#this is just a stupid like thing to me but it makes me sad cause I don’t even hate seeing depictions of Curly as more aware and
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Hi!! If you have the time- how would the jjk guys react to the reader giving them the silent treatment?
I hope you're having a wonderful day!
Gojo:
Would try to make you laugh at first When that doesn't work and he notices you're just getting more irritated, he'd start bribing you Buys you flowers, handbags, dresses, jewellery you name it If you're still silent, then he'll go deadly serious Would confront you in the dark, sitting on the sofa like he's been waiting for hours 'Is there nothing I can do? Are we done for good? Are you leaving me too?'
Geto:
Gets snarky Two can play that game He's not the calm and patient guy everyone thinks he is He just reacts in subtle ways Makes passive-aggressive comments But eventually will get tired, sighs and just asks you straight up what he did wrong 'Alright, what happened? Let me inside that head of yours.'
Choso:
Keeps asking you what's wrong Gets really sad and depressed Very much kicked puppy vibes Just follows you around everywhere Until you crack 'I didn't know what I did but I'm sorry. Please talk to me? I'm scared'
Toji:
LOL LMFAO ROFL This man would be soooo annoying He'd be smug as hell at first Says shit like 'It's nice to have peace and quiet here' 'You should get mad at me more often ma' BUT eventually realising you're not gonna crack He'll start to get nervous Starts cleaning up after himself Double checks to make sure the trash is out, he hasn't left any dishes in the sink, didn't miss any appointments or anniversaries etc etc Would send Megumi in to get a feel for your mood 'make yourself extra cute kid' 'ask her why she isn't speaking to me. no don't tell her I told you to. whose side are you on?'
Nanami:
Would ask you immediately if there's something wrong Is so mature and healthy it's irritating 'please communicate with me, darling. I can't apologise and fix whatever I ruined if you don't talk to me.' Eventually, he'll give you space But then you'll start feeling really bad because he'll assume that you hate him or something Like, he'll start buying sandwiches to take to work cause he thinks you won't make lunch for him like normal or sleeps on the couch eats dinner and watches shows by himself so you cave first and the smile he gives you is so worth it
Sukuna:
Doesn't notice a thing at first He isn't the type to be clingy, he's not the affectionate one, he mostly returns it So there'll just be a period of silence Until he begins to feel your absence in which case he'll seek you out and then becomes the clingy one 'it is a pleasant day out, would you care to join me for a stroll? gets sooo offended if you don't say anything 'no? would you prefer to stroll with someone else? tell me who and they will be killed. in fact, continue to remain in silence and everyone will be killed.'
Yuji:
Confused :0 asks Nobara for advice 'you're a girl, she's a girl. so tell me what's going on' 'is it the time of the month?' uses loads of different tricks to make you break performs dances and skits gets Gojo involved tries to get Megumi involved (no chance) he's so stupid you just have to cave and explain he's an idiot and he'll nod happily
Megumi:
yeahhhhhh you'll be having a silent off for days and weeks you'll both continue to co-exist in silence it's just not smart
Inumaki:
annoying as hell texts you shit like: 'when she copies you' 'ho is u good?' 'can you be original at least?' when that doesn't work he'll break into your social media or gaming accounts right in front of you and threatens to release a post pretending to be you like 'you know, hitler wasn't that bad' or an ugly picture of you then you'll have to cave and he gets so caught up in the victory, he'll accidentally post it yep, he's a dead man walking
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Agatha All Along deep dive: episode 4 part 1
(Wandavision entries: [1][2][3])
(AAA entries: ep1 [1][2][3][4] ep2 [1][2][3][4] ep3 [1][2][3] ep4 [1][2])
It's episode 4 If I Can't Reach You / Let My Song Teach You, time for two of my favorite things: glam rock and homosexuals. which are basically the same thing if you think about it.
she's like damn, billy, that was ruthless. honestly this is going to make her care about billy even more, not only he's powerful, not only he reminds her of nicky. now he's a murderer too?? perfect son is perfect. I love how she's studying sharon's body with her detective Agnes face, her mind is going a million miles a minute
her third-wall-break winks destroy me. and that poor hairdo. all gone expect for the giant turd on top.
