#i just struggle a lot accepting people can feel now for me then hate or tolerate me

[solivagantingrebel]

hey guys who wants another round of tmi

[thecherrygod]

I've been having a specific thought all day and now it's 3 am so you know what that means <3

[vanessagillings]

I’m posting the ever-so-rare photo of myself alongside one of my characters based on my childhood because today is World Autism Acceptance Day, and I wanted to show my little corner of the internet who this particular autistic person is:  

I was officially diagnosed in February, at age 38 (I’m now 39). A lot of people thought I couldn’t be autistic.  Some people who know me in real life still don’t.  And until around 10 years ago, I didn’t think I could be either, because I was nothing like the stereotype media portrays. I was told that autistics lacked empathy (untrue), and never played make-believe (also often untrue) and only enjoyed STEM.  I was — and am — an empathetic artist -- and make believe?  I can spend days sketching finely bedecked bears brewing tea or carefully choosing the right words to weave tapestries of fiction — though perhaps my hyper focus was a bit of a red flag.  Even so, how could autism describe me?  I was a good student.  I got straight A's. I didn’t act out in class.  I can make eye contact…if I must.  And lots of girls hate having their hair brushed with an unholy passion, right?  Clearly I swim in sarcasm like a fish, so autism couldn't be why I was so anxious all the time, could it?

If someone had told me when I was younger what autism ACTUALLY is — instead of the nonsense I’d seen on screens — I would have seen myself in it.  I didn’t hear that autistics have sensory issues until I was in my mid-twenties, which is when I first began to really research autism symptoms, and I had almost all of them:  sensitivity to light, smells, fabrics, temperatures, textures, and certain touches, all of which make me feel anxious, I fidget (stim), I never know what the hell to do with my hands or where to look, I talk too little or too much, I have special interests, I have entire animated movies memorized shot-by-shot and can remember the first time and place I saw every movie I've ever seen but I often forget what I'm trying to say mid-sentence, I echo movies and tv shows (my husband and I have a whole repertoire of shared echolalias, making up about 20% of our conversations), I was in speech therapy as a kid, I have issues with dysnomia and verbal fluency, I toe-walk, I can't multitask to save my life, I like things just-so, I’m deeply introverted but not shy, I need to recover from all social interaction — even social interaction I enjoy — and I find stupid, every day things like grocery shopping, driving and making appointments overwhelming and intensely stressful, sometimes to the point where I struggle to speak.  It turns out, I am definitely autistic. My results weren't borderline. Not even close. And while these aren’t all of my challenges, and not everyone with these symptoms is autistic, it’s definitely something to look into if you present with all of these things at once. 

So why did it take me so long to get diagnosed? The same bias that exists in media threads through the medical community as well, and because I'm a woman who can discuss the weather while smiling on cue, few people thought I was worth looking into. Even after I was fairly certain I was autistic, receiving an official diagnosis in the US is unnecessarily difficult and expensive, and in my case, completely uncovered by my insurance.  It cost me over $4000, and I could only afford it because my husband makes more money than I do as a freelance illustrator — a job I fell into largely because it didn’t require in-person work; like many autists, I have been chronically underemployed and underpaid, in part due to physical illness in my twenties, which is a topic for another day.  But it shouldn’t be like this.  It shouldn’t be so hard for adults to receive diagnoses and it shouldn’t be so hard for people to see themselves in this condition to begin with due to misinformation and stereotypes. Like many issues in America, these barriers are even higher for marginalized groups with multiple intersectionalities. 

It’s commonly said that if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person.  This is why it’s called a spectrum, not because there’s a linear progression of severity (someone who appears to have low support needs like myself might need more than it seems, and vice versa), but because every autistic person has their own strengths and weaknesses, challenges and experiences, opinions and needs.  No two people on the spectrum present in the same way.  And that’s a good thing!  No way of being autistic is inherently any better than any other, and even if someone on the spectrum struggles with things I don’t — or can do things I can’t — doesn’t make them more or less deserving of respect and human dignity.

But speaking solely for myself, the more I learn about autism, the happier I am to be autistic.  I struggle to find words and exert fine motor control, but my deep passion and fixation has made me good at art and storytelling anyway.  I find more joy watching dogs and studying leaf shapes on my walks than most people do in an entire day.  More often than not, the barriers I’ve faced weren’t due to my autism directly, but due to society being overly rigid about what it considers a valid way of existing.  My hope in writing this today is that maybe one person will realize that autism isn’t what they thought — and that being different is not the same as being less than. My hope with my fiction is to give autistic children mirrors with which to see themselves, and everyone else windows through which to see us as we actually are.

If you’re interested in learning more about autism or think you might be autistic, too, I recommend the Autism Self Advocacy Network  autisticadvocacy.org and the following books:

What I Mean When I Say I’m Autistic by Annie Kotowicz

We're Not Broken by Eric Garcia

Knowing Why edited by Elizabeth Bartmess

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price, PhD

Loud Hands edited by Julia Bascom

Neurotribes by Steve Silberman

(trigger warning: the last two contain quite a lot of upsetting material involving institutionalized child abuse, but I think it’s important for people to know how often autistic children were — and are — abused simply for being neurodivergent).

Thanks for reading 💛

[zombie-bait]

Full Moon

Ok so I don’t normally post about Helluva Boss but the newest episode touched on an interesting concept I haven’t necessarily seen represented in media. Back when I was on Twitter (derogatory) a few years ago there was this now deleted viral thread where someone discussed how their struggles with mental health affected their relationship with their partner and I haven’t stopped thinking about it since. 

This is such a good, short example of how anxiety and depression can play tricks on you. It becomes so easy to envision yourself as a nuisance, a constant burden to those closest to you because they cannot possibly genuinely enjoy your company, right? But in doing so you create this arbitrarily cruel version of the people you love, people who would otherwise never behave like this outside of your own mind.

It's mean. Because your mind wants to be mean to you under these circumstances. It wants to put everyone else's emotions and desires above yours, both in worthiness and validity. And that starts bleeding into your understanding of other people, especially those you care about.

Now. Helluva Boss.

"Can I get a fucking MINUTE to think after everything you put me through you pompous rich ASSHOLE? Treat me like one of your little butler imps, you can’t just dismiss me like that! I mean, you royal fucks think you can do this every time, like you can just play with our feelings because we’re smaller and not as important. Well I’m not letting you, BITCH! Let’s go!" - Blitz

I find it really interesting how Helluva Boss decided to approach this conflict between Stolas and Blitz. Obviously, the difference in power matters. It's the underlying tension of their entire relationship and their lives. Stolas is burdened by the mountain of expectations thrust upon him from a very young age while Blitz is constantly reminded that he can NEVER be part of that world, that he is "smaller and not as important" not just in Hell's hierarchy but in his own life and family. Stolas very literally has power over Blitz (through the grimoire, the arrangement, his position in society) and Blitz uses their relationship as an excuse to reverse those roles. But that power dynamic, in one form or another, never truly goes away. And for Blitz, it's a lot easier to paint Stolas as this manipulative symbol of power and himself as nothing more than Stolas' plaything. It's easier to be angry than to be vulnerable and accept that someone might care about him.

"Dismiss" is the keyword in that quote. All that Blitz has been able to process is that Stolas has decided to end the relationship that they have. He feels ls like a choice has been taken away from him so he lashes out because he's not ready to emotionally tackle what the rest of Stolas' offer might entail. If Stolas hates him, just wants to play with him, then he is justified in his anger, his self-destruction, his isolation. If the world is mean, you're "allowed" to be mean back.

But

In that moment he forgets that Stolas is someone he actually cares about. Someone he's known for way too long and clearly wants to keep in his life, no matter how reluctant he can be to admit it. Someone who is not innately cruel or manipulative but sad and desperate for connections in a lot of the same ways that Blitz is. And Blitz immediately sees that he's miscalculated something.

Somewhere along the way the fictional version of Stolas that he's allowed himself to be mad at and the real one that he's not ready to admit he cares about have merged into something real that he has actual power over. Stolas can get hurt and Blitz can be the one who does it. He has once again allowed his greatest fears (which Stolas so frequently symbolizes) to co-opt his loved ones, to give him an "out" even though he didn't actually want one in the first place.

I'm definitely not the first person to say this but I think this is an example of the miscommunication trope done right. Their individual struggles are what cause them to be unable to connect during this conversation or to even have a proper conversation in the first place. There is no convenient misunderstanding or third party fabricating this rift. Both of them have preconceived ideas of what the other one is thinking but those ideas are flawed and rooted in self-hatred. They also both shutdown in their unique ways when the conversation starts heading in the direction they'd feared it would.

Blitz and Stolas work because they're both fucked up in similar ways, because they want similar things. That's the same reason why they're uniquely designed to hurt one another. A fear of rejection and a yearning for happiness. To borrow a quote that has been used by literally everyone from Spiderman to Evangelical preachers, "hurt people hurt people."

anyway, I really liked this episode.

