#I promise I’m a good writer

[aliakim-the-okay]

New crack fic idea:

(Barney from HIMYM and Dennis from Always Sunny meet each other for the first time in Paddy’s Pub (where Barney shows up after being separated from Ted during their eventful trip to Philly.))

There, he witnesses Dennis Reynolds hitting on a generic blonde hottie and just has to intervene. Dennis’s moves are wayyyy too underdeveloped and frankly archaic. He needs something more legend- (wait for it) -dary to be able to pick up the gorgeous and elusive species known as “women.”

Dennis gawks in offense as he watches Barney woo the blondie with his suave expertise.

As Barney walks the total baddie away, he throws a cheeky wink in Dennis’s direction as the newfound couple make their way towards the door.

Filled with rage, Dennis approaches dangerously and shoves Barney hard. Barney turns around in shock, disgusted that his designer suit had been touched by one of those filthy Phillidelphians.

Dennis makes a loud ruckus in the bar. He shouts far too loud about how that girl was his for the night and that he almost had her. All the while Dee continued cleaning a glass over and over again in the corner, pretending not to hear as Dennis continued his adult tantrum.

Barney shooed the broad away as he straightened out his suit. He slung an arm over Dennis’s shoulder as waved his hand towards the sky. He said that if Dennis really needed help picking up hot chicks that badly, Barney was there to teach Dennis how to live.

Dennis slapped Barney’s hands away from him in disgust. Dennis claimed he knew very well how to live and that he could pick up any girl he wanted. He didn’t need some rando asshole in a fancy suit to teach him anything.

Barney smiled…

This called for a competition.

A competition to see who was the suavest, hottest, and downright godliest of bachelors in this particular corner of Philly.

The objective? The first to go home (or at least out the front door) with a Philadelphian woman would be crowned the winner.

The trophy? Forever bragging rights along with the metaphorical crown of badassitude.

Oh man, are the others gonna love this… They thought at the same time.

As the clock struck 8:30pm, the poor excuse for a rush hour hit the bar. Ones (singular) of people all came in, all entering the bar in a matter of several minutes. All while Barney and Dennis stared each other down with a fire of competition in their eyes.

Suddenly, at the same time, the two nodded before scrambling away to opposite sides of the bar.

Dennis ran to the nearest woman he could find, grabbed her by the shoulders, and spun her around to look at her face. He winced and made a sound before moving on.

Barney slid against the weirdly wet floor and into the view of another woman on the other side of the room. He faltered at her below average looks before taking note of her huge badonkers and promptly smiling.

Barney asked how she was doing, where she grew up, what her relationship with her dad is like, and other non-intrusive questions.

Meanwhile Dennis slicked his over-greased hair back. He acted cool in front of a woman who looked just hot enough for him. She happily rattled on about her day as Dennis grew impatient. He rolled his eyes and checked his watch as he took glances at Barney’s progress. He couldn’t lose this.

As Barney could practically feel the sexual attraction radiating off the woman in front of him, he couldn’t help but notice his competition across the bar.

Dennis’s target woman was ranting all too loudly about her secret. She entered with a fake ID (that no one checked anyways) and was actually 16. Dennis’s hand slowly reached for her shoulder as he admitted that it was close enough for him and they should go back to his place for some… “video games.”

Barney’s head snapped towards Dennis in shock. He silently told Ms. Huge Badonkers to wait a minute as he quickly approached Dennis and wound up. Dennis turned with a shitty grin just in time to be decked directly in the face.

Dennis slid across the dirty floor as he held his bloody nose. He whined and grunted on the floor like a little baby. Suddenly, Dee “accidentally” spilled a drink on his face with a triumphant smile before walking away.

Barney shook his hand before grabbing a napkin to wipe his bloody knuckles. He readjusted his suit and approached the teenager. He shook his head disapprovingly and pointed a thumb towards the door. She hung her head sadly and left the bar.

Barney gave one last look at the pitiful man on the floor. He scoffed to himself before putting his arm around the huge-boobed lady’s waist and exited the bar.

Mac and Charlie rushed to Dennis’s side and helped him up. Mac yelled at Barney that he’ll pay for what he did to his bro, but Barney simply said that if Dennis was their bro, Mac and Charlie needed a better one.

