#this is when it is actually bad: i do feel like i am unlovable and if you fell in my trap you will notice soon enough
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finally getting a chance to work on chapter 15 today :-)
#shout out AS ALWAYS to people leaving comments!!!! you are keeping me motivated you are keeping the dream alive#for some behind the scenes: in the last few weeks i've been barely sleeping and it makes it very hard to write or even be in a good mood#i usually need 11+ hours to function and so like. 2-3 hours a night is putting me in a bad place both mentally and physically#and yes i realize 11 or more hours is like a silly amount of sleep but idk. it's just how i am. i go to bed early AND sleep in ahaha.#i've been falling behind in all my classes due to the sleep thing so writing for fun has totally been off the table lol#ANYWAYS#typing typing typing (this chapter will be a lighthearted one)#we all need some fluff and levity i think (and i need to give time for Riku to care for Sora even more and be like. wow. i love you)#I was struggling earlier bc i wanted to write both about how Sora has been hiding darkness from loved ones and needs to let them in#but also with the idea of sora feeling that he needs friends to have strength or value. and i kind of realized i needed to pick one#like maybe a better writer than me could have both of those things be addressed at once but for me i was like... I want Riku to comfort him#which goes against him learning that he's fine on his own. we can address that in a different fic. rn he is just sad and needs to know#that he can share that with the people around him. and that he's still loveable despite it all#also shout out to my gf for teaching me “love isn't something you deserve that's not what love is” like. i did not know that b4 her#so I asked her lots of questions for chapter 14 actually cause I was like. i want Riku to support Sora in the way you'd support me#cuz IDK SHIT ABOUT THAT i have always felt unworthy of love and like i had to beg people to stay with me until i got into this relationship#so i was like. judy. what is your wisdom. how do you care for me when i feel like my pain makes me unloveable. what would you say#So yeah shout out to her! I am off on a tangent now hehe sorry. thanks for reading if you read this at all!! have a good day :)#jtsys fic#updates
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Okay I think my first playthrough will be a Dark Urge Monk. I've still got to decide on the race and design, but I think I'll save that for launch day and play around in the CC until I like what I'm working with.
The Dark Urge just appeals to me so much, maybe its just where I'm at mentally or because of the characters I'm enjoying at this point in time, but the idea of someone wrestling with this inner darkness and the constant, draining battle against it... it'll either end with them finding people who help them control it and provide the support they need to keep it at bay OR it'll go pear-shaped and they'll be worse than ever :3
#bg3#yes i am still thinking about Her#jinx literally altered my brain chemistry#like she's distinctly Not like the dark urge because she doesn’t have conflict over the things she does#she's Just Like That on her own. no dark impulses required just active choice#but its about the constant mental battle. the exhaustion the endlessness the never ending drain#and the way that it can actively ruin you and your relationships because you're constantly running on fumes#and the need to get it out so you can be free but you don’t know how to do that without making things Worse because no one ever taught you#believe it or not im actually in a pretty healthy mental space these days like im not in utter shambles#ive gotten good at recognising when things are getting bad and heading it off at the pass#but im still dealing with the fallout of years of trauma and mental illness so there's something strangely therapeutic#about exploring characters like jinx because while its not 1:1 my experience there's still kernels of me in there#depression. abandonment issues. paranoia. anger feeling trapped and unloveable#its all dialed up to 100 in jinx but theres bits and pieces of me in there and exploring that helps me come to terms with those pieces#oops this was supposed to be a bg3 post wasnt it lol
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I've been having a specific thought all day and now it's 3 am so you know what that means <3
#my posts#.. look its not like its bad#its not good but its not bad either i think#it implies. stuff thats a big bad but. the thought itself is. okay?#its like.#i love people around me and i care about them and i want them to be okay#and im always fucking baffled when i realize they can actually feel the same about me?#they can love me like i love them and care for me as i care for them?? fucking wild#it's. hard to accept#ive said something similar before i think#i just struggle a lot accepting people can feel now for me then hate or tolerate me#they can like me and enjoy my company and maybe even love me? hard to believe but what do they gain by lying it has to be true and. damn#... it's driving weird lmao it gives me mixed feelings!#partially bc i like knowing i am liked bc of course but also. why would you do that to yourself lmao#this is when it is actually bad: i do feel like i am unlovable and if you fell in my trap you will notice soon enough#what trap?? being annoying???#.... even when people tell you youre not annoying but you can't take that one out of your head lmao but still it's#... it just doesn't make sense and I'm just waiting for them to see the world as everyone else does and notice it's not worth it i guess#that i will make whatever mistake i seem to always make that makes people don't like me or that this thing idk about will fuck it all up#... even if people do seem to like me or at least be okay with me being around or i manage to put myself out there#but i really can't shake off the feeling im annoying no matter what lmao#that one post about being the mutual that's always grieving was the last push to actually post this lmao bc it's been in my head all day#bc I'm always mourning what i fuck up enough that it doesn't even happen or what is happening but i will make it end by fucking it up lmao#... man. fuck it. i just wish i had a more functional brain and not one that was like this#.. i should go to sleep says like 3.30am
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“You Want to Adopt Me?”

♡ — SUMMARY: You & GOJO decide to adopt Yuji & Megumi.
♡ — A/N: This is a continuation of my dad!gojo au, but reading the other parts isn’t necessary.
♡ — WC: 2k

Four hours had passed since the glorious moment in which Yuji discovered that his beloved teacher had a wife and daughter.
And, after having dinner with all of you that evening, he never wanted to leave.
Walking home that night — all alone, with no family around who would care whether or not he was safe — was one of the most difficult things he had to do. It made curse fighting seem like child’s play.
It was so utterly painful; he fought to hold back a tear as he walked down the sidewalk, staring at his shoes, which he could only see thanks to the dim streetlights.
Truth be told, he hated himself for getting so emotional over this.
Most, if not all of his friends were just as lonely as he was. Most of them didn’t sit at a dinner table and gobble down a nice warm meal with a loving family.
Most of them didn’t have a mother to hug them, or a father to cheer them up. And, if their parents were still around, they were probably distant and unloving.
Even so, it didn’t change the fact that having a family was, perhaps, the one thing Yuji truly wanted.
He just wanted to be loved.
The ache in his heart was so incredibly strong. The pain shot throughout his chest, through his veins, and down to his fingertips.
“Why am I so emotional? I can’t cry over this,” Yuji thought. “This isn’t something worth crying over.”
An unwavering lump in his throat formed from his attempts at holding back a cry.
That was when his footsteps came to a halt.
What was the point in rushing back to his lonely, isolating room at the school?
No one was waiting for him. He could go anywhere he wanted, and no one would truly miss him.
People would look for him, but mainly because of their obligation as sorcerers to track down Sukuna’s vessel. Nothing more.
Some people would actually prefer it if Yuji did disappear. And a few people were honest enough to tell him that to his face.
As he stood there, in the dark, alone on the sidewalk on such a cold night, he couldn’t help but wonder if his friends would secretly be happy if he did somehow vanish into thin air.
Maybe loneliness was destined for him. Maybe everyone would feel safer if he didn’t return to the school. Maybe-
“Hey, Yuji!”
Gojo’s voice startled the young boy, who instantly turned around to see his teacher approaching him, his hands in his pockets. “You didn’t make it too far — good.”
“Is everything okay?” Yuji asked.
Gojo could hear the sadness in his voice, but he decided not to comment on it. After all, he knew exactly why his student was upset. He didn’t have to be a genius to figure it out.
“Yeah, listen,” Gojo paused, “it’s pretty cold and dark out here. Why don’t you come back to my house and stay the night? We can both head back to the school in the morning.”
For a moment, Yuji felt a spark of happiness, but that spark quickly fizzled out.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Yuji frowned. “I’m a vessel. I’m dangerous. Having me sleep in the same house as your wife and kid would be-”
“Would be fine,” Gojo interrupted. “Nothing bad is going to happen, Yuji. Me and Y/N both know that you’re a vessel, and we want you to come anyway.”
Yuji didn’t respond. Nor did he move an inch. Gojo spoke once again.
“She wants to make you pancakes in the morning,” he said in a tempting tone. “Homemade too. The kind that has the crispy edges, but are very soft and fluffy at the same time? We have syrup and butter — orange juice as well. Or do you prefer apple juice? We have both, either way. Not to mention, the bed in our guest bedroom is bigger and way more comfortable than the one at the school-“
“Okay!” Yuji suddenly smiled happily, and it was a real, genuine grin.
He quickly rushed past Gojo, making his way back to your warm, cozy home eagerly.
—
Seven months later, Yuji visited your home as often as he could. Sometimes, Megumi would tag along with him, as the dark-haired boy secretly craved a connection with a loving family too, even if he’d never admit it.
On this particular day, Megumi was lying on the couch, covered in blankets as he watched a movie about two princesses going on some sort of adventure.
Megumi was injured during his last mission, and thanks to the chilly weather, he was also catching a bit of a cold as well. You insisted upon taking care of him, but your daughter insisted that making him watch Barbie movies all afternoon would make him feel better.
As the two of them watched the movie together, you were in the kitchen, standing over your wooden cutting board as you chopped up carrots, onions, and celery.
Yuji hovered over the sink, washing the dishes.
“I want you to have some soup as well, Yuji. You could catch a cold any day now.”
“Yes ma’am,” Yuji said, scrubbing a plate as he smiled softly. “I really appreciate it.”
Suddenly, the front door opened, and Gojo walked in, shouting casually, “I’m home, everyone!”
Quick, soft footsteps could be heard pattering against the floor as your daughter ran up to Gojo, holding her arms out.
“Daddy! You’re home!” She giggled as he lifted her.
