#this isn't to stigmatize NPD

[marzerao3]

Falsettober/Whumptober 2024 (Day 3)

@lycheelsea

[castleofravens]

don't use narcissistic as an insult, do not call something "narcissistic abuse", do not demonize npd any more than it already is, do not contribute to ableism and stigmatization of personality disorders, and it's actually so messed up to tell people they're beyond help. your diagnosis doesn't fucking define you

everyone's a mental health advocate until it's a "scary disorder", until the "impedes daily life/relationships" part of like every diagnostic criteria actually starts impeding daily life/relationships???and we've personally been hurt by more people who call themselves "empaths" than by people who don't feel a lot of empathy or don't feel empathy at all??????

characterizing people w/ cluster b personality disorders as irredeemable monsters is ableism, don't call yourself a mental health advocate or neurodiversity advocate if you demonize us and leave us out of your advocacy/activism <3

[cluster-b-culture-is]

Cluster B culture is finding deep validation in Sarah Z's new video about the narcissism scare

.

[robertseanleonardthinker]

my take on house's empathy, but i'm autistic and struggle with understanding and perceiving empathy/sympathy/etc so idk if this makes sense

so canonically house has aspd/npd traits (i don't think??? he ever actually got that diagnosis, but that's what nolan said abt him) and bc of that, he has lower empathy. however, i don't think he has no empathy. just less. what empathy he does experience, he struggles to know what to do with it because he's autistic. he doesn't know how to express those feelings. that's why he avoids patients. he doesn't know what the hell to do with that empathy, and he doesn't like that. he doesn't like not knowing what to do, so he avoids empathetic situations in general. that's why he avoids patient interactions

idk if this makes much sense. ppl far more knowledgeable than me r welcome to add their 2 cents :3

[thousandyearphantombunker]

This is part of the reason I hate the transformers fandom- bee in tfa isn't a child- he's in the fucking military he drinks uses cybertronian swear words and has ambitions- he has traits of adhd bee in tfp is mute- he's not a baby and using his disability to make him cuter grosses me out- he literally had the robotic equivalent of his throat torn out as a form of torture! In the bayverse he's also not a child! Bee I swear to God gets treated like he's a baby and it's made worse because a lot of his fans upon getting a wiff of some people pointing out he's ADHD coded use that to baby him further! Bulkhead in tfa is autism coded (clumsiness lack of social awareness easily overwhelmed etc) and grew up in a 'rural' area- he still has depth and isn't just a cutie- he's got a scary ass temper and is actually smart at his job- it just a niche underappreciated interest he's not lacking in ambition- he's able to be satisfied without tons of recognition. Starscream is a lovable backstabbing son of a bitch who murders people and enjoys bragging about it yes he is an abuse victims but he's also a monster in his own right (doesn't mean he deserves the abuse btw) like I hate uwu woobie Starscream with a passion- let the dude be evil! Let him be pathetic without having to constantly write it as tearjerking or turning him into a sympathy sue.

I remember for a long time thinking I hated bee only to realize I more hated how the fandom treats him. I hated it- Bee is physically disabled in tfp not a baby! He's a disabled vet- ahes got a physical disability stop erasing it- he's not nonverbal autistic- and even if he was that's no excuse to aby him - I'm saying this as someone who wants more nonverbal characters! Bee is a fucking adult either way! But it really does say something about some people in this fandom who infantalize the shit outta him and erase his canon disability and replace it with one they think justifies this shit (not saying that you can't headcanon him as autistic but 1 that's not the reason he doesn't talk and 2 even if he was a nonverbal autistic-he's still and adult)

And hearing people treat bulkhead as ambitionless depthless character whose only personality traits are 'cute plot device' and 'friend to the real characters' because of his autistic traits or because he's a farm boy who has interest in careers that aren't glamorous but still require skill/are satisfying/needed I do get a bit angry- he's got depth it's just not as obvious as the other characters

And dear god as a Starscream fan I hate a lot of other Starscream fans- can we not infantalize the abuse victim? Can we acknowledge when the bad guy does bad things? Can he be a cool bad guy without turning him into a draco in leather pants woobie or cringefail baby?

idk i just think it’s a little weird that almost every character who gets the “innocent baby” / “little ray of sunshine” treatment usually ends up just having neurodivergent traits and actual negative traits in the show that nobody pays attention to. like idk man it just feels like diet infantilization to me and it’s a teeny weeny bit uncomfortable to see all the time

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I absolutely hate that's done for some reason:

Person: Isn't that typical narcissistic behaviour? *Lists out behaviours and tactics done specifically by abusers of literally all neurotypes*

There is no such thing as an "abuser disorder" because abuse is a pattern of behaviour. Stigmatizing disorders like NPD only contributes in horrifically negative things and discourages people from seeking help when they may need it. You can call out abuse without essentializing it with an Abuser Disorder.

