#this is not a vanity thing; it's a health thing

[fisherrprince]

I was serious in those tags about taking gym photos of my arms all the time I use it for pure vanity. progress shot from today 💪

[marzipanandminutiae]

You probably meant artificial tans, but tanning is not the opposite of leaving your natural skin tone be

I don't particularly sunbathe, but I do live in a Mediterranean country. Even with SPF 50+ I start tanning in late april and lose my tan in approximately october. Unless I should not go out or near a window for half of the year, I cannot just leave my "natural" skintone be

Your winter skin tone is your only natural skin tone, IMO. And people should take steps to prevent it from changing- sunscreen with 2-hour reapplications (the intended use), parasols, hats, sun-protective clothing, etc. Even though they often went too far and did it for the wrong reasons- racism, colorism, classism, etc -our ancestors were unfortunately right about needing to take sun protection more seriously. Sometimes it's not just leaving it be, no- sometimes you have to proactively work to protect it. like brushing your teeth is not just leaving them be, but it's still your teeth's natural, healthy state

Like I said, tanning is literally skin damage. It's your skin producing more melanin to try and protect itself from the sun- which means the sun is causing DNA injury. (source) If it happens every year that doesn't make it any less harmful. I have very light-skinned friends in Australia who are able to avoid tanning, so it's clearly not impossible.

also dark-skinned people still need sun protection- melanoma is less likely to be caught early on dark skin, partially due to racist teaching practices among dermatologists, so PoC often have worse outcomes and higher mortality rates from it

My mother just had to have basal cell carcinoma removed from her upper lip. There was a huge hole in her face- the surgery to remove it, Mohs, involves cutting off pieces of tissue, testing them, and repeating until the test comes out clean. It takes hours and you're only under local anesthesia. You're awake the whole time and sometimes the doctor shows you what it looks like before they close the wound. Luckily she was able to get reconstructive surgery, but she's now insecure because her lip looks different- not bad, and she realizes that, but it's not the version of herself she was used to for 70 years. She now hates looking in mirrors. And this is the best-case scenario because she's. You know. Not Dead.

She hasn't tanned on purpose since she was in her early 20s (occasionally laid out by her parents' pool). She used sunscreen when I was growing up. But she didn't reapply after putting it on once, or employ any other form of sun protection. This isn't even her first brush with skin cancer; just the first on her face that required reconstruction.

No method is foolproof; I have freckles on parts of my body that never see the sun, and though they look benign, things can still happen. And of course you should go outside and enjoy the outdoors as much as you like, with appropriate precautions; I'm not trying to stress anyone out. you don't have to wear those full-face UV masks or anything

But. I don't know. I take this very seriously because I do NOT want to go through what my mother- and her mother before her, actually -went through. It seems like all the evidence shows that any amount of skin darkening from your winter shade, caused by UV light, is dangerous. The precautions seem so easy and minor to me compared to the risk that I just don't understand why anyone wouldn't take them- besides maybe sensory issues, and there are ways around even that

(personally I wear SPF 50 on all exposed skin and reapply every two hours or when I'm about to go back outside for longer than like 10 minutes, if I've been indoors all day. I also use a parasol when the sunlight is strong, plus sunglasses, a long skirt, and long sleeves in a natural-fiber fabric up to like 85 degrees Fahrenheit. then again, I also just don't LIKE being outside in the sun very much- I love going for long walks and being outdoors if it's overcast and/or cold, but warm sunny days are not my thing. and my clothing style is Victorian GothicTM, so it's easy to adapt for sun protection. YMMV)

(and no, I am not Vitamin D deficient that I'm aware of)

[chiaberries]

[jacks-weird-world]

faₙ ₒᵣ ₕaₜₑᵣ?

And I asked the artificial intelligence to analyze Jack's profile and their animosity OVERCOME mine?

I'm crying with laughter! 😂

❝wannabe influencer who can't decide if he wants to save the world or Just look good doing it.❞

❝Your posts scream 'look at me , I'm important while simultaneously begging for validation with every like and comment.❞

Beͤhͪa��vͮiͥoͦrͬaͣl 🧠 aͣnaͣlysis

❝Jack, you are the motivational speaker that no one asked for.❞ haha 😃

[nomouthtospeakof]

they really gave this sad, middle-aged dork an 8 pack, an hourglass figure, and yaoi hands

[the-nothing-maker]

Me a year ago : I should be careful with how I think about T... It's a tool, not a magic wand... It will not erase my problems, it's a heavy decision, I must weigh it carefully...

Me now, every time I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror : I can't believe T turned me into The Most Beautiful man on earth

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

.

[thornsent]

pros to being so stressed out I couldn’t eat solid food for 3+ months: I am SO hot now, you can see my cheekbones but not in a “I am gaunt and starving” way, and I’m putting weight back on since I’m not as stressed but bc I’m on T and trying to be more active the fat & muscle will distribute better (it already is!! REALLY gotta find some safe-for-my-body yoga poses tho)

cons: I couldn’t eat solid food for over 3 months and was really really scared I might die lol

[quasieli]

A friend gave me this pack of (skincare) face masks forever ago and I'm just trying one out for the first time and while it smells very nice, I'm now remembering why it's hard for me to keep up a good skincare routine. Gooey wet stuff on my face, very bad hate it don't want.

[bitchdafuqyousay]

.