“I’ve missed my little muffin so much,” tickling her, he said, “did you have a good day? I think my little girl has grown a couple of inches since I last saw her this morning! Did she grow? Hm?”
The sound of your daughter’s laughter made Gojo smile brightly.
As he held her, he walked into the living room and ruffled Megumi’s hair.
“Cut it out,” the teenager frowned.
“Good to see you too,” Gojo paused, pressing the back of his hand against Megumi’s forehead. “You’ve cooled down a little since this morning, that’s good. I’ll give you some more medicine later on, okay?”
“Okay,” Megumi mumbled.
Gojo slowly put his daughter down. “I’m gonna go say hi to Mom, okay? Keep an eye on Megumi for me.”
“Okay!” Your daughter happily replied. “I can keep an eye on Meg-mi!”
When Gojo made his way into the kitchen, ruffling Yuji’s hair as the boy walked passed him on his way to join Megumi and your daughter in the living room, you instantly stopped chopping your vegetables.
You wrapped your arms around your husband’s neck.
“Hi baby,” he greeted, kissing your lips softly. “I missed you.”
“Missed you too,” with a smile, you looked into his eyes. “Did you have a good day? Kill any curses?”
“I had a great day. Didn’t kill any curses, though. I was just stuck in a bunch of meetings with the higher-ups,” Gojo said softly, his face only inches from yours, his hands on your hips. “What’s on your mind? You have that look in your eyes.”
“Well,” you paused. “I know they’re teenagers, and they’re very strong and independent, but . . . I can’t help but feel protective over those boys. I love them both like they’re my own. Last week, Yuji accidentally called me mom. He was just so excited when he saw the new clothes I got him for winter, and it slipped out. And it just made me think that, well . . . Maybe he should be able to call me mom. Both he and Megumi. I wanna adopt them.”
Gojo was silent for a moment, which made you frown a bit in worry. Suddenly, he kissed your pouty lips. It was a soft, passionate kiss — one that told you just how much he loved you.
“I think that’s a great idea,” he mumbled against your lips once he pulled away.
“I just think that those boys deserve a place to call home, and that school certainly isn’t it, especially when the people who run it don’t care about their lives at all. It’s just horrible.” Your frown deepened. “And we have more than enough room here, too. We can keep them safe and happy.”
“Let’s go tell them.”
—
Yuji, Megumi, and your daughter were all sitting in the living room, enjoying each other’s company.
The sight of it only confirmed that you and Gojo were making the right decision.
“Hey, we need to talk to you three,” Gojo said.
Megumi grabbed the remote, switching off the television as he struggled to sit upright.
“What’s going on?” Yuji asked, sitting on the floor as your daughter sat down beside him.
“Well, we noticed that you and Megumi have been spending a lot of time here recently.”
Gojo’s words sent an all too familiar heartache through Yuji’s chest. He frowned sadly.
“They’re about to tell me to go away,” Yuji thought. “I knew this wouldn’t last.”
“Me and Gojo decided that it would be best for-”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain. I get it. I can leave.” Yuji suddenly cut you off, trying his best to hide his pain behind a smile. Slowly, he started to get up, and your daughter grabbed ahold of his pants leg, looking up at him sadly. “I’m sorry if I was a bother. Thanks for everything.”
“Woah, Yuji, where are you going?” You called out, watching the teenager head for the front door.
“Yuji, stop,” Gojo stood up from his seat.
Yuji, who was almost out of the living room, instantly stopped walking. But he didn’t turn back around.
Quiet sniffles could be heard. No matter how hard he fought, or how much he had been through, he wasn’t strong enough to hold back his tears.
The pain of feeling unwanted was simply too great.
He tried to wipe his tears away quickly and silence his little sobs, as he didn’t want to make you and Gojo feel guilty for not wanting a dangerous vessel like him around.
Slowly, Gojo approached his crying student. “Yuji, you have it all wrong. We don’t want you to go anywhere.”
Yuji didn’t respond.
Gojo placed a comforting hand on the crying boy’s head.
“Me and Y/N are going to adopt you,” Gojo smiled. “Looks like you’re my son now.”
“We wanna adopt you too, Megumi,” you said, smiling at the stunned teenager. “We want you to be our son too.”
“I don’t get it — why?” Megumi asked rather sadly. The pain of being unwanted.
“Because we love and care about both of you, so why not?” You said.
“You guys . . . You want to adopt me?” Yuji turned around, his wide, glassy eyes shiny with utter shock. “This isn’t some sort of prank, is it?”
“Of course not,” Gojo grinned at Yuji, before turning his attention towards his daughter, who was starting to tear up when she saw that Yuji was about to leave. “You’re going to have two new brothers, muffin!”
Your daughter smiled brightly, standing up and she ran over to the couch, throwing her arms across Megumi to hug him. Then, she ran up to Yuji with open arms, and he bent down and hugged his future little sister.
“This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Yuji said, flickering his eyes between you and Gojo. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I promise that I’ll be the greatest son ever!”
Megumi, who stared at his lap as he tried to process everything, suddenly spoke up.
“Thank you for everything,” he mumbled. “I really . . . Thank you.”
“Let’s have a group hug!” Yuji happily suggested.
“Great idea,” Gojo added on just as excitedly. “Everyone pile on top of Megumi since he can’t come to us.”
“Wait, wait, wait-“
Megumi’s new family instantly rushed over to the couch, hugging him and giving him more love than he could handle.
Truthfully, he had no idea how to begin processing this level of happiness, but he looked forward to learning what joy was like.
When Yuji cried this time, he didn’t bother stopping the tears. The warm and silly embrace was healing his soul in ways he didn’t know were possible.
His dream had come true — everything he ever wanted.
Yuji sighed in contentment as the hugging continued, a tear rolling down his cheek.
“Finally,” he said with relief.
He finally had a family.

Next part.
#dad!gojo#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x y/n#gojo x you#gojo x y/n#gojo fic#gojo fluff#fem reader#jjk gojo x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk fluff#jjk fanfic#jjk fic#jjk x reader fluff#gojo x reader fluff#jujutsu kaisen fluff#satoru gojo fluff
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i think what people need to understand is that no amount of essays assuring me of veilguard's strengths, of which i agree there are plenty, is going to change the fact that the emotional experience veilguard prompted within me (and for many others) while i played it was a deeply negative one. discomfort at best, painful at worst. im talking stomach aches. visceral, somatic creeping disappointment and dread that i tried to fight for hours and hours but eventually had no choice but to accept. i stopped wanting to play entirely around 30 hours. i felt vaguely ill. i felt anxious. i could not sleep for a few days. and im not saying i felt sick because it was so bad, but that i felt sick because of the sinking realization that i was about to be terribly, horribly disappointed after so, so long. you could call me dramatic and im sure someone will. idk what to tell you. my emotions manifest physically long before they become decipherable or understandable to me mentally, especially when they're 10 years in the making. probably an autism symptom. regardless, it was genuinely pretty awful, especially because i had immense good faith for this game. i was so hopeful and optimistic and generally thrilled and literally anyone who followed me before october 31 would know that. the emotional whiplash and crash was intense and devastating, and i was reeling for days. you cannot tell me that this experience was "wrong" or "toxic" due to it's negative nature. it was entirely involuntary and outside of my control, as i would expect many people's joy was. emotional reactions are not beholden to fandom discourse.
any post i have made criticizing the game since is attempt to make sense of the emotional roller-coaster of the past 10 years, this summer, and finally this game's release. i do not come on here and write out my criticisms of veilguard because i want YOU to dislike it too. the nature of my essays are not persuasive. if they do persuade you its just because i am a well-trained essayist. sorry. if they dont, great! that wasnt the point. i have no desire to change anyone's mind on the game, in fact i actually would not wish the disappointment i felt on anyone. the fact that i have a lot of followers who agree with what i say and who spread the thoughts i express across tumblr is literally out of my control. when i write out my long-winded criticisms, it is out of a need to express and externalize that sinking, cold feeling i had while playing, in pursuit of understanding exactly why playing that game felt that way to me. identifying, analyzing and verbalizing is the only way i have been able to process my experience. its confessional and therapeutic more than anything. it helps other people understand their own difficult emotional process with the game. its not an attempt to ruin your fun. my negative experience with veilguard does not invalidate anyone else's positive one.
i see so many posts acting like all criticism is an intentional, targeted hate campaign and i dont understand that assumption. to what ends? what would that achieve? why would i bother with such a thing? maybe that is some people's intention in the deep hater corners of this website, and im blissfully unaware. if it is, fuck them. its certainly the intention of annoying grifters, but i feel the distinction between transphobe grifters and devastated fans is pretty clear, so im not sure why the lines are deliberately blurred as if those groups are remotely similar. some of my criticisms come from a more objective place. the writing comes to mind, and it's a consistent criticism from thousands of players. but just because i consider it to be poorly executed, does not make it unlovable. and when i say that i think its poorly done, i am not saying that you cannot or should not love it, or that you are stupid for loving it. maybe someone out there is saying that!!! but i am not. things do not have to be perfect to be enjoyable. they dont even have to be well executed to be enjoyable. "i think x aspect of veilguard is poorly done for yz reasons" is a completely different sentence than "you should not like x aspect of veilguard for yz reasons". these are not the same statements. i see so many posts that are so vitriolic and acting like two experiences of this game cannot coexist, that one has to win and be objectively right, moralizing them on a false axis of positivity = good and negativity = bad, and acting like the existence of one negates the experience of the other. and why? why would that be true? i literally love so many things that other people think are absolute ass. i also love plenty of things that i myself think are actual ass. i love them anyway. this is allowed and really fun. i am not sure who told you that it is not.
