#anything I wanna write is sad
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Vent
#I need a hug#I just feel like hopeless shit tbh#I wanna do something to cheer myself up but I'm just so depressed nothing feels worth it#I don't have any crochet inspiration#my hair is in a cloth so makeup would look good/feel worth it#anything I wanna write is sad#I just want something to make me happy rn but I'm not gonna get it :(#I don't even have the will power to do basic skin care rn#usually I feel a lil better after but ugh#I just...don't feel like i care about anything#I wish I could go completely nonverbal so that I wouldn't anger the people around me#all my life is consistent of is listening to people but no one listens to me#my dad thinks we talk a lot but really it's HIM talking and me going 'yeah' every now and then#he says its not true but it is#I never get to talk to anyone I never get to go off into my autistic rants like he does#my moods really fluctuating between feeling nothing and feeling like I need to c*t and d*e#I need a hug that I don't have to fucking ask for........#I'm either dazing and nothing or I'm barely holding in my tears#I wanna take a Tbreak cus I feel like that doesn't help#but it's really hard to NOT smoke when in pain#I dunno man my life just feels like it's never getting better.#I wanna be saved but that's never happening I'm not pretty enough to even hope that someone will finally give me my big break#feeling just hurts I wanna shut off but it's driving me mad
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Saying Sorry Will Never Be Enough
Feeling a bit angsty so I had this idea.
Danny is dating one of the Bats/Birds, and everything is going great, amazing even! They know each other secrets (from powers to everything etc), they have a wonderful place to live (even if its in Gotham), Danny is in college on the way to becoming a space engineer (and he does side jobs for unrestful ghosts), he's actually getting sleep again since leaving Amity Park, gets along with their friends and family (those who Danny or his partner still talk to, up to the writer), there is even talk about marriage and perhaps adoption/kids in the future between Danny and the Bat/Bird he's dating!
Everything is setting up for a good life in his future, something Danny didn't think could have after his accident. He was happy finally, and currently packing up his old apartment because he's moving in with his partner in a few days.
So he felt like his core was being pulled out of him when he opens his apartment door one day receiving a knock to find his parents, who had hadn't seen since they kicked him out of the house after coming clean about being Phantom (their words of anger and denial that their son was 'dead' and now a monster, still hurt)
Sure they didn't attack him or proclaim he's dead but still their last words and anger HURT.
Danny didn't give them a chance to open their mouths, both looking nervous and guilty, before he slams the door close and turns invisible, grabs his phone, and fly's out of his apartment to his partner's place in a panic attack.
His partner, isn't happy.
#danny phantom#danny fenton#crossover#dp x dc#blue rambles#danny phantom dc#writing ideas#random idea#dpxdc#Who Danny is dating is up to the writer/reader#Danny is happy only to feel dread when he sees his parents at his front door#Jack and Maddie have come to try to make amends#does it work? idk again leaving it open for people to play with#they didn't attack him after finding out he's Phantom or proclaim him dead but they said some nasty stuff#Danny booked it out of Amity after that though not wanting to risk it#Danny's partner isnt happy to find their boyfriend in a panic attack after getting a sos text#its been a few years since he and his parents have seen each other#Danny and his partner relationship with their own families/friends are once again left open for the writer/reader to play with#Is Danny still friends with Sam and Tucker? Or have they grown apart after Danny left? Was Sam upset he 'abandoned' Amity Park/her?#Was Tucker upset too? Idk again leaving it up to anything#Is he still in contact with Jazz? Or has she been pushing him to try to talk with their parents only it keeps rubbing Danny wrong#IDK I felt angsty today and wanna make some people join me in my sad corner. Join me. Join me. Join meeeeeeeeeee -pats seat next to me-
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There's a severe lack of coffin sex in the AO3 tags when it comes to the vampire fandoms. I know Hellsing should have it, I think I've read a fic with coffin sex, but it is rare. Hell, Castlevania is also surprisingly lacking. It's surprising. Why the fuck are the vampire fandoms less horny when it comes to coffins, while the fucking Sims and SVSS seem to have it downpat with only one having it with vampires.
