#this is written badly on purpose

[aliakim-the-okay]

New crack fic idea:

(Barney from HIMYM and Dennis from Always Sunny meet each other for the first time in Paddy’s Pub (where Barney shows up after being separated from Ted during their eventful trip to Philly.))

There, he witnesses Dennis Reynolds hitting on a generic blonde hottie and just has to intervene. Dennis’s moves are wayyyy too underdeveloped and frankly archaic. He needs something more legend- (wait for it) -dary to be able to pick up the gorgeous and elusive species known as “women.”

Dennis gawks in offense as he watches Barney woo the blondie with his suave expertise.

As Barney walks the total baddie away, he throws a cheeky wink in Dennis’s direction as the newfound couple make their way towards the door.

Filled with rage, Dennis approaches dangerously and shoves Barney hard. Barney turns around in shock, disgusted that his designer suit had been touched by one of those filthy Phillidelphians.

Dennis makes a loud ruckus in the bar. He shouts far too loud about how that girl was his for the night and that he almost had her. All the while Dee continued cleaning a glass over and over again in the corner, pretending not to hear as Dennis continued his adult tantrum.

Barney shooed the broad away as he straightened out his suit. He slung an arm over Dennis’s shoulder as waved his hand towards the sky. He said that if Dennis really needed help picking up hot chicks that badly, Barney was there to teach Dennis how to live.

Dennis slapped Barney’s hands away from him in disgust. Dennis claimed he knew very well how to live and that he could pick up any girl he wanted. He didn’t need some rando asshole in a fancy suit to teach him anything.

Barney smiled…

This called for a competition.

A competition to see who was the suavest, hottest, and downright godliest of bachelors in this particular corner of Philly.

The objective? The first to go home (or at least out the front door) with a Philadelphian woman would be crowned the winner.

The trophy? Forever bragging rights along with the metaphorical crown of badassitude.

Oh man, are the others gonna love this… They thought at the same time.

As the clock struck 8:30pm, the poor excuse for a rush hour hit the bar. Ones (singular) of people all came in, all entering the bar in a matter of several minutes. All while Barney and Dennis stared each other down with a fire of competition in their eyes.

Suddenly, at the same time, the two nodded before scrambling away to opposite sides of the bar.

Dennis ran to the nearest woman he could find, grabbed her by the shoulders, and spun her around to look at her face. He winced and made a sound before moving on.

Barney slid against the weirdly wet floor and into the view of another woman on the other side of the room. He faltered at her below average looks before taking note of her huge badonkers and promptly smiling.

Barney asked how she was doing, where she grew up, what her relationship with her dad is like, and other non-intrusive questions.

Meanwhile Dennis slicked his over-greased hair back. He acted cool in front of a woman who looked just hot enough for him. She happily rattled on about her day as Dennis grew impatient. He rolled his eyes and checked his watch as he took glances at Barney’s progress. He couldn’t lose this.

As Barney could practically feel the sexual attraction radiating off the woman in front of him, he couldn’t help but notice his competition across the bar.

Dennis’s target woman was ranting all too loudly about her secret. She entered with a fake ID (that no one checked anyways) and was actually 16. Dennis’s hand slowly reached for her shoulder as he admitted that it was close enough for him and they should go back to his place for some… “video games.”

Barney’s head snapped towards Dennis in shock. He silently told Ms. Huge Badonkers to wait a minute as he quickly approached Dennis and wound up. Dennis turned with a shitty grin just in time to be decked directly in the face.

Dennis slid across the dirty floor as he held his bloody nose. He whined and grunted on the floor like a little baby. Suddenly, Dee “accidentally” spilled a drink on his face with a triumphant smile before walking away.

Barney shook his hand before grabbing a napkin to wipe his bloody knuckles. He readjusted his suit and approached the teenager. He shook his head disapprovingly and pointed a thumb towards the door. She hung her head sadly and left the bar.

Barney gave one last look at the pitiful man on the floor. He scoffed to himself before putting his arm around the huge-boobed lady’s waist and exited the bar.

Mac and Charlie rushed to Dennis’s side and helped him up. Mac yelled at Barney that he’ll pay for what he did to his bro, but Barney simply said that if Dennis was their bro, Mac and Charlie needed a better one.

