#idk if i am well-equipped to teach anyone anything about writing

[not-poignant]

Question! You juggle so many projects at once, and I think that's awesome. Do you have any advice for how you stay motivated (and/or organized) to work on so many different things? If I'm inspired by something, I want to focus on That Thing and Only That Thing — I have a really hard time pulling my brain away to work on other projects.

I'm wondering if a schedule would help? How do you even set your schedule?

This is a lot of questions packed into one ask, I realize — I guess I'm just in awe of your NaNoWriMo progress (you are insane (affectionate)) and want to pick your brain about your process a little.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Honestly anon, we all have our ways of writing, and it's best if you stick to what actually works for you instead of forcing yourself to do something different.

I'd recommend looking into some of the coaching / videos / podcasts by Becca Syme. A lot of it is simply based around accepting who you are, instead of forcing yourself to write like other people. Part of that is finding your strengths, but some of it is simply...being like 'okay, I'm like this as a writer.'

I don't write lots of projects because I taught myself to, but because I love doing it. I write more when I work on more projects. If I forced myself to only focus on one thing I'd feel stifled and held back, I'd write slower, and I actually think my writing would be muddier and less good.

Other people do best and write fastest when they're focusing on only one project at a time.

And which kind of person you are anon is something you'll figure out over time. Though it sounds like you might already know.

If you wanted to try working on multiple projects, I'd look at adding just one more into the rotation and seeing how it feels. Does it make you write more? Does it make you want to write more? Is it pulling focus? Is it making you lose inspiration on the other story? It's not so much a scheduling issue as it is simply...which one gets the words out?

The goal isn't to become like me as a writer, just like my goal isn't to become like other writers. The goal is to get your words out in the way that works best for you. If that's slowly, that's amazing. If that's fast, that's great, and while there are techniques you can try, it should always be with a view to respecting your organic process.

Many writers quit, or burnout, as soon as they stop respecting that process, or when they start feeling ashamed of their natural process and put pressure on themselves to do it another way.

Also I'll be honest, I'm working on too many projects right now and even though I'm loving it, I know it's too many. Like, I've deprioritised Underline the Red for my own sanity, and I am actually really looking forward to clearing a couple of stories from the schedule so I can focus on other things. About 3-4 stories is my sweet spot.

I don't exactly 'stay organised' anon. I actively want to work on all of these stories. And tonally they're all different, so if I feel like something more wholesome, or something darker, or something more pornographic, I have options. I do have a monthly kind of idea of what I should be working on (i.e. based on the upcoming schedule), but I can only really do that thanks to ADHD meds and I'm cautious of recommending techniques that I personally can only access and make use of because medication has fixed some of my executive dysfunction issues. If you're playing with any kind of unmedicated ADHD, there are tools that won't be as useful without tangible medical or therapeutic support. D:

I set my writing schedule via a mix of the writing that makes me money, alongside extra writing that I enjoy that doesn't make me money. Ideally I enjoy all of it and it's all fun. But the stuff that makes me money has to come first, because of like...life reasons. Idk where you're at professionally, or even if you want to do this professionally, and that would profoundly influence how I'd even suggest scheduling. If you don't have to schedule your writing, don't do it! If you don't have to make decisions like this, then don't make them!

Also, if I hated any of these stories, I'd put the story on hiatus. I don't believe in writing stuff I hate or resent writing. I know other people can make themselves do this and I'm glad that works for them, but I can't do it and I just...yeah. I have to love the story and enjoy it and not resent it to see it through, it's probably why there's so much drama happening all the time, and angst, I'm keeping my dumb hurt/comfort brain engaged lmao.

Never underestimate the power of also just 'I've been doing this for 10 years and I'm very practiced at stuff that other people will only learn with years of practice.' Some of this stuff doesn't have shortcuts, it just had a lot of time and 5 million words sunk into it. When I first started writing on AO3 I wrote one story at a time (though I did quickly become bored of that and moved to two). I wasn't making money. I didn't have a schedule for 9 years. I didn't want one.

The things I've learned... my wordcounts are reliable because I've just had a lot of practice writing. Unfortunately there's no trick to that, beyond sitting down and writing. The more you do, the more you learn about your own process and respect it, the more you write the stories you love, the better you'll get. And I've had times where I've burnt out, times where I've needed long breaks, times where I pushed too hard or forced myself to be like other writers and ended up wondering if I'd quit.

I want to give you easy answers, but the easiest one I have is - which way of writing brings you the most joy? Which way makes the words flow? Is it just one story at a time? That's great - that's your way. That might change in time, but don't force it to. You can experiment like a scientist and try different things, but be compassionate and accepting of whatever your innate way of doing things is.

I struggled so much with the fact that serials is just my way in a world of novelists. I cannot tell you how much misery it has brought me, trying to force myself to be a dedicated novelist when I always just wanted to write sequential stories live. And I really thought I was doing things wrong and you know, other authors thought I was doing things wrong.

It turned out I wasn't, but self-acceptance of my own methods and style went a long way in that process.

You might not like this response anon, and I apologise for not actually just lining up a schedule for you to try (I don't listen to my own schedules), but...it's okay to be someone who works on one story at a time. Or two stories only. I actually think it's awesome, and my writer-friend in my writer's group whose work I've been helping beta for years is a 'single project at a time' writer and a *rewriter* (no one wishes they could change their process as much as rewriters imho) and her writing is amazing. Like, incredibly good. (That's Stephanie Gunn by the way, for anyone who wants to read some cool science fiction / gothic fantasy).

So that's her process, and it's an amazing one, because it creates the writing that it does. Whatever your natural process is, anon, it's okay to write that way, trust me.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for the Avengers teaching you how to drive

Avengers x reader

warnings:

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “hey! if it's not too much to ask... can i request an MCU Avengers headcanon of the team teaching teen!reader how to drive? i'm finally learning how to and it's absolutely terrifying (i really hope this sends properly because firefox crashed while i was trying to write it lol)”

firstly no one was very thrilled to be your teacher because getting in the car with an inexperienced driver just felt like a trap

and although they’d put themselves in much more dangerous situations than this

they all had the same thing to say:

“this is not how i want to go down”

but theyd FORBID anyone else from stepping in

“it’s okay, i’ll do it” -cap

“no, no, no. i dont think the one hundred year old man knows today’s road rules. i should teach y/n” -nat

“natasha, you’ve let me drive you before. was i that bad?” -cap

“im not having this discussion” -nat

“you should let vis do it, he might stay calm while y/n drives” -wanda

“what about sam—” -bucky

“no.” -sam

you were actually quietly watching them bicker about who’d have the honor of teaching you

“i dont let anyone else drive me, y/n. you’re not special. but i’ll give you a cool car when you get your license, deal?” -tony

“i’m not special?” -you

“sure you are kid, i just never want to get in a car that you’re driving is all” -tony, patting your head

“oh, okay” -you

the avengers actually decided that wanda was right and vision was probably the best equipped to teach you

they just had to see if you’d enjoy having him as a teacher

the team set up a little course at HQ with a LOT of cones

“how am i supposed to get around all of those?” -you

“you can use your powers!” -thor

“that’s against the rules!” -you

they had to take some of the cones away :(

all the avengers watched from the side of the course

“now, y/n, you need to shift into drive. press your foot on the brake and move this knob to the ‘D’ position” -vision

“which one is the brake?” -you

“...the left one” -vis

sam was recording on his phone

and had redwing do a bird’s eye view for “special footage”

“this should be good” -sam

as soon as you stepped on the gas, the car went speeding straight forward

sam was laughing his ass off but the rest of the avengers were terrified for you

you hit 6 cones before the brakes

“have some faith in them, guys” -wanda

“i just don’t think that’s possible. you guys okay in there?” -rhodey

“spectacular, thank you for your concern” -vis

you needed to try a different teacher

nat was next in line

“okay, so we probably should have mentioned how sensitive you have to be with the pedals. i know we dont do that on missions, but when you’re on the road, you have to watch all of your surroundings” -nat

she totally brought you straight into traffic because the only way you learn in through intense pressure and real world experience (according to her)

“hands at ten and two, right?” -you

“if that’s what you think” -nat

“that’s not helping” -you

screaming every time you turned

ESPECIALLY left hand turns (or right turns if you are not in the US but this takes place in the US i guess idk it’s whatever you want ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

redwing was still following you

everyone was watching the surveillance footage at HQ

“tony, you’re paying for any damages y/n makes, right?” -cap

“is that all im good for? my money?” -tony... “duh, of course i’m paying”

blowing past a red light

“you were supposed to stop” -nat

“what, now?” -you, braking in the middle of the intersection

*honking from all sides*

“what do you think, y/n?” -nat

cap was covering his eyes

“this is a disaster” -wanda

“takes one to know one” -tony, without thinking “oh my god, i’m sorry”

“lets just focus on y/n, maybe we can give them some feedback” -cap

nat made you drive into a parking lot

to park

“okay, just pull in straight. you have to be even in between the lines” -nat

“is that good?” -you

“y/n...you parked directly on top of the line” -nat

“...fuck” -you

next person to teach you was......