however, i have just as much of a right to express my disappointment as you have to express your excitement. i am genuinely happy for everyone who loves the game, i am glad it resonated, or that you saw yourself in its characters, or that it just scratched your hyperfixation itch. but whatever je ne se quoi it had for you, it did not have for me. i have written out so much criticism about so many aspects of the game, but fundamentally what it comes down to and what i cannot express in words is that while i played after waiting 10 years for that moment, it felt wrong. it wasn't that i had specific expectations for game story that were not met, in fact, it exceeded my expectations in a lot of ways. i mean that in terms of how i felt, something was off. it did not resonate. it did not land. it did not hit the right cord with me. i did not have enough moments of joy to outweigh the feeling of emptiness. i did not walk away from it feeling the way that the previous games made me feel. and ive been trying to figure out exactly why that is for three months now by talking about it with people who feel similarly. i am not sure that i will ever be able to analyze my way into figuring it out. it might just have to simply be that it left me bereft.
and so my posts are not anti-veilguard hater propaganda to make you feel like shit for loving the game. rather, they are me verbally processing exactly why i feel like shit so i can hopefully stop feeling like shit. to assume that people who are trying to process these negative feelings are toxic and intentionally malicious is a projection made in bad faith. i love dragon age, and it is because i love it so much that it disappointed me, and it is because disappointed me that i have to verbally process it on tumblr.com so that i dont go absolutely insane. i tag my posts properly. i do not go into tags where i do not belong. i do not rage-bait. i am participating in post-partum dragon age therapy between me and my followers. if it ends up on your dash, sorry. my therapy is popular i guess. so please for the love of god enjoy the game, freely and enthusiastically. i am happy for you. i will sit here and be jealous that it spoke to something in your soul that it unfortunately did not speak to in mine, and nothing i say can take that away from you. please stop interpreting it as an attempt to.
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spreading the love

summary - harry’s fans LOVE you
pairing - fiancé!harry x reader
word count - ~2k
The fans absolutely loved you.
Probably more so than Harry sometimes.
You were often the subject headline of news articles that were actually about Harry. You were often asked about in interviews that Harry was doing. You were often stopped before Harry on the streets. Not that Harry minded in the slightest because, well, he understood.
Obviously, no one could love you more than he did but he understood the publics addiction towards you.
You hadn’t come from much and you weren’t a name people knew before you started dating Harry. Somehow, somewhere, along the way you had become a somebody.
And everyone adored you.
Whether it was your kind nature, you loving heart, your gorgeous smile or your generous soul, you never went unloved by anyone. Not even the cruelest hearted person could have anything bad to say about you.
You loved being involved with the fans too. You often gave a lot back to them just because they were the most dedicated and loyal people you knew.
You loved how much they loved your Harry.
“Hello, hello!” You tucked your hair behind your ear as you started your Instagram live.
Your viewers shot up from 3k to 104k in ten seconds - that’s how popular you had become with the fans and media.
“How are we all today? Feeling good? I’m feeling good since it’s a Friday. It’s my weekend off tomorrow.”
Everyone knew that you were an NHS nurse and did so much for the people you worked with and beside, which only added to the cause of people loving you.
ellaking107: what are you doing with your weekend off?💛
“Hi Ella! This weekend I am staying home with Harry. We have got a very boring weekend planned unfortunately. Our bathroom is having a redecoration and so we need to wait for the tile man to pop in at some point so he can start measuring up bits and pieces. I’m sure H will drag me for a run or to a pilates class too.”
You were situated in your lounge, lots of plants and good lighting surrounding you.
harryissmiling101: Where is Harry?
“Ummm, so Harry is currently at his mum’s. Maybe this is too much information, but his mum’s fridge broke and so all her food went off. Harry and I made loads of dishes though last night for her, so Harry’s dropped them all off along with a spare fridge we had. I know… Don’t ask why we had a spare fridge.”
You watched as you cat, Kira, came through the lounge door and hopped up onto the sofa you were sat on. You turned the camera so everyone could see her.
“My child says hello to you all. Don’t you Ki?” You began stroking her little black and white chin. “Oh you’re so gorgeous. I love you so much.”
haileyjudd: Harry or Kira?
“Hailey I can’t believe you’re even asking me that… Hailey said, choose between Harry and Kira. Honey, there’s no doubt about it. Obviously, Kira.” You laughed.
You knew some magazine would twist your words later and make it seem like you and Harry were going through a rocky patch in your relationship, but you knew the truth. Harry was completely whipped for you and there wasn’t a single chance he was leaving you. Ever. Then again, the feeling is very mutual.
Kira came closer to you and sat in your lap, nestling herself deep into the blanket you had draped over the top of you.
jammiiie: Are you single please?
“Hi Jamie, potentially.. maybe… Uh, no. I am not single and this will remain my answer indefinitely.” You smiled, thinking about how clingy Harry would get if you had read that out whilst he was say next to you.
Harry doesn’t get jealous, oh no.
He gets clingy. And you love it.
You love when he’s constantly doting on you; kissing you. He loved on you like he has to remind you your his (even though you always will be).
harriesassemble: Y/N can I ask you a question? My boyfriend told me that I have to shave (you know where) but I don’t feel comfortable doing that. How do I tell him? (Don’t answer if you feel uncomfortable)🤍
“Wait.. Hang on a second..” You spoke slowly, slowing the speed of the comments as you traced back to a comment that caught your attention.
“Hi, sorry I’m not sure what your name is, but I hope you are still here and know I’m speaking to you!“ You re-read out loud the comment posted so everyone knew what you were going to talk about. “So, first of all, girl to girl, if he is forcing you to do something as personal as shaving yourself then, my love, he’s not worth your time or breath.”
ophelialover: oh i am so here for y/n’s girl talk time
harrielover: y/n is so big sister coded
“Don’t do anything that you don’t want to do. Do not force yourself to be making changes to yourself just to please a man, or any significant other for that matter. If Harry ever forced me to make a change to myself I didn’t want, he knows where the door is. Seriously, honey, you’re perfect and never change unless you want to.”
harriesassemble: Thank you!🩷
kingsofharry: You’re amazinf Y/N <33
justkeepdriving: WE LOVE YOU Y/N

liked by y/nl/nofficial and 1,976 others
harriesassemble i can’t believe y/n just followed me i am in shock right now :((( she’s my favourite person in the whole world and everything they said to me this evening was just so special:(( im shaking so bad i love y/n so much❤️
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harryfan1 OH THIS IS SO COOL
harryfan2 omg you were who y/n was talking to??? congrats!!!!!
y/nl/nofficial You’re amazing!💛
harryfan3 we stan y/n
••••••••••
London was quite busy today.
Lots of tourists bustling through the city as well as the daily commuters wandering around on their lunch breaks.
Harry had decided to take the afternoon off since you also had it off, organising to take you for a bite to eat and a coffee at your favourite cafe.
It was a cafe bookstore, so you got to browse books whilst waiting for your food and then got to sit amongst the books whilst you ate. It was a dream fantasy of yours as a child and you’re grateful someone brought that fantasy to life.
Harry held your hand securely as you wandered through the London streets.
Luckily Harry had secured a paparazzi ban years ago that meant that no paps were legally allowed to take photos of Harry in London, so it was just fan photos that you had to be aware of.
“Angela asked me to give her your number again today.” You said to Harry.
“She’s relentless.” Harry laughed.
“She just wants to know when her future grandson-in law is going to become her in-law.”
“Baby, I’ve told you before - I’m not asking until I’m ready.” He squeezed your hand.
“No, I know. I just want Nana Angela to be alive when we get married.”
“She will be. I promise.”
You both came to a stop at a red pedestrian light. Harry pulled you back slightly, because he knew that you liked to stand far too close to the edge of the pavement.
You looked up to Harry, watching as he took in his surroundings through a pair of brown sunglasses.
“C’mere a minute.” You said, directing his head to face you.
You reached up and unclipped your claw clip from his hair and ruffled the locks until he had a messy middle parting. You bit the clip between your teeth as you messed with his hair.
“What was wrong with m’hair?” He chuckled.
“Prefer it down like this.” You shrugged your shoulders and clipped the claw clip to the top of your jumper.
You smiled at your handy work.
He looked even more handsome now.
As you crossed the road, you spotted someone with a Love on Tour tote bag. It was one of the newest ones. It was being carried by a girl in her early 20s, maybe.
You poked Harry and pointed him towards the girl.
“She had good taste in music.” He joked.
You didn’t mean to follow this girl, but only happened to stop at another pedestrian red light next to her. You stood beside her and noticed she had headphones on.
You couldn’t help yourself from nudging her shoulder. As you prodded her, she gasped and cupped a hand over her mouth in shock. She quickly took off her headphones and giggled a hi out.
“Love the tote bag!” You smiled brightly.
“Ha ha thank you! Oh my God I can’t believe you’re actually here right now.” She laughed.
“Yup. Both of us.” You pulled Harry a little closer into you.
“Hi, you alright?” He spoke shyly, as ever when he is introduced to someone new.
“This isn’t real! Holy shit.” The girl laughed the situation off. “I was nearly not going to wear this tote bag today as well.”
“Well it must be a good luck charm then.” You laughed. “Which show did you go to?”
“Wembley night 4.”
“Ahh!! The best one then!” You exclaimed, Harry chuckling from behind you.
You always did this.
You managed to make friends with absolutely anybody on the streets, over the smallest of connections. You especially loved making friends with Harry’s fans.
“Well I think so, but I might be biased.” She shrugged.
“It was one of our favourite shows, wasn’t it H?” You nudged him into the conversation, knowing that he struggles with that.
“Yeah definitely. Wembley was unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before.” He nodded with a smile, looking at you more so than the girl. “I’m glad you enjoyed it and thank you for the support, it means a lot.”
You internally smiled at the small spiel that you had prepped with him for occasions where he might bump into a fan.
“What was your favourite part?” You asked curiously.
