#this is what i get for having unmedicated ADHD i guess

[pnsge]

one day i'll get the courage to say the words i want

[rabbithaver]

this is more of an observation than a genuine complaint but im surprised at how little valentines' espilver art got posted today on tumblr. tumblr, which is notable for being the gay people website. it's easy to forget on here that it's still very much a rarepair.

meanwhile i check silver's tag and it's like, 70% silvaze. which is cool! i'm glad for the silvaze folks, you guys are eating good. i just miss my boys

[genderqueerdykes]

poverty is so isolating. it means being alone and away from people, events, society. you can't afford trips to and from places. you can't afford to spare gas. you can't afford the entrance fee. you can't afford tickets. you can't afford making eating a social event. you can't buy drinks. you can't engage in hobbies.

all you're encouraged to do are "free" things, but they're not free. Internet isn't free. cell phone service isn't free. sitting on the computer and your phone all day is frowned upon for good reason because it destroys your health. we shouldn't have to only be able to talk to people digitally to be able to socialize. we shouldn't have to watch streams all day. we need to see other people, i DON'T care if it costs a few dollars: poor people shouldn't be relegated to what few free activities there are because most of them involve being alone.

the library is one of the most annoying suggestions because it makes you feel pinned. yes i want to support my local library. i cannot sit still and read in public. it is not socially acceptable to start taking to strangers in the library in fact you can't have conversations there at all because you need to be quiet for the other readers. libraries are places of education, accessibility to information and resources, and social services. it is not a place to socialize. maybe entertain but Only if you can, well, read. i have dissociative disorders and unmedicated ADHD, i don't make it very far into books. i feel like most poor people get really tired of the library suggestion. it's an amazing resource. but it's not for this purpose

social events are almost always off limits. sure you can go to the bar and not drink, if you don't have alcohol trauma, aren't a recovering alcoholic, aren't overstimulated by noise, aren't photosensitive, don't have anxiety with crowds and strangers, aren't a minor, have an ID, and can walk there or get a ride there. sure you can walk to the cafe and use their Wi-Fi but this isn't a social activity and in many places you can't sit there for long periods unless you buy anything.

i get SO tired of the "go to a cafe" suggestion. think about how boring that actually is. you're alone. in America, it is NOT socially acceptable to sit at a strangers table like it is in other countries, let alone just start talking to them. it is NOT a common experience to strike up a conversation with strangers in cafes in America, like we really have cafes other than fucking starbucks to begin with.

going for walks and going to parks is not accessible to people with physical disabilities, agoraphobia, some schizophrenics, people with dog trauma, and other issues. parks usually have really poorly maintained or no sidewalks or foot paths. they can be uneven and hard to traverse for people who use mobility aids. unless you live near a monument or state park, your local parks are really meant for dogs to piss and shit in, for joggers to run through, and to look impressive to investors. they're usually pathetic swaths of grass with you guessed it, nothing to do. again it's rare to strike up conversation at the park. people need conversation starters. there's Nothing going on at the park. it's a great place to go if you need to cool down when angry or stressed, but it's fucking boring.

window shopping is pointless and dehumanizing. i really can't stand it when people suggest poor people window shop so we can think about things to buy when we have money ... why the fuck would i ever do that. when i don't have money i don't think about frivolous things i don't need. what the fuck kind of activity is window shopping, that's for people who have money.

poor people get tired of doing the "free" shit. if you suggest that a poor person should do these things when you do none of them yourself, you have 0 clue how boring and dehumanizing it is to never be able to decide what you do with your time. to have limited options to live. to experience.

money is not the reason you get to experience; you get to experience because you are alive. no poor people don't deserve to sit there and do nothing all day because they didn't "earn" anything. no poor people don't deserve to live their lives because they don't make as much as you. poor people deserve to enjoy being alive. poor people get to decide to have fun with their money, too.

I'm so tired of people being so harsh on people who struggle with financial issues and spending money "right" or "smart". reckless spending and difficulty managing finances are symptoms of mental illness and neurodivergence. bipolar, personality disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety, autism, ADHD, OCD and other mental health conditions can make managing funds very hard. don't be extra cruel to someone who spends money poorly in response to a mental health crisis. this won't make their situation any easier.

i sat in apartment after apartment for a decade doing nothing. i was a total shut in because i had no money. i never did anything but browse the Internet. all day long. without end. i was dissociating constantly. my anxiety was at its highest. i was constantly psychotic. instead of going out to fix it, i would stay inside longer, making it worse and worse and worse. i never bought anything. i didn't have hobbies. all of my decorations and possessions were from my childhood, my clothes were literally falling apart, a decade old. my walls were barren. my world was grey.

don't do this to yourself. don't tell yourself that you deserve nothing because it's harder for you to make money than other people. I'm very lucky now that i have made friends who pulled me out of my shell and have helped me get outside of my house. i spent so long alone and trapped indoors thinking it's the only thing i could do with myself for years. I'm finally recovering. if you're poor you deserve to live. you're alive. and you're not alone. i love you.

[bomberqueen17]

sweaty

well so i'm two weeks into trying a higher dose of vyvanse and i can confidently say i can't fucking tell whether it's doing jack-shit or not

so there's that

Some of it is undoubtedly that I've been frantically busy at the farm, and have had very little time to not be frantically busy.

But like. I had a slower couple of days just now and haven't managed to reset from the frazzledness. And then I posted a story I'd been working on for two years today, and expected at least a sense of satisfaction, but I felt basically nothing, and while it's been nice to get some comments about it, I haven't managed to scrounge up any fucking, idk if it's dopamine or serotoinin or whatever, i've just been like "ah yes ok good" and moved on. Which is incredibly disappointing, and is also very clearly my interior reaction and has nothing to do with people's reactions.

Like. Do I just not get to have things feel nice, now? IDK. Is that the Vyvanse? Is it just that I suck? I don't know. I spent much of today, when I was suddenly less busy, struggling to make basic decisions, and completely failed to do the one errand I had wanted to do, because the very basic logistics of it were completely outside of my capabilities. A single decision will drain my life force like a fucking vampire, it's insane. And I have discovered new levels of getting stuck on the couch scrolling apps I don't actually want to look at but physically cannot close, it's really wild how much worse that could get than the bad it was already in my normal unmedicated life.

So. I guess I've proven that I don't respond to stimulant medication. So there's not really any point keeping up with these $300 3-minute psych appointments. Most of the people I know who've managed to get diagnoses and treatment have admitted that it was hard to get the meds right, but most of them have managed to find something that does fucking anything.

