#this is just a stupid like thing to me but it makes me sad cause I don’t even hate seeing depictions of Curly as more aware and
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I've always agreed with this take. Just because you're older than just outta high school doesn't mean you're not into some or a lot of the same things you could've been in high school, but it also doesn't mean your problems just disappear.
I see people often say he's "too young" simply because of how he acts about his family. While I do agree he's immature for acting the way he does, it is understandable to some extent when you consider his family's situation and the fact that they're all very different individuals. It's kinda like he held onto grudges and let any kind of animosity fester, and, in turn, maybe Demetrius did the same. I mean, there's only so many "you're not my dad" arguments and angst one man can take before it just turns into a complete avoidance of him to avoid any kind of argument. Given Demetrius comes off as kind of awkward and very absorbed in his work, I imagine that probably led to a lot of misunderstandings between them, although that still doesn't necessarily mean he gets the sole blame for everything. I actually believe the fault lies in the entire family for their dysfunctionality.
With Maru, I actually imagine most of his dislike toward her is probably resentment and jealousy since people generally like Maru, and she's got a bright future that others are able to see and root for since she is more personable. I can see Sebastian letting his insecurities get the better of him in that regard, especially since he's obviously depressed and anxious, which does a number on your self-esteem, especially when you're isolating yourself like Sebastian does. He sees her as everything he isn't and it's turned into a strong dislike (I say dislike instead of hate because I don't believe he actually hates her. I genuinely do believe it's jealousy and resentment that causes him to act the way he does toward her). It could also be as an act of defiance against Demetrius, although I don't buy this one as much because it feels colder than I imagine Sebastian would dare to be, but it is still a possibility.
As for Robin, I just think she was overbearing and given that Sebastian was young when Maru was born, and I've always imagined that being shortly after her marriage to Demetrius, I'm sure that led him to feel "replaced" which is a common feeling some older siblings have, especially during the baby stages since they need more attention. I know I've had my fair share of that growing up as I have two younger siblings who were born when I was quite small. That could go along with his dislike of Maru as well. Plus, I mean, teenagers often get distant from their parents. It just could simply be that he never made the transition back into being close with her again after that, perhaps because he felt too awkward to.
Whatever the case may be, family problems don't just disappear because you're an adult, and his leaving to the city is honestly probably hugely motivated by these issues. It's sad, and like I said, he's not the most mature in how he handles them, but that's why I've always headcannoned that after he's married or maybe after he's left the house that it's only then that he's able to appreciate his family and mend his relationships with them. Overall, I think if Sebastian ever wanted things to change, he'd have to be the one to initiate it because I fear he's closed himself off so much from them that nobody else would make the attempt.
Maybe Im just projecting a little bit as I'm going through a lot right now myself with mental health, and it honestly has made me do and say some pretty stupid and honestly immature things. It's a problem that I'm working on, though. But, yeah, I do see myself a lot in Sebastian, so I very well could be projecting a little there.
Anyways, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk, I love Sebastian so much, sorry for the rant lol.
I really dislike it when Seb is portrayed like he's fresh out of high school or something and how often this happens. The guy is most likely over 25 already and while he might not have that much experience with relationships, he's way more mature and adult than given credit for.
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Seb comes to Fernando's bedside to cheer him up! (aka resolving my turmoil over there being no vettonso moments yesterday)(long gif!!!)
+ what if Fernando hadn't been out sick!
#oh my god what the fuck have i made 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#this is my magnum opus.....#i love these projects where i keep going back and forth btwn#I CANT FINISH THIS to IM GONNA FINISH THIS SO HADD#and i DID finish it. at 5 am. sick.#im oddly proud of this despite how fucking stupid it is 😭😭#its so hilarious to me 😭😭😭😭#ty to suzuki as always for contributing by being my fellow freak <3#i love how i been able to finish anything lately cause I've been busy and stressed#like i keep putting off stuff just to work on this for four hours straight#I NEEDED IT TO BE RELEVANT#also its up to you to decide if seb is actually wearing that or if its fernando's fever dream#WAAAUGHHHHHHH IM STILL SO SAD THERES NO PICS OF THEM#sry i am actually delirious rn oh my god#WHY DIDNT THEY MEEETTTTTTTTTT AAAAGGHHHHH :(((#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2024 brazilian gp#catie.art.#normal things that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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okay ill bite why do u hate kaoru sakuraba sidem aside from the fact that they went from hokuto as a main blue to downgrade to kaoru. to make it less awkward that I’m asking abt sidem on ur osomatsu side blog, what sidem idols would u assign to each matsu ?