(twitter thread screenshots sourced from this reddit post)

[luludeluluramblings]

Ok I know until now it was the switched oc the yandere and manipulative one, but what if it were the opposite, let me explain.

So we've got switched reader, the biological daughter of Bruce Wayne, being raised by the most loving and supportive family ever, maybe a bit small but just so sweet, and yet she knew, oh she knew perfectly well about that dark part of herself but what did it matter, everything was perfect she had no need for it, or that was until she arrived.

Switched oc, the biological daughter of her parents, maybe she should have felt jealous, but how could she when this girl had the same eyes of the woman that eased her nightmares when she was a child? or the same laughter as the man that always looked at her with pride? no, her too kind parents had accepted her with no hesitation and she would do the same.

But then she started learning more and that's when everything shifted, her sister who had the same selflessness and naivety as their parents had suffered so much with hers, and she saw, so crearly she saw that same darkness in all of them that she herself had, so with finally a reason, she let it free.

Blood is thicker than water they say, and she's her father daughter through and through. Nothing was going to stop her from at last having her family happy and whole.

What I like most about this au is that there is so many ways switched reader can act, like she knows she got pity points for having been switched so she can play the inocent plot and destroy them slowly or she could go full force since the beginning, either way since the only ones that know about the switch are the switched oc and now her family she had the prep time advantage which for a Wayne, that's lethal.

Also she absolutelly looks like Martha Wayne and she will use it to her advantage

Link to the Original Idea...

So, what I'm hearing is, Switched!Reader is a lot more like Yandere!Bruce than everyone realizes, with their own weird habit of adopting people.

It could be their own twisted form of justice revenge for their newfound sibling when they start antagonizing the family. And, let's say in this instance, Switched!Reader always wanted a sibling, but their parent's weren't able to have anymore due to complications. Making Switched!Reader even more apalled by their biological family's neglect. They squandered their chance as far Switched!Reader is concerned.

Besides, why would they want such a failure of a family as their own? (Imagine them saying that directly to Bruce and Dick's faces.)

Sure, Switched!Reader won't have all the money and resources that Bruce has. But, they have a clean slate and the ability to manipulate.

The rest of the family wouldn't struggle as much as Bruce and Alfred with Switched!Reader looking like Martha. (Damian might, but only because sometimes he has thought about how nice it would have been to have had normal grandparents. Only occasionally and in secret.)

Bruce would basically be inviting his own hell on earth over each time Switched!Reader would come over and coddle Switched!OC while glaring at him with the same eyes his mother would give him when he really misbehaved as a child. A look that even now, after all these years, he was desperate to see just for the ghost of the past.

He'd also stand in the other family member's ways if they either pointed out how Switched!Reader was purposefully tormenting him or hated him. The damn man is a bit of a masochist to his own feelings.

Now, the constant guilt tripping from Switched!Reader to the rest of the family could result in them hating them or going full yandere for them. And, I could see the way Switched!OCis being treated by the family would constantly be monitored by Switched!Reader.

☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️☁️

The Switched idea just has so many different avenues to explore, and if someone wants to take this idea and run with it, tag me in it. I wanna read it!

[inswatiable-lesbian]

hello!! I answered in the comments of your post for asking of requests so here am i!👋🏻

OKAY SO, yk how usually readers are written to be short and they have to look up towards their S/O or get on their tiptoes and all that? While I find the idea cute and have no dislike or hate towards it (or towards short people, we love and accept everyone here🫶🏻), as a tall girlie I get S O excited when the reader is written as tall. Unfortunately, there aren't a lot of content like that soooo would it be too self-indulgent to ask for Haikyuu boys with tall!reader?👉🏻👈🏻

Thank you so much in advance and have a lovely day~♡

OMG TOTALLY!!! thank you so much for requesting, i hope you have a lovely day as well

tw/info: tall!reader (reader is about 6'1, just because I want to lol, but you can imagine it however you want), the haikyuu boys are too tall in my opinion😿, a little fluff for our soul, not proofread!! Literally my first time writing for Haikyuu.

pairings: Tobio Kageyama, Kei Tsukishima, Hajime Iwaizumi, Takahiro Hanamaki, Wakatoshi Ushijima, Shinsuke Kita, Osamu Miya, Kōshi Sugawara, Yū Nishinoya, Shoyo Hinata, Morisuke Yaku, Ryūnosuke Tanaka, Daichi Sawamura, Asahi Azumane, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Lev Haiba, Issei Matsukawa, Keiji Akaashi, Eita Semi, Tetsurō Kuroo, Kozume Kenma, Tōru Oikawa, Atsumu Miya, Aran Ojiro, Kōtarō Bokuto, Rintarō Suna, Kiyoomi Sakusa x tall!reader (sorry if I didn't add your fave)

He finds it so attractive when you are wearing high heels and you are the same height or even taller than him. Fragile masculinity? No way, not when his partner is the most beautiful thing on earth he's ever seen

"Don't worry, there's no need to rush" He speaks in a calm voice, waiting for you to finish getting ready so you can leave the house

"I'm so sorry..." You murmur as you struggle to tie your heels. And as soon as he notices, he is quick to kneel in front of you and tie them for you like the gentleman he is, stealing a kiss from you after standing back up.

"You look beautiful, darling." He states, smiling in your direction. "Now let's go"

— Tobio Kageyama, Kei Tsukishima, Hajime Iwaizumi, Rintarō Suna, Wakatoshi Ushijima, SHINSUKE KITA, Osamu Miya.

This guy is stunned. And not in a bad way, far from it, being the one who occasionally had to look up (even if it is a lot or just slightly) to kiss you wasn't a problem for him at all.

"Babe, do you know where my coat is? I can't find it anywhere."

"This one?" You turn to him, with his uniform jacket in your hand.

"Yes, thank you" He says while grabbing his jacket and looking up at you, waiting for a kiss.

"Love you shortie" You respond before kissing him

"Oh come on, I'm not even that short."

— KŌSHI SUGAWARA, Yū Nishinoya, Shoyo Hinata, MORISUKE YAKU, Ryūnosuke Tanaka, Daichi Sawamura, KOZUME KENMA.

He will always be there when you are insecure about your height, it doesn't matter if you are "too tall" in your pov, he will always tell you that you are amazing, your height won't change any of that

You invited him to sleep over at your house for the weekend, for a cute slumber party, you know? But there you were, looking in the mirror with a less than positive expression, disappointed in fact, while he made popcorn for the two of you in the kitchen.

"Is something wrong?" He asks, making you startle because you thought he hadn't come back to your room yet.

"Geez, you scared me!"

"Sorry" he says laughing, "but that doesn't answer my question"

"It's nothing, I just... I've been feeling uncomfortable, people in my class look at me like I'm weird just because I'm taller" you sigh "It's not like I care that much! But it gets frustrating after a while... you know?

He smiles calmly and goes to your side, handing you a bucket of popcorn. "You are the most beautiful, kind and fun person I know, your height doesn't change any of that, does it?"

— ASAHI AZUMANE, Tadashi Yamaguchi, Lev Haiba, Issei Matsukawa, KEIJI AKAASHI, Eita Semi, Kiyoomi Sakusa.

He brags a lot about dating someone like you, saying that his girlfriend is practically a supermodel.

"Who is she?" one of his friends asks, curious as to why he hadn't stopped looking at you since you stepped into the cafeteria.

"The gorgeous supermodel across the room? My girlfriend" He proudly states, with the biggest smile on his face as he waves at you from afar.

"Wow, you were lucky"

"Yeah, totally.. Have you seen her? she is perfect! And she-"

God knows how long he spent talking about you to his friend, but after a few minutes you were sitting at a table eating something together while he talked about practice.

— TETSURŌ KUROO, Tōru Oikawa, ATSUMU MIYA, Aran Ojiro, KŌTARŌ BOKUTO, Takahiro Hanamaki.

