#but we’ll take what we can get!!
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finally got past my writing slump! vacation threw me off for about 2 weeks but i’m back babey (also happy nanowrimo to all who celebrate 🎉). chapter 8 is at about 1.5k and growing. thank you for your patience, have this as a parting gift:
#hdwtotl#finals week starts up in a couple weeks for grad school so#might end up having some interruptions there#but we’ll take what we can get!!#also nobody talk to me about my wild west fic i don’t want to talk about it
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YOU — “No. There is still a chance.”
DOLORES DEI — “You think so?” Her voice is weary.
EMPATHY — Everything about her is weary. She is the Innocence of weariness, of heroically borne suffering.
CONCEPTUALIZATION — That is the picture you have painted for yourself, at any rate.
YOU — “You looked back. That’s the memory, the moment, that I can’t stop returning to. You looked back. I had a chance, for just that moment…”
DOLORES DEI — She meets your eye, gaze still forever cast back over her shoulder. Time stops. The stars are stilled, the ocean silent. There is *nothing* beyond this memory. Nothing at all. All of infinity is contained in this single moment when anything and everything was possible.
“Oh, Harry…” She sighs, soft as eiderdown. “We never had any chance.”
And just like that, the wave of time collapses under its own weight, obliterating everything. This moment was six years ago. She is gone from here. Gone, gone…
PAIN THRESHOLD — You cannot leave. There was nothing outside of this moment, and now there is nothing at all. It’s all gone. There is no point. I’m sorry. I can’t do this any longer.
VOLITION — Please, don’t say that…
“Okay. Well, fuck me, then.”
“How would *you* know?! You gave up! You didn’t even try!”
“We *must* have had a chance, at some point… Doesn’t everyone get a chance, if nothing more?”
“How could you say that…?”
DOLORES DEI — ��Because it’s true,” she says, matter-of-fact. “There is no moment in time that you can turn back to, no branching paths, no infinity. There is only what happened. I looked back… and then away.” She closes her eyes, turning her back to you.
“The moment ended. *We* ended. That is all.”
SHIVERS — A wave crashes against an unseen shore, ocean spray tickling the back of your neck. You shiver, but no one shivers with you. You are alone in this intersection. Why are you here?
“Why can’t *I* end?! Why can’t this all just stop? Please, make it stop…”
“Ended? I’ve barely even started! I got a chance to start completely over as somebody new! I don’t need you anymore! You’re just dead weight to me now.”
“No. That wasn’t the real ending. We’re a part of something so much bigger than this intersection, telling a story that encapsulates all of history! There’s *more* to this, it *means* something.”
“Then… What am I supposed to do now…?”
DOLORES DEI — “No, Harry.” She turns back to you again now, and she looks… sad.
“We were not metaphors. We were people. Our narrative was not intelligently designed. It simply followed the patterns of history, because those are the only patterns we *know.* We tried to create something new, but we failed. There is no narrative reward for our failure, no satisfactory ending. There is only the immutable past and the unknowable future.”
RHETORIC — There is no assurance of what is good or deserved or what may bring relief. There is no assurance of punishment, either. There is no assurance of anything. Not even of a future. I don’t know what to say to make this bearable.
VOLITION — Even so… As long as you live, *something* is promised. Can you live with that?
I can’t, I just can’t do this anymore…
I can. It’s enough.
I don’t know. I just don’t know.
I can at least try for a little longer…
VOLITION — That’s all I ask. That’s enough.