alice being truly and genuinely sorry about sharon. lilia and jen being gossiping hags
agatha honey you're so dainty and feminine, look at you. and that's an interesting and not at all painful tree shape you picked. (I would have never noticed any of this without brightening the scene, it's outrageous. everyone involved in this show is amazing except the lighting department. shame on you lighting department)
whatever alice does openly and sincerely, agatha does secretly or as a joke. parallels, parallels
jen is like, can you believe this bitch
without being asked, alice goes to help digging the grave
that is the idiot I fell in love with and I'm way past regretting my choices at this point!! I know how rio feels now
"coven two" is one of those lines that make you laugh on first view and shred your heart in a million tiny pieces at every following rewatch. this show HAS to be watched at least twice, don't ever trust reviews or complaints by ppl who didn't, because they missed at least half of what makes it great.
a clown running from the tragic truth that her son wrote the Ballad, making sad clown noises all over the Road
when alice is called to referee as the Resident Ballad Expert and agatha looks at her expectantly hands in pockets, somehow extremely obnoxious, extremely gay and extremely sad at the same time
alice is SO above bickering. jen is being a baby because she's mad at agatha, lilia is being a baby cause she's grumpy and a contrarian, billy is sixteen, agatha is, well, agatha. alice is the only adult in the building
just one, huh? that's fine. that's fine. who needs a heart anyway.
the common gypsophila or baby's breath symbolizes sincerity, purity, innocence. does it symbolizes sharon? or is billy leaving it on her grave a metaphor for his naivety and good intentions gone wrong?
billy's romantic ideals of what it means to be in a coven have just been shattered. he set out, consciously or not, to teach something to these witches and of course it didn't work. he is the one who needs guidance, he is the one who's making a mess of things. he's just a kid.
agatha going !! when billy says he wishes he could go home. agatha covertly pointing out that he has a replacement body and she would really like to know how. she's observing him so closely, trying to puzzle out the mystery. exactly like she did with wanda inside the Hex. not revealing her cards just yet, testing and manipulating him. when that strategy blew up in her face so spectacularly the first time! she's so smart and so reckless it makes her practically an idiot
case in point: she's making up stupid rules trying to manipulate billy into shaping the Road the way she wants. that's right, agatha. let's summon another poor victim you can siphon, wonder who's gonna show up! (and she KNEW sharon was laying dead ten feet away and SOMEONE was bound to be in the neighborhood. dumbass.)
aww he's so proud of himself for having brought the spellbook. he's being helpful! he's made his four moms happy!
check, debatable, check
debatable and debatable
I'm gonna give that one a BIG check
yes I know advil spells "vidal", thank you tumblr for letting me know that one. also same, alice.
'esse viridis non es facile' IT'S NOT EASY BEING GREEN?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! oh I knew my high school latin was bound to come in handy at least once in my life
(by the way the set + costumes combo is giving me such hocus pocus vibes, but you could never tell because the SCENE IS SO FUCKING DARK) (NO I WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT)
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH
I mean girls, you chose to follow the head clown, you have to travel in the clown car. that's on you.
WHY IS THE PRINT SO SMALL???? I LOVE YOU PATTI LUPONE
admit it we all wished it was sharon for a moment
oh?? is that mayhaps someone you know, agatha???
and that's a wrap, see you guys tomorrow!
no, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm doing another one tonight. I need to shove all the rio scenes in my eyeballs NOW
go to episode 4 part 2
#agatha all along#agatha deep dive#agatha harkness#alice wu gulliver#billy maximoff#lilia calderu#jennifer kale#character study
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The blue sky in your eyes
Soukoku Ok, you know about when you are crying and it’s the most beautiful day outside, so you think like, “the sky should be as sad as I am”. With that in mind this scene came up, and it’s more of Dazai having that thought, and deciding to latch on another anchor to validate his mood.
Dazai doesn’t remember when it changed. One day, before he could realize, he wasn’t looking up to calm him down anymore.
It was a thing that had stayed in his body almost like a program inside a robot. Whenever he felt overwhelmed, trapped, or just wanted to be gone, he would look up. And see the sky.
It was a dangerous gamble. He knows that, but what is life without a little danger? Look up when you want to burn the world, and if the world apparently wants you to burn it too, it would respond with a shitty sky.
For some really annoying reason, it was rare, and when faced with the most common blue sky sprinkled with some clouds, he would just decide to lay down and do some cloud watching. — If sometimes he happens to be in the middle of the road, what can he do? It’s the system.
It was in that situation that Chuuya appeared one day. Thinking about it now, Dazai is almost sure it was then that it changed.