[romancerepulsed]

maybe this is a "hot take," but it's something i genuinely believe is true. aphobes can broadly be sorted into 3 categories: the uninformed, the bigot, and the bully. there is overlap between all 3, and i'm sure there are some people out there who are aphobic in a fun new way that i can't possibly conceive of yet, but i think these categories are fairly accurate and helpful for an aspec to recognize.

the uninformed aphobe is what it sounds like– they either don't know anything about the aspectrum or they've been fed false information about it. this is the only type of aphobe that is ever worth engaging with, and only to politely correct them and point them towards resources that would help them broaden their understanding. i'll be completely honest though: you'd be pretty damn lucky if you managed to actually singlehandedly change their mind. if they're not receptive to your corrections, simply move on. it's not worth the headache. you at least gave them something to think about.

the bigot, in contrast, is absolutely never worth engaging with. the bigoted aphobe is aphobic simply because aspec people are queer and they hate queer people. terfs famously used (and still continue to use) aphobic rhetoric as a sort of gateway drug for transphobia. the people who will argue that aspec folks aren't queer are often the same people who despise us because they associate us with queerness.

the third aphobe is actually the most common on this website, i think, and they're the reason i'm making this post. the aphobic bully may know full well the fundamentals of the aspectrum, but they will simplify and misrepresent it on purpose in an attempt to make aspec people look bad. aspec people have long been "acceptable targets" of bullying on this site for a reason that is fairly obvious to me but one i haven't seen anyone else point out: aspec people are largely neurodivergent. it's really no coincidence that ace discourse and cringe culture peaked at around the same time– they were one in the same, and the treatment aspec and autistic people received were (and still are) damn near identical. portraying aspec people as cringey teenagers who watched too many cartoons and are just too socially awkward for anyone to love them or whatever... it's a sentiment thats existed for years and years now. it took me a while to realize it, but this is why so many "tumblr funnymen" and other assorted popular blogs were/are aphobes too– they've got egos the size of china but they know they can't get away with blatantly picking on autistic people. so they'll hide behind a guise of aspec exclusionism, something that's unfortunately viewed as a real and valid ideology for someone to have. even aside from the thinly veiled ableism, bullies are always coming from a place of insecurity and projecting it onto other people. i've found that a lot of the most vicious aphobes are people who are struggling romantically or sexually. you can see them post about it, you can see even in the most recent discourse so many of these people are deeply stressed and hurt from whatever romantic or sexual struggles they're facing. to them, someone being unconcerned with those sorts of things is almost offensive because it means so much to them. they read it as a challenge to their own allo identity. so, why not take out that frustration on the aspecs?

it goes without saying that the bully isn't worth engaging with, either. they want to rile you up because it makes them feel better about themselves. don't give them that satisfaction.

[dreamescapeswriting]

Stray Kids Reaction || You Fidget A Lot

PAIRING: Skz X GN!Reader

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - March 2024

⤜MASTERLIST

CHAN:

In the crowded room of a bustling party, you find yourself feeling completely overwhelmed. You'd agreed to come to the party with your boyfriend who knew everyone and you were now alone in the corner. You felt so unwanted and you began to pick at your fingers, trying to blend into the background but the room felt so suffocating to be in. The noise of the music was deafening and only added to the torment going on in your mind.

From across the room, Chan spotted you in distress instantly, he'd been trying to get back to you for a while now but his friends were talking his ear off but seeing you so anxious he just walked away from them.

"Hey, you're okay, I got you," Chan whispered as he wrapped his arms around you, your whole body turning into his embrace and buried your face in his chest.

"I'm sorry," You hated yourself for ruining tonight for him

"Don't be, let's go outside for some air," He suggested as he started to walk with you, tears running down your cheek as he rubbed small circles into your back.

Once you were outside and away from the chaos of the party you finally felt as though you could breathe again.

"You can go back in...I'll catch a cab home or something," You mumbled but Chan pulled you tighter against him, rubbing soothing circles into your back,

"We'll go home together, you're anxious and I want to be here for you," He told you as he kept you close to him. The overwhelming anxiety began to ebb away and was replaced by a feeling of calm and security.

MINHO:

"Hey jitterbug," Minho teased watched you, the two of you were having a date in a cafe only you hadn't known it was going to be this busy when you agreed to come. Now you were so anxious that you were drumming your fingers on the table as well as your leg bouncing.

"What's got you so wound up?" He teased, reaching across to poke your hand gently, you smiled a little at him.

"Just anxious I guess," You mumbled. You hadn't gone into much detail with Minho about your anxiety, you were nervous about it since many people had called you dramatic in the past or had made fun of you for it.

"Relax, it's just some coffee. Nothing to be nervous about, I promise." He said but as he studied you more closely he began to notice the tension in your shoulders and the way you picked at your sleeve, the teasing grin he had once been wearing suddenly wiped from his face.

"Are you okay?" His voice was softer now and laced with genuine worry.

"I'm trying to be, but...I-It's just-" You didn't even have to finish your sentence before Minho was sitting beside you and wrapping his arm around you.

"I'm sorry...I didn't realise," He knew anxiety when he saw it, his best friend struggled with it too.

"You don't have to hide it from me. I'm here for you, no matter what." Tears welled up in your eyes as you stared at him, no one had ever been there for you like this and you were so grateful to have someone who accepted it.

"Thanks, I'm sorry I'm so fidgety, I just...I can't seem to calm myself down." You admitted, Minho squeezed you softly giving you a reassuring smile.

"Then allow me to help, okay?" You nodded at him, watching as he began to take in some deep breaths, making you copy him.

"It's just me and you right now, and if anyone else comes along I'll fight," He winks at you and you giggle a little through your deep breathing.

"You're allowed to feel anxious, so long as you know I'm here to support you through it, okay?" He waited for you to nod before he continued breathing with you, getting you to focus on him or things outside of the window instead of what was happening in the cafe. 

The longer you sat there you felt a weight lifting from your shoulders as you relaxed into Minhos' embrace, knowing that with him by your side you could do anything.

CHANGBIN:

Your fingers twisted in your lap as you glanced around nervously, staring at all of the different passengers on the plane who didn't seem fazed by the turbulence the plane was experiencing.

"Yn," Changbin whispered, his hand reaching out to yours. You forced a tight smile onto your lips as you focused on looking out of the window. You hadn't mentioned it to him before but you were extremely nervous about planes. But they set off your anxiety more than anything else.

"We're okay. It's just a bit of wind," He promised as he turned your head to look at him, squeezing your hand reassuringly and offering you a comforting smile.

"It's alright to be anxious but as long as you know you're not alone in it." He smiled bringing your hand up to his lips and kissing your knuckles.

"I'm right here beside you." He told you as he smiled, Changbin was your little glimmer of hope that everything was okay. You always thought that with him you could do anything. 

"You're doing great, just focus on your breathing and remember I'm here with you," He whispered in your ear, your eyes shutting as you tried to focus on breathing and the way his hand felt in yours.

As the flight continued Changbin never left your side, offering you constant comfort and support, even distracting you with stories and jokes, doing everything in his power to ease your anxiety just that little bit more until the plane finally touched down. 

"I couldn't have done that without you," You breathed out as you finally got into the airport, his arms wrapping around you tightly as he promised to do that for you whenever you needed it.

HYUNJIN:

You were sat in one of the fanciest restaurants you'd ever been in, at an elegant dinner table with Hyunjin's parents and you couldn't stop your leg from bouncing up and down, a clear sign that your anxiety was getting the better of you. Hyunjin waited until his parents were talking among themselves before he turned his full attention to you, he placed his hand on your knee giving it a small squeeze.

"Is this all too much?" He whispered, he knew you'd been anxious about the dinner but you promised him you'd be okay. Now all he wanted to do was take you home and comfort you all night.

"I'm sorry...I-I just- I feel anxious," You admitted, your stomach twisted as you looked at him. Without hesitating he leaned closer to you, holding your hands in his.

"You're doing great, okay? Just take some deep breaths with me," You nodded, your shoulders sagging a little with relief from his words. You took in some deep and steady breaths at the same time as Hyunjin and he smiled gently applying a steady pressure to your leg to calm your nerves. Hyunjin's parents glanced over at you both,

"Yn, Hyunjin, we're both so happy you're here. Let's relax and enjoy the evening." His mother suggested, Hyunjin had briefly mentioned your anxiety to her and they wanted you to have a nice evening.

Hyunjin's attention was still on you as he whispered words of encouragement, silently letting you know he was there for you now and always. 

As the night grew on, your fidgeting gradually subsided, replaced with a sense of calm and happiness as you got to know your boyfriend's family more.

JISUNG:

Jisung watched you as you nervously tapped your foot on the floor, bounced your leg up and down and even started to pick at your clothes. The two of you were sitting in your living room together trying to unwind from the day but he could clearly see your anxiety was playing up.

"You anxiety acting up, again?" He asked gently, reaching out and gently rubbing your back. You nodded, your eyes downcast as you bit on your lip.

"It's been a rough day and I can't seem to calm down." You admitted before Jisung gently squeezed your shoulder got up from the couch and disappeared into the kitchen, returning a few minutes later with a bag.

"I am prepared this time," He smirked, a hint of excitement in his voice as he dropped down beside you on the bed. You took the bag he was holding out to you and peeked inside, your mouth turning up into a small smile.

"You did this?" You smiled looking at him before looking back into the bag. It was an assortment of fidget toys, stress balls, a spinner ring, a textured cube and so many more things,

"I figured they'd be better to fidget with," He smiled seeing you so happy about everything, he'd been looking online for the best toys and collected them all for you.

"Thank you," You sniffled a little, taking out one of the stress balls and squeezing it tightly in your hand,

"You always know how to take care of me," Your voice broke a little and Jisung pulled you into a gentle hug,

"I love you, and I'll do anything I can to support you." He smiled as the two of you sat there in the comfort of your living room while you explored all of your new fidget toys.