#disco elysium#harry du bois#dolores dei#suicide tw#ummmmm haha *twirls hair*#sorry this isn’t more of the dolores saga im really trying to get back into the swing of things 😭#this is smth that won’t make it into the saga but that i was thinking about nonetheless#im not too fond of the whole ‘’dora is literally dolores dei’’ thing tbh#i feel that the mundanity is what makes their story impactful#and also just. makes it feel like somebody is kinda going overboard on projecting onto their proxy ex. lmao 😭#idk like the metaphor gets a little TOO metaphorical for me. but that’s just my onion. im an rgu fan so who am i to judge#anyway this is more my take on the harry/dora story#which is that dora was Just Some Guy and ultimately we have to live w the fact that we’ll never get the full story#because she literally exited the narrative#we can speculate about what her and harry’s relationship was like and how much of the blame is on each of them#dora’s lack of class consciousness vs harry’s violent misogyny etc etc#and like. it’s not that there’s no value in examining those things bc there definitely is value in it#in examining what patterns you DO see repeating in your life and in the world around you#that is what politics is really… examining the system and all its moving parts#but ultimately the past is immutable… our perception of it changes as we gain new context and understanding but what’s past is past#and there is no way of knowing with any certainty what the future holds#that’s where the overlap of all of these political and personal conflicts is for me#and why it comes back to harry questioning whether it’s worth it to even live#it’s about whether or not you can live with the grief of the past and the uncertainty of the future#i want to learn to live with it… to work toward building a future that i want to live in#anyway. coughs
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I want to befriend Kaneki and meet with him and email him forever
#we should do everything together everything should be parallel play#and then when we go our separate ways at the end of the day I want to still email him things#like pictures of succulents and a glimpse under the amazon river#I want to email him pbs eons videos#I can show him coffee shop vlogs and ask “is this u”#in person I’d mostly let him do the talking and decide what to do#take me down the most intimidating alley on a whim after you said we were just buying lunch pls#I want to eat lunch with him so bad 😭😭😭🙏#it’d be kind of awkward though bc he wouldn’t be eating anything he’d just be sipping his coffee#being with Kaneki is the ultimate dream I wanna see his morning irritation I want to be pleasantly startled by him with his quiet footsteps#& get to ask him about what he’s reading#or how his training is going#or whatever he’s doing#I would ask him how he’d rate vacuuming out of 10 and if he gives it below a 5 will vacuum his house#I feel like he’d lie though and say he likes doing every kind of work just to stop others from doing it#unless he wasn’t in a state where he’s able to actively think about others like that#he should stop doing things and jsut relax imagine taking him on a nice tour trip up mount Fuji that would b nice#stay in a cabin make a snowman clap for him when he skis#he was so good at skiing in the TG calendar?!?? who taught him to ski#did he read “idiots guide to skiing” a day before and absorb all the knowledge like a sponge#he’s so smart. I wish I was smart. or at least smart in an applicable way#I want to try harder but I kind of can’t#or I get sort of frozen by something and can’t find a way forward unless I scurry around it (no one wants u to do this)#I love Kaneki he’s both literally and kind of metaphorically half human and I am too so if we combine we’ll have the power of one full human#we can be human if we stand close enough together#idk he might not want to stand next to me tho he has better options#kaneki time
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Thanks to all our loyal fans for voting us into Maine’s Top Ten Most Haunted Restaurants!
We would have preferred Top Ten Clam Chowders or Top Ten Seaside Restaurants, but this is fine…
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Truce - Ch3 Preview 2/?
This is in reference to this. I’m agog that I’d somehow forgotten to share this upcoming scene in Truce its entirety—when I thought I had. Honest mistake, luvs. I shall rectify it immediately.
A snippet of my favorite part from this lil interview section:
“Not to worry. Between you and me”—the chair creaked as he leaned in, lips quirked sideways, his brows expressive, and his hand hovering beside his cheek—“Butcher and I got a secret bromance happening behind the scenes, I tell you what.” The discreet Lavalier microphone clipped somewhere on Homelander’s supersuit had picked up the hushed whisper, making the audio crisp and clear. Thirteen different camera angles captured Jimmy’s brows shooting up. He repeated, “A bromance.” “Yep. A bromance for the ages. Color me stoked.” The plastic shell of his features melted away, resembling a more complete flesh-and-blood human. Easing back into his seat, Homelander said, “I just think, like with any large and aggressive attack dogs, as owners we have a responsibility to properly train and socialize them. Now I don’t own a dog myself but if I did, I would keep my mutt on a short leash—and obedient only to me. He won’t bite, not unless I tell him to.”