After Barney was done making insane love to this big-boobied beast, he’d have to tell Ted all about tonight and it was absolutely legend- (wait for it…)

-dary!

[foli-vora]

hi—

so i’ll be saying farewell to foli this year. as much as i’m proud and so in love with what i’ve created here, she’s starting to give me major stress headaches and i simply can’t deal. this started out fun and sweet, but it has increasingly created bigger and bigger issues for me and it’s no longer a space i find comfort and peace in, so i think it’s time for me to move on.

i thought about deleting this blog, or slowly morphing away from what i’ve been doing here, but it didn’t feel right. i know it’s just a blog, but it still means something to me.

should you still wish to visit/follow little ol’ me, i’ll now be living over here. i’ll still be the normal unhinged foli that loves talking filth, just now under a different name with a shiny new corner of the internet/main blog.

this blog will stay up so you can still read my organised pile of trash that i know some of you enjoy, and i’ll probably still continue to write because i do love it, but it won’t be promised or often, and it’ll mostly be ao3 focused in other fandoms, and not so much surrounding the pedro fandom anymore.

i will be wrapping everything up here, so don’t worry about any unfinished series’—i wouldn’t do that to you lmao. thank you for the good times here, angels. i appreciate each and every one of you. hope to see you over on the new side. ily 💖

[minibunz]

All my moots have such good sexy replies to their horny DMs and I’m over here losing brain cells and only able to say the same five words bc whatever was said to me is so hot and all I can do is go 🥺 yes please

[wrathofrats]

Just so everyone knows what he just handed me to fix

Alright everyone today we learn a valuable lesson. Do not let Void edit your fics. He will be far too much.

[antiquepearlss]

I’m feeling….kinda rough rn. So, Modern Team Awesome/ Freckle Siblings headcanons because I need serotonin so badly rn

Ruddiger is Varian’s son but he and Eugene sometimes share custody.

Eugene and Varian watch mystery/crime shows together.

And Indiana Jones type shows and movies.

Varian and Rapunzel both like Star Trek. Rapunzel loves Tendi from Lower Decks.

Varian and Rapunzel both love Gravity Falls, Eugene thinks it’s pretty good.

Eugene pierced Varian’s ears.

Varian and Rapunzel dye each others hair. Rapunzel mostly does temporary dye, Varian dyes his blue streak.

They visit Varian in the psych ward.

Varian hangs out in Rapunzel’s elementary art class sometimes and helps out with the kids. He’s a little awkward but they love him.

If Varian’s not at home or at school, he’s at Eugene and Rapunzel’s house. Or Lance’s.

Varian missed his graduation ceremony because he was in the psych ward, but Rapunzel still helped him paint his cap.

Rapunzel and Varian do the awkward sibling hug.

Rapunzel and Varian draw and paint together.

Varian and Eugene join book clubs together.

Feeling rough so I’ll do a part two sometime. Sorry these aren’t great I just, I just kinda needed these dorks rn.

[stripedstarsblueflags]

700 more words and *one* of them has made it to the hotel room :D

[blkkizzat]

What happens when I try to get my well adjusted non-tumblr friends to beta read my JJK smut:

(This is for my Toji x Reader - The Nursery fic btw)

LOL even worse when they start clocking tea 😭

Lmfao this is what I go through y’all 😩😩

[justmossyall]

y’all i understand it’s not ideal for the non-team-keefers but it’s going to be okay omg 😭🫶

[feathersea]

Take me dunk VS me sober because I need to apologize for not writing in some way or another. Also you can kinda tell I kissed one of them.

[hazbinhappy]

as much as I love rain and storms I freaking hate how it messes with my wifi 🥲

[city-of-herongraystairs]

God. I really wanted to like this new run of Titans, but the way it’s going so far…

Donna Troy I’m so sorry they would do this to you.

[luke-shywalker]

home again.

“Rey! Come down! You’re going to be late for school!”

“I’m coming, Mum! Geez!”

“Han, would you wash out the caf pot—no, wait, you broke it last time. Just leave it alone.”

“You could have a little faith in me, Your Highness.”

“Don’t ‘Your Highness’ me. Get that scrappy kid to school. And tell her not to beat up any more boys.”

“Rey, don’t beat up any more boys. Just tell ‘em who your dad is.”

“Right, Dad—and they’ll be all like, ‘Han Solo’ who?”