[mac-tirs]

the not-insignificant differences between the omen twins

so, i saw this picture posted by @amanaci which inspired me to write this rather lengthy piece on the contrasts between morgott and mohg. i decided that, instead of dumping this whole think-piece on their post, i'd make my own separate post and ramble here.

this difference in their height really tracks for how their fighting styles and personalities are like, i feel. i always found it peculiar how different they are despite being twins; i feel like there's a rather stark resemblance between miquella and malenia in their soft-faced features, pale skin, and long flowing hair, and a close resemblance between the carian siblings with their red hair, but morgott and mohg are rather different from each other, only bearing similarities due to their omen nature. i looked a little bit into that and found that there's pretty good reasons behind why.

firstly, morgott is severely malnourished and unhealthy in comparison to mohg. you can see it in his body and how his skin sags, how his ribs and bones show, and how dry it looks. below is a comparison between his hands and mohg's hands.

morgott's hands are dry, almost rubbed red and raw around the knuckles and fingers. it reminds me a little of psoriasis, or some kind of skin discolouration caused by his poor health. it's likely he isn't eating well, or at the very least, he isn't eating as well as mohg. his twin, on the other hand (ha!), has shiny, veiny skin with a healthy colour and gleam to them. it's like he wants to call to attention how well moisturised he is (which, in this case, compared to morgott, he is).

above is a comparison between the twins' horns. the difference is extremely evident to me; morgott's horns are dry, almost seeming brittle, like sun-dried bone that hasn't seen rain or moisture in years. it reminds me of the horns of a very neglected ram, almost, but despite that, the horn growths seem more controlled, less like the wild growths all over the royal omens of the shunning grounds and more controlled as a sort of jutting crown from mainly one side of his head. meanwhile, mohg's horns are shiny, curling wildly to the point of injury, taking his eye in its path of growth. they grew wildly enough to replace his hair altogether, if he ever had any, and give him an even more imposing silhouette with a literal crown of horns (and a beard to boot). beyond this, his horns look healthy, with clearly defined rings to each growth that shine under the light, much like the rest of him. he's oiled leather to morgott's dry hide.

another somewhat interesting detail of morgott is his tail. i know a lot of people see it as soft, and it certainly looks the part, but what i find interesting are two things: the first being that his fur looks quite matted in some lightings and angles but overall looks soft to the touch, and the second being that his tail's horns look much healthier than his own horns on his head. this is in clear contrast to the rest of his body, which looks dry and unassuming with smatterings of coarse white hair up and down his body, and i believe its a matter of the limits to his own self-care. he utilises his tail as another weapon in his arsenal, so he cares for it that it might serve him well in battle, unlike his head of horns, which only serve as a detriment to him with how they must obscure some of his vision, if not most of it. additionally, he likely could bear to look at his tail and care for it, but for an omen that hates his nature more than the average, he probably doesn't enjoy looking at his own face in the mirror enough to properly care for himself.

which brings me back to the sheer differences between these two. morgott, unhealthy and self-loathing, neglects many visual aspects of himself likely because he sees vanity as a luxury not afforded to someone like him. mohg, healthy and self-obsessed, cares and grooms himself to appear very much so like the lord he claims to be, loving himself to a heretical extreme (in the eyes of the golden order). their statures reflect this too; morgott hunches low to the ground, ready to pounce at any given moment but also due to his own shame and humility, while mohg stands tall and proud, though not as tall as he could possibly be due to his upbringing being one of likely having to hunch low to fit beneath the ceilings of the smaller parts of the shunning grounds.

above is a picture of an omen from stormveil, which bears resemblance to all the omen you see in the game. in terms of clothing, one of the big ways people set the omen twins apart, morgott is completely naked save for the ragged cloak of animal hides he wears, signifying he is not fit to even dress himself in a shirt or trousers as befits a king, much like the omen pictured. he wears even less than that, actually, since he lacks even the slightest adornment save for the rope that clasps his cloak together. on the other hand, mohg is entirely adorned in finery, wearing a beautifully embroidered, fashionable priest's robe with matching vestments, and beneath that (as seen in the first image) some underclothes, a plain black button up and some pants. mohg's entire silhouette changes with the removal of his robe, while morgott's barely makes an impact once you realise he has only taken off the one article of clothing he had.

then, of course, there are their fighting styles. there's this fantastic video on youtube that i recommend watching of the twins fighting every major boss in the game, and you can clearly tell them apart from their fighting styles alone. morgott is fast, his size making him look deceptively slow only for him to dart out and do sick flips and somersaults and pirouettes that rival even the most flexible dancers, and he fights with speed and almost animalistic ferocity, save for when he conjures his weapon incantations. mohg is slow but strong, capable of swinging that large trident around like it weighs nothing while hitting with the force to knock down most enemies in a few hits, and most tarnished in just one, but he fights with a steady gracefulness in his every move, walking slowly and carefully while casting spells that hurt a lot.

even their phase 2 transitions are markedly different, with morgott's being one where he drops to his knees, vomits, and releases his cursed blood(?) all over the battlefield, causing his weapon to become alight with his curse and for him to fight with more in-your-face aggression, and with mohg's being one where he simply ignores your attacks and begins stabbing his spear into the formless mother for power at your expense, gaining a majestic set of wings that put distance between you and him so he can cast more of his spells at safer distances. where morgott is pushed to his limit and forced to confront his nature, mohg has long since embraced it and enjoys the fruits of his bloody labour with the mother of truth's blessing.

speaking of the mother of truth, even their patron orders are at odds with each other. the golden order was built upon the foundation of a very carefully-guarded lie: that marika is the one true god, which she can't be, with the existence of radagon (as per goldmask, perhaps the number 1 fundamentalist we meet in game). the formless mother is known also as the mother of truth, existing in direct opposition of the golden order's lies and craving the honesty of one of the purest expressions of life: blood. these two ideals would war against each other, with one being dedicated to the upholding of a beautiful, corrupt lie and the other being dedicated to the instillation of a dynasty of raw, pure truths. as such, even morgott and mohg's own great runes reflect these contrasts in faith, though, remarkably, these two great runes are ones that fit perfectly over each other, with mohg's slightly elevated (seen below, taken from the fextralife wiki).