All I get is dehydrated. That's it really, I know I've taken the meds becuse no matter how much water I drink in a day it's not enough. I've been really faithful on the Vyvanse and it's a moderately high dose.

Maybe it isn't ADHD? Maybe I'm just really uniquely bad at experiencing emotions and executively functioning. I don't know what else to try, and don't really have anyone else to ask.

I guess I give up. At least I don't have to wonder anymore whether so many of my life's problems could be solved with medical treatment. Hurrah, the answer's no!

Great.

(edited to add: i guess i don't need to bother making another appointment so I can pay a further $300 to this shrink to tell him that I'm discontinuing treatment because I don't think he can actually help me. I guess I can just do that in a message, though the app doesn't work so the only option I'll have is to text this to his assistant. Cool.)

[omniseurs-blog]

My YouTube comment reposted - mental illness, schizospec, psychosis, ADHD, distrust of doctors, rage/anger vent, loss of childhood, drug use

I was diagnosed with emotional behavioral disorder NOS and ADHD at 4, depression at 10, schizophrenia at 14, changed to schizoaffective bipolar and PTSD at 15. Here's my (and my family's) story.

Before any of my immediate family was born, my paternal great grandpa was... "Quirky", aka delusional and had hallucinations, and my great grandma refused to get him help, because it meant institutionalization or lobotomy. She never told her kids (my paternal grandpa) about it, they simply divorced when the kids were old enough to work. This is still all I will ever know about my great grandpa. My grandpa had his first psychotic break in his 20s or 30s (all I know is my grandma saying he's been insane for a long time, which is why she divorced him) and hid it well enough until his 50s where he was institutionalized and diagnosed "early onset dementia without Alzheimer's features" or something along those lines, he used to call my dad up all the time talking about the mafia and how my mother was poisoning him. My father had his first break in his 20s as well after the birth of my older brother and the death of his brother, but he didn't get treatment until his 30s well after my mother divorced him when I was 3. For a long time I didn't know a single thing about him besides what my mother told me, "he's abusive, he's evil, he's crazy, he's a terrible person" (my mother got diagnosed with BPD recently, so I don't even know if those were lies or not), but one thing she did teach us was that he was schizophrenic.

And then there's me. I was a shy kid, never trusted anybody, didn't play, didn't socialize, took a long time to start speaking, and... Held a very negative view of schizophrenia all the way until I was diagnosed. I was put on ADHD meds at 4, 20mg of adderall, the same age I was diagnosed. I began hallucinating full visible dead and bleeding people because of them and I had paranoia of being followed and watched. My mother did warn the psychiatrist that schizophrenia ran in the family, but my psychiatrist just raised the dose higher, this time 30mg of Ritalin, and put me on risperidone, 5mg... I hallucinated even worse, had crying fits from the delusions, but I was completely and utterly zombified. Why was I zombified on "such a low/starter dose"? Because I was a maybe 60lb F O U R (4) year old. Since the hallucinations and delusions didn't stop, and my mother insisting that I had schizophrenia, the doctor ensured my mother "children can't have schizophrenia" and diagnosed me emotional behavioral disorder NOS, switched me to Vyvanse at 25mg, and switched my risperidone to a common antidepressant I can't remember the name of (Prozac?). Of course, I was perfectly happy then, absolutely off the walls running around, wandering around, all that, so the SCHOOL system said they were going to call CPS because they didn't believe my parents were giving me my medications... Which meant they were the ones dishing out my medications to me and I missed the doses I was supposed to take before bed.

Thankfully, we ended up moving when I turned 10, and the new school never threatened CPS or demanded proof I'm taking my meds, so on my own account, I quit my own meds. I went unmedicated aside from taking a different antidepressant (genuinely can't begin to guess the name) around 12-13. I completely forgot I had any mental illness other than obviously having attention problems, fidgeting more than everyone else, severe anxiety that I thought was normal, and frequent nightmares and bedwetting, and a lack of awareness that I didn't fit in with others (mostly because I didn't have the urge to socialize with anyone). Then... the teenage years hit. My brother was experimenting with dr*gs, weed, LSD, computer duster, m*th, all of the dr*gs that were said to be bad in dare, and I did them too. We got past computer duster and weed, my brother got into worse drugs, new years swung around at 14 and they had some "high quality acid" that turned out to be NBOME, or fake bitter acid that makes even the most mentally stable freak out.

New years 2015, I was 14 years old, we took the fake acid, all 6 of us. People became manifestations of my mental illness, my brother was ADHD, his friends sister was depression, his best friend was anxiety, his best friends gf was PTSD... And his friend was schizophrenia. I was only diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. The TV was talking to me, the music was about me, the universe was going to collapse if I made the wrong move. Sure, a bad trip is a bad trip, but the bad trip didn't end after 12, 24, 48 hours, a week, 2 weeks, a month, 5 months, a year, 2 years, 4 years. 4 years is what it took to START recovering, dozens of different combinations of meds, 20 hospitalizations, 4 different hospitals, 3 different states, countless amounts of doctors, and 3, going on 4, disability applications. From 10th to 12th grade, I missed an average of 100 days per year, had a 0.0gpa, and just barely graduated through GED while experiencing active psychosis

What could've been diagnosed at age 4, what I could've been properly medicated for, what didn't take a genius to figure out. 14 to roughly 18 were all a delusional mess, I'm 23 now. I still act like a 14 year old because... I'm still there. I should still be a kid.

[copperbadge]

I had a very successful and entertaining day today, as you guys can probably tell from the posts I made. There's a few more queued posts of stuff I didn't get to post in-situ, so enjoy that!

Some anecdotes I did not post about from today:

-- I can't remember the last time I queued for a museum. Mostly because if it's not one of "my" museums, like the Field or the Art Institute where I know the best ways in, I'm attending on a weekday deliberately so that I am not amongst the crowds. The line to get into the British Museum was a full block long, but to be fair it only took me ten minutes from opening to get inside. I was mostly amused by the people who a) didn't understand how museum entry works or b) didn't understand how to stand in a line without also blocking foot traffic on the rest of the sidewalk.

-- Almost got in a fight with someone, a definite first for me in a museum. I got salty with a guy who touched a sculpture when he knew he shouldn't, and he got up in my face, and I think genuinely the fact that I knew what the sculpture was called and he didn't confused him so badly he backed down. So if you're looking to defuse a situation via confusion, the phrase "Hey, don't fucking touch the Lamassu and we won't have a problem" worked for me.