FELIX:

Felix poured you a cup of tea and then watched you closely. The two of you were at your favourite cafe together and it had been a while since the two of you had gone out which was why Felix had planned this. But he knew there was something bothering you, you'd been overly cautious of everything that morning and even now, your eyes were darting around the room as if you were looking for an escape and he instantly knew what was going on. You were nervously picking at the skin around your fingers, your brows furrowed together,

"Yn, you're okay," He whispered. Your fingers froze mid-motion and you forced a smile onto your face,

"I-I'm fine, just a little anxious." You admitted, Felix shuffled to be on the seat beside you, gently covering your hand with his own.

"You don't have to hide it from me, Yn. I know you're struggling but I'm right here," He whispered to you, tears welling up in your eyes as you stared at him. Everyone in the past has merely teased you for fidgeting a lot or made rude comments about it.

"I-It's just, my anxiety...it gets the better of me sometimes and I can't stop picking at my fingers," Felix's heart ached at the sight of your distress, he knew your struggles and all he wanted to do was help you.

"We're in this together, we're okay." He promised you, wrapping an arm around you and pulling you close to him.

"We're at our favourite place, drinking our favourite drinks and relaxing." He smiled at you, your head resting on his shoulder as you felt your heart rate slowing down. Felix took in some deep breaths with you and you slowly felt the tightness in your chest gradually loosen.

"Thanks, Lix," You whispered, but he shook his head at you, he didn't need you to thank him for doing something he wanted to do.

"I love you, Yn, and I'll always be here to hold your hand, no matter what." He told you before you kissed him softly.

SEUNGMIN:

This was supposed to be a casual night in with friends and yet you found yourself fidgeting beside your boyfriend, your fingers drumming nervously on your thigh and then adjusting the sleeves of your sweating.

"You can't ever sit still, can you?" Felix meant it as a joke but the way his tone came out it sounded as though he was annoyed at you. Seungmin's eyes dated to his friend as he felt a surge of anger rising in him. He took in a deep breath trying to keep his composure, shooting Felix a warning glare.

"It's okay," Seungmin whispers to you as he places his hand over yours carefully and rubs your skin softly.

"You're safe here and Felix was just teasing, you know how he is." He whispered to you, Felix's face flushed a little as he realised what was happening and he instantly wanted to kick himself.

"Yn, I'm so sorry."

"It's not as if Felix doesn't have weird habits," Chan chimed in with a smirk,

"We all have our quirks, nothing wrong with that." Seungmin finished as he wrapped his arm around you, cuddling into you tightly.

"I've got you," He reassured you, your shoulders relaxing a little as you felt a little of your anxiety lift ever so slightly. For the rest of the evening, Seungmin kept a close eye on you, watching for any signs of fidgeting so he could take you home if it got too bad.

JEONGIN:

Jeongin watched you closely, you were fidgeting with the hem of your shirt, your fingers twisted the fabric in small, nervous movements. The two of you had gone out for a small walk together and were taking a break on the park bench. 

"Hey, baby, is everything alright?" His voice was laced with concern as he stared at you. You looked at him, your eyes quickly darting around before finally meeting his gaze. You smiled a little but he knew it wasn't a real smile.

"Fine...Just feeling a little anxious I guess," You hated that you were feeling so anxious, you'd gone on this walk a million times with Jeongin but there was something about today that made you a little more anxious than usual.

Jeongin nodded, moving closer to you and wrapping his arm around your shoulders, he knew about your struggle with anxiety and he wasn't going to let you go through this alone.

"You know you can talk to me, right? Whatever Is bothering you, I'm here for you." You leaned into his embrace, your hands stilling as you relaxed against him.

"Everything feels overwhelming right now, I can't even keep up with my own thoughts," You mumbled, and Jeongin tightened his grasp around you.

"I get it. But remember, you don't have to face it alone. I'm here to help you carry the weight, even if it's just by listening to you." You smiled up at him, a small sigh leaving your lips as you relaxed against him. 

"I don't know what I'd do without you." You snuggled into him and with each passing moment your breathing steadied and your anxiety loosened its grip on you.

@chiisaiblog @sw33tnight @kaitieskidmore97 @laylasbunbunny @stayconnecteed @saymyspringrain @toplinehyunjin @katnisspeetaprim @acciocriativity @just-aelia @choisoorin @straykids5star @midnightfrog625 @beccaskz @scarletemeterio @halesandy @junhannies @gothic4under4lord @lixie-phoria @soulphoenix1618 @aerastus @jin-from-the-block @lensfilm @elizaschuyler18 @piratequeen-impact @kpopsstuffs @chaeyoungs @delulu18 @xyahrinx @katsukis1wife @anthropologymajorkpopmultistan @blairscott @4-chan-inpadella @niktwazny303 @moonlight-the-writer @armystay89 @hadassahchan @yxngbxkkie @myyouthdonut @extrhotjne @ca11me3mily @elissasimp @xakx @sleepb @kittymaryam-thebrowniefairy @kpopmenace143 @minhosify @loveforred @b1nn1e-1s-cut3 @parkjennykim

[gatorbites-imagines]

In that case… Could I please request Killer Croc/Waylon Jones with a supringly really attractive boyfriend (like a male version Jessica Rabbit level hot, like it dosen’t even make sense for someone to be that hot) who no one understand how Waylon pulled. Waylon’s boyfriend is very sultry and alluring.

And Waylon roughly breeds his boyfriend doggy style 😇.

Thank u :)

Waylon Jones x Male reader

Headcanons

Guten Abend squad, how is everyone doing? Classes are still running at a max level, and I’m starting to think this is just how it goes. So, time to chillax with some Waylon.

Not as smutty as I would have wanted, but this honestly just built a life of its own and started running.

We see in the comics, or at least in one run, that Waylon does have game and knows how to pull somebody very attractive, so its not too surprising so could pull you. That’s what you think at least, since he’s a great guy, to you.

I imagine you two met after he left the circus, maybe you guys even left together. With Waylon being the circus’s “freakshow” and you only being there as eye candy to sell tickets. With you both being reduced to nothing but your looks, you two find solidarity with each other, and fall in love.

No one ever really took your love seriously back then, just thinking you were using Waylon for protection, since someone as pretty as you couldn’t be safe anywhere.

Insert the “seriously, what do you see in that guy?” “he makes me laugh” scene.

If we go with the verse where Waylon was in Halys circus, then the only ones that seemed to have some version of acceptance of your love was the Grayson’s. it was one of the reasons you two left the circus, having a strong feeling of what had truly happened to them and who caused it.

After leaving the circus, you couldn’t live in the sewers like Waylon. This meant you got an apartment, in the beginning in crime alley since it was cheapest.

You may have been so beautiful it would drive people mad, but you also had a head on your shoulders. So, in the end you set up a legitimate business, maybe you even become something akin to a designer. Mainly because your lover is so big, there’s no other way to get him clothes.

And maybe during your time in crime alley, you stumble upon a scrawny kid who, though he may act tough, still has a light in him. And maybe that kid ends up being batman’s second robin, who remembers how kind you were to him and everyone around you, so he doesn’t go as hard against Waylon.

The past you have with the Grayson’s also means that Dick takes it easier on Waylon, and they even settle down and talk at times. You’ll regularly find the two former robins hanging around your art studio, even years later when they aren’t robin anymore.

Your lover goes to Arkham, a lot. But you never hate him or even argue with him. You’ll just pull up to Arkham in your most beautiful outfit during visitors’ hours and hold Waylon’s hand as you two act like a new married couple, even if it’s been twenty at this point.

And it may have been twenty years, but you just seem to have become more handsome with age, aging like fine expensive wine. You don’t become shrewd or corrupted by the world around you, instead you stay kind and patient. You’re still in Gotham though, so you’ll turn violent if you have too.

No one really believes that Waylon purrs, until you show up and he becomes as meek as a kitten, ready to roll in your manicured hand.

Its no secret that you, one of the most famous designers around, and Killer Croc, are together. But its just such a normal part of everyday life now, that no one really questions it. your works never been dirty, you help those around you, and lift up poor and struggling artists whenever you can. So, what if your husband is tearing up the road trying to bite Batman to bits.

Theres a viral video in Gotham of you stepping out during one of Waylon’s rampages, and just scolding him, wagging a finger in his face and still looking so unbelievably gorgeous as you do so.

And yes, of course your design trademark is crocodile scales, or anything along those lines. You’ll never use real crocodile skin, but you do use the print or shape.

After all this time, people don’t fear Waylon as much as they probably should, all thanks to you. Its kinda hard to fear a guy when you know his boyfriend is unofficially titled the most beautiful man in Gotham, who’s also as giving and kind as the Waynes, whilst being more involved in the nitty gritty, since you still live in Crime Alley.

Someone has threatened Waylon with telling on him to you at least once too, which doesn’t stop him, but it does cause him to freeze and get an “oh shit” expression, long enough for people to run to safety.

Being one of the most skilled fashionistas around also means you have met the Waynes on multiple occasions.

The shared past with Dick and the circus, and Jason, though you don’t remember him as vividly, means you get called on more than most.

As you measure them out and start making designs, conversations flow, and Damian most likely ends up bluntly just asking you why in the world you decided to pair up with Killer Croc of all people.