#it's both hilarious and sad#makes me wanna write a smut fic with this prompt#however I'm currently in the hellsing fandom#and a lesbian#so idk how to go about writing that considering Alucard is mostly male#and that one female form of his is like 12#anyway#enjoy my rambles#hellsing#vampires#coffin sex#honoray mention to Scum Villain's Self-saving system#I don't know how you are ahead of the vampire fandoms but you are#Castlevania#Dracula#this was brought to you by my partner telling me about their fandoms and my brain hyperfixating#feel free to add anything else#I'm sure I'm being broad#but it's really surprising and funny that the coffin sex tag is almost never used in the vampire fandoms
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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Gonna be so for real right now
Real life fucking sucks, this is why i spend so much time writing fics and binge watching Doctor Who because I’ll tell you right now I can’t afford my damn student loan payments and I’m sorry but no amount of skipping out on $7 coffee and not going out to eat is going to help me pay over $600 a month for just one set of loans; that money (and more than that!) has to go towards my rent, my electric bill, my internet so I can even pay those other fucking bills and idk groceries and gas in the car so I can even get to work to make the money
But hey. Go ahead and make me feel like shit for buying coffee before work to keep my ass awake because I can’t afford adhd meds or therapy.
#but hey other people have it worse for me and all I wanna do is sit and cry in the corner about my sad pathetic life#fuck this im so fucking tired of feeling like treating myself to anything is something to feel guilty about#and I’m tired of being hungry. tired of having no idea how to enjoy living when I’m simply exisiting#personal#depression tw#mental illness#you want real caboose this is real caboose: I’m not fucking fine#but catch me writing twojamie later cuz it makes me fucking HAPPY damn it and sometimes thats the only thing i can do so i dont cry
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I cannot believe the wicked games Drabble was 5000 words long like basically a full ass fic and the low amount of notes it got…
#it makes my heart literally SINK like…#now how am I supposed to post wg4 which is 25k words????#it will not get any interaction and I’m just done#like I just cannot post it#it’ll legit kill me 🥲🥲🥲🥲 to see it flop#after I poured my heart and soul into writing something so fucking long and making sure it was good#just bc I knew I had to give you guys something long and exciting to read#but what’s the point#like I cannot believe it… I literally just cannot believe it and I don’t want to post anything anymore#omfg#I know many people will read this and roll their eyes and find this annoying#like I’m complaining or whatever#honestly think what you want to think#I’m just so shocked and legit unhappy#like so fucking unhappy#like bummed the fuck out#that it’s come to this#I don’t wanna post shit anymore lol#idk if it’s the algorithm or genuinely people don’t fuck with my fics anymore#I just don’t understand#but you guys have to understand how it would kill me on the inside if I posted a 25k fic and it got next to no interaction#like I just….#I’m scared it would make me quit writing completely#bc I’m THIS close#I feel so fucking sad bro idek#like it makes me wanna fucking cry#how… a few months ago everything was fine#now it feels like everyone’s gone#and I wasted my fucking time writing a chapter so fucking long that no one’s gonna read#WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME
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I’m sorry I end up almost never posting fics when i say I’d like to :( i keep forgetting my limitations with my health, and I don’t mean to get anyone’s hopes up when I say I’d like to post something soon, bc I truly do mean that, but it’s hard when your body demands way more than it should.
I’m grateful anyone at all is excited when I post WIPs, but I’m sorry for always being delayed on fics :(
#last night I had a doc open for hours and couldn’t focus on writing more than 3 sentences#tonight I’m nauseous and sad and just kinda wanna rot away in bed more than anything#I hope I can get my shit together soon I’m really sorry y’all#house.txt
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🌻 ₊˚⊹ ࿔ 🌳
#the weather is so lovely today. it’s breezy and cool but the sun is warm so it’s not too cold or too hot out.#i wish it was like this forever.#ive been feeling so tired lately. physically n mentally & idk if its an underlying health issue or bc i haven’t been sleeping super well#the past few days i wake up in the middle of the night but im able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. but i STILL feel exhausted.#im supposed to talk about my lab results w my doc tmrw on the phone so. i hope everything is okay but tbh i wouldn’t be surprised if#something wasn’t optimal. my iron was okay last time i checked it though. sigh i just idefk anymore.#im sick of everything. im irritable for no reason. i don’t wanna do anything. like anything. i just want to rot in my bed#and even my interests are slowly slipping away from me. writing? couldn’t care less if i don’t write anything for the rest of the year tbh.#reading? i couldn’t even care to browse the shelves when we went to the bookstore the other day and it scared the shit out of me#kpop? meh.#i have a massive to do list and uni starts in a month and i have no energy. + dealing with my own brain and nonsensical thoughts on top#of that. overthinking anxiety all that super great stuff.#im also sick of putting in 110% into my relationships and getting half of it back. family friends whoever. and it makes me so sad. +#i feel like nobody even understands me. or even tries to or wants to.#im just tired#sick and tiredddddd#actually a bit sick too my throat hurts#anyways whatever#it’ll be fine i guess#i don’t want to give up but i don’t have any desire to push through im sort of just. floating. ill deal with it when i deal with it#♡ dear diary…
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my darling writers, i have a curiosity: what does your writing setting look like? what does your ideal setting look like, what does it actually look like on a good day, and what does it look like on an average day? what about the most inopportune setting you had to endure?