-- The British Museum is great but among other issues (looted objects, weird relics of museum-specific imperialism, etc) it does suffer from poor display design in places. I'm okay with that, I kind of like old museums that are a little fucked up, even as I acknowledge that old fucked-up museums also have old fucked-up messaging. They appear to be trying on that front, but they could use a display placard overhaul. At one point I found an object in a case that appeared to be a carved human leg bone, and while I'm not a Bone Specialist there was also absolutely no placard about the bone at all. (I looked it up in the collection later using other objects in the case as reference, and it's just noted as "bone".)

-- I did have a great time overall; I saw most of the museum and then had a fancy meal, as documented. I was especially pleased to get to sample their coronation chicken since I collect tastings of coronation chicken, and I think they either used molasses in it or the bread had some, and either way it's grist for my mill as I start to develop The Chicken Salad War. After lunch I went on the hunt for a few last things, but I could feel myself getting tired and Becoming Unmedicated so I decided to leave a little early, which was the right choice, and gave me a little time to do some exploring.

-- @neil-gaiman did a post a while ago about stuff to see in London which I saved, and while I mostly planned my own journey, I did stop at Atlantis Books on his recommendation, which was well worth it. The woman working the till left me alone until I was ready to buy my book, then praised my choice (always a good move) and made a few minutes' small talk about my visit from America while she was ringing me up. Also I have never seen such a variety of Tarot decks for sale in my life. It was extremely impressive given the entire shop is roughly the size of my bedroom in Chicago.

All in all an excellent day out in London. Tomorrow I'm traveling to meet up with a friend, so probably fewer photos, but day after tomorrow I'm bound for Amsterdam so expect Rijksmuseum photos! I did not get into the Vermeer exhibit sadly, but I still want to see the museum and I'm on a quest for freshly made stroopwaffels and authentic gjetost, so I'm excited for the journey. I thought this trip might be one small anxiety after another -- would I be okay on the plane, would I get on the right trains, etc -- but I'm feeling more confident now, and I think between my early-bird tendencies and the ADHD meds I kicked the jet lag pretty quickly. I'm off to bed in a few, because tomorrow is an early day, so I guess we'll find out then how much I really kicked it....

[fox-quills]

do you have any recommendations for writing a fic? i have so many ideas but never can get pass writing even 1 paragraph of my idea. I guess maybe it’s because i have ADHD but it sucks!!! I’ve such great ideas for mha / erasermicdeku fics but never can get far. Any recommendations that helped you out? Or helped you be more productive?

Okay this is about to get long-winded because I have a LOT of thoughts on this topic. I'll drop a tl;dr at the end lol. So! First some background. I have ADHD too anon, and I'm struggling my way through life unmedicated, so I absolutely get where you're coming from. I've been writing fanfiction a long time. To give you an idea, my oldest posted fic is actually older than my current beta, so you know. Fandom ancient or whatever. But, for a long long LONG time, I really struggled with consistency. I have a list of unfinished fics behind me a mile long, because as much as I loved writing, and as much as I wanted to do it, I just couldn't seem to manage it around all that ADHD brain fog. So I wrote sporadically, only ever finished one long fic in probably twenty years, and generally felt pretty bad about myself all around. And then about a year and a half ago, I decided that I wanted to try writing consistently. Again. For the fifty bajillionth time. But I also knew everything I had ever tried didn't work, so if I wanted it to happen, I needed to do something different. So I started getting up two hours before work every weekday, and I regret to inform you that it worked beautifully. I think a large part of it is hedging your bets against ADHD brain. First thing in the morning, you're going to be more alert, and you haven't already used up all your limited thinky spoons on work or school or whatever else. You get your best, fresh morning brain! Let me give you some stats. Here's my total word count for the last five years:

I started my morning writing in June of 2023, which is probably pretty obvious. When I first started, my daily word counts weren't anything crazy, but I was making consistent, daily progress and I was super happy with it!

And here's my daily word count for the last few days:

And this is not me going crazy. Just my two hours in the morning, which is closer to an hour and a half because I gotta get up, make coffee, etc. I have a few things that helped make the transition easier. I work from home, so I can write up until the moment I gotta boot my laptop for work. My husband also happens to get up for work at the same time I get up for writing, so that helps too. But even without these things? I'd do it. If I had to drag my ass outta bed at 4am, I would, because it just works that well. I'll never go back to doing anything else. I have one other piece of advice that really helps keep me motivated, and that's to find a circle of people to talk to about your writing. Talk about your fic with your friends, join a discord server, something! I absolutely CANNOT overstate how motivating it is to have people excited for your story, people to talk to about your ideas, people who care about this silly little thing you've created. There's this idea that writing is a solitary thing, but I don't think that's true. At least, it doesn't have to be. And I don't know about you, anon, but I'll write an entire novel for one friend who wants to know how it ends. I write because I love it, but I also write because I love other people too, and I like making them happy. tl;dr - Get up early to write. Yes, I know it sucks, but it really does work. - Find someone to talk about your stories with. A friend, a beta, a fellow fan. Shared enthusiasm is a wonderful motivator. I'm not going to guarantee what works for me will work for everyone. I do strongly encourage you to give it a try though, because you never know! It took me a long time to get where I'm at. Part of that was not knowing I had ADHD till I was 30, so I was stuck fighting an invisible enemy. And then I had to learn how to work around it, which wasn't an easy thing to do. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself, and to do what you can. If you're lucky it won't take you quite as long as it took me, but if writing is something you enjoy, then you'll be able to carve out a place for it. It just might take some trial and error to get there. I believe in you ❤

[sconesfortea]

Put my repeat prescription in on Monday, it's meant to take 2 working days to be ready, go to collect it on Wednesday, it's not ready, got to come back tomorrow.

While I'm at the pharmacy I ask (at the request of my gp) what adhd meds they're currently able to get as I have been unmedicated since September 24th, they say oh actually we do have your exact meds available rn. So I put in a prescription request for that too.

Go back to the pharmacy Thursday, am told first prescription still hasn't come through, but the adhd meds I requested yesterday have. Great I think, but no there's some specific problem with how they've written my dosage, so while they sort that out the pharmacist says "we'll hold onto these meds and honour this for you".

I go to the gp this morning (Friday) for a blood test, ask why my script is taking so long to go through, am told it'll be ready this evening, so I go home. Finally it says on the app "approved by gp" so I take myself back to the pharmacy. They have my pain meds (still takes them 40 minutes to give me them) but the adhd meds need to be ordered for tomorrow. I say I was told they'd be held for me, they say "lol no we can't hold drugs for people" ok so why tell me that?