“come on, y/n. just go through the drive thru. i’ll pay for your chicken nuggets” -rhodey

“i dont really want chicken nuggets” -you

“fine, okay, you can get whatever you want. just go through the drive thru” -rhodey

you hit the curb

you actually rode the curb

“this is fine” -you

“well...you’re getting better” -rhodey

“dont sugarcoat it, man” -you

“come on! eyes on the road!” -rhodey

steve decided to step in and let you handle the driving on an actual mission

“at least here you’ll have some sort of free reign, that way you can get a better feeling of control when driving” -cap

“we dont like this plan” -all the avengers in the back of this big ass truck

redwing was following ofc

honestly,,,,, that plan wasn’t too bad

you did hit a few trees but this was a heavy duty vehicle

you’d have to do a lot more than that to hurt anything

“hey, this is actually pretty cool! i think ive got the hang of it!” -you

they scheduled you drivers test when you got back, but assured you that it wasnt the end of the world if you failed. you could retake it after some more practice

but you did end up passing it!!!! even tho there were a few mishaps

“mx. l/n, your turn signal” -instructor

“my what?” -you “oh crap”

but you got your license and the team took turns passing it around to take a look at it

“oh man, you look high as a kite. what’s going on with your face???” -tony

“shut up! no i dont!” -you

celebratory dinner!!!!

and sam put together a compilation of all your worst/best moments behind the wheel

“heres the one where they put it in reverse instead of park and started rolling backwards......and thats when they jumped out to try to stop it with their bare hands....oh no!!! they’re going down!!!!” -sam

“oh my god, nooo!” -you, burying your face in your hands

and to top it all off......tony bought you your own car (and got any modifications you wanted)

“i swear to god if you ask for flames on the sides, im donating it” -tony

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie //

[angvs]

❛ ✶ ( LUKE HEMMINGS , CISMALE , HE/HIM )  —  did you see ANGUS DONNELLEY walking around campus earlier ? i hear a lot of people talking about the TWENTY TWO year old JUNIOR . from what i know , they are studying NEUROSCIENCE and are a part of DELTA PSI BETA . they come across as + EMPATHETIC but also - PERNICIOUS , which makes sense because on their instagram ( @gusdonny ) it says they are a TAURUS . when i see them , i think of dropping your coffee on the pavement , tattered crewnecks & denim , sitting in some hole in the wall restaurant at 2am , omw texts while still laying in bed , & chipped bitten nails . the most interesting thing i’ve heard about them though , is the fact that [ REDACTED ] , but don’t tell anyone i told you that .

wow  y’all  really  went  hard  in  your  intros  i  am  not  worThy !!!  hi  everyone !!  i’m  cj  and  i’m  from  the  true  north ,  strong  and  free ..  aka  canada  bby .  i’m  out  in  mountain time ,  which  is  why  i  am  SO  LATE ,  i  was  at  work  today  :~(   i’m  super  excited  to  write  with  you  guys  though  !!  i  brought  one  of  my  favourite  boys  ..  this  is  my  big  dummy  angus ,  but  pls  if  u  love  the  boy  at  all  call  him  gus .  

tw :  drug mention below

╰ ˚･ﾟ & some 𝒃𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒔

full name: angus  elijah  donnelley nicknames: gus age: twenty two date of birth: april 27th hometown: malibu ,  california preferred pronouns: he/him orientation: pansexual occupation: n/a , currently studying at beaumont  language(s) spoken: english ,  swedish ( very rusty ) pets: bulldog-terrier mix named cleo ( aka … luke hemmings irl puppy ,  i couldn’t help myself ok ) ,  but ... it’s  a  family  dog ,  so ... she’s  back  at  home  and  he  misses  her  EVERY  DAY .

PINTEREST BOARD !!

born  and  raised  in  malibu ,  angus  grew  up  with  strict ,  ambitious  parents . his  father  a  neurosurgeon ,  and  mother  an  architect .  it  was  very  early  on  that  they  instilled  their  high  expectations  for  the  boy ,  teaching  him  the  importance  of  discipline  and  responsibility .  their  intentions  were  good  of  course ,  as  every  parent  wants  to  raise  their  child  right ,  though  angus  wasn’t  truly  equipped .  in  actuality  the  couple  came  off  as  overbearing  and  their  high  expectations  deemed  unreachable  in  the  male’s  eyes .  as  he  grew  older ,  the  feeling  grew  stronger  that  he  would  never  quite  live  up  to  their  standards –  97%  on  his  mathematics  test ??  well ,  why  wasn’t  it  100% ??

family  time  was  scarce  in  the  donnelley  household .  with  both  parents  working  full  time  and  lots  of  time  spent  working  extra  hours ,  angus  became  independent  quickly .  his  mother  was  flying  to  dubai  for  work  quite  frequently ,  gone  weeks  at  a  time .  some  weeks  if  felt  like  his  father  LIVED  in  the  hospital .  but  he  was  saving  lives ,  and  how  could  angus  be  so  SELFISH  to  want  him  at  home .  it  meant  he  grew  extremely  close  to  his  two  younger  sisters ,  often  opting  to  spending  the  weekends  entertaining  them  rather  then  out  at  parties .  the  family  had  a  nanny  to  help ,  so  he  didn’t  HAVE  to ,  but  his  sisters  always  came  first  to  him  and  being  the  eldest  he  has  a  serious  case  of  protective  older  brother  syndrome .

after  graduating  high  school ,  he  somehow  managed  to  convince  his  parents  to  allow  him  to  head  abroad  for  the  year .  with  promises  of  coming  back  home  and  hunkering  down  into  his  pre med  degree .  the  couple  really  wanted  angus  to  head  straight  into  uni ,  but  with  tons  of  begging ,  they  sent  him  off ,  bank  account  full .  the  year  was  spent  travelling  and  honestly ,  just  having  FUN –  a  few  months  over  in  paris ,  london ,  italy ,  greece …  some  places  he’d  been  before  with  his  family ,  but  not  in  the  way  he  got  to  experience  them  now .  angus  continued  his  travels  to  japan ,  korea ,  new  zealand ,  australia …  never  staying  in  one  place  for  too  long .  but  the  fun  had  to  come  to  an  end .

as  promised ,  angus  attended  beaumont  upon  returning  back  to  the  states  studying neurosciences ,  getting  his  pre med  classes  under  his  belt .  he  is  a  legacy  kid --  his  father  having  been  apart  of  delta  psi  beta  when  he  attended  the  university .  becoming  a  doctor  has  never  quite  been  his  dream ,  so  much  as  it  was  his  parents .  while  the  male  continues  his  undergraduate  degree ,  he  wonders  if  he  should  change  his  path ,  though  that’s  not  a  conversation  he  can  have  with  his  parents .  angus  has  always  wanted  to  leave  an  impact on  others ,  in  what  way ,  well he’s  never  been  sure .  