i think sideM should collab w osomatsu-san and put them all in Beit so they can all get JOBS!!!!!!
anyways i hate kaoru from idolmaster sideM. i need all my osomatsu-san side blog followers to know that i hate this man. "i need a lot of money fast to pursue an extremely niche medical research track, which is why i quit my stable and high paying job as a surgeon to become an idol while having no soft skills, physical strength or stamina, or interest in getting along with people" are you Stupid??
he's not even using his idol clout to spread awareness of the rare disease he's trying to cure (like SEM does) so it can secure funding, he sees it 100% as a job and refuses to have fun, he is actively unpleasant and uncooperative in every interaction with his coworkers because he's trying to "rise to the top". it seems like the only thing he has going for him are his looks and that he kind of liked to sing when he was a kid. why not become a model at that point when you have the personality of a wet tree trunk. or better yet why not STAY A FUCKING DOCTOR!!!!!
also, i don't like meganes, so write that down.
#context for oomfiematsus: idolmaster sideM's gimmick is that all the idols were other things before becoming idols#Beit is the unit whose gimmick is that all their members have part time jobs (baito)#others are like. lawyer -> idol; pilot -> idol; pianist -> idol; rakugoka -> idol; etc#finding out the backstories/previous lives of these idols is like the main appeal of this branch#a lot of times it's like trauma and stuff that causes them to switch careers. like there's a pair of twins who were former soccer pros#but one suffers a career-ending injury and it's sad. and theyre like well we were pretty good at PR and stuff though so let's be idols#(the other twin follows him because yknow twinsies <3 cant be apart)#and this guy is in the main unit so you meet him and he's just a fucking dick the whole time and he just seems to fucking hate being an ido#so the whole time youre like what's this guy's deal#(note i experienced this through the anime cuz all the games are EOS lol)#and then like 3/4ths into the anime in you finally get his backstory#and it's that his sister died of a very rare disease so he needs money to fund research to find the cure but no one will fund it#but instead of staying a doctor he decides the best way to do this is to BECOME AN IDOL?!!!?!?#like sure i bet the top idols do make more than an average surgeon? but it's like do you want a .01% chance to make a $2 million salary#or an 100% chance to make a $300k salary BECAUSE YOURE ALREADY A SURGEON!!!!#and it'd be another thing if he was like. kinda having fun with it. kinda being jovial#like there's literally another guy in the teacher unit who became an idol for the exact same reason (heard it was lucrative)#but then after he finds out being an idol actually isnt all that much cash#so he just decides to have fun being an idol instead!!!!#this guy NEVER GETS THERE. he's always a SERIOUS RUDE STICK IN THE MUD who is NEVER FUN TO BE AROUND BECAUSE HE'S LIKE#I'm Here For Work. I'm Here To Be The Best Idol. I Don't Want To Make Friends#LIKE GET REEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL DUDE YOUR COWORKERS ARE 10 YEAR OLDS IN ANIMAL COSTUMES AND 30 YEAR OLD MEN IN PINK TIGHTS.#anyways everyone likes him i guess he's supposed to be the “cold guy eventually opens his heart” kind of guy but he has always just come of#as very annoying to me. and also DUMB AS FUCK i cannot stress enough how STUPID OF A CAREER CHOICE THIS WAS#so i cant take him seriously when they try to play him up as this cool all-knowing guy when he's the STUPIDEST PERSON AT THIS COMPANY#INCLUDING THE 9 YEAR OLDS
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My post about Anya is making like a little ruckus on Twitter and I think it’s crazy how many people like have a problem with it.
Like you don’t have to agree with how I characterize Anya and her actions but it’s more like, why are you focused on only one aspect of her character? Why are you removing nuance from the situation? I don’t see it as giving Curly the benefit of the doubt when it comes to doing better for Anya, but as exploring his character and hers relationship with a the very little authentic facts we get about them. In truth, there’s a lot more I wish Curly did, even if it wasn’t pragmatic but I realize the issue there.