The full scene the snippet belongs to:
A/N - I’m sure y’all remember Jimmy Fallon’s cameo in S1. It only makes sense to replace Translucent with Homelander now. I originally considered Cole Cameron to ask the hard hitting questions, but he dies in S4 (thanks, Ashley). So I elected to not go with him.
And the line about Butcher not being caped but quite clearly dark is lifted from the comics, as a lil Easter egg ;) but I changed it from Black Noir to Billy because Homelander’s doubling down on the lie/ cover story that he’s the one who “reached out his hand and brought Billy back from the path of villainy by inviting him into the Seven” 🙄
*Note: as always, keep in mind this is taken from an earlier draft; so there may be a couple changes in the final draft that’ll be posted to AO3 when the chapter’s ready. But this sneak peek is pretty much as close to its final draft iteration as you'll see.
(Chapters 1-2 can be read on AO3)
#butchlander#homelander#billy butcher#the boys#the boys amazon#the boys tv#billy butcher x homelander#no I shalln’t share the paragraphs before that describe what a man Billy’s cooking beef wellington in the kch wearing frenchie’s fancy apro#it will be a treat when y’all can read it in full ;)#this isn’t even the wildest thing HL says in this ch so I don’t mind sharing this haha#lying to the cameras to sell that he is the best of chums with his new secret crush#he’s selling the homoerotism for the fans and is it any wonder the hashtag butchlander began to trend in the ‘Truce’ universe?#season 4 what season 4 *please* we’re still in post-season 3 territory#there are only kernels of S4 canon easter eggs dropped in ch3 & 4 (and maybe more if I decide to convert this PWP fourshot to a longfic)#but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there (for now it’s just 4 chapters as god intended; the rest would be considered bonus content#after the main story (aka the four chapters); the longfic will only happen if S4 makes me mad or I get brainworms#I’d talked briefly about wit I’d do if I’d made Truce into a longfic b4 & spoiler alert: we’d delve into the emotional knives territory#plus a wedding epilogue because they deserve a happy ending & I like happy endings#chapter preview#preview#truce#this ch is taking forever 😔 but I swear it’s worth it luvs
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A Taylor bevvie on a Taylor flight 💕💕
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My five year old has his very first day of kindergarten tomorrow 🥺🥺🥺 I didn’t expect to be hit with such a huge wave of emotions but I’ve been a WRECK all day
#personal#he’s so excited#we’ve been talking about school for so long and he’s so excited that it’s finally here!#and a little nervous too he said but he keeps asking about the other kids and if he gets to have lots of friends now#he really liked his teacher when he met her and he’s excited to see her#the only thing that tripped him up a little was when I told him that me and his daddy are bringing him to the school but we can’t go with#that he has to just listen to his teacher and we’ll see him after school 🥺#I’m mostly worried that he’s not going to get enough food at school because he doesn’t eat very fast at home#he doesn’t focus well on meals#I’m hoping that positive peer pressure helps him with that#if he sees the other kids eating he will hopefully follow their lead#he’s going to be taking the bus home as well and I’m nervous about that for him too#even though it’s silly because his bus will pick him up in the morning and bring him directly to the school and then drop him off first#after school#he’ll be on it for maybe 20 minutes each day#I just worry too much#i worry about how issues he might have that I can’t help with like what if it’s too cold in just one room#but I don’t know that and send him in shorts?#or what if he gets teased for things I can’t anticipate right now? how can I best set him up for success with his peers?#I only know what he likes not what other five year olds like#I don’t want him to feel like the odd one out#but maybe that’s inevitable at some point#I can’t protect him from the world if im not there 😔#that’s the hardest thing about it#obviously this is supposed to happen and school will be so good for him#but he was a tiny little baby just yesterday#at least that’s how it feels#they say it goes by fast but damn
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I just fell to my fucking knees y’all
#nhl#nhl hockey#new jersey devils#nj devils#vancouver canucks#jack hughes#quinn hughes#luke hughes#ellen hughes#jim hughes#we still don’t know what’s wrong though#I hope it’s not too bad#there will only by 2/3 hughes brothers out on the ice tonight#but I’ll take what I can get#maybe we’ll see him watching with his family or something#I saw a video of what I think was the fall that injured him earlier#I don’t think it was actually caused by the blackhawks#jack’s kind of just a clumsy bitch and that’s okay#hughes bowl#I’m still likely upset that he’s out for the hughes bowl
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I remain fascinated by their pathetic nature.