╰ ˚･ﾟ & 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒚

a  big  dumb  softy !!

what  if  i  left  it  at  that …. !!  no  but ,  honestly …  he’s  definitely  chaotic  neutral .  he’s  a  big  empath ,  and  will  usually  feel  for  you  to  his  core .  

i  have  some  tiktoks  to  link ,  because  our  beautiful  admins  inspired  me !!!  and  if  you  do  anything ... please  watch  these :  ONE ,  TWO ,  THREE ,  FOUR ,  FIVE  ( tag  urself ,  angus  is  the  idiot  that  makes  the  entire  thing  go  down )

it  could  be  sometimes  annoying ,  because  angus  can’t  really  ‘ pick  sides ’ ,  this  boy  can  see  the  validity  in  all  sides  ( in  most  cases ) .  he’s  definitely  loyal  to  you ,  but  he’ll  be  that  friend  that  brings  up  the  defence  just  to  make  you  really  think .  because  of  this  he  can  be  either  really  good  with  advice …  or  really  bad ,  there’s  no  in  between .  he’ll  hit  you  with  a  million  different  solutions ,  confident  that  every  one  is  good  … “ it  just  depends  what  vibe  you  wanna  go  for ”

he …   gets  distracted  easily .  he  dabbles  in  a  bit  of  adderall ,  with  his  course load ...  it’s  just  kinda  how  he  copes .  definitely  known  to  pop  some  pills  during  night  study  sesh’s ,  essays  &  finals  week .

he  doesn’t  LIKE  to  party  a  ton ,  like …  he’s  just  not  into  big  crowds  really ?  but  if  he  tells  you  he  doesn’t  want  to  go  out ,  it’s  VERY  EASY  to  change  his  mind ,  because  he  has  Big  FOMO .  but  he’s  22  yanno  and  he’s  in  a  big  party  frat  so ,  catch  him  getting  drunk  and  probably  high  every  weekend ,  off  to  the  side  with  a  few  less  people ,  or  in  the  smoking  pit  at  the  clubs  fawning  over  ur  outfit  or  smth .  after  he’ll  drag  your  ass  to  some  hole  in  the  wall  restaurant  and  order  way  too  much  shit .

he’s  lowkey  v  self  destructive .  it’s  something  he  doesn’t  even  realize  he’s  doing  most  of  the  time ,  but  he’s  genuinely  surprised  when  a  friend  sticks  around .  the  ones  that  do  stick ,  have  definitely  had  to  deal  with  him  fucking  about  and  being  overdramatic  in  an  attempt  to  protect  himself .  idk  why  this  is  so  important  to  me ,  but  he  FOR  SURE  made  a  few  tik toks  w  that  whole …. “ if  i  was  a  worm …  would  you  still  love  me ? ”  AND  if  you  told  him  no ,  would  be  pissed  for  days .

very  affectionate !!!!  with !!!!  everyone !!!!

╰ ˚･ﾟ & 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒏𝒐𝒏𝒔

attended  a  semester  abroad  in  sweden .  is  very  rusty  now ,  but  can  hold  a  basic  conversation  in  swedish .

cleo ,  his  pup ,  is  his  absolute  pride  and  joy .  he  talks  about  her  as  if  she’s  his  daughter  ok .  misses  her  sm  while  away  at  school .

he’s  so  messy ,  but  will  defend  himself  by  saying  they  always  had  a  maid ,  and  then  realizes  how  DUMB  he  sounds .

sk8er  boi ~~  nah ,  but  he  actually  does  skateboard ,  and  is  trying  to  perfect  his  kickflip rn .

loves pizza pls

is  always  attending  live  shows ,  he  loves  the  music  scene  and  frequently  supports  locals

will  “ thrift ”  the  dumbest  shit  for  hundreds  of  dollars …

plays  guitar ,  but  doesn’t  think  he’s  very  good

╰ ˚･ﾟ & 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔

i  made  up  a  page  HERE ,  but  PLS  i  LOVE  brainstorming ,  so  don’t  hesitate  to  come  to  me  for  some  brainstorming !!

[fursasaida]

Do you have any advice for someone who loves learning and reading about all kinds of stuff but isn't academically trained to understand lots of things? Tbh, I'm curious about everything but I feel stupid when I read things I don't understand right away. It's like I lack critical thinking which makes me endlessly sad because that's something I'd like to develop but idk how. It feels like I passively absorb info, and even the things I understand, I tend to forget or don't know how to articulate :(

I think it would help if I had a concrete example or some more details about what exactly you’re struggling with, but I can offer some general thoughts. (I’m procrastinating on some research by answering this, so it got long. If anything needs clarifying, feel free to come back and let me know.)

“I feel stupid when I read things I don’t understand right away.”

I think it’s very important to understand that being smart or being stupid are phrases so broad they barely mean anything. Understanding a text right away means you have certain skills and knowledge that enable you to do that. It says nothing about your potential to develop those skills and that knowledge base.  I am very good at understanding texts, which means people say that I am “smart” because that skill is valued in a particular way. If you asked me to plow a field I would suddenly be “too stupid” to do it, because I do not have the skills and knowledge. But I could learn them!

And for that matter, even if you never become someone who “gets” texts right away, so what? A lot of people could stand to slow down, if you ask me.

This brings me directly to:

“It’s like I lack critical thinking”

That feeling of running into a wall is actually one of the best tools you could have for thinking critically. Many, many, many people who easily understand academic/analytical writing fail to question what they read, precisely because they can just sort of gulp it down. If you are getting snagged on what someone is saying, it’s not because you are incapable of grasping the Expert Truth they are conveying; it’s because on some level you disagree, or don’t share the worldview that underlies their thinking. (Or also, and this option is not always given enough credence, because they’re a bad writer. [Coughs in Donna Haraway’s direction])

This is true even, or especially, if what’s snagging you is that you don’t understand what they’re saying. This is because in their writing they have assumed their readers share a lot of contextual knowledge and assumptions. That’s not bad in itself; if everybody stopped to fully explain every single term, connection, and assertion in everything they wrote, shit would be impossible. But I want to emphasize that if you happen to fall outside the bounds of those assumptions, it not only does not mean you are stupid, it means you are especially well equipped to question and criticize them--so long as you do the work to understand them, in good faith.

(I add that last corollary because there is a problem where people don’t bother to understand where things are coming from before attacking them, and that’s not useful to anyone. But clearly you are not one of these people. I’d like to encourage you to consider these “I don’t get it” moments not as reasons to give up but as a genuinely good starting point for developing the critical skills you so badly want to have.)

An author makes a statement. The statement doesn’t make sense to you. Why not? Are there words you don’t know? Look them up. Look up their etymology, or examples of their being used in sentences, if you need more than the definition is giving you. Is it the content of the statement itself? Then clearly the author and you are coming at whatever the subject is with different background information and assumptions. (This is still true if it’s a subject you know nothing about! That’s a prime example of coming at it with different assumptions. The author assumes a lot of things about the world that you don’t, because you haven’t learned them.) The important question is not What’s wrong with me that I don’t share this author’s assumptions? Rather, the question is Can I figure out what is behind this author’s statement? And once you arrive at some idea about the answer to that, the task is not necessarily to bring yourself into agreement with it, but to decide whether you think it makes sense or not.

This is where an example would be helpful, because “figure out what the underlying assumptions are” is very vague and I’m sure you’re sitting here like, “Oh, sure, just like that.” So, to start with: The things that pull you up short are the things you should ask questions about. What is it in my understanding of the world that makes this statement not make sense? (One way to look at this is: is there a different but related statement that does make sense to me? What’s different between the two, and why does it make such a difference to me?) What would I have to believe, or assume, for the statement to make sense to me? Why did this person mention this example and not those, and can I interpret this choice as something that makes sense to me? Or as a clue that reveals something about where this text is coming from?

And to be clear, when I say “underlying assumptions,” I don’t mean that this only/always means sussing out bias or prejudice in the usual way those words are used. I also mean the things that author learned in their field before writing the text, which you have not. Like, a lot of what I write now depends on the assumption that there is a difference between “absolute space” and “place.” You might have to read up on that a bit to know what I’m saying at a given moment because you aren’t specialized in what I’m specialized in. You might then decide you think this distinction is bollocks! Reading up on it isn’t necessarily just to get you to agree with me. It’s to get you to where you can make an informed decision about agreeing or not.

Often the biggest assumptions lie in the simplest statements. I’m reading about the Cold War a lot right now. If someone says, for example, “The Cold War was the dominant structure of international politics between 1945 and 1989,” this seems very obvious and straightforward. It’s a basic statement of what most people mean when they refer to “the Cold War” at all. It’s “a historical fact,” a piece of information for those interested in history to “absorb.” But there are a lot of questions worth asking about this! Are we sure there was only one, singular (“the”) Cold War? Was it really “the dominant structure” for everyone, everywhere, that whole time? What is a “structure” and what makes one “dominant”? Are we completely sure about those start and end dates, and do they apply everywhere?

Now one can imagine that if I were to ask all these questions of someone who referred to the Cold War this way in a dinner conversation or something, I might appear very ignorant--or “stupid.” But being critical means not accepting things at face value. I may know perfectly well exactly what this person is referring to, but if I want to question the assumptions built into that reference, I have to ask about things that are “obvious” or “well known.”

The good news is that when you’re reading a text, you don’t have to worry about other people at the table judging you. It sounds like right now you are doing that to yourself, and I would very much like to encourage you not to. Having “dumb” questions is being critical. The only difference between “I don’t understand this sentence about the Cold War” and “I have a critique of this sentence about the Cold War” is that in the first case, I have questions about the sentence; in the second case, I have developed answers to my own questions about the sentence. But both of them involve looking at the sentence and saying “this doesn’t add up to me.”