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

blog info

- always remember to start off your ask with some variation of "npd culture is..." ("npd system culture is..." "npd + bpd culture is..." ect ect).

- people who don't have npd but do have npd traits are welcome to send in submissions.

- this blog is run by one mod and isn't looking for others.

- i open this blog to be a place where egotypicals can learn about the experiences of pwnpd, but urge them to remember this blog will be mostly unfiltered and show the more unpleasant side of mental illness and trauma. if you cannot respect or handle that, leave.

- if you'd like to claim a sign off, refer to this sheet.

- the queue can be long, it may take some time to get to your submission. please be patient with me. i also reserve the right to not post certain things for whatever reason.

- there's also a polish version of this blog: @bycie-narcyzem-to. i don't run that blog. it's been inactive for some time as well.

- our ko-fi! if you like what we do, feel free to leave a tip :) absolutely no pressure

byf

-this blog doesn't have a set dni anymore other than basic criteria, [pd] abuse believers, and transnpd/supporters, but i will block freely.

- i do not want to hear about your abusive relatives with npd, even if you put "but i don't think all pwnpd are abusive!" after it.

- please don't ask me for advice. i'm fine with people asking questions about npd itself, but i may not always answer. keep in mind i'm not a professional, i'm not the end all of information on npd, and it is entirely possible for me to accidentally spread misinformation. if you sent a question that never got answered it's likely i just didn't feel equipped to answer it myself.

-i don't relate to, agree with, or condone the actions of every single submission i post.

notable tags

- info

- resources

- admin lore

- media ; for character who have npd or npd headcanons

- song reccs ; for songs about npd or have npd vibes

- point and laugh at the ableist ; for any hate i decide to respond to, block if you'd like to avoid that

- ableist creators ; for creators who are anti-npd or use stigmatizing language (this is not inherently to "cancel" anyone, i simply believe pwnpd deserve to be warned ahead of time if a creator uses ableist language.)

- supportive creators ; for creators who have explicitly spoken out against anti-npd ableism and shown genuine support for people with npd (people who simply have never spoken on the topic typically do not fall under this tag as there's no way to tell their actual stance)

about the admin ( @doomsdayradio )

- poker, chorus, fate

- genderqueer, they/he + lyr/lyric

- myrrose mspec gaybian

- audhd polyfrag did systsm

- cluster abc

[cowchickenbeefpork]

While I do also subscribe to the riddler being autistic hc wise, I kinda hate how some people act like that's why he's like this.

Like no, his npd and ocd are very important to his character. He's literally explicitly written to be those two disorders in most versions of himself. To view his obsession with riddles as only a special interest downplays his anxiety and it's egoistical nature. It's important that he feels great anxiety about not being the smartest and has to prove that with his riddles! It's important that he convinces himself he's better than other people while hating himself deep down! It's important he has a very badly managed superiority complex which motivates his criminal behavior! His mental problems are not just bad social skills and just a great fixation on riddles!!!

Idk, I just feel like it's assigning a more easily digestible disorder onto him to view him and his problems. I know autism is heavily stigmatized by our society but it feels like some people have that disorder normalized to them and haven't unpacked bigotry surrounding other mental disorders. It's like some people just go by stereotypes for all of these disorders instead of looking into them when discussing it in regards to these characters which kills me. I've seen people genuinely think Edward isn't a narcissist because he's insecure when that's literally what npd is.

This post isn't me trying to discourage other mental illness hcs for Edward, but for me to say that I wish people looked more into the disorders he's canonically supposed to protray and think about it more. Idk I can't word this right but I had to get it off my chest.

[saranitysstuff]

fuck no just look at some of these bullshit designs

[surviving-narcissistic-abuse]

What a coincidence that the same people who say "you can't say narcissism is bad, that stigmatizes us poor babies with NPD" are also the same ones who say "you can't say abusive behavior is bad, people with NPD have that and we can't help it, you're discriminating against us."

It's almost like this "narc abuse isn't real" movement is propaganda made by abusers to take away all the frameworks that exist to call out abuse. I wonder why?

[manicpixieyandere]

Sienna Shaw's Psychosis In Terrifier

We saw Terrifier 3 a few weeks ago and what an amazing fucking movie! Definitely in our top 5 theatre experiences!

Anyway we wanted to talk a bit about the best final girl, Sienna Shaw. Specifically about her psychosis.