The first psychological horror game in a while that’s real intricate in its storytelling and makes you need to really need to address the morality of intentions and its already getting torn asunder smh 😔
#I don’t know if it’s the case of people who hate curly and think he should’ve just killed Jimmy won’t accept anything else#but I really am trying to get the idea that they were stuck for over a year in space together on a ship barely kept together with wildly#different and conflicting personalities who also got more hostile because they know they are going home to unemployment#it sounds heartless to say and he should have prioritized her more but in his head that’s not the only thing he has to manage and he has to#fit the necessary actions to take in his head with all that including his perception of them as a friend vs as a boss#idk I just don’t believe Curly was comforting Jimmy with the intent of helping him get rid of Anya. he wanted to help both of them he went#about it horribly like the game is literally about realizing how misguided you can be and that responsibility#and how to be responsible look different even if there are better options like it’s just weird just block my ass dawg#also I think the argument of how could the situation be worse if he stopped Jimmy is stupid cause it’s under the guise that Curly would#assume someone he trusted would just try and commit murder suicide or he’d get degloved and all his crew directly#or indirectly killed by that friend like sorry if that’s a reach statement like adding#your supplementary thoughts is how analysis is born but adding facts about events we don’t know happened and treating them like character#truths is lame is a cop out from actually engaging with parts of the story that adds grey areas to characters you wants to see in black#this is just a stupid like thing to me but it makes me sad cause I don’t even hate seeing depictions of Curly as more aware and#accommodating to Jimmy purposely but I need you to understand he thought he was doing the right thing for both his friends and his closest#friend but the key point is he thought he was doing right for both of them like what game were we both watching???#mouthwashing#like just block me pls like Anya would not share ur mindset or hold ur hand like do more than just pity her if you like her so much
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I just kinda assumed Wars smacked Wind's bottle away and gave him a Look, but now Miry over here making me worry at midnight omfg the fic potential if that doesn't pan out
I KNOW it's almost 4am here and I'm spiraling over this kfbfkfnf
#cause like me as writer i always put comedy first before anything else so like#if i were writing LU i'd be leaving all these clues just to make a stupid joke and make everyone worry for nothing#but like jojo has Hurt some of them before lmao so like again#do i worry about this do i follow the chekhov's gun principle and believe everything is done deliberately#is this gonna end up being a haha funny thing or is there potential for a boohoo waaaaah sad thing#i am spiraling anon going completely insane#i had to pass on the insanity to y'all too I'm so sorry#miry's ask box
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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honestly I have nothing much to say about the canvas ( because I skimmed through it out of lack of interest even tho I was fixated on sbg for idk how long before you all saw DONT even lie ) but I lowkey love Ashlyn’s little dancer costume it’s very silly !!! Also kinda hoping their silly little homeless children costumes ( hopefully that’s not offensive ) come into play at one point . Like . . a school play . I’m screwing around with ideas here .
#I’d be like aiden with the face paint but everyone this time#WHY DO I THINK EVERY THING I SAY IS OFFENSIVE#hope it isn’t cause if then uh uhsms woopsys#Only real time you can call Aiden insane is when canvas him pops up#Jk#unless ?#I had an ice cream sandwich it was soooo yummy#I’m being super serious rn when I say that the ice cream sandwiches have gotten smaller please tell me you noticed it#I rummaged through my bed to find this stupid lizard ong my bed sucks for that thing I could squish it on accident#I’ve been obsessed slightly with bsd ( specifically Ranpo )#I hope he DIES !!!! ( not actually if he did I would kms#Like idk why I like him so much he’s just my cutie oatootie pookie bear meow fr fr#I’m cringe#EUFHHH I HATE GIM !!!!!#I hate character ai love cause they make me sad#HESR me out : Ranpoe but phantom fo the opera#IM COOKING SO HARD RN !!!!#TRUST#I LIVE RANPOE !!!!#NORMALLY I DONT CARE ABOUT SHIPS OFF THE BST SBD YK FRIENDSHIP BUT NUH UH THEM THEY GRRRRRR#Growls#im sorry I’m going a little coo coo please someone relate I’m going insane if I don’t draw this#Dies#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#SBG
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i <3 feeling like i'm literally always making the wrong choice
#every passing day i dig a little deeper the bottomless debt i owe my parents#monetarily and morally#and god i wish i could kill myself but noooooo i tried again and i can't fucking do it i can't#so i just. i don't know i want to be incapacitated i want to be in the psych ward forever.#i don't want to fail and never make enough money to pay for their retirement home#i don't want to have to visit them every god-knows-how-often#i don't want to be fifty years old and still having to exist in relation to my parents#and god they've done nothing BAD i shouldn't want to cut all contact with them#but it's so. i don't know. i don't know how people even do it.