by setting i mean everything from the space, furniture, supplies, lighting, time of day, weather, music, snacks, drinks, clothing... literally anything. i am both trying to figure out what atmosphere works for me, and trying to come to terms with my subpar non-writeblresque environment; i know some of the best works on ao3 were written on smartphones by overstimulated highschool kids crammed at the back of jam-packed buses — but i still feel like an impostor for not having a cute desk or a proper routine or colour-coded planners. idk please tell me i'm not alone 🥲 i do have a neat system on notion though!
#i watched some writer!aesthetic tiktoks and now i'm sad#not trying to come across as pick-me or quirky or anything. i have big envy for organised cozy writers. i just wanna see what the reality is#also genuinely curious to see everyone's process and bts!#writing
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What if I do something I don't have literally any time for and write a les mis fic? For old times sake. What if I did that instead of studying?
#i will write a dynamic so thouroughly entreched it's like theyre bound by the same god#and that god is me#im just saying. ive got the nucleus of an idea and maybe i should make it exist as a lil bby oneshot#instead of working on the fic i wanna work on 😬#or again. doing anything useful or productive#but it calls to me. write a sad story of maybe mermaids and doomed prophets it says. make it a tragedy but only half sad#do my followers kno i used to b obsessed with les mis? do they kno my enjoltaire era?#do thry kno weird ideas used to burn thru my brain until i had to write thrm out while my head was on fire and i was swept away by the#desolation of my own mind? do thry kno? ya kno?#screaming crying and throwing up over something i dont have time for. ive got another wake to attend lol#and i didnt sleep too much last night. dogs woke me in the night with their howling#unrelated
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bleg
#delete later#venting in the tags#just ignore me im having a moment#whats even the point in writing anymore#im getting nowhere with it#I was excited to write today and work on it and now I dont even wanna touch anything ive made#theres no point becacuse whatever I write I cant actually write anything good#theres any other person that could do whatever lackluster idea I have better#im so angry and overwhelmed and I dont even want to write anymore#When people way younger than me do things so much better than I do#and ive been writing for almost 10 years and ive gotten nowhere with it#theres no point#i cant focus long enough to make anything good. everythingi s rushed otherwise I wont finish it#ill never survive trying to actually get publisjhed#because I cant do anything for longer than a day#this sucks im so angry right now and im sad and overwhelmed and I feel bad about my writing#and I want to punch something im so close to snapping right now
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my brain, for absolutely no reason whatsoever: hey what if we think about the sheer finality of death and have a crisis about it real quick
#WUH HUH WHY ARE WE DOING THIS!!! WY ARE WE DOING THIS BRAIN#THIS SHIT IS FUCKING SCARY I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT IT#thunderclap#i will not put my thoughts in writing to not scare anyone either but hello!!! why!!!#im not feeling sad or anything or mentally unwell either this is just out of tha fuckin blue babey WHY#cherish the moments you have and the time that you have i suppose or the Thoughts are gonna getcha
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Fleki x lycion as was promised . They hook up and talk about how much they hate everything because what else did you expect
#by the will pf GOD this will post anyone who knows me and knows my writing idk why i wrote this really its not my best work . I do like it#i was too sad to write about my issues but i didnt want to not write anything at all so#dungeon meshi#the canaries#lycion#fleki#idk man im DOING BAD#i do wanna do something with the character but i feel like this was a very mid start . If i wanna write more chapters i dont want the fic to#i just am amazed by how transgender they are . Maybe ill write another chapter talking about that
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Quick PSA about this blog
The anon and I sorted it out over DMs so all is good now!