#Sighs wistfully. Remember when I mostly posted ShrimpShipping fanart on this account? We should go back…#Except this time my art will be way better and I won’t have the personality of a middle schooler#I think this is the first digital art I’ve posted here actually. Jesus.#I used to make posts about wanting to get into digital art like every year on here lol. Well it finally happened!#All it took was getting freakishly obsessed with a different guy and all of a sudden the art was overflowing. But Rex is still my roots.#I’ve been feeling nostalgic for them recently what can I say? Maybe I’ll even get crazy and post MORE art of them#But of course I always say that so. We’ll see where my heart takes me…#BrownieSnivy.art#ShrimpShipping#rex raptor#weevil underwood#dinosaur ryuzaki#insector haga#yugioh duel monsters
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anyway in an absolutely wild turn of events I think I’m free of my hideous job and like. substantially richer for it??? lmao 2023 you really owed me
#ok so this a lot of personal shit but I’m just gonna incredulously vent into the tags#like I don’t even know how to describe what 2023 in this job has been like lol#since April they’ve been insulting and scrutinising and scapegoating me over absolutely everything#they were really angling for just firing me outright for never measuring up to their constantly shifting and increasingly bizarre goalposts#and it got so personal man they kept insisting that it wasn’t but my god#then my dad gets sick and it suddenly becomes awkward for them to keep insulting and overworking me#so they switch to just ignoring me entirely so they don’t have to reckon w what me and my family are going through#like they never ask how he is or how things are going just every Friday they say hey do you reckon you can take more work on again?#and THEN I get a gut infection and suddenly im being guilt tripped for taking sick leave and pestered for evidence#it was giving like ‘we had to give you time off for your dad but now you’re taking the piss’#to the point I DID reach out to a third party at the company and was like ‘I’m sorry but why the fuck are they treating me like this’#and she was like ‘confidentially this is disgusting and I advise you to report it’#WHEN SUDDENLY I get back from sick leave and it’s like ‘the business is falling short so we have to make some redundancies….’#and now they’ve had to pay me a SUBSTANTIAL sum to fuck off!!! I think I win???#like I was so close to quitting but thank god I didn’t because now I’m getting a sweet deal to fuck off with no notice lmao#i leave end of the month#at first I was shocked like y’all really doing this now??? but suddenly I’m like. this is the best possible thing that could’ve happened#I spoke to that third party again and she was like ‘I am so happy for you’ like omfg it was a curveball but we’ll take it!!!#I’m fucking outta here and in due course I WILL be writing on glassdoor how fucked they are
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RIP Lucy Gray,
You would have made an insane amount of money from a Surviving Coryo Snow inspired breakup album and a Comeback album after he died 😔.
#i know we don’t know what happens to her. don’t come for me#lucy gray baird#truly a songbird#i woulda been the first person to buy a ticket#mad bc we’ll never get anymore music from lucy gray bc she’s gone with the wind😔#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#the hunger games#suzzane don’t play with me. drop the albums#i need a version of Hanging Tree sung by Katniss’ dad. lets make it full circle#can you tell that ‘pure as the driven snow’ and ‘nothing you can take’ are on repeat?