#like you always have to come back home you always have to act right you always have to think abt them and text them and call them#and nothing you do is ever right and you want things that can't coexist with their happiness and peace of mind#and you're an asshole in every way you're an asshole deep down and you're an asshole outwardly too#but you can't stop wanting stupid things and acting weird and demanding#and it's a curse upon them to have you near but it's literally so fucking ungrateful of you to stray away a little#and you still do it because you can't stop wanting to follow things instead of keeping to your resolutions#and trying to do the best for them#and nothing is ever the best for them it's always just bad choices cause you shouldn't even exist you're just wrong you're born wrong#you don't want things that are good for them too and you're not capable of good things#dad wants to go on vacation at his family's like twice a year. mom want to stay home and take care of business and relax this year too#even now that grandma is gone and doesn't require her to be near. cuz emptying the flat & all of that.#and it's just. cool cool i make the wrong choice whichever way.#if i stay with mom i'll make dad's family sad and inconvenience my mom and leave dad alone#if i go with dad i'll leave mom alone (also alone to work on the flat) and i'll be an annoying asshole to dad and his family#because i'm too stupid and egoistical to pretend to be fine with things that mildly inconvenience me for five seconds#and either way i won't do any fucking work because i'm a sad piece of shit and i'm going to fail the fuck out of school next year#broadcasting my misery#vent
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I’ve said it before I think but. The argument about whether you need dysphoria to be trans is mainly just an argument about the definition of the word dysphoria. People who say you Do need dysphoria to be trans tend to define it as just a state of your gender identity not matching what you were assigned at birth, or just some kind of internal sense that you are trans. People who say you Don’t need dysphoria to be trans tend to define it as self hatred, extreme discomfort with one’s appearance and genitalia, being miserable with life etc.
No room for any in between or for individuals to have personal experience w what dysphoria means for them. Which leads to a whole lot of putting words into people’s mouths and assigning beliefs to people and making up a guy to get mad at and creating mortal enemy Teams about it when there’s really a lot more agreement than we acknowledge. There will never be one universal definition of dysphoria or transness, and I think it would be beneficial if more people approached it with more nuance
#I’ve said things like this irl and people i usually agree with will look at me w visible disappointment#or like feel a need to make sure I haven’t secretly been a Bad Person all this time#and im like that is exactly what I mean#hearing statements like this and jumping right to ‘so u think all trans ppl have to be sad forever’ is crazy#I’m not even saying u need some sort of dysphoria bro im saying I Don’t Know bc no one can actually tell me what they’re asking#if ur asking ‘do all trans ppl viscerally hate their junk’ obviously no. I don’t think many ppl think that#but if ur asking ‘are trans people real or is it all just dress up’ that’s different and u know it!!#anyways I think it’s all just a stupid nothing argument and we should all go outside#it’s certainly a discussion that will get people to show their transphobia real fast#btw all of this was prompted my my textbook saying that trans ppl being forced to stay as their agab often causes dysphoria#the fact that some ppl would say that’s a bigoted statement is absolutely wild yall need trans 101 before u post#mine#txt#trans#transexual
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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This Years Thoughts On Reading. tbh
the past year i read a lot more than i had in quite some time. to be fair, i didn't finish most of the books i started, didn't start most of the books i want to read, and spent most of my time wasting time on social media still (i don't know why i can't stop doing this. i don't even enjoy it past a certain point). i didn't do well in my university classes. but for a really long time i've found it very difficult to read at all, even to read fiction. i read a lot of fiction (by my standards) this year, especially historical fiction set in ancient rome (though i also read some other good books, favorites among which are probably queer by william burroughs, night side of the river by jeannette winterson, and invisible cities by italo calvino. i also read quite a few short stories and a bit of poetry), i read or started /some/ nonfiction, i read or started /some/ ancient literature, and i had a poem and a short story published in my university's poetry journal and newspaper respectively...
but, really, i feel a little in over my head. i don't really feel like i can do this, by which i mean i still don't think i'm trying hard enough at university. i feel behind everyone else, despite the fact that since i've transferred to a different university having done 2 years before, i still have this and another year before i graduate. even though most of the people in my year will be 2 years younger than me i feel like i am behind them (did i mention that i did badly on my exams last year?)
especially before university i was never a particularly good student, honestly (i was like. a C average, though in my 3rd and 4th years of high school i started to try a little harder) and i think i spend a lot of time now fruitlessly wishing that i had tried harder and taken more of an interest in things. i still wish i tried harder. i still wish that passion was enough to fuel me to actually focus on filling out my historical reading. i wish i just didn't feel so stupid sometimes, honestly. sometimes i'll open a book that's a bit dense or technical and it just makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. i wish i was better at articulating my thoughts. i also wish i understood literary analysis or criticism. in a lot of ways now i feel dumber than i was a few years ago, and i don't know why.