Criticism is a process. Developing expertise does mean getting to a point that you don’t need to do extensive research every time you read or criticize something, but there will always be new things you don’t understand and have to put in the work to be able to critique. The vast majority of ~inspiration~ among academics, if you read/listen to them talking about their research projects, comes out of bumping up against something they don’t understand and just not being satisfied until they could account for it. That could be anything from the way the word “democracy” was used in the Iran-Contra hearings to the everyday social fact that women are routinely expected to have longer hair than men in much of the United States.

So. You are actually in a great place to get better at this, because everybody who is seriously and honestly trying to be critical has to start from making the obvious not-obvious--from not understanding something.

That brings me to the last thing I want to address:

“It feels like I passively absorb info, and even the things I understand, I tend to forget or don't know how to articulate.”

Criticism, or just--learning--isn’t just a process; as what I was saying about academics above already suggests, it’s a project. This is not only true of academics. Plenty of people who aren’t academics do research or study things on their own just because they’re interested. But the kernel of that interest is a desire to understand something, whether it’s for a practical purpose or not. Maybe you’re teaching yourself to sew and having a lot of trouble with a particular stitch, and you want to figure out if that stitch is standard because it’s actually the most functional or if there’s some other reason, which would mean you could use something different. Or maybe you just really want to know what’s up with sea turtles. Either way, there is something you want.

I think if you identify specific questions about or interests in the world and pursue those, you will have an easier time building these skills and retaining information. (This doesn’t mean you have to give up your general curiosity! Just that at any given time, you are focusing on a few specific things.) Information sticks with us because it’s useful somehow. If your goal isn’t just “know things” but “figure out this thing, specifically” then information about that thing has an actual use for you. So think about something that you’ve had a lot of trouble understanding and that you want to understand--not because you feel like you’re supposed to, or because you feel ashamed that you don’t, but because you want answers to your questions. Your project is now satisfying that curiosity.

I find the more I think about a question I have, the more I start to see information that’s applicable to it popping out of the world all around me, everywhere, even when I’m not actively “working on it.” And I remember those things because they are not just “information.” They are of significance to something I am trying to do, which is answer the question. And that question is not assigned to me by anyone else, not even the author of a text I don’t understand. I can only assign it to myself (I have to want to understand that text!).

And you can support this with the way you read! Reading is interactive (yes, even when it’s just you and a page and you’re not making any noise). The more you approach it that way, the more you will retain of what you read--even if you end up disagreeing with it--because you are not trying to be a container for information to fill, which is absolutely bound to leak. Instead you are looking for things that are useful to you, which may or may not be findable in the text you are currently reading. You are not a receiver. You are a spelunker.

So what does it mean to read interactively? It can mean almost anything. For people like me, it often means a lot of making notes, annotations, and so on (the physical act of annotating a text does a lot to help me retain things, for example). I have files upon files of notes and quotes and outlines from different research projects. I write out paragraphs of musings to try to articulate how my questions are shifting as I learn, or what exactly the thing I’m struggling with is. (You mentioned struggling to articulate; writing things out for yourself is one way to practice at this. So is bouncing things off a friend, which I also do a lot.) But it doesn’t have to look like this.

If you are pursuing an interest, then ultimately what you’re doing ought to be pleasurable. (I don’t mean that it should make you jump for joy every second, but the feeling of making progress toward a goal, even if a particular step is unpleasant, is still pleasurable.) If “taking notes” for you looks like drawing, then great. I once outlined a paper by drawing it as a floor plan for a two-story house. I make research playlists that I consider to be functionally identical to syllabi. I have tagged collections on this tumblr that represent some of my thinking through one set of questions or another. What I’m trying to get at is that in working to answer your own questions, you are not just abstractly trying to “understand” something, which miraculously happens or doesn’t depending on whether your mind is ~good enough~ to receive the Content. You are interacting with statements, pieces of information, images, texts, etc., which you are collecting and arranging and rearranging in order to try to reach a place where you’re satisfied. All of that is part of the process of “understanding,” and if you’re genuinely interested in that process, then the work involved shouldn’t feel like homework. So the literal things you do as part of it don’t have to be similar to schoolwork, if those kinds of things are boring or painful or just unhelpful to you. Do whatever! You’re in charge!

So, to summarize all of this: I think the first thing you need to do is think of yourself not as ignorant, stupid, or uneducated, but as someone who is actively wanting and trying to engage and learn about the world. This is admirable! This is exciting! Thus your goal is not to “absorb” information to make up some deficit, or to become some other, “smarter” person who would understand things the first time you look at them. Your goal is simply to answer your own questions about the world. From that point of view, not-understanding is not a problem. It���s necessary. It’s where the questions come from. If you have to answer a lot of sub-questions along the way--if it takes you weeks to really get what a single essay is saying--this does not say anything bad about you. It just means you’re doing the damn thing. But in order to succeed at it, you do need to have some motivation; it needs to mean something to you. (One of the biggest tricks the devil ever pulled was the idea that inquiry could ever possibly be impersonal.) And whatever that personal meaning is is good enough, I promise.

[leviloveslemonpledge]

hi! Idk if you’re taking requests are not but if you are I’d like to make a request where the reader gets kidnapped by Kenny because Levi and the reader have been friends since they were kids and secretly have feelings for each other. I LOVE YOUR WRITING

I am so flattered!! I hope this lives up to your expectations and that you like it!

“Hey, have you two ever heard  of Kenny the Ripper?”

“Yeah, but I thought he was just an urban legend.”

“No, he’s real alright. I grew up with him.”

“Very funny, sir. This isn’t really the time to be making jokes.”

Only, he wasn’t joking. You stare at Levi’s stern profile from your perch by the chimney. Moments ago he’d been focused on the wagon, what is he bringing this up for? And how had he not mentioned this Kenny person in all the years you’ve known each other? Lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the man silently crawling up onto the roof. 

“Nifa!” Levi shouts to warn her while launching himself towards you. A loud percussive sound rings through your ears as Nifa’s brains get blown to tiny, bloody bits. You watch in horror as her lifeless corpse slides off the roof. 

“Hey! Y/N!” He grabs your chin and turns you away from the gruesome scene. “Focus.”

Behind him you notice a tall, lanky man reloading what appears to be a large gun attached to ODM gear. Levi takes a protective stance in front of you, pushing you back closer to the chimney.

“Levi, it’s been a while. Still a runt or have you grown some?”

Levi let’s out a low growl and nudges you further back as the man approaches. He fires off another round aimed directly at Levi’s head, which he easily evades. You, unfortunately, aren’t so lucky. A large chunk of debris from the chimney strikes you on the side of the head with enough force to knock you unconscious. You tumble down onto a tall cart below, blood covering your face and the right side of your uniform.

Levi’s eyes widen slightly, but he has little time to check on your condition, and from where he’s standing, it definitely doesn’t look good. His glare intensifies, old hatred for the man who abandoned him rises to the surface, intermingled with newfound rage at the massacre of the soldiers under his command and his oldest friend. 

“Well, shit, did I just kill your little girlfriend? Too bad, let’s not let it spoil the reunion. Let me get a good look at ya!”

Levi’s anger erupts in a roar, followed by a blade being thrown at high speed towards his target. “Kenny!”

More and more soldiers show up, all equipped with the same weapons and ODM gear, and Levi quickly realizes he’s being overwhelmed. He sends a pained glance in your direction, taking in your broken state for what might be the last time, silently apologizing and hoping you’ll somehow end up alright, before taking off in a desperate escape for his life.

You open your eyes a crack, not quite fully conscious but in the process of getting your bearings when you notice there’s a gun to your head.

“This one’s still breathing, sir. Should I take care of it?”

“Hang on, Caven, I think we might be able to have a little fun with this one.”

When you open your eyes again, you find yourself in a dark room with a low burning fire, sitting across from the man who killed your team. Ignoring the throbbing pain in your skull, you immediately spring into action... only to realize that you are not only heavily restrained, but also completely unarmed. 

“Shit.” You set your jaw and glare at the soldiers around you as you assess the situation. You’re on your own. Unarmed. Outnumbered. Possibly presumed dead by those remaining from your team. And yet for some reason, you’re still alive. You’re wanted for something, but what that is is unclear.

“What do you want?”

