#this is really dumb but whatever i had fun
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arcane-ish · 13 hours ago
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Nobody is forced to ship it but imo the biggest "pointers" are:
Some people see their jackets hanging together as a Brokeback Mountain reference (= a famous movie about a gay love story).
When Viktor looks into Vander's mind the first thing that pops up in Vander's mind is him and Silco as miners followed by an incredibly sappy "rose colored glasses" picture of young Silco looking cute with a little smile on his lips. It feels like a shorthand from the writers "this is the person Vander loved the most". It makes sense for the character of Vander to be haunted by how he attacked Silco so things like the nightmare picture of the disfigured Silco. But this memory of Silco just seems very cheesy and not very "back in the gold old times when my bro didn't hate me".
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The line in the AU where Vander says Ekko should run this place which leads to Silco to pop up and say "So there's a chance for us yet" (imo refering to him and Vander based on body language) To me that just reads like a couple making plans.
Back in season 1 one if the animators went to Twitter and said that they were given a neutral script but chose to interpret them as bitter exes.
We know from season 1 that apparently Silco talked *excessively* about Vander even though Vander has been dead for years. So much that Jinx gets annoyed by how often he does it. "You told me a million times. [...] he was like a brother to you, and he turned his back and blah, blah, blah. Did I miss anything?"(and we know that whatever he told her about Vander made her think that it would have made a huge difference if Silco had found the letter.
Again you are not forced to interpret it like that, but imo that's why I think there's a good chance it is meant that way rather than just "I like it that way".
The reason why I like it that way was in season 1 that you had these two sisters who desperately wanted to make up but were at odds and Silco was sort of a symoblic of Jinx and Vander as a symbolic of Vi in what drives them apart. So those two opposing forces making up and creating a family again and healing the thing that imo clearly haunted both of them was just appealing to me. And Season 2 just takes it further into "Jinx has two dads" territory where Silco of course meant a lot to her, but apparently so does Vander so it's just cute that the happy AU is where Powder has two dads. I just think they would be two fun dads together who tease each other (Bozo no 1 and Bozo no 2).
So that's why I like it, but jackets, watercolor Silco and just the way Silco and Vander act with each other in that scene in the AU verse makes me think it might actually have been meant that way or at least be highly open and suggestive of that interpretation.
And in the end, people who like characters are just prone to shipping what they think makes the character happy and that AU shows them at their happiest and it with them together (rather than "AU where Vander or Silco married Felicia")
Basically, feel free to not ship it, but don't try to police people who do. For example, I also ship Ekko/Jinx and I also thought there were signs in season 1 of there being more to the story. Season 2 of course made it sort of canon. But even now there are people who don't like them even though we KNOW that Ekko is romantically interested in her and she likes him back in at least one universe. But people are still allowed to not like it or prefer another ship. They then go that it's just a phase or that Ekko doesn't really love Jinx. And people have a right to their other preferences. Just don't be an asshole to people just because they chose to see Ekko and Jinx as this tragical potential love or as just a dumb detour.
People are allowed to see different things as cute.
It seems everyone thinks Vander and Silco were in a relationship at some point. And they believe the alternate universe proves that.
I don’t see it though. I’ve always read them as best friends who were practically brothers. Is there somthing I’m not seeing? Did the creators confirm it and that’s why everyone is shipping them? I’m so confused. Even my sibling is saying they thought the were just brothers so it’s not just me.
I mean no disrespect but if someone could help me see what everyone else is seeing, I wouldn’t mind a conversation. I just personally don’t see it at all. I just see two brothers who had a terrible falling out and only in another universe did they manage to reconcile.
I really hope I don’t get shit on for this 😭
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teethlordd · 2 months ago
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Putting some guys in some fancy outfits
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toadallytickles · 6 months ago
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So I was visiting my moms for a week.. plenty of time for my spots to ripen … perhaps I said this idk 🫣
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I come home the evening of the 19th, it’s late and my sister is staying the night. It’s finally just Clay and I on the 20th, and have much needed physicalness and tickle fights between chores~. I didn’t sleep well at my moms’ place and the previous night at mine, so I treat myself to a big chunk of edible and woow I was zooted.. silliness and embarrassment dialled up, I couldn’t stop laughing. The fucker (Clay) very much takes advantage of me, starting with tickling me meanly on the couch and teasing me about BEING GANG TICKLED NEXT MONTH EWW IM SO SCARED ACTUALLY 😖‼️. He tests and plays with my new ticklishness on the couch for a bit before ordering me to be on his bed naked. I get tied up face up.. but he refuses to give me a blindfold, I’m denied a blindfold.. because I’m a stupid idiot and shared much prior to him My Sessioning Insecurities and I wished I was more comfortable and confident leeing. So Clay forced me to watch him destroy me… bruh.. the look and smile on his face… never seen it before.. because I wear a blindfold… that wasn’t Clay.. 😳. Feral man.
And before he really digs in, he pulls his phone out and responds to my text above RIGHT THEN AND THERE. IN FRONT OF ME.
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Fuck when he bit my knees… that was the death spot for the night, it was Awful™. You know it’s bad when they get that crazy, desperate laughter outta you— 🙄. Every spot was extra sensitive.
Anyway yeah.. 😖 I hate watching EWW! but the edible made me so silly that I wasn’t anxious, and I could really headspace and have fun with making eye contact~ 💕
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ashmp3 · 7 months ago
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i don’t think people realize how alienating and lonely it is to not have romantic interactions as a teen. Not that i think being in a relationship at that age would do me any good but it would make me feel more normal and less unlovable for sure
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grooviestsadpapaya · 15 days ago
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Eeegheueghehe I have so many drawings I wanna share shsbhsnsjsjaj I might post them all at once sjsnjsnsjsnjsnsh
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op3ra · 1 year ago
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sunny day in autumn
(alt vers + scarf vers below cut)
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arinmoss · 2 months ago
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I have such severe depression that it's really been skinning years off my life. That im never getting back. Lol.
