#this is me rn with myself. He would not fucking say that | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

markets · 2 years ago

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Markets nation, they always say that the lord giveth and the lord taketh away. Idk i saw it in a funeral scene on tv once. but i didnt really unnderstand this until i had MY VERY OWN MODEL UN ADVENTURE this weekend. now, what is MY VERY OWN MODEL UN ADVENTURE. well i went to a model un competition this weekend for fun And instead found such evils as a group of committee chairs who basically told my beautiful codelegate to kill herself. and also fun. but at the beginninng of the competitionn my codelegate and i noticed that these two guys in the table adjacent to ours were from a delegation that we had based one of our plans off of,So we decided to pass them a note so we could be allies. well,negotiations were A foot, and the blonde one asked "well whats in it for us?" i pulled out my codel's pack of gum and he said. And this is important. he said "youre smart, i like that". Well IDK what this did 2 Me but it worked. Idk ijbol so right then and there i decided to get some pussy at this model un competition. so i tossed them some gum and thought; later we turned to negotiate with them again and the other guy suddenly asked Are you in love with us. and the crazy thing is i didnt go Um um ummm or what no or anything i said I SAID. "give us a few hours". And oh my god is that not crazy i dont know whothat was bc then they continued the like jokey flirting and I FLIRTED BACK they were like oh we just want to take you out and i was like lets pass our plans first and we'll see and they were like how about you pass us that snap. Ridiculous guys truly but wellthey had an air of silliness the whole committee recognized which is a thinng i enjoy. and at one point i was like hey theres two of you and two of us ;) LIKE WHERE IS THIS COMINGN FROM. anyway here comes the sadness, bc they skipped away in the middle of the committee and ditched the next day of the competitoion. my theory is that the blonde guy felt sostrongly for me that he got scared of his own self and ran from his emotionsn #ijbol now ihave to unpack why him calling me smart drove me insane which is not soemthing iwant to do so i wont. can we talk about me finasly gettinng rizz instead

#this is me rn with myself. He would not fucking say that #angiemarkets.txt

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melhekhelmurkun · 9 months ago

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I’m such a sucker for scruffy men with sad eyes 😭

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skibasyndrome · 2 months ago

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#not to be a broken lil man on main #but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one #parent who's not horrible huh #we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of #being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support #and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family #but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely #to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in #he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch #you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at #that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones #so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn #idk #this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call #upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out #idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n #not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not #sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn #so glad we talked though. so glad #simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3

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bonetrousledbones · 2 years ago

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whatever you do DON’T think about how papyrus undertale’s biggest motivations lie in encouraging the people around him to improve themselves and finding the joy in friendship and how he doesn’t have any of that in deltarune whatsoever and instead he’s just hiding inside of a dark house while everyone else is outside going about their lives relatively fine without him just dont think about it

#trousled rambles #deltarune #papyrus #undertale #its 1am and im having deltarune papyrus thoughts again dont look at me #was just thinkin more abt his possible knight motivations and. well what would he do when he has no one to keep on the straight and narrow #and when there's no one to keep HIM on the straight and narrow..........................yknow #his brother runs a whole grocery store by himself so i think its safe to say he didn't need papyrus to push him into it like in ut #and undyne's BORED sure but she's still okay. she's still forming a connection with alphys without papyrus having anything to do with it #alphys is more confident without ANY of papyrus's help at ALL #head in hands HE HAD SO MUCH INFLUENCE IN UNDERTALE AND NOW HE HAS HARDLY ANY AT ALL......HIS NAME ISNT EVEN MENTIONED......................#i need to go to bed BUT DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY THE VERY CONCEPT OF HIM FUCKS ME UP AM I MAKING MYSELF CLEAR #edit had to make this more accurate to what im feeling rn #blood //

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faaun · 8 months ago

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pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me!#LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️#but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