You correct him in your answer, referring to your husband as Waylon, and then you just start waxing the poetics. Of your shared past, of the deep unshakable love you both share, and how under all his struggles, Waylon truly is an amazing man.

You’ve never confirmed that Dick was Robin, even though it was very obvious. Its not your place to judge how he, or his family, deal with their trauma or whatever they have going on. Your lover swims through the sewers, you can’t really say anything.

A few passing comments are made though, obviously. You tell the Waynes to “take it easy next time they see Waylon, wont you?” with one of your heart shaking winks before you saunter out, ready to start putting together your latest design.

Its kind of an accepted, not really a secret, secret. Its never put into words, and they know that you know, and you know that they know you know. Nothing ends up happening with it though, outside of you making some jokes and judging their hero outfits.

With age you’ve become less sultry and alluring, at least in the way the public can point out as obviously as before. You have simply mastered your field, and know just how to play people around you if you need too.

Though, you didn’t really learn to master it for the public. It’s mainly just for Waylon, so you like to see how his nostrils flare, and when he starts chuffing in the back of his throat when you saunter around in nothing but a silk robe.

The bats know that the first place Waylon goes when he gets out of Arkham is to you. But…they also all know to wait at least a day or two before they come for him. To allow you to spend some time together, but also because most of them have caught of glimpse of you… reunions…

Bruce wont admit it, but he’s at least impressed with you being able to take two of them at the same time, even after all these years. He might note down your many skills somewhere… just in case.

Reunions with Waylon are typically a hot and steamy affair. Or well, as hot and steamy as a guy whose as cold as a reptile can get. There are days where either of you may not be up for it, and then its just cuddles and having some nice domestic time together before he’s taken back to Arkham again.

But when it does get hot, then you are very happy you own the entire building. Waylon can get quite loud, but never as loud as he still makes you even after all these years.

Sure, you’ve learned to handle it more after all this time, but it still makes you squeal when Waylon fits both his shafts inside you at the same time, lifting and moving you around like a doll.

Where Waylon may be rough and violent in every other part of his life, Waylon is slower and much more careful in the bedroom. He doesn’t want to lose his senses and hurt you on accident. You have some very faded bite and claw scars on your body, back from when you first got together, and Waylon likes to remind himself of that.

Sometimes you do want him to be rougher about it, so you pull all the skills you’ve gained over the years. And Waylon is but a man, even with the scales and all, so he can’t resist you for very long. It always ends up with you writhing, face in the pillow that’s stained with your tears and drool or pleasure, as Waylon growls and snarls behind you, his big, clawed hands moving you back and forth with ease.

He always feels a bit guilty about it afterwards, especially seeing how much you leak all over the sheets. Expect to find yourself being pampered and loved on for the next couple of days. Even the bats seem to leave you to it, most likely having heard your cries. You get a feeling the people in the next building heard them too. But you honestly don’t care anymore.

You may have Waylon, and many others, wrapped around your finger, but so does Waylon with you. And neither of you really seem to mind anymore.

[genderqueerdykes]

My MtF friend and I got on the topic of TME/TMA bullshit the other day and she pointed out something I wanted to share (with her permission) "The whole concept of TME/TMA can even result in trans women never wanting to come out to avoid being associated with such shitty believes. If my first interactions in the trans community was someone who believed in it I would probably never admit to myself that I was trans cuz I don't want to associate with a group whose entire personality seems to be victimizing the trauma olympics I-Am-The-Main-Character all in one. Hell they would've probably told me I wasn't actually a trans woman just because my egg cracked late and exclude me anyway."

thank you so much for taking the time to send this, i really appreciate it, because your friend said it better than i ever could've.

I don't want to associate with a group whose entire personality seems to be victimizing the trauma olympics I-Am-The-Main-Character all in one.

this is something i've been wanting to flat out say for a while, so thank you very much for this. it literally is very VERY petty behavior at this point and i'm not humoring it anymore. we have to call things for what they are and admit that a lot of transfems are using this as an opportunity to wallow in their misery so they can control others to make themselves feel better because they feel powerless in cisheteronormative patriarchy. it's not fun or quirky or progressive.

i am very much over making queerness about who is the most oppressed or who is the biggest victim. i feel like a lot of people forgot what a victim complex is for the sake of mining pats on the back from strangers. so many transfeminine people right now are replacing their personalities with being a victim and it needs to come to an end. womanhood is not about being a victim, no matter how hard that woman has it. a lot of transfems genuinely do have this "I Am The Main Character" behavior. a lot of transfems genuinely do believe they are the protagonists of the queer community due to how bad they have it. we have to call it for what it is at this point. it's not an attack to say it.

i've been trying to point this out for quite a while: the TME/TMA binary and man/masc hating in general hurts trans women who are questioning, just now learning about transness, stealth, need to stay in the closet, are never transition, who struggle to pass, who don't want to pass, who are butch, who are gender non conforming, and those who are also men. but this especially hurts questioning and newly introduced trans women because nobody wants to be told that they're shitty for being a man one day, and then babied and patted on the back for being a woman the next. the whiplash from that would be damaging alone

your friend brings up a good point too because what about the trans women whose eggs crack later in life? what about those who don't realize they're a woman until they're in their 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s...? what about trans women who only interact with or present their womanhood sometimes? what about trans women who are content being seen as a man in society, but still identify as a woman inside? what about the trans women who don't ever want to tell another soul but are still women despite that?

this behavior hurts genderfluid and butch transfems a lot. this behavior harms masculine trans women so badly. there are transfeminine butches that want to present butch and i don't care if you read them as a "Cishet man" that's a trans butch and they're not obligated to be less masculine for anyone to accept them. trans butches face so much bullshit for how they dress, appear and act. i'm sorry not everyone's womanhood is feminine, but transfeminine butches deserve to present however the hell they want to and not have anyone call their identity into question.

it really affects trans women who don't pass, don't try to or don't want to.

it really affects trans women of color.

this behavior hurts so many people and i really want everyone to understand a lot of those people... are trans women. please be more considerate of those around you. thanks for taking the time to send this anon, i really appreciate it. you can let your friend know that was deeply insightful & exactly a point i've been trying to make for months. thank you both. have a great week, stay safe

[sunfish5149]

After rewatching round 6 for the nth time I just realized Till Win is reflected in Ivan's blood and OH. MY BMFUCCKIGBGOOOODDDD I HATE THEM I HATE THEM O HATE TJEM they could never make me hate you ivan.

Till standing next to Ivan while his body is still cooling feels awfully a lot like how a person would mourn at their loved one's grave, but I think that there's a lot more going on inside Till's head, and this just saddens me. I would crumble personally if I was him, because to me, Ivan's death also feels like a slap to the face I guess? Because until now his crush on Mizi allowed him to be selfish, to believe that once she was gone, he would be left all alone. He gave up his will to live, accepted defeat without further struggle, because he idolized and idealized Mizi to a point where his whole life depended on her existence. Perhaps he does have a crush on Mizi, but I fully believe that it partly stems from the love and adoration he saw Mizi offer to Sua, almost like "what if I could have that too?". He could not bear to part with the love and salvation he saw within Mizi, to the point where he gave away his freedom just to be near her, just for the chance that maybe he'd finally know what it feels like to be wanted, to be loved. He selfishly cut away at all the bad parts in this picture that he did not want to see, the worthless parts, the painful ones, the suffering he has endured at the hands of his captors, and ended up cutting away at the people that might've cared for him, that still do, until nothing but Mizi remained, who he foolishly believed to be able to offer him what he so desperately wanted. He made himself believe that he was alone, up until he truly, truly was. Until when can a man doggedly chase after one person until the death of what I dare call " the closest thing to family he has ever had" drop like flies around him? Round 6 offers us an answer.

I believe that part of the reason why he stood there as Ivan bled out is him processing that someone actually cared about him, loved the parts of Till that he saw to be loveless. It also feels like a wake-up call, the cut up picture that he has constructed his life around has finally been proven as the lie it is. He can no longer be selfish enough to close his eyes on reality, on his obsessive idealization for someone who will never, who cannot save him, on the fact that Mizi already loves somebody else so dearly, because the love he was searching for in someone, to be returned, was right next to him all along.

Too bad he only noticed Ivan when he was bleeding out at his feet. This is the closest thing to salvation Till will ever get from someone, to love so dearly one would give away their life without hesitation, to throw away their freedom, to not cut away at the corners of this picture, but to see it and love it and do everything to preserve it. Should Till look at such a picture, he would find the pieces of paper he has cut of himself which he believed to be loveless, reflected back at him in that puddle of blood. (I wrote this part fully relying on the muscle memory of my keyboard because my tears were deeply obstructing my vision)

This sacrifice will either ruin Till or give him motivation to live and the tenacity to fight back and free himself from the prison he has willingly walked in, and to finally accept that Mizi is a lesbiab and a ferocious grieving woman kisser. oh my god.