(Spoilers for Terrifier 3!)

In the second movie we are told Sienna is neurodivergent (through context clues) but aren't shown much. We just know she's on medication. But the third movie isn't scared to show her struggles. In Terrifier 3 Sienna experiences hallucinations of her dead friend Brooke. She also experiences many break downs and panic attacks. The movie never makes fun of her for it. Her family sees her as a safety concern as they have a younger child to worry about, but they also understand she's been through the unthinkable. They were going to help her by sending her to the hospital, not just throw her out into the streets.

Sienna's worst fears and paranoia eventually come true. Art The Clown is really back. But how can she know? The movies plays with her psychosis, not being able to tell what's real and what's not. How much is Art / Demon Vicky and how much is her own mind? This lends an element of psychological horror to the franchise. It's quite smart too. Most of us don't know what it's like to be hunted down and marked by a serial killer (especially a demon one). But not being able to tell what's real? A very human experience. One already terrifying, twisted further.

Seeing a film on the big screen actually care for this part of Sienna's character was great. Actual neurodivergent rep can be hard to come by, psychosis is especially heavily stigmatized and typically not handled with the proper care. A movie that comes to mind for us is Renfield.

Renfield came out in 2023 and followed R.M. Renfield from Dracula. Specifically the 1931 movie adaptation with Dwight Frye as Renfield. Both the original novel and Dwight Frye's version of the character experience psychosis. Both versions of the character are present in a psychiatric hospital in their respective mediums. The books goes much more in depth with Renfield's delusions about the souls of bugs haunting him for example. It's a huge part of his character! But the 2023 movie shows absolutely NONE of that! Renfield has no hints of psychosis whatsoever. (Not to mention the movie demonizes NPD a few times). It's still a fun watch don't get us wrong, but the writers could have done so much better honoring the original character. It is possible to have a protagonist with psychosis, and Terrifier proved it!

Here's to the 4th installment and a hopeful victory for the best final girl!

[dhddmods]

Autosexuals/Autoromantics are misunderstood.

Autosexuality and autoromanticism are such misunderstood orientations. It is not self-obsession, it is not being egotistical, and it is certainly not comparable to Narcissistic Personality Disorder (and comparing it to NPD stigmatizes both autoattraction and NPD alike.)

Now before I get into further detail, let me make something clear - nearly everybody has low-level autosexual and autoromantic tendencies. For example, when a person looks at themself in the mirror and thinks that they look pretty today, or when a person sings because they like the sound of themself singing. Autoattracted people just have it at a higher level than non-autosexuals.

Autosexuality and autoromanticism is the attraction to oneself. This attraction could be exclusive attraction to oneself (and thus, falls on the greyasexual or greyromantic umbrella) or it could be attraction to oneself that is at a similar or equal level to ones attraction to others. Autosexuals tend to prefer masturbation to having sex with others, but thats not always the case, and many still do desire partnered sex as well.

An autosexual and/or autoromantic person might choose to date themself. Alternatively, they might choose to date themself and others. Or they might ignore their autoattraction altogether, and only date others, or remain non-partnering/single. Autoattracted people that date themself and other people are polyamorous, specifically autoamorous.

This differs from typical self-love and self-care because there is genuine romantic and/or sexual attraction involved. When I think of dating myself, I explicitly think of it as romantic. I do not consider it "treating myself", I consider it to be treating my partner. I wish to marry myself, to have sex with myself, to have a family with myself. I feel sad sometimes when I consider that I cannot split into two, and hold myself or kiss myself. That isn't something non-autosexuals experience. They care for themselves, but they don't fantasize of such romance or sex.

Another thing I must clarify - autoattracted people can be insecure. They can dislike themselves. They can have dysphoria and dysmorphia. They can insult themselves. And that just makes it hurt more.

I am autosexual and self-partnered. When I feel insecure about myself, it not only feels like I am betraying my lover, but it also feels like my lover is betraying me. I am insulting and thinking poorly of my lover, and my lover is insulting and thinking poorly of me. It is heartbreaking and painful. It makes me guilty and angry.

I have tried dating other people in the past, but they felt as though I was more attracted to myself than I was to them. Which wasn't true! I was equally attracted to me and to them. I wasn't leading them on, I was upfront about my self-attraction, and they claimed to be fine with it. But then they grew self-conscious as time went on, some even claimed I was narcissistic (which again, demonizes NPD and also is a total misinterpretation of autoattraction.) I tried to step back from taking myself on dates and whatnot, but then I felt guilty that I was not giving both my partners (myself and them) equal attention, and also felt angry and neglected (at myself) that I was being "demoted" so to say. That is why I often desire to date another autoattracted person, so that they may understand my struggles.

