#this is what i do when i'm too tired to read and write

[ilikeyoshi]

"#yes yes yes!!!! #and ngl it makes me want to read or engage with it more too!"

i hope it's ok to point out these tags bc this is SUCH a huge mood i think deserves a little more explanation!!!! (at least from my perspective as both a creator (writer) and fan (of artists))

i used to have a ton of anxiety when creating and especially sharing my works, and my impulse was always to talk down on it, because a) i* (*my anxiety) believed it to be bad, and b) because i had this idea in my head that if i lowered people's expectations, they wouldn't be as disappointed when reading it.

i want to tell you what i've learned in my years of both being a writer and being a fan of artists, and it's that this is a terrible, terrible anxiety fallacy (like so many ideas/misconceptions borne of anxiety are) that ONLY hurts you, your work, and your potential readers(/fans/etc). it SOUNDS like a good idea when you have really bad anxiety, i know, i used to DEPEND upon this idea just to have the courage to SHARE my writing—and i want to emphasize that it's OKAY if you've done this before, it's an easy, easy trap to fall into, but i also want you to try and stop doing it because there are a lot of reasons you would feel better and do better for doing so.

you are what you practice! if you only ever focus on or speak about the flaws in your art, you WILL feel negatively about your art. my very first therapist explained it in a way that still really resonates with me: you have created a well-beaten, highly trafficked "road" in your brain. it is very easy to take this road because even though it's longer to your destination, it winds and bends, it's walked on so much it's flat and easy to traverse. when you try to build a NEW path—in this case, a path where you focus on what you like about your art—you're starting with no path at all. it's all undergrowth and vines and thorns and it hurts and it's tiring and you feel like this will NEVER be easier or feel better than the old path. but you have to keep taking the new one. you have to beat down the undergrowth until it recedes, cut down the low-hanging branches until you can walk with your back straight, and if you keep at it, if you keep at this thing that feels so pointless and stupid and hard, eventually, the path will be clear, and easy to walk, and you'll make great time getting to your destination because it cuts straight through; no winding or bending. and the old path? it will overgrow, and it will become hard and stupid to take. you have to beat the new path because once it's beaten, it'll be the far superior path in every way, including ways the old path was never superior even when it WAS the one you were always taking.

further—as these tags point out, and as i agree with wholeheartedly—by disparaging your art, you DO lower people's expectations. people don't want to be sad, frustrated, disappointed when they look at art—at least, not unless the art itself is trying to tell a story about that. you get what i mean, i hope—they don't want to go INTO something they already HAVE negative reviews on—your reviews! you, the creator, have already told this person the story/art/whatever is going to be bad, and i know, i KNOW it's not your intention, you're hoping someone will see through what you can't and tell you no, no, this is good, i liked this! and some people do! but you make it a lot harder for them TO do that when you tell them right at the beginning, "this is going to be bad, i don't like it," because what you're unintentionally telling them is, "and you probably won't like it either." the first way i learned this was in people always saying in their fanfic summaries, before you even open the fic, "the summary is bad, i'm bad at writing summaries, the story is better trust me bro." because what this does—again, so unintentionally, i KNOW what you're trying to do because i've been you—is you're telling the reader, "here's my pitch, here's the hook to my entire story, it's the worst part, it's bad, but the rest will be better," and what they KNOW is they've already put the time in reading the summary, and it's hard to commit MORE time to something when you've already told them it's bad, even if you promise the rest is better. it's like biting into a fruit and you hate the taste of the skin; it's harder to try the rest of the fruit when, so far, it's been bad (or you've been made to believe it's bad).

so what's the solution? how do you begin beating that new path? well, it depends on you. everyone's a little different in how they navigate stuff like this. but what worked for me, and what might be a good place to start (and by all means adapt as you figure out what works and what doesn't), is start by just NOT saying anything negative. no, "i don't like this," or "the summary's bad, sorry," or anything. write your artist's comment, author's note, whatever as normal, and REMOVE anything that depicts your art/writing/etc in a bad light. just don't give people any opinion whatsoever on what experiencing your creation is going to be like. this, for me, was easier than jumping straight to, "i'm pretty proud of this," or "i enjoyed working on this," because it wasn't withholding AND replacing, it was JUST withholding. going back to the roads and paths metaphor, i think of this part as the "taking a breather before i get to work on this monumental task of beating this new path" stage.

then, overtime, i started "stretching" my positive comments about my works. if i liked, say, TWO LINES out of a whole piece of writing, i'd say, "i'm really proud of this work!" because i AM proud of ANYTHING AT ALL, NO MATTER HOW SMALL, within the work. it's not a LIE, to anyone including yourself, but it is, perhaps, an EXAGGERATION. that's OKAY. we're trying to teach our brain to look on the bright side, to take the new path, and i've found that treating it a little bit like a dog—giving it a treat for ANY TINY BIT OF PROGRESS, was a good way to encourage myself to start making MORE progress. ESPECIALLY because the tags i reposted above are RIGHT: LOTS of people are MORE interested in a work when their very first impression (YOUR impression!!!) is positive. 'the artist/writer/etc is proud of this? oh, i'm so glad they had a good time creating, let's take a look!" it probably sounds too easy if you're still taking that anxiety-beaten road, i know, but try to think of how you've felt when someone disparages their creations versus uplifts them. were you put off by the negativity? were you sad that your friend worked so hard on something and didn't even like it? conversely, doesn't it make you a little excited when an artist says they really feel good about something they made, especially in a world where so many artists ARE feeling inadequate? i hope you see what i mean.