After Barney was done making insane love to this big-boobied beast, he’d have to tell Ted all about tonight and it was absolutely legend- (wait for it…)

-dary!

[theangelshavethephonebox]

Master episode

Doctor: oh Master what are you doing here?

Master: you'd never believe it but I'm here to help you darling

Dr: you're right I don't believe

Companion: gay?

M+D together: no homo *snog*

Dr: oh no bad guys

Master: haha I made alliance with bad guys! I'm safe! Wait, bad guys? What are you doing? It's me, Master-

*they all run*

Dr: wait where is Companion

C: I here and scared.

Dr: good. Now I just defeat baddies *tries. Gets caught. About to be killed*

Master: I must sacrifice myself to kill the bad guys because if they kill babygirl I mean Doctor before I do I will never live with myself

C: okay lol bye

Mater: *dies*

C: you think we'll ever see him again?

Dr: no, babygirl I mean Master is long gone, for good, finally, no possibility of cloning, no extraction points, no resurrections, no timeline forks, nothing. Nada. Goodbye, babygirl M. Forever.

M: hi guys I'm back

Dr: Yayyy ily- I mean wtf. Okay bye

[CREDITS]

[luvo27]

when i post a fic that you hate and find horrifically ooc you have to promise you'll be nice about it. you dont have to like it but you have to be nice

[onlysushicat]

[mintaikkcorpse]

There's always those fics that put too much emphasis on it 😔

(Original video made by rarityswifez of Tiktok. I just added the words)

[kingsragesqueal]

stolas asking blitz "have u ever apologized to anyone?" is literally so fucking wild because yeah, yeah he has actually?? have *you* ever apologized to anyone? i can only think of two times u've apologized and both of them were to octavia, after you fucked up majorly and ignored her needs and made her feel unloved and alone. also did u ever apologize to blitz for *takes out comically long scroll*

coercing him into a sexual relationship (he admitted it was wrong, but never apologized)

using him as an object in more way than one, including putting out a cigarette on his horn (99% sure that imps have feeling/sensation in their horns. he didn't seem to be in any pain but tbf we know he's into some freaky shit....but STILL)

calling him an "impish little plaything," "itty bitty imp," "blitzy," etc

embarrassing him in public and dirty talking to him on the phone with your daughter in the same room

treating his entire race as a whole like complete and utter trash then denying it and basically saying "UM i don't see color (species) uwu~"

trying to make him feel guilty for not rescuing you when he was taking his daughter to get a very important shot that literally prevents her from dying which she is five years overdue for already, a daughter who is also terrified and needs his support (being a supportive dad? what's that lol)

so many other things i can't even think of rn

no? no. then shut the fuck up u ugly ass bird

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

discussion question: are there are folkloric or supernatural figures not included (or done poorly) in canon that you think would have made for an amazing monster of the week episode of the x files?

bonus points if it's from your culture or area of the world!❤️👻🛸

[apopcornkernel]

dick and jason have so many cool parallels especially if jason is a villain it actually makes their relationship more interesting and meaningful. the concept of brothers in blood is so great!!! please tell what you wish was different about this story!!!

hi anon!! thank you for sending me the ask like i begged in that post shfdjshkf

compulsory disclaimer: i like working within the confines of the text, when they aren’t rooted in misconceptions of the characters in the first place. i think pre-flashpoint pre-morrison jason deserves the same treatment and so does dick's view of jason considering all the other extenuating circumstances

ANYWAYS, my main issue with brothers in blood is that jason doesn't seem to have a plan like at ALL. he just shows up and starts killing people...? i i believe that dick's jason event was not fully capitalized on and that jason's character suffers for it. like he never really comes off as a fully threatening rogue, dangerous and cunning in his own right; his main schtick is "needless" violence and that's really it 😭

unlike with bruce and mia, for bruce jason literally engineered a drug coup, he ran circles around batman and taunted him with hints and clues slowly until the revelation of his return (after which bruce goes on a hunt for evidence himself to see if it's true). jason then maneuvered him into an impossible situation where he had to choose between letting jason kill the joker or killing jason to stop him from doing it, wherein jason not only bared his soul and anger and hurt but also pushed bruce to do the same. and when pushed to make the final decision, bruce is panicking. he's shaking, he can't think straight. and when he hits falsely he's completely distraught and i know that it haunts him.