“For kriff’s sake, why am I getting the rough end from both my ladies today?”

“Han, language. But—sorry. Kiss! Mwah. Go upstairs and check on Ben when you come back, all right? Have a good day at school, Rey! Bye, flyboy.”

“Bye Mum!”

“See ya, sweetheart.”

The sound of the door closing.

“Oi. Mum’s always so stressed.”

“Rey. I know your mother doesn’t want you picking fights. But, as your father, I just wanna tell ya I’m proud of you for sticking up for yourself, and I want you to know that if you ever feel like you gotta—”

The door closed again, leaving the rest of the conversation a mystery.

Ben sighed and rolled over in bed. The house he’d grown up in had always been like that—you could hear everything that went on from any room.

He hadn’t lived here for a long time—seven years, about? And yet, it felt like he’d never left. Or, like he’d gone back in time.

There was evidence that Rey had started using his bedroom as kind of a garage—not that she didn’t have enough space in her own room (which required one to wade through knee-high levels of…just…stuff, and rather resembled the wasteland she had been rescued from). His desk, where he used to draw pictures of his own made-up ships and write himself into fictional stories about the Rebellion, was covered in mechanical pieces and bits of wiring from Rey’s projects. But other than that, his room was largely unchanged. The X-wing posters were still there. And so was the Sy Snootles pinup that Poe had given him as a joke. He was both surprised and amused that his mother had never taken it down.

But, then, it also felt like time had moved on without him. He’d been here for a few days now—consigned here by a freak medical crisis—and watching his mom and dad and sister play out the daily orchestration of their lives kind of made him feel like he had died after high school and his family had just kept on doing their thing.

Being around Rey was the weirdest part. The last time he had lived in the same house as his sister, she’d been seven, eight years old. Obviously, he’d seen her since then, every Life Day, and a few other times each year—but whenever Rey showed up in his dreams or in his mind, she was still seven.

But now she was fifteen, and she was…him. All those memories Ben had of being a teenager, of doing homework at the dinner table, fighting with his parents over nothing, using words that meant things to his peers but that his family didn’t understand, laughing on late night holocalls with friends and getting yelled at to go to bed—that was her, now. And now here he was, twenty-five and boring.

His boringness was evidenced by the fact that he missed buying groceries and making his own food. His parents couldn’t cook. They never could. Rey could eat literally anything, so that didn’t bother her. But Ben missed making his own dinner—maybe it was about the food, but maybe it was also just about the sense of control.

He couldn’t pilot a speeder in his current condition, so he was stuck here. He could go on walks, but he didn’t want to most of the time, because it made him dizzy.

He found himself alternating mostly between sleeping, and wandering the empty house during the day. Trying to spot things that had changed. Looking at the holopicture frames. There were still holos of him, but there were more and more holos of Rey. It was like getting caught up on her life since he’d left home.

Being off work felt like summer vacation. Only…bad. Because doing nothing all day was fun for a kid—but for a grownup, it was kind of like hell. The hours blurred together into sluggish, amorphous days, and he just kind of found himself places, doing things—oh, hey, I’m here now. Now he found himself downstairs in the kitchen, washing out the caf pot that his mom hadn’t trusted his dad not to break.

That was another thing—he didn’t like the caf his mom made. She used really cheap caf grounds that she bought in bulk, which was exactly what she would do, being practical—but ever since leaving home, Ben had discovered good caf, and it was hard to go back.

It was hard to go back to a lot of things.

He set the caf pot on the rack to dry, and for a second he just stood there, looking out the kitchen window. Is this who I thought I’d be as an adult…?

Am I an adult?

And then he noticed that Rey had left the blue milk uncapped and on the counter, and the carton was sweating and becoming lukewarm, and that really pissed him off, so he capped it and put it in the fridge like it was supposed to be—and that told him, yes, he was now just a boring adult.

…Well. Maybe being a boring adult was better than being a teenage psychological mess, which was what he had been before.

He filled a glass of tap water and drank cheers to that.

Ben heard the door open, and turned to see his father coming back in.

He gave a nod. “Hey, Dad.”

“Oh, you’re up,” Han said. “How ya feelin’, kid?”

Ben imagined his dad would probably still be calling him “kid” when he was forty-five.

“I’ve been better,” Ben said, then changed the subject, because he was kind of sick of talking about his health. “So. How’s being house husband?”