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erisolkat · 4 months ago

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god i hate everyone

#who thought it would be cute to immediately start ribbing me about how hairy and bald and ugly im gonna be when i go on t #one. im taking minoxidil. two. i wanna be hairy. and three. im not transitioning to attract you guys im transitioning to attract other trans #people! other trans guys find it hot come on!#like ok so dads brother is out here rn right #so first mom tells me hes gonna ask me questions about being trans. ok fine.#second she starts going on about how i had to be emotionally vulnerable with like 3 different therapists for this. whatever.#then when i start participating in the conversation she immediately asks “so how are you feeling about losing all your hair”#THEN she has the audacity to say to my uncle “yeah its sort of a gamble hes either gonna end up hairy like the italian side or fairly #baby smooth like yall“ when she fucking KNOWS that im dysphoric about my lack of body hair #and this happens every time! and its out of nowhere constantly!#all the while the cis men in the room are fucking bullying me with all this toxic masculinity bullshit!#sometimes i just wish i had never come out is all im saying #kept this a secret until i became an adult yknow. yeah i would have to do everything myself but it wouldn't be like this #just because i told you that you could call me a fag doesnt mean youre suddenly allowed to do microagressions constantly #shes tickled to fucking death with calling my future bottom growth my “teenie weenie” what the fuck! what the fuck!!!#and meanwhile every time i try to say words or make a joke my dad and grandpa jump on the fucking opportunity to correct me! or cut me off!#sorry im fucking exhausted i barely slept at all the night before last and got i think maybe 7 hours of sleep at most last night #and i just got out of therapy which always wears me out

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orcelito · 9 months ago

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As for my post this morning. If anyone was worried. Me personally I'm okay (I guess) but my dad's in the hospital and things r still very up in the air. So.

#speculation nation #bracing myself for the possibility of Major Grief.....2!!!!#well actualy more like 3 or 4 or 5 (lol lol lol)#but likely the worst one bc it's. my dad. that's my dad.#i left work early to visit him at the hospital. hes stable rn at least (he wasnt this morning)#he wasnt conscious though. and i really really hope he ends up okay #but. i still saw my dad unconscious in a hospital bed hooked up to like a million tubes and #thats my dad. Thats my Dad.#im really trying to not do my processing until after i know for sure how things are gonna go #dont wanna start grieving until after he's officially gone #so im trying not to think about it. but it's still... yeah. unpleasant.#and theres a part of me thats so so resentful. if i have to have a dead parent why would it be the Good one?#take my fucking mom instead. hell my life would even be BETTER without her. horrible as that is to say.#but it's my dad. he's not perfect. he has his flaws. but he's still tried in a way she never ever did.#seeing him like that makes me feel so... small. makes me remember being picked up by him.#makes me remember riding on the back of his harley as a tiny little 10 year old with a helmet that was giant on me #we'll hope for the best. we'll hope for a recovery. even if not a full recovery. i just want to have my dad.#sorry. this is probably too real for my tumblr dot com. it's just been... a lot today.#negative/#death/#hospitals ment/#idfk. sorry

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sepiasys · 15 days ago

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Quality interaction that just happened

I love having a quotebook in SP XD

#sepiasys.txt #There's definitely multiple of us here rn; totally. I'm really fuckin sleepy and I feel like soup and like #I felt really bad and left out and I couldn't explain why entirely because it didn't feel like mine? Like an intrusion really ig.#then I'd kinda snap out of it but mainly bc YouTube distraction is peak; and now it's just. idk. i feel like soup #If I'm aggro it's probably because B came in; said he loves us (/p); and then just left after the openly dejected response we gave #So you can imagine that was really damn unpleasant to experience? because that just. why??? I dont get why you're coming in here to say that #and then you just immediately leave like my response didn't matter being confirming I heard you??? Like what the fuck.#Anyways I'm pretty sure... most of us? were or at present??#I know ☕️ was. I feel like *I* would be 🪴; 👑 said that stupid shit after a whole daydream(?) about going out and being at a restaurant #(it was about we need to do that more; get used to ordering food; and we're allowed to be an obnoxious/mildly unpleasant customer. ykyk.)#(and then somehow it got to realizing oh yeah he wouldn't look like he does iw; he would look like the body; and that whole spiel above with #how the body looks as he talks to himself in front of a nonexistent mirror (we're in bed not the bathroom))#Btw I literally cannot tell if it's me arguing with myself or some other bitch doing it. I can't tell if I'm capable of that because like.#some of them are legitimate arguments. but idk if it's in the pro/con way or these two individuals are actually yelling at each other way :/#idk shit's fucked. Also *fuck* I can feel myself getting more awake/less tired. Dammit! I'm just gonna fuckin play YouTube videos again ffs #Yeah no multiple of us have to be present to some extent that's so fucking obvious