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themanwhowouldbefruit · 8 months ago
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my doctor was sooooo fucking worthless and unhelpful im going to masturbate and i hope it fucking kills me
#“no need for follow up”#“yeah you did have several cysts we scrapped off your remaining ovary but. dw about it. idk why they were there. dw about it. oh also your#ovary on that side was freakishly huge but. dw about it. it might go away. dw about it#*doctor shrug emoji* “#“go see a gyno next year maybe. but not me im too important for that. go find and onboard a gyno to your situation. next year maybe idk lol”#he barely even looked at my incision like#this fucking appointment could have been an email. or a phone call. or they just could have let me start driving again. also i forgot to ask#if i can stop drinking ensure now or after the 6 weeks? cause that shit cost $$$$. but he probably would have been super unhelpful if i had#fr fr this guy only wanted to give me the time of day when he thought i might have fun cancer inside and now he's like gtfo!!!! get your#fugly cancerless ass out of here!!!! recover from a major surgery on your own you swagless cancerless loser 🤣 we arent helping your#swagless ass!!!#anyway it seems weird and fucked up that im was never offered to see a physical therapist and i guess am going to have to blindly trust my#abs they sliced thru are healing or whatever and to rawdog my own physical recovery of my muscles? even just dumb shit like. my center of#gravity has drastically changed since the mass removal and my back hurts like shit all the time because all my posture muscles were built up#for when i had an extra 30 pounds of cyst hanging in the front and my posture and walking reflected that. and i lowkey don't know how#hard i am able to be with my healing incision because its really tight and makes me hunch forwards still. like i would really like to know#how much i can safely or maybe should be forcing my skin and incision to stretch. without damage? is that crazy#am i crazy???#this shit is why i didnt see a doctor for 2 years until my problems had snowballed into a 30 pounds ovarian cyst that was crushing my other#organs and had one of my kidneys all backed up with piss. and even getting emergency treatment for it everyone was like. how did you like it#get this bad?? how could you not know you needed to seek medical treatment???? like. bro. seeking medical treatment isnt even a guarantee to#get medical treatment.#anyway he said my “remaining ovary seemed low key polycystic but dw about it. don't quote me on that im not dealing with it.”#bro i dont want to doctor google it i wanted an actual doctor to deal with it. fuck you.#like. maybe even a doctor who knows my situation so i dont have to struggle with getting someone to believe me and take me seriously.#but whatever. back to trying to figure out the daily protein and extra calories my body needs for recovery via doctor google i guess.#its fine 🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬🚬
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lord-squiggletits · 2 years ago
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pharma really is such an interesting case. one thing i’ve always felt with pharma is that he absolutely doesn’t want consequences. and facing up to it requires a lot of looking at and showing people what he’s done and you know. the consequences. i mean hell he’d rather start a plague than say “hey i got coerced into doing a very bad thing by the djd”
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I do understand what you mean about Pharma not wanting to face consequences, but on the other hand, I kind of understand why Pharma made a plague rather than admit to medical malpractice/murder? Because like, the thing that I don't see brought up often enough with regards to Pharma is that blackmail... is blackmail. Like, as someone who's unfortunately been on the receiving end of blackmail, the entire point of blackmailing someone is that you corner them into doing bad things by convincing them that they CAN'T turn to an authority figure to ask for help. Like, the person doing the blackmailing generally convinces the person who's getting blackmailed that if they try to reach out for help, the law/authorities/etc either won't care about their predicament or will punish them for the bad thing they did that they're getting blackmailed about.
I kind of feel like (and this isn't an attack on you, just a commentary about the nature of blackmail) when someone like Ratchet looks at Pharma and says "but you could've called for help or shut down the clinic or anything!", it kind of ignores the fact that...... when you're being blackmailed you're fucking terrified, and people who are terrified generally don't jump to the most rational, safe solutions possible? When you add in the fact that Pharma was blackmailed by Tarn of the DJD, notorious hater of Autobots and fanatic leader of a torture club, it's not hard to imagine that Pharma was both afraid and in pain (or threat of pain) while at Delphi and thus wouldn't be thinking straight about it.
I don't know, like. Yeah, on one hand Pharma made a plague and killed a bunch of people to try and cover up his crimes and maintain his career. But he didn't just do it for ego related reasons, he was also almost certainly facing threats of torture and death.