“Sign of The Times in the rain.”
“Oh stop! You’re going to make me force Harry into to going on another tour ASAP just to experience that again.”
“Oh, because of course I can control the rain too love.” Harry laughed, which made you both chuckle with him.
“Shut up.” You judged him in the ribs. “Well it was lovely to meet you…”
“Emma.”
“Emma.” You smiled.
“Thank you for your continued support, Emma.” Harry added. “Would you like a photo?”
“Uh.. Y-yes? Yes please! If that’s okay with you?” Emma politely checked.
“Of course. Just as long as you wait a little bit to post it so our location isn’t instantly publicised.”
“Yes. Of course! Thank you.”
“Here, honey, give me your phone.” You held out your hand, thinking that she would have wanted you to take a photo of just her and Harry.
“You have to be in it too, Y/N!” Emma exclaimed.
“Yeah, Y/N/N.” Harry rolled his eyes at your silliness. “C’mere.” Harry roped his arm around your waist and brought you to stand slightly in front of him. Emma was directly next to you and you all smiled as she lifted her arm to take a selfie. Harry’s cheek was pressed near against yours.
“They okay?” Harry asked.
“Perfect. Thank you guys so much.” Emma smiled so brightly.
After you parted ways you couldn’t help but imagine how electric Emma must be feeling right now. Harry seemed to be happy too, because you were happy after such a heartwarming conversation.
Positive interactions just made for better days.
Later, Emma would post that photo and the comments were even more wholesome.
comment 1: the way y/n and harry are stood so close to each other
comment 2: the fact harry has his literal cheek pressed against y/ns makes me WEEP
comment 3: they look so happy i will cry
•••••••
Another place where you would find wholesome content from the fans was the world of social media.
Normally, with Harry’s previous relationship’s, they would get absolutely hated on social media. There would always be something that would get dug out from someone’s past which meant they weren’t “right” for Harry. All of it was bullshit and Harry’s previous relationships had ended because he never felt “right” with anyone.
Until you.
You were now sat with Harry’s family around a small fire pit in Anne’s back garden.
Her lovely house had a beautiful garden that was perfect for dinner evening drinks and conversations. You often think about returning here with Harry and his last name one day.
“Top up, Y/N?” Anne asked, holding out the bottle red wine up to your wine glass that empty on the table.
“Oh, no thanks Anne.” You warmly smiled.
You were comfortably nestled in Harry’s lap with a blanket drawn over the two of you. Harry was nursing his own red wine with one hand, whilst the other supported your back from where you were sat sideways across his legs. Your head was nuzzled just below his chin and your hands were busy fiddling with his necklaces.
“You okay, m’love?” Harry asked you, so only you could hear.
“Mhm. Wine has made me sleepy.”
“Rest if you need to, i’m right here.” He kissed the top of your head.
You pulled your phone out of your hoodie pocket and opened it up to Twitter.
You followed a multitude of Harry’s fans on Twitter, simply for the shits and giggles. It had become a challenge to see who would be the next person that you would follow.
Scrolling through Twitter you noticed a lot of people reposting a photo of you and Harry that got leaked today. You were both simply walking through the park, but the photo clearly showed you wearing Harry’s hoodie and everyone was screaming over it.
harriesunite: these are my parents
“H, baby, look.” You giggled as you showed him the tweet.
“Hmm?” He tucked his face down into your neck as he read your phone, and leaving your neck warm after he laughed.
“You’re such a dad, apparently.”
“Not yet I’m not.” He kissed your exposed neck, but only once when he remembered he was sat in front of his mum.
“Y’want to be?” You turned your head a little to the side to see him better.
“Whenever you want to be a mum, yeah.” He smiled so brightly.
“Soon.”
“Yeah, soon.” Harry nodded in agreement.
#harry styles#harry styles x reader#harry styles fanfiction#harry styles x y/n#harry styles fanfic#ask finelinevogue#harry blurb#finelinevogue#harry styles concept#harry oneshot#harry styles blurbs#harry styles fic#fic rec harry styles#harry styles fluff
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after my latest rewatch I am even more convinced that crowley really doesn't have the intense self-loathing issues he's commonly depicted with. like he has some regrets and bad memories and insecurities like everyone does, and he's under an insane amount of stress basically always, but he's very confident in who he is. he's not particularly happy about being a demon, but that isn't the same thing as hating himself for it. he hates hell, not himself.
like. he’s not upset about being called one of “the bad guys” because he agrees, he’s upset because he knows aziraphale is wrong, and because this is evidence that aziraphale still believes in a philosophy that has divided them since even before his fall. he has never once considered himself less than aziraphale or any other angel. I think it's clear that he's pretty offended by that implication, actually!
“crawly” as a name is too squirming-at-your-feet-ish for him because he knows who he is, and he sees value in that person. his depression and his worrying relationship with his own life and safety come from his feelings on god and predestination, not from self-loathing. crowley does not believe in the system. he doesn’t believe in the idea that people are purely good or evil, and he’s sure enough of himself to know that he's not either. that's why he's able to make the choices he does. he's able to act in the gray spaces between heaven and hell (see: job, the flood, the "virtues of poverty," armageddon, etc etc) because he is confident enough to make those decisions without worrying about what the powers that be say about what's "right" and "wrong."
that doesn’t mean that he’s not self-conscious. he’s very concerned with what humans think of him, what aziraphale thinks of him, and (out of self-preservation) what hell thinks of him. he hides his eyes and puts on a cool, flashy persona to hide the more vulnerable parts of himself. I think everyone does that, to a degree, but it's especially obvious in crowley because of how it manifests in his glasses. he's been burned (literally) before, and he knows better than to show weakness when he could be hurt like that again.
and re: the "I never meant to fall" thing--he's upset about being a demon, yeah, because the fall sounds like it sucked, and his job tortures him when he's Good or just Bad in the wrong way, and he's deeply lonely, and the love of his life has a complex about their relationship, and he's trapped in a system where he has to blindly follow one of two nearly-identical sets of bullshit morality rules or be executed. but again, he's mad at god, heaven, and hell for all of that. I'm sure he's angry at himself for all sorts of reasons often enough, because crowley is generally a pretty angry person, but he doesn't hate himself in any sort of existential "I am an unlovable monster" way.
maybe sometimes he regrets falling. maybe sometimes he thinks it would be easier if he never did. maybe sometimes he hates his fucking line manager and wishes he could do any other job for a while. but no part of crowley thinks that he is any worse of a person after the fall, or any less worthy of aziraphale's company. he just thinks aziraphale thinks that, because of the amount of times aziraphale has told him so.
#good omens#good omens 2#crowley#good omens meta#long post#if you are looking for a character with rampant self-loathing and self-doubt issues due to his relationship with god and heaven#may I introduce you to a guy called aziraphale ziraphale fell
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Alone
Pairing: Hokage!Kakashi x f!Reader
Summary: Kakashi comes home late, to find that you left a note stating that you want to be left alone.
W/c: 1k (she bite-sized but I love her)
Warnings: Swearing, Kakashi's possessive and worries a lot
A/n: this one is entirely based off of this Frog and Toad story, so I only felt it was right to include the picture from the story's resolution. y'all know i just adore this man as hokage. lmk if this sucks, yk, the usual.
Masterlist💿

It had been another long day for the new Hokage. He was tired, he was stiff, and all he wanted was a kiss from you. He should have given you ten more kisses than he actually had given you, this morning - but, he was rushing, he had an early meeting.
Fuck, what an idiot. He should've been seizing every moment he had to kiss you, but he didn't, not this morning. He was being a terrible husband.
What if you thought so, too? What if you were feeling neglected, or, worse, unloved? What if that was the reason why you left such a cryptic, worrisome note for him to find when he got home?
Dear, Kakashi, I am not at home. I went out. I want to be alone. Y/n
He put the prettily penned note back onto the console table and shed his official robes. They were getting hot. The entire foyer of your home was getting hot.
Turning back to the door, Kakashi opened it back up with a shaking hand.
"Alone?" He murmured to himself as he shut it, again. As he walked away from the Red House, Kakashi scoffed, "Why does she want to be alone?"
Trekking away from the house, he wracked his brain, conjuring up a list of places you may be.
So, he started simple.
And he thanked the stars he hadn't checked anywhere else, first.
There, you laid, way out in the middle of a very wide pond, just North of Hokage Rock, in a little valley filled with flora, fauna, and the like.
A huge, grey rock held you above the water, just high enough so that the small ripples in the pond, caused by the frogs and little fish, didn't bother your sleeping form at all. Dragon flies zipped about you, only gracing you with a small bit of wind, and hardly a tickle or aggravation. Thin, weaning rays of sunlight passed through the tree line as the ball of fire made it's descent of the sky. They painted you with little golden dots, just over the long pants and tank top you had on.
Kakashi, almost, didn't want to wake you.
Almost.
Walking atop the water's surface, Kakashi strode over to you carefully, making sure not to make any undue splashes. As he walked, he berated himself.
Because you could have been sleeping, at home. You could have been doing this within the sanctity of your home, not out, where someone could just grab you. Shit, see a pretty lady, in the middle of a fucking pond, unconscious? Kakashi's instinct would be to help, even if he didn't know her - but there were some bad characters, who would not be so inclined. Why couldn't you just be a little more mindful of that? Kakashi worried about you, and your safety, and your health, but you didn't seem the least at all concerned.
Approaching you near silently, Kakashi ran his index finger down the inside of your arm, feeling the tender flesh as you twitched so preciously.
Fuck - the reason why you didn't care about you was because you didn't know how much he cared about you. That had to be it. He was underserving you, and that was just fucking criminal.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart," he whispered, watching your eyes slowly open as he continued to tickle your arm.
You blinked and a smile rose to your face, it almost confused Kakashi.