Please, I beg of you, read these articles (though warning for sexual topics.) Read the experiences of people with autoattraction. Try to understand us and be compassionate to us. Autoattracted people struggle and are marginalized too.

Here are a few sections of the article that really speak to my experience.

Article 1

Some autosexuals are also autoromantics which means they like the idea of dating themselves too. One woman, Ghia Vitale, has written about being in a relationship with herself. "I take myself out for coffee, go on walks in nature, dress in lingerie and cuddle up to myself, or simply sit in the darkness and bask in my own presence," she writes.

"Sometimes, I light candles and do sensual dances for my own entertainment. When I’m feeling especially positive about life, I do a lot of things to romance myself. I’ve learned how to create dates with myself out of thin air. Something as simple as lotioning my body can turn into a sensual, sexual moment, sometimes voluntarily and other times on its own."

I can relate to some of what Ghia is saying, and I do have an amazing sex life alone. And I also know that it can be just as fun with the right person who understands my needs. Besides, relationships aren’t just about sex. I personally love the idea of getting married and having a family one day. I don’t see why I can’t have that just because I sexually enjoy myself.

-

While I've learnt to embrace being an autosexual there are still times when I wish I was 'normal'. It's frustrating when your friends can't relate to what you're going through, and sometimes when I'm with a boyfriend, I feel bad that I'm getting a different kind of pleasure from our intimacy than he is. In those moments, I wish I could just put autosexuality on pause, and explore a more 'regular' sexuality.

But then I remember that nothing is 'normal' with sexuality and we're all different. People are queer, bisexual, asexual... as society becomes more open, and people are more honest about their sexuality, I feel like we're starting to see just how fluid sexuality is. I hope that one day, autosexuality is more widely understood because I'd love to be able to tell my family about it. Right now, they just wouldn't get it. I once tried to describe it to my mum but she looked freaked out, so I stopped.

I recently met a female autosexual online and confessed I might be one as well. It felt so good to have the response be mutual understanding, rather than laughter or awkwardness. We’re such a new community that we’re still figuring out exactly where we fit in on the sexual spectrum, but I’m just glad to have a way of explaining how I feel.

If the chance came to be involved with another autosexual it could be amazing. It would mean I'd have a truly equal relationship for the first time in my life, where we'd both feel the exact same way about our sexualities. I just have no idea how to find someone though - it's not exactly the kind of box you can tick on a dating app. At least, not yet.

-

Article 2

Adam is a polyamorous, gender-fluid autosexual who is also pansexual. But though their autosexuality is beautiful and fulfilling, it is entangled within a lifetime of depression and a longing grief for a love story that can never truly consummate itself. For Adam, the sexual bewilderment of loving someone who simultaneously exists and can never exist triggers a dissonance which he describes as akin to bereavement. As such, coming to terms with their sexuality means mourning themselves. “I needed to grieve that I cannot be with myself in the same way I can be with other people,” they say. “That I cannot feel the touch the same way, that I cannot hug myself like other people, or ever have sex with myself because there’s only one body.”

Please be respectful in the comments.

-Ally (they/them + fae/faer)

[jewishvitya]

I was having a conversation about "narcissistic abuse" with a person with NPD. We were talking about the need to call out toxic behaviors that might come with unmanaged NPD, and how it's nothing like what we see now online. We talked about how people like them, who want to treat others well and manage their disorder, deserve to have resources that help them have healthy relationships. And they thanked me for not immediately assuming the worst of them. Which. Just shows you how they're used to being treated.

They got suicide baiting from random strangers just for the fact that they have NPD.

I've seen people getting told "this is doing nothing but making me feel awful about myself" and responding with "you should feel awful about yourself, you're a narcissist!"

It's dangerous to equate abuse with narcissism. It's dangerous to see people with NPD as deserving of harm. Most people with NPD will already be victims of abuse - that's how the disorder is usually developed. If you buy into the idea that they're abusive by nature, you're harming survivors.

There's no harmless way to dehumanize an entire group of people. Especially not over a trait they can't help.

Victims and survivors of abuse should get to talk about their experiences. This doesn't require diagnosing anyone and it doesn't require using a term that's associated with a disorder that's already seen as an inherent evil. There's no kind of abuse that's inherent or exclusive to a specific disorder. I hear the term "coercive control" which sounds really good for the kind of emotional and psychological abuse that gets discussed in those conversations, without adding ableist stigma.