#squiggle answers#pharma apologism#i think i'm biased on this issue so anyone can come in here and add their thoughts or correct me#i guess it just bothers me because like. i've kind of been in that situation (not as serious as pharma's) where i didn't ask for help#and when i got in trouble for not asking for help afterwards and instead choosing to lie or go behind someone's back or whatever#it was generally bc i was more afraid of punishment by The People In Charge#than i was afraid of lying or breaking the rules or doing other bad things#and when i got accused (by the people in charge) of seeing myself as above the rules or thinking i was better/smarter than them#it always pissed me off because i was like. bro i didn't lie to you for fun and games i lied to you because i was afraid#that if i asked you for help you would just shun me or get pissed off at me and punish me#also re: the blackmail i was a victim of. the thing about that is it was over something ultimately petty (stupid internet drama)#and i was PROBABLY never in any real danger but like. the issue was that i FELT like i was in danger#fear is powerful. fear of being threatened at any time or having the things you care about taken away is especially powerful#i had nightmares p much once a week for months during the ordeal and still sometimes do now#like idk i really am biased on this matter but like. just bc pharma made the plague to cover up his crimes#doesn't mean that that's the ONLY reason is what i'm saying#when ppl lie and cover up things about that it's not just about ego but about dumb animal terror#and i mean. to get back to the pharma apologism brand. ratchet KNEW pharma was being blackmailed but he fucking ditched him anyways#this is the guy who was supposed to be his bestie of millions of years and he fucking told pharma he was dead to him#and that's the guy who pharma thought would UNDERSTAND. imagine what he thought other autobots would think of him#also i have a theory that tarn probably psychologically tortured pharma by telling him the autobots would just lock him up for his crimes#as a way to get pharma to not tell anyone and keep supplying him cogs. because you know. blackmail
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lavellane · 2 years ago
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THE CHAMPION OF KIRKWALL
What can be said about Cillian Hawke that hasn’t been sung about in countless taverns, the source of endless drunken rambling and exasperated laughter? The Tale of the Champion lacks the traditional hallmarks of more classical folklore; indeed, Hawke is hardly a truly noble warrior nor a fully righteous hero. What he is – far-fetched escapades aside – is a person, lowly and ordinary, whose adventures have come to symbolize a triumph for the lowly and ordinary people. And it’s for that reason you won’t hear moving renditions regaled by court poets or prestigious bards. The wise know his is a story best joked about in the comfort of one’s home or ignoble bar of choice, shared between a few good friends and too many cheap drinks. [template]
[Except from ‘Faces of the Dragon: Figures of Fame and Notoriety Throughout the Dragon Age’ by Brother Genitivi]
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autisticcassandracain · 2 years ago
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is it just me or is batman like. significantly more tolerable outside of gotham comics than in
#my laptop's still letting me use tumblr without major issues and i'll make that everyone else's problem#anyway. i'm not saying batman outside of gotham is never insufferable to read bc he absolutely can be#when they write him like a gary sue and pretend that he's the most powerful member of a justice league that includes you know#superman and wonder woman#but also from the admittedly limited justice league comics i've read so far as well as the cameos i've seen of bats in other comics#he's just like. 200% more likeable#this post is about wonder woman issue 293 btw#he's out there doing a group hug without major blackmail and not protesting when clark announces bats and he both love diana#he's also engaging in casual conversation and treating clark and diana as on equal footing with him#and he didn't even have to go through a 12 issue arc or have an emotional breakdown about any of it#it's like. gotham comics are almost 100% guaranteed to work their reality around him and make sure you know he's the bestest ever#and all the energy goes towards making him grim and serious and traumatized while also being cool in an action figure kinda way#meanwhile a lot of comics outside of gotham go more like. hey this is bruce. he's a cool superhero who's really smart and competent#he's also kind of a loser who takes himself way too seriously and like maybe two people in this building like him#and the rest are not afraid to make fun of him either to his face or the moment he turns around#i know this is not the case for all comics and there's still a very very good chunk of them that make him the Coolest Boy Ever#but like. even just. seeing him treat other people as being on equal footing with him or even better than him#just makes him SO much more tolerable#like tower of babel or whatever that arc was called had a bunch of rlly dumb takes on how bruce could 'outplay' the justice league#but like. bruce still treated the rest of the justice league as on his level or better. it's why he bothered to MAKE those plans#you just don't rlly get that in gotham. the closest we get is if nightwing shows up bc then we might get an 'oh he's the best of us'#inner monolgue about how proud bruce is of dick. sometimes we'll get an inner monolgue about the other heroes too#but those monologues are the exception not the rule and they are almost never said out loud to anyone#and if they ARE it's only after an arc of bruce being a fucking ass as an apology and it's. insufferable.#idk maybe it's just bc i read more batman comics than justice league comics but still.#bruce is usually just. SO much more likeable in basically any comic not set in gotham to me#i bet if you made him spend a few weeks in metropolis or something his mental health issues would go away actually#he's just vitamin d deficient and it's making him cranky#my posts#bruce wayne
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badger-bear · 1 year ago
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eruditetyro · 2 years ago
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actually let’s back up for a second. pretty weird and sad that young me internalized this idea that people getting crushes on her was like, indicative that people wanted something very specific from her that she probably could not deliver, were idealizing her, would try to manipulate her, that in order to like her they must have stepped away from reality or were only seeing her body or had put her on a pedestal, etc etc etc. pretty sad that she was so convinced no one could actually love her and that she would so inevitably disappoint sooner or later that it was not worth it to even try. now. where on earth did THAT come from. you ask. well don’t because it’s not your business and i shan’t be getting into it. i’m being vulnerable enough here just realizing this on such a public platform.
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vamptastic · 15 hours ago
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i love when somebody correctly identifies a problem (boxers marketed towards transmascs and butches are stupidly overpriced and often identical to those designed for cis men) and does so in the most meanspirited way possible (dumb afab bitches think they need special boxers for their vaginas) and then somebody responds to the meanspiritedness with outright bigotry (you must be transfem and therefore jealous of my natural feminine body). thus allowing the op to score a dunk on the responder and completely ignore any criticism of their unnecessarily scathing tone. truly astounding failure of communication on all fronts. let's just all be as horrible as possible about every incredibly unimportant problem we see 👍
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inkskinned · 5 months ago
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the thing about some men is that they want you to remember, at all times, that you are underneath them. that with one word or look or "joke", you will stay beneath them. that even "exceptions" to the rule are not true exceptions - the commonly cited statistic that one in eight men believe they could win against serena williams.
women's gymnastics is often not seen as real gymnastics. whatever the fuck non-euclidian horrors rhythmic gymnasts are capable of, it's often tamped down as being not a sport. some of the most dominant athletes in the world are women. nobody watches women's soccer. despite years of dancing and being built like a fucking brick, men always assume they're faster and stronger than i am. you wouldn't like what happens when they are incorrect. once while drunk at a guy's house i won a held-plank challenge by a solid minute. the party was over after that - he became exceedingly violent.
what i mean is that you can be perfect, and they still think you're ... lacking, somehow. i hope you understand i'm trying to express a neutral statement when i say: taylor swift was the possibly the most patriarchy-palatable, straight-down-the-line woman we could churn out. she is white, conventionally attractive, usually pretty mild in personality. say what you will about her (and you should, she's a billionaire, she can handle it), but a few things seem to be true about her: 1. she can write a damn catchy song, and 2. the eras tour truly was a massive commercial success and was also genuinely an impressive feat of human athleticism and performance.