so, where does this leave us? i don't know, exactly. i wasn't really writing this with any sort of ultimate conclusion. i just found it really interesting how different they were, and i wanted to talk about all the noticeable, significant differences between them here. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[elitehanitje]

Cody Rhodes Supports Body Shaming

"This is a vanity business. This weird online contingent doesn't realize how important that (physique) is. We're wrestling with our shirts off, folks, it's ok to go the gym...and you hear fans be like "You can't body-shame wrestlers" - what are you talking about? We're standing there half naked and you're paying hundreds of dollars to see us. Body shame me all you want. Currently, I know it might seem toxic and stuff, but amongst the boys and girls, everyone [is saying] who does your diet? Who’s training? There’s a whole ‘nother health-conscious' now in WWE, and I love that. We’re trying to look our best."

This is normally the part where everyone might rant about how wrong Cody is on certain points, but the fact that he admits his answer “might seem toxic and stuff” pretty much does the work.

The world of professional wrestling today is quite different from the past. Gone are the days of wrestlers who were just overly muscular; now, more fit and diverse athletes are the norm.

Someone like Adam Cole, who has been receiving a lot of body shaming lately, might not agree with what Cody Rhodes had to say. Nevertheless, Rhodes has made his stance on body shaming clear and has no regrets about what he said.

Especially when AEW haters body-shame wrestlers such as Orange Cassidy, Adam Cole, Nyla Rose, Eddie Kingston, Deonna Purazzo, Samoa Joe, Marko Stunt, Jack Perry, Zack Sabre Jr, JD Drake, Beef, Willow Nightingale, Joshi Wrestlers, NJPW Wrestlers, CMLL/Luchador wrestlers, The Young Bucks, and many more, many fans are trying to figure out whether Rhodes wants fans to attack AEW/non-WWE wrestlers or just insult wrestlers in general.

Hana Kimura committed suicide following a series of troubling tweets addressing online bullying and body shaming directed at her from "fans", she was found dead in her apartment in Tokyo on May 23, 2020. She was only 22.

Deonna Purazzo was harassed and body-shamed by many "fans" and she had to make a statement about it. Cody Rhodes' green light about allowing body-shaming wrestlers is a dangerous path toward harassment and bullying. Even a champion such as Zack Sabre Jr was being called a skinny jobber by WWE fans for winning the G1 Climax, not even knowing what his face looked like because they'd never seen him wrestle.

Marko Stunt was body-shamed during his tenure as a wrestler especially when podcaster Jim Cornette fueled his hatred toward him by telling his fans to harass the wrestler. Luchasaurus was fired from WWE when he filed a complaint against many people who bullied and body-shamed trainees and wrestlers.

Wrestler Sheamus was body-shamed a lot during his tenure especially because of his weight gain. Fans also quickly pointed out that Cody Rhodes' father, the late Dusty Rhodes was well-known to have a large body type, which is ironic that Cody allows this behavior. His half-brother, Dustin Rhodes is also an AEW wrestler who doesn't react to Cody, but tweets words of encouragement to his fans.

Some critics say Cody Rhodes is saying these things because he is playing a character, so he's becoming toxic. But this is actually a genuine interview from him, not when he was playing a character. He wants to appeal to those WWE toxic fans who like to insult AEW, Japanese wrestlers, and Luchas wrestlers.

Critics immediately have something to say about his toxic beliefs:

[wilwheaton]

the scorpion doesn’t care who it stings

I posted this on my Facebook four days ago, and it seems to have taken on a life of its own for a minute.

I thought I’d repost it, here:

I can not fathom the emptiness, the insecurity, the insatiable need for attention and validation, the staggering arrogance, the malevolence and total void of human experience that is Elon Musk.

He's the richest man on the planet. You can't go anywhere or do anything without interacting with something he's part of in some way. There are literal millions of people who uncritically worship him, in spite of overwhelming evidence that he's a douchebag. Some number of them will come after me, as they come after anyone who points at their naked emperor. They'll spend entire days going after me and people like me, slavishly serving a man who does not even know they exist. They are his army of fools, uncritically serving his every whim. And it still isn't enough.

He can have any material thing he wants, and he will *never* be happy or satisfied. He has no real friends. Every single person around him is either a viper, a parasite, or both.

So what does he do? He bullies and threatens and harasses and trolls and behaves like the weak, scared, insecure child he has always been. That's a tragedy for him, but it's dangerous for us. He doesn't care what he destroys or who he hurts as he chases this existential thing he cannot ever have.

You know the saying "hurt people hurt people"? He's a hurt person who is hurting our society, making people I care about less safe. The consequences of this one man's midlife crisis are global, and that terrifies me.

In a comment, about an hour later, I added:

You know what's really interesting is the tiny number of people who are attacking and harassing me are either typical right wing idiots who all spew the same garbage from behind their wraparound sunglasses, or these weird nerds who are DESPERATE to justify how toxic and cruel and destructive Elon Musk is. Like, nerds, listen to Old Man Wheaton, please. 

Don't hitch your wagon to Elon Musk. There are countless people who are amazing and genuinely good, who do all the things we wish we could do. Stop defending this piece of shit who would push you into a volcano without even learning your name, if it would save him half a second on his way to his next shitpost on $8Chan (formerly known as Twitter).He doesn't stand up to anyone. He doesn't stand up FOR anyone. He is not your champion. He's angry and chaotic and destructive, and you have to understand that the scorpion doesn't care who it stings.