If your opposition to ableism doesn't include people with the most stigmatized disorders, how deeply are you truly thinking about things.

The harm caused to people with NPD through stigma is enough for this to matter. But in addition to that, it's harmful to other people too.

First of all, because you buy into having a group of people who become acceptable targets over a condition they can't help.

Second, because you teach yourself to armchair diagnose people. Which means that you get to put whoever you want into the "acceptable target" group.

When you have a group of people that you think don't deserve to be treated as people, it's easier to persuade you to put unrelated people in that category. Think of the way accusations of "child predator!" are wielded against queer people too. This is not an uncommon tactic.

And it's already a thing here. Sam Vaknin was the one who coined the term narcissistic abuse. That's a man with no credentials to talk about mental health or about abuse. He's a hateful bigoted person. The things that he considers narcissistic include homosexuality, transgender identities, and women who sleep with multiple men instead of settling down with one.

If you buy into the idea that having NPD essentially means being abusive, and then all these things are all narcissistic things. At that point we have a line drawn between queerness and abuse, using the line that was drawn between NPD and abuse.

And another point, about the harassment people with NPD get, is - we shouldn't be punishing people. Just, in general. Punishment isn't justice and it isn't accountability. Withstanding whatever harm people see fit to inflict on you because they were convinced to hate you, rightfully or not, isn't justice or accountability. Even if you convinced yourself that the harm isn't real because… it happens in the virtual space? And that makes it fake somehow?

Think of the way people online talk about narcissists. Think of how easily they armchair diagnose NPD, calling any abuser a narc, and sometimes from one sided stories. And the way people hurry to cyberbully and dogpile.

Abusers will often paint their victims as the abusive ones as a way to escape being known as abusive. And if you take the job of punishing people that you decided deserve it, you will at some point become a tool of an abuser trying to further harm their victim.

Even if you see evidence, it's easy to fake and manufacture. And it'll only become easier with voice and video AI tools. And even if it's all true, punishing people does nothing good.

Convincing you that a group of people is inherently dangerous is a way to make you willing to harm them, or stand by as harm is being done to them. People with NPD don't deserve that.

Stop looking for people that it's acceptable to harass and punish and ostracize. Most of us are susceptible to mob mentality, and having acceptable targets makes you dangerous.

[aprofessionalwithoutstandards]

i gotta stand in my truth. depictions of medic who treats his teammates with complete disregard and as someone who is completely incapable of caring about anything are ableist. he is heavily coded as mentally ill and when you interpret him this way, you are just further perpetuating the stigma that people with certain mental illnesses are constantly dangerous and incapable of mantaining friendships with people.

there is a certain point where those types of depictions cross the line into straight up nasty and offensive (there's alot of talk about medic being autistic, which i can definetly see, but i personally think he also exhibits some traits that are typically associated with NPD, a disorder that is already heavily stigmatized as it is)

YES!!!!! I honestly don't think Medic is like. coded as anything in particular he's just a joke riffing off of the existing stereotype of yknow, "mad scientist." And I don't think the text is particularly Woke in this regard but people seeing that and deliberately overriding it to do this Edgy No Empathy Sociopath Split Personality Murderboy thing is waaaay worse than the game itself treats him lmao (where it's basically like "yeah he's fucked up but isn't it funny")

[shybasementkid]

im not someone who wants my headcanons to be canon all that much but dear god do i want npd ford to be real. cause stanford isn't a bad person who only thinks of himself as important. far from it. he can be a kindhearted little nerd. he just has a very stigmatized personality disorder he can't control. it'd be good rep i think.

[quitblamingnarcissism]

Hi! I think its really, really inappropriate to reblog abuse victims' posts for the sole purpose of saying no no thats not true. NPD is stigmatized for sure, but it doesnt exclude them from being held accountable. I have a personality disorder as well; our feelings and thoughts cant be controlled, and they dont need to be justified, but you 1000% can control your behaviors. I cant control the deep terror i feel at perceived abandonment, but i can control if i say cruel things to my wife or split on my friends. And there also are common signs and tactics of narcissistic abuse. Just because they are victims of abuse doesnt mean they cant be abusive. Anyway i just wanted to say i think you should maybe not trawl through tumblr trenches for the sole purpose of trivializing abuse victims because narcissists are also victims of abuse. I sincerely hope u get the help u need and deserve xx

I've never once said that narcissists should get a free pass to be abusive. I have no idea where people keep getting that assumption from.

The problem isn't narcissists being held accountable. The problem is narcissists being singled out. The problem is abusive patterns being labeled as narcissistic even though neurotypical people are often encouraged by society to have the exact same patterns.