Slowly, you sat up and shirked his touch in favour of a stretch. It almost bothered Kakashi, but he was very aware that he was in no position to be bothered by something so trivial.
"What are you sorry for, Kakashi?" You asked after a yawn, that same little grin on your lips as you looked into his eyes with a sparkle in yours.
A little embarrassed to be made to say it aloud, Kakashi scratched the back of his neck. Oh, grow the fuck up - apologize to your wife like a proper man, or else she'll resent-
"I'm sorry for treating you so poorly," he began, much to your surprise. Your smile continued to inch off of your face as he went on, "I've been so consumed with the duties of being Hokage, that I've been neglecting you. The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. I shouldn't have..."
You were laughing.
So quietly, a small snicker, a little giggle.
"I'm not unhappy, Kakashi," you grinned, shaking your head a tad.
"Then why did you want to go out, and be alone?" He asked, voice dipped in bewilderment.
Your smile had returned to simply rest on your face as you looked at him. Gently, you shrugged, and told him, "This morning, when I woke up, I felt good, because the sun was shining. I felt good, because I'm your wife. And I felt good, because I know I'm so, very loved. I wanted to be alone, so I could think about how wonderful everything is. That was all in the morning, and I had a very long meditation on this rock, then took an even longer nap. I wasn't aware of the time, and I thought I'd be home earlier- that you'd never even read the note."
Quietly, Kakashi sat down on the rock with you, knees suddenly weak. He had to take a few breaths, but, even then, he couldn't stop looking into your eyes.
Your beautiful eyes.
They didn't call him a fool, nor did they judge him for overthinking anything.
"Oh," he said lowly, after some time had passed. "I suppose that's a very good reason to want to be alone."
You just laughed, and stretched again, before standing atop the water. Extending your hand to him, you purred, "And now, I am glad to not be alone. Let's go home, and make dinner - I'm starved."
Kakashi took your hand gingerly. He stood and twirled you so that his arm rested on your shoulder naturally, as you maintained your hold of his hand. Bringing you close to his side, Kakashi just sighed contently, "I love you, sweetheart."
"I love you, Kakashi," you smiled up at him. "You really are a spectacular husband."
#kakashi x reader#kakashi hatake#kakashi fanfiction#hatake kakashi#kakashi x you#kakashi x y/n#kakashi fanfic#kakashi sensei#kakashi naruto#hokage kakashi
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Hi, hope you're doing well!! Regarding to your post about Jason admitting that he's not feeling loved by Bruce, i have a few things to add (as the unloved feeling child lmao)
My father is a disciplined man, especially in academic terms. He'd always make rude comments about me, this goes as far as threatening to abuse me physically if i'm not doing "enough". One time, he was arguing me about my academic success and he actually told me that how he brags to his coworkers about ME. How smart and easy-going i am, how my major is really hard and i always studied away from home starting from high school and i was so brave because of this. This took me aback because he rarely tells my face that i'm enough.
I felt that post, right in my soul. We know how Bruce talks about Jason to others after his death. And probably after he came back too. The JL members, friends at the galas... How jason was a bright kid, loving, strong, brave etc... But to his face? He never did.
So, picture me this. Jason finds out about this, when he is on a mission where he encounters another member of JL. They tell him "Bruce was right about you." and he assumes the worst, words like rough, violent, agressive etc. However, they hit him with the "You're really as good as he says."
And i feel like, this actually makes it worse for him. Why is it so much easier to talk about your love and pride on your kid to a stranger than to that kid directly? Jason feels not appreciated enough and he was fully accepting of that fact until that moment. But now, hearing the words he had ached so bad to hear from a stranger, he feels like undeserving of that appreciation. He had thought that no matter what he did, bruce would never be proud of him. Now he thinks that he just doesn't deserve to hear it. (Which probably makes shit worse because it would cause an anger in him, a rightful one imo)
This could be just me projecting lmao, because i actually started crying after reading that post. Love your works so much dude, you rock.
hi! firstly, totally can relate. though, my father is a lesser man than Bruce ever would be, and the situation between us is more complex, i certainly felt flabbergasted after hearing how he praises me to others, while we literally claw on each other's throat etc, etc. sending love.
secondly, y e a h-
that's right on point with canon, too! Bruce always admits to others that Jason is the best, one of the best kids he knew, but once he is faced with Jason himself, he says the complete opposite: "you were never meant to be Robin, you cannot handle this, etc". and that's of the main problems with their relationship, isn't it? Bruce always fails to show his true feelings regarding Jason to Jason.
he mourned him, he lost half of himself the day Jason died, and everyone keep thinking that Jason is ungrateful for doubting his father's feelings regarding that, but how Jason can know? how, if what he sees is this: his father, despite being his legal-adopted father, buried him under Todd surname, not Todd-Wayne. he buried him with Sheila as if mocking the cause of his death (in reality, I assume, Bruce never investigated the details of Jason's death, which is arguably worse). he made him them memorial as a good soldier, not a son. Jason's room (despite fanon) stopped existing at one point in the Manor. he continued picking up kids in the Robin mantle, as if Jason's death meant nothing - and he became just a precautionary tale, despite dying like a hero; as a hero that Bruce taught him to be. and the moment Jason actually comes back? he gets a batarang in his neck.
and, yes, we as readers know that for Bruce it was different - that he probably buried him not as Todd-Wayne and along with his mother because he thought that Jason would want this. that memorial wasn't his doing. that his grief is about hiding things and never mentioning him, about screwing his own memories and twisting narrative to calm himself down, to drown fault at least a little bit. that Tim's situation wasn't about Bruce's choice. but we are readers, we see all POVs. Jason cannot do that. he analyses what he sees, and what he sees is indifference bordering with hatred and despise.
so, yes, Bruce can tell Clark and others that Jason was the best out of them as many times as he wants, but at the end of the day is about being able to show it to Jason, both with words and actions. because at this point, he won't be able to convince Jason just with words.
#— lie answering#ranting asf tbh but-#jason todd#red hood#batman#dcu#dcu comics#dc universe#batfamily#bruce wayne#batfam
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This is the second time in the past month that I'm hitting dom drop a couple of days after spending time with multiple subs, and I just don't know how to ask for aftercare when it's not really from any one thing
any suggestions?
I think the first step should be figuring out exactly where your feelings are coming from. "Dom drop" is a very large category caused by a whole range of things. Saying "I'm experiencing dom drop and I would like aftercare" ideally would be enough but realistically is unlikely to garner the type of attention you need.
So
Is it physical; did you exert yourself, pull a muscle, strain some part of your body. Do you need a massage or heatpack or even just a break from harder tasks.
Is it a feeling of guilt; do you feel like a bad person, do you regret hurting them, are you thinking "how horrible am I that I enjoy hurting the people I care about. Do you need gentle reassurances of your value, do you need your submissives to tell you they aren't hurt and that they had fun, that they trust you, that they aren't scared of you, that they know you care for them.
Is this a feeling of loss; now that the euphoria of power and control has drained away are you feeling empty, do you feel that deep hunger for dominance. Do you need to reaffirm your dominance just a little.
Is it a feeling of loneliness; after such a big emotional scene are you feeling unloved, do you feel hollow and sad. Do you need to be held and comforted, do you just need someone to sit with an talk to.
There are of course any number of other things you could be feeling that are affecting you but maybe it's one of these or maybe thinking this way gives you a spark of inspiration. Once you know what you need asking is a lot easier.
I hope you get what you need, thank you for coming to me for help.
Ohhh
If your question actually meant "I can't force myself to ask because it feels like it makes me less of a dom" I'm smacking you upside the head and telling you to get over yourself and use your big kid words ^.^
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Honestly, could i have the reader talking with Eric (Creature Commandos) and like, basically telling him that maybe the reason why he's been chasing after bride for 200 years is because she was 'made' for him and he's too scared that if he let's her go he won't find love anywhere else and that he needs to apply himself elsewhere?
sorry if it would be OOC, but I have had this thought in my head for days now and I need to do something about it
also, thank you for all your content, I really appreciate it
I actually LOVE this idea. Look I am a certified Eric hater but I'm a suckered for a good redemption arc. Little note; for the sake of the plot, the reader has the ability to teleport themself and others.
Also that last little bit really tugged at my heart strings a little bit, I'm so glad you like them 🥹
It happened again.
Eric found Bride and is trying to "rekindle their love"; which for some reason, meant extreme violence and brute force. Luckily, you were there to help Bride in her battle against him.
"Why must you fight this, my bride?!" He yelled with anguish as the two if you tried to make a quick escape. Eric had launched himself twords Bride, and he would've gotten a hold of her if it weren't for you quick movements. Eric had grabbed you instead, and in a split second the two of you were gone.
When the two of you arrived at wherever ir was you sent yourself to, Eric threw you off of him.
"What? Where am I? Where is my-"
"ERIC!" You yelled. The silence afterward was deafening. You sighed as you back hit the wall. Sliding down and holding your head in your hands, you looked up at the man. "Do you ever get tired of all this?"
"Tried of what?!" He stopped his foot. 'He's no better than a toddler.' You thought.
"Of chasing after a woman who clearly has no intrest in you!" You snapped.
He scoffed and crossed his arms. "She is very much interested in me! This little game of cat and mouse is all just foreplay for her."
You cringed at his words. "I feel like if she's done nothing but run from you since the day she was created, maybe its a sign thar she doesn't like you."
"But-but she was made for me!" He groaned. "She made to be my bride!"
"Do you not see how terrible that sounds?!" You asked, raising your voice. "Her entire identity is tied to you. She hasn't had a moment of peace, because of you! You have to see how insane you look; chasing after a woman who - despite being made to be with you - DOESNT WANT TO BE WITH YOU!" You sighed. "Why do you keep chasing her?"