“Well, hi there, I’m Kenny, nice to meetcha. Your manners are kind of shit, aren’t they? Didn’t anyone ever teach you to say hello? Here I thought we could have a chat.”

“You’ll have to excuse me, it’s not every day you watch your comrades’ heads being blown off and nearly dying yourself. It’s been a bit of an off day.”

“You really shouldn’t be dragging the past with you, that’s just petty.”

Closing your eyes, you summon all your patience. He wants to chat, fine, you’ll chat.

“Alright, we’ll do things your way. Hello, I’m Y/N, though I can’t really say it’s been nice to meet you. What did you want to talk about?”

He lets out a low chuckle and a big, goofy grin spreads across his face.

“See? Was that so hard? Now we’re getting somewhere. I’ll ignore the sass, for now, it works on ya.”

He scoots closer to you. The blonde woman in the corner, the same one who pointed a gun to your head earlier, advances towards the two of you ever so slightly, her hand carefully positioned on her weapon, ready to strike. No funny business, then.

“So now...” He leans in, face a few mere inches away from your own, eyes ablaze with reflected light from the fire, his grin ever growing. That, combined with what you assume is an impending interrogation make him appear like something straight out of a nightmare. Still, you refuse to back down or show any fear. You stare him dead in the eye, mentally preparing yourself for whatever comes next. 

“You and the runt, huh? I can see why he likes ya, but why is a pretty girl like you hanging around with a shrimp like him for?”

You blink twice, mouth agape, opening, and closing but no words coming out. This is definitely not what you were expecting. He starts to laugh, nearly falling over himself in the process, and you feel your face grow hot. 

“Shit, don’t tell me it was supposed to be a secret!”

“I... we aren’t... we’re friends.”

He stops laughing, suddenly serious, and squints at you.

“You mean after all this time neither of ya have had the guts to tell the other how ya feel? Well, shit, that just ain’t right. You’ve known each other for how long? Twenty years? More? Damn it.”

He lets out a deep breath and mumbles some kind of apology to... Kuchel?

“Listen up, kiddo, because I’m only going to say this once. That boy loves you. He’s always loved you. He may not have said it, but damn is he ever obvious with his actions. I know I’m hard on him, but he’s a good kid, a real catch. He’s strong, too. He’d make ya real happy.”

He hides his face with his brimmed hat, or tries to, but you can see a lot of muddled emotions in his eyes. Pride. Shame. Sadness. Regret, perhaps. His and Levi’s relationship must be...complicated. Maybe that’s why he’s never brought it up before.

“Alright, alright. That’s enough of this old man blabbering on. You’re probably sick of it by now. Go on, get out of here.” He stands. “Let her loos, Caven.”

“But, sir...” She scowls at you, raising her gun.

“You really gunna make me repeat myself, Caven?”

“No, I just think this is a bad idea.”

“Yeah, well, nobody asked you, did they.”

Her grip tightens around her gun, then she holsters it. She forces an empty burlap sac over your head and lifts you to your feet by your armpits. She drags you unceremoniously through all manner of twists and turns, before finally removing the sac and releasing you in the middle of the city. You wander aimlessly, searching for something familiar, your dizziness only making your disorientation worse.  

“Captain!”

Levi doesn’t even bother to look up from his conversation with Dimo Reeves. 

“What is it?”

“It’s Y/N! I found her wandering around outside!” Sasha guides you through the dimly lit warehouse, towards the small group clustered around the bonfire. Levi rises, not sure how to respond to Sasha’s words. It isn’t until you walk into the light and he sees your face that he feels relief wash over him. He quickly crosses over to you, shoving Sasha out of the way to take your face in his hands. He examines you, runs his thumb over your cheek, anything he can to prove to himself that this is real; that you’re alive and relatively unharmed. The tenderness you see in his eyes erases any doubts you had about what Kenny said. You bring your forehead to his, taking full advantage of this moment: his skin, his smell, his warmth, his touch... Slowly, tentatively, you close the gap between your lips, half of you expressing all the pent up feelings you’ve been keeping to yourself for so long now, and the other half completely terrified that he’ll push you away. Instead, he pulls you closer, accepting your feelings, reciprocating them. You’re alive. You’re back. He has a second chance to tell you everything he’s ever wanted to say, and do everything he’s ever wanted to do. He relishes the feel of your body against his, thankful that someone he thought he lost forever was able to come back to him.

[golden-pickaxe]

Odal - Part 2

Fandom: Vikings

Paring: Ivar x Reader

Type: Viking Times

Word Count: 2313

Warnings: none

[All Parts Here]

A/N: Part 2 is here already! Idk how much I am able to write in the next 2 weeks, as I am working at a very big and important science assembly until the 31st, but I will try and make time ^^

Also, I made a playlist, and I think it fits amazingly to this story, so here!

Summary: When you were just a child, you had been adopted by two shieldmaidens, as one of six sisters. Now, all grown up, the lot of you join king Harald to avenge the death of Ragnar in England. A journey, that is going to change the life you’ve known before.

Tags: @lightningwitcher (for some reason the tagging does not work?)

A few days later you, Yeva, Gudrun, Hrafna, Hallgrim and Asta said goodbye to your mothers, hugging them tightly and promising to come back with gold and victory. They watched you from the door of your farmhouse, arm in arm, as you left, making your way towards the town of Vestfold.

 All of you were dressed in your armours, wide Rus trousers and tunics, your belongings on your back and a sword and an axe on your hips. Everyone of you carried also a big, yellow shield of your kingdom, the symbol of the aegishelm painted on them.

 You felt proud and quite excited, but also anxious and nervous. You did not know what would expect you in England. Asta had of course told you all about it, but she had only raided smaller villages at the coast, not battled with the king’s armies like your were intending on doing.

You also did not know what to expect in Kattegat, for that matter, the large kingdom where the great army was to gather, before departing over the sea.

You wondered if Hrafna was nervous about going back there, if that was where she came from, but did not dare to ask. She always got very defensive and even angry when asked about anything that had happened before she lived with your mothers.

 It was half a day of marching, before the six of you reached the town, arriving there around noon, the strong smell of fish hitting your noses from miles away already.

 “As always, you smell it before you see it!” Yeva had joked.

 The city itself was, even before you had passed the gates, full of life. Between all the usual merchants, fishermen and traders you were used to seeing, there was a great amount of warriors, more than you were able to count. They had, as it seemed, gathered from all over Norway, to join king Harald, and thus the sons of Ragnar, for the journey to England.

 Walking through the muddy streets, you met old friends, saw familiar faces, warriors with whom you had fought side by side in battles gone by, and with whom you had celebrated your victories.

You even spotted Arvid in the mass of people, a young man around your age, which whom you had had a short relationship in the previous summer. It had not ended badly, both of you simply agreeing that it just wasn’t what either of you were looking for, but it was still a bit awkward to see him now, and you averted your gaze as your eyes met.

 “That was Arvid, wasn’t it?” Asta, who had noticed your embarrassment, teased you, putting one of her strong arms around your shoulders. You blushed, ducking your head slightly, causing your oldest sister to laugh. “Oh, don’t be ashamed, little one! If I would blush every time I saw one of my past lovers, I would constantly be red in the face!”

 You could not hold back a laugh at her words, letting her pull you further through the streets of Vestfold, walking by busy smiths, eager merchants and a few drunken warriors, who laughed while telling each other old stories, in a great variety of accents.

 You just loved being in the city. You loved all the life, watching the people go about their day, everyone of them interesting in their own way. It was so different from your life on the farm, much more hectic and alive. Back home you rarely saw a face that was not part of your family, but here you could see so many new people, you had never seen before.

 Finally, you reached the shore, a long, white whale skeleton framing the path down to the docks. Your breath hitched in your throat as you saw the mass of ships, this giant fleet waiting there, slaves and workers loading crates of food and other equipment on the vessels. Your heart pounded with excitement, just thinking about being part of this massive army.

 “Asta! It is good to see you!” you heard a voice behind you, causing all six of yu to turn around, where you spotted a familiar face.

 Hrafnkell, one of the king’s men, stood before you, a smile on his friendly face, blond hair covering half of it, while the other side was shaved. You knew that it covered a huge scar, disfiguring his face, after a nasty berserker had almost killed him with his war hammer.

 “You’re still alive, old man? I’m impressed!” Asta laughed, before hugging him tightly. He simply rolled his eyes at her, murmuring ‘be careful who you call old, woman!’ into her ear, before he greeted the rest of your band of shieldmaidens. You had often fought alongside of this man, and you were sure all of you would trust him with your life.