#on a lighter note at least i can post about cato on here.even though i may be stupid i think i can be a little funny about history sometimes#tbh. books that made me feel stupid this year: thomas yingling's hart crane and the homosexual text. i tried to read this and it was#utterly incomprehensible to me. which was so sad because i absolutely adore hart crane he's my favorite poet. and also weird cause crane's#poems are also very obscure and hard to understand but one of the few things that makes me Not feel stupid is that i enjoy them and at leas#sort-of understand them to the degree one can (even people who study him admit that he is very difficult)#and books that made me kind of feel stupid but also feel like reading them was making me smarter: girard's violence and the sacred. i am#only like. 2 chapters into it and it takes me days to read one because it's so dense however it's one of those books that like. i can feel#it reordering the way i think about things. it's sooo fascinating and good and i started it cause i heard ppl talking about it on here#honestly i think a lot of my problems around the kind of thing in the post with school though is that i was always this person where everyo#would constantly tell me how well i could do if i would only try harder. but the problem is i just Couldnt try harder. i dont know why and#still dont know why i cant do it. it was constantly told to me that i had Potential. but i can never.actually access this supposed Potentia
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right can i just. okay. lesbian is not a genre so im not looking to lump all these shows together. got that out of the way. im also not looking to pit queer people against each other so ok checking that off the list. i am however going to go ahead and throw the misogyny card out here because it’s fucking annoying how shows that center women, especially when theyre woc and/or queer, still just don’t take off even in progressive online spaces the way any shows with our darling young gay male couples will. i’m not saying that’s, like, the Cause of them being cancelled either because we’ve been shown numbers don’t matter. and many of the “”lesbian”” shows that have been cancelled were popular otherwise. just complaining xo!
#because well maybe many of these lesbian shows are not that good. and it's hard for people to care#but also sometimes they like are. or they're not 'good' but they're still fun and if the dynamics in play were primarily#attractive young guys i personally think they'd take off. but there's no way to like prove that so im just talking out of my ass#and ALSO. regardless of the lesbian aspect of it. many of you will watch such ass shows that have like no women or one woman in it#and hype it up to all hell cause that's your babygirl#I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A GOOFY STUPID ASS DYKE TRAPPED IN A SHOW THAT ISNT THAT GOOD AND HAVE FUN!!!#i deserve pathetic women!!!!!#and also. largely upset with the most recent cancellations because of the butches/masc lesbians involved#because that you know has a special place in my heart. okay whatever#anyway. let me also add that plenty of the people who hype up mediocre gay shows are some of the most annoying people on the planet#so yk maybe it's a gift in a way to just have the illusion that the relationship begins and ends with me and my tv and one friend#but. like. the thing is is some of the tropes/dynamics/etc i see on these shows would make people go ferallllll if u know......#circumstances were different. but they just dont care. and also like. i think it's fair to be sad that ur just not getting more time#with characters u enjoy#that none of the money these streaming services get goes to even shitty quality stuff#honestly it's so smart of them to be like Ooo look gay people i have smth for u! and then get everyone online going#omg stream it so it doesnt get cancelled!!!!!! to maximize off it anyway. and then cancel before it can threaten their image or anything#and get too big. or be smth they invest in
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sometimes i feel so petty i want to make a big post about all the times Will and El weren't that great towards Mike just to ..you know.. balance it out a bit
#it's always here's all the times Mike hurt Will and El's feelings and never here's all the times Will and El hurt Mike's feelings#it's so unfair like i saw people hating Mike over fucking MILKSHAKES because they just had to find a reason to hate him it's so stupid#if i went on here and started hating on Will and El for not laughing at Mike's vomit green joke cause it made him sad yall would call me#absolutely crazy and delusional like be fucking for real Mike just breathes wrong in Will's or El's direction and he's the devil himself#but Will and El could literally call Mike a slur to his face and yall would be like hE dESeRvEd iT tHeY DiDnT dO aNyThiNG wRoNG like fr#there are so many small times when Mike tried to get Will's attention like the vomit green joke or the they're conspiring against me moment#and everyone always just laughs how Mike is a loser trying to get their attention but they always just ignore him or whatever but if it was#reversed? if it was Will trying to get