Guess who has to go back tomorrow on the hopes the order has arrived and they have the drugs for me. At this point my chronically pained & fatigued self will have had to go out 4 days in a row, without pain meds, and I have to go out on Sunday too?

I just can't fathom how it's this complicated and run-around-y to get my prescriptions, esp as a disabled person.

[beeseverywhen]

So I've been thinking about what tumblr is in this metaphor and I've decided: tumblr is like a pirate radio ship/commune on a boat. Some ppl saw what twitter was doing and they were like yeah we could do that and they grouped together and bought one of those really big ships. Like an ex cruise ship. And everyone was like 'this will never work they are doing what twitter is doing but in a batshit and frankly stupid way. They are more interested in painting the boat to make it look all funky rather than learning about how boats work and what they need to do to keep it afloat and how they are gonna get food and stuff. Everyone is like 'this is gonna end up badly and they'll all come to land with their tail between their legs, apart from those that are chronically sea dogs, who'll end up going to twitterland where things are actually being run properly, or else they'll consider Facebook' (which is actually a harbourside company town, but the houses are all on stilts.)

While twitter was ensuring they got important society running tm people and Facebook was ensuring the company store was filled to the brim with products from their sponsors and was like selling timeshares so that ppl could live part time in their little pods on stilts tumblr was like yeah sure everyone come on board. So you had like a section of the ship full of clowns and another full of tired adults who've quit their professional jobs and run away to find themselves and there's also a thriving lbgt section of the ship that's just like regular lbgt people who don't feel they fit in to the communities they lived in before. And there's a reasonable number of teenagers barely old enough to leave home, who've all run away from the confinement of the societal expectations or whatever

Every now and again there's rumours from the land press that some celebrity is in hiding on The tumblr (this is some kind of pun between like a drinking glass and a boat. I don't know) but all the tumblr residents are kinda shifty about it and no interviewer knows if it's all some big joke or if rockstar of the week really is hiding out on there, apparently along with a few actors, some authors and a few artists. They aren't lying they just don't seem to care. Celebrity? What celebrity? That's just Neil. He's on dish duty this week.

So for a good few years twitterland is thriving Facebook town is thriving. Tumblr is doing better than expected? They haven't sunk the boat yet. Lots of people from various walks of life like to come there to get away from things on a little retreat in to Weird tm culture. People on there are a bit elitist like 'yeah we aren't sheep, living on land under capitalism, we are here, living life as humans are supposed to. Creating art, having weird sex parties. It's all good'. The only thing these groups of ppl have in common is that they don't really vibe with regular culture on land. Its a counter culture thing. But they all live alongside each other pretty well. Mostly keeping to their own parts of the ship but getting on well when they bump in to each other. The guy that owns the largest share of the boat is like 'look. I'm going to sell a stake in the boat to my buddy so we can do some improvements' nobody agrees but it happens and nothing really changes. The old owner is still the captain. People are kinda annoyed cause they are like. 'This was a communal thing' but the guy is like, yeah but I decided to get things going, to find a boat, refit it, invite people to stay. I've been steering the boat all this time. This is for the good of everyone, the boat will be better for it

And then, a group of some of the younger residents, decide to put on an event, but they have no event planning skills and also, commit a deadly sin on board the boat: they bring money in to it. Usually money only changes hands when ppl leave the boat, but they decide to host a party on board the ship and get residents to pay for it. The party is very underwhelming. It's a great embarrassment and lots of people leave the boat for good. Its no longer seen as a good retreat for celebrities, a few stay, but they are more 'tumblr weirdos' than they are celebrities by this point. They've shed the garb of 'celeb' and fully acclimated. The hold outs are mostly ppl that were already kind of uncomfortable with being 'celebrities' they've always been more comfortable just being a weird guy just like everyone else left on the boat.

News places stop bothering with tumblr, they are more concerned with Facebook town and twitter which are considered successful, and are making money with advertising/ product placements in the 'life in a day' videos they churn out. The ppl left on the tumblr ship fully lean in to the weirdness. But without any celebrity following/positive news, on land ppl are very much unimpressed with tumblr. The guy who bought out the share goes bankrupt and the share of the boat gets transferred to a different business. After a while the original captain is like 'you know what. Its been a wild ride but I don't think boating is for me. I'm going to go live in a house. GL.

The business conglomerate that owns the share in the boat is like. Well. You need a captain. Can't just leave you to it. We've got a great guy for the job. Don't worry he loves this whole thing. He's a strict business guy and everyone is like 'he's going to sell the boat off for parts! They'll take our home!' But actually the new guy is very in to the idea of the tumblr boat, though he really doesn't get it. He keeps popping in for little holidays. He's like 'I think we could make this a holiday resort' and all the residents are like, this would be a terrible holiday resort. It was once a cruise ship, sure, but its something very different now. Why would we turn it in to a holiday destination when there are already 100s of non converted cruise ships doing a better job? And the guy is just like sipping a pina colada through a straw still dressed in a suit, like shrugging. 'It's only an idea'. He seems to be enjoying himself but he still seems a bit baffled by things, he's like 'so what's with the sex parties' and everyone is like, it's no big deal. Those of us not involved are used to it by now we don't care. They seem to be having a good time. Good for them.

Tumblr has been finding it hard to find places to moor up and resupply (it's still disorganised as hell so who knows how they're buying their communally owned food) for a while and it's not been helped by the fact that their 'all are welcome' policy has led to a few on the run criminals camping out on board, without them knowing which has given them bad press. The new captain is like 'I can solve this. Don't worry about it' and next thing they know, he's hosting a press conference saying that the boat is banning sex parties. And everyone is like?! How could you do that? Some of them are like 'sex parties are a part of life on board. We'd be nothing without them' and others are like 'personally I'm not bothered about the sex parties but I don't think they are the problem, we keep asking you to remove the wanted criminals we've warned you about, but you did nothing and now you want to boot out the rule abiding, perfectly civil sex party attendees? How could you make a decision like this without consulting us. Who will you be kicking out next? This is a slippery slope'. And the guy is like hold on a second let's not be too harsh. "Look guys. We need to reboot our image. These harbours are saying they don't want us to dock. They say we aren't family friendly. They say we've got nothing to contribute to their economy's. Banning the parties is the only way. Nobody's getting booted. You all have the opportunity to promise not to have sex on board again, and to dispose of all the posters advertising past parties and the photo collages and stuff and If you do that, you're free to stay.'