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derpinette · 9 months ago

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whenever a guy approaches me i start wishing i had a giant forehead tattoo that reads "I AM NOT & WILL NEVER EVER BE INTERESTED LEAVE ME ALONE PERMANENTLY" so i could flash it at them

#you know since i have bangs #just leave me alone freakazoid LEAVE ME ALOOOONEEEEE #they always say i seem scared Hm probably because i am now PISS OFF #guy two days ago ( skipping today & had a free day yesterday ) entered the same class as me & tried to chat me up #did not look back at him or bother to remember his name but i shook his hand:-/ i feel compelled to not leave people hanging #felt like self immolating after He was like are you always this stiff & quiet you seem scared do you have problems #yes i do & that problem is you FUCK OFF & now he knows my name & face but IDK his i am so goddamn retarded #i just kept answering in shrugs & IDKs but what i should have done is use my FFP ( Foreigner Face Privilege ) & pretend not to understand #but since i am an english major he would have just switched to bothering me in english UGHHH WHY CAN I NOT SAY NO #i feel really disgusted with myself RN #skipped today because i am too freaked out about everything trying to come down from heart palpitations i really hate when this happens #i always feel too anxious to go after i wish i lived in a female only world but also i feel really ugly lately too #which means it should be illegal for me to go outside #also i missed my bus right by like 5 seconds the moment i was about to cross the road it flashed away so...#i took it as a sign to not go ( after waiting for ~15+ minutes... sorry i am a quitter but not that fast )

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ballercollective · 3 months ago

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Im going to kill like 10 different people if i hear another peep about payjay because oj ans paper interact in the trailoR IM GONNA LOSE ITTTT IM GONNA GO FERAL STOPPPPPPPP

#ii neg #payjay neg #URGHHHHH FUCK I HATE PAYJAY SO MUCHHHHHHHH #sorry mooties who love payjay.... but like.... i fucking hate it with my entire being..... block me unfollow me do whatever #idm #its just i am SICK and TIRED of everyone saying payjay or thinking payjay because THEY INTERACT LIKE TWICE IN THE TRAILOR #i am gonna CRY #love what you love it just makes me mad and angry and i just . i cant stand payjay rn. it infuriates me that it is THE MOST POPULAR SHIP #IT WOULD NOT WORK IN CANON!!!! OJ HAS LITERALLY USED PAPER MULTIPLE TIMES FOR HIS OWN GAIN #he also left him on that cactus in s1ep10 [even if he told him to.. wtf at least try to take him with you????]#dude paper did EVERYTHING for oj and what did oj do? give him some hugs and be like “thanks paper! i forgive you!!” and then go be ableist??#dude. bro.#oj triggered paper multiple times [s1ep11. s1ep13 [TWICE].]#he LITERALLY used him to win in the penultimate poll [even if paper said “nice idea!” how could he have known that he would be ok with it??]#dude. ok. i need to sit down.#i am geeking out #i am NOT ok rn i need to. i need to go do stuff.#ughhhh im sorry for the rantttt i just. i am VERY passionate about this #tldr fuck you oj and if i see payjay i will kill myself 40 times in my head over it #ghhhhgh

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olliedollie1204 · 7 months ago

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the little prince is earnestly an extremely good movie except i can never watch it again bc the one time i did i fully cried for 30 straight minutes abt the ending