 “It is good to see you joining us! But pray tell, where are your mothers?” he then asked, as he didn’t spot them in the vicinity.

 “They are not coming with us this time, my friend.” Gudrun shrugged. Hrafnkell just nodded, not asking any further.

 “Nevertheless, I am happy that you six will! Mighty shieldmaidens like you will make it a simple task to bend England’s knees!” he smiled at all of you. “We still have room on our ship, if you want to travel with us.” He then added.

 “Oh, I had hoped you’d say that.” Asta nodded. “Lead the way.”

 You followed Hrafnkell further along the docks, walking over ships via planks, connecting them to each other, until you had reached his ship, where you had found some of his men, who watched over it. You dropped your equipment and belongings, only keeping what was most necessary, before you made your way towards the bustling life of town again. The man guided you to some sheltered tables near the shore, where the rest of his band of warriors and shieldmaidens sat, eating and drinking their midday meal.

 You knew most of them too, and they all greeted you and your sisters as you sat down, one woman passing you a cup of weak ale, and a plate with bread, cottage cheese and a small apple. There was even some fish there, which should not surprise you, as this was mainly a fishing town. You thanked her, starting to eat.

 Moments like this, were moments you were very fond of. About to leave for battle, sitting together with the other warriors you would soon fight with side by side, sharing food, drink and stories with each other. This was life, this was real, and you sure as Hel enjoyed every second of it.

 In the distance you could hear someone playing the lyre, and someone joining in with a horn-pipe, playing a song you did not know, for everyone in the vicinity to enjoy. You could not stop the smile spreading on your face, as you got a bit lost in the moment, until Asta’s voice pulled you back into reality.

 “Say, friend, when are we to depart?” she asked Hrafnkell, who was sitting opposite of her at the long table. You looked over to them, also curious how long you would stay, and when you would leave for Kattegat.

 “King Harald has told us, when the moon is full. So, in three days time.” The man explained. Now that was soon.

 “Well, then I am very glad that we got the message on time, a bit later and we would have missed everything!” you joked, taking a sip from your ale.

 “Say that to your mothers, they keep you six sheltered like princesses on that little farm of yours!” Hrafnkell laughed, but stopped quickly, as Asta gave him a playful slap on the back of his head. It was playful, yes, but due to her strength it had still quite the force behind it.

 “Says the man who does not even teach his daughters how to wield a sword properly.” She raised her eyebrows at the man, who just frowned, hiding behind his horn-cup.

 “It’s Gunhild, who does not want them to learn.” He took a big gulp of ale, speaking of his wife, before wiping his face. “And I stopped arguing about it with her about it, after the third blue eye she gave me.”

 You raised your eyebrows at that piece of information, inhaling through your teeth, but did not say anything else. Oh yes, you had met Gunhold, who was not a pleasant woman. You guessed that the only reason Hrafnkell did not divorce her was, that he was simply too scared of her, and what she would do.

There was no love left in their relationship, which was very obvious due to the fact that the man went fighting and raiding every change he got.

 You turned to Yeva and Hrafna, who sat to your other side, not really keen to partake in the conversation about the man’s horrible wife, when you saw the blond one rolling her eyes, while the red head, biting her lower lip, stared towards the waterfront.

 You raised one of your eyebrows in question, but Yeva just jerked her head into the direction her sister was staring at.

Your eyes followed her movement, where you spotted the king, together with his brother, talking to some men and inspecting their ship.

 “He is just gorgeous, isn’t he?” Hrafna sighed, resting her head on her hand. “Those tattoos.. this murderous look in his eyes.. I just want to eat him alive.”

 “By the gods, calm down, sister. No one is going to eat anyone here.” Yeva rolled her eyes yet again, sending you a helpless look.

 You could not hold back a loud laugh.

Oh yes, Hrafna’s obsession with the king’s brother Halfdan. For years she had talked about this man, told stories of his adventured she had heard, and spoke about taking him right on the battle field, still covered in blood, a sight you truly never wished to see. You did not really understand it, though, as she had never actually talked to him.

 “One day he will be mine.” The ginger smiled, absently minded taking a sip from her weak ale.

 “How will he be yours, if he does not even know you exist?” Yeva raised quite a valid point there, which caused the other one to turn to her sharply, her pale eyes glaring the younger one down.

 “Then I will make him know me, won’t I?” she hissed, tilting her head slightly, both of her eyebrows going up for a second, provocatively. But Yeva, just sighed, knowing how to deal with the moods of the red head by now.

 “Pizdec, sestra. Do what you want.” The blond one smiled innocently, as if she had not just very foul language of her mother tongue, turning her full body towards you.

 “Oh, I will. Just watch.” With that Hrafna stood up, walking down and towards the docks.

 You watched her for a moment, one eyebrow raised while you chewed on your bread, as she made her way towards the king and his brother. You then turned your attention back to Yeva.

“You should really stop making her mad.” You said, swallowing the bread, before picking up a piece of fish.

 “I know, she just makes it hard not to.” She laughed. “It is simply too easy.”

 “Which is exactly why you should stop teasing her, little one.” Gurdun, who had apparently followed the whole scene from her spot a few seats down, dropped onto the bench between you, her long golden hair as so often un-braided, and falling over her back.

Good Gudrun, always defending the other one.

 “At least until we’re somewhere where she can let out all her frustration on Christians.” The woman then added with a wink, taking a sip to her cup. She seemed as if she wanted to say something else, turning her eyes to where the red head had gone, but only a short “Oh” left her mouth,

 You followed her eyes, to your surprise seeing the ginger in conversation with Harald and Halfdan.

“Maybe it was a good thing, that you made her mad after all.” Was everything you could say.

 And this was how the lot of you came about to meet the king.

 “It would be a lie, if I would say that I do not know of all your exploits. A fine band of warriors, your mother had brought up.” Harald smiled, his hands crossed in front of him, while his eyes mustered all of you intently.

 It was later this afternoon, after Hrafna had urged you to come with her, as the powerful man now standing in front of you had wanted to see you. She was standing next to you now, looking very proud of herself, although her pale eyes were glued on the king’s brother.

 “Thank you, my king. Hearing these words from you honours our family.” Asta nodded respectfully, hands resting on the pommel of her sword. She indeed looked honoured, and you guessed that this recognition of not only the six of you, but also her mother, meant a lot to her.

 You were a bit too nervous to speak, not knowing how Asta managed to seem so calm, as standing here in front of the king was very intimidating.

 “I am glad that you all will join us in this fight, now I know that the gods are truly on our side.” Fairhair grinned, looking all of you over for one last time, before he made his goodbyes, turning from you to walk up and away from the docks, back to his hall.

Halfdan and your sister shared one last long, very intense look, before he followed his brother too.

 Somewhere in your guts, you felt that this meeting, was just the beginning of something incredible.

[davidjjohnston3]