i don't know if she deserves the title of "woman of the year," i'm not debating that in this post. what i am saying is that she was named Woman of The Year, and then an untalented man got onstage at the golden globes and made fun of her for attending her boyfriend's football games. what i am saying is that this woman altered local economies - and her dating life is still being made into a "harmless" punchline. the camera panned, greedy, over to her downing a full glass of champagne. congratulations taylor! you are woman of the year! but you are a woman. even her.
fuck, man. write better material.
a guy gets onstage at a college graduation and despite the fact like half the crowd is made up of women, he spends a significant proportion of it warning these people - who spent possibly hundreds of thousands of dollars on their education - that they were lied to. that the "real" meaning of femininity is motherhood. that they shouldn't rest on the laurels of that education-they-paid-for but instead throw it away to kneel at a man's heel. imagine that. sweating in your godawful polyester gown (that you also had to pay for!), fresh out of 4 years of pushing yourself ever-harder: and some guy you've never met - who knows nothing about you - he reminds you this "win" is a pyrrhic one at best. you really shouldn't consider yourself that extraordinary. you're still a woman, even after years of study.
god forbid you are not a pretty woman, but if you are pretty, you must be dumb. god forbid you are not ablebodied or white or cis or straight or good at swallowing. you must be beneath a man, or else they are not a man. the equation for masculinity seems to just be: that which is not a woman or womanly (god forbid). anything "feminine" is thereby anathema. to engage in "feminine" things such as therapy, getting a hug from a friend, or crying - it is giving up ones manhood. therefore women need to be put in their place to ensure that masculinity is protected.
this is something i have struggled to explain to terfs - they are not doing the work of feminism, but rather the patriarchy. by asserting that women and men must be (on some secret level) oppositional and in conflict, they also assume that being a woman is akin to being another species. but bigotry does not stem from observational truths or clarity - that is what makes it bigotry. there was nothing in my childhood that made me fundamentally different from my brother. we are treated differently nonetheless. to assert there is some biological drive that enforces my gender role is to assert that women have a gendered role. men do not see women as equal to them not because of biological reality - but instead because the core tenant of the patriarchy is that women aren't full, realized people.
we are told from a very young age to excuse misbehavior as a single man's choice - not all men. it is not all men, just that one guy. all women are gold-digging bitches who belong in the kitchen - but if a man is mean, bigoted, or violent to you, it's just that particular guy, and that means nothing about men-as-a-whole. it is only one guy who got mad when you gently rejected him. it is only one guy who warns her this trophy is heavy, are you sure you can hold it? it is only one guy who smashes her face into the cake. it is only one guy talking into a mic about hating our bodily autonomy.
i have just found that they often wait until the moment we actually seem to be upstaging them. you sit in a meeting where you're presenting your own findings and he says get me a coffee? or you run to the end of the marathon and are about to finish first and he pushes your kids out in front of you. you win the chess game and they make some comment akin to well, you're ugly away. we can be the billionaire and get the dream life and finally fucking do it and yet! still! they have this strange, visceral urge to say well actually, if you think you're so great -
it's not one just one guy. it's one in eight.
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whimsyfinny · 3 months ago
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Sexy F*cking Nerd
Dean Winchester x F!Reader
Summary: When Dean discovers a little secret of (Y/n)'s during a case research session he can't help but let temptation get the best of him.
Warnings: Language, Smut, Fingering, PinV, Oral (M receiving), slight angst if you squint, Dean having a glasses kink (not really a warning but not everyone wears them hahaha lucky bastards)
MDNI! 18+
Word Count: 5688
A/N: It's taken a little while but here is the second competition winner from a few weeks back, the prompt provided by the wonderful @foxyjwls007 - I hope you like it!
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The motel room was stuffy to say the least - that usual aroma of stale cigarettes and cheap air freshener lingering around us. There was a dripping sound coming from God knows where and the AC hummed in between the concerning clinking from deep within the vents. It was crap. So crap. But it was home for a few nights; just like all the motel rooms that came before. Dean stepped past me and over the threshold, immediately slinging his duffle and jacket onto his chosen bed. He stretched his arms above his head, the grey Henley clutching his muscular abdomen and rising enough to flaunt what lay beneath. I sighed, following him in and slumping onto the bed beside his - the musty stench from the sheets enveloping me.
“Well…” Dean started, pulling Sam's laptop out of his bag and placing it on the small table by the window.
“Well…?” My voice echoed as I focused on the ceiling fan that spun off centre.
“...This is… nice?” His statement was more of a question as he looked around with raised eyebrows. I propped myself up on my elbows, flashing him a look of speculation.
“Seriously?” A moment passed before he huffed a long-held breath and slapped his large palms on his thighs.
“No of course not, this place sucks more dick than a hooker on payday.”
“You got that right,” I flopped back down onto the bed, a small dust cloud erupting under my weight. I closed my eyes and listened as Dean pulled a chair out from under the table, slumping down into it. Then there was the familiar click of the laptop opening followed by the sound of stuttered not-quite-touch-typing, presumably he was starting work on the case that we’d come here to investigate. The tap tap tap of whatever was leaking began to drill into my brain, my patience already wearing thin with the rooms dire ambiance. I pulled myself up to sitting, criss-crossing my legs on the bed and brushing whatever that dust from the bedding was off my sweater sleeves.
“When's Sam back?” I asked, watching as Dean searched the keyboard in front of him for some long lost letter.
“Uuuh, I'm not sure. He said to work this case without him.”
“Ugghhh, I bet he's having way more fun than us right now, it's not fair,” I plopped my chin into my palm and stared past the older Winchester out the window, almost willing Sam to appear and walk in like any other day.
“It's just some dumb wedding, I doubt he's having that much fun.”
I scoffed before I could stop myself, Dean breaking eye contact with the screen to throw me a raised eyebrow.
“Look,” I collected myself, “you didn't know Sam in college. He won't admit it but he was popular. Really popular. Not the total nerd you think he is. He's absolutely having fun with these people.”