and i think that's the type of psychological anguish jason should always be inflicting onto his opponents!!!! after mia's encounter with jason, she was like this:

and that's after jason dug up her entire history and taunted her about it. and then he blew up her high school.

and guess what happened right before OYL, right before brothers in blood... yeah. devin grayson's trauma speedrun arc which culminated in the entire city of bludhaven being leveled by chemo

i honestly think that jason Would go there. and i think it would've made for a more intense fight, coupled with the resentment dick already displays in the comic! and i think it's a damn shame that brothers in blood flopped in execution when there was a lot of potential in its concept and setup :/

that's also why i don't like teen titans #29. jason comes off as just another jealous guy taking out his daddy issues on a teenager with no thought or regard for anything else but violence. his only semblance of a plan is in incapacitating the titans, and after that he doesn't really think anymore? jason's also unable to get a reaction from tim, like i said. jason is screaming out his feelings and going U REALLY THINK U COULD REPLACE ME???? meanwhile tim is just like: "mm yeah im better than you idgaf". it's really unsatisfying. i expected better from jason and in fact i do not think that he would be emotionally unstable enough to be this careless with tim. his biggest turmoil lies with bruce and even with BRUCE he's cunning. so,,, yeah

[roobylavender]

im really sorry if this question ends up being repetitive: but, if not for bruce’s over reliance on dick to regulate his thoughts and emotions, why would dick grow up into feeling like he needs to repress his emotions so much and his eagerness to act as people’s support? i know youve spoken about wolfman and his altering of their relationship but if ntt is generally an accurate portrayal of an adult dick, to me this nevertheless sounds like the consequences a parent-child relationship where the responsibilities are titled too much towards the child

i suppose this could also segue into asking for recs that would help me better understand your interpretation of their relationship 👀

not repetitive at all! to me the irony of wolfman's depiction of dick lies in that it is simultaneously something you can logically ascertain from prior canon but not for the reasons actually presented by wolfman. if that makes sense. he does extra work that isn't actually necessary to help explain why dick would act the way that he does because there's plenty of reasons for it without rewriting his history with bruce to have always been suppressed and edgy and dark. to me it makes far more sense to capitalize on the inevitable disconnect between bruce and dick as an adult and a child. batman: full circle is a good example of that dichotomy (and although it was published in the early 90s it built on mike w. barr's prior understanding of the relationship between dick and bruce that he wrote into the early 80s). bruce's primary concern for the people he works with is never standards or finesse but safety. he worries constantly about others coming to harm under his watch and with a child in particular those worries were exacerbated. he ran a tight ship not because he believed dick had anything to prove but because the only way dick could keep being robin was if he went about it safely. that was obv easy for an adult to understand. but not so much for a child

to bruce these worries were practical and par for the course (as well as an expression of his love and protectiveness) but for dick their consequences formed the crux of his entire world. as a child he idolized everything about bruce. his heroism. his work ethic. his skill. his resolve. his preparedness. if dick couldn't live up to the standard he set for himself in idolizing bruce then what could he ever hope to amount to? that was the thought constantly going through his head. and it's why the bulk of his childhood and primary tenure as bruce's partner was so precariously protected by the fact that nothing bad ever really happened during it (and admittedly this framing is convenient because even chronologically speaking nothing very significant happened in their history with each other until dick left for university in 1969) (i know dixon opted to write that whole shtick with dent in his version of events but personally i never found it necessary to do so). there is enough there in the idea of dick working hard for the course of a decade to embody who he believed bruce to be that lends itself to it eventually being difficult for him to healthily express himself once the rift between them actually began to emerge

because what about bruce was there to actually see that was broken and dark before dick became an adult? i know a lot of dick fans hate batman #408 because they don't like that it enforced "retirement" upon dick (which i personally believe is a conclusion they come to because of the way batman #416 re-framed the same scene) but to me that's an inaccurate reading of the text. batman #408 was about bruce (admittedly far too belatedly) recognizing that he could not in good conscience continue to ask dick to go out and be a vigilante on what he considered to be his own "orders". he viewed dick's close call with death at the hands of the joker as something directly of his own making. although their tenure with each other had been wonderful if dick wanted to continue to be a vigilante it had to be on his own terms and of his own volition. obv that was logical to bruce and it was something dick managed to accept in the moment. but it's still hard to go from always having a purpose alongside someone you idolized to finally being entrusted entirely to forge your own