Nobody's impressed by that so loads of people leave. Either because they were attending parties and want to continue to, or just because they don't agree. By now parts of the boat are straight up abandoned. There's nobody new to move in to the rooms people left, so they are just like, standing dark and empty, still decorated, but abandoned. Time goes on, they don't have any trouble docking but it's getting harder and harder to pay for supplies, with so many less people and the company with the big share in the boat are not so willing to pay for things now they see there's little hope of them getting any of it back. (Things are just depressing now it's all empty. They'll never sell this as a resort) eventually they sell it off to another company.

The ppl still living there are very resistant to the new owners like 'they already took our sex parties and drove away our friends. How much worse can it get? What are you going to do?' And they don't trust any suggestions. But the new owners are like 'look. We kind of understand how things work on your boat. We don't personally have anything like this, but we do have experience managing a load of little communities living as property guardians in abandoned hotels/resorts. Its not the same! But we do have an idea of what you are trying to do here. You are artists. We get that.

And people start to warm up to them a bit when it's been a year or so and they aren't selling off bits but eventually the new guys are like 'look we can't keep paying for your food without any contribution. Our other communes give us a cut of their business proceeds, some of them pay rent. Everyone is very unimpressed by this, but over time they warm up to the idea somewhat (it's made clear that the boat needs major repairs if it's gonna keep floating) and unlike the last guy who was pretty content to drink pina coladas and imagine he was on a different boat, the people from this company do seem to be interested in hearing from the residents. They are making small repairs. They are hosting residents meetings.

They set up a gift shop, stocking things that the residents might find amusing. They set up a few paid for initiatives that get completely shot down. They convert some of the abandoned rooms in to double sized rooms and are like 'you can pay to upgrade and live in a bigger cabin'. You can pay for a new door in an interesting color or new carpeting. They set up a stage and a gallery. People can pay to display their art/ do a comedy routine or play music. Some people pay for stage time to bring issues to light. People are still very hesitant. There's a spectrum of ppl joining in with the efforts they approve of (gift shop. Personalised doors) but ignoring those they don't agree with, and then some ppl strictly refusing to support any of it, and setting up sit ins/graffiting posters advertising the paid for ventures.

And then, some ex twitter residents start dribbling in. Some are like 'I'm only here for a short holiday while they work on putting out the fire' some are like 'I'll be hedging my bets and splitting my time' others are like 'wow this is like vintage tumblr. I can't believe you've remodelled this ship to look just like the one from a decade ago'. Twitter does not work to put out the fire. Long lasting residents are a bit like ??? Do they not know we've been here all along. More and more people move in, trying to bring some of the quirks of their twitter world community to the boat. The gift shop keeps going. Advertisers pay to put up posters. The gallery seems to regularly have art so clearly someone's paying. Nobody is really sure what the future looks like.

I can not tell if some of these bots are bots. By combining random words they are perfectly emulating tumblr users. The only thing that I'm clinging on to is how averse the average tumblr is to having their face next to their posts. But some of these bots are starting to use pictures of ppl out doing things/ messing around and I'm like... this could be a person. Is this them or is it a meme. Their face isn't in it. It's not centred on their body. This could be a person. Especially as twitter continues to slowly sink like a very slowly burning very very large construction in the sea.

It's like one of those big abandoned rigs/sea stations where years after its been left some ppl come across it and move in like 'we can repurpose this' and next thing you know they are living there like 'we are a country now' and things seem to be thriving and they appear to have a functioning society and its like 'have these ppl escaped capitalism' and then one day there's some kind of disaster and loads of ppl abandon it and come back to regular society and they are all like telling stories about how it was.

And then as time goes on every now and again another person gives up and abandons ship, and comes back to land living society with a even crazier story about what's been going down since the last person left. And time goes on and eventually it's like largely abandoned. The ppl still living there are either very loyal or remain thanks to sunk cost. And its pretty well understood that by this point the guy in charge is a dictator and its all a bit culty and there's no real reason to stay. Its just living amongst like empty rusting offices (cause there aren't enough ppl left to keep it running like a society/improving so it's just like an abandoned weather station in the middle of the sea again and the weather's always shit cause its the middle of the sea. The dream is dead, they are just only realising one at a time.

And then one day someone's boat goes past and the place is on fire and everyone's like hey are you guys OK? And tries to evacuate them. But they are all like 'our leader says its fine. Its cool we don't need rescuing. Like you could rescue us. Life on land is shit. Enjoy capitalism losers!' And everyone's a bit like uncomfortable about leaving them there, but it's like. What can you do. They are just like 'the fire keeps to its side of the station we keep to ours, its np.'

But everyone decides to keep an eye on things all the same. Reporting on things out of morbid curiosity and a little bit like 'you can still get out. We're here.' And then one day the place (still on fire) starts to sink in to the sea and you really think they'll jump ship now. What's left? But they are still clinging on to this dream of what it could have been. And the place is like burning but also littered with advertisements cause the cult leader is letting just about anyone sponsor them, and it is a burning wreck sinking in to the sea, but also its on the news 24/7 so there are always ppl willing to stick their logo on it

Anyway, I've got completely carried away with my metaphor here. But twitters like that. And as ppl slowly abandon ship and are like 'I guess we'll return to the shitty lives we thought we'd escaped' they bring a bit of 'comune that's also a country on a rig in the middle of the sea' culture with them. And so there are now more ppl on tumblr doing twitter things like having attractively posed pictures as their icon

[not-poignant]

Question! You juggle so many projects at once, and I think that's awesome. Do you have any advice for how you stay motivated (and/or organized) to work on so many different things? If I'm inspired by something, I want to focus on That Thing and Only That Thing — I have a really hard time pulling my brain away to work on other projects.

I'm wondering if a schedule would help? How do you even set your schedule?

This is a lot of questions packed into one ask, I realize — I guess I'm just in awe of your NaNoWriMo progress (you are insane (affectionate)) and want to pick your brain about your process a little.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Honestly anon, we all have our ways of writing, and it's best if you stick to what actually works for you instead of forcing yourself to do something different.

I'd recommend looking into some of the coaching / videos / podcasts by Becca Syme. A lot of it is simply based around accepting who you are, instead of forcing yourself to write like other people. Part of that is finding your strengths, but some of it is simply...being like 'okay, I'm like this as a writer.'

I don't write lots of projects because I taught myself to, but because I love doing it. I write more when I work on more projects. If I forced myself to only focus on one thing I'd feel stifled and held back, I'd write slower, and I actually think my writing would be muddier and less good.