Finally, I want to add two things: 1) It’s interesting to me that a lot of the people who came to my post to be dicks used a lot of MAGA language. It reminds me of this thing my friend says about concerts: the audience looks like the band. Of course there’s substantial overlap between the angry, hateful, terrified, cowards who support Trump and the same who Stan Elon Musk, and it’s real interesting to see it in action.

2) I haven’t used Twitter for years. I quit before it was popular (lol) because it was better for my mental health. I logged in once when my book was published, and I deleted all my tweets when he announced he was buying Twitter. When he took over and immediately amplified a conspiracy theorist, I made my account private. In a perfect world, I would delete my account entirely. But I have to keep it for reasons I hope I don’t have to explain. After I posted this on Facebook, it made its way around Twitter (still is, four days later, which is ... a thing that is happening) and when people went to look at my account, they saw that it was closed. As much of a fucking manbaby Elon Musk clearly is, he didn’t do anything to my account. In fact, the only reason he even knows I exist (if he does) is through a vanity search of his name. I locked my account on my own, and so should you.

I am only on:

Tumblr

Facebook (itswilwheaton)

Instagram (itswilwheaton)

and my blog that I’ve been neglecting for too long at wilwheaton.net.

I’ve had a Reddit account since 2006, predating user-created subs! I’m u/wil there.

Okay that’s all. Thanks for listening. Please choose to be kind.

[tadpolesonalgae]

before the corn grows. 

Batboys x depressive!reader

a/n: oh my gosh this was so therapeutic—also, I was unsure whether to include people on the az taglist in this fic since it’s technically a poly fic? Sorry if you didn’t want to be included in this, I wasn’t sure about it :/

As always, thank you for the request, anon <3!

warnings: mentions of self-inflicted violence, fluff, I think this is technically hurt/comfort?

word count: 2,766

——————————————————————————————————————————————

“Judgemental prick.”

“I don’t think I said anything.”

“You didn’t have to. It was written all over your face.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Cassian scowls, stirring in the fifth spoonful of sugar. “For the Spymaster, you were practically yelling it across the table. It’s the small things in life—I’ll enjoy some damn sugar in my tea if I want to.” 

Azriel shifts in his seat, powerful arms folded over a broad chest, thighs spread as he relaxes into the seat. “There was nothing small about the amount you just put in,” he replies, smirking. “Just looking out for your health.”

“You look after yours and I’ll look after mine,” the General mutters, brows tightening at the cocky smirk on his brother’s mouth. Matching hazel eyes glint with sinister mirth that Cassian decides to ignore for today, raising the mug to his lips and drinking deeply. 

He jerks violently, spraying the bitter liquid across the table, making Az recoil. “It’s salty?” He glares at his brother, who’s now grimacing at the smattering of tea that’s been spat in his direction. “I told you I was looking out for your health,” he mutters, reaching for the kitchen roll. 

The General grabs it first, snatching the roll away, dabbing at his mouth and tongue before Azriel is leaning across the table, grappling at Cassian’s arm to try and pry it from his thick fingers. “Let go you prick, I’m the one who has that concoction on my tongue,” the General snaps gruffly. “And I’ve got your saliva all over my leathers. Hand it over.” 

“Oh I’m sorry, did I ruin your pretty clothes? Is your vanity hurt?”

“Piss off, bastard,” Azriel snaps. “You should have paid more attention to what you were spooning into your drink.” 

The door swings open and the third brother walks in, violet eyes visibly worried, fingers preoccupied with straightening the pristine cuff of his sleeves. Freshly polished shoes pause in their place, surveying the chaos that’s unfolded upon the kitchen table. The two pull apart, sobered by Rhys’s strained look, at once on guard. 

“Where are you going?” Cassian asks, noting the fine but not flashy dress of the High Lord—clean but casual. “Have you seen her recently?” Rhys asks, and they both stiffen, shaking their heads. Hazel eyes glance at one another across the table, before returning to anxious violet, in time to catch him running a hand through his hair. 

“She’d been focusing on getting orders done in time for solstice presents,” Azriel offers solemnly, “it’s when the most work comes in, so she’ll be resting now.” 

“I’m going to check on her,” Rhysand announces, and neither of the Illyrians object. Not a word needs to be spoken to know the High Lord will relay whatever news there is to the two of them the second he learns it. 

Then in a whisper of darkness, he vanishes. 

————

The door had been locked, but it hadn’t been an issue. 

The issue was the stagnant air in her house. The issue was the moulding bread in the kitchen. The issue was the dirty clothes scattered across her bedroom floor. 

The issue was, she looked like she hadn’t gotten out of bed for a week straight, hair knotted and oily, skin lacking the warmth of life, eyes numb and unfocused. 

He braces himself to deal with her, then lands three quiet knocks to her open bedroom door—letting her know he’s here. Blankets curl tighter, being pulled over her head, wrapping into a tight ball that shudders and sobs almost silently. He can hear the gasping inhales, the wet snivels as she tries to hide away. 

He knew something had been amiss. 

“Lovely,” he calls softly, the name like heated cotton against clean skin. “How long have you been sleeping for?” 

————

You curl tighter, feeling the bed dip, the shape of a large, warm palm settling over your shoulder. 

“Go away,” you manage numbly, throat raw, sinuses hurting. “I’m tired. Leave me alone.” Limbs wrap tighter, trying to pull yourself together for him. Simultaneously wanting to scream at him to get out, to hit and lash at him, wanting to melt into his arms. Yet the raging instincts rise, and rise, and repeatedly fall short, losing their momentum and disintegrating into silence. Your clothes are stiff and sticky, glued to your body with sweat and salt, and you hate you hate you hate everything so much that it has to be pushed away. Folded up neatly into a box and just pushed away. 