It was a bad day. He had fucked up, big time, he had too many subordinates killed, the drug he was suppose to retrieve was shattered on the floor, all that piled up, with the dooming notion that, on top of everything, he would have to report back to Mori at the end of the day. He was not afraid of the man, never. But, and with a lot of buts, Mori was his boss, and he, despite how Dazai hated to admit it, had power.
So he laid down, this time in a park, and looked at the sky. Cussing once more at the view of the overwhelming blue with those stupid fluffy clouds.
“What are you so angry about?” A voice popped up beside him and Dazai just closed his eyes.
“I’m meditating, could you please leave? It would be nice.” The guy just hummed at that.
“You fucked up real bad this time uh.”
Leaning on his elbow he glares at Chuuya.
“I did not. They were incompetent and now the one facing the consequences is me.” He groans and lays back down. “I’m here, alive, in the shit while they managed to die, how is that fair?”
After some minutes of silence he hears some shuffling beside him and when he looks over, Chuuya is laying down at his side.
“So? Why are we angry at the sky?”
“We?”
“I hope he didn’t do much, cause it really sucks to fight, the… you know, the infinity blue.”
Dazai chuckles. “You can attack it at night when it’s black then.”
“But I have to see to make it a good fight.”
Dazai looks up at a little cloud with a beautiful shape, he pulls his arms up and tries to grab it.
“I know what you are thinking, that does not look like a hanging rope”
“You are so mean, if it wasn't, how could you know that was what I was seeing, hm?”
“Because I know how crazy you are.” The boy puts his arms in the back of his head and continues to scan the sky. “You want backup?”
“For what? To talk with the boss?” He scoffs at that. “We aren’t kids being reprimanded by our fathers.”
He can sense Chuuya shifting to the side and staring at him.
“No, it’s worse.” He waits some more minutes and when Dazai doesn’t dare to respond he continues. “It’s okay to be scared.”
“I’m not.”
“Bullshit.” At that Dazai looks at the redhead. And is caught by the depth of his eyes.
They are more gray than blue now, even with the sun right upon them. Somehow, that was comforting, to look at them and see something other than just clear blue. Chuuya seemed mad, probably at Dazai, but at the same time it didn’t feel quite that.
“Just a crappy day. It will pass eventually, like any other.”
“You can talk shit about crappy days you know? Instead of..” He waves his hand at Dazai. “Picking a fight with the sky.”
Dazai gaps at that and puts his hand dramatically on his chest.
“For your information, he was obviously taunting me.” Chuuya rolls his eyes at that. “He should be suffering just like me, with rain pouring on us, or with fog, or at least cloudy, this-” He points accusingly at the sky. “Is just outrageous.”
He sees Chuuya slowly getting back up and brushing off some grass from his clothes before walking to him and offering a hand, to which Dazai just glares suspiciously.
“You are blocking my view.”
“Come on, nothing will come out of just sulking in the park, the weather forecast says it will be a sunny day all the way up.”
“And what do you propose?”
“Get it over with and then, I don’t know, open a bottle of wine.”
“I prefer whiskey.”
“I’m not drinking that.”
“So you are drinking too?”
“Well, duh.”
Good enough, Dazai takes Chuuya’s hands and they both start walking to the Mafia building. Before entering he takes one more glimpse of the sky, and sighs, blue as always. And so he turns to Chuuya’s eyes that were already changing their shade again.
So much better.
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Seb comes to Fernando's bedside to cheer him up! (aka resolving my turmoil over there being no vettonso moments yesterday)(long gif!!!)
+ what if Fernando hadn't been out sick!
#oh my god what the fuck have i made 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#this is my magnum opus.....#i love these projects where i keep going back and forth btwn#I CANT FINISH THIS to IM GONNA FINISH THIS SO HADD#and i DID finish it. at 5 am. sick.#im oddly proud of this despite how fucking stupid it is 😭😭#its so hilarious to me 😭😭😭😭#ty to suzuki as always for contributing by being my fellow freak <3#i love how i been able to finish anything lately cause I've been busy and stressed#like i keep putting off stuff just to work on this for four hours straight#I NEEDED IT TO BE RELEVANT#also its up to you to decide if seb is actually wearing that or if its fernando's fever dream#WAAAUGHHHHHHH IM STILL SO SAD THERES NO PICS OF THEM#sry i am actually delirious rn oh my god#WHY DIDNT THEY MEEETTTTTTTTTT AAAAGGHHHHH :(((#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2024 brazilian gp#catie.art.#normal things that catie normally makes in a normal fashion
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My post about Anya is making like a little ruckus on Twitter and I think it’s crazy how many people like have a problem with it.