#just choking out to my sister 'they're. never. gonna. see. each. other. aGAIIIIIN' (sobs)#her: 'but he's going home to his planet! his flower needs him!'#me (beyond inconsolable): 'BUT SHE'S NOT NICE TO HIM!!!!!!!!'#and yes if my partner were here she would insist i add that i cried so hard i did in fact throw up on myself :/ whatever.#also this happened like. 4 months ago skdjfhdjskjdhfjds #my posts #it's such a good fucking movie. makes me want to die from sadness tho #but all this to say. i am v emotionally constipated rn #so i did consider watching it tonight to help me actually cry #but i dont think i can handle that rn djfhgfjdks

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lunar-fey · 5 months ago

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oh yeah not sure where we're at w money btw. we might be able to get some of it back but we wont know anything concrete until friday

#the fey speaks #which is why i haven't been reblogging the d0n0 post #like. i got $115 total and we Do need to buy groceries before friday and also some of it has already been spent on gas for getting to work #so what i'm saying is the support i got so far has already be immensely helpful #i am just not sure how much more help i will need or by when. or anything. until friday.#and i'd hate to keep askin only to end up not needing it ig. that said if anyone still wants to send me a few bucks while understanding tha #i won't say no. there are many things i need money for in this world rn. like a new belt. been thinking abt a cane. but idk how much it #would help so i haven't been able to justify the cost to myself #but like. there's probably better things you could be doing with your money rn.#also its been really hard for me to get info bc no one (my parents. whose bank acct it was.) wants to fucking talk about it #like. i live here too idk i think i should be allowed to know like what days bills are due and exactly how much they cost!#bc originally i was told (by my mom) that Literally All of our bills were due this past monday. and we would have #no power water or gas. but we still do. somehow. so idfk #and she won't talk to me abt it if i ask she just Stops Responding or walks away #and if i try to ask dad he just responds “i don't know” or starts crying. or like self loathing spiral #so basically. even if we get 100% of the original money back #its ALSO possible we will have a shit tone of late fees and overdraft fees to pay. no clue : )

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autopsytableromance · 6 months ago

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I know it’s bad bc he got a haircut and still want his stupidass :/

#we haven’t been scheduled together at in a way where we can just annoy each whenever we want in a while so instead every so often he’ll just #come stand behind our desk and either say dumb shit or not talk at all and I just.#like he came over when I had gone to check on the other site and when I got back he was saying to my coworker (they had never interacted)#oh I don’t need anything im just here (and then I walk around the corner and he goes from anxious to smiling) to harass them #so basically what if I killed myself.#fingers crossed he fucking is scheduled at sl this weekend but I think he said he isn’t? idk he was walking away when he said it and I #can’t hear for shit.#he came over while I was trying to fix one of our printers (so I was kneeing bc they’re on the ground) and I looked up at him to say #something and he made eye contact and then looked away so fast and did not look at me the rest of the interaction so like.#basically I need to [redacted] rn. it would fix both of us probably.#it’s so bad an obvious everytime we interact I think probably every one of my coworkers knows #prsnl #work guy -_-

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magentagalaxies · 8 months ago

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having a moment about my gender rn and i'm just like ugggggh @ my brain do we have to. like can we just not