I ask again that you not share the Tumblr with MVJ as he uses all knowledge of me against me or to imitate / try to be me rather than MVJ. I ask the same w/r/t MJ / Michael, as he resents me for various reasons to do with manipulation-leadership (such as telling him in '09 that I felt that I was going to be a doctor someday in order to hearten / give him morale when he was anguished over job-searching in the Great Recession).   I do things like this because of a film called "Late Spring" a masterpiece by the Japanese director who inspired the Taiwanese auteur about whom I wrote my RU senior thesis and met Rebecca Hu who inspired me to work hard, get that Singapore job, meet Kate again in '07 in NYC, promise her in '08 I would struggle / fight / work for 3 years to become someone deserving of her (hand in marriage if not just friendship), which is also part of why I made that '08-09 deal with Dad that culminated in me going to MTTP in Madison, meeting Chi Hye, falling in love with this gold light in her eyes, believing in angels and mountains and "They shall mount up as eagles and not stub their toe" (Isaiah), meeting Josephine Park at 7-Step and everyone else, getting promoted to Head Developer in 6 months, then quitting b/c of a falling out I had on that night I called you after 6 months' radio silence. IDK if you want to hear this but I wanted to marry Josephine / "LitGirl."  I thanked her for helping me.  IDK if you care about this she flirted with me partly by showing armpit-stubble in the summer of 2010 and I understood this because I understand "Korean American literature." She might be the most beautiful perfect ideal "jeongdakhan" (kind of 'suitable,,' or, 'spec') woman I ever met.  She went to Seoul National U. which is Korea's no.1 university and worked for an elite newspaper before taking some time off to write - she loves Emily Dickinson and, I believe, Park Wanseo, who wrote my favorite Korean short story "That Girl's House" about a promised couple in Japanese-occupied Korea who are separated by the girl's father's paranoia about Gop Dan's becoming a comfort woman and sold to be a farmer's bride in what becomes North Korea rather than marrying the "village prince" or aspiring scholar, who wants her to come away with him to Seoul... Josephine or "Jeongeun" (which kind of means perhaps "emotion-grace" or arguably "central grace" - Josephine means "love will increase" BTW and is the name of Jo from Little Women; the name she chose for herself) looks a bit like Lee Yowon the aspiring girl who gets plastic surgery in "Take Care of My Cat" and a bit like Seo Juhyun / Catherine Seo / Seohyun the youngest member of Girls Generation who was known for her probity, "Holy Seohyun" who was no. 2 in her HS before becoming the "maknae" or "final inner" / youngest and most beloved member of the nation's best-ever girl-group.  FWIW, I used to write to Seohyun on Twitter as well but she never replied.  On around the time of the sinking of the MV Sewol she wrote "we cried till our eyes dried" or so and used the word "huisaeng" to describe the victims which actually can mean "sacrifice."  I wrote to Seohyun using a quote from Dante Alighieri about beauty and pure thoughts or pure minds since I read "New Life / Vita Nuova" and "Heaven / Paradiso" in KR.  "Catherine" incidentally means "purity" as well. 2. On that night I first called you in 2011 I was out at a place with JEP and when I got back from our long phonecall she proceeded to get really drunk with foreigners I disliked from a hagwon I dislike throwing back soju and ultimately writing on the ladies' room floor throwing up.  Danny Shin asked me to go in to the BR to comfort / talk with her so I did.  I told her we should leave even before she got really drunk but she wouldn't obey me.  KJ Park arrived and said "ireona" (get up bitch) and she did.  I cursed in front of KJ Park since I felt I was being used as her crying-blankie and exploited to help her cope but never extricate from the situation.  I later had a slight heart-attack when I found out they were having an affair even as JE flirted with other men and used them I see now as "honey-trap" and to spy on all the employees.   I feel like this is the last time I will try to communicate open with you about why I am the way I am why I do what I do.  Back in 2008 you told me to use more kindness but where does that go?  It's good for little kids. Anyway before my heart-attack on that night - which impelled me to stop participating for a while in good faith with 7-Step's accelerated curriculum program working on Saturdays (which I had done happily before that) - I had been incredibly optimistic and at the same time "wise" in the "soi sage" sense reading Flaubert's last completed novel, which you might like one day, "L'Education Sentimentale" (accurately translated as "Emotional Education" since "Sentiment" sounds Victorian and sentimentality is an Anglo or Anglo-Korean category, saccharine in a way which French love and emotion are not).   I also later visited Cheonan her hometown which means "Heaven's Peace."  I walked around and years later wanted to write a novel called "Cheonan Sky" which is about the sinking of a ROKN frigate / destroyer / corvette called the ROKS Cheonan in 2010 but a North Korean suicide micro-submarine. The captain of the ROKS Cheonan never retired basically but became a military analyst for I believe either KJAD or 38North out of entailments or legacy-obligations to his men. The theme of "Cheonan Sky" is family killing family (the Korean War / civil war in general within a nation), terrorism, capital punishment by electrocution.  The ending is that the hero committed acts of 1st degree murder and terrorism and is dressed by his wife for execution after donating semen / sperm so she can have a child after his death. You might or might not be interested to know but "Cheonan" in Chinese characters is I believe "Tian'an'" like Tiananmen Square.   When I asked Josephine to teach me some Korean she said "Miryang" which means "secret sunshine" that is actually the name of a city as well a movie but known for the gang-rape of an elementary school girl.   3. This is kind of why I'm interested in terrorism, assassination, North Korean Studies, and also why I didn't know how to read people's sign about "covering love," concealing or forgiving crimes et cetera; covering sins.   I associate JEP for some reason with Russian blues and mother-of-pearl since I looked at a wedding ring which was mother-of-pearl and diamond in 2011.  In retrospect I have no idea whether she was interested in me or not or how willing she would have been to partner with me as opposed to KJ or Danny Shin or anyone else.  I won't say anything more because I don't oppose women being that way 100% although the Book of Proverbs does say not to prostitute your daughter and a British Victorian Evangelical PM used to walk the streets of London pleading with hookers to get honest if low-paying jobs (WE Gladstone who also said politics succeeds ultimately through "not love of power but power of love" a saying I associate these days with Mike Pompeo) I have come close to imprisonment and/or death lately from trying to be open w/ people in America so this is literally I ardently wish my last freebie w/r/t "teaching" people but the existence of people like Josephine also seems to bind me to SK or KR.  There is simply no way I can not go back someday.  When that ferry sank I saw an article about a foreigner graveyard in Incheon and felt what Shakespeare felt near the end of his life which was a desire beyond or parallel to after life to donate his bones to a certain plot of land.  I foolishly or heedlessly confessed this reality to Mi who became depressed and my words started to go over his head. IDK if you want to know this but I worked for a long time on a novel about the MV Sewol called "Flowers on Water" or "Flowers 1881" which is about the sovereignty of God in the deaths or waste of children as well as "It Is Well with My Soul," Chancellor / Pastor John Piper, the drowning of paedophiles in prison or others who abuse or exploit young people, and my own responsibility for failing as an HS teacher. IDK if you remember but the guy who owned the MV Sewol which sank due to unlawful loading of the hull with equipment was found decapitated with a backpack full of money in a field of maize, I believe.   There are those who believe including me that KR is not really a democracy but run by the KCIA or and/or through an organization called "One Company" or so that includes numerous military dictators, officers, many of whom used to be teachers though some were also associated with the terrorist-student radical organization (the ShiShi) that produced the Meiji Restoration and the Empire of Japan -> WW2 Pacific since the Japanese were determined not to let American "gunboat diplomacy" lead to cultural genocide or everlasting hegemony of the West over either JP or the total Far East. My last thing to you is just that there are those who believe the imperial family of JP who were restored to supremacy in gov't by the ShiShi after centuries of formalistic ritualitsic formalistic ceremonial "Chinese" rule are partly Korean in blood and Koreans themselves believe in "Minjung Theology" saying Koreans have a holy destiny worldwide which is something I believe as well. You can be 10,000% honest with me about your intentions from now on BTW.  IDK if I can get back to KR now, a year from now, or in a coffin.   It depends on money I guess.   As I reflected in my previous e-mail after my born again prayer in 2004 when I wished for unity (in the field across the street from Marshall School) I eventually got that unity around 2012 when Dad said he would work sacrificially to fix me up following my suicide-attempt and in 2013 when I told Jaeyoung that I wanted to be a principal I precipitated or incubated a process leading up to the Lead Teacher position I was offered a few months back as well as Concordia's interest in my application for their Educational Leadership doctorate.   If you want to read one more book by a Korean I urge "The Fourth Dimension" by Rev. Dr. David YongGi Cho, the pastor of a church called Yoido or Yeouido Full Gospel which claims some 500,000 members though Dr. Cho has been indicted for embezzlement and there are those who would doubt his belief in miracle faith-healing or in God's defending people from things like head-first suicide-attempts. As my student once said to me, "Thank you for everything" DJJ PS again if you like music I rec. "Marvel Not That Christ in Glory" - "Christ in p/POWER Resurrection / calling many sons to glory" - as well as a pop-song called "Please Remember Me" by a girl-group known as Year 7 Class 1 or 7-1. It is a slow ballad but the central refrain is "yaksokhae uri... kkok mannayo..." (Let us promise to meet again rapidly / immediately)...

[purple-possibilities]

Character meme! Maito Gai! Casue I mean... look at my icon. This should be no surprise.

You have chosen the very greatest picture of Gai as your icon.  I am honoured to write this tribute to a lovely man.

First impression

Wuh… turtle… a man… on a turtle… a man on a turtle… in a green… a green… one piece… jumpsuit? with… orange… yellow… orange… puce… sienna… goldenrod—fuck it idk what colour that is it’s orange now—leg… legwarmers? are..eyebrows? what? but the other one? matching? what? i don’t… who thought this was a good idea?  Why… is that a sunset?  Why is he talking like this?  Is this funny? Is this dumb?  a turtle?  How is the turtle talking, and is it a tortoise or a turtle… idon’tlikehim—nowait—he’s the greatest

Impression now

Gai is amazing.  Hilarious.  I have mad respect for him.  He may have started off as a joke character but he is actually amazing, as a person, as a teacher, as a character, and I love him.

Favorite moment

After the Chuunin Prelims, the scene where Gai is talking to Lee about the probability of Lee surviving the procedure, and promises that if Lee dies, then Gai will die too.  It’s the first moment you see Gai being serious, and you learn the true measure of his devotion.  Gai might be loud and obnoxious and sunset genjutsus, but he’s also love and warmth and he would do anything for someone he cared about.  This was the first time we saw Gai—and Lee—as people and not gags.  And it was touching and sad and it really made me care about both of them.

Idea for a story

Fuck if I know.  Let met think…I hate to do this, but since Ume is known as the Queen of Angst I’m going to say I was inspired.  When Kakashi is in the midst of his ANBU depression and Gai petitions to be able to join, instead of saying ‘no,’ Sandaime says ‘yes.’  Now we’ve got ANBU Gai, being forced into completing these brutal missions or being charged with insubordination of the highest degree (the punishment of which, is death).  Not wanting to see Gai punished, Kakashi does the dirty work while Gai basically panics.  Seeing how much further into his shell this is pushing Kakashi, Gai bites the bullet and starts pulling his own weight.  The two spiral deeper into ANBU and the darkness that follows them, desperately grasping onto each other.  Gai finally begs Kakashi to leave one day, but Kakashi cannot, even seeing how affected Gai is.  So Gai sticks by his side, slowly killing off all the brightest parts of himself.  Until one day, Gai see’s a young boy with thick eyebrows trying his damnedest to be a ninja without chakra, and begs Sandaime to let him be the boy’s sensei.  Hiruzen finally smartens up, and ejects both Gai and Kakashi from ANBU.  They get their students, and they learn how to heal with their new purpose (Gai is better off at first, but he drags Kakashi behind him).  And then everything eventually works out because I was making myself sad.  As a payoff to having Gai in ANBU, let’s pretend that Kakashi and Gai were such a great team, they ended up finding Obito, they caught him, brought him to the village for rehabilitation.  No Uchiha Massacre, Madara is dead already and now has no one to bring him back to life, Zetsu walked into a patch of experimental weed killer and died (yes, all the Zetsu, it was a huge patch and they just kept walking into it for no reason. maybe there were some parasitic ants that took over their brains or something convenient like that), and everyone lives, everyone’s happy, hugs and kisses for everyone.  Boom.  Horrible ending.

Unpopular opinion

I honestly think Gai would be the greatest boyfriend.  As in: The. Greatest. Ever.  He would win awards for being an amazing boyfriend, and an amazing husband, and an amazing father.  Why?  Because he would give you his everything.  And not in a ‘Oh, I want to take advantage of the man,’ kind of way, but in the sense that, once Gai has decided you’re the one for him (even if you’re just the one for him right now) he is going to put soooo much effort into making sure you’d be happy.  He’d be bringing you little gifts every day, just because they reminded him of you.  They would probably all be different, things that he saw while doing his crazy training throughout the village, but they would all have some sort of deep personal meaning and you would probably love them.  Ok, there might be some trial and error in the beginning, but the man learns fast and never gives up.  If you didn’t like receiving physical gifts, he would gift you every day with something non-physical.  Maybe you like horrible poetry?  Gai will write you daily poems.  Maybe you like massages?  Gai will give you daily back massages, foot massages, wrist massages, full body massages (and i do mean full body massages) etc.  Maybe you just want someone to sit quietly with and cuddle for like an hour—Gai will stfu and cuddle with you.  Sure, he’ll be bursting with thoughts after, and he might get a little fidgety, but he will 100% do it, if it makes you happy.  So you better fucking treat him good or I’ll cut you.  Okay, Kakashi will cut you but still.  Don’t do that to Gai.  If you’re an introvert and you feel sometimes that his personality gets to be a little much, he will try to tone it down or give you space, but he’ll be back to 11 in a heartbeat if you change your mind.  He would remember every single important date.  If you wanted to go somewhere or do something, Gai would make it happen.  Whether that’s going skydiving off the mountains in Lightening, or looking for a mythical fish off the coast of Water, or going to the Land of Hotsprings for some R&R, or just going to the corner store to pick up your favourite take-out and that movie you were talking about.  Did you run out of sugar while baking?  Gai will bring you sooo much sugar in like two seconds flat.  Is he out of the village?  Doesn’t matter.  His summons are at your service (even if they’re a bit slower).  He would back you up no matter what (and even if you broke up, Gai would still have your back.  Gai is Ride or Die ok, he will be there for you as long as you’re not horrible and cheat on him or something.  Don’t be mean to Gai; he’s precious). If you’re having problems in your relationship, Gai will do his best to work them out with you.  Gai will go to therapy and work his ass off to make both of you happy. Gai obviously has his quirks and his own issues, and wheelchair bound Gai will probably take some time to bounce back into his normal vigour.  But honestly, out of his generation, he’d probably be the best boyfriend.  People don’t want to date Gai because LOUD and EYEBROWS and THAT HORRIBLE OUTFIT but a) he can be quiet if you need him to be, b) the eyebrows aren’t that bad get over it, and c) you bet your ass Gai looks amazing naked in civvies.  Don’t ask Gai to change for you (honestly, if you caught his attention, then I probably don’t have to tell you that) because that’s just mean.  But Gai will treat you right.  Date Gai.  You won’t find a better boyfriend.  And if you’re lucky and he proposes, marry Gai.  You might want to elope, though.  He will go a little overboard with the ceremony otherwise.  But hey, you’re dating Gai, you probably like overboard.  So go for the ceremony.  It will be the greatest wedding anyone has every attended.

Favorite relationship

If you’ve been on my blog for more than five minutes you know I love Kakashi.  But that is not my favourite relationship of Gai’s.  I love Gai’s relationship with his students, but specifically with Tenten.  Now I know what you’re thinking; sibi, why choose Tenten when there is Lee, Gai’s protege.  Well, it’s simple.  It’s easy to get along with someone who is like you.  Lee has always been a mini-Gai, and so it was not hard for them to bond.  Both have a relationship based on common interests and common goals, and it is a beautiful relationship.  Gai and Neji’s relationship falls in a similar vein; hard working student, eager to improve himself through hard work.  The problem here is that Gai isn’t much of a mentor—not by any fault of his own, but by virtue of Neji focusing on the Gentle Fist Style.  There were certainly exercises to build endurance and stamina and team bonds that Gai taught Neji, but Neji had a path already, and it was easy to guide him on it.  I love Gai’s relationship with Tenten because he had none of that.  All Gai had in common with Tenten was that they both work hard.  She had no real direction, she had no clan to teach her a specific style or put her on a path she could follow.  He could not identify with her as a girl, he didn’t really know how to treat her (because while Gai is a ball of sunshine he is awkward in his own way) but despite this, he didn’t give up.  He wanted to help her fulfil her goals.  Tenten’s dream was to be like Tsunade?  Gai was going to make that happen.  He tried to set her up with a medical ninja, since that’s what Tsunade was most famous for.  uh oh, Tenten didn’t have the chakra control.  Gai was not deterred.  Tsunade was known for her super strength…but that also required chakra control that Tenten didn’t have.  Gai was not deterred.  He tried to give her his summoning contract, but Tenten ended up insulting the tortoise and ruining that chance, as well as a chance for any animal summon (as the tortoises would surely gossip about the disrespect).  Gai was not deterred.  He taught her how to summon weapons.  He just kept trying.  Gai tried his best to equip Tenten with the skills she would need to fulfil her dream.  She did not end up proficient in the same way that Tsunade was.  But she found her own star.  She found something she loved, developed a fighting style all on her own, and became the greatest at what she did.  And Gai, who didn’t have the talents to teach her to be like Tsunade, didn’t go ‘oh well, I can’t help her,’ he said, ‘if this doesn’t work, then we’ll try that, and if that doesn’t work, we’ll try…’ until Tenten found herself.  He was an amazing mentor to all of his students, but this is most evident, in my opinion, with Tenten.

Favorite headcanon

I don’t remember where it started, but I like the idea that Gai is actually a genjutsu type, and whenever you see the sunset behind him, it’s actually him casting a low level genjutsu for theatrics. 

Here is the ask.  Send me a character (canon or oc) or even a pairing.  Up next is Genma, and then Hidan, Adult!Obito, Rock Lee, and Ino. (which I think I’m going to have to do later, it’s time for me to sleep).

Already completed: Madara, Kakashi, Shino, Tenzou