Other people do best and write fastest when they're focusing on only one project at a time.

And which kind of person you are anon is something you'll figure out over time. Though it sounds like you might already know.

If you wanted to try working on multiple projects, I'd look at adding just one more into the rotation and seeing how it feels. Does it make you write more? Does it make you want to write more? Is it pulling focus? Is it making you lose inspiration on the other story? It's not so much a scheduling issue as it is simply...which one gets the words out?

The goal isn't to become like me as a writer, just like my goal isn't to become like other writers. The goal is to get your words out in the way that works best for you. If that's slowly, that's amazing. If that's fast, that's great, and while there are techniques you can try, it should always be with a view to respecting your organic process.

Many writers quit, or burnout, as soon as they stop respecting that process, or when they start feeling ashamed of their natural process and put pressure on themselves to do it another way.

Also I'll be honest, I'm working on too many projects right now and even though I'm loving it, I know it's too many. Like, I've deprioritised Underline the Red for my own sanity, and I am actually really looking forward to clearing a couple of stories from the schedule so I can focus on other things. About 3-4 stories is my sweet spot.

I don't exactly 'stay organised' anon. I actively want to work on all of these stories. And tonally they're all different, so if I feel like something more wholesome, or something darker, or something more pornographic, I have options. I do have a monthly kind of idea of what I should be working on (i.e. based on the upcoming schedule), but I can only really do that thanks to ADHD meds and I'm cautious of recommending techniques that I personally can only access and make use of because medication has fixed some of my executive dysfunction issues. If you're playing with any kind of unmedicated ADHD, there are tools that won't be as useful without tangible medical or therapeutic support. D:

I set my writing schedule via a mix of the writing that makes me money, alongside extra writing that I enjoy that doesn't make me money. Ideally I enjoy all of it and it's all fun. But the stuff that makes me money has to come first, because of like...life reasons. Idk where you're at professionally, or even if you want to do this professionally, and that would profoundly influence how I'd even suggest scheduling. If you don't have to schedule your writing, don't do it! If you don't have to make decisions like this, then don't make them!

Also, if I hated any of these stories, I'd put the story on hiatus. I don't believe in writing stuff I hate or resent writing. I know other people can make themselves do this and I'm glad that works for them, but I can't do it and I just...yeah. I have to love the story and enjoy it and not resent it to see it through, it's probably why there's so much drama happening all the time, and angst, I'm keeping my dumb hurt/comfort brain engaged lmao.

Never underestimate the power of also just 'I've been doing this for 10 years and I'm very practiced at stuff that other people will only learn with years of practice.' Some of this stuff doesn't have shortcuts, it just had a lot of time and 5 million words sunk into it. When I first started writing on AO3 I wrote one story at a time (though I did quickly become bored of that and moved to two). I wasn't making money. I didn't have a schedule for 9 years. I didn't want one.

The things I've learned... my wordcounts are reliable because I've just had a lot of practice writing. Unfortunately there's no trick to that, beyond sitting down and writing. The more you do, the more you learn about your own process and respect it, the more you write the stories you love, the better you'll get. And I've had times where I've burnt out, times where I've needed long breaks, times where I pushed too hard or forced myself to be like other writers and ended up wondering if I'd quit.

I want to give you easy answers, but the easiest one I have is - which way of writing brings you the most joy? Which way makes the words flow? Is it just one story at a time? That's great - that's your way. That might change in time, but don't force it to. You can experiment like a scientist and try different things, but be compassionate and accepting of whatever your innate way of doing things is.

I struggled so much with the fact that serials is just my way in a world of novelists. I cannot tell you how much misery it has brought me, trying to force myself to be a dedicated novelist when I always just wanted to write sequential stories live. And I really thought I was doing things wrong and you know, other authors thought I was doing things wrong.

It turned out I wasn't, but self-acceptance of my own methods and style went a long way in that process.

You might not like this response anon, and I apologise for not actually just lining up a schedule for you to try (I don't listen to my own schedules), but...it's okay to be someone who works on one story at a time. Or two stories only. I actually think it's awesome, and my writer-friend in my writer's group whose work I've been helping beta for years is a 'single project at a time' writer and a *rewriter* (no one wishes they could change their process as much as rewriters imho) and her writing is amazing. Like, incredibly good. (That's Stephanie Gunn by the way, for anyone who wants to read some cool science fiction / gothic fantasy).

So that's her process, and it's an amazing one, because it creates the writing that it does. Whatever your natural process is, anon, it's okay to write that way, trust me.

[caffeinatedopossum]

Ranting about my most recent psych visit

When I went to talk to my psychiatrist recently about my adhd and getting my meds dosage upped (I was on a very low dose), she tried to say all this bullshit about coping and writing stuff down and setting goals. Don't get me wrong, I do think other strategies and forms of support that aren't meds are necessary for adhd (for people who can't take meds, don't want to, or need extra help) but they are not a substitute for the medication I need.

"Oooh but you'll become dependent on it!" Guess what, fuck face? I already am! I can't *function* without meds. And I don't mean "be productive", I mean *function*. Technically I can't function even with them but they drastically improve my quality of life.

She told me I should take break days and only take the meds when I need to get something done. That if I was "just relaxing" I shouldn't take them- I don't think she understands. I literally cannot even sit still and focus to play video games or watch tv unmedicated. I'm a mess and I can't do anything that would make me happy, contributing to my depression.

Also she completely brushed it off when I said that I can't write things down, at least not physically, due to how my disability affects my hands. You have to sign a paper when going on adhd meds because they're a controlled substance and even that hurt me a lot and took me a long time to write. It always does.

She was just very dismissive and I'm so tired of doctors not taking me seriously. They always try to blame my adhd symptoms on my depression and at first, I was like "yeah, ok, seems fair" but after 4 unsuccessful antidepressants and 1 successful adhd med, I think I can say it's the adhd contributing to the depression more than the other way around.

[queen-simia]

lrb: yes, I know the reason ADHD stimulant meds are so heavily restricted is because NT students abuse them. it does not escape me that that's why the rules were made.