Edit: I JUST REALIZED MIZI ALSO IDOLIZES SUA THE SAME WAY TILL DOES WITH MIZI I HATE THEM I HATE TJEM J HATWHENM

Edit 2: this rant is lowkey outdated because first of all, I feel like I insulted Till's love for Mizi. Just as Ivan loved Till for his tenacity and fighting spirit, and whatever else he saw in that wet cat of a man, so did Till love Mizi, for her innocent happiness and love that poured out of her. She was the only one out of them who was blissfully unaware to the pain and suffering of the humans, and the shit the aliens put the rest through, the fact that Till was attracted to her partly because of that makes me feel miserable. I do wonder what he will think, should he survive and see just how much Mizi has changed, how she has grown to fight for what she wants to protect.

I also feel that I have underestimated Till's relation to Ivan, he truly did care for him, Ivan was just too cryptic to express himself

[sirfrogsworth]

Now what?

Whenever I see Trump my brain thinks of my mom and I feel angry about how she died. I have PTSD and I'm actually in the process of seeking out a therapist to address it.

And until I can get some help, I guess I'm just going to feel that anger for a while. I was really hoping I wouldn't have to see or think of him again.

This is pretty bad. And it is really scary. And I hate that one man is capable of causing so much fear and anxiety among the people I care about.

I guess there is one thought I am trying to hold onto.

I recently talked about chronic illness and the "new normal." As illness progresses you sometimes have to accept a new normal and learn to adjust and adapt to it. And every time I was faced with a new normal I was convinced I could not adjust or adapt. But every time I figured it out and found a way to keep going.

I think we will adapt because we have to. We will fight because we have to. But we will need each other to get through this.

Look to your allies. Your friends and your trusted family. Keep those relationships healthy. Do the work to maintain them. Prioritize building and sustaining a personal support system over everything else. Do your part when they need help. Keep in regular contact. Keep the emotional labor as reciprocal and balanced as possible. And don't be afraid to tell them when you feel overburdened. Keep communication healthy so you both feel comfortable expressing hard truths. Open up to them so they feel trusted and make sure they feel comfortable doing the same with you. Try not to lean on one single person too much as they might get overwhelmed.

But also remember to enjoy your friendships. They are not there just to be your therapist. (An *actual* therapist is a good idea if it is feasible.) It's important to laugh and waste time together. Shoot the shit and bond over mutual interests. Or introduce them to your interests and teach them why you love what you love. Ask them about their interests and even if you don't completely get it, be happy that something makes your friend happy.

If you feel like you don't have a support system or it is severely diminished like mine, you'll have to do the work to seek out new people. I'm in that process now after losing my parents. And trust me, I know it isn't easy. I am really struggling to connect to new people. It takes a lot of energy and I haven't had a lot of energy to spare. But I know it is what I will need to help me adapt to the new normal. So I'm going to put in the effort and figure it out. I encourage you to do the same.

You will not connect with every new person. That's okay. Remember this is a process and it takes time. And don't beat yourself up if building your support system is slow going. If nothing else, you are learning and growing and developing tools to help you on this journey.

This community has been so kind to me. You all are a part of my support system. And I feel very lucky to have you in my corner. I love you and I care for you. I'm going to try my best to advocate for what you need. Helping others is another way to keep moving forward. A righteous sense of purpose is a powerful tool in the face of a new normal.

Please take care of yourselves as best you can.

Find your people if you haven't already.

Or find *more* people if you don't have enough.

You are in my thoughts.

[ishtar7677]

This was a Christmas gift to me and my husband from our GM of our very first characters that we ever TTRPG'ed (Pathfinder) who commissioned this from @cutetanuki-chan. (The picture is from me taking a picture and cropping at a weird angle - the whole thing in its frame is stunning.) These two characters (Chrissy and Odhran) met when our game night people were like... hey let's try pathfinder. So I made a character and so did my husband and after meeting them, I was like... oh god... we are gonna get divorced. Lol. We were struggling at the time. And we made these characters and god, they hated each other so much..... but eventually found their way to being friends. But they were our first characters EVER. The next character my husband rolled up in this campaign (we needed to double up to round out a playable campaign), my rogue eventually formed a romantic attachment with. Then I made a bard for a totally separate campaign, and now we're both determined that he meet Chrissy at some point b/c within MINUTES of meeting my bard in a totally unrelated campaign, we were like, okay he's soulmates with Chrissy! But that's the magic right? Finding the parts of ourselves unexpectedly that can be completely accepting of other parts of our partner... even the parts of them that we thought we didn't like, want to be around, or understand to begin with. (CAUTION WARNING: let the reader understand, do NOT use this story to excuse abuse or bad behavior to try to fix a partner! This is an exercise that can ONLY be done with a feeling of absolute safety and trust between partners. We were not there when we started TTRPGS but got to a better place of trust due to his own personal work with therapy. But there were MASSIVE strides before I even trusted it. ) We joked tonight after our friend gave us this picture that Odhran (my rogue) saw this picture and was like oh GOD, what hell-fan of Chrissy (actress) did this? Why do I look like I'm worshipping her? GAHHH nOoOo. But....Odhran can also shut all the way up. :) What ultimately makes me as the player love this picture so much is probably the underpinnings of a romanticism depiction. These two characters, while they never and will never fall in love, in a meta sense, they were the gateway for us into several characters who did help us rediscover love again after years in a very difficult marriage, find a adhd hack into new relationship energy through RPing, and just provide us an outlet for a lot of intense emotional energy. And this artist, despite knowing NONE of this, captured its essence in a two completely non-romantic character portrait. @cutetanuki-chan you knew none of this and still managed to capture it perfectly. This picture will hang proudly in our house and I will enjoy explaining it to anyone who walks through our doors. Your depiction of HERO FORGE characters being so accurate is stupid impressive. Also shout out to our GM, Grace, who actively sought this out for us. What a perfect present. We couldn't ask for a better GM or a better friend. You're family and we love you so much.

[the-way-astray]

Favorite thing about Unraveled?

major unraveled spoilers under the cut:

cassius likes art reveal and subsequent keefe-cassius conversation. god it's perfect. that entire chapter is perfection. kissing it on the mouth. shannon really got me with the reveal like i fully did not see that coming, and it's a reveal that actually adds something of importance and is foreshadowed!!!! so basically my favorite form of plot (i know this is technically character but shut up. let me have my moment)

making cassius nuanced is the best thing shannon decided to do with this book, by far. over the course of the series, i have been consistently confused about why cassius wants to join the black swan . . . it's literally everything he stands against. he hates talentless people. he adheres to matchmaking. he's snobby and arrogant and cares way too much about the council's opinion of everything he does. but now!!!! now it all makes sense!!!! because with the reveal that he only uses that as a cover so he can break the rules behind the council's back and nobody will ever suspect him???? and the fact that for nine books that is the exact trap the audience has fallen into???? oh it's so good. so so so so good. like genuinely i had to put the book down at that reveal i was so shocked. and my favorite line in the entire book is "the lost cities are not kind to those who do not conform" or something to that effect. not because of the line itself (we've seen plenty of lines similar to that) but because it comes from the person you would least expect it from. cassius???? and now that you have the background to why he wants keefe to conform so, so badly, it almost makes you feel bad for him, but also he's still abusive even if his heart was sort of kind of in the right place???? kind of???? augh he's just. he's so nuanced!!!!

and the addition that the reason keefe was able to do so well in the forbidden cities was because of his dad!!!! i loved that. when i read stellarlune i was super annoyed that keefe was able to make out so well for himself when he quite literally knows nothing. it just isn't realistic that he somehow got an id or knows how to find the black swan's cameras by himself, but adding an extra layer of cassius backup and advice is just. fantastic. because now, not only is it realistic that keefe was able to make out so well, you can really see keefe struggle with making the logical decision even though he badly doesn't want to accept help from his dad. it's just. so so so so good.

also it's a relatively subtle detail but cassius getting genuinely hurt when keefe insulted his art had me kicking my feet. because!!!! we have never seen cassius like that before!!!! we've never seen him hurt. he's sometimes pissed off, but never like. hurt hurt. so seeing him like that, you can tell that his art really means a lot to him and that he does care about keefe's opinion in some things because keefe's insult made him feel genuinely sad. and it's like you really feel bad for him but also he sucks and is bad so not really. anyway. it's just so good!!!! favorite chapter in the entire book is the conversation between keefe and his dad. shannon cooked so hard with that.

[batboyblog]

https://x.com/magi_jay/status/1812914966560973238?s=46&t=9ilK5pqP73XDblTtTbb4Qg

This post motivated me to try something different: namely, name a good quality about the Democratic Party and its candidate.

Biden’s most admirable qualities are his general wisdom and steadfastness in the face of great challenges. While I might not always agree with EVERY choice he’s made for a number of reasons, I do think he’s shown that he’s much smarter than people give him credit for.

Furthermore, he’s very firm without being either too standoffish or trying too hard. One of the things I hated about his predecessor (I refuse to name him) was just how anxiety inducing and chaotic he was, something that sucks for me since I’m a very skittish person even if I try not to be.