“Yeah right. So who's at this wedding anyway? Why was it so important that he just had to be there?”
I rolled my eyes, knowing full well Sam had already told him all the details. Typical Dean.
“It's for a couple of friends who he and Jess were close with back then. Pretty sure the bride was prom queen in highschool or something and the groom was a trust fund jock. Either way, not my crowd,” I sighed slightly, memories from my college days flooding my mind.
Deans eyebrows twitched into a small frown, his thoughts seeming to cloud his vision for a second before he reluctantly dismissed them. I looked down into my lap for a moment, reminiscing how I always kept my distance from Sam whilst at Stanford, but he had always been that boy that would make my heart flutter when he spoke up in class or when I'd see him on the quad with his friends. I remember seeing him with his nose in a book once at my usual desk in the library, my cheeks burning when he caught me staring. Who would've thought several years down the line I'd be sat in a bottom-rung motel room with his obscenely good looking older brother researching monster lore. At least we would be researching monster lore, if it wasn't for the small growl my empty stomach had gurgled out. I couldn't stop the small pulse of embarrassment burning into my cheeks as Dean eyed me with a grin.
“Wanna get some lunch?” He asked, standing up like he already knew my answer.
“Fuck yes. I'm feeling burgers,” I shuffled to the edge of the bed and stood up, watching as Dean shrugged on his leather jacket and headed to the door, holding it open for me.
“Now you're speaking my language.”
*
The diner was almost as sad and withered as the motel room, however the food was nothing short of spectacular. I watched in awe as Dean polished off his second burger, a small glob of sauce sticking to his stubble and threatening to drip off his chin. He must've felt me watching in wonder - or perhaps disgust - as when he looked up from his plate he shot me a questioning glance.
“What?” His tone was a little defensive through the mouthful of fries he'd just shovelled in. I took a second before asking, half-genuine:
“Where do you put all of that?”
“Put what?”
“The food - where does it go? Do you have hollow legs? Two stomachs? Does it just evaporate as soon as you swallow it?”
He grinned, wiping the sauce from his face with a napkin.
“Goes straight to the abs baby. It's muscle fuel,” he leant back in his chair, stretching a little before patting his stomach to punctuate his statement. I simply rolled my eyes.
“Yeah right, you're not that muscly Dean.”
“How would you know? You've never seen me with my shirt off.”
“I know, and I plan to keep it that way.”
He feigned a pout before returning to his fries. We ate in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, my mind absently going back to all the lore we should be trying to gather. I gripped my milkshake that had so generously been served in a thin paper cup, attempting to suck the practically solid beverage up the equally thin paper straw. Finding the nearest library would be the next task on our to-do list, despite the protesting I know I'll get from Dean.
“Hey, (Y/n)?” My train of thought was derailed at the sound of my name. The slurping of over-thickened milkshake from myself ceased.
“What's up?”
“What were you like in college?”
I eyed him with caution, wondering what part of his brain was in control right now.
“What do you wanna know?”
Catching the wariness to divulge him to such information, he smiled slightly, shrugging his shoulders.
“I'm not asking to be weird, I just-” he paused, choosing his next words tactfully, “the way you described Sam as being a totally different person - some hot-shot with the perfect grades, popular friends and a girlfriend like Jess - it just got me thinking. How would Sam have described you?”
I almost spat my dairy-goop back into the straw, my brain freezing.
“Dean,” I started before planning what I was going to say, placing my cup on the table. “Sam wouldn't be able to describe me.”
My words brought a small smirk to his lips.
“You were that hot, huh?”
“What the fuck- no- I wasn't- he didn't- Sam never- ” I stopped myself before I had an aneurysm and took a deep breath.
“I was in a totally different crowd to Sam. He was always surrounded by people and, well, I barely even had a crowd.”
“Lone wolf?”
“Bingo. But definitely not the cool, collected, stoic type. Think more, invisible to the public eye, always carrying books, and borderline selective mute because of how shy I was.”
“Oh… what changed?,” Deans tone changed entirely, genuine intrigue seeming to take the wheel. I couldn't help but laugh slightly, remembering my method to forcing myself out of my bubble.
“The only job I could get was in a bar. No one else wanted the hours and I desperately needed cash. I didn't really have a choice after that,” I paused, remembering how terrified I was on my first day and grinned slightly, grateful for the extra confidence I had now because I took that leap.
“Hey, what sort of crowd do you think I would've been in?”
I snorted, looking up into his expectant eyes - almost captivated by the glistening greens.
“What am I? A BuzzFeed quiz? I have no idea Dean, you're too much of a wildcard to predict. You probably would've fit in with anyone and everyone.”
“Even you?”
For reasons unbeknownst to even myself, my breath caught in my throat. The sudden soft sincerity of his voice contradicting his usual temperament, my heart starting to flutter in my chest. If the college version of myself had met Dean back then I just know I would have been enthralled at first glance.
“I don't think you would've noticed me. You would've been surrounded by every tall, thin blonde and brunette with perfect tits. Trust me, you would've been distracted,” I smiled an almost sad smile at the thought of him simply being on university grounds and having the time of his life - knowing it was something that he was never going to get the chance to experience in this upside down life of his. Of ours. He tapped his fingers on the table for a second, likely lost in some ludicrous thought I don't think I'd want to be privy to. I attempted another slurp of my milkshake when the paper straw gave out and flopped in half, the need to leave conversation and the diner suddenly looming over me.
“Come on, let's get to the library before it closes,” I stood and pulled my oversized sweater down so it covered my ass before reaching for my backpack. Just as my fingers touched the worn fabric of the strap it was torn away, my head snapping up to Dean who flung it over one shoulder with his signature grin on his face.
“Lead the way nerd.”
I couldn't help but beam at his playfulness. I hated the fact that he made it so easy to adore him. Hated that he completely overlooked how I was his total opposite in almost every way. How when we were talking, his eyes never left mine - how he was genuinely interested in what I was like in the past. And how, when I had his attention, he didn't even notice that the hot waitress had written her number on a napkin and left it next to him.