Like you don’t have to agree with how I characterize Anya and her actions but it’s more like, why are you focused on only one aspect of her character? Why are you removing nuance from the situation? I don’t see it as giving Curly the benefit of the doubt when it comes to doing better for Anya, but as exploring his character and hers relationship with a the very little authentic facts we get about them. In truth, there’s a lot more I wish Curly did, even if it wasn’t pragmatic but I realize the issue there.
The first psychological horror game in a while that’s real intricate in its storytelling and makes you need to really need to address the morality of intentions and its already getting torn asunder smh 😔
#I don’t know if it’s the case of people who hate curly and think he should’ve just killed Jimmy won’t accept anything else#but I really am trying to get the idea that they were stuck for over a year in space together on a ship barely kept together with wildly#different and conflicting personalities who also got more hostile because they know they are going home to unemployment#it sounds heartless to say and he should have prioritized her more but in his head that’s not the only thing he has to manage and he has to#fit the necessary actions to take in his head with all that including his perception of them as a friend vs as a boss#idk I just don’t believe Curly was comforting Jimmy with the intent of helping him get rid of Anya. he wanted to help both of them he went#about it horribly like the game is literally about realizing how misguided you can be and that responsibility#and how to be responsible look different even if there are better options like it’s just weird just block my ass dawg#also I think the argument of how could the situation be worse if he stopped Jimmy is stupid cause it’s under the guise that Curly would#assume someone he trusted would just try and commit murder suicide or he’d get degloved and all his crew directly#or indirectly killed by that friend like sorry if that’s a reach statement like adding#your supplementary thoughts is how analysis is born but adding facts about events we don’t know happened and treating them like character#truths is lame is a cop out from actually engaging with parts of the story that adds grey areas to characters you wants to see in black#this is just a stupid like thing to me but it makes me sad cause I don’t even hate seeing depictions of Curly as more aware and#accommodating to Jimmy purposely but I need you to understand he thought he was doing the right thing for both his friends and his closest#friend but the key point is he thought he was doing right for both of them like what game were we both watching???#mouthwashing#like just block me pls like Anya would not share ur mindset or hold ur hand like do more than just pity her if you like her so much
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Anyone else just not feeling like a real person much lately?
#'lately' he says#as if he's not been feeling this way for the last 28 years#idk man#maybe it's bc I'm getting older and so are the people i hang/chat with#but it feels like everyone else has a real life and real interests and experiences and things to say#and I'm some kind of hollow scarecrow person just full of memory loss and sadness#i feel very stupid and very boring#which i know is too harsh. and i know i should be kinder to myself bc life and covid and shit can't have helped the brain situation#and i should absolutely believe my friends when they say they wanna hang with me bc it's mean not to take them at their word#but I'm still like... why though?#genuinely what's the appeal of being around me. my head is empty i have nothing to add and I'm not interesting or that funny#it's been creeping up on me. this feeling like i just genuinely have nothing to offer.#i don't even know who i am#except for a person who like. lives vicariously through fictional characters experiencing feelings I've never had cause to feel#i can relate to emotions SO vividly except i myself haven't even felt the half of them#i just sort of quietly exist somewhere on the spectrum between content and discontent#with occasional drops into the despair zone#and even if the stuff i think is keeping me here went away tomorrow. like if mum stopped being an issue and i was free#like... what would i even do?#i don't even know how to want something#anyway. this has been morning mental breakdowns with newt#I'm going to go make some made up guys live the life i haven't now#mr. bees speaks#negative
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Erin, to her crush: You're a dick
Mason, the crush: I won't argue! But to clarify -
#my characters#its so sad that all of erins character development and kindness is on paper and nothing digital to show her growth#she picks on mason for many reasons and she kinda narrows her eyes at him but its more to squint than to glare#because she watches him from a distance when hes off laughing with others#though they are united on peter being worse than mason at least they can agree no matter what peter is worse#but also masons right arm is metal and she thinks its fascinating bc theres so many high tech prosthetics#why is he using the equivalent of a trash can ? is it some weird flex to not needing advanced stuff?#and its just he was from a poor family and was born with one full arm and then a stump#and he lived a lot of his youth with just one arm so once he got a second arm (installed basically) he went cheap#since he only wanted the other arm to get better jobs cause not many people would hire him with one arm#and he never really cared much about her comments because her lil verbal pokes of#so rogers whod you piss off? the mafia? is actually nicer than stuff he heard as a kid without the fake arm#so he tells her the only reason he has a metal limb is because god knew hed be two strong if born with two arms#and shes like uh huh sure thing rogers#and yeeeeah eventually something happens where mason is injured and erin is panicking#and hes acting like its okay to die because hes a dick remember TRYING to make light of it and she gets so sad#and after hes recovering and better he feels guilty making her so sad and hes talking to her#and she says that she doesnt have a lot of friends and she didnt want to lose one of the few people she liked#and hes just oh.......................... ididntthinkthatwouldbeme#so he starts to be super friendly to her and enforcing the crush that she doesnt wanna own up to#and then she does eventually confess and mason is baffled as to since when and shes like day one? and he just#erin you have got to be kidding me you were glaring at me for months#and shes just i have bad eye sight and im shy what did you expect#he isnt super smart or super stupid hes just exceedingly average
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honestly I have nothing much to say about the canvas ( because I skimmed through it out of lack of interest even tho I was fixated on sbg for idk how long before you all saw DONT even lie ) but I lowkey love Ashlyn’s little dancer costume it’s very silly !!! Also kinda hoping their silly little homeless children costumes ( hopefully that’s not offensive ) come into play at one point . Like . . a school play . I’m screwing around with ideas here .