Biden is steadfast and (media aside trying to make a conflict on him) has never made me feel like I’m on unstable ground. He’s like a rock in the storm:

Stand by him, and we’ll weather through the chaos.

I mean in part thats why I do my weekly lists of what Biden et al are up to, because every week, EVERY single week its something huge and transformative, for the first time in my lifetime people can write "The Case for Climate Optimism" we have a government pledged to ending hunger in this country reduce homelessness by 1/4th by next year we are doing big things in this country

a few political speeches are the pole stars of my politics, the center of what I believe in.

Harvey Milk's Hope speech "I know you cannot live on Hope alone, but without it, life is not worth living" tells me and teaches me to always be for something not just again stuff, and to always be the happy warrior, gotta give 'em hope.

Ted Kennedy's 1980 DNC speech "the work goes on, the cause endures, the hope still lives, and the dream shall never die." to always get back up and get into the ring, its not never over till you give up, the Dream Shall Never Die how ever dark it gets if you hang into it with both hands

but most importantly is Ann Richards 1988 DNC Speech, if you've never heard it, you should:

I’m a grandmother now. And I have one nearly perfect granddaughter named Lily. And when I hold that grandbaby, I feel the continuity of life that unites us, that binds generation to generation, that ties us with each other. And sometimes I spread that Baptist pallet out on the floor, and Lily and I roll a ball back and forth. And I think of all the families like mine, like the one in Lorena, Texas, like the ones that nurture children all across America. And as I look at Lily, I know that it is within families that we learn both the need to respect individual human dignity and to work together for our common good.  Within our families, within our nation, it is the same. And as I sit there, I wonder if she’ll ever grasp the changes I’ve seen in my life -- if she’ll ever believe that there was a time when blacks could not drink from public water fountains, when Hispanic children were punished for speaking Spanish in the public schools, and women couldn’t vote. I think of all the political fights I’ve fought, and all the compromises I’ve had to accept as part payment. And I think of all the small victories that have added up to national triumphs and all the things that would never have happened and all the people who would’ve been left behind if we had not reasoned and fought and won those battles together. And I will tell Lily that those triumphs were Democratic Party triumphs.

It is always worth it to fight, however hard it is, however bitter it may feel in the moment to take half a loaf or a part payment, it is always always always ALWAYS! better to take a half step forward than not to move at all, because its not chess, its not a game, its people's very lives

as to what I like about Joe Biden? I could say a lot of things, he's a guy the world has knocked down a lot of times, a lot of struggles and personal tragedies that in someone else could make them hard hearted and cold, but I see a guy who always takes the time to listen

thats who is, always to see Joe on a rope line talking to people is to understand their cares are truly his, he truly and I promise you this wants what's best for people.

and just for a second remember who he's running against, who that guy is on the most basic level, saying he couldn't have raped that woman she's too ugly

so do you want a President who stops everything to tell a kid its gonna be okay, that that kids can do anything, and gives him his phone number and calls him to help, or you want the guy who tells your kids "when you're famous they let you do it, grab 'em by the pussy" up to you.

[steddieas-shegoes]

Request: Hop & Joyce don't really like or trust Steve & he knows it. He can tell by their behavior towards him. Post spring break from Hell, Steve tears into them both after they insinuate that it's his fault for the kids being hurt. Steve YELLING at them in front of the party bc he is injured more grievously than the kids & he once again protected them, to the detriment of himself.

Joyce & Hop are forced to acknowledge that their behavior was cruel. And they have to apologize but Steve doesn't accept their apology straight away.

I am usually such a sucker for Hopper adopting Steve and treating him as his own that this was really difficult. Like, maybe top 5 most difficult things I have ever written. It's kind of short, but I wanted more of the focus to be on people standing up for Steve and Steve standing up for himself than the actual angsty part. My darling, I hope it lives up to expectations! -Mickala ❤️

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“I guess I just don’t understand how Max ended up like this if Steve was supposed to be protecting them all.”

Joyce’s words echoed in Steve’s head.

She was whispering to Hopper in the waiting room, but it was surprisingly quiet, and easy to hear just about anything.

The kids were asleep on the couches, waiting for any news on Max or Eddie, but the nurses told them it could be hours. Hours were a long time to wait when someone was bleeding out and the other someone had multiple broken bones and was unconscious.

Steve felt untethered, his connection to the earth cut the moment he saw what happened to Eddie, pushed into a dangerous orbit when he saw what happened to Max.

“He’s never really let me down like this. Did you hear Dustin say he thinks he was distracted by Eddie?” Hopper asked quietly.

“What did he mean by that?” Joyce paused. “Oh. Do you think so?” Steve couldn’t see their faces, couldn’t see the way they were having a silent conversation within a conversation. “It wouldn’t be the first time Steve let his romantic feelings get in the way of their safety.”

And that really wasn’t fair.

It wasn’t fair because he always put these kids who weren’t even his first whenever he could. It wasn’t fair because it wasn’t his job to be perfect. It wasn’t fair because they were the adults who should have been here to help and they weren’t.

He could feel tears building up, his vision getting just blurry enough that he knew he needed to walk away or he would start actually crying, and he couldn’t let anyone see that.

Especially not Joyce and Hopper.

Apparently, they already thought so little of him, he couldn’t possibly show them that he was struggling now.

“I think we’ll have to have a talk with the kids about trusted adults. They seem to rely on him for a lot and maybe if we just explain to them that Steve can’t handle it-”

“Excuse me, Mr. Hopper?” A nurse, thankfully, interrupted them.

Steve turned to see a young nurse, probably barely older than him, standing in the entranceway to the waiting room.

Hopper walked over to her, actually whispering this time, as if what was being said right now was a secret, but not the way he felt about Steve.

He glanced over at Steve, then nodded to the nurse. He called Joyce over to them, whispered something, then they both looked at Steve.

He hated what was happening. He was used to being a disappointment to adults, but in a silent way. His parents weren’t really ever around long enough to show their disappointment for long. Seeing it now, on the faces of people he respected and wanted to impress, hurt.

Hopper started walking over to him, his face serious.

“They have Max stable. She may not wake up from the coma, but they’re hoping she makes a turn for the better soon. Eddie woke up a few minutes ago while they were trying to stitch him up and he kept yelling for you. He isn’t quite stable yet. He passed back out as they were trying to put him on oxygen.”

“But they’re both alive?”

“For now.”

“Can I see Max?”

“I don’t think that’s a great idea right now. They’re trying to reach her mom, but the phone lines keep going down. I’m standing in as the adult responsible until she can be contacted.”

“So now you want to be the adult responsible? Not any other time when we needed you?” Erica said from behind them.

She’d been asleep with Lucas and El only a minute ago.

“Erica, it’s fine. I’ll just wait with you guys.”

“No, Steve, it’s not fine.” Erica put her hands on her hips, scowled up at Hopper and Joyce, who had just joined them. “Steve looks out for us every day. Even when the world isn’t trying to end. He drives us to school or from school or to the arcade, he pays for our food at the diner all the time, probably spends all his paychecks on us. And where are the parents? They don’t even know where we are most of the time.”

“But-” Joyce started to interrupt until Erica held up her hand.

“You left your kids to fly to Russia when you knew something weird was going on. You could have died, and then what? You know who would have stepped in? Steve. Because that’s what he does for us. Do you know one of his worst concussions was because he was protecting Lucas and Max from Billy? You know he drove Max everywhere she needed to go all year because she didn’t wanna be around anyone else? How about the fact that without him, we wouldn’t have even been able to get Eddie back here? But sure, blame him for this. It totally makes sense to point the finger at the one person who has protected us over and over again.”

Steve was crying.

The other kids were starting to wake up from her voice getting louder as she spoke, and it didn’t take long for them to realize what was happening.

El and Dustin surrounded Steve, cuddling into his sides to comfort him. He needed it, and he was always willing to accept love from the kids. They so rarely gave it, not because they didn’t love him, but because they were at that age where they didn’t want to.

These kids were his in almost every way that mattered, and he was just grateful that they weren’t hesitating when he needed them most.

“You kids could have died. Steve should have never allowed most of this to happen. He’s the adult, and he let you all go into this without even considering you could die.”

“You think we were just gonna sit around and wait for the adults to handle it? When have we ever done that?” Dustin asked incredulously.

“It’s what you should have done. Steve knows that.”

“Mr. Harrington?” A different nurse was standing in the doorway now, older, definitely less nervous.

“Yes?” Steve responded, wiping his tears away quickly.

“Mr. Munson is in a recovery room. He’s woken up a few times for a minute and each time he’s asked for you. Are you family?”

He was pretty certain hospital policy meant only family could go back, especially during natural disasters, so he lied.

“Yes, he’s my cousin. I can’t reach anyone else yet.”

The nurse smiled, though she probably didn’t quite believe him.

“Right this way, then.”

Dustin tugged on his arm.

“Can I come with you?”

“Sorry,” Steve shook his head. “Not yet. Let me check on him, and I’ll come right back out for you.”

