#and then im reminded that even ppl i consider good friends consistently do the same no one actually knows me at all i guess

[phagodyke]

this is like my fourth or fifth consecutive bad gym session I might as well just kill myself

[gcnnerpaxton]

bri again making a terrible decision. do i need a fourth? no.......... bt here we are anyway. after this i promise im done fr a while bt :/ i lov this lil bitch so here we are........ give this a like if u wld b Down to Clown w him aka plot!

「axel auriant & cismale」⇾ paxton , gunner, the senior radcliffe student’s records show that he is a leo and 22 years old. he is studying film, living off campus and can be loyal, resilient, anxious & indifferent. when i see him i am reminded of curling up in bed for days in a hello kitty comfort shirt, the click of a camera shutter & hand-me-down’s two sizes too big.

pinterest is HERE.

TW’S FOR ABUSE, VIOLENCE, MISSING CHILD, KIDNAPPING, DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA BELOW!

stats.

name: gunner brick paxton.

age: twenty-two.

gender identity: cis-male.

pronouns: he/him.

sexuality: demisexual.

birthday: july 31, 1998.

star sign: leo.

myers-briggs: istj.

year of study: senior.

major: film.

occupation: librarian.

place of birth: laramie, wyoming.

religion: catholic (non-practicing).

background.

neen jst brought in gunner’s older brother so fr those who read elias’ bio u kno tht gunner is the middle paxton child w eli being the oldest n then they have wyatt who is the youngest!!

they lived at the top of a hill in a trailer in a trailer park neighbourhood in laramie, wyoming so to say the least that fucking sucked for everyone involved

the trailer was so small that all 3 boys ended up sharing a room, gunner and wyatt sharing a bunk bed bc they cldnt fit 3 beds into one room it really was every childs nightmare bt they quickly grew used to it tbh

gunner was always more of an artsy child than invested in sports - though he does enjoy baseball and continued even to this day after their dad made him join SOMETHING in middle school - so he never rly earned their father’s respect, but he was always close with his mom since they had the same calm temperament

DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TW - he also gained a list of mental health issues that their mom had as well, including social anxiety and major depressive disorder - DEPRESSION/ANXIETY TW END

VIOLENCE/ABUSE TW - their father always encouraged pretty volatile behaviour and it caused a lot of physical fights and arguments between the brothers when their dad told them the best way to get over it was to start hurting until someone tapped out, it was just a chaotic and pretty abusive household but no one knew and their mom definitely wasn’t going to say anything about it to their dad - VIOLENCE/ABUSE TW END

MISSING CHILD/KIDNAPPING TW - wyatt went missing on a weekend that their parents were gone because of a trip they won, and things just got worse from there

ANXIETY/DEPRESSION TW - high school was really rough for gunner, his anxiety grew worse as time went on that no one found wyatt, their dad grew more hostile towards them, and their mom just grew sicker, it was rare that she would ever leave her room and if she did it was in fits of random energy where she would do something spontaneous and completely unnecessary to their house as a way of coping - MISSING CHILD/KIDNAPPING/ANXIETY/DEPRESSION TW END

the two years that gunner was at home after elias finally left for school were basically torture and as soon as he could, he was falling his brother’s footsteps in getting out of wyoming to go to school at radcliffe

INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW -  things are far better now that they’re out of their home situation, but gunner’s going through some more things personally now; the paxton’s were raised in an incredibly religious household, and he’s got some classic Catholic Guilt going on upon realizing that he’s not jst attracted to women n he avoided talking abt it forever/stayed in the closet fr far too long bt he’s sort of come out now in his own way even tho he does still get a bit nervous talking abt it rly - INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA TW END

he’s also ‘dealing’ rn which is frankly funny to think abt bc this man is abt as threatening as a care bear bt money is tight between him and eli all things considering, and with the amount of meds he’s on, plus incredibly frequent doctor’s visits, needing to pay for extra epi-pens, inhalers, etcs. bills add up so he’s cutting back his meds n selling wht he can spare which is . so unhealthy bt thts life in corporate america baybee!

details.