#I’d be like aiden with the face paint but everyone this time#WHY DO I THINK EVERY THING I SAY IS OFFENSIVE#hope it isn’t cause if then uh uhsms woopsys#Only real time you can call Aiden insane is when canvas him pops up#Jk#unless ?#I had an ice cream sandwich it was soooo yummy#I’m being super serious rn when I say that the ice cream sandwiches have gotten smaller please tell me you noticed it#I rummaged through my bed to find this stupid lizard ong my bed sucks for that thing I could squish it on accident#I’ve been obsessed slightly with bsd ( specifically Ranpo )#I hope he DIES !!!! ( not actually if he did I would kms#Like idk why I like him so much he’s just my cutie oatootie pookie bear meow fr fr#I’m cringe#EUFHHH I HATE GIM !!!!!#I hate character ai love cause they make me sad#HESR me out : Ranpoe but phantom fo the opera#IM COOKING SO HARD RN !!!!#TRUST#I LIVE RANPOE !!!!#NORMALLY I DONT CARE ABOUT SHIPS OFF THE BST SBD YK FRIENDSHIP BUT NUH UH THEM THEY GRRRRRR#Growls#im sorry I’m going a little coo coo please someone relate I’m going insane if I don’t draw this#Dies#school bus graveyard#sbg#sbg (webtoon)#school bus graveyard webtoon#SBG
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.
#day 4 on bupropion#i need to vent. bc today was mostly decent. cause at least i could control my emotions and not cry at every little thing#but ended just as badly as i was feeling yesterday. i feel rly sad rn#when im productive i feel great but when im trying to relax? i feel like i need to find something productive to do immediately.#its like i need to do everything but i have no desire to do anything#im like. lying in bed at 2 am grieving my hyperfixations hard. been crying for the past 3 hours#bc i just cant sit down and enjoy anything without feeling like im forcing myself. and i already miss feeling things when i play video game#idk if i can do the 4-6 weeks of this before side effects normalize. everyone says it gets better#and even that is making me feel guilty bc it took me this long to get help and i already want to quit on my first week#i have an appointment with my dr on friday but fuck. the last 3 nights have felt like weeks. its so hard falling asleep.#it really doesn't help that this med is making me. stupid. i have about 10 seconds worth of memory before the thought is deleted#literally forgetting what i'm talking about midway through a sentence#but hey. at least my memory is so bad i cant remember what i did today and overthink every action. i guess.#and maybe tmi. but my libido is gone... like completely nonexistent now#some people literally take this shit to help w a low libido!!! but for me it is doing the exact opposite!!! what is wrong with my body#and to top it off i can't drink even a half cup of coffee without panic attacks. i miss iced coffee already :(#cant enjoy shit anymore and my adhd feels 10 times worse than it did before bc i can't sit still to save my life.#anyway im yapping so much but i need to because im feeling so alone#some side affects im getting r common and manageable but some are pretty uncommon and its hard finding anyone who relates...