#i need to go to bed soon bc i have a 10am class tomorrow but shoutout to the identity crisis i've been having since at least feb 6th #idk if identity crisis is even the right word. bc like one thing about me is that i have a very solid sense of self #like i know who i am and what i want and how i move through the world and what it feels like to be me #but in terms of how i label and explain that to others? that's where the identity crisis comes in #but no one else gets to experience me in first person POV so the descriptors i use and they ways i present myself are reality to them #and tbh? as i think about how some of the descriptors i use for myself don't accurately describe me some people are getting mad???#which is so fucking bizarre bc like. what the fuck it's my gender why are YOU being offended???#but it's also making me low key be like ''wait am i a bad person now????''#even tho i don't believe morality works like that. idk it's just been an exhausting month and a half #if anyone wants to hear more in depth thoughts on all this i would love to vent about it #(but not rn bc i will be going to bed as soon as i get this all out)#but like what i will say now is even tho this past month and a half has been ROUGH (for several reasons especially gender)#and people might expect that me spending so much time with scott in february made it more exhausting #which is understandable we love scott but touring in general is tiring and also i am the most opinionated person i've ever met but so is he #and also like. if you've heard scott talk about gender it's very obvious we disagree on a lot of things and he doesn't shy away from that #but the thing is. i'd actually say spending so much time with scott (even when we talk about gender. even when we *argue* about gender)#was actually such a good thing for me throughout all of this bc even when we disagree on semantics of labels #scott actually sees me beyond that rather than reducing my identity to what i call myself #which is how a lot of well-meaning allys tend to treat me. like i'm just one thing.#so when i'm with scott i never really have to think about my gender #bc he doesn't treat me like i'm (insert whatever gender people treat me like). he just treats me like i'm jessamine #and i'm tired of having to explain myself into smaller pieces so people can pretend to get it #but i feel like there's no way not to do that in our society rn especially at my ''progressive'' liberal arts college

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dandyshucks · 7 months ago

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okay stressful event done, hopefully i can be calm and normal again starting tomorrow 🙏

everyone put your lucky clovers and horseshoes together for me to hope that I did not get covid because I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE ENTIRE VICINITY WEARING A MASK. OUT OF 200 ISH PEOPLE. FUCK !

#but i wore it and i ignored all the stares and strange looks ppl gave me #i do not want to be further disabled jesus christ please i am hoping against hope I'll be okay #i did not have a choice in the matter of going or not but holy shit it was not worth going even 😭😭 it was so bad fjfkdl #I can't say much abt it bc I'll end up doxxing myself but it was so bad. and i wish i had not gone dbfkdl #also my mother was so mean and saying some random guy was disgusting and meanwhile i was like ummm awooga 👀#she is so fucking awful and i hate it. he had a bit of a belly sticking out from his shirt bc he was stretching and he had body hair #and um. well. we all know how Normal i am about that sort of guy.... Not Normal At All LMAO #it just makes me feel more affirmed in choosing to not ever share my art w my mother lmfao #she would hate what i draw. and I'm trying not to let that get to me but .... oh well i guess !#even though i learned at like age 11 that i shouldn't even try to share my creations w her i still yearn for approval or whatever #UMMM LOL WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT RN OOPS SORRY. I'll go skitter off into the night now DBFJDKL #HOPEFULLY I'LL BE NORMAL TOMORROW BLEASE... also i need to go see what Chase was posting earlier augh #dandy.cmd #vent //

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sensitivegoblin · 11 months ago

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Vent

#I need a hug #I just feel like hopeless shit tbh #I wanna do something to cheer myself up but I'm just so depressed nothing feels worth it #I don't have any crochet inspiration #my hair is in a cloth so makeup would look good/feel worth it #anything I wanna write is sad #I just want something to make me happy rn but I'm not gonna get it :(#I don't even have the will power to do basic skin care rn #usually I feel a lil better after but ugh #I just...don't feel like i care about anything #I wish I could go completely nonverbal so that I wouldn't anger the people around me #all my life is consistent of is listening to people but no one listens to me #my dad thinks we talk a lot but really it's HIM talking and me going 'yeah' every now and then #he says its not true but it is #I never get to talk to anyone I never get to go off into my autistic rants like he does #my moods really fluctuating between feeling nothing and feeling like I need to c*t and d*e #I need a hug that I don't have to fucking ask for........#I'm either dazing and nothing or I'm barely holding in my tears #I wanna take a Tbreak cus I feel like that doesn't help #but it's really hard to NOT smoke when in pain #I dunno man my life just feels like it's never getting better.#I wanna be saved but that's never happening I'm not pretty enough to even hope that someone will finally give me my big break #feeling just hurts I wanna shut off but it's driving me mad

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