is literally allergic to everything. grass, cats, most fruits, milk, most nuts, bees, latex, probably more i cnt even keep up w them its pathetic

u can catch him n eli strutting around campus w matching epipen holders tht he got them fr eli’s 16th bday JKSDNGKLHSDGLK

if things cldnt get worse he also has quite intense asthma so he carries an inhaler with him at all times

n to make matters even WORSE he frequently has dizzy spells n bad memory problems bc of all the concussions he’s suffered from (about 8-9 at this point) as well as consistent migraines that can b literally debilitating sometimes

awkward n jst a bit of a Weirdo to b frank like if it weren’t fr eli he wld probably have one (1) friend he jst cnt converse w ppl

didnt have any friends in high school so took the time to teach himself rly weird things, knows a fuck ton of magic tricks, can yodel, juggle, solve a rubix cube with his eyes closed in under 2 minutes, just extremely weird and specific things

can honestly b a bit mean/barbaric to ppl he’s not close w/doesn’t kno has told ppl to their face before he doesn’t enjoy talking to them bc he has no concept of social constructs/norms

loves 2 film random things at parties, makes him feel more comfortable at them n he makes short films of them all after

update about his summer away: ended up heading to nyc fr a film internship n actually had a rly good time??? fr once?? jst had a rly nice summer fling after being a bit heartbroken throughout the school year it was jst a rly necessary n fulfilling summer fr him king of getting wht he finally deserves

this also led him to b like . oh maybe i’m Not broken bc he doesn’t realize........... demisexuality is a thing n wld get rly awkward during hookups a lot if hes jst not 100% comfortable w the person so now he thinks hes like a one man machine who actually has some Self Esteem n thinks he can have Sexual Relations all day every day (he cannot)

connections.

ppl who buy off him?? probs wld have to kno him some way hes too scared to sell to Random randoms KJSHDGKLHSDLG

other film majors :-)

some friends………. hes awkward bt he means well…………

a mans he wld Risk It All fr (aka a guy tht gunner actually has a crush on n is Extra Awkward probs a lil mean to bc hes still New to That)

ppl he has a crush on/unrequited crushes either way wtvr floats ur boat

some enemies tbh much like elias he has a temper n he tends to blow up rarely bt it happens n when it does it actually can b quite scary JKSHDGLHSDG

a muse….. mayhaps?? someone he always wants in his film projects

awkward past hook ups maybe some current ones teehee

anything Ur Heart Desires

[autisticstarseed]

if u could, perhaps, bless us with all the applicable symbols from that fic ask for hvh 👀

ooOoOOOoOO Rub s gay hands togehter omg ty friend 😍;;;;;;

💡 - What was the motivation behind the story?

hHH i hadnt written in 10+ years so when i latched onto this plot idea i just thought itd be a good time to jump the shark and try it again !! i just wanted smth really edgy and depthful bc im emo and the rest kind of snowballed

💎- What was your favorite part?

osdlfksd;lf it’s hard to pick a fav but the drunk scene was definitely the most fun to write at least

⛰️-  What was the hardest part?

THE SCENE WHERE THE GANG IS KIDNAPPED BY ENKI,,,, i debated toning down the violence but in the end i knew where the story was going (and where its still going) and that its gonNA be kinda dark so why hold back now ig

🎭- What was the feeling or mood you were going for?

BITTERSWEET AF,,, sort of just treading the line of ‘hopeful’ and ‘hopeless’ at all times to fully portray the feeling of being at your lowest, but with that classic tss ‘silver linings just around the corner’ kind of undertone

🏟️- Who was your intended audience?

mostly all the adults that watched tss as a kid and felt like spirituaLLY MOVED BY IT cuz i really tried to tap into that Emotion Tee Em we all felt when we found out that zak was [redacted]

🔬- Was there one scene you were building up to/knew you had to get just right?

hHH theres actually a LOT of scenes like that and i think a lot of my general motivation to keep going comes from that ‘WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT’ vibe slkdf:SDF but the Plot Twist tm in the latest chapter was definitely a big’n, and theres a few more of those still to come :^)

🗝️ - What were you thinking when you wrote it?

kjdjFSDs:DF tbh whenever i start really writing, [’im shifting into soup mode’ seinfeld meme voice] im shifting into maladaptive daydreaming mode

🎥- Were there any tv shows, books, or movies that influenced this verse, if any?

:^) devilman crybaby pls forgive me for everytHing

📈- Was there a clear character arch you wanted____ character to go on?

i actually have a short list of what i somewhat consider to be the story arcs in my notes !! mostly just for organization and obvs i wont list the future ones but so far we’ve seen the kushtaka arc, the enki arc, and now we’re in what i call ‘the annunaki’ arc.

🎢- Were there any scenes you were nervous about? For audience reception or otherwise?

ALL OF IT JSHDJSKD, but again a lot of the enki scenes i was worried would be too edgy TM, and the whole annunaki plot as well i was worried might be too ‘out there’ for ppl, but it takes the story exactly where i always wanted it and lines everything up perfectly so i went for it lol. i was also ofc worried if people would like ila or not bc oc but most ppl love her actually which is so 😭❤️

☠️- Did you consider killing off any of the characters? Did you?

8^) [mickey mouse voice] this is a surprise tool that will help us later ,

✉️- Did you title your chapters? What title do you like best?

yes! the next one actually has my favorite chapter title yet, but so far i like ‘so strikes the harpoon’ since its a throwback to the first couple chapters

☀️- Was there symbolism/motifs you worked in?

o every single paragraph is an overly thought out middle school poem im entering in the talent show actually

🎵- Did you have a playlist/piece of music that went with this story?

Yes !! i have HVH insp part 1, Part 2, and an extra one for all those songs that have the vibes but just dont fit enough to make sense in a playlist

📜-Do you want to write something like this again in the future?

probably ! ive learned i definitely like the edgy/darker and emotionally driven stories with ongoing plot, so that trend will almost definitely continue. idk if ill write a dystopia again anytime soon, but i think my future stuff will at least retain that long and heavy vibe

💁- Did readers influence/change any part of this story?

oh yEA like basically i was ready to quit after the very first chapter before it was even written and kinda just got it all out on a whim of motivation but was expecting to flake on it like i tend to do with projects, but the invested response to it was just so uplifting that its what ive been riding on all ten chapters and im so grateful for it :’)))

✏️-Would you go back and change anything if you could?

hHHHHHHH yes and ok this is terrible but i actually tend to avoid re-reading my older chapters until i hAVe to bc i suffer from that sO much ,,, , its just little things like tiny words i wanna change or bits i wanna take out/put in and once or twice ive even caught a mistake or plot hole/smth i forgot to add that i rly do have to go back and edit and i just turn to dust every tim e

⭐- What’s a scene/paragraph you’re proud of?

i really liked the northern lights scene!! it was meant to be a pivotal moment of that ‘bittersweetness’ vibe i was talking abt and it was another one of those scenes i had been planning for a while;;;

“ I think of how much the rest of the family would love this. This isn’t like the moon and the sun, where I can see it and know that even if it looks different, they’ll see the same one soon enough, wherever they are. This reminds me only that I am not with them. It stings. It seems unnatural for something so gentle and natural to appear before us as if we aren’t in complete, total fucking chaos. After all we’ve been through, and the sky still dances. “

📣-What was the best piece of encouragement you got?

AVERY ALL OF UR LIVEBL OGS AND COMMENTS GIV ME SUCH L I FE, ,, ,, CRYIGN CAT FA ce

🔦-Did you learn anything while writing it? About yourself? Writing?

isdfhSDF YEs, part of my hesitation to write came from this thing where i always just assumed there was a wildly high standard of writing in fandom spaces like in original literature spaces, where you had to have like 10+ sentences to a paragraph and you had to describe every tiny detail of a setting and you had to follow every single grammar rule or it was unreadable but like. genuinely its like sculpting with words as long as you have a shape ppl get the idea which is such a weight off my shoulders lol, its still a lot of work but so much fun to know i can to an extent do what i want and ppl actually like it like that. i also learned that like most other writers i have to cause my favs emotional and physical pain,

🎁- Any writing advice for people who want to write something like this?

hhHHHH 1. please do it its so fun just give in to the edge my guy , 2. try to get comfortable re-reading your chapters, for me its like when ppl listen to themselves sing/act but im trying to do better bc its so much more consistent when i keep it fresh in my mind and it also boosts confidence when u can pick out the things u like instead of the things u dont, 3. trying to have at least one scene in mind for each chapter that ur excited to write so u can have motivation to update faster! for me it doesnt have to be smth i think would excite the audience either like it could be the most basic thing but just having an idea of it and knowing i want to see it come to life rly helps me stay on top of it all

TY SM FRIEND THIS WAS SO FUN x x )

[fairycosmos]

hi chloe idk if youll see this but i only have a year left until college and i live in an abusive household. no one understands me and my mom and dad especially don't. my older sister doesnt seem to hold the patience to listen to whenever i do try and call her once annually. i dont know how much longer i can hold on. it literally hurts my mind so much thinking about all of it, especially after abusive episodes from them. im scared to live alone but i just cant wait to

gosh im so sorry to hear that love :( while i’m proud of you for making it this far and for being able to talk about it with me, it’s really awful that you’ve had to deal with it for so long, and that it’s happening to you in the first place. especially during your adolescence, which is a time when we’re all super impressionable. a time when we all feel like nothing is ever going to change. and i can definitely relate to nobody even taking the time to understand you, and to feeling like you’re being overlooked or forgotten. when we experience something like this our brains often to try to make sense of the actions of those around us by turning towards self blame, and internalizing all the negativity + manipulating it into self hatred. but i think its important to remember that you are not responsible for what others do, in this context. how they choose to treat you is not a reflection of you or of what you deserve, alright? your sister’s selfishness is a trait of her own. your parent’s anger is a result of their lack of control and self regulation. none of this is on you. it may be hard to truly believe that in this moment, but nonetheless i think it’s a sentiment you should try to keep close to your heart. it’s not your fault that you have been failed by the people who were supposed to protect you, and it doesn’t mean that any future bonds you form will turn out the same way. it’s normal to want to give up at times, but you must know that there’s a difference between temporarily feeling that way and actually acting on it in a very permanent way. i said this another anon the other day, but i mean it just as much: you have so much waiting for you. and you didn’t survive all of that for nothing. once you’re in college and you have autonomy over your own life, once you get to choose how much time you spend with your parents and how much you let them in - all of the pain and toxic beliefs you’ve built your world view around will begin to slowly dissipate. and that may be a life long process, but it’s supposed to be. you have all of the time in the world to build your own existence and to heal from what’s happened to you. there are so many different tools to utilize, paths to walk down and people to meet who will show you what it’s like to be truly loved. including yourself, the person you will grow into. if you just give yourself the chance. i know it’s not that much comfort in this moment because you still have to deal with your parents and their bullshit, but it’s good to consciously remind yourself of all the good that is out there. when you’re an anxious and hurt person, it’s common to suffer from a sense of impending doom or failure, but the reality of it will be so much more of a calm, gradual process than you realize.

that being said, i’m quite worried that you’re still in this situation and that your parents are just okay with periodically putting you through ‘episodes’. it’s NOT okay. and you have every right to process hurt, anger, bitterness, sadness, numbness because of it. while it may be painful, there is no shame in crying or in feeling whatever you need to feel. it’s a normal human response to such emotional turmoil, so try to go easy on yourself honey. you’re doing what you can with what you’ve been given. however, it’s important to understand that the presence of these negative emotions is never an excuse to harm yourself or worse. i understand that it’s extremely overwhelming, and that it may sometimes feel beyond your control. but even just attempting to put some positive coping mechanisms in place may make all the difference, even if they don’t work every single time. this can be anything from creating a safe space for yourself (in your room, or could be somewhere outside like the park or a library) to researching breathing techniques and self affirmations, to journaling or venting to your friends, to meditation to finding a comfort hobby/show to simply lying in bed and sobbing the feelings out and then going to sleep, maybe practicing some self care. every small effort counts, even if it feels like the dumbest thing in the world. if you keep it up on a semi consistent basis, you will notice a shift eventually. it’s possible to hurt and grow at the same time. i also think it could be a good idea to consider reaching out to someone about this - perhaps a school counselor, or a mental health hotline, or a support group in your area. maybe make an appointment with your doctor to see if they can recommend any resources, if possible? whatever works for you. i just really think it’s important that you understand on a very fundamental level that you have every right to talk about what’s going on, and that there are so many ppl out there who understand. who have even been through the same thing, and survived after it and thrived. i know this is one of those suggestions that feels very scary and like you just can’t do it, but if there’s any service available to you i’d really recommend utilizing it, or at least not ignoring the option all together. having someone you can be honest with and who can enable you to develop some self esteem, plus some added perspective so you don’t feel as ‘trapped’, will really make it all feel a little less heavy. consistent therapy/counseling will show you how to unlearn all of the mental habits you’ve developed over the years due to the treatment you’ve endured, and you deserve that relief. i get that it all feels like a lot of effort, and i’m not saying that doing this stuff is a quick fix. i’m saying that you have a life and an existence that is worth investing in, that is worth caring about. you are worth the world, FUCK your parents for making you question that due to their own mental and emotional issues. regardless of your past, you’re here and you deserve better. you will find better. you’re so much closer to getting ‘out’ than you realize. while it’s normal to be scared of living alone, humans adapt quite quickly. and you wont be alone in the way that you imagine, you’ll simply have agency over your own choices. like i said before, there are so many ppl who are going to show you what it’s like to truly treasured, who you haven’t even met yet. it’s just a matter of treating yourself softly, the way you’d treat a friend going through a hard time, until you get to that point. and also a matter of knowing your parents are full of shit. but anyway, this got far too long. i just have a lot to say, i hate how adults choose to have babies and then do this to them.....if you want to talk about it properly, or if you need a friend or anything. please feel free to send me a message. i’ll be here, and i believe in you !! one day at a time 💌

[unproduciblesmackdown]

@uberoll-oystercrackers late night (early morning?) posting here but this is super nice ty and also again retroactively thank you additionally for all the long replies & kind tags you give

like really yeah it’s like, on the one hand, it’s fairly sucky having to have this thing where im always jumping the gun on considering someone Maybe An Friend and then having to remind myself / be reminded of the fact that like no probably not, which is true and yet sucks, which is just how some stuff is!! like sometimes stuff just is Not Good and is not ever going to Not Hurt, despite the fact you can kinda get better at living with it. and like this one isnt a huge deal even tho the larger problem of when ur like, lonely &/or isolated is kind of a whole real deal……

like it’s strange having these contradictory problems with it…..like, Being Myself has never really just been something i can Naturally do, so even just trying to be nice is like oh lord am i being ~manipulative~, and im always too prone to treat interactions like ive got to placate the other person, and then also just like….not having amazing social skills anyways in the sense that i know a lot of times i come across ~off~ to people and can’t really do a lot about that, but also, i feel like i’m always overcompensating for like, enthusiasm and just the fact i like to Get Silly and maybe i’ll act too cool~n~collected or come off like im trying to be all Smart and Smarmy and like jeez no……it doesnt help that when i was younger i generally preferred interacting with adults and so probably was trying to come across as clever and when i was wanting someone to like me i’d be real nervous and try to go too hard in seeming the opposite lol……oh the legacy of the time i found out my mom’s childhood friend who was funny and cool to us thought i was bookish (true) but like also snobby or something lmao like ah jeez i probably made too many sarcastic jokes about things….but oh well i was just like 10-ish at the time.

anyways tho i feel like that still kicks in and when i get the sense someone is cool and it’d be cool if they thought i was cool too i’m like Well So Then i gotta PLAY it cool!! and then like oh no am i coming across as a jerk? or an trying-to-be-an-intellectual?? i always have a lot of thoughts and i do go off when its like, also tied in to Opinions of mine, so im like, oh no am i coming across as trying to tell someone i think they should think exactly this?? or if i try to Be Witty and Tell Jokes are they just coming off as snarky b/c i hope not especially since a lot of times my actual Lighthearted Snark gets read as “i hate this and think its dumb af” lol. ahhhh i just do not know!! like, i wanna sort of dial back my Warmth b/c i can get enthused fast and i have a tendency to get too attached to ppl too fast, which really only sucks for me, but still!! yet i dont wanna rein it in too much and try to overcompensate and come off like im Eternally Unimpressed and don’t really care and etc etc and just…..idk its wild it’s hard to tell how i may be socializing awkwardly lmao ahhh….and on top of it all, i manage to be godawful at realizing when other ppl actually like me. like, that sort of sounds like The Opposite but i guess its just more of that problem of thinking that im going to always bother people….a lot of times it takes me like, months or a year (or two or three) to realize that someone who willingly interacts w me during that time probably does genuinely like me and is maybe a friend. wrow

uhhhh anyways lord that was all just. tangentially related. im Tangents

UH more to the point!!!! the good news is that yeah i don’t have to think “oh we’re totally real bffs” about anyone to really enjoy and appreciate Our Interactions…..and like i do have real appreciation and gratitude for basically all nice attention lol like, if a single reblog of smthing has kind comments, if someone cool just Likes a few posts, talking on occasion or like, ever at all. cuz for real The Little Stuff has always been a really good thing for years now, especially since there’s been plenty of times i havent really had anything happening In Person that was like….good interactions or ppl who were able to hear my actual thoughts and feelings about whatever and still be interested in interacting with me. cuz in terms of not being isolated and in what i find it easy to talk about and how, Online Interactions have been genuinely important and impactful in a positive way for like a solid decade now since i was able to be consistently Online and have my own accounts and stuff in the first place

so like yeah totally i really do appreciate stuff like that. i think its pretty incredible whenever anybody just like, thinks of me, and likes me. having None Of That Feeling is supremely trash and i so appreciate that i don’t have to feel like there’s nothing and that nobody out there in the world is aware of me, and yet i don’t need it to be that like, anyone is Constantly aware of me and like, intensely invested, cuz that’s just not how it goes lol and even kinda meaning a little bit to someone and having my tiny presence in their life be a positive one is a great thought and i really do appreciate it. Unfortunately for like….my entire life, The Contempt Of Others has been a consistent #thing i’m dealing with and it’s not great!! like yeah fortunately ive had the “felt so bad about myself that it eventually circled back around and now self loathing isnt too much of an issue for me” thing, but it still sucks experiencing it lol…..having any testimonials that like, whatever shit im talking about @ myself is fun to read, or i seem okay, or its fun to talk, etc etc, like thats fantastic really

and the kinds of leaf thoughts too, yeah, that kind of thing is nice to know too lol. i was hoping you were ok like, ten hours before i saw you posting again lol…..we’re out here……..

like yeah ldmbgglh whatever my weird problems are with being overexcited abt any Potential Friendship, and also being bad at realizing if people do like me, and also just being Weird and not great at talking, and overcompensating for whatever and maybe coming across too Coldly when rly im a fiery dumbass, wanting friends but also wanting not to be burned by getting ahead of things and being reminded that most ppl aren’t like, as starved for even just friendly interactions……..i’m better at navigating and handling it in some ways but c’est a m’ess!!! aaaggbfg

really what im trying to say is i do appreciate that sort of thing a lot yeah. i could very well Not be thought of by anybody and that would suck and the fact that i get to know that i am is a really great thing. maybe i couldve said this all better last night cuz i was kinda in my feelings abt Life a little but then also it was in a sort of déspresso way so, maybe this is okay lol….

also i worry i don’t express affection and appreciation enough!!! it’s not that i’m like Oh i don’t want to Commit to Being Friends ew…..it’s that i don’t wanna be the one pressuring someone else into being like uh oh i have to play up being invested in milo!! but then maybe my playing-it-cool just makes other ppl do the same thing or think i don’t care or something. like oh i appreciate this person a ton and think they’re great and they’ve been kind to me but if we only talk so often and obviously im not There for them and involved in their life in the way a ~real friend~ would be, maybe it would just ring hollow to say i love them, for example. lord lol……. it’s all “oh don’t dial down your kindness and affection” and yet also “but don’t wanna inadvertently push other people or Be Weird or get myself invested in something where i don’t mean as much to the other person not cuz they suck but because like, of course im just a fun internet acquaintance, which is fine!!” ahhhhhh the challenges. anyways!!!!!!!

the point is well i do like ppl yeah and i really appreciate ppl liking me. every now and then they do it online or even in person and thats just a Joy and i wish things were more secure!!! i also have to not even necessarily want ppl to get invested in me in case things go to shit too soon or whatever and it doesnt help that ~being open~ means talking abt depressingass stuff sometimes that like, i don’t mind being open about, but i also don’t want to put on other ppl. which, sidenote on that, im feeling relatively alright all these recent months even if im not technically thriving; it’s okay. it’s a hot mess! but that’s just How It Is sometimes!! it’s what it is. and ive had support from ppl in big and small ways that i know i could have had to go without and all the ways ppl are nice to me count for a whole lot and i have appreciated it, and do appreciate it, and will continue to appreciate it.

tldr 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[cow3survivor]

Episode 1 Pt. 2: “Playing a Game With A Fresh Slate” - Jessica

SAM

https://youtu.be/gmZlNel3IZM

JESSICA

We did it! We won immunity! Shout out to Sammy for making the flag that won us the advantage and Pete for doing so well in luck! Also in 6 hours or however long it has been since my last confessional, I have decided I do like Sam and we will align. So I guess I want to align with everyone except Madison... hopefully if we lose she is out first!

JABARI

So our tribe is heading to tribal and I'm very nervous because anyone can go atp. I need to make sure that isn't me.

JENNET

we flopped that :(( and i think i may be one of the reasons :( trying my best to not let anybody know im upset but as tribal council looms closer im getting worried

(a little later)

im trying not to throw anybody under the bus but i think that im voting out nash :(( they havent been super active and they havent texted me back since i texted them so it just makes sense to boot them :((

(after eating some rice)

voting out another black woman weighing heavy on me :( i hate that its coming to this

PETE

our tribe had a celebratory discord call which only consisted of like 4 or 5 people but i joined later after everyone left anyways i had a long nice chat with Sam in which i found out he hosts an in person survivor with his friends at home and hes nice ANYWAYS he apparently, like me, is cursed to forever be a premerger. So from here on out i solemnly swear to never vote for Sam during the premerge phase fuck yeah

JAKE

https://youtu.be/aVQKOOrapj0

remind me tomorrow to chill out and take a back seat on the vote lmaooo

PENNINO

Going to tribal i feel like i'm pretty much safe. I feel like that 4 minutes was a good time for the easy jigsaw, but Ethan getting 1.5 minutes is almost impossible. Assessment on my tribemates Jabari: Seems like a nice person, has talked more and has been much more active, I think she has gotten herself off of the chopping block. Jake: Still a nice person, but has lost some activity during yesterday. Possible Ally still Jennet: Nice, active enough, not a target Jones: Not very active. A bit of a target. I will most probably to vote her to be say. Lindsay: Very active, we talk to each other a lot, nice person, possible ally Mikey: Nice person, nothing much, not a target Nash: ˆˆˆ Nicole: ˆˆˆ, but not as active Silver: Active, nice person, but he doesn't respond to my dm's that much, but, still, a possible ally. I feel pretty good about this tribal honestly

JONES

https://youtu.be/2UtH-dnv0i4

SAM

https://youtu.be/lzZOK2CxsA4

MIKEY

WELL HELLO LADIES. SO SO SO SO SO! Instead of rambling Ill just get on with it. Starting off, Me and Nash REALLY freaking connected. Like they’re so fun to talk to!! BUT. They’ve been inactive. and so Pennino is now going around spreading their name, and basically everyone is saying sure why not. This SUCKS because Me and Jabari wanted to make an alliance with them and jake, but now we are faced with a problem. We both have basically decided that instead of Nash we are gonna drag in Peppino. I brought that idea up because me and him are both the youngest people in the game, and I really wanna go far with Peppino. My goal this season is to beat a bunch of adults and make them feel angry that a 15 year old outsmarted them. Its so funny! Anyways besides that, Im feeling good about that 4. I wish it wasn't Nash going home, considering the only other name out was Jones, and I woulda much rather did her, but you know that's how the cards fall I guess. A bad bitch is done with tonights confessional. A bad bitch is now gonna press submit. A bad bitch says GOODBYE ASF!

SILVER

https://youtu.be/JLwZRNesRHI

LINDSAY

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YF3mYJfYIq_2Qco8EQYq3JowyMSbin8M/view?usp=sharing

NASH 

im crying i have no idea whats going on!!! HKDHEJDHW all i know is talk to mikey and play 8 ball with nicole

(a little later)

ETHAN 

Charan's Hot Confessional Questions

<a:dance:777952213808447519> 1. Give us a Trust Rankings of your tribemates! Who are you bonding with the most? Who are you bonding with the least? I trust Shane the most, and right now that’s because he is the only person that is actively strategizing. Besides that, I feel the most amicable with Jessica, lovealis, and Daisy who are wonderful people. Unfortunately both Cloud and Madison have made 0 effort with me and are generally inactive with me. <a:dance:777952213808447519> 2. Have any alliances formed on your tribe? If so, how loyal are you to these alliances? If not, do you think there are alliances out there that don't include you? There are no alliances that I’m in that have been formed, but I suspect there are some out there. Alliances without me are ok, I just need to know about them, and if there are any right now, I don’t know about them, and that’s concerning. <a:dance:777952213808447519> 3. How did your first Safari experience/run go! Did you get any closer to finding an idol? I WILL NEVER FIND ANYTHING IN A LUCK BASED SYSTEM <a:dance:777952213808447519> 4. Explain why Ryan and Charan are hotter than you A fact of life... these two slay.

LOVELIS

So things are going okay on the tribe so far! The first immunity win was rather nice & I like being able to have a bit more time to read people until were thrown into the pressure of a tribal. So far I’m definitely clicking the most with Shane and then probably Jessica but the time zones are getting in the way a little - just glad I have more time to really click with people and try and cement a place for me in this tribe. I think my contributions to the challenges have definitely helped my standing but not everybody is being super social with me so that’s a little bit of a worry - just gonna have to go ham at bothering people in private messages until they respond I suppose! 🤪

MADISON

Hi beautiful humans!!! I wish I had tea for y'all but we've won 2 challenges in a row and I really don't see the grind stopping in the foreseeable future so the tribe is kinda just vibing which gives me a little bit more time to build relationships which is a blessing and a half. I always get extremely paranoid the first week in games so the fact that I know for certain I won't be first boot is amazing!!! Tribe bonding is scheduled for tonight so hopefully by next round I'll have an alliance or 2 (maybe even the idol if I'm feeling really lucky)

JENNET

Last night really lit up a light in me. it sounds like everybody wants to work with me which is good so im now newly excited to play the game

SAMMY

okay okay okay so I would do a full out cast assessment but I literally just can not do that rn...so let's talk about who I vibe with most and who I have made like strong connections with so far! Initially, both Daisy and Jess have declared I am someone they really want to work with which is perfect for me because I want to work with them as well. I know daisy is going to be such a great competitor and I want to be on her side 100% but same with jess...im such a loyal bitch okay!! Me and Kiki really bonded over that logic puzzle so she went up in my rankings (as if she was ever low to begin with) I am not sure how well me/Pete/Nicole(opposite tribe) are gonna mesh...like I really hope me and Nicole can come together this game but I know we are just gonna end up being paranoid of each other but I love her so much. I REALLY WANTED TO BE ON A TRIBE WITH NASH AND JENNET I luv their vibes so much. okay back to my tribe tho, we won reward #mwah! I put so much effort into that because I just knew if we were to go to tribal that's an easy thing under my belt I could use as a "omg u need me for challenges". I noticed I was coming on a little too strong and presenting myself as a leader which I don't think really hurt me I think it made more people realize they should talk to me KHFBHIS. Umm okay so I love lovelis even tho he is not very active but I just know we will have each others backs for a bit. I connected well with Shane and Ethan very early and they just seem so sweet. I think if we would have went to tribal sam/lovelis/Pete could have been in danger. I would have preferred sam cause he isn't that active but he did help out some with the flag work. ANYWAYS this was not my best confessional but I do want to point out I FOUND A VOTE BLOCK SO HOLLLLLLAAAAAA! we are using this as a way to gain peoples trust so I told daisy and jess to strengthen those relationships mhmm

NASH

me pretending to be surprised that ppl wanted to vote me out first because i was kinda inactive.... i thought survivor would be different 💔

JENNET

not me being targeted for being a pretty black girl with a juicy fat ass *sad face emojis*

(a little later)

its tribal council and im shaking and im nervous, this could go horribly wrong or this could go super right

TRIBAL COUNCIL

SILVER EXIT INTERVIEW