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i <3 feeling like i'm literally always making the wrong choice
#every passing day i dig a little deeper the bottomless debt i owe my parents#monetarily and morally#and god i wish i could kill myself but noooooo i tried again and i can't fucking do it i can't#so i just. i don't know i want to be incapacitated i want to be in the psych ward forever.#i don't want to fail and never make enough money to pay for their retirement home#i don't want to have to visit them every god-knows-how-often#i don't want to be fifty years old and still having to exist in relation to my parents#and god they've done nothing BAD i shouldn't want to cut all contact with them#but it's so. i don't know. i don't know how people even do it.#like you always have to come back home you always have to act right you always have to think abt them and text them and call them#and nothing you do is ever right and you want things that can't coexist with their happiness and peace of mind#and you're an asshole in every way you're an asshole deep down and you're an asshole outwardly too#but you can't stop wanting stupid things and acting weird and demanding#and it's a curse upon them to have you near but it's literally so fucking ungrateful of you to stray away a little#and you still do it because you can't stop wanting to follow things instead of keeping to your resolutions#and trying to do the best for them#and nothing is ever the best for them it's always just bad choices cause you shouldn't even exist you're just wrong you're born wrong#you don't want things that are good for them too and you're not capable of good things#dad wants to go on vacation at his family's like twice a year. mom want to stay home and take care of business and relax this year too#even now that grandma is gone and doesn't require her to be near. cuz emptying the flat & all of that.#and it's just. cool cool i make the wrong choice whichever way.#if i stay with mom i'll make dad's family sad and inconvenience my mom and leave dad alone#if i go with dad i'll leave mom alone (also alone to work on the flat) and i'll be an annoying asshole to dad and his family#because i'm too stupid and egoistical to pretend to be fine with things that mildly inconvenience me for five seconds#and either way i won't do any fucking work because i'm a sad piece of shit and i'm going to fail the fuck out of school next year#broadcasting my misery#vent
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I’ve said it before I think but. The argument about whether you need dysphoria to be trans is mainly just an argument about the definition of the word dysphoria. People who say you Do need dysphoria to be trans tend to define it as just a state of your gender identity not matching what you were assigned at birth, or just some kind of internal sense that you are trans. People who say you Don’t need dysphoria to be trans tend to define it as self hatred, extreme discomfort with one’s appearance and genitalia, being miserable with life etc.
No room for any in between or for individuals to have personal experience w what dysphoria means for them. Which leads to a whole lot of putting words into people’s mouths and assigning beliefs to people and making up a guy to get mad at and creating mortal enemy Teams about it when there’s really a lot more agreement than we acknowledge. There will never be one universal definition of dysphoria or transness, and I think it would be beneficial if more people approached it with more nuance
#I’ve said things like this irl and people i usually agree with will look at me w visible disappointment#or like feel a need to make sure I haven’t secretly been a Bad Person all this time#and im like that is exactly what I mean#hearing statements like this and jumping right to ‘so u think all trans ppl have to be sad forever’ is crazy#I’m not even saying u need some sort of dysphoria bro im saying I Don’t Know bc no one can actually tell me what they’re asking#if ur asking ‘do all trans ppl viscerally hate their junk’ obviously no. I don’t think many ppl think that#but if ur asking ‘are trans people real or is it all just dress up’ that’s different and u know it!!#anyways I think it’s all just a stupid nothing argument and we should all go outside#it’s certainly a discussion that will get people to show their transphobia real fast#btw all of this was prompted my my textbook saying that trans ppl being forced to stay as their agab often causes dysphoria#the fact that some ppl would say that’s a bigoted statement is absolutely wild yall need trans 101 before u post#mine#txt#trans#transexual
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okay ventpost time im bored and my period is late
#my mother is leaving AGAIN#to stay with my father#bhai mujhe nahi rehna akele i don't want to parent my brother#i don't want to cook or stress about what to eat and clothes and laundry and literally buying vegetables every few days#well all these things are just surface level but i REALLYYYYY do not want to live alone with my thoughts#i want to study i can't just study on my phone with no adult mere sarr pe khade hoke asking ki itna tv#kyu dekh rahi hai kya hua class kyu nahi attend kari#kar liya try bhai call me immature and childish and pathetic and dependent and undisciplined whatever but mere bas ki baat nahi hai#also ooooh listen to my moms great solution: she'll stay there and dad will come!! to live with us two!! alone!! haha.#it's sk fucking sad and repetitively traumatizing ki i don't even know how to react#my sister is the only kid both my parents like when she stays home things are mostly calm and happy#they dote on her they tolerate us#and they should i love her too but now i feel like crying because i don't want her to stay back just for me??? my stupid mental health??