Fingers latch over the duvet, prying it from your grip with startling ease, hands too weak to do much against him, stomach aching with nausea. Light cracks into your vision, and you attempt to hide from him, conceal the gleaming spit and snot across your upper lip and chin, hide the puffiness of your eyes and the knotted mess of your hair—damp from tears that had been shed what feels like hours ago. 

“What’s wrong…?” He asks softly, knuckles brushing the rat-tailed hair from your forehead, pushing it away so it’s no longer being coated in saliva and mucus and tears. “Talk to me, please,” he whispers, making to pull you up. 

Sobs wrack your chest, slamming into you with violent force, wet breaths gasping from cracked lips as you heave with despair, uncontrollable spasms seizing your lungs as a fresh wave wrecks through you. He can feel you shaking your head, wet palms trying to dry freshly tearful eyes, hot water dripping heavily onto his shirt as you try to stop. 

“Please…” you croak out, stumbling over the word, interrupted by stuttering breaths. “Leave me…go…” 

“I’m not leaving you like this,” he whispers tenderly, pushing wet hair behind a pointed ear. But you shake your head again, crying harder, and his heart fumbles in his chest, aching sharply. 

“I don’t…go away,” you moan shakily, head lowered against his shoulder. “I don’t want you here.” Lips are weighed in viscous saliva, turning them soft and slimy, making it hard to speak.  “I’m not going anywhere,” he murmurs, arm wrapping over your back, power sliding for the window to flick the latch open—get some fresh air circling the space. 

“I don’t…I don’t want you here!” You cry sharply, trying to wriggle out of his hold, struggling to return to your grave-like bed. To dive into the thick and smelly sheets that’ll get tangled with your limbs. “Lovely,” he says quietly, “hold still.” 

Your body shudders to a gradual stop, shins and upper arms burning with the movement, left raw and unhealed from the lack of energy. Breathing stutters as you try to back away from hyperventilating, trying to calm your lungs, but the airways continue to spasm. 

His broad palm pushes the stray locks of hair away, still saturated with salty tears that clump at the ends, scraggly and messy and smelly and damp and cold and…you try to pull away from him, feeling disgusting for getting him dirty. He’s so clean and tidy, and smelling so nice, like freshly washed sheets and crisp morning air. He shouldn’t be in your room. 

You can hear the stuttering pulse of his heart, the only give to his emotions and one you’re only able to discern because he doesn’t think to hide it from you. He strokes your hair soothingly, goading you to calm, to resign yourself into his care so he can look after you. 

“I’m tired,” you manage, chest shuddering with stammering breaths. 

“Then rest,” he whispers, “but let us be with you.”

“No…” You shake your head, brows scrunching as your lungs begin to flutter and he holds you just that little bit tighter. It’s bad enough that he’s seeing you like this, it can’t be the others too. “Rhys…”

“Let’s get you cleaned up, first,” he murmurs, pulling away and cupping your jaw, violet meeting your gaze, “okay?” Your lower lip wobbles, fresh tears spilling as you grip just that little bit tighter, at last falling into him, if only because you lack the energy to stave off anything else. Far too tired to protest. 

————

It had been so much worse than he had been anticipating, and a small part of him recoiled with sorrow when wrapping her shins in bandages, carefully applying a numbing balm to her upper arms to ease with movement. 

He hadn’t realised…he hadn’t seen the signs… Even looking back on the weeks leading up to Starfall, he can’t find anything out of order. She’d been as peaceful as usual, as calm and reserved as normal, preparing for the influx of projects, almost anticipating them, desiring things to preoccupy her mind with, perhaps. 

He feels wretched and useless, only able to scramble after the remnants of the storm. Desperately trying to find pieces of what he’d known in the wreckage of a war. Her eyes stay vacant, though not as foggy as when he’d first found her. 

A bath had been too painful, so he’d used his hands to clean off the grime, only a flannel, soap, and a warm bucket of water at his disposal. He can only hope that once she’s fed, her body will begin its reconstruction, stitching together the thin slices, healing over scars so she doesn’t have to be reminded of it. Though he wonders if that’s an appealing aspect rather than a detestable one. 

He’s proud of his own scars, memories stored away within his skin, stories contained within the tissue of battles long past. A map of his history placed into the grain of his body. He wonders if it’s at all comparable—how she starves herself so the cuts might set, so she will be able to look back at what she’s gotten through. A token of some kind for surviving. To know that while it’s all inside her own head, none of its meaning is detracted. 

Pain is still pain, no matter where it comes from. 

————

You’d tried so desperately to pull yourself together. To keep those haunting beats of emotion kept wrapped up in ribbons and bows, so it would be less inclined to leap out if stored comfortably. 

Had tried to sit on the box to keep it from bursting open, so you wouldn’t have to bear that vulnerability. You’d rather stick yourself with knives that try to articulate what can only exist in the blood of your veins and the screaming caves of your mind. The echoes that repeat until painful instructions are being mumbled upon your numb lips, hardly unaware of the order to cut, cut, cut.

Had managed for the most part to section them off, until he’d finished tucking you into a spare bed, and his lips had brushed your cheek. 

Then some tears had again dripped out, but he’d thumbed those away tenderly, never becoming fed up on the nonstop trickle. 

You could hardly manage to look at him, not ready to face that reality yet. Then he’d told you he would be finding you a meal, and that you should eat as much as you felt capable of, but that you should try. And then he had pressed another light kiss to your cheek, swifter than the last, not giving you time to comprehend it, helping keep the tears to a minimum.

A large part of you is relieved, a great weight raised and wiped from your shoulders now your skin is clean again, now your hair is no longer sticking to your scalp but smelling fresh and healthy. Relieved you can again feel your circulation up and running, having gotten too used to the freezing tips of your fingers and toes, the cold numbness that had overtaken your shins and arms as your body tried to spool in the blood to your torso.  