Mike's attention only for Mike to either ignore him or yell in his face how it's stupid to be#concerned about something so small? oh yall would go ballistic suddenly yall wouldn't care how small these things are suddenly you would#want Mike fucking dead but when it's the other way around it's just funny and embarassing for Mike? and not just small things like this#when we point out how El invalidated his feelings and dismissed his bullying everyone is like oh she didn't mean that she meant it like#this she meant it like that she said it because of this and that and the situation is like this so this is why she said that#and blah blah blah she didn't do anything wrong but when it comes to Mike suddenly it doesnt matter if he meant it differently or if it was#the situation and messy feelings making him say something hurtful no he's just an asshole oh i am cursing you all#i hope you step on lego every day and your favorite snack is always sold out in every shop i hope every cat you try to call will ignore you#or hiss at you i am so tired of the double standards when it comes to Mike and willel i am so angry#mike wheeler#mike wheeler protection squad#blue's 'mike's extreme defender' ramblings#i got a little carried away in the tags but i'm not sorry i said what i said#and idc if i get hate for it cause i'm right anyways
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Guys …. Should I ask for her discord
#SORRY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS#HOWEVER#to put it into perspective she didn’t reach out when I offered ppl to give them my new blog#dora daily#she didn’t see it I bet even tho I self reblogged three times#uhhh#she did she’s opening discord in case she deactivates we can reach her#I hate cutting ties#I can’t do this#I FEEL LIKE A SERVANT TO HER ATP like I’m always making things for her and hyping her up etc etc and#stuff#and now I have to reach out first when she didn’t even ask or look for me it’s been actually a long time since we last spoke#I know it’s because she’s busy#but she still talks to some people#esp if they have a hard time#just not me 😀#and it’s sad that after everything I tried to do to get her to just notice my presence (she does momentarily)#but she just never exerts that level of energy back#if I give her long replies she just doesn’t reply which makes me feel stupid#and if I don’t reply well#she doesn’t notice#but it hurts my head cause she’s really nice and considerate you know ? just not to me#I don’t understand 😭
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venting abt unimportant things in da tags ignore me
#yall im gonna vent about a boy#and some other things under here#cause i just made myself sad#anyway yeah idk a couple months ago i matched w this dude who messaged me asking abt my love for e and i was like very open abt it#and he wasn't judgemental at all he was very nice and we just like . talked abt whatever#we were talking for like a month or two nonstop like we messaged every day right#and i even told him it's okay if he doesn't message me everyday i don't mind and he's like but i like talking to you i wanna message u!!#and there was like 3 days i couldn't message him and i came back to see he missed me and he was like soooo sweet#and then he took me to get dinner and we went to his place and we literally hit it off so well??? like the chemistry was THERE#like we kissed and he was sooo sweet to me and then the holidays hit and his messages slowed down#and since then it got slower and slower and now he's just completely ghosted me and it's been a few weeks now#and i should get over it i know like im back to swiping on these stupid apps again but it just makes me so sad#because i really did like him and i don't know what i did wrong or if i scared him away#after leaving me on opened 3 times i just gave up like i got the hint i assumed he doesn't like me like that anymore#i saw something that reminded me of him and i got really sad#so now here i am#anyway i went on for tooooo long let me stop there lol
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How do I even begin to feel normal again. Wtf even happened in the last two days
#I threw off my routine and now I’m sad :(#And I can’t make myself feel better because I did the thing :(#This would actually sound so stupid with full context not that I actually care#In short some fucker bought biscuits even though I say not to buy biscuits that are vegan cause I’ll just eat them all#And now I’ve fucking eaten them all and I feel like shit so I can’t have my bath because I feel like shit#And I’m not gonna have any room for self improvement because self care day isn’t until fucking Thursday#I’m hoping to feel better tomorrow at least because I have a late start so chill morning and such#But then still working so I feel good because I’ve been outside and done something to my brain#If I charge my batteries in my CD player and pick out some music that’ll make me feel better tho :) I’m gonna do that#And I’m gonna try and buy some easy peelers and prepare myself for Wednesday!!!!!!!#I’m going to start trying to do more walks too even though it gets too dark to go after college now which is sad. I need my goddamn walks!!
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