myself and it’s been rly good!
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i really need to stop staying up late when my intrusive thoughts come up again, they always get worse at night. i wanted to do some writing, but i procrastinated too long and now i feel too bad and when i tried, i couldn't focus. so i'm gonna try and go to bed.
#friday chats#just. not doing great all around. lots of ups and downs in my mood.#i'm literally so close to finishing this oneshot but it might be another couple weeks before it's ready at this rate :/#sorry about that. i really want to complete it and i promise i'm trying#my mind's just been really funky lately and i don't know why#probably bc i'm still sort of sick. i hope it goes away soon#also i feel like i always have to clarify#i'm not upset that i'm disappointing readers by not posting anything#i'm upset because it takes me forever to write things#and i have a bajillion ideas that i really want to share but i'm just. so bad at completing creative projects#i'm worried that my interest in tma will wane before i finish them all like what happened with hermitcraft and double trouble#and if that happens i'll just be plagued with all these stories that never came to fruition#not to mention i really really really want to be a published author#and if i can hardly even finish oneshots how am i supposed to complete a book manuscript#let alone several; like the series i have in mind#it's just. a lot. easy to spiral down. it makes me feel bad.#anyway i'm gonna actually go to bed now. wahoo
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sooooooo i know i talked about my next project literally yesterday... but
@speedyowl152 : hey me & my sibling are doing Professor Layton cosplays for Manchester con if you wanna join us?
Me: sAY NO MORE
(i dont even go here, i just like being included in things)
so now i have 10 days to throw together a Flora cosplay! should i really buy a dress and modify it? oh absolutely. am i going to do that? of course im not. why would i do the sensible thing?
good news: i have a pattern that'll work well enough for this, and im not so invested in the outcome to make major changes.
bad news: i dont have Any of the fabrics im gonna need.
To the fabric shop!!!
(actually, i wont be able to get there till friday. to the mock ups i guess!)
#the pattern is s9653 and i got it in a magazine fdjgnfgfk a couple mods to make and ill do some fitting but. itll be what itll be#im also thinking i might not go 100% colour accurate so it can be something ill wear as a dress#idk itll be fun to work on something inconsequential. it wont matter if i dont finish it#im taking the suzy gbsb good sandwich approach i think#i will obviously do a lil professor layton research in the next week#and like. i do know about it but its never something id pick for me without a group; yknow?
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