I'm not a huge Tetocest fan or anything, I just like it when someone draws really nice drawings of them and they happen to be Teto x Teto, so the chance of me drawing Teto x Teto is kinda low but not zero. Like I wrote in my chart, I mostly treat them as a cute pair of sisters, and that chart was a Miku x Teto chart because Negidrill is my OTP.
If I ever make Tetocest art, it's not with the assumption that they're sisters or related or seeing each other in a familial way. I'm grossed out by incest of any kind, and I'm also grossed out by pseudo-incest. Tetocest (selfcest) is literally Teto x herself/a different version of herself, not a relative or anything, so I wanted to make that clear.
I'll be tagging all my stuff that isn't quick doodles/text, so if you're anti-Tetocest or Teto x Teto or something, you can blacklist that tag or avoid me altogether because I don't hate it. The chance I'll draw actual Teto x Teto that isn't cute platonic love is like 5% though, 'cuz I like Miku x Teto more than anything and that's my main priority.
If anyone has beef with anything I like, I absolutely encourage you to unfollow me or avoid me because this is where I post art of MY interests and I don't want to be treated like a criminal in my own space.
My Miku x Teto is NOT proship (I always ship them around the same age) and I don't support proship or anything weird/immoral. I'm fine with criticism if I do something wrong but please don't be aggressive towards me because Mktt is extremely precious to me and I don't want to be chased away from my own space. You won't believe my ability to self-isolate lol but I'm not afraid of being alone, even if my love for Mktt will never die (especially not 'cuz of anyone).
For now I'll continue to draw/write Mktt/Voca/UTAUloid art at my own leisure with my own headcanons and interests, and I'm not doing it for attention. I'm doing it out of love for the characters.
Thanks for reading! ^^
#tldr; i'm not a diehard fan of tetocest but#i dont hate it either#mktt is still my otp#dont trash my interests pls since i'm in my own lane#that is all!#btw i might be low activity for a week or two cuz finishing something i procrastinated thru mktt#but after that i wanna go all in on mktt art!! i love ngdrll a lot#it makes me extremely happy so if people trash it or attack me then i'll get defensive/heated#im sharing stuff out of love and spreading the love but if i am only greeted with hate then#i wont disappear but u will not be given access to my stuff or me. like?? please.#looking forward to miku's bday! i havent figured out if i can do anything for her yet!#dont hate on anon btw it was a misunderstanding#they're anonymous anyway so u cant namedrop but i want to put this behind me now#mktt stop putting me thru rollercoaster emotions challenge (failed)#it's cuz i love them so much ok. sob 😭#u would get it too if you loved them as much as me#it's like being stabbed btw whenever anything bad happens lmao.#idk how that feels but all i know is the pain is felt and sharp and sad#it's not an addiction or an obsession. i just love them. end of.#hopefully forever#if u were me u'd get it but im not writing my backstory heh#i dont love them in a pathetic/unwilling way. it's all 100% choice and conscious#the really strong emotions however. those i do not choose lmfao.
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hmmmmhmhmhmhm whats wrong with my brain
#rambling#I've had absolutely no desire to do anything for several days now#Like nothing sounds like it would bring me joy#not drawing; not writing; not baking or playing games#I'm not sad; I don't feel depressed#I just like#the only thing I wanna do is scroll endlessly through youtube shorts#and im trying NOT to bc I know that's not good for me but. bleh
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...
#Aight; little thing before i get ready for work#For a little while I've been making an AU where kenny abuses the shit outta craig. (They're basically my OCs at this point lol)#And as I was thinking about the darker parts of the story i was like 'why does this seem so familiar????'#Then i realized... Killing Stalking. Cunty blonde guy hurting a sad dark haired guy lol#(Though it's not gonna be nearly as heavy as that manhwa. I decided there won't be anything extreme in this fic. If i get to writing it)#I dont post about most of the AUs i make in this fandom cuz honestly i suck at prose#But for once i feel like i have; like; an actual story and not just one specific scene with nothing around it#That makes me wanna write it down and put it out there for other people to see#Alright gotta run now. See ya
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