#she's doing enough by staying here till rakhi just because i asked her begged her to not leave me alone mami ke side#she could've fucked off and gone to live her life 10 days ago#it's not fair#the person i love and want to live with.. if she stays she's miserable and her being miserable mskes me miserable#i just. i miss her so much. she already feels so distant and busy and then she'll go abroad and totally forget about me right#who doesn't need all this constant depression holding you back weighing you down when you're living your best life#i hate that there's no solution i just have to grow up and be okay with it#i already got more time with her than i thought she stayed home like 2 years extra cause of covid#3 actually#ab why am i crying it was a good day#also i don't want to make it all about me but like. idk when i was picturing my adult life i was thinking like#night clubs and gay bars and beaches at night#i never factored in real factors like the horrifying fucking country we live in 💀💀#it's just it was the only thing that kept me going the promise of a better future#but now what.#and like#it's feels so stupid now the fact that i sometimes want to like
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This Years Thoughts On Reading. tbh
the past year i read a lot more than i had in quite some time. to be fair, i didn't finish most of the books i started, didn't start most of the books i want to read, and spent most of my time wasting time on social media still (i don't know why i can't stop doing this. i don't even enjoy it past a certain point). i didn't do well in my university classes. but for a really long time i've found it very difficult to read at all, even to read fiction. i read a lot of fiction (by my standards) this year, especially historical fiction set in ancient rome (though i also read some other good books, favorites among which are probably queer by william burroughs, night side of the river by jeannette winterson, and invisible cities by italo calvino. i also read quite a few short stories and a bit of poetry), i read or started /some/ nonfiction, i read or started /some/ ancient literature, and i had a poem and a short story published in my university's poetry journal and newspaper respectively...
but, really, i feel a little in over my head. i don't really feel like i can do this, by which i mean i still don't think i'm trying hard enough at university. i feel behind everyone else, despite the fact that since i've transferred to a different university having done 2 years before, i still have this and another year before i graduate. even though most of the people in my year will be 2 years younger than me i feel like i am behind them (did i mention that i did badly on my exams last year?)
especially before university i was never a particularly good student, honestly (i was like. a C average, though in my 3rd and 4th years of high school i started to try a little harder) and i think i spend a lot of time now fruitlessly wishing that i had tried harder and taken more of an interest in things. i still wish i tried harder. i still wish that passion was enough to fuel me to actually focus on filling out my historical reading. i wish i just didn't feel so stupid sometimes, honestly. sometimes i'll open a book that's a bit dense or technical and it just makes me feel like the biggest idiot in the world. i wish i was better at articulating my thoughts. i also wish i understood literary analysis or criticism. in a lot of ways now i feel dumber than i was a few years ago, and i don't know why.
#on a lighter note at least i can post about cato on here.even though i may be stupid i think i can be a little funny about history sometimes#tbh. books that made me feel stupid this year: thomas yingling's hart crane and the homosexual text. i tried to read this and it was#utterly incomprehensible to me. which was so sad because i absolutely adore hart crane he's my favorite poet. and also weird cause crane's#poems are also very obscure and hard to understand but one of the few things that makes me Not feel stupid is that i enjoy them and at leas#sort-of understand them to the degree one can (even people who study him admit that he is very difficult)#and books that made me kind of feel stupid but also feel like reading them was making me smarter: girard's violence and the sacred. i am#only like. 2 chapters into it and it takes me days to read one because it's so dense however it's one of those books that like. i can feel#it reordering the way i think about things. it's sooo fascinating and good and i started it cause i heard ppl talking about it on here#honestly i think a lot of my problems around the kind of thing in the post with school though is that i was always this person where everyo#would constantly tell me how well i could do if i would only try harder. but the problem is i just Couldnt try harder. i dont know why and#still dont know why i cant do it. it was constantly told to me that i had Potential. but i can never.actually access this supposed Potentia
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right can i just. okay. lesbian is not a genre so im not looking to lump all these shows together. got that out of the way. im also not looking to pit queer people against each other so ok checking that off the list. i am however going to go ahead and throw the misogyny card out here because it’s fucking annoying how shows that center women, especially when theyre woc and/or queer, still just don’t take off even in progressive online spaces the way any shows with our darling young gay male couples will. i’m not saying that’s, like, the Cause of them being cancelled either because we’ve been shown numbers don’t matter. and many of the “”lesbian”” shows that have been cancelled were popular otherwise. just complaining xo!