A knock sounds at the door, and you lift your head to spot hazel eyes watching you, concerned, and you can’t help the small smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth. He sees the reaction, and sighs, opening the door a little wider so he can walk inside. 

“Does Rhys know you’re here, Cassian?” You ask, a sad smile on your lips as you incline your head to look up at him, stood beside your bed. Before he can answer though, you here a derisive snort coming softly from the hallway, and a tender warmth unfurls in your chest, throat aching a little with emotion. “Az, you too?” 

A figure wreathed in shadow steps guiltily into the empty doorframe, one hand resting on the wooden beam as if he might leave. 

You swallow thickly, shifting comfortably beneath the crisp sheets, liking how they rustle with the movement, scraping against bare and clean skin, even if it hurts a little. “Did… Has Rhys told you…?” 

Cassian watches you silently, an anguished look on his features, but Azriel pauses, then nods his head solemnly. 

Your lips press together into a thin line, unsure what to say if they already know. There’s no use in lying then, or trying to get out of it. Not without causing more concern. So you allow your shoulders to slump, resting back into the pillows. “I don’t really know how it happened,” you admit quietly, peering into your lap. “I just…I guess it had been building up for a while.” Your eyes shut briefly, hands rising to cover your face, rubbling lightly at your brows before falling away again, “I didn’t even know I was in it until I was out of it.” 

“It’s okay. You don’t need to explain anything,” Cassian says thickly, hand hesitantly settling over your shoulder, thumb stroking in slow, careful motions, ready to pull away if you don’t want the touch. But your lower lip wobbles, head dipping a little, before leaning into the gentle feel, the broad, reassuring warmth of his palm, the callouses rasping against your scrubbed-soft skin. 

“We wanted to make sure you were okay,” Az murmurs, closer than he should sound from the doorway, but then you feel the slightly cool breath of his shadows curling against your cheek, and a tear drips down your face. You nod. “I’m fine,” you rasp, voice thick, clogged with emotion, “now. I’m fine now.” 

“Are you…” Azriel begins, trailing off when you glance at him questioningly, his heart aching when you turn your gaze to him, the small cuts peeking out from atop the duvet. Cassian takes up the lead, thumb still gently sweeping over your shoulder. “We want to hold you. Will you let us?” 

Your lower lip wobbles, eyes growing hot and wet at the simple ask, somehow knowing exactly what you’re too afraid and embarrassed to ask for. “Yes…” you manage, voice small and quiet. 

Neither of them comment on it, moving with swift certainty, collecting at your sides as their wings reorganise at their backs. It’s a rare sight to see them in anything other than their leathers, but the soft fabric is welcomed as they settle, the pale linen thin enough for you to feel heat through it, to almost be swept away by the comfort their scent brings, like returning home after weeks away, remembering the scent that you become too quickly accustomed to, to fully appreciate and treasure. 

You lean into Cassian’s side, head tipped against his shoulder, Azriel pressed close enough to twine your fingers together in your lap atop the sheets, shadows roaming freely between the three of you, a sure sign you’re home again. 

A long sigh comes from the doorway, sounding more resigned than disapproving—he knew this was going to happen at one point or another. There would be no separating any of you in a moment of need or vulnerability. 

“I thought I told you to at least wait until she’d recovered a little more,” Rhys sighs, a gently scolding tone to his words, eyes displeased but softening when they spot how you’ve practically melted into his brothers’ sides. You switch subjects, eyeing the tray he’s brought, stomach grumbling as the promise of a hot meal dawns in your mind. “That smells good…” you murmur, watching him intently, and a fond smile curves his lips. 

“I’m glad to hear it,” Rhys replies. “Your favourite, if my memory serves.” 

Your brows curve, lip wobbling again—you don’t deserve this. Them. 

But Rhys has already leaned over Cassian, pressing a kiss to your forehead, smoothly sliding the tray into your lap. 

“Eat,” he instructs softly. “If you’re still so inclined, you can cry afterwards, but eat first, okay?” 

——————————————————————————————————————————————

general taglist: @myheartfollower @tcris2020 @mali22 @slut4acotar @sfhsgrad-blog @needylilgal022 @hannzoaks @hnyclover @skyesayshi @nyotamalfoy @decomposing-writer @soph1644 @lilah-asteria @nighttimemoonlover

az taglist: @azrielshadows1nger @jurdanpotter @positivewitch @nightcourt-daydreaming @assassinsblade @marvelouslovely-barnes @v3lv3tf0x @kalulakunundrum @vellichor01 @throneofsmut @vickykazuya @starlitlakes

[reyboris]

brainstorm moon signs (part 2)

LIBRA MOON: think in dialectic way (tesis, antitesis, syntesis), need to view two points of view, need to ask someone before action, be impartial, a very good talent for listen, a talent for change their own opinion (but be careful), white lies, sometimes lie for be no direct, smile like defense mechanism, unconscious smile, vanity, difficult to speak direct, difficult to be without a good outit, difficult to improvise, be superficial, judge people just by money or outfit. Sometimes, be the middle sibling.

2. SCORPIO MOON: sometimes, the kid say the secrets of family, sometimes born after an abortion of mother, give to receive later, help to be helped later, sometimes a strong death of any parent (or sibling) in childhood, test the loyalty of others, test the love of others, a lot of energy, a very good talent for sport, a very good talent for discipline, a very good talent for study, love to do kisses with hickeys (lol), fast to understand jokes, laughter therapy could be good for you, a very good talent for do money, a very good talent for invest and save money. Learngin to forget the distractions of others is vital for your mental health.