Eric just stared at you in disbelief. "Be-Because.... I...." He didn't really know. He slowly made his way twords you, sliding down to the spot next to you. "If the woman who was made to love me, doesn't even love me... then... then will anyone ever will? Am I that unloveable?"
You felt bad now. You couldn't image how he felt; chasing after the same woman for 200 years, one that he was promised would love him, just for her to hate his guts and fight him on sight. What he's been doing still isn't right, but he wasn't given a chance to grow.
Sighing, you placed your hand on his knee. "There's a common phrase for times like this. 'How can you learn to love another, if you can't love yourself'. Maybe that's what you need, a chance to focus on yourself before you find a partner."
"But I've dedicated my entire life to being with her... how am I supposed to just forget about her?"
"You don't have to forget about her, maybe just try redirecting your attention." You thought for a moment. "First, I think you need a friend."
"Ah yes, like Richard Flag!" He said cheerfully.
"Um, maybe not him." You said carefully.
Eric frowned, looking back at his boots in thought. "What about you?"
"Me?" You were taken back by his statement. "Why me?"
"Well, based on the movies and television shows I have seen over the years; a friend is someone who helps you with your woman troubles, and makes you feel better about yourself after a breakup. I have technically broken up with my Bride, and you were here helping me. Is that not what a friends is?"
You weren't quiet sure, in all honesty you only broight him here to give Brude a chancr to get away. But the more you thought about it, the less it seemed like a bad idea. "Okay, sure. I'll be your friend."
A wide smile grew on his face. "Oh how wonderful! We will be like Joey and Pheobe from the television show Friends! Have you see it?"
"I have." You said with a little chuckle. You watched as Eric began to describe his favorite moment between the two characters, but you couldn't help but internally hope that your words actually stuck with him. To you, Eric wasn't a horrible man. He was simply a child trapped in a man's body, a child who wasn't given a chance to learn or grow.
☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆
I hope you enjoyed this and if you have anything you would like me to personally respond to, message me or put it in my ask box because as of right now, Tumblr won't let me respond to comments :)
#creature commandos#creature commandos x reader#eric frankenstein#eric frankenstein x reader#fanfic#dc comics#dc comics x reader
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Re: The Tomb of Dragons ship situation/ending, spoilers for A Companion to Wolves and Angel of the Crows
Like I respect Addison's right to write the stories that feel meaningful to her, she doesn't have to just feed us fanbait, not every author has to do that
but I was white-knuckling up to the very last sentence of the book
I have trust issues ever since A Companion to Wolves, where the first book ends and you're like. I guess they have somehow found a way to survive and be happy in their unusual approach to society's sexual mores! And then the next book begins and it's like "Oh actually the main character is just resigned to permanent unhappiness with this, maybe he will dredge up a thin trickle of joy in life focusing on something totally different." And I'll be honest, I put that book down and never picked it up again, because I did the good girl Catholic thing and thought "Oh well I'll never experience sexual joy or deep enduring love but maybe I'll have like idk a career or some shit" long enough for one lifetime. NO MORE. I just gave up and went back to Every Marine a Wolfbrother.
And then Angel of the Crows was like, "I got shot down every single time I reached for queer joy or relationships and the one relationship that does remain is not really what I want or need and maybe I am a bit fundamentally unlovable, but I'll survive, we get by," and I was, again... I recognize this is not a story for me. It's not what I want from a story. But also, I am so disappointed and tired here.
So with this series I was just so much like... she does not owe us fanbait, I have trained myself to think it's tacky and bad to get upset that an author has not provided the exact kind of representation we want exactly how we want it. I watched the Good Omens fandom explosions and don't want to do that.
But at the same time. We have been hearing about the extreme gay agony of this beautiful muppet for FOUR BOOKS STRAIGHT. He is the world's most sopping wet little meow meow, and quite respectfully, if you do not want your fans to form a frenzy and start burning down uninhabited buildings due to an overload of unrequited textual sexual tension, MAYBE DON'T FOCUS ON IT QUITE SO MUCH.
So I'm here at the end of Tomb of Dragons going, "I guess I'm okay with this? I guess I can live? It's not exactly what I wanted and it's not delivered to the degree I wanted, but I guess we can get by here."
Is this what Stockholm Syndrome feels like? I literally don't believe Stockholm Syndrome is a real thing, I think it's been bunk since the day it was created, but also, this feels like what Stockholm Syndrome would feel like.
I will probably be able to like the new love interest! I can see myself in the future being happy with the way the story ended up going in, once I get over the fact that it went there! This makes sense and I can see it and reconciling all those feelings is what fanfiction's for!
I just also... am not so excited to see what else Addison's working on now. Because this overarching theme or emotional focus on the yearning for warmth and closeness and empathy and touch and desire, and the realization that you will just have to make do with slightly unsatisfying substitutes instead, is just way too similar to the defeatist ways I learned to approach life with when I was a child. It's exactly the mindset I wanted to get away from then and am still learning to let go of now.
I don't want to squash the fandom with my disappointment and negativity, and if fandom does just turn into everyone being angry and bitter that the author personally flipped them the bird and actually everything about these books is proof that they've always been shit, no thanks, not hanging out with that again. If I stick around, it's for Thara getting railed in exactly the way he wants in some happier future, and figuring out what that would look like.
#the goblin emperor#the tomb of dragons#the tomb of dragons spoilers#katherine addison#sarah monette#thara celehar
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rahhhh random rant because i’m angry hater mood i HATE HATE HATE people who think miss goldberg did anything to marvin. saw someone go “set those sails is a villain song and people need to accept miss goldberg is a bad person” i’m screaming and crying and clawing at the walls you don’t fucking understand it you don’t understand the goddamn musical.
in trousers is at its core about misogyny, that is its core theme, which is shown by how marvin hurts the women in his life, specifically his wife, his sweetheart, and miss goldberg. it would conflict the themes and narrative if miss goldberg hurt marvin, as this would diminish what marvin does to the other women. marvin does come up with excuses for his actions/ tries to garner sympathy in the musical (im talking 1979 vers here, i’m not as well versed on the 1985) he is immediately hit with trina shutting him down with her telling us how his actions have hurt her more than they’ve hurt him.
another thing is that the women are mostly not themselves, but rather versions of themselves that exist in marvin’s head. this doesn’t apply to trina, as she is the only woman in the musical who tells her own story. for example, your lips and me and its reprise tell us very specifically events that are happening in her life and how she’s feeling, she also tells her about her past. she also addresses marvin directly in breakfast over sugar.
whereas his sweetheart and miss goldberg do not have songs like this. “my highschool sweetheart” doesn’t tell us anything about his sweetheart other than that she’s his sweetheart, she’s a person, and that she wants marvin to pay attention to her more. but there honestly isn’t much in the musical to confirm that she actually is a person at all, she insists her own existence but marvin never pays attention to her or even addresses her existence, in childhood or adulthood.
miss goldberg is interesting. she doesn’t play into marvin’s fantasy and feels like more of a real person than his sweetheart, having her own personality and opinions. she also sings i am wearing a hat where she seems to tell part of a story that could be her own, though it doesn’t really get more specific than “i’m wearing a hat, i am unloved”. she never quite seems to behave like a schoolteacher either, within the story she seems to be more of a narrator, likely due to her importance in marvin’s story. she is the biggest case of marvin insisting his heterosexually, while also forcing him to realise he is gay. she is not actually herself within the musical, the real miss goldberg is probably nothing like her. this is an internalised version of her than marvin came up with, though it’s more authentic feeling than his sweetheart since her role is to pull marvin out of his fantasies, since she’s probably the only way marvin can actually be honest with himself and recognise his actions.
many people bring up the lines “you might tell me you’re a victim, you might get what you deserve, but i won’t excuse, boy i cant excuse, a boy who’s lost his nerve” which i will admit. do not sound great, incredibly suspicious even. but taken in the context that miss goldberg is not actually saying this to marvin, and actually it’s a version of miss goldberg that marvin has made up to make himself “behave properly” it starts to make sense.
marvin victimises himself a LOT. he’s self aware enough to recognise when he does wrong but tends to refuse to believe that it’s truly his fault, and that he’s the victim somehow. this is pretty obvious in falsettos but it’s also true in in trousers. he sings a lot of songs trying to portray himself as the victim, facing a lot of opposition from the women. this is shown in How Marvin Eats His Breakfast where he is sure that he’s in the right and is the victim because he’s not getting what he wants, and the women in the song directly oppose him by describing all the insane things he’s doing and even insulting him. it’s also shown in The Nausea Before the Game, where he’s lamenting about how his life is so hard, and how trying to live up to societies expectations is nauseating (this is a very simplified analysis of the song, i do actually thing marvin’s feelings in this song are valid but that’s an entirely different conversation). the song transitions into his wife singing about how she met him, how he ghosted her for weeks but then came back. that part of the song is much more tragic than marvin’s, essentially telling the listener that while his feelings are valid, he also seriously hurt and damaged this woman, and that that cannot be forgotten. the musical never ever lets us believe that marvin is the victim, despite his insistence.
and then every pony, is what i think the first line of that quote is referring to. how marvin is convinced that he is the victim, he is telling *himself* that. and the part of himself who knows that isn’t true manifests as miss goldberg to tell him that no, no you aren’t. no matter what marvin says, he will never be the victim, he is the one hurting others.
“you might get what you deserve” is slightly more difficult. i can’t really tell if it’s positive or negative. it could either refer to how he got what he deserved by being in a loveless marriage, or how he got what he deserved by leaving his wife and kids (and bird) to leave with whizzer. personally i think it’s the second, going with how marvin is convinced that he’s the victim, he’s convinced him leaving his wife for whizzer is what he deserves after going through so much. he thinks he deserves something good for once. and like yay bro for breaking out of your forced heterosexuality but did you have to destroy your wife’s entire life in the process? when i say marvin isn’t a victim i do mean in the context of the musical, marvin is very much a victim of society and heteronormativity, but he is NOT a victim of any of the women in the musical, which he likes to pretend he is. it’s easier to blame them than himself.