“Hey.” Han pointed a defensive finger. “I am not a house husband.”

“Hey, I never said there was anything wrong with it,” Ben chuckled into his glass of water. “You’re doin’ great, Dad. Maybe she’ll even let you wash the caf pot someday.”

“Listen, kid, that was one time.”

“Oh, I’m just givin’ ya a hard time, old man.”

“Uh-huh. And when are you getting married?”

“Never. Women find me intolerable.”

“Funny. I said the exact same thing, at your age.”

“You know, I can’t believe Mom settled for you,” Ben joked, curious to see how the jab would land.

But Han just grinned and inclined his head and spread his arms in humility. “That’s what I’m sayin’, kid. If there’s hope for me, there’s hope for anybody.” He paused mischievously, and then took a shot back. “Even if you never inherited my dashingly good looks.”

“Ha! You mean I was spared from them,” Ben snorted. “Well, thanks, Dad; I’ll keep it in mind.”

Han laughed too. Insults were kind of a love language in their family, as weird as that sounded. He came over to lean against the counter next to Ben, then clapped him on the back and looked him in the eyes, like he was studying the man Ben had grown up into.

“Hey. I know the circumstances aren’t great, but…it’s kinda nice, having you home, Ben. I miss ya.”

“You do?” Ben asked with a self-conscious laugh, feeling more sentimental about his father’s words than he was comfortable admitting. “Kind of seems like your lives all went on without me.”

“Well…yours went on without us, too,” Han said, then shook him by the shoulders a little. “You need to call home more often, little buddy.”

Little buddy—Ben was a couple inches taller.

“I know,” Ben said, patting the top of his father’s graying head. “I’m just bad at it.”

“That’s no excuse.” Han tilted his head conspiratorially. “A house husband gets lonely, ya know.”

“Heh. Well. Can’t have that, I guess.”

They stood there, together. Father and son. The Solo men, Leia called them, when she was feeling playful.

“…Wanna take the Falcon out for a spin?” Han asked suddenly.

Ben turned to look at him, so abruptly it made his head hurt. “What—like, right now? I can’t pilot, Dad. The medcenter told me—”

“You can co-pilot.”

“No, Dad, I so can’t.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Uh, I get us both killed? No, wait—what’s worse is if Mom finds out.”

“C’mon.”

“Dad.”

“C’mon!”

“No!”

“Come on—”

“Okay!”

“Okay?”

“Okay. Geez.”

“All right!” Han tousled his son’s hair as if he was twenty years younger and tossed him his boots, which Ben started putting on amidst a sea of complaints—

“For kriff’s sake, Dad, fine, but I’m tellin’ ya, I can’t see that good right now, and I haven’t even piloted the Falcon in ages even if I was healthy, and this was all your stupid idea in the first place, so don’t you go giving me hell if I happen to put a scratch on your beloved—”

Han only laughed, while Ben was still talking, and the door closed, leaving the Organa-Solo house quiet again.

[the-gene-mile]

HOLY SHIT FRAUD OF THE DEAD WAS SO GOOD

[daddyhoothoot]

Do people still rp….?

I used to for so many years and then stopped and I am finding myself missing it.

So I guess this is me saying, if anyone wants to RP with me, let me know. Idk what people use anymore for it but I’d be down to be Stolas.

[littleoceanbabe]

I think the way Jamie said he had realised that Keeley and Roy was "real" and Keeley's face at that, I don't think he feels romantically for her anymore. His friendship with both Roy and Keeley wouldn't let him. I think he loves her dearly (loves them both dearly), but Jamie isn't In Love with Keeley anymore. If we can just get some bi bff moments in the next few eps, I will be so so happy

i think that too! i just hope the writers agree w us lmaooo

if we don’t get bi jamie and bi ted i’m personally hunting down the writers for sport

[thelucidduchess]

Me: rereading an old fic I posted

A/N: Finally, a fic I’m proud of!

Me, most definitely not proud of this fic:

I want to go back and edit certain things out of it, but I’d feel bad if someone liked my idea and I just got rid of it, no matter how cringe it is.

I am a firm believer in not deleting fics, so I probably won’t be taking it down anytime soon. That won’t stop me from dying a little when I remember the self indulgent bullshit I spewed into it, but what can you do.