*
The trip to the library was about as eventful as it sounded. After checking out multiple books on cursed items, local lore and popular antiques from the seventies, we loaded ourselves back into the impala, made an all-important beer run before heading back to the motel.
The small table by the window was now totally smothered by a blanket of books, maps and empty beer bottles. Deans chin rested in his palms as he stared blankly at the screen in front of him, and I must've read the last sentence of the paragraph laid before me a dozen times without it even sinking in. The obnoxious dripping and humming of ancient appliances was starting to make me feel restless.
“It has to be the boots,” Dean groaned, draining the last of his beer.
“Either the boots or the disco ball. But my money is on boots as well,” I sighed, pushing the book away from me and standing slowly, gathering the quickly accumulating litter now scattered around us.
“I'm gonna make some coffee, my brain is fried over how fucking ridiculous this case is,” I ditched the trash in the bin before filling the coffee machine, listening to it whir to life whilst I headed to my bed. I could feel Deans gaze on my back as I rummaged around my bag in search of a specific item.
“What are you looking fo-” he'd started to ask the question but his voice died in his throat when I turned around. I quickly pushed my newly adorned glasses up the bridge of my nose, already feeling the oversized frame start to slip down as I tried not to make a big deal over them.
“What?” My tone was a fraction off aggressive when I realised he was staring. He seemed to snap out of his daze, quickly rubbing the back of his neck and turning back to the laptop screen. He cleared his throat
“I uh, I didn't know you wore glasses,” I could tell from the slight tremble in his voice that his mind was reeling.
“Is there a problem with that?”
“No! I mean, no, absolutely not. They look good. The glasses, I mean. The glasses look good. Not on their own, obviously. On your face. They look good on your face. You have a great fa-”
“Dean?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
“Sorry.”
I grabbed a mug from the cupboard and set it on the counter, filling it to the brim with caffeinated goodness. I couldn't stop the grin spreading across my lips at Deans fumbling, almost finding the whole ordeal a little charming. I sat back down at the table and pulled the books back towards me, also grabbing my pen and tattered notebook.
“The guests at the club mentioned hearing footsteps - so it has to be the boots, right? A disco ball wouldn't make that sound…” my voice trailed off when I realised that, even though Dean was looking at me, he wasn't listening to a word I was saying.
“Earth to Dean?”
He flinched slightly at his name, but felt no shame delving in with a completely off-topic question.
“So how long have you worn glasses?”
“I’ve always worn them,” I slid back into my chair at the table opposite him, not sure whether to laugh at the shocked expression on his face or whether to be concerned about his observation skills.
“What?! No way, I would’ve noticed,” He opened another beer and took a sip before tracing the opening to the bottle over his bottom lip.
“ I only wear them for concentration work, and I have emergency contact lenses if I know I’m going to be around a lot of people as I don’t particularly like how they look.”
Dean made a small disagreeable expression before averting his gaze from mine back to the laptop, taking another swig of his beer. I placed my coffee mug down and settled back into the book I was reading before, and after a few moments I could feel my skin begin to prickle - as though I could feel a pair of eyes on me. I glanced up, my breath immediately catching in my throat. Deans eyes found mine, burning with an intensity that made my heart hammer in my chest. I didn’t want to look away, but under his gaze I felt like I’d been stripped bare, unable to hide my insecurities from an eye that seemed to scorch through to my very core.
“Dean-”
“(Y/n), you should really have more confidence in yourself; I think the glasses look cute as fuck. You should wear them more,” a fierce blush erupted across my face when he spoke, his assured tone leaving no room for disagreement. I tried desperately not to let on that his words held any sort of impact over my decisions so I looked down, away from his scrutiny and simply said:
“Maybe I will.”
He hummed in approval, finally looking elsewhere and I couldn’t stop myself from breathing a sigh of relief when the pressure of his stare was averted.
The evening dragged on and an hour and a half had passed since his loaded comment. I was on the third book we’d checked out of the library, now trying desperately to find the curse that would cause a pair of 1970s glam rock boots to dance for eternity and haunt anyone who tried to wear them. This case was absurd, and I could feel myself growing restless with the small amount of progress we’d made. I huffed out a sigh and leant back in my chair, the faux leather and rusted metal creaking under my weight. Pulling the hair bobble from around my wrist I scooped my hair into a bundle on the top of my head, securing it in place; the sensation of air on my neck seemed to clear some of the fog from my brain. The messy bun was comfortably enough that I could forget it was there, and I allowed myself a stretch before leaning back over the table, grasping my pen. As I began to read the next segment, I absently traced the end of the pen over my bottom lip, running it back and forth a few times before gently nibbling on the end. I heard the shuffling of Dean moving in his seat and a ragged clearing of his throat before the sound of vigorous laptop keys clicking ensued. Without looking up at him I continued reading, the pen still tapping my bottom lip, and when I neared the bottom of the paragraph, I slowly licked the pad of my index finger. My eyes never leaving the words, I turned the page swiftly with my dampened digit, the transition from one page to the next perfectly seamless. Another shuffle from the man opposite followed by a quiet groan filled the silence between us. Pen still between my teeth, I lifted only my eyes to glance at him and noted the dusting of pink across his cheeks and the furrow in his brow. Concluding that he’d had one too many beers I decided to ignore his persistent fidgeting, returning to my previous task on monotonous reading. Several sentences in and I’d almost forgotten Deans restlessness - that was until I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth, deep in thought, that I earned myself a throaty groan and an exasperated sigh. I looked up just in time to watch him wipe a large hand down his face, momentarily masking his pained expression.
“Can you not do that? I can’t concentrate when you do that.”
“Do what?” Upon asking my question I absently took the pen between my teeth again, quickly glancing down at the book to place a mental bookmark.
“That.”
“What?”