in general i like the idea of dick the adult becoming privy to all of the personal problems and conflicts that come with being a vigilante. he was conveniently shielded from a lot of those problems as a child because all he had to do was be bruce's partner and hope to live up to the title. bruce had no reason to trauma dump on him or talk about his worries and concerns at length with him because it was never supposed to be dick's job to field those worries and concerns in the first place. he was a child. the only thing bruce wanted to do was to help channel his emotions through an outlet and provide him with a home to grow up in. but when you become an adult often that dynamic shifts. you're still not responsible for fielding those worries and concerns but you can perhaps be trusted with them. that's why i like the framing in batman #408 of dick now being a man. it's a subtle way to frame the double-edged sword of adulthood. the world is in your hands now but so will be the horrors that come with it. coming to terms with the real world that bruce lives in should be hard for dick. coming to terms with who bruce is when he's not perfect should be hard. coming to terms with how quietly bruce kept his grief because he did not see fit to overwhelm a child with it should be hard. that dichotomy of dick both wanting to be bruce's brother and his son should form the crux of their conflict with each other because you can't hope to be someone's equal and someone's protected at the same time in that kind of relationship. for dick to transition into the position of equal he has to expose himself to the fact that bruce is not in fact an idol but someone irrevocably human. and that should interfere significantly with his head and his own standards for himself

[mwagneto]

not to start shit but as someone who was on the front lines of tjlc during season 4 it's insanely funny to see people huffing the same exact breed of copium like these are word for word just repeated arguments that ppl made back then. like bro if you think the writing was bad that's because your opinion is that the writing was bad. it's okay to think the writing was bad. see *i* dont think it was bad but your repeated insistence that "we all agree it was bad" just tells me that you need people to agree with you because you can't just accept that you didn't like something. like im sorry but sometimes the things you like are gonna make you go "huh i think that bit was badly written" and that's okay it's not some big conspiracy 🙏🙏🙏🙏

[ladyseidr]

okay! finally making this an official post: if you want my "new" discord, please either A. like this post, or B. DM me. either way, i'll DM you the name. it's not some secret or anything ( it's identical to my personal blog's url lmao ) but y'know. just not posting publicly this time

[ninvic-rbs]

Anyone else get Secret Good Fourth Sherlock Episode vibes from the magic trick you didn't see theory?

[icedteaandoldlace]

I was reading a string of 2 sentence horror stories the other day, and I had to stop, not for the usual reason (got too scared), but because I was reminded repeatedly why I don't vibe with horror as a genre, and that's because it's too broad. If something is simply scary, I won't appreciate it later when it's dark and I'm alone, but in the moment, it can be enthralling. But when people write stuff for pure shock value, whether it's to gross you out, make you feel bad about the state of humanity, or give you aggressive emotional whiplash, that's not a good time for me. So many of these stories started out kind of normal, or like they're leading into something scary, but instead of that, they lead to things like cannibalism or child abuse/exploitation, and/or a reveal that the narrator enjoys doing terrible things to people. I don't wanna read that. It holds absolutely zero appeal to me whatsoever. Two sentence chillers is really what I wanted to find, but unfortunately, no one really bothers making that distinction, so you get the scary and the gross and the depressing all mixed together like a macabre salad, and there's no way of telling how much of what brand of horror you're gonna get stuck with.

[11lin]

i hate %65 of the turkish films on tv.. why are these characters so dumb please cant u.. think..... and.....gh

[rotzaprachim]

Y are u so specific about your hatred of the intersection of loss of fics with some intersection of a/b/o soulmates and loss of reproductive autonomy/baby fics and it’s like well well well do I have some specific shadow and bone related stories to tell you/

[dogbunni]

does anyone have any mlm book recs that ARE NOT coming of age (about adult men, not 17 year olds) and preferably not entirely centered on romance (perhaps mystery or sci-fi or fantasy) I want 2 get back into reading again (I've read exclusively fanfic for years now I need HELP) but like straight people are everywhere I need some gay men that I can project onto