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You know what would be really funny, is if people came together to have an anti-crab day. A day where every user who joined prior to automattic’s acquisition logged off for 24 hours to show that yes, actually, older user retention is important and you should listen us just as much as new users
The users giveth, the users taketh away
#this isn’t about the sidebar btw I’ve already said I don’t mind the sidebar#I think it could be a better sidebar like the 2014 tumblr layout which was great#but it’s Fine (tm)#this is about live and the new post editor and the apparent avatar removal bs ‘experiment’#and it’s also about how these big overhauls keep being done meanwhile we can’t have like. a search function that works#or the queue reordering tools that already exist on mobile web applied to any other platform#you know. all the little stuff that’s comparatively easy to implement yet they ‘don’t have time’ for because they’re too busy#with these massive overhauls and ignoring all the asks that go to wip#also I don’t expect anyone to actually do this and I’m sure as hell not organizing anything cause that’s a lot of work lmao#but I think giving them money pre-emptivelt just showed they can do whatever they want and we’ll fall for it#taking away money would be more effective#idk I don’t think current staff are any better at running tumblr than yahoo was#they’re just better at the ‘we’re quirky and relatable just like you guys uwu’ bit#and a lot of us fell for it but I think the illusion is starting to lift#anyway idk it sucks here but all the other sites are either worse or empty so what can we do#(genuinely wtf can we do this nonsense is getting bad)#text#misc#shut up nerd#new layout stuff
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hey sister… i’d really really like to meet ya… i just met this five foot seven guy who’s just my type… i like the way he’s speakin, his confidence is peakin… dont like his baggy jeans but imma like what’s underneath them! and NO! I AINT BEEN TO MIA!! I HEARD THAT CALI NEVER RAINS AND NEW YORKS WIDE AWAKE!!!!!!! FIRST LETS SEE THE WEST END!! ILL SHOW YOU TO MY BREDRIN! IM LIKIN THIS AMERICAN BOY! AMERICAN BOOOOOOOOOOOOYYYY—
TAKE ME ON A TRIP I’D LIKE TO GO, SOME! DAY!! TAKE ME TO NEW YORK I’D LOVE TO SEE, L! A!
I REALLY WANT TO! COME KICK IT WITH YOU….
YOU’LL BE MY AMERICAN BOY…
american boy….
#LA LA LA LA LA! LA LA! LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!#CAN WE GET AWAY THIS WEEKEND? take me to broadway! let’s go shopping maybe then we’ll stop at a cafe#let’s go on the subway take me to your hood!#IVE NEVER BEEN TO BROOKLYN AND ID LIKE TO SEE WHATS GOOD#DRESSED! IN! ALL YOUR FANCY CLOTHES!!!#SNEAKERS LOOKIN FRESH TO DEATH IM LOVIN THOSE SHELL TOES#WALKIN THAT WALK!! TALK THAT SLICK TALK!!!!!! IM LIKIN THIS AMERICAN BOY#what’s your persoooona about this americaaaana rhyyyymmmer#am i shaaallow cuz all my clothes desiiigggnner#DRESSED SMART LIKE A LONDON BLOKE! BEFORE HE SPEAK HIS SUIT BESPOKE#I BET YOU THOUGHT HE WAS CUTE BEFORE LOOK AT THIS PEACOAT TELL ME HES BROKE#sorry i dont remember the first part of the rap verse so i just picked up in the middle
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bro i swear ara might be one of my Favorite characters she makes me so sad but i also like girly get a grip 😭 i love the way u write everbody especially sokka because hes so different but still has his yk quirks and tbh when ppl write him romantically they kinda leave it out
heres ara cuz i am this 🤏🏻 Close to just giving her a playlist since shes so ..woman. yk what i mean??
anyway i kinda Imagine her cut to be simliar to zuko and very uneven cuz bro Zhao will not acutally give a fuck to at least make it nice
this is just a fall from grace even tho its Basically the best thing right now since shes away from all that crazy shit
OMG ITS THE GIRL! The one & only Ara!!! I love how you did a before and after, girl thought she had her shit handled! Only to have her shit handed to her. She has serious sad girl energy but you’re so right she needs to handle it haha.
Thank you so much for this I am squealing with joy you’re amazing!!!