I'm still allowed to be frustrated by said regulations meaning I have to defy the very functional deficits I was born with to access those meds: contacting my doctor every 30 days to refill, remembering to schedule regular 3-month appointments for management, remembering to ATTEND said appointments (and remembering not to pee too soon beforehand for testing), following up with insurance to make sure my prior authorization is still valid, and now contacting various pharmacies to see if they have meds in stock when my own pharmacy is out.

this is Not Easy for someone who can't intuitively know how many days have elapsed from one event to another, can get easily distracted from (and while!) placing important phone calls, can't even form proper sentences verbally without awkward pauses to recall what I was going to say, and has a very difficult time when unmedicated to do tasks I know I *have* to do but don't particularly want to at the moment.

like... if I have a script for it, I haven't come in for a refill before it's time to, and insurance is still agreeing to pay for it, for god's sake isn't that proof enough I'm taking it as directed?

surely SOME kind of vetting process could be implemented instead of forcing pillmakers to underproduce for fear of ~the addicts~

but then I guess it'd cut down on the pearl-clutching opportunities that make the normies feel better about not being filthy mental cripples, huh

[thecrazyworldbuilder]

Hey I love your work. Listen, I want to hear what your favorite topic is. What's something you could talk extensively about and never get bored? What has your unflagging enthusiasm and dedication?

Make it a long post! Put your heart out there! You do so much for us, I want to hear about your favorite things now. (If this isn't allowed, I am also always eager to hear about map making!)

Oh. Oh hoho.

Well I in general love worldbuilding. But in total, my interest leans towards things that are... Easier, so to say.

Neography, for example, as the "flavor" of worldbuilding. Conlangs, albeit I do tend to lean towards cryptolangs more. And mapmaking, solely geographic that is. Nations and stuff gets too trickier after a while.

I am planning on making a YouTube channel with me ranting about majority of my worldbuilding-related stuffs, with no bullshit statements like "hard worldbuilding is objectively better than soft worldbuilding" because... Those are made up terms. And as a linguist/etymologist I fucking hate made up terms. A rock is a rock, no matter what language. Things like laziness, gender, or duty and honor. Those are abstract, and easily manipulated, easily twisted. Hell in many cases these things do not exist at all (I personally don't believe in nationality, laziness and gender. Nationality is a defunct tool of uniting primitive people together, laziness is always a sign of disability or dismotivation, and gender is just bullshit).

But I could rant just a little I guess, for you the asker xD

Neography.

How genius it is to sometimes see a whole script become the face of a franchise, instantly recognizable and fancy. Tengwar, Klingon, Vulcan, Daedric, Aurebesh - You name it, they are all tasty as pie. They are done beautifully and by experts, high standard and fancy looking, unlike some scripts I prefer to call "cereal box ciphers" (The most notorious example for me is the Artemis Fowl Gnommish script. Just why.)

My @thecrazyneographist and now @fuckyeahasemic sideblogs are dedicated just to that - Neography. As well @verical, dedicated solely to my Verical script.

I have been commissioned by a comic artist in Chicago to create a script for him, have worked with r/starfall for a while, and right now my already invented scripts Satuuoorn and Wisehand/Xeotaijuep'af are being used by a gamedev for a first-person shooter/slasher >:D

I have. So many writing utensils at home. I have written calligraphy with a sharpened chopstick once. I still own it I think.

Gods just. NEOGRAPHY. It's knowledge put in written form - I am writing right now and it's a whole experience! I know how to write in Latin yes, but other scripts, scripts of MY making... That's a different experience. I can write in several made-up scripts by me: Age Mason, Verical, Taenic/Taenian and Bosutoku/Tetumonigo.

Conlangs.

Me and a friend are running @conlangcrab about them.

Conlangs are such an intricate part of worldbuilding. They give the world their own sound.

Though I am too driven-crazy by ADHD and unable to keep my sails steady on a singular conlang project, unmedicated, I usually prefer cryptolangs instead; An invention/coined word o'mine standing for "the middle between conlangs and ciphers; ciphers that change written information while keeping it pronounceable". Check out @cryptolangsguy for more info on that.

I so dislike when conlangs are done bad* in worldbuilding; Just as I dislike bad neography. In many cases writers are monolingual and really don't know the struggle of knowing several languages (fyi, I know 3 irl. bugger, ong).

Mapmaking.

I will just share all the maps I've ever created JUST for the RP server I am DMing, as well as the current map of Raskol - The setting for the oncoming Caramel Dice playtesting campaign.

Raskol

RP server

[mooestriovermind]

As someone who has Adhd I must say I found your post interesting. I’ve definitely had experience where some really definitely worked and some didn’t, and I guess because of the lacking similarity what I’d heard about for others I got demotivated.

Sometimes it was loosing focus in the middle of an audio file. Sometimes it was just the format of the intended induction too but. Some of them obviously worked, don’t get me wrong, I just could never get the same thing others talked about. By that I mean things you see in hypno related media, think triggers and being easily dropped in a matter of seconds for example.

For an example your post on the fractionation by attempted biting, something which appeals very much to me as people very much call me puppy, feels like an impossible thing to achieve. And despite this it’s something I very much wish I was able to do.

As someone who absolutely adores being hypnotized and has unmedicated ADHD, I can say that a lot of it for me personally is expectations and my perception of things. I used to think that I would never be able to be hypnotized very quickly, much less drop myself. And yet today, sometimes I can be hypnotized simply by somebody telling me that "you're just going to drop for me now, aren't you?" or something similar. This is because I better understand the context of the situation- not because I'm magically better at being hypnotized for any arbitrary reason.

When it comes to being hypnotized "effectively," you have to remember some foundational things (below). If I repeat things, it's probably because there's a lot of overlap, and also some things are just that important.

It can be hard to find out why hypnosis might not be working for you without help. You have to consider all the factors in play- What I mean to say is you have to consider all the things that may be affecting your trance, even things you may not realize are affecting your ability to be hypnotized. Second opinions are useful! (I am more than happy to help, hit me up)

Hypnosis is experienced differently for everyone. If it's not going the way you thought it might, consider how there really isn't a wrong way to be hypnotized, per se. The only "wrong" way to experience hypnosis is by giving up and deciding not to try anymore.

The more you know about the hypnotic process, the more effective it will be. That said, a lot of information on hypnosis is usually on the harder side to read. If you're finding it difficult to parse large amounts of academic information, I'm more than happy to parse some of that info down for you into more digestible chunks- or visit learnhypnokink.com! It's a very good resource for hypnotists AND subjects alike.

Hypnosis is all about your personal perception of things. If you believe something should go a certain way when being hypnotized, it could cause certain outcomes-depending on context. In this specific context, believing that you are "ADHD, and thus difficult to hypnotize," is likely something that is holding you back from experiencing full trance.

Hypnosis is best experienced in an intimate environment. Sure, some people practice tying themselves up with rope, but isn't it more fun and engaging when someone else is doing it? And wouldn't you want that person to be someone you love and trust? Hypnosis is exactly the same way, AND it's more effective if you are able to let go and trust your partner, like any other bdsm.