“That. That thing you do with our mouth, and the pen, and your tongue and your finger. Can you please stop before it kills me.”
The heat beneath my skin was immediate at his admission, knowing my small, absent-minded actions were playing on his mind and making it hard for him to think straight. I instinctively crossed my legs, a fluttering in my lower belly instantly dragging my mind back to the deprived things I’d imagined Dean doing to me in the depths of night. The places I’d imagined his hands travelling, the areas his lips would touch and the sensations his tongue could create. These were deeply, deeply personal fantasies, and right now as Dean looked at me with a restrained hunger, I felt like I was wearing these fantasies for the world to see. For Dean to see.
“It doesn’t help that you’ve been sat over there like a sexy fucking librarian all evening, but every time you do that anything with that mouth - shit, sweetheart you’re driving me insane.” His voice was gravelly as he looked at me with desperate eyes across the table. The overly rational part of my brain had shut down completely, and now the part of my mind that had spent hours conjuring vivid scenes of Dean Winchester ravishing me in my entirety had taken the charge. I stood slowly, taking a moment to reason with myself - unsuccessfully of course - before sinking to my knees in front of my chair. I could see Deans strong thighs were spread wide beneath the table so I crawled forwards, across the cold tiles and placed myself between his legs. Resting my palms softly on his thighs I made him flinch at the unexpected contact. He immediately scooted his chair back, allowing a gap for me to poke my head through - his hand instantly acting as a barrier between the edge of the table and my skull. I got comfortable and allowed myself a moment to gaze up at him, to take in the strained furrow in his brow and the parting of his lips. I observed the way his chest rose and fell in apprehensive breaths, and the way his free hand clenched into a fist on his thigh - like he was so desperate yet so scared to touch me.
“(Y/n)-”
“Dean,” I spoke softly, slowly running my hands up his thighs - delicate palms against rough denim, “you’re a smart boy - you know I wouldn’t do something I didn’t want to do. So please, don’t say I don’t have to do this.”
Dean released a shaky breath the moment my fingers unclasped his jeans. I tugged them down slightly with his help, just enough so I could dip my hand into his boxers and wrap my fingers around his half-hard length. The moment my skin touched his, his head lolled back and his eyes fluttered closed with a breathy moan on his lips.
“Fuck…”
I gently pulled him from his confines, coming face to face with the cock I’d literally dreamt of again and again. I took the scene in, committing to memory the sharp outline of his jaw and the way his long lashes rested on his lightly-freckled cheeks. The way that, every time he breathed in, I could see his defined muscle tone through the thin fabric of his shirt; and with every small caress that my fingers made against his length, it made his fingers twitch and teeth clench. I licked my lips before leaning in and took his tip into my mouth, not giving him a chance to finish sucking in air through his teeth before I plunged his entire length down my throat. 
“Oh FUCK.”
His hands flew to my hair, fingers gripping tight as they loosened strands from the messy bun, causing them to fall around my face. He’d lifted his head to look down at me, pupils blown as he pulled his bottom lip between his teeth. He looked nothing more than enthralled. Infatuated. Entranced. I moved my head up and down, up and down, again and again to a steady rhythm, pressing my tongue to the underside of his now rock-hard cock to trace every vein and nerve-ending.
“Shit, (Y/n), I didn’t know you could suck cock, like, at all… how’re you s’fuckin’ good…” his voice was breathless as he continued to grip my hair, his head flopping to the side as pleasure started to overcome his senses. I released him with a small ‘pop’, wrapping my fingers around him and smearing the warm mixture of saliva and precum from tip to base.
“Despite everything I told you earlier, Dean, I’m not a virgin - and this certainly isn’t my first rodeo,” my voice came out more sultry than I’d expected and I could feel Dean tremble beneath my palms.
“Fuck, I wish I’d known that sooner,” I chewed on my bottom lip, quickly becoming addicted to the way he writhed at my touch. The way he moaned and gripped my hair tighter when I sucked him back into my mouth was like pure ecstasy, my insides heating up and throbbing with an ache of familiar arousal. Like a thirst that could only be satisfied by him. By tasting him, feeling him on my tongue and drinking in every sound that passed his plush parted lips. The sensation of my glasses slipping down my nose as I sped up my ministrations had me reaching to push them back up, but not before Dean beat me to it. With the rough pad of his thumb he pushed on the plastic bridge, his palm and fingers pressed to my flushed cheek in the most tender, almost heart wrenching caress. I thought my heart might stop when he tilted my face up to his; lustful eyes burning into mine with a vehemence I’d never encountered. I stopped in my tracks, all actions ceased as the spell he’d somehow put me under wouldn’t let me look away. 
“If you keep going like that darlin’ this whole thing is gonna be over before you know it,” his voice was raspy, a rawness to it from the harsh breaths and ragged moans that had been pulled from his throat. He slowly pulled his cock from my spit-slick lips and grasped it loosely, giving himself a few lazy pumps whilst his other hand never left my face. He stared down at me, taking a few moments as though he was committing the sight of me, knelt between his knees with flushed cheeks and swollen lips to memory. Once it seemed that memory was locked away in the depths of his mind, he grasped me by the arm and pulled me effortlessly into his lap, his fingers almost bruising against my skin. Immediately I felt him, in his entirety, press against me with the heat and wetness seeping through my jeans and past my panties. This time when our eyes met, there was a mutual desperation; a need to consume each other and to feel every inch of his heated skin against mine. He pulled me frantically down to him and crashed his lips against mine. 
Some people describe their first kiss with someone like butterflies in their stomach, or fireworks exploding all around them. That wasn’t at all what this was like. Kissing Dean Winchester was different - it was wild and untamed - and describing this experience in such a mundane way would be like adding water to a top-shelf whiskey. Kissing Dean Winchester was like driving the impala at one thirty with the roar of the engine drowning out the rest of the world. It was like trying to ride a wild mustang without a saddle, or daring to stand on the highest peak on Earth with nothing to tie you down. It was exhilarating in the most dangerous way imaginable - and I was now officially a thrill seeker. 