“See? This is what I meant about letting his feelings get in the way! What if we weren’t here? Would you just leave the kids to sit out here alone?”

This time, El spoke up.

“Steve is always putting us first. He can put himself first sometimes. That is allowed.”

Steve wanted to hug her again, but the nurse looked like she was going to walk away, and if he didn’t follow her, he wouldn’t see Eddie.

“Go see him, we’ll be here,” Lucas said from next to Erica.

He nodded at them all, giving them a smile before he followed the nurse without looking back at Hopper or Joyce.

Eddie was asleep when they entered the room, so the nurse whispered to him at the door.

“He’s on a lot of morphine, and he’s still receiving a blood transfusion. He may wake up off and on, but he probably won’t make much sense until they lower the dose. Just be here for him,” she smiled before leaving the room.

Steve turned to Eddie and couldn’t hold back more tears.

He’d let him down. He’d let all of them down.

He was supposed to be the hero, despite the jokes about it all, they all knew he was.

But not this time.

Eddie almost died. Max almost died.

He could feel the bat bite on his stomach burning and itching, like it was already getting infected, but he ignored it.

He could wait.

He sat down on the side of the bed, slowly so he wouldn’t wake Eddie up.

But Eddie’s eyes fluttered open once, then twice, then a third time before they managed to stay open enough to see Steve.

“Stevie?” His voice rasped out, a small smile hidden under his oxygen mask. “You’re here.”

“I’m here, Eds.”

He had to be strong, but his brain was so focused on everything he’d done wrong and if he’d just been faster or got out of the vines quicker, Eddie probably wouldn’t be here and Max would be awake and-

“Stop.”

“Hm? Stop what?”

“Bein’ mean.”

Steve’s brows furrowed. He hadn’t even said anything else, had he? Was he so exhausted that he was actually talking without realizing it now?

“I’m not even saying anything.”

Maybe it was Eddie hearing things. He knew morphine was pretty intense.

“To yourself.”

“What?”

“Bein’ mean to yourself. In your head.”

“I-”

“‘S okay. Me too sometimes. Just gotta stop.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile at the way Eddie’s eyes kept drooping closed as he spoke. He would probably fall back asleep any second.

“I’ll be nice. You get some sleep.”

“You rest?”

“Not yet. Maybe later.”

Steve couldn’t really rest until he knew everyone was home, safe, and sleeping off some of the worst of their injuries.

“Yes yet.”

Steve snorted. Eddie was so high. He knew it was better than whatever pain he would feel when they eased him off of everything, but hopefully he wouldn’t remember all this.

“Sleep,” Eddie said, his hand managing to find Steve’s and tugging weakly on it.

“I can’t sleep here, Eds. This is your bed.”

“Our bed.”

Steve’s cheeks were hot, he knew if he touched them, they’d feel like fire. Eddie just had that way of completely rendering Steve speechless. He’d done it so many times over the last couple of days, Steve lost count.

“I’ll stay right here until your uncle gets here, okay?”

“And after?”

It probably wasn’t smart. It would look weird for him to stay in general, but he also had to get the kids home, try to patch himself up at home, maybe shower before he did some rounds and made sure everyone was taken care of.

“I have to take care of the kids.”

“But they have parents.”

“Yeah, well.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door.

Hopper walked in, face as serious as Steve had ever seen it.

“I was able to contact your uncle, Eddie. You can go now, Steve.”

But Eddie gripped his hand harder, frowning at Hopper. He seemed more awake all of a sudden, but with the way his eyes kept trying to close, Steve could see it was a challenge.

“I want him here.”

“Eds, it’s fine. He’s not too happy with me right now, so-”

“What? Why? You helped save the world.”

Eddie was looking between Steve and Hopper like an answer would suddenly make itself known, but Hopper was just staring at Eddie, and Steve was just staring at his feet.

He didn’t want to get Eddie involved in this. He just wanted to pretend it never happened, maybe try to look Hopper in the eye again someday, and apologize to Joyce for not keeping the kids as safe as he could have.

But Eddie apparently took the “no running” thing very seriously now.

“Steve? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Just. I kinda let them down, didn’t keep everyone safe.”

Steve shrugged it off, but he knew he wasn’t very convincing, or really even shrugging it off. He still felt the ache of disappointing people in his chest.

“Hold the fuck up. You’re serious?”

Eddie sounded as outraged as someone high on morphine could. His voice was barely distorted by the oxygen mask on his face, and his eyes were nearly at their normal size.

Steve couldn’t look at either of them.

“Steve is trusted by all these parents to keep their kids out of danger, and he brought them headfirst into it. It just made Joyce and I wonder how often they were doing stupid things,” Hopper explained, though he didn’t even sound convinced he believed his own words.

Joyce was walking in just as Eddie was about to speak.

“Steve, I think you should bring Dustin home. Claudia is going to get worried.”

He didn’t need to look up to know that Eddie was glaring at Joyce and Hopper.

“Let me get this straight. Steve provides free rides, and babysitting services, and meals, and fun for your kids damn near every day. He protects them during this shit every time it happens, literally puts his body on the line to keep them alive. Tried to somehow keep them as safe as possible when it seemed like the world was ending this time, did keep them alive, and you’re still finding reasons to blame him?”

They both had the decency to at least look like they regretted it.

But they still didn’t say anything.

“Fuck this. I’m not gonna pretend to know everything about your little Upside Down Club, but I’m in it now. None of us wanna be here, but we are. Steve’s been doing his best for years, since he was a kid, and all you can do is complain that your sweet angels aren’t completely unscathed? This is a team effort, you know that. They volunteered. Steve would have had to lock them in a prison cell for them not to help.”

Steve looked up at Eddie, watched as he started to lose the fire that had overtaken him temporarily, his eyes dulling as the morphine dripped into his veins and flushed through his system.

“Best damn babysitter…” Eddie mumbled as his eyes fell closed.

Steve watched him for a moment, waiting to see if he suddenly woke up again. When he didn’t, he stood up slowly, didn’t want to risk him feeling the bed move, and made his way to the door.

But something hurt in his chest, something he knew wouldn’t go away unless he said something.

He turned to see Hopper and Joyce staring at each other, having a silent conversation.

“I’m used to disappointing people. I’ve been disappointing my parents my whole life. Disappointed friends, Nancy, bosses. But I have never let those kids down. I do my best with them. I try to be there for them the way I wish someone had been there for me. I make sure they’re kids because life handed them a shitty card or whatever and they deserve to still be kids. You can be mad at me if you want, but I know I did my best. They know I did my best.”

He didn’t wait for a response, didn’t want to hear them say anything else about how wrong his decisions were.

But Joyce stopped him from leaving the room, hand on his arm.

“Steve, wait. Honey, I’m sorry. I think…I think we got caught up in the moment and just needed someone to blame.”

“You do the best you can. We know you do a lot for them.”

It was nice to hear, but he couldn’t get over the uncomfortable itch in the back of his head that he deserved more than that.

“Thanks, but I don’t think I can accept the apology right now.” And then the anger really set in. It came over him so fast, he could feel his hands shaking. “A lot of things are out of our control. We all wanna blame someone for this stuff, but it just boils down to the same people over and over. Max is in a coma because of Henry Creel, not me. Eddie is in the hospital because of demon bats, not me. Eleven and Will are connected to the Upside Down because of the government, not me. I’m just trying to be whatever they need, and that’s better than I can say for either of you at this point.” Steve left this time, Joyce dropping her hand from his arm halfway through his loud speech.

Okay, he was yelling.

But Eddie slept through it, and it felt good to get all of that out.

He made his way to the waiting room, hoping everyone would still be there so he could check in.

Everything felt too fresh, too much like Vecna could show back up and take any of them at any moment.

But the waiting room was empty, not even Dustin remained.

Steve did his best not to panic. Their parents had all been contacted, so they most likely had just been picked up and brought home.

“They’ve all been picked up, sugar,” an older nurse said from the front desk.

“Oh. Thanks.”

“They left you a note, though.”

He recognized her as the woman who had been here the whole night, handling phone calls and people walking in like she’d been doing this for decades. Maybe she had been.

He walked over and grabbed it from her, giving her a small smile in thanks.

He walked outside before he opened it, not sure why he was suddenly nervous.

But as he read, he felt tears in his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that night.

Steve- Go home and sleep. We’ll be okay for a day while you rest. You don’t ever do that. We don’t agree with Joyce and Hopper, and we hope you know you’re the best damn babysitter ever. Love, Dustin, Lucas, Erica, El, Will, Mike, and Max (if she could)

He folded up the note, put it in his pocket, and walked to his car.

He ignored the blood in the backseat, rolled his windows down to ignore the stench of iron.

Knew he would be spending most of his day tomorrow trying to clean the stains out, but figured it would be a good mindless task.

He thought about Eddie, about how quick he was to defend him. About how he’d gripped his hand like it was a lifeline.

It felt that way to Steve.

He hadn’t let Eddie down. He’d saved Eddie.

If he didn’t do anything else right, he’d done that, and nothing Joyce or Hopper said could take that away.