Practice, practice, practice. Feel it out and find out what works, and what doesn't. Why doesn't that thing work, then? Find out why. Experiment. I cannot stress enough that doing this with a partner is not only great for bonding with them and getting to know them better, but also the best possible way to practice as a subject or a hypnotist.

These are very important, but they don't cover absolutely everything. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing as much as possible, and that you should always be asking questions to find out more. With hypnosis, you cannot always accept people at face value, as there are always so many misconceptions. Even if someone is 100% believable, always cross reference if possible!

Yes, this includes me! You should probably review the information I'm giving you here and consider its legitimacy- this comes from about 4-5 years of experience as both a subject and a hypnotist, and there's plenty of people out there who probably know more than me.

That said, there's probably a lot of conflicting information out there, considering that so much of hypnosis is done based on the subject, and subjects tend to be different in a variety of ways. So remember! Consider all the facts, all the information, all the things you know. And make your best guess! Gather data and infer what you can.

Closing / TL;DR

If you skipped that whole thing because of how long it was (mood), then I would ask that you go back and read the pink text, at least. I highlighted some of the main points with pink text, but I will give you a brief recap of some of the major main points.

There is no wrong way to be hypnotized

Learn all that you can about hypnosis

Hypnosis is about perception, not focus

Trusting your hypnotist (like actual trust) goes a long way

Practice and experiment and find what works best for you

There are a lot of misconceptions in hypnosis- some less commonly known than others

Additional points I did not cover in full:

Audio files are good for practicing, but only if you already have a good handle on how to be hypnotized. Otherwise, they can be a little bit discouraging.

Cut and paste inductions are inferior to a hypnotist who can react to you in real time. They observe what you do, and will apply what they know to hypnotizing you further.

Hypnosis doesn't require relaxation. While relaxing helps, a lot of people can enter trance states that feel more like excitement or hyperfixation rather than what would be considered to be the usual hypnotic state.

You will never stop thinking- but you can think about only one thing, which is very close to not thinking.

Please visit learnhypnokink.com!!! It's a very good resource and will not take you too long to read, and it can also link you to longer resources that go more in depth.

Remember that there's always more to learn- thanks for reading my long ass ask response, I hope it helped. And here, have a gold star!

⭐

[copperbadge]

There are times when I’m having a less than fully functional day and I wonder if my ADHD medication truly does anything or if it’s all placebo effect, and then there are days like today where I go grocery shopping without it.

Standing in the baking aisle, staring vacantly at the flours, I went "Why am I even here?" Both 1, why am I in the Target baking aisle, and also 2, what is my purpose in existing. 

I was there for cake flour, but I couldn’t find it, and because I couldn’t find a visual trigger for “this is the thing I want” I got stuck in a "what am I doing" loop for probably a good five minutes, just standing there in the aisle of the Target, contemplating life. Eventually I managed to check the app and discover that all cake flour is out of stock, so I escaped the loop and bought bread flour, which I also needed and was more vital than buying cake flour in any case. 

Although I did not remember to buy olive oil. I have plenty of cooking oil, it’s fine, but it did feel very “Well, I guess until the dopamine happens we’re just gonna go for the basics.” 

I managed to get through a solid twenty-five years of adult life without Adderall, without even being aware I had ADHD, but there are two distinct ways of managing my brain now, “medicated” and “unmedicated”. Because I was trying to train myself to deal with grocery shopping while medicated, I haven’t done it unmedicated in quite a while and I couldn’t downshift coping mechanisms fast enough. 

I’m sure they’re a bunch of creeps and eugenicists because it seems like they all were in the field of neurodivergence in the 20th century but at some point I’m going to figure out who came up with ADHD and who invented Adderall and if they aren’t absolute monsters someone’s getting a shrine next Halloween. 

[lillotte17]

I'm just gonna vent a little here.

I just got back from a road trip with my folks, and unfortunately my ADHD meds were set to run out towards the end of it. It's a controlled substance, so it doesn't auto-refill and I have to ask my doctor to send the script to the pharmacy each time. (which seems kind of mean when someone is suffering from 'Constantly Forgets Things Disorder' but i digress) I asked my doctor if it was possible to request the prescription a little early so I didn't have a gap where I would have to be unmedicated, and they complied without comment, so I thought it was fine.

A few days go by and I hear Nothing from the pharmacy. I think it is odd, since when there is some issue with getting my meds, I usually get some kind of notice about why it will not be available on time. I call them to verify that the request from my doctor went through.

The lady who spoke with me got snippy and defensive very quickly and I was told that they couldn't refill it early because it was a controlled substance and they could only release it 2 days early at most, by which time I would be on the other side of the country (and a LOT of the tiny places we drove through didn't even HAVE a pharmacy, even if I had been able to get my doctor to send the prescription out there instead) and she THEN proceeded to tell me that "she couldn't help me even if she wanted to" because they were out of my medication anyway.

I am taking the lowest baby dosage of this medication and if she had looked at my history at all, she would see that I have always been consistent and responsible about when I ask for refills, and she acted like I was being an unreasonable junkie because I thought it would be nice to have a functioning brain while helping to drive a car across multiple states.

So, I had to figure out which days of the trip I would likely need The Most Brain Focus, and try to space out the days I was off, in case I went through some kind of withdrawal, since I have been on this almost every day for over a year now. All of which felt pretty demeaning and ridiculous to begin with, but I thought, "well, at least they already have the request now, so my meds should be good to go when I get back, and I should hear from the pharmacy sometime during my trip."

They Never Refilled It. :))))

I don't know why. I called them again, and they got it filled ASAP, but the person I talked to interrupted me several times as I tried to explain what happened and was like "well, legally we COULDN'T have given it to you then" okay, fine, but why wasn't it waiting for me when I got back? You guys had this request over a week, don't act like that wasn't your responsibility. 🙄 IDK I guess that I should be grateful they didn't make me get a new request from my doctor.

Luckily, my symptoms generally run on the side of just being annoying and inconvenient without being like...actively dangerous for me to drive without them or something. And I DO understand that this is a stimulant, and people abuse them, so there have to be checks in place to try and avoid that. BUT it was/is ridiculous that there was literally NO WAY to get access to what I needed. I was just SOL, and I couldn't get a doctors note or show a hotel reservation receipt or something to prove I was going to be away. AND then I was condescended to on top of everything else. I'm just... *SCREAMS*