#because well maybe many of these lesbian shows are not that good. and it's hard for people to care#but also sometimes they like are. or they're not 'good' but they're still fun and if the dynamics in play were primarily#attractive young guys i personally think they'd take off. but there's no way to like prove that so im just talking out of my ass#and ALSO. regardless of the lesbian aspect of it. many of you will watch such ass shows that have like no women or one woman in it#and hype it up to all hell cause that's your babygirl#I SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO HAVE A GOOFY STUPID ASS DYKE TRAPPED IN A SHOW THAT ISNT THAT GOOD AND HAVE FUN!!!#i deserve pathetic women!!!!!#and also. largely upset with the most recent cancellations because of the butches/masc lesbians involved#because that you know has a special place in my heart. okay whatever#anyway. let me also add that plenty of the people who hype up mediocre gay shows are some of the most annoying people on the planet#so yk maybe it's a gift in a way to just have the illusion that the relationship begins and ends with me and my tv and one friend#but. like. the thing is is some of the tropes/dynamics/etc i see on these shows would make people go ferallllll if u know......#circumstances were different. but they just dont care. and also like. i think it's fair to be sad that ur just not getting more time#with characters u enjoy#that none of the money these streaming services get goes to even shitty quality stuff#honestly it's so smart of them to be like Ooo look gay people i have smth for u! and then get everyone online going#omg stream it so it doesnt get cancelled!!!!!! to maximize off it anyway. and then cancel before it can threaten their image or anything#and get too big. or be smth they invest in
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sometimes i feel so petty i want to make a big post about all the times Will and El weren't that great towards Mike just to ..you know.. balance it out a bit
#it's always here's all the times Mike hurt Will and El's feelings and never here's all the times Will and El hurt Mike's feelings#it's so unfair like i saw people hating Mike over fucking MILKSHAKES because they just had to find a reason to hate him it's so stupid#if i went on here and started hating on Will and El for not laughing at Mike's vomit green joke cause it made him sad yall would call me#absolutely crazy and delusional like be fucking for real Mike just breathes wrong in Will's or El's direction and he's the devil himself#but Will and El could literally call Mike a slur to his face and yall would be like hE dESeRvEd iT tHeY DiDnT dO aNyThiNG wRoNG like fr#there are so many small times when Mike tried to get Will's attention like the vomit green joke or the they're conspiring against me moment#and everyone always just laughs how Mike is a loser trying to get their attention but they always just ignore him or whatever but if it was#reversed? if it was Will trying to get Mike's attention only for Mike to either ignore him or yell in his face how it's stupid to be#concerned about something so small? oh yall would go ballistic suddenly yall wouldn't care how small these things are suddenly you would#want Mike fucking dead but when it's the other way around it's just funny and embarassing for Mike? and not just small things like this#when we point out how El invalidated his feelings and dismissed his bullying everyone is like oh she didn't mean that she meant it like#this she meant it like that she said it because of this and that and the situation is like this so this is why she said that#and blah blah blah she didn't do anything wrong but when it comes to Mike suddenly it doesnt matter if he meant it differently or if it was#the situation and messy feelings making him say something hurtful no he's just an asshole oh i am cursing you all#i hope you step on lego every day and your favorite snack is always sold out in every shop i hope every cat you try to call will ignore you#or hiss at you i am so tired of the double standards when it comes to Mike and willel i am so angry#mike wheeler#mike wheeler protection squad#blue's 'mike's extreme defender' ramblings#i got a little carried away in the tags but i'm not sorry i said what i said#and idc if i get hate for it cause i'm right anyways
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Guys …. Should I ask for her discord
#SORRY MOMENT OF WEAKNESS#HOWEVER#to put it into perspective she didn’t reach out when I offered ppl to give them my new blog#dora daily#she didn’t see it I bet even tho I self reblogged three times#uhhh#she did she’s opening discord in case she deactivates we can reach her#I hate cutting ties#I can’t do this#I FEEL LIKE A SERVANT TO HER ATP like I’m always making things for her and hyping her up etc etc and#stuff#and now I have to reach out first when she didn’t even ask or look for me it’s been actually a long time since we last spoke#I know it’s because she’s busy#but she still talks to some people#esp if they have a hard time#just not me 😀#and it’s sad that after everything I tried to do to get her to just notice my presence (she does momentarily)#but she just never exerts that level of energy back#if I give her long replies she just doesn’t reply which makes me feel stupid#and if I don’t reply well#she doesn’t notice#but it hurts my head cause she’s really nice and considerate you know ? just not to me#I don’t understand 😭
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