3. SAG MOON: Smile like defense mechanism (very similar to libra moon), do jokes like defense mechanism. A very good talent for see the positive side of each problem. A very good talent for keep faith. Maybe be the foreign friend during their childhood. Need faith in their live. Need religion (not always churhc, but need to believe in invisible world). Like a horses, these people are very sensitive but not weak.

4. CAP MOON: think that difficult way is the only right way, think that difficult is the same thing of high quality, silence like defense mechanism, usually is kind and have a talent for listen others. a very good talent to study in nights, a very good talent for learn to others (but in little groups)

5. AQUA MOON: Sometimes growing up with a lot of siblings or neighbors; need nature in their lives, want to create new things: art, words, theorys, songs, or just new ways to wash dishes, but invent is a need of these moons. Sometimes be the new kid of the classroom, or the summer camp, or the new of the footbol team. A very good talent for the clean game in sports. A very good talent for listen others. Love changes but also have more patience than gemini moon. Want silence in some part of their day.

6. PISCES MOON: need movement in their live. talent for watch a lot of movies in an afternoon, talent to understand poetry or double sense jokes. Talent for leave ancient loves. Talent to be kind (but in some cases, guys could be agressive in their young age cause they avoid their own sensibility). In some cases, some kids avoid to use words and prefer to be guessed. Have a conection with unconscious of mother or family.

[tarotmundomonde]

Next 5 months general reading

pick a number 1-5 OR an emoji 🔨 💰 ✒️ 🪙 ⚖️

(ps. this reading is for practice and for fun)

1.🔨 For pile 1, you have a lot of people showing up in your reading. It does look like you'll have a strong social life for the next 5 months. A lot of good news and celebrations. For some, maybe a new home and/or renovating, like painting your walls, buying new furniture and the such. Don't make hasty decisions! It looks like you'll deal with a lot of anxiety and stress, fears and doubts. There is a reference to usually the first answer you had in mind is the right one, aka don't second guess. A lot of decisions to make, devotion, plans, communication. Things that happen fast and things that happen slowly. You will be taking the lead and get your way. I'm sensing making your dreams come true. It will require determination and effort. It looks like there is someone you look up to as well, maybe a role model or just someone you respect and think highly of. In general it looks good and quite mundane. Now, let's dive a little deeper into the reading. There is a strong reference to walking your path. You need to find it or to stick to it. A lot of passionate energy towards your goals. Also, maybe you are into going on a walk. Maybe you'll even do some sight-seeing. And there will be a focus on your nervous system. So you'll need to work on that. This could be even due to coffee or energy drink addiction. But you need to find a way to break free and to transmute the extra nervous energy so you can have better sleep at night or just in general to learn to relax. You have a lot of messages about letting go. You definitely have the power to release all of that nervous energy. Also, overall in regards to your health, you are able to heal and working on improving your health will bring you great positive results during the next 5 months. You also have a message about vanity and your social life. You want to make sure you don't overly isolate yourself just because you are busy, but you could benefit isolating yourself from vanity. Another message coming through is music. Looking at the spread, it looks like this could be a method to relax yourself. But you could be in the music industry or do music, study music, etc. If you are some kind of a musician, it looks like you'll be doing great and be more creative and productive in that sense. The cards are showing that it's going to be time for you to let yourself shine. There is also reference to mutual respect. Working as a team, creations, contracts and promises will be of significance for you for the next 5 months. It's going to be a time of saying yes, a time of initiation and action, like a fertile time to make things happen and grow. A time of dedication and strong focus. Without forgetting about your health in every single way. To take time for yourself, to focus on yourself and improve your health. Looking at the cards, it looks like it will be rather easy for you to manage it all and you will see the results, especially on the energetic level, like feeling more energetic, having more energy and self-confidence.

2.💰 For pile 2, it's clear that the focus is on money, finances and work/school and the daily life. It looks like you have all the support you need, money is great, you have all you need and there are new doors for you in education/career. However, you do have a few challenges as well. You could find yourself to be indecisive or that you cannot manage all you want to. You simply can not keep all the doors open and you can not have control over everything. You could feel stuck and you may need to change directions. The other thing is bad news. You could have health problems. But it looks like you can overcome them by working on having a strong routine and healthy diet. Now, let's dive a little deeper into the reading. You literally got the workaholic card! You also got a lot of longterm timing cards. So there will be great focus on the longterm and the future. Maybe even projects, where you have to create a very solid schedule. When it comes to healing, perhaps sound and colour healing could be of significance for you, so if you are interested, look them up. Because there is a focus on listening. Of course, maybe you work with sounds and colours, like media, creating websites, videos, etc. But there is great focus on communication and listening is very important. It looks like if you are too opinionated, you are not truly hearing, what you are told, but you hear what you want to hear or don't even really listen and that's why there could be unnecessary misunderstandings. So listening and learning to listen and to pay attention will be crucial for you. Also, because you could miss out on important little details, like it seems you need to expand your way of thinking. And other people could have great ideas for you. There will be also focus on symbolism and reading between the lines. And all that said, of course, forgiveness. It also means to know, when to apologize. You'll have to work on mercy, being compassionate, forgiveness and on releasing and relief. You have a lot of mentions of wisdom, so the next 5 months will be a time of learning some lessons, especially in regards to communication. Remember, you are meant to learn these lessons, so let go and let flow. Other than that, there will be new beginnings. Remember that once you commit to something, you'll have to stay committed to that matter. For example, if you take some classes, you have to take them till the end, go to the exams, etc. But it looks like there will be plenty of abundance, growth and fulfilment, rewards and solid foundations established during the next five months.