it's not an overnight thing, of course, this took me YEARS. this took a miracle that doesn't happen to most people: i wrote something i felt SO TERRIFIED people wouldn't like, even though i was secretly very proud of it (but too scared to dare suggest i was proud of it), so i indicated all kinds of things like "i hope you like it, i dunno if it's any good, it's just a little thing i'm chipping away at in my spare time" (it was not, it was a full-blown passion project) and, against the odds, a LOT OF PEOPLE told me they really really really liked it. a couple of friends who were decently popular in the fandom it was for liked and shared it and i got A LOT of encouragement. i basically got to beat my new path with a HORDE of helpers, and it was more like THEY beat the path for me and i chased along like, "what is happening, oh my god, what are you doing???"

i got really lucky. that doesn't always, or even usually happen. in most other areas of my life, i've had to beat the path myself. and it takes a long time if you're doing it on your own. but you should anyway, because it's so fucking worth it dude. yeah, it was awesome to get so much help with my writing confidence specifically, but it's been just as worth it every time i've had to do it alone too. and i have good news! there ARE ways to tell people you're on this journey of making yourself a new path. here are some suggestions:

"i'm new/rusty at this, so please let me know what you think!" - informs potential readers/viewers/etc you are learning and gives them an opportunity to HELP you learn. this is a positive interaction! this allows people to find a GOOD experience EVEN if they didn't enjoy the story much, because they can help, and people DO, MOSTLY, like to help.

"i want to improve at [dialogue]" or "i'd appreciate advice on [lighting]." - similar to the first example, but does 2 things: gives viewers specific instructions that can be really helpful for those that aren't sure how/what to critique (surprisingly common thing; the more specific you are about what you want advice on, the more likely you are to GET advice), AND allows you to, neutrally and non-disparagingly, ask for help in areas you don't feel confident about.

"leave a comment if you liked it!" or "let me know what you liked best!" - listen. i don't think 'fishing for compliments' is bad as long as you're not being manipulative about it. these examples are very clear in what they're asking for, which is compliments, positive reviews, etc. and that's okay!!! first of all, lots of people LOVE praising works they like, i promise, and asking them to DOES make them feel like they have "permission" to (i know that sounds silly but i also know if you have anxiety about creating, you have anxiety about commenting, i see you, i was you). secondly, i have gotten the MOST encouraging, confidence-boosting comments this way, especially with the latter example. there is NOTHING more immediately anxiety-curing than a comment that says "i liked [scene/dialogue/character/etc] specifically." it's AMAZING. (also, if you're looking for advice on commenting, this is a GREAT thing to do. imo, this and "speculating/interpreting the work" are the two coolest comments i get they make me feel AWESOME.)

remind yourself, as many times as you have to, CONSTANTLY if you have to: likes/kudos mean someone enjoyed your work enough to press a button. views mean someone liked your work enough to click through for more. these are POSITIVE interactions, they are not "less positive" than comments or reblogs/reshares. i know those last two things are more obviously gratifying, and depending on if you NEED your work to spread (for exposure/commision prospects/etc), very good, awesome ways to support you, and i don't mean to say you shouldn't WANT comments and reblogs/reshares. but for me, it's helped me a lot to recognize that any bit of effort whatsoever means someone LIKED my work. it's also helped me to think of all the times i've shared a link to an artwork in a discord or something, and know that there is an entire, untangible metric i can't and will never see that, sure, i can choose to believe doesn't exist or isn't very high, but i can ALSO choose to believe it happens quite a lot, and the latter makes me FEEL better about my work and makes me want to create MORE, so i think that's the more productive mindset personally. it doesn't matter what the truth is, you know? we'll never know it and it doesn't harm us to never know it. but it DOES harm us to assume no one quietly, unseen by us, likes our work, and it DOES ENCOURAGE US to assume lots of people do.

here's the thing: anxiety disorders fuck you up by making you believe extremely negative, scary, depressing things. the disorder gets worse the more you allow it to make you believe these things, and the only way out, as stupid and hard and at times impossible as it feels, is to say, "no, i don't like that interpretation, i'm going to replace it with a positive one." anxiety is making paths all throughout your brain, and you have to just, make paths too. anxiety needs YOU to make paths, but YOU don't need anxiety to make paths. your paths WILL be better, safer, easier and happier. you just—and i know that is the biggest "just" ever—have to make them.

but i believe in you. i don't need to know you or your circumstances to believe in you. i believe in the sheer amount of control you have over how you face the world. and it's so much more than anxiety would lead you to believe.

i looooove seeing artists & writers proud of their work!!!!! i looooove captions & authors notes that say things like “i’m quite happy with this” “i love how this turned out” “i had so much fun making this”!!!!!! i loooooove when the act of creation is joyful & we take pride in what we make!!!!!!!!!!