“but i won’t excuse, boy i can’t excuse, a boy who’s lost his nerve.” much simpler to understand, the miss goldberg inside marvin’s head is very much the voice of outside influence, aka wider society, the one that expects him to conform. she can’t excuse him “loosing his nerve” by deciding to cheat on his wife with a man and run away with said nerve.
anyway i hope this yap session help y’all understand that marvin was never harmed by miss goldberg (nor do i think he did anything to her, other than probably be off putting and creepy like an average 14 year old is) i doubt anyone will see this but i loooooove talking about this stupid musical so ask questions please please please or else i’ll post 5 MILLION of these because i can’t stop thinking about this musical
#in trousers#in trousers musical#falsettos#the marvin trilogy#marvin falsettos#marvin trilogy#marvin gardens#whizzer falsettos#marvin in trousers#trina weisenbachfeld#falsettos trina#in trousers trina#his wife#his wife in trousers#his sweetheart#his highschool sweetheart#his sweetheart in trousers#miss goldberg#miss goldberg in trousers#guys it’s 2am#i have college tomorrow#rant#yap#autism
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Favorite character from Greek mythology + favorite myth from Greek mythology?
Favorite characters
I'll turn this into a tag game : @margaretkart @dootznbootz @sarafangirlart @aliciavance4228 @katerinaaqu @hermesmoly @go-rocksquadsfan @sanska @vint-knight .
And @anon (you can give your answer in another ask 😉).
So, I have a loooooooot of faves. This list is long.
Here are mine :
Nobody. Yeah, in reality, I hate mythology and just pretend I like it. Or I just love making puns about my favorite lying war criminal. Who didn't cheat btw.
Penelope. These two are soulmates, no ifs or buts. I always found her underrated and @dootznbootz 's ramblings on her confirm that. Cunning and sassy half-naiad queen.
"The delian twins", as I like to call them. Idk I really love their multifaceted natures of protectors and deadly huntress/inflictor of illnesses (with an affinity towards plague). And their familial bond is precious. And I like them both equally, even though I talk about Apollo a bit more ig.
Leto. She's precious. They're always ready to defend each other. Like when Apollo and Artemis killed Niobe's kids because she was disrespectful to Leto. Or when Leto came in to save her son from being thrown in Tartarus by Zeus. Or when baby Artemis helped her mother deliver her brother. She fought for her children and now they fight for her.
Hestia. Too bad there isn't more about her because I relate a lot to the concept of chilling at home and staying away from drama.
Ariadne. Because of her family's tragic history, her healing from it with Dionysus (in most versions) and overall, she's great. Also, it's funny how Theseus wanted to marry a child of Zeus but his ex girlfriend actually succeeded 😂. Speaking of her family tragedy...
Asterius. I bet most adaptation authors don't know who I am referring to 🤣. He's a man-eating monster, yes, but he grew up isolated, trapped and unloved. I feel so bad for him.
Perseus. The GOAT. Partly thanks to @sarafangirlart. I already liked him since I always knew he wanted to save his mother, but he genuinely grew on me since I read her posts. That and when I learned of his war against Dionysus. Extremely underrated story.
Athena. Idk I don't think I need to elaborate on why she's cool.
Hades. In retellings, I often hate him because he's either woobified or made into "Greek Satan" (at least in Disney he's fun), but he's genuinely cool in mythology. Morally gray Hades save me.
Hermes. From birth, he was always a little trickster. I love how many functions he has (messenger of the gods, god of merchants, thieves, communication, also a psychopomp btw). A very energetic and helpful god.
Asclepius. I think I should make a post explaining why he's great because, yeah, I don't talk much about him even though there are things to say (yeah it's because I did a lot of research on him).
And... finally... Dionysus 🤣. Of course he made it in this list. I dedicated a whole essay series about this god, come on !
Honorable mentions : Hector, Andromache, Menelaus, Demeter, Telemachus, Hephaestus, Hippolytus, Danae, Ares and many others.
Favorite myths/plays/poems
I already answered that but can't find the post. So I'll do it again, with some new answers in mind. Basically "the myths with the characters on the list".
It's either because they're that compelling or just hilarious.
The homeric cycle. Ok, an easy one.
The Bacchae by Euripides (mandatory reading if you want to understand Dionysus imo. No excuses).
The frogs by Aristophanes. Because it's funny.
Asclepius' story. Seriously I'll elaborate on it one day.
Hermes' birth story. Him stealing Apollo's cows and Apollo getting mad at his scallywag of a brother 🤣🤣. And then just him winning Apollo over with the lyre.
Pirithous and Theseus getting their asses stuck on a chair (yes this is my title for this story). I love to mock these two, especially Pirithous because... give this man a Darwin award please. No thoughts and no survival instincts in his brain 😂.
Orpheus and Eurydice. Simple but powerful.
The Argonautica. Aka a huge crossover. Seeing more interactions between all these heroes would be awesome (especially if we take every version into account 👀. So many faces...). It's funny how I love the Argonautica but never talk about Jason himself 🤣🤣. The embodiment of the protagonist who's less interesting than the other characters.
Perseus' war against Dionysus. A potential retelling about this myth would go so hard !! Especially since we could get a scary Dionysus. Hopefully it doesn't get ruined :(
Edit : some English mistakes I had to correct.
#greek mythology#greek myth discussion#ask#maybe i don't talk that much about Asclepius because he's not disrespected in adaptations#he's inexistent most of the time and that's a shame. which is why I chose to write up something about him btw#not a reblog
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BESTIE BESTIES OMGGGG I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING SO DEPRAVED OMGSJSJKSK. Older!Coach!Ari is a famous sports coach/trainer and is training reader on her upcoming badminton match. Basically reader is a typical rich brat and is constantly butting and being bratty with Ari, but deep down all she wants is to be praised and coddled. Ari at first hates her bcs rich girlies are annoying but then once he recognizes that her brattiness is all just an act and that she's actually just a soft hopeless unloved bean irl, he starts coddling her and praising her for playing good badminton. Like calling her a good girl, rubbing her hair, making her eat etc. Plus he's got all these cute nicknames for her.
And the best part!!!! Reader wears these pastel short ass tennis skirts (yk the ones!) and just practices her badminton in them. They're so cute and short that her lil ass is always peeking and every time she bends down to grab the shuttle, Ari can see her pretty pink panties. Ari would just come up behind her and slap her ass or hold her arm and try show her how to throw properly (yk the typical move where guys get behind the girl and teach her how to do something??). She's sooo tiny next to him and so soft and shy and bratty. He'd finger her right there on the practice ground and would scold her for trembling or moaning too much or not throwing the shuttle properly. Or he'd slap her baby cunt when she's being bratty or he'd make her go down on him and go down on her in the showers. He'd do everything but fuck her (plus points if she's a virgin owwww) and reader begs for it alllll the time but he'd always reject until!!! The reader finally wins the competition she was supposed to be trained for and Ari finallyyyy fucks her because she did such a good job. Basically it's just filthy and crazy and adorable. just everything is so rough and depraved but also soft???? Kill me.
This is so long and not coherent at all. I am sorry 😭. SHOULD I WRITE A FIC ON THIS????
Oooh bestie this is so hot! I’m no expert with moodboard, but I put something together 🫣









I can totally imagine beefy dilf tennis coach!Ari, he’s super strict with his students and always seems to be in a bad mood. He doesn’t even train girls because he thinks they don’t belong in the courts, but you’ve decided tennis is your new hobby and your rich dad pays the best coach around (Ari) to teach you… 🤔🤔
And Ari doesn’t even take you seriously, always calling you a “spoilt little girl” and “daddy’s little princess who hasn’t worked a day in her life” 😭 But you’re all sunshine and giggles and so soft and sweet and cute in your pastel tennis dresses and designer racquets and special pink tennis balls! And you’d pout at him like, “Please, sir, I just wanna be as good as you 🥺 won’t you help me?” And dilf!Ari tries to resist because you’re like half his age (🫣) and also bc you’re an annoying privileged brat but he can’t help but cop a feel when he’s trying to teach you how to stand and how to swing and all that. Just his fingers brushing against your butt or the way he grips your hips as he positions you on the court 🫠 and he can’t help but get excited and happy when you do well in practice, although he tries to hide it and keep up his grumpy, disinterested persona.
I can totally imagine you skipping over to sit in his lap during breaks, perched on his knee all innocently while Ari’s eyes practically bug out of his head at how cute you look, your pastel pink tennis skirt flaring up with the wind, the front of your dress all wet bc you’re swigging your water while making eye contact with him as half the bottle drips down your front. And Ari’s so hard because you smell like candy and you’re just so cute and sexy and little but he can’t, so he shoves you off all like, “watch it, little girl. I’m your coach, not one of your boy toys that you play around with.” And you just bat your lashes at him like, “I wouldn’t mind if you played around with me, daddy.”
And Ari just can’t take it anymore, and he drags you into the court changing rooms and pulls you over his knee and gives you a good bare bottom spanking 😳😳😳 “You want to act all slutty on my courts, little miss princess? I’ll show you what happens if you even try.” And he just spanks you till your ass is raw and then he makes you practice doubly hard but he can’t help but notice how submissive and cute you look and how you seem so interested in him and how he could really teach you a lesson or two (not to do with tennis). So he fingers you as a reward for practicing so hard, “And guess what, princess? Daddy can make you feel even better if you keep being good for me.” And you work sooo extra hard in your tennis bc you want to impress your daddy (Ari) 😌😌😌 and bc he promised to make you feel good! And you want to have sex with him soo bad bc you’re a virgin and you’re so ready but Ari won’t 😭😭😭 you’re like, “Please daddy, I’ll play even better in the competition if you fuck me🥺🥺🥺” And he slaps your baby cunt and tells you that daddy knows best and he’ll fuck you when he pleases 😭😭 ALSO THIS IS ALL KEPT A SECRET FROM YOUR FATHER OFC.