The warm taste of the beer on his tongue and the masculine scent of old leather and cologne was pulling me under. Breathing no longer mattered as long as his mouth was on mine and his fingers were in my hair, now tugging the bobble out and throwing it to the floor. As my hair tumbled free he grabbed under my thighs and stood effortlessly, moving me from his lap to the edge of the table without his lips leaving mine. I winced slightly as the corners and several books and the laptop jabbed into my rear and I fumbled to move everything aside, failing when I refused to unlock our lips. Deans patience was non-existent and with one sweep of his strong arm everything tumbled to the floor - including the laptop. I threw the remaining books from underneath me down to join them, no longer caring for their wellbeing. Before I could pull Dean back in - to allow him to do whatever the fuck he wanted to do to me - he hastily pulled off my boots and tugged down my jeans, throwing every item to the growing pile of chaos beside us. I discarded my sweater and top, but before I let his fingers touch my bra I wanted nothing more than to return the favour. 
“I guess you can forget about that whole ‘never seeing me shirtless’ thing, huh?” he smirked through the sexual fog, not waiting for a reply as his lips hungrily found mine again, his own top falling to the floor. 
“Shut up Winchester. Now are you gonna fuck me or wh- OH FUCK-”
Two thick fingers crept under my panties and plunged into me with zero hesitation, curling up and stroking the sensual cushion deep within my core with skillful precision. 
“Oh yeah? You want me to fuck you?” Even with my face now buried in the crook of his neck, I could hear the smirk in his voice, the tormenting tone going straight to my brain.
“Y-yes- fuck- please,” my knees twitched either side of him, squeezing at his hips with every push of his fingers. I gripped his shoulders tight, nails indenting his skin as I leant back to look at him better. Seeing the beads of sweat on his chest and brow alongside the raw, carnal desire in his eyes could have undone me there and then. He frowned in disapproval when I moved to remove my glasses, the fingers that were just inside me now wrapped forcefully around my wrist.
“What d’ya think you’re doing?” straight away I knew his growling question left no room for negotiation.
“I was just-”
“The glasses stay on.”
“To the end?”
“‘Til I say you can take them off.”
I did as I was told, moving my hand to grip the soft strands on the back of his neck, softly dragging my nails over his scalp and drawing a shiver from his spine and a groan from his lungs. He pulled me against him, crushing his lips against mine one more time. He swiftly pulled away and I leant back on my hands, both of us taking a moment to drink each other in - to bask in lascivious glory. I pulled my bottom lip between my teeth and looked up at him through my lashes, the lenses of my glasses starting to fog around the edges. Another deep moan rumbled from his chest as his heated gaze stayed locked to mine.
“I can’t wait any longer now that you’ve looked at me like that. Fuck.”
With a large hand gripping the soft flesh of my thigh he pulled my underwear to one side and lined himself up, slowly sinking in. Blissful moans harmonised between us, the rawness of him stretching me was unlike anything I’d ever experienced and my quivering thighs wrapped around him, pushing him to the hilt. He secured his large hands on the soft flesh of my hips and held me in place as he slowly withdrew. I could feel him; feel every ridge and vein drag out and then in, out and in, over my most sensitive, intimate, area. The slick sounds of our intimacy  began to echo around the room as he picked up speed, strong thighs working at a feverish pace. With every thrust he pushed against that one spot that made my legs jerk and eyes water, my arms almost giving out underneath me as the table rattled beneath my weight. With the ferocity of his pounding and the heightened sensitivity he’d curated between my legs only moments before, we both knew that neither of us would last long. The sounds of his ragged breaths and throaty moans alone had me clenching around him already, and I know my constricting muscles already had his hips stuttering as I sucked him in with every thrust.
“Fuck (Y/n)- You’re so fuckin’ tight-”
I chewed on my bottom lip as his desperate eyes met mine.
“Oh yeah? Well I feel like you’re cock is in my fucking ribcage- oh fuck-”
He slipped one hand between us, his large palm resting on my lower belly as his thumb drew fast circles around my clit. The immediate contact on my bundle of nerves had my whole body quivering, the knot of an impending climax already starting to twist tighter and tighter in the depths of my core. The way that Dean fucked me into the motel room table was something that I would be able to feel deep in my soul for the rest of my life - my body and entire nervous system having never been worked in such a feral way before. Dean dropped forward and crushed my body into his - one large strong arm wrapped around my trembling body and kept me pressed against him as his head dropped to the crook of my neck. Soft lips pressed hot kisses against my shoulder, teeth gently nibbling the soft flesh as the coil wound and wound, the wave of orgasmic bliss rising higher and higher as my mind emptied, leaving behind only one thought.
Dean.
He was all consuming - all I could see, taste and smell. All I could feel. Oh God could I feel him; driving me to the brink of pure bliss as he frantically sped up - desperate to seek his own undoing as well as my own. One… two… three more fervid thrusts and the peak he’d helped me ascend to shattered around me as I practically screamed his name, the white-hot euphoria scorching my insides as I clamped like a vice around him. 
“Oh shit- (Y/n) I can’t- fuck-”
I grabbed the back of his head and pushed his mouth to mine as he came undone, spilling inside me as he worked through his own white-hot euphoria. 
The kiss we shared evolved from hot and needy to soft and wanting - the sensation of hot cum running down the inside of my thigh and cooling against my skin being the only thing to pull me away. Dean continued to lean over me for a moment, looking down at me with an expression that told me he had so much he wanted to say. Instead, he looked down at his release now starting to pool on the floor beneath us, then to the books and laptop that had been thrown across the floor before turning back to face me with the most devilish grin on his face.
“You know that this mess is all your fault, right?”
I scoffed.
“My fault? How is it my fault?”
“Because, sweetheart…” he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and pushed lightly on the plastic bridge sitting on my nose.
“You put on on those fucking glasses.”
--------------------------------------------------
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