3.✒️ Huge energies, pile 3. Major theme is balance. For some of you, you could be pregnant or getting pregnant. It looks like all will be well for the next 5 months, so if you give birth during that time, it looks like there will be no complications. Another theme is healing. Clarity. It looks like a more passive time, you'll have to really be patient. You are more in a place of receiving and of receptivity. Also, significant partnerships. Now, let's dive a little deeper into the reading. You could have major moodswings. Now that could be something typical of you. Otherwise, it could be due to the situations you will be facing. First of all, you will be dealing with temptation, bad habits. If you are into gossiping, the cards are saying that's a bad habit. You could feel guilty about something or some habits. But the cards are showing that you have the power to overcome your bad habits. Then, it also looks like people will have many opinions about you, quick to judge you and there will be lots of gossips about you. So it would be better for you to keep your things to yourself. It doesn't matter, if it's romance, friendships, at school, at work, etc, but during this time you are better off keeping your things to yourself. People will gossip about you. You will have fears to face, but you can turn it into fuel. It's time for you to own your power. Stand still, wait and watch. Dang, people are really watching you, even when you don't notice that. And that includes social media. You really have so many eyes on you. And it's really all about gossip, wanting to gossip about you. People are obsessed with doing so about you. But if you stay patient and just watch and keep things to yourself, things will come naturally to light. The people, the reasons, the answers will come to you. The cards do say there is no need to worry, as now you know. You have a lot of messages about perception in your reading. It's going to be a matter of how you look at things. Changing your perspective can benefit you. But also, just take in the view. Enjoy life. Look outside the window, if you like someone, enjoy the view of them, etc. Also, look at all you have, be grateful. There is a lot of wisdom available to you at this time. Also, whatever you do most of the day, focus and create with intention. You know what are your best ways at learning something or at doing something. You could also be looked up to or there could be someone you can learn a lot from. Whether it's your teacher or boss or counsellor, etc. But there seems to be someone, who can teach you things. You also have a message about recovery. So it seems you'll be fine. The cards are also talking about playing and having fun and adding more laughter into your life. Although, it seems it will happen naturally, as it looks like you are going to have a time of abundance and peace and contentment, but also of excitment! And perhaps you'll travel or go on a trip as well.

4.🪙 For pile 4, you have a lot of people card showing up for you in this reading. There will be a massive transition or transformation happening in your life during the next 5 months, maybe a whole overhaul even. Lots of messages and news, maybe even invitations, letters. Maybe a lot of purchases, like books, essentials, even maybe a new laptop, etc. New hobbies or just hobbies and projects in general. I'm also seeing learning from other people, like learning by watching and then trying the same yourself. Travelling or relocating is possible. You will be busy, but still it looks like you are heading towards better times. Just remember to delegate your chores and such. Emotionally you will master your emotions at this time. You could feel like you are doing what you are supposed to be doing, like you feel fulfilled in that sense. Now, let's dive a little deeper into the reading. You have a lot of messages about stillness and resting. Also, to pause for a minute and really pay attention to the little details, to signs. Like if you are looking at a picture, look at the details, look at the symbols. If let's say you are taking a exam, take a pause to really look at the details, pay attention to them. There is something that could be easily overlooked but makes a huge difference. You have messages about discovery and recovery. Also, to not give up. And there is something that will be unlikely. You also have a huge focus on your looks. Nourishment is coming through, glamour as in how you dress, maybe you are looking for a more dramatic look. Because the cards are talking about the need for you to be your more authentic self. To dare to be independent in that sense, in the way you look, in the way you carry yourself and express yourself. Apparently, you will also be surrounded by some drama. No wonder there is such a focus on stillness. And also, your life energy. So nourishment is going to be highlighted in that sense. A time of healing. It will be your turn to land gracefully, to have your own after glow. I also see beauty sleep. And eyes on the prize. Like said before, it's not time to give up, it's time to keep going.

5.⚖️ For pile 5, the focus will be on you and partnerships. A time to find balance and peace within, acceptance, actively working on your emotions. It seems you'll have dreams you want to pursue, fearlessly following your desires and passion. A lot of movement. There is a focus on your needs and what you want and need. Also, on your abundance, finances, what you own and health. There could be some conflicts of interest, so much you wanna do. But also, drama and competition. It's like it would be better to take a step back and first see what's going on. You have eyes on you. Self-care. Possibly romance. On one hand, it looks very mundane but very active. You'll be busy. Now, let's dive a little deeper into the reading. There is definitely a strong theme of learning lessons, to see the bigger picture, understanding and higher heart healing. Maybe even ancestral healing. You are called to heal and ascend and to recognize your purpose. Peaceful resolution. I also see the possibility for travelling and sight-seeing. But it could be also just higher interest to visit museums and such. I see history here and also expansion and high views like going to high places and looking at the views. You could also be taking classes or maybe you are a student. A lot about intentions and purpose. You'll be having a lot of questions and questioning your beliefs and people's beliefs, flipping everything upside down. Maybe it's related to your studies. Also, patience and planning, plans, co-operation, teamwork. Abundance and service is coming through as well. Wish wisely. A wish could come true, so really think about what you truly want and need the most at this time. And have faith. It also looks like you will be more childlike. Of course, you might have kids or be around kids. But otherwise, it's gonna be more your energy. Being more playful and curious, initiative, doing some silly and fun stuff and being open and warm. It's your time to shine and keep going. You might experience moments of laziness, so maybe that's when you'll tap more into that fun energy. But it's also possible that there is something you are gonna realize you are not that into and so you will not try to push it. For example it could be in romance or it could be a subject at school. And then protection. In romance, you know what it means. Otherwise, you are gonna step into your more warrior energy and also acts of kindness is coming through. That could be related to the service message, whether people are more kind towards you or you do that.