#omg if you make ara a playlist PLEASE share with me#I have some Ara songs too that every time I hear them I’m just like damn it girl get it together#ara made a mess and then made a bigger mess by trying to cover it up#she’s actually a deeply self centered person who has been conditioned from a young age to use and abuse#she doesn’t realize how much damage she is doing by pretty much stalking sokka haha#it’s easy for me to be like come on ara get up and get it together because I’m not experiencing what she’s dealing with because I think#at this point in the story she is seriously at the lowest#girls got NOTHING#I mean some ‘friends’ who she refuses to be friendly with & occasionally sokka yells at her#it’s funny you mention her hair looking like zuko because in all fairness she does look a lot like zuko haha#probably while zhao picked her out ha#let’s not dig too deeply into that lol#tis a whole can of worms#but seriously my jet loving mutual this is amazing#your style is so cool I love it#thanks for taking the time to draw our sad girl#we gotta dilf chapter next chapter then we’ll check back in with the girls.#aka azula & squad#suki & Katara (it’s about time out fire bender got a check up to see if he’s cleared for training)#gosh I love putting Katara and zuko in a room because it always leads to shouting#anywayyy you’re amazing thank you#jet-apologistmybadhomies#liab#ITF#fanfic art
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ayyyyyyy I set up an appointment for medication this Friday (telemedicine but whatever) and I get to see my former therapist again later this month. I’m kind of excited. More than kind of. Little sad, but I’m lonely and want to talk to someone. He’s a real cool dude. I’m a little worried to trauma dump the last 6 months on him, but whatever, it beats sitting there for an hour feeling like I’m wasting his time and struggling to think of things to say. dang dang dang, I’m excited.
#I’m excited to tell him about my mom’s transplant. less so to mention all my dark moments since we last spoke.#ok so I gotta wait a week for antidepressants and then a couple of weeks for them to take effect#that’s a lot of waiting#especially with how rough I’ve been these last couple of weeks#I probably have more appointments I should schedule but we’ll see#I’ve only been able to sleep sitting up#like the dang elephantman#something about laying down freaks me out#it’s uncomfortable and not very restful and just thinking about sleep gives me anxiety#brains are fucky#oof… now it’s setting in. I’ve got an appointment but it’s 5 days away#5 days of… this. anxiety and distraction and my sick brain#this is my fault#well… no. yes. I don’t want to COMPLETELY beat myself up for it#I should have been managing my mental health better instead of waiting until I spiraled out#I should have been managing my health better in general!#this isn’t sexy to say but I hate my body. I’ve run it down. and it’s going to be so much harder getting back to something semi healthy#but I’m trying now 😕 so maybe that’ll count for something#I’ve been realizing that I really really miss going to the gym late at night#that’s what I need now. been doing these little drives at night to distract myself but having an actual place to go would be much better#BUT! too expensive. need to work and make some money. not excited for that but I needs it. I neeeeeeds money. for burgers. and distractions#this is too rambly. I’m sorry. I thought about counseling and got too excited to talk and talk#I talk too much#you can ignore this#text
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is it just me and my delusional poly nxx brainrot or are they making nxx supar domestic-like lately 🤨
#i have so many screenshots of this event pls#they just#the one where they were having a meeting in the morning??? like 😭😭💕#‘but we can discuss this after breakfast’#‘why tf did u take out your tablet and show us then??’#‘so you know what we’ll be discussing later 🤨’#LMFAOOO#artem 🤝 marius ;; being passive aggressive to eachother#luke 🤝 vyn 🤝 rosa ;; sipping their coffee and watching this whole thing#also marius bullying vyn abt waking up late and vyn being like this mf better stfu 😭#i love them#more drabbles for nxx/reader in my drafts neow 🤭#tears of themis#tot#!tot events#ALSO THE INVITATION IS SO ROETTY THE LOOK VYN GIVES MARIUS LMAOO#and when they look over at you to make sure youre okay ‼️‼️#can i get a smooch between everyone thanks#im so happy tho cuz like ive been writing on the quiz thing if they could have the nxx boys be more friendly to eachother and have the whole#nxx team be more ykyk and not have it be a battle between the guys cuz their dynamics over fighting is bettar#like?? artem leaning against the bookshelf ; marius blocking the door ; vyn mocking emmy and luke faking an attack#that was so hot just me ? ok 💃#they literally know how to read eachother’s minds without a glance and it means sm to me#rosa is proud of her boys too <33#poly nxx
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