And I’ll stop there but bestie you inspired me so much!!! And idek where this all came from!!! I love this cute lil tennis concept you came up with!!! I just couldn’t help but keep writing bahahaha 💕💕💕🫣🫣🫣🌸🌸🌸🥰🥰💞💞
#AHHHHH#ari levinson#ari levison x reader#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans#chris evans x reader#Ari drabble#jeonsbbyeal
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Okay. I kinda want to walk through what I think is happening in each of their heads during the conversation. For my own sake, mainly, but who knows, maybe someone else will find it useful. Spoilers ahead, obviously. (Also fair warning that this is long and I expect nobody to actually read it; this is mostly for me.)
So let's establish first where they are when Blitz arrives.
Blitz hates himself. He's on the path to healing after making up with Fizz, but it is a very long road ahead. So if you can imagine it as a spectrum where "hates self" and "loves self" are on opposite ends, maybe he's not all the way at the hates self end anymore, but he's still pretty darn far over that way. So Blitz is arriving thinking he's unlovable, that he makes everyone's lives worse, and that Stolas is possibly getting bored of him. We also know from his half of the duet that he genuinely looks forward to these full moon nights and likes their arrangement. Makes sense. It provides him with the comfort of what he thinks is the closest he can get to an actual relationship where all he has to give is something he knows that he can and that he's good at (sex). He wants to keep the arrangement going. Yes, for a way to earth, but also for Stolas. This, in Blitz's mind, is the only way he gets to keep him.
Stolas is likely unmedicated for his depression, since this show doesn't show us things like him being out of his pills as just a throwaway joke; it's important. Anyone who has ever had depression knows that it just loves to remind you of the worst things about yourself, most of which aren't even true. It tells you that you're worthless and unlovable. We can see this in the way he's covered everyone but Octavia in the artworks in his home, mirroring Blitz scribbling himself out of photos. He's been in a dark place. But Stolas is also being so brave, ready to ask Blitz to love him anyway. To choose him of his own free will, the way it should've always been. His depression is making it hard, but he's going out on the limb anyway and hoping Blitz will catch him.
"I need it back...permanently."
Blitz starts panicking. He reacts like a puppy that's been told it's a bad dog. He starts promising that he can be good, he can do better. He can fuck Stolas like nobody else can.
Stolas rebuffs the advance and this is interesting to me-- Blitz slips into his dom persona a little, trying to regain control of the situation. He calls Stolas "bitch" and pushes his legs apart, lowers his voice to be seductive. And it alllllllmost works, just for a second, as Stolas blushes and starts to fall under the spell of it all. But then he gets himself back under control and reasserts this new boundary.
Blitz immediately drops the act and starts to beg with genuine distress, tears in his eyes even, and up until this point, I won't argue with you if you try to tell me that it's all about the grimoire. I disagree, but I'll let you get away with telling yourself that. Right up until this point.
Because this is when Stolas holds out the crystal and everything changes.
Their fucking leitmotif or whatever you call it, I don't know music terms, it starts playing, changing from the dramatic, ominous music before. Blitz starts inspecting the crystal like he doesn't believe it's real.
Let's be clear: he knows what an Asmodean crystal is and what it does. He's seen them before at least twice, both in 2x05. So it's not that he's in disbelief or confusion about what it does or that it exists. It's that Stolas is giving it to him that's taking him aback.
"You no longer need my grimoire." "Whaaaat?"
Because all Blitz is hearing is "you don't need me now. I can be rid of you without guilt."
"I don't understand. Why are you giving me this? Am I not fucking you good enough? Because I can always do better."
Let's take a second to pretend we're in a world where Blitz has zero feelings for Stolas. That this has always just been about getting to earth. In that world, Blitz never says this line. In that world, Blitz splits right here. He has the crystal in his hands. He knows what it does. He is officially 100% free at this point.
But we don't live in that universe and this line proves it. Blitz thinks he's being cast aside and instead of seeing it as his chance at freedom from Stolas, he's begging to be kept.
I can do better. Don't throw me away.
"I care...very deeply for you. And I have for some time."
This is the face Blitz makes after that. The entire time Stolas is talking, he keeps looking between Stolas and the crystal while making this face, like he literally can't process what is happening. Of all the things he expected to happen tonight, this wasn't even on the list. And remember: Blitz hates himself. Blitz genuinely believes he is unlovable.
Have you ever experienced something so surreal that it's almost like you left your body during it? Like your brain literally couldn't process that this was happening to you, so it's almost like you dissociate to the point that you feel like you're watching it happen to someone else? Because things like this don't happen! Not to you. These are things you see on TV or hear happening to other people. But to YOU? There's no way it's real.
"You don't have to stay here with me."
He looks ALARMED. Scared. The thought that he's about to lose Stolas genuinely startles him. He doesn't want what he thinks is happening. He doesn't want to be cast aside. If his choice is this or the chains, he'd rather the chains.
But. That's not the choice he's being presented. Because Stolas adds,
"But I want you to."
And Blitz's brain, his traumatized, mentally ill brain...just can not process that. No one wants to keep him. He's a commodity to be bought and sold and has been since his father sold him to Paimon as a child (which, by the way, I'm fairly convinced he thinks was Stolas's idea, not Paimon's). Maybe even before.
So his defense mechanisms kick in from this point on. Default to what's comfortable. It must be a sex thing! There's no way Stolas means this, so it's gotta be some weird roleplay. Well, he can do that! He can swoon and say he loves him (and if that hits a little too close to the truth, then fuck you, no it doesn't) and it's fine because this is fake. This can't be real, because things like this don't happen to someone as "worthless" as Blitz believes himself to be.
Blitz is trying to protect his own heart here, but what Stolas is hearing is rejection. Blitz playing it off as a joke must mean that Stolas is a joke for ever thinking Blitz could love him back. And why would he? Stolas doesn't see himself as lovable, either. One of his earliest memories is of Blitz "using" him to steal from the palace, never knowing that Blitz was only doing so on his father's orders, just as Blitz probably doesn't know that he was bought on Paimon's order, not Stolas's. He's a commodity, too.
Stolas's depression immediately puts him in a place where he can't see past his own pain and self-loathing. Blitz not immediately jumping into his arms must mean that all the worst things he thinks about himself are true. Blitz sees him as the monster he fears he is.
So he pulls himself together and starts to walk. And again, Blitz could leave here if he didn't care.
But the strangest thing happens. Blitz realizes that Stolas meant it. He even asks,
"Wait, you were being serious? Hold on, Stolas. What the fuck?"
He's trying to talk it out. He's trying to have the conversation. He's hurt and confused and in disbelief but he's not running from this. He's not letting Stolas walk away from him because he wants Stolas, and he's actively trying to keep him. They have to talk this through, and Blitz of all people is the one trying to pull Stolas back into the conversation.
"The fact that you couldn't believe that I could have these feelings about you, the fact that your first instinct is that it's always about sex, that's enough to know what this is."
See, what we have to remember is that Stolas doesn't have all the information we do. He hasn't seen the crossed out pictures, he didn't witness the flashback to the fire that killed Blitz's mom. Stolas hasn't watched Blitz cry himself to sleep or drink himself into a stupor after what he perceived as a public rejection at Ozzie's. Neither of them have all the information about each other that we, the audience do.
So when Stolas, who doesn't know that Blitz hates himself and thinks himself unlovable, hears that Blitz thinks there's no way that Stolas could love him, what Stolas hears is "you, Stolas, are an unlovable monster in my eyes."
It just confirms all the worst things Stolas thinks about himself. It's a literal, "it's not you, it's me," situation, but Stolas can't see that because he doesn't have all the information.
And here's what's even more interesting. Blitz doesn't think it's over like Stolas does. He's not rejecting Stolas.
"Fuck you, Stolas. You spring this feelings bullshit on me, are you fucking kidding? Can I get a fucking minute to think after everything you put me through, you pompous, rich, asshole?"
This is Blitz saying that this is all very unexpected for him, but he's not saying no. He's saying "give me a minute, let me think. Don't take my first reaction in the way that you are. I was surprised. I was in disbelief. Give me a fucking minute to PROCESS."
But by this point, it's too late. Stolas's self-loathing has taken the driver's seat in his brain and all he can hear is that Blitz hates him, that he is unlovable, that he's a monster, that he's all the things he feared were true, and the person telling him that is the person he cared (second) most for in the entire world.
Blitz's defense mechanism is fight. Stolas's is flight. And so when Blitz unloads on him like that, Blitz is trying, in his own messed up way, to have the conversation. To work this out. To be honest for once and see if they can get somewhere now that the dam has been broken. While Stolas...his instinct is to flee. And since he's the one with the magic portals, guess what happens?
"I didn't realize you think so low of me."
You can tell by Blitz's reaction that he realizes they're not having the conversation he thinks they are. He realizes in that instant that Stolas isn't going to yell back with him. They're not going to scream at each other until they get it all out of their systems and reach a catharsis. He's hurt Stolas, maybe in a way that they can't come back from, and he immediately shifts his demeanor.
"Stolas, wait. I'm so--"
And then it's over. He's been kicked out of the palace. Thrown aside, just like he feared he would be.
And each of them are left feeling like the other thinks they're a monster, because neither of them realize that the only person who thinks they're a monster is themself.
I gotta go lie down, jfc.
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