[prettyboykatsuki]

later, then | i. rin

✮ tags ; gn!reader, pre-relationship, tooth-rotting fluff, rin in his actor era, assisstant!reader. this is sfw but i am an 18+ blog so minors do not follow me lol.

✮ wc ; 1.4k

✮ a/n ; a comm for @rabbbitseason that i had to rewrite a couple of times. i rlly liked being able to write something like this. i hope u like the direction i ended up going in sdjksdj

✮ synopsis ; on his last day of filming rin tried to keep you out of his thoughts.

"Rin-kun,"

He knows your voice well enough to know it's you before he even opens his eyes. "Hn,"

"We'll be shooting your scenes next," You say, tapping his shoulder lightly. "They told me to wake you up."

It's not like Rin to fall asleep on a set somewhere, no matter how tired he is. He's usually the type to push through it no matter what. It's petty, but it feels like he's lost otherwise.

He was exhausted before hand though. Months of shooting and he still can't get used to his schedule.

He's here from a morning flight from France that he took all the way back home to Japan. After he arrived, he immediately hailed a cab and busted ass to get here on time. He would normally rest on his journey but found he couldn't bring himself to actually fall asleep.

Professor Heartbreak is a Japanese TV drama (airing domestically lived and internationally on Netflix) and Rin's first acting role. The series follows a romance between a graduate student caught in a lot of debt and her relationship to one of her pupils, college student and heir to mega corporation.

Rin has never had any interest in acting, and had even less interest in acting in a romance drama. His manager however urged (read: forced) him to take the offer, emphasizing how good it would be for his public image among other things. Of course, Rin still declined but no matter what he did - he couldn't actually seem to get out of doing it.

He's off-season now though he started filming during. He can say with confidence there's nothing he likes about the job. No matter how much his manager or director insists that all he needs is to have a pretty face - there's still a level of annoying obligation he feels towards doing it.

The reception was more positive then they were expecting. Apparently Rin is a half-decent actor. He's not playing a character he feels is so different from him, if not much more cringe.

Rin plays the love interest Yukio. Not very expressive and rich with a tendency to chase what he wants. Generally aggressive about the female love interest.

It doesn't suit him and he doubts he'll do it again. But a lot went into getting the role. If he's going to do it at all, he might as well do it well.

Rin hates shit that's half-assed after all, lukewarm acting doesn't suit him.

Today is the last day of shooting and happens to be one of the last scenes. Shooting is sometimes chronological, but not always. Regardless, after today it'll be the last time Rin steps foot on this set. No more long nights, or trying to memorize lines, no more out of place press runs. The practice season will start again and he can go back to the busy he's been used to since the debut of his soccer career.

That also means it'll be the last time you and Rin spend time in the same room. It's the first thing he thinks of when you wake him.

Rin sits up and carefully rubs his eye, careful not to disturb the makeup he wears for set.

"When the fuck did I sleep?"

You laugh under your breath, handing him a water bottle like you already knew he would want one. He takes it from you and takes a long drink trying to wake himself up.

"Been a little over an hour. Hour and a half, maybe. Did you sleep okay?"

He scowls, just slightly. "It was fine."

"I'm glad you slept well," You add, voice full of mirth and amusement as you read between the lines said all too easily.

He was moody when he came on set with you, worse then normal and refused to sleep. You suggested he rest his eyes and Rin scoffed at you for thinking he's so stupid. He's not a kid you can trick into going to sleepy.

You conceded easily, made a single sly comment about hoping he's all there when it's his turn. It'd be a shame if he had to keep shooting the same scene and ended up home late after all. Enough of a provocation to submit to your stupid suggestion.

Rin supposes this was why his manager hired you in the first place. You're in a temporary position, your contract to be in place until filming is over and Rin's back on normal scheduling. Rin realized pretty early on that you're more like a glorified babysitter then an assistant which is why he didn't have very pleasant expectations of you at the start.

But you're competent. Push without pushing too far. Clever even when it's annoying. You've known each other for a year and the only thing that binds you is work but you're with him all the time. Maybe it's just the job, but it still feels like you know him better then most.

Not like he cares.

Realizing he was tired enough to sleep and goading him into doing it are two separate things though. But you've managed both pretty easily which he can admit is a feat. You're always like that. You remind him a little of another annoying striker in that way.

A quiet settles between you. Rin gropes around for his phone, checking his messages and the time. Still a few hours until the set wraps and no doubt social obligations afterwards. He groans.

"I'm going home after we're done shooting,"

"You can't," You say, apologetic. "Manager says you have to show your face during the after party."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense."

"You're the main male love interest, you should at least drop in for a little bit. Have a beer, unwind."

"I don't like drinking,"

"A soda then. Don't be so stubborn."

Rin huffs, carefully pushing a hand through his hair careful not to mess up the styling. There's a beat of silence.

"Are you going?"

"To the drinking party?"

Rin looks at you as if to ask isn't it obvious. You just chuckle.

"Why?" You tease. "Will you stay longer if I go?"

Rin pauses. And it's quiet for just a second too long before he realizes. You seem to understand the implication almost instantly.

Even before Rin who catches himself just a second too late.

"...I don't mind staying with you until you've filled your quota. If that's what you're asking." You supply.

Rin frowns, faint warmth creeping his neck. "Then do that."

You fight back a smile. "Sure, sure. What time were you thinking of leaving?"

"As soon as possible," He says bluntly. You laugh that time. Brightly. Sincerely.

"Seems like a waste. You can handle fifteen minutes without me, right? Doesn't feel like I need to go if we're gonna part ways so soon anyhow."

Rin pouts. A petulant, ugly feeling in him. He speaks without thinking. "You're saying it like we're never gonna see each other again,"

You both catch it.

"Are we?" You're grinning at him where you stand next to him, eyes cast down to look at his face. He fights off a blush but fails to keep from turning red. Fuck. "Seeing each other again, I mean."

He doesn't know what it is exactly that makes him answer the way he does.. "No shit."

You grin, beam really - and your fingers brush his hand on the couch. Rin jolts, clearly in deeper than he thought.

"Okay. Then let's go together and get something to eat after," You say, coy. "Since we're seeing each other again,"

Rin rubs a hand on the nape of his neck.

"Shut up. Fine. Whatever,"

You laugh again no longer hiding it. He hands his water bottle to you as he gets called onto set. Standing to his feet, he takes a breather to stretch out all his limbs.

You give him a mischievous smile, staring at him openly when something seems to strike you. Like you've just realized something.

"Rin-kun. Bend down a little. I need to tell you something."

Confused but not concerned, he complies without thinking.

You place your copy of the script strategically to obscure both your faces, and in a single split second - Rin feels something soft and warm press against his cheek followed by another giggle like a bell chime. He flusters, instantly scowling and tomato-faced and nearly cussing as you look so self-satisfied.

(Warm. So warm where you linger on his skin. Hot where you've touched him despite how brief.)

"For good luck. I'll see you later then. Knock 'em dead, okay?"

He curses under his breath before they call him one more time and he watches you disappear to go do the other half of your job. He puts his hand to his cheek and takes a breath.

Stupid. He closes his eyes and buries the explosion of feeling in him as he replies to no one in particular.

"Idiot."

[mellosdrawings]

noooo not the n2 ship 😭 omg people can be so weird sob sob you have more drawings of them as adults and frankly why does it even matter?!? it's not even an illegal ship sob (eg. incest or smth else that normally turns heads in fandoms) if you don't like it, don't read it???? (i personally like it tons!)

-🥬

(About this post)

Well, you know, it's the usual Leojami age difference discourse. I just delete those comments anyway, but I'm glad you like the N2 squad :3

I won't develop too much since I don't want this blog to be about discourse (I'm giving my opinions plenty on my sideblog) but here's what I think about these topics:

-I'm vehemently anti-censorship. I don't think something shouldn't ever exist and I will never push for something to be censored, even if it's stuff that makes me uncomfortable. I think warnings about particular contents are great, but in the end it's my responsibility to curate my experience with banning # and blocking people, etc etc. Even illegal stuff should be portrayed. If people can draw/write about murderers and conmen without a fuss, then they can also do that about taboo/illegal sexual topics. Depiction is not endorsement.

-I believe the reader/viewer is the one who injects meaning to art/stories. I'm an artist and all the things I do mean something, but that meaning doesn't prevail over the meaning my viewers inject in my art. I regularly see people "misreading" my comics in the tags, but it doesn't matter. Their interpretation is just as valid as mine, and if they wanna see ships where I didn't mean to draw ships, or if they interpret a scene as negative when I meant for it to be positive, then it's either my role as the content creator to be more explicit/obvious with what I meant, or to simply let my viewers have fun however they want with my stuff. I don't believe in the "there's only one valid interpretation and everybody who thinks otherwise is wrong".

(That's also why I don't really believe in DNI. People you disagree with will interact with your stuff anyway, caring about those things will just anger and tire you for nothing. I try to avoid interacting with people who have DNI that probably include me? But considering "proship" means anything and nothing it's hard to tell whether N2/LeoJami is considered a proship or not.)

Tldr: I'm anti-censorship and I think everybody should make and enjoy the content they want, even if it's topics that are usually frowned upon. Imagination is the one place one should be able to go hogwild without fearing retribution.

[moirindeclermont]

Bridgerton folks, you asked... There it is. Daddy!Colin in all his glory.

While I can't predict exactly where this fic is going to go (as I write on the spot) the premise in this case is that consent is assumed where not explicitly stated. Also, I'd like to be more psychological than physical, bit that's more for the characters to develop the story in the way it needs to be told. I'm merely a vessel.

Title is to be defined but I accept suggestions. Have fun!! 🥵 😈 🫠

---

Second Episode | Third Episode | Fourth Episode | Fifth Episode | Sixth Episode

---

"Why?"

Well, that was the crux of the problem.

Why did Pen asked her boyfriend and long time friend Colin Bridgerton to try "the daddy thing" as she presented it to him?

Knowing that honesty must be the requisite if this was going to turn into reality, she decided to go for total vulnerability.

"Because I need this. Because there is no one I love more than you and you're the only one with whom I can think of letting go like that."

That last bit got into Colin.

He want sure of the whole thing, but if it was something she needed, he would give it a try, for her.

"I'm willing to try. I have some research to do."

Pen smiled so bright for him that his knees almost dropped. Yeah, that was the right choice.

"Oh, I can do research for you," she offered him, but it wasn't the point of all of this for him to take care of her?

He got closer to her personal space. "Don't worry baby, I'll do my own research. If I think I need some help or some questions, I'll ask."

Pen melted in his arms - kissed him deeply and it was worth a try just for the way she hugged him after that talk, as if just talking about it made her feel better.

Thing is, the more Colin got into it, researching and reading, the more he wanted to try. He still wasnt so sure of "Daddy" was going to be cringe or hot, but the idea of Pen trusting him that much.. that was extremely erotic for him.

They talked a bit about it some more. They decided on a safe word "plant" and that he would call her "babygirl" when he wanted to start a scene.

Pen was being teased and she knew it. They talked and talked and talked with Colin. Everything was set up, they had a procedure for the aftercare (even if she doubt that she would go that deep on their first session) and now it was just a question of waiting. She was never good at waiting.

She didn't want to start this adventure with some brat behavior, but as the day passed it was clear that Colin was not waiting out of fear or insecurity.

He was waiting just to drive her mad.

Pen knew he would be good at it.

It was on the verge of begging him, when after a particular stressful night, she was close molaining with Colin about everything and it was madness how tired she was of even thinking, when she head him saying "come here, babygirl".

Holy fucking shit.

She turned to see him and he was on the sofa, his legs opened. A cushion on the floor.

Did she already said Holy fucking shit?

She moved towards him, knellingon the cushion without instructions. He seemed pleased at that.

"Such a good girl for me," as Colin tilted her chin to kiss her. She was already trembling.

"Unzip me and take me in your mouth."

She looked at him agape, as she could not believe what she was hearing. She took a moment too long to follow his instructions.

"Are you my good girl?"

At that she could only nod. "Then, do as I say."

She thought he was good. But Colin was shooting for the stars.

His entire demeanor was confident and sexy. He embodied security and she knew she was safe in his hands.

She had yet to move though. He looked at her with such intensity that her heart skipped a beat.

"Do not test me, babygirl"

And she shook her head. Pen didn't want to test him.

"Words, love."

"No, I don't want to test you"

"I don't want to test you..."

A lightbulb in her head.

"I don't want to test you, Daddy"

Tbc

[pizzaiolx-pazzx]

I have two wolves inside me:

One feels the need to say that writing was, until around 100 years ago a privilege of the elite and, for even longer, a tool for governments and various people/authorities to keep track of things and spread/maintain knowledge and as such it was developed with efficiency in mind more than "art" or beauty (also cursive is actually faster than print for anyone with a little practice in it: it was developed mostly because it was faster and more efficient because you didn't need to lift the pen for every letter and that makes a huge difference, especially when you're not using a ballpoint but are using a dip pen) so let's try not to romanticize too much writing in cursive or at least let's keep in mind what writing was for most of our history (with "our" I'm talking about the western world, I don't know much about it but I know even less about the history of writing in other cultural contexts. We are talking about cursive so I don't feel too bad for this generalization)

The other wolf is HOWLING and SCREAMING in pain because I actually love writing in cursive I love talking about how and why I do my letters in a certain way and not in another I love being able to read what my great grandfather wrote to his family 100 years ago, I love writing love notes for my gf and friends and I love receinvg them. I love fountain pens and how they don't tire my wrist I love all the inks I can use I love paper and writing things down, forgetting them and finding them years later instead of losing them when I inevitably change my phone. I love how personal handwriting is and how it feels to recognize someone's handwriting at sight and immediately know if that person was sad or in haste or angry or calm when they wrote and I cannot go gentle into the dying art and practice of handwriting things.

On one hand I understand not teaching cursive in school anymore, because it actually is slower than regular handwriting and almost everything is typed on a keyboard now anyways.

On the other hand, so much of our (even recent!) history was written in cursive, and having a whole generation of kids who can't read letters written by their grandparents, momentos saved by their great-grandparents, or even photo albums from theur immediate family seems like a dangerously quick way to detach us from previous generations.

And on the third, related but slightly malformed hand, I feel bad that yet another form of small, everyday art that brings joy in the middle of mundane tasks, which celebrates personality and individual style and self-expression, is about to fade into obscurity because it wasn't efficient enough for today's world to put up with.

Like... if we continue to whittle away the small arts out of every day life, what's going to be left except stark, ruthless pragmatism?

Maybe writing a grocery list is less mundane when you get to feel elegant for a moment. Maybe you're a little more proud of what you write when you see it flow together like a painting

[xelasrecords]

My ultimate comfort fics aka the ones that I always go back to whenever I want to sink deeper into sadness when I'm already swimming in it, in no particular order (category is heavy angst with a pinch of, or no optimism):

i could only be myself with you around @gureishi: Jumin comes home unlike himself and you talk him through it. Smutty bathroom scene at the end.

2:15am by crackleviolet (AO3): V lost his sight at 2:15am, but that's not what stayed with him the most.

He set fire to the world... by senlinyu (AO3): Dramione. “He set fire to the world around him but never let a flame touch her.”

endure by @bloodpacks-archive: Jihyun tries to bandage his injuries alone.

"Stay here tonight." by @mysticmikalla: one last time with Jumin before the divorce is final.

Beautiful by @cafedanslanuit: Jihyun has a couple of burn scars on his torso after the fire that took his mother’s life. You make sure you know he loves every part of him.

2:47am by nighttimefear (AO3): fear of not being loved using Jumin as a means of comfort.

Post-Surgery MC by @edgelord-saeran: MC keeps her surgery from Jumin and Jihyun.

strawberry sundays by @c4ssiopeias: poly Gojo and Geto feat reader in a depressive episode.(I'm not in this fandom but the writing is just too good)

The Last Time by @cafedanslanuit: No matter how much you pressed Draken and his friends for answers, you couldn't understand why he had decided to end things out of the blue. But now he's at your place, his head between your thighs and you wonder if you can make him change his mind. (Not my fandom either I just like to read about emotional breakup sex)

in order to get to the heart by @juminies: Jumin. Marriage of convenience, on occasion, is not so convenient.

Manacled Severus/Hermione by senlinyu (AO3): a spin-off/deleted scene from Manacled with Hermione and Snape both going through some things. (I don't ship them. And yet.)

[fallloverfic]

I love singNsong again reminding people in Side Story that Dokja wanted other people to read TWSA (he wrote reviews and comments! It was his first wish), and he only stopped bothering because people harassed him for it. He didn't gate-keep the story. When he's avoiding talking to Sangah about it at the beginning of ORV, it's because he knows what happens when he tells people about the story, not because he's gate-keeping it from her. He notes he's not proud of his hobby (likely because he's been bullied all through his life, including for reading the thing he loves): he finds it embarrassing to talk about, and better respects her studying Spanish in her free time (learning another language is a generally accepted thing in society). He assumes she won't care or will look at him funny (or worse) for when she learns about the novel he's into.

Basically anyone writing "let's gatekeep ORV" posts because of the anime announcement or because they dislike the manhwa or some other weirdness, y'all are the villains in the scenario.

The literal climax of the story is about sharing ORV with as many people as possible. What story were y'all reading?

[agueforts]

me vs eternal grudges abt d20 captions

[pomrania]

Ackermann's Demons by @arehera I always love coming across stuff that's just RPGified concepts from different fields. So I appreciate this as a piece of art in the RPG medium, but you couldn't pay me to play it.

LADY FIONA'S MANSE by @itskobold This is probably inadvisable to play with anyone other than close friends or bitter enemies. I do love the thing about making a veiled remark on the item you steal, that's always amusing.

Russian Roulette by @karlmarxmaybe This seems like a horrible idea, to play this game as written; but the same applies to "normal" Russian Roulette so I guess that's a feature not a bug. Also, the writing for this is just CHILLING in places, well done.

BUGKNIGHT by @corvidcorgi The game itself seems cool enough, but what really caught my interest was the notes for it. (…listen, I'm tired as I write this, my brain hasn't been braining well today.) Also "fuck it, that's out of scope" sounds like a motto for the whole event, actually.

I'M NOT LEARNING TO PLAY MAGICAL GATHERING by @txttletale I was predisposed to like this just from reading the title, as someone who's had negative experiences with being explained MtG rules; and as someone who thinks that the individual cards are pretty cool, the rest of it just seems tailor-made for my preferences. I want to play this dammit.

I'm too tired to write a proper RPG by yours truly Play this if you're tired. I'm not joking, I genuinely think it's a good idea. Despite that the thing itself is basically a shitpost I wrote; it has a core of "get some rest", but slightly gamified, and with an alternative to "setting an alarm".

The Machine War, and the people by @josie-like-the-girls-name I was going to make a comment on "how do you tell whether silver is white or grey", but on a reread I noticed "accept ambiguity", which… fits with what I know about war reporting. (And also what I know about counting how many cars of a given colour pass by somewhere.) This doesn't seem like it would be FUN, but it seems like it would be FITTING.

Rote 1st Edition by @sabrinahawthorne I always like things that give a particular curse associated with having a particular magic.

Six Weeks on a Wild Planet by @specialagentartemis It's cool. Nice and simple base mechanics, easy to reskin, rewards imagination on the part of the players but doesn't require too much from scratch.

Very Specific Thresholds by @bendandsnap-cummerbund Gotta love stuff that's basically a shitpost, especially when I'd already known the thing which inspired it. I'm vaguely curious about how the number totals were assigned, and if they lead to an even spread of results (and also at which point you'd be able to rule out certain subjects), but I don't want to nerd-snipe myself. I wouldn't be able to play this, because I'm horrible at that specific type of improv (and it just grates against me when I try), but I'd love to watch some skilled improv people do it.

You are on the moon. etc by @moon-of-curses I'm not writing the whole title, it's a literal paragraph. Still love stuff based off memes, especially when they make it make sense; both gameplay, and WHY one guy might want to kill another guy on the moon (and that just in the space of one sentence).

Continuation from my previous thread (because it got long), of stuff from @200-word-rpgs that I find interesting.

THE CURSE: A Rabbit and Steel Fangame by @ringedretrospective I'm not sure I've even HEARD of "Rabbit and Steel" before, let alone know what it's like. But having "apologize for what you did last night", as the single sentence for the "day" phase, amuses me greatly.

Make Brown by @thee-rat-king I like colour stuff; I also appreciate how "should or shouldn't end up brown" is a 50% thing determined at the start of the game. And that's just SUCH a cool concept, how one player gets their colour combined with that of the other.

Paleolithic Fantasy by @cavetalesz I agree with the writer (whose url is PERFECTLY fitted for this game), we need more stuff set in this… setting. And also more FANTASY stuff in that setting; heck, if we're going from the thing we commonly see in fantasy of "magic has been fading from the world", then the earlier back we go, the more room there is for magic (and also it's not like there's any written documentation to contradict it). As to the game itself, I appreciate how the "stuff you find" table includes entries with relevant stats, and then at the end there's just "the antlered man", no detail given.

Elegy For A Better Yesterday by @notsomeoneyouknow I don't have enough familiarity with John Woo movies to properly appreciate this. But from the design notes, it seems like a lot of thought went into mechanics that properly match the theme.

Mires by @i-exist-for-spleen and manguypersondude I appreciate something that, as they put it, turns "how partial a GM is inevitably going to be" into a feature and not a bug. Also, something that started with a design requirement ("no dice math") and then built from there. And yeah, when you just stumble upon a theme or concept that ties everything neatly together, that is SUCH a good feeling; the spark of inspiration that lights up the tinder you've prepared from your own efforts.

You Know How This Story Ends by @indraklyr I just think it's cool; everyone has things that will happen, then those things get placed in an order, then you play out how the things happen.

You Sunk My Battleship! by @ineffable-gallimaufry Gotta respect something that finds a way to turn BATTLESHIP, of all things, into an RPG.

[name-doggo]

One thing I really wish the FF Community would Stop doing is Removing All Nuance from the Parents in Those Stories in order to Make Them Abusive Supervillains who Never Loved their Kid.

Like... In the Four Years I've been here, and for how Small the Community really is, you'd be surprised how many Times I've seen it-

[stabbyfoxandrew]

:(

[iguessitsjustme]

On Pat's Maturity

Earlier this week I wrote about Jeng and mentioned Pat’s maturity and I thought why not write about it a little bit while I have some time this morning. I have no idea how long or short this will be and I haven’t thought about it since writing my Jeng post so let’s see what happens.

I genuinely think that Pat is the most mature character on the show (well except Chot, but no one holds a candle to his maturity and honestly his guidance is probably why Pat is so mature now). At the beginning of the show, Pat was a new employee, didn’t know how to tell people no, was overworked, underappreciated, in the closet, and had a hard time regulating his emotions.

We can credit Jeng for some of Pat’s growth and maturity, but honestly, it was mostly Chot that showed Pat how to calmly and maturely approach any issues he might have in life. Chot was always there for Pat to go to for advice and Chot was the one character that Pat also knew was queer. Yay queer friendships! Oh boy I got off topic. Okay. So let’s break this down into two parts. Pat’s maturity at work and his maturity in his relationships.

Work:

Pat started as someone who was a hard worker, but didn’t necessarily know the basics of his job. He also had no problem calling out Ying when she threw him under the bus. And Pat’s ability to stand up for himself is probably what led him to be able to have the kind of growth that he’s had. Should he have thrown Ying under the bus like that? I’ve thought about it and I don’t think so. He absolutely should have alerted management to the issues going on, but there is a time and place for everything and that was not the time nor the place. But he was young and stressed and taken advantage of. This is Pat’s first office job and he genuinely did not know better. He had no idea how to handle that situation. 

Now, Pat was successfully able to lead a campaign and despite what Chris’ mother said and did, he didn’t say anything. Pat learned that there was a time and place and also that he would need to calm down before saying anything. So when he was able to, he removed himself from the situation and gave himself the time and space to calm down. He then let Jeng and Jaab handle the issue. Jeng was in a position of power so it wasn’t just that he knew what to say and how to say it, but it was that he was in a position where his words held weight and he had the power to use those words. (It is still my favorite scene in the series and I did my best to gif it)

It’s not just that Pat was taught these lessons but that he was open to learning them. Do you know how many young people in their first office job aren’t receptive to learning because they think they know everything already? Just the mere willingness to learn and improve shows extraordinary maturity from Pat and I love him dearly for it. (This is not to say that all young people act like they know everything at first, just some and it’s annoying).

But how does Pat handle being harassed at work? I’m so glad you asked. Pat was basically forced to out himself or participate in a disgusting conversation that he did not want to be a part of. Pat chose to out himself and in the process got harassed. I’m going to say that I’m an advocate for throwing hands at harassers but that might not be the most mature way to handle it. Pat then let Jeng handle the situation and didn’t argue with Jeng’s decision. I think this really helped Pat have the backbone to say no in his personal relationships. Just knowing that there is one person in the world who will have your back makes it easier to handle the things that Pat handled with grace and maturity.

Relationships:

Kong - Pat was so excited to see his old friend. He thought maybe a spark would be there. Pat was searching for any sort of relationship outside of the potentially problematic feelings he had for Jeng. So when Kong was in town, Pat was delighted. He got ready, he let Chot do his hair, he was a young man ready to go meet people. Then Kong had to cancel and of course Pat was upset, but at no point did he blame Kong for canceling. This left the door open for Pat to see Kon later. When it turned out that Kong was trying to get Pat to join his MLM (ha), Pat finally, after some advice, firmly told him no. He also told Kong that he had crossed boundaries and he wasn’t okay with that. Early on, we see Pat establishing strict boundaries that he will not let people cross. Do you know how amazing it is to see such strong boundaries in a BL? And it’s coming from the youngest character. 

Put - Oh Put. Oh darling, stupid Put. He is the least mature of Pat’s love interests. That probably worked fine before Pat grew up and started looking for an adult relationship. Put wasn’t able to effectively communicate with Pat. Whenever Pat tried to discuss anything even remotely serious, Put retreated behind a plushie to try to convince Pat that they were good and in love and Put was never able to face the issues they had. Pat wanted someone who was present and who would listen and Put wasn’t able to do any of those things. So Pat ended it in one of the most mature break up scenes I’ve ever witnessed.

Pat didn’t let his relationship with Put drag on. He wanted them to work but as soon as he realized that they wouldn’t work, he ended it. 

Jeng - I think I mentioned in my earlier post that when Jeng and Pat start dating, Jeng basically turns into a teenager in love. Pat is the one in the relationship trying to make sure that they aren’t crossing any lines. And then when Pat starts facing harassment in the workplace again, he tries to go to Jeng, who is his boyfriend, yes, but is also his boss. Jeng approached that issue as strictly Pat’s boyfriend who was scared of the implications that acknowledging those rumors would have for their relationship. Pat approached that issue as Jeng’s boyfriend who wanted to face the issues together. He also knows Jeng is his boss and has helped him when being harassed before. So when Jeng tries to ignore the problem and not talk about it, Pat does the best thing he can do in that situation. He leaves. He had already left one relationship where he wasn’t listened to and communication was hard. Of course he leaves another when any and all attempts and communicating a very real issue that is affecting him in a very negative way is ignored in favor of a makeout session, attempted hand job, and then cuddling. 

When Jeng says this, what Pat hears is that his concerns are not being taken seriously. Because Pat right now isn’t happy. He loves Jeng, but he loves himself too. And it is incredibly mature of him to remove himself from the toxic workplace instead of letting himself get harassed and then letting the harassment get ignored. If Pat stayed, all of that toxicity and harassment would fester and he would internalize it and Pat has already learned that he is allowed to say no. He’s allowed to have boundaries even at work. So he leaves. 

I honestly think that leaving was the best thing Pat could have done for his and Jeng’s relationship. Not only did it stop him from internalizing things and potentially lashing out at Jeng because of it, but it served as a much needed wake up call for Jeng. Who needed to remember that at work, he is not Pat’s boyfriend, he is Pat’s boss. He was so lost in the new relationship and his love for Pat that he forgot about all of his duties and responsibilities outside of Pat. Relationships are about the people that are in them. But the world still exists outside of the relationship. Pat was forcibly reminded of that by his coworkers bullying him. Jeng was forcibly reminded of that by Pat leaving. Jeng is about to have to face the world alone, without Pat there to tell him where he fucked up. And honestly? Jeng was probably relying on Pat too much for that as well. Jeng tried to change but he tried to change for Pat meanwhile when Pat changed, he did it for himself.

This ended up longer than I expected. I’m tagging @magpie24601 since you mentioned you wanted to see a post about Pat’s maturity.

[medicinemane]

Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them

Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening

It's all I really ask

[dogearedheart]

8i've been thinking about the last asks i got today. and i think it's better for me to take a step back from this account. i know the anon didn't mean anything by it, but i still feel like i am being a negative presence on here and weirding people out with who i am is nothing i want. so, i am not deleting or anything. i am just gonna be less present with sharing personal things or leaving tags. I'll probably be more active on my second account where i don't have that many followers :)

[pegasusdrawnchariots]

the eternal question: is scheduling w